Speaker 1: I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born
Speaker 1: and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and
Speaker 1: I'm a body positive advoicate. I'm Carolina Bermudez, but I
Speaker 1: was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama,
Speaker 1: and a worker being. This is life in Spanglish. When
Speaker 1: does the Honey German? We meet yet again? And I
Speaker 1: just love this little space that we've created for ourselves.
Speaker 1: It is a place where we could be free to
Speaker 1: speak our minds. We don't have to worry. I especially
Speaker 1: like it that I get to curse. My mother doesn't
Speaker 1: love that part, but I do. And it's always fun
Speaker 1: seeing you. So what's going on, girl? I love seeing you.
Speaker 1: Don't ever tell me I can't see you on camera
Speaker 1: because the faces you make make my day. Well you guys, though,
Speaker 1: Sometimes I straight up tell Honey, you are not getting
Speaker 1: a plus Carolina. You're getting like c minus Carolina today.
Speaker 1: You're getting like bun hair back, like that kind of vibe.
Speaker 1: You know. But you know, at least, like my mom says,
Speaker 1: at least I finally found a man. You know. My
Speaker 1: mother came to visit just a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and I'm listening to her talk to her co madres,
Speaker 1: which is just the most entertaining thing. Talks. They would
Speaker 1: definitely take you out and you could sit back and
Speaker 1: just absorb what these women are saying, older women, And
Speaker 1: I don't know, sometimes it just throws me off. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you guys realize two right. Oh no, Well, some of
Speaker 1: the things that they say are really scandalous and totally inappropriate,
Speaker 1: so we're not going to put them on blast for those.
Speaker 1: But I love hearing well. Also, I have no choice
Speaker 1: but to hear it, because does your mom speak on
Speaker 1: speaker phone all the time. My mom will never put
Speaker 1: in airbuds, she will never wear headphones. It's all day,
Speaker 1: all speaker that's it. So you're consuming all of her.
Speaker 1: Oh people talk all day long. I can't avoid it.
Speaker 1: And that's the reason why I'm in on the cheese man,
Speaker 1: and I love it. So the other day my mom
Speaker 1: came to visit and she's on the phone with one
Speaker 1: of her cos and they're talking about the comadres niece,
Speaker 1: and I'm dying in the background because I'm hearing all
Speaker 1: about this poor young woman who is in her mid thirties.
Speaker 1: Tren Daniel, Noo Noo, tinder in Polo and contra Nadia.
Speaker 1: And now she's in and I'm looking at my mom
Speaker 1: and I'm thinking to myself, you do realize I never
Speaker 1: heard that one. That's it like the train left the station. Baby,
Speaker 1: she did not get married, which equates to us, I
Speaker 1: guess the same thing. That's oh yeah, unmarried women basically.
Speaker 1: And so after my mom got off the phone, I
Speaker 1: said to her, I said, Mom, why do you think
Speaker 1: because this woman is in her mid thirties, I don't
Speaker 1: know exactly how old she is, that there's no hope
Speaker 1: for her to find happiness? You know, I thought, a mom,
Speaker 1: people can have kids into their fifties. This has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with science and technology. This is an antiquated
Speaker 1: way of thinking that just because you're not young, that
Speaker 1: you can't find yourself a man. So I had this
Speaker 1: long and heated debate with my mom and I wanted
Speaker 1: to have it with you. And it's crazy your mom
Speaker 1: is talking about somebody in their thirties. You know, in Japan,
Speaker 1: after they label unmarried women Christmas cake meaning left over,
Speaker 1: nobody wants it. I'm like, what's Carolina five? That's called
Speaker 1: blooded though. I mean, I don't even like the phrase
Speaker 1: Christmas cake out like that is not right. You know,
Speaker 1: I think that when we look back at perhaps our parents.
Speaker 1: I look at my mother and father. My mom and
Speaker 1: dad got married when there were sixteen and twenty one.
Speaker 1: I think let's go back. It's always good for us
Speaker 1: to start from the beginning, especially you know with Latino parents.
Speaker 1: You know this whole. When I was young, Carolina, let's
Speaker 1: say twelve thirteen, I was taught how to clean, I
Speaker 1: was taught how to cook, I was taught how to soul,
Speaker 1: all in preparation for the day I got married. This
Speaker 1: is at thirteen. My mother was not talking to me
Speaker 1: about college or careers or anything like that. It was
Speaker 1: just like my mother used to put my hand in
Speaker 1: the toilet bowl like this, Like I used to be
Speaker 1: like a teenager, a thirteen year old, honey. I mean,
Speaker 1: she was teaching all of the things that she feels
Speaker 1: like you needed to know in order to be a
Speaker 1: lovely housewife. Which chose, yeah, or children? You know I
Speaker 1: used to have. I forget there used to be a song,
Speaker 1: and I forget the words. You did your mom or
Speaker 1: dad ever sing to you a ros go boys? Going on.
Speaker 1: I forget the us. It was legend us, it was
Speaker 1: legros let Casa was now my best singing boys, right,
Speaker 1: I forget the lyrics. I'm like, I'm sitting here trying
Speaker 1: to like rack my brain and remember this song. My grandmother,
Speaker 1: you just sing me that song and it was referencing
Speaker 1: to like the things you need to do or something
Speaker 1: like that, like all these you know, a thinking bag.
Speaker 1: It's like it was ingrained in us, like you gotta
Speaker 1: get married, you gotta be prepared to get married. You
Speaker 1: gotta learn all these things to get married. And it
Speaker 1: started early, and you took the words out of my
Speaker 1: mouth because this is something that you know inadvertently. We
Speaker 1: had been taught from a young age, almost subliminally, that
Speaker 1: as a woman you need to be ready to take
Speaker 1: care of the household, to take care of the man. Luckily,
Speaker 1: in my house, education was the number one priority for us.
Speaker 1: So I do have to give my parents credit there.
Speaker 1: My mom and dad always said, and I think I've
Speaker 1: mentioned this several times in the podcast, but my dad
Speaker 1: always said, I'm not worried about my boys. If my
Speaker 1: boys have to take care of their family, they can
Speaker 1: go out into a field and they can work and
Speaker 1: they can make money, but my girls need an education
Speaker 1: so they never have to depend on a man. But
Speaker 1: yet there's this mixed message of but you gotta get married,
Speaker 1: but you gotta get out there, and you have to
Speaker 1: have a family. And so this is something that I
Speaker 1: think as Latinos, or you know, as as women growing
Speaker 1: up Latinas, that we have been taught, how do you
Speaker 1: stop it from going to the next generation. I don't
Speaker 1: have daughters, but I do have nieces, and it is
Speaker 1: a priority to me to make them understand your worth
Speaker 1: is not associated to who you're with or who you
Speaker 1: end up with. Your worth is associated with your self esteem,
Speaker 1: with your accomplishments, with how you feel about yourself and
Speaker 1: what you've been doing, and those steps that you've taken
Speaker 1: to maintain your goals or to even reach your goals.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's wild, right, and I just couldn't believed
Speaker 1: this conversation. I'll tell you the rest of the chiefs after,
Speaker 1: but yes, go ahead, No, but I think I think
Speaker 1: our generation, let's say, of mothers are doing an amazing job.
Speaker 1: Because I have my niece and I never for once
Speaker 1: heard my my sister talking about marriage. It was just
Speaker 1: like you're gonna go to n YU, you're gonna be
Speaker 1: an artist. You like to play the guitar, You're gonna
Speaker 1: play the guitar. You want purple hair, you can have
Speaker 1: purple hair. There was never talk of let me show
Speaker 1: you how to cook, so you could cook for a man.
Speaker 1: So it's progressing, but there is still that stereotype and
Speaker 1: there is still that there's still that type of talk,
Speaker 1: let's say, with our moms, and even still people our
Speaker 1: age might comment on these type of things. What my
Speaker 1: question is to you though, Okay, so Hammona, where does
Speaker 1: that come from? Is that a Dominican phrase? Because I
Speaker 1: don't think I've ever heard that. Yeah, I think to
Speaker 1: Dominican word most definitely we use it. But it's just
Speaker 1: like that means like she never got married. I don't
Speaker 1: know if they mean to say nobody ever wanted to
Speaker 1: marry her. But you know, it's crazy. I know a
Speaker 1: lot of single women Carolina, and I don't feel any
Speaker 1: negative connotation towards them. You know, people want to say, oh,
Speaker 1: they're envious, they wanted to be married, they didn't didn't
Speaker 1: happen for them. A lot of them are very well
Speaker 1: educated master's degrees, beautiful homes, cars, great paying jobs. It's
Speaker 1: just weird how it still has like a negative connotation
Speaker 1: attached to it. You know, I call them unmarried women
Speaker 1: because I just feel like, you know, spinster and all
Speaker 1: those other terms have such negative you know, just it's
Speaker 1: just they're just negative words that I don't even think
Speaker 1: we should use anymore. I agree with you. You know,
Speaker 1: in my house, we call my friends who are unmarried
Speaker 1: t so. Ta's are Ta Jenny, THEA Liz. Those are
Speaker 1: my blood sisters those area. But in my house we
Speaker 1: have TT Cheryl, we have TT Sam, And these are
Speaker 1: my dear are friends who I've grown up with and
Speaker 1: who are very near and dear to me, who are
Speaker 1: not married, their professional career women. They have their own lives,
Speaker 1: they have found fulfillment in other ways, and they don't
Speaker 1: necessarily need to be attached to someone. Yes, they've had
Speaker 1: boyfriends here and there, but my kids know them as
Speaker 1: they and it gives them the opportunity to have a
Speaker 1: relationship with somebody other than me or other than their aunts,
Speaker 1: where I feel like I want them to establish a
Speaker 1: relationship where later on in life, if they're in high
Speaker 1: school or you know, even later they'll look forward to
Speaker 1: maybe going to l A to visit the the you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So I feel like that is
Speaker 1: a way for me to weave these important people into
Speaker 1: our lives. And I think the benefit is it's mutually beneficial.
Speaker 1: I think my kids get somebody that they can speak to,
Speaker 1: that they can look to for advice that maybe is
Speaker 1: not associated with the family, so they might feel a
Speaker 1: little more free revealing things to them. And then I
Speaker 1: also think that it gives my friends the benefit of
Speaker 1: having not one on one time with children through the
Speaker 1: various different stages of their lives, and they get to
Speaker 1: give them back. They don't have to deal with the
Speaker 1: everyday craziness that I have to deal with. I have
Speaker 1: nine god children, Carolina, and you know, speaking as someone
Speaker 1: you know, even though I was I married someone who
Speaker 1: didn't have children, it gave me so I say, my
Speaker 1: sister's kids and my kids because I practically helped raise them,
Speaker 1: you know, and it it built that void of not
Speaker 1: having children. So you don't understand what you're doing there.
Speaker 1: You're doing something that is amazing, not just for an
Speaker 1: unmarried women, but for women that don't doesn't have children.
Speaker 1: You know, I have. My youngest godchild is too My
Speaker 1: oldest god child is twenty four. I have all ranged
Speaker 1: ages kids. What I was a kid when my my
Speaker 1: older sister had her kid and I was her babysitter.
Speaker 1: I have a job. I was like I was at
Speaker 1: home all the time. So I practically helped raise my
Speaker 1: nephew who's twenty four years old, and I love him.
Speaker 1: It gave me a sense of like motherhood. So you
Speaker 1: don't understand what you're doing, Carolina. It's amazing, what a
Speaker 1: beautiful thing. I want more god children. One of my
Speaker 1: friends just had a baby last week. I'm like, oh God,
Speaker 1: am I gonna get another guy baby? And I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get another guy baby. I keep texting, send me pictures,
Speaker 1: send me pictures. I'm like, let's wait and see. But
Speaker 1: you know, it's been amazing. And if I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: had a husband and I wouldn't have had kids, I
Speaker 1: still feel like I would have been very um happy.
Speaker 1: You know. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband,
Speaker 1: but I don't feel like that. I don't feel like
Speaker 1: that is like a validation. Like if I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: been married, girl, I would have been dating my ass
Speaker 1: off I'll tell you that much. But right it wouldn't
Speaker 1: have changed anything. Like, I just don't feel like marriage
Speaker 1: is one of my accomplishments in life. And that's what
Speaker 1: a lot of them Latina moms, you know, don't see.
Speaker 1: I come from a family of like sixty cousins, so
Speaker 1: you can only imagine my DIA's and the comparisons. And
Speaker 1: this one got married and I want to get married.
Speaker 1: And this one got married because my mom and she
Speaker 1: loved her mother. Ida this one and get married because
Speaker 1: she went off on her own. I need people to understand,
Speaker 1: you know, marriage is not something that can be hung
Speaker 1: up on a wall, like I have my degrees behind
Speaker 1: me that I'm proud of being able to get somebody
Speaker 1: to marry me after ten years of dating. That is
Speaker 1: not an accomplishment. I just want a man down after
Speaker 1: a certain amount of time it was meant to happen.
Speaker 1: You know, honey, you're gonna be in the double digit
Speaker 1: soon with your god children if you keep up this pace,
Speaker 1: which I think is just so incredible. You really are.
Speaker 1: And that's the reason why I always go back to
Speaker 1: there's um some data that shows about single women that
Speaker 1: there is an increasingly large portion of the adult population
Speaker 1: in our own country. So four in ten adults between
Speaker 1: the ages of twenty five and fifty four are single,
Speaker 1: So that is up since Okay, so now let's look
Speaker 1: at the bigger picture. The other day, I was speaking
Speaker 1: to somebody, and this person is just starting out in
Speaker 1: the industry, and she was asking me for some advice.
Speaker 1: And the one piece of advice that I did give
Speaker 1: her that is contrary to what we're talking about here,
Speaker 1: is that I told her, I said, don't get so
Speaker 1: caught up in creating this career that you forget to
Speaker 1: have your own life, because I do think it is
Speaker 1: important to invest whether or not you marry that person.
Speaker 1: You can find a life partner and never get married.
Speaker 1: That's the other thing. Why do people have to force
Speaker 1: this certificate on everyone. There are plenty of people who
Speaker 1: are happy that have never gotten married, and I think
Speaker 1: that's a really big point, or that's something that we
Speaker 1: should point out here, because a marriage is a contract.
Speaker 1: And going back to my mother's conversation when she was
Speaker 1: talking about, you know this woman who's in her late
Speaker 1: thirties that never got married, I just said, Mom, there
Speaker 1: are other things. There are other goals that women want
Speaker 1: to accomplish now in two that just don't include marriage.
Speaker 1: Mary is not the biggest piece of much like to
Speaker 1: what you were saying, it's not the biggest piece of
Speaker 1: everyone's life that it was for you. And I don't
Speaker 1: mean to sound negative, but a lot of marriage ends
Speaker 1: in divorce and that is a fact. So it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have this accomplishment that's gonna end up in
Speaker 1: a breakup, alimony, child support and all that other good stuff.
Speaker 1: And you know what, I was reading a study by
Speaker 1: a behavioral scientists and research actually shows that women without
Speaker 1: children were actually happier than married women with children. Really,
Speaker 1: like I was like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna send you
Speaker 1: to study, you know, but it goes to show you,
Speaker 1: you know how we have these false narratives about like
Speaker 1: women unmarried women and women without children being unhappy. Girl.
Speaker 1: They oh, here lit these single girls about to be
Speaker 1: turning the funk up and we're gonna be at home
Speaker 1: season in continent to put on the grill. I love it.
Speaker 1: It's on the season. I want to be on the
Speaker 1: boat season. Yeah. I was watching on Instagram. Who was it?
Speaker 1: I feel like I saw little Duval if you guys
Speaker 1: don't follow a little duvall on Instagram, girl, let me cry.
Speaker 1: I I gut bust laugh whenever I see his uh posts.
Speaker 1: And he was posting people's aunties and I guess Auntie
Speaker 1: and and he's African American, so he had this whole
Speaker 1: movement of Auntie season hashtag Auntie, and everybody was sending
Speaker 1: their aunties in. And I gotta be honest with you,
Speaker 1: some of these women, these unmarried women who were out
Speaker 1: there looked better than some of the twenty year rolls
Speaker 1: that were submitting them. I was like, this is these
Speaker 1: are goals here, ladies, and they're out there living their
Speaker 1: best lives. Stop. I saw one she had like a
Speaker 1: I guess, like an orange hal to top dress, and
Speaker 1: I think it said she was sixty. She had that
Speaker 1: wagon in that flash stomach. I was like, oh not,
Speaker 1: this lady got better buddy than me, house way, because
Speaker 1: she has time to go to the gym, because she's
Speaker 1: not trying to take care of her man. She doesn't
Speaker 1: have to take care of kids or a dog like me,
Speaker 1: Like I got a dog too, Like as if taking
Speaker 1: a dog, as if taking care of two kids isn't enough,
Speaker 1: then I gotta take care of the damn dog, Raina.
Speaker 1: She doesn't act like a queen everybody. So, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just so funny how maybe we're shifting our perspective to
Speaker 1: allow people to just be I wish that we could break.
Speaker 1: And maybe you're listening right now and you're not in
Speaker 1: a relationship, or maybe you were previously married and you
Speaker 1: got divorced and it's not the end. That's the whole point,
Speaker 1: is that it is not the end just because other
Speaker 1: people had this vision or this expectation to this, you know,
Speaker 1: I guess um, I'm trying to think of, like what
Speaker 1: what the comparison is. Yeah, the expectation of the house
Speaker 1: with two kids, you know, the two point one kids
Speaker 1: and the white picket fence, like that is not a
Speaker 1: reality anymore. We're out here living in cities and having
Speaker 1: apartments and going to yoga and do practicing self care.
Speaker 1: And doesn't it sound like a dream to you? It does.
Speaker 1: It's like living life experiences, you know, just celebrating who
Speaker 1: you are and that freedom Carolina that comes with tomorrowmously
Speaker 1: till noon. You're not stressed talking about I gotta get
Speaker 1: the hell up. I don't want this man to see
Speaker 1: me looking crazy, and this house is dirty and I
Speaker 1: gotta clean that refrigerator. None of that. None of that.
Speaker 1: You want dirty fridge, You can have dirty fridge for weeks.
Speaker 1: You want to put on makeup the whole week working
Speaker 1: from home, you don't have to. Nobody's looking at you.
Speaker 1: You better love yourself and love the situation you're in.
Speaker 1: You know what's crazy. Whenever I do have issues and
Speaker 1: I'm not happy or something went wrong in my house,
Speaker 1: I tell my sister Bella Mia. And this is real talk.
Speaker 1: It's real advice, because sometimes you get such a headache
Speaker 1: and you're like, why did I get myself into this mess?
Speaker 1: More often than not, I'm I'm more often than not,
Speaker 1: I'm happy. Honestly, I am very happy. I adore my husband.
Speaker 1: But then there are those times where I'm like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I will say this, When I dated a
Speaker 1: person for years before I met my husband, I think
Speaker 1: my parents were stressed, but they didn't really tell me.
Speaker 1: Did you have pressure? You dated Noononi for ten years?
Speaker 1: Was there any pressure from your family where they constantly
Speaker 1: asking when he was going to pop the question? Yeah?
Speaker 1: It was constantly like okay, my mom always so what's
Speaker 1: gonna happen here? You're just gonna live with this man, Like,
Speaker 1: what's the deal? You're gonna get married? And it was
Speaker 1: just like, yo, we'll get married when it feels right,
Speaker 1: you know, like we lived together. Okay, girl. That was
Speaker 1: the number one question. Guando la gandoc who I'm like
Speaker 1: joel thing. Let me But definitely it was a question
Speaker 1: like when are you guys getting married. It's just like, yo,
Speaker 1: let me be. I was building my career. I was building,
Speaker 1: you know, my dreams. I was getting my education. I
Speaker 1: was not in a rush to get married. You're not
Speaker 1: three years old. Let me get married. I want to
Speaker 1: get married thirty. I'll get married thirty. Let it. Let
Speaker 1: it rock, you know. For me, I think my parents
Speaker 1: were afraid. They didn't want say anything. Why didn't want
Speaker 1: to upset you when when I no, they didn't. They
Speaker 1: didn't want Mark to be hip to the game. They
Speaker 1: were just like, oh my gosh, she found a good one.
Speaker 1: Let's not scare him away. My mom was like really
Speaker 1: careful whenever he would come to the house. But they
Speaker 1: they use the word gringo. Yeah, yes, And then and
Speaker 1: then they realized that Mark understand Spanish. Mark actually understand Spanish,
Speaker 1: she can speak a little bit, and so then so
Speaker 1: then it moved to and Julio, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: that's again these are inappropriate things, which you know, like
Speaker 1: my mom, then let theos use, you know. And it's
Speaker 1: like I realized that they are just so old school
Speaker 1: that this is something that I personally won't ever change
Speaker 1: for them, but I know that I can change it.
Speaker 1: I feel like when Mark showed up, they were like, Oh,
Speaker 1: we don't want to scare this one away. We're not
Speaker 1: gonna put any pressure on it. We're just gonna let
Speaker 1: it be and let it happen. But there are so
Speaker 1: many families who are constantly needling women in their twenties
Speaker 1: and thirties to lock it down to get married. And
Speaker 1: now my family, my family is like that. It's like
Speaker 1: any single cousin, it's just like, well, what's the problem.
Speaker 1: You know, I have cousins that will tell another cousina.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, this woman is in her thirties, Like
Speaker 1: what makes you think it's over? Bro? Like you are
Speaker 1: so inappropriate, you are overstepping in so many different ways.
Speaker 1: But it also comes from you know, we're kind of
Speaker 1: like we're Dominicans, and we kind of like sometimes say
Speaker 1: what's on our mind. But I've seen it happen and
Speaker 1: I'm like, and they'll come to me like, Yo, can
Speaker 1: you believe said this to me? And I'm like what,
Speaker 1: And they're like, who the hell says that to anybody? Well,
Speaker 1: they don't realize, they don't realize how intrusive that is,
Speaker 1: or what people's story is behind it. You don't know
Speaker 1: if people can or can't have children. And that's where
Speaker 1: I feel like we need to kind of take a
Speaker 1: step back and change that so that we don't continue
Speaker 1: to repeat those things. But cousins, cousins are savages. Coveins will,
Speaker 1: cousins will say whatever. Sisters exactly, they'll say whatever is
Speaker 1: on their mind. Whenever I go to San Francisco, that's
Speaker 1: where the cousin, that's cousin central, that's where all of
Speaker 1: them stay. And I just know San Francisco or Miami
Speaker 1: be prepared to answer questions. The girl I've had cousin
Speaker 1: be like, I heal meal go to them. I'm like,
Speaker 1: hello to you too, exactly. Lovely to see you. I
Speaker 1: haven't seen you in fifteen years, but nice to see
Speaker 1: your ass. Okay, you know. Now, that's why I don't
Speaker 1: come back. Bro. They'll be like, they'll say that to
Speaker 1: somebody if they gave weight, like as a greeting when
Speaker 1: no qualms. But I really when my family is like,
Speaker 1: I always circle back and try to just whenever there's
Speaker 1: a female unmarried, I'm just like, bro, do you realize
Speaker 1: the degrees this woman has? Do you realize how successful
Speaker 1: she is? Do you see her home? Do you see
Speaker 1: her her car? Do you see her accomplishments? Like, let's
Speaker 1: focus on that. Let's not focus on a man that
Speaker 1: might come in and ruin everything she's has worked for.
Speaker 1: That's actually a very good point. But also, what do
Speaker 1: you say for Bella? Because your sister who is absolutely stunning,
Speaker 1: she's gorgeous, she's single and I don't know her age,
Speaker 1: but I know that she's single. What kind of pressure
Speaker 1: is she facing from the family? And I feel like
Speaker 1: you would stick up for her, girl, I do. I'm like, Mom,
Speaker 1: stop talking to her about do not ask her any
Speaker 1: more questions. I need you to please stop. I'm like,
Speaker 1: do not call her if that's what you're gonna go
Speaker 1: in on right away. My mom is like obsessed with
Speaker 1: that situation. I'm like, yo, you gotta stop, lady, you
Speaker 1: gotta stop. Brothers and sisters were cool. We're letting her
Speaker 1: take her time because you know, you have to find
Speaker 1: your soul mate. You have to find your person. It
Speaker 1: can't just be anybody. So yeah, granted you dated your
Speaker 1: whole twenties, but you know what, every if every relationship
Speaker 1: and didn't break up, that wasn't the purpose. And for you,
Speaker 1: what do you want her to do? Marry the person
Speaker 1: that ended up being a monster behind closed doors? Is
Speaker 1: that what you wanted or the relationship that went sour
Speaker 1: that's the one you wanted her? No, because you know
Speaker 1: what that would have ended in divorce. Take your time,
Speaker 1: find your right person, and then get married. I tell
Speaker 1: all the time, do not let these people pressure you
Speaker 1: and to settle down with someone you do not love,
Speaker 1: you're not in love with, and you don't see a
Speaker 1: future with, not to check a box that later on
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to check with a divorce. Don't let
Speaker 1: them pressure you into that. Don't. And you know it
Speaker 1: bothers her. She doesn't want to talk about it. It's
Speaker 1: something that's private and she doesn't understand why people feel
Speaker 1: like they have the privilege to even approach her or
Speaker 1: engage her in that conversation. So if you're out there,
Speaker 1: you know, and you feel like you want to ask
Speaker 1: somebody about their single them or I don't even know
Speaker 1: if that's a word, please refrain, chill out, focus on
Speaker 1: your own ship. I'm pretty sure there's areas in your
Speaker 1: life that can use some work, whether it be your kids,
Speaker 1: your own marriage, or your dirtylass house. Lead these people alone.
Speaker 1: She went there, she went there, she struggles with it,
Speaker 1: and you know what, with Latinos, it's just like everybody
Speaker 1: is so intrusive sometimes and everybody was like every topic
Speaker 1: is up for debate. It's not. And don't try to
Speaker 1: hook them up. Please stop. I hate that. Oh I
Speaker 1: have a friend girl that setups. Oh my god. They
Speaker 1: are not desperate. These women have Tinder, these women have
Speaker 1: eat Harmony, these women have the streets. These women have
Speaker 1: their jobs. They are meeting people, they're just not meeting
Speaker 1: the right people. They are not thirsty out here. These
Speaker 1: women are perfectly okay, stay your ass out of it.
Speaker 1: Don't try to hook her up with your DIA's cousins,
Speaker 1: uncle that just got released from prison and you don't
Speaker 1: know about it. Well, no, exactly, you have no idea
Speaker 1: what's in their past. I always go back to a
Speaker 1: phrase that my mom would always tell me, I'd rather
Speaker 1: be alone than with company, and that don't take me
Speaker 1: down that rabbit hole. But that's exactly the advice that
Speaker 1: you're giving Bella to your sister. It is more important
Speaker 1: for you to get to know yourself and to know
Speaker 1: who you are so that you are ready for that
Speaker 1: person when the right person comes along. And let's be honest,
Speaker 1: dating these days is not the same I'm coming out on.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think. Two thousand eight was when I
Speaker 1: met my husband. That man actually took me to dinner.
Speaker 1: These girls can't even get dinner out of these guys anymore.
Speaker 1: I had a friend who reached out to me, these
Speaker 1: streets are tough. And she told me that this guy
Speaker 1: reached out to her and said, oh, I want to
Speaker 1: meet you for drinks. And I said, you can't even
Speaker 1: get some food and she said, no, guys no longer
Speaker 1: want to meet you for dinner. Dinner is like the
Speaker 1: third date. I said, dinner was like the first date.
Speaker 1: A girl has got to eat, honey, I am sorry,
Speaker 1: I am hungry. I need my protein, I need you
Speaker 1: to pay for it, and I feel like there's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with that wrong, But then you know what it
Speaker 1: is in this microwavable type of dating society wherein these
Speaker 1: guys probably meet three people for drinks in one night. Girl,
Speaker 1: let's do drinks here real quick, and let's do drinks
Speaker 1: here real quick, and then if they don't like those three,
Speaker 1: they set up three more for the next day. So
Speaker 1: it's not easy, you know, scoring or landing the perfect person,
Speaker 1: because these men can replace you from the comfort of
Speaker 1: their own couch. Before, if men would meet a girl
Speaker 1: like Navaha, they would work on it. Now they don't
Speaker 1: work on it. So being single is much harder now
Speaker 1: in than it wasn't let's say the nineties or the
Speaker 1: two thousands, and not even that, they're not even going
Speaker 1: to replace you. They're not even going to give you
Speaker 1: the courtesy of going home. Some of these guys will
Speaker 1: be looking on Tinder at the bar while they're on
Speaker 1: the date with you and they realize that you're not
Speaker 1: the one. This is true story, No, this is true story.
Speaker 1: They're gonna be scrolling swiping left while you while you're
Speaker 1: finishing your wondering she came back from the bathroom and
Speaker 1: said that she rolled up behind his back and saw
Speaker 1: him on Tinder looking around him, and I said, okay, well,
Speaker 1: clearly this is not the one, but it's it's it's
Speaker 1: so discouraging and you don't But then you wonder why
Speaker 1: people stay single, because it's like, why on earth would
Speaker 1: you want to have a second date with this person
Speaker 1: if you just rolled up on him and he's looking
Speaker 1: for other options. So I feel like that is it.
Speaker 1: You need to be treated as the option. And I've
Speaker 1: always said this, there's there are so many distractions in
Speaker 1: this world period that when it comes to dating, if
Speaker 1: you are not holding that man or woman, whoever is
Speaker 1: that you choose to date in the highest regard, then
Speaker 1: perhaps that person isn't for you. The game playing at
Speaker 1: this at this time, it's like it's got to stop.
Speaker 1: And I feel like, especially in your thirties and your forties,
Speaker 1: when you're looking for something substantial, that's where I feel
Speaker 1: like people need to really lay it out and say
Speaker 1: this is what I'm looking for. I'm not into the
Speaker 1: game playing. And if you're not down with this and
Speaker 1: you still want to like cut around and look for
Speaker 1: other people, then I'm not the one for you. You know.
Speaker 1: I was talking Tablan. I was like, where do people
Speaker 1: that actually want to get married look? And she was like,
Speaker 1: I guess. I guess she said e Harmony or um,
Speaker 1: what's the other one? Match match? Because I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: I'm like these apps, these guys, these apps are a game.
Speaker 1: Instagram is a game, you know, Like, where do you
Speaker 1: go to find like minded people that are like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I want to get married and I want to have children.
Speaker 1: It's got to be hard out here for these single people.
Speaker 1: And you're not going to find somebody where you used
Speaker 1: to be able to find them. You're not going to
Speaker 1: go to church and find that person. Because I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: it's just there are no opportunities. They're like there were previously.
Speaker 1: There are too many options on the table. So that's
Speaker 1: where I feel like people need to get creative. So
Speaker 1: here is the one piece of advice that nobody asked for.
Speaker 1: If you are single and you're listening to this podcast
Speaker 1: right now, I want you to make a conscious effort
Speaker 1: to get to know your friends friends. And it's not
Speaker 1: necessarily even your friends friends. Your friend's friend may know
Speaker 1: a friend that's single, and that in my opinion is
Speaker 1: the best way to meet somebody because the apps they're
Speaker 1: out there. Yes, people find love, absolutely, but I think
Speaker 1: if you're really serious and you want to get down
Speaker 1: to it. And also, here's the other thing that I
Speaker 1: tell my friend all the time that those boxes that
Speaker 1: you're looking for this person to check, you might get
Speaker 1: somebody that fills se of those boxes. Be willing, be
Speaker 1: willing to be open to other ideas. I feel like
Speaker 1: we're so fixated on the perfect man or the perfect woman.
Speaker 1: If somebody comes at you and for example, their teeth
Speaker 1: might not be all right, Okay, let me just I'm
Speaker 1: just giving that as an example. Okay, that might be
Speaker 1: a deal breaker for other people. Okay, that might be
Speaker 1: a deal breaker, but we can fix that. Teeth can
Speaker 1: be fixed. A personality, a person's moral character, the way
Speaker 1: that they live their life and they treat other people,
Speaker 1: that can't necessarily be fixed. So I feel like that
Speaker 1: is the nugget that we leave to we have to
Speaker 1: leave people with today. You know, I feel like perhaps
Speaker 1: we need to discuss with our families, discussed with our
Speaker 1: friends that these archaic ways of thinking harmona. We gotta
Speaker 1: stop talking that way and be more supportive of our
Speaker 1: single brothers and sisters. Boom, we said it. That is
Speaker 1: a fact and connection. If you feel a connection with someone,
Speaker 1: go with it and listen. If you are single out here,
Speaker 1: just no, I envy you, not a little bit, a
Speaker 1: whole lot. You are living your life wearing what you
Speaker 1: one way you want, whatever music you want to listen,
Speaker 1: whatever show you want to watch. You want to watch
Speaker 1: sappiest movies for three hours. Ain't nobody gonna tell you
Speaker 1: turn that ship off. They want to watch drink Champs
Speaker 1: with Nori, girl, live your life. You don't understand, y nuty.
Speaker 1: She doesn't mean one thing. She doesn't mean one thing
Speaker 1: that she's saying. Nunny, she loves you, she loves watching
Speaker 1: drink Champs. Don't listen to her. No, I don't want
Speaker 1: to watch drink Champs, and I definitely don't want to
Speaker 1: clean the whole house. And then this man makes and
Speaker 1: stinks up the whole house like fried codfish. Girl. Listen, girl,
Speaker 1: if your house is out here smelling like a spa,
Speaker 1: enjoy it because it's not gonna last forever. And I
Speaker 1: envy you. Oh my gosh, I am dying. Do you
Speaker 1: have any advice to say? To your younger single self.
Speaker 1: I have to think about this one because I was
Speaker 1: thinking what advice would I give to a young Carolina
Speaker 1: single a dating advice or in general? I would just
Speaker 1: say to your single self, because there are those moments
Speaker 1: when I was single, Yeah, when when you were single,
Speaker 1: what advice would you give to your younger single self.
Speaker 1: I hate everybody I dated before my husband. Girl, just
Speaker 1: sit down and wait and wait for this guy now.
Speaker 1: But for sure, I'm I just connection because it's like
Speaker 1: what what I ended up connecting? Well, the reason I
Speaker 1: ended up staying with Noony was because the connection was undeniable.
Speaker 1: I always gravitated towards him, you know. So if you
Speaker 1: feel like there's someone you just can't get out of
Speaker 1: your mind, or someone you keep going back to, you know,
Speaker 1: even if some things might have gone wrong, if you
Speaker 1: feel like this person is the person for you, don't
Speaker 1: get stuck on mistakes. Don't get stuck on this happened,
Speaker 1: and then I don't want to talk to him anymore
Speaker 1: unless it's something super unforgivable. If you feel like that's
Speaker 1: your person and there's a connection, let some ship slide.
Speaker 1: That's great advice. I feel like if I were to
Speaker 1: tell my younger single self some advice, I would say,
Speaker 1: explore more. I was a serial monogamous. I never wanted
Speaker 1: to date other people. I was always afraid. I was
Speaker 1: very hesitant, which is really not my personality, but I did.
Speaker 1: I pushed myself a lot, and I would go on dates,
Speaker 1: and that didn't necessarily mean that it was anything sexual.
Speaker 1: I mean, I, you know, but I would put myself
Speaker 1: out there. I don't know if I put myself out
Speaker 1: there as much as other people, but I would say
Speaker 1: if if I were younger and single, I would explore more.
Speaker 1: I would explore different types of people. I would uh,
Speaker 1: maybe take up that person who wants to take me
Speaker 1: out for a drink and just say, you know what,
Speaker 1: screw it, I'm going to go out there and do it.
Speaker 1: Because I feel like I got into comfort zone and
Speaker 1: my comfort zone was focusing on me, which was great
Speaker 1: and I'm glad that I did that, but there were
Speaker 1: many many times where I feel like I could have
Speaker 1: pushed myself to get out there more. So maybe for
Speaker 1: our single friends who are listening, I always say, you're
Speaker 1: never gonna meet the man of your dreams or the
Speaker 1: woman of your dreams in your living room watching forty
Speaker 1: eight hours Mystery or Dateline. You might meet them when
Speaker 1: you go over to your friend's house and you take
Speaker 1: a cake over for their son's birthday and they have
Speaker 1: friends over. That might be the time that you meet
Speaker 1: your special person and be friendly. Caroline, I'm a friendly person.
Speaker 1: I always every time I met them. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you're friendly, Honey, I don't know if you're friendly.
Speaker 1: After all you said right now, I mean when you
Speaker 1: go out like I feel like a lot of people
Speaker 1: feel dumb being like it's like, have you see somebody like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, I tell people all the time, cool shoes
Speaker 1: and then they want to talk cute dog and then
Speaker 1: they want to talk. If you're simple, there's nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with doing that. You You don't look stupid, You just
Speaker 1: look friendly. It's normal conversation. We've got into a into
Speaker 1: a space where nobody talks to strangers and it's like,
Speaker 1: come on, how old are you? Seven years old? Stranger? Danger?
Speaker 1: Now that might be your next piece of you know what?
Speaker 1: Say you like this sucks? Ain't what I'm wrong with
Speaker 1: the honey, this is beautiful. This is beautiful advice. And
Speaker 1: the reason why is because everybody is too freaking cool.
Speaker 1: Everybody is so cool. Get out of your ego, get
Speaker 1: out of your head and spark a conversation with somebody
Speaker 1: or if you're even married. This is something that I
Speaker 1: love to do. So I have a single friend right now,
Speaker 1: she's a single mom, and we went out the other
Speaker 1: night for girls night out. We went out to dinner
Speaker 1: and then after she said, why don't we go to
Speaker 1: this place in Huntington's out on Long Island, and I said,
Speaker 1: I have not been to a club since my thirties.
Speaker 1: She said, well, we're going tonight. So we went out
Speaker 1: there and this guy tried to roll up on your girl,
Speaker 1: and I said, oh no, I am not single, and
Speaker 1: I flashed my hand. I said, please get out of here.
Speaker 1: But I said, but you know what, she's single. So
Speaker 1: tell me about yourself. Where do you work, what do
Speaker 1: you do, what do you what are your interests? Be
Speaker 1: the wing woman that you wanted when you were younger
Speaker 1: and when you were out there, and You're right, conversation
Speaker 1: is the spark, that's the beginning of things. And I
Speaker 1: feel like people are too concerned about like not being cooler,
Speaker 1: somebody shutting them down. They shut you down, move on.
Speaker 1: I tell Bella that all the time. I'd be like,
Speaker 1: he's so cute. No, I would look desperate. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't. And then you know what I'll do, Carolina
Speaker 1: out the guy will be what you're listening to, and
Speaker 1: there it is, and then he starts talking to us,
Speaker 1: and then eventually she At times she's gotten the guy's number.
Speaker 1: He's interested in her. But if I don't spark the conversation,
Speaker 1: it doesn't happen. Sometimes you need people like us, Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: You know what follow Honey and I for more life advice.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna elevator with Bella. I'd be like, Hi, what's
Speaker 1: your name. She'd be like, I'm gonna kill Yeah, the
Speaker 1: elevator though, that's the next level. No, because you're trapped
Speaker 1: in there. You can't get out. Honey is a savage
Speaker 1: and like I said, listen, when I go visit her,
Speaker 1: right she's down in my am, we'll go down by harpoo.
Speaker 1: I try to engage at least five people. Oh give
Speaker 1: me that dog, bring it over here. We met Lulu
Speaker 1: like three weeks ago. Girl. I said, Hi, Lulu, and
Speaker 1: what's dad's name? I think he said his name was Raoul.
Speaker 1: I think, and I'm like, oh, this is my this
Speaker 1: she lives here. Stop it. She hates me for it.
Speaker 1: But you know what, next time she sees Lulu and Raoul,
Speaker 1: she could say hi to them, I love you for this.
Speaker 1: And Honey, I'm telling you, we need to start our
Speaker 1: own dating service. We will be out there. We we
Speaker 1: could call it like those myth teaches, like we're getting
Speaker 1: into everybody's lives. That's it. We are all about the business, guys.
Speaker 1: We love love love that we get the time to
Speaker 1: talk to you. And if you really do need advice,
Speaker 1: you can always hit us up on social media. I'm
Speaker 1: at the Real Carolina, I am Honey German. Hit us up, man.
Speaker 1: I love these topics. Why do I feel so happy
Speaker 1: right now that we accomplished so much? Well, because I
Speaker 1: feel like, hopefully somebody can take this and feel more positively,
Speaker 1: or they can be more optimistic rather than listening to
Speaker 1: their moms talking to their mothers about their love life. No,
Speaker 1: you come and talk to us, Okay, So we'll be
Speaker 1: back next week and we're so glad that you came
Speaker 1: to join us. Also follow us on Instagram. We're at
Speaker 1: l I Spanglish and if you guys have any questions,
Speaker 1: you know you can d m us any time, slide
Speaker 1: into the d m s at first. Lifense Banglish is
Speaker 1: a production of Lifense Spanglish productions in partnership with I
Speaker 1: Heart's Michael Tura podcast Network m