WEBVTT - #123 How could I forgive you? 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:04.200 Go into this with this mentality that you are not 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:22.960 worthy of forgiveness. Hey, guys, welcome to the podcast Grangersmith Podcast. 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:26.440 This is episode one twenty three. Thanks for listening, Thanks 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:28.920 for watching. If you're on Spotify or YouTube or wherever 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:31.400 you're coming from, I'm grateful to have you. This is 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:33.080 one of my favorite things that I do, one of 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:36.000 the most therapeutic things I do. Sit here with this 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:39.440 microphone and this table in my podcast room and dig 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:42.920 into your questions. You could ask me anything you want, 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.840 could be about any subject, and we get super deep. 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:50.440 If you came from listening on after Midnight my radio show, welcome, 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:53.760 If you came from the Smiths or Instagram or TikTok, 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:56.800 all these places. However you found this podcast, I'm grateful 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:58.720 for you. And if you have a question for me 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:03.280 about any subject, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:06.160 We'll add it to the queue here and get into it. 0:01:06.360 --> 0:01:09.080 And I'm finally kind of coming up for air a 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:12.240 little bit because I've been really really bogged down this 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:17.040 last month filming this movie. We're filming this movie in Blanco, 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:20.560 Texas for four weeks, and I just I don't think 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:23.600 I realized how much time that was gonna take me 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:26.920 to put everything into this role and to be working 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:30.200 ten to twelve hour days every day for a month 0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:32.160 and then and still trying to juggle with the radio 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:36.040 show after midnight, this podcast, The Smiths, random tour dates 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:39.120 here and there, and everything else that entails being a 0:01:39.160 --> 0:01:43.240 father and a husband. And so I'm I'm really coming 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:45.080 back to life right now. And so this is the 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:48.960 first podcast I've done since we've finished the movie in 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:54.600 twenty twenty two where I actually have space again. And 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:56.240 so even though we just wrapped it and we just 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:59.520 finished the show last night in Saint Louis, Missouri, I'm 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:03.880 I'm back and ready to focus. So please email me something. 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:06.200 We're going to talk about your questions. As though we're 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:09.280 sitting around a campfire, it's late at night. You walk 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:11.480 up and you say, man, I can I run something 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:13.720 by you? I got a question, something that's been bothering 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:15.680 me or something I've been wondering for a long time, 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:17.800 And I don't have any notes on this table, and 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:20.280 we just walked through it in a conversation. I'm not 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:23.960 always right, but I'm gonna give you my opinion. It's 0:02:23.960 --> 0:02:26.440 happening real time in my head, that's where we are. 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:28.840 I did pick an easy one to start with, and 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:31.200 it's because it's the subject line how to play how 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:34.840 to start playing guitar? So I thought, okay, perfect, well, 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:36.800 ease in into it this way, it says, Hey Granger, 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:39.000 my name is Dalton. I'm from a small town just 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:42.960 south of Louisville, Kentucky. My question is what should I 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:45.880 do as the first steps to playing the guitar. The 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.799 guitar was a graduation present from my former teacher and friend. 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:50.960 Any advice would be great to me on how to 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:53.640 start playing and learning a song to play. Thank you, 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:57.320 Thank you for your time and answering my question. Dalton 0:02:57.400 --> 0:03:01.480 shout out to Kentucky and Louisville, just south of Louisville. 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:04.800 Thank you for emailing buddy. And it's a good question. 0:03:04.840 --> 0:03:07.800 I started when I was fourteen and I had a 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:11.400 guitar that was in the closet and it was my 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:13.840 grandmother's guitar that she no longer played. I think she 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:17.280 gave up on it. And you know what happened to 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:21.760 me originally was I had I was kind of interested 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:25.640 in this little girl in junior high and you know, 0:03:25.720 --> 0:03:30.120 puppy love. And I was fourteen years old and she, 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:34.960 you know, we were like eighth grade. And I remember 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:37.680 overhearing her talk in the hallway in school and she 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:42.800 was talking about my friend Peter, and she said, she said, oh, Peter, 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.360 he's so dreamy. He plays guitar and he sings and 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:48.600 it's so dreamy. And I remember just thinking to myself, 0:03:48.640 --> 0:03:50.000 she didn't know that I heard her say that, and 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:53.960 I remember thinking, I've got up my game. I've got 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:56.880 it up my game. I've got to figure this out. 0:03:57.000 --> 0:04:00.600 So her name is Annie. I'll never forget Annie. Annie. 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:04.040 Thank you for doing this to me. You changed my life. Now. 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:07.520 The irony is I started playing guitar to impress her, 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:11.160 just to just to know that I could. But what 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:13.360 happened was I really fell in love with playing guitar, 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:17.080 and then girls became secondary after that, which it's very 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:20.239 ironic how that happens. You learn something for the girl 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:22.240 and then you end up loving the thing that you 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:25.520 were wanting to impress them with, and then it consumed 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:27.520 the rest of my life. But how I did it, Dalton, 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:30.360 was I pulled that guitar out of the closet and 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:33.440 I there was a book inside there inside the case, 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:36.440 and it was like a basic how to play guitar book, 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:40.440 and it had fretboards lined out, and it had little 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:42.320 dots where you put your fingers, and so I'd just 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:45.400 look at the page and I would line my fingers 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:49.320 up on the fretboard to where the the corresponding dots 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:51.320 were on the page, and it would say, okay, this 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:54.240 is a D chord, and I put my fingers there, 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:57.200 and I would I would strum, you know, strum one time, 0:04:57.920 --> 0:04:59.920 and then then I would just start listening to the 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:02.279 radio and I would listen to songs that I liked. 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:05.040 Back then, it was a lot of Alan Jackson and 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:08.440 George Strait and Merle Haggard, and I would find those 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.839 songs and those songs those artists that I mentioned. I 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:14.440 have a lot of very simple songs like Alan Jackson. 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:17.600 The first song I ever learned was called Dallas by 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:20.479 Alan Jackson, and it's only three chords in the entire song. 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:24.800 So I play those three chords and it was like 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:28.279 a D and E. Those three chords could get you 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:31.200 through the whole song of Dallas. And so I would 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:35.320 learn to strum just according to the way the song went, 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:37.200 and you know, of course it's rough at first and 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:40.120 my fingers ached. But then I just did it more 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:41.880 and more and I was determined to do it, and 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.599 I was passionate about doing it. And that's that's such 0:05:44.760 --> 0:05:47.000 a life lesson for anything you're gonna you're gonna learn 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:51.479 something if you first are passionate about it. You want 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:54.440 to so bad that you want to overcome the time 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:57.159 it takes and the mistakes that you're making, and the 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.839 pain that was putting on my fingertips at the time, 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:03.240 little raw fingers were just bloody and raw and blistered. 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:04.960 And I just kept on it. And I remember the 0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:08.679 very first time I came to my parents and played 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:12.440 a song for the first time, and they just couldn't 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:14.560 believe it, because they're not musical at all. They couldn't 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:17.599 believe that I was playing a song on the guitar. 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:20.279 And after that just learned more and more and more 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:22.560 and kept learning, adding new songs, and then getting with 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:24.520 other friends that played and they would say, oh, you know, 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:27.200 you could. You could change that finger right there and 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:29.040 put it on that string and it makes that sound. 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:31.720 And I was like, oh, wow, that's that's cool, And 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:35.080 just more and more of that, and then it was 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:37.600 a few years later, maybe it was one year later 0:06:38.040 --> 0:06:40.520 when I started singing along with what I was playing, 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:44.159 and that was rough, too, but I just got really 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:47.760 interested in singing the songs along with what I was playing. 0:06:47.839 --> 0:06:50.840 So I've kind of been doing both since the very beginning. 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:52.960 And then the next step for me was writing my 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:56.760 own songs, and that was the progression. And then I 0:06:56.760 --> 0:07:00.200 started playing live and then playing those songs live, and 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:03.240 I just really became addicted to it. Nowadays, Dalton, you 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:07.320 could learn on YouTube. They have so many good programs. 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:10.640 I would not invest in a guitar teacher right now. 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:14.400 I would stick with free YouTube videos or a book 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:18.000 that you have laying around, and not worry about putting 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:21.760 a lot of money into a personal lesson. The guitar 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:24.760 is a big deal. The guitar itself. If you have 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:28.200 a cheap guitar like I did, or has a really 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:31.200 high action on it, that meaning the strings are pretty 0:07:31.880 --> 0:07:34.240 pretty far distance from the actual fretboard, so it takes 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:36.520 a lot of effort to push them down. You could 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:38.360 switch to nylon strings, You could take them to a 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:40.720 guitar shop, or you can go buy them yourself. And 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.360 put on nylon strings instead of the steel strings, and 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:45.800 it's going to sound way different. It's going to sound 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:49.720 like a Mexican gut string classical guitar. But that's okay 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:51.960 because it's going to be a lot easier on your 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:55.840 fingers and it's a lot easier to get around. That's 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:58.400 what I did, and I still kind of recommend that 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:00.680 for people. Instead of in sead of going out and 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:04.160 buying one thousand dollars guitar, you could get a pawn 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:07.200 shop guitar and make it easier to play that way. 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:11.600 But as in anything in life, stick with it. Stick 0:08:11.600 --> 0:08:15.640 with it. Thanks for the question, brother, Let's go up 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:17.560 to This is the first one on my list here 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:20.520 in no particular order. It just popped up first, and 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:25.520 the subject line says, I'm manipulative. Please help, Hey Granger, 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:28.760 I am Nathan Seeley. I'm twenty seven years old from 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:32.800 Madison or Meadville, Pennsylvania. I emailed you the other day 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:36.080 explaining some serious marriage issues I was going through and 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:38.120 I don't know what to do. Recently, I've come to 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:41.360 realize that I'm a really bad manipulator. I've never realized 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:44.720 it until now. I'm working on getting myself help, but 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:46.360 I think it might be too late for me and 0:08:46.400 --> 0:08:48.400 my wife. She has had enough and she's trying to 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:50.200 go through a divorce. We have two kids, We've been 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:52.959 together for ten years, married for four. I don't want 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:55.160 to lose her, and it's so hard because this last 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:58.480 year and a half she's been dealing with postpartum depression 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:01.680 slash depression and has been in and out of the hospital. 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:03.640 Now she's finally getting back to her feet and she 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:08.120 realizes how manip manipulative I am, and she's not willing 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:10.520 to stick around and help me through becoming a better 0:09:10.559 --> 0:09:13.960 man for us and for her and our family. What 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:16.360 should I do to help her realize I'm trying my 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:19.280 hardest to get better without being like this before she 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:22.920 leaves or finds someone else. I'm currently not living with 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:25.040 her and she's already out the door. I never thought 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:27.200 I would lose her. This pain is unbearable. Thanks for 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:30.520 the advice. Your podcast has been extremely inspirational for me 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:32.080 and has helped me get to the point where I 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:34.520 am now. My kids are always asking me to play 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:42.439 some Yige music. Thanks again, Nathan Brother, Thanks for the question, 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:46.079 Thanks for thanks for the courage to email and put 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:50.080 your name in the in the email, and and and 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:52.400 be willing to be vulnerable enough for it to be 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:54.440 out there in the world, you know, for for other 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:58.280 people to hear, because I do know that you know 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.000 there is there's definitely a component of you wanting to 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:04.400 get advice on this podcast. But then there's another level 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:07.400 where I'm pretty sure you know that your question is 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:10.120 going to help others that hear it too. And that's 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:12.720 a big deal to be vulnerable enough to say I'm 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:16.000 gonna I'm gonna sacrifice my own pride and something that's 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:18.360 so sensitive to me and put it out there for 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:22.000 the case of others that might be might not quite 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:26.480 be ready to be as vulnerable publicly and but could 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:30.679 be listening to this podcast and want to hear. So 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:35.160 thank you for that. Man. The great the great thing 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:37.120 about this email, the great thing about the steps that 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.160 you're taking is realizing that you have a problem. And 0:10:40.200 --> 0:10:43.000 that's step number one. You know, you're you're you've pinpointed 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:47.240 a pressure point for you of this manipulation that you're 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:52.840 that you're using and becoming and it's destroying things around you. 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:56.880 And I would hinge on that I would pivot all 0:10:56.920 --> 0:11:00.320 over that that that point that you're making and tell 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:04.079 your wife that I just say, yeah, you know. It's 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:07.280 funny when I when I read these questions sometimes sometimes 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.800 I think to myself, what you emailed me needs to 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:14.040 be said to her, what you are vulnerable and enough 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:16.640 to disclose to me needs to be said in that 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:20.760 way to her in a controlled, quiet environment. I'm talking, 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:23.880 I'm talking you. You get her alone away from the 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:26.160 kids where you could actually have some one on one. 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:28.320 Maybe it could be just sitting in the car in 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.400 the driveway. It's like kind of I need to I 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:34.480 need to talk to you. I have. I have realized 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:39.160 over the years that I am being I'm manipulating you, 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:43.119 and it is destroying us, and it's destroying this relationship. 0:11:43.160 --> 0:11:49.120 It's it's disrupting our love. And you have made me 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:55.000 realize through your leaving that I have to change because 0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:58.439 I don't want to live without you. I love you. 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:02.160 I want to make this work. I can't bear the 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:05.480 thought of you leaving and it all cost. I want 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:07.960 to get better. I want to heal, and I want 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:10.520 you to know that I'm in the process of healing 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:13.760 and I'm still gonna mess up. I'm still a broken 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:18.440 man like we all are, me too, brother, But I 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:21.199 want to get on a path that's good and healthy 0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:23.800 and that's good for you, that lifts you up. I 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:25.760 want to be the husband that you need and the 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:30.200 father that these kids deserve. And I want our kids 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:32.920 to have two parents that are married and happily in love. 0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:35.480 I want that more than I want to manipulate. I 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:37.560 want that more than I want my job. I want 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:40.079 that more than I want my ambitions. For whatever the 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:43.480 passions I have in life, I want this more. And 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:45.640 look her in the eye, don't break eye contact, and 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:49.240 tell her this. I want you look at your wife 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:51.840 and tell her that I want you. It all cost. 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:56.720 Help me, please, help me to learn trust me. And 0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:59.080 you might not believe me right off the bat. You 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:01.440 might not hear hear me saying this. You might think 0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:05.000 it's just empty promises. But I want you to know that. 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.440 I want you to see by my actions from this 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.439 day forward that I'm gonna get better. And if I slip, 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:11.640 I want you to call me out and go there. 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:14.240 It is right there, there's the manipulation right there. And 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:17.120 then at that point, right then, Nathan, you pull back 0:13:17.120 --> 0:13:19.720 and you go, yes, I'm so sorry. You're right. You 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:22.000 swallow the pride. Pride is a big deal in this 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:24.280 Pride is a big deal with so many things in life. 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:28.600 We are prideful beings, and so step aside from that pride. 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:30.280 And if she calls you out and goes there it is. 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.320 And even if you think I don't think it is, 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:37.800 or even if you think I think you're wrong, you 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:41.360 swallow that pride and go, I'm sorry. That's not being 0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:47.320 a pushover, that's not being weak. That's called saving a marriage. 0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:50.880 And there's no disgrace in that. As a man, there's 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:53.920 no disgrace to lose an argument to your wife. We'll 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:57.480 put it that way. There is nothing to gain by 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:00.839 winning an argument, or to being prideful and powering over 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.360 a situation just so you could be right, or so 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:05.600 you could look good in your own eyes, so you 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:07.440 could look like a man, so you could look like 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:12.720 you're strong and unwavering in your position. There's nothing to 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:15.120 gain from that. And you could see and the reason 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:18.520 you're emailing me is because you have now reached this 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:24.000 rock bottom position. And sometimes it's harder to see how 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:25.920 bad it is when you're in the marriage and things 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:28.720 are good and she's still living there and you guys 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:31.440 are going through these bickering arguments, but you don't see 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:34.800 it as clearly until she goes I'm out, I'm packing 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:38.320 up and I'm leaving, and I'm gonna find somebody new 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:42.000 that could take care of these kids. It's unfortunate as 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:44.280 humans that sometimes we need to hit that rock bottom 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:48.240 for us to finally see the light. But that's that's 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:51.440 what's happening. And so I would just be as honest 0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:54.680 with her as you can, and I would swallow that pride, 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:57.120 and I would identify the problem that you see in 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:59.920 your eyes and don't point it back at her. Reason 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:02.200 this the urge to look at her and go, I'm 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:04.680 gonna fix this manipulation, but you need to fix this 0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:08.880 and this and this. Don't say it, swallow it because 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:13.640 guess what. Guess what. She already knows her problems. She 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:16.880 knows it, just like you know that manipulation is your problem. 0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:20.000 She knows she's not perfect, she knows she has issues, 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:23.760 and you don't need to tell her that. And if 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:25.640 you're lucky, she might bring it up herself and go, 0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:27.880 now that you say it, I want to admit some 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:30.520 things that I'm doing that I don't like about myself too. 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:35.120 Now you're on a path to build something again. The 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:38.040 brick wall has fallen and now you're building it back together. 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:41.160 You got the pieces on the ground and you're able 0:15:41.200 --> 0:15:43.480 to start picking them up one by one and put 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:48.840 it back together. That's what you're doing. It's not gonna 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:51.920 be easy. It's not gonna be easy to swallow the pride. 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:53.760 It might not even be easy to get her alone 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:57.680 in this kind of conversation. But keep pursuing her. Don't 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:01.360 give up on this. It's that important. Give up on her. 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:03.640 Because you give up on her, you're also giving up 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:06.360 on your kids. And they're going to see that. And 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:09.600 your kids are gonna see, Daddy fought for this, Daddy 0:16:09.600 --> 0:16:13.040 fought for mom. Daddy loved us and Mom so much 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:15.880 that he fought for us. They're going to see that. 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:17.960 You don't even have to tell them. And as they 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:19.720 get older, they're going to look back and remember that. 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:22.320 Go man, remember that time mom and dad went through 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:25.800 that rocky space and then Dad Dad just pursued her 0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:31.480 and apologized and got better. And it wasn't perfect, it 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:35.960 never will be, but they got better. I wish you 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:43.400 the best, brother. Thanks for emailing Nathan. Next question comes 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:45.840 from Hunter says, Hey grad your My name is Hunter. 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:48.720 I'm twenty years old. I'm in college in Alabama. Recently 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:50.760 opened up to a girl about my feelings for her. 0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:53.280 I've been friends with her ever since we started going 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:55.640 to college, and the conversation of me telling her about 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:58.520 my feelings, she never said if she feels the same 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:01.320 or not sure where to go from here. Part of 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:03.040 me feels like I should take a step back and 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:05.159 be patient. The other part of me wants to just 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:07.840 continue to be on this to be the same as 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:09.800 it was before I even brought this up at all. 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:13.040 What are your thoughts? I appreciate your time in the podcast. 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.439 Thanks Hunter, shout out to Alabama. Thanks for the question. 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:20.879 Thanks for opening up like this. This is tough. You know, 0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:22.879 I've said on this podcast before. You probably heard me. 0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:25.199 If you got if you have feelings for for a 0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:29.600 girl like this, then you need to you need to 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:32.040 tell her because you can't. You can't just exist in 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:36.760 this this fairy tale land where your friends and and 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:39.720 she doesn't know how you feel, and it's hurting you 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:41.520 inside that you want to tell her, but you don't 0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:43.480 really know how to take it, so you got to 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:45.840 just do it. So I believe you did the right thing. 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:50.280 But in me telling you to do that through this podcast, 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:54.159 that doesn't it doesn't guarantee her answer. It doesn't. It 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:58.000 doesn't guarantee that she's gonna say, wow, you like me, Wow, 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:00.639 thanks for saying that, because I actually like you too. 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:05.240 That's just not a guarantee. But that's why you take 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:07.320 a risk. That's why we risk anything in life. That's 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:09.440 why we jump. We don't always know if we're gonna 0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:12.120 land the jump, but we jump it for the sake 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:14.440 of maybe landing it. Most of the time we fall. 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:20.720 You took a risk, and I think this is a 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:24.200 fall for you, But you know what you'll do. You'll 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:27.720 get back up, You'll build yourself up, you'll build your confidence, 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:30.199 you'll heal the wound from the fall, and you'll be 0:18:30.240 --> 0:18:33.879 ready to jump again, and you'll keep jumping. And that's life. 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:37.280 You keep taking the leap, and you take the leap 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:39.080 knowing that if I fall, I'm okay because I know 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:42.240 that fallen before, and I'll get up again and it 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:45.960 might hurt, Yeah, probably will hurt, but that's what we do. 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:51.359 Now you're stuck. Now you're stuck saying maybe the jump 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:55.159 was wrong, maybe the leap was wrong, but it wasn't 0:18:55.359 --> 0:18:59.240 you know it wasn't take yourself back in your mindset 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:01.959 before you told her. Now you're back in this this 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:05.240 la la land where she doesn't know how you feel, 0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:08.320 and and you're wondering if she feels the same way. 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:10.320 That's no place to be, that's no place to live. 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:13.760 We live for the jump, we live for the leap, Buddie. 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:16.960 I'm proud of you for doing that. And I can't 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:20.879 guarantee she's gonna come around, but you're gonna heal and 0:19:20.920 --> 0:19:23.760 you're gonna you're gonna If she doesn't like you, I mean, 0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:27.840 you could bring it up again if you want. But 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:30.240 but the fact that she's not already saying it says 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:35.760 a lot. Her saying nothing says a lot. So if 0:19:35.760 --> 0:19:38.200 you don't already know it by now, I'm guessing through 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:42.119 the situation that she's she doesn't reciprocate those feelings for you. 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:47.399 And yeah, it hurts. It hurts because you you you 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:51.040 not only have put yourself out there, you've exposed yourself 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:56.480 and and you've poured your heart out and you've just 0:19:56.600 --> 0:20:00.679 exposed yourself right there. And not only did you do that, 0:20:01.080 --> 0:20:04.240 but you also feel like you lost a friend because 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:07.440 now it's weird between you two and it might never 0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:12.760 be the same. And I'm sorry, man, but that's that's 0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:15.280 a step. That's a step that you needed to take, 0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:18.720 and that that's a that's an injury that needed to happen. 0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:22.800 And now you'll heal. And I'm here to tell you 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:28.320 the great news, the great news about you and college 0:20:28.320 --> 0:20:32.120 in Alabama at age twenty. This is a guarantee, this 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:37.000 is a podcast guarantee. You'll find somebody else and it'll 0:20:37.000 --> 0:20:39.600 be better. It'll be a better feeling. This feeling will 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:43.199 even be stronger. Those butterflies that you have will be 0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:47.960 will be even greater with somebody else. And the reason 0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:49.520 they'll be greater is because you know what it was 0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:54.800 like to fall once and there will be more falls, 0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:59.199 but you'll learn from that. I'm sorry to tell you. 0:20:59.359 --> 0:21:01.879 I wish I could say no, man, here's the trick. 0:21:02.400 --> 0:21:04.360 You know you should have said this, and then now 0:21:04.400 --> 0:21:09.280 she's gonna love you. Time is gonna heal. Time is 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:13.600 your friend focused on school, focused on college twenty years old. 0:21:13.640 --> 0:21:16.480 You're only gonna get this chance one time, one time, 0:21:16.520 --> 0:21:20.320 to be twenty in college in Alabama. Bro, you're gonna 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:22.920 look you're gonna be fifty years old looking back, and 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:26.560 you will not look back at age fifty and go. Man, 0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:30.160 you know what was really tough? Being twenty in college 0:21:30.160 --> 0:21:34.239 in Alabama. You're never gonna say that. You're gonna go. 0:21:34.359 --> 0:21:36.600