Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast,
Speaker 1: Episode two, Can you Believe It? And we made it?
Speaker 1: We made it truly week. Yes, what a week it's been. Man,
Speaker 1: your thumbs have been really busy. I have just been well.
Speaker 1: First of all, I just want to say thank you
Speaker 1: to everyone that listened to the first podcast and listen
Speaker 1: to us and and honestly made it. It was a
Speaker 1: little bit of drama that day though. I was I
Speaker 1: had a rough day way of release. It was really dramatic,
Speaker 1: and I was watching you reply to the thousands of people,
Speaker 1: you know, because being accused of something that you're you're
Speaker 1: not doing is upsetting and can cause anxiety. What were
Speaker 1: you like? What were you thinking? So for those of
Speaker 1: you that didn't go on my Instagram or catching any
Speaker 1: the drama, I was so excited obviously, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: my podcast wind downs out like who And all of
Speaker 1: a sudden I started reading comments you stole You're a thief?
Speaker 1: And I'm like what, like what? And I'm texting Amy,
Speaker 1: the producer, and I was like, what is going on?
Speaker 1: Like what did would we steal? Something? Like? I like
Speaker 1: this other podcast lady says that you know I took
Speaker 1: her idea and her logo and her like what. So
Speaker 1: I was just so upset, I mean, and then I
Speaker 1: started kind of doing some research on this, um Tasha girl,
Speaker 1: and she I mean was like, hey, girls like go
Speaker 1: after at Cramer girl. I mean they would after me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was it was like Katie Taylor level. I mean
Speaker 1: it was. It was a little insane for a while.
Speaker 1: It was intense, and it hurt my feelings because I
Speaker 1: don't like to me, the definition of stealing is taking
Speaker 1: something that you knew about. I didn't steal anything. I
Speaker 1: didn't steal. I didn't know about her m vlog or podcast. Um.
Speaker 1: I mean even if you if you were to search
Speaker 1: her podcast on iTunes, it doesn't come up. So even
Speaker 1: if I heart, did you know more research about the
Speaker 1: name or correlating things, it wouldn't have even come up
Speaker 1: because it's not a registered podcast on iTunes. But it's
Speaker 1: also so different because we have different we have different
Speaker 1: lives to talk about, you know, same topic celebrity stuff.
Speaker 1: We talk about sex, we talk about marriage, we talked
Speaker 1: about you know, kids, but who doesn't. And I mean
Speaker 1: there's so many podcasts that talk about those issues. So
Speaker 1: for me, what I didn't like about it was and
Speaker 1: why I ended up saying something was because first of all,
Speaker 1: she was extremely upset and she called me a nasty word,
Speaker 1: and I don't like for me personally. Don't attack me
Speaker 1: if you don't. First, I don't attack anybody. But if
Speaker 1: you don't know me, you don't know my heart, then
Speaker 1: I don't think it's fair for you to like attack
Speaker 1: someone like that, because get to know me, get to
Speaker 1: know who I am as a person, and then you
Speaker 1: can have your opinion about me. But don't call me
Speaker 1: a thief, a steeler and a you know what, which
Speaker 1: could be like if you don't know me and you
Speaker 1: don't know my intentions in my heart, I don't like that,
Speaker 1: and that is what really hurt me, and I ended
Speaker 1: up getting emotional about it because I don't I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't like it when I understand people are gonna
Speaker 1: like me. I understand people aren't going to agree with
Speaker 1: what I say sometimes, and you know, you might not
Speaker 1: like my singing voice, you might not like my acting,
Speaker 1: But if you're calling me something I mean like that
Speaker 1: and you don't know who I am, I take a
Speaker 1: huge amount offense to that because it's like, get to
Speaker 1: know me first, and then if you want to call
Speaker 1: me a witch with a bee and you really truly
Speaker 1: think that, then I'm sorry you have the opinion of me.
Speaker 1: But she didn't get the chance to get to know me.
Speaker 1: She didn't. I don't feel like she went around it
Speaker 1: the right way, and that's I think that's the problem
Speaker 1: is I understand people share emotions in a different way,
Speaker 1: and for her it was anger first. And a lot
Speaker 1: of times I'm emotional first with my feelings, but I
Speaker 1: just feel like in the world, everyone just goes straight
Speaker 1: to anger first, and that's not how things get resolved.
Speaker 1: I don't think, well, nothing gets resolved in anger. But
Speaker 1: do you think did she listen to the podcast? But
Speaker 1: she never listened to it? Her husband listened to it first, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, she doesn't have her personality because we are
Speaker 1: We don't have the same personality. We have very different personalities. Well,
Speaker 1: you have totally different life experiences as well, which makes
Speaker 1: you different in the way you talk about things, your
Speaker 1: perspective and everything, right, But regardless, I don't like the
Speaker 1: fact that someone was hurt. I don't like the fact
Speaker 1: that she thought I was taking something and her listeners,
Speaker 1: you know, her. Her army listeners were kept saying I
Speaker 1: was a thief and a stealer. So I I ended
Speaker 1: up reaching out to her a call there and I said,
Speaker 1: what would make you happy? Because I don't want you
Speaker 1: to have this opinion of me. I did not take
Speaker 1: something that I I didn't steal anything, So but what
Speaker 1: would make you happy? And you know, people saying you
Speaker 1: don't have to change anything, I'm like, but I want
Speaker 1: to because I don't like negative energy. So what is it?
Speaker 1: Is it changing the color? Is it taking away the
Speaker 1: wine glass? Like? I'm fine with that because my podcast
Speaker 1: isn't even about wine. I love wine, but I don't
Speaker 1: need the freaking wine thing on there. So if that
Speaker 1: would make you happy, I'll take it down. So we're
Speaker 1: changing the color and we're gonna, you know, take the
Speaker 1: wine glass. Okay, who cares? Who cares? But I just
Speaker 1: as long as you know. I just don't like negative
Speaker 1: energy out there. I don't like it at all. And
Speaker 1: I don't like people that don't get to know someone
Speaker 1: first before they make their judgment, right, I don't like that.
Speaker 1: So did you talk to Mike about it? I Mike
Speaker 1: got upset about it, and I was like do you
Speaker 1: want to see that. He's like, no, because I will
Speaker 1: lose it. But I was upset. He came home from
Speaker 1: work and I was I was like crying when he
Speaker 1: came home. He's like, hey, what's wrong, And I was
Speaker 1: like he was the steeler and thief. But I didn't
Speaker 1: do anything, and I just wanted this day to be
Speaker 1: so nice. I was so excited and I just felt
Speaker 1: like my bubble got bursted. But you know what it
Speaker 1: showed me, though, was how amazingly loyal incredible my fans
Speaker 1: are and listeners of this podcast are because they backed me,
Speaker 1: and it honestly gave me goose bumps. It made me
Speaker 1: then cry happy tears to be like, I have so
Speaker 1: many amazing people following me that do know my heart,
Speaker 1: that have been on this journey with me, and that
Speaker 1: are supporting me. So if anything, I'm almost glad it
Speaker 1: happened because it showed me how great of an audience
Speaker 1: we have, right And in the end, you know, I
Speaker 1: I reached out to Tash and I said, I would
Speaker 1: love to have you on the show. I'd love to
Speaker 1: talk to you, know, talk to you about this, and
Speaker 1: I love At the end of the day, we had
Speaker 1: communication and we had to resolve. And now two women
Speaker 1: to moms can support each other because at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, we need to be supporting each other,
Speaker 1: not dragging women down, not dragging other people down. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I always say, we have to fix each other's crowns
Speaker 1: instead of like knocking like that. You know, we have
Speaker 1: to support each other. And you did that. You you know,
Speaker 1: decided you were going to put out the first style
Speaker 1: of branch. I had to. It was eating me the
Speaker 1: heck up. And you know, again, I know I'm not
Speaker 1: going to be able to please everyone. I do know that.
Speaker 1: I get it. You know, I can't make everyone like
Speaker 1: my singing voice, are my acting or But when it
Speaker 1: is a personal attack that hurts, it is please get
Speaker 1: to know me before you judge me, is all I ask. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very painful. Yeah, and did had Mike listened to
Speaker 1: the podcast? He did? And you know it's so funny.
Speaker 1: Is because of the backlash that I'd gotten from Tasha
Speaker 1: and some of her listeners. I had a feeling I
Speaker 1: was going to get some backlash from him, So I said,
Speaker 1: as I was crying, I said, and please just tell
Speaker 1: me because I know you have He's like well, I
Speaker 1: have feelings, and I'm like, god, someone else that doesn't
Speaker 1: like I was just like I was just like bawling,
Speaker 1: and he's like, hebe no, He's like, he's like, I
Speaker 1: loved it. You were great. He's like, you know, you
Speaker 1: have a voice for radio. He's like, but yeah, some
Speaker 1: of the stuff you said hurt my feelings and you
Speaker 1: made me sound like I wasn't a a good dad,
Speaker 1: and I was like, that was not my intention at all.
Speaker 1: I was making joke of the fact that, like, you
Speaker 1: don't know when the dentist would be because you don't,
Speaker 1: but I did. But I have to be careful that
Speaker 1: people are listening, and I have to I said, you
Speaker 1: know what, You're right. I should have said, but he's
Speaker 1: a great dad and he's amazing with Jolie and he's like, no,
Speaker 1: just have me on the show so I can wait.
Speaker 1: My Bee is he here? He actually is here. But
Speaker 1: I've like been debating bringing him in because I just
Speaker 1: because then it's like a real you know, it's real.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, the reason everyone loves you so
Speaker 1: much is because you're an open book. And if he's
Speaker 1: willing to be in the chapters, then you've got to
Speaker 1: give it to them. Okay, so before I go get
Speaker 1: Mike though, UM, we have a great email. So Marcus,
Speaker 1: I'm the designated email reader. You have a good email voice.
Speaker 1: Thank you from Nicki. Nicki emailed and said you may
Speaker 1: never actually lay eyes on this email, but hopefully you will.
Speaker 1: I follow you on Instagram and I saw your insto story.
Speaker 1: If you ever want to chat, feel free to email
Speaker 1: me back. I'm a forty seven year old mom of two.
Speaker 1: One is twenty one, the other is nineteen. Our marriage
Speaker 1: has been through infidelity and I can totally relate. I'm
Speaker 1: just in northern southern girl from Alabama who works from
Speaker 1: home and just truly believes in forgiveness. And basically I
Speaker 1: just wanted to reach out to you because I think
Speaker 1: you're awesome. I'm about to be an empty nester in
Speaker 1: about three weeks, so I might need some hugs. Nicky
Speaker 1: virtual hugs right now. She is. She's on the phone
Speaker 1: right now. Hi, Thanky, Hi babe. Oh are you I'm good?
Speaker 1: How are you? First of all, thank you for your email.
Speaker 1: Thank you for um, you know, being a friend and
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast, and UM, I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: You are welcome so an empty nester you're about to
Speaker 1: be I'm about to be an empty nester on first Mama,
Speaker 1: I know, Oh my goodness, how are you? How are
Speaker 1: you handling all this? Um? I think I'm in denial
Speaker 1: because he's still here and trying to finish up school
Speaker 1: and uh soccer this weekend and just some other things.
Speaker 1: So I don't think it'll really hit me until we
Speaker 1: actually move him out on June one, but took me
Speaker 1: that around June three. So are you? Um, are you
Speaker 1: still married? Because I saw in the email? Okay, so
Speaker 1: so you were able to work through your infidelity. Yes,
Speaker 1: and it's it's happened twice. So when I watched your
Speaker 1: Instagram lot or you know, your Instagram stories or your lives,
Speaker 1: and I saw it and just felt led to email you,
Speaker 1: and of course you probably saw it. It was just rambling.
Speaker 1: You may never see this, but I saw it, you know,
Speaker 1: after everything that I have gone through. Um, and I've
Speaker 1: known my husband since we were sixteen and I'm forty seven. UM,
Speaker 1: I believe everything is possible through through infidelity if you
Speaker 1: just want to make it work. So so what I mean,
Speaker 1: because so how many years have you been married? For
Speaker 1: it will be in September. And when was the last
Speaker 1: time that he was did something well? But he was
Speaker 1: back in two thousand and six, but I was in
Speaker 1: two thousand and eleven, and on both sides, So how
Speaker 1: was that? I mean, was it different? That's that's like,
Speaker 1: was it different when you cheated or did was he
Speaker 1: more understanding or how does it? How did that like,
Speaker 1: you know, are you just not over it before? So?
Speaker 1: Was it like I'm I need to have my avenger it? No,
Speaker 1: it wasn't even about that, because I was always once
Speaker 1: that said, sorry to hear noise. My dogs are playing
Speaker 1: in the background. If you hear the noise. Sorry. Um,
Speaker 1: it wasn't anything ever really liked that. I used to
Speaker 1: be one that would always say, you know, if my
Speaker 1: husband ever cheated on me, I'm he's out of here,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But when it but when
Speaker 1: it happened to you, um, you kind of change your heart.
Speaker 1: Because I sent you all a link, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you've got it, um, because I wasn't. I listened
Speaker 1: to your podcast from the other day, and what caught
Speaker 1: my attention the most was when you said, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't don't understand you know, because y'all were talking
Speaker 1: about sex and you said, I just don't get it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm the one that you know wants it
Speaker 1: more than he does, so I don't quite understand why,
Speaker 1: you know, why he did that. So you know, it
Speaker 1: made me really think, um that have you ever heard
Speaker 1: of the five love languages? Okay? So mine are not
Speaker 1: the same as my husband's, and my husband's are not
Speaker 1: the same as mine. So when I heard you say that,
Speaker 1: I don't even know you personally, and I don't even
Speaker 1: know your husband or your situation, but physical touch may
Speaker 1: not be one of his love language. Okay. So the
Speaker 1: other ones are, you know, words of affirmation, access services,
Speaker 1: receiving gifts, and quality time. So let's say for your situation,
Speaker 1: you weren't doing any of those. Like I don't know
Speaker 1: what he did, I can tell you from being minor,
Speaker 1: words of affirmation and um acts of service. So I
Speaker 1: want my husband to say to me, great job, you
Speaker 1: know you did a great job on that, or hey,
Speaker 1: not even see that there's are not having me? Um
Speaker 1: say do the dishes, just see that they're there? Or
Speaker 1: just hey, I'm on my way home from work, can
Speaker 1: I stop and get you anything? I don't need gifts,
Speaker 1: um quality time. I mean you know, I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: okay if we have it. If we don't, we usually do.
Speaker 1: But and I'm not physical touch. So with all that
Speaker 1: to be said, how we got into our situation was
Speaker 1: we were not fulfilling each other's needs back into Dolphin
Speaker 1: six and in two thousand and eleven. And so when
Speaker 1: you don't fulfill the other person's needs a k A.
Speaker 1: Love languages, it tends to, I believe, make the other
Speaker 1: person go to someone who does. And in my personal situation,
Speaker 1: it was not a revenge thing. It was we were
Speaker 1: going through a rough time because it's going to happen
Speaker 1: again in marriage, meaning we're going to go through a
Speaker 1: rough time. We just know how to get through it
Speaker 1: and an affair is not the answer. So when we
Speaker 1: were going through this in two thousand and eleven, the
Speaker 1: person that was giving me the words of affirmation and
Speaker 1: the acts of service it was not my husband. So
Speaker 1: that's how it started. And was it a relationship? Did
Speaker 1: you actually have an emotional relationship with someone outside of
Speaker 1: the marriage. I did? And how long did it go on? For? Um?
Speaker 1: About a year And it was a long distance relationship
Speaker 1: because he was technically my boss. I worked from home,
Speaker 1: but I had to back then do some traveling, and
Speaker 1: I had known him for a few years prior and
Speaker 1: was never going to cross that that boundary. And you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, you spend enough time telling this person, you know, okay,
Speaker 1: my husband's not doing this, and you complain to him. Well,
Speaker 1: that person knew exactly what to do to kind of
Speaker 1: reel me in, so to speak. Was he married to Nikki?
Speaker 1: He was? He was married to m hm. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: how did how did it end? And how did you
Speaker 1: did you tell your husband? Yes? Because understand that during
Speaker 1: the entire year, I would come home, I felt guilty.
Speaker 1: I would say I'm never doing this again, and then
Speaker 1: you know, I'd go on another trip. And I will
Speaker 1: tell you that throughout the whole year, my husband knew.
Speaker 1: He just he was waiting for either the opportunity to
Speaker 1: approach me with it, but he knew there were many
Speaker 1: many signs that he knew. Um. So it was in
Speaker 1: February of like two thousand and twelve, and I came
Speaker 1: home from a trip and on my way home home,
Speaker 1: the wife of the person actually texted me and the
Speaker 1: I've seen your emails blah, blah blah blah blah. And
Speaker 1: so I called the guy up. I had just left
Speaker 1: and I called the guy up and I said, I
Speaker 1: am forty miles from home. I'm going home and I'm
Speaker 1: telling my husband everything, and you will never hear from
Speaker 1: me again. And that was it. I mean he I've
Speaker 1: never talked to him since ever, but he was your boss.
Speaker 1: Did you change jobs? I did, well, I was working
Speaker 1: two jobs. I worked from home, so I was working
Speaker 1: two jobs at the same time. Um, and I changed
Speaker 1: my phone number. I cut off all communication with the
Speaker 1: world he was in, which was that kind of job.
Speaker 1: And I quit obviously. And um, I mean, to this
Speaker 1: day have never heard from him. I mean when I
Speaker 1: said I cut it off. And so I got home
Speaker 1: and I called my husband and I said, are you
Speaker 1: almost home? He said, what's wrong? I said, I just
Speaker 1: to talk to you, and he knew, and he said,
Speaker 1: I'm on my way, and he came in and I
Speaker 1: just told him and then we you know, it's one
Speaker 1: of those you're up until four in the morning, just
Speaker 1: kind of crying. Um, So what's during those pass what's
Speaker 1: been not for five years? Um, we're now like seven
Speaker 1: years seven? Yeah, what what has gotten you guys here,
Speaker 1: UM Church big, big time for us. UM my kids, Yes,
Speaker 1: they do because I don't want them to make the
Speaker 1: same mistakes that we made and I don't want them
Speaker 1: to feel like they have to be perfect. And you know,
Speaker 1: the biggest thing that has gotten us through this is grace.
Speaker 1: And it's a huge word and it's a big world though.
Speaker 1: It is because if if I do not tend to
Speaker 1: my husband's needs and I'm not perfect, I mean, you
Speaker 1: would think that life would be easy. I have, you know,
Speaker 1: one that's twenty one and one that's about to be nineteen,
Speaker 1: and but um, I fail miserably daily at physical touch.
Speaker 1: I'm just not a hugger. I'm just not like that
Speaker 1: he is. And the reason why he doesn't get mad
Speaker 1: at me anymore about that is because he just shows grace.
Speaker 1: People would have asked me before, would you ever change
Speaker 1: anything with how this all played out? And my answers no,
Speaker 1: because I wouldn't be who I am today if I
Speaker 1: hadn't gone through what I went through. Because this is
Speaker 1: my purpose. I know it probably sounds silly that I
Speaker 1: just said an email you don't even know me, but
Speaker 1: something just said, you know, God said this is your purpose, NICKI.
Speaker 1: If she never reads it, great, but if she does
Speaker 1: and you can help her, great because I really feel
Speaker 1: like we went through twice to help people, and we've
Speaker 1: helped quite a few people overcome infidelity. Well, Nikki I,
Speaker 1: I first of all, I really appreciate you sending an
Speaker 1: email and listening, and I appreciate you for sharing your
Speaker 1: story and being authentic and and for helping because that's,
Speaker 1: you know, one of the reasons why I also want
Speaker 1: to share about infidelity, because I do want to offer
Speaker 1: grace and and help people as well. So I just
Speaker 1: appreciate you. Also, um, not blaming for for your actions
Speaker 1: as well. I think that says a lot about you
Speaker 1: and your character, about the fact that you didn't say, well,
Speaker 1: you did this, so I did this, and um, you
Speaker 1: know again for yeah, you're not perfect. Who's perfect, No
Speaker 1: one is perfect, but you are willing to change for you,
Speaker 1: for your family, and um, you are helping a lot
Speaker 1: of people. So thank you for sharing your story. It
Speaker 1: really encourages me to keep on keep on going. And
Speaker 1: you know what, you're about to be an empty empty nester,
Speaker 1: which I think is great. You and your husband, can
Speaker 1: you know, spend some amazing quality time together and just
Speaker 1: you know, go vacation and have fun and enjoy this,
Speaker 1: enjoy this new beginning together. Good luck on that journey.
Speaker 1: But no, seriously, thank you so much, Nicky. Appreciate it.
Speaker 1: You are welcome and good luck and I'm just email
Speaker 1: away if y'all need any Thanks Nicky, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Bye. Okay, So John, if you for used
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Speaker 1: and I love it. It is a godsend. I mean,
Speaker 1: for for moms, for college students, for I mean for
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Speaker 1: the greatest cook. When I look at a recipe, I
Speaker 1: get really lost and it just seems overwhelming, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't have I don't have an hour
Speaker 1: to spend cooking this, you know, gourmet meal. And then
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Speaker 1: it's so good. I remember my husband came home and
Speaker 1: I was making these balsamic burgers that they had sent us,
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Speaker 1: pretty great, isn't it. And at the very end of
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Speaker 1: Let's get cooking. So, Jen, do you want to go
Speaker 1: get my husband? Do we? You don't even know what
Speaker 1: my husband looks like? So I do. I saw you. Okay,
Speaker 1: I watched a ton of football in Okay, so find
Speaker 1: the tall football dude. Guys. I just got a little
Speaker 1: stick to my stomach. I'm not gonna lie. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: a little nervous. I'm kind of sweating a little bit.
Speaker 1: Good thing I packed you oder it in my purse
Speaker 1: because I might have to give a little swipe swipe. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm nervous because I don't We're going to talk, and
Speaker 1: it's I'm nervous and s saying, well, I do want
Speaker 1: to say that, you know, I do want to apologize
Speaker 1: to him for for for saying that he doesn't, you know,
Speaker 1: know a lot of things, because you know he has
Speaker 1: he does do a lot of stuff. Guys. I'm like
Speaker 1: seriously sweating right now. I'm going to use his paper
Speaker 1: right now. I don't like, Oh my god, here is
Speaker 1: you can sit right there. I'm like sweating right now.
Speaker 1: This is just this is good tension. I like it. Um,
Speaker 1: Hey babe, hey, how are you? I don't know yet. No,
Speaker 1: we're just chit chatting, having a good old chit chat
Speaker 1: for everyone who's listening right now. This is my husband, Michael.
Speaker 1: Welcome to my podcast. Um So, I first just want
Speaker 1: to start off by saying that I do apologize for
Speaker 1: any feelings that you had that on my first podcast,
Speaker 1: because I kind of said a little brief thing how
Speaker 1: when all that drama was going down with Natasha girl,
Speaker 1: And then I knew that you had feelings about it too,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm sorry, And I think one
Speaker 1: of the main things for you was that you didn't
Speaker 1: want to seem like you weren't a present dad. Yes,
Speaker 1: because you are, so, would you like to defend yourself,
Speaker 1: go ahead, Dave the waiting. No, it's just you know,
Speaker 1: that's the stereotype of a dad, right that we're just
Speaker 1: in the corner like a gorilla and come home from
Speaker 1: work and sit on the couch and not do anything.
Speaker 1: And I think dad's nowadays in general, are more conscious
Speaker 1: of that. We want to, you know, partake in the
Speaker 1: daily activities with kids and everything like that. And I
Speaker 1: pride myself in being a present, you know, hands on dad.
Speaker 1: And you know, I understand when you kind of joke
Speaker 1: around and bash a little bit. It's it's all out
Speaker 1: of fun. But you know, it's one thing when someone
Speaker 1: takes pride in it, you want to make sure that
Speaker 1: that's not a message that's being portrayed. I'm sorry, valid point,
Speaker 1: valid point, but can you at least admit that, like
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have known, like when to start preschool for Joel,
Speaker 1: Like there's certain things that like we just yeah, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: so okay, So like there are certain things that you
Speaker 1: that moms do. Just is it because you guys don't
Speaker 1: know or or are we just kind of taking it over?
Speaker 1: I think that's a mother's intuition to is to kind
Speaker 1: of take the reins on some of these things. But
Speaker 1: for me, I think every household is different. Like as
Speaker 1: of right now, you know you're not touring, you're kind
Speaker 1: of in a transition period on a bunch of little
Speaker 1: different things that you're gonna do. So I'm working more
Speaker 1: daily than than you are at this moment, so you're
Speaker 1: at home with Jolie more often than I am. So
Speaker 1: you've kind of taken that responsibility on without us even
Speaker 1: really having a conversation about it. I think if there's
Speaker 1: a dad that's in the opposite role, like if this
Speaker 1: was two years ago and I was in a different
Speaker 1: role where you were going all the time and I
Speaker 1: was the one more at home, like I should have
Speaker 1: stepped up and and done more of those things, um
Speaker 1: to kind of take the reins. So I think there
Speaker 1: are dads out there that are probably doing that they
Speaker 1: are informing their wife, Hey honey, this is when she
Speaker 1: has to go to the dentist, this is when he
Speaker 1: starts school, and so on and so forth. Well, I
Speaker 1: do appreciate how hands on you are with really, because
Speaker 1: I mean one of the you know that, like one
Speaker 1: of the reasons I have stayed with you for as
Speaker 1: long as I have is because is because you are
Speaker 1: an incredible dad. Like on paper, you know, it doesn't
Speaker 1: look pretty, but like you know, when I look at it,
Speaker 1: it's like you are a very hands on dad. Like
Speaker 1: you are. You love Jolie so much and you you're investing,
Speaker 1: you invest amazing time with her. And you know, I
Speaker 1: have a few moms that text me and will say like, man,
Speaker 1: like Mike is like he's such a good dad, Like
Speaker 1: I just see like he's on the ground, like rolling
Speaker 1: around with you know what I mean, Like you're you're
Speaker 1: great dad. So that's something that like you should pride
Speaker 1: yourself in great husband. You're working on it. You know.
Speaker 1: What's really funny, as we just had a caller Nikki,
Speaker 1: and she was talking about love languages, which I think
Speaker 1: is interesting because we have very different love languages, you know, like, well,
Speaker 1: like mine is mine is touch obviously, and then words
Speaker 1: of affirmation in yours is Mine's more acts of service
Speaker 1: and uh one is words sometimes so words of words
Speaker 1: are the same, but the acts of service. I'm like, so,
Speaker 1: did you guys just figure out your love languages? We
Speaker 1: went to this amazing retreat about it was last last year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was. It's a great place. It's called on site. Um.
Speaker 1: It's amazing actually, and it was retreat. We I went
Speaker 1: a couple of times. I went for UM like a
Speaker 1: living center and learned to love yourself, healing trauma UM.
Speaker 1: And they also do like couples too. So Mike and
Speaker 1: I went for three days no cell phones. I mean,
Speaker 1: you stay at this ranch. It's beautiful. It's in in
Speaker 1: um Cumberland, Cumberland, Tennessee, No Columbia, Tennessee. Yeah. Um. And
Speaker 1: we learned a lot of stuff there, and that's one
Speaker 1: I think that's where we learned the love languages for sure,
Speaker 1: and how yeah, we share those, but it's also very
Speaker 1: different as well, right, and so did you come back
Speaker 1: from that and implement that into your marriage? Not until
Speaker 1: a year later? Interesting, we didn't. We know that we
Speaker 1: can figure a lot out of us. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: we were pretty much we kind of Jane's good friends
Speaker 1: with the guy who runs the place and going into it,
Speaker 1: we basically kind of customize our own, uh therapeutic schedule.
Speaker 1: We're like, look, we need a therapist in a room
Speaker 1: just us for like three days. Let's do this. Um
Speaker 1: let's just a breaking point. It was just something that
Speaker 1: we needed to try to just we needed to sit
Speaker 1: in a room for three days and just hash everything out,
Speaker 1: start from and start from the beginning. But but it
Speaker 1: we It's it's funny now that we say, like we
Speaker 1: didn't implement it because there's certain things like remember how
Speaker 1: we said we're supposed to say like, um like if
Speaker 1: you had a feeling that I'm supposed to repeat your feeling.
Speaker 1: We didn't do that for about a year after that.
Speaker 1: So what happened in this year that you guys came
Speaker 1: back and then you didn't implement any of the things
Speaker 1: that you learned? What was that? You're like, what was
Speaker 1: going on? We there was still just a lot of
Speaker 1: tiptoeing around certain things. Yeah, we had what we wanted
Speaker 1: it to look like, but I think there was still
Speaker 1: a lot of you know learning. I mean, I'll let you.
Speaker 1: I think you had a lot to like. I think
Speaker 1: you just hit your uh about a week ago. I mean,
Speaker 1: the thing is, until someone wants to change themselves, there's
Speaker 1: no amount of therapy, no amount of talking, you can
Speaker 1: do about it, until you make that decision for your show.
Speaker 1: Not saying you didn't want to change yourself, but it
Speaker 1: just you weren't. It didn't click for you. No, it
Speaker 1: didn't click for me. Um. I was still you know,
Speaker 1: my pride and ego were still fighting against each other
Speaker 1: and against my um my kind or beliefs in my
Speaker 1: what I wanted to portray authentic, my authenticity the um.
Speaker 1: So there's an internal battle there for a while on
Speaker 1: on kind of those things. And finally to to kind
Speaker 1: of put my my child stuff aside the way I've said,
Speaker 1: how set in my way as I was, and to
Speaker 1: put away my pride and ego into be vulnerable and
Speaker 1: intimate and stuff like that, which I still, you know,
Speaker 1: have struggled with. But I think men in general, just
Speaker 1: you know, the way society is kind of teaches us
Speaker 1: from a young age too not be as intimate and vulnerable.
Speaker 1: And that's something that I continue to work on with Jana.
Speaker 1: So that's fantastic, But what was the breaking But that's great,
Speaker 1: But what so you came back and through that year,
Speaker 1: you you guys were digesting all this information and everything.
Speaker 1: What was the breaking point where you guys were like
Speaker 1: this is it? Or yeah, yeah, we know what it is.
Speaker 1: But it was ultimately it was Janna. It was her
Speaker 1: being like, look, I'm giving you every opportunity I am,
Speaker 1: I am here, I am willing to work on this.
Speaker 1: I want this family to work. Basically, step up or
Speaker 1: get out. Um. And it was I mean, it got
Speaker 1: to a point where it was an ultimatum. Um. And
Speaker 1: that's where and that's where I hit my breaking point.
Speaker 1: She hit her breaking point and I hit mine. It's
Speaker 1: like I don't want to lose her. You know, I
Speaker 1: don't want to lose Joanna. I don't want to lose
Speaker 1: our family. I don't want to lose what we are
Speaker 1: trying to build. Um. So yeah, and here you are
Speaker 1: and here we are, and how's it going. Well? We
Speaker 1: had a couple of therapy last night, UM, and it
Speaker 1: went good. It's just it's hard. It's one of those
Speaker 1: things where I have my work to do now and
Speaker 1: he still has his work. So we just have to
Speaker 1: work and grow together, right, And it's tough because a
Speaker 1: lot of the time, I still get I get triggered
Speaker 1: a lot, whether I watch a TV show, I mean,
Speaker 1: I got triggered with the Chloe and Tristan stuff, you know,
Speaker 1: of of that, So it's like I could watch a
Speaker 1: TV show, I could watch a movie. I mean. And
Speaker 1: when you get triggered, what happens. He can sense it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes he'll say, I'm sorry if this is triggering you,
Speaker 1: or sometimes I just shut it off. Sometimes I lash
Speaker 1: out and I'm like, I can't believe you did that.
Speaker 1: It's like, but what my job is now because I
Speaker 1: have I'm doing my work as well, is to stay present.
Speaker 1: What is he doing to be a better like what
Speaker 1: is he doing to actively fight and be good? And
Speaker 1: you know like he he isn't doing those things anymore.
Speaker 1: So it's what is today? What is right now? And
Speaker 1: it's tough. It's hard staying present and it's hard for
Speaker 1: him to be able to you know, see why I'm
Speaker 1: hurt because you know, his his pride and he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm doing I'm not doing anything wrong right now. But
Speaker 1: it's also them right yeah, I mean, it's it's tough
Speaker 1: when our minds will be in two different areas where
Speaker 1: I will be very present because obviously, as a perpetrator,
Speaker 1: you want to move past what you've done to hurt somebody, right,
Speaker 1: So that's what every day I'm trying to just show
Speaker 1: face and do something different. And then when she gets
Speaker 1: into a triggered space or a hurt space, she's basically
Speaker 1: going back in time. You know, it's not right now.
Speaker 1: It's not how she feels right now, it's how those
Speaker 1: feelings back then are affecting her in this moment um.
Speaker 1: So that's been difficult for for both of us and
Speaker 1: for me especially too in those moments to set what
Speaker 1: I'm doing aside right now and go and travel back
Speaker 1: in time with her and to be there for in
Speaker 1: those emotions. And that is why. So I'll say, you said,
Speaker 1: what is different now he is able to be not
Speaker 1: defensive because what didn't work the past two years was
Speaker 1: I would say a feeling, and the majority of the
Speaker 1: time he'd be defensive and he'd get into shame and
Speaker 1: so feelings weren't hurt. I'm like, yeah, but you did
Speaker 1: like these things, and it's like, but he got stuck
Speaker 1: in a shame, so he wasn't able to meet my
Speaker 1: feelings and so that I didn't feel hurt. And then
Speaker 1: once both we're both just talking out of you know,
Speaker 1: right feelings. So what is different now is he's able
Speaker 1: to meet me with my emotions and understand understand that
Speaker 1: he validate my feelings, acknowledge them and we can move
Speaker 1: forward and but also staying in the present. That's incredible.
Speaker 1: So what are you guys doing to have some fun?
Speaker 1: Because there's spent all this pain, Like, what are you
Speaker 1: doing now? You guys are kind of on the other
Speaker 1: side of this because you were working so hard, So
Speaker 1: what's what's the fun? Well, we have some things coming
Speaker 1: up soon that I think we'll be fun. Like we're
Speaker 1: taking a family vacation for fourth of July, so that's
Speaker 1: going to be fun. We're planning in theory where my
Speaker 1: my best friends getting married next year in Scotland, so
Speaker 1: we're going to plan like a European thing and he's
Speaker 1: take me to Paris and um, so we have things
Speaker 1: to look forward to. But and also, you know, for me,
Speaker 1: one of our sort of arguments is I want time
Speaker 1: set aside for date nights, doing two weeks well and
Speaker 1: I think where where we butt heads is He's like,
Speaker 1: why do I have to He's like, I, you know,
Speaker 1: I I'll let you defend yourself on that one before
Speaker 1: I go into it. It's it's not about a fan.
Speaker 1: I want date nights too, It's just I need a
Speaker 1: cracker s Do you finish? Yes? Thank you? Um? For me, like,
Speaker 1: I want date nights just as much as Jana, But
Speaker 1: my fears of not being enough is is this state
Speaker 1: night enough for her? Is it something? Does she want more?
Speaker 1: Does she want less? And also for me, it's like
Speaker 1: I am working now, I am working crazy hours, and
Speaker 1: so we have like therapy set aside, and I have
Speaker 1: my stuff and she has her stuff, and it's like
Speaker 1: sometimes for me just having time at the house together,
Speaker 1: like that's enough for me. Like that just like yeah,
Speaker 1: like us. And I'm not saying that's not enough for
Speaker 1: me either, though, but there's sometimes where I would like, baby,
Speaker 1: I want to take you out. You know, every two
Speaker 1: weeks doesn't have to be every Friday or every Saturday.
Speaker 1: Can be Wednesday. It could be you love your Wednesdays.
Speaker 1: She's getting divorced, so sorry, honey, you're not gonna get
Speaker 1: no Wednesdays. For me trying, but I just I'm just
Speaker 1: saying sometimes setting aside time a thoughtful time. And again
Speaker 1: I love the Netflix Netflix Nights and movie nights, like
Speaker 1: last night was awesome. We watched the Old Time Movie
Speaker 1: and it was fun. But going to the movie is
Speaker 1: that is enough? It is enough. But that's the problem.
Speaker 1: Our childhood stuff comes back to us in our adult
Speaker 1: life and he thinks that going to the movies is
Speaker 1: not enough for me. It would be enough. It's going
Speaker 1: to the grove, you know. Sometimes don't even have to
Speaker 1: be anywhere, you know, just have an appointment. No, it's
Speaker 1: just there. Again, things happen that valid at your fears. Right,
Speaker 1: so there here we go. This is this is your fault.
Speaker 1: You put me on the mic. Um. So there have
Speaker 1: been times where you know, we have gone to the
Speaker 1: movies and dinner again, which we which I feel like
Speaker 1: any couple that's like to go to write dinner in
Speaker 1: the movie. Um. And so we've done that. And one
Speaker 1: of my favorite things to do is go to the movies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is true. I love it. Catch me on Tuesday
Speaker 1: at two o'clock, Mattine, I'm in heaven. Um. But you
Speaker 1: know she's made comments where it's just like, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: I want to do something different, and I'm all, I'm
Speaker 1: all for that too. How many times have I that
Speaker 1: I wanted to go to ballet? You know what? I
Speaker 1: tried to do the ballet, but what happened? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Remember we couldn't because you were sick. Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying it's maybe one time, let's dress
Speaker 1: up and go somewhere, okay, which brings me to my
Speaker 1: next point. So again, it's all about timing for me.
Speaker 1: So I understand if she wants to say, hey, I
Speaker 1: would love to dress up next date night or whatever,
Speaker 1: I'm all for that. Not when we're getting ready to
Speaker 1: go out for a date night, which is that night
Speaker 1: happens to be just dinner in a movie, and as
Speaker 1: we're getting ready, she's like, you want to be really great?
Speaker 1: Is if we just went out and dressed up one
Speaker 1: night and stuff like that. So for me, immediately, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're gonna say that to me right when we're about
Speaker 1: to go on a date night. So clearly tonight to me,
Speaker 1: that means tonight isn't enough. To me, that means tonight
Speaker 1: isn't what she wants to do so again, it's all
Speaker 1: about timing for me. Communication. It sounds like you guys
Speaker 1: need to communicate on what you want to do on
Speaker 1: date nights. Maybe one can be casual, then the other
Speaker 1: one can be fancy where you go to the ballet
Speaker 1: and you get trusted up. I just want to, like,
Speaker 1: I want the romance back in the marriage. Now, let
Speaker 1: me ask Jenn, let me ask you a question. So
Speaker 1: but I feel like, and again, maybe this is just
Speaker 1: the way I take things that things might be a test.
Speaker 1: And that's like one of my number one pet peeves
Speaker 1: is being tested. So it's like you say, your significant
Speaker 1: other or Janna says to me, hey, you know, let's
Speaker 1: have a date night, and you know you plan it.
Speaker 1: If I say, hey, let's just go to dinner in
Speaker 1: a movie, is that is that cool with you? And
Speaker 1: she's like yeah, But really it's not because she wants
Speaker 1: a test. She's testing me to see if I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do more, testing me to see if I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: something better, Like did you ever do that to your
Speaker 1: soon to be excellent I didn't because we didn't have
Speaker 1: that much communication so and we didn't really spend any
Speaker 1: time together. So I think we just sort of live
Speaker 1: separate lives. And but I think I understand what you're
Speaker 1: saying because I do have friends that do that, and
Speaker 1: it's it's unsettling because you feel like then the other
Speaker 1: person is really disappointed, and then then it turns murky.
Speaker 1: Then you're out on the date night and you guys
Speaker 1: aren't talking, you're not laughing, No one's having fun because
Speaker 1: everybody's in their head the whole time because one person
Speaker 1: didn't really want to do that. The other person thinks
Speaker 1: they don't want to do that, but they're not talking
Speaker 1: about it because nothing was said beforehand going into the day. Look,
Speaker 1: I want to go to the movies with you, I
Speaker 1: want to do dinner with you. I just want a
Speaker 1: little romance back in the marriage. Once a month, that's
Speaker 1: all it is. Once a month. I bring in, like,
Speaker 1: you know, like just be Mr Big once a month
Speaker 1: and just goes. It's not you just want to like
Speaker 1: be the notebook. I'm like, once a month, Yeah, be
Speaker 1: my Ryan Gosling. I think every woman wants to. Oh,
Speaker 1: speaking of Ryan Gosline, your first date night should be
Speaker 1: tajeen On robertson What's Up? Ryan owns it and it
Speaker 1: is the most romantic little Moroccan restaurant. It is so romantic,
Speaker 1: and I want you to say, if you're a bird,
Speaker 1: I think Ryan owns it. I could be wrong, it
Speaker 1: could be a different Ryan Um, but it made me
Speaker 1: think about it. I think you guys should sit down
Speaker 1: and come up with the list of date nights and
Speaker 1: things and activities that you want to do, and then
Speaker 1: you can just choose off the lip. But can a
Speaker 1: girl just have her movie sometime? Yeah? Like I just
Speaker 1: want and I mean not like the AMC movie. I
Speaker 1: mean like I want, like I do every once in
Speaker 1: a while. I want to feel like a freaking princess
Speaker 1: and not feel like just a mom. You need to
Speaker 1: put down what you want the places like the ballet,
Speaker 1: the orchestra, whatever, Hollywood Bowl in Netflix, and then he
Speaker 1: can choose off the list and then you're never disappointed
Speaker 1: because it's everything you've chosen, but you just don't know
Speaker 1: when it's coming. Yeah, okay, but I got a butt
Speaker 1: for everything. And I will say Janet does a great
Speaker 1: job at this UM, but I just don't know what
Speaker 1: it is. But thanks. In general, though, again, it shouldn't
Speaker 1: all be on the husband or the mail or the
Speaker 1: boyfriend to come up with date nights like it shouldn't.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of pressure. Yeah, it is a lot
Speaker 1: of pressure. We do a fairly good job at trading
Speaker 1: off date nights. Um. I mean I'm pretty easy because
Speaker 1: if we could say dinner. Yeah, in his date nights
Speaker 1: are the majority, we're going to see whatever. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh great, or the Avengers. That's exactly what I wanted
Speaker 1: to do, babe. Yeah. Like no, I think he sometimes
Speaker 1: honestly gets in fights with me so that he can
Speaker 1: go to the movies by himself. He's like, I'm very bye,
Speaker 1: just because that's my go to that's my sanctuary. Yeah
Speaker 1: all right, Well, but I really appreciate you being on
Speaker 1: the show. I hope you, Um, I hope you are
Speaker 1: a guest once again, because we will. We'll talk about
Speaker 1: some more juicy stuff next time with you, and next
Speaker 1: time I'll prepare before I come into the lines. Then
Speaker 1: that's what you need to call. Then there's our new name.
Speaker 1: I love you. You two are so inspiring just because
Speaker 1: you guys are really doing the work. It's really impressive
Speaker 1: and it's really inspiring for people. Well, I do love them. Shoot,
Speaker 1: I try to love you bab if it's really annoying
Speaker 1: that I love you, I appreciate it. Okay, So Jen,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you take this one because you are
Speaker 1: an actual user of Lola. I am. I've been using
Speaker 1: them for about a year and a half. I get them.
Speaker 1: What are monthly? They're tampons. But what they're different Panic,
Speaker 1: They're organic, they're cotton, they yes, and they come in
Speaker 1: three different sizes mix. You can order mixed boxes. They
Speaker 1: have panny liners and they just arrive. You're like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I must be it's time, She's here, Lola's here lol box. Um,
Speaker 1: that's amazing. So for everyone listening, you can get off
Speaker 1: all subscriptions. Visit my Lola dot com and enter the
Speaker 1: promo code Janna when you subscribe, that's my Lola dot
Speaker 1: com promo code Janna. You know what I think is
Speaker 1: really cool about loloo as you can actually build your box.
Speaker 1: You can build a box of eighteen tampons by picking
Speaker 1: the perfect mix of light, regular, super, super tampons. I mean,
Speaker 1: I love that it's customizable because for me, when I
Speaker 1: go to the store and get tampons, it's frustrating because
Speaker 1: I don't want so many regular or so many like
Speaker 1: you know, no, because everyone's cycle is different and you
Speaker 1: need the different you know, the different sizes for the
Speaker 1: different days. I think it's amazing that you can customize
Speaker 1: and you can decide how many boxes you want deliver
Speaker 1: to your door. It's you know it, and you know
Speaker 1: it skip if you if you're getting too many, you
Speaker 1: can cancel you It's it's you can modify your subscription
Speaker 1: at any time and you never run out because they
Speaker 1: always arrive at the right time. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you know this that I'm vegan and I have been
Speaker 1: for years, and so I was always worried about what
Speaker 1: I was putting into my body constantly. But I was
Speaker 1: buying tampons that were perfumed, right, You're like, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: and non organic. And when Lola I saw the first AD,
Speaker 1: I immediately got online and registered and I've been getting
Speaker 1: them every like, I think since the first I mean
Speaker 1: I may have been one of the first people to order.
Speaker 1: I think that's great. I mean, knowing that they're organic,
Speaker 1: I mean it makes me feel better about I mean,
Speaker 1: because I you know, I'm very health conch us, but
Speaker 1: to be putting something in my body, I want it
Speaker 1: to be organic because there's no added chemicals, fragrances, synthetics,
Speaker 1: or dies. And we used to be so careful about
Speaker 1: that now absolutely so of all subscriptions, visit my lola
Speaker 1: dot com and enter the promo code Janna when you subscribe.
Speaker 1: So switching gears. I need to talk to my girl
Speaker 1: Christa because she's got a very uh intriguing story. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to hear this story. I have so many questions,
Speaker 1: so many questions, me too, and I'm glad Mike's here too. Christa. Hello,
Speaker 1: hey girl, So I'm just going to give you the Mike.
Speaker 1: You just tell me this story. You tell everyone who's
Speaker 1: listening the story, because I Am not going to be
Speaker 1: able to say it as good as you. Which part
Speaker 1: do you want to hear? You moved into that part?
Speaker 1: Oh you're talking about my next thing? Yes? Um. So,
Speaker 1: I went through a pretty not fun worth a while
Speaker 1: back and we uh, I thought it was a great
Speaker 1: idea to divide our time in our house and one
Speaker 1: of us live in a local hotel and then switch
Speaker 1: back and forth. Oh so you were home sharing. I
Speaker 1: did this for a little while. It's the worst. First
Speaker 1: we did this sharing in the home, so that's how
Speaker 1: we started. Someone in the guest room and then you switch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: certain nights you got the mic would be out, get out,
Speaker 1: I try to kick him out of our room, warms
Speaker 1: and that I just didn't go over a while. It
Speaker 1: didn't go well for us either. That's why we started
Speaker 1: the hotel version, which also did not go well. What
Speaker 1: do you have children? Is this why you decided on
Speaker 1: the home sharing? Um, we do. We have four children, okay,
Speaker 1: And they were in the house, so he would come
Speaker 1: stay on his nights, cracked and take care of the kids.
Speaker 1: And then you would go to the hotel and find
Speaker 1: myself like a lonely loser. Oh my god, that must
Speaker 1: have been awful. How much did you drink? It was terrible.
Speaker 1: I didn't even have the energy to drink wine. I
Speaker 1: just sat there alone. The rest of my life is
Speaker 1: giving this dark and miserable. But wait a minute, it's
Speaker 1: not though, because you're remarried. Oh no, not great. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying how I felt that, right, Okay, now tell
Speaker 1: us about this. So you're remarried, are you guys? You
Speaker 1: guys aren't home sharing. You're not home sharing with the X.
Speaker 1: I remarried someone who wants to be in the same
Speaker 1: house with me, So that's great. Yeah, together every night
Speaker 1: in the same bedroom, in the same bedroom. And then
Speaker 1: when we split, the kids now, so now the kids
Speaker 1: are nesting. And what about the ex wife. I heard
Speaker 1: that you moved into your now husband's house but his
Speaker 1: ex wife was still there. No, that okay. For the
Speaker 1: story is she had moved out well before we started dating,
Speaker 1: but she sort of moved out and she ghosted in
Speaker 1: the middle of the night. She left, um and didn't
Speaker 1: come back. And so my now has been said, hey, um,
Speaker 1: if you want to come back and get your stuff,
Speaker 1: you can come back. Um, I'm gonna leave with the
Speaker 1: kids for four days, just take whatever you want. But
Speaker 1: she was living the life, like in Vegas or something,
Speaker 1: and she didn't come back. So she sent her mom
Speaker 1: here and her mom got a pile of clothes and
Speaker 1: that was it, and I think it dressed her. So
Speaker 1: a couple years later, when I married my now husband
Speaker 1: and I moved into the house, everything was still there
Speaker 1: and my god, all out like we're talking everything like
Speaker 1: you know, makeup and I mean baby albums, all the
Speaker 1: kids are. Really you would think as a mom you
Speaker 1: want to take with you she left behind, So where
Speaker 1: is she now? Down the street? Was married? Wait, she
Speaker 1: lives down the street now pretty much down the street. Okay,
Speaker 1: I have have to know when you moved in? Did
Speaker 1: did all the furniture go? Did the bed go? Did
Speaker 1: you get all the stuff? Sure? Mostly? I mean if
Speaker 1: I could kind of like we we have completely different taste.
Speaker 1: She was into pink, some floral and so I feel
Speaker 1: like I kind of made it a little more more,
Speaker 1: you know what. I still if I picked the slip
Speaker 1: covers off, you could have those two chairs. Did she
Speaker 1: come get the baby albums? And stuff? Still doesn't have
Speaker 1: the baby albums? Um? How do you do? You guys
Speaker 1: like get along for the sake of the children? Though?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I just we
Speaker 1: don't talk much. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine on
Speaker 1: both sides. My ex husband has a new wife. That's
Speaker 1: what I want to ask you a question about that.
Speaker 1: So you guys share how many kids together you and
Speaker 1: your ex husband? My ex husband I share for let's
Speaker 1: be my new husband and I we have seven, So
Speaker 1: I think my husband's um. I think my biggest problem,
Speaker 1: and this has been an issue, is if we were
Speaker 1: to get divorced. My biggest thing is the girl that
Speaker 1: comes into my daughter's life or because I'm like, I
Speaker 1: just I'm like, I don't want them calling my child
Speaker 1: their stepdaughter like she is my daughter. So how are
Speaker 1: you going around that? You know that part you can't
Speaker 1: really change. We were lucky. We don't have kids calling
Speaker 1: the other parents. You know what they aren't. You know
Speaker 1: they I'm by my first name because my stepkids, and
Speaker 1: you know, they called my husband my ex husband's wife
Speaker 1: her first name. So that's fine, but I would not
Speaker 1: be surprised if my youngest daughter didn't love me equally
Speaker 1: to her step mom. And that's hard. You know, you
Speaker 1: want someone great who they love, but not that much.
Speaker 1: I know, and it's like you want like happy parents
Speaker 1: on each side, but internally that would just kill me.
Speaker 1: It's brutal. I'm like, wait, we've got the same mothers.
Speaker 1: They give up so great? Uh you know like that
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, the birthday post went up on Instagram.
Speaker 1: They're identical. That's so great. Uh, you know that that's hard.
Speaker 1: But she's I mean, are you like, could you say
Speaker 1: your friends with her? No? No, I could not. Um,
Speaker 1: I could not say that because her best friend is
Speaker 1: my husband's ex wife. Oh my god, I just that
Speaker 1: just realized what you said. Say it again. Okay, my
Speaker 1: ex husband's wife is best friends with my husband's ex wife,
Speaker 1: and they were not before. This is a new thing
Speaker 1: and now they travel together, they do Thanksgiving together, when
Speaker 1: we don't have a kid, Christmas tas mouth yes. And
Speaker 1: if one more person tells me how great it is
Speaker 1: for the kids and I lose this, let's just be honest.
Speaker 1: All So here's here's my thing too. Um, I want
Speaker 1: to know how you go around this. I I'm staying
Speaker 1: with my husband through some difficulties. One of the reasons
Speaker 1: is because I don't want the other girl to get
Speaker 1: the version that I deserved, And then you need to
Speaker 1: stay together. Good as good answer, good answer. But I'm
Speaker 1: just saying because I'm like I do believe he can.
Speaker 1: He is changing into the version that he wants to
Speaker 1: be of himself, and I don't want that other girl
Speaker 1: to get what I have fought for and cried for
Speaker 1: and begged for and done all those things. Now, if
Speaker 1: you know, if he keeps continuing to being bad, then
Speaker 1: piece out. Good luck with the other one. But wish
Speaker 1: you the best but is that hard for you to
Speaker 1: maybe see your husband being a better version or is
Speaker 1: he still kind of the same person that he was
Speaker 1: when he was saying to you? Yeah, you know, I
Speaker 1: would say his versions mediocre. My new husband is a
Speaker 1: much better version than he was before, and so that
Speaker 1: then that ex wife is mad. Yeah, I would bet.
Speaker 1: I would bet that's part to see. He changed a lot,
Speaker 1: and I think for the better, of course. But you know,
Speaker 1: my ex husband he's pretty much the same. He didn't
Speaker 1: change that much. Yeah, I was never worried about that.
Speaker 1: You were neither. See, that was like one of the
Speaker 1: big word like I don't want home girl. They have
Speaker 1: getten like your good version, like that I want? Right, No,
Speaker 1: I think it happens all the time. I know, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's not fair. And then I'm home at
Speaker 1: a hotel being you a couple of years ago, Like, right, Bill,
Speaker 1: I have to say that I'm a better version, and
Speaker 1: so that's kind of a good thing. You become a
Speaker 1: better verson too, That is true. It goes both ways.
Speaker 1: And I do like hearing stories too about people that
Speaker 1: do become best friends with Like I have a girlfriend
Speaker 1: that is best friends with her husband's ex wife, and
Speaker 1: they're great. They have dinner parties together. I try. I
Speaker 1: thought that would have been fun too, and it sounds fun,
Speaker 1: but it's it has to be that perfect match. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so, And I think you know, we have
Speaker 1: so many kids that it's impossible for us not to parents,
Speaker 1: and sometimes when your parents someone else's kids, that causes
Speaker 1: issues on both sides. What do you think, Mike, would
Speaker 1: it be hard for you to see me with another dude? Well? Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: I mean that's my number one, just like you said
Speaker 1: for me. And the difference here is you're a public figure.
Speaker 1: Like no one would post a picture of me with
Speaker 1: my new girlfriend and Jolie on a magazine. I would
Speaker 1: have I would have to see you. I'm like the
Speaker 1: first page of a magazine with your new man with
Speaker 1: like Juliana shoulders, Chris Pratt. Yeah, yeah, all these all
Speaker 1: these thys right now really not helping my case. Like
Speaker 1: she could just go have anybody and she stuck with Rod,
Speaker 1: not my thing. Yeah, So, I mean that's definitely difficult,
Speaker 1: and I can't even imagine with you know, as multiple
Speaker 1: kids as you guys have and share and kind of
Speaker 1: the natural ancestral relationship that there is there. We're just
Speaker 1: overlapping of parenting. And but I think the fact that
Speaker 1: you guys are putting the kids first and you're, you know,
Speaker 1: doing the best y'all can do, you know for them,
Speaker 1: I think is great. No, it is great, And the
Speaker 1: kids are great together, so that that makes it easier
Speaker 1: on both sides. The kids get along well. I love that. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you Christopher sharing your awesome story. And I'm glad
Speaker 1: you're happy second time around hey and in a house
Speaker 1: not in a tell room. Yeah, thank you so much, girl.
Speaker 1: I am overwhelmed by the love that you guys have
Speaker 1: given um the show, So thank you so much. And
Speaker 1: I appreciate all the emails. If you have an emailed us,
Speaker 1: please do. It's Janne Kramer at i heeart media dot com.
Speaker 1: And I want to share two emails right now. We
Speaker 1: got and again there were so many, and I promise
Speaker 1: I'm gonna address as many emails as I possibly can. Um,
Speaker 1: but Mark take it away, well, let me I can
Speaker 1: shorten a couple of these too, Like Jessica, almost to
Speaker 1: know how you feel about playing music during sex. My
Speaker 1: husband thinks it's weird. Um, you know what that it's
Speaker 1: seven o'clock the death, if it's that song browing It Okay,
Speaker 1: Let's get smooth too. Is Janet Kramer one album? No,
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, for me, it doesn't matter. I do know.
Speaker 1: I will say when we do have sex, though, we
Speaker 1: make sure that like Puppy Dog Pals isn't on or
Speaker 1: something right, you know what I mean, Like, if there's
Speaker 1: something that's going to distract the mood, we turn off.
Speaker 1: But if it's you know, I'm fine with music. Okay, Melissa,
Speaker 1: I'm going through infidelity having such a hard time. If
Speaker 1: you can talk about how you're moving forward and how
Speaker 1: to it passed it, I could really use advice from
Speaker 1: someone going through the same thing. Love you, Melissa. First off,
Speaker 1: it is it is a tough, tough thing, and I think, honestly,
Speaker 1: I would like for infidelity to be an episode on
Speaker 1: its own, um so because because it's it's it's longer
Speaker 1: than just a two minute response. But I will say
Speaker 1: in this moment, right now to you. I will address
Speaker 1: it on a further future podcast show, But for right now,
Speaker 1: my advice is stay in the present. If you guys
Speaker 1: are both willing to work on it, and there are
Speaker 1: boundaries in place for both of you and staying present.
Speaker 1: It's so hard. It's like I can just go on
Speaker 1: for like the whole thing. We'll do in two weeks
Speaker 1: episode four. We will talk about infidelity, but right now,
Speaker 1: just stay present and if he is willing, if you
Speaker 1: are willing to work on it, it can work. Did
Speaker 1: she say who was? She did not act who the
Speaker 1: infidelity was going through it. There's a common assumption right there.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying both to work. I didn't say whoever
Speaker 1: the perpetrator was. Whoever the perpetrators needs boundaries. I'll bring
Speaker 1: you on episode for and we'll talk about it. We will. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: bring it on. Alicia is a nurse and she wants
Speaker 1: with your thoughts on screen time for the kids. Do
Speaker 1: you limit Julie's screen time? We do limit her screen time.
Speaker 1: Um some look, some days might be longer. Some days
Speaker 1: we'll watch a movie. If it's a Sunday and I'm tired,
Speaker 1: my husband and I are tired and we just want
Speaker 1: to watch a movie. We're going to watch a movie
Speaker 1: and it's not gonna up. But a doctor only said
Speaker 1: an hour a day. But I'm not going to sit
Speaker 1: in front of the TV. The entire day, so we
Speaker 1: do limited that we don't let her have her iPad
Speaker 1: unless we're traveling or at a restaurant and want to
Speaker 1: have an adult conversation. Okay, Brittany mentions how you mentioned
Speaker 1: how incompetent their partners can be when bearing the mental
Speaker 1: loade of their households. We covered this earlier, but her
Speaker 1: question is if you could go back and established different boundaries,
Speaker 1: would you do so, and how would you handle it differently?
Speaker 1: If I could go back and establish different boundaries, I
Speaker 1: would say, Hey, Mike, Jolie needs a dentist appointment coming up.
Speaker 1: Can you please make that appointment? So not just putting
Speaker 1: it all on me, and I think delegating Again, it's
Speaker 1: very hard because I I'll just do it my way.
Speaker 1: But if I can delegate, my husband is very willing
Speaker 1: to reciprocate. So it's hard. But I think the first
Speaker 1: step is trying to ask for help. Ask for help.
Speaker 1: It's hard though, but yeah, it is. But also again,
Speaker 1: people have different timelines, so give a a date for
Speaker 1: them the next two weeks. Be specific about what you're
Speaker 1: asking because the whoever you're asking, whether you're if you're
Speaker 1: asking your spouse, their timeline might be different, but if
Speaker 1: you have a sense of urgency about it, then you
Speaker 1: have to articulate that to them. Okay, then are you
Speaker 1: still stress eating because it's Shane is too tired for
Speaker 1: sex with her husband. She knows he's frustrated, and she
Speaker 1: wants to know if you have any thoughts for that.
Speaker 1: The end of the day, her sex drive is gone. Look,
Speaker 1: I get it being a mom if even if you're
Speaker 1: not a mom, the end of the day, if you're
Speaker 1: working and you're tired and you or you just don't
Speaker 1: want to have sex, I get that. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, we all have needs, so you need to
Speaker 1: meet your partner's needs at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: I mean if it's been a couple of weeks or
Speaker 1: a mom Like for me personally, I think we need
Speaker 1: to meet our partner's needs them with a couple of
Speaker 1: light ones. Savannah, where do you shop for swimsuits? I
Speaker 1: try to avoid it all costs, but yes, Target, do
Speaker 1: you have any favorite perfumes you could recommend Savannah as well?
Speaker 1: And finally, just a nice note here from Ryan from
Speaker 1: a small town in New York. I just wanted you
Speaker 1: to know that I'm such a big fan and have
Speaker 1: been since. I originally hated your character on One Tree Hill,
Speaker 1: but then Alex grew on me. You crushed it on
Speaker 1: Dancing with the Stars and I still think you should
Speaker 1: have won. Your music is wonderful. It's probably not typical
Speaker 1: for a guy. Ryan is a guy, a guy that
Speaker 1: is twenty one almost twenty two to be a big
Speaker 1: out of your work, but I am. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to let you know how awesome you are and that
Speaker 1: will always be a fan. Isn't that nice? That is
Speaker 1: so sweet. I love that a dude's listening to so
Speaker 1: thank you. I appreciate Watch it, buddy. I just want
Speaker 1: to thank my guest we had, Nikki Krista, my lovely husband.
Speaker 1: Of course, producer Jen is amazing sitting in with us
Speaker 1: and UM. If you guys have any questions or any
Speaker 1: topics you want to talk about, go to Jane Kramer
Speaker 1: at iHeartMedia dot com. UM. Also, thank you, Hello Fresh
Speaker 1: and Lola. You guys are awesome and I'm excited to
Speaker 1: wind down again with you next week.