WEBVTT - Finding Your Path with Nishant Roy 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:04.920 Please be advised the following episode contains references to violence 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:12.960 and may not be suitable for all audiences. Welcome to 0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:16.080 Veterans You Should Know a podcast from My Heart Radio 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:19.040 that celebrates the men and women who have honorably answered 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:21.960 a call to serve their country and the armed Forces. 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:27.440 I'm Rob Real, actor, comedian, and former Marine raw In 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:31.240 this special series Honoring Veterans Day, I'll be speaking with 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:35.360 four incredible veterans as they detail challenges they've faced and 0:00:35.440 --> 0:00:39.360 how their experiences in military service served them in their 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:44.120 everyday civilian lives. I totally treated like it was the military, 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:47.239 so I broke it down and end up graduating in 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:49.199 just two years, get that four year degree done in 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:52.000 two years, thankfully graduated with honors, I think because it 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:56.320 was just so focused. In our final episode of season two, 0:00:56.600 --> 0:01:00.360 we are speaking with Nishan Roy. Nashan is the first 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:02.880 in his family to serve in the U. S. Military. 0:01:03.200 --> 0:01:05.760 He chose to enlist in the Air Force following high 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:09.280 school and followed a career path in the security forces. 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:13.200 Following his time in the military, he enrolled in St. 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:17.679 John's University and finished a four year degree in two years. 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:22.640 Nashat's varied civilian career includes working for the Clinton Foundation, 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:27.000 Goldman Sachs, the U S Department of Agriculture, and the 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:31.240 Agency for Internal Development. Deshan currently is the chief of 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:43.440 staff for the CEO of Shabani Nashat. Welcome to the show. 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:47.200 Tell me where you from, where you grew up, and 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:51.840 then tell me how your path crossed with the military. Robbed. 0:01:51.920 --> 0:01:56.280 First off, thank you for your service, and it's truly 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.720 an honor to be on the show. I appreciate it. 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:03.200 So I guess taking it back to two thousand, which 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:05.280 is when I graduated from high school. I grew up 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.200 in Long Island, New York, in Great Next So if 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:11.680 you're happy to be familiar with the books The Great Gatsby, Uh, 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:15.480 it was West Egg and so I wasn't quite sure 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:17.640 what I was going to do coming out of high school. 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:19.480 I was a little bit of a jackass during high school, 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:22.920 didn't really take it as seriously as I should. I 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:25.320 think I barely passed to kind of get it through 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:29.080 high school. But ultimately I've come from an Indian family 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:31.519 and so my my dad kind of sat me down. 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:34.120 He said, well, where'd you get into school? You got 0:02:34.160 --> 0:02:38.360 into the community college local and you got into Arizona State, 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:40.880 and then what are your choices? Like, what are we 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:43.680 gonna do here? And so I said, actually, I think 0:02:43.720 --> 0:02:45.640 I'm not going to do the education piece yet. I 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:48.400 think I want to go serve the country. My dad, 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:50.840 who immigrated here in nineteen seventy nine so that he 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:53.560 could provide his children a better way of life and 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:57.960 not necessarily go through kind of difficult hardships, said well, okay, 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:00.560 what part of that equation is you getting an engineering 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:04.240 or PhD or mp D? And I said, none of it. 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:07.120 You know, I really want to actually go travel the country. 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:09.320 I want to pay for college on my own. At 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:11.840 that point, it's two thousands, so there's no conflicts going on. 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:13.639 So my dad said, you know what, all right, I'll 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:18.000 indulge this. Let's invite all four branch recruiters into our 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:20.600 house and let's have a conversation with each one of them. 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:24.919 And we met the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, and Air 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:28.360 Force recruiters. I was going in enlisted. So my dad 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:31.040 asked really good questions and whatnot. I was gung ho 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.160 about actually joining the Marine Corps. Would love that, Rob, 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:37.080 I'm sure but my my father said, look, at the 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:39.640 end of the day, after having these conversations with these recruiters, 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:42.680 I'm actually pretty bullish about either the Navy or the 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:46.560 Air Force for you because this focus on education and 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:49.080 there's some transferable skill sets that you can kind of 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:51.160 apply into the private sector at some point in time, 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:55.080 so you have some additional optionality. Absolutely absolutely. And by 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:59.280 the way, just so you know, my father very similar, Uh, 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:02.360 we want to to talk to all everybody. Uh, and 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:04.200 actually was like, you know, the Air Force a pretty 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:07.280 good deal here and no DA and so I understand 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:10.880 that as well. But back to your story. So the 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:13.600 recruiters come and go, and the best salesman out of 0:04:13.600 --> 0:04:17.919 all of them was the Air Force. Yes, I would say, 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:19.560 I would say they kind of checked more of the 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:22.920 boxes for for for dad, I was really more just 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:27.120 kind of bullish about joining the service. And what planted 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.840 the sea for me was my grandfather, my father's father. 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:34.600 He had actually worked for the British Air Force in 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:38.080 India because the Brits at colonized India at one point 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:41.320 in time, and so I that kind of planted the 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:45.440 sea for me about military service and the structure, the discipline, 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:48.600 the ability to travel. Now was my chance to kind 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:51.719 of go put this into reality, and so I said, 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:57.440 all right, let's do the Air Force. And I started 0:04:57.839 --> 0:05:00.760 initially coming in to focus on the light, wide band 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:04.640 and telemetory systems. So there I was supposed to be 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:09.279 basically setting up communications and remote areas fast forward within 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:11.640 my my enlisting time, I basically said, well, I want 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:14.120 to do something a little bit more hands on, you know, 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:17.440 enter Lackland Air Force based in San Antonio, Texas, and 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:19.640 they start introducing us to the pair of rescue team, 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:22.360 the combat control team, and so I said, I wanted 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:25.880 to do security forces actually, and because it's it's the 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:29.320 basically the infantry of the United States Air Force. And 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:31.560 and so that's how I kind of got my entrance 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:34.200 into the into the military, and how we got into 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:37.880 security forces as a career field. That's fantastic. The security 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:41.000 forces in the Air Force are outstanding. They really are 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:44.599 very well trained, incredible skill set from a war fighting 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:48.400 perspective and security perspective because you're always on the cutting 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:53.680 edge of technology and communications and you know, go down 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:58.040 the list of I T possibilities. Air forces always out 0:05:58.040 --> 0:06:00.640 there in front as they should be. They're the most 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:03.560 advanced force we have. So you find yourself in the 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:07.479 security force, you find yourself developing really amazing skill sets. 0:06:07.480 --> 0:06:09.839 As far as I can tell, did you ever have 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:13.560 an opportunity to deploy or or go forward with all this? 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:17.400 I did, actually, uh, and and it sounds like reading 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:19.000 some of your history, Rob, I think we may have 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:23.200 actually overlapped in in Afghanistan at at some point in time. 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:27.040 So eleven happens. I'm actually at M sixty school in 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:30.360 San Antonio, Texas, the the goodal M sixty machine gun. 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:34.200 We had just completed our full training. We're now deployable, 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:38.640 and we got orders to go support an operation in 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:42.320 Afghanistan to start to take out some of these camps, 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:47.080 the training camps. I believe we got orders around October seven, 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:51.159 I want to say, to start engaging in support of 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.160 the bombing of some of these things. So our our 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.760 role in it was to get in secure the airfield 0:06:55.760 --> 0:07:00.200 within Kandahar and later on make sure the assets our 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:04.240 aircraft were secured. And so that's uh, that was our role. 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:05.960 And I was on the ground for about three months 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:08.440 or so. Oh wow, So this is the fall of 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:11.760 two thousand one. Yes, Oh we did. I'm sure we 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:13.640 did cross paths then, whether it was going through K 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:15.560 two or because I was in the north. I was 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:19.200 in Missouri Sharief. But but there wasn't many. There wasn't 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:22.040 a whole lot there in the fall of two thousand one. 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:24.880 We were a very small footprint. Yes, as you can. 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:28.320 You remember. Uh, now they've got freaking burger kings and 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:31.680 stuff at these bases. You know, back then we didn't 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:34.600 have porterfar We're still digging our own holes. So so 0:07:34.680 --> 0:07:37.800 what was your experience like then? I would say, you know, 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:41.680 that deployment first off was eye opening. You know, you train, 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:45.080 you train, you train, and then it's a matter of execution. 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:47.000 And I remember just almost having a little bit of 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:51.200 an outer body experience on that first deployment to kanadaar 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:54.680 I took it so personally, right, I'm from New York. 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:58.320 Why are we in Afghanistan? It's because we got attacked 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:01.280 on nine eleven and couldn't have been more proud to 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:04.560 be able to do something. The whole spirit here within 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.480 the United States was it's a big call to action. 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:12.160 Everybody wants to do something, even if supporting your local firehouse, 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:15.320 your local police Department, anything in the community that you 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:18.880 could do to bring us all together, and I couldn't. 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:22.240 I was so unbelievably proud to just take the fight 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:24.760 to the enemy. Having come from New York. Because I 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:26.320 just took it, took it that much more personally. It 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:28.680 wasn't just our country that was attacked, it was our city. 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:30.320 I'm right there with you. I was in New York 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:33.000 on not eleven. I took it very personally. Um, I 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:35.080 was in the reserves at the time. I just left 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:37.320 active duty and I've only been a resource for a year, 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:39.960 uh and volunteer to go back on active duty because 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:42.239 of that very same thing. I took it very personally. 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:45.560 It felt like a call, and I just felt lucky 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:47.120 that I was in uniform and I was in a 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:51.560 position that I could go do something about it. The 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:54.559 Shot completed his second deployment in two thousand three to 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:58.800 kirk Cook, Iraq. His mission was intelligence gathering and converting 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:02.679 an old Iraqi Force space into a US Air Force space. 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:06.080 When the Shot returned home, he was met with a 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:09.719 new set of challenges and obstacles to overcome, but he 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:13.480 also found an appreciation for some of the values instilled 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:18.720 in him from his time overseas. Was there a takeaway? 0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:21.040 Was there something where you went, Wow, that is a 0:09:21.120 --> 0:09:24.080 lesson I'll never forget. Um. Did you have any moments 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:26.880 like that? Did you have any epiphanies like that? I 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:29.720 think the big takeaway was, of course, on teamwork and 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:32.600 what it means right. You you say what you're going 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:34.439 to do and then you do what you're actually going 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:36.960 to say, and you don't actually necessarily see that in 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:40.079 the civilian sector, as you were saying, and that's a 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:43.440 point of frustration. But when I came back, I was 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:45.800 frustrated the fact that that folks were saying that they 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:47.839 were going to do things, they had a more kind 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:51.240 of a political lens to why they were doing it. 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:56.200 It wasn't necessarily about the mission. It was about self preservation, 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.240 I think for folks more than anything else. And that 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:00.520 was that's been a bit frustrating still to kind of 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:04.160 observe as a behavior. And when I came back, I 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:07.120 would say I needed to find that mission again, because 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:09.600 I looked at everything that I was doing in my 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:11.600 life as if it was a mission, and I had 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:14.840 to break it down to its representative objectives. When I 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:17.320 did that, it made it made the integration back to 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:20.280 civilian life far more digestible. If you will, Yeah, and 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.720 you're you're still right too, because I talked to so 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:26.679 many veterans and I hear the same thing in different ways, 0:10:26.760 --> 0:10:30.040 but I hear the same themes and some of those 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:34.719 things are you know, they miss having a mission, they 0:10:34.760 --> 0:10:39.199 missed the purpose, they missed the integrity of the communication. 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:41.480 You know, if I say, if I say to you, 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:44.440 we're going to do something, you can pretty much count 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:46.560 that we're going to try to do this thing. We 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:50.439 understand our roles, we understand our responsibilities, we understand the team, 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.800 the bigger picture, we understand serving the mission. So we're 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:56.319 gonna find ways to make it happen. We're gonna adapt, 0:10:56.760 --> 0:10:58.080 you know, if that means I got to do something 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:00.839 different or that will will find the way, we'll get 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:04.480 the mission done. And it was service to this bigger purpose. 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:09.040 You hit on something that reminded me of three things 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.120 that I just still live by today and it's been 0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:14.520 ingrained in me since my time in service. Uh, the 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:16.920 Air Force has three core values, and I would imagine 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:19.240 it's got to be somewhat similar across all the different branches. 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:23.440 But it's integrity first, it's service before self, and it's 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:26.480 excellence in all we do. It sounds hokey, of course 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:29.520 to say those things, but how do you actually live 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:33.640 those values out is a very different story. And you know, 0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:37.440 coming back into civilian life was initially challenging because of 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.680 the reasons that we said earlier, and my integration back 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:43.319 became frustrated for that very reason. I think I found 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:46.520 myself to be pretty angry for no good reason. I 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:49.199 was telling this to you know, friends earlier. But something 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:51.760 as harmless is like playing video games with my younger brother. 0:11:52.480 --> 0:11:58.400 He was cheating and or maybe I don't know younger brothers, 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:00.440 there was a way to cheat. They know the coding 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:05.239 or something trick. I remember getting so upset with him 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:09.240 that I got up, threw the controller down, and I 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:12.480 punched a hole in the door and I'm like, whoa, 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:16.200 that was not a commenced response to a video game. 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.200 And I remember at that point I was like, Okay, 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:21.760 I need to go start seeking some counseling. I need 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:24.959 to start having some conversations with some folks, because that's 0:12:25.040 --> 0:12:27.960 that's a flag for sure. So I started to reach 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:29.520 out to the v A. I started to reach out 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:32.319 to a couple of other like Wounded Warrior Project and 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:37.000 a few other folks. I wasn't necessarily taking it seriously 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:39.400 in terms of the follow up. And then another day 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:43.400 I found myself at a right aid CBS something like that. 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:48.960 So I'm on my way to check out, and somebody 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:53.240 literally comes over from my right side, and for whatever 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:56.679 reason not logical at all, ROB like, this person I 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:59.480 think of them is trying to go after my pistol 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:01.559 that's on I thought, which clearly do not have a 0:13:01.600 --> 0:13:04.760 pistol in my thought, and I grabbed that person's hand, 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:06.720 I put them in an armor and I put them down, 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:10.280 and I caused such a scene. I'm like, yep, we're 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.320 not going to do this anymore. We need to start 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:17.360 taking counseling very very seriously. And so I started to 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:20.560 talk to folks through the v A and it's it was. 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:22.560 It was a process for a while. I feel so 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:25.800 much better for having done it. And thankfully, in the 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:28.640 spectrum of you know, what they've diagnosed as post traumatic 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:32.480 stress disorder, which is like a big tent of whatever, 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:35.000 I would say, that's like the lowest grade, you know, 0:13:35.040 --> 0:13:37.400 in terms of what other folks may be going through, 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:40.800 and so that was a tough part of the integration back. 0:13:40.840 --> 0:13:43.000 But then connecting, reconnecting with the folks that I had 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:46.640 served with, who came from all over the country, all 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:51.439 economic classes, talking about that experience made it actually easier 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:53.640 for all of us in terms of our integration back 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:58.360 into society. Um, so that was that was helpful. I'm 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:00.680 glad you brought that up though, because it is in 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:03.160 critically important and it's it's one of the reasons we're 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:06.360 you know, talking today, is because again, the veterans that 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:09.520 I've visited with yourself included, you know, when they get 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:13.000 home and they are experiencing these things, they don't understand 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:15.360 and why am I Why am I willing to get 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:17.800 out of my car and punch this guy because I 0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:20.800 perceived that he cut me off. You know, maybe he 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:22.640 just didn't see me. Maybe I don't know, but there's 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:26.120 a rage level that's inexplicable. You just can't understand it. 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:28.400 And then then you start to question yourself and you 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:30.960 start to panic, and you start to think what's wrong 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:34.640 with me? And and then the worst case scenario, you isolate. 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:37.160 That's where veterans get into so much trouble is when 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:39.640 they isolate and they think I'm the only one with 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:42.680 this problem. There's something wrong with me. Why could everybody 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:45.359 else deal with it? And I can't and it's snowballs, 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:49.400 uh and it's terrible. So the v A and other 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:53.200 organizations great for being able to just go talk to 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:57.240 someone and when they when you hear their stories, you're like, oh, 0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:01.040 I'm not a freak, I'm not weird, I'm not you know, 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:04.880 this is happening across the spectrum and talking about it's 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:07.120 a good thing and recognizing it like you did. Being 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:10.640 able to say that wasn't proportionate. I need to talk 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:13.320 to somebody. You know. I'm proud of you for being 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:14.680 able to say I need to talk to some because 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:17.080 a lot of people say, oh God, something's wrong with me, 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:20.200 and then God forbid, they start self medicating or any 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:22.920 of that other garbage. Being able to talk to someone 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:25.960 else and realize, oh, no, I'm you know what these 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.280 it's it's almost like when you learn about the steps 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:31.800 of grieving. You know, there's five steps to the grieving process, 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:33.840 and once you learn them, you're like, oh, well that 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:37.160 explains this, this and this and and it actually makes 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:39.080 sense to you and you're able to deal with it better. 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:42.600 And I think that's what you're describing with your outreach 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:46.120 and your connection with these veterans organizations. And that's huge 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.280 for our audience to hear that, because I that's if 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.600 nothing else, I hope they take that away that if 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:52.680 they are ever feeling this way, if they go talk 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:54.680 to someone, they might not be so lonely on this. 0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:59.240 If there's so many of us that have kind of 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:02.600 gone through such traumatic experiences, and you made an even 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:04.480 view it to be traumatic because for so much e's 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:07.480 move but there's no harm. And of course talking to 0:16:07.520 --> 0:16:10.680 somebody that actually could probably understand it better than other 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:13.200 folks in the civilian world. I think that was you know, 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.920 that's part of our frustration obviously, right coming back into 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:19.160 civilian life, is how do I articulate this in words 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:22.880 that experience. I don't want to talk about feelings. It's 0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:25.680 not about I. It's about a team. You've always been 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:28.000 serving in a team. It's it's odd to be kind 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:31.080 of talking about one individual and and that that yourself, 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:34.200 or if you're talking to a wounded service member who's 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:38.000 got been you know, drastically wounded catastrophically wounded. You know, 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:41.320 you feel like, well, my my experience doesn't rate any 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:46.320 attention when I see these catastrophically wounded troops. So then 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:49.160 you you tend to clam up and go back in 0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:51.280 your shell, when the truth is is your experience is 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:53.880 just as valid. You just need to talk about it 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:56.840 so you can work the process and get through it. 0:16:57.840 --> 0:16:59.680 I want to ask you something that you know, maybe 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.280 different cult, I don't know, but to talk about. But 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:05.200 there was a time when you lost your vision. Yes, 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:08.840 take me if you would, from the beginning to the end. 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:13.400 How did it evolve? I mean, what was the diagnosis, 0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:16.679 What was going on in your mind as this was 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:19.920 unfolding for you. I still get a little bit choked 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:23.520 up about this. But so I had just come back 0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:27.960 from UH service in Iraq, moved back home to New York, 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:31.240 living with my folks. I enrolled at St. John's. I'm 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:35.560 taking some classes online and one day I start to 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:38.960 see that my vision in my right eye starts to 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:43.240 start to go. So I had vision, remarkable vision, And 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:47.800 what was happening was that there was it looked like 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:50.960 basically whatever was in front of me looked like it 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:54.359 was three houses over or something like that. It looked 0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:56.960 like pretty far away and it was happening to one 0:17:57.000 --> 0:17:59.879 eye pretty dramatically, and my dad was like, you're just 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:01.920 you know, you're going out to the clubs too much 0:18:01.960 --> 0:18:05.159 and smoking too much shisha and stuff like that. And 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:07.840 I said, no, this is for real, this is something 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:11.159 that's going on, and I don't know quite what to do. 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:14.040 So I thought rest would make it a little bit better. 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:16.600 So I let a little bit more time elapse. Then 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:19.119 I start to losing in my other eye, and I 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:21.400 finally tell my dad. I said, either you're gonna take 0:18:21.400 --> 0:18:23.719 me to the hospital, or I'm gonna call a cabinet, 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:26.000 or I'm gonna walk and take myself, but I need 0:18:26.040 --> 0:18:29.320 to get to the hospital ASA, because something's wrong here. 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:33.800 For sure. I get to the hospital, the doctors didn't 0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:36.080 know how best to diagnose it. They start running all 0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:38.719 these different scans. At one point, I think the consensus 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:43.959 was that I had multiple sclerosis MS, and at that 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:47.640 point I'm just devastated, But you know, keep as much 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:50.800 composure as possible because it's just a diagnosis. For now. 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:53.919 The more time that's elapsing, the worst my vision is getting. 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:57.040 And the next day, I'm lucky enough to get an 0:18:57.080 --> 0:18:59.560 appointment to go see this retinas specialist in Great Neck. 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:04.600 Shout out to Dr Jeffrey Shaken, who's remarkable. It took 0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:06.800 him some time to to actually figure out what was 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:10.080 going on. He said, this is a rare condition, but 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:12.679 it's called void coin Nagi Hurada. It's named after the 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:16.320 three scientists that studied it. And I don't think I've 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:17.879 seen this since I was in med school. And this, 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:23.879 mind you, this guy was like seventy or so. He says, Nishantha, 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:27.040 this is if not treated, what ends up happening with 0:19:27.080 --> 0:19:30.359 this thing, is your retinas detached. Yes, so you go 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:35.040 completely blind and your your hair follicles they all turn white, 0:19:35.560 --> 0:19:39.320 and then you start to lose your hearing. So he said, 0:19:39.359 --> 0:19:41.520 it's good you're here. Now. They start to run a 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:43.680 vision test and I remember my dad being next to me, 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:47.000 and my dad's a pretty stoic guy, and um, he 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:50.920 definitely never likes to project any sort of kind of 0:19:50.960 --> 0:19:54.160 vulnerabilities because we've gone through so much in our childhood. 0:19:54.160 --> 0:19:55.640 I mean, I didn't even get into the fact that 0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:59.680 Mom wasn't around and all these other things. But he's 0:19:59.680 --> 0:20:03.040 a he's a pretty well composed guy, and he I 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:05.280 hear him break down a little bit. He starts to 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:09.280 he starts to cry because, Um, they literally put a 0:20:09.280 --> 0:20:11.320 license plate in front of my face. I couldn't tell 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:14.439 you what letters or numbers or anything like that. He's like, 0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:18.600 my God, what happened? And thankfully they put me on 0:20:18.840 --> 0:20:21.560 this kind of high dose I think of like prednisone 0:20:21.640 --> 0:20:25.160 or something like that. And for about two months I 0:20:25.160 --> 0:20:27.760 didn't have strong vision at all. I think my vision 0:20:27.800 --> 0:20:30.640 when they did that test was about twenty eight hundreds. 0:20:30.680 --> 0:20:32.760 So literally that license plate, I couldn't tell you a 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:36.359 single letter or number that was on there. At that point, 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.200 I kind of took that. I felt like I've taken 0:20:38.240 --> 0:20:40.800 so much of for granted with my own vision. I 0:20:40.840 --> 0:20:43.000 think for the first time in my life, I had 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:44.879 a panic attack. I don't think I've ever had a 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:48.679 panic attack before in my life. Despite all the crazy 0:20:48.680 --> 0:20:52.120 and fun experiences that I've been through to date, this 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:54.120 was the first time where I felt like, oh my gosh, 0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:55.919 I need to work on my breathing. I need to 0:20:56.760 --> 0:21:00.720 get my composure back, get regain that perspective so that 0:21:00.760 --> 0:21:04.040 I can kind of continue. But that that was a big. 0:21:04.160 --> 0:21:09.120 That's a big, big moment for me. And and I assume, 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:11.800 I don't want to assume anything, but it appears that 0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:14.439 you have had a full recovery. I have had a 0:21:14.440 --> 0:21:17.280 full recovery, thankfully. I wanted to, you know, look at 0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:19.560 this almost from like a military perspective, like, what's my 0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:22.840 after action here? What what happened? What's the diagnosis, what's 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:25.760