Speaker 1: Motherfucking many of us. So many episode, motherfucking many of us.
Speaker 1: So ba ba ba la ba la bla ba laa.
Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of My Mama Told Me, the
Speaker 1: podcast when we dive deep, deep into the pockets of
Speaker 1: black conspiracy theories and we work to prove the theories
Speaker 1: of you the listener, that's right, it's a mini episode,
Speaker 1: you bitch. It's a motherfucking mini episode, you bitch. I'll
Speaker 1: kill you and he'll kill you dad, And you know what,
Speaker 1: I won't say a word. Hey, listen, listen to me.
Speaker 1: Oh won't wo. You gotta promise that you're not gonna
Speaker 1: ever go all that all the time. Now y'all got
Speaker 1: the technology. I just don't want to lose you to
Speaker 1: the dark side. I won't make you do a whole
Speaker 1: episode DJ Screws style, because honestly, I'm a baby. Chopped
Speaker 1: in screwed tapes kind of give me headaches. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Like it's a good idea for two songs, but then
Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm underwater. Yeah that that there's
Speaker 1: the metro Booman version or his like new album has
Speaker 1: like a chopped in screwed version, and I was like
Speaker 1: all in for the first two songs, and I was like,
Speaker 1: get me the fuck out of here. This is this
Speaker 1: is too much of it, and I'd like a break please. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: That's how it was that when I was in high school.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh cool, I spent all night on
Speaker 1: Winning X downloading the Screw tape. Yeah, and then you
Speaker 1: listened to it in the car and it's just like, no,
Speaker 1: don't it makes my stomach kind of Yah. It feels
Speaker 1: like there's like a heavy man sitting on your chest
Speaker 1: the entire time you're listening to it, like in your ears.
Speaker 1: That's what depression feels like in your heart. Yeah, just
Speaker 1: like can't sure to make of what the world is.
Speaker 1: It's just a DJ Screw tape telling you that no
Speaker 1: one loves you the way you wish they would. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like it's familiar feelings, but they're warped because of the
Speaker 1: lands YEA and or Screw, where like you had a
Speaker 1: perfectly fine meeting with like a friend, and then afterwards
Speaker 1: you wonder if you said something weird. That's that's it's
Speaker 1: just DJ Screw saying on the side of a movie
Speaker 1: wondering if no one likes you, which is these are
Speaker 1: all very relatable. Uh, these are all very like, Oh,
Speaker 1: they just brought me because I'm a clown away. Let's
Speaker 1: get to it. Let's get let's get to these MANI,
Speaker 1: let's get to these mini episodes. We have an email
Speaker 1: that came in hot. I would say, this is an
Speaker 1: email that that right from the start. I won't read
Speaker 1: the subject line, but the subject line was very uh salacious,
Speaker 1: I would say provocative right from the start. And this
Speaker 1: person in India, India sent us a message where she
Speaker 1: she doesn't greet us, by the way, no greeting whatsoever,
Speaker 1: No Hello links and Hello David big fans, uh, none
Speaker 1: of that shit. She just my homeless world just told me, well,
Speaker 1: how do you feel about before I read this? Are
Speaker 1: you choice? Address you man from the congo? First of all, yeah,
Speaker 1: you go on your man from the congo. You can
Speaker 1: say it, you can say it wrong, but don't just
Speaker 1: like you don't get to just walk up. That happened.
Speaker 1: That happened to me, and I know she's gonna listen.
Speaker 1: It was the craziest this girl and Dallas came up
Speaker 1: to me like that, like she was like, you don't
Speaker 1: believe in blah blah blah, blah blah, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I get to be a person. Yeah, yeah, you gotta.
Speaker 1: You were very nice, Thank you for coming. Her and
Speaker 1: a friend had a very somewhat combative relationship. I couldn't tell.
Speaker 1: If they were for you would have loved it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yeah, say hi to me. Were they both fans
Speaker 1: of view or was one of them the I assumed
Speaker 1: the lady that came up to you the big fan
Speaker 1: and then the other was just along for the ride.
Speaker 1: I think they were both fans of us collectively. Hell yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think they liked the
Speaker 1: podcast and they don't know what to expect one year,
Speaker 1: like caught in your own Okay, I got me. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: but they were nice to kept insinuating, and they were
Speaker 1: the one kept insinuating she was going to fight the
Speaker 1: other one. Dallas is a good town. And you know what,
Speaker 1: I've never been to Dallas. I've been to their airport,
Speaker 1: and oh man, you got they like us. A bunch
Speaker 1: of people came out in Dallas. The airport's nothing to
Speaker 1: write home about, I'll be honest. And what airport is
Speaker 1: you know what airport I really like is that Atlanta Airport.
Speaker 1: I think they I think them having a Popeye's or
Speaker 1: a Chick fil A every twelve feet making a pretty
Speaker 1: a pretty solid airport in mind in America is the Atlanta.
Speaker 1: I thought it was Denver. I thought Jackson heartfelt Denver's close.
Speaker 1: I let me tell you something. Somebody who flies out
Speaker 1: on Denver every week. Tighten it the fuck up, get
Speaker 1: it together. I'm sick of that shit. I don't think
Speaker 1: we've ever talked about this, but you know, there's like
Speaker 1: a massive conspiracy about the Denver Airport. Brother, I have
Speaker 1: seen the paintings. Whoa have you not? Have you look
Speaker 1: look up the paintings. They don't make any like you
Speaker 1: know how there's like typical public space mural paintings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's one in the airport where it's like a man
Speaker 1: in an army army outfit. He's wearing a gas mask,
Speaker 1: he has a sword in one hand and like a
Speaker 1: machine gun in the other, and there's a bunch of
Speaker 1: children underneath looking up at him, crying like it's all
Speaker 1: very Look up the art. Look up the horse, the
Speaker 1: horse coming into Denver Airport? Who killed its owner? The
Speaker 1: devil horse? No, it's that ship's for real. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: so just so I'm I'm understanding what what is for
Speaker 1: real for you? What are you arguing is is actually
Speaker 1: happening at the Denver Airport. Oh, I think the bunkers
Speaker 1: down there, that rich people are paying for space all that.
Speaker 1: And also so you subscribed specifically to the Denver Airport
Speaker 1: being the hub for like the Illuminati axis of terror
Speaker 1: type shit. I think man, I think so. I think
Speaker 1: that like it also strangely doesn't the positioning of the
Speaker 1: positioning of it doesn't make sense of you know, Denver geography,
Speaker 1: especially compared to that the old airport was in Stapleton,
Speaker 1: which is close to Denver, especially when it was made.
Speaker 1: When they first made the airport, that was a shit
Speaker 1: out there. Whoa. And so your argument would be that
Speaker 1: they just found this area and they were like, we
Speaker 1: could build this into something very quietly that nobody's gonna
Speaker 1: watch us build it. It was way out in the cut.
Speaker 1: Nobody's Stapleton is in Denver, you know what I mean? Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but like out out there, nobody's gonna we could build
Speaker 1: whatever we want out here. Nobody's looking. Holy shit. You
Speaker 1: know that's before Google Maps and all that shit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Google Maps snitching on my fun. Yeah, I was watching
Speaker 1: that John Oliver they were talking about Yeah. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like they're literally finding things in your backyard via Google
Speaker 1: Maps and then charging you for it. That's insane. That
Speaker 1: got me thinking about buying a house. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: The HLAs our death man. My mother in law this
Speaker 1: past year had like a running with with the wife
Speaker 1: of the head of the HLA, who is a lawyer.
Speaker 1: And the running was super minor, just like a disagreement
Speaker 1: that escalated a little bit into like a little bit
Speaker 1: of being like, you're not a nice person type energy.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even name calling and fucking cursing or anything
Speaker 1: like that. And then the lady like sued her for
Speaker 1: millions of dollars like truly and was like trying to
Speaker 1: use the backing of the HLA to get the lawsuit through.
Speaker 1: And then it was crazy. It's truly in that case investment,
Speaker 1: that's how they do it. That's yeah, I don't. I don't.
Speaker 1: That's why I ran. And that's the only reason. That's
Speaker 1: the only reason. Don't look to enjoy it. That is
Speaker 1: why I ran. Well, we we got a message from
Speaker 1: India and India said, my homegirl just told me her
Speaker 1: mother in law died believing sucking dick causes cancer. Please
Speaker 1: help us get to the truth, India. My immediate reaction,
Speaker 1: first of all, shame on her for not knowing the truth.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be on this podcast loudly and proudly
Speaker 1: that I in no way promote or endorse the idea
Speaker 1: that sucking dick causes any type of ailment. Quite the opposite.
Speaker 1: I am actined it to be some type of super
Speaker 1: food or something. I think I think they're I think
Speaker 1: they're feeling properties inside inside of the old PP and
Speaker 1: I think we got to get to the bottom of that.
Speaker 1: I think everything that you can get out of Echinasia Elderberry. Yea, Yeah,
Speaker 1: those little pomegranate redick squirty things, I think all that
Speaker 1: is found in the PPI and I am I'm just
Speaker 1: I'm an advocate for that. I'm an advocate for that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there should be a little plus signs behind the penis.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean to just to say it's medicinal,
Speaker 1: It's got medicinal qualities to it. We're not, for a
Speaker 1: second gonna subscribe to whatever you're offering here, India, or
Speaker 1: certainly your mother in law and frankly, shame on you
Speaker 1: for not making that your your stance to your your
Speaker 1: dying day. India. You that should have been on you
Speaker 1: should have been fighting for her to know that that
Speaker 1: that that's a falsehood. Yeah, how'd you let her go
Speaker 1: out like that? To be honest, come on, like, like, India,
Speaker 1: this this poor woman, this her poor husband. I know
Speaker 1: she got a widower. You know what's sad? I bet
Speaker 1: there was a husband and I I bet I bet
Speaker 1: that something in him was broken in a way that
Speaker 1: made him feel like he like he had to take
Speaker 1: that right right. He had like a funny arm or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let me tell you, sir, I no, no, you deserve
Speaker 1: more and and we want more for you. That's you
Speaker 1: don't think that she died and he felt released from
Speaker 1: some type of case. You don't think for a second
Speaker 1: he was like, no, I could give my dick, sir.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? You don't think he walked
Speaker 1: into his yard like Thanos after he did this snap
Speaker 1: and just just took a rest, just a breath. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was like, I loved her, but that was killing me.
Speaker 1: The family. We bought a house. I'm thankful, but god, damn,
Speaker 1: I want to just get my dick suck once or
Speaker 1: twice does a single tear, and he's like, I'm finally free.
Speaker 1: I'm finally fucking free. Man. I hope he's getting his
Speaker 1: dick s up right now. I'd pray it. I pray
Speaker 1: that that man is getting his dick sucked. And and
Speaker 1: I will say that that we talked briefly about this
Speaker 1: conspiracy theory, and we also, at least for me, it
Speaker 1: did remind me of what, for a while was a
Speaker 1: very big conspiracy theory of Michael Douglas contracting cancer from
Speaker 1: having eaten out Catherine Zada Jones. That was that was
Speaker 1: something that people were saying that her, her pussy specifically
Speaker 1: was causing cancer. That dirty Welsh pussy is that what
Speaker 1: she is? Bro It fucked me up. She is from Wales. Wow,
Speaker 1: I don't think she so. I've always felt like she
Speaker 1: played it like she was spicier than that. She played
Speaker 1: it hard. She think she's from like Venezuela. She wanted
Speaker 1: us to think she was like one step shy of
Speaker 1: Penelope Crews, like you were writing that that little space
Speaker 1: over there, and it's like, no, you're just Welsh. Wow,
Speaker 1: she's the whitest white. Yeah, they had their own white
Speaker 1: language you know what I mean, like own white language
Speaker 1: that white people are even like, whoa, we didn't even
Speaker 1: know we had that in the back pocket. We don't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're like god damn, look at look at these albino monkeys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: those there are there are musical people, though. The rhythm
Speaker 1: lives within them. You know who's good at basketball? The Welsh? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I love their music about sex inside of me, you know.
Speaker 1: The Welsh of that extra bone in their leg and
Speaker 1: that's why they jumped though that. The Welsh they got
Speaker 1: two tongues, that's why they talk like that, the snake tongue.
Speaker 1: This a little slit in between if you look close enough.
Speaker 1: I like them, but I wouldn't want one day my
Speaker 1: daughter I see a Welshman, I crossed the street there.
Speaker 1: Why don't you ever hit a Welshman on a bike?
Speaker 1: Oh boy, oh boy? And shout out to our Welsh listeners.
Speaker 1: We're big fans of you obviously, yeah yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: we Catherina, it's crazy. Yeah, she really tried to play
Speaker 1: it like she was on some like uh yeah, some
Speaker 1: very like diverse shit, and that doesn't sound like the case, No,
Speaker 1: Michael Douglas, which is nuts. No, they were married for
Speaker 1: I think a long time. And then uh, he said,
Speaker 1: I think frankly in a in what has to be bitterness?
Speaker 1: He oh they're still married? Is that true? Whoa? He
Speaker 1: said that about his active wife. He was like, my
Speaker 1: wife's pussy gives me cancer. Maybe that's like a sweet
Speaker 1: yeah maybe yeah exactly. Maybe that wasn't being like she
Speaker 1: may have given me cancer, but I'll take more of
Speaker 1: it just to be with her. Yeah. Yeah, if cancer
Speaker 1: is wrong, I don't want to be I do want
Speaker 1: to keep living, but I don't want Okay, So okay,
Speaker 1: they reconciled. It sounds like Olivia is saying in twenty fourteen,
Speaker 1: which maybe I hope the window in which he was like,
Speaker 1: you know, the bitches pussy is poisoned. Like maybe before
Speaker 1: they reconciled, he was like it had just talking his shit.
Speaker 1: It had it had to be. There's no way, there's
Speaker 1: no that had to be had to be. Can you
Speaker 1: imagine the day they had where he went and did
Speaker 1: this interview, blamed her for giving him throat cancer and
Speaker 1: then like winning late in bed and she was like, Michael,
Speaker 1: how is your day, and he was like a normal, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good question. She's like, what did they ask
Speaker 1: anything interesting? What I needed? They ask anything about me?
Speaker 1: You know, coming out you know me and Antonio went
Speaker 1: back at it like like, no, no, they didn't ask
Speaker 1: about you. This is when they're on the outs. No,
Speaker 1: they didn't ask about you. Everything's not always about you.
Speaker 1: That's my problem with you, Catherine. Yeah, they ask my heilman,
Speaker 1: have you answered out my ailment? I'm sick. I'm sick.
Speaker 1: I need my sleep, just like Malone, Catherine, it's like
Speaker 1: you're getting a little angry about this, Michael, oh something
Speaker 1: I know. It's also like just like a crazy like
Speaker 1: a pussy's not cigarettes, Like, what are you saying? And again,
Speaker 1: let let me go on record. If it is causing cancer,
Speaker 1: numb numb, numb, numb, numb, numb, numb. I'm I'm not
Speaker 1: getting out of it for a second. I don't. Nope.
Speaker 1: As E forty says, everybody got choices, yeah, and mine
Speaker 1: is to stay up if he but seriously, if eating
Speaker 1: pussy caused cancer, I would kind of just be like
Speaker 1: you were probably gonna get cancer. Anyways, it was a
Speaker 1: good shot. So one of them was gonna get you,
Speaker 1: bro hot dogs give you cancer? Exactly what are we
Speaker 1: talking about? Yellow number five? It's surging through my blood
Speaker 1: and has been for generations. I'm not worried about pussy
Speaker 1: games that are being the thing that takes me out
Speaker 1: of here, you know what I mean? Like, Yeah, there
Speaker 1: are way worse things that I'm putting in my body
Speaker 1: and and none of them make me nearly as happy.
Speaker 1: So so again, give me get hey, hey, give me
Speaker 1: a never you know that one's weirder. Yeah, it's probably
Speaker 1: a bad choice, that choking child's voice when I'm talking
Speaker 1: about but oh man, that thing is great though. I'm
Speaker 1: really excited for it. Yeah, No, we were. We were
Speaker 1: fully equipped on both sides. Now, I think it's gonna
Speaker 1: be a real minute for all of us and all
Speaker 1: of our listeners that come with these guests from both angles.
Speaker 1: So I think, in conclusion, if we might conclude this
Speaker 1: this very silly conspiracy theory, we don't probably know what,
Speaker 1: We've never done any research on the subject, but I
Speaker 1: refuse to believe that that sucking dick and or eating
Speaker 1: pussy are cancer causing experiences. And anybody who's listening that
Speaker 1: continues to feel that way. Need not listen anymore. We
Speaker 1: are we are deep enemies because because you're crazy. I'll
Speaker 1: deal with a lot of conspiracy theory. I'll play in
Speaker 1: a lot of games, but this is where I draw
Speaker 1: the fucking line. Yep, yeah, I mean that's it. That's
Speaker 1: where I'm at. Hell. Yeah, we did, boy, get you
Speaker 1: tell other people where they can find you. What cool
Speaker 1: shit you have going on? Cool guy jokes Saty seven
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I'll have some stuff coming up for you soon.
Speaker 1: We're just getting it all kind of figure out for
Speaker 1: the summer days. Watch Royal Crackers on HBO, you know,
Speaker 1: and eat pussy and suck dick. Come on, guys, this
Speaker 1: life short. Put your mouth on it. Whatever you want.
Speaker 1: It's times time on it. It's time. You don't like it,
Speaker 1: they probably do. Just do it for a little bit bit.
Speaker 1: Learn to learn to be selfless. You gotta learn to
Speaker 1: be selfless, even if it's even if it's for a moment.
Speaker 1: Just just be a little selfless. I'm saying. Olivia says,
Speaker 1: life is short. Put your mouth on it. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's the merg Yeah, there it is. We've waited. We've
Speaker 1: waited about three years. But I think we finally figured
Speaker 1: out the merge. It's just life is short. Put your
Speaker 1: mouth on it is. That's gonna be a T shirt.
Speaker 1: As always. You can follow me at lengths and Kerman
Speaker 1: on all platforms. I would love to hear from you
Speaker 1: and uh and you can. You can send us your Oh,
Speaker 1: April fifteenth, I think we're this will be in time.
Speaker 1: April fifteenth, I'll be at the mic drop in San Diego.
Speaker 1: And then the twenty eighth and twenty ninth, I'll be
Speaker 1: in Bloomington, Indiana at the at the Comedy Attic. And
Speaker 1: follow us on YouTube, subscribe to that YouTube page, do
Speaker 1: all that shit. And then, lastly and very important, if
Speaker 1: you want to send us your own drops, if you
Speaker 1: want to send us your your own soundbites, if you
Speaker 1: want to send us your theories about what you can
Speaker 1: suck on to get cancer, send that to my mama
Speaker 1: pod at gmail dot com. We'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1: Bye bitch. Motherfucking many years, so many years, so, motherfucking
Speaker 1: many years, so, motherfucking many years, so many years, motherfucking
Speaker 1: many years. So