Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with Dengler Darren Han i
Speaker 1: Heart Radio podcast. Hey, welcome to a special episode of
Speaker 1: Help I Suck At Dating. I guess we'll call this
Speaker 1: the pregnancy episode. If you're listening, you might have heard
Speaker 1: that my wife, Ashley and I are expecting our first child,
Speaker 1: which is very exciting. We finally got to announce to
Speaker 1: everybody that Ashley is pregnant. We don't say we're pregnant. Mark,
Speaker 1: I don't know if that was the thing that your
Speaker 1: wife made to do, but like the Doe totally because
Speaker 1: we first started saying we're pregnant, and she was like,
Speaker 1: are we pregnant? Or am I pregnant? And we are
Speaker 1: having a kid, And then she got really sick, and
Speaker 1: then she's like, I'm pregnant, you're not, and we're having
Speaker 1: a kid. It does feel like stolen valor a little
Speaker 1: bit like you're trying to hone in on some of
Speaker 1: the action here. But yes, she's dealing with all of it.
Speaker 1: She's doing percent of the work she might. I would
Speaker 1: lets give her. I mean, because the only person you
Speaker 1: were involved in was was quite enjoyable. Yeah, it was fine.
Speaker 1: You know, twenty eight seconds of my life and then
Speaker 1: I have done, Like, so now my job is just
Speaker 1: running errands, like getting whatever she needs, feeding her, uh,
Speaker 1: telling her everything's gonna be all right. She's like, am
Speaker 1: I going to be like this for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life? And I'm like, I don't think so. I
Speaker 1: think you're gonna be okay. Hopefully it's just the first try.
Speaker 1: She's getting her ask kicked. Man, she's like puking like
Speaker 1: three times a day. She's constantly nauseous. It's crazy how
Speaker 1: as a guy, I just had no idea, Like who
Speaker 1: the hell coined the term morning sickness? It's morning, afternoon,
Speaker 1: and night. It's not just morning. So is the gender thing.
Speaker 1: I don't think we know the gender yet, right, How
Speaker 1: are you planning on revealing that to the world. Well,
Speaker 1: we don't know how we're going to reveal it, but
Speaker 1: we find out this week, which is insane. So we
Speaker 1: have a doctor's appointment Wednesday, and it's crazy how fast
Speaker 1: you can find out because she'll be eleven weeks and
Speaker 1: after ten weeks you can find out the sex of
Speaker 1: the baby. So we're gonna find it out. She doesn't
Speaker 1: want to do any type of like gender revealed party,
Speaker 1: which I get but I wouldn't mind doing a small
Speaker 1: something um for our family. But it's obviously up to
Speaker 1: ash So we're going to find out soon and then
Speaker 1: we have no idea how we're going to tell people.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess we'll just be like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: it's a boy or a girl. So you will tell us.
Speaker 1: This is gonna be a secret till the child is born. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, we're gonna obviously, oh yeah, come on now
Speaker 1: we want we want good gifts. Will the name be
Speaker 1: a secret till the child is born? Will that also
Speaker 1: be revealed? Well, that's a great question. We have a name,
Speaker 1: So we have a name for a boy. Um. It's
Speaker 1: been a name that Ashley has known for thirteen years
Speaker 1: that she she wanted to name a kid she wanted
Speaker 1: to be playing for twenty years. So totally, Little Tom
Speaker 1: Brady Haven is to be a fantastic child to have, UM.
Speaker 1: But she's had the name for quite some time, and
Speaker 1: I was actually gonna ask her today whether I should
Speaker 1: tell you guys what the name is. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know if you heard in the background,
Speaker 1: but that's just whisper it gently into the microphone. You
Speaker 1: want know it's it's it's it's Dean of unclear baby.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a beautiful name. Um, So you're gonna find
Speaker 1: out the sex and you're probably gonna announce that on
Speaker 1: the podcast for us, right like you'll have the breaking news.
Speaker 1: Come onto the podcast. Let's see how highly rated this
Speaker 1: podcast is and if it gets a decent amount of views,
Speaker 1: then we're releasing on this podcast markets market almost famous. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: as I'm sure it will be as well. Markt When
Speaker 1: you had your children, did you know the gender before
Speaker 1: they were born? Yeah, we knew what We found out
Speaker 1: immediately because we are planners. We have spring babies, because
Speaker 1: my wife did not want to be pregnant in the summer.
Speaker 1: We planned everything, so we wanted to know everything in advance.
Speaker 1: We could plan everything decorated according they get gifts accordingly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely when you so, your advice to a new father
Speaker 1: is to learn the sex early on, just so you
Speaker 1: can plan. It just takes some of the stress out
Speaker 1: of the you want everything. The way the way we
Speaker 1: look at it is that you know when when Ashley
Speaker 1: is going through her nesting phase, which by the way,
Speaker 1: is crazy, it's because you hear about it. You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: that would be an interesting thing. No, it's like a
Speaker 1: real thing. And your house has never been cleaner, Your
Speaker 1: house has never been more organized, Like she was going
Speaker 1: through old photo albums changing up pictures. That the most
Speaker 1: extreme example I can give you with my wife's nesting
Speaker 1: phase is she went into our Christmas ornaments and this
Speaker 1: was in March, and and found the Christmas wantaments that
Speaker 1: had picture holes in them and make sure they all
Speaker 1: had updated pictures in the picture holes. That's the level
Speaker 1: of nesting detail that she got up to as she
Speaker 1: was getting rid of I can't wait I of living
Speaker 1: in an organized house. That's impressive, it's fascinating. But but
Speaker 1: that's a stressful time because there's so many unknowns and
Speaker 1: I we just want to remove as many unknowns as possible.
Speaker 1: At least we know the name, we know the gender.
Speaker 1: So for for Jared, when he finds out the gender,
Speaker 1: which sounds like it would be more sooner than later,
Speaker 1: how much how much realer is that going to get
Speaker 1: for him as a dad? Do you think, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's an amazing thing, because then you start picturing all
Speaker 1: kinds of stuff. You know, if it's a little girl,
Speaker 1: you picture everything from first day of school to prom
Speaker 1: to wedding day, walking her down the aisle, and if
Speaker 1: it's a boy, you start picturing his first baseball game
Speaker 1: or football game or whatever it is. And then one
Speaker 1: day kim walking down the aisle and it's it all
Speaker 1: becomes so much more real when you find out the
Speaker 1: sex of the baby's Like, I don't feel that connected
Speaker 1: with the kid right now, which makes me feel guilty
Speaker 1: and sad. The only time I did was when we
Speaker 1: went to the first ultrasound because that was when you know,
Speaker 1: they put the gel on her belly and they have
Speaker 1: like the scope to see the inside and I've only
Speaker 1: ever seen that in movie. So being in the room
Speaker 1: with the doctor and being like, oh, yeah, this is
Speaker 1: your baby right here. And it's the size of an
Speaker 1: aunt and you know, the sack is the size of
Speaker 1: a blueberry, and like, you know, she writes baby over
Speaker 1: it and you can see the little heartbeat and it's like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, no, that's a that's a living thing. That's insane.
Speaker 1: So that felt real. We know things like it's not
Speaker 1: twins or anything like that. Not twins. Actually was so
Speaker 1: convinced she had twins because of how sick she was
Speaker 1: and she was so wrong. We're not having twins, So
Speaker 1: how have you guys thought about, like when the baby comes,
Speaker 1: what's the plan going to be for that? Is it
Speaker 1: going to be at the hospital? Is it going to
Speaker 1: be I mean, is this it's too intimate to even share?
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I mean, as long as COVID protocols allow it.
Speaker 1: I want to be in the room. I'm definitely not
Speaker 1: looking under the towel, mark, did you, Because no, I
Speaker 1: didn't know what that was the real stay up by
Speaker 1: the head and looked down as little as possible. I'm
Speaker 1: not looking down with our second daughter. It was there
Speaker 1: was a big picture on the wall across from where
Speaker 1: the action was happening, and it was basically a mirror
Speaker 1: the way the lights were in the room, and so
Speaker 1: we hung a towel over it, and then at one
Speaker 1: point during birth, the towel fell and I got a
Speaker 1: little bit of a glimpse. Then I was wearing a
Speaker 1: baseball cup that I had to kind of adjust down
Speaker 1: because I don't want to see that, and my wife
Speaker 1: did not want me to see that. We were in
Speaker 1: complete agreement on that, no interest in that, So why
Speaker 1: I tried to stay out by the head as much
Speaker 1: as possible. Dude, Tanners just watched every time. Three kids.
Speaker 1: He saw all three and I'm like, you're insane. You're insane,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Tanner. Also for Brooks, their second,
Speaker 1: he had to look because that was the one that
Speaker 1: she had the baby in the closet where she was
Speaker 1: she was like screaming, and he looked and the baby
Speaker 1: was crowned. That was intense. But I'm like, there's no way.
Speaker 1: Did you cut the cord? No, I'm not qualified. There
Speaker 1: are other people more. Yeah, that's why I don't get like.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm I'm okay, i don't need to cut
Speaker 1: the cord. Like, let's make sure the baby's good. What
Speaker 1: is it? What are you yelling in the background? Ashley
Speaker 1: wants me to cut the cord? But what about all
Speaker 1: this stuff that I keep hearing about the placenta and
Speaker 1: how you can use it to cook food with? Can
Speaker 1: you say, perhaps I hope we did none of that stuff. Guys,
Speaker 1: are you're not going to do that the Kardashians episode
Speaker 1: where they did it. I mean, if the Kardashians did it,
Speaker 1: then there's a potential of actually doing it. But other
Speaker 1: than that, it doesn't really seem like ashlete personality to
Speaker 1: save the placenta and cook it and then us like
Speaker 1: digest it. I mean I can only imagine what she
Speaker 1: must be going through right now. Is there because you're
Speaker 1: I don't want to say normally you're like an anxious person,
Speaker 1: but I know that you can get stressed out over
Speaker 1: certain things. Is has that kind of kicked in yet
Speaker 1: at all? Or is it more just elation? Um? No,
Speaker 1: I'm certainly not stressed out. It's also because life doesn't
Speaker 1: feel that different right now. You know, the only thing
Speaker 1: that's different is that Ashley is sick. Everything else is
Speaker 1: completely normal, you know. I mean she hasn't shown at all.
Speaker 1: I mean she's still only ten weeks. We don't even
Speaker 1: know the sex of the baby. We've only had one
Speaker 1: doctor as a point, and um, so it doesn't you know,
Speaker 1: everybody tells me it's it's reassuring because I have so
Speaker 1: many friends and family that tell me that everything will
Speaker 1: change once that kid is born in the best way possible. Um,
Speaker 1: and Mark, you know, I want you to talk about
Speaker 1: this a little bit because everybody says like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: you know, like a buddy Mine was like, it's exhausting,
Speaker 1: it's tiring. Uh, it's stressful. Uh, it's also the best
Speaker 1: thing that will ever happen to you in your life.
Speaker 1: And I've heard that across the board. It's it's amazing.
Speaker 1: How like being a parent is the one thing that
Speaker 1: like I feel like I always here consistently, is that
Speaker 1: it's exhausting, it's stressful, it's tiring, and it's all worth it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: here's my advice for when the baby is born. And
Speaker 1: I give this to all dads out there. This is
Speaker 1: and this is a good advice, um because still obviously
Speaker 1: actually doing a d percent of the work. Now after
Speaker 1: the baby is born, she's still gonna be doing of
Speaker 1: the work. Right, She's feeding the child, She's doing so much.
Speaker 1: The bond there is incredible, and you're just trying to
Speaker 1: help out wherever you can. So here's what you do.
Speaker 1: You take that child in the middle of the night
Speaker 1: and allow Ashley to sleep for a few hours. All
Speaker 1: you're doing is taking the child and you're gonna go
Speaker 1: watch TV. That's it with baby Ali, right if she
Speaker 1: was born and I've been seasons of entourage. This was
Speaker 1: fifteen years ago. I am a hero for sitting and
Speaker 1: watching television and a requiring chair. Okay, this is my
Speaker 1: advice to you. No matter what time of day it is,
Speaker 1: you're like, honey, I got this. You sleep, You're a hero,
Speaker 1: and all you're gonna do is go watch TV. It's
Speaker 1: the greatest. Yeah, it's like that TikTok. Mark is the
Speaker 1: guy who gets the standing ovation for doing the bare minimum.
Speaker 1: It's like a TikTok with a guy like literally washes
Speaker 1: one side of the counter and then and he gets
Speaker 1: a standing ovation. Mark went to go watch Entourage and
Speaker 1: his wife was like, you're the greatest man alive. The
Speaker 1: husband's flash father. Yes. Yeah, man, it's it's easy being
Speaker 1: a dude. My other advice to you is um is too.
Speaker 1: Don't get weird about pregnancy sex. Some guys are very
Speaker 1: weird about that. That's actually my next question about that.
Speaker 1: If actually assisted be all in because they don't feel
Speaker 1: attractive in the condition she's going to be in over
Speaker 1: the next months, So make sure you don't add to that.
Speaker 1: But being weirded out, you know, yeah, I'm definitely not
Speaker 1: weird it out. I mean, I guess there's only I
Speaker 1: guess I'll only know when that time comes when she's
Speaker 1: like seven months and you know, yeah, it's there, it's there.
Speaker 1: It's yeah, it's weird, but it's not gonna she's it's
Speaker 1: not gonna make her feel good. If you're all like you, So, yeah,
Speaker 1: what kind of advice would you have for him? Mark
Speaker 1: about you know, getting that on while it was later
Speaker 1: on in the pregnancy. Um, you know, you gotta get
Speaker 1: a little creative with positions and so. But she's it's
Speaker 1: just followed her lead. That's my only advice, And that's
Speaker 1: pretty much my advice to you for the next twenty years.
Speaker 1: I was saying, I mean that that could be the
Speaker 1: title of my autobiography. Just follow her lead. That's what
Speaker 1: I do anyway, exactly. So what you're saying is Jared
Speaker 1: is no longer in control of his own life. He
Speaker 1: is playing second field to the main character that is
Speaker 1: Ashley I Connetti. Yeah, until like the age of my
Speaker 1: kids are, where they're fifteen and twelve, I'm no longer
Speaker 1: in the star of the show like the kids at
Speaker 1: the star of the show. I'm not a supporting character
Speaker 1: in this TV show. And that's been kind of interesting
Speaker 1: over the past few years. Where they used to be
Speaker 1: our kids and now we're their parents. Um. But like
Speaker 1: I remember when I found out it was a girl,
Speaker 1: I started, I wept. That was the first time I
Speaker 1: cried happy tears. I bought this whole process because I
Speaker 1: always wanted a daughter. And then last night she was
Speaker 1: up on stage playing aerial in The Little Mermaid and
Speaker 1: it's just the greatest. It's really I still want a
Speaker 1: full ride. So I'm very happy for you. Thanks, buddy,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. It's funny how you talk to different
Speaker 1: parents and you get completely different actions when it comes
Speaker 1: to having kids. I was talking to Sky the other day.
Speaker 1: He's I think he had two little girls as well,
Speaker 1: and he was like, do you let me tell you
Speaker 1: the ultimate form of birth control is when you get
Speaker 1: that call from your kid at four in the afternoon
Speaker 1: and she's screaming and crying and she needs you, or
Speaker 1: that moment, and I'm like, like, you're doing a really
Speaker 1: bad job as selling parenthood right now. And then there
Speaker 1: are guys like you Mark that are like, you know,
Speaker 1: they've got a million photos of their children on their phone,
Speaker 1: and there's the proudest in the world. I am. Obviously
Speaker 1: that's the ideal, but it's just funny how people can
Speaker 1: be on one side or the other about that kind
Speaker 1: of well there there, it's all over the place. There's
Speaker 1: been rough nights, there's been anxiety issues, there's been sleep issues, Like,
Speaker 1: there's gonna be some tough times. Absolutely, there's bullying issues.
Speaker 1: There's you know, just kids at school just being awful
Speaker 1: to your kid. You like, it's not all just joy
Speaker 1: and and and pride and happiness. You know, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of ups and downs to it. But and also
Speaker 1: you can't if how fast it goes, You can't believe
Speaker 1: it's such a short period of your life that your
Speaker 1: kids are in your home with you, because when you're
Speaker 1: a kid, being a kid who takes forever, when you're
Speaker 1: an adult you realize, oh my gosh, they're only going
Speaker 1: to be here for eighteen years, maybe twenty if you're lucky,
Speaker 1: and then they're out in the world, and that goes
Speaker 1: by in the blink of an eye. Dude. It's it's
Speaker 1: just it's I'm excited. I'm definitely way more excited than
Speaker 1: I am nervous. I guess it's just it's the first
Speaker 1: time in my life where I feel this over overwhelming
Speaker 1: responsibility because even with marriage. Ashley as an adults are
Speaker 1: our dogs are losing their minds in the background, but
Speaker 1: Ashley is an adult. Like where two adults coming together,
Speaker 1: but now we have to take care of another life.
Speaker 1: And we always actually, and I always joke like, when
Speaker 1: are we going to start feeling like adults? Because we
Speaker 1: still feel like kids, you know, even now we're pregnant,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, this isn't like I'm I'm a child.
Speaker 1: You know, how am I ever gonna be able to
Speaker 1: raise a kid? So, Mark, did you ever get to
Speaker 1: a moment where you're like, oh, now now I'm a parent,
Speaker 1: Now I'm an adult, or do you still feel like
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of taking it day by day? Hmm.
Speaker 1: That's a good question because I definitely feel like a
Speaker 1: dad now. And it's also funny because everybody who knows me,
Speaker 1: everybody who works with me, they all just I'm such
Speaker 1: a dad. I'm a total dad. Um. But of course,
Speaker 1: fifteen years ago, I was like, what is this? What
Speaker 1: do I do? I don't understand this. The day that
Speaker 1: you take the baby home from the hospital, You're like,
Speaker 1: are they sure about this? Because he has no idea
Speaker 1: what we're doing? And that was a crazy feeling. So
Speaker 1: I think it's more gradual. I think you're you won't
Speaker 1: wake up and feel like a dad one day. It's
Speaker 1: just suddenly fifteen years ago by and you'd be like,
Speaker 1: I've been a dad as long as I can remember.
Speaker 1: I don't remember life before the end of dad. Did
Speaker 1: you read a lot of books while your wife was pregnant? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I did, and so did she. And one that she
Speaker 1: really loved was The Girlfriend's Guy to Pregnancy, And I
Speaker 1: think the writers named Iven like Jimmy Iven. I think
Speaker 1: it's actually his ex wife. But but that was really
Speaker 1: resonated because it was the real truth of what's going on.
Speaker 1: You know, she didn't pull any punches. She was like,
Speaker 1: this part sucks, this is really bad. You know, she
Speaker 1: really tells you how it is. It's not all sugarcota.
Speaker 1: So I would recommend that one. Was it about pregnancy
Speaker 1: or was it about being a parent? It was about pregnancy?
Speaker 1: Areaking books we've read quite a bit since the kids
Speaker 1: have been born, Okay, because I don't know. Like the
Speaker 1: reason I asked is because when we did our Amazon
Speaker 1: thing last week, we got questions like, oh, what books
Speaker 1: are you reading? I'm like, I haven't read a book
Speaker 1: about parenting? Am I behind? Right now? Should I be
Speaker 1: like getting on this? You're okay, You're okay, go a
Speaker 1: childbirth might be fun to glance through. It's gonna read
Speaker 1: a book about childbirth in Italian so that we can
Speaker 1: kind of not exactly. Why do you think I'm learning
Speaker 1: Italian people? All right? Speaking to my daughter. I gotta
Speaker 1: go pick her up. So I love you guys. Congratulations
Speaker 1: heared having its funny. That's funny. I appreciate it. Love
Speaker 1: you too. Then, Jared, here's the thing? Who needs books?
Speaker 1: When you have Mark's number on speed dot right there?
Speaker 1: That's what I mean. I have all these friends, I
Speaker 1: have all these resources right at the click of a button.
Speaker 1: Why would I ever need a book when I have Mark?
Speaker 1: He is the ultimate book on parenting right there. Hey,
Speaker 1: not to get to graphic or anything, but can you recount?
Speaker 1: Not recount I don't need like great detail, but will
Speaker 1: you be able to trace back the date of conception
Speaker 1: for the kid? Yeah? Yeah, I can. We can trace
Speaker 1: it back. I mean to a like I don't know
Speaker 1: about like the exact like we know what month it was,
Speaker 1: and we know like the week everything happened. So pretty much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: spot on, that's crazy to me. I know, it is
Speaker 1: weird to think that, like we were all conceived that way,
Speaker 1: you know, like this this is how just life happens.
Speaker 1: Sex is pretty tight. Yeah, it's pretty cool, pretty cool.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. It's good times. Congratulations. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you heard this joke before, but actually's obviously no longer
Speaker 1: virgiin and I just wanted to go and congratulate you guys. Hey,
Speaker 1: that's right. Oh my god, Ashley is pregnant. Could you
Speaker 1: imagine like rewinding the clock four years ago and being
Speaker 1: like that, Ashley the Virgin is now pregnant. The story
Speaker 1: arc on that is being amazing. You know, It's like
Speaker 1: it goes into The Bachelor as of virgin and now
Speaker 1: she's having her first baby with the love of her
Speaker 1: life that she also met on that same TV show.
Speaker 1: It's crazy. Yeah, it's pretty insane. Obviously, I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: talking a lot more over the course in the next
Speaker 1: months about you know, our pre Ashley's pregnancy. I know,
Speaker 1: all right, she gets so mad, which I don't blame
Speaker 1: her now, I get mad at myself anytime I say
Speaker 1: we're pregnant. It's like no, no, no no, no, Ashley is
Speaker 1: doing all the work. I'm just here to, you know,
Speaker 1: hold her hand and tickle our arms sometimes and let
Speaker 1: her her know that it's going to be okay. Um,
Speaker 1: but we love you guys. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: tuning in. I can't tell you how much I appreciate
Speaker 1: how much Dean and I appreciate you guys listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast week after week after week. It means the
Speaker 1: world to us. We love doing this. We feel super
Speaker 1: honored to have this platform every week, So please keep
Speaker 1: be emailing us, follow us on social media. Uh, we
Speaker 1: love talking to you guys, and uh, you know we'll
Speaker 1: see us soon. Follow hell by suck at Dating on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio, or wherever you left in the podcast.
Speaker 1: M