1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:02,680 Speaker 1: Hey, what's up, good people. Our kids are lucky to 2 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: grow up in the error of the Internet, where information 3 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 1: is available right at their fingertips. But sometimes the Internet 4 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,480 Speaker 1: and even in school curriculums leave our kids with more questions, 5 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 1: and they look to us for the answers. The Ellis 6 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,200 Speaker 1: Is and the Time Machine is a book for kids 7 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:18,600 Speaker 1: and adults that answers the questions our kids have been 8 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 1: asking all year. Why do we say Black Lives Matter? 9 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,600 Speaker 1: We answer this question while looking back in American history 10 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: through the eyes of our young black children. Get your 11 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: kids a copy of The Ellises and the Time Machine 12 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 1: Why Do We Say Black Lives Matter? Available now at 13 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 1: Amazon dot com. Hey, we're the Ellises. You may know 14 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading 15 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll 16 00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: make you need therapy most days. And a more important 17 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We 18 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,400 Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's 19 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk 20 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,320 Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead 21 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 1: ads to the term that we say every day. So 22 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 1: when we say dead ass. We're actually saying facts, the truth, 23 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,119 Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about 24 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:26,679 Speaker 1: to take pillow toof to a whole new level. Dead 25 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: ass starts right now. So on this this story time 26 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,119 Speaker 1: is a very important to me because this story time 27 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: we'll bring everybody to the point in my life when 28 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: I realized that my blackness mattered to me and to 29 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: everybody else. I remember walking into the living room when 30 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: I was seventy eight years old. My parents were sitting 31 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: in look on the couch where they typically are, but 32 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 1: my mom looked a little bit more pensive, you know 33 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 1: when your parents typically on the couch and you're like, 34 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,720 Speaker 1: I don't know if they fight in the man he's 35 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 1: my way in there. So I walk in there and 36 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 1: it seems a little tense and I'm like, I don't 37 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 1: know if I don't understand. But I see my mom 38 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: doing the church rock, you know, you do the church rock, 39 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 1: So I'm like, what's she looking at. I look on 40 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 1: on TV and I see the video plane was a 41 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: grainy video of a man just being beaten with with 42 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 1: sticks and rods, and I was like, yo, who are 43 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: they beating like that? And my mom was just like, 44 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 1: you know, we're not sure yet. And I said, well, 45 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,720 Speaker 1: who you know who's beating that man like that? And 46 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 1: he's like, it's the police. So I was like, yeo, 47 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 1: they're gonna get in trouble. Like they're on camera beating 48 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,320 Speaker 1: somebody like this, They're gonna get in trouble. And I've 49 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 1: seen the uncertainty in my mom's eyes when I said that, 50 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 1: and she, you know, she kind of gave me the 51 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: and then she was just like, you know, hopefully fast forward, 52 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: you know, months later, Um, we're watching the news and 53 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 1: my mom is real pensive. Again. Of course I'm not 54 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:52,639 Speaker 1: old enough to understand what's going on, but I see 55 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: her this time. She's pensive, her eyes are little watery. 56 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,080 Speaker 1: She's talking to my father, my father's you know, I 57 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: can't believe this. I can't believe this. They start calling 58 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: my aunt to my uncles and I can't remember hearing 59 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: them saying that, can you believe they got off? And 60 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:11,119 Speaker 1: I was like, what how? And it was at that 61 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 1: point that my mom had to explain to me what 62 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: the situation was in America with black people and the police. 63 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: And it was at that point where she started talking 64 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 1: to me about everything had trans that had transpired prior 65 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 1: to where we are now, and I remember feeling mad. 66 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 1: I remember feeling like I couldn't trust white people, and 67 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: then I remember being hurt that someone would consider me 68 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 1: less than because of the color of my skin. And 69 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: it was at that point that I realized what my 70 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: blackness was in America. So when I think about your 71 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: story time and the feelings that you felt, it feels 72 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: as though a piece of innocence is taken from you, 73 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 1: after you're robbed of a certain care free living that 74 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: you once had. And to think that we have to 75 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: have these conversations with our children at eight and nine 76 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 1: years old or is whatever age you feel like they 77 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: can comprehend it, it was something that was heartbreaking just 78 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: for us. So Deval and I did plan to have 79 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: the conversation with the boys um at the time, it 80 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 1: was just all parents plan on having that cover having 81 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 1: the conversation exactly, And I remember the two of us 82 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 1: being very like teary eyed about having to even do 83 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: that and wondering when the right time was going to be. 84 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,359 Speaker 1: So considering everything, I felt like our hand was forced, 85 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: and it came down to Devol sitting the boys down. 86 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: Of course, with me um and having the talk. So 87 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,599 Speaker 1: what was going through your mind like leading onto those moments. 88 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,679 Speaker 1: I mean to be honest, it caught me off guard 89 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: because first, as a parent, I'm trying to process it. 90 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,680 Speaker 1: You know, we had I'm on all get shot in 91 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:49,040 Speaker 1: broad Daylight's gunned down, Then we had the Brianna Taylor's 92 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,599 Speaker 1: story come out. Then we watched George Floyd be murdered 93 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: at the hands of a cop. So if my first 94 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: thing is I'm just I'm fucking pissed, I don't I 95 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 1: don't want to have to sit down and compartmentalize taking 96 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:01,919 Speaker 1: this anger, putting it aside so I can then speak 97 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 1: to my child. What made me even more angry was 98 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 1: that my eight year old is now asking me questions 99 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: about why everyone is so angry, you know, why did 100 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 1: the cop do that? And I'm like, oh my gosh, 101 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:16,159 Speaker 1: now I have to try to explain to him what 102 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 1: is going on. And it kind of reminded me of 103 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: when I had to explain to him about Santa Claus. 104 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 1: You know, this is when your parents there's a certain 105 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: level of innocence you try to protect because you don't 106 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,480 Speaker 1: want to tell your your kids the truth. And then 107 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: once the innocence is going, you see them like lose hope, 108 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,599 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So I was like, damn, 109 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: we had to Santa Claus talk. You know, he cried 110 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: about that. That was hot breaking, you know, regardless of 111 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,279 Speaker 1: how you feel about Santa Claus or religions, it was 112 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,159 Speaker 1: a way for them to be happy. That's all I 113 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,160 Speaker 1: cared about, you know. So now he's asking me questions 114 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 1: and I'm explaining to him the way my mom explained 115 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,560 Speaker 1: it to me. We started with history, we went we 116 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,160 Speaker 1: went back to slavery, and then from slavery, we went 117 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,159 Speaker 1: to the Civil War, and the Civil War, we went 118 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: to Jim Crow and and I went through the whole gamut. See, 119 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,880 Speaker 1: not to cut you off, but I think it was 120 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: super important that we take the approach as parents to 121 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:13,719 Speaker 1: bring the historical, factual information behind it when approaching this 122 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: to talk about it's not just based off of feelings 123 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,839 Speaker 1: or just oh I just don't like you because of 124 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 1: your skin color, like, there are systems in place that 125 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,240 Speaker 1: will keep us down, you know what I mean. So 126 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,160 Speaker 1: us as parents realized that it was important for us 127 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 1: to do that, to make it about facts and about history. 128 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 1: So the children know that this is not just something 129 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 1: that's going off of emotion. And I remember, you know, 130 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 1: the way we teach our kids now is differently than 131 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: our parents told us. Our parents still taught us with 132 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 1: a way of trying to protect us. But you know, 133 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: my mom. I remember my mom saying to me everything 134 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: that happened in the country happened, you know, since slavery. 135 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 1: And then she also said there are certain people in 136 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 1: the world who are just evil. And to hear that 137 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: kind of left things abstract for me, and man had 138 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 1: me thinking that people just didn't like me because of 139 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: my black this which there are some people who are 140 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,600 Speaker 1: just evil. But what I did differently was I explained 141 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: Jackson through economics and said the reason why they marginalized 142 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:12,400 Speaker 1: black people from slavery to uh Jim Crow or to 143 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,760 Speaker 1: mass incarceration was to make money. So then it kind 144 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 1: of gives him a reason as to why things were happening. 145 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 1: And I saw it like a lightbulb kind of go 146 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: off from wait a minute, so all this has to 147 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: do with money and saying, yes, it's classism, but no, 148 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 1: one just doesn't like that. They didn't, just God didn't. 149 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: Just because I remember having this this feeling if God 150 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 1: is real, And I remember being nine years old and saying, 151 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 1: if God is real, why would he choose my people 152 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 1: to be oppressed? If God loves us, why would he 153 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: allow us to go through all of this pain? And 154 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: I couldn't. I couldn't reconcile that at nine, So then 155 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 1: you start to have those feelings of God can't be 156 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 1: real because God would not allow us as people to 157 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: be tortured here on earth. This kid out of here? 158 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 1: Where did he come from? I questioned everything and I 159 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: got bub But it all started from that, like, you know, 160 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,239 Speaker 1: having to hear that my people were chosen to be slaves, 161 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 1: and it was just like why why? You know? And 162 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: then you know, they tell us about the Hebrews being 163 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 1: slaves and they sent Moses to save them, and I'm like, well, 164 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 1: y'all sent Dr King and they killed him, so like 165 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 1: so what I mean, we stuck in this like these 166 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,119 Speaker 1: are the things that are happening in my mind until 167 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 1: I started to educate myself as I got older. And 168 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: I want to approach Jackson with the same type of 169 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 1: education so he can reconcile within themselves and income to 170 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: terms with the fact that there was a reason why 171 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 1: things are and it's not just just because I hate, 172 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 1: because it really isn't just because they hate. And we 173 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 1: also talked about the context of which our children's experience 174 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 1: will be with race now that we've moved across country 175 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 1: from Brooklyn, New York to you know, California. It's just 176 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 1: it's such a different experience for our children now, UM, 177 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 1: just based off of the schooling that their their experience 178 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 1: and differences that that UM Jackson, of course, because he's enrolled. 179 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 1: He was in the fourth grade now, but um, being 180 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 1: in a diverse class situation, which he was, he's the 181 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,079 Speaker 1: only black child in his class, you know what I mean, 182 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:12,959 Speaker 1: So there's always the conversation has to be had when 183 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,200 Speaker 1: he's the only one. Of course, because he didn't experience 184 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,679 Speaker 1: that coming from Brooklyn, is school was super diverse. That's 185 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: what Brooklyn is. Where a huge melting pot. We're known 186 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 1: to be that in New York. So we m actually 187 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 1: have someone coming on shortly, our guest today, UM, who 188 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: is going to speak with us a little bit more 189 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:34,160 Speaker 1: about unpacking racism and how we can do that with 190 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 1: our children. It's hard to educate them and I think 191 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 1: it's it's an amazing thing for sure, to be able 192 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 1: to bring somebody in who's kind of like an expert 193 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,319 Speaker 1: on because we have so many people asking questions and 194 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:47,439 Speaker 1: you know, how did you After we did the conversation 195 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,480 Speaker 1: with Jackson and we decided to record it, and we 196 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 1: decided to put it on our YouTube channel, and when viral, 197 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 1: a lot of people were asking about you know, like, wow, 198 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 1: I can't believe you guys recorded that. And I will 199 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,560 Speaker 1: say I was very apprehensive at for is because I 200 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,439 Speaker 1: do still feel like a lot of things I want 201 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,959 Speaker 1: to keep personal. And I always laugh and joke and 202 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 1: say that we're the most personal private people, private public 203 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 1: people because there's a lot of things that we don't share, 204 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 1: you know, But I think that had to be ship. 205 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,199 Speaker 1: I got a lot of feedback from even some white 206 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 1: families who were like, I had never in my life 207 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: thought about having to have that conversation with my kids 208 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,960 Speaker 1: and having to see what it did to them was 209 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 1: eye opening. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, because when 210 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: when in history have we ever really seen a black 211 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 1: dad having the talk with his sons and you're seeing 212 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 1: the emotional aspect of them breaking down and crying. Typically 213 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:43,439 Speaker 1: when they showed the talk. It's like the proud talk. 214 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:44,800 Speaker 1: This what you have to do when the sun gets 215 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 1: angry and he walks out and he feels confident that 216 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 1: he can conquer the world. No, and that should be 217 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 1: traumatizing you hear that and you're like, what, So I 218 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,560 Speaker 1: could literally just be out minded my business and if 219 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 1: a cop approaches me and it's having a bad day, 220 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 1: I could be murdered and nothing may happen. And it's like, yes, 221 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 1: that's the reality. In America. People will villainize you if 222 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 1: you're murdered. If you're an unknowned black man and you 223 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,320 Speaker 1: get murdered by a police officer, there is a large 224 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:13,120 Speaker 1: probability that the media will villainize you, regardless of what 225 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 1: your history is, to make sure that it seems as 226 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: if it's okay that you will murdered and it's unfair. 227 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 1: And that's the reality of what we have to tell 228 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 1: our boys. So here to help us understand why it's 229 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: important to have these conversations with our children and give 230 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:28,679 Speaker 1: us some tips on what to say, because I think 231 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 1: that's the biggest issues. What do we say to these 232 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:36,040 Speaker 1: four babies of ours. We have Amber Coleman mortally, Amber 233 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: how argue I am doing well or as best as 234 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 1: you can during these times. How are y'all? Absolutely we're 235 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 1: doing well? Can complain? Amber is the director of Social 236 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 1: Engagement at a tech nonprofit, is Civics parenting expert and 237 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 1: a mom of three, and on her blog Mom of 238 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: All Capes, she covers practical strategies for parenting in social 239 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:04,200 Speaker 1: and sational development, and most recently, Amber has been having 240 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,560 Speaker 1: conversations about how we can acknowledge what's going on around 241 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 1: us on the podcast that she hosts with her kids, 242 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 1: Let's K twelve Better. Thank you so much for coming 243 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,199 Speaker 1: back again with this Amber. We had a couple of 244 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 1: technical difficulties last time, but this was definitely a topic 245 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 1: and a conversation that I felt was so absolutely necessary 246 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,520 Speaker 1: that I've set to devour on the team. We have 247 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,960 Speaker 1: to have Amber back on. So thank you for the repeat. No, 248 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,480 Speaker 1: thank you, guys. I'm huge fans of y'all, Like I 249 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,840 Speaker 1: think you guys are doing amazing things out here, so 250 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,760 Speaker 1: I'm honored that you guys have asked me back, So 251 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: thank you so very much. Pleasure is all, no doubt, Yes, awesome, awesome. 252 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,360 Speaker 1: So yeah, we've been just talking a little bit about 253 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 1: you know, UM, the current times racism, how it's been 254 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,920 Speaker 1: affecting our children. UM, what's going on in the country 255 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,760 Speaker 1: right now, because so many of us have children who 256 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:56,200 Speaker 1: are aware of the fact that something is happening. So UM, 257 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 1: So Amber, what is the approach that you feel, UM 258 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 1: parents should be taking when it comes to having the 259 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 1: conversations about racism with their children. Yeah, So, first and foremost, 260 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: age appropriate honesty, right, UM, you know, you want to 261 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 1: make sure that you are honest and open with your kids. 262 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: You want to also make sure that you're vulnerable with 263 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 1: your kids, like it's okay to expose your feelings a 264 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: little bit about you know, how you feel about what's 265 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,679 Speaker 1: going on. UM. You also want to center your identity, 266 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 1: so you know, black parents centering their identity, non black 267 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:36,079 Speaker 1: parents of color centering their identity, White parents centering their identity. UM. 268 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 1: To talk about these issues with our kids to make 269 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,439 Speaker 1: them more real, and then also to ensure that our 270 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,960 Speaker 1: kids are connecting because these are serious, UM concerns that 271 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 1: all of us have right right, right. So we want 272 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 1: to make sure that you know, we're not only just 273 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,120 Speaker 1: being vulnerable and touchy feely, but we're also like you know, 274 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: being practical as well. They are kids, so we don't 275 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: want to overwhelm them with too much information, um, but 276 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,199 Speaker 1: we want to give them the space to talk right 277 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: with us in in a in a vulnerable way, you know. 278 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 1: You know what I've learned in during this time is 279 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,480 Speaker 1: giving people grace to understand because even though my wife 280 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: is black and her parents are but her mom is black, 281 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: her dad is Indian. They come from a different culture. 282 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 1: So even in trying to get them to understand what 283 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 1: Black Americans have gone through on this soil, to me, 284 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: there was there was a little bit of gap. And 285 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: we talked about this in culture Clash when they came 286 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,160 Speaker 1: time to have the talk with Jackson, and Kay kind 287 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 1: of like shut down a little because she was pissed, 288 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: like she just didn't want to talk to anybody about it. 289 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 1: So I had to give her grace. And knowing that 290 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 1: my wife is also dealing with the fact that she's watching, 291 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 1: you know, black men and when we're murdering the street. 292 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: She got a husband and she got kids, So the 293 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 1: way she wants to discuss it may not be the 294 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 1: same as the way I want to discuss it. So 295 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 1: how important is it to give your partner grace when 296 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 1: trying to find a way to articulate that to your 297 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,480 Speaker 1: kids together, because that's what we went through. We spent 298 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 1: weeks trying to figure it out before we actually and 299 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: I think it was for me too. I was just 300 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 1: very I was just of course, very upset, very emotional 301 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 1: about it, and I know that children can pick up 302 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,840 Speaker 1: on that, so I had to find a way to 303 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,520 Speaker 1: center my emotions so that way, I was in a 304 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: whole basket case because then of course it's going to 305 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,760 Speaker 1: feed off onto the children. They're gonna worry. Like Mom 306 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 1: seems to be super you know, upset right now. So 307 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 1: how is it that you know we're going to get 308 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 1: past this that I felt that was gonna be a 309 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,880 Speaker 1: question Jackson would have for me. I think that that's 310 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: something that especially within the black community, we forget the 311 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: diversity of experiences right within the black community. You know, 312 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,840 Speaker 1: like my kids father, he's from Trinidad and Tobago, so 313 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: same thing, right, Like, he's from mixed race heritage. So 314 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 1: he's got a lot going on in his head right 315 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,520 Speaker 1: now about this moment and providing your partner grace, but 316 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 1: also like speaking truth to power, right like you know, 317 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 1: develout telling to knein right, like, this is how I'm 318 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,560 Speaker 1: viewing this moment right now, and this is why I'm 319 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 1: experiencing it this way, and you know, laying it out right, 320 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: like having a history lesson together, watching Eyes on the 321 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 1: Prize together, right, like learning about the Black American experience 322 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,840 Speaker 1: and relearning about about the Black American experience together. It's 323 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 1: one way that you guys can grow closer because again, 324 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:16,040 Speaker 1: there's a diversity of experiences. You know, I'm fortunate to 325 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,840 Speaker 1: live in a community where there's seventy two different countries 326 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 1: represented at my kids school, So I know, like in 327 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,920 Speaker 1: those different homes, like people are having all of these 328 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: different like ways of grappling with what's going on in 329 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 1: the world, um, very different from my own, right, And 330 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 1: I have to allow even my friends you know, and 331 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 1: associates to have that space to process and say, how 332 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 1: does this impact me personally? Right? How does this impact 333 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,800 Speaker 1: what I already know? Right? How does this challenge what 334 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 1: I already know right about America and about growing up 335 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,440 Speaker 1: in America and America being this place of great promise, etcetera. 336 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 1: Right that were here, you know, so you do need 337 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,400 Speaker 1: to have that space in your home and outside of 338 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 1: your home to give people time to process, and then 339 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 1: the learning process has to be communal and familiar. So 340 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 1: so I have a question, right, And this is where 341 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,440 Speaker 1: I struggled. I used to always ask, Kay, every time 342 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,360 Speaker 1: I had a conversation with Jackson, did you think I've 343 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: gone too far? Do you think I've told him too much? Um? 344 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: And I'll be a d honest as a black man. 345 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:21,679 Speaker 1: I'm not afraid of making my son cry, like this 346 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 1: is gonna go this is gonna sound crazy. But I 347 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,199 Speaker 1: was talking to Katie other day. Jackson can't go to 348 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,679 Speaker 1: martial arts, he can't go to jiu jitsu because of COVID. 349 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 1: So now I have to manufacture adversity. Right. So we've 350 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 1: been doing pull ups, push ups and squats. Right, so 351 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 1: we have this thing where is cold? Get me too? 352 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 1: Where you know he punched me in his stomach twice. 353 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 1: I punched him in his stomach twice, so he's actually 354 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 1: getting big and strong. So the two times I punched 355 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,879 Speaker 1: him in his stomach, he don't even flinch. So I'm like, 356 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: I'm gonna hit him and see if he can take it. 357 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 1: So I hit him boom, and he crumbled over. But 358 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,160 Speaker 1: then he got up and I was like, you better 359 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,959 Speaker 1: not cry. Write something like you better not cry. So 360 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,520 Speaker 1: he didn't cry. I said, you gotta learn how to 361 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,919 Speaker 1: suck it up and compartmentalize when you have people around. 362 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,800 Speaker 1: So I said, so now you know you got it together? Saidyea, 363 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,960 Speaker 1: got together. So I said, come with me. We went 364 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,520 Speaker 1: to my bedroom. I said, do you want to let 365 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,400 Speaker 1: it out? Do you want to let the cry out? 366 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 1: So he's just like, yes, I do. So finally he 367 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,119 Speaker 1: breaks down to my arms. He cries, right, and I'm like, yo, 368 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:13,439 Speaker 1: it's good for you to be able to cry in 369 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 1: a safe space wards me and you, but you, as 370 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 1: a black man, do not have the liberty to be 371 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:23,360 Speaker 1: emotional and reactionary in the world. And then I'm done 372 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,240 Speaker 1: with all of that and I go and I was like, hey, 373 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:30,520 Speaker 1: do you think I went too far? How do you 374 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,760 Speaker 1: know when you're going too far? Like I don't know, 375 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 1: you don't, You don't know untill they're grown out of 376 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: your house, and like sitting on somebody so fucking and 377 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:41,600 Speaker 1: like counseling, Like like I look at my daughters every 378 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 1: day and I'm like, mommy is just doing the best 379 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:48,160 Speaker 1: she can, you know, right, like Mommy's got her own 380 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,879 Speaker 1: issues and baggage too, right, Right, I would say this 381 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 1: like as far like you know, kudo se y'all raising 382 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 1: like young black men in America during this time right now, 383 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,440 Speaker 1: Like my sister is also raising black aways, and I'm 384 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,720 Speaker 1: like every day I'm like, I don't know how y'all 385 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: are doing this right, you know, So I mean any 386 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,800 Speaker 1: black child right at this moment, like, I don't know 387 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,160 Speaker 1: how we're doing it right. We've gotta do what we gotta. 388 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:13,959 Speaker 1: I think the most important thing is establishing with your sons, 389 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,359 Speaker 1: and I'll say with the listeners, with your children, is 390 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: that you love them and that you're a place of refuge. Right. 391 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 1: You're not at an abling place, You're not a place 392 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,439 Speaker 1: of enable, but you're a place of refuge. Like you, 393 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,840 Speaker 1: my arms are always open, I can come to you. 394 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:31,119 Speaker 1: You know, I'm here for you. Right. I'm not always 395 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: gonna make it easy for you, right, but I'm always 396 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,640 Speaker 1: going to make sure that you know that you are 397 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 1: loved in this space for who you are, right and 398 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:42,400 Speaker 1: no matter no matter who you grow up to be, 399 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,399 Speaker 1: you're gonna be loved here. Right. So that's the number 400 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 1: one thing which I think you'll already do with your kids. 401 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,879 Speaker 1: And then secondly, like with adversity and challenges. You know, 402 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 1: we're athletes and we're not doing sports right now. So 403 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:59,919 Speaker 1: it's it is so hard, right, That is the truth. 404 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,000 Speaker 1: Because if he was, if he was in jiu jitsu 405 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,240 Speaker 1: or karate, I wouldn't be hitting him in the stomach 406 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,840 Speaker 1: to test him and see if he could take it. 407 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 1: I'd let him go with his tears and maybe maybe 408 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,320 Speaker 1: down the mile, maybe run the mile instead, you know 409 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like you know, like like I'll run 410 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,159 Speaker 1: my kids, and I'll say, this is the time that 411 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 1: you need to make it in like I'm not making 412 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 1: there's no excuses, you know, get down and back, you know, 413 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,879 Speaker 1: down the neighborhood and then back in this time period. 414 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,159 Speaker 1: And if you don't, then here's ten extra set ups 415 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 1: and push ups, you know, so that that pushes them 416 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,920 Speaker 1: a little bit, that that puts the goals in their mind. 417 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:36,440 Speaker 1: You know. Unfortunately, within America as it's constructed right now, 418 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,399 Speaker 1: at this point in history, there is no space for 419 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:46,359 Speaker 1: black children too unfortunately, be soft and vulnerable, which you know, 420 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,560 Speaker 1: but I'll say it one more time, there is within 421 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:53,399 Speaker 1: this space right now in America historically contemporarily, up to 422 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,400 Speaker 1: this point, there has not been a space that has 423 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 1: allowed Black children to be vulnerable, to be soft, to 424 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,880 Speaker 1: be compassion it, to be um. You know, I hate 425 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 1: to say it this way, but like deserving of love, 426 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:09,200 Speaker 1: and black children deserve love just like every other child. Right. 427 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 1: So you know we want to as parents provide this 428 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 1: crusty layer, right, but we can't forget to provide the 429 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,760 Speaker 1: softness of heart because when you're sending your child out 430 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,200 Speaker 1: in the world, you know, maybe they will but they 431 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 1: or maybe they won't, but they're gonna be in a 432 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 1: relationship with someone. So you can't send someone out there 433 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,359 Speaker 1: that's so encrusted that they can't be loved and they 434 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,639 Speaker 1: cannot love another person. Right that that that there's the balance, right. 435 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,919 Speaker 1: You want you want to provide realism. You want to 436 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,800 Speaker 1: be realistic, but you also want to show them through 437 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,040 Speaker 1: modeling and show them through other means that you know what, 438 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:48,200 Speaker 1: your vulnerable, soft loving spirit and heart is extremely valuable 439 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 1: and someone is going to appreciate that. You know, I 440 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,240 Speaker 1: say that to my daughters all the time. You know, 441 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,680 Speaker 1: someone's gonna love you, and you're gonna want to love 442 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 1: someone else and you actually open to that, and you're 443 00:21:57,119 --> 00:22:00,680 Speaker 1: deserving of that, and you have to respect another right. 444 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 1: So we're teaching kids how to love, and so we 445 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,240 Speaker 1: don't want to forget that. That's just one thing I 446 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,879 Speaker 1: would add right there, but you know it's hard. Yeah, no, 447 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 1: And and saying that makes me think about our first 448 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 1: conversation that we had when you talked about speaking positive 449 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 1: affirmations to our children and when they actually first experienced 450 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,719 Speaker 1: the the idea of race. So when they start school, 451 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,719 Speaker 1: so as early as you know, it could be daycare 452 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 1: centers at like you know, two and three, or starting 453 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,800 Speaker 1: nursery school or kindergarten at four and five. The importance 454 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 1: of speaking positive affirmations into our children when they are 455 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: introduced to race, i e. Being in school with a 456 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,920 Speaker 1: diverse amount of people, making sure that they know exactly 457 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 1: who they are and they're proud of it. Like you 458 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 1: gave the story about your daughter going to school and 459 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 1: her hair and things like that, So can you tell 460 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,959 Speaker 1: us a little bit about that beginning phase of the 461 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 1: introductory you know, conversation about racism and where it goes 462 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,760 Speaker 1: from there? Yeah, totally. So you know, I am a 463 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,560 Speaker 1: firm believer I think I said this the last time. 464 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:04,639 Speaker 1: Love is a revolutionary act, right, like you know, just period, 465 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 1: love is a revolutionary act. The idea of loving someone 466 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:12,639 Speaker 1: and being loved is a revolutionary thing. Unfortunately, historically, you know, 467 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,320 Speaker 1: black people did not have access to that on plantations 468 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,199 Speaker 1: and then growing up and up to this moment. So 469 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,880 Speaker 1: we have to speak to our black and brown children 470 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 1: that they are valuable, right, they are lovable, that they 471 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 1: are you know, that they can do it. That they 472 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 1: will face adversity, whether it's because of race or class, 473 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:36,680 Speaker 1: or a myriad of other things, learning differences, able is 474 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 1: um or or disabled. Right like your children are gonna 475 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 1: face a variety of experiences. You have to continue to 476 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 1: affirm their humanity when they walk out the door. Again, 477 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:51,520 Speaker 1: we're not enabling our children. We are empowering, empowering, empowering right, 478 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 1: different e word right, because mama's want to coddle and love. 479 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 1: You know, it's needed, right, you know, but we got Yes, 480 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:05,600 Speaker 1: I'll be trying out and you are strong a balance 481 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,879 Speaker 1: and I struggle with that, but thank God for Devouce 482 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:09,919 Speaker 1: to be the voice of reason and time like that, 483 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,360 Speaker 1: because it sounds like y'all got a good balance y'all 484 00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:15,640 Speaker 1: got a good balance. Well, we have a balance now, right, 485 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 1: And this is this is my concern because I've always 486 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,560 Speaker 1: been around young man. My father had a young man's 487 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,280 Speaker 1: group in a church called the Junior Ayman where he 488 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,720 Speaker 1: meantor a young man. I watched how he he mentor them. 489 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:29,560 Speaker 1: You know, it was like He's like, you punch them 490 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 1: in the stomach and then you kiss him on the forehead. 491 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,159 Speaker 1: You know you have to, you know, give them that 492 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,359 Speaker 1: tough love, but then give them the soft love that 493 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,479 Speaker 1: they know that, Hey, I'm here, but for a young woman. 494 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,639 Speaker 1: Hopefully I have a daughter. Hopefully I have a daughter. 495 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:50,680 Speaker 1: Hopefully I have a daughter. Yes, you can't do that 496 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 1: to your your daughter. You can't just put your daughter. 497 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:54,960 Speaker 1: As a father, I can't go into a punch in 498 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,679 Speaker 1: the get up, you know, I can't do that. So 499 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,479 Speaker 1: then the roles might switch. And I always wonder how 500 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,680 Speaker 1: do I, as a father, empower my daughter without coddling 501 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,600 Speaker 1: her and making her feel like, oh, you can always 502 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 1: run to daddy, you know, because I know words mean 503 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,760 Speaker 1: a lot, so I know you can empower them, But 504 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:14,680 Speaker 1: what other ways can I empower her? Yeah? About the 505 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 1: actual daughter that we don't have I love I was 506 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:31,920 Speaker 1: a person. Here you go like you having to listen, listen, Okay, 507 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 1: well I will address this imaginary awesome daughter that you 508 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:42,119 Speaker 1: all have. Thank you, and why thank you? Because I'm 509 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,879 Speaker 1: I am also raising daughters. And I will say, you know, 510 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,239 Speaker 1: I tell my girls all the time. You know, you 511 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 1: guys are black women, right like you are strong, you 512 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:56,520 Speaker 1: are capable. Right, you need to challenge yourselves, right, challenge 513 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,639 Speaker 1: yourselves and push yourselves outside of the things that you 514 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 1: and I would say, I guess this is what all kids. 515 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,080 Speaker 1: But challenge and push yourselves outside of the box of 516 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,840 Speaker 1: things you know that you can do. That's the first thing, 517 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 1: right because when you when when we're learning coding, so 518 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,879 Speaker 1: like some of them are loving it, some of them 519 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,760 Speaker 1: are not. And in that challenge and push, you build 520 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: the capacity for resilience, right, You're building the capacity to 521 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,639 Speaker 1: like hang onto something even if it gets hard and challenging, 522 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:26,800 Speaker 1: you know, So that's what you want for girls. And 523 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: and unfortunately, like the world has a way of like 524 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,680 Speaker 1: just I don't even know, like reminding you of your 525 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:38,440 Speaker 1: of your perceived place within society. You have to challenge that, right, 526 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 1: like you have to say, like, okay, you think that 527 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 1: this is what I deserve, But this is actually what 528 00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:45,080 Speaker 1: I think I deserve, and I'm gonna go for it 529 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 1: despite what anyone says. So, you know, daughters, sons, whoever, 530 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:53,239 Speaker 1: pushing your kid to see their value right outside of 531 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 1: how the world values them, and I would say son 532 00:26:56,320 --> 00:27:01,679 Speaker 1: or daughter, son or daughter? You know, I keep notes right, 533 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,080 Speaker 1: Two things that you said already that I think I'm 534 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:07,200 Speaker 1: going to start to presenting my kids all the time. 535 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 1: First of all, is love is a revolutionary in particular 536 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,480 Speaker 1: black love. And this is this is funny because we 537 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,679 Speaker 1: were on the show Black Love and people ask all 538 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:18,040 Speaker 1: the time, why has it got to be black love? 539 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,160 Speaker 1: Why can't it just be loved? And I said, well, 540 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: if you understood the history of this country, you would 541 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,119 Speaker 1: understand that black people were not allowed to love for 542 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,439 Speaker 1: a long time. So showing love to each other is 543 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 1: a revolutionary yet. And then secondly, building the capacity to 544 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 1: be resilient. I say this all the time to Candeian. 545 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:36,760 Speaker 1: She's like, why do you do that? Why you just 546 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,760 Speaker 1: trip the kids for no reason when they walked by. 547 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, I do that because they got to be resilient. 548 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:48,439 Speaker 1: All right, Get your ass back up all right, another level. Listen, 549 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,160 Speaker 1: growing up in Brooklyn, you had like we went through 550 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:54,399 Speaker 1: this welfare services that our door, Like we heard you 551 00:27:54,480 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 1: been tripping your kids, and I would be up to that. No, 552 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:06,080 Speaker 1: I'm not cleaning up. I'm gonna be honest. Black people 553 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 1: have had to raise their kids differently than the rest 554 00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:11,280 Speaker 1: of America. And for the things that we have to 555 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 1: do to our kids, people always want to say that 556 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,719 Speaker 1: we're doing we're parenting the wrong way. Well, I'm sorry. 557 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,639 Speaker 1: I don't have the leniency to let you go out 558 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,920 Speaker 1: there in the world and make mistakes. Because you make 559 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:25,840 Speaker 1: a mistake, you could be I'm saying, so I have 560 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,239 Speaker 1: to make you more resilient within my own home. And 561 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,520 Speaker 1: that's in part where you said earlier, Amber, was that 562 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,920 Speaker 1: black people don't have black kids, don't have an area 563 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 1: to be compassionate. Sometimes I find myself trying to teach 564 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:42,640 Speaker 1: resiliency more than compassion. And that's because I feel that's 565 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:47,440 Speaker 1: that's that's the community. Community community. Well, you know what 566 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,600 Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like your home is a civic space. You 567 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,360 Speaker 1: know here I go on the civics train, But like 568 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 1: your house is a civic space. We have a family constitution, 569 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:58,520 Speaker 1: so we've all agreed that there are like four tenants 570 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 1: that like, you know, respect think each other, you know, 571 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 1: respecting technology. You know, there's two more that have evaded me. 572 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,040 Speaker 1: But like you know, like there are four tenants that 573 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 1: we live by and so within our family constitution because 574 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 1: we treat our home like a community. If someone doesn't 575 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:18,360 Speaker 1: do the dishes, they're failing the community for breakfast time 576 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 1: the next morning because now someone else has to come 577 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 1: waste time to pick up where you left off. So 578 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 1: when you raise your family unit like a community, you're 579 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:31,080 Speaker 1: building resilience, You're building compassion to intertwined together at the 580 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,600 Speaker 1: same time. So like all you have to do is 581 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,280 Speaker 1: just kind of shift. I call it rebranding obviously, because 582 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,360 Speaker 1: you know, I'm thinking always like, oh, like, how can 583 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:41,719 Speaker 1: how can we market this idea for my kids? Like 584 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:44,120 Speaker 1: you just want to rebrand it? Like, y'all, this is 585 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,840 Speaker 1: a team, this is a community, right, You're not being 586 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,120 Speaker 1: a good teammate right now, Like, how can you pick 587 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 1: it up as a bet to make yourself a better 588 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,040 Speaker 1: teammate to be stronger for this family when you challenge 589 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: your kid to be stronger for the family. And I 590 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,240 Speaker 1: say this to my daughters all the time. You've got 591 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,920 Speaker 1: to be stronger for this family. You know, you're you're 592 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,480 Speaker 1: you're putting someone else in a position to be strong 593 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,120 Speaker 1: for you right now, and that is unfair to them, 594 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,560 Speaker 1: you know. Now, we all have our moments of weakness 595 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:10,800 Speaker 1: and where that's why we are a family, because we're 596 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: here to help each other. But you're taking up more 597 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 1: space than you need to write. And so when you 598 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 1: push them to think that way, like, oh, man, like 599 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,280 Speaker 1: I don't want to let down the team, like right, like, well, 600 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 1: I don't want to, you know, let down the community, 601 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: then you're pushing them to be resilient and to have compassion, 602 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,560 Speaker 1: to think outside themselves, to value their contributions to a 603 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:35,720 Speaker 1: larger ideal. Right, you're pushing them forward, right And I 604 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,040 Speaker 1: say to my kids also, to like, the three of 605 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 1: y'all are like I made you for each other, right, 606 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 1: like I made you guys for each other. Y'all gotta 607 00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,320 Speaker 1: have each other's back when we come out in this 608 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,680 Speaker 1: world because mommy and Daddy aren't gonna be here for 609 00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:50,520 Speaker 1: the rest of your life. So you gotta be able 610 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 1: to learn how to survive outside of this space. When 611 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 1: it's all said and done when I'm gone, and you 612 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,320 Speaker 1: all gotta be able to support each other when I'm gone. Yeah, 613 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,000 Speaker 1: I know you're saying. And because one of my questions 614 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:02,600 Speaker 1: to you was like, how do we teach our children 615 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 1: to continue to advocate for themselves when we are not around? 616 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,360 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Because racism as they get 617 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 1: older is going to start to look different. You know, 618 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:12,960 Speaker 1: as they get older, we start to explain to them 619 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 1: systemic racism. Don't know, you can say it again, racism 620 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: is going to look different because it will. Our form 621 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,000 Speaker 1: of racism is not the racism that our parents for 622 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,480 Speaker 1: it against, well, our ancestors for it against. That doesn't 623 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:26,000 Speaker 1: mean it doesn't exist. It just looks different. It looks 624 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: different for them. So it's like, that's a way to 625 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 1: continue to tell our children that, you know, how do 626 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,760 Speaker 1: we teach them to advocate for themselves when we're not around? 627 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,800 Speaker 1: Naturally as parents and our children are younger now, so 628 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:36,800 Speaker 1: we feel like we can be the voice for them 629 00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:38,760 Speaker 1: if need be, you know what I mean. If we 630 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,840 Speaker 1: feel like, say, for example, our children are out in 631 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,840 Speaker 1: this world at an extracurriculativity and we're seeing that there's 632 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 1: some unfair of treatment going on with the kids on 633 00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,240 Speaker 1: the team or with a coach, like, we feel like 634 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,680 Speaker 1: we can step in and intervene, But how do we 635 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 1: then kind of allow our children to be their advocates? 636 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,880 Speaker 1: How do we teach them to responsibly advocate for themselves? 637 00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,360 Speaker 1: And you know, some people were taking their children to 638 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,720 Speaker 1: protests so they can see and be on the front 639 00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 1: line and see what that felt like. You know, Um, 640 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: they're different ways to protest. And I think my issue 641 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,480 Speaker 1: in the very beginning of all of this was finding 642 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:11,680 Speaker 1: out where I fell in this ecosystem of change, right, 643 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,520 Speaker 1: what was gonna be my role? And at first, all 644 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 1: I wanted to do was take care of my household. 645 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 1: I wanted to be the comfort and support from my 646 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,160 Speaker 1: my boys and my husband. That's what I wanted to be. 647 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:23,200 Speaker 1: And then trying to figure out, okay, so how am 648 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:24,960 Speaker 1: I going to evoke the change that I want to see? 649 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,760 Speaker 1: So do you have any tips for people with children 650 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 1: that were just like you know what, how do we 651 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:34,120 Speaker 1: continue to teach them to be empowered? And yeah? Older, So, 652 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:37,120 Speaker 1: first of all, like the idea of being a comfort 653 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,040 Speaker 1: right to your kids and your husband is not an 654 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:44,360 Speaker 1: a noble idea. That is still a noble, very noble idea. 655 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 1: That's awesome, that's super dope. Um, don't downplay that because 656 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:54,239 Speaker 1: especially right now, everybody right, Like I'm sorry, but like 657 00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:56,880 Speaker 1: women are doing a lot of the lifting to keep 658 00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:59,200 Speaker 1: everybody staying in the home and that where is when 659 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:03,360 Speaker 1: you do so, do not think that that's anoble. That's amazing. Um. 660 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 1: I would say though, like if you want to like 661 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 1: take it a step further. We we actually had a 662 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 1: podcast about like what's next. Right, Um, you know there's 663 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,080 Speaker 1: a lot that you can just do in your home, 664 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,080 Speaker 1: obviously donating, obviously, um, you know, just lifting up the 665 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,840 Speaker 1: voices of other people, educating yourselves and your kids. Right, 666 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,640 Speaker 1: Like I went into hardcore like African American studies light 667 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 1: with my daughters, right. I pulled out the history of 668 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,080 Speaker 1: the Caribbean because they have Caribbean ancestry. You know, I talked, 669 00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 1: you know, I pulled out documentaries and you know, I 670 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:38,160 Speaker 1: just wanted them to be ground firmly grounded in who 671 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,480 Speaker 1: they were. Right, you do not want to have a 672 00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:43,520 Speaker 1: black child leave your home. And this is for anyone 673 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,520 Speaker 1: raising black kids, right, even if you are white raising 674 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,560 Speaker 1: a black child, listening to this, you are doing your 675 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:51,680 Speaker 1: child at disservice if you let them leave your home 676 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,960 Speaker 1: and they don't understand the history of who they are 677 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:58,040 Speaker 1: and who they really are, right, So I would say 678 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,000 Speaker 1: that like, that's that is a revolution scenary act that 679 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:06,520 Speaker 1: there in ourself leaving raising a confident, well aware black child, 680 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:12,640 Speaker 1: that is part of adding to forward progress for this country. Um. 681 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,920 Speaker 1: I will also challenge like teaching your kids to speak 682 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:20,680 Speaker 1: up for themselves, right, My daughters that see super dope. 683 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:25,200 Speaker 1: My daughters are super comfortable calling out injustice, right, and 684 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,760 Speaker 1: they're not doing it in a way that's like, you know, rude, 685 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,319 Speaker 1: but but they'll just say, um, you know, hey, I 686 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,400 Speaker 1: think that that's kind of like not cool or not fair, 687 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,840 Speaker 1: Like can we or that person sitting over there by themselves? 688 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,479 Speaker 1: I tell my daughter, I'm like, hey, was there someone 689 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,320 Speaker 1: at the lunch room? And this was back when school 690 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,239 Speaker 1: was in session, was there anyone at the lunch room 691 00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:44,600 Speaker 1: who was sitting by themselves? Did you invite them to 692 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,640 Speaker 1: your table? You know? Was there a kid playing by themselves? 693 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,920 Speaker 1: So advocacy it doesn't always have to be racially motivated 694 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,359 Speaker 1: or racially charged, but teaching your kid to speak up 695 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 1: for others, teaching them that they have a responsibility to 696 00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,279 Speaker 1: include others in what they're doing doing right and and 697 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,000 Speaker 1: they don't. They're not obligated, but you should write like, 698 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:07,279 Speaker 1: if someone's playing by themselves, bring them in, right. Um. 699 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,960 Speaker 1: That helps you grow as a leader, That helps you 700 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,600 Speaker 1: grow as an ally. You know, other people look to 701 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 1: you like, oh man, that that person is super dope. 702 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,400 Speaker 1: Like let me, you know, see what I can do 703 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 1: to support what they're doing, right um. You know, also, 704 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,560 Speaker 1: like you know, my daughter was recently um in The 705 00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,480 Speaker 1: Times for a video she made on digital black face. 706 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,880 Speaker 1: She researched digital black face, she researched black face in America. 707 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:33,360 Speaker 1: Her friends, her friends were changing their Roadblocks avatars to 708 00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:37,120 Speaker 1: black people in supportive black Lives matter, and so she 709 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:44,440 Speaker 1: didn't feel like, okay, what in the world. So she 710 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 1: I said, look, you can handle this. However, these are 711 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 1: your friends. So she made a video instead of making 712 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,719 Speaker 1: those people feel bad, she made a video about it, 713 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,680 Speaker 1: and educational video about it. Put it out there and 714 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,520 Speaker 1: it was picked up. So like I I'll say, you know, 715 00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:02,000 Speaker 1: like teaching them to use the voice in creative ways too, 716 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,239 Speaker 1: that's also part of this process, right, So you know, 717 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:10,719 Speaker 1: hopefully I provided a few examples. I think you've definitely 718 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,200 Speaker 1: provided a few examples. And I know we're going to 719 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,080 Speaker 1: keep you wrong because we have to do listen. Yeah, 720 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:16,520 Speaker 1: do you have like a couple of minutes just for 721 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,839 Speaker 1: us to do. Yeah, as we have to. Okay, great, 722 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:20,800 Speaker 1: but I think I think this was good. There's a 723 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,120 Speaker 1: lot of good information, you know, because as a father, 724 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,560 Speaker 1: you wake up every morning hoping that you won't mess 725 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:29,400 Speaker 1: your kids up yesterday. So hearing from a professional, you 726 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:33,360 Speaker 1: know that, Okay, you're doing all right. You know, I 727 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 1: feel like you know what naturally. Devalue and I we've 728 00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:38,560 Speaker 1: spoken about the fact that we were those children back 729 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 1: in the day where we would see someone alone or 730 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:43,640 Speaker 1: by themselves. For I wasn't clicky with one particular group. 731 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,719 Speaker 1: I kind of like spread the love through everyone we 732 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,800 Speaker 1: moved around, and I can see that already in Jackson. 733 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:51,200 Speaker 1: He's the same exact way. I've told the story before 734 00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:54,359 Speaker 1: about a child in his class feeling sick. Jackson went 735 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,160 Speaker 1: to the bathroom with him, he had a little accident, 736 00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 1: and the person that that the child came back and 737 00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 1: told his mom. The reason why I actually accent to 738 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,240 Speaker 1: go with me was because I know that he wouldn't 739 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,759 Speaker 1: make fun of me or tell anybody, you know. So 740 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:06,440 Speaker 1: that made me feel good because I was like, look, 741 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:12,360 Speaker 1: my baby having competion layers of empathy. I love that. Alright, 742 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,319 Speaker 1: So we're gonna take a quick break and then we're 743 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,640 Speaker 1: gonna come back more with Amber um as we get 744 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,680 Speaker 1: into our listener Letters, which is now devours favorite portion 745 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:22,760 Speaker 1: of the show. He likes to say that's my favorite 746 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:26,839 Speaker 1: part because I'm nosy. However quiet and it's kept. It's 747 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:41,520 Speaker 1: devous favorite portion. So we'll be right back. Thanks for 748 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,240 Speaker 1: sticking around. We're back. We're gonna get into the listener 749 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 1: letters portion of the show. We kept Amber around because 750 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:50,239 Speaker 1: of course, we love to have some expert opinions when 751 00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,040 Speaker 1: y'all write us in, you know, so we can give 752 00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:55,399 Speaker 1: you a nice, full answer. So I'm gonna jump into 753 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:59,120 Speaker 1: the first question. All right, I am an interracial I 754 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:02,400 Speaker 1: am in an inter racial same sex marriage. I'm Jamaican, 755 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:06,680 Speaker 1: but but but yadi link up. I am Jamaican and 756 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:10,160 Speaker 1: my wife is a white Caucasian. I was adopted and 757 00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:13,040 Speaker 1: raised by a white family, so growing up, I've always 758 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,440 Speaker 1: been deemed the whitest black person, which drove me crazy 759 00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: because I'm so articulate, she said, Jesus take the wheel. 760 00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,640 Speaker 1: We're looking to foster and adopt children in the future. However, 761 00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:26,600 Speaker 1: although my wife is aware of systemic racism against people 762 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,520 Speaker 1: of color and has been present for racism that's taken 763 00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:32,880 Speaker 1: place against me, I don't know how prepared she'd be 764 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: to handle potential issues that take place when we have children. 765 00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,719 Speaker 1: I'm sadly prepared for the continued racism that we will 766 00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 1: experience as an interracial lesbian couple and are aware that 767 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:48,000 Speaker 1: we will likely place similar challenges when having children. My 768 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,600 Speaker 1: question is, would it make sense for us to take 769 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:55,200 Speaker 1: courses or work with coaches, etcetera to get us to 770 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:59,200 Speaker 1: better understand how to navigate life as an interracial lesbian 771 00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,040 Speaker 1: couple and how we can do our best to protect 772 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:06,560 Speaker 1: our family dynamics and children's identities in the future. I 773 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:10,080 Speaker 1: thought that was three questions, but that was a whole 774 00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,840 Speaker 1: loaded question. A whole loaded question. Yeah, but um, I 775 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:15,640 Speaker 1: think it was a very well thought out question, and 776 00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,640 Speaker 1: clearly the fact that she is already knowing that she's 777 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:21,800 Speaker 1: going to have to have these conversations with her partner 778 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 1: with these future children. UM, Amber, can you chime in 779 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,520 Speaker 1: and tell us what you're thinking. Maybe the best approach 780 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:30,319 Speaker 1: he's asking, particularly courses or working with coaches. What would 781 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,880 Speaker 1: be the approach here, you think, Yeah, the best approach, um, 782 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,839 Speaker 1: I believe would be to do some sort of counseling 783 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:41,640 Speaker 1: or coaching, right, just so that you guys all have 784 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,839 Speaker 1: the same baseline, right, Like you want to make sure 785 00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:46,799 Speaker 1: you're speaking the same language. You want to make sure 786 00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,120 Speaker 1: that any feelings or emotions that you have, you have 787 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:55,000 Speaker 1: the techniques and the skills to work through those, right. Um, 788 00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:57,280 Speaker 1: you know the fact that your wife is your wife 789 00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,400 Speaker 1: means that she's jumped in the trenches with you, So 790 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:03,200 Speaker 1: she's about the life on some level already. Um, you know, 791 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:09,719 Speaker 1: like right, like right, she's like, Yo, you're it, You're 792 00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,160 Speaker 1: the one. Let's do this. So like, you know, because 793 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:16,120 Speaker 1: of that, like you're already marching in a somewhat uh 794 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:20,440 Speaker 1: similar direction. I would I would definitely try to get 795 00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:24,000 Speaker 1: some sort of counseling, you know, just just to make 796 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,200 Speaker 1: sure that y'all are all on one accord. Because when 797 00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,680 Speaker 1: you bring kids, when when it's two adults, you could 798 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:30,760 Speaker 1: be like I don't like you, I don't like you, alright, 799 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:34,479 Speaker 1: peace by it's over right, When you sprinkling kids into 800 00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:39,680 Speaker 1: a situation, you're sprinkling and nourish, nurturing. Love. Languages are 801 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,879 Speaker 1: very different. Levels of understanding are different. You know, your 802 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:47,160 Speaker 1: partner is going to be a white woman raising and 803 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:49,799 Speaker 1: if you guys adopt children of color, like black or 804 00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:51,839 Speaker 1: non black children, Like, there's a lot that goes into 805 00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:56,200 Speaker 1: that understanding that you know, needs that aren't that might 806 00:40:56,200 --> 00:41:00,239 Speaker 1: not be intuitive, needs to this white your white female partner, right, 807 00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,640 Speaker 1: your wife, so like, there's a lot of education that 808 00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,080 Speaker 1: needs to go into it. And and you know, all 809 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:10,759 Speaker 1: kids are the same, right, but society creates the differences 810 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:14,880 Speaker 1: that are around each child. So hopefully that that's helpful. 811 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:19,160 Speaker 1: You know what, I've noticed that this is very problematic 812 00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:22,759 Speaker 1: for me with interracial couples. It's not the couple, like 813 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,840 Speaker 1: you said, it typically is not the couple. This person 814 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,120 Speaker 1: loves that person. There's nothing wrong with that once you 815 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,560 Speaker 1: sprinkle in children. I always tell the story about the 816 00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:31,960 Speaker 1: young man on my high school football team. His dad 817 00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,839 Speaker 1: was white, his mom was black. We're walking around um 818 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,160 Speaker 1: King's Plaza during a half day and we all have on, 819 00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:41,680 Speaker 1: you know, our football stuff, but we were congregating in 820 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,200 Speaker 1: more than groups of four and during the time, it 821 00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:48,000 Speaker 1: was stopping frisk So we're walking around King's Plaza and 822 00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,080 Speaker 1: they said to us, just the mall in Brooklyn, that 823 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,560 Speaker 1: we look like a gang. So they detained all of us, 824 00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,120 Speaker 1: put us in handcuffs, and we're waiting there and they're like, 825 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:58,600 Speaker 1: you know, we're calling parents. So his dad comes in, 826 00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:00,960 Speaker 1: and his father's white man comes in and just like, 827 00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,880 Speaker 1: what happened? What's the problem. So then his son was 828 00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:05,239 Speaker 1: just like, I, oh, no, we were just walking around 829 00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:06,839 Speaker 1: and they detained us, and he was just like, they 830 00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:10,880 Speaker 1: wouldn't just detain you for no reason. And I was like, 831 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,719 Speaker 1: I was like, bro, he has no He's just like, no, 832 00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,200 Speaker 1: I don't want to hear that. What were you doing? 833 00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:19,080 Speaker 1: And he immediately treated his son as if he was 834 00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,640 Speaker 1: in the wrong. And then his son, you know, looked 835 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,160 Speaker 1: confused and was just like, what do you mean, Like 836 00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:25,000 Speaker 1: this happens all the time, And he's like, that doesn't 837 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,239 Speaker 1: just happen. You must have been doing something. Get your ship, 838 00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,319 Speaker 1: let's go. And here I am saying to myself, his 839 00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:35,640 Speaker 1: father's probably not racist, right, but his father probably doesn't 840 00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:39,320 Speaker 1: understand the black experience. And when you don't educate yourself 841 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:42,120 Speaker 1: when your partner or what they've gone through when things 842 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,319 Speaker 1: like this happened. It can be very problematic. Remember we 843 00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:50,160 Speaker 1: watched American Son. American Son. It was Kerry washington Um. 844 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,239 Speaker 1: She played a black mom who was very protective over 845 00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,960 Speaker 1: her son, had a white father who was a police officer. 846 00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:57,360 Speaker 1: The son ends up getting pulled over by the police 847 00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,239 Speaker 1: and they haven't seen the child and about I think 848 00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:01,960 Speaker 1: it was like a day and a half, so they 849 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:03,319 Speaker 1: were like, where is my son? Who was my son? 850 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,200 Speaker 1: The cop is asking all of these questions as if 851 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:07,560 Speaker 1: his son was going to be treated like a typical 852 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,440 Speaker 1: white inmate, and he wasn't. His son would end up 853 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:11,920 Speaker 1: being murdered, and I don't want to give the movie, 854 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,680 Speaker 1: would end up being murdered at the hands of police 855 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,080 Speaker 1: because he was moving in a manner that he thought 856 00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,960 Speaker 1: was okay, because as a young black man who didn't 857 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,920 Speaker 1: realize his blackness, he thought he had the liberties to 858 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:26,239 Speaker 1: speak back to police and reaching his glove compartment and 859 00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:29,680 Speaker 1: things happen, And I'm like, that becomes problematic for me 860 00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:31,800 Speaker 1: in this country when people say, oh, race doesn't matter, 861 00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,760 Speaker 1: Yes it does. We can't sit here and continuously act 862 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:41,040 Speaker 1: as if we live in a freaking utopia. We don't like. 863 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,120 Speaker 1: There are things that need to be addressed in this country, 864 00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,560 Speaker 1: and for people who do date interracially, there's a lot 865 00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,000 Speaker 1: of work that needs to be on both parts for sure. 866 00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:52,279 Speaker 1: And then and there shouldn't be a downplaying of one's 867 00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:56,200 Speaker 1: experiences versus the other experience, because I think that happens 868 00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,239 Speaker 1: as well to like, oh, developed, I can't experience what 869 00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,320 Speaker 1: you experienced as a black man, and i'm your wife, 870 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,640 Speaker 1: and I don't attest to believe in and be able 871 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,759 Speaker 1: to feel and understand every emotion that you may experience 872 00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:11,080 Speaker 1: as a black man, as a black father raising black son. 873 00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:14,120 Speaker 1: So I think having the compassion and having the foresight 874 00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:15,960 Speaker 1: to say, you know what, I may not understand your 875 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,080 Speaker 1: particular experience, but I can at least empathize, I can listen, 876 00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,640 Speaker 1: I'm willing to learn. Those are some things that I 877 00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,880 Speaker 1: think would work, particularly in this scenario. I'll even go 878 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:26,560 Speaker 1: stuff further because I was having a debate with one 879 00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:28,200 Speaker 1: of my castmates who was a black woman who was 880 00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:30,839 Speaker 1: talking about dating outside of her race, and she has 881 00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:35,120 Speaker 1: said it's not her responsibility as a black woman to 882 00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:38,839 Speaker 1: teach a white man her history, and I said that. 883 00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,399 Speaker 1: I said, let's listen. Now, if you choose to date 884 00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,719 Speaker 1: outside of your race, you also have a responsibility to 885 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:48,560 Speaker 1: not only teach him, but learn his history so you 886 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,560 Speaker 1: can understand where his blind spots, maybe because some of 887 00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:54,640 Speaker 1: his microaggressions may come from him not knowing. You know 888 00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,480 Speaker 1: how many people I know, white and black, growing up 889 00:44:57,480 --> 00:44:59,960 Speaker 1: in the public school system, do not know the true 890 00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:02,719 Speaker 1: history of this country. So when you say things like 891 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:06,360 Speaker 1: systemic or systematic oppression, they're like, I don't even know 892 00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,520 Speaker 1: who that is, right, So you're expecting him to understand 893 00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,880 Speaker 1: your plight as a black person is kind of unfair. 894 00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:14,960 Speaker 1: You got to educate, you know. Can I just say, 895 00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,759 Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you said that, because I run 896 00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,320 Speaker 1: in a lot of circles where people are doing anti 897 00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:23,759 Speaker 1: racism work, and so you know, black people will say, well, 898 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,680 Speaker 1: I'm not teaching white people, and I'm of the I 899 00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:29,800 Speaker 1: will teach whoever will learn, because that's one more person 900 00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:33,799 Speaker 1: who knows. Right, it's exhausting work, right, But we just 901 00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:36,520 Speaker 1: a friend of mine was like, we don't have the numbers, 902 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,520 Speaker 1: and she's right, like, we can't just say assume that 903 00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:43,080 Speaker 1: people are going to magically learn about black culture history 904 00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,799 Speaker 1: just because the information is on Google. You gotta know 905 00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:47,640 Speaker 1: what key words to type in to get the right 906 00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:51,680 Speaker 1: information to begin there. So like, like, honestly, you don't 907 00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:54,200 Speaker 1: have to be that one person on your job teaching 908 00:45:54,280 --> 00:46:00,360 Speaker 1: every white person. Don't put like you don't do that 909 00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:02,280 Speaker 1: to you, don't like here she go again, here she's 910 00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:08,160 Speaker 1: coming again, right exactly. But I will say, like, yo, like, 911 00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:11,400 Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship with someone that's non black, 912 00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:14,560 Speaker 1: you know, whether Asian or Hispanic or white or whatever, like, 913 00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,480 Speaker 1: you got to bring them along because they've jumped into 914 00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:19,920 Speaker 1: this pit with you, right, Like they don't they might 915 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:23,200 Speaker 1: not know what they got into. Yeah, right, thanks for 916 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,120 Speaker 1: saying that. Thanks for saying that. Oh my goodness and births. 917 00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,400 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, you know, for taking time to 918 00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:31,560 Speaker 1: chat with us again. And I feel like there's so 919 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:35,440 Speaker 1: many untouched areas that we can speak about. But we 920 00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:37,200 Speaker 1: may have to have her back because we have something, 921 00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:41,560 Speaker 1: we have some stuff I think you would be great 922 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:44,319 Speaker 1: to chime in on. So um, so yeah, thank you 923 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,680 Speaker 1: so much for your time. Go kiss those beautiful girls. 924 00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:52,600 Speaker 1: Yeah awesome you guys. First of all, thank you guys, 925 00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:54,680 Speaker 1: y'all are the best. I love you guys. Y'all are 926 00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:58,440 Speaker 1: amazing great examples of like just two people just doing 927 00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:01,239 Speaker 1: the best that they can parenting and relationship wise. Please 928 00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:04,239 Speaker 1: keep that up because we need more great examples, you know, 929 00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:08,400 Speaker 1: for real, for real? Um yeah, absolutely. People can find 930 00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,839 Speaker 1: me on Twitter. I'm better on Twitter than I am 931 00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:13,839 Speaker 1: on Instagram and TikTok. So I'm at mom of All 932 00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:18,280 Speaker 1: Capes everywhere, Mom of all capes. Um. And then also 933 00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:21,480 Speaker 1: check out our Let's K twelve Better podcast, you know, 934 00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:23,680 Speaker 1: so you know, we do my kids and I do 935 00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:26,120 Speaker 1: a lot of talking together as a family. So if 936 00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:27,759 Speaker 1: you want to learn how do I talk to my 937 00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,560 Speaker 1: kids about topics, check out our podcast. We do a 938 00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,560 Speaker 1: ton of modeling at the Let's K twelve Better podcast. 939 00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:39,520 Speaker 1: All right, so I think we should move into the 940 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,920 Speaker 1: moment of truth. Babe, have you been taking notes science 941 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,040 Speaker 1: that you had Japan and whatnot? We first of all, 942 00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:47,960 Speaker 1: because if you'd like to be featured as one of 943 00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:53,920 Speaker 1: our listening at gmail dot com, give them the email 944 00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,560 Speaker 1: one more time. The email is dead ass Advice at 945 00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:59,839 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. That's d E A D A S 946 00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:04,719 Speaker 1: S A d V I c E at gmail. There 947 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,279 Speaker 1: you go, all right, So then I guess, is it 948 00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:10,839 Speaker 1: a moment of truth time? Now after I did all 949 00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:12,719 Speaker 1: the heavy lifting. You know what I'm saying. You know 950 00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:15,800 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Okay, fine, Well my moment of truth 951 00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:18,799 Speaker 1: was actually pulled from something Amber said, which I think 952 00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:20,839 Speaker 1: is great because I love when we have somebody who's 953 00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,919 Speaker 1: an expert in a particular field. I can just learn 954 00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:26,200 Speaker 1: from an absorb. So my moment of truth is to 955 00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:31,000 Speaker 1: be not an enabler, but an empower when it comes 956 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,800 Speaker 1: to my children, and that can work for so many 957 00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:38,279 Speaker 1: different areas of their life. Me be wanting to be 958 00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,600 Speaker 1: the comfort you know, for them and having to be 959 00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:42,640 Speaker 1: able to fight all their battles and you know, not 960 00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:46,120 Speaker 1: have racism or any of that being experienced by them, um, 961 00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:49,520 Speaker 1: but making sure that I am a place of comfort, yes, 962 00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,520 Speaker 1: but also empowering at the same time. So that was 963 00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:56,120 Speaker 1: my takeaway. That was a good moment of that school 964 00:48:56,239 --> 00:49:03,239 Speaker 1: School School. I guess its levels to the moment of truth. 965 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,880 Speaker 1: So the first one for me is love is a 966 00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:10,000 Speaker 1: revolutionary act because you know, first of all, teaching your 967 00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:13,480 Speaker 1: children how to love can change the world. Teaching them 968 00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:16,440 Speaker 1: to love themselves literally change can change the world. And 969 00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:18,880 Speaker 1: teach them to love people who look like them and 970 00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:20,879 Speaker 1: don't look like them can change the world. So love 971 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,239 Speaker 1: is a revolutionary act. The second one is building the 972 00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:26,600 Speaker 1: capacity to be resilient. Right the way I've learned to 973 00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:29,720 Speaker 1: build my children's capacity to be resilient is by giving 974 00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:33,319 Speaker 1: them their history. Because if you understand the history of 975 00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:37,880 Speaker 1: Black American people, you see that we are a resilient people. 976 00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:40,799 Speaker 1: And if you hear our history, and isn't it I mean, 977 00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:42,840 Speaker 1: if you think about where we came from in Africa, 978 00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:45,280 Speaker 1: only the strong survived to get here to the shores 979 00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:49,600 Speaker 1: of Jamestown. Then only the strong survived slavery, then slot 980 00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:53,759 Speaker 1: survived the Civil War, then survived Jim Crow, you know, 981 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,319 Speaker 1: like the stronger here. So you have to think about 982 00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,800 Speaker 1: the fact that you're here means that you're a survivor. 983 00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,000 Speaker 1: And what that will do is in turn empower your 984 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:03,799 Speaker 1: children to be resilient because they realize that we've come 985 00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:06,000 Speaker 1: a long way, we still have a long way to go, 986 00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:07,759 Speaker 1: but you can be a part of the fight. So 987 00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,520 Speaker 1: this is amazing in the capacity to be resilient for sure, 988 00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:13,520 Speaker 1: through history and through facts and through knowledge. And we 989 00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:16,200 Speaker 1: got some stuff coming up from we do got some 990 00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:21,800 Speaker 1: stuff coming up. I know, I know, I'm excited about 991 00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:25,160 Speaker 1: it as well too, So be sure to follow us 992 00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:29,000 Speaker 1: on social media at we have an Instagram page out y'all. 993 00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,080 Speaker 1: I'll be let me tell you see the floor as 994 00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:33,320 Speaker 1: all the gifts, you guys are getting all the things, 995 00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:37,200 Speaker 1: all the gifts, okay um, Dead as the Podcast on 996 00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:40,759 Speaker 1: Instagram and then of course Cadine I am and I 997 00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:43,880 Speaker 1: am develop And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be 998 00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:49,040 Speaker 1: sure to rate, review and subscribe, I mean, wherever you listen, rate, review, subscribe, 999 00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:52,319 Speaker 1: spread the word. 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