WEBVTT - Is It OK That I'm Still Single? 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.400 I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:09.800 and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:14.840 I'm a body positive advoicate. I'm Carolina Bermudez, but I 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:18.560 was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama, 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:22.759 and a worker being. This is life in Spanglish. When 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:28.720 does the Honey German? We meet yet again? And I 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:31.960 just love this little space that we've created for ourselves. 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:35.440 It is a place where we could be free to 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:39.519 speak our minds. We don't have to worry. I especially 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:41.520 like it that I get to curse. My mother doesn't 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:44.640 love that part, but I do. And it's always fun 0:00:44.720 --> 0:00:48.040 seeing you. So what's going on, girl? I love seeing you. 0:00:48.120 --> 0:00:50.000 Don't ever tell me I can't see you on camera 0:00:50.120 --> 0:00:54.720 because the faces you make make my day. Well you guys, though, 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:59.320 Sometimes I straight up tell Honey, you are not getting 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:02.880 a plus Carolina. You're getting like c minus Carolina today. 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:07.160 You're getting like bun hair back, like that kind of vibe. 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:10.120 You know. But you know, at least, like my mom says, 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:14.640 at least I finally found a man. You know. My 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:17.199 mother came to visit just a couple of weeks ago, 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:19.760 and I'm listening to her talk to her co madres, 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:24.399 which is just the most entertaining thing. Talks. They would 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:26.319 definitely take you out and you could sit back and 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:29.760 just absorb what these women are saying, older women, And 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:32.000 I don't know, sometimes it just throws me off. I'm like, 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:35.200 you guys realize two right. Oh no, Well, some of 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:39.120 the things that they say are really scandalous and totally inappropriate, 0:01:39.160 --> 0:01:40.880 so we're not going to put them on blast for those. 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:43.840 But I love hearing well. Also, I have no choice 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:45.800 but to hear it, because does your mom speak on 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:49.400 speaker phone all the time. My mom will never put 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:54.800 in airbuds, she will never wear headphones. It's all day, 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.840 all speaker that's it. So you're consuming all of her. 0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:00.040 Oh people talk all day long. I can't avoid it. 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:02.880 And that's the reason why I'm in on the cheese man, 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:05.480 and I love it. So the other day my mom 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:08.560 came to visit and she's on the phone with one 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:12.640 of her cos and they're talking about the comadres niece, 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:20.200 and I'm dying in the background because I'm hearing all 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:23.880 about this poor young woman who is in her mid thirties. 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:34.000 Tren Daniel, Noo Noo, tinder in Polo and contra Nadia. 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:37.040 And now she's in and I'm looking at my mom 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:39.960 and I'm thinking to myself, you do realize I never 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:44.239 heard that one. That's it like the train left the station. Baby, 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:48.720 she did not get married, which equates to us, I 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:55.000 guess the same thing. That's oh yeah, unmarried women basically. 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:57.000 And so after my mom got off the phone, I 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.440 said to her, I said, Mom, why do you think 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:03.079 because this woman is in her mid thirties, I don't 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:05.960 know exactly how old she is, that there's no hope 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:14.839 for her to find happiness? You know, I thought, a mom, 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:19.960 people can have kids into their fifties. This has nothing 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:24.799 to do with science and technology. This is an antiquated 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:28.680 way of thinking that just because you're not young, that 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:31.680 you can't find yourself a man. So I had this 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:34.080 long and heated debate with my mom and I wanted 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:35.840 to have it with you. And it's crazy your mom 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:38.760 is talking about somebody in their thirties. You know, in Japan, 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:45.000 after they label unmarried women Christmas cake meaning left over, 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:50.320 nobody wants it. I'm like, what's Carolina five? That's called 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:52.480 blooded though. I mean, I don't even like the phrase 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:56.360 Christmas cake out like that is not right. You know, 0:03:56.440 --> 0:03:59.920 I think that when we look back at perhaps our parents. 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:01.760 I look at my mother and father. My mom and 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:03.760 dad got married when there were sixteen and twenty one. 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:06.400 I think let's go back. It's always good for us 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:09.240 to start from the beginning, especially you know with Latino parents. 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:13.960 You know this whole. When I was young, Carolina, let's 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:18.000 say twelve thirteen, I was taught how to clean, I 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:20.839 was taught how to cook, I was taught how to soul, 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:24.800 all in preparation for the day I got married. This 0:04:24.839 --> 0:04:27.640 is at thirteen. My mother was not talking to me 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:30.719 about college or careers or anything like that. It was 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:36.960 just like my mother used to put my hand in 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:42.240 the toilet bowl like this, Like I used to be 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:48.560 like a teenager, a thirteen year old, honey. I mean, 0:04:48.680 --> 0:04:51.279 she was teaching all of the things that she feels 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:54.760 like you needed to know in order to be a 0:04:54.880 --> 0:05:00.560 lovely housewife. Which chose, yeah, or children? You know I 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:03.360 used to have. I forget there used to be a song, 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:05.800 and I forget the words. You did your mom or 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:10.920 dad ever sing to you a ros go boys? Going on. 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:14.800 I forget the us. It was legend us, it was 0:05:14.880 --> 0:05:23.960 legros let Casa was now my best singing boys, right, 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:26.719 I forget the lyrics. I'm like, I'm sitting here trying 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.880 to like rack my brain and remember this song. My grandmother, 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:32.280 you just sing me that song and it was referencing 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:34.920 to like the things you need to do or something 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:40.839 like that, like all these you know, a thinking bag. 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:43.279 It's like it was ingrained in us, like you gotta 0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:45.240 get married, you gotta be prepared to get married. You 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:47.040 gotta learn all these things to get married. And it 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:49.120 started early, and you took the words out of my 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:52.200 mouth because this is something that you know inadvertently. We 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:56.520 had been taught from a young age, almost subliminally, that 0:05:56.800 --> 0:05:59.600 as a woman you need to be ready to take 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.520 care of the household, to take care of the man. Luckily, 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:06.120 in my house, education was the number one priority for us. 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:08.080 So I do have to give my parents credit there. 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:11.200 My mom and dad always said, and I think I've 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.760 mentioned this several times in the podcast, but my dad 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.680 always said, I'm not worried about my boys. If my 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:18.640 boys have to take care of their family, they can 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:20.480 go out into a field and they can work and 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:24.560 they can make money, but my girls need an education 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:27.720 so they never have to depend on a man. But 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:31.240 yet there's this mixed message of but you gotta get married, 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:32.880 but you gotta get out there, and you have to 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:35.000 have a family. And so this is something that I 0:06:35.040 --> 0:06:37.599 think as Latinos, or you know, as as women growing 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:41.960 up Latinas, that we have been taught, how do you 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:46.240 stop it from going to the next generation. I don't 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:49.599 have daughters, but I do have nieces, and it is 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:53.680 a priority to me to make them understand your worth 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:57.320 is not associated to who you're with or who you 0:06:57.440 --> 0:07:01.200 end up with. Your worth is associated with your self esteem, 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:04.599 with your accomplishments, with how you feel about yourself and 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.040 what you've been doing, and those steps that you've taken 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:11.320 to maintain your goals or to even reach your goals. 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.200 But yeah, it's wild, right, and I just couldn't believed 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.280 this conversation. I'll tell you the rest of the chiefs after, 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.800 but yes, go ahead, No, but I think I think 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:22.400 our generation, let's say, of mothers are doing an amazing job. 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:25.240 Because I have my niece and I never for once 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:28.120 heard my my sister talking about marriage. It was just 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.040 like you're gonna go to n YU, you're gonna be 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.400 an artist. You like to play the guitar, You're gonna 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.160 play the guitar. You want purple hair, you can have 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:37.280 purple hair. There was never talk of let me show 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:38.760 you how to cook, so you could cook for a man. 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:44.080 So it's progressing, but there is still that stereotype and 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:48.320 there is still that there's still that type of talk, 0:07:48.400 --> 0:07:51.320 let's say, with our moms, and even still people our 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:53.840 age might comment on these type of things. What my 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:56.640 question is to you though, Okay, so Hammona, where does 0:07:56.640 --> 0:07:58.400 that come from? Is that a Dominican phrase? Because I 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:00.400 don't think I've ever heard that. Yeah, I think to 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:03.120 Dominican word most definitely we use it. But it's just 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:06.560 like that means like she never got married. I don't 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:08.760 know if they mean to say nobody ever wanted to 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:10.920 marry her. But you know, it's crazy. I know a 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:13.520 lot of single women Carolina, and I don't feel any 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:16.160 negative connotation towards them. You know, people want to say, oh, 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:18.840 they're envious, they wanted to be married, they didn't didn't 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:20.960 happen for them. A lot of them are very well 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:27.280 educated master's degrees, beautiful homes, cars, great paying jobs. It's 0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:30.040 just weird how it still has like a negative connotation 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:33.160 attached to it. You know, I call them unmarried women 0:08:33.200 --> 0:08:35.520 because I just feel like, you know, spinster and all 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:38.520 those other terms have such negative you know, just it's 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:40.360 just they're just negative words that I don't even think 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:42.760 we should use anymore. I agree with you. You know, 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:46.520 in my house, we call my friends who are unmarried 0:08:47.240 --> 0:08:51.199 t so. Ta's are Ta Jenny, THEA Liz. Those are 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:55.520 my blood sisters those area. But in my house we 0:08:55.640 --> 0:08:59.360 have TT Cheryl, we have TT Sam, And these are 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:01.760 my dear are friends who I've grown up with and 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:04.480 who are very near and dear to me, who are 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:08.520 not married, their professional career women. They have their own lives, 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:11.560 they have found fulfillment in other ways, and they don't 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:14.120 necessarily need to be attached to someone. Yes, they've had 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.400 boyfriends here and there, but my kids know them as 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:19.920 they and it gives them the opportunity to have a 0:09:19.960 --> 0:09:23.360 relationship with somebody other than me or other than their aunts, 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:26.200 where I feel like I want them to establish a 0:09:26.240 --> 0:09:29.240 relationship where later on in life, if they're in high 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:32.480 school or you know, even later they'll look forward to 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:34.360 maybe going to l A to visit the the you 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:36.480 know what I mean. So I feel like that is 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:40.440 a way for me to weave these important people into 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:45.200 our lives. And I think the benefit is it's mutually beneficial. 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:47.920 I think my kids get somebody that they can speak to, 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:51.520 that they can look to for advice that maybe is 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:54.040 not associated with the family, so they might feel a 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:57.240 little more free revealing things to them. And then I 0:09:57.280 --> 0:09:59.640 also think that it gives my friends the benefit of 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:02.199 having not one on one time with children through the 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.760 various different stages of their lives, and they get to 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:07.080 give them back. They don't have to deal with the 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:14.040 everyday craziness that I have to deal with. I have 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:17.600 nine god children, Carolina, and you know, speaking as someone 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:20.840 you know, even though I was I married someone who 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:23.200 didn't have children, it gave me so I say, my 0:10:23.280 --> 0:10:27.120 sister's kids and my kids because I practically helped raise them, 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:29.000 you know, and it it built that void of not 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:31.520 having children. So you don't understand what you're doing there. 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:34.200 You're doing something that is amazing, not just for an 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:37.000 unmarried women, but for women that don't doesn't have children. 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:40.720 You know, I have. My youngest godchild is too My 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:44.240 oldest god child is twenty four. I have all ranged 0:10:44.360 --> 0:10:47.120 ages kids. What I was a kid when my my 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:50.359 older sister had her kid and I was her babysitter. 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:51.960 I have a job. I was like I was at 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.360 home all the time. So I practically helped raise my 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:57.280 nephew who's twenty four years old, and I love him. 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:00.280 It gave me a sense of like motherhood. So you 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:04.120 don't understand what you're doing, Carolina. It's amazing, what a 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:07.120 beautiful thing. I want more god children. One of my 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:11.360 friends just had a baby last week. I'm like, oh God, 0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:13.280 am I gonna get another guy baby? And I'm gonna 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:15.840 get another guy baby. I keep texting, send me pictures, 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.520 send me pictures. I'm like, let's wait and see. But 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:21.440 you know, it's been amazing. And if I wouldn't have 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:24.560 had a husband and I wouldn't have had kids, I 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:27.840 still feel like I would have been very um happy. 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:30.000 You know. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:32.680 but I don't feel like that. I don't feel like 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:36.080 that is like a validation. Like if I wouldn't have 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:38.360 been married, girl, I would have been dating my ass 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:41.520 off I'll tell you that much. But right it wouldn't 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:44.000 have changed anything. Like, I just don't feel like marriage 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:46.440 is one of my accomplishments in life. And that's what 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:48.880 a lot of them Latina moms, you know, don't see. 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:51.480 I come from a family of like sixty cousins, so 0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:54.320 you can only imagine my DIA's and the comparisons. And 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.160 this one got married and I want to get married. 0:11:56.640 --> 0:11:59.360 And this one got married because my mom and she 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:01.640 loved her mother. Ida this one and get married because 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:04.199 she went off on her own. I need people to understand, 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:07.640 you know, marriage is not something that can be hung 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:09.600 up on a wall, like I have my degrees behind 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:12.160 me that I'm proud of being able to get somebody 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:14.400 to marry me after ten years of dating. That is 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:18.640 not an accomplishment. I just want a man down after 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:21.280 a certain amount of time it was meant to happen. 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:24.080 You know, honey, you're gonna be in the double digit 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:26.360 soon with your god children if you keep up this pace, 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:29.320 which I think is just so incredible. You really are. 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:31.600 And that's the reason why I always go back to 0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:36.520 there's um some data that shows about single women that 0:12:36.840 --> 0:12:39.959 there is an increasingly large portion of the adult population 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:42.920 in our own country. So four in ten adults between 0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:46.400 the ages of twenty five and fifty four are single, 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:52.000 So that is up since Okay, so now let's look 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:54.760 at the bigger picture. The other day, I was speaking 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:57.480 to somebody, and this person is just starting out in 0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:00.720 the industry, and she was asking me for some advice. 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:03.160 And the one piece of advice that I did give 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:05.640 her that is contrary to what we're talking about here, 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:07.920 is that I told her, I said, don't get so 0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:11.640 caught up in creating this career that you forget to 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:14.520 have your own life, because I do think it is 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:17.280 important to invest whether or not you marry that person. 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.800 You can find a life partner and never get married. 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:22.880 That's the other thing. Why do people have to force 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:27.160 this certificate on everyone. There are plenty of people who 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:30.000 are happy that have never gotten married, and I think 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.960 that's a really big point, or that's something that we 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:36.559 should point out here, because a marriage is a contract. 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.800 And going back to my mother's conversation when she was 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:43.040 talking about, you know this woman who's in her late 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:46.120 thirties that never got married, I just said, Mom, there 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:48.679 are other things. There are other goals that women want 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:53.040 to accomplish now in two that just don't include marriage. 0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:56.680 Mary is not the biggest piece of much like to 0:13:56.760 --> 0:13:59.400 what you were saying, it's not the biggest piece of 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:02.840 everyone's life that it was for you. And I don't 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:05.120 mean to sound negative, but a lot of marriage ends 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:08.160 in divorce and that is a fact. So it's like, Okay, 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:10.400 you're gonna have this accomplishment that's gonna end up in 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:14.160 a breakup, alimony, child support and all that other good stuff. 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:16.839 And you know what, I was reading a study by 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:22.160 a behavioral scientists and research actually shows that women without 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:26.800 children were actually happier than married women with children. Really, 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:29.320 like I was like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna send you 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:31.640 to study, you know, but it goes to show you, 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:34.960 you know how we have these false narratives about like 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:39.320 women unmarried women and women without children being unhappy. Girl. 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:41.800 They oh, here lit these single girls about to be 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:43.960 turning the funk up and we're gonna be at home 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:47.040 season in continent to put on the grill. I love it. 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:48.680 It's on the season. I want to be on the 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:53.120 boat season. Yeah. I was watching on Instagram. Who was it? 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:56.040 I feel like I saw little Duval if you guys 0:14:56.040 --> 0:15:01.400 don't follow a little duvall on Instagram, girl, let me cry. 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:06.920 I I gut bust laugh whenever I see his uh posts. 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:10.800 And he was posting people's aunties and I guess Auntie 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:14.040 and and he's African American, so he had this whole 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:17.480 movement of Auntie season hashtag Auntie, and everybody was sending 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:19.560 their aunties in. And I gotta be honest with you, 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:23.040 some of these women, these unmarried women who were out 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:25.400 there looked better than some of the twenty year rolls 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:27.720 that were submitting them. I was like, this is these 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.640 are goals here, ladies, and they're out there living their 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:33.720 best lives. Stop. I saw one she had like a 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:36.080 I guess, like an orange hal to top dress, and 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:38.280 I think it said she was sixty. She had that 0:15:38.440 --> 0:15:41.200 wagon in that flash stomach. I was like, oh not, 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:44.920 this lady got better buddy than me, house way, because 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:47.160 she has time to go to the gym, because she's 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:48.960 not trying to take care of her man. She doesn't 0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:51.200 have to take care of kids or a dog like me, 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:54.360 Like I got a dog too, Like as if taking 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:57.600 a dog, as if taking care of two kids isn't enough, 0:15:57.600 --> 0:15:59.800 then I gotta take care of the damn dog, Raina. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.600 She doesn't act like a queen everybody. So, yeah, it's 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:05.760 just so funny how maybe we're shifting our perspective to 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:09.880 allow people to just be I wish that we could break. 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:12.000 And maybe you're listening right now and you're not in 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:14.560 a relationship, or maybe you were previously married and you 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:18.680 got divorced and it's not the end. That's the whole point, 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.000 is that it is not the end just because other 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:25.960 people had this vision or this expectation to this, you know, 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:28.360 I guess um, I'm trying to think of, like what 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:31.080 what the comparison is. Yeah, the expectation of the house 0:16:31.320 --> 0:16:33.600 with two kids, you know, the two point one kids 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:35.680 and the white picket fence, like that is not a 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:39.320 reality anymore. We're out here living in cities and having 0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:42.480 apartments and going to yoga and do practicing self care. 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:45.480 And doesn't it sound like a dream to you? It does. 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:48.440 It's like living life experiences, you know, just celebrating who 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:52.359 you are and that freedom Carolina that comes with tomorrowmously 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:54.840 till noon. You're not stressed talking about I gotta get 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:56.280 the hell up. I don't want this man to see 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.600 me looking crazy, and this house is dirty and I 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:01.160 gotta clean that refrigerator. None of that. None of that. 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:03.840 You want dirty fridge, You can have dirty fridge for weeks. 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:06.040 You want to put on makeup the whole week working 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:07.960 from home, you don't have to. Nobody's looking at you. 0:17:07.960 --> 0:17:10.879 You better love yourself and love the situation you're in. 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:14.199 You know what's crazy. Whenever I do have issues and 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:16.440 I'm not happy or something went wrong in my house, 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:25.440 I tell my sister Bella Mia. And this is real talk. 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:28.840 It's real advice, because sometimes you get such a headache 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:31.560 and you're like, why did I get myself into this mess? 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:34.080 More often than not, I'm I'm more often than not, 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:38.399 I'm happy. Honestly, I am very happy. I adore my husband. 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:40.879 But then there are those times where I'm like, you 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:45.719 know what, I will say this, When I dated a 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:49.119 person for years before I met my husband, I think 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:51.439 my parents were stressed, but they didn't really tell me. 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:54.800 Did you have pressure? You dated Noononi for ten years? 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:57.520 Was there any pressure from your family where they constantly 0:17:57.560 --> 0:17:59.640 asking when he was going to pop the question? Yeah? 0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:03.639 It was constantly like okay, my mom always so what's 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:06.080 gonna happen here? You're just gonna live with this man, Like, 0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:11.280 what's the deal? You're gonna get married? And it was 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:14.160 just like, yo, we'll get married when it feels right, 0:18:14.200 --> 0:18:17.600 you know, like we lived together. Okay, girl. That was 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:21.840 the number one question. Guando la gandoc who I'm like 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:29.520 joel thing. Let me But definitely it was a question 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:32.360 like when are you guys getting married. It's just like, yo, 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:35.359 let me be. I was building my career. I was building, 0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:37.560 you know, my dreams. I was getting my education. I 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:39.080 was not in a rush to get married. You're not 0:18:40.040 --> 0:18:41.840 three years old. Let me get married. I want to 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:44.080 get married thirty. I'll get married thirty. Let it. Let 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:45.800 it rock, you know. For me, I think my parents 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:48.639 were afraid. They didn't want say anything. Why didn't want 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:52.040 to upset you when when I no, they didn't. They 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:53.960 didn't want Mark to be hip to the game. They 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:56.400 were just like, oh my gosh, she found a good one. 0:18:56.480 --> 0:19:00.560 Let's not scare him away. My mom was like really 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:06.159 careful whenever he would come to the house. But they 0:19:06.960 --> 0:19:12.119 they use the word gringo. Yeah, yes, And then and 0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:15.679 then they realized that Mark understand Spanish. Mark actually understand Spanish, 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:17.399 she can speak a little bit, and so then so 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:20.160 then it moved to and Julio, which, by the way, 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:23.840 that's again these are inappropriate things, which you know, like 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:26.680 my mom, then let theos use, you know. And it's 0:19:26.680 --> 0:19:29.280 like I realized that they are just so old school 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:32.359 that this is something that I personally won't ever change 0:19:32.400 --> 0:19:34.240 for them, but I know that I can change it. 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:38.640 I feel like when Mark showed up, they were like, Oh, 0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:40.560 we don't want to scare this one away. We're not 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:42.600 gonna put any pressure on it. We're just gonna let 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:44.760 it be and let it happen. But there are so 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:48.680 many families who are constantly needling women in their twenties 0:19:48.680 --> 0:19:51.560 and thirties to lock it down to get married. And 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:55.800 now my family, my family is like that. It's like 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:58.640 any single cousin, it's just like, well, what's the problem. 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:06.920 You know, I have cousins that will tell another cousina. 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:10.439 I'm like, yo, this woman is in her thirties, Like 0:20:10.800 --> 0:20:12.920 what makes you think it's over? Bro? Like you are 0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:16.960 so inappropriate, you are overstepping in so many different ways. 0:20:17.200 --> 0:20:19.359 But it also comes from you know, we're kind of 0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:22.640 like we're Dominicans, and we kind of like sometimes say 0:20:22.680 --> 0:20:24.320 what's on our mind. But I've seen it happen and 0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:26.119 I'm like, and they'll come to me like, Yo, can 0:20:26.160 --> 0:20:29.080 you believe said this to me? And I'm like what, 0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:35.959 And they're like, who the hell says that to anybody? Well, 0:20:36.000 --> 0:20:39.760 they don't realize, they don't realize how intrusive that is, 0:20:39.960 --> 0:20:43.400 or what people's story is behind it. You don't know 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:46.440 if people can or can't have children. And that's where 0:20:46.440 --> 0:20:47.960 I feel like we need to kind of take a 0:20:48.000 --> 0:20:51.360 step back and change that so that we don't continue 0:20:51.400 --> 0:20:56.080 to repeat those things. But cousins, cousins are savages. Coveins will, 0:20:56.280 --> 0:21:00.159 cousins will say whatever. Sisters exactly, they'll say whatever is 0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:03.200 on their mind. Whenever I go to San Francisco, that's 0:21:03.200 --> 0:21:06.359 where the cousin, that's cousin central, that's where all of 0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:09.960 them stay. And I just know San Francisco or Miami 0:21:10.320 --> 0:21:17.280 be prepared to answer questions. The girl I've had cousin 0:21:17.359 --> 0:21:20.800 be like, I heal meal go to them. I'm like, 0:21:21.440 --> 0:21:24.200 hello to you too, exactly. Lovely to see you. I 0:21:24.240 --> 0:21:26.600 haven't seen you in fifteen years, but nice to see 0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:28.640 your ass. Okay, you know. Now, that's why I don't 0:21:28.640 --> 0:21:33.119 come back. Bro. They'll be like, they'll say that to 0:21:33.160 --> 0:21:36.680 somebody if they gave weight, like as a greeting when 0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:39.879 no qualms. But I really when my family is like, 0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:42.600 I always circle back and try to just whenever there's 0:21:42.640 --> 0:21:46.200