1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:16,640 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:22,239 Speaker 1: tip is to find your family visiting groove, figure out 4 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: what works for your family for getting together, and then 5 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: put it on repeat so you can enjoy time together 6 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: without a whole lot of mental effort. On my other podcast, 7 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 1: Best of Both Worlds, my co host Sarah hart Unger 8 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: and I recently discussed managing relationships with extended family. One 9 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: approach that we both find helpful is to figure out 10 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:53,519 Speaker 1: a visiting cadence. If you can find a regular rhythm 11 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: for visiting either near or far flung relatives, then no 12 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,800 Speaker 1: one has to think about it and you see each 13 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:07,679 Speaker 1: other with a lot less drama. Here's an example. Sarah's parents, sister, 14 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 1: and niece live in the Philadelphia area, not that far 15 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: from me as it happens, and she realized that the 16 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: fourth of July tends to be a great time to 17 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,559 Speaker 1: visit them, so she's done that for many years running. 18 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:25,800 Speaker 1: Her extended family now has favorite Independence Day traditions and 19 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: they look forward to that time to gather every summer. 20 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 1: They don't have to start from scratch every year and 21 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: making plans to get together. They already know that the 22 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,400 Speaker 1: fourth of July at Sarah's parents' house is the place 23 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: to be. I know of a big family that always 24 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,399 Speaker 1: gathers on the last night of Hanukkah. This has the 25 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: upside of meaning everyone plans to get together regularly, and 26 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: they build traditions, and they know they are going to 27 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 1: see each other, and bonus, it tends not to conflict 28 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: with other gatherings. Many people do celebrations at the beginning 29 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: of Hanukkah, but the last night might be a bit 30 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 1: more open. By claiming the last night and making that 31 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: a regular cadence, family members can go celebrate with friends 32 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,360 Speaker 1: or in laws for the first night and know that 33 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: they will still see each other. Everyone is happy. Sometimes 34 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: these visiting cadences arise organically. You realize that you have 35 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 1: spent Thanksgiving with one side of the family every year 36 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: for several years, and so you decide to just keep 37 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: doing it, especially if it seems that the other side 38 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 1: of your family doesn't care all that much about Thanksgiving, 39 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: or perhaps they're local so you already see them every week. 40 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,519 Speaker 1: But in other cases you might want to actively figure 41 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:49,200 Speaker 1: out and create a visiting groove. If that is the case, 42 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:53,079 Speaker 1: first think big picture with your spouse or partner. If relevant, 43 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 1: about family members that you want to see in person, 44 00:02:56,919 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: write them down or make a spreadsheet. Then to decide 45 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,639 Speaker 1: what cadence feels right. This might be as frequently as 46 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: once a week for some people, or as infrequently as 47 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 1: every few years for others. By deciding in general terms 48 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,399 Speaker 1: how often you want to see various relatives, you will 49 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: be intentional about who you see and not just default 50 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 1: to whoever is most organized about making plans. Though I 51 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 1: like those people, you should see them. Once you have 52 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 1: an idea of who you'd like to see, try to 53 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 1: match various people with times when it would be convenient 54 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 1: or especially nice to get together. For instance, if you 55 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 1: have a work conference every October in Chicago, that is 56 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 1: a natural time to add on a visit to your 57 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: brother who lives there. If you grew up going to 58 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 1: the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade with your family every year, 59 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: it could be fun to spend Thanksgiving with your sister 60 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,760 Speaker 1: who lives in Brooklyn, so you can go to the 61 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: parade that leaves Christmas for your husband's family in Arizona 62 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: sounds like a good place to be in December. If 63 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 1: there's an attraction to your area at a particular time 64 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: of year, you could invite folks to visit you. Then, 65 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,320 Speaker 1: who doesn't want to visit the Miami cousins for Martin 66 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: Luther King Day weekend. Everyone loves warmth and sunshine in January. 67 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: People may be less excited to visit Miami for the 68 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:19,599 Speaker 1: fourth of July when the heat becomes intolerable. If you 69 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,800 Speaker 1: get together with family at a time that turns out 70 00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 1: to work well, put it on repeat. Within a few years, 71 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,600 Speaker 1: it will just feel normal and become part of your 72 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: annual calendar landscape, especially if you have a lot of 73 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,760 Speaker 1: loved ones you'd like to visit who live far away. 74 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: Planning get togethers just isn't easy. Add in a partner, 75 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 1: in kids' schedules, scarce PTO days and a limited travel 76 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: budget and planning is even harder. But with some big 77 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,840 Speaker 1: picture strategy and the wisdom to put plans on repeat, 78 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 1: you can find a visiting groove that works. What are 79 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:02,760 Speaker 1: your family visiting grews? You can let me know at 80 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:08,919 Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. In the meantime, this 81 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's to making the 82 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. 83 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 1: If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach 84 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast 85 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, 86 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you 87 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.