Speaker 1: The Nicky podcast Natas here's Nikki. Oh isn't that lovely?
Speaker 1: We just recorded that at breakfast with all my best
Speaker 1: gals here in Tuloom, Mexico. There um big fans of
Speaker 1: the show, and so they've been singing it all weekend.
Speaker 1: And I gotta say a song with my name in it.
Speaker 1: It's a double edged sword. It like feels good, but
Speaker 1: it also feels ridiculous, and uh, but it was so fun.
Speaker 1: Noah came down to breakfast after she had left to
Speaker 1: prep for the podcast. I was like, I'll be up
Speaker 1: in ten minutes. We're finishing a conversation about anxiety and
Speaker 1: like depression and finding and talent and all these things,
Speaker 1: just trying to figure out our lives. And then Noah
Speaker 1: came down with all our equipment, was like, can I
Speaker 1: get you guys to record the intro? And it was
Speaker 1: so fun to do and uh, what a great little memory.
Speaker 1: It's the last day here in my vacation, on my
Speaker 1: vacation into Loom. Uh it has been Yesterday was so fun.
Speaker 1: We went to the pool again, we got COVID tested.
Speaker 1: We uh what else did we do? We went to dinner.
Speaker 1: We I don't know, we're just like relaxing. There's no activities,
Speaker 1: there's no like I know that we're supposed to go
Speaker 1: see some marshes or something with a bioluminescence, but we're
Speaker 1: just haying and talking. It's so fun. No, Uh, we've
Speaker 1: played the game on the show before. But the new
Speaker 1: game from uh Sex Therapist author many other titles, probably
Speaker 1: like you know, doctor Esther Perel created a game called
Speaker 1: where should We Begin? Right? And um, we were like
Speaker 1: we played it on the show before and we were
Speaker 1: like yesterday picking cards and and I really was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if this game is going to bring
Speaker 1: out the best stories within. Once we were all at
Speaker 1: a pool, like at a fun festive pool where the
Speaker 1: the vibe is like you know, vacation pool, and um,
Speaker 1: one person cried, one person revealed something never like everyone
Speaker 1: was revealing things they've never revealed before. It was a
Speaker 1: really good game. If you I really recommend that where
Speaker 1: should we Begin? It's just a question game. And um,
Speaker 1: it's kind of like cards, Cards of Humanity, whatever the
Speaker 1: hell uh that thing is. But it's it's that simple,
Speaker 1: but it just generates. I just love good deep conversation
Speaker 1: and people being vulnerable and sharing things that they don't
Speaker 1: normally talk about, and that's just what this vacation has
Speaker 1: all been about. And it's funny because I know all
Speaker 1: of my friends deepest things or like most of them,
Speaker 1: you know, like their stuff, and they're slowly like revealing
Speaker 1: things like I'm just like, you guys have this, and
Speaker 1: like there's things that are connecting where I'm like, I
Speaker 1: know this one person struggles with this type of anxiety
Speaker 1: disorder and I know someone else does, but they're both
Speaker 1: hiding it, and I'm like, when are they going to
Speaker 1: talk about it, because then they're gonna go like I
Speaker 1: do that too, but I can't go like I'm trying
Speaker 1: to like set my friends up. It's like it's almost like,
Speaker 1: um yeah, setting someone up, like I know you'd love
Speaker 1: this guy, and you should go in a blind date.
Speaker 1: But it's more for like um o c D behaviors
Speaker 1: with my friends. I'm like, you guys both do this
Speaker 1: weird quote unquote weird thing. Um yeah, It's been really fun.
Speaker 1: I woke up this morning really congested, and whenever I
Speaker 1: go for like doctor's tests, I always get back that
Speaker 1: like you have a lot of inflammation, which never sounds
Speaker 1: good or feels good, but I felt very inflamed this morning.
Speaker 1: Just um, my tongue as like a sore on it. Which, yeah,
Speaker 1: you think I'd be drinking monster energy drink. That's not
Speaker 1: the case. It's from hitting my tooth because my tongue
Speaker 1: is swollen because I ate so much popoca nosha last night.
Speaker 1: It's my favorite food. Bobocados is made with eggplant, and
Speaker 1: I also ate a lot of tomatoes. So there's a
Speaker 1: type of vegetable or whatever called nightshades white potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant,
Speaker 1: bell peppers, chili's guard in huckleberries. Yeah, I just was
Speaker 1: eating so many garden huckleberries last night and goji berries,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking up nightshade allergy uh, toxic chemicals within
Speaker 1: the plant which protected from mod molds and pests. And
Speaker 1: that's what I'm It's I'm reacting to the alkaloids. Uh.
Speaker 1: And yeah, hives and skin rushes don't have that itchiness Nope,
Speaker 1: nausea nope, vomiting nope, excessive mucus production helly yes, achy
Speaker 1: muscles and joints. I mean, I thought I had COVID
Speaker 1: last night because I was feeling so bad and inflammation, um,
Speaker 1: and my tongue swolled up and it sucks because it's
Speaker 1: so ironic. That is literally my favorite food, and um,
Speaker 1: I can't have it anymore. And I just felt like
Speaker 1: ship this morning. But Noah busted out some leaves. She
Speaker 1: was like, I think it's a named anti inflammatory and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, I've heard that before, and
Speaker 1: um yeah boom. I'm done. I feel I feel so
Speaker 1: much better now, still a little congested tomorrow, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: it's so wild being here on vacation because I haven't
Speaker 1: been sleeping great like usually on vacate when I have
Speaker 1: time off from work where I'm really not working, I
Speaker 1: like to like sleep in. But I'm living with someone
Speaker 1: who is a rooster apparently, and Kirsten is in my
Speaker 1: we're roommates right now, and she is used to waking
Speaker 1: up at five am to start training people, and so
Speaker 1: I just I've been waking up early and we've you know,
Speaker 1: we've been getting up early, doing a thirty breakfast. That's
Speaker 1: not nikki on vacation, but I'm with a group. I
Speaker 1: want to get as much out of it as I can,
Speaker 1: and I feel I feel exhausted at the end of
Speaker 1: this trip, even though but in a good way, because
Speaker 1: I've just been talking a lot and staying up uh
Speaker 1: and not sleeping enough eating so well. But tomorrow I
Speaker 1: go to San Antonio for my kick off to my
Speaker 1: tour on Friday night, and um, I think tickets are
Speaker 1: probably still I don't check numbers. It's one of my flaws,
Speaker 1: is like I don't look into details of things at all,
Speaker 1: and um, because I'm too scared that no tickets will
Speaker 1: be sold and so I'd rather not know. Um, but
Speaker 1: that's not the case. I think they're selling very well.
Speaker 1: I tomorrow when I land in San Antonio and meeting
Speaker 1: Anya and Matt, her boyfriend Matt pond p a singer songwriter,
Speaker 1: my tour manager, my assistant Jen also my dorm manager, uh,
Speaker 1: Andrew and Globs of Chango, my dance partner from Dancing
Speaker 1: with the Stars. He's going to choreograph a new dance
Speaker 1: to close out our show for us. We've been doing
Speaker 1: one that Sarah Lena, my friend, had a career AFT
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, and we need to move
Speaker 1: on from that and do a new one. And glub
Speaker 1: Is keeps writing me like what kind of dance do
Speaker 1: you want to do? And I'm like, club, we aren't
Speaker 1: good dancers. Make it silly, make it fun. I'm really
Speaker 1: just I just want you to be there, and I
Speaker 1: want to hang out and I want to like be
Speaker 1: in a practice space with you again and just have fun.
Speaker 1: And uh, it's it's going to be very fun. It's
Speaker 1: it's that's why I'm doing it. Like I don't really
Speaker 1: think we need a dance to close out the show,
Speaker 1: but it's just fun. And we were just talking about
Speaker 1: that at lunch. We're at breakfast about you know how,
Speaker 1: you know a couple of the girls here, actresses that
Speaker 1: have won. One just started acting. She was model since
Speaker 1: she was thirteen. Now she's like a couple of years
Speaker 1: ago she's gotten acting. And another, like Carlile, has been
Speaker 1: doing stand up and acting for a while. And they're
Speaker 1: both like kind of lamenting about the business and we're
Speaker 1: just talking about, you know how so much of things
Speaker 1: is luck and how do you even you know, with
Speaker 1: Carlisle is like, do you even like acting? She's like, well,
Speaker 1: I've never gotten to do it, so I don't know.
Speaker 1: Which is hilarious, but uh, I was like, you gotta
Speaker 1: find stuff, hopefully if you're lucky and not everyone has
Speaker 1: this luxury that you know you because everyone was always like, Nick,
Speaker 1: you work so hard, and I've just never been able
Speaker 1: to let that sink in. And I know why. It's
Speaker 1: because my work doesn't feel like work, because I enjoy it.
Speaker 1: And for me, work equals dread and like getting through
Speaker 1: something and being like done, like shutting my biology book
Speaker 1: and being like done homework. Now I can watch Dawson's Creek,
Speaker 1: you know, like there's no reward, there's no you don't
Speaker 1: get to say you worked unless you hated it. And
Speaker 1: that's just not true. And you know, I was playing
Speaker 1: guitar yesterday and Selene and I kind of started playing
Speaker 1: guitar at the same time last year, picked it up
Speaker 1: at the same time, and we're like, yeah, let's get
Speaker 1: good at it. And I just practice more and she's like,
Speaker 1: you're so good. Oh my god, you're so good. And
Speaker 1: I was like, there's no natural talent going on here,
Speaker 1: there's no honestly, certainly, it's just I play sometimes four
Speaker 1: hours a day, and I play every day, and I
Speaker 1: bring it with me on the road. I don't skip
Speaker 1: a day because I'm obsessed and I like it, and
Speaker 1: so just find a way to like it stop. You know,
Speaker 1: for me, that's not taking guitar lessons and learning scales.
Speaker 1: I would not stick with that, and I'm probably not
Speaker 1: going to be a good enough guitarist because of it.
Speaker 1: But that's just not that's not gonna happen for me.
Speaker 1: I just learned songs. I want to learn to feel
Speaker 1: my feelings and that's the way I'm learning guitar. And
Speaker 1: it's definitely a slower process, but at least I'm enjoying
Speaker 1: the work, even though it's like shittier work. Um, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you just need to find a way to you enjoy
Speaker 1: the work because it all comes down to hours, how
Speaker 1: many hours you put into something. That is why I
Speaker 1: do this podcast four days a week. I mean it's
Speaker 1: also so that I feel like I work every day
Speaker 1: even though it doesn't feel like work, because I love it.
Speaker 1: But I also recognize that if I want to be
Speaker 1: the best, it's something I just know. It's all about ours.
Speaker 1: Anyone that you look at, you can't you really. I
Speaker 1: recommend this book of the Talent Code because it talks
Speaker 1: about how talent is not what you think. It is,
Speaker 1: like people are born with it. Beyonce is one of
Speaker 1: their like chapters of like everyone thinks Beyonce was just
Speaker 1: born dancing and beautiful and confident and had that voice.
Speaker 1: And yes, she has probably musical blood people like you know,
Speaker 1: her family probably has generations of like being musical, and
Speaker 1: some people are predisposed but without But then they talked
Speaker 1: about Beyonce was in a boot camp since she was
Speaker 1: very were young, Like we're talking single digit kid working
Speaker 1: hours and hours and hours a day. That's why gymnasts,
Speaker 1: these little gymnasts and athletes. When you want to be
Speaker 1: an Olympic athlete, you don't have a childhood. You just
Speaker 1: train all day. Like Kirsten used to be a really
Speaker 1: good gymnast, still could be. And when she her and
Speaker 1: I started gymnastics classes, I did not like it as much.
Speaker 1: I also wasn't naturally good at it, so I was
Speaker 1: just like funk this she was. She stayed with it,
Speaker 1: she started doing gym gymnastics. Suddenly my best friend couldn't
Speaker 1: hang out out of for school. Three hours of practice
Speaker 1: every single day, and it's just like that's because the
Speaker 1: adults running USA Gymnastics know that they have to turn
Speaker 1: There's no other way to get good at gymnastics. You
Speaker 1: can't do one hour a day tumbling or one one
Speaker 1: class a week. They know that if we're gonna make
Speaker 1: this girl or any of these girls an Olympian, but
Speaker 1: before she starts her period, which is when she will start,
Speaker 1: Like Kristen said that the second she started her period,
Speaker 1: like a month later, she quit gymnastics because she was
Speaker 1: like a woman and she was just like two voluptuous
Speaker 1: for the like vault and yeah, they they know, like
Speaker 1: adults that are behind these uh you know boy band,
Speaker 1: the Mickey Mouse Club. They're literally in Houston. In this
Speaker 1: book The Talent Code, there is a place you go,
Speaker 1: like a farm, you go to where you get good
Speaker 1: at singing and dancing and being a pop star. And
Speaker 1: Beyonce went to that place a bunch of other people.
Speaker 1: I forget. I read the book years ago, and you know,
Speaker 1: I only read a third of it, and I was
Speaker 1: like I get it, and um, and you know Andrea
Speaker 1: Agassi's book. He was like, I tennis was my life.
Speaker 1: So these people that you go, you look at and
Speaker 1: you just go cut, they're so good. It's just the
Speaker 1: hours they put in. And so I want to be
Speaker 1: Howard Stern some days. So I just realized like, I
Speaker 1: can't be Howard Stern unless I do. He was on
Speaker 1: the radio every day for five hours for like and
Speaker 1: still you know, still most days, uh, for decades. And
Speaker 1: so I've got I can't do one podcast a week.
Speaker 1: I gotta do it four days a week if this
Speaker 1: something that I really want to do. And it is
Speaker 1: because the older you get, the less you want to tour,
Speaker 1: the less you want to right material, the more you
Speaker 1: just want to be and do something that's easy that
Speaker 1: allows you to have a life where you can indulge
Speaker 1: in things that actually bring you joy. And so yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm setting myself up to have a radio career, broadcasting
Speaker 1: career by just banking those hours. Um. So yeah, if
Speaker 1: your feel discouraged ever about someone else's talent and you're like,
Speaker 1: but we started at the same time, or just like,
Speaker 1: look at how many hours you put into it. It's
Speaker 1: not the same as that person's And that's the only reason.
Speaker 1: And it's not about putting in those hours and just
Speaker 1: going like, I don't want to find a way to
Speaker 1: make the practice work for you, or find a parent
Speaker 1: that forces you to do it before you have legal
Speaker 1: authority over yourself. And that's how you get good at
Speaker 1: things essentially. Andrew, for instance, I just gave him as
Speaker 1: an example. I was baffled at how good And you know,
Speaker 1: Andrew tell me how good he is at golf every
Speaker 1: day and like we'll either tell me like, oh I
Speaker 1: hit this, and he'll tell me how other people hit
Speaker 1: and I go, okay, Andrew's good. Like from these stats,
Speaker 1: I realized Andrew is a good, very good golfer. Where
Speaker 1: did this come from? I don't remember him golfing, and
Speaker 1: it turns out he was golfing all the time before
Speaker 1: I met him. He went through stages of life where
Speaker 1: he golfed just like this at hours and hours a
Speaker 1: day for years. So there's an explanation for people's talent.
Speaker 1: It's not when you look at yourself and go, why
Speaker 1: can't it be like that? It's because they put in
Speaker 1: more time, and you didn't see them put in the time,
Speaker 1: so you just assume they did everything you did. They didn't,
Speaker 1: they didn't, they didn't. Taylor Swift, for me, is one
Speaker 1: of them where I compare myself to her a lot
Speaker 1: and want to be her and like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: she's so magical, Like yes, she was had a childhood
Speaker 1: that made she had parents and like people around her
Speaker 1: that probably encouraged her to I mean, my parents encouraged
Speaker 1: me to read. But she was a voracious reader. She
Speaker 1: journaled a lot. She was also like a dork that
Speaker 1: didn't have friends, so she would like, you know, be
Speaker 1: in her bedroom and journaling. She liked it, like that
Speaker 1: was all she was songwriting from the time she was twelve,
Speaker 1: she was playing guitar. She like loved it early on,
Speaker 1: and that's why she's Taylor Swift. It's like, yes, some
Speaker 1: of that is natural and just born with it, but
Speaker 1: you can be born with it and if you don't
Speaker 1: put in the hours, it ain't going to be nothing.
Speaker 1: So I don't know what I'm trying to say here.
Speaker 1: It's just like, stop comparing yourself to people that you
Speaker 1: think you know what they've put into it, and you
Speaker 1: think it's the same as you. The only reason they're
Speaker 1: better is because they just found out a way to
Speaker 1: put more hours in and because maybe they have a
Speaker 1: life that doesn't demand maybe they were born with money
Speaker 1: so they don't need to get a day job, so
Speaker 1: they can take that day job time and put more hours.
Speaker 1: And some of it's just not fair. But if you
Speaker 1: can find a way to fit in those hours, you're
Speaker 1: gonna get as good as them. And that's the only
Speaker 1: thing differentiating you from the people that you listen to
Speaker 1: on the radio or the people that in your business
Speaker 1: that you go, God, I wish I could do that.
Speaker 1: I'm just never going to be that because I'm not.
Speaker 1: It's just it's not. It's not. They're not special. They
Speaker 1: just did the work. So let's do the work today.
Speaker 1: Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew alrighty, hey Andrew, and
Speaker 1: yet we go on? Yeah, yeah, how's it going in Chicago?
Speaker 1: Are you taking off? Taking off after this? Ready to
Speaker 1: hit the roode? What was your last night with Brenna? Light? Like,
Speaker 1: what's the what's the vibe? You're saying goodbye? When's the
Speaker 1: next time you're gonna see each other? What are we?
Speaker 1: What are we? The vibe is good. She met so
Speaker 1: much of my family last night. We did a family
Speaker 1: dinner with my aunt Donna, my uncle Scott, my aunt Lisa,
Speaker 1: my cousin Mikey, my cousin Sam. Like literally she met
Speaker 1: like eight people and she killed it, handled it like
Speaker 1: a tamp. She liked my aunt Donna, which was surprising
Speaker 1: because no one does and uh, she my aunt like whatever,
Speaker 1: it's a long history, but she just she just stares.
Speaker 1: You ever talked to someone who stares through your soul
Speaker 1: while they talk to you And you're like, what are you? Andrew?
Speaker 1: We know? Yeah, do you? I'm thinking about someone that
Speaker 1: we know that does that. But so, yeah, we know
Speaker 1: someone that, yes, I know exactly what we're talking about.
Speaker 1: Where you're just like and then you will look away
Speaker 1: and you can feel them still staring at you, or
Speaker 1: you get nervous when you talk because they're just staring
Speaker 1: too intensely at you, and you're like, what I'm saying
Speaker 1: is not that important? Like I'm talking about my like
Speaker 1: that I think I might have eggs ema on my neck,
Speaker 1: you know, like, and they'll look at you like you're
Speaker 1: telling them about like your time overseas feeding service and
Speaker 1: you're just literally saying that you got a coffee at
Speaker 1: Starbucks earlier, and they're like what, yes, what was that.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, I didn't kill your son, Like, get
Speaker 1: away from me. I get stage fright when those people
Speaker 1: look at me too intensely, Like I just like I
Speaker 1: kind of like start mumbling and I just don't know
Speaker 1: what to say, because I'm just like, it's too much
Speaker 1: pressured you're looking at me. She was nice though that
Speaker 1: like she liked and Don like we got in the corners, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I really like I like your aunt Donna.
Speaker 1: And I was like, and then you were able to
Speaker 1: like Antona threw her No I hate her more. Um no, no,
Speaker 1: I like Antona. She's just she's a lot, but um,
Speaker 1: you know. And then uh, I played golf yesterday. I
Speaker 1: tied my uncle, who I always let beat me, not
Speaker 1: on purpose, but just like he's the older guy. He's
Speaker 1: very competitive, extremely competitive, and he's very consistent and he
Speaker 1: always beats me in golf. And yesterday I tied him
Speaker 1: and I shot a thirty nine on the front nine.
Speaker 1: I literally broke forty for the third time in my life.
Speaker 1: And as congrats, is this the first time you broke
Speaker 1: fourt you since you've been playing this this time in
Speaker 1: your life? Congrats? So that felt really good and so
Speaker 1: we had. I had a great day yesterday, played golf.
Speaker 1: Um went to dinner. Could you have beaten him? But
Speaker 1: you did you? Did you just tie him like as
Speaker 1: tying to you like as far as you can go?
Speaker 1: Did you? Yeah? Maybe maybe so you could have gotten
Speaker 1: thirty eight. Look there there was there was a ruling
Speaker 1: on the core where he changed the rule after he
Speaker 1: funked up on a hole, and you let it go
Speaker 1: because he's um multi multi multi multimelion. I mean, that
Speaker 1: doesn't help my fight. He was paying. I'm guessing he
Speaker 1: was paying for the stay out. He bought me a
Speaker 1: shirt shirt after the game, and I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm glad we tied because this is
Speaker 1: a nice Peter Mellah, I don't know, some golf shirt
Speaker 1: that's like a really nice quality. And then I got stains.
Speaker 1: I got pasta all over it at dinner later, so
Speaker 1: I showed him. But anyway, I love you. About leaving,
Speaker 1: I said, I love you this morning. Oh I knew
Speaker 1: it was coming. Oh my god, wait this morning, how
Speaker 1: did you do it? Go? I gotta get on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I need material. I love you. And then no, I
Speaker 1: we were we had morning um intercourse and uh and
Speaker 1: uh uh. I think we were like getting done. I
Speaker 1: wasn't insider. But then she she got a forty one
Speaker 1: on this course. She was one over part with you always,
Speaker 1: so she was on top of me and I just
Speaker 1: I just was looking at her and we're no, not daring,
Speaker 1: not daring or during Um, okay, so she was on
Speaker 1: top of you for after sex and we were just
Speaker 1: cuddling thinking about me leaving. Why did you have to
Speaker 1: tell us she was in top then? I don't know
Speaker 1: if that wasn't the part where she said I guess
Speaker 1: if I was looking down at her and see more
Speaker 1: I'm more auntnna like. But it wasn't then that she
Speaker 1: you told her. It was after Yes, it was after
Speaker 1: sex and then she was on top of me and
Speaker 1: I just go, I love you, and she goes, I
Speaker 1: know you do, and I love you too, and she goes,
Speaker 1: There's been so many times I just wanted to say it,
Speaker 1: and I go, actually, just the first time I felt it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Usually happens like that where you're like so like you
Speaker 1: want to say it so many times and then you
Speaker 1: like you stop yourself, but it's just in the air,
Speaker 1: like you can both sell it. Yeah, and it felt
Speaker 1: it felt good. It feels it feels good. Um and yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It was a great trip. I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean, have you said that to to anyone? Just
Speaker 1: my girlfriend? And okay, did she say it? Back, um
Speaker 1: reluctantly or maybe to a guy behind me, and I
Speaker 1: just stood in between them. I just caught it. She
Speaker 1: just said I love you too, and she was talking
Speaker 1: about the band. She's like, that's the way I can
Speaker 1: do it. And before I, um, what's going on with you?
Speaker 1: Are you guys? Look? Wait? I want to hear like
Speaker 1: are what are your feelings about? Like? Uh, what's the plan?
Speaker 1: Everyone hears like what's Andrew gonna do? Like what are
Speaker 1: they going to stay together? I go, yeah, they'll just
Speaker 1: see take a day by day. When's the next time
Speaker 1: you'll see you? Look at the schedule? Um, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean probably i'd say three weeks from now. I would
Speaker 1: try to make something happen, you know, yea hopefully. Um.
Speaker 1: It's hard. Yeah, I'm not trying to like overthink it. Uh,
Speaker 1: but you know we also we're not working like we're
Speaker 1: working under underthinking. I'm underthinking it, which I normally under
Speaker 1: I'm always under except for pa, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm not. I just yeah, I'm where I Yeah,
Speaker 1: sure am I little worried? But you know she could
Speaker 1: have moved to a city also that like I hate
Speaker 1: it like I love it here like, I have family here,
Speaker 1: so like I'm just you know, I could see you
Speaker 1: ending up in Chicago. Yeah, I mean it is a
Speaker 1: great town. Yeah, it's just so cold. I'm tired of
Speaker 1: sucking winters where it's it's cold. It's anything. I don't
Speaker 1: think unless like in like five to ten years from now,
Speaker 1: but I don't see that happen in the car. Yeah,
Speaker 1: take a day by day. I'm just like, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a little bit feeling anxious about just the COVID news
Speaker 1: just becoming more like masks are back, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: in our building the other day, it was like master
Speaker 1: back on Monday, so you know, we have to wear
Speaker 1: masks in the building, and it seems like everyone's kind
Speaker 1: of backed. It's just scaring me that, you know, there's
Speaker 1: a tour that I'm doing, there's there's just it's just
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit better prepared for a lockdown again
Speaker 1: because I have a house or a place. Um, but
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I haven't even been reading the news.
Speaker 1: I just wrote to any know, I was like, because
Speaker 1: she always knows what's going on, I'm like, will you
Speaker 1: tell me what you think it's going to happen, Even
Speaker 1: though like what does she know? But she yeah, she
Speaker 1: assuaged my fears, but also increased them too. I don't know,
Speaker 1: what do you think? Um? From what I saw, the
Speaker 1: delta variant is very contagious, but there are a lot
Speaker 1: of people vaccinated, so what could possibly happen. It could
Speaker 1: be a fast sweep and then unvaccinated people actually get
Speaker 1: the antibodies and then everybody is pretty much covered because
Speaker 1: don't have the antibodies. People will be vaccinated and life
Speaker 1: will go on, hopefully pray that being said, the tour
Speaker 1: will probably be canceled and we'll probably just end up
Speaker 1: laying in the living room with like candles lit and
Speaker 1: just playing Kumbay, all being meant to be regardless of
Speaker 1: what exactly exactly. Yeah, yeah, I think so this, Yeah,
Speaker 1: this trip is coming to an end tomorrow. Everyone's already
Speaker 1: talking about like leaving, and I'm just like, can we
Speaker 1: know it's not yet? Like I just hate the last
Speaker 1: day of a trip. It's almost like the last day
Speaker 1: of the trip isn't even a real day because everyone's
Speaker 1: thinking about packing and going home tomorrow and when we're
Speaker 1: gonna do this and like just overthinking, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: let's just all underthink it, like it's all gonna be okay.
Speaker 1: We don't need to like obsess about okay, like I
Speaker 1: gotta pack later. It's just like, just can we just
Speaker 1: be easy. If you go on vacation, always take then
Speaker 1: when you get home, take one day off two which
Speaker 1: I saw. I think just add that day to whatever
Speaker 1: you think is the amount of days you want to spend,
Speaker 1: because it just will give you that extra because the
Speaker 1: last dapification does not counts. It's just like the resort
Speaker 1: is almost like over you being there. They're like they
Speaker 1: can't even wait. They're already like salvating at you leaving
Speaker 1: and not being I mean, we are so ridiculous. And
Speaker 1: none of us are drunk. That's the thing, is like
Speaker 1: no one here is drinking, and so when we are
Speaker 1: ob not just we go to this pool every day
Speaker 1: that's one of the sister hotels here, and like yesterday,
Speaker 1: the first day we went, we were so we weren't loud.
Speaker 1: You know what drunk people are a loud. We weren't loud.
Speaker 1: We were just being silly and laughing a lot. And
Speaker 1: you could just tell these couples on honeymoons fucking hated us.
Speaker 1: This guy looked at me with such disdain, waited for
Speaker 1: me to look over at him, and was just just
Speaker 1: and I go, I feel like he might be friends
Speaker 1: with someone that I've like hurt or something, or like
Speaker 1: I did some bit that offended him. Like it's felt
Speaker 1: so personal because it's just like sorry that we're reminding
Speaker 1: you that you your relationship is probably doomed because you're
Speaker 1: on your honeymoon and you're already bored with each other
Speaker 1: and the excitement of getting married and all that stuff
Speaker 1: that made you feel like this was good. It's all
Speaker 1: setting in that, like maybe you don't love her that much,
Speaker 1: and now you are like and she's jealous that she
Speaker 1: is not with her girlfriends, and you're sensing that and
Speaker 1: you're mad at her, and so you're sneering at me,
Speaker 1: you dick. So yesterday we showed up and those same
Speaker 1: people were there and we were just like, oh, they
Speaker 1: all hate us so much. Then we went to dinner
Speaker 1: and then one of the couples walked in to the
Speaker 1: dinner place and we were like, we bet they will
Speaker 1: just turn on a dime once they see us to
Speaker 1: walk out, because we just like, are we're just having fun,
Speaker 1: We're doing like silly things. We're not trying to be hot.
Speaker 1: We're not trying we're being gross. We're being like I
Speaker 1: was doing Butterfly the other day in the pool, and
Speaker 1: I just felt like ever, I felt so annoying doing
Speaker 1: it because it's just such an aggressive thing. But no
Speaker 1: one was in the pool except us. But there's people
Speaker 1: laying out and I wasn't splashing them, but I could
Speaker 1: just tell they were like piste off that I was
Speaker 1: doing Butterfly. And then we were pretending to be dogs
Speaker 1: that fell in the pool. Selena does a great impression
Speaker 1: of a dog that's just like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: be the water, just like the eyes go to the
Speaker 1: side and it's just like the dog paddles like and
Speaker 1: can't pay attention. Really, it's okay, Bailey, It's okay. And
Speaker 1: then she got out and like just shakes around like
Speaker 1: we were doing dog impressions. I mean, really, we were
Speaker 1: acting like children more than anything, but not even obnoxious children.
Speaker 1: People resent people having fun, and even I do when
Speaker 1: I'm on a vacation. I mean I'm projecting. I've been
Speaker 1: on vacations before where my boyfriend and I aren't getting
Speaker 1: along and I look at girls having fun and I
Speaker 1: fucking hate them, But it's really because I hate that
Speaker 1: I'm not well, yeah, I you know. We were was
Speaker 1: that hotel, the Roosevelt Hotel in l A. And I
Speaker 1: remember we did a swim like competition of like swimming
Speaker 1: freestyle then backstroke, then underwater and who could go to fastest.
Speaker 1: And it's like people looked at us like because they're
Speaker 1: all kid that everyone at that pools kicked and we're
Speaker 1: being you have to be killed. Some would say we're
Speaker 1: cooked because we're not caring about anyone else and we're
Speaker 1: being loud and ever, but we're just having fun, like
Speaker 1: a pool is made to play Marco Polo, Like that's
Speaker 1: what we've been doing our whole life. When did we
Speaker 1: stop Marco Polo in our lives? Like, get over it.
Speaker 1: It's just hearing people laugh loudly and just I mean,
Speaker 1: I get it. Whenever I'm at like a restaurant and
Speaker 1: there's a table that's just screaming, it's usually though precipitated
Speaker 1: by drinking, and I just know that those people aren't
Speaker 1: even gonna remember the times they're having because they're so drunk.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, this is all for nothing shut up.
Speaker 1: But when it's or people on a plane that are
Speaker 1: super drunk that are just loud, like you just know
Speaker 1: a drunk person, they get so damn loud. The music
Speaker 1: last night was loud at this place and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell them to turn it down, and everyone
Speaker 1: at the table was kind of just like, please don't.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be so weird. The guy couldn't have been
Speaker 1: nicer about it, like it was fine, music is too
Speaker 1: loud in place and this is this is that kind
Speaker 1: of place, and I go, well, it shouldn't be. People
Speaker 1: are eating dinner, there's no one dancing. This doesn't need
Speaker 1: to be this loud, and they're like, but that's kind
Speaker 1: of the vibe here. It's like yeah, I know, but
Speaker 1: um it's not. This is a bad business model, Like
Speaker 1: people are trying to have these are all fam Lee's
Speaker 1: and like people wanting to talk during dinner and there's
Speaker 1: like this. It's just so I don't understand that. It's
Speaker 1: so funny because we went to Uh, there's a place
Speaker 1: called viagraa Triangle or viagraa Circle or something in Chicago
Speaker 1: where it's literally and girls with fake clips that are
Speaker 1: like in they're like late twenties whatever. And it's just
Speaker 1: like these old, like like greasy haired men that all
Speaker 1: look like, you know, like snakes in a Lamborghini and
Speaker 1: which is a new movie coming out with Samuel Jackson
Speaker 1: and and they're all just like And then we went
Speaker 1: into this place called Tavern on Rush and we go
Speaker 1: up and there's like seven fucking tables open outside right like,
Speaker 1: and I go, hey, can we, you know, come in?
Speaker 1: You know, I'm here with a very pretty girl too.
Speaker 1: It's not like I'm adding you didn't look at me
Speaker 1: in a circle. Wait you take Roman or whatever? Like
Speaker 1: you take well, yeah, well Romans the name of the brand. Man,
Speaker 1: I can get you some biagra here, by the way,
Speaker 1: like over the count It's it's nuts what I can
Speaker 1: get you down here? So major D or whatever. And
Speaker 1: I feel bad for these girls because they're being told
Speaker 1: by their manager like no, we gotta keep it exclusive.
Speaker 1: I was like, can I get a table there? Like
Speaker 1: we don't have any outside. I'm like, there's fucking forty
Speaker 1: five tables like open, and so we can sit you inside.
Speaker 1: We go inside and it's it's one it's like no,
Speaker 1: like four pm, and the music sang and me and
Speaker 1: brennant each other like you want to you want to leave,
Speaker 1: and we left and I felt so fucking good to
Speaker 1: leave because in the past, maybe to ask people to
Speaker 1: turn down music or leave a restaurant after they've already
Speaker 1: brought waters they brought, so what even if they brought
Speaker 1: your drinks, throw down a twenty and get the funk
Speaker 1: out of there, like, don't put Businesses need to know
Speaker 1: when they're failing their consumer by making it a bad experience,
Speaker 1: and it when you ask someone to turn down the music. Honestly,
Speaker 1: people are so passive and so scared to speak up
Speaker 1: for themselves. You know, they'll have something in their food
Speaker 1: and they'll just be like it's it's okay, or they'll
Speaker 1: so many times I've been at dinner with someone who
Speaker 1: gets the wrong thing and they don't eat it, and
Speaker 1: I go, what's going on there? Like they probably the
Speaker 1: wrong thing, but I just I just don't want to
Speaker 1: be like a bother. And it's just like if you're
Speaker 1: a waitress and someone said, oh, you brought me the
Speaker 1: wrong thing, would you take that personally and kill yourself? No,
Speaker 1: everyone can work with this that you're not like a
Speaker 1: bad person because you got the wrong thing that, you know, like,
Speaker 1: just ask for what you need and absolutely walk out
Speaker 1: of a movie if it sucks. Within the first thirty minutes,
Speaker 1: walk out of a movie. The guy Horrible Bosses the
Speaker 1: first one, and then I haven't gone to see really yeah,
Speaker 1: um no. I went with my friend Holly and I
Speaker 1: we were just so insulted by how I was so
Speaker 1: insulted that these brilliant comedic actors had written a movie
Speaker 1: that was appealing to such dumb people, like just thinking
Speaker 1: I'm an idiot, and like having to make jokes so dumb,
Speaker 1: having to make these characters so exaggerated. I felt insulted.
Speaker 1: I felt like being talked down to like a child.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, I don't want to nothing
Speaker 1: about I just was like, first of all, if you
Speaker 1: have a horrible boss, quit your job. Why not not
Speaker 1: kill your boss? Like that's stupid. Uh. It was within
Speaker 1: thirty and I went to the thing and I just
Speaker 1: was and the guy the box office didn't make the movie.
Speaker 1: It wasn't Jennifer Anniston in the box office, Like I
Speaker 1: didn't have to, you know, like the guy doesn't care
Speaker 1: he's making minimum wage. He'll give you your money back.
Speaker 1: He doesn't fucking care. So like when you and with
Speaker 1: the wagress at a restaurant, like talk about what you need,
Speaker 1: Like when I just, I honestly can't be friends with
Speaker 1: people after I see them just put their tail between
Speaker 1: their legs when they hate something and they just put
Speaker 1: up with it because they're at for it. With like
Speaker 1: a bad haircut, I'll tip more for some reason because
Speaker 1: I like getting treated terrible. I think it's because I've
Speaker 1: done it before too, and I just don't want to
Speaker 1: do it anymore. The time I got a chick and
Speaker 1: and what happened was I got the wrong order, and
Speaker 1: so I felt bad, and so I changed the order.
Speaker 1: I was like twelve on a vacation with another family
Speaker 1: and they brought out a chicken burrito and I swear
Speaker 1: to God, it was ice cold the chicken. I ate
Speaker 1: chicken that was uncooked too. When I was with Kerson's
Speaker 1: family when I was twelve, because I was scared of
Speaker 1: like I go, I think this is bad. It was
Speaker 1: literally just raw chicken breast. Oh God, but death definitely,
Speaker 1: you got like salmon, like deathly ill. I was puking
Speaker 1: all night. And Andrew, by the way, in the in
Speaker 1: the room alone, which I don't even think about, but whatever.
Speaker 1: But like yeah, but like I I'm one to do that.
Speaker 1: I'm one to not complain and just eat it and
Speaker 1: be like, oh no, I like it anyway. So so
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to not think that. Like I'm sure
Speaker 1: people are listening being like I'm one of those people.
Speaker 1: Nicky would hate me. It's like I am one of
Speaker 1: those people too. I don't like to complain. I don't
Speaker 1: like to be a nuisance. But when you really break
Speaker 1: it down the people that you're complaining to, as long
Speaker 1: as you do it with like hey, you know, like
Speaker 1: I just don't like this. It wasn't what I actually wanted,
Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry, Like just be nice about it,
Speaker 1: because there are people that complain and they're horrible about it,
Speaker 1: anyone that works in the service industry or retail, you know,
Speaker 1: those people that like complain and think they deserve everything.
Speaker 1: This isn't what I'm telling you to do, a simple
Speaker 1: box office thing of hey, I just bought to take it.
Speaker 1: Horrible asses that was It's horrible, horrible, But like it's
Speaker 1: that I just didn't like it, and like I just
Speaker 1: like that's fine, and it's it's you can do it, guys.
Speaker 1: You can stand up for yourselves, and you can when
Speaker 1: you're especially when you're paying for something. And then if
Speaker 1: you if the person tells you, well, like because I've
Speaker 1: complained at some point and they go, well, that's just
Speaker 1: the way it is, and I go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you know what. I didn't read the fine print. You're right.
Speaker 1: This did say this, and this movie did tell me
Speaker 1: it was horrible. It's in the name. I should have known.
Speaker 1: I don't my money. Just be nice about it. I can't.
Speaker 1: You're allowed to have opinions and not like things you're
Speaker 1: allowed quick. I think. I think it's like, we don't
Speaker 1: wanna this waiter that we will never see again, that
Speaker 1: we don't haven't like we care about people that we will.
Speaker 1: It's like on the golf course when some strangers watching
Speaker 1: you hit a shot and you hit shitty because you're
Speaker 1: worried about the stranger that you'll never talk to again,
Speaker 1: his attitude or what he thinks of you. You're his
Speaker 1: disappointment in you, but we value much. It's weird you
Speaker 1: do you got alone on this by at all. I
Speaker 1: know you're not, but I do not. Like when I
Speaker 1: was picking up Luigi's poop with some leaves, and you
Speaker 1: saw people watching me from this restaurant window. You ran
Speaker 1: away because you was so embarrassed. And I was just like,
Speaker 1: what is embarrassing about a girl that's not going to
Speaker 1: leave ship on the ground that forgot a bag. I'm
Speaker 1: not a bad person because I forgot a poop bag.
Speaker 1: It happens to everyone. If you're late for a flight
Speaker 1: and you go and you just you know, all you
Speaker 1: would have to do is ask the people in line
Speaker 1: to get ahead. I've said this before, probably, but it
Speaker 1: bears repeating. Just ask people ever, and people that give
Speaker 1: you two about wanting to cut in line so you
Speaker 1: can get to your flight in time. Our art you
Speaker 1: can just go. Have you ever been late for something?
Speaker 1: If they give you to go, have you ever been
Speaker 1: late for something? And would you have liked someone to
Speaker 1: maybe give you Everyone's been late everyone, but you could go,
Speaker 1: you could go. Oh, I was like, because I was hungover,
Speaker 1: I'm a piece of ship, like they It doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: it doesn't You didn't want to be late, like no
Speaker 1: one wants to be late. Just people should be kind.
Speaker 1: And so why were you embarrassed for me picking up shows.
Speaker 1: Just you don't see it often. You look it's a
Speaker 1: it's a crazy thing to look over those people think
Speaker 1: of me. What would not get that? But I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to wonder why be embarrassed? I just want I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to be in tatagonistic. I'm really trying to
Speaker 1: understand what about that? Because I feel almost weird that
Speaker 1: I was not embarrassing. You've gotten dogshit on your hand
Speaker 1: in front of me and be like ship on my hand,
Speaker 1: Like you just don't care about it. It's just something
Speaker 1: you're like, I pick it up with leaves most likely
Speaker 1: to ship won't get on me? Well, someone think that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I eat poop. If I get poop up
Speaker 1: dog poop, I don't know why people would think I
Speaker 1: would be way work. I would be way more embarrassed
Speaker 1: if I left ship on the ground than if I
Speaker 1: picked it up with my bare hands. But that's just me.
Speaker 1: Let's get apparently you scrambling away that day I was
Speaker 1: I was like, you're such a pussy. You're banditing me
Speaker 1: because you're embarrassed. Then picking up poop with a leaf,
Speaker 1: I believe all right? Your having swells out there everybody
Speaker 1: hoping now that swells if you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: having a great time. I know it's the last day
Speaker 1: of here we go, Swell it up. Okay. The internet
Speaker 1: is giving Ashton Kutcher and Mela Kuna's heat after they
Speaker 1: said on a podcast that they don't believe in bathing
Speaker 1: their kids or themselves too much. Okay, what my friend
Speaker 1: wrote me yesterday asking me to ask all my girlfriends
Speaker 1: if we wash our vaginas with soap, because she says
Speaker 1: she doesn't because it stings and she just uses water.
Speaker 1: And she always thought you're just supposed to use water.
Speaker 1: And I said, yes, I do wash my vagina soap.
Speaker 1: I remember it stinging. When I was a child in
Speaker 1: the bath. I hated washing my vagina because my parents
Speaker 1: would be like, wash everything, and I'd be like, it's stings.
Speaker 1: But now it doesn't sting to wash my vagina with soap? Noah,
Speaker 1: do you wash your vagina with soap? Yeah? I do,
Speaker 1: but I use like natural soaps. Okay, but what about
Speaker 1: here in the where we don't have natural soaps? Oh?
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, of course, yes, I have to otherwise
Speaker 1: it like really stinks. Yes, that makes sense. What about Okay,
Speaker 1: so they don't bay their kids. Here's the thing. They won't.
Speaker 1: They won't bathe their kids unless they like see dirt.
Speaker 1: Ashton Kutcherd says he washes himself and wash his armpits
Speaker 1: and it's crotched daily, but nothing else ever. I literally,
Speaker 1: Ashton and I are the same. I don't wash my body.
Speaker 1: I just watched my crop am I under and my pits,
Speaker 1: and then I shaved my legs nearly every day because
Speaker 1: I'm hooking up. So I guess my legs get washed.
Speaker 1: But that's only to shave them. But there's no reason
Speaker 1: to wash your elbow unless it has poop on it
Speaker 1: because you were picking up some dogship, because you've got
Speaker 1: your leaves, because because it's fall. Oh no, then there'd
Speaker 1: be a lot of leaves. It's winter. Yeah, but um yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. How many people out there wash their back?
Speaker 1: I get I bet you every guy listener right now,
Speaker 1: if we took a pole, I would say, of guys,
Speaker 1: don't wash their back. Your back has been fine your
Speaker 1: whole life. So I've never washed my back. I've never
Speaker 1: washed my back in my life. I've never washed I
Speaker 1: remember one time. Some people, what are you doing? Some
Speaker 1: people are fastidious about being clean, and I would argue
Speaker 1: that you're doing like I was talking to someone about
Speaker 1: how you have your toothbrush in the shower on the
Speaker 1: floor and by the drain, and they were like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, the germs. I go, the germs are not
Speaker 1: an issue that that is probably cleaner than the one
Speaker 1: by your sink. It's just it's just not a good
Speaker 1: look more than anything, you know, it's just like that
Speaker 1: just means you're not like taking care of yourself. You
Speaker 1: don't like your things like but the germs wise, I
Speaker 1: bet germologists could come in there and do uh one
Speaker 1: of those agg artests where they rub it on the
Speaker 1: gel and you see the mold, and I bet it
Speaker 1: would be less germs because you have water, and they go,
Speaker 1: but what about all the body stuff that's rubbing on
Speaker 1: your the twoth person, It's like no, it goes down
Speaker 1: the drain with like And that's why I feel about
Speaker 1: washing my hair with shampoo. The shampoo runs down my back.
Speaker 1: That's enough. I don't need to scrub my but what's
Speaker 1: happening to my back? If I have calm on my stomach?
Speaker 1: Like sometimes I have sex and it's like or like
Speaker 1: sexual relations and I get sweaty and like there's just
Speaker 1: spit and stuff, and then I'll really give myself a scrub.
Speaker 1: But no, I'm with Ashton and Mila on this one.
Speaker 1: And unless you start stinking just pits, you can do
Speaker 1: pits and crotch. All of my showers take less than
Speaker 1: two minutes. Then you read the article and it's like
Speaker 1: Cooness is like I didn't have hot water growing up
Speaker 1: as a child, so I didn't shower very much anyway.
Speaker 1: And then she's like, I also watched my face twice
Speaker 1: a day, so it's like it's not as absurd as
Speaker 1: the headline. You wash your face because you wear makeup
Speaker 1: and that's dirt and like collect stuff. But who is
Speaker 1: getting sick from their thigh women washing their face to microscopic?
Speaker 1: I believe you know what I mean, Like, even if
Speaker 1: you left makeup on tonight, I think you know, Brenda
Speaker 1: has a system where it's like it's like fifteen different
Speaker 1: things and it's like I think you can over maybe
Speaker 1: do it where your face is like, what this isn't natural?
Speaker 1: I put on mine has been that way before, but
Speaker 1: now I'm down to I washed my face, I put
Speaker 1: on a serum and then I go to bed in
Speaker 1: the morning, I washed my face, put on a serum,
Speaker 1: put on something, and then you have one And what's
Speaker 1: want to know or I don't. I'm not even gonna
Speaker 1: tell you because it's serious. I'm sorry, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to say why I don't. I don't want it
Speaker 1: to go off the market, and I just don't. It's
Speaker 1: I just don't want. It's took me years and years,
Speaker 1: and I just don't want to let anyone know. I
Speaker 1: use it as lube, I use it as every I
Speaker 1: use it for everything, and I, yeah, I do. I
Speaker 1: worry that it's going to sell out or the price
Speaker 1: will go up or um. Yeah, I don't know. This
Speaker 1: is me being like not a good person by not
Speaker 1: letting you know. But I just don't want to let
Speaker 1: you know, not even a hint. Maybe I got it.
Speaker 1: Are going to be going nuts? Best? Okay, listen Petty's
Speaker 1: will you just d M d M. The thing is,
Speaker 1: I won't be able to catch up with how many people? Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what it is one time, and I'm
Speaker 1: not You're not going to be able to write me
Speaker 1: again and go what was it again? I get so
Speaker 1: many mussages about what was the book to quit drinking
Speaker 1: Google Nikki Glazer Quit Drinking Book, Like, we don't need
Speaker 1: to have a discussion about this, but I do understand.
Speaker 1: There's sometimes on podcast where you hear it and then
Speaker 1: you don't write it down. It's called the ordinary plant
Speaker 1: squaw lane. Okay, there's my secret. Y'all can have it
Speaker 1: because Andrew asked, and I am. Now, now you're gonna
Speaker 1: surge the price up and it's gonna bug me. So
Speaker 1: I hope it works for you, the ordinary plant squaling,
Speaker 1: not the HEMI squalling, the plant squaling. I know. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to be like more honest, and all of all
Speaker 1: of my apprhenses about telling people is that I don't
Speaker 1: want people to be then now everyone's gonna get like,
Speaker 1: have good skin, and I want to be. I already
Speaker 1: have such shitty skin that I need an advantage and
Speaker 1: now everyone's gonna have this advantage. And that's my fear.
Speaker 1: But the thing is I do have good skin, and
Speaker 1: it's not from the squalling necessarily. It's from me like
Speaker 1: making eating well and um not picking up my skin
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. But yes, this stuff is great
Speaker 1: and you can use this. I feel I feel I'm
Speaker 1: really happy you did that. People turning. I mean I
Speaker 1: had two people were gonna I would literally stop listening
Speaker 1: to a podcast that a girl claimed to be my
Speaker 1: best friend, that she wouldn't tell me that fucking eight
Speaker 1: dollars squalling that I'm about before this comes out, I'm
Speaker 1: about to order about them. So good luck, bitches. I'm
Speaker 1: just kidding, but yeah, I would get it from You
Speaker 1: can get on Amazon or the Ordinary, and it's like
Speaker 1: eight bucks. It's so cheap, and it's I use it
Speaker 1: on everything. It's like a it's um. It's just something
Speaker 1: you can put on underneath your night creams, underneath your moisturizers,
Speaker 1: and it's like it's it's more hydrating than oil, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't have an oily like it won't. It does
Speaker 1: kind of sometimes stain things, but not as much as
Speaker 1: an oil, and it just goes on really glossy and fresh.
Speaker 1: And every time anyone's like, oh my god, you look amazing,
Speaker 1: I'm like, all I have is on is a squalling.
Speaker 1: It's like makes you look really um, greasy, but in
Speaker 1: a good way, all right. People turning to music into
Speaker 1: pandemic showed researchers and the same social brain networks activated
Speaker 1: when making music are also involved in social processes understanding others, empathizing, empathizing,
Speaker 1: and coordinating with others. All of these networks just read.
Speaker 1: I mean, are you reading the ingredients to the plant squalling?
Speaker 1: It sounds like you're reading like you're one of those guys.
Speaker 1: That's It's such for a antidepressant exclude the consult to
Speaker 1: talk to her. It was like that much good? But
Speaker 1: can I just so if you making music, it triggers
Speaker 1: the same part in your brain that socializing does. Yes. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: When I watched that songwriting um YouTube thing that was
Speaker 1: like how to write a song the Ted talk that
Speaker 1: it's talking about, Sarah Lena wrote a song because she
Speaker 1: heard the podcast that I talked about it. Um she
Speaker 1: wasrod a song called standing by a Wall or it
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know it's good, but anyway she
Speaker 1: in the thing they said that songs are stories. They're
Speaker 1: just meant before we were able to write things down
Speaker 1: and had like lang you know, uh yeah, before it
Speaker 1: could write something down before Guttenberg Steve Gutenberg, um the
Speaker 1: actor and how he was able to tell stories. I
Speaker 1: meant the printing press, but um, before we had able
Speaker 1: to do it. Songs were able. You could memorize them
Speaker 1: and then share stories through song, which is easier than
Speaker 1: just memorizing something that doesn't have a rhythm to it.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it makes sense. It's it's a social thing
Speaker 1: and it's meant more like a Swedish producer. They do everything.
Speaker 1: But yeah, they're like all stories, like your favorite your
Speaker 1: favorite songs are like stories. I would say, like the
Speaker 1: stories like what's your what is your favorite songs? Um
Speaker 1: or one of the just go through like I would
Speaker 1: say Clay Pigeons by Blaze fully but he's also rewritten
Speaker 1: or Redone by John Prine is probably my favorite song.
Speaker 1: And what about that song resonates with you? Or that's
Speaker 1: just a story about a guy that isn't happy of
Speaker 1: where he's at and so he's going to go back
Speaker 1: to Texas and like kind of just figure out his life.
Speaker 1: It's just a very simple thing and about him just
Speaker 1: trying to find happiness in the simple things. Did you
Speaker 1: discover the song in a point in your life where
Speaker 1: you were maybe in there? Sure? Yeah, I think because
Speaker 1: some people, like you know, I think when you're in
Speaker 1: New York City and you listen to a song about
Speaker 1: a hometown. Sometimes it will resonate with me, like just
Speaker 1: a simple song I just want easy living. It's like
Speaker 1: I I just wanted to get away from things, and
Speaker 1: I think songs can do that for you. It can
Speaker 1: bring you home. I guess. I know it sounds cheesy,
Speaker 1: but you know, I asked you this because I I
Speaker 1: think you have the same like um attraction to certain
Speaker 1: songs that I do. It's like, oh, because it's it
Speaker 1: says something that is very articulates your exact feeling. It's
Speaker 1: like you like kind of country folk, like specific lyrics
Speaker 1: that will like even evoke feelings about your own life
Speaker 1: that you can project your own life onto. Whereas some
Speaker 1: people like techno or metal, but like metal songs where
Speaker 1: the lyrics are like I don't understand liking those because
Speaker 1: it doesn't the lyrics don't tell a story to me.
Speaker 1: But I guess the anger and the like, what's what's
Speaker 1: the attraction to that kind of music? No, uh h,
Speaker 1: I guess for me, like a lot of the lyrics
Speaker 1: were about like rebellion and stuff like that. So and
Speaker 1: and the music is it does project emotion to like
Speaker 1: it goes with my rage or like anger and it's
Speaker 1: a it's a release that makes sense of it being
Speaker 1: just the grally you want to make, like when you're
Speaker 1: that like the yeah, the listen to when you're I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess I listened to hard rap. When I want
Speaker 1: to work out, you know, I'll listen to like um,
Speaker 1: you know Kanye or do you picture yourself as a rapper?
Speaker 1: Like I just think that my relationship with music is
Speaker 1: so based upon me being able to pretend I'm in
Speaker 1: the music video. But when you want to get you're
Speaker 1: angry and you want to even double down on that anger,
Speaker 1: like no, I listen. I listened to Love the Way
Speaker 1: You Lie by eminem and Rihanna. But generally it depends
Speaker 1: on what I'm angry about, you know, like, uh, if
Speaker 1: I'm mad at my dad, I want to listen to
Speaker 1: UM the Kelly Clarkson because of you. I want to
Speaker 1: find a song that's about being mad at your dad,
Speaker 1: or I want to find a song that I can
Speaker 1: or I'll change the lyrics to a song to make
Speaker 1: it makes sense for me a little bit more, because
Speaker 1: sometimes there are songs about women and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I wanted to be about a man. Um so that
Speaker 1: like I always pick a song, but generally I always
Speaker 1: pick a song that if you were shooting the scene
Speaker 1: in which I was listening to, it would be a
Speaker 1: perfect music video for that song. Interesting. Yeah, No, I
Speaker 1: think I'm similar in those ways. I mean I never
Speaker 1: listened to music like outside of what my emotion is
Speaker 1: at the time. Like I mean, you know, it's just
Speaker 1: it's just weird when you're like sad and depressed and
Speaker 1: then you throw on like heavy I don't know, like
Speaker 1: fucking Metallica, which they do say that wallowing and like
Speaker 1: when you're depressed and listening to depressed music makes you
Speaker 1: more depressed and you should actually try to do the opposite.
Speaker 1: I will say that I did a thing happy like
Speaker 1: on podcast you know how they have like you could
Speaker 1: browse categories, and I've typed in like happy make you smile,
Speaker 1: like like the cheese. It's just like putting your tongue
Speaker 1: in the mirror and shaking clearer. Oh. I put on
Speaker 1: um you know for fourth July when when Marian was
Speaker 1: having uh you know, I was taking care of Marian
Speaker 1: over that weekend. I went on Spotify and just wrote
Speaker 1: in like soothing dog, and it was like so many
Speaker 1: soothing dog songs. There was playlist for soothing dogs and
Speaker 1: now I listened to it all the time because it
Speaker 1: was like so soothing for me. I guess I'm a dog.
Speaker 1: I mean I was yesterday when I was pretending to
Speaker 1: be one in the in the pool. Um, but I
Speaker 1: there's this thing that I saw on the subreddit for
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift last night that was like, what did you
Speaker 1: guys get on the fan? Oh? Here does here? It
Speaker 1: does prove your stardom. See if you've got what it
Speaker 1: takes to be a Today's Top Fan. So you go
Speaker 1: to Spotify and um, it comes up Taylor Swift for
Speaker 1: me because it knows So they're doing this new thing
Speaker 1: on Spotify kind of like end of the year lists,
Speaker 1: and everyone on Taylor Swift was like, what you guys
Speaker 1: get for um Today's Top Fan? And I'm gonna what
Speaker 1: the funk is this? And so I'm about to find out.
Speaker 1: Last night I did see it, and I would just
Speaker 1: want to Oh okay, So it's it's saying Today's Top
Speaker 1: Fans and it's like taking me through this thing. Okay,
Speaker 1: I did sign in you bitches, Hold on you guys.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Fuck, Wait, why is it making that noise?
Speaker 1: We're still noise coming from It's coming from my phone
Speaker 1: into the thing. I'm so stupid. Oh my god, wait,
Speaker 1: why is this making me? Just let me log in?
Speaker 1: Let when they were like looking for the files on
Speaker 1: the computer. I don't even know what's happening anymore. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna get out of this. I'm sorry. Um yeah, well,
Speaker 1: let oh, here's soothing music for dogs. I will say
Speaker 1: that I went to it and I'm in the top
Speaker 1: one per scent of Taylor Swift fans, which made me
Speaker 1: feel really, really weird. If you weren't imagine, well, everyone
Speaker 1: else in the subreddit, some of them are like I'm
Speaker 1: seven percent, I'm five percent in These bitches are posting
Speaker 1: every day. So I was like, wow, even with Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift fans, I'm a little bit more intense. And it's
Speaker 1: She's I think it was the music I listened to
Speaker 1: a Taylor Swift and other girls in the site we're
Speaker 1: getting like ten percent. I'm like, I am more obsessed
Speaker 1: than these obsessed girls. It's I was trying to get
Speaker 1: you into Maggie Rodgers, another singer songwriter, like going in
Speaker 1: your I know my dad tried to do that with
Speaker 1: Kasy Muskrab's and I was like, Dad, don't do this.
Speaker 1: I like her and Maggie Rodgers I did like, but
Speaker 1: I just yes esther barrel game. Don't do this. Dad
Speaker 1: was like, she's a better songwriter than Taylor Swift, and
Speaker 1: I was like, Dad, I am not gonna like we
Speaker 1: got into such a big fight and I'm like, you
Speaker 1: don't even know that much of Kasy Muskars. I know
Speaker 1: the whole Taylor Swift cattle like, and like, now I
Speaker 1: will fight my dad and say that Taylor Swift is
Speaker 1: as good as the Beatles, and he would. I mean
Speaker 1: he wouldn't be. He disowned me, but I would. I
Speaker 1: would argue someone on that. I'm a huge Beatles fan,
Speaker 1: but um yeah, it's like you try to get me
Speaker 1: into Maggie Rodgers. It's just not gonna happen. I yesterday
Speaker 1: we did a question game and it was like share
Speaker 1: something joyful and it and the category was like share
Speaker 1: something joyful and then it was like something you would
Speaker 1: have told yourself in high school. And I was like,
Speaker 1: just hold out for a girl named Taylor Swift. It
Speaker 1: was just me whispering to myself, just wait for Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1: She will make you feel like I'm so grateful that
Speaker 1: I didn't even know that was possible to have an
Speaker 1: artist speak to you so much. Like it's I feel
Speaker 1: like I have a um. You know when people are
Speaker 1: like disabled and they're like, I'm grateful for it. Like
Speaker 1: I feel like my obsession with Taylor Swift is a disability.
Speaker 1: It's a weird thing. It's like it's something's wrong with
Speaker 1: my brain. But I'm grateful for it because I get
Speaker 1: to experience an obsession that most people don't. Most girls do,
Speaker 1: maybe me when they're in eighth grade and then it
Speaker 1: goes away, but mine persistent. I feel like it keeps
Speaker 1: me young. Why do I care? Why do I care?
Speaker 1: Why do you care? Let's find out. Tyler Cameron reveals
Speaker 1: that he lost his virginity in his mom's bed. Tyler
Speaker 1: Cameron was from the Bachelorette. He was on Hannah season.
Speaker 1: He was the hottest guy that's ever been on that show.
Speaker 1: He is. He ended up dating Gigi Hadi like right
Speaker 1: after the show. He's like a supermodel. He's a guy
Speaker 1: you see in like perfume ads, like eternity ads. He's
Speaker 1: so hot. He lost his Virginia, his mom. He lost
Speaker 1: his Virginia, his mom's bed. And then the girl that
Speaker 1: he lost his Virginia too. He actually ghosted because he
Speaker 1: had so much anxiety afterwards, and she's she called him
Speaker 1: out on Facebook like you you know you hooked up
Speaker 1: with me, and then he stopped talking to me. You're
Speaker 1: a piece of ship. But really, you know, he wasn't ghosting.
Speaker 1: He was just afraid. And I think that happens a
Speaker 1: lot with guys. It happens a lot with me. He
Speaker 1: used to at least where I would hook up. I
Speaker 1: mean the Sephora incident is one of the most famous. Yeah,
Speaker 1: where I pretended I was invisible out of Sepphora with
Speaker 1: a girl that I made out, and I wasn't invisible.
Speaker 1: I was very visible because I was right behind her
Speaker 1: in line. He was invisible when everyone to understand what
Speaker 1: happened here, he made up with a girl drunkenly. At
Speaker 1: some point in the future near future, he was at
Speaker 1: Sephora and in line in front of you were behind
Speaker 1: she was close enough, she's there and you instead of
Speaker 1: just like maybe avoiding eye contact or like being on
Speaker 1: your phone and acting, you said I'm invisible and you
Speaker 1: convince yourself she couldn't turn into the boy from Big Daddy.
Speaker 1: And he's like, I'm right here, I'm right here. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: what what were you using? Obviously having an anxiety attack?
Speaker 1: I get you know, yeah, I mean you know me,
Speaker 1: and you know, when you're a good looking man like
Speaker 1: me and Tyler, it's just tough, you know, when you
Speaker 1: hook up and women are just so. It makes sense, though,
Speaker 1: I think this is gonna be the new defense when
Speaker 1: guys get me too. It was like I was having
Speaker 1: an anxiety That's what I told you, that you couldn't
Speaker 1: work here unless she blew me. Um such a good no.
Speaker 1: I believe it though. I believe it though, because you know,
Speaker 1: I've been hurt by guys in the past where I'm like,
Speaker 1: you ghosted me, and you know, one guy, whether or
Speaker 1: not he was lying, said like I I told you
Speaker 1: too many things, and I felt really embarrassed at how
Speaker 1: vulnerable that you got me to be in conversation, and
Speaker 1: I just didn't want to talk. It was like a
Speaker 1: night where we like, you know you, you would get
Speaker 1: connected because of whatever. You just feel comfortable enough to share.
Speaker 1: I asked the right questions made him feel comfortable and
Speaker 1: then it's like he would He felt like it was
Speaker 1: almost like running into his therapist on a like going
Speaker 1: on a date with his therapist, and he was like,
Speaker 1: I just couldn't see you again because you knew all
Speaker 1: these things and I and he was probably so disconnected
Speaker 1: when he was sharing them that he couldn't see that
Speaker 1: I didn't care and that I wasn't gonna He couldn't
Speaker 1: even remember my response and probably invented in his mind
Speaker 1: like I can't be with someone who knows these things
Speaker 1: that I've never told anyone. And that's why you shouldn't
Speaker 1: psychoanalyze guys, you like, even if you or yeah exactly,
Speaker 1: or you you know or I do. I want to
Speaker 1: be with someone who will be able to handle that
Speaker 1: and and can tell me those things and look at
Speaker 1: me the next day day and not feel like him
Speaker 1: ghosting me was not because I wasn't pretty or what
Speaker 1: I mean. It could have been that too, but I
Speaker 1: was relieved by his explanation. Eventually, I wonder if, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I wonder why guys don't want want to keep things
Speaker 1: on the surface. I know how many people want to
Speaker 1: just keep things on the surface until maybe forever you know,
Speaker 1: like what I wonder what it is about, like you
Speaker 1: knowing his deepest darkest secrets or whatever makes him like
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with that and why because it's almost like when
Speaker 1: you're drunk and you do something like that you wouldn't
Speaker 1: normally do if you weren't drunk, and then you don't
Speaker 1: want to talk to that person again because they saw
Speaker 1: you say something or confess something like even though it's true,
Speaker 1: you just whether or not this person was drunk or
Speaker 1: on ambient. I truly have gotten people's dead sober to
Speaker 1: reveal things to me that they've never told anyone. And
Speaker 1: even in like you know, you could just be in
Speaker 1: like an intimate like in the bed bedroom setting and
Speaker 1: say something and in the next day. It's like with
Speaker 1: sex too, Like some people don't want to talk about
Speaker 1: sex because it's so vulnerable and you look like an animal.
Speaker 1: Your skin is flapping around and you're like panting and
Speaker 1: making weird noises, your fart sounds are coming when your
Speaker 1: chest compressed, and like or like you're queefing you might
Speaker 1: shoot on someone, like and then you put on clothes
Speaker 1: and you just I mean I did it in my
Speaker 1: first half hour special. I don't understand why people have sex.
Speaker 1: And then they put on clothes and they're like that
Speaker 1: never happened, and you just walk around and you put
Speaker 1: on a turtleneck and you're like, yeah, I didn't suck
Speaker 1: any dicks last night. I'm wearing a turtleneck. And it's like,
Speaker 1: why do we have two separate Why can't we talk
Speaker 1: about sucking dicks and outside of the bedroom? Why is
Speaker 1: it so shameful? And I'm just I wish everyone could
Speaker 1: be that trans and just be themselves. And that's what
Speaker 1: I feel close when someone tells me something they never
Speaker 1: told anyone, and I just am attracted to vulnerability. But
Speaker 1: a lot of men feel like that is a turn
Speaker 1: off because they've been conditioned by society to never feel
Speaker 1: their feelings, so they should think they I mean makes
Speaker 1: sense that it was interesting. I was. I forget who
Speaker 1: I was talking to. But she's like, yeah, you share.
Speaker 1: You can share all your like deepest secrets or whatever,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're connected with your feelings,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like some guys can be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: when I was seven, you know, you know, I got
Speaker 1: ran over by a tractor and my dad would it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that just because he's opening up to you,
Speaker 1: he could be opening up for the Ron Rock reasons
Speaker 1: to just you know, get laid too. So it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, some people are like, wow, he's so brave
Speaker 1: for sharing that story, and it's like, but that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you're really connected to this story. And if you're
Speaker 1: not able to look at the things that happened to you,
Speaker 1: always beating as a child, was molested, but you're not
Speaker 1: able to see how that has impacted your life now
Speaker 1: and make those connections. You might be able to admit
Speaker 1: that that happened to you, but if you're not realizing
Speaker 1: how those things affect your life now, then it's not
Speaker 1: really even worth it to me that it's that means
Speaker 1: it's nice that you're able to talk about it, but
Speaker 1: it's not. That's not what I want from you. I
Speaker 1: just I just want everyone to like let themselves off
Speaker 1: the hook a little bit for the stuff that they
Speaker 1: do based on the stuff from their past. So if
Speaker 1: you're able to connect those that's like very hot, but
Speaker 1: that takes it takes a lot of work, you know,
Speaker 1: And that's why I've stopped going to therapy because I
Speaker 1: want men to catch up. Let's get to the game.
Speaker 1: Today's wild card A game is literally a wild card game.
Speaker 1: We're gonna play the game that I talked about earlier,
Speaker 1: that I played with my friends yesterday that got someone
Speaker 1: to cry, to reveal things they've never revealed. Like we're
Speaker 1: doing this all at a pool Andrew where people the
Speaker 1: same pool where people were hating us. We were playing
Speaker 1: this game where we all started. We just we had
Speaker 1: the best conversations because of this game. It's called where
Speaker 1: should We begin? Noah bought it um and these are
Speaker 1: the two cards we're gonna do. So you pick up
Speaker 1: one UM, the main card, which is share something unbelievable.
Speaker 1: And this is a storytelling game, so each of us
Speaker 1: are going to share something unbelievable. Okay, and then the
Speaker 1: way we have to start the story is this card.
Speaker 1: I make too big a deal. I make too big
Speaker 1: of a deal about blank. It has to be something unbelievable. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is tough, I make too big a deal out
Speaker 1: of And then the thing has to be something unbelievable
Speaker 1: like that someone might find unbelievable or like you know,
Speaker 1: the word unbelievable can mean a lot of things. So
Speaker 1: your interpretation of that word. I guess, um make too
Speaker 1: big of a deal. Whoever gets one first. I make
Speaker 1: too big a deal. I make too big of a
Speaker 1: deal out of Oh, I mean prime example. I make
Speaker 1: too big of a deal out of things I've found
Speaker 1: that really work for me, and I want to keep
Speaker 1: them secret from other people because I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: just naturally worse than everyone, and so when I find
Speaker 1: a serum that works for me, I want to keep
Speaker 1: it because if everyone gets it, then everyone who naturally
Speaker 1: is already better than me, is going to be better
Speaker 1: than me with the serum. The serum was only getting
Speaker 1: me up to, like be a little bit better, and
Speaker 1: it was my secret and my fear. That fear is
Speaker 1: truly unbelio eviable because it's unfounded and it's um, and
Speaker 1: it seems so petty for someone who is so aware
Speaker 1: of and wants to make people's lives better. That to me,
Speaker 1: that is an unbelievable trait about me, that I'm still
Speaker 1: trying to harbor these beauty secrets. So I have a
Speaker 1: leg up because I feel so inherently ugly and less
Speaker 1: than everyone else. That's what makes you so competitive in
Speaker 1: certain ways. What do you think it would happened. It's
Speaker 1: not competitive. I mean, is that competitive? No, it doesn't
Speaker 1: think so maybe not in this way. Maybe this is
Speaker 1: just like in general, maybe because I I just told you,
Speaker 1: I feel like I was born not not naturally talented,
Speaker 1: not beautiful, not anything, and so I have to work
Speaker 1: for it and spend years trying different serums and like
Speaker 1: put on the work and then some and then some
Speaker 1: beautiful girl who's already looks like a model has good skin,
Speaker 1: just listens to one podcast and now she gets this
Speaker 1: thing that I so hard because I'm ugly to find
Speaker 1: like and I'm I'm speaking from my worst self here.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm ugly, but that it all comes
Speaker 1: from feeling like I'm ugly and not as good as
Speaker 1: other people. That's why I'm competitive because I want I
Speaker 1: guess that's it, because I just don't like myself and
Speaker 1: so if I win things, then that gives me a
Speaker 1: sense of worth. And if I'm have good skin, that
Speaker 1: will mean that I'm not a bad person or whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Because I mean, you're competitive, but not in the same
Speaker 1: way as you ask that, like You're like, you're like,
Speaker 1: why are you so like, like you're not competitive. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not accusing you, but I think it's I was
Speaker 1: just wondering, like, what drives your competitiveness, because I do
Speaker 1: think because being hot gets men to like you, and
Speaker 1: when men like you, they give you things and money
Speaker 1: and things, and I want those things, and um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to survive. That's why I'm competitive. I want
Speaker 1: to survive and I want to I want my species,
Speaker 1: mainly my genome, to survive. That's why it and you
Speaker 1: it literally a survival of the fittest in the in
Speaker 1: the animal kingdom. So to survive, you've got to be
Speaker 1: the fittest equals. You've got to be competitive. I think. So,
Speaker 1: I don't it all checks out? What the line? I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: what was the line? Um, it is something share, something unbelievable,
Speaker 1: and it's I make too big of a deal about
Speaker 1: I probably make too big of a deal out of
Speaker 1: me playing golf, and that it's unbelievable that I think
Speaker 1: if I really do keep this up, I could possibly
Speaker 1: be on the Senior Tour when I'm fifty. No, I
Speaker 1: don't think that's unbelievable, But yes, it's it seems like
Speaker 1: a big dream. I was talking, But I don't think
Speaker 1: it's unbelievable. To my cousin, Mikey shot at seventy four
Speaker 1: and his seventy six, which is he's lights out. He's
Speaker 1: he's an extremely good golfer. And I was talking to
Speaker 1: my uncle about I was like, I really think if
Speaker 1: my Mike, he's only twenty nine. I was like, I
Speaker 1: really think if he like really like drove himself and
Speaker 1: was driven and he has the talent, and my uncle
Speaker 1: right away like can completely knocked it down. He goes,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't tell him that, and I wouldn't. Yeah, He's like,
Speaker 1: there's guys that are scratched. I wouldn't even sniff a tournament.
Speaker 1: And I was like, what is this negativity? Is that
Speaker 1: his son? Yeah, okay, well there you go. This guy,
Speaker 1: this guy your uncle's a good golfer, doesn't want his
Speaker 1: son to be better, sees that he has the potential
Speaker 1: to be back is discouraging. It's just weird. It's that process.
Speaker 1: Is like, no, he really like there was a time
Speaker 1: when a guy was worse than him who's on tour,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like there was a time
Speaker 1: when Yeah, these are when people just want everyone to do.
Speaker 1: Is me not telling people how to get the squalling.
Speaker 1: It's like I and I was, I just you didn't
Speaker 1: hear my opening. But it was all about like it
Speaker 1: only comes down to practice. No one is naturally talent.
Speaker 1: It's so few people that are actually just born talented.
Speaker 1: It's all comes The most successful talented people are the
Speaker 1: ones that put in the most out and forty pounds.
Speaker 1: I bet you anything, he's put in the most hours
Speaker 1: he has. He was on a golf every single and
Speaker 1: I'm sure his parents never told him once that he's
Speaker 1: going to be a tour pro or they did. You know,
Speaker 1: this guy is his own person and he can probably
Speaker 1: take that. You know, a lot of people are like
Speaker 1: Lady Gaga want to sound concerts, like no one ever
Speaker 1: believed in me. They said I couldn't do it, and
Speaker 1: it was just like, I don't think that's true. But okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you were spurred on because people said you couldn't. Um, Noah,
Speaker 1: do you have an answer to this question? I think
Speaker 1: I make too big of a deal about um, Like
Speaker 1: how I present, and a lot of that is like
Speaker 1: if someone is coming over whatever, even if it's a friend,
Speaker 1: like my house house to look really neat, I have
Speaker 1: to like hide any um flaw. And even like with
Speaker 1: this vacation, like I had this overwhelming sense of like
Speaker 1: I have to buy new clothes. Everything has to look new,
Speaker 1: and I have to look crisp and you know, like
Speaker 1: like presentable to like into society. And it's like so stupid.
Speaker 1: And but I always have that anti you know, like
Speaker 1: when when I'm anticipating seeing someone or bringing someone into
Speaker 1: my home, I have the same thing, and it's worn
Speaker 1: off for me because I've gone on enough enough of
Speaker 1: these girls trips that I know that I wear the
Speaker 1: same thing every day and so does everyone else. And
Speaker 1: but yes, I I have that too, And and the
Speaker 1: thing of people coming over your house, I just let
Speaker 1: go of that because I just know that my messes
Speaker 1: aren't like indicative of me being like there's not blood everywhere,
Speaker 1: or there's not like maybe there's like hummus containers that
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, the people will know I binged on
Speaker 1: Hummas last night. That's a little embarrassing, like and then
Speaker 1: I'll be I'll have to explain it or something, but
Speaker 1: generally like mess like now, I the other day, I
Speaker 1: was having this guy that I'm looking up with coming over,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I need to clean for him,
Speaker 1: and then I was just like, none of the I'm
Speaker 1: looking at the mess in my room, I got all
Speaker 1: of this is explode couple, is it? You could explain it,
Speaker 1: and none of it indicates that I'm a bad person
Speaker 1: or an addict or like just like almost hiding my
Speaker 1: messes now unless I put like I can't throw things
Speaker 1: away in a closet and shut the door, that feels
Speaker 1: like I'm lying. But if I put it away in
Speaker 1: a neat way, then it's like, Okay, that's authentic. But
Speaker 1: like hiding things like messes and like cleaning up fast
Speaker 1: always makes you feel like I'm a drug addict or
Speaker 1: like that I'm that I'm lying, and then it makes
Speaker 1: me feel like it hate hate myself because if I
Speaker 1: open that closet door, that's like all the my shame.
Speaker 1: And so it's been easier for me to just go
Speaker 1: to look at mess and go, yeah, there's like toilet
Speaker 1: paper on the floor, because sometimes I literally missed the
Speaker 1: toilet seat and I just like p and I wipe
Speaker 1: and A tosses behind me and it is on the floor.
Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean I'm a bad person, Like it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I'm gross, or that I like don't take
Speaker 1: care of myself, or I can't be a good mom
Speaker 1: or a good wife for like all these things. I fear.
Speaker 1: It just means I sometimes don't I don't care about
Speaker 1: toilet paper hitting the floor, and I just don't. I
Speaker 1: don't look behind me. Afybode like, yeah you gotta you
Speaker 1: know you're like, you know what. But anyway, well wait,
Speaker 1: hold on. Before you even came to my hotel room,
Speaker 1: like we didn't get room service yet, and I was like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: I have to clean on my room because Nikki's coming over,
Speaker 1: and you organize everything, and I was like, no, what
Speaker 1: are you doing? This is not Yeah, you just like
Speaker 1: put the sheet over like like you just like close
Speaker 1: your sheet, like you like put your bed spread back over.
Speaker 1: But I don't like I would, and that's me. I'm
Speaker 1: not very observant, so I wouldn't notice the mess. There
Speaker 1: are times where I go over to someone's house and
Speaker 1: it's true, Like I've told you guys about someone's house
Speaker 1: I went to that I thought would be like a
Speaker 1: normal house and it was a dump and it was
Speaker 1: like trash everywhere. And he didn't apologize for it. He
Speaker 1: wasn't like, sorry, it's bad, I didn't have time. It
Speaker 1: was in that to me, I go, this person is
Speaker 1: suffering with a mental illness and it was a little
Speaker 1: embarrassing on his and I was a little judgmental, but
Speaker 1: that was because the filth was at a level where
Speaker 1: it was like, this is almost uninhabitable. This is bugs,
Speaker 1: this is things. These are things that like make me
Speaker 1: realize you the person you present as is not the
Speaker 1: person that I'm seeing. And it's weird that you weren't
Speaker 1: able to address that. It's like if you walk into
Speaker 1: someone's place and they go, it's messy, sorry, then I'll
Speaker 1: let anything go. Like I didn't have to get that.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out though. It's like with Noah
Speaker 1: with this trip, right, you felt like you were like
Speaker 1: worried about buying new stuff and whatever. And I feel
Speaker 1: like sometimes if as as people, like, if we don't
Speaker 1: anticipate something being bigger than it is, then it's not
Speaker 1: important to us. And I feel like like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like there's like like like Brenna with her
Speaker 1: new job here in Chicago, She's like, I gotta get
Speaker 1: on the train. I gotta figure out how to get there.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm gonna wear to work, and
Speaker 1: she goes to work, she comes back and she's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was whatever about Like we anticipate these things and
Speaker 1: we build them up to make it seem like maybe
Speaker 1: our lives are important, you know what I mean, like
Speaker 1: like this strip that makes sense, but how do you
Speaker 1: make it seem still important while not having the the
Speaker 1: you know, the anxiety of like I need this, I
Speaker 1: need to present myself like this. I even regret not
Speaker 1: buying a couple of new outfits because it is fun
Speaker 1: when we get dressed for dinner and then everyone shows
Speaker 1: up and everyone compliments each other like that dress is cute,
Speaker 1: that's this, and like no one will say anything about mine,
Speaker 1: and I go, oh god, they've all seen this before.
Speaker 1: It would be fun to get a compliment. Final thought.
Speaker 1: That is why many years ago I banned compliments from
Speaker 1: my girlfriends, like I don't want compliments about my looks.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to say, oh my god, you
Speaker 1: look really pretty today. Oh my gotta like your hair,
Speaker 1: Oh I love that shirt, I love that outfit. And
Speaker 1: because when they didn't do it, I felt so sad
Speaker 1: because it was just like something that I then like
Speaker 1: the lack of it meant I was worthless as opposed
Speaker 1: to they just their mind is elsewhere and they didn't
Speaker 1: pay attention to my new shirts. So now when I said,
Speaker 1: don't ever say it, I always just assume they think
Speaker 1: I look great and they're just not saying it to
Speaker 1: respect me. And like even last night there was a
Speaker 1: lot of compliments going around. I was like, kind, no
Speaker 1: one's told me I look great this trip, And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, because you told them all
Speaker 1: not to, It's gotten around and it was so freeing.
Speaker 1: I was just like, I'm so glad I did that
Speaker 1: because whether or not that's true, that protected me in
Speaker 1: that moment from feeling ridicule, from feeling bad, and like,
Speaker 1: and I'm with the hottest girls ever, Like everyone has.
Speaker 1: Every girl i'm with as something about her body that
Speaker 1: I would murder. You two have, like literally there's every
Speaker 1: single one of these girls has something that I can
Speaker 1: go Why isn't my body like that? Why can't I
Speaker 1: look like that? Why can't my skin look like that?
Speaker 1: Why are my eyes like that? Why isn't my hair
Speaker 1: like that? Every single one of them, and I've had
Speaker 1: those moments throughout the whole trip of like, God, she's
Speaker 1: just so effortlessly gorgeous. Yesterday there was a picture of
Speaker 1: Noah that really triggered me, and I was like, I
Speaker 1: can't look at this because Noah isn't even trying to
Speaker 1: be a model and she and I was trying to
Speaker 1: be a model, and she looks like like a model.
Speaker 1: And even this morning I went to breakfast and Carlyle
Speaker 1: is like, no, what that picture of you? And I'm
Speaker 1: like right, I was like I couldn't look at it
Speaker 1: because I was just like so jealous. And it's like
Speaker 1: that that I've I've decided to just for go, Like
Speaker 1: I really that's why sometimes I just don't want to
Speaker 1: wear makeup and I want to wear ugly clothes. And
Speaker 1: I whenever I pick out a cute outfit, I unless
Speaker 1: I'm being styled by my stylists. And if I'm putting
Speaker 1: together cute outfit, especially with girlfriends, I will throw one
Speaker 1: thing into it that looks a little shitty. There's something
Speaker 1: about me that I just I can't have the whole
Speaker 1: thing look good because it's trying too hard. And if
Speaker 1: I fail, I um, I okay, so I'll have a
Speaker 1: really cute outfit. I'll have a top that's brand new
Speaker 1: that is really trendy and like stands out and everyone's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's a fun top. And then I'll
Speaker 1: have shorts that perfectly go with it. And then I'll
Speaker 1: wear a shitty pair of flip flops or had really
Speaker 1: clean gym shoes with old like with old Navy workout
Speaker 1: shorts and a Lulu Lemon really cute top, but the
Speaker 1: old Navy workout shorts are going to be shipped so
Speaker 1: that if someone doesn't compliment my outfit can blame it
Speaker 1: on the old Navy workout shorts or the flip flops.
Speaker 1: But if I try head to totally look amazing. That
Speaker 1: was the thing that bothered me when I first started
Speaker 1: getting here and makeup done, was that you you have
Speaker 1: two people working on you that are that pros at
Speaker 1: what they do, and you look as good as you
Speaker 1: can ever look, and sometimes it's not good enough. And
Speaker 1: it's just like I always want to leave room for
Speaker 1: improvement or room to let myself off the hook for
Speaker 1: not getting the love I deserve. Oh it's because I
Speaker 1: it's because I wore that shitty fanny pack with my
Speaker 1: outfitea like fan pack everywhere with cute outfits, and it
Speaker 1: ruins my outfit, But that gives me. I had the
Speaker 1: same kind of fears with um getting help and going
Speaker 1: to therapy and stuff, because I was like, at least
Speaker 1: now I have an excuse for why I'm not successful
Speaker 1: or I'm not my best self. Like, but once you
Speaker 1: figure things out and you are your best self and
Speaker 1: then you're not enough, that hurts almost worse. Yeah, when
Speaker 1: you get done with hair and makeup and you're like,
Speaker 1: but it's I'm still not Giselle bunching or whatever. It's Yeah,
Speaker 1: it really it bums me out. So I always leave
Speaker 1: myself a little bit of an excuse. Like there are
Speaker 1: times sometimes when I'm like running and I'm trying to
Speaker 1: beat my time from the day before something. You know,
Speaker 1: when I used to run against myself competitively, which sounds ridiculous,
Speaker 1: but I used to sometimes like throw the end of
Speaker 1: the race because I I just could tell that I
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna beat my time, so I just might as
Speaker 1: well really unbeat it so that I don't even have
Speaker 1: to consider that as a contender, Like I wasn't really trying.
Speaker 1: You know, it's then you know you won't be able
Speaker 1: to beat it the next time, so you don't do
Speaker 1: too good because then you can't beat yourself. Yeah. Yes.
Speaker 1: Or your uncle's paying for you to play golf, so
Speaker 1: you don't and you wanted to pay the next time
Speaker 1: you come in down, so you just you throw the
Speaker 1: last hole. Um No. I was talking about it yesterday
Speaker 1: with um because Sara Lena's like, you're so good at
Speaker 1: guitar and you're just gonna be a singer song I
Speaker 1: need to do that, girl, I need to do that.
Speaker 1: We start a guitar around the same time and she
Speaker 1: I think she's feeling like, why am on I not
Speaker 1: that good? And I go, it's because I put in
Speaker 1: more hours with the guitar, but certainly to there's more
Speaker 1: stuff I could be doing, Like I am. I want
Speaker 1: to be a singer songwriter. I keep talking about it
Speaker 1: and like I'm going to be one. Yet I will
Speaker 1: not take singing lessons because I'm scared they're going to
Speaker 1: say you smoke too much, pot you need your voice,
Speaker 1: You're ruining your voice. Uh, there might be nodules on
Speaker 1: your voice. Let's go and get you tests. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: there are nodules you have to not talk for a
Speaker 1: year or something like I keep I live in fear
Speaker 1: of like do I don't really do all the things
Speaker 1: that I want to do to reach my dreams because
Speaker 1: I'm scared of not being naturally good at them when really,
Speaker 1: like I said at the top of show, it's all
Speaker 1: about practice, and like, you aren't going to be good
Speaker 1: right at the gate, and I'm so scared i'd rather
Speaker 1: not know that. I'm not going before that I need
Speaker 1: to stop something that sounds cheesy, But you don't have
Speaker 1: to be perfect. You're just gonna be great in your
Speaker 1: own way, and that's perfect, if that makes sense. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always remember Bob Dylan sounds like absolute garbage and
Speaker 1: he's the most famous and like a lot of his
Speaker 1: songs were definitely written on speed and like because he
Speaker 1: was so drugged out and on coke and like that's
Speaker 1: why his songs were like forty minutes long sometimes with
Speaker 1: like a million verses. And like, whenever I get down
Speaker 1: about not sounding like Ariana Grande, like I'll never be
Speaker 1: able to sound like her or even Taylor Swift for
Speaker 1: that matter, I always go, well, Bob Dylan gets wis
Speaker 1: It's like okay, then I can do any anything. I
Speaker 1: mean that one guy fucking sounded like an ashtray. Uh oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: well he did, and then that other guy goddamn uh yeah,
Speaker 1: well well yeah, remember the book that is kissing a
Speaker 1: girl who smokes like licking an ashtray it was supposed to.
Speaker 1: It made discourage me from somem like I want boys
Speaker 1: to kiss me, and I'm gonna tom waits, Tom Waits,
Speaker 1: I'm glad we tom waited for that line. We gotta go, guys,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. Tomorrow we have a
Speaker 1: very special episode of all fan tracks, all of your
Speaker 1: fan mail, where the whole show. It's so much fun.
Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to hear it, So stay tuned.
Speaker 1: We'll see you then, and don't Piku and Grum