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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. I love good of stuff.

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Speaker 1: I never told you protection, but iHeartRadio. And today we

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Speaker 1: are finally coming to an episode I've been hinting app

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Speaker 1: we've been postponing about self disclosure. In this episode, we're

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Speaker 1: particularly talking about women in self disclosure, but especially around

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Speaker 1: things like abortion. I have seen this conversation play out

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Speaker 1: lately A lot of times we talk about it, even

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Speaker 1: if we never use this term, specifically in activism space

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Speaker 1: or the advocacy space. So it is a bigger conversation

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Speaker 1: than what we're having today, and today is kind of

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Speaker 1: a more siloed personal one that I've been thinking about.

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Speaker 1: And then the algorithm was like, you've been thinking about this.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, I'm creeped out that you

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Speaker 1: know that, but I have, I know, just to put

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Speaker 1: that out there. Content warning, we are talking about sexual

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Speaker 1: assought and trauma. Uh, take care of yourselves. I don't

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Speaker 1: think we're going to go to in depth, but maybe

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Speaker 1: more in depth than we would normally go when we

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Speaker 1: say stuff like that. So just to put that out there.

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Speaker 1: So one of the reasons I wanted to talk about this,

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Speaker 1: And note I have not read this, but a lot

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Speaker 1: of quotes are about it is that Britney Spears had

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Speaker 1: a memoir come out recently and there were some very

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Speaker 1: upsetting things that she talked about and shared in it,

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Speaker 1: and so I got served via the algorithm. This article

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Speaker 1: from Slate that was about self disclosure and kind of

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Speaker 1: the pros and cons of self disclosure and self disclosure

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Speaker 1: is essentially what it sounds like like, you're disclosing something

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Speaker 1: about yourself. Well, okay, here's a quote from Slate. Sharing

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Speaker 1: a mental health experience or a hardship like a pregnancy

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Speaker 1: loss is called self disclosure. You can self disclose to

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Speaker 1: a friend or family member or to the whole world,

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Speaker 1: but it involves deeply personal details, though it is far

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Speaker 1: from easy and should be done with care. The aftermath

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Speaker 1: of self disclosure can include any emotion, from joy to sadness,

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Speaker 1: to grief to anger. Telling your story in public, especially

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Speaker 1: over and over again, has the potential to make anyone

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Speaker 1: re experience, even be re traumatized by events of the past.

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Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about that more in a second.

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Speaker 1: But the quote goes on further. No one can control

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Speaker 1: how others will respond to the disclosure. The person sharing

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Speaker 1: may turn inward on themselves with negative self talk as

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Speaker 1: a result of someone else's take on their story or

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Speaker 1: a clicky headline cavalierly summing up their terrible experience. It's

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Speaker 1: impossible to know what Brittany is going through as her

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Speaker 1: stories reverberate, though her most recent Instagram posts might give

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Speaker 1: as a hint that it's really really tough. But I

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Speaker 1: worry about our experience of self disclosing such personal details,

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Speaker 1: given that she has gone through so much and likely

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Speaker 1: still is going through a lot. This concern is something

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Speaker 1: I have for my own patients too. They are not

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Speaker 1: global pop sensations, and most of them will probably never

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Speaker 1: write a memoir, but many of them talk to me

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Speaker 1: about a desire to share. I treat a lot of

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Speaker 1: college students, and they are on TikTok and other social

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Speaker 1: media platforms. Their posts can draw attention from people they

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Speaker 1: do not know in person, and sometimes in unexpectedly huge numbers.

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Speaker 1: So I was thinking about this, and it's kind of

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Speaker 1: funny because I think I've had this episode planned for

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Speaker 1: a while. So I think the episode I did that

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Speaker 1: replaced this one originally the Happy Hour, where I was

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Speaker 1: just an anxious mess and I was talking about fan

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Speaker 1: fiction and how I don't understand relationships at all. It

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Speaker 1: kind of relates to that quote about like you can

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Speaker 1: never when people are interpreting or commenting on some thing

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Speaker 1: that feels very personal to you and you getting hurt

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Speaker 1: by that or confused by that, which is not really

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Speaker 1: what happened, but I was just I was shaken by it,

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Speaker 1: is what I'll say. But one of the reasons I

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Speaker 1: wanted to talk about this is a when I was

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Speaker 1: going on a trip with my friends recently, I got

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Speaker 1: a text from my mom and it was a really

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Speaker 1: long block of text. My mom is, you know, not

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Speaker 1: a typical Texter. She shall occasionally text, it's not her

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Speaker 1: way of communicating. She knows it's what I prefer. But

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Speaker 1: it opened with I read the book and I immediately

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Speaker 1: closed to it. I was like, no, no, no, no, I

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Speaker 1: cannot deal with those right now. But because it was

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Speaker 1: a huge block of text, and I didn't tell my

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Speaker 1: friends what happened, because I think it was clear like,

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Speaker 1: oh wow, she something is, she's stressed out, whatever, And

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Speaker 1: I was like, she just texted me about the book.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to read it. I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: read it. I'm not going to deal with it right now,

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Speaker 1: because I've talked about this, Samantha for different reasons, For

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Speaker 1: very different reasons, I will say you and I kind

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Speaker 1: of tried to hide this book from our family.

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Speaker 2: Technically my family doesn't know still, or they haven't told me.

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Speaker 1: If they did. Yes, we both, which is sad. It

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Speaker 1: should be such like a happy I want to share

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Speaker 1: it with people, but for different reasons, we both were like, no,

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Speaker 1: I really don't want that, and so I didn't tell her.

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Speaker 1: She knew it was coming, she knew I had done it.

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Speaker 1: She would ask about it and I would be very vague.

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Speaker 1: But then I think she just sort of a she

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Speaker 1: looked me up online and it was like, here's the book,

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Speaker 1: because I was there when she did it, and so

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Speaker 1: then I had to be like, yeah, it's been off

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Speaker 1: for a while, you know, it's fine, it's fine, and

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Speaker 1: she immediately ordered it. And then I kind of had

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Speaker 1: this vague hope of like maybe she won't read it,

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Speaker 1: like maybe she'll just get it and never read it.

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Speaker 1: But she read it. She read it, and she was

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Speaker 1: so nice about it. I eventually I think it was

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Speaker 1: like everyone had gone to sleep and I was still

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Speaker 1: awake and I read the text and it was very sweet.

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Speaker 1: It was like a super kind like bring tears to

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Speaker 1: your eyes, supportive texts. But and she she was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you. I can't believe who you've become,

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Speaker 1: like all of these things. But the reason I was

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Speaker 1: so stressed about, like her reading it was twofold one

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Speaker 1: was I've like I've come out to her, but never

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Speaker 1: like super clearly, if that makes sense, Like I've said,

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Speaker 1: like I've even said I'm asexual, but I think for

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Speaker 1: some people that doesn't register is queer, that just registers

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Speaker 1: and stuff. She doesn't want sex, so I think I

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Speaker 1: had done it. She's very supportive of that stuff, so

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Speaker 1: I wasn't very worried about it, but it was just

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Speaker 1: kind of a strange, like I didn't really have this

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Speaker 1: conversation with you. And then the other chapter was the

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Speaker 1: rape kit chapter where I talk about being sexually assaulted

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Speaker 1: in college, which I never told her never. I did

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Speaker 1: kind of hint at it in one conversation, but I

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Speaker 1: never told her because I didn't want to talk about it.

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Speaker 1: It's upsetting clearly, like I don't like talking about it.

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Speaker 1: I thought she would blame herself and then I was like,

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Speaker 1: because my parents didn't want me to go to school

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Speaker 1: in the city, which I think a lot of us

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Speaker 1: can relate to, right, And it's not that that wasn't

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Speaker 1: why this happened, but I was worried they'd be like,

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Speaker 1: which is such a silly worry, But I was worried

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Speaker 1: they'd be like, see, we told her.

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Speaker 2: You shouldn't go to this, which has happened to people. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so legitimate.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was more silly, and I don't

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Speaker 1: think my parents would have done that. I think that

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Speaker 1: was more of a I felt stupid, and I don't

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Speaker 1: like feeling stupid. Right, they would have not done that,

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Speaker 1: but I felt that way, and just the whole thing

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Speaker 1: fills And this is what I wrote. It's not if

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Speaker 1: you haven't read the book yet, it is not graphic

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Speaker 1: in any way. It is not. That is not what

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Speaker 1: I was going for at all, because and what I

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Speaker 1: described is kind of this feeling of like remembering a

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Speaker 1: movie and just like being like, oh, well, that's what

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Speaker 1: happens on college campus, is right, Oh too bad. I

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have done that, which I thought was kind of

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Speaker 1: really very upset. That is incredibly upsetting, but it's not

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Speaker 1: graphic graphic at all, but she so she had this

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Speaker 1: whole thing in the text that was like that never

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Speaker 1: should have happened, so sorry. And the first thing I

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Speaker 1: wanted to text back was like, it wasn't your fault,

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Speaker 1: Like no, why am I thinking like this? Oh? But

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Speaker 1: I was immediately worried that she felt bad, and so

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Speaker 1: it was like a really supportive text. I feel guilty

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Speaker 1: I didn't tell her and that she found out about

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Speaker 1: it like that, But I thought it was pretty telling

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Speaker 1: that My first thing was like, Okay, I feel I

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Speaker 1: need to reassure her it's her fault. It's not her fault,

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Speaker 1: like or else she's gonna feel really bad and it's

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Speaker 1: gonna be all my fault. And so I get this

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Speaker 1: thing about self disclosure, and I was reading it and

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, because I wanted to share that.

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Speaker 1: But I think that's one of the things where it's

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Speaker 1: complicated because you feel we were just talking about this.

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Speaker 1: Some days you feel good with that and some days

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Speaker 1: you don't. And I wanted to share in particular that

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Speaker 1: instance because it wasn't I mean, I never wouldn't want

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Speaker 1: to share something graphic, but it was just sort of

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Speaker 1: more of my feeling I had after than anything else,

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Speaker 1: But I did feel like I had to share it,

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Speaker 1: and I think that a lot of people do feel that,

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Speaker 1: and it's unfortunate because if we don't have these conversations

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Speaker 1: we've seen like nothing happens our people don't know that

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Speaker 1: it happens or what's going on. They don't know. But

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Speaker 1: then when you do, when you get something like me too,

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Speaker 1: when you have people who are finding this wonderful connection

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Speaker 1: online and supportiveness online, it's also a pressure to do that,

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Speaker 1: and then you can get retraumatized. You can have people

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Speaker 1: who are commenting on your story who don't know you,

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Speaker 1: and it can happen like anytime you could be just

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Speaker 1: going about your day, scrolling through I don't know, whatever

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Speaker 1: you like to look at on social media, and then

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Speaker 1: you see a comment it's like, oh, I don't believe you,

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Speaker 1: or there's some kind of comment that will upset you

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Speaker 1: because you shared the story because you wanted to tell

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Speaker 1: people the story and hopefully change things or help change things,

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Speaker 1: or help make things more clear. So that happened to

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Speaker 1: my mom, and I haven't talked about it yet. I

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Speaker 1: was just telling you my foot off, calling her that's

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Speaker 1: part of the reason why we haven't talked about it yet.

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Speaker 1: I texted back and I was like, thank you for

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Speaker 1: reading it. I'm going on vacation because she was kind

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Speaker 1: of like, take care of yourself, do something fun, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, on it. But when I was, it's

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Speaker 1: been on my mind. And when I was in Vegas

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Speaker 1: recently for work, I had this really cathartic dream. And

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Speaker 1: I know people don't like caring about dreams, but ultimately

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Speaker 1: what happened is at the end, I was yelling at

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Speaker 1: a fun like who was kind of hurting herself, sharing

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Speaker 1: all of her pain with people, like you don't owe

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Speaker 1: anyone anything, You don't owe anyone anything. And I woke

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Speaker 1: up like like I needed to have that that moment.

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Speaker 1: And you know, it's not that I regret it at all.

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Speaker 1: I think it's just it's it sucks. And you and

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Speaker 1: I started this journey together as co hosts talking about

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Speaker 1: this stuff like self disclosing this very painful stuff, and

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Speaker 1: we thought it was important and we talked about it,

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Speaker 1: and we were very careful with each other, checking in

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Speaker 1: on each other, like making sure, Okay, how are you,

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Speaker 1: how are you? How are you? So I think we

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Speaker 1: did it well, and we did it looking out and

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Speaker 1: making sure we weren't doing something that would hurt us

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Speaker 1: more than it was already gonna hurt because it's painful,

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Speaker 1: and I never, like, I don't know, I do try

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Speaker 1: to share the things I feel more like I can

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Speaker 1: handle this, and there are other things I just won't,

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Speaker 1: I won't never ever share. And I think about that too,

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Speaker 1: because I don't know if you remember this, Samantha, but

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Speaker 1: one of the I think it might have been the

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Speaker 1: first conference we went to together podcast conference in Orlando,

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Speaker 1: somebody in an audience asked us, like, where do you

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Speaker 1: draw that line? Where is the line between I want

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Speaker 1: to share this because I think it's important and also

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Speaker 1: I just want someone to know, versus thinking about your

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Speaker 1: own health. But they also brought up like the health

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Speaker 1: of the people in your life who might listen to it,

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Speaker 1: how that might hurt, And I think that was a

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Speaker 1: more specific family issue she was discussing. I think about

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Speaker 1: that a lot. I think if at that quite a bit,

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Speaker 1: And the answer is, you know, it's personal for everyone.

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Speaker 1: It can change. I do think it's worth examining why

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Speaker 1: you want to share it and really thinking about what

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Speaker 1: it will mean for like maybe the worst person to hear.

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Speaker 1: What would it mean if it's out there they could right,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it's complicated, right, I.

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Speaker 2: Mean, I think it was interesting because it was set

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Speaker 2: for the four of us, the podcast hosts from Ethnically Ambiguous,

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Speaker 2: who are great people Sharene and Anna and we did.

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Speaker 2: We got because we were talking on very personal stories,

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Speaker 2: both of us with the shows because we had begun again,

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Speaker 2: Like we talked about our trauma series, us going through

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Speaker 2: a lot of trauma. And it's interesting when I think

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Speaker 2: about how far we've come through in understanding our limits.

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Speaker 2: And I've learned those as I've gotten older because in college,

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Speaker 2: as a very heavy the Christian teacher, I taught testimonies

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Speaker 2: are the way to go, and the harsher the story is,

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Speaker 2: the more likely you're gonna get engagement and people will

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Speaker 2: trust you. It's literally a voyeuristic field day for people

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Speaker 2: to hear those who have gone through the worst things cancer, drugs, rape, murder,

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Speaker 2: like any of those things. And as an adoptee, people

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Speaker 2: love hearing my pain, and then people love hearing white

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Speaker 2: people have saved me. And I was a circus show

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Speaker 2: to prove the value of Christian Saviors, and I never

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Speaker 2: realized it because I was so engulfed in feeling guilty

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Speaker 2: in having survivors guild. And we've talked about this so

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Speaker 2: many times that I old my life by sharing this story,

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Speaker 2: these stories, and I still feel that guilt. In order

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Speaker 2: to be taken seriously, in order to be taken seriously

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Speaker 2: by the crowd of me proving that I have faith,

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Speaker 2: I had to share the most personal stories to the

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Speaker 2: point that I worried that people were going to think

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Speaker 2: that I'm lying. Yeah, and I know we're gonna talk

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Speaker 2: about this, You're probably gonna talk a little more about

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Speaker 2: this in a bit, but like, there's so much to

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Speaker 2: this conversation of who you're doing it for, and as

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Speaker 2: a person of color, realizing what it was for, realizing

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Speaker 2: what my story was used for. And yet it included

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Speaker 2: so much, like it almost included a human drafficking level

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Speaker 2: of conversation. And then again like the like I've talked

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Speaker 2: about in the book about an abortion chapter about me

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Speaker 2: being used as a scapegoat, me being personally told that

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Speaker 2: I should be of all people uh pro birth, essentially

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Speaker 2: that I am a horrible hypocrite for not being so

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Speaker 2: and I bought into that until recently I bought into that,

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Speaker 2: saying that how could I be You're so right, I

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Speaker 2: owe this to the people who saved me. And some

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Speaker 2: people who quote unquote saved me. Are this very people

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Speaker 2: that I'm hiding the book from, I'm hiding my job from.

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Speaker 2: They don't ask about my job other than are you

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Speaker 2: still doing it? Okay? And that's the end. The fact

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Speaker 2: that they have no clue and I've hit it from

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Speaker 2: people who I think would accept and be proud of

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Speaker 2: what I've done just because I don't want them to know,

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Speaker 2: and not because I'm ashamed, but because I don't want

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Speaker 2: to fight and I don't want to feel even more

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Speaker 2: separated from them. But it is. It's this level of

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Speaker 2: like the self disclosure of what people want to hear,

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Speaker 2: the voyeuristic level of people thriving and knowing, well, my

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Speaker 2: life wasn't as bad as hers, thank God, or if

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Speaker 2: she was really big mess and I'm so much better

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Speaker 2: off than that, thank God, or look at my people

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Speaker 2: what we did for her people, she should be so grateful.

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Speaker 2: That's right, which is one of the big comments that

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Speaker 2: I've seen recently of adoptees who are trying to find

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Speaker 2: their identity, criticizing their own upbringing and therefore they are

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Speaker 2: ungrateful monsters. And I've seen it. I've seen the comments,

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Speaker 2: which is really hard for me to take because it's personal.

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Speaker 2: But that's again like that level of self disclosures, like

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Speaker 2: at what point is it for them more so than

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Speaker 2: for us?

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Speaker 1: Right? And that is something to think about when self disclosing,

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Speaker 1: because people, bad actors will use your story perhaps in

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Speaker 1: a way you do not want to prove a point

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Speaker 1: you did not mean. And there are certainly things that

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Speaker 1: I've been like, okay, I just that's better off never

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Speaker 1: being said. I'll keep that one to myself. And there

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Speaker 1: is the worry of like, oh, people won't believe this.

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Speaker 1: I've definitely had people dismiss me because they're like, but

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Speaker 1: you seem so okay, and I'm like, right, okay, great,

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Speaker 1: I guess.

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Speaker 2: You've said that I'm fixed.

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Speaker 1: Thank Yeah. And one time I did and I hate

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Speaker 1: that I did this, but it just got so frustrated

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Speaker 1: with somebody who was telling me like he just couldn't

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Speaker 1: believe there was this level of sexual assault. And that's

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Speaker 1: every time how I was like, well, let me tell

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Speaker 1: you about all of this that has happened to me

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Speaker 1: me and he, like to his credit, was like, oh God,

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, but I should I felt like that

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Speaker 1: wasn't we shouldn't have to. Yeah, I shouldn't have had to.

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Speaker 1: And I wish I had. I wish I had it.

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Speaker 1: I wish I because I don't like that I told

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Speaker 1: it in that way. It didn't feel like a choice.

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Speaker 1: It felt like I was so upset. It just came

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Speaker 1: out like I didn't make the decision to disclose it.

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Speaker 1: And that's one of the things, like going back to

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Speaker 1: what that slight article was saying, what they were sort

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Speaker 1: of warning about, was you know, when you don't realize

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Speaker 1: maybe the internet is forever, our book is forever, and

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Speaker 1: you do it that maybe you won't you'd wish you

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Speaker 1: had it, or maybe you did it in like kind

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Speaker 1: of an impulse thing and you didn't think it through

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Speaker 1: all the way. And I wish you had it. I

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Speaker 1: thought the book, Trust me, I had many times I

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Speaker 1: could have removed it. So that's not what happened there,

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Speaker 1: but it in this instance with this person I was

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Speaker 1: talking to, I wish I hadn't done it like that.

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Speaker 1: And there's also something that happens that you were kind

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Speaker 1: of talking about Samantha that I experienced in writing this book.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying it's even wrong, but I'm saying

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Speaker 1: that it's it encourages you to self disclose. More is

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Speaker 1: that people would tell me like, oh, that cheft was

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Speaker 1: really powerful, so powerful, and I'm glad, But then that

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Speaker 1: makes you feel like, Okay, well, then what else can

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Speaker 1: I mind and talk about that would be powerful. I'm

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Speaker 1: to reiterate, I'm not saying that that's bad. I'm just

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Speaker 1: saying that I think that can put in your mind like, Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: then I need to talk about the darkest thing that

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Speaker 1: I can because then I'll get like rewarded for it.

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Speaker 1: And as you were also saying, kind of not the

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Speaker 1: same thing, but kind of our internet algorithms also put

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Speaker 1: that stuff in front of you. They are putting up

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Speaker 1: that they're giving it a boost, and so that's getting

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Speaker 1: more traction in something that maybe isn't as upsetting, which

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Speaker 1: is like kind of losing the whole picture of whatever

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Speaker 1: you're talking about, and it can lead to that pressure

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Speaker 1: once again to oh, I've got to share my story. Then,

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Speaker 1: even if you aren't in a good place too, even

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Speaker 1: if it will cause you pain and or you feel

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Speaker 1: bad that you don't because you're seeing like, oh, everyone

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Speaker 1: else is doing it and they're getting all this like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you're helping people so much by sharing this and I'm

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Speaker 1: not sharing it. So what does that say?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: So it's just a mess in that way as well.

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Speaker 1: But it's it's it's complicated because it's also I mean,

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Speaker 1: we've talked about it. It is powerful to share those things,

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Speaker 1: especially if we don't talk about a lot, and it's

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Speaker 1: unfortunate that people have to. I just saw something about

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Speaker 1: abortion about that because there's a lot of anti abortion

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Speaker 1: laws being proposed across the US, and people were saying, like,

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Speaker 1: all of the people who have had abortions and these

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Speaker 1: terrible experiences not being able to get abortions shouldn't have

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Speaker 1: to share these stories. But it's kind of urgent and

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Speaker 1: we need to know. So that once again, just sucks.

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Speaker 1: That just sucks. Here's another quote from that Slate article.

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Speaker 1: Further self disclosure can also open the door for more

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Speaker 1: self disclosure from others. You share your story with someone,

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Speaker 1: then they share theirs with you. If you are still

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Speaker 1: struggling with your mental health, you might not have the

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Speaker 1: capacity to hold these kinds of responses. As powerful as

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Speaker 1: it may be to know that your story made it

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Speaker 1: easier for someone else to share. Theirs aren't their therapist,

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Speaker 1: and their story might trigger components of yours. Trust me

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Speaker 1: when I say that, as a psychiatrist, listening to other

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Speaker 1: people's stories, it's one of the hardest things I do,

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Speaker 1: and I have trained in it. So I want to

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Speaker 1: include that, not to discourage people from sharing their stories

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Speaker 1: at all, but it is true that when once again,

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Speaker 1: sometimes you're going about your day to get an email

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Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, no, it's about this, and it

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Speaker 1: depends on your mental stakes. Some days that email will

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Speaker 1: find me just fine, and it's up to me to

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Speaker 1: know that it's up to me to know that, like,

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Speaker 1: do not read this right now. You are not in

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Speaker 1: the place to do this right now. But that is true,

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Speaker 1: especially for someone bigger than you, and I like Readney Spears,

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Speaker 1: where you're just getting bombarded by all of these things

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00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 1: and it's beautiful to share your story, and we always

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Speaker 1: appreciate people who take the time to do it and

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Speaker 1: the vulnerability of doing it. But I do think that's

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Speaker 1: something also to keep in mind when you do self

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Speaker 1: disclose is people are going to want to do so

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00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: with you, right and be ready for that and have

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Speaker 1: a plan for that right to protect yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think there's another point. I will say, like,

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Speaker 2: as a person who had a bad habit of this,

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Speaker 2: because I'm not good at fake answers. So if you

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Speaker 2: asked me how I was doing, and I'd say I'm

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Speaker 2: not very good, and I'd be like how's working, I'm like, well,

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Speaker 2: do you really want to know? And then telling someone

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Speaker 2: like I've been called out being like you are doing

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Speaker 2: telling too much. We don't want to hear that. Because

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Speaker 2: my job was that on a constant level, where I

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Speaker 2: had story after story after story of heartbreak and trauma

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Speaker 2: and all these things.

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Speaker 1: There's this level of like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. You don't want me

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Speaker 2: to talk about this. I'm trying not to. But also,

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Speaker 2: if you're friends with someone who works in that field,

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Speaker 2: don't want to ask if you don't want to know, right, Like,

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Speaker 2: just as much as you think that you know, you

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00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 2: might know, you probably don't. So be aware of that.

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Speaker 2: A Also for those who live in that world, it's

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Speaker 2: hard to separate it from everything else. In self disclosure,

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Speaker 2: that they just This is also why people don't go

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Speaker 2: out a lot or try to hang out with people

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Speaker 2: within their own groups. And then when they're in those groups,

430
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 2: if you are not from that world, that world's going

431
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 2: to traumatize you.

432
00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:25,640
Speaker 1: So beware.

433
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 2: Speak from experience in which we uh, you know, we

434
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 2: really would have to try to tone it down. But

435
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:37,199
Speaker 2: sometimes it was hard. It's hard. It's hard when you

436
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 2: live in a world of trauma. And I say this

437
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 2: for those who work in hospitals, who are teachers, who

438
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 2: are social workers, who are doctor you know, like all

439
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 2: these different things, nurses, doctors, all the things. If you

440
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 2: were living in a conflict torn world, if you have

441
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 2: family in that world, if you have people that you

442
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,439
Speaker 2: know like you know in that world, it's gonna be

443
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,439
Speaker 2: hard not to hear it. So there does live like

444
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:07,120
Speaker 2: a middle ground of privilege and a responsibility as well.

445
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 2: So like it's like, yes, for those who of us

446
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 2: who are self disclosing, be aware that things are happening

447
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 2: around the world that not everybody wants to hear about

448
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 2: all the time. But also for those who have never

449
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 2: had to deal with that, like you, maybe it's time

450
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 2: for you to hear that side as well. But yeah,

451
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 2: it's just really hard, it is. And then that therap

452
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 2: has been one hundred percent correct, Like if you're not

453
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,199
Speaker 2: ready to hear it, you might not want to disclose it.

454
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's mostly the point I'm making because because we're

455
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 1: in a public space, it's hard though, so if if

456
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: if we talk about it, people are going to respond

457
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 1: to it, that makes sense. So you just have to

458
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: be ready. You've got to be ready for that.

459
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 2: And if you know your friends are in a vulnerable state,

460
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 2: asking are you okay not probably the way to go

461
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 2: if you don't want.

462
00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: To hear yes, yes, yes, yes, But also to reiterate,

463
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 1: like you listeners have been great. There's nothing you have

464
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: done or said. There's no target of this. It's just

465
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 1: something I found interesting when it comes to being in

466
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 1: this space and sharing stuff like that and hearing from

467
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: other people. And ultimately it was sort of like I

468
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: waited to respond to my mom, but I did read

469
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 1: it within the day and I did respond.

470
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,639
Speaker 2: Tell you, that was not recking.

471
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: But I'm also like, she read the book. That's so sweet,

472
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 1: that's so kind. Thank you for reading the book again,

473
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 1: more than anybody from so thanks. My mom was so sweetie. Well, yeah,

474
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 1: those are some thoughts on self disclosure. Like I said

475
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 1: at the top, this is a very specific Like there's

476
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 1: a lot of realms of self disclosure, this was very

477
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: specific one, all right, a very personal one. But I'm

478
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 1: sure we'll probably come back in the future to talk

479
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 1: about it. But in the meantime, listeners, if you have

480
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 1: any thoughts about this or any other topics we should

481
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 1: talk about, you can email us at Stephanidia mom Stuff

482
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 1: at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us on Twitter

483
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at

484
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: stuff whenever told you. We have a teap public store,

485
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 1: and we do have a book. Yes, you can get

486
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 1: it st wherever you get your books. Thanks as always

487
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: to your super producer Christina, are Excited, producer Maya and

488
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 1: our contributor Joey. Thank you and thanks to you for

489
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 1: listening Stuff I ever told you this question of iHeartRadio.

490
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, you can check

491
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: out the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast wherever you listen to

492
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.