Speaker 1: I hate that this is the world that we live in.
Speaker 1: We're fourteen year old is left with such a massive decision. Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: welcome to the podcast, episode one eighty. Thank you for
Speaker 1: being here. We're gonna have some fun. Let's chat a
Speaker 1: little bit. What I do here is I answer your questions.
Speaker 1: You email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. I
Speaker 1: walk through them. I answer them like two friends sitting
Speaker 1: in the cab of a truck having a conversation. There's
Speaker 1: nothing more to it. I don't have notes in front
Speaker 1: of me, or a bunch of famous quotes or books,
Speaker 1: or I haven't even prepped your emails. I just go
Speaker 1: and cold into the inbox of Grangersmith podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com and we talked through some of this stuff.
Speaker 1: So feel free email me. Could be about any subject.
Speaker 1: Let's dive in. First question. Subdecline says traveling with discipline.
Speaker 1: Email says, Hey Grange, I'm twenty seven years old. I've
Speaker 1: travel nurse from Indiana. I work the night shift and
Speaker 1: travel a lot. I've listened to all of your podcast
Speaker 1: I often think about you talking about your discipline and
Speaker 1: making your quiet time and the word priority when you
Speaker 1: get up each day. What did this look like for
Speaker 1: you when you first started this routine or how did
Speaker 1: you make it a consistent discipline while traveling, doing a podcast,
Speaker 1: doing shows, and all the other incredible things you do.
Speaker 1: For me, the hardest part of starting a new contract
Speaker 1: a new routine every three months is consistency. I found
Speaker 1: it to be especially difficult since I also travel or
Speaker 1: have friends and family that I visit in the midst
Speaker 1: of my contracts in the new towns, and my schedule
Speaker 1: is ever changing with work in the night shift. How
Speaker 1: do you find consistency in such a go go go
Speaker 1: lifestyle in constantly changing environments? And it says ps, I'm
Speaker 1: excited to travel back and see you in my hometown
Speaker 1: in Indiana and in April for my dad's birthday. My
Speaker 1: whole family's looking forward to this. Thanks for the way
Speaker 1: you live at your faith and discipleship. Well, thank you, Katie.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, Kathy, Yeah, Kathy, you didn't say your name,
Speaker 1: but I'm just reading enough for you, know, Kathy. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for the kind words and the encouragement,
Speaker 1: and thank you for working the night shift. You are
Speaker 1: one of those people in the third shift keeping America
Speaker 1: rolling twenty four to seven. And you know my other
Speaker 1: one of my other jobs is I'm a radio host,
Speaker 1: an overnight radio host for a show called after Midnight
Speaker 1: on iHeart, and I talk a lot to the third shifters.
Speaker 1: So thank you for what you do, Kathy. Let's dive
Speaker 1: into your question. It's a good question, it's a solid question,
Speaker 1: and there's a couple of ways to answer it. One
Speaker 1: just broad stroke and then the other one is practically.
Speaker 1: So let's start at the broad stroke, thinking broadly, just
Speaker 1: a big general idea about what does it mean to
Speaker 1: use your words to make your quiet time in the word,
Speaker 1: what is it? What does it mean for your life
Speaker 1: to do that? Let's think about it, just very very general. Okay,
Speaker 1: if we are true disciples, if we are truly following
Speaker 1: the first Commandment and seeking the Lord, our God first
Speaker 1: above everything else, if we're doing that, and he says
Speaker 1: that he speaks to us through his living breathing word,
Speaker 1: it is our bread, is what we hunger for. Is
Speaker 1: it's what satisfies us beyond everything else that we could
Speaker 1: possibly eat or drink, or enjoy or make or create ourselves.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't you think if just looking from the outside in,
Speaker 1: would you think we would make a priority over everything
Speaker 1: to read his word daily, to have that quiet time,
Speaker 1: to have that alone time when we could, we could,
Speaker 1: we could pray and read every single day. Wouldn't you
Speaker 1: think outside looking in? You know, so you're you're an
Speaker 1: alien looking at this planet. And we said we worship
Speaker 1: our Lord, our God above everything. And then they say,
Speaker 1: well what do you do to do that? And you go,
Speaker 1: well when I sometimes I have trouble making time for it.
Speaker 1: The aliens would then say, well, then you're then He's
Speaker 1: not not your lord. Your job is, your friends or
Speaker 1: your family is, your kids are, your hobbies are, but
Speaker 1: not God not because you have trouble making a priority.
Speaker 1: So what if you looked at it that way? And
Speaker 1: I'm not calling you out, I'm not calling anybody out.
Speaker 1: I know what this is. I was, you know, I
Speaker 1: lived in cultural Christianity for a long time. It sounds
Speaker 1: like you're not. It sounds like you're fighting against it.
Speaker 1: Good for you. But what if you just looked at
Speaker 1: it that practically, if you didn't really make time because
Speaker 1: you didn't have time, or you weren't consistent about creating time,
Speaker 1: then that would just simply reflect that you didn't care
Speaker 1: as much as you say you do. So when I
Speaker 1: came up with that mentality my head, that was a
Speaker 1: real motivator for me. I was like, man, everything I'm
Speaker 1: reading in here says that we need to trust him
Speaker 1: above our own understanding, that we need to focus on
Speaker 1: him things that are above, things that are unseen. We
Speaker 1: need to focus on those things. And so in order
Speaker 1: to do that, the very first step is making a
Speaker 1: priority to do those things above everything. And so I
Speaker 1: had to make up my mind that nothing in my life,
Speaker 1: not my wife, not my kids, not my job, not
Speaker 1: the most urgent appointment, is more important than my quiet time.
Speaker 1: I had to make that commitment. I had to from
Speaker 1: my own sanity. It also comes with a knowledge that
Speaker 1: after so many years of being a busy guy, an entertainer,
Speaker 1: a guy that's quote unquote in the spotlight. After so
Speaker 1: many years, I've just learned that there's always another something.
Speaker 1: There's always another something interview, There's always another important thing,
Speaker 1: another important radio interview, another important late night show. You
Speaker 1: got to be on, another important album or single, or
Speaker 1: sermon or church whatever could let's go spiritual too, could
Speaker 1: be could be there's always another sermon you got to
Speaker 1: write there's always another church event you have to attend.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. There's always something else. And yet sometimes
Speaker 1: we live in a world where we think this one
Speaker 1: is so important. I have to concentrate on this and
Speaker 1: then I'll do the Bible thing, the reading. I'll do
Speaker 1: that later, but not today. There's too many things that
Speaker 1: get done today. You know. Martin Luther had an interesting quote.
Speaker 1: He said, I have I'm totally paraphrasing, okay. Martin Luther said,
Speaker 1: I have so much going on, it's gonna take me
Speaker 1: weeks to pray through all of this. Right. So Martin
Speaker 1: Luther was looking at it in terms of he had
Speaker 1: he had so many hours in a day, and when
Speaker 1: they were full, when they were busy, that means he
Speaker 1: had to use more of those hours to pray for
Speaker 1: all the other things that were keeping him busy, knowing
Speaker 1: that he relied completely upon that prayer. Do we think
Speaker 1: like that? Man? I don't. I try to. I want to.
Speaker 1: I need to. It starts with a discipline, though, it
Speaker 1: starts with getting my head straight. It starts it starts
Speaker 1: with thinking nothing nothing is more important than this time
Speaker 1: in the word okay. So that's the general broadchbook now
Speaker 1: let's get practical. During my heavy cultural Christianity days, I
Speaker 1: was into the self help movement. In fact, my brother
Speaker 1: Tyler has corrected me, it's not grandeur, it's not. No
Speaker 1: one says self help anymore. Now they say personal development. Okay.
Speaker 1: So it was very into personal development, making myself better,
Speaker 1: you know, trusting myself, getting myself right, getting my head right,
Speaker 1: doing my meditation, you know, get getting my stuff straight
Speaker 1: part of that. In that development, I read a book
Speaker 1: called The Miracle Morning. In The Miracle Morning, it described
Speaker 1: carving out time every morning, waking up before everyone else
Speaker 1: and carving out time to do your self improvement, self help,
Speaker 1: personal development things, and you could divide them up into
Speaker 1: like ten minute segments. So say you get up an
Speaker 1: hour earlier than you would have or an hour earlier
Speaker 1: than everyone in the house, then you have five segments
Speaker 1: of ten minutes ish to do stuff. Give or take
Speaker 1: a few minutes here and there. You could have a
Speaker 1: fifteen minute segment here, five minute segment here, are twelve
Speaker 1: minute segment here. But it's about five four to six
Speaker 1: segments of things you could do. So I had that
Speaker 1: divided up into like meditation, visualization, reading, some non fiction books, journaling,
Speaker 1: listening to a podcast, breathing exercises. There's all kinds of
Speaker 1: things that I could try here and there. When I
Speaker 1: was reborn as a Christian, radically reborn, realizing the stuff
Speaker 1: I talked about at the beginning about if we don't
Speaker 1: have this stuff as a priority, then that it's not
Speaker 1: a priority. When I realized that, I thought, well, cool,
Speaker 1: here's what I'll do. I already have this this morning
Speaker 1: set aside, that I'm doing this consistently. So instead of
Speaker 1: all this stuff, the visualizations and the meditations and all
Speaker 1: that stuff, I'll just replace it with my Bible reading.
Speaker 1: It started out I was just reading the Bible, just
Speaker 1: straight through, just just going, started at Matthew one, and
Speaker 1: I would just read until, you know, for about forty
Speaker 1: five minutes or an hour, they just keep going. Then
Speaker 1: that after I did that a couple of times all
Speaker 1: the way through, I started a plan which is a
Speaker 1: plan that I still do the same plan today. It's
Speaker 1: called the McShane plan. It gets me through the Old
Speaker 1: Testament once, the New Testament twice, and the Psalms twice
Speaker 1: in one year. That helped me to keep track of
Speaker 1: how far I was going, not reading too little, not
Speaker 1: reading too much, reading the perfect amount, the Goldilocks amount,
Speaker 1: and then being able to meditate on that word itself.
Speaker 1: That McShane plan then replaced my miracle morning and it
Speaker 1: became part of my routine. Then after that, knowing that
Speaker 1: I here, it is here, I have a plan, this
Speaker 1: is my time and the word I'm gonna pray, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna read my McShane plan. After that, I'm gonna meditate.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna find me what's something that sticks out to me,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna post it on social media, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna post that verse and a quick thought about it
Speaker 1: on social media, not so that I could show the
Speaker 1: world that I'm reading, but to keep me accountable that
Speaker 1: I'm concentrating on my reading, because I would get through
Speaker 1: in what it is, it's four chapters a day. That's
Speaker 1: how you get through the micshane plan. Four chapters a day,
Speaker 1: and it assigns it for you in order, and somewhat
Speaker 1: I would get through, and i'd be on the fourth
Speaker 1: chapter and I would think, and it would be it's
Speaker 1: typically like an old Testament, a New Testament, a Psalm,
Speaker 1: a New Testament, something like that, and I would think
Speaker 1: about the fourth chapter. Man, I don't know if I've
Speaker 1: been focusing enough on what to post on social media.
Speaker 1: So then I'd go back and start studying back again
Speaker 1: what I read and recapping it. We're seeing me to
Speaker 1: concentrate enough to make some kind of statement on social media.
Speaker 1: So that's what I was doing it for myself, so
Speaker 1: that I would force myself to concentrate, keep myself accountable.
Speaker 1: Then you ask a question, that's keep me going, okay,
Speaker 1: So then I needed to apply that to every morning,
Speaker 1: to every single day of my life. I had to
Speaker 1: so for the last man probably three years. It's probably
Speaker 1: probably been about three years since I missed a morning
Speaker 1: of doing this. That's crazy, that's crazy. But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: been you know, about a thousand days of doing this.
Speaker 1: Never miss. I never miss. And I'm assuming you probably
Speaker 1: have an idea that that I travel a lot, I've
Speaker 1: got a lot of stuff going on. I've got a
Speaker 1: lot of I'm kind of pulled in a lot of
Speaker 1: directions I get. I got a lot of emails, a
Speaker 1: lot of different deadlines that I have to make. I
Speaker 1: never miss my reading over a thousand days of it.
Speaker 1: And I don't say that in any way to brag.
Speaker 1: That is not what this conversation is about. Because it
Speaker 1: is by God's grace alone that I return every morning
Speaker 1: to that book. It's by God's grace alone that I
Speaker 1: even have the craving at all to read the book.
Speaker 1: It's by God's grace alone that I even wake up
Speaker 1: a Christian every morning. It's like I wake up in
Speaker 1: the morning, I'm like, still, I still love God, i
Speaker 1: still want to read his word. I'm still a Christian.
Speaker 1: That is not my own doing, because I am so
Speaker 1: selfish and self righteous and sinful and wicked inside me
Speaker 1: that if it was up to me, I would be
Speaker 1: lazy and sleep in and move along and forget it
Speaker 1: and not want to quote waste my time on something
Speaker 1: like that. So it is by God's grace alone that
Speaker 1: I even wake up kneading, craving, hungry, thirsty, needing it
Speaker 1: for me again, So this is not bragging. You see
Speaker 1: what I mean? Okay, So even more practically than that,
Speaker 1: when I'm in an airport, I do it in an airport.
Speaker 1: Now if I sometimes my alarm has to go off
Speaker 1: at three fifteen am because I have to be in
Speaker 1: an airport shuttle at three point thirty, right, So I'm
Speaker 1: not getting up at two fifteen to read the Bible.
Speaker 1: See what I mean. If I'm getting up at three
Speaker 1: fifteen to go to the airport, I'm not getting up
Speaker 1: at two fifteen to read or do whatever. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get up at three fifteen. I'm gonna get I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go straight to the brush, my teeth, get dressed, get
Speaker 1: on the airport shuttle. But then when I get to
Speaker 1: the terminal that morning, guess what I've got. I've got
Speaker 1: an hour. So I've been sitting in the terminal. I
Speaker 1: pop some headphones in to reduce distractions around me and
Speaker 1: pull up my micshade plan. I do it on my
Speaker 1: iPad so they don't have to have heavy books around.
Speaker 1: I just got my iPad and I go to the
Speaker 1: logos app, which is what I use, and my mcshaine
Speaker 1: plan is loaded in there, and I hit read go
Speaker 1: and it pulls up my next morning reading right away.
Speaker 1: And then when I finish that chapter, I hit next
Speaker 1: it pops up the next one. So part of that,
Speaker 1: part of the reason I say that, is because it's
Speaker 1: eliminating distractions, or it's eliminating things that would make me
Speaker 1: possibly say I gotta skip this morning. I don't know
Speaker 1: where I am, or I forgot my notes, or I
Speaker 1: forgot my bi I left my Bible at home. Guess
Speaker 1: what that logos app If I don't have my iPad,
Speaker 1: It's also on my phone, my cell phone, and they're synced.
Speaker 1: So I always have my phone. So if I forget,
Speaker 1: if I'm in a place when I maybe my iPad's
Speaker 1: out of battery or I don't, I'll have my backpack.
Speaker 1: For whatever reason, I got my phone, so I read
Speaker 1: it on the phone. I've done this on airplanes, trains, buses, shuttles, ubers, taxis,
Speaker 1: amber driving while I'm reading. Most of my time is
Speaker 1: actually in a hotel with a cup of coffee or
Speaker 1: in my own home. But I never ever miss I don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've been, I've been. I was on a
Speaker 1: mission trip recently and we had a lot of early mornings.
Speaker 1: We'd get up super early, and I would I would calculate,
Speaker 1: this is is it too early to get up before
Speaker 1: that and read If it is, If the enters yes,
Speaker 1: like I'm going to be exhausted during the day, then
Speaker 1: I will read in the car that we get into
Speaker 1: in the morning. There's always time. There's always time to
Speaker 1: do this. Worst case, it's one chapter in the morning,
Speaker 1: one chapter at the lunch break, one chapter in the afternoon,
Speaker 1: one chapter in the evening. I could only name on
Speaker 1: a few fingers how many times I've done that in
Speaker 1: a thousand days. But not many. But I've never missed.
Speaker 1: That was a long answer. I'm so sorry, y'all, it
Speaker 1: was like fifteen minutes. I'm passionate about that. Sorry, let's
Speaker 1: hit another one. Uh subdecline here looking for guidance on
Speaker 1: future in laws. Hey Granger, I'd like to stay anonymous.
Speaker 1: I'm eighteen years old Christian girl from a small town
Speaker 1: in Pennsylvania. The problem is my boyfriend's father. He doesn't
Speaker 1: believe in God and isn't fond of me for being
Speaker 1: in the military, and he doesn't want me to bond.
Speaker 1: He doesn't want to bond with me. He thinks I'm
Speaker 1: gonna cheat on my boyfriend because he knows all about
Speaker 1: the military end quotes when he was because he was
Speaker 1: in too a while ago. I don't know how to
Speaker 1: talk to him with gracefulness without getting frustrated. Do you
Speaker 1: have any suggestion? I love your music and podcast. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much Anonymous. All right, Anonymous, let's dive into this.
Speaker 1: I'm a common question. You're not alone on this. It's
Speaker 1: very common that I get some kind of email about
Speaker 1: in laws, in your case, future in laws. So a
Speaker 1: couple of things. First, it's not your in law yet,
Speaker 1: like you said, future in law. But since it's not
Speaker 1: your in law yet, that drastically reduces the worrying about this.
Speaker 1: He's not your father in law yet, so if he was,
Speaker 1: this would be a different answer and a different question. So, hey,
Speaker 1: a little bit of stress is lowered here because you
Speaker 1: aren't in the family. I say that, because things could
Speaker 1: go south, you could end it with the boyfriend, and
Speaker 1: then this was all a waste of worry. Don't waste
Speaker 1: your worry on something that's not a worry yet. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're only eighteen, by the way, I mean that's this
Speaker 1: is a lot to worry about for an eighteen year
Speaker 1: old that probably shouldn't be worrying about this subject at all. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's dive in deeper. He doesn't believe in God. That's
Speaker 1: kind of irrelevant to this discussion. He isn't fond of
Speaker 1: me for being in the military, because he was in
Speaker 1: is that that's a glaring problem that he had a
Speaker 1: bad experience or he was bad, or he knew a
Speaker 1: girl that was bad in the military, and he's projecting
Speaker 1: that on you. Not your problem. And you can't control
Speaker 1: what he thinks about the military. You can't convince him
Speaker 1: that you are different except for by your actions consistently.
Speaker 1: That's That's a lot. It's a lot to ask from you.
Speaker 1: Here's what here is. The thing that you can affect
Speaker 1: is that the very last thing you said, I don't
Speaker 1: know how to talk to him with gracefulness and without
Speaker 1: getting frustrated. You know what the answer to that is,
Speaker 1: then you don't talk to him. If you're like, but guy,
Speaker 1: but I have to, granger, I have to. There's no
Speaker 1: wagon not talk to him. That would be rude. Limit
Speaker 1: your words, then dig deep, don't get stuck in long conversations.
Speaker 1: Didn't your grandma ever tell you if you can't say
Speaker 1: something nice, don't say anything at all? Like that is?
Speaker 1: That is such a famous grandma line, And I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say it back to you. You say I don't know
Speaker 1: how to talk to him with gracefulness and without getting frustrated.
Speaker 1: I say, they don't talk to him. Don't that solves
Speaker 1: the problem. Then you go put how do I do that?
Speaker 1: You'd have to realize that you cannot control what comes
Speaker 1: out of his mouth. You cannot control how he is
Speaker 1: with you, Harry responds to you, how he reacts to you,
Speaker 1: how he thinks about you, how he lives in this
Speaker 1: world with you. You can't control any of it. You
Speaker 1: can only control how you react to it. You can
Speaker 1: only control what comes out of your mouth, what comes
Speaker 1: out of your heart, what comes out of your emotions
Speaker 1: towards his son. That's all you can do. And so
Speaker 1: if you're saying that you don't know how to do
Speaker 1: it without grace, and you get frustrated, then I say,
Speaker 1: don't speak. It's just as easy as that. And then
Speaker 1: finally this, when it comes to in laws, I can
Speaker 1: never have this discussion without saying this part. Remember, if
Speaker 1: you think he's projecting on you that he doesn't like you,
Speaker 1: it's because he loves his son. He wants the best
Speaker 1: for his son. He doesn't love you yet, So can
Speaker 1: you see just a little glimpse into his world of
Speaker 1: what it must be like desperately wanting his son to
Speaker 1: be treated right, to not be cheated on to be respected,
Speaker 1: to be loved by a future wife, and no matter
Speaker 1: who it is that's coming into the picture, he's not
Speaker 1: going to trust them because he's had some bad experiences
Speaker 1: in his life. It sounds like, so you have to
Speaker 1: go into this and just remember this is out of
Speaker 1: love for his son. He sounds like a good dad.
Speaker 1: If he wasn't a good dad, if he did not care,
Speaker 1: if he did not love his son, then he'd be like,
Speaker 1: what's up. I don't care. Have fun, you're in the military.
Speaker 1: Don't care you guys have fun, not my concern. And
Speaker 1: you would say, your dad doesn't care about who you
Speaker 1: date and your boyfriend goes Now he's never cared who
Speaker 1: I date, or who I talked to or who loves me.
Speaker 1: And you would say, then he doesn't love you. But
Speaker 1: the protective dad, the dad that says I don't trust
Speaker 1: girls in the military, they could cheat on my son.
Speaker 1: I don't know about I don't know how I feel
Speaker 1: about this girl. Then you could confidently say dad loves
Speaker 1: his son. Time to prove him wrong. Let's take a break.
Speaker 1: You know, when you're going to a game, you don't
Speaker 1: want to stress because usually you're so excited you're going
Speaker 1: to the big game. You got maybe your kids with you,
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Speaker 1: to the podcast. Next question. If you want to email me,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. The one next
Speaker 1: on que subject, client says pregnancy after loss. Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: and my husband and I had two miscarriages within our
Speaker 1: first year of marriage. We then struggled through infertility for
Speaker 1: nearly three years. I'm now sixteen weeks pregnant with our
Speaker 1: little blessing, and I'm truly struggling to have faith that
Speaker 1: this one will work out for the best and that
Speaker 1: we will actually meet this baby here on earth. How
Speaker 1: can I release this fear and find joy in the
Speaker 1: fact that we are pregnant with a healthy baby? God
Speaker 1: bless Anonymous from Michigan, Okay, Anonymous, great question. Thanks for
Speaker 1: trusting me with something so vulnerable. Anytime I'm gonna deal
Speaker 1: with pregnancy, I'm gonna say, first of all, I'm a man,
Speaker 1: So case you couldn't tell through the video or my voice,
Speaker 1: I'm a man and I don't know what it's like
Speaker 1: to be pregnant. I'm just gonna throw that out there,
Speaker 1: So anything I say from here forward just keep that
Speaker 1: disclaimer that should be obvious. But I want to say
Speaker 1: it case I say something that you go he's offending
Speaker 1: me because he has no idea. I don't. You're right,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't. But I'm going to talk from
Speaker 1: the perspective of a father, and the perspective of a
Speaker 1: father that has watched my wife go through miscarriage. And
Speaker 1: infertility things and loss of a son. That's that's my perspective.
Speaker 1: Let me let me say some stuff that might might
Speaker 1: be borderline offensive. I think I feel confident that I
Speaker 1: could speak with authority as to speak to you the
Speaker 1: truth and not to sugarcoat like a twenty twenty three
Speaker 1: modern politician might do. But it said, I believe that
Speaker 1: I have enough life experiences to speak with authority on
Speaker 1: this subject. Okay, Oh, that is just a big explanation.
Speaker 1: Don't be offended. Here we go your question. I'm now
Speaker 1: six weeks pregnant with our little blessing, and I'm truly
Speaker 1: struggling to have faith that this will work out for
Speaker 1: the best and that we will actually meet this baby
Speaker 1: here on earth. You go on to say, how can
Speaker 1: I release this fear and find joy in the fact
Speaker 1: that we are pregnant with a healthy baby. Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: you're not. Maybe you're not. I can't guarantee that you
Speaker 1: will meet this baby or that this baby is healthy.
Speaker 1: I can't guarantee either one of those things, and neither
Speaker 1: can you, and neither can a doctor. That sounds terrible
Speaker 1: to say on a podcast to a fragile woman who
Speaker 1: is pregnant for the third time after two miscarriages, struggling
Speaker 1: with infertility for three years, now sixteen weeks pregnant. You
Speaker 1: want to hear encouragement. You want to hear people around
Speaker 1: you just hugging you, saying, congratulations, this is for the best,
Speaker 1: this is amazing, It's finally here. God's blessing is upon you.
Speaker 1: That's what you want to hear. And I'm sure a
Speaker 1: lot of people are around you telling you that, But
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be the one guy that I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: the one guy that says, none of this is guaranteed.
Speaker 1: You're not guaranteed to have this baby. You're not guaranteed
Speaker 1: that the baby is healthy. You're not guaranteed that the
Speaker 1: baby will live past one year. Our three years, our
Speaker 1: fifteen years, are thirty. That has nothing to do with
Speaker 1: hoping and loving and trusting, having faith, has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with those things. That's just the way the world.
Speaker 1: The world is unpredictable. We have no idea. That's why
Speaker 1: Jesus says, do not worry about tomorrow. We only have today.
Speaker 1: Today has enough trouble of its own. And so that's
Speaker 1: what I tell you. I tell you the same thing
Speaker 1: today has enough trouble of its own. Anonymous from Michigan
Speaker 1: hear me enjoy today sixteen weeks pregnant. That is something.
Speaker 1: You have a miracle growing inside of you. That is
Speaker 1: just unbelievable, an unbelievable feeling that I will never know,
Speaker 1: never never come close to understanding what it's like to
Speaker 1: have a life growing inside of a body. That is
Speaker 1: just the fact that it even happens. Ever, the fact
Speaker 1: that a baby is born, ever is an absolute tremendous,
Speaker 1: mind blowing miracle. But it happens a lot, and so
Speaker 1: that miracle is numbed a little bit because there are
Speaker 1: so many babies born, animals and butterflies and everything. There's
Speaker 1: so many new creation births that it numbs the fact
Speaker 1: that even one is incredible. So right now, the first
Speaker 1: thing I would start with with you, it's just real realizing.
Speaker 1: Put your hand right there, put your hand on your belly,
Speaker 1: and just go there is a little life form that's
Speaker 1: been grown in here for sixteen weeks. That is amazing.
Speaker 1: And you're not guaranteed for seventeen weeks or eighteen. But
Speaker 1: that's not the point. The point is you have today.
Speaker 1: You have today to enjoy it, and you have today
Speaker 1: to dream about it and responsibly plan, like making a
Speaker 1: nursery and painting the walls pink or whatever you're gonna
Speaker 1: do for this little girl growing inside of you. Is
Speaker 1: that what you said? Did you say the girl? Did
Speaker 1: I just say that? Or did you say that? I
Speaker 1: think I just pulled that out. Maybe it is a girl. Okay.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to get discouraged in what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: but I want to tell you this because that's the
Speaker 1: foundation of understanding something. That's the greater picture of what
Speaker 1: I want to tell you. The foundation of what I'm
Speaker 1: trying to tell you is you are not in control,
Speaker 1: not and if you're not, then you just cannot worry.
Speaker 1: You said, how could I release this fear? How could
Speaker 1: I release the fear? That your fear can be released
Speaker 1: if you trust You're not in control? And God is?
Speaker 1: You said. The only time you mentioned God is the
Speaker 1: very end of your email, and it says God bless.
Speaker 1: Do you know what that means? What does that mean?
Speaker 1: What does it mean to you? God bless? You write
Speaker 1: an email to me that is completely lacking any trust
Speaker 1: of God's blessing at all? What if God's blessing is
Speaker 1: for you to experience sixteen weeks of pregnancy, but not seventeen.
Speaker 1: It's not up to you. Would that be a bad
Speaker 1: thing to you? Yes, you're saying, yes it would. God goes,
Speaker 1: I got a plan. Do you remember the first pregnancy?
Speaker 1: You remember the second one? It wasn't supposed to be
Speaker 1: that way you were. Let me say that again. Yes
Speaker 1: you were supposed to have two miscarriages, but neither one
Speaker 1: of them were supposed to be born. That's what I
Speaker 1: was trying to say. The miscarriages that you had before
Speaker 1: were not accidents, they were not mistakes, they were not
Speaker 1: something that bad that happened. They were part of a plan.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to build this foundation for you. That just
Speaker 1: says I'm not in control, and I know who is,
Speaker 1: and I praise who is, and I think who is
Speaker 1: because I've got a little life form in my body
Speaker 1: right now that's growing sixteen weeks strong, and I have
Speaker 1: nothing to do with it's life right now, but I
Speaker 1: know who does. And so then you just say, God,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what your plan is
Speaker 1: with this baby, this baby number three. If you want
Speaker 1: to take this baby, if it's up to you to
Speaker 1: take this baby from me, then so be it. Let
Speaker 1: it be your will, not mine. John seventeen. He sat
Speaker 1: in the garden. Jesus sat in the garden and prayed
Speaker 1: to the Father, Lord, take this cup from me. Father,
Speaker 1: take this cup from me. He says, I don't want
Speaker 1: to do it. I don't want to go through this,
Speaker 1: but not my will. Right, this is you. We could
Speaker 1: all be in that garden in some sense. Well, I
Speaker 1: don't want you to take this baby, but if you do,
Speaker 1: not my will, but yours be done. You start trusting
Speaker 1: things like that, You start saying prayers like that, You
Speaker 1: start meditating and thinking like that. Guess what happens. Your
Speaker 1: fear goes away. Guess what comes in to replace it,
Speaker 1: the joy. That's the last thing you said in your email.
Speaker 1: How could I release this fear and find joy in
Speaker 1: the fact that we are pregnant with a healthy baby.
Speaker 1: First of all, you don't know if it's a healthy baby.
Speaker 1: You don't know that yet. You don't know that. You
Speaker 1: don't know that this baby's gonna come to term. But
Speaker 1: you just say, God, you have this baby in the
Speaker 1: palm of your hand. You have this pregnancy in the
Speaker 1: palm of your hand. You have my future in the
Speaker 1: palm of your hand. I have nothing to do with it.
Speaker 1: But I trust you. You take this baby tomorrow. I
Speaker 1: trust you. You deliver a healthy baby to me. I
Speaker 1: trust you. You deliver a baby with a mental illness
Speaker 1: or a physical disability. I trust you. I trust you.
Speaker 1: I trust you. No matter what, I trust you, I
Speaker 1: trust it. You will equip me. If I need to
Speaker 1: raise a baby with a disability, You'll equip me for that.
Speaker 1: If I'm gonna lose this baby, you will equip me
Speaker 1: for that. If I'm gonna carry this baby to term
Speaker 1: and then and then still birth, you will equip me
Speaker 1: emotionally for that. But regardless, it's not up to me.
Speaker 1: It's up to you. I trust you, I trust you.
Speaker 1: I trust you. And when you start talking like that,
Speaker 1: your fear is gone. Let's move on. Congratulations. By the way,
Speaker 1: you're sixteen weeks pregnant. That's amazing. It's a miracle. Seven decline.
Speaker 1: This next one says, should I confront them or not? Hey, grangeer,
Speaker 1: my name is Dorcas d R c As. I'm fourteen.
Speaker 1: I don't really know how to say this, but my
Speaker 1: uncle has a past of sexual abuse. When he was younger,
Speaker 1: he was in a group home and sexually assaulted a girl.
Speaker 1: I found this out through my sister a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks ago. Since then, I don't feel comfortable around him
Speaker 1: unless my dad and my brother are with me. He
Speaker 1: made advances on my sister, but has stopped only because
Speaker 1: he's imitated, intimidated sorry by her new boyfriend. I also
Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable knowing that my ten year old sister
Speaker 1: is ignorant to this, and my parents are willingly let
Speaker 1: letting her be around him without supervision. I've repeatedly said
Speaker 1: that she and I should not be left alone with him,
Speaker 1: and that I don't feel comfortable around him, but it
Speaker 1: just keeps happening. I also feel that a big reason
Speaker 1: for them not taking action is their Amish background, and
Speaker 1: the Amish people say just forgive and forget the past.
Speaker 1: My parents have told me this over and over again.
Speaker 1: You say, I a always say I'm not sure what
Speaker 1: you mean here, but you say there's a different You say,
Speaker 1: there's a different between forgiving and protecting yourself. I just
Speaker 1: need to know what to do. Grange or do I
Speaker 1: confront them or just stay silent? All right? Dorcas, thank
Speaker 1: you for email. And I always think it's really special
Speaker 1: when a young teenager emails the podcast and that you're listening.
Speaker 1: You've been listening through like like infertility and all this
Speaker 1: stuff we got going on in this episode. So if
Speaker 1: you're still if you're still here and you're still listening,
Speaker 1: I just that's special and I appreciate you. Brother. Let's go.
Speaker 1: Let's start at the end of your email. Here you're saying,
Speaker 1: there's a difference between forgiving and protecting yourself. Absolutely, there's
Speaker 1: a difference between forgiving and trusting. You can forgive someone
Speaker 1: and still not trust them, right, Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: You're right protecting yourself, same thing forgive, but you don't
Speaker 1: have to trust rattlesnake bites me. I could forgive the
Speaker 1: rattlesnake for instinctively biting me because I went near the rocks,
Speaker 1: but I don't have to trust that the Rattlesnak's not
Speaker 1: gonna bite me again. That's ridiculous. Humans are the same way.
Speaker 1: Forgiving and trusting are two different things. We gotta get
Speaker 1: that straight. We are commanded to forgive, we're supposed to forgive.
Speaker 1: We need to forgive for many reasons. One of them
Speaker 1: is for our own healing, our own joy. Okay, we
Speaker 1: need to forgive for our own healing, but that does
Speaker 1: not mean we need to trust them moving forward with
Speaker 1: the same problems. Okay, Gotta say that, Gotta know that,
Speaker 1: gotta believe that. Okay, you should never forsake forgiveness because
Speaker 1: you don't trust someone, and you should never forsake trusting
Speaker 1: someone because you need to forgive them. Okay, got to
Speaker 1: make that clear. Second of all, you've got an uncle
Speaker 1: history of sexual abuse. You say, I don't feel comfortable
Speaker 1: knowing my ten year old sister is ignorant to this.
Speaker 1: My parents are willingly let her, letting her be around
Speaker 1: and without supervision. That's a problem, is a major problem.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna sum up this email to you, Dorcas,
Speaker 1: by saying, I'm gonna answer your very last question. I
Speaker 1: just need to know what to do. Do I confront
Speaker 1: them or stay silent. I hate that this is the
Speaker 1: world that we live in where a fourteen year old
Speaker 1: is left with such a massive decision. But I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you this, Dorcas. I'm gonna tell you this, and
Speaker 1: this is this is something that without really thinking about
Speaker 1: it without really going down this path. It's hard because
Speaker 1: this is one of these questions that I might an
Speaker 1: hour might go by and I might say I might
Speaker 1: have a different answer once I really think about it.
Speaker 1: Because I don't have notes, I don't prepare for this,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna say the first thing that comes to
Speaker 1: my mind is this, if you cannot trust your parents
Speaker 1: for dealing with this issue, the right way and the
Speaker 1: right way is confronting the uncle, stopping the bleeding. Right,
Speaker 1: we need a tourniquet on the leg before it bleeds out.
Speaker 1: We have an open wound, Okay, so we need the
Speaker 1: parents to confront. If they're not going to do that,
Speaker 1: and you seem to say that they're not. If they're
Speaker 1: not going to do it, the other thing for you
Speaker 1: to do is call the police. You could call nine
Speaker 1: to one one totally. I've got friends that are dispatchers,
Speaker 1: that are emergency dispatch. This is not something that they
Speaker 1: would take lightly. This is not something they would say, Oh,
Speaker 1: if the house isn't burning down, then why'd you call us? Dorcas,
Speaker 1: this is something you go Hey, my name is Dorcas.
Speaker 1: I'm fourteen years old. My uncle is sexually abusing people
Speaker 1: in my family and my parents are not doing anything
Speaker 1: about it, and you're going to feel like a trader.
Speaker 1: You're gonna feel like you are ratting people out. In fact,
Speaker 1: if you don't want to do it on the phone,
Speaker 1: you can go in somewhere, you can meet with someone.
Speaker 1: But this needs to be out. This is life damaging
Speaker 1: type stuff that this predator is out right now and
Speaker 1: could possibly find a victim in your own sister, ten
Speaker 1: year old sister. I've got an eleven year old daughter.
Speaker 1: If you don't feel comfortable and you're fourteen and no
Speaker 1: offense do orcas, but you haven't fully developed yet and
Speaker 1: you feel uncomfortable, well that's a red flag because you
Speaker 1: would also have the excuse of just being ignorant to
Speaker 1: it and just not really man, I didn't really see it.
Speaker 1: I was fourteen. When I was fourteen, I was dumb though,
Speaker 1: because me grangeer, I was dumb. So the fact that
Speaker 1: you see this that means it's very obvious and you're
Speaker 1: protecting your little cis that's a big deal, and this
Speaker 1: is a big problem. Don't downplay this, don't take this lightly.
Speaker 1: I'd call the police. If you can't trust your mom
Speaker 1: and dad, because my first thought would be go to
Speaker 1: your mom and dad, and maybe you do that first.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know them. I don't know
Speaker 1: how much they defend the uncle. I don't know how
Speaker 1: much they defend the situation, or if they're based too
Speaker 1: much on shame, Like, don't shame our family, don't make
Speaker 1: this public, don't bring shame upon us by bringing this public.
Speaker 1: Let's just keep it hush hush, sweep it under the rug.
Speaker 1: If they're like that, and you know they're like that,
Speaker 1: then you got to go outside and you got to
Speaker 1: go to police, and you also have to know that
Speaker 1: they might be mad at you. Is going to take
Speaker 1: extreme courage. But let me ask you this, This is
Speaker 1: what it all comes down to. Is your sister worth it?
Speaker 1: Is your ten year old sister worth it? Because this
Speaker 1: is something that will affect the rest of her life,
Speaker 1: It's something that becomes generational. Is something that affects her
Speaker 1: kids and her grandkids and her choice and a husband.
Speaker 1: Is she worth it to you? Appreciate you guys. We'll
Speaker 1: see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the
Speaker 1: Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You
Speaker 1: could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye