WEBVTT - High Class Poop

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<v Speaker 1>Was it art?

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<v Speaker 2>Was it criticism? Not sure. It's one more thing.

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<v Speaker 1>Armstrong and Getty.

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<v Speaker 3>One more thing.

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<v Speaker 2>I looked into this story. About a, well, the headline was.

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<v Speaker 2>Parent caught on video defecating inside rival high school after

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<v Speaker 2>playoff football blowout.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, the whole family's invested in the success of

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<v Speaker 1>Central against South. I mean, South sucks. Got everybody pulling

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<v Speaker 1>together and pooping together.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know where this is and it doesn't matter,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's the Grosse Pointe Public School System.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, that's a very affluent Michigan suburb. Oh, really?

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<v Speaker 2>So it's rich parents defecating in the hallway after a.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, high-class poop. A lot of soy latte in there and.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, come on.

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<v Speaker 2>Kale.

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<v Speaker 1>Kale and.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay. All right.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Like your finer cuts of beef.

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<v Speaker 3>I expect more from you.

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<v Speaker 1>High class fecus. Is that lobster?

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<v Speaker 2>Can't stop him.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, you too. Good. Glad. There you go. The day

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<v Speaker 1>is lost, Katie.

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<v Speaker 2>So a TV journalist contacted the school. The gross point... Yeah, obviously.

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<v Speaker 1>Puts the gross back in gross point. Obviously.

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<v Speaker 2>I'll get to some of the comments here in a

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<v Speaker 2>second on the... Facebook, but a lot of people making

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<v Speaker 2>the gross point, yes.

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<v Speaker 1>Ironically, the game was against nearby shit city. Oh, good.

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<v Speaker 2>God dang it. I'm not sure that's correct. You're not

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<v Speaker 2>sure that's correct, Mike. The Gross Point Public School System

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<v Speaker 2>confirms with me, says this reporter, that a parent of

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<v Speaker 2>a Bedford High School student allegedly entered Grosse Pointe South

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<v Speaker 2>High School without authorization because if he had been authorized

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<v Speaker 2>to go in there and shit on the floor, I

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<v Speaker 2>think it would have been fine.

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<v Speaker 1>Sign here. Sign here. Initial here. And here. Okay. You're

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<v Speaker 1>good to go.

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<v Speaker 2>Going to need a thumbprint.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Entered without authorization following Friday night's football game and defecated

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<v Speaker 2>on the hallway floor. District officials say security camera footage

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<v Speaker 2>confirmed the incident. God, if you do this, do you

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<v Speaker 2>really think there's not a camera somewhere catching you here

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<v Speaker 2>and you're going to end up, your name is going

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<v Speaker 2>to be out there?

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<v Speaker 1>If you get to, you know I would, but I

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<v Speaker 1>fear getting caught because the presence of security cameras. You're

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<v Speaker 1>already a nut job.

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<v Speaker 2>That's true. If you're the sort of person that would

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<v Speaker 2>if there weren't cameras.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd crap in my kid's rival high school if I

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<v Speaker 1>could get away with it.

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<v Speaker 3>This is one of the more strange things I'm going

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<v Speaker 3>to say, but I want to be in their head

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<v Speaker 3>when the.

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<v Speaker 2>Idea pops up initially i know what i'll do.

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<v Speaker 3>Then the when i'm getting how am i going to

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<v Speaker 3>make the plan i want to be there for the

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<v Speaker 3>the plan development and then the thought process on the

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<v Speaker 3>way to the location where you are going to do

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<v Speaker 3>this because you have a lot of time with yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Well this was a uh playoff football game and gross

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<v Speaker 2>point didn't defeat bedford 42 nothing So I think the

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<v Speaker 2>parent was feeling like, man, we really stuck it to you.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, this is how much we stuck it to you.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess.

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<v Speaker 2>Sort of enthusiasm.

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<v Speaker 1>That seems gratuitous, given the aforementioned sound beating. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but here's the part I knew Joe would like.

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<v Speaker 2>In a statement, the district called the behavior wholly unacceptable.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just for the record. They said

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<v Speaker 1>it was acceptable? To shit on the floor.

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<v Speaker 2>Of the high school.

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<v Speaker 3>Partially acceptable.

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<v Speaker 2>Or unacceptable. Mostly okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Somewhat acceptable. I just, I want to be clear on this.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay-ish.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>Right. Look, we don't love it, but who are we to,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, quibble over something like that?

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<v Speaker 3>Okay-ish.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>That's funny. Wow.

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<v Speaker 2>The district called the behavior wholly unacceptable. emphasizing that adults

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<v Speaker 2>attending high school sporting events are expected to demonstrate the

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<v Speaker 2>same respect and sportsmanship demanded of student athletes and not

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<v Speaker 2>shit on the floor. It didn't include that, but I

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<v Speaker 2>just threw that at the end.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't really need to explain yourselves.

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<v Speaker 3>Is that the principal?

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<v Speaker 2>We're with you. That statement has vice principal written all

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<v Speaker 2>over it. I've got a lifelong hatred of vice principals.

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<v Speaker 1>Read that statement again.

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<v Speaker 2>The district called the behavior wholly unacceptable, emphasizing that adults

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<v Speaker 2>attending high school sporting events are expected to demonstrate the

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<v Speaker 2>same respect and sportsmanship demanded of student-athletes and not shit

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<v Speaker 2>on the floor. Again, that last.

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<v Speaker 1>Thought I added. Wow. Can you imagine? You're talking to

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<v Speaker 1>the person who has performed the aforementioned act saying, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>we expect parents to uphold the same. You're talking to

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<v Speaker 1>a floor shitter. What do you think you're going to

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<v Speaker 1>accomplish with this earnest screed?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's going to be the breakthrough conversation with the

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<v Speaker 3>floor shitter.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my God, you know what?

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<v Speaker 2>You know what?

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<v Speaker 1>I am so sorry.

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<v Speaker 2>Suddenly, this makes sense.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, you know. Of course, like my kid, I must uphold.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Lord.

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<v Speaker 2>When I look at it from your point of view,

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<v Speaker 2>you're right.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that makes sense.

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<v Speaker 2>I shouldn't have shit on the floor of an opposing

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<v Speaker 2>school's Yeah. I never saw it that way.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because everybody ought to uphold the same standards of sportsmanship.

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<v Speaker 1>Parents and kids alike, as you mentioned. Right.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Thank God for this memo. Some of the comments

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<v Speaker 2>are good. I don't find this funny at all, and

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<v Speaker 2>I find it disgusting. Shame on the adult who did this.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm in agreement. Wow.

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<v Speaker 3>That person's a blast at parties.

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<v Speaker 2>Adults are supposed to be role models to their children.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. Okay. Is that just incredibly dry, double reverse humor,

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<v Speaker 1>or is that a sincere comment online?

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<v Speaker 2>Based on reading our text line every single day, I

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<v Speaker 2>think that's a sincere comment. I don't find this funny,

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<v Speaker 2>and I find it disgusting. Shame on the adult who

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<v Speaker 2>did this.

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<v Speaker 1>What about it is disgusting to you?

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<v Speaker 2>Could you clarify?

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<v Speaker 1>The bowel movement left on the floor of a high

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<v Speaker 1>school or what?

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<v Speaker 2>Then there's this one completely the other side of it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm only commenting because I can't believe people have taken

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<v Speaker 2>the time to start an investigation. Someone shit on the floor.

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<v Speaker 2>Who cares?

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<v Speaker 1>See, that's the sort of laissez-faire attitude that's going to

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<v Speaker 1>just you're going to have floor shittings all over the place.

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<v Speaker 1>If you, you know, act like that.

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<v Speaker 2>That person's from San Francisco. Takes all of us.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Right. Right.

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<v Speaker 2>Who won the game is one question. It was a

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<v Speaker 2>gross point, as I mentioned earlier. 42-0. That's great.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow. Wow. I expect better than that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>From my parents and students, because they all must share

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<v Speaker 1>in the blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Wow. I know what

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to do.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's a tough one. What do you do with

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<v Speaker 2>human beings like that? There's no point in even attempting

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<v Speaker 2>to reason with them or anything, as we've been discussing.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what you do. I guess you just

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<v Speaker 2>have to go with, like, we're going to give you

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<v Speaker 2>a fine for $ 1, 000 because of this or that or

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<v Speaker 2>violate this or that, and then hope that that punishment

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<v Speaker 2>stops them from doing that. There's no point appealing to Decency, logic, decorum, class,

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<v Speaker 2>anything like that for obvious reasons.

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<v Speaker 1>Put them in the pillory. I remember learning, I think

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<v Speaker 1>it was in high school, that the stocks are when

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<v Speaker 1>your feet are clamped, are being held, but the pillories

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<v Speaker 1>where your head is sticking through in your arms, and

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<v Speaker 1>have them pelted with rotten tomatoes there for a while

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<v Speaker 1>in the town square. Stick them in the pillory for

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<v Speaker 1>a day. We need more of that. Do you think

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<v Speaker 1>this person is dangerous, or do you just think they

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<v Speaker 1>have a weird sense of humor?

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<v Speaker 2>They're probably not dangerous.

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<v Speaker 3>That's a form of being a psycho, though, isn't it?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that could go either way. Yeah, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry. Do we have male or female?

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<v Speaker 2>The fuzzy picture they have on here, but I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know if this is from the actual video. The fuzzy

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<v Speaker 2>picture they have on here is a male. Okay. Looks

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<v Speaker 2>to be a male, yeah. I know a female who

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<v Speaker 2>did this sort of thing once.

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<v Speaker 1>Tighten that focus.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, to the easier criminal. I know a female.

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<v Speaker 2>I've told this story before. I knew her quite well

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<v Speaker 2>back in the day. And she wasn't proud of this,

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<v Speaker 2>but she had told the story of an, I think

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<v Speaker 2>in high school, her boyfriend cheated on her. So late

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<v Speaker 2>at night, she climbed up on the hood of her

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<v Speaker 2>boyfriend's car.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, no. Not really.

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<v Speaker 2>This is not.

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<v Speaker 1>Why are we doing this?

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<v Speaker 2>And she was otherwise a very normal person. Her name

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<v Speaker 2>was Amber Heard.

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<v Speaker 1>Allegedly. Fecal matter.

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<v Speaker 2>I would never do that. I don't have that sort

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<v Speaker 2>of timing. I mean, I'm not that sort of guy

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<v Speaker 2>for whatever reasons.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, everything would have to come together.

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<v Speaker 2>I'd have to get a long book and a lawn

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<v Speaker 2>chair and sit next to the car all afternoon. And

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<v Speaker 2>hope that the timing struck. I mean, I've got no

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<v Speaker 2>prediction powers around this.

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<v Speaker 1>My. Plus, what we see here is the overemphasis on

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<v Speaker 1>the importance of high school sports. I think, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>college sports. certainly. Oh, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Poop away. I mean, come on, your alma mater.

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<v Speaker 1>Right. Wow.

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<v Speaker 2>That's a good story. I imagine, I got to believe

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<v Speaker 2>that the video is going to come out and that

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<v Speaker 2>the person will be caught and then they hopefully.

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<v Speaker 2>Definitely a dude, by the way. Of course. But in

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<v Speaker 2>the modern world, the person's name will come out where

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<v Speaker 2>they were. They'll probably get fired from their job, which

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<v Speaker 2>might be appropriate.

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<v Speaker 1>He told a poop doxer.

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<v Speaker 2>Then there'll be a GoFundMe. There will be some sort

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<v Speaker 2>of blowback to how hard people go down.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not giving to that GoFundMe.

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<v Speaker 3>Blowback for the blowout?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes. Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>Suspect told the police that it was a medical emergency. Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>that's a good dodge. That's a good one. That's a

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<v Speaker 2>good dodge. I couldn't help it.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, what?

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<v Speaker 2>You're going to come down on me because I'm, I'm,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm suffering from whatever. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I was going to make a donation to their athletic department.

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<v Speaker 1>Cause obviously, you know, they're struggling and I felt bad

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<v Speaker 1>watching them get beat 42 to nothing or whatever it was.

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<v Speaker 1>And then as I was making my way to the

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<v Speaker 1>ADS office, I was beset by a sudden irresistible urge

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<v Speaker 1>must be my GLP ones or something. I don't know. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what I'd have my lawyer say for sure. And

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<v Speaker 1>then if I were found guilty, I'd crap right on

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<v Speaker 1>the judge's desk.

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<v Speaker 2>Right there.

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<v Speaker 1>I knew you were going to say that. Show him.

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<v Speaker 1>Show him. Take that, your honor.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like when the video comes out, you'd be

0:11:21.190 --> 0:11:24.510
<v Speaker 2>able to tell by the way the person walks or

0:11:24.650 --> 0:11:26.860
<v Speaker 2>squats or acts whether or not this was like a

0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:31.219
<v Speaker 2>deliberate FU gesture or a medical emergency. I mean, if

0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:35.040
<v Speaker 2>you're like running, kind of like looking for a bathroom. Really,

0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:37.400
<v Speaker 2>that's a different thing than if you're looking around like

0:11:37.460 --> 0:11:39.400
<v Speaker 2>a criminal with a big smile on your face and

0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:40.920
<v Speaker 2>you pull up.

0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:43.620
<v Speaker 1>Trying to find the right spot like your dog does outside.

0:11:43.660 --> 0:11:48.300
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, exactly. Scratching at the floor with your feet. Oh, my.

0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:50.570
<v Speaker 1>Walking around in circles. Would you please just go?

0:11:51.630 --> 0:11:52.569
<v Speaker 2>That's probably enough of this.

0:11:53.670 --> 0:11:54.630
<v Speaker 1>At least enough, yeah.

0:11:56.210 --> 0:11:58.510
<v Speaker 2>You know the video will be on the internet with

0:11:58.550 --> 0:12:00.440
<v Speaker 2>the Benny Hill theme probably underneath it.

0:12:00.670 --> 0:12:03.390
<v Speaker 1>Oh, yeah. Makes everything better. Well.

0:12:03.809 --> 0:12:04.500
<v Speaker 2>I guess that's it.