Speaker 1: Hi, Welcome back to Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio, and
Speaker 1: welcome to.
Speaker 2: The new time slot. I'm so glad you're here.
Speaker 1: The Carol Markowitz Show now airs Wednesdays and Fridays, so
Speaker 1: you can get my non political show, this one, The
Speaker 1: Carol Markowitz Show on Wednesdays and Fridays, and then normally
Speaker 1: my political podcast that I co host with Mary Katherine
Speaker 1: Ham every Tuesday and Thursday. The only day you don't
Speaker 1: get me is Monday. Last week, we talked about loneliness
Speaker 1: among teenagers, how hard it is not so much to
Speaker 1: even make friends, but to maintain the friendships, to coordinate plans,
Speaker 1: all of that. I said that every group of friends
Speaker 1: needs a cruise director, and a few of you wrote
Speaker 1: to me that you enjoyed the expression and usage. Today,
Speaker 1: I want to talk about how to be likable, with
Speaker 1: a focus on one part of likability being interesting. We
Speaker 1: openly talk about this with our kids. In today's episode,
Speaker 1: you'll hear Grace Curly say that her parents would advise
Speaker 1: her and her siblings to quote land the plane when
Speaker 1: one of their stories got too long winded. I feel
Speaker 1: like there's this thing that parents are supposed to think
Speaker 1: everything their kid does is perfect and amazing and never
Speaker 1: correct them. I do not parent like that. You want
Speaker 1: to teach your kids to be nice people, to be
Speaker 1: good people, thoughtful, but also to be interesting people, not
Speaker 1: annoying people. You want them to be the kind of
Speaker 1: people that other people want to be around. One of
Speaker 1: the things we tell our kids is that when you're
Speaker 1: telling a story, make it funny, be interesting, don't just
Speaker 1: ramble on the details of your day. We've all met
Speaker 1: the adults who just love hearing themselves talk. I don't
Speaker 1: want my kids to turn out like that. I want
Speaker 1: their stories to have a point. I want them to
Speaker 1: be interesting to listen to. There are other bad person
Speaker 1: personality traits. We try to discourage them out of bragging, gossiping,
Speaker 1: judging people too quickly, but being boring is one I
Speaker 1: just don't hear discouraged that often.
Speaker 2: You want to raise.
Speaker 1: Kids to be the kind of adults that people will
Speaker 1: gravitate to. You have to give them the tools to
Speaker 1: do that early and to raise them to understand what
Speaker 1: that means. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this,
Speaker 1: or on any topic I talk about on the show.
Speaker 1: How do you help your kids grow up? And become
Speaker 1: likable people. Drop me an email. Carol Markowitz Show at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. That's k A r O L M
Speaker 1: A r KO wi CS and Charlie Zas and Zebra
Speaker 1: Show at gmail dot com. Join us after the break
Speaker 1: with grace, curly, But first, the International Fellowship of Christians
Speaker 1: and Jews, which is you a blessed Thanksgiving as you
Speaker 1: gather with your families, grateful for the blessings that God
Speaker 1: has given us all. But let's also remember, though, those
Speaker 1: who are facing unbelievable hardship in need of food, fellowship,
Speaker 1: and hope. That includes the people of Israel, who are
Speaker 1: threatened daily by attacks from enemies on all sides. And
Speaker 1: during these hard times, Israelis are thankful to the Fellowship
Speaker 1: for food and basic assistance, truly life saving aid when
Speaker 1: the rest of the world seems to have turned its
Speaker 1: back on them. Your gift of twenty five dollars will
Speaker 1: help provide a food box to an elderly Jew or
Speaker 1: a Jewish family who are suffering and in desperate need.
Speaker 1: A gift of one hundred dollars will help provide four
Speaker 1: of these life saving food boxes this Thanksgiving. Please consider
Speaker 1: standing with Israel and the Jewish people go to SUPPORTIFCJ
Speaker 1: dot org to make a gift now, that's SUPPORTIFCJ dot org,
Speaker 1: or call to give at eight eight eight for eight
Speaker 1: eight IFCJ. That's eight eight eight four eight eight four
Speaker 1: three two five. Welcome back to the Carol Marcowitz Show
Speaker 1: on iHeartRadio. My guest today is Grace Curley, host of
Speaker 1: The Grace Curly Show.
Speaker 2: In New England. Hi, Grace, so nice to have you on.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Carol. I'm honored to be here.
Speaker 1: So it's funny because I you know, you're a big
Speaker 1: deal overall, but you're really a big deal in New England.
Speaker 1: I mean I meet people and they're like, I heard
Speaker 1: you on.
Speaker 2: The Grace Curly Show.
Speaker 1: And that is a thing that I get quite often
Speaker 1: from people like the Boston area particularly, How did you
Speaker 1: get into this?
Speaker 3: So I actually, first of all, that's so nice of
Speaker 3: you to say. And whenever people say they listen to
Speaker 3: the show, or especially wh people say I listen every
Speaker 3: day for three hours, Yeah, God, that's so nice.
Speaker 2: Really, that's what I feel like.
Speaker 1: Your fan base is like they listen to you every
Speaker 1: day for three hours.
Speaker 4: It's the sweetest thing. And never It never ceases to.
Speaker 3: Blow my mind, just because I that was always my
Speaker 3: dream was that people would just let me talk for
Speaker 3: a living. And now I'm like, wow, you guys really
Speaker 3: made it happen for me. But yeah, I started. Actually,
Speaker 3: I was a theater major at Providence College. I graduated,
Speaker 3: I started waitressing, and I was always a homebody. I
Speaker 3: thought about maybe trying the theater thing. I give people
Speaker 3: such credit who try to actually make it and showbiz,
Speaker 3: and probably a little bit of an insecurity in me
Speaker 3: didn't think I was cut out for it, and so
Speaker 3: I at one point, my mom got an email from
Speaker 3: Howie Carr and it was like one of those e
Speaker 3: blasts where they send it out to a million people,
Speaker 3: and they said, we're looking for someone to help with
Speaker 3: books and shipping. And she said, this might be a
Speaker 3: good way to get your foot in the door. And
Speaker 3: I went in for an interview. I got the job,
Speaker 3: and they were very honest. They said, this is going
Speaker 3: to be, you know, it's going to be a gofer
Speaker 3: a job essentially, right, a grontwork. And I said that's fine.
Speaker 3: That's fine because it's a job and it's steady and
Speaker 3: I can stay here, you know, I can stay in Massachusetts.
Speaker 3: And I went home and I said to my mom,
Speaker 3: I'm going to work for her How we Care and
Speaker 3: for those who.
Speaker 1: Don't know, How we Car super big deal in New England. Yes,
Speaker 1: very recognizable radio host and beloved by many.
Speaker 3: Yes. And my mom has listened. My mom and dad
Speaker 3: have listened to him forever. And my mom is so
Speaker 3: funny Carol. She's like she always whatever you tell her,
Speaker 3: and my dad's like this too. It's like they are
Speaker 3: big dreamers, especially for us. And so immediately when I
Speaker 3: told her that, I said, I'm going to be packaging
Speaker 3: books up in their garage. And she said, you're going
Speaker 3: to be on the radio with How We Care And
Speaker 3: I said, that's not I'm doing.
Speaker 2: But going to be getting coffee exactly.
Speaker 3: Over the years it kind of dis evolved from there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 1: So you didn't always want to be in radio or
Speaker 1: that was sort of a backup plan to being in theater.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's like I always liked performing in
Speaker 3: one way or another. I loved entertaining. I grew up
Speaker 3: in a family where and maybe this is like the
Speaker 3: irishists I saw, like Joe Biden, but we were big storytellers.
Speaker 3: I have an older brother, a younger brother, and a
Speaker 3: younger sister. My parents are big storytellers. They're both from
Speaker 3: South Boston, and so sitting around the table at night,
Speaker 3: it was it was almost like a competition. It was like,
Speaker 3: what story do you have? Land the plane? You're losing us,
Speaker 3: what else happened?
Speaker 2: I love that. I'm going to use land the plane
Speaker 2: with my kids, like land that plane? Where is the
Speaker 2: story going?
Speaker 3: And you know what, Carol, people, you grow up and
Speaker 3: you start to say to yourself, no one told us person,
Speaker 3: no one told them, right, And my mom told us
Speaker 3: all And you know what else she would do. She's
Speaker 3: so funny. She would if you were telling a story
Speaker 3: and you were saying like like like like like like like,
Speaker 3: she would start going every time I said what she said,
Speaker 3: I'm not not putting it into this world saying like
Speaker 3: all the time. Right.
Speaker 4: But yeah, it was just I love talking.
Speaker 3: I love talking, and it doesn't matter if it's a
Speaker 3: Thanksgiving party with people or if it was in school.
Speaker 4: It was always what I love to do.
Speaker 3: And making people laugh was a big part of it too,
Speaker 3: And that's where I think the theater came in. Was
Speaker 3: I loved the crazy roles or the media goals, and
Speaker 3: so that was probably what led me to this spot.
Speaker 1: I actually tell my kids, be funny when you're telling
Speaker 1: a story like it engages the people more so. But
Speaker 1: Land the Plane is something I'm going to be using
Speaker 1: from here on out. What do you consider your beat
Speaker 1: at the grayst Curly Show.
Speaker 3: I think my beat is and I try to mix
Speaker 3: it up, but I always find myself coming back to
Speaker 3: media and the distortion that we get from these people
Speaker 3: who for basically my entire life, but it's definitely ramped
Speaker 3: up in the last couple of years, have been hell
Speaker 3: bent on convincing the masses that someone like me, or
Speaker 3: someone like someone in my family because a lot of
Speaker 3: us align the same way politically, are bad people. And
Speaker 3: it just never sat right with me, and I always
Speaker 3: thought there was a disconnect there. I always thought the
Speaker 3: media was out of step with a lot of the
Speaker 3: people I know and love, and it's only amped up.
Speaker 3: And also at this point now my rolodex is these people,
Speaker 3: which is like one of my coworker says, we could
Speaker 3: play you a cut of someone on MSNBC and you
Speaker 3: would probably know their name just by listening. To it right,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, it's such a niche skill I have.
Speaker 3: It's not going to play in any other industry, but
Speaker 3: it's definitely become something I always even when I'm writing,
Speaker 3: and I know you know this, you write about the
Speaker 3: things you know really well, and sometimes you try.
Speaker 4: To branch out and it's harder.
Speaker 3: It's harder to like do research and stuff like that
Speaker 3: when it's not something you're as used to. Probably good
Speaker 3: to do it sometimes, But the ones I find flow
Speaker 3: for me the easiest are when I'm just hammering the media, right.
Speaker 1: That's a when you're passionate about the topic, you just
Speaker 1: sound so much clearer and better on it. So do
Speaker 1: you think the media dials it back now that they've
Speaker 1: lost in such a major way with the Trump reelection?
Speaker 3: From what I've been seeing this morning, and like, you know,
Speaker 3: you you have to keep in mind, we got the
Speaker 3: results or it was pretty much called for Trump at
Speaker 3: like two am, so a lot of the late night
Speaker 3: shows it didn't come out until last night their feelings
Speaker 3: on it.
Speaker 4: I'm going to say, no, there.
Speaker 2: Was recording this just a few days after the election.
Speaker 2: Two days after.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there is a lot of crying.
Speaker 4: There was a lot.
Speaker 3: It doesn't seem like there was a lot of self reflection,
Speaker 3: and it's so disappointing because you always I always want that,
Speaker 3: like I always do want just that moment of we
Speaker 3: got this wrong. And I actually thinks it's a really
Speaker 3: great thing about life if you're able to look at
Speaker 3: things and say, I didn't see it from that perspective.
Speaker 3: And I actually I have an editor who is a
Speaker 3: little bit more I don't want to say liberal, because
Speaker 3: I actually really don't know, but he's more just interested
Speaker 3: in good writing, and he will oftentimes I'll come forward
Speaker 3: with an idea that in some other places I could
Speaker 3: get by with and he'll challenge me on it, and
Speaker 3: he'll say, I don't think that's really I think you're
Speaker 3: general or I think you're demonizing one side of it.
Speaker 3: And to have someone in your life who's doing that,
Speaker 3: I don't think these people in the media have that
Speaker 3: to hold together, egging each other on I.
Speaker 2: Was going to say, I don't think that exists. On
Speaker 2: the other side. I don't think they have an.
Speaker 1: Editor that maybe leans a little more conservative or even moderate,
Speaker 1: who is like, I don't know that this column makes
Speaker 1: any sense because I read those columns and they don't
Speaker 1: make a lot of sense.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and also just to say just to kind of
Speaker 3: have that moment of where can we improve?
Speaker 4: What are people?
Speaker 3: And when you keep doing The thing that scares me
Speaker 3: though is that. And I was thinking about this this morning.
Speaker 3: I saw this video and I should send it to you, Carol,
Speaker 3: because you would definitely have I know that you're beat
Speaker 3: oftentimes as parents and you know, the family unit.
Speaker 4: It was these parents who were telling their.
Speaker 3: Children about the election, and the children were like hyperventilating
Speaker 3: and they were feeding into it like this.
Speaker 4: Is what it's going to look like today.
Speaker 1: Crazy.
Speaker 3: And I thought that is the direct result of these
Speaker 3: parents being so entrenched in what the media is telling them,
Speaker 3: and now they're convincing their children that they're in danger somehow,
Speaker 3: and it's just it's like malpractice. It's like this is dangerous.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: I have a friend who said to me that his
Speaker 1: college freshman daughter her roommate, was crying about the Donald
Speaker 1: Trump win. And I said to my fourteen year old daughter,
Speaker 1: if I ever hear you crying about a politician win
Speaker 1: or loss in America, like I'm going to have some
Speaker 1: problems with that.
Speaker 2: That is not something you cry about. Cry about things
Speaker 2: that are close to you.
Speaker 1: And that matter to you and that are important to
Speaker 1: your family, not about someone you don't know. There was
Speaker 1: that movie A Bronx Tale a long time ago where
Speaker 1: the gangster guy tells the little Italian kid. He says,
Speaker 1: Mickey Mantle doesn't pay your rent and.
Speaker 2: He doesn't know who you are. That's how people.
Speaker 1: Should think about politicians. They don't pay your rent, they
Speaker 1: don't know who you are. If you can support them,
Speaker 1: you can hope for good policies for them from them,
Speaker 1: you can lobby them to get those policies, but don't
Speaker 1: cry over them.
Speaker 2: I mean, they don't know.
Speaker 4: You, Carol.
Speaker 3: You have such a way, and I mean this so genuinely,
Speaker 3: Like sometimes you'll tweet something out and it will stick
Speaker 3: with me, and I'm sure you think I'm crazy because
Speaker 3: I'll retweet it like years later, but it will stick
Speaker 3: with me for years.
Speaker 4: And once the night that.
Speaker 3: Was you were like, if you were blessed with a
Speaker 3: wonderful family, you were already on third base. If you
Speaker 3: let any of that go, politics is never going to
Speaker 3: love you back. And I was like, this is what
Speaker 3: people need to hear. It's like if you have good
Speaker 3: people in your life, and you were even getting close
Speaker 3: to jeopardizing that for politics.
Speaker 4: You've lost the plot.
Speaker 2: That's it, I mean, that's really it.
Speaker 1: And you know that tweet is so funny because it
Speaker 1: was pretty popular. Although I didn't think I said anything
Speaker 1: that earth shattering. Tucker Carlson texted me about that tweet
Speaker 1: and was.
Speaker 2: Like, this, this is it. You know, this is exactly
Speaker 2: what people should, you know, think, I don't know. I
Speaker 2: come from a small, fractured family.
Speaker 1: The idea to mean that we would fall out over
Speaker 1: politics is hilarious, you know.
Speaker 2: I just I don't get that at all.
Speaker 1: And it's really unfortunate to me that that does happen
Speaker 1: in families and happens all the time. I hear from
Speaker 1: people constantly. My daughter's not speaking to me, you know,
Speaker 1: my mother is icing me out. I mean, really really
Speaker 1: terrible stuff. And it's sad, and I wish our culture
Speaker 1: kind of frowned on it more. I wish those parents
Speaker 1: were told by their liberal friends, don't scare your children
Speaker 1: like this.
Speaker 2: It's not necessary.
Speaker 1: They can't do anything about the election, Like you don't
Speaker 1: need to send them to school worried and concerned about
Speaker 1: their future.
Speaker 2: It's just it's a crazy thing to do. I really
Speaker 2: do think so.
Speaker 3: And the thing you just said about when you can't
Speaker 3: do something about it, like, that's something that's if you
Speaker 3: just zoom out from that. That's something that I have,
Speaker 3: I think improved it in life where I really look
Speaker 3: at things now and I go, can I do anything
Speaker 3: about this? Because I have this mentality and actually it's
Speaker 3: happened to me before with real things, like real real
Speaker 3: issues that have come up where and I'll just give
Speaker 3: an example. I had a family member who was sick
Speaker 3: and thank god, they're miraculous recovery and it was wonderful.
Speaker 1: Thank God.
Speaker 4: But at the time, I have.
Speaker 3: This mind sometimes and I've talked to people about it,
Speaker 3: I've worked on it, where it's this idea of if
Speaker 3: I worry about this enough, then it's going to help, and.
Speaker 4: It's my job.
Speaker 3: It's my job, and that way the universe knows I
Speaker 3: care so much about this, right, I'm going to make
Speaker 3: myself sick over it. And it's like I remember someone
Speaker 3: saying to me when this family member got sick, don't
Speaker 3: go on Google tonight, like, don't start googling things. And
Speaker 3: I in my head was thinking, oh my god, I'm
Speaker 3: going to spend all night on Reddit, like.
Speaker 2: I definitely googling.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's not even a question.
Speaker 3: I'm going to be googling for the rest of the
Speaker 3: night because that's my that's my way of helping the situation.
Speaker 3: And the older I get, the more I really have
Speaker 3: to stop myself and say, what's your control here? And
Speaker 3: I felt like this about this last election. I wanted
Speaker 3: Trump to win, but on the Monday before I felt
Speaker 3: this like odd sense of calmness, which is anyone who
Speaker 3: knows me. It's not it's not my usual place to be.
Speaker 3: But I was like, you don't have You've said your piece,
Speaker 3: you've done, you voted, Like, what else can you do?
Speaker 2: Right, it's out of your hands? What are you going
Speaker 2: to do?
Speaker 3: More?
Speaker 2: Coming up in a minute with.
Speaker 1: Grace Curley, But first, Americans are tired and frustrated by
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Speaker 1: Patriot for your free month of service today. So that
Speaker 1: leads me to a question that I ask all of
Speaker 1: my guests, which is what do you worry about?
Speaker 2: What's like? What keeps you up?
Speaker 3: This is not a groundbreaking at all. I don't think
Speaker 3: for people. I and I've been like this since I
Speaker 3: was young. I'm a nervous nelly. So I worry about
Speaker 3: my family, and I worry about losing people, and I
Speaker 3: worry about like I was the kid who I'm the
Speaker 3: oldest daughter. And I think that does explain. I see
Speaker 3: those memes and stuff about the oldest daughter fame girl.
Speaker 2: Same, Yeah, I think.
Speaker 3: It actually does explain because like these are two these
Speaker 3: make too much sense.
Speaker 4: It does explain a lot.
Speaker 2: They always fit so well, so well.
Speaker 3: And I was the child who was calling my parents
Speaker 3: up being like, when are you coming home? Are you okay?
Speaker 3: It's snowing out, be careful? And my parents are like
Speaker 3: Jesus girls, And so that's I will say. Though, what's
Speaker 3: in me is I don't have like any sort of
Speaker 3: hypochondria or anything. I don't worry about Like I know
Speaker 3: some people fear death and they feel all these things.
Speaker 3: I never think about that. For me, I worry about it.
Speaker 3: I almost like project it outwards and worry about everybody else.
Speaker 1: Well, that's very older older child syndrome. You don't worry
Speaker 1: about yourself. You have all these other people to worry
Speaker 1: about and you ever focus on yourself.
Speaker 3: I said to somebody once, this sums up my fear, okay,
Speaker 3: And it was the funniest thing I said to someone once,
Speaker 3: I wish I could take it. Sounds so crazy saying,
Speaker 3: I said, I wish I could take all the people
Speaker 3: I love and put them in a giant bubble and
Speaker 3: so I know everyone's okay all the time. And my
Speaker 3: friend said, that's a problem.
Speaker 2: They don't want to live in the bubble.
Speaker 3: It turns out, yeah, life is living, So that would
Speaker 3: be my fear.
Speaker 2: That makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1: What advice would you give your sixteen year old self, like,
Speaker 1: would you direct her to worry less about this kind
Speaker 1: of thing or something else?
Speaker 4: You know, I think what I would say. I I
Speaker 4: was thinking about this morning.
Speaker 3: I'm a homebody by nature, and I think I've spent
Speaker 3: a lot of time in my early life trying to
Speaker 3: fight that a little bit. And I think that I'm
Speaker 3: most happy when I'm with my family. But when I
Speaker 3: was like a teenager, I went to a school, a
Speaker 3: lovely school I had. I had kids from all the
Speaker 3: different towns and it was a private school, so everyone
Speaker 3: was coming in from different areas.
Speaker 4: I had wonderful teachers.
Speaker 3: I had a great experience there, But on the weekends
Speaker 3: and stuff, it was very social. It was very like
Speaker 3: who's going to get invited? Whose parents are going to
Speaker 3: drive them somewhere? And I found myself feeling like like
Speaker 3: it was a reflection of me if I wasn't included
Speaker 3: and stuff, Oh I should even even though if you
Speaker 3: really asked me, would you prefer to go to it?
Speaker 2: Or would you like no, would you just want to
Speaker 2: be ask?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just wanted to be And I really felt
Speaker 3: like I was failing myself. And sometimes i'd be embarrassed
Speaker 3: if my parents would say and they weren't saying it
Speaker 3: to be me, but they want you want your kids
Speaker 3: to be social, and they'd say, like, is anything going
Speaker 3: on this weekend? And I would be like, no, I
Speaker 3: think I'm just going to hang with Alexander, my little sister.
Speaker 3: And I think what I would tell myself now, because
Speaker 3: as you get older, those moments are when your whole
Speaker 3: family's together, and this, of course is for people who
Speaker 3: are blessed, and I understand not everyone has that situation,
Speaker 3: but now that I'm older, like when we're all together
Speaker 3: all the siblings and all of our kids and my
Speaker 3: parents are there and we're all like having Thanksgiving or something.
Speaker 3: I would say to myself at sixteen, there's only so
Speaker 3: much time where your entire family is under this roof,
Speaker 3: and it's so incredibly special, and it's okay that you
Speaker 3: love that and that that's where you want to be.
Speaker 4: Just be there.
Speaker 3: Don't feel like, don't be half there and half worrying
Speaker 3: about what everyone else is doing.
Speaker 2: That's so beautiful.
Speaker 1: I feel like teenagers are always one foot out the door.
Speaker 1: But if you enjoy being with your family, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm sure they were thrilled to have you.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, you know again. My oldest is fourteen.
Speaker 1: She's still home a lot, but she's starting to kind
Speaker 1: of be out there, and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she wants to stay home with us. Please stay
Speaker 2: home with us for sure. So you're recently married, right, yes,
Speaker 2: and how's that going?
Speaker 4: And it's great? I asked daughter, I have a sixteen
Speaker 4: month old.
Speaker 2: Wow, I did not know that.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, ideally, I don't thank you. I don't talk
Speaker 3: about it that much on my show or anything, just
Speaker 3: because I think when you start putting your personal life
Speaker 3: into this kind of crazy political world that can get
Speaker 3: kind of crazy, but yeah, it's great.
Speaker 4: I was just at a wedding recently and they have those.
Speaker 3: Cards out that are like leave a tip for them,
Speaker 3: and you always feel foolish when you're like, it's like, oh,
Speaker 3: here's my wisdom, please let me let me give you
Speaker 3: all my tips. But one thing I did say, which
Speaker 3: I think is a strength that my husband and I have,
Speaker 3: and of course we have our own stuff, but I said,
Speaker 3: be quick to apologize and quick to forgive, because it's
Speaker 3: such a waste of time, Like people get so caught
Speaker 3: up in I'm going to give someone the silent treatment,
Speaker 3: and my husband and I can't even do it, like
Speaker 3: we end up laughing because it's like we're both in
Speaker 3: the same kitchen and we're going to be mad at
Speaker 3: each other. Like it's so uncomfortable. It's like you feel
Speaker 3: so foolish. And I think that also. One other saying
Speaker 3: for people who get married is that familiarity breeds contempt
Speaker 3: in life, and I think I notice that and I
Speaker 3: noticed this too with myself. It's like you get very
Speaker 3: quick to talk to someone if you're with them all
Speaker 3: the time, in a way you would never.
Speaker 4: Talk to others.
Speaker 1: Sep.
Speaker 4: You get so comfortable.
Speaker 3: Being like hand me that, hey, I need a bottle
Speaker 3: up here, like it's ready for her bottle.
Speaker 2: You get very snitty, right, yeah, snippy that's a good word.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so I try now to remind myself, like,
Speaker 3: would you talk to anyone this is the person who
Speaker 3: helps you so much in life and who you love
Speaker 3: so much, like, treat them that way, don't treat them
Speaker 3: like like you can because of course, in some ways
Speaker 3: it's nice to drop the veil that you have when
Speaker 3: you're out and about, but keep that level of politeness
Speaker 3: and kindness to the present you're with time. It goes
Speaker 3: a long way, I think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1: I think that people think they can be their authentic
Speaker 1: selves with their spouse. But what if you're authentic self
Speaker 1: was also polite and kind That maybe is what you
Speaker 1: should work on more than anything else, Like it's not
Speaker 1: even the acting or you know, what if the authentic
Speaker 1: self that you are to your family, to your friends,
Speaker 1: to your spouse to your kids is somebody who is
Speaker 1: measured and doesn't yell and all of that. You know,
Speaker 1: I work on it, and I'm not saying it's an
Speaker 1: easy feat. We definitely yell at the kids a lot.
Speaker 4: Yeah. No, And you know what. The other thing is,
Speaker 4: Carol again here.
Speaker 3: I'm like, here's my.
Speaker 2: Tell me everything, this is what it's all about.
Speaker 3: I find that I am super like I said, I
Speaker 3: love to talk.
Speaker 4: I love to talk.
Speaker 3: I have to stop myself sometimes when someone else is talking,
Speaker 3: I catch myself like I'm looking in the video right now?
Speaker 4: Am I ready to go?
Speaker 3: Sometimes when my husband comes to me and he's trying
Speaker 3: to work through something, I don't have the same level
Speaker 3: of patience that he has for me. And when I
Speaker 3: think about all of the scenarios that I'm I mean
Speaker 3: like when I was pregnant, I was going through, well,
Speaker 3: what if this happens?
Speaker 4: What if that happens?
Speaker 3: And he looked at me at one point and it
Speaker 3: was so helpful. He said, what if we just try
Speaker 3: to have dinner tonight? What if we just and then
Speaker 3: we worry about this tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: And when he comes to me and he wants to
Speaker 3: be vulnerable in one way or another, he's a very
Speaker 3: stoic person, and he's very quiet, and he keeps a
Speaker 3: lot in I find myself it's easy to dismiss it,
Speaker 3: like when you're not used to hearing it.
Speaker 4: You're like, oh please, oh please, don't do that.
Speaker 3: That's what I would say to marrying people because if
Speaker 3: someone's feeling something, and I don't want to sound too
Speaker 3: woo wo, but if someone's feeling something, it's real to
Speaker 3: them and they deserve to have to be heard. So
Speaker 3: it's if you're with someone, and I think a lot
Speaker 3: some women end up like me, where you're with someone
Speaker 3: who you're the talker and they're maybe not necessarily as well.
Speaker 3: I've been there when they do talk, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: give them time.
Speaker 2: That's I really like.
Speaker 1: And so it's funny because my last question for you,
Speaker 1: and I feel like this conversation could go on for
Speaker 1: a long time and I love talking to But last
Speaker 1: question I ask all my guests is leave us with
Speaker 1: your best tip for better living. I feel like you've
Speaker 1: given us so much, but do you have a best
Speaker 1: tip for my listeners on how they can improve their lives?
Speaker 3: I do, and it kind of ties in with what
Speaker 3: I was saying before about the worrying thing. I think
Speaker 3: one time someone said to me, if you can name it,
Speaker 3: you can tame it, and it really stuck with me
Speaker 3: because I thought, sometimes you have an angst or anxiety
Speaker 3: or you know, and sometimes, like I said, it's something big,
Speaker 3: it's someone sick or something, and so I'm not really
Speaker 3: talking about those scenarios, but oftentimes I'll find myself in
Speaker 3: kind of a crummy mood or whatever.
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, I got so much going on.
Speaker 3: And then if I really try to verbalize it, or
Speaker 3: I sit down with someone like my husband, or I
Speaker 3: sit down with a piece of paper and a pen,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, what is it right now that's stressing
Speaker 3: me out? Like what is it that I'm that's preventing
Speaker 3: me from having a little bit of a lighter, happier outlook.
Speaker 3: And if I can verbalize it, oftentimes.
Speaker 4: It's not that as big as I think.
Speaker 3: It's like, well, I'm stressed out because I haven't paid
Speaker 3: my current yet. Okay, So when you get to work
Speaker 3: da blogging bit like or and I know, everything has different,
Speaker 3: you know, things for people, but it's like you'll if
Speaker 3: you don't verbalize them or write them down in a
Speaker 3: list or really look at it, you can end up
Speaker 3: they can end up overtaking you, and you end up
Speaker 3: feeling like you're so overwhelmed, and it's like, well, let's
Speaker 3: cross off and then to be able to look at
Speaker 3: that and separate what are the things that I can
Speaker 3: put on a list here and maybe get done. My
Speaker 3: house is messy. That's something for me that I'm always like,
Speaker 3: I need to clea in a house. Okay, well carve
Speaker 3: out some time clean your house, cross it off list,
Speaker 3: and then there's a list of things that you'll put
Speaker 3: down and you'll go there's nothing I can do about this.
Speaker 4: I'm worried about this person.
Speaker 3: I'm worried about, like we said, an election, I'm worried
Speaker 3: about losing someone I love. That's stuff where to look
Speaker 3: at it and say, I'm not crossing that off the list,
Speaker 3: and there's no amount of worrying that's going to make
Speaker 3: this better. So living with that, I think, being able
Speaker 3: to look at things and really fagure out what am
Speaker 3: I capable of changing and what do I have to
Speaker 3: make some sort of peace with can kind of let
Speaker 3: you live a little bit of a lighter existence.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: I also have to say that you, throughout this conversation
Speaker 1: have referenced people giving you advice and you taking that advice.
Speaker 1: I think that is huge, Like the fact a lot
Speaker 1: of people get advice, right, but not that many people
Speaker 1: internalize it and take it and then do something with it.
Speaker 1: I think that's a real triumph that you do do that.
Speaker 1: You had a couple of them in this conversation, So
Speaker 1: it's awesome.
Speaker 4: Love, Carol. Can I add one thing in?
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's so funny you say that, because when
Speaker 3: I was thinking about I was thinking about this morning,
Speaker 3: like what would be a tip for people, and that
Speaker 3: was actually going to be one I gave was.
Speaker 4: If you trust the person.
Speaker 3: And I'll just give a quick example because I think
Speaker 3: this is My younger sister is absolutely spectacular. She's and
Speaker 3: she's funny, and she has a lot of qualities that
Speaker 3: I'm envious of, Like she's very sure of herself, and
Speaker 3: she makes decisions and she does all these things, and
Speaker 3: so she's wonderful. My mother loves us all so so
Speaker 3: much and only wants to see the best for us.
Speaker 3: My mom gives us advice, and I am very open
Speaker 3: to advice. And so if my mom says to me,
Speaker 3: you know who you should call, You should call my
Speaker 3: friend because her.
Speaker 4: Blah blah blah, I'll go.
Speaker 3: And when I was little, I pushed back a little bit,
Speaker 3: but now that I'm older, I'll go. Yeah, I'm a
Speaker 3: lot quicker to go. Maybe that's a good idea, Like
Speaker 3: she led me into the right direction this far. My
Speaker 3: sister is a lot more resistant to advice. And I'm
Speaker 3: saying it just because it's an interesting dynamic. And if
Speaker 3: you can, if you trust the source of the advice
Speaker 3: and you think they have what's best for you in mind, right,
Speaker 3: try it out, like who maybe it will work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's just it's a tough thing to do.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people are like, hear the advice, no,
Speaker 1: it's good for them, but don't quite implement it.
Speaker 2: I mean we're all guilty of it. I yes, for sure,
Speaker 2: for sure, I'm guilty of it.
Speaker 1: It's like when I have like back pain and my
Speaker 1: brother's like every day, like, you should go swim, it's
Speaker 1: very good for.
Speaker 2: Back pain, and I'm like, yes, I know, but I'm
Speaker 2: not going to go do that. So thank you for
Speaker 2: your totally correct advice that I'm not taking.
Speaker 1: So it's hard to do, but I love that you
Speaker 1: do take advice and you end up implementing it in
Speaker 1: all these different ways in your life.
Speaker 2: This has been awesome. She is grace Curly check out
Speaker 2: the Grace Curly Show. Love talking to you, Grace.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you Carol so much.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us on The Carol Marcowitch Show.
Speaker 1: Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.