1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,240 Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the 2 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:05,200 Speaker 1: Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. I'm 3 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,360 Speaker 1: doing a limited podcast for the tour of Life Will 4 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,120 Speaker 1: Be the Death of Me. And I'm doing a conversation 5 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:11,240 Speaker 1: instead of stand up because I thought that the material 6 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:15,240 Speaker 1: within the book matched a different kind of conversation. And 7 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to all these different people on 8 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 1: my BFF, Mary McCormick. If I didn't have assistance, managers, 9 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,600 Speaker 1: cleaning ladies, or any staff at all, how long do 10 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:27,159 Speaker 1: you think I would survive? Not long? Not long. You 11 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 1: can't do a podcast for that assistant. It's called Well 12 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: and Grace. Please welcome Sean Heyes, Oh, I have I 13 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,280 Speaker 1: look like a lesbian? Just I won't say it. I 14 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:41,199 Speaker 1: won't know. When you go low, I go high. I 15 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: would be a great lesbian. What do you mean? Would 16 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:49,520 Speaker 1: I would? I can't, but I would. I'm I've done 17 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: it until it was my turn and then I quit. 18 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: So please welcome Frankie Shaw. I don't know like the 19 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: meditation to sit with yourself for five to twenty minutes 20 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,399 Speaker 1: when you wake up, I feel like it changes your life. 21 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: It does, it changes your mood. I don't I'm not 22 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: like I had a real short fuse. You know, if 23 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: I go to an airport my my doctor, I go, 24 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: I need to work on my patients. I lack patients. 25 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 1: And he goes, well, what I need an example? And 26 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: I'm like, and I explained to him that when I 27 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 1: go to airports, I go, I can't deal with like, 28 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: you know, a Hudson News type of place. I go. 29 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 1: The slowness of the transaction between the person and me 30 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:34,119 Speaker 1: getting a book isn't worth it. I can't do it. 31 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,800 Speaker 1: So what I do is I will pick out a book, 32 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: wave it to the security camera, and then put twenty 33 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 1: bucks on the counter, however much it is, and walk out. 34 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:56,280 Speaker 1: You still do that? Yes, please welcome Connie Brayton and 35 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: I um, I'd like to thank Dan for that. Dan's 36 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: my psychiatrist. I have really irrational feelings for Dan, sexual 37 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 1: feelings sexual. I really want Dan badly, like you want 38 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 1: Robert Mueller. I want Dann. Yeah, I get it, I 39 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:18,239 Speaker 1: get it. It's comparable. A dentist can be borderline good 40 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 1: looking and all of a sudden you're like, you know, 41 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 1: just because he has some control over you. You know, 42 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:28,359 Speaker 1: if you ever like anybody anytime I've been put under 43 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 1: by an antithesiologist, You're just like, oh my god, Like 44 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:34,840 Speaker 1: you're immediately attracted to them, just because they're like they 45 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: have your life in your hands, you know, in their hands. 46 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 1: Please welcome Megan Steals trap. What would you prescribe for her? 47 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 1: For Sarah Scoby Sanders, oh all boatload a pot. She 48 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 1: needs to get soaked up, I mean, and then she 49 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 1: needs to go in a corner and blast herself for 50 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:56,760 Speaker 1: an hour and a half. That's my dream for her. 51 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:02,240 Speaker 1: Please welcome. Jake Tapper. Speaking of family, I would be 52 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 1: remiss if I didn't mention the dogs, because I'm sure 53 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 1: there are a lot of fans of your dog. Give us, 54 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,080 Speaker 1: give us the update, give us the dogo update if 55 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: you would. Well, I have a dog's named Bert and Bernice. 56 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: They're on the cover of the book. Bert is OBEs 57 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 1: fat one. He's on the right, and that's his little 58 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: sister Bernice. I went to a chow chow rescue. I 59 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,359 Speaker 1: like the black tongue situation. She goes their names are 60 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 1: Bert and Bernie, and I literally was like, I mean, 61 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 1: I almost climax. I was like, oh my god, what 62 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: those their names already like that's exactly what I would 63 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 1: to name then, Like this isn't being it's a podcast. 64 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 1: Life would be the death of me as a production 65 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: of I Heeart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, 66 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 67 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows. I mean, no one 68 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: takes me seriously as a Bernie's are you listening to this? 69 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: She doesn't even know I'm her mother.