WEBVTT - Find your family visiting groove

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is to find your family visiting groove, figure out

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<v Speaker 1>what works for your family for getting together, and then

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<v Speaker 1>put it on repeat so you can enjoy time together

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<v Speaker 1>without a whole lot of mental effort. On my other podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>Best of Both Worlds, my co host Sarah hart Unger

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<v Speaker 1>and I recently discussed managing relationships with extended family. One

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<v Speaker 1>approach that we both find helpful is to figure out

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<v Speaker 1>a visiting cadence. If you can find a regular rhythm

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<v Speaker 1>for visiting either near or far flung relatives, then no

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<v Speaker 1>one has to think about it and you see each

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<v Speaker 1>other with a lot less drama. Here's an example. Sarah's parents, sister,

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<v Speaker 1>and niece live in the Philadelphia area, not that far

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<v Speaker 1>from me as it happens, and she realized that the

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<v Speaker 1>fourth of July tends to be a great time to

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<v Speaker 1>visit them, so she's done that for many years running.

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<v Speaker 1>Her extended family now has favorite Independence Day traditions and

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<v Speaker 1>they look forward to that time to gather every summer.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't have to start from scratch every year and

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<v Speaker 1>making plans to get together. They already know that the

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<v Speaker 1>fourth of July at Sarah's parents' house is the place

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<v Speaker 1>to be. I know of a big family that always

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<v Speaker 1>gathers on the last night of Hanukkah. This has the

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<v Speaker 1>upside of meaning everyone plans to get together regularly, and

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<v Speaker 1>they build traditions, and they know they are going to

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<v Speaker 1>see each other, and bonus, it tends not to conflict

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<v Speaker 1>with other gatherings. Many people do celebrations at the beginning

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<v Speaker 1>of Hanukkah, but the last night might be a bit

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<v Speaker 1>more open. By claiming the last night and making that

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<v Speaker 1>a regular cadence, family members can go celebrate with friends

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<v Speaker 1>or in laws for the first night and know that

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<v Speaker 1>they will still see each other. Everyone is happy. Sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>these visiting cadences arise organically. You realize that you have

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<v Speaker 1>spent Thanksgiving with one side of the family every year

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<v Speaker 1>for several years, and so you decide to just keep

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<v Speaker 1>doing it, especially if it seems that the other side

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<v Speaker 1>of your family doesn't care all that much about Thanksgiving,

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<v Speaker 1>or perhaps they're local so you already see them every week.

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<v Speaker 1>But in other cases you might want to actively figure

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<v Speaker 1>out and create a visiting groove. If that is the case,

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<v Speaker 1>first think big picture with your spouse or partner. If relevant,

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<v Speaker 1>about family members that you want to see in person,

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<v Speaker 1>write them down or make a spreadsheet. Then to decide

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<v Speaker 1>what cadence feels right. This might be as frequently as

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<v Speaker 1>once a week for some people, or as infrequently as

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<v Speaker 1>every few years for others. By deciding in general terms

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<v Speaker 1>how often you want to see various relatives, you will

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<v Speaker 1>be intentional about who you see and not just default

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<v Speaker 1>to whoever is most organized about making plans. Though I

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<v Speaker 1>like those people, you should see them. Once you have

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<v Speaker 1>an idea of who you'd like to see, try to

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<v Speaker 1>match various people with times when it would be convenient

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<v Speaker 1>or especially nice to get together. For instance, if you

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<v Speaker 1>have a work conference every October in Chicago, that is

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<v Speaker 1>a natural time to add on a visit to your

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<v Speaker 1>brother who lives there. If you grew up going to

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<v Speaker 1>the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade with your family every year,

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<v Speaker 1>it could be fun to spend Thanksgiving with your sister

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<v Speaker 1>who lives in Brooklyn, so you can go to the

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<v Speaker 1>parade that leaves Christmas for your husband's family in Arizona

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<v Speaker 1>sounds like a good place to be in December. If

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<v Speaker 1>there's an attraction to your area at a particular time

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<v Speaker 1>of year, you could invite folks to visit you. Then,

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<v Speaker 1>who doesn't want to visit the Miami cousins for Martin

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<v Speaker 1>Luther King Day weekend. Everyone loves warmth and sunshine in January.

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<v Speaker 1>People may be less excited to visit Miami for the

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<v Speaker 1>fourth of July when the heat becomes intolerable. If you

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<v Speaker 1>get together with family at a time that turns out

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<v Speaker 1>to work well, put it on repeat. Within a few years,

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<v Speaker 1>it will just feel normal and become part of your

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<v Speaker 1>annual calendar landscape, especially if you have a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>loved ones you'd like to visit who live far away.

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<v Speaker 1>Planning get togethers just isn't easy. Add in a partner,

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<v Speaker 1>in kids' schedules, scarce PTO days and a limited travel

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<v Speaker 1>budget and planning is even harder. But with some big

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<v Speaker 1>picture strategy and the wisdom to put plans on repeat,

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<v Speaker 1>you can find a visiting groove that works. What are

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<v Speaker 1>your family visiting grews? You can let me know at

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<v Speaker 1>Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. In the meantime, this

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<v Speaker 1>is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's to making the

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<v Speaker 1>most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.

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<v Speaker 1>If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach

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<v Speaker 1>me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia,

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<v Speaker 1>listen to your favorite shows.