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Speaker 1: Every day a week ago.

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Speaker 2: Clicks up the Breakfast Club finish for y'all done.

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Speaker 3: Warning everybody, it's dj n V Jess Hilari is Charlamage

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Speaker 3: the God. We are the Breakfast Club. Lawn La Roses

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Speaker 3: here as well. We got some special guests in the buildings. Indeed,

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Speaker 3: new movie out relationship goals. We have Pastor Michael and

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Speaker 3: Pastor Natalie Todd in the building. Good morning today, Now

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Speaker 3: y'all feeling congratulationship.

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Speaker 1: Man, Hey, thank you man. This is an awesome moment,

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Speaker 1: a crazy moment, a moment that I didn't know was

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Speaker 1: going to happen, but God did, and so h to

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Speaker 1: be here. Last night we went to Toms Square and

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Speaker 1: saw a billboard of relationship goals in like wild in

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Speaker 1: the middle of the street. And matter of fact, the

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Speaker 1: book came out during the pandemic. The first time we

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Speaker 1: did an interview was in twenty twenty when Couldn't Tour,

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Speaker 1: Couldn't Do Nothing. The book came out and went number

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Speaker 1: one New York Times bestseller for thirteen weeks. Gradually and

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Speaker 1: six years later, now it's a movie starring Kelly Rowling.

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Speaker 1: We got one third of Destiny's Children, one ninth of

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Speaker 1: Wu Tang clan and partner with my brother Devon Franklin.

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Speaker 1: So we're just excited to be in this moment right now,

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Speaker 1: relations couple. Yeah, it's so beautiful. Thank you. You said

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Speaker 1: it started as a book.

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Speaker 2: What made this story feel necessary to tell in film

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Speaker 2: form right now?

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Speaker 1: Well, the truth of the matter is started as a

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Speaker 1: sermon series. I was just trying to help people around me. Man.

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Speaker 1: People are dealing with a lot of toxic relationships, a

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Speaker 1: lot of hurt and pain around relationships, a lot of

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Speaker 1: people escaping in relationships that they don't even want to

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Speaker 1: be with those people. But it's a good time for

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Speaker 1: just a moment to get their mind off of what's

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Speaker 1: really going on. And so I was like, man, how

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Speaker 1: can we help? So I just did it as something

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Speaker 1: that relationship.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, what do you think the sermon series started because

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Speaker 4: of our relationship our good friends, was like, you need

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Speaker 4: to do a series about relationships.

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Speaker 1: Because we've been together since we're fifteen years old.

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Speaker 4: We've went through a lot. I mean, if you can

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Speaker 4: imagine being with somebody through their evolution from a fourteen

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Speaker 4: year old boy all the way to a grown man,

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Speaker 4: there's a lot of evolution that happens in there that

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Speaker 4: you have to let go and allow them to grow,

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Speaker 4: myself included. But he did do more wrong than I did. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: he lost his mind when he was fourteen fifty.

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Speaker 1: Fifteen, No, no, no, it was like eighteen nineteen yeah, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: twenty one.

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 1: I just basically we took a break because I was

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Speaker 1: it was super I mean, when you're fifteen years old,

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Speaker 1: you can't do nothing but be in love. But then

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Speaker 1: ask your mama and then for a ride, so you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So we're going through the motions,

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Speaker 1: starts getting more serious as I'm graduating high school about

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Speaker 1: to go to college, and she's like, yo, what are

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Speaker 1: we doing?

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Speaker 4: And I was saying, most women mature way faster than men,

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Speaker 4: you know. So we was kind of talking about marriage.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't have a credit score.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, hold on, let's take a pause.

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Speaker 1: And I just wanted to take a break for a second,

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Speaker 1: just to figure out who I was, what I wanted

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Speaker 1: to do all that other stuff. Well, when I took

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Speaker 1: a break, I've seen cheeks and rest and people, and

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Speaker 1: I got distracted. You already What ended up happening was

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to be with any of those people.

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Speaker 1: Don't I wanted to be with her, But I didn't

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Speaker 1: have discipline in my life. I didn't have structure. I

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Speaker 1: didn't have character, I didn't have integrity.

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Speaker 4: We didn't have mentors, we didn't have.

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Speaker 1: Any of that. And so it was like, so both

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Speaker 1: of us got with other people. We hurt each other,

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Speaker 1: we did a whole bunch of stuff, and then we realized, like, yo,

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Speaker 1: I what's to happen.

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Speaker 4: When you break up with someone? And then all of

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Speaker 4: a sudden, the other guy comes in and he's like

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Speaker 4: kind of feeling like those little voids. It caught me

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Speaker 4: in a weak moment, you know, and he was the

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Speaker 4: complete opposite of what Mike, and actually Mike actually.

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Speaker 5: The time in the moment though, it felt like this

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Speaker 5: is what I was waiting for. I just wish he

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Speaker 5: could have done it. And then someone else's they're seeming

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Speaker 5: like a pride, you.

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Speaker 4: Know what I'm saying, and it feels like, Okay, that

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Speaker 4: might be the answer, and they kind of swooping, and

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Speaker 4: I feel like, honestly, if you have a guy that

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Speaker 4: doesn't have the best intentions, they pick up on that

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Speaker 4: like hero kind of thing. In the moment, and you know,

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Speaker 4: I kind of play down the other dude, and I

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Speaker 4: would never blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: Blah Blahship wasn't a response to just the trauma of

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Speaker 2: you know, not being.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely That's what I mean. Like if you've been a

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Speaker 4: woman and you've had a man cheat on you or

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Speaker 4: leave you or whatever, like, there is definite hurt. There

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Speaker 4: is definite you know, you're you know, comparing yourself and

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Speaker 4: judging yourself on the other girl. If you find out

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Speaker 4: who that is and all those like natural things just

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Speaker 4: being human you feel. So if you get someone else

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Speaker 4: to come in and feeling like they're feeling that void,

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Speaker 4: which is actually not a place for a man to

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Speaker 4: feel at all, it's me. But at the time, you know,

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Speaker 4: I'm young, so and there's no I had We had

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Speaker 4: no buy that was like another adult who had went

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Speaker 4: further in relationships and had a healthy relationship to speak

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Speaker 4: into that with. Yeah, there was no place for me

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Speaker 4: to bounce off the thoughts. So we had to figure

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Speaker 4: all this out on our own. And it was honestly

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Speaker 4: ten years of him putting drops back of trust into

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Speaker 4: the bucket, because you lose it in buckets that trust

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Speaker 4: is gone, but it's built back in drops and that

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Speaker 4: is a hard concept to get when you're twenty something

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Speaker 4: years old or whatever, especially as a man. It's like,

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Speaker 4: you know, you get that a.

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Speaker 1: Lot of people quit, and a lot of people quit.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't need my codes if you trust me,

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Speaker 4: Like you don't need my codes. You don't need like

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Speaker 4: you're insecure.

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Speaker 1: Blah blah Blah's dumb because I messed up and I

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Speaker 1: had to be the person to do the work on

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Speaker 1: the inside of me. And so I had a revelation

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Speaker 1: and God really challenged me to become the man that

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Speaker 1: I wanted my daughters to marry. And that was my

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Speaker 1: wake up call, like it's like, what type of man

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Speaker 1: would you want your daughters to marry? And I tried

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Speaker 1: to become that. We didn't have kids at the time,

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Speaker 1: but I do one day we would. And so I

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Speaker 1: started doing all the things.

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Speaker 4: On his genuine relationship with God, and I actually shut

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Speaker 4: myself in the room and I was like, Lord, I'm

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Speaker 4: not coming out this room until you give me an answer.

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Speaker 4: And this is swear to Jesus. This was I have

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Speaker 4: never experienced this since then to this degree. He literally

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Speaker 4: felt it in my soul, like he's going to change,

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Speaker 4: he's going to honor you, he's going to treat you

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Speaker 4: like a rare jewel. And the crazy thing is, once

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Speaker 4: we got back together years later, he literally said those

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Speaker 4: words to me and I was like, you are this

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Speaker 4: is just wild.

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Speaker 1: So relationship goes is y'all story. So the movie is

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Speaker 1: not our story, but it's got a lot of book

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Speaker 1: So it's a lot of Yeah, it's a lot of

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Speaker 1: things that happened to us in relationship because everybody deals

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Speaker 1: with this in some way or another.

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Speaker 4: Who you are, what language you speak matter.

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Speaker 1: Everybody is meant full love is meant for connection, is

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Speaker 1: meant to be together with somebody and you're trying to

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Speaker 1: find that person. But a lot of people won't do

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Speaker 1: the work that it takes because it doesn't just click

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Speaker 1: in like Legos.

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Speaker 4: And that's what I had to see before I came back,

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Speaker 4: before I entertained anything. I had to see that the

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Speaker 4: work was actually happening, and I had to know. I

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Speaker 4: think the biggest guid was knowing that that work that

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Speaker 4: he was doing, or the changing how he was evolving,

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Speaker 4: wasn't solely because of me. Because I'm human, I'm going

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Speaker 4: to mess up. I'm not going to hit every mark

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Speaker 4: that you know a man would want me to have.

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Speaker 4: And so when I knew that his measuring gauge was

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Speaker 4: higher than me, that gave me a lot of security

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Speaker 4: to know that. Like, at the end of the day,

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Speaker 4: I know I can pray to God and that's gonna

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Speaker 4: switch that whole man up because his heart is actually

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Speaker 4: devoted to him.

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Speaker 3: You know when you say to those individuals, especially those men,

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Speaker 3: you hit us a lot, right, a man a mess

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Speaker 3: up in a relationship, and then after a month for

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Speaker 3: two months, but like, all right, enough, no, you gotta forgive.

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Speaker 3: But that doesn't necessarily mean the woman, It doesn't mean

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Speaker 3: that the trust is given.

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Speaker 1: What do you say to those.

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Speaker 2: Individuals said about the drops, like you lose it in buckets,

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Speaker 2: but you get it back right.

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Speaker 1: And that's the that's the sad reality that you should

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Speaker 1: be thinking about before you mess up. And and most

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Speaker 1: people don't do that. It's like it's just one night,

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Speaker 1: nobody ever find out, and you go off that impulse

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Speaker 1: and your feelings and all that other stuff and you

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Speaker 1: don't realize this one ten minutes is gonna cost you

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Speaker 1: ten years. I'm just saying Bro, there's some people out

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Speaker 1: here and it's ten minutes. Brother, Like, what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: Is pre up to it. Okay, it ain't the after

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Speaker 4: the actual will act unless you're out here. I don't

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Speaker 4: know what you know.

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Speaker 1: All I'm telling you is all I'm telling you is

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Speaker 1: it can cost a lot more than you're willing to pay.

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Speaker 1: And that's what sin does. It takes you farther than

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Speaker 1: you want to go. It leaves you in a place

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Speaker 1: that you never thought you would be in, and then

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Speaker 1: it leaves you there to try to figure out how

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Speaker 1: to get back. And a lot of times for men

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Speaker 1: are pride gets in the way of staying in the

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Speaker 1: fight for what we know we need, and so what

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Speaker 1: ends up happening is like, man, this is too much. Man,

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Speaker 1: forget this. I'll go find somebody else. No, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: you could keep that, you can do that, and then

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Speaker 1: you spend all this time searching for what you already

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Speaker 1: had but you wouldn't work for. And the thing for

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Speaker 1: me is, I just think that is a new revolution

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Speaker 1: of men that need to come into the fold of

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Speaker 1: taking accountability and actually being ones to be like, yo,

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Speaker 1: I messed this up, and I'll do whatever I need

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Speaker 1: to do to get back to the place, because you

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Speaker 1: cannot go and plant a bad seed here and expect

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Speaker 1: to overhear re good hervest.

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Speaker 4: And as a woman, as a woman, all those natural

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Speaker 4: human emotions that he's talking about, we went through them too.

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Speaker 4: But like I said, I saw the work and I

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Speaker 4: heard what God had told me, and it was he

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Speaker 4: was matching up to that. But as a woman, there

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Speaker 4: is still this like lingering comparison that you can have

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Speaker 4: in the back ground of your mind. And like I

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Speaker 4: figured out, with him, it was like, okay, a man

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Speaker 4: doing his work trying to put those things back in drops.

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Speaker 4: But I had to realize I got to do my

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Speaker 4: work too, meaning that it takes two people. That means

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Speaker 4: I have to let the validation that I feel for

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Speaker 4: my hurt or my anger. I have to if I

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Speaker 4: desire this to really happen, I have to work on

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Speaker 4: trying to trust him, and that takes a lot of

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Speaker 4: your valid anger, your valid emotions to try to control

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Speaker 4: him and really give him to God. Because if he

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Speaker 4: is actually doing the work, that's like I got to

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Speaker 4: try to do my work too, and that is my

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Speaker 4: healing just for my own self. We've counseled a lot

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Speaker 4: of people, people that are married or in whatever relationship

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Speaker 4: you have. Yeah, there is this natural comparison, even when

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Speaker 4: it comes to sex, that you don't feel completely safe

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Speaker 4: to be completely yourself in the most intimate way because

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Speaker 4: you feel like they cheated on me. There was this

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Speaker 4: level of when we got married, it was like it

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Speaker 4: took me years to get to the place to where

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Speaker 4: I felt fully myself, to allow myself to be everything

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Speaker 4: I wanted to be, even in the bedroom. You know

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Speaker 4: what I mean.

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Speaker 5: Did you feel like Natalie, you needed that single season

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Speaker 5: that you had, because that's also a conversation with women too,

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Speaker 5: when you go through the heartbreak, it's like, Okay, now

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Speaker 5: I gotta be in my whole phase. I gotta do

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Speaker 5: that then. But people will say, no, spend time with yourself.

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Speaker 5: And I know you talked about that in your digital

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Speaker 5: series right single but not alone.

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Speaker 4: Do you think that that's needed? I think so. I

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Speaker 4: did not do it perfect, like I said, the guy.

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Speaker 4: The other guy came up in there, so I found

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Speaker 4: that out the hard way. But I will say because

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Speaker 4: of that separation, it put me in a place to

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Speaker 4: where I felt like I got to the point where

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Speaker 4: if this happens where we get back together or we don't,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna be okay. Like that took a lot of

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Speaker 4: work to get there, and it feels like when that

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Speaker 4: actually happened, like I was willing to let him go.

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Speaker 4: I quit doing like this and I went like this,

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Speaker 4: like God, if this is for you or for me,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna hold it like this. And I feel like

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Speaker 4: once I actually really did that and was settled in

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Speaker 4: my soul, that's kind of when everything kind of started.

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Speaker 1: Started working working.

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Speaker 4: Took a lot of work after that, though, I mean

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Speaker 4: like years or whatever. But yes, the answer her question.

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Speaker 1: How do you get over that?

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Speaker 6: Though?

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Speaker 1: Like what is it?

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Speaker 6: That's what I was going to ask you when you

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Speaker 6: were talking about you being basically bitter after a man

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Speaker 6: like hurt you, you know what I'm saying. And then

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Speaker 6: he comes back and you want to be with him,

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Speaker 6: but you don't know how to not be angry with him.

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Speaker 6: You don't know how to try to trust him. Like

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Speaker 6: you said, you got to start, you gotta try.

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Speaker 4: How do you get to that point? What is the work?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 4: Well, start that, I would say, for one, don't negate

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Speaker 4: that you're the victim in the relationship. So it's kind

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Speaker 4: of like you got to lead this. And so if

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Speaker 4: the man is not leading this because he was the offender,

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Speaker 4: then it's like, okay, well then I'm out there. There's

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Speaker 4: no reason for me to work on not being better.

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Speaker 4: There's no reason for me to to try. But if

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Speaker 4: you see that, that feels like that gives you the

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Speaker 4: assurance and safety to try to let your guards down.

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Speaker 1: So let me be let me jump in right here,

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Speaker 1: like she wasn't convincing me to do nothing.

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Speaker 4: And that's the thing.

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Speaker 1: I was leading the charge to do the work on myself.

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Speaker 1: And if you're not willing to lead as the man

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Speaker 1: of the relationships, the young lady, old lady, middle AISI,

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Speaker 1: your auntie, grandma, get up out of there. Because a

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Speaker 1: man knows what he wants. I don't care what nobody

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Speaker 1: talks about. I don't care about this indecisive culture that's

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Speaker 1: in here, this passive. A man knows what he wants.

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Speaker 1: If you want steak, he gonna get a steak. If

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Speaker 1: he wants chicken, he gonna get chicken. And all these

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Speaker 1: people I don't know. I don't know. When you know

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Speaker 1: what you want, you go after it. And I think

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Speaker 1: that we have. I would say to all my sisters

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Speaker 1: out there, we let a lot of dudes pass because

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Speaker 1: they will not make a decision. And I really believe

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Speaker 1: that it's manipulation in the long run, it's like playing

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Speaker 1: with people. So letting people go and find their freedom

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Speaker 1: and find their healing and find their But I had

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Speaker 1: to lead the charge, and I.

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Speaker 4: Really had to disconnect for him to get to that place. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I was, I would. He didn't know whether I didn't

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Speaker 4: know whether he was alive or dead. For almost a year.

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Speaker 4: It was like I was. I was out of there,

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Speaker 4: take you out.

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Speaker 1: I found out where she worked. I found out where

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Speaker 1: she worked. I was going. I didn't know where she worked.

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Speaker 1: Then I found out where she worked. Her my older

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Speaker 1: brother worked together. I start wanting to go and chill

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Speaker 1: with my older brother, which I never did before, because

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Speaker 1: that's that's where she worked. She would come, she would

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Speaker 1: come in there, she would act like she.

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Speaker 4: Didn't Will you tell me I was the top employee

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Speaker 4: when he came in. I was the m v P employee.

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Speaker 4: You hear me, I'm scrubbing stuff I don't even got

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Speaker 4: to do. I was like, he is not here. I

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Speaker 4: cannot believe.

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Speaker 1: He's in there. That's that movie. That's in the movie

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Speaker 1: a little bit. But what ended up happening in this

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Speaker 1: journey is it made me understand the value of working

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Speaker 1: for something valuable. She was valuable, and she was worth

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Speaker 1: working for. She was worth me changing for. And as

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Speaker 1: I started going up in my relationship with God and

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Speaker 1: she started going up in her relationship with God, we

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Speaker 1: got closer together. So it's a triangle in relationship and

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Speaker 1: a lot of people have nothing higher than them to

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Speaker 1: pull them to.

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Speaker 4: And that's like the I don't want to say mystical,

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Speaker 4: but when the average person will come and like, wow,

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Speaker 4: there is this intangible part that spiritual, Yes exactly, that's

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Speaker 4: what it is. So that triangle that he just made

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Speaker 4: for everyone to visualize that brings it together. But the

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Speaker 4: moment that it ain't really there, it ain't gonna really

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Speaker 4: line up, it's not really gonna work.

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Speaker 5: What did what did that pass my time? What did

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Speaker 5: that do to your vulnerability? Like having to put to

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Speaker 5: tell between.

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Speaker 1: You that what are you talking about? It made me

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Speaker 1: become a well rounded, emotionally aware man, like you're told

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Speaker 1: as you hey man, forget her, like bros before hoes

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Speaker 1: and and bro, there's tons efficiency and buses. You missed

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Speaker 1: one next, I mean, just think about it. It's in

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Speaker 1: our music, it's in our songs, it's in our it's

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Speaker 1: in the next, it's all the things. So you start

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Speaker 1: thinking like, yo, maybe this is yeah, maybe she wasn't one,

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Speaker 1: and then you start realizing, like hold on, but she

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Speaker 1: was doing for me, Like hold on wait, I mean

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Speaker 1: it may not be for y'all, but this for me

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Speaker 1: and I'm about to let. I'm about to let what's

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Speaker 1: going on? So it made me humble. That's the word

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Speaker 1: I would use.

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Speaker 3: Can somebody now do that? And the reason I asked,

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Speaker 3: right because now listening to your story, right, I remember

358
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Speaker 3: chasing my wife. I was at her lock every day

359
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Speaker 3: I went to you know, I was outside her window.

360
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Speaker 3: I pulled up wherever she was radio, but I pulled

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Speaker 3: everywhere she was when.

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Speaker 1: She was working.

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Speaker 3: It didn't matter because I was like I want that.

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Speaker 3: Today that's considered stalking.

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Speaker 1: Now, you know what I mean. It's considered stalk, especially

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Speaker 1: when you're talk about you out. Don't somebody win that?

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Speaker 1: But honestly, that's that's all facade because there are women

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Speaker 1: who are being pursued by men that love it. They're there.

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Speaker 1: Every woman wants to be pursued. I don't care what

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Speaker 1: nobody says. Now, they might have particular ways.

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Speaker 4: They want to know what your relationship.

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Speaker 1: What I'm saying, but what I'm saying, he's blurring the lines.

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Speaker 1: I don't like that stalking.

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Speaker 3: You know the reason I'm mastering because they broke up.

375
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Speaker 3: He was never really messing with his big brother. Now

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Speaker 3: he's popping up at work all the time.

377
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Speaker 1: But I wasn't crazy with that. I'm here to pick up.

378
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Speaker 1: I'm here to pick up my brother. You know. Yeah,

379
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Speaker 1: every trying to make a sense, you're hitting the I'm

380
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Speaker 1: not behind. I'm not doing that at all. But humility

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Speaker 1: is really the key, I think, and knowing what you want,

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Speaker 1: and that's why and even relationship goes like the whole

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Speaker 1: concept is like aim. Like everybody saying shoot your shot,

384
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Speaker 1: shoot your shot, but you got to shoot it at

385
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Speaker 1: the goal. Like Steph Curry doesn't pull up from the

386
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Speaker 1: half court and throw it into the bleachers. He's aiming

387
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Speaker 1: for a goal. And I think too many people are

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Speaker 1: shooting their shot, but they're not aiming at nothing. And

389
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Speaker 1: that's why we called it relationship goals, not for something

390
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Speaker 1: to be comparative. It's for something you and the person

391
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Speaker 1: that you are with to find a goal that you're

392
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Speaker 1: going after. And then I believe and Natalie believes, that

393
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Speaker 1: you can win in relationships.

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Speaker 2: You know the title, right, Like I always thought about

395
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Speaker 2: that term relationship goals. It can feel aspirational, yeah, but

396
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Speaker 2: it can also feel intimidated. Yeah, So how do you

397
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Speaker 2: redefine goals in a way that's healthy and realist?

398
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Speaker 1: You just said it. You define them? What's the goal

399
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,360
Speaker 1: of the breakfast club, y'all? Trying to reach as many

400
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Speaker 1: people as possible and put culture out there and stuff.

401
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 1: You've been at other radio stations or other news outlets

402
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Speaker 1: that that wasn't the goal? Do you under saying? Every

403
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,240
Speaker 1: place you come into defines its own goals. What's the

404
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 1: goal of your family? What's the goal of how much

405
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 1: money you make? What's the goal?

406
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Speaker 4: And so there are in other words, I see like principles. Yeah,

407
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 4: Like I knew that he had a lot of the

408
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Speaker 4: principles that I wanted in whoever I was going to

409
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Speaker 4: be with for the rest of my life. I saw

410
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Speaker 4: those things in him. So that's why it was such

411
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Speaker 4: a struggle. I mean, it went through depression all the things,

412
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Speaker 4: and I got to the point with asking God when

413
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Speaker 4: I got like this, I was like, even though this

414
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,960
Speaker 4: man has all of the principles that I will want,

415
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Speaker 4: there's something in here that he hasn't handled within himself.

416
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 4: I'm like, that's sorry for you, Like you the one

417
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Speaker 4: that's going to lose out at the end of the day.

418
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Speaker 4: But seeing that he was willing to do the work

419
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Speaker 4: those principles, so the goal or whatever. Like he was

420
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Speaker 4: definitely a family man. He absolutely loves the Lord with

421
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Speaker 4: all of his heart. He will pray like it's not

422
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Speaker 4: the one, not that I don't pray, but I'm saying

423
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Speaker 4: he would actually pray for us, like our in our relationship.

424
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Speaker 4: He would actually push me towards the goals and dreams

425
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Speaker 4: and aspirations that I had. I saw him have respect

426
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Speaker 4: for women that was, you know, different standards of what

427
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 4: women could be from like the Hucci Mama woman to grandma.

428
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,200
Speaker 4: I saw that he had the same type of respect

429
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Speaker 4: for all. But then finding like yo, jend like what

430
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 4: but still immature, still growing. I mean he was young

431
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 4: at the same time. But those principles that I wanted

432
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Speaker 4: or goals, that was something that guided who I wanted.

433
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Speaker 4: That's why it was so hard for me, where I

434
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Speaker 4: was like, God, if this ain't it, I'm gonna hold

435
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,399
Speaker 4: it like this. But Lord, I might be single for

436
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,439
Speaker 4: the rest of my life, so I may not marry.

437
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,879
Speaker 2: So what does discernon this book, this film, say the

438
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 2: couples who feel like they're failing yah because their relationship

439
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 2: doesn't look like what they see online.

440
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,800
Speaker 1: It is called goals. It gives them hope, like the

441
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 1: whole journey of life. And I need everybody to hear

442
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:53,720
Speaker 1: me say this. It's about progression, not perfection. And online

443
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,639
Speaker 1: tries to make perfection the goal, but we have not

444
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:01,560
Speaker 1: to make progression go I just want to be better

445
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,199
Speaker 1: this week than I was last week. And I'm not

446
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 1: even talking a lot better. I'm talking just one step,

447
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:11,200
Speaker 1: one inch, one moment better. I cussed you out last week.

448
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,160
Speaker 1: This week, I'm gonna use at least two less words

449
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:15,880
Speaker 1: back time.

450
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 4: That's what I what I've told him before. I'm like,

451
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 4: it's really even in therapy, you know, learning different pathways

452
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 4: in your brain and when you get triggered and trauma

453
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,120
Speaker 4: and trying to learn a different way to respond when

454
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 4: you do get triggered. A lot of that is just

455
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:33,120
Speaker 4: your bounce back. It's not that that trigger that trauma leaves,

456
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,679
Speaker 4: it's just how I process it. And even if I

457
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 4: do feel my natural trigger response, how quick can I

458
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 4: bounce back? And when you start exercising that different pathway,

459
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:45,880
Speaker 4: then that's where growth happens. And if you have two

460
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,160
Speaker 4: people trying to do the same thing, then that's worth

461
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 4: staying for, that's worth fighting.

462
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 1: How do you gonna handle disagreements now, Jesus talk?

463
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

464
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,399
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is because we always have them, Yeah.

465
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 4: We want to talk therapy.

466
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 1: Yes, we're not perfect. I want to make sure that

467
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,640
Speaker 1: everybody knows. Yeah. Yeah, because I want to make sure

468
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 1: everybody knows we're not perfect. I want to be very

469
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,880
Speaker 1: clear that this is a real relationship. Absolutely. I want

470
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 1: to be very clear that we disagree all the time.

471
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 1: And because of that, we have figured out ways to

472
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 1: be able to come back to center. And it's the

473
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 1: bounce back time where it used to take hours and

474
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,639
Speaker 1: hours and hours.

475
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 4: And it's work and then trying to learn different ways

476
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,920
Speaker 4: to communicate. One of the things that our therapist told

477
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 4: us was, and it it's not perfect yet, is when

478
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,919
Speaker 4: you do have a discrepancy. Try to not use the

479
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:44,880
Speaker 4: word you.

480
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 1: That's hard.

481
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 4: Whoa I mean, just imagine. Okay, So a lot of

482
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 4: times you take ownership for your your own feelings and

483
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:58,439
Speaker 4: what that does. That disarms your partner to not automatically

484
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,880
Speaker 4: feel defensive when you say, when I was at work

485
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 4: today and I didn't get the phone call, it made

486
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 4: me feel lonely or unwanted. That's made me. That is

487
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 4: disarming because if I say, when I was at work

488
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 4: and you didn't call me, I felt blah blah blah

489
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,920
Speaker 4: blah forgot me. And so it allows you to see

490
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 4: the other person and go straight to their vulnerability and

491
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 4: if they are doing the work and they really do care,

492
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,160
Speaker 4: that's that's like I don't want you to feel lonely

493
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,360
Speaker 4: or or alone like that's never my intention. And now

494
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 4: we can actually talk to try to rectify or come

495
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 4: back together. But it's hard not to use that word you,

496
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 4: and it takes sometimes our conversations take a long time

497
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 4: because you're trying to talk. And I went to like,

498
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 4: you really got to think about how you word stuff.

499
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,440
Speaker 4: But it really is a technique that really.

500
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 1: Does happen, and it's work and That's what I'm saying

501
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 1: for everybody that's in relationship. The relationship you desire is

502
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 1: the relationship you design, and the relationship you design is

503
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 1: the relationship you work at. Period.

504
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 3: What do you tell a couple about, you know, cheating?

505
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 3: Right earlier today during just Fix My mess a gentleman

506
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 3: called and he said a woman called guy. It was

507
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 3: a guy that called. It was like it was a girl,

508
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 3: but they were both talking about cheating and the whole thing.

509
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 3: They were having problems in the relationship. And I guess

510
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,199
Speaker 3: the guy cheated and the girl cheated. The girl the

511
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 3: guy cheated, and the girl wanted to take him back, right,

512
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,400
Speaker 3: and she was saying that what's wrong with taking somebody back?

513
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 3: I think a lot of times we get into this

514
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 3: thing and I had if somebody does step out the

515
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 3: marriage man and woman, the first thing.

516
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: Is leave them, leave them, leave them.

517
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on that?

518
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 1: Because that's usually the first thing.

519
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 3: And like you said, if you didn't give them another opportunity,

520
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,960
Speaker 3: y'all wouldn't be here. If you didn't take the opportunity

521
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 3: to say I want to better myself, you wouldn't be there.

522
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 1: So what do you tell those couples and those individuals.

523
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 1: So to be clear, I did not cheat on Natalie

524
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: in our marriage. Okay, so to be very clear, this

525
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,640
Speaker 1: is before we got married. But it's the same level

526
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 1: of entine, correct. So I just want to be very clear.

527
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 1: So it's still trust broken, it's still all of that.

528
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 1: But if somebody is in that situation right now, the

529
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,960
Speaker 1: thing is what Natalie has been saying and what I

530
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: believe fullheartedly is that person actually doing the work. Most

531
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:14,160
Speaker 1: people want the cheating to have happened, them to say sorry,

532
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,160
Speaker 1: them to go to dinner, them to buy a burking bag,

533
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:20,679
Speaker 1: and then it be over. And the gift does not

534
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 1: repair the chasm you put in that person's heart. And

535
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,479
Speaker 1: that's where it's gonna take time. And if somebody is

536
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,879
Speaker 1: not willing to give the time, the effort, the energy

537
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: to the work, that is taken. And that's what everything

538
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: else going on, like that's with kids, that is with

539
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 1: your business blowing up, that is with all the things.

540
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: If you're not gonna give that the time it needs

541
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 1: to heal. Nobody tells anybody that goes through a cancer

542
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: treatment hurry up and heal, because you know that what

543
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 1: happened your body is trying to restore itself after surgery.

544
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: But in relationships, we always be like, yo, hurry up,

545
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 1: you mean like that?

546
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 4: You mean like that, Once a cheater, always a cheater

547
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 4: kind of thing mentality.

548
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 3: I would say a lot of times people feel like, yeah,

549
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 3: I think a lot of people look at relationships like

550
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 3: that and how somebody steps out men or woman is like.

551
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:14,800
Speaker 4: I think my.

552
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 5: Outside opinion is too, especially like when you married, like

553
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,719
Speaker 5: once you get to that married point, or if your

554
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 5: family just has like a certain view of the person

555
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 5: you're with, once they find out something, they hold onto

556
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 5: it right, and you have to deal with the embarrassment

557
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 5: of them having conversations about it looking at you like girl,

558
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 5: but they doing the same thing, or they doing nothing

559
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 5: at all because they't not nobody.

560
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:37,040
Speaker 4: But that's hard to deal with. Sometimes that's a real life.

561
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 4: And then I always go back to like, whatever your

562
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,919
Speaker 4: opinion is, like, my real life is great, Like my

563
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 4: real relationship outside of all public opinion, Like I am

564
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 4: a introvert to the core. Don't seem like it right now,

565
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 4: but I love me, my bed, I love my TV

566
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 4: show and my food in the bed. So anyway, our

567
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 4: real relationship it it's great, But I would say patterns

568
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 4: is the thing from public opinion, judge whoever you're with

569
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:12,120
Speaker 4: by their patterns. Okay, so they cheated, but from here

570
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 4: on out is the pattern repeating itself or is it starting?

571
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 4: You're starting to see changes now, don't be don't be

572
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,240
Speaker 4: naive now if they say they cheated, but you see,

573
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,919
Speaker 4: all the patterns are the same. There's no no putting

574
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 4: you above all the others. So you got he got

575
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 4: whack friends that are just encouraging the cheating mentality if

576
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 4: he's not, if he's hanging with them just as much

577
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 4: as he was before. It's like, is that feeding our relationship?

578
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,199
Speaker 4: And are you even wise enough to see that? And

579
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 4: are you willing to let that go?

580
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 1: Like so has to say the B word boundaries? Yeah. Yeah.

581
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 3: You also mentioned earlier about you know, phone CODs and

582
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 3: being together. What's your thoughts are that because a lot

583
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 3: of times in certain relationships, a man to have.

584
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 1: His phone, don't go on my phone, a woman to

585
00:27:58,240 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: have his phone?

586
00:27:58,840 --> 00:27:59,199
Speaker 4: Crazy?

587
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on that?

588
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 4: Wackedy whack?

589
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 1: I mean what she get opened my phone right now? Ye,

590
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:07,400
Speaker 1: get opened my phone right now?

591
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 4: Now that that took work. Now we're not gonna say

592
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 4: that was perfect because that was part of the issue

593
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 4: when we try to get back together, and it took

594
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,919
Speaker 4: years for us to figure all this stuff out. But

595
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 4: it was like the phone, y'all know that phone be

596
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 4: up here and the ring and they be like take

597
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,120
Speaker 4: off or whatever, like you already know, Like.

598
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: What can I tell somebody that's listening to this. The

599
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 1: greatest freedom you will ever have is when you have

600
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 1: when you have no reason to love the piece cannot

601
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: help but tell everybody when you don't have anything to hide,

602
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: when you can actually like if you get a call

603
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: from somebody that suspect and be like for real, like

604
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 1: I have no idea what like grab that, like y'all

605
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 1: the weight of trying to keep up the stories and

606
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 1: black screens, no anxiety, or we can I can lose

607
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 1: my phone and not y'all and.

608
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 4: With all of our staff are people, don't people.

609
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 1: That know my code, like the people that are around me.

610
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: Because I decided when I came out of hiding, which

611
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 1: was really came out of lying, I decided that the

612
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: only way that I can stay free is to live

613
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: a life fully vulnerable of accountability. And so the people

614
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: that are around me they got access to everything, they

615
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: can ruin me, because the truth of the matter is,

616
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: I'd rather be ruined financially or in a way like that,

617
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 1: then my integrity be ruined.

618
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 2: The imagine how did y'all how do y'all balance faith

619
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 2: based values with just the real messiness of modern relationships? Eve,

620
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 2: When you talk about something like cheating, you hear things like,

621
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 2: oh the flesh is weak.

622
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: Or you have to forgive all the time.

623
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 2: So how do you know, balance the faith based values

624
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 2: with just the messiness of.

625
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: I mean, that's what That's what Jesus came to show

626
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 1: all of us how to do how you could be

627
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 1: in the world, but not of it, like how you

628
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: can Actually.

629
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 4: That's why I said our real life, Our real life

630
00:29:54,360 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 4: is steady, solid routines, consistent, loving, real good like friendships. Now, also,

631
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 4: we do live in Tulsa, so there's nothing.

632
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: But it's intentional. And some people need to make their

633
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 1: lives simpler so they can live fuller.

634
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 4: And that's a bunch of boundaries, that's all that is,

635
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 4: Like what what do you allow in and what do

636
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 4: you not purpose? You don't know if somebody what somebody's doing.

637
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I'm just what I'm saying to you.

638
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 4: Is people next book.

639
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 1: People are everywhere. Okay. The truth of the matter is

640
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 1: the life that we set up is one of accountability.

641
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 1: Like and that's what people don't understand. The discipline version

642
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: of you is the best version of you. You have

643
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: never been your best version if you're not disciplined. And

644
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 1: most people don't live discipline lives. And I'm not just

645
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: talking about working out. I'm talking about what you say

646
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 1: yes to, what you say no to. I do, Charlemagne

647
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: one fifteenth of the things that I could do to

648
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 1: be in culture and do, I don't go nowhere. I'd

649
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 1: be at the house. I'd take my kids to school

650
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 1: every morning and because God get them at this wife,

651
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 1: it was like, what's gonna be more valuable money in

652
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 1: the bank. And people giving me likes and follows are

653
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 1: my three daughters and my one special needs son. Being

654
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 1: like my daddy was there and he helped actually raise us.

655
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 1: We have inside jokes like he he loves doing this

656
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: with like you and I had a great dat shout

657
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: out to my dad and my mom. They are phenomenal. Brenda, Tommy,

658
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 1: I love you so much. But like I got five brothers,

659
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 1: my dad was there for everything, gift giving, all that stuff.

660
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 1: So I saw what it looked like.

661
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 4: He's like one of those men that's everybody studo dad.

662
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like that. That's that's my pops. And like

663
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 1: when I saw that, I was like, I could never

664
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: not be that. And so again, success to me, the

665
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 1: goal for us looks different than it looks for other people.

666
00:31:56,360 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 1: We've defined success as peace and not needing any So.

667
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 3: What did you think about I know you've probably seen

668
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 3: it online when Cam Newton had the conversation about he

669
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 3: couldn't be friends with an attractive woman platonically boundaries, congratulations if.

670
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 4: That's what he feels.

671
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,719
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no no, he's saying that he couldn't because

672
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 1: something might happen. Is that what you say?

673
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 6: He said he don't have no platonic relationships?

674
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's what I'm saying. Congratula.

675
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 3: But it's like congratulations boundaries or is that it doesn't

676
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 3: work on himself either?

677
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 4: Either way, you got to start somewhere.

678
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 1: He knows himself.

679
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 6: I'm saying, I know me, I can't be around a

680
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 6: beautiful woman personal stabbing her, you know.

681
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's your I would say because I'm around

682
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 1: beautiful woman all the time and that does not even

683
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 1: cross my mind. And you can ask all of them.

684
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 1: So I think that at that's the level, if that's

685
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 1: the start, But if that's his standard, I'm okay with that.

686
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: That's protection for him. Do what you gotta do. But but.

687
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 6: Him no to say, like, yeah, I got a problem,

688
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 6: but how do you fix that? Because you just can't

689
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 6: just you're gonna be wrong other people all the time.

690
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 2: You can't pick.

691
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 1: Just as little hurt because just as a friend and justice.

692
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah.

693
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 4: He said he I told that guy he don't.

694
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 6: Have one homegirl, no pretty homegirls, no nothing.

695
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:26,120
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, at the end of the day, I

696
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 1: think that what you're saying is really y'all are crazy

697
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 1: up here. What you're saying is actually something that people

698
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 1: have to take accountability for in their own selves. If

699
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 1: he knows that he has an issue with being controlled

700
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: around beautiful women, I think it's good for him to

701
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: be self aware also. And also, and I think that's

702
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:56,200
Speaker 1: a starting point, not an ending point, because at some

703
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 1: point you're gonna have to mature, and not just him.

704
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 1: I had to, so I'm talking about me right now.

705
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 1: I had to mature to the point where this is

706
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: not somebody that I'm supposed to connect with. There may

707
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: be another relationship that God wants me to have with

708
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 1: this person to help them, to bring them into some

709
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: type of new understanding. And that's where I'm just saying, like,

710
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 1: you limit what God wants to do in relationships, because

711
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 1: I do believe relationships are key fabric to your purpose destiny.

712
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 1: I mean, think about y'all being connected, how everybody's relationship

713
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 1: and here took everybody to another level. If y'all couldn't

714
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 1: even stand around each other without thinking like, my wife

715
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 1: is not gonna like this, my husband's not gonna like

716
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 1: you couldn't even work together, that would be ridiculous. So

717
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 1: it does take work, and I just believe all of

718
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:41,840
Speaker 1: us got to do our work. But shout out to

719
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: Cam for knowing himself because a lot of dudes won't

720
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 1: even admit that a lot of dudes will act like y'all, Nah,

721
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,279
Speaker 1: I'm good around everybody. And then sliding into a room

722
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:50,800
Speaker 1: at four.

723
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 4: Qurtly not the ending point because if he does desire

724
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 4: I don't know if he isn't one a relationship, but

725
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,040
Speaker 4: if he does desire to be in a relationship at

726
00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:01,320
Speaker 4: some point that woman wants to know, okay women or

727
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:05,240
Speaker 4: women that woman not just her, but women in general

728
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 4: do want safety. So at the end of the day,

729
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 4: I can feel that it don't matter who's coming in

730
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 4: the room, like you cherish me most, you know, and

731
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 4: I think that's with our relationship. That standard being God's

732
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:23,279
Speaker 4: word put it above even me. And so that is

733
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 4: where like, not only does my husband not want to

734
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 4: disappoint or disrespect me, he doesn't want to disappoint or

735
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 4: disrespect God. So that level of measurement is what brings

736
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 4: peace and safety.

737
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 1: You use a great word of safety.

738
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 2: Because even with that, even with Cam putting that out there,

739
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 2: now when other women are around him, are they always

740
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:47,719
Speaker 2: going to be thinking he might just.

741
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: Try to.

742
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 4: Limits all your limits?

743
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 1: A lot of opportunities.

744
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 4: What the movie made me.

745
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 1: Much opportunity.

746
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 4: It could limit opportunities because like what you just said,

747
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 4: like a woman can feel like, you know, am I

748
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 4: in here? Am I forming this relationship? Say it's business

749
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 4: related based upon how I just look, And is it

750
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 4: you try to do something more or is it actually

751
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 4: like my gifting my talent, my talent or whatever? And

752
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 4: also limits the marriage or relationship that you're actually in.

753
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 4: It limits how far that can go because of safety

754
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 4: always being a possibility of being breached.

755
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 5: I was just gonna say, well, so because of that

756
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 5: right off to the point you just said, where do

757
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 5: as women or as people, what are our boundaries? Because

758
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 5: it's like, you want to have the empathy of like, Okay,

759
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 5: he's a man, he's learning, And especially as women, I

760
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 5: feel like we get called out for not having empathy

761
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 5: in the accountability factor, right, especially with men in relationships.

762
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,839
Speaker 5: But at the same time, it's like, how when when

763
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 5: you're gonna wake up? Like, so, what's that balance of

764
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,319
Speaker 5: like when you're gonna get this together? But I hear

765
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 5: you and I know you're human.

766
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 1: So let me let me jump in. In this book Relationship,

767
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 1: there's a chapter called does It Need to End? About

768
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,279
Speaker 1: to say because a lot of people won't even ask

769
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 1: themselves that question. They Natalie told you our story and

770
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 1: she got to the point she was like, does this

771
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 1: need to end?

772
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 4: God, that point it's hard to get to with a

773
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 4: humble heart. That is actually honest. It's not you giving up,

774
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:24,439
Speaker 4: it's not you being naive. It is literally like I've

775
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,880
Speaker 4: reached as far as I can go. And so now

776
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 4: the intangible either needs to happen or it's just settled

777
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 4: in my soul that I'm out. This isn't this isn't enough,

778
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 4: this isn't what my principles are. And again, yeah, and

779
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 4: again it's the patterns. So yeah, I mean your girlfriend

780
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 4: may be like boo, like the patterns. He's not changing,

781
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:50,360
Speaker 4: like and you see it yourself, but you're kind of

782
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 4: trying to excuse it, like if that's happening, then it

783
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 4: is like all right, it really is doesn't need to end?

784
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 1: And I think for us in this there's a character

785
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: in the movie named Brenda, played by Robin thet and

786
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 1: she's literally I mean she's the best, Robin is the best.

787
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 1: But she's in the relationship everybody wants to be in.

788
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 1: She's married to a basket or not married. She's with

789
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: a basketball player. She's in this situation and she's like, Yo,

790
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 1: this is not going anywhere. I have everything, but you

791
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 1: don't really want me. And she had to ask herself

792
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:23,279
Speaker 1: in the movie, does this need to end? And I

793
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 1: think there are a lot of women and men listening

794
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 1: because I don't want this just to be women. There

795
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: are women out here tricking too, And I want to

796
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,400
Speaker 1: be very clear that in twenty twenty six, there's some

797
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:38,280
Speaker 1: other stuff going on, and like I just the dating

798
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 1: pool has pe in it. This is what I heard,

799
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 1: and so women, man, I'm so glad. But what I'm

800
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 1: saying is there is a way to navigate it. And

801
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 1: that's why in this book, I'm giving principles no matter

802
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 1: where you're at in your relationship. And that's why the

803
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 1: hope for me was that this movie would be a

804
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 1: wider net to cast out to people who would never

805
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 1: come to my church. You don't got to come to

806
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,279
Speaker 1: my church, like I'm saying it right now. You ever

807
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 1: got to come to my church. You ain't got it.

808
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 1: But I do want you to win in relationships. And

809
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,399
Speaker 1: so like hopefully you'll see this movie. If you if

810
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 1: the message is a mirror to you at all, go

811
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 1: get the book, like borrow from somebody. If you can't

812
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 1: buy it, like go down somebody done bootlegged it on YouTube.

813
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,800
Speaker 1: Just go watch that. Like honestly, this is not about anything,

814
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 1: but I want you to win in relationships. And it's

815
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 1: very hard to be what you can't see. And me

816
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 1: and Nat wanted to just use what we've been through,

817
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 1: not perfect, put it in a book, be vulnerable, and

818
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,919
Speaker 1: hopefully somebody can move into the next layer of their

819
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: relationships so they can win, become okay with their singleness,

820
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 1: actually get out of a toxic or abusive relationship. Like

821
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 1: I just hope nobody's in the same place relationally that

822
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 1: they were this year.

823
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 2: Next year, Did they working on the book or the

824
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:47,360
Speaker 2: film or the sermon spark any new conversations or arguments

825
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 2: between the two.

826
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:51,960
Speaker 1: It completely We went to therapy, like we believe in

827
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 1: therapy and theology, like like nobody's business. A lot of

828
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 1: people in church they be like, let's just pray about it,

829
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,360
Speaker 1: and it's like, we can't just pray about it. We

830
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 1: got to talk about it to you, like we've got

831
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: to talk about that. So me and Natalie since two

832
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 1: thousand and probably twenty one have been doing five day

833
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:16,879
Speaker 1: intensive counseling in Colorado. Shout out to Julianne for two

834
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 1: three times a year.

835
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,479
Speaker 4: Yeah, it starts with you working on yourself. I would

836
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 4: say the catalyst that got us to intensive therapy was

837
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 4: when our son got diagnosed with autism. I went into

838
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 4: a deep depression and still struggle with it. Now. You know,

839
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 4: it's like it's an everyday death basically when you see

840
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,280
Speaker 4: his siblings passing over him and all that stuff. So anyway,

841
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 4: our good friends was like, Hey, there's this place, and

842
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 4: I think y'all both need to go because what will

843
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:51,760
Speaker 4: come against marriages more than anything is medicine and ministry

844
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:54,240
Speaker 4: are one of the hardest jobs to be in because

845
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 4: they are for others and it can feel like twenty

846
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 4: four to seven depending on where you're boundaries are. And

847
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,319
Speaker 4: then having a special needs child is really hard on

848
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,800
Speaker 4: marriages too. A lot of divorce rates are very high

849
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 4: for those three things, and we got two out of

850
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 4: the three, and so our friends was like, Hey, I

851
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 4: think y'all need to go.

852
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 1: To This is us being pastors, this is us reaching

853
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 1: millions of people. And they're like, hey, y'all need counselors. Yeah,

854
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,800
Speaker 1: And I thank God for the relationship goals of good friends,

855
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:29,359
Speaker 1: because some people are looking for romantic relationships and the

856
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 1: real goals you need is good friends. Yeah, because that's

857
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 1: who you're talking to, that's who you're getting advice from,

858
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 1: that's who you go to when you're about to pop off.

859
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 1: And we had good friends and they told us to

860
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 1: go to counsel, and so much.

861
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 4: Of that therapy will start to go by yourself, you know,

862
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 4: will teach you about who you are, what's your traumas,

863
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 4: what your triggers are. Because it took two years for

864
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:51,760
Speaker 4: me to figure out that, Oh I got some stuff.

865
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 1: I was so anti.

866
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 4: I was so anti. I was like, I don't even

867
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 4: know what I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go and there

868
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 4: I'm like, what I'm gonna say or whatever, and that

869
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 4: woman told me. But anyway, she broke it down and

870
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,399
Speaker 4: we learned a lot of things and still are learning

871
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:06,960
Speaker 4: a lot of things. But to answer your question, with

872
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 4: the book and the movie coming out, one thing I

873
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,799
Speaker 4: think the biggest thing that brought up between us is

874
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 4: how do we want to go about stepping into this realm,

875
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 4: this world, and how do we want what boundaries are

876
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 4: we going to create of how this can affect and

877
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 4: not affect our lives, our actual real lives.

878
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 6: Why did you go back and going back to you know,

879
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 6: you said you fell into a deep depression when your

880
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 6: son was when you all was first diagnosed with autism.

881
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 6: Why do you think it was such a depression. Do

882
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 6: you feel like in some way like you blame yourself

883
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 6: or soil.

884
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is the therapy part. So what

885
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 4: I found out is that through my traumas, I grew

886
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 4: up in a single parent home and a lot of

887
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,880
Speaker 4: times in family structure, you find out from your childhood

888
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 4: what role you played in your family story per se,

889
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 4: and I took on the peacemaker. I took on the

890
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:07,239
Speaker 4: role of put everybody else first and make my needs

891
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 4: small so that I'm good, you know, like mom's struggling

892
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 4: with money where you know, I was always aware of

893
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 4: finances when I was little. I got my first pair

894
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,880
Speaker 4: of like Nike tennis shoes from a store when I

895
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 4: was thirteen years old, So I was aware of everything,

896
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 4: but realizing that like putting myself back so that I

897
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 4: don't feel pain from my father. I don't feel like

898
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 4: I'm putting another burden on my mama what she's already

899
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 4: got going on. Be almost like caretaker in a way.

900
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:36,880
Speaker 4: But a lot of that I felt like was that

901
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 4: false control that I got it. If I'm good, I

902
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 4: can keep everybody else good, and that is putting yourself last.

903
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:48,920
Speaker 4: And so with MJ, I couldn't fix the situation. No

904
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 4: matter what I did, I could not control it. If

905
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 4: I could take it and make it me, that would

906
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 4: feel great. I can't. There's nothing I could do. There

907
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 4: is no real treatment, there is no reason why. And yes,

908
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:03,719
Speaker 4: I went through all the stuff like did I do

909
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 4: something wrong? Is it the food? Is it the air?

910
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:06,719
Speaker 1: Is it this? That?

911
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 4: And the third and that question is still up in

912
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 4: the air, and trying to live with the unknown. Everybody

913
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 4: wants answers. If we had answers, so many people would

914
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 4: probably feel better. But that's not the world that we

915
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 4: really live in. And so without having those answers and

916
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:24,800
Speaker 4: not allowing myself to grieve, that's still a working process

917
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 4: for me because emotionally, I have learned how to remain

918
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,840
Speaker 4: like this. And one thing my counselor said, I hate it,

919
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:35,959
Speaker 4: but she said, the degree with you being so numb,

920
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 4: the degree of what you feel the lows is the

921
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 4: degree of what you will feel the highest. So if

922
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:42,320
Speaker 4: you allow and you live in this place of like

923
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 4: this where you're kind of numb, you're never gonna experience

924
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 4: the amazing like you'll never appreciate it and realize it

925
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 4: because you can't drop either.

926
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 6: And so yeah, way and in a way, Mike, did

927
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 6: you feel helpless. Oh my moment, because there's nothing in

928
00:44:58,280 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 6: that moment that you can do.

929
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 1: I told a Humfort her fix that was the worst

930
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 1: season of my life because I didn't understand how to

931
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 1: emotionally connect with her and I couldn't fix it. So like,

932
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,719
Speaker 1: it's like watching the person your son.

933
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I can imagine the.

934
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 1: Person that you love. Literally you're watching them kind of

935
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 1: like disappear, like the joy come out of their eyes.

936
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 1: They're getting pale in spirit, and it's like, yo, we

937
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 1: were Superman and Superwoman, Like what happened? Like and trying

938
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: to do all the stuff that you used to do

939
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,359
Speaker 1: and it don't work no more. And it's like, let's

940
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 1: go to our favorite spot, and it's like, this wasn't good.

941
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 1: It's like and at the same time, I didn't emotionally

942
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 1: at that time know how to drop down and get

943
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 1: in there and just sit with her. I'm trying to

944
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 1: figure out how we can you know, all right, well

945
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 1: let's go. Let's go to Cayman Islands and you're sitting

946
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: looking at a beautiful beach, but it just feels great.

947
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 1: And what I realized then again is thankfully I learned

948
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,239
Speaker 1: how to do work for my woman back in the

949
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 1: day when I was trying to get her because I

950
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:03,479
Speaker 1: had to do now emotional work to connect with her again.

951
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 1: And even two weeks from now, I canceled the trip

952
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,640
Speaker 1: to London to go do some stuff because I'm going

953
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 1: to counseling by myself for five days because I want

954
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 1: to learn how to. And I said it last time

955
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:17,520
Speaker 1: I was up here. I think you asked me, like,

956
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 1: what's one thing you would want to do better or

957
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 1: something at the end of my interview, and I said,

958
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 1: I want to learn how to communicate with my wife

959
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 1: even better. I want I want to. I want to

960
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 1: become elevated in my ability to articulate my heart and

961
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:37,680
Speaker 1: not just my my feelings because automatically my my feelings

962
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 1: will come out and I want you we'll get to

963
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 1: the heart, but I just want to be able to

964
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 1: tell it like today was hard for me and I

965
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 1: feel like I'm caring a lot and I just need

966
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: you to hold me that.

967
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 4: As the nurturer.

968
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: That's easy right there. That's to do is like you good.

969
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I'm good, like everything's fine, like and

970
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 1: she knows, but to just and so I want to.

971
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 1: I want to become more skilled in my language. But

972
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 1: that takes me turning down money, that takes me canceling

973
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 1: a trip overseas, that takes me intentionally setting aside the time,

974
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 1: because when all of this is done, I'll still have this.

975
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 2: Yes, right I both of y'all as a faith based couple,

976
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 2: right to the point about your son. Why doesn't the

977
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 2: serenity prayer work in moments like that?

978
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,839
Speaker 1: Because we live in a fallen world, and when Sin

979
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 1: entered in with Adam and Eve, there would be things

980
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:35,360
Speaker 1: that happened that we would not understand. And this is

981
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:37,839
Speaker 1: why God says in Proverbs five six, he said, trust

982
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 1: in the Lord in all your ways, and he will

983
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:44,320
Speaker 1: direct your path lean not to your own understanding. We

984
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:48,320
Speaker 1: don't understand this, like we don't understand all these diseases

985
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 1: cancer and that is autism. We don't understand this.

986
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,759
Speaker 4: That was a big part of the depression, like I said,

987
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:58,320
Speaker 4: as not having those answers, even with your faith, I

988
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 4: felt it if it feels like to me now now

989
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 4: that what I know is not having the answers is

990
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 4: you have this super heavy thing. Imagine you just hearing

991
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 4: holding this huge thing that's just so overbearing, and it's

992
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 4: like that actually never goes away. The weight of it

993
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:20,800
Speaker 4: never goes away. But now my hand just got bigger,

994
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:25,440
Speaker 4: like your capacity can get bigger to hold the thing.

995
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 4: You can have supports from your relationships and therapy that's

996
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 4: maybe holding your arms or whatever. But that doesn't mean

997
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:35,880
Speaker 4: the thing actually left. That doesn't mean the thing actually

998
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:39,200
Speaker 4: got easier, or it got answered, or the prayers worked

999
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:40,439
Speaker 4: perfectly or whatever.

1000
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 1: And that's why that scripture says, trust in the Lord

1001
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: with all your heart, leaning into your own firstanding and

1002
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,440
Speaker 1: all your ways in knowledge God, and he will direct

1003
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 1: your path. That's what we're doing. All were doing is trusting.

1004
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: We have a beautiful family, we lead a lot, and

1005
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:56,799
Speaker 1: we're trying to help people. And sometimes all you can

1006
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 1: do is just lean back and be like, all right, God,

1007
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 1: I guess you got this one because I don't have

1008
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:05,719
Speaker 1: anything to make this happen. And that's why again, if

1009
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 1: those things, I want to tell everybody looking for a relationship,

1010
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,720
Speaker 1: if you can't go through hard things with that person,

1011
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:15,920
Speaker 1: they're not your relationship. Go. I'm just telling you right now,

1012
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:21,919
Speaker 1: everything will not be red carpets and Instagram pictures and vacations.

1013
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 1: The majority of your life will be trying to figure

1014
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:26,760
Speaker 1: out navigating hard things with this person.

1015
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 4: And where you put most of your time is where

1016
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 4: you're going to succeed. Well, most successful things in your

1017
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:32,839
Speaker 4: life will be where you put most of your time

1018
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 4: and effort in.

1019
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:35,880
Speaker 1: And that's why people don't succeed in relationship because they

1020
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 1: don't put enough time and effort there.

1021
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 3: I got to ask, you know, the church recently has

1022
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:42,840
Speaker 3: been criticized in Pastor's Wives right and what.

1023
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:44,920
Speaker 1: They've been wearing right. We've been seeing that a lot online.

1024
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on that? On what you know?

1025
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:51,880
Speaker 3: I feel like they dive more into yeah, yeah, but

1026
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 3: it's been outside of just women in general. But it

1027
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:56,160
Speaker 3: seems like, you know, they put more effort into what

1028
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 3: the woman wears, yeah, compared to the sermon.

1029
00:49:59,000 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 1: So what are you on it?

1030
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:03,480
Speaker 4: Man? I think that's just humanity. I mean, it's another

1031
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:05,480
Speaker 4: one of those things. We live in a fallen world

1032
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 4: and a lot of it can be There are some

1033
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 4: valid points, you know, to that. I also think that

1034
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 4: dressing for your the occasion is a big thing. I

1035
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,800
Speaker 4: also feel like you're how you carry yourselves if you

1036
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 4: are classy and sophisticated, but you feel like being sensual

1037
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 4: for your husband out in the out, in the real world,

1038
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:29,239
Speaker 4: not just in the room. Then that's a great thing.

1039
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,359
Speaker 4: He's a man at the end of the day. Like hello, Now,

1040
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:36,720
Speaker 4: I'm not saying come out and look super thirsty or whatever,

1041
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:41,439
Speaker 4: but you are. We are women, like we have sexual needs.

1042
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 4: We want to be attractive. We yeah, we desire for

1043
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 4: that for ourselves, not only for my husband, but for

1044
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:52,879
Speaker 4: my own self like a little woman. I'm a woman

1045
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:54,879
Speaker 4: at the end of the day. I'm also a mother.

1046
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,800
Speaker 4: But at the same time, I'm not walking in that

1047
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 4: making pancakes in the morning for my kids while taking

1048
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,239
Speaker 4: to school or drop off. And I'm also not wearing

1049
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 4: it if I'm trying to do you know, morning and

1050
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:08,359
Speaker 4: announcements at church. But if we are going to the beach,

1051
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:11,200
Speaker 4: I if I was able to put on the BIKINNI

1052
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:12,880
Speaker 4: I'm wearing a why would I not?

1053
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 1: You know?

1054
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:17,200
Speaker 4: And and also as a woman having for kids them,

1055
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 4: stretch marks happen, and there is this stigma of like

1056
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 4: if you got stretch marks all on your stomach, now

1057
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:25,399
Speaker 4: you put that one piece on because you want to cover,

1058
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,480
Speaker 4: you don't want to be judge. You feel almost embarrassed

1059
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:29,640
Speaker 4: and The best thing he told me is that he loved,

1060
00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 4: loved my stretch marks, and so and.

1061
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 2: So Grandma got wearing that move.

1062
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 1: But I don't even want to think about that. What

1063
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:43,280
Speaker 1: I am, what I'm going to tag onto what Natalie

1064
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:48,160
Speaker 1: is saying is that I think sometimes there are things

1065
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:50,640
Speaker 1: that we do that go over the line. And that's

1066
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 1: going to be in any field, pastor or postal worker. Okay,

1067
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 1: let's just say that's also and there is some crazy

1068
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 1: hypocritical situations on body shapes and sizes because I can

1069
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 1: wear something tight as all get out, but because she

1070
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:15,840
Speaker 1: is a larger woman, big chest, big booty in it,

1071
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:20,400
Speaker 1: it's not considered attractive. And so what ends up happening

1072
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:25,400
Speaker 1: is oh, completely, and then people are frustrated about it.

1073
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:29,600
Speaker 1: But I'm saying that, hey, it's okay, Like we just

1074
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:33,800
Speaker 1: got to make sure we have grace for people. The

1075
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 1: same level that you judge with is the same level

1076
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 1: you're getting judged with. And I just think that a

1077
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 1: lot of times people are so quick, in this rage

1078
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 1: bait error to point out and judge what other people

1079
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 1: are doing when there's not a spotlight. And so I

1080
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:52,840
Speaker 1: just more grace, more, grace, more grace to people so

1081
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 1: that they can have the ability to change, and yeah,

1082
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:58,839
Speaker 1: learn what you can and then change it up from there.

1083
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:01,799
Speaker 2: I saw your uh, I saw your reply to Drew

1084
00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:05,080
Speaker 2: Skit about Megachurch passes, and you said it was hilarious,

1085
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:06,960
Speaker 2: but it was a distraction from what you should really

1086
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 2: be focused on.

1087
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 4: The craziest thing is people don't realize that our word

1088
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 4: for the year, which usually we always have one at

1089
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 4: the beginning of the year, what's forward. And that was

1090
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:21,360
Speaker 4: before the thing even happened forward. And so if you

1091
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:24,360
Speaker 4: can imagine what you would give advice to someone and

1092
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:27,400
Speaker 4: then you're trying to encourage them in hard times to

1093
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,480
Speaker 4: move forward, what are words that you would say? So

1094
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 4: what are we encouraging our congregation about the word that

1095
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:37,879
Speaker 4: we are saying is the word for the year. That's

1096
00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 4: what he was addressing and through and so some of

1097
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:44,240
Speaker 4: the things that was said was like he was talking

1098
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 4: about our word for the year and it wasn't no reply.

1099
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,400
Speaker 4: Believe me, in our real life, like I said.

1100
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 1: Brought up the photo of the photo you mention. I think,

1101
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 1: so what ended up happening. We're not acting like we

1102
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:02,719
Speaker 1: didn't hear it. I don't go around anything. You're saying, yeah,

1103
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 1: we're going through it. And so my church is a

1104
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:10,320
Speaker 1: church all over the world. I don't we're intos Oklahoma,

1105
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 1: but we literally have members of our church all over

1106
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 1: the world. So if something happens with the extent that

1107
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:21,239
Speaker 1: that happened, I'm going to let them know that we're hey,

1108
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:22,440
Speaker 1: I'm we good like.

1109
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:24,879
Speaker 4: Is they're humans too. We want them like, I don't

1110
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:27,279
Speaker 4: want our people to be feeling like you need to

1111
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 4: you know, and knucking you buck online. You don't gotta

1112
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:32,480
Speaker 4: create a fake a counsel. You can go off on

1113
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 4: somebody like, you don't gotta like do all that or whatever.

1114
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 4: And so it is our responsibility to respond to our congregation.

1115
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,360
Speaker 1: But it's a response, not a reaction. And so what

1116
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:45,319
Speaker 1: I was telling everybody that is the word of the year.

1117
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:47,799
Speaker 1: We're going forward. And the thing that tries to stop

1118
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 1: people from going forward is lack of focus. There's a

1119
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:54,879
Speaker 1: scripture that says, forgetting what's behind me, I press towards

1120
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,480
Speaker 1: the things that are forward, And so that's all I

1121
00:54:57,640 --> 00:54:59,359
Speaker 1: was saying. And then the thing that you know, I'm

1122
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 1: pseudo comedian, I'll be trying to just make people laugh.

1123
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 1: And so what I said, number one, there's there was

1124
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:07,640
Speaker 1: an ai picture going around that somebody made of me

1125
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 1: in the suit, and I was like, I've never been

1126
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:20,040
Speaker 1: that big day in my life, remember I was, I

1127
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:22,239
Speaker 1: was never worn that suit.

1128
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 4: They literally wait, face though it's Rick Ricardo America married Dominican.

1129
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:37,279
Speaker 1: Want I did? I thought that? Did? Man? What you

1130
00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 1: did say?

1131
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 2: You said, uh, you framed it as a parody of

1132
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:44,080
Speaker 2: a broader critique of misplaced priorities.

1133
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:46,440
Speaker 1: With complete yes, and so I think that there was

1134
00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 1: some truth in it holistically.

1135
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:51,560
Speaker 4: Which every any person that goes to church and lives

1136
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:54,399
Speaker 4: in church. We've been making jokes like this for years

1137
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:56,960
Speaker 4: and nothing new or whatever, but there is there is

1138
00:55:57,160 --> 00:55:57,839
Speaker 4: definite truth.

1139
00:55:57,880 --> 00:56:01,719
Speaker 1: But the link to me was something that I was

1140
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:04,200
Speaker 1: a little taken back by because we have done things

1141
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 1: in our ministry intentionally to not being that we don't

1142
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:09,279
Speaker 1: have an offering time at our church.

1143
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 4: And you know what, that pass bucket you won't HiPE

1144
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:16,120
Speaker 4: our ministry or yourself up or whatever. But for me, y'all,

1145
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 4: there is so much money our church has given in

1146
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:20,600
Speaker 4: like I said, the top of the year, word of

1147
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 4: the year, and then we also give statistics for the

1148
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,760
Speaker 4: year prior to the church, so they know, like finances,

1149
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 4: where we gave to, how much, how many salvations, all

1150
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:33,440
Speaker 4: this stuff, and even in our local news, don't nobody

1151
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 4: come to say, like, your ministry has given over thirty

1152
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:40,879
Speaker 4: six million dollars away to other ministries and other organizations.

1153
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 4: Don't nobody come and cover like you gave how much

1154
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:47,360
Speaker 4: did we give to the survivors of the We.

1155
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:51,800
Speaker 1: Bought every survivor of the Tall Living Tulsa Race massacre.

1156
00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:53,880
Speaker 1: We gave them two hundred thousand dollars, which would have

1157
00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:57,879
Speaker 1: been the medium age of their house that got burnt down,

1158
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:00,160
Speaker 1: and we gave it. Ain't nobody and.

1159
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 4: That, yeah, well more than Tulsa. The city hasn't done anything.

1160
00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:10,400
Speaker 1: So again again we have me and Natalie been pastors

1161
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:13,279
Speaker 1: eleven years and eleven years our church was started in

1162
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 1: the hood of Tulsa and we didn't have anything, and

1163
00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 1: God bless us to help people. And my burden was

1164
00:57:19,880 --> 00:57:21,800
Speaker 1: that we are going to give back to the community.

1165
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:24,680
Speaker 1: And if you check the records, we have given away

1166
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 1: over thirty six million dollars in eleven years.

1167
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:31,919
Speaker 4: And he's gonna say he I know, and you ain't

1168
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:35,480
Speaker 4: gonna say you know that we personally hire auditors to

1169
00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:37,919
Speaker 4: come to come audit us.

1170
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:40,640
Speaker 1: Because excellence is not just what you see, is how

1171
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:42,120
Speaker 1: you handle business behind.

1172
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 4: Us, because we know the spots like that. But I

1173
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 4: will saying like, like we are in the spot, like

1174
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 4: we dumb, like auditors come and when I tell you

1175
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:53,960
Speaker 4: our friends and the people that we hired, they ain't

1176
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 4: played no games, you know what I'm saying, Like things

1177
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:59,160
Speaker 4: was tight and right. We had to even change how

1178
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:02,920
Speaker 4: we gave because it if we're giving houses just the

1179
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 4: way to the to the widow, or you know, there's

1180
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:07,560
Speaker 4: a way you got to go about that in a

1181
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:09,840
Speaker 4: way you can't or whatever. For we had good things,

1182
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 4: you know, and we had to learn that the hard way.

1183
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:13,240
Speaker 1: We had to learn that there was a way to give.

1184
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:15,040
Speaker 1: Because at the beginning of our ministry, when we start

1185
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 1: to bless, the Bible says to bless the orphans in

1186
00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:20,680
Speaker 1: the widows, we bought people houses like two hundred and

1187
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:23,360
Speaker 1: fifty thousand dollars house like this woman. And and then

1188
00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:24,560
Speaker 1: we found out, hey, they're.

1189
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 4: Dealing with big to dealing with big money, there's a

1190
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:28,640
Speaker 4: way that I RS wants you to do that, to

1191
00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:29,439
Speaker 4: give money away.

1192
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 1: So I'll say all that today. All that to say

1193
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 1: is that I wasn't offended by the juice ski thing

1194
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 1: because you could only be offended when it applies to you,

1195
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:39,400
Speaker 1: and so I thought it was hilarious when I saw it.

1196
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:43,080
Speaker 1: I was actually off of social media the whole time.

1197
00:58:43,120 --> 00:58:45,120
Speaker 1: I've been on a twenty one day prayer and fasting

1198
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 1: and I actually the thing, so I didn't even know

1199
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,760
Speaker 1: what was going on, and people's cot be like you good.

1200
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 4: I was like good, yes, But at the same time,

1201
00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:54,480
Speaker 4: let's put two and two together, y'all. People are going

1202
00:58:54,560 --> 00:58:57,040
Speaker 4: to tell him what is going on. So to say,

1203
00:58:57,120 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 4: like media, well you did it. It's like there's other

1204
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:02,520
Speaker 4: human beings in the world that can tell you what's

1205
00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 4: happening right now, that can show you.

1206
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 5: Because I feel like when people came for the mess,

1207
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:08,160
Speaker 5: they got a message. I mean, I'll about you anyway,

1208
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,400
Speaker 5: but I talked about that on the podcast, like you

1209
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:13,120
Speaker 5: still preached and people got a word, but they came

1210
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:14,520
Speaker 5: because they wanted to see what you want to say

1211
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:15,360
Speaker 5: and it worked.

1212
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:16,840
Speaker 2: I agree with that, but I didn't bring it up

1213
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 2: because you know, you said there were people who did

1214
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:20,960
Speaker 2: not do what God said to do this week because

1215
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:22,840
Speaker 2: they needed to be in the know of what was

1216
00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 2: happening in the culture. You got a movie coming out

1217
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 2: this week, so again, is that a distraction that people

1218
00:59:28,720 --> 00:59:29,160
Speaker 2: decided to go?

1219
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:33,600
Speaker 1: For some people, that is, I don't please believe what

1220
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,360
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to do is what I'm supposed to do.

1221
00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:37,000
Speaker 1: If God tells you to do something else, you better

1222
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:37,240
Speaker 1: do that.

1223
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:41,880
Speaker 4: And he's also he's also addressing our people like that

1224
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 4: was during that was during he's speaking to are we

1225
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 4: speaking to.

1226
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 1: The people who are I'm like, yo, God told you

1227
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 1: to spend time with your kid this week, and you

1228
00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:54,600
Speaker 1: over here in the comments with christ Man six too

1229
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:59,520
Speaker 1: too talking about you don't know him. And that's a distraction, y'all.

1230
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:02,280
Speaker 1: I tell people this all the time, like what the

1231
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:04,520
Speaker 1: enemy can't get in front of and stop? He gets

1232
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 1: behind and pushes and he pushes people till they get

1233
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 1: distracted off of what they're supposed to do.

1234
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:14,880
Speaker 4: I said, this was the biggest publicity any loop a

1235
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 4: loop all from God and forget you and look look

1236
01:00:27,160 --> 01:00:31,560
Speaker 4: look Ali from God.

1237
01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:33,880
Speaker 5: From God.

1238
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:37,640
Speaker 4: Because I was like, you know what, now everybody's gonna

1239
01:00:37,640 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 4: go and watch this movie because they went like, oh,

1240
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:41,800
Speaker 4: he's I was like, well, God, you know what they say,

1241
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:45,280
Speaker 4: all publicity is good publicity. So I think that was

1242
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:50,520
Speaker 4: strategic too, and turning shout out to everybody getting paid.

1243
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:55,800
Speaker 1: But I do think there are broader conversations that have

1244
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 1: to be had, not just in the church but outside

1245
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:01,080
Speaker 1: the Church of the way that we do things. And

1246
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:04,560
Speaker 1: I think that at the end of the day, critique

1247
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:07,600
Speaker 1: with the right heart makes everybody better. And so in

1248
01:01:07,720 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 1: my mind, like if there's anything that I can be

1249
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:13,840
Speaker 1: better at, I'm again the whole journey is progression, not perfection.

1250
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:15,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get better. The next time we come up here,

1251
01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 1: We're gonna better than we was this time.

1252
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 4: And so that consistency in him is what made me

1253
01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:26,800
Speaker 4: stay and I tell people his consistency is what I

1254
01:01:26,920 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 4: think him for.

1255
01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 1: The most hold on now, don't start up here.

1256
01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 4: Your consistency to change and to be better for me

1257
01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 4: and our kids and for the people that you lead.

1258
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,160
Speaker 4: That is what makes me proud to stand next to

1259
01:01:41,200 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 4: you no matter what. Because our real life, I tell

1260
01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 4: you all the time, is amazing, is blessed, is actual goals.

1261
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:50,600
Speaker 4: Those are the things that people actually do aspire at

1262
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:52,439
Speaker 4: the end of their lives. All these great men and women,

1263
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,400
Speaker 4: one of the number one things they say on their

1264
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:56,720
Speaker 4: deathbed is I wish I would have put more time

1265
01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:59,600
Speaker 4: into my marriage and my children. And I told him,

1266
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:02,200
Speaker 4: I told him, I said, that's not going to be

1267
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:02,640
Speaker 4: our story.

1268
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 1: Not going to be our story.

1269
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 4: And that is the number one thing that he prayed

1270
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:08,760
Speaker 4: before he came became a pastor with all these older

1271
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:11,600
Speaker 4: saints around him, when he was about to get he

1272
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:14,920
Speaker 4: prayed that he would not lose his family?

1273
01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:16,720
Speaker 1: Was it? And I never will.

1274
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:19,480
Speaker 3: Let's let's close this out on the prayer Relationship goals

1275
01:02:19,480 --> 01:02:22,880
Speaker 3: available right now on Prime Video. Pastor Michael, Pastor Natalie

1276
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 3: not tied. Let's lend this on a prayer.

1277
01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:26,480
Speaker 1: Polease, Okay, so let me say this for our pray.

1278
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:30,680
Speaker 1: They made relationship Goals number six on Amazon Prime in

1279
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:31,640
Speaker 1: twenty four hours.

1280
01:02:31,920 --> 01:02:33,200
Speaker 4: I heard you overhead of a number one.

1281
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:40,760
Speaker 1: So I hope it's from your mouth to God's ears. Hey, y'all,

1282
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:45,840
Speaker 1: if we want to keep getting good, positive, positive, hopeful

1283
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:50,000
Speaker 1: black stories, told we got to support. They don't care

1284
01:02:50,040 --> 01:02:53,320
Speaker 1: nothing about opinions. They care about numbers. And so even

1285
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:54,840
Speaker 1: if y'all have a watch party, I just want to

1286
01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 1: say on the Breakfast Club, everybody streaming on their phone too,

1287
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 1: like turn it down.

1288
01:02:58,840 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1289
01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:01,600
Speaker 1: I mean, you gotta be smart, y'all, because this is

1290
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:04,760
Speaker 1: not a step just for us or Devon Franklin or

1291
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:07,120
Speaker 1: this is a step for all of us to be

1292
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:10,720
Speaker 1: able to make impact in big ways and so grateful

1293
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:11,960
Speaker 1: for that. And this is what we're gonna do. We're

1294
01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:14,520
Speaker 1: gonna pray that everybody wins in relationship. So God, me

1295
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:18,240
Speaker 1: and Natalie, we come here with Charlemagne, Lauren, dj Envy,

1296
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:21,280
Speaker 1: Father God and Jess and we're asking that you would

1297
01:03:21,360 --> 01:03:24,400
Speaker 1: make all of us better in relationships. God. I'm asking

1298
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:29,800
Speaker 1: that every marriage, every single season, every situationship, everything, Father,

1299
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:33,560
Speaker 1: God that is hurting or hard right now, I thank

1300
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:35,919
Speaker 1: you that you would speak into it and bring hope,

1301
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:40,560
Speaker 1: life and transformation. Today. Father, for the person who feels lonely,

1302
01:03:41,040 --> 01:03:43,200
Speaker 1: I thank you that you would be a comforter. Father.

1303
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:46,240
Speaker 1: For the person who feels forgotten, I thank you Father

1304
01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 1: that you're sending right relationships into their life. And God,

1305
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:51,240
Speaker 1: for the person who's in a relationship and they don't

1306
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:53,480
Speaker 1: know if it needs to end or not, would you

1307
01:03:53,520 --> 01:03:56,160
Speaker 1: send them confirmation? God, I thank you that you would

1308
01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:59,280
Speaker 1: use this platform to bring people ultimately closer to you,

1309
01:03:59,720 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 1: because you should be everybody's number one relationship goal. Bless

1310
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:06,560
Speaker 1: this station, Bless these people, Bless all of their families.

1311
01:04:06,880 --> 01:04:08,640
Speaker 1: And I thank you, Father God for all you're doing

1312
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:13,280
Speaker 1: in our lives. In Jesus' name, we pray Amen. We

1313
01:04:13,400 --> 01:04:18,240
Speaker 1: love to His club. Good morning every day a weak

1314
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:20,680
Speaker 1: click your ass up the breakfast club.

1315
01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:22,160
Speaker 4: Finish for y'all, dumb