WEBVTT - Ep. 2 Marriage Uncorked 0:00:01.800 --> 0:00:05.279 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast, 0:00:07.720 --> 0:00:10.760 Episode two, Can you Believe It? And we made it? 0:00:10.880 --> 0:00:16.120 We made it truly week. Yes, what a week it's been. Man, 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:20.280 your thumbs have been really busy. I have just been well. 0:00:20.320 --> 0:00:22.320 First of all, I just want to say thank you 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:25.880 to everyone that listened to the first podcast and listen 0:00:25.920 --> 0:00:29.160 to us and and honestly made it. It was a 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:31.520 little bit of drama that day though. I was I 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:35.440 had a rough day way of release. It was really dramatic, 0:00:35.680 --> 0:00:40.600 and I was watching you reply to the thousands of people, 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:43.519 you know, because being accused of something that you're you're 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:46.879 not doing is upsetting and can cause anxiety. What were 0:00:46.920 --> 0:00:50.239 you like? What were you thinking? So for those of 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:52.479 you that didn't go on my Instagram or catching any 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:55.640 the drama, I was so excited obviously, I'm like, yeah, 0:00:55.760 --> 0:00:58.400 my podcast wind downs out like who And all of 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:02.480 a sudden I started reading comments you stole You're a thief? 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:06.440 And I'm like what, like what? And I'm texting Amy, 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:08.160 the producer, and I was like, what is going on? 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:11.040 Like what did would we steal? Something? Like? I like 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:15.520 this other podcast lady says that you know I took 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:19.160 her idea and her logo and her like what. So 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.039 I was just so upset, I mean, and then I 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:24.399 started kind of doing some research on this, um Tasha girl, 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:29.000 and she I mean was like, hey, girls like go 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:32.479 after at Cramer girl. I mean they would after me. Yeah, 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:35.679 it was it was like Katie Taylor level. I mean 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:38.600 it was. It was a little insane for a while. 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:40.600 It was intense, and it hurt my feelings because I 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:44.080 don't like to me, the definition of stealing is taking 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:48.880 something that you knew about. I didn't steal anything. I 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:53.440 didn't steal. I didn't know about her m vlog or podcast. Um. 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:55.680 I mean even if you if you were to search 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:57.760 her podcast on iTunes, it doesn't come up. So even 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:00.520 if I heart, did you know more research about the 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:04.160 name or correlating things, it wouldn't have even come up 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:07.559 because it's not a registered podcast on iTunes. But it's 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:12.680 also so different because we have different we have different 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:15.639 lives to talk about, you know, same topic celebrity stuff. 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:17.440 We talk about sex, we talk about marriage, we talked 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:20.880 about you know, kids, but who doesn't. And I mean 0:02:20.880 --> 0:02:23.760 there's so many podcasts that talk about those issues. So 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:26.480 for me, what I didn't like about it was and 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:29.799 why I ended up saying something was because first of all, 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:32.560 she was extremely upset and she called me a nasty word, 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:37.680 and I don't like for me personally. Don't attack me 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:39.840 if you don't. First, I don't attack anybody. But if 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:42.160 you don't know me, you don't know my heart, then 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.040 I don't think it's fair for you to like attack 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:47.760 someone like that, because get to know me, get to 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:49.480 know who I am as a person, and then you 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:51.360 can have your opinion about me. But don't call me 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:54.680 a thief, a steeler and a you know what, which 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:57.920 could be like if you don't know me and you 0:02:57.960 --> 0:03:01.239 don't know my intentions in my heart, I don't like that, 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:03.760 and that is what really hurt me, and I ended 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:06.480 up getting emotional about it because I don't I don't. 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:09.440 I don't like it when I understand people are gonna 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:11.120 like me. I understand people aren't going to agree with 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:13.280 what I say sometimes, and you know, you might not 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:15.400 like my singing voice, you might not like my acting, 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:19.280 But if you're calling me something I mean like that 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:21.240 and you don't know who I am, I take a 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:23.280 huge amount offense to that because it's like, get to 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:24.840 know me first, and then if you want to call 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:26.919 me a witch with a bee and you really truly 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:30.120 think that, then I'm sorry you have the opinion of me. 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:32.400 But she didn't get the chance to get to know me. 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:34.400 She didn't. I don't feel like she went around it 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:37.040 the right way, and that's I think that's the problem 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:40.160 is I understand people share emotions in a different way, 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:41.840 and for her it was anger first. And a lot 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:46.320 of times I'm emotional first with my feelings, but I 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:48.440 just feel like in the world, everyone just goes straight 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:51.240 to anger first, and that's not how things get resolved. 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:54.800 I don't think, well, nothing gets resolved in anger. But 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:57.400 do you think did she listen to the podcast? But 0:03:57.480 --> 0:04:00.320 she never listened to it? Her husband listened to it first, Like, 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:02.480 you know, she doesn't have her personality because we are 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:05.440 We don't have the same personality. We have very different personalities. Well, 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:08.600 you have totally different life experiences as well, which makes 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:12.000 you different in the way you talk about things, your 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:16.159 perspective and everything, right, But regardless, I don't like the 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:17.960 fact that someone was hurt. I don't like the fact 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:20.320 that she thought I was taking something and her listeners, 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:24.039 you know, her. Her army listeners were kept saying I 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:25.800 was a thief and a stealer. So I I ended 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:27.839 up reaching out to her a call there and I said, 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:30.480 what would make you happy? Because I don't want you 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:33.479 to have this opinion of me. I did not take 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:36.640 something that I I didn't steal anything, So but what 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:39.080 would make you happy? And you know, people saying you 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:41.520 don't have to change anything, I'm like, but I want 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:44.640 to because I don't like negative energy. So what is it? 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:47.039 Is it changing the color? Is it taking away the 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:49.440 wine glass? Like? I'm fine with that because my podcast 0:04:49.480 --> 0:04:52.200 isn't even about wine. I love wine, but I don't 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:54.240 need the freaking wine thing on there. So if that 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:57.240 would make you happy, I'll take it down. So we're 0:04:57.320 --> 0:04:59.880 changing the color and we're gonna, you know, take the 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:03.160 wine glass. Okay, who cares? Who cares? But I just 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:05.320 as long as you know. I just don't like negative 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.320 energy out there. I don't like it at all. And 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:11.080 I don't like people that don't get to know someone 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.960 first before they make their judgment, right, I don't like that. 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:17.720 So did you talk to Mike about it? I Mike 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:19.800 got upset about it, and I was like do you 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:21.640 want to see that. He's like, no, because I will 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:24.080 lose it. But I was upset. He came home from 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:25.839 work and I was I was like crying when he 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:28.880 came home. He's like, hey, what's wrong, And I was 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:32.560 like he was the steeler and thief. But I didn't 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:34.320 do anything, and I just wanted this day to be 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:37.680 so nice. I was so excited and I just felt 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:40.599 like my bubble got bursted. But you know what it 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:45.719 showed me, though, was how amazingly loyal incredible my fans 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:48.840 are and listeners of this podcast are because they backed me, 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:51.360 and it honestly gave me goose bumps. It made me 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:54.240 then cry happy tears to be like, I have so 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:57.120 many amazing people following me that do know my heart, 0:05:57.160 --> 0:05:59.040 that have been on this journey with me, and that 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:02.080 are supporting me. So if anything, I'm almost glad it 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:05.480 happened because it showed me how great of an audience 0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:08.240 we have, right And in the end, you know, I 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:09.800 I reached out to Tash and I said, I would 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:11.320 love to have you on the show. I'd love to 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:12.839 talk to you, know, talk to you about this, and 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:14.880 I love At the end of the day, we had 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:19.000 communication and we had to resolve. And now two women 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:21.039 to moms can support each other because at the end 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.240 of the day, we need to be supporting each other, 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:26.400 not dragging women down, not dragging other people down. Absolutely, 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:29.960 I always say, we have to fix each other's crowns 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:33.479 instead of like knocking like that. You know, we have 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:37.360 to support each other. And you did that. You you know, 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:40.279 decided you were going to put out the first style 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:43.360 of branch. I had to. It was eating me the 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:45.400 heck up. And you know, again, I know I'm not 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:47.400 going to be able to please everyone. I do know that. 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:50.560 I get it. You know, I can't make everyone like 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:52.919 my singing voice, are my acting or But when it 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:57.080 is a personal attack that hurts, it is please get 0:06:57.080 --> 0:07:00.440 to know me before you judge me, is all I ask. Yeah, 0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:04.760 it's very painful. Yeah, and did had Mike listened to 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:07.920 the podcast? He did? And you know it's so funny. 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:11.800 Is because of the backlash that I'd gotten from Tasha 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.840 and some of her listeners. I had a feeling I 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:17.720 was going to get some backlash from him, So I said, 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:21.200 as I was crying, I said, and please just tell 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:22.800 me because I know you have He's like well, I 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:25.520 have feelings, and I'm like, god, someone else that doesn't 0:07:25.560 --> 0:07:31.360 like I was just like I was just like bawling, 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:33.440 and he's like, hebe no, He's like, he's like, I 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:35.080 loved it. You were great. He's like, you know, you 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:37.880 have a voice for radio. He's like, but yeah, some 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:39.600 of the stuff you said hurt my feelings and you 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:43.720 made me sound like I wasn't a a good dad, 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:45.560 and I was like, that was not my intention at all. 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:47.120 I was making joke of the fact that, like, you 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.760 don't know when the dentist would be because you don't, 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:55.200 but I did. But I have to be careful that 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:58.080 people are listening, and I have to I said, you 0:07:58.120 --> 0:07:59.640 know what, You're right. I should have said, but he's 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:02.600 a great dad and he's amazing with Jolie and he's like, no, 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:05.160 just have me on the show so I can wait. 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:08.320 My Bee is he here? He actually is here. But 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:12.800 I've like been debating bringing him in because I just 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:16.120 because then it's like a real you know, it's real. 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:20.200 But the thing is, the reason everyone loves you so 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:24.280 much is because you're an open book. And if he's 0:08:24.360 --> 0:08:28.400 willing to be in the chapters, then you've got to 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:31.040 give it to them. Okay, so before I go get 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:34.720 Mike though, UM, we have a great email. So Marcus, 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:39.319 I'm the designated email reader. You have a good email voice. 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:42.880 Thank you from Nicki. Nicki emailed and said you may 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:45.520 never actually lay eyes on this email, but hopefully you will. 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:48.000 I follow you on Instagram and I saw your insto story. 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:49.839 If you ever want to chat, feel free to email 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:51.920 me back. I'm a forty seven year old mom of two. 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:54.720 One is twenty one, the other is nineteen. Our marriage 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:57.240 has been through infidelity and I can totally relate. I'm 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:00.800 just in northern southern girl from Alabama who works from 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:03.200 home and just truly believes in forgiveness. And basically I 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:05.320 just wanted to reach out to you because I think 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:07.520 you're awesome. I'm about to be an empty nester in 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:11.360 about three weeks, so I might need some hugs. Nicky 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:14.600 virtual hugs right now. She is. She's on the phone 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:22.520 right now. Hi, Thanky, Hi babe. Oh are you I'm good? 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:24.280 How are you? First of all, thank you for your email. 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:26.840 Thank you for um, you know, being a friend and 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:30.200 listening to the podcast, and UM, I really appreciate it. 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:34.280 You are welcome so an empty nester you're about to 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:38.320 be I'm about to be an empty nester on first Mama, 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.800 I know, Oh my goodness, how are you? How are 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:46.400 you handling all this? Um? I think I'm in denial 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:50.640 because he's still here and trying to finish up school 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:54.440 and uh soccer this weekend and just some other things. 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:57.080 So I don't think it'll really hit me until we 0:09:57.120 --> 0:10:01.240 actually move him out on June one, but took me 0:10:01.320 --> 0:10:04.920 that around June three. So are you? Um, are you 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:07.440 still married? Because I saw in the email? Okay, so 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:11.040 so you were able to work through your infidelity. Yes, 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:16.079 and it's it's happened twice. So when I watched your 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:19.040 Instagram lot or you know, your Instagram stories or your lives, 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:22.880 and I saw it and just felt led to email you, 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:26.280 and of course you probably saw it. It was just rambling. 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:29.200 You may never see this, but I saw it, you know, 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:32.720 after everything that I have gone through. Um, and I've 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:37.840 known my husband since we were sixteen and I'm forty seven. UM, 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:41.560 I believe everything is possible through through infidelity if you 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:45.320 just want to make it work. So so what I mean, 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:47.600 because so how many years have you been married? For 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:51.480 it will be in September. And when was the last 0:10:51.480 --> 0:10:55.160 time that he was did something well? But he was 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:58.440 back in two thousand and six, but I was in 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:03.520 two thousand and eleven, and on both sides, So how 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:08.400 was that? I mean, was it different? That's that's like, 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:10.720 was it different when you cheated or did was he 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:12.960 more understanding or how does it? How did that like, 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:16.360 you know, are you just not over it before? So? 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:20.200 Was it like I'm I need to have my avenger it? No, 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:23.120 it wasn't even about that, because I was always once 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:26.800 that said, sorry to hear noise. My dogs are playing 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:30.760 in the background. If you hear the noise. Sorry. Um, 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:33.640 it wasn't anything ever really liked that. I used to 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:36.160 be one that would always say, you know, if my 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:39.000 husband ever cheated on me, I'm he's out of here, 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:42.680 you know what I mean. But when it but when 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:47.840 it happened to you, um, you kind of change your heart. 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:50.719 Because I sent you all a link, I don't know 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:53.360 if you've got it, um, because I wasn't. I listened 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:58.000 to your podcast from the other day, and what caught 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:01.680 my attention the most was when you said, you know, 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:04.840 I don't don't understand you know, because y'all were talking 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.720 about sex and you said, I just don't get it. 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:09.400 I mean, I'm the one that you know wants it 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:12.560 more than he does, so I don't quite understand why, 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:15.680 you know, why he did that. So you know, it 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:19.640 made me really think, um that have you ever heard 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:25.640 of the five love languages? Okay? So mine are not 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:28.440 the same as my husband's, and my husband's are not 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.880 the same as mine. So when I heard you say that, 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:35.360 I don't even know you personally, and I don't even 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:40.360 know your husband or your situation, but physical touch may 0:12:40.400 --> 0:12:46.120 not be one of his love language. Okay. So the 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:49.200 other ones are, you know, words of affirmation, access services, 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:55.160 receiving gifts, and quality time. So let's say for your situation, 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:58.240 you weren't doing any of those. Like I don't know 0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:00.680 what he did, I can tell you from being minor, 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:05.000 words of affirmation and um acts of service. So I 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.920 want my husband to say to me, great job, you 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:11.360 know you did a great job on that, or hey, 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:14.640 not even see that there's are not having me? Um 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.240 say do the dishes, just see that they're there? Or 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:19.320 just hey, I'm on my way home from work, can 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:22.000 I stop and get you anything? I don't need gifts, 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:25.320 um quality time. I mean you know, I mean, I'm 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:28.439 okay if we have it. If we don't, we usually do. 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:31.840 But and I'm not physical touch. So with all that 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:36.600 to be said, how we got into our situation was 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:40.520 we were not fulfilling each other's needs back into Dolphin 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:45.160 six and in two thousand and eleven. And so when 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:48.280 you don't fulfill the other person's needs a k A. 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:52.280 Love languages, it tends to, I believe, make the other 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:57.680 person go to someone who does. And in my personal situation, 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:01.080 it was not a revenge thing. It was we were 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:04.120 going through a rough time because it's going to happen 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.079 again in marriage, meaning we're going to go through a 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:08.920 rough time. We just know how to get through it 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:12.679 and an affair is not the answer. So when we 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:15.800 were going through this in two thousand and eleven, the 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:19.960 person that was giving me the words of affirmation and 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:23.360 the acts of service it was not my husband. So 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:27.520 that's how it started. And was it a relationship? Did 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:31.200 you actually have an emotional relationship with someone outside of 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:35.960 the marriage. I did? And how long did it go on? For? Um? 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:40.680 About a year And it was a long distance relationship 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:44.600 because he was technically my boss. I worked from home, 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:48.080 but I had to back then do some traveling, and 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:51.360 I had known him for a few years prior and 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:55.400 was never going to cross that that boundary. And you know, 0:14:55.720 --> 0:15:02.480 I mean, you spend enough time telling this person, you know, okay, 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:05.160 my husband's not doing this, and you complain to him. Well, 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:09.560 that person knew exactly what to do to kind of 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:12.720 reel me in, so to speak. Was he married to Nikki? 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:17.920 He was? He was married to m hm. Yeah, And 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:21.320 how did how did it end? And how did you 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:28.520 did you tell your husband? Yes? Because understand that during 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:32.400 the entire year, I would come home, I felt guilty. 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:35.760 I would say I'm never doing this again, and then 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:38.400 you know, I'd go on another trip. And I will 0:15:38.440 --> 0:15:41.120 tell you that throughout the whole year, my husband knew. 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:46.160 He just he was waiting for either the opportunity to 0:15:46.720 --> 0:15:49.520 approach me with it, but he knew there were many 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:53.640 many signs that he knew. Um. So it was in 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:57.800 February of like two thousand and twelve, and I came 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:00.200 home from a trip and on my way home home, 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:05.560 the wife of the person actually texted me and the 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:10.560 I've seen your emails blah, blah blah blah blah. And 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:13.960 so I called the guy up. I had just left 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:16.480 and I called the guy up and I said, I 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:19.440 am forty miles from home. I'm going home and I'm 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:22.440 telling my husband everything, and you will never hear from 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:25.440 me again. And that was it. I mean he I've 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:29.080 never talked to him since ever, but he was your boss. 0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:32.160 Did you change jobs? I did, well, I was working 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:34.000 two jobs. I worked from home, so I was working 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:38.360 two jobs at the same time. Um, and I changed 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:41.720 my phone number. I cut off all communication with the 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:44.960 world he was in, which was that kind of job. 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:49.280 And I quit obviously. And um, I mean, to this 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.400 day have never heard from him. I mean when I 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:55.000 said I cut it off. And so I got home 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:57.840 and I called my husband and I said, are you 0:16:57.880 --> 0:16:59.840 almost home? He said, what's wrong? I said, I just 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:03.760 to talk to you, and he knew, and he said, 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:07.000 I'm on my way, and he came in and I 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:09.679 just told him and then we you know, it's one 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:11.640 of those you're up until four in the morning, just 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:16.920 kind of crying. Um, So what's during those pass what's 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:20.920 been not for five years? Um, we're now like seven 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:27.160 years seven? Yeah, what what has gotten you guys here, 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:36.120 UM Church big, big time for us. UM my kids, Yes, 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:38.879 they do because I don't want them to make the 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.920 same mistakes that we made and I don't want them 0:17:41.960 --> 0:17:45.719 to feel like they have to be perfect. And you know, 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:50.240 the biggest thing that has gotten us through this is grace. 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:58.200 And it's a huge word and it's a big world though. 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:02.840 It is because if if I do not tend to 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:06.480 my husband's needs and I'm not perfect, I mean, you 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:09.439 would think that life would be easy. I have, you know, 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:12.920 one that's twenty one and one that's about to be nineteen, 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:18.760 and but um, I fail miserably daily at physical touch. 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.360 I'm just not a hugger. I'm just not like that 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:27.200 he is. And the reason why he doesn't get mad 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:30.560 at me anymore about that is because he just shows grace. 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:34.359 People would have asked me before, would you ever change 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:37.399 anything with how this all played out? And my answers no, 0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:40.199 because I wouldn't be who I am today if I 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:43.199 hadn't gone through what I went through. Because this is 0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:46.000 my purpose. I know it probably sounds silly that I 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:48.399 just said an email you don't even know me, but 0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:52.960 something just said, you know, God said this is your purpose, NICKI. 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:55.600 If she never reads it, great, but if she does 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.800 and you can help her, great because I really feel 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:02.520 like we went through twice to help people, and we've 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:07.159 helped quite a few people overcome infidelity. Well, Nikki I, 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:08.879 I first of all, I really appreciate you sending an 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:11.639 email and listening, and I appreciate you for sharing your 0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:15.040 story and being authentic and and for helping because that's, 0:19:15.080 --> 0:19:16.639 you know, one of the reasons why I also want 0:19:16.640 --> 0:19:19.199 to share about infidelity, because I do want to offer 0:19:19.760 --> 0:19:21.760 grace and and help people as well. So I just 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:28.280 appreciate you. Also, um, not blaming for for your actions 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:30.080 as well. I think that says a lot about you 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:32.919 and your character, about the fact that you didn't say, well, 0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:35.159 you did this, so I did this, and um, you 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:38.800 know again for yeah, you're not perfect. Who's perfect, No 0:19:38.800 --> 0:19:42.199 one is perfect, but you are willing to change for you, 0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:45.920 for your family, and um, you are helping a lot 0:19:45.920 --> 0:19:47.760 of people. So thank you for sharing your story. It 0:19:47.920 --> 0:19:51.680 really encourages me to keep on keep on going. And 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:54.480 you know what, you're about to be an empty empty nester, 0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:56.280 which I think is great. You and your husband, can 0:19:56.520 --> 0:19:58.840 you know, spend some amazing quality time together and just 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:01.840 you know, go vacation and have fun and enjoy this, 0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:07.240 enjoy this new beginning together. Good luck on that journey. 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:09.760 But no, seriously, thank you so much, Nicky. Appreciate it. 0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:13.720 You are welcome and good luck and I'm just email 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:16.560 away if y'all need any Thanks Nicky, I appreciate it. 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:21.320 Thank you. Bye. Okay, So John, if you for used 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:25.320 Tello Fresh before I have. I've received the vegetarian boxes 0:20:25.840 --> 0:20:29.040 and I love it. It is a godsend. I mean, 0:20:29.359 --> 0:20:32.560 for for moms, for college students, for I mean for 0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:37.040 literally anybody. Um for me personally, though I am not 0:20:37.119 --> 0:20:39.199 the greatest cook. When I look at a recipe, I 0:20:39.240 --> 0:20:44.000 get really lost and it just seems overwhelming, and I'm like, 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:45.640 I don't I don't have I don't have an hour 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:49.919 to spend cooking this, you know, gourmet meal. And then 0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:51.680 I found out about Hello Fresh, and I was like, 0:20:52.760 --> 0:20:55.639 it's amazing. They send you exactly what you need so 0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:57.399 you don't have to, you know, spend hours at the 0:20:57.440 --> 0:21:00.440 grocery store trying to find all the ingredients. They send 0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:06.360 you an easy, quick recipe and it tastes amazing. I mean, 0:21:06.359 --> 0:21:08.320 it's so good. I remember my husband came home and 0:21:08.320 --> 0:21:10.720 I was making these balsamic burgers that they had sent us, 0:21:11.040 --> 0:21:14.240 and he's like, babe, and I was like, yeah, it's 0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:16.480 pretty great, isn't it. And at the very end of 0:21:16.520 --> 0:21:18.600 the meal, he's like, Okay, seriously, like where did you 0:21:18.600 --> 0:21:20.520 get this from? Like which restaurant? I was like, no, 0:21:20.600 --> 0:21:23.960 I'm serious, I made it. It's Hello Fresh um. And 0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:26.440 now now he's totally on board with it. But it's 0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:29.960 great because they're healthy recipes. You can click how many 0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:33.119 meals you get um a week, and it's great. And 0:21:33.160 --> 0:21:36.440 so for everyone listening right now for thirty dollars off 0:21:36.600 --> 0:21:38.840 for right now, for thirty dollars off your first week 0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:42.960 of Hello Fresh, Visit Hello Fresh dot com slash Cramer 0:21:43.119 --> 0:21:47.040 thirty and enter Cramer thirty. That's Hello Fresh dot com 0:21:47.080 --> 0:21:50.320 slash Cramer thirty and enter the promo code Cramer thirty. 0:21:50.680 --> 0:21:52.800 Let's get cooking. So, Jen, do you want to go 0:21:52.840 --> 0:21:54.879