Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is to find your family visiting groove, figure out
Speaker 1: what works for your family for getting together, and then
Speaker 1: put it on repeat so you can enjoy time together
Speaker 1: without a whole lot of mental effort. On my other podcast,
Speaker 1: Best of Both Worlds, my co host Sarah hart Unger
Speaker 1: and I recently discussed managing relationships with extended family. One
Speaker 1: approach that we both find helpful is to figure out
Speaker 1: a visiting cadence. If you can find a regular rhythm
Speaker 1: for visiting either near or far flung relatives, then no
Speaker 1: one has to think about it and you see each
Speaker 1: other with a lot less drama. Here's an example. Sarah's parents, sister,
Speaker 1: and niece live in the Philadelphia area, not that far
Speaker 1: from me as it happens, and she realized that the
Speaker 1: fourth of July tends to be a great time to
Speaker 1: visit them, so she's done that for many years running.
Speaker 1: Her extended family now has favorite Independence Day traditions and
Speaker 1: they look forward to that time to gather every summer.
Speaker 1: They don't have to start from scratch every year and
Speaker 1: making plans to get together. They already know that the
Speaker 1: fourth of July at Sarah's parents' house is the place
Speaker 1: to be. I know of a big family that always
Speaker 1: gathers on the last night of Hanukkah. This has the
Speaker 1: upside of meaning everyone plans to get together regularly, and
Speaker 1: they build traditions, and they know they are going to
Speaker 1: see each other, and bonus, it tends not to conflict
Speaker 1: with other gatherings. Many people do celebrations at the beginning
Speaker 1: of Hanukkah, but the last night might be a bit
Speaker 1: more open. By claiming the last night and making that
Speaker 1: a regular cadence, family members can go celebrate with friends
Speaker 1: or in laws for the first night and know that
Speaker 1: they will still see each other. Everyone is happy. Sometimes
Speaker 1: these visiting cadences arise organically. You realize that you have
Speaker 1: spent Thanksgiving with one side of the family every year
Speaker 1: for several years, and so you decide to just keep
Speaker 1: doing it, especially if it seems that the other side
Speaker 1: of your family doesn't care all that much about Thanksgiving,
Speaker 1: or perhaps they're local so you already see them every week.
Speaker 1: But in other cases you might want to actively figure
Speaker 1: out and create a visiting groove. If that is the case,
Speaker 1: first think big picture with your spouse or partner. If relevant,
Speaker 1: about family members that you want to see in person,
Speaker 1: write them down or make a spreadsheet. Then to decide
Speaker 1: what cadence feels right. This might be as frequently as
Speaker 1: once a week for some people, or as infrequently as
Speaker 1: every few years for others. By deciding in general terms
Speaker 1: how often you want to see various relatives, you will
Speaker 1: be intentional about who you see and not just default
Speaker 1: to whoever is most organized about making plans. Though I
Speaker 1: like those people, you should see them. Once you have
Speaker 1: an idea of who you'd like to see, try to
Speaker 1: match various people with times when it would be convenient
Speaker 1: or especially nice to get together. For instance, if you
Speaker 1: have a work conference every October in Chicago, that is
Speaker 1: a natural time to add on a visit to your
Speaker 1: brother who lives there. If you grew up going to
Speaker 1: the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade with your family every year,
Speaker 1: it could be fun to spend Thanksgiving with your sister
Speaker 1: who lives in Brooklyn, so you can go to the
Speaker 1: parade that leaves Christmas for your husband's family in Arizona
Speaker 1: sounds like a good place to be in December. If
Speaker 1: there's an attraction to your area at a particular time
Speaker 1: of year, you could invite folks to visit you. Then,
Speaker 1: who doesn't want to visit the Miami cousins for Martin
Speaker 1: Luther King Day weekend. Everyone loves warmth and sunshine in January.
Speaker 1: People may be less excited to visit Miami for the
Speaker 1: fourth of July when the heat becomes intolerable. If you
Speaker 1: get together with family at a time that turns out
Speaker 1: to work well, put it on repeat. Within a few years,
Speaker 1: it will just feel normal and become part of your
Speaker 1: annual calendar landscape, especially if you have a lot of
Speaker 1: loved ones you'd like to visit who live far away.
Speaker 1: Planning get togethers just isn't easy. Add in a partner,
Speaker 1: in kids' schedules, scarce PTO days and a limited travel
Speaker 1: budget and planning is even harder. But with some big
Speaker 1: picture strategy and the wisdom to put plans on repeat,
Speaker 1: you can find a visiting groove that works. What are
Speaker 1: your family visiting grews? You can let me know at
Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. In the meantime, this
Speaker 1: is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's to making the
Speaker 1: most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.
Speaker 1: If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach
Speaker 1: me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia,
Speaker 1: please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.