WEBVTT - #180 Life Changing Decision. When Should You Call The Cops? 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:05.320 I hate that this is the world that we live in. 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:24.240 We're fourteen year old is left with such a massive decision. Hey, everybody, 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:27.560 welcome to the podcast, episode one eighty. Thank you for 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:30.400 being here. We're gonna have some fun. Let's chat a 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:32.680 little bit. What I do here is I answer your questions. 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:36.720 You email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. I 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:39.840 walk through them. I answer them like two friends sitting 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:42.400 in the cab of a truck having a conversation. There's 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:44.360 nothing more to it. I don't have notes in front 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:46.640 of me, or a bunch of famous quotes or books, 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:48.640 or I haven't even prepped your emails. I just go 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:52.080 and cold into the inbox of Grangersmith podcast at gmail 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:54.560 dot com and we talked through some of this stuff. 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:57.560 So feel free email me. Could be about any subject. 0:00:58.720 --> 0:01:03.080 Let's dive in. First question. Subdecline says traveling with discipline. 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:06.240 Email says, Hey Grange, I'm twenty seven years old. I've 0:01:06.360 --> 0:01:09.160 travel nurse from Indiana. I work the night shift and 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:11.680 travel a lot. I've listened to all of your podcast 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:15.800 I often think about you talking about your discipline and 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:18.440 making your quiet time and the word priority when you 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:21.080 get up each day. What did this look like for 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:23.759 you when you first started this routine or how did 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:26.920 you make it a consistent discipline while traveling, doing a podcast, 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:28.800 doing shows, and all the other incredible things you do. 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:32.280 For me, the hardest part of starting a new contract 0:01:32.680 --> 0:01:36.200 a new routine every three months is consistency. I found 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:38.760 it to be especially difficult since I also travel or 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:41.800 have friends and family that I visit in the midst 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:44.800 of my contracts in the new towns, and my schedule 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:47.680 is ever changing with work in the night shift. How 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:50.120 do you find consistency in such a go go go 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:54.640 lifestyle in constantly changing environments? And it says ps, I'm 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:56.560 excited to travel back and see you in my hometown 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:58.560 in Indiana and in April for my dad's birthday. My 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.080 whole family's looking forward to this. Thanks for the way 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:04.800 you live at your faith and discipleship. Well, thank you, Katie. 0:02:05.320 --> 0:02:08.600 Excuse me, Kathy, Yeah, Kathy, you didn't say your name, 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:11.200 but I'm just reading enough for you, know, Kathy. Thank 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:14.160 you so much for the kind words and the encouragement, 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:17.480 and thank you for working the night shift. You are 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:20.079 one of those people in the third shift keeping America 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:23.480 rolling twenty four to seven. And you know my other 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:25.320 one of my other jobs is I'm a radio host, 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:27.600 an overnight radio host for a show called after Midnight 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:31.280 on iHeart, and I talk a lot to the third shifters. 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:34.120 So thank you for what you do, Kathy. Let's dive 0:02:34.160 --> 0:02:37.639 into your question. It's a good question, it's a solid question, 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:39.959 and there's a couple of ways to answer it. One 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:43.200 just broad stroke and then the other one is practically. 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:49.160 So let's start at the broad stroke, thinking broadly, just 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:53.079 a big general idea about what does it mean to 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:58.400 use your words to make your quiet time in the word, 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:02.360 what is it? What does it mean for your life 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:12.160 to do that? Let's think about it, just very very general. Okay, 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:17.480 if we are true disciples, if we are truly following 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:21.760 the first Commandment and seeking the Lord, our God first 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:26.240 above everything else, if we're doing that, and he says 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:30.640 that he speaks to us through his living breathing word, 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:33.840 it is our bread, is what we hunger for. Is 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:38.119 it's what satisfies us beyond everything else that we could 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:44.720 possibly eat or drink, or enjoy or make or create ourselves. 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.280 Wouldn't you think if just looking from the outside in, 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:53.440 would you think we would make a priority over everything 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:58.160 to read his word daily, to have that quiet time, 0:03:58.400 --> 0:04:00.680 to have that alone time when we could, we could, 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:04.640 we could pray and read every single day. Wouldn't you 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:07.680 think outside looking in? You know, so you're you're an 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:11.000 alien looking at this planet. And we said we worship 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:14.880 our Lord, our God above everything. And then they say, 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:17.120 well what do you do to do that? And you go, 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:21.200 well when I sometimes I have trouble making time for it. 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:25.200 The aliens would then say, well, then you're then He's 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:29.600 not not your lord. Your job is, your friends or 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:33.599 your family is, your kids are, your hobbies are, but 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:38.320 not God not because you have trouble making a priority. 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:40.599 So what if you looked at it that way? And 0:04:40.640 --> 0:04:42.640 I'm not calling you out, I'm not calling anybody out. 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:44.680 I know what this is. I was, you know, I 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:47.120 lived in cultural Christianity for a long time. It sounds 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:49.040 like you're not. It sounds like you're fighting against it. 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.880 Good for you. But what if you just looked at 0:04:51.920 --> 0:04:56.320 it that practically, if you didn't really make time because 0:04:56.320 --> 0:05:01.520 you didn't have time, or you weren't consistent about creating time, 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:04.839 then that would just simply reflect that you didn't care 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:08.520 as much as you say you do. So when I 0:05:08.560 --> 0:05:11.640 came up with that mentality my head, that was a 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:15.200 real motivator for me. I was like, man, everything I'm 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:17.280 reading in here says that we need to trust him 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:21.440 above our own understanding, that we need to focus on 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:24.640 him things that are above, things that are unseen. We 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:28.640 need to focus on those things. And so in order 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:32.880 to do that, the very first step is making a 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:38.680 priority to do those things above everything. And so I 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:41.119 had to make up my mind that nothing in my life, 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:44.200 not my wife, not my kids, not my job, not 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:49.799 the most urgent appointment, is more important than my quiet time. 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:53.680 I had to make that commitment. I had to from 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:56.560 my own sanity. It also comes with a knowledge that 0:05:57.240 --> 0:06:01.279 after so many years of being a busy guy, an entertainer, 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:05.200 a guy that's quote unquote in the spotlight. After so 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:08.880 many years, I've just learned that there's always another something. 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:14.400 There's always another something interview, There's always another important thing, 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:19.320 another important radio interview, another important late night show. You 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:23.240 got to be on, another important album or single, or 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:27.960 sermon or church whatever could let's go spiritual too, could 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:30.760 be could be there's always another sermon you got to 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:34.760 write there's always another church event you have to attend. 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:40.800 It doesn't matter. There's always something else. And yet sometimes 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:43.320 we live in a world where we think this one 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:45.680 is so important. I have to concentrate on this and 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:48.159 then I'll do the Bible thing, the reading. I'll do 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:52.159 that later, but not today. There's too many things that 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:57.680 get done today. You know. Martin Luther had an interesting quote. 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:03.719 He said, I have I'm totally paraphrasing, okay. Martin Luther said, 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:08.039 I have so much going on, it's gonna take me 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:15.040 weeks to pray through all of this. Right. So Martin 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:17.280 Luther was looking at it in terms of he had 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:19.640 he had so many hours in a day, and when 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:21.720 they were full, when they were busy, that means he 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:24.000 had to use more of those hours to pray for 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:26.800 all the other things that were keeping him busy, knowing 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:31.560 that he relied completely upon that prayer. Do we think 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:36.520 like that? Man? I don't. I try to. I want to. 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:40.720 I need to. It starts with a discipline, though, it 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:43.600 starts with getting my head straight. It starts it starts 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:49.040 with thinking nothing nothing is more important than this time 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:52.600 in the word okay. So that's the general broadchbook now 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:58.240 let's get practical. During my heavy cultural Christianity days, I 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:01.840 was into the self help movement. In fact, my brother 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:04.320 Tyler has corrected me, it's not grandeur, it's not. No 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:08.280 one says self help anymore. Now they say personal development. Okay. 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:12.880 So it was very into personal development, making myself better, 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:17.720 you know, trusting myself, getting myself right, getting my head right, 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:21.160 doing my meditation, you know, get getting my stuff straight 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:25.000 part of that. In that development, I read a book 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:30.240 called The Miracle Morning. In The Miracle Morning, it described 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:34.880 carving out time every morning, waking up before everyone else 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:40.200 and carving out time to do your self improvement, self help, 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:44.200 personal development things, and you could divide them up into 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.120 like ten minute segments. So say you get up an 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:48.640 hour earlier than you would have or an hour earlier 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:52.040 than everyone in the house, then you have five segments 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:56.040 of ten minutes ish to do stuff. Give or take 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:58.360 a few minutes here and there. You could have a 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:01.080 fifteen minute segment here, five minute segment here, are twelve 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:04.000 minute segment here. But it's about five four to six 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:08.040 segments of things you could do. So I had that 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:17.359 divided up into like meditation, visualization, reading, some non fiction books, journaling, 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:25.760 listening to a podcast, breathing exercises. There's all kinds of 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:29.160 things that I could try here and there. When I 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:35.240 was reborn as a Christian, radically reborn, realizing the stuff 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:37.600 I talked about at the beginning about if we don't 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:39.720 have this stuff as a priority, then that it's not 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:42.840 a priority. When I realized that, I thought, well, cool, 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:47.360 here's what I'll do. I already have this this morning 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:51.320 set aside, that I'm doing this consistently. So instead of 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:54.440 all this stuff, the visualizations and the meditations and all 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:58.200 that stuff, I'll just replace it with my Bible reading. 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:01.440 It started out I was just reading the Bible, just 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:04.719 straight through, just just going, started at Matthew one, and 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:07.320 I would just read until, you know, for about forty 0:10:07.320 --> 0:10:10.640 five minutes or an hour, they just keep going. Then 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:12.720 that after I did that a couple of times all 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:17.440 the way through, I started a plan which is a 0:10:17.480 --> 0:10:19.719 plan that I still do the same plan today. It's 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:22.640 called the McShane plan. It gets me through the Old 0:10:22.640 --> 0:10:26.720 Testament once, the New Testament twice, and the Psalms twice 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:32.240 in one year. That helped me to keep track of 0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:35.640 how far I was going, not reading too little, not 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:38.959 reading too much, reading the perfect amount, the Goldilocks amount, 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:42.800 and then being able to meditate on that word itself. 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.720 That McShane plan then replaced my miracle morning and it 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:51.720 became part of my routine. Then after that, knowing that 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:54.000 I here, it is here, I have a plan, this 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:55.880 is my time and the word I'm gonna pray, I'm 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:59.240 gonna read my McShane plan. After that, I'm gonna meditate. 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:02.360 I'm gonna find me what's something that sticks out to me, 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:04.719 and I'm gonna post it on social media, and I'm 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:07.760 gonna post that verse and a quick thought about it 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:10.280 on social media, not so that I could show the 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:13.960 world that I'm reading, but to keep me accountable that 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:18.320 I'm concentrating on my reading, because I would get through 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:21.439 in what it is, it's four chapters a day. That's 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:23.960 how you get through the micshane plan. Four chapters a day, 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:31.480 and it assigns it for you in order, and somewhat 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:34.079 I would get through, and i'd be on the fourth 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:37.520 chapter and I would think, and it would be it's 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:43.120 typically like an old Testament, a New Testament, a Psalm, 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:46.640 a New Testament, something like that, and I would think 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:49.600 about the fourth chapter. Man, I don't know if I've 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:53.920 been focusing enough on what to post on social media. 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:57.400 So then I'd go back and start studying back again 0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:00.640 what I read and recapping it. We're seeing me to 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:04.480 concentrate enough to make some kind of statement on social media. 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:06.800 So that's what I was doing it for myself, so 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:10.120 that I would force myself to concentrate, keep myself accountable. 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:15.079 Then you ask a question, that's keep me going, okay, 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:19.640 So then I needed to apply that to every morning, 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:23.360 to every single day of my life. I had to 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:30.199 so for the last man probably three years. It's probably 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:35.760 probably been about three years since I missed a morning 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:42.679 of doing this. That's crazy, that's crazy. But yeah, it's 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:46.600 been you know, about a thousand days of doing this. 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:53.000 Never miss. I never miss. And I'm assuming you probably 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:56.679 have an idea that that I travel a lot, I've 0:12:56.679 --> 0:12:58.199 got a lot of stuff going on. I've got a 0:12:58.240 --> 0:12:59.520 lot of I'm kind of pulled in a lot of 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:04.200 directions I get. I got a lot of emails, a 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:06.880 lot of different deadlines that I have to make. I 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:11.160 never miss my reading over a thousand days of it. 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:13.960 And I don't say that in any way to brag. 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:18.080 That is not what this conversation is about. Because it 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:21.480 is by God's grace alone that I return every morning 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.959 to that book. It's by God's grace alone that I 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:28.400 even have the craving at all to read the book. 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:31.200 It's by God's grace alone that I even wake up 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:35.320 a Christian every morning. It's like I wake up in 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:38.160 the morning, I'm like, still, I still love God, i 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.040 still want to read his word. I'm still a Christian. 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:45.640 That is not my own doing, because I am so 0:13:45.920 --> 0:13:50.760 selfish and self righteous and sinful and wicked inside me 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.840 that if it was up to me, I would be 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:57.280 lazy and sleep in and move along and forget it 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.880 and not want to quote waste my time on something 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:04.559 like that. So it is by God's grace alone that 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:10.960 I even wake up kneading, craving, hungry, thirsty, needing it 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:16.679 for me again, So this is not bragging. You see 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:21.040 what I mean? Okay, So even more practically than that, 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:23.240 when I'm in an airport, I do it in an airport. 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:26.080 Now if I sometimes my alarm has to go off 0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:30.760 at three fifteen am because I have to be in 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:35.360 an airport shuttle at three point thirty, right, So I'm 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.960 not getting up at two fifteen to read the Bible. 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:40.880 See what I mean. If I'm getting up at three 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:42.680 fifteen to go to the airport, I'm not getting up 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:46.320 at two fifteen to read or do whatever. I'm gonna 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:48.200 get up at three fifteen. I'm gonna get I'm gonna 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.520 go straight to the brush, my teeth, get dressed, get 0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:53.320 on the airport shuttle. But then when I get to 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:56.680 the terminal that morning, guess what I've got. I've got 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:58.920 an hour. So I've been sitting in the terminal. I 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:02.880 pop some headphones in to reduce distractions around me and 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:05.320 pull up my micshade plan. I do it on my 0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:08.280 iPad so they don't have to have heavy books around. 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.720 I just got my iPad and I go to the 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.680 logos app, which is what I use, and my mcshaine 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:19.040 plan is loaded in there, and I hit read go 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:24.240 and it pulls up my next morning reading right away. 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:26.480 And then when I finish that chapter, I hit next 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:29.320 it pops up the next one. So part of that, 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:30.760 part of the reason I say that, is because it's 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:37.040 eliminating distractions, or it's eliminating things that would make me 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:40.520 possibly say I gotta skip this morning. I don't know 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:43.280 where I am, or I forgot my notes, or I 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:46.520 forgot my bi I left my Bible at home. Guess 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:49.840 what that logos app If I don't have my iPad, 0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:52.640 It's also on my phone, my cell phone, and they're synced. 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:56.360 So I always have my phone. So if I forget, 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:58.640 if I'm in a place when I maybe my iPad's 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:00.800 out of battery or I don't, I'll have my backpack. 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:03.520 For whatever reason, I got my phone, so I read 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:10.720 it on the phone. I've done this on airplanes, trains, buses, shuttles, ubers, taxis, 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:15.280 amber driving while I'm reading. Most of my time is 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:19.360 actually in a hotel with a cup of coffee or 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:26.040 in my own home. But I never ever miss I don't. 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:28.600 I mean, I've been, I've been. I was on a 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:32.440 mission trip recently and we had a lot of early mornings. 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:36.920 We'd get up super early, and I would I would calculate, 0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:41.320 this is is it too early to get up before 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:44.160 that and read If it is, If the enters yes, 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:46.160 like I'm going to be exhausted during the day, then 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:50.600 I will read in the car that we get into 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:56.080 in the morning. There's always time. There's always time to 0:16:56.160 --> 0:17:00.400 do this. Worst case, it's one chapter in the morning, 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:05.159 one chapter at the lunch break, one chapter in the afternoon, 0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:07.159 one chapter in the evening. I could only name on 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:11.280 a few fingers how many times I've done that in 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:14.119 a thousand days. But not many. But I've never missed. 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:17.800 That was a long answer. I'm so sorry, y'all, it 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:24.800 was like fifteen minutes. I'm passionate about that. Sorry, let's 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:30.200 hit another one. Uh subdecline here looking for guidance on 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:32.320 future in laws. Hey Granger, I'd like to stay anonymous. 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:34.720 I'm eighteen years old Christian girl from a small town 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:38.520 in Pennsylvania. The problem is my boyfriend's father. He doesn't 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:40.960 believe in God and isn't fond of me for being 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:43.119 in the military, and he doesn't want me to bond. 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:46.080 He doesn't want to bond with me. He thinks I'm 0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:48.840 gonna cheat on my boyfriend because he knows all about 0:17:48.840 --> 0:17:53.919 the military end quotes when he was because he was 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:56.560 in too a while ago. I don't know how to 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:59.280 talk to him with gracefulness without getting frustrated. Do you 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:02.440 have any suggestion? I love your music and podcast. Thank 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:06.080 you so much Anonymous. All right, Anonymous, let's dive into this. 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:09.400 I'm a common question. You're not alone on this. It's 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:12.480 very common that I get some kind of email about 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:18.840 in laws, in your case, future in laws. So a 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:23.359 couple of things. First, it's not your in law yet, 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:27.040 like you said, future in law. But since it's not 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:33.320 your in law yet, that drastically reduces the worrying about this. 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:38.199 He's not your father in law yet, so if he was, 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:43.520 this would be a different answer and a different question. So, hey, 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:47.000 a little bit of stress is lowered here because you 0:18:48.200 --> 0:18:52.800 aren't in the family. I say that, because things could 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:57.000 go south, you could end it with the boyfriend, and 0:18:57.040 --> 0:19:00.680 then this was all a waste of worry. Don't waste 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:05.760 your worry on something that's not a worry yet. Okay, 0:19:05.960 --> 0:19:09.720 you're only eighteen, by the way, I mean that's this 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:11.640 is a lot to worry about for an eighteen year 0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:17.280 old that probably shouldn't be worrying about this subject at all. Okay, 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:24.840 let's dive in deeper. He doesn't believe in God. That's 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:27.960 kind of irrelevant to this discussion. He isn't fond of 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:31.600 me for being in the military, because he was in 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:37.359 is that that's a glaring problem that he had a 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:40.600 bad experience or he was bad, or he knew a 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:44.160 girl that was bad in the military, and he's projecting 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:49.320 that on you. Not your problem. And you can't control 0:19:49.640 --> 0:19:52.240 what he thinks about the military. You can't convince him 0:19:52.960 --> 0:19:57.880 that you are different except for by your actions consistently. 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:03.520 That's That's a lot. It's a lot to ask from you. 0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:08.639 Here's what here is. The thing that you can affect 0:20:08.840 --> 0:20:11.720 is that the very last thing you said, I don't 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:14.160 know how to talk to him with gracefulness and without 0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:18.320 getting frustrated. You know what the answer to that is, 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:23.240 then you don't talk to him. If you're like, but guy, 0:20:23.480 --> 0:20:26.720 but I have to, granger, I have to. There's no 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:30.160 wagon not talk to him. That would be rude. Limit 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:37.800 your words, then dig deep, don't get stuck in long conversations. 0:20:37.960 --> 0:20:40.040 Didn't your grandma ever tell you if you can't say 0:20:40.080 --> 0:20:45.320 something nice, don't say anything at all? Like that is? 0:20:45.640 --> 0:20:49.560 That is such a famous grandma line, And I'm gonna 0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:52.520 say it back to you. You say I don't know 0:20:52.560 --> 0:20:55.480 how to talk to him with gracefulness and without getting frustrated. 0:20:55.520 --> 0:21:01.840 I say, they don't talk to him. Don't that solves 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:06.280 the problem. Then you go put how do I do that? 0:21:07.680 --> 0:21:10.640 You'd have to realize that you cannot control what comes 0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:14.479 out of his mouth. You cannot control how he is 0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:16.520 with you, Harry responds to you, how he reacts to you, 0:21:16.600 --> 0:21:20.560 how he thinks about you, how he lives in this 0:21:20.640 --> 0:21:25.199 world with you. You can't control any of it. You 0:21:25.200 --> 0:21:28.640 can only control how you react to it. You can 0:21:28.680 --> 0:21:32.040 only control what comes out of your mouth, what comes 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:36.160 out of your heart, what comes out of your emotions 0:21:36.280 --> 0:21:41.159 towards his son. That's all you can do. And so 0:21:41.200 --> 0:21:43.040 if you're saying that you don't know how to do 0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:46.400 it without grace, and you get frustrated, then I say, 0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:55.440 don't speak. It's just as easy as that. And then 0:21:55.440 --> 0:21:59.560 finally this, when it comes to in laws, I can 0:21:59.640 --> 0:22:05.600 never have this discussion without saying this part. Remember, if 0:22:05.640 --> 0:22:08.640 you think he's projecting on you that he doesn't like you, 0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:14.480 it's because he loves his son. He wants the best 0:22:14.520 --> 0:22:22.400 for his son. He doesn't love you yet, So can 0:22:22.440 --> 0:22:26.919 you see just a little glimpse into his world of 0:22:26.920 --> 0:22:32.080 what it must be like desperately wanting his son to 0:22:32.119 --> 0:22:34.920 be treated right, to not be cheated on to be respected, 0:22:34.960 --> 0:22:38.720 to be loved by a future wife, and no matter 0:22:38.800 --> 0:22:41.360 who it is that's coming into the picture, he's not 0:22:41.400 --> 0:22:44.800 going to trust them because he's had some bad experiences 0:22:44.840 --> 0:22:48.080 in his life. It sounds like, so you have to 0:22:48.119 --> 0:22:50.760 go into this and just remember this is out of 0:22:50.800 --> 0:22:54.199 love for his son. He sounds like a good dad. 0:22:55.080 --> 0:22:57.200 If he wasn't a good dad, if he did not care, 0:22:57.680 --> 0:22:59.720 if he did not love his son, then he'd be like, 0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:04.240 what's up. I don't care. Have fun, you're in the military. 0:23:04.800 --> 0:23:10.440 Don't care you guys have fun, not my concern. And 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:15.280 you would say, your dad doesn't care about who you 0:23:15.359 --> 0:23:18.880 date and your boyfriend goes Now he's never cared who 0:23:18.880 --> 0:23:21.199 I date, or who I talked to or who loves me. 0:23:21.840 --> 0:23:25.479 And you would say, then he doesn't love you. But 0:23:25.520 --> 0:23:28.680 the protective dad, the dad that says I don't trust 0:23:28.680 --> 0:23:31.240 girls in the military, they could cheat on my son. 0:23:31.800 --> 0:23:33.040 I don't know about I don't know how I feel 0:23:33.040 --> 0:23:38.240 about this girl. Then you could confidently say dad loves 0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:42.520 his son. Time to prove him wrong. Let's take a break. 0:23:47.680 --> 0:23:49.560 You know, when you're going to a game, you don't 0:23:49.600 --> 0:23:52.640 want to stress because usually you're so excited you're going 0:23:52.680 --> 0:23:54.959 to the big game. You got maybe your kids with you, 0:23:54.960 --> 0:23:57.920 your friends with you. Everyone's kind of depending on you 0:23:57.960 --> 0:24:00.600 to deliver, and so you don't want to stress over 0:24:00.640 --> 0:24:03.520 how to find the tickets. And for sure you don't 0:24:03.560 --> 0:24:05.560 want to get scalp for tickets. You don't want to 0:24:05.640 --> 0:24:09.960 do that. Buying tickets to your favorite event shouldn't be stressful. 0:24:10.240 --> 0:24:12.720 Game Time is the fast and easy way to buy 0:24:12.800 --> 0:24:16.520 tickets for all the sports, music, comedy, and theater near you. 0:24:17.280 --> 0:24:20.159 With killer deals on last minute tickets and the best 0:24:20.200 --> 0:24:23.520 price guarantee, you can stop stressing over tickets and start 0:24:23.560 --> 0:24:25.760 getting hyped up for the fun you're gonna have. I'm 0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:28.440 not that much of a planner, especially if I'm gonna 0:24:28.440 --> 0:24:31.359 go to a game or big concert. I'm just not 0:24:31.480 --> 0:24:33.719 looking out six months ahead of time. I know some 0:24:33.760 --> 0:24:35.560 of you guys doing God bless you for that, but 0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:37.680 I'm more of a you know, Lincoln says, hey, Dad, 0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:39.960 you want to go to the Cowboy game on Saturday 0:24:40.040 --> 0:24:42.760 or Sunday, and and I'm like, I don't know how 0:24:42.800 --> 0:24:46.040 to find tickets. Well, game time solves that problem for me. 0:24:46.320 --> 0:24:49.320 I can get flash deals and last minute tickets easy 0:24:49.359 --> 0:24:51.520 to find and buy tickets for every kind of event 0:24:51.600 --> 0:24:55.240 in my area. Images of seat views, low price guarantees, 0:24:55.480 --> 0:24:59.560 event cancelation protection, job loss protection, et cetera, et ceter 0:25:00.080 --> 0:25:02.480 The fastest growing ticket app in the country for a reason. 0:25:02.920 --> 0:25:04.960 Get images of your seat before you buy. That is 0:25:05.000 --> 0:25:07.080