WEBVTT - Is monogamy dead? “Finding love in the 21st century “ Part 1 0:00:05.760 --> 0:00:07.680 What's her family. I'm your girl to make a d 0:00:07.800 --> 0:00:11.080 mallory and it's your boy might sound in general, and 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:14.840 we're your hosts of street politicians, the place, the streets 0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:19.279 and politics. Me, what's going on, mice? You know, man, 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:24.079 We're just coming back from Thanksgiving. You know. Thanksgiving was beautiful. 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:29.320 Thanksgiving was beautiful. My mama cooked beautiful for my sister, 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:32.519 actually cooked, you know, and you throw down. So that 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:36.120 was a good thing. Yeah, that's why Thanksgiving was great 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:41.200 for me because my parents are alive and well, um 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:44.520 you know, and that meant a lot to be there 0:00:44.560 --> 0:00:47.880 with them. My aunt not only did she she cooked 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:51.960 half of the meal. Um, I can't say I cooked 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.960 the other half, which I can, but I didn't because 0:00:55.000 --> 0:00:59.240 I purchased it from the great cooks at Sylvia's Restaurant 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:03.240 in harm Shout out to Sylvia's. This time, I didn't 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:06.480 have to um cook anything. Actually, I was in the 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:10.120 process of making dressing as we call it. Some folks 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:12.920 call it stuffing, but we call it dressing. And I 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:15.279 was in the process of making that, and my cousin, 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:18.119 who came from out of town, she started doing that, 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:20.680 so I didn't have to burn one pot this year. 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:25.200 So that's the other reason why Thanksgiving was good. But 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:28.360 my aunt not only did she cook all half of 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:32.280 the meal and all the desserts, she also cleaned the 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:36.560 entire kitchen afterwards, put all the food away. And for 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:40.080 people who are in the kitchen for Thanksgiving, you probably 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:43.039 would never understand because you probably have never been in 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:47.160 the kitchen for Thanksgiving. You don't know how how how 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:52.600 serious the cleanup is. That's how I watched. I watched 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:56.120 my mother's sister and everybody else and people clean up. 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:58.600 I've seen it, you know, I understand. I just don't 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.600 try not to participate. Yeah, you try not to, we know. 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.320 But anyway, so it was good. A lot of family, 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:07.120 a lot of love. My child was here with his 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:11.519 his dog, which is my grand dog, Louis, and um. 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:13.400 I got a chance to spend a little bit of 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:16.080 time with them. So hey, for me, Thanksgiving was great. 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:20.640 I think I spent the day on Friday sleeping. I 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:23.200 don't you know. Again, I didn't have anything to really do, 0:02:23.320 --> 0:02:25.560 so I was just kind of free. So I slept 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:30.560 on Friday, and then Saturday I went outside to the 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:33.400 stores to see what the deals were all about. And 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:37.800 I want everybody out there in um street, politicians land 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:41.519 to know there's no sale. It's just not true. It's 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:44.560 a forest. Don't believe it. This is not there's no sale. 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:49.880 I left. I left the store because things were so 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:52.680 expensive that I was like, yeah, I can't do it. 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:54.800 The thing is that the stuff that you like to 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:57.120 me because they don't never go on set. You always 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:00.960 about me. That's the Really, you don't shop at the 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:03.760 places where they get the sales. You're not shopping in 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:06.320 the place where they got the sales you want. You 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:10.240 like high end things, and there's never a sale for 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:14.960 high end that. They sent me an email and a 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:19.760 text message that didn't say fifty percent. They said things 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:25.080 were seventy percent. The thing you would never buy, that's li'sten. 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:27.320 You don't know that. How do you know that when 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:29.760 you with it, when you walked into that store, was 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:34.639 the stuff that you wanted on sale? Now, No, it's 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:36.760 not even no, no, no, it was on sale. No, 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:39.560 it was on sale. Excuse me, it was on sale. 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:44.680 The problem is that inflation is real, so things are 0:03:44.720 --> 0:03:47.800 on sale. It was definitely marked down and all of that. 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:51.760 But if you're starting with a sweater, like all of 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:54.160 a sudden. I don't know what happened, but sweaters our 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:58.760 thousand dollars, sweaters five hundred dollars, seven hundred dollars. Like 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:01.360 sometimes I found myself up online. I'm like, okay, let 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.760 me go see what. You know, what's out there. You know, 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:08.320 obviously the algorithm on our social media, it picks up 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:12.800 what we're interested in. So you know, it's constantly every day, 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:16.160 the baddest ship ever is popping up on my phone. 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:19.320 So I'm sitting there going through and I noticed that 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:22.360 every time I click something that I like, it's just 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:25.719 way more expensive than it was before. Like a sweater 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:29.080 can be you know, a sweater that I would say, 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.520 maybe in the past it was three hundred dollars, which 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:34.480 would have been good. Then it's on sale or whatever, 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:36.800 you get it for two hundred dollars, and it'd be 0:04:36.839 --> 0:04:40.480 a real nice sweater. Now that's there's these same things 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:45.039 as seven, eight, nine hundred dollars. Like it's inflation for real, Yeah, 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:48.160 it's it's a lots. And I'm a sneaker person, so 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:51.240 sneakers have just gotten out of control. Like every pit 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:55.360 sneakers it's four and five hundred, you know, and it's 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:57.880 and it's retro sneakers, and it's all of them just 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:01.920 all over out of control. So is retro means that 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:05.039 it's a sneaker that used to be and it came 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:15.000 back exactly. Okay, well that's so they got limited amounts. 0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:17.280 So when they bring them back, they're charging you triple 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:24.080 what they used to be. So yeah, I mean that's 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:30.680 really my thought process, my thought of the day today, 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:39.080 because I I literally sat and thought about how expensive 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:44.239 things are, and I'm thinking to myself, how people gonna 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:48.120 make it? Like I just don't know it takes. I 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:53.680 have several streams of income, such as you, several streams 0:05:53.680 --> 0:06:00.200 of income to survive. I have to speak consult, I 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:06.360 have my until Freedom salary. I have other important uh 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:09.120 projects and things that I'm involved in. Some of them 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:13.640 have not even bared any fruit yet. I've actually put 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:17.520 money in. But nonetheless I have different things, several different 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:23.400 pockets of money. And still it's you know, obviously, thank God, God, 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:28.360 thank you please. I'm not struggling. But I can't imagine 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:32.200 what is happening to a family that is just you know, 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:37.159 really making it with two basic incomes. It's something something 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:39.880 has to get because when we were last week, we 0:06:39.880 --> 0:06:42.919 were talking about the smash and grab thing, right, or 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:47.599 grab and smash or smashing, smashing, grab, smashing grab. We're 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:49.880 talking about that last week, and I took some time 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:53.880 to reflect on my privilege because even though I do not, 0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:57.640 I have not wavered in my opinion. My opinion remains 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:00.640 the same that you must be out of your mind 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:04.039 if you think it's a good idea to go into 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.000 people's store downtowns. They stay down there with the white 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:11.240 folks stealing their stuff, knowing that they're going to find 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:13.880 a way to catch one, and then one is gonna 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.120 tell on two, and then two will tell on four, 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:19.080 and then all of y'all be in trouble somehow or another. 0:07:19.120 --> 0:07:21.440 They're gonna end up putting some type of felony or 0:07:21.480 --> 0:07:24.640 something else on you, because as has been said, if 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:27.000 it's over a certain amount of money, you get a 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:31.520 felony and something else, and maybe you know, resistant arrest, 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:35.600 and god forbid, you knock somebody over of a patron 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:38.840 and or a worker, and now that's an assault situation. 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:41.600 So they just keep they're gonna keep on getting off, 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:43.400 and you might have just thought you was going out 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:46.160 to have a good time, right, But checking my privilege, 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:49.800 I'm thinking to myself, Wow, if what you're saying is correct, 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:53.680 that retro sneak is five and six hundred dollars, if 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:58.040 also the clothes as expensive as it is, and gas 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:02.720 prices um in general roll have caused the cast trees, 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:08.040 groceries are everything is up. It's it's the most expensive ever. What. 0:08:08.600 --> 0:08:10.440 I don't know how people are gonna make it. I 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:14.800 really just do not know how they're going to make it. 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:18.240 It's tough, it's really tough and financial times, you know, 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:20.360 think about it, Like you said, about the grace of God, 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:23.680 we're able to um be able to pay our bills 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:27.320 and live comfortably to the point where we're not starving 0:08:27.360 --> 0:08:29.320 every day and we don't have to smash and grab. 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:31.960 But when you look at the times, and that's what 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:34.080 I tell people, like, I'm glad you checked your privilege 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:36.640 because a lot of people look at crime and they 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:39.920 look at people who commit crime as just evil individuals, 0:08:40.240 --> 0:08:42.360 you know. And I remember a time when I was 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:44.600 in the streets committing crime. It was out of a 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:47.040 sense of desperation. And there's a lot of people who 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:49.520 just don't have it I was walking to the meta 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:52.520 my cars working. I was working early in the morning, 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:55.560 take my kids at school, and a god was just 0:08:55.679 --> 0:09:00.280 checking the medas for change. But just understand like he 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:02.199 was just walking by, he was checking all the meters 0:09:02.240 --> 0:09:04.760 to see if somebody left changing. And it just gave 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:07.280 me a reality like some people really just don't have it. 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:09.360 There are a lot of people who are really in 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:13.600 dire your needs, you know, especially after this pandemic. You know, 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:15.480 a lot of people don't know how to manage money, 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:19.199 didn't have money, lost their jobs and now that these 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.000 streets is drying up and ain't no p PP. It 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:27.400 didn't know. Um, you you you're getting severance checks and 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:30.319 pay and in back paid. It ain't none of that. 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:33.800 People is back to things and people are getting strong 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:36.160 on robbed. So when you look at this smashing grab, 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:39.760 they followed people home, they've jumping in your car. They're 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:43.520 trying to like it's serious. Now, did you see there 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:47.800 was there's a video online now where um and I 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:51.680 think it was in California, a guy to guys walked 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:53.520 over to some people. You see the guy with the 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:58.960 gun in his hand. The restaurant, yes, and and and 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:01.520 and the sap art about it is like I feel like, 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:07.480 for me personally, one a lot of when I'm out, obviously, 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:09.840 people are like, oh, how you doing or whatever. So 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:14.240 I'm already prone to folks coming close to me. And 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:16.280 I know that because they might want to take a picture, 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.240 they might want to tell me what they think about 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:21.600 an issue or what they saw on Fox News. Sometimes 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:23.520 I had white people walk up to me and say, 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:26.880 you know, I appreciate what you do, but but and 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:29.920 they give me all their reasons for why you know 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:34.280 we're wrong. I have, you know, the people who support me, 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:37.719 and you know, and and just people who are just like, oh, 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:40.400 you know what I've seen you before? Is your name whatever? 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:44.120 So they're already close to me. So I have started now. 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:49.400 First I started off pulling my sleeve down over my jury, right. 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:53.520 I started with that. Then I started not wearing certain 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:58.000 things at all, just because I'm out by myself sometimes, 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:00.800 and I don't I really don't know. I didn't have 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:04.280 that feeling before, even though I'm not saying crime has 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:08.080 not always existed, because it certainly has, and people will 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:10.080 get the drop on you or we know that. But 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.240 I used to have a feel and and and and 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:16.160 by the way, I don't feel like it's just black folks, 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:19.480 like I could deal with just black people. Right. I'm 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:23.720 used to going in the hood seeing black people and 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:27.120 they've and there's a sense of respect when you give respect, 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:31.120 even to the grimiest person. Oftentimes, when you give a 0:11:31.160 --> 0:11:34.600 certain level of respect, they respond with a certain level 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:36.560 of respect. And it's kind of like, get out of 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:39.720 my area, like right, like, you know, don't be going 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:44.360 hanging out in these people's neighborhoods flashing stuff and and thinking, no, 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:47.080 it's not cool. So hey, how you doing. Get the 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:49.040 hell on? You went to the corner store to get 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:51.600 you a little groceries or whatever you're doing, you could 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:54.000 go harry up and move on. So we all we 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:57.640 have that those boundaries and that mutual respect. But I 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.520 have literally been out mice in the last weeks and 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:06.200 there have been strange people of all backgrounds doing crazy things. 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:10.800 White men running down the street half dressed, screaming. I 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:14.360 had a man jumped like in my face. I've seen 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.440 people of people have lost it and it's it's some 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:20.720 of it is financial, some of it is mental. But 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:24.680 there's some serious problems and I don't know who's responsible 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:26.520 for dealing with it. I guess it's supposed to be 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:30.240 the government. But I just think we are in real, 0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:33.800 real bad times, real bad times. And I have not 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:37.560 been willing to say that, but over these past few days, 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:41.440 I realized that it's no way people can make it. 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:45.800 When milk is eight nine dollars, it's that's just outrageous, 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:50.160 especially if you're trying to drink oat milk or something 0:12:50.240 --> 0:12:52.920 where you're not trying to just go by regular whole milk. 0:12:52.960 --> 0:12:56.120 Because on one hand, we are learning that we need 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:59.280 to take better care of ourselves, but on the other hand, 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.960 in order to live and to eat properly and drink 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:07.120 on uh, what's the alkaline water? Being on an alkaline diet, 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:10.240 it does cost money. Some people will tell you it's 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:13.520 not that expensive and make perhaps, but I know, I 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:16.400 don't know about you, but when I go to Whole Foods, 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:20.800 it's it's serious and Whole Foods and so it's serious, man. 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:24.199 Like the times were just really bad. Man. I'm not 0:13:24.200 --> 0:13:25.800 even gonna lie to you. I was really just sitting 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:28.680 here thinking about it. And you know, I frequent the hood. 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:30.560 You know, I'm still in tune with the hood. So 0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:33.160 I go through the hood every day and just listening 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:37.319 to stories like everybody's trying to get the job, trying 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.520 to figure this out. It coming to me like, yo, 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:42.400 you got anything, I need this, I need that, And 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:46.040 it's like really bad, like really really bad out there. 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:51.600 Yeah it is. So you know, I guess for it's 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:55.640 that it means that it's incumbent upon us to figure 0:13:55.640 --> 0:14:01.240 out how we help our people, right because as other communities, 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:07.439 there will be programs, services, and access to everything so 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:10.600 that they can get themselves together. As you know, think 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:12.840 that as they start to shake it out, if you will, 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.760 there'll be more mental health support where they can walk 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.760 up and get help. The drug addiction and all of 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:20.920 those things. Right, a lot of people got hooked on 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:25.480 things they never even used before because during the pandemic, 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:29.800 right they sat in the house or sat wherever and 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:33.000 started to try to compensate for the pain of not 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:35.440 being out, of losing a loved one, of the fear 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:38.720 of COVID and all of these things. And so you know, 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:41.480 it's incompetent upon us to figure out ways each one 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:44.040 of us, in our own way, do what we can. Right. So, 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:46.920 for me, if I'm out in the street and and 0:14:46.960 --> 0:14:50.480 it's a safe situation, which is often times even when 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:54.800 it's in and A and a person who is houseless 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:58.160 or going through something ask me for money. Where I 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:01.280 used to give two dollars or the change in my pocket, 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:10.560 I now am giving twenty, right, I'm now I'm getting twenty. Yeah. 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:12.840 I'm trying to people calling to me on the side 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:14.800 and now you know, because I just want to be 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:16.560 able to play my part. But it's it's just really 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:18.240 bad and you can't do it. But you can't do 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:23.440 it to everyone's right, That's it. So you can't do 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:27.120 it to everyone, right, which means we need a larger solution, 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:29.800 especially to help deal with our young people. So I 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:34.200 think that for me is my calling is what are 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:36.120 we going to be doing and try to help these 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:45.760 young people because something's wrong? Andrew said, right, So we're 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:48.880 getting into this show today. Um, We've got an interesting 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:52.400 panel of folks that are coming on. It's the Women 0:15:52.520 --> 0:16:00.480 against My Song. Um, listen, in the holiday season are rough. 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:05.520 It's tough for a lot of people pushing through the holidays. Um, 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:08.360 you know, without their loved ones or people they want 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:12.240 to be with, or without finding that special person. And 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.560 I think as it comes to January every year, I 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:18.560 say to myself that last January I said this was 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:20.680 gonna be the I'm gonna go on dates. I'm gonna 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:22.240 do the thing and the thing, and I don't do 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:25.520 it because you know, I have many reasons, and I'm 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:30.120 sure that in this conversation it will still be that 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:32.600 I won't be doing it for two thousand and twenty two. 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:36.080 So and that's a shame that I'm starting off within 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:39.400 the deficit. But I just already know I can feel 0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:44.040 the energy of this panel discussion. The bottom line is 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:46.520 this to me, because just open your mind to the 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:51.640 reality of relationship and not the fantasy. And that's it. 0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:59.920 And that's exactly why I'm gonna be single, because the reality, 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:04.160 see right, it's not something that I want to deal with. Look, 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:06.800 we got we gotta we got a good panel. Let's 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:10.600 bring them on to dating experts. You know, we got 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:13.359 a dating expert rather than we got somebody who's been dating. 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:17.359 And then we have someone who's very intriguing to me. 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:23.199 We have someone who is invested, engaged in a polyamorous relationship. 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:26.359 You know, whatever, I've been polyamorous. I gotta get that right. 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:32.359 That's when there's more than one, you know, dating, and 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.840 this dynamic is I think it's a woman and she 0:17:35.960 --> 0:17:39.720 has a man who has another woman. So and she's 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.240 gonna break that down to so I I think he's 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:46.480 the man and she's a woman who has two men. Anyway, 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:48.639 we're gonna find out. We're gonna find out. Okay, we 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:52.520 see I hope, because I don't know what we'll see 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:59.240 see imbalance anyway, So everyone, so this this is basically 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:02.600 my show because us we decided, UM, my son and 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:07.200 I that for twenty twenty two, I'm really gonna figure 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:09.680 out what's wrong with my life and why I cannot 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:12.280 get married and find a husband to do all the 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:14.879 things that I need to do, because it's just very difficult, 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:17.960 as I'm sure you all know. And so one of 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:21.800 the things that we've been exploring in our conversations while 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:24.040 we're all traveling. You know, there's four of us that 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:29.040 travel together all the time, and um, each person has 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:32.480 different situations. So but I'm the one that's always like 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:36.320 the little baby that they have to try to nurture 0:18:36.359 --> 0:18:40.560 in terms of my little feelings and so, um, I've 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:42.719 been exploring all types of things, and people have been 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:44.840 telling me I should date online, which I probably will 0:18:44.920 --> 0:18:47.040 never do. But I'm so glad that we got an 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:50.440 opportunity to come together today to talk about this because 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:53.720 there are many different ways to go about skinning one cat, 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:56.760 as they say. And my son seems to be very 0:18:56.800 --> 0:19:01.040 excited about this show today because gets the chance to 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:04.320 try to say everything that I think about relationships is wrong. 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:11.440 So we have been enjoyed by three incredible guests UM 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:13.359 and I want to introduce them all to you. We 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:15.760 have we decided to do a panel because it takes 0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:19.720 a lot of different perspectives to deal with UM this issue. First, 0:19:19.760 --> 0:19:24.080 we have Terrorist Stidham, who is a dating coach and 0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:27.960 the name of her company is She Dates Savvy. She 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:30.119 date savvy, I need to date savvy, so this is 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:36.160 absolutely important. She helps smart professional women to date online, 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:40.600 so that's gonna be exciting. And then we have Tory Owens, 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:44.480 who is the CEO of Canada lux Um, which obviously 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:48.160 is a company that is engaged in the cannabis areas. 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:50.560 We're gonna learn how do we date online and then 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:55.480 also get our bag. We'll talk about that. But she 0:19:55.600 --> 0:19:59.120 is also in a polyamoroust. I've been told to say 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:03.040 it properly relationship, and there's a lot of questions that 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:05.560 we have about that because that might maybe that's the 0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:08.199 way for me, you never know. And then there is 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:12.280 my sister, my gossip posse sister, someone who I've known 0:20:12.320 --> 0:20:15.480 for a real long time, and street politicians. Um, we 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:18.520 bring our friends on every week because we have so 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:21.760 many friends doing so many incredible things. And so LaToya 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:25.399 Shambo is one of our friends. She's the CEO and 0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:29.320 founder of black Girl Digital. But she is also and 0:20:29.359 --> 0:20:35.199 for today's purposes, dating online. So let's get into this panel. 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:37.680 My son, you can take it away because you don't 0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:41.320 know what you're talking about anyway, So I'm gonna don't. Well, 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:44.359 I'm just I'm just really just interested. I mean, you know, 0:20:44.400 --> 0:20:47.439 I've been hearing about this dating online. I know I 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:50.000 have a couple of friends females, and they've been dating 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:52.960 online and they come back to me with stories is 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:55.760 not really working, And I'm confused how they thought it 0:20:55.800 --> 0:20:58.920 was gonna work. I couldn't even see those things happening. 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:03.600 So first, I want to know what is the process 0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:06.160 that women go about dating on? How do you pick 0:21:06.200 --> 0:21:10.159 a guy like, how I'm so hused. I'm so traditional 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:13.600 and conventional, an old school and you meet somebody or 0:21:13.640 --> 0:21:16.399 there is a vibe that I wouldn't even understand. So 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:19.800 what is the process that do you go about dating? All? Yeah, 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:24.439 ter so my son. I, first of all, I still 0:21:25.440 --> 0:21:28.400 want people to do the traditional things. If you can 0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:31.640 get out there and meet people face to face, do it. 0:21:31.920 --> 0:21:34.919 But I started my company because, first of all, I 0:21:35.000 --> 0:21:38.119 was my first client. Okay, so we'll start there. I 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:42.080 have a twenty plus year career in tv UM. If 0:21:42.119 --> 0:21:44.280 you know anything about production, it takes up a lot 0:21:44.320 --> 0:21:46.320 of your time and a lot of your life. And 0:21:46.400 --> 0:21:49.080 so for me, it was out of convenience. It was 0:21:49.119 --> 0:21:51.880 not because I couldn't go into a room, make eye 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:55.159 contact with a guy and say like, hey, what's going on? 0:21:55.280 --> 0:21:57.600 How are you? I wasn't afraid to do that. I 0:21:57.640 --> 0:22:00.040 just didn't have time. And so for a lot of 0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:03.840 people that's why they go on. Okay, now, the pandemic 0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:06.640 and we'll talk about that later. That changed the whole 0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:09.560 dating game, right because people weren't going out. But it's 0:22:09.600 --> 0:22:14.760 as simple as going to a site, putting a picture up, 0:22:15.359 --> 0:22:18.800 creating a profile, meaning you answer the questions that they asked, 0:22:19.400 --> 0:22:23.520 and then engaging with people on the platform. The problem 0:22:23.680 --> 0:22:27.240 is most people go on the wrong site. They go 0:22:27.400 --> 0:22:29.480 on the wrong site. So it's like going to the 0:22:29.480 --> 0:22:32.600 grocery store looking for a pair of red bottoms. They 0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:35.280 don't sell those there. You're never going to get that. 0:22:35.359 --> 0:22:37.359 So if I was to talk to your friends and 0:22:37.359 --> 0:22:39.480 they told me what sites they are aren't, I'd be like, yeah, 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:42.919 that's why I didn't work out. That's the quick and 0:22:42.960 --> 0:22:46.760 easy of online day. So listen, I'm gonna ask what 0:22:46.840 --> 0:22:48.600 site you've been on the time. That's what I say, 0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:52.239 the right site. Listen, it's get out out here, no 0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:58.720 matter what the different I met my husband online. I 0:22:58.800 --> 0:23:01.919 have been on Tender, I have been on Bumble, I 0:23:02.000 --> 0:23:05.119 have been on Match. The only one I have not 0:23:05.240 --> 0:23:08.040 been on is League. It was because I kind of 0:23:08.040 --> 0:23:11.399 was just like, alright, I break, I need a break. 0:23:11.760 --> 0:23:18.320 It's people lie people people. People lie everywhere. The people 0:23:18.760 --> 0:23:21.639 everywhere they if you met a guy at church, he 0:23:21.840 --> 0:23:24.320 very well may lie, right, very well may lie. And 0:23:24.320 --> 0:23:27.359 I think a lot of people whold online dating to 0:23:27.440 --> 0:23:31.480 this higher standard. And I don't understand why if Tom, 0:23:31.480 --> 0:23:33.639 we could fix you up with someone and he turned 0:23:33.640 --> 0:23:35.960 out to not be the right one. You still go 0:23:36.200 --> 0:23:39.280 rock with her. She's still your girl. You're not gonna 0:23:39.320 --> 0:23:41.560 turn your back on her. But for whatever reason, people 0:23:41.600 --> 0:23:44.520 look at online dating and it's like, oh no, it's trash, 0:23:44.640 --> 0:23:48.159 it's gett oh, I know it can. The goal doesn't 0:23:48.240 --> 0:23:51.960 the pool doesn't change. That's the issue that I'm having. 0:23:52.480 --> 0:23:54.879 It's you. You see, you're kind of seeing the same, 0:23:55.760 --> 0:23:58.640 the same and the same. Like one guy every I'll 0:23:58.640 --> 0:24:01.800 delete the app and I'll come back and then he'll 0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:05.880 call me, I see you back on the appelock like 0:24:06.040 --> 0:24:08.639 you're block for me. I have a I have a 0:24:08.760 --> 0:24:11.040 cause for me. Right, I'm just gonna be honest with you. 0:24:11.720 --> 0:24:14.119 Being a man my whole life and being around certain 0:24:14.160 --> 0:24:19.400 caliboris and right, and you know, being around certain calibers 0:24:19.440 --> 0:24:22.960 and men, different calibornis of men. I just think that 0:24:23.480 --> 0:24:26.000 men who go on line the data widows like this. 0:24:26.119 --> 0:24:28.520 For me, it's just in my mind, say my mind, 0:24:28.600 --> 0:24:32.080 stay that I believe that ninety percent. It might be 0:24:32.119 --> 0:24:34.960 one percent that just you know, a board and they said, 0:24:35.080 --> 0:24:36.879 let me just see what's going on here, But I 0:24:36.920 --> 0:24:39.560 think that ninety percent of the men that go on 0:24:39.600 --> 0:24:43.199 these they at a widows. I just can't see no 0:24:43.359 --> 0:24:45.919 man saying I'm gonna just meet up with somebody. I'm 0:24:45.960 --> 0:24:48.119 gonna try to find somebody on line let me see, 0:24:48.359 --> 0:24:51.320 because I can't. I just can't see it. So that's 0:24:51.320 --> 0:24:53.239 what it is. Like. I have this notion in my 0:24:53.280 --> 0:24:57.520 mind that the dudes on his widows. I wouldn't say weird, 0:24:57.520 --> 0:25:00.480 though I slightly agree with you. I wouldn't say weirdows. 0:25:00.480 --> 0:25:02.680 But I do feel like the men that date online. 0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:06.040 I like alpha men, and I feel like the men 0:25:06.160 --> 0:25:09.479 that date online are typically just not aggressive enough, you know, 0:25:09.600 --> 0:25:13.800 Like I prefer the traditional dating. The man comes up 0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:16.320 to me, he courts me, you know, and all. I 0:25:16.400 --> 0:25:19.359 love all of that interaction, and I like the aggressive, 0:25:19.440 --> 0:25:21.879 you know, the aggression. So I think I've never I 0:25:21.880 --> 0:25:24.479 don't think I've ever found an aggressive men or an 0:25:24.520 --> 0:25:28.280 alpha mao that I've connected with online at all. Okay, well, 0:25:28.480 --> 0:25:31.399 nazis tory. Since you started talking, I'm so glad you. 0:25:32.359 --> 0:25:38.520 Conversation that means that you're polly. Relationship includes a man 0:25:38.920 --> 0:25:42.000 or two men or women, Like, what's the makeup here? 0:25:42.040 --> 0:25:44.879 The makeup for my dynamic is one man and two women. 0:25:45.240 --> 0:25:47.919 But me and the other woman. We are not romantically 0:25:48.000 --> 0:25:54.800 with each other. On second Oh okay, wait so he's 0:25:54.840 --> 0:26:02.520 got two women? Yes, yes, anyway, we approaching he did? 0:26:02.680 --> 0:26:05.000 Did he already have this just you know, start from 0:26:05.000 --> 0:26:10.600 the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. My dynamics really crazy though, so 0:26:10.760 --> 0:26:12.960 I'm just trying to make it sure that's possible. First 0:26:12.960 --> 0:26:15.240 of all, he's my high school sweetheart. We've known each 0:26:15.240 --> 0:26:17.639 other style was spourteen years old, so he knows me 0:26:17.720 --> 0:26:20.760 in and out. And a lot of people think that, oh, 0:26:20.840 --> 0:26:23.520 he must have convinced you for this type of No, 0:26:23.880 --> 0:26:27.320 I was interested in this dynamic prior to me and 0:26:27.400 --> 0:26:31.160 him get back together. We haven't been together in you know, years, 0:26:31.520 --> 0:26:34.919 and I was interested in this dynamic honestly when I 0:26:34.920 --> 0:26:38.600 wanted to start a family, and I my tape on 0:26:38.720 --> 0:26:43.440 it is sometimes he's really selfish to really require everything 0:26:43.480 --> 0:26:46.399 that you need from a partner from one person. You know, 0:26:46.600 --> 0:26:49.239 we we we're in this world now where it's like 0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:52.560 your partner has gotta be your best friend, you're a counselor, 0:26:52.880 --> 0:26:56.639 your dad, your mom, your friend, your you know, your teammate. 0:26:57.080 --> 0:26:59.399 It's so many things and so much pressure that we 0:26:59.480 --> 0:27:02.320 put on own person, and it's like, well, what when 0:27:02.359 --> 0:27:05.120 do they have time to be their own individuals? Though? 0:27:05.520 --> 0:27:08.760 When do they have time to put themselves first and 0:27:08.880 --> 0:27:12.879 really be honest and truthful about their wants? And that's 0:27:12.880 --> 0:27:17.119 just really what had me interested in the whole lifestyle. 0:27:17.440 --> 0:27:20.800 I don't believe in putting all of my requirements that 0:27:20.920 --> 0:27:24.919 I need to be puffilled in just one person. And 0:27:25.000 --> 0:27:26.600 you don't do you think? You don't think that they 0:27:26.600 --> 0:27:31.400 should put the same pressure on you as well? Um? Absolutely, 0:27:31.760 --> 0:27:34.480 Because I'm gonna tell you now, I sometimes I like 0:27:34.520 --> 0:27:37.879 to be left alone. And that's just that's what it is, 0:27:37.960 --> 0:27:39.639 you know, and my right? Is it right for me 0:27:39.680 --> 0:27:43.080 to deny my partner because you know what, Bay, today, 0:27:43.160 --> 0:27:44.560 I don't I don't want to be I don't want 0:27:44.600 --> 0:27:46.280 to talk. I don't want to I want to be 0:27:46.359 --> 0:27:48.520 left alone or I want to be you know, in 0:27:48.640 --> 0:27:50.480 my thoughts, or I want to go and do this, 0:27:50.560 --> 0:27:53.280 but this is not something I like. I'm an arius, 0:27:53.320 --> 0:27:56.560 so I like adventure and you know, I like to 0:27:56.600 --> 0:28:00.240 jump off planes and stuff. He don't really necessary like that? 0:28:00.760 --> 0:28:03.240 Is it fair that I really got to force him 0:28:03.600 --> 0:28:05.800 to really do certain things that are kind of out 0:28:05.800 --> 0:28:08.600 of his character just because I want to do it. Yeah, 0:28:08.640 --> 0:28:10.879 he's gonna do it because he loves me, But is 0:28:10.920 --> 0:28:13.600 it fair? I don't wanna. I don't want to put 0:28:13.760 --> 0:28:16.439 pressures on my partner to make him feel like I 0:28:16.600 --> 0:28:18.960 have to do things where I'm obligated to do things 0:28:19.040 --> 0:28:21.760 because I'm your partner. So how does that work? On 0:28:21.800 --> 0:28:25.080 the flip side though, Like, are you if you want 0:28:25.200 --> 0:28:27.879 to go and jump out the plane? Do you go 0:28:27.920 --> 0:28:29.600 and find someone to jump out the plane with you? 0:28:29.680 --> 0:28:32.119 And it is be okay with that because he has that, 0:28:32.320 --> 0:28:35.520 he has the other side being fulfilled, But are you 0:28:35.640 --> 0:28:38.920 having the other side be fulfilled? Before you answer that 0:28:39.000 --> 0:28:43.080 sor you don't know before wait before you answer that, right, 0:28:43.400 --> 0:28:46.080 Because That's what I'm trying to understand from the one. 0:28:46.120 --> 0:28:49.520 First of all, to be clear, I am not against 0:28:49.520 --> 0:28:53.280 this concept, right, I'm not against it right at all. 0:28:53.840 --> 0:28:58.320 So what I'm trying to understand is how does it 0:28:58.360 --> 0:29:01.760 benefit you? Because what I'm hearing is you're saying, there's 0:29:01.880 --> 0:29:06.240 two women one man, and you're not, um sexually involved 0:29:06.360 --> 0:29:09.840 romantically involved with this woman. So where is it who 0:29:10.000 --> 0:29:11.680 is going with you to jump off the plane when 0:29:11.680 --> 0:29:15.440 he's not gonna So um, when I met romantically, I 0:29:15.440 --> 0:29:19.640 did mean sexually, I should you know specified that um, 0:29:19.680 --> 0:29:22.160 as far as like with the other woman, there's a friendship, 0:29:22.280 --> 0:29:25.880 there's a bond, there's a there might be things that 0:29:26.480 --> 0:29:30.240 he doesn't particularly like to do what she does, or 0:29:30.480 --> 0:29:33.360 being able to just bomb with a woman just in 0:29:33.400 --> 0:29:35.800 general over certain things like I'm a mother and I'm 0:29:35.800 --> 0:29:41.280 actually pregnant now, and you know, I like a woman 0:29:41.320 --> 0:29:44.680 just brings something different to a relationship. Like my best friend. 0:29:44.760 --> 0:29:47.160 Sometimes I feel like we're soul sisters. You know what 0:29:47.200 --> 0:29:50.600 I'm saying is so and this particular dynamic. It's not 0:29:50.640 --> 0:29:52.920 that I look for a woman to be sexual with, 0:29:53.080 --> 0:29:56.000 but I do like the bond and the connection and 0:29:56.080 --> 0:30:00.160 sharing certain responsibilities and sometimes with me and him have 0:30:00.280 --> 0:30:04.520 a disagreement, you know, hearing a woman's perspective who's not biased, 0:30:04.560 --> 0:30:07.760 because let's be real, you can't call your mom, your sister, 0:30:07.880 --> 0:30:10.480 your friend. They're all going to be biased more more 0:30:10.520 --> 0:30:13.880 than likely because they love you. They're your family, they're 0:30:13.920 --> 0:30:17.000 your friend. But you have that connection at other partner 0:30:17.080 --> 0:30:19.880 who's able to look at it and say, you know, 0:30:20.400 --> 0:30:22.680 maybe you could have handled this a little differently to me, 0:30:23.080 --> 0:30:25.640 or maybe you could have handled this a little bit differently, 0:30:25.680 --> 0:30:29.040 don you know, just it's just another another view. But 0:30:29.440 --> 0:30:32.680 I'm definitely getting fulfilled in all of those areas, whether 0:30:32.720 --> 0:30:36.800 we're sexually together or not. If we're being technical malbidos 0:30:36.880 --> 0:30:41.640 not as hard as his anyway, So pretty pretty even there. 0:30:42.280 --> 0:30:44.080 And I think I think for me, right when I 0:30:44.120 --> 0:30:47.440 listened to these conversations, right, and I have conversations because 0:30:47.480 --> 0:30:49.480 I got a lot of female friends and they talk 0:30:49.600 --> 0:30:52.520 and they ask questions. And the thing for me is 0:30:54.920 --> 0:30:59.560 the conventional relationship isn't work like it when you when 0:30:59.600 --> 0:31:01.640 you look when you look at right now, when you 0:31:01.680 --> 0:31:05.320 look at the numbers of relationships, you look at the 0:31:05.320 --> 0:31:07.480 divorce rates when you look at it, and it's base 0:31:07.680 --> 0:31:11.320 on infidelity is one of the highest rates of everything, 0:31:11.840 --> 0:31:16.280 is infidelity. Women have ideology that men are supposed to 0:31:16.280 --> 0:31:18.840 be with them and them and when, and it is 0:31:18.880 --> 0:31:22.000 not working. The idea is is really not working and 0:31:22.000 --> 0:31:25.000 and it's and it's not because it's anything that's wrong 0:31:25.040 --> 0:31:27.280 with the women or wrong with the man. Like I 0:31:27.360 --> 0:31:31.680 hear all these conversations or manages dogs. Maybe maybe we're 0:31:31.720 --> 0:31:33.760 looking at it from the point of view that doesn't 0:31:33.760 --> 0:31:37.280 make sense. Maybe monogamy is not something that's a natural thing. 0:31:37.480 --> 0:31:40.240 I think there's something that we grow into. I think 0:31:40.280 --> 0:31:43.560 as men, right, we can move towards the space where 0:31:43.640 --> 0:31:46.920 that's a possibility. As we get older, and you know, 0:31:47.160 --> 0:31:49.680 as lions, we start to settle down the pasture and 0:31:49.680 --> 0:31:53.120 all these things. But the nature of a man is 0:31:53.160 --> 0:31:55.880 not to be monogamous. Like when a man decides to 0:31:55.880 --> 0:31:58.920 be monogamous, he sacrifices, and he comproment. He does he 0:31:59.000 --> 0:32:01.360 fights against his nat yourself to be with a woman 0:32:01.400 --> 0:32:03.720 because he cares for that woman. He does a lot 0:32:03.720 --> 0:32:06.160 of things. And then when you make a mistake that 0:32:06.200 --> 0:32:09.840 goes slightly outside, you call the worst thing in the world. 0:32:10.160 --> 0:32:12.200 I have this conversation with my friends all the time. 0:32:12.240 --> 0:32:15.560 You have a man, and he's the best man for you, 0:32:15.720 --> 0:32:18.240 pays your bills, he takes you out, you hang out, 0:32:18.280 --> 0:32:21.160 you enjoy his company, does all these things. He cheats 0:32:21.160 --> 0:32:23.640 on you, he's a dog. You get rid of them. 0:32:24.480 --> 0:32:27.480 You have a friend, right that does less than that. 0:32:28.440 --> 0:32:30.280 You hang she called, you talked to him once in 0:32:30.280 --> 0:32:32.880 a while, two times a week. She don't pay no bills, 0:32:32.880 --> 0:32:35.560 she don't do nothing. And you've been friends for fifty 0:32:35.640 --> 0:32:37.400 years and you say, this is the best friend I've 0:32:37.400 --> 0:32:39.560 ever had in my life. But the man is a 0:32:39.640 --> 0:32:42.640 dog because he cheated one time, pays every bill, did 0:32:42.680 --> 0:32:46.720 everything all the ship, and you'll throw that relationship completely 0:32:46.760 --> 0:32:49.720 to the trash. It's the best friend you'll be with 0:32:49.800 --> 0:32:52.600 for fifty and sixty years and they haven't provided, not 0:32:52.760 --> 0:32:55.479 even amortional of what the relationship that you have with 0:32:55.520 --> 0:32:58.640 that man is. So if we think about it and 0:32:58.720 --> 0:33:01.920 my and my thing, what I see really is that 0:33:02.080 --> 0:33:04.920 people just rather be friends, like you, rather just have 0:33:05.000 --> 0:33:09.800 a friend because the standard of a relationship is almost 0:33:09.840 --> 0:33:16.720 impossible to completely fulfill. When you said natural, that was 0:33:16.760 --> 0:33:19.400 a real like keyword, right, And so like whenever I 0:33:19.480 --> 0:33:22.440 talk about polyamory with people, I like to kind of 0:33:22.800 --> 0:33:24.800 because it gets touchy, because you don't want to talk 0:33:24.840 --> 0:33:28.520 about spirituality and religion because it gets really sticky when 0:33:28.560 --> 0:33:31.280 you talk about it on that level. So I always 0:33:31.360 --> 0:33:32.959 kind of like to just break it down to an 0:33:32.960 --> 0:33:36.120 animalistic level. And when you just think about numbers, right, 0:33:36.400 --> 0:33:39.680 just logically speaking, when a man ejaculates, he is just 0:33:39.680 --> 0:33:44.920 ejaculating a million life spurn life forms pur ejaculation. He 0:33:45.040 --> 0:33:49.440 can ejaculate multiple times a day, which essentially means he 0:33:49.480 --> 0:33:54.400 can impregnate multiple women a day until he stopped ejaculating women. 0:33:54.800 --> 0:33:58.320 We can only give birth to one child within a 0:33:58.440 --> 0:34:02.200 twelve months calendar the year. And if we're looking at sex, 0:34:02.360 --> 0:34:05.600 it just sexis itself to be the reason for that 0:34:05.720 --> 0:34:09.080 or the purpose is to reproduce? Those numbers don't even 0:34:09.120 --> 0:34:15.800 logically match up. They don't match up. You know, how 0:34:15.840 --> 0:34:17.960 can we really read if a if a man was 0:34:17.960 --> 0:34:20.239 only supposed to be one woman for the rest of 0:34:20.280 --> 0:34:23.239 his life, we don't get periods until what thirteen years old? 0:34:23.239 --> 0:34:25.920 We stopped having him at forty Who wants to be 0:34:25.920 --> 0:34:27.600 pregnant every year for the rest of their life. But 0:34:27.600 --> 0:34:30.000 if we're trying to populate, and we're trying to grow 0:34:30.120 --> 0:34:33.759 and really make this a huge community, how how are 0:34:33.800 --> 0:34:36.320 those numbers gonna match up? If he can only pregnant 0:34:36.400 --> 0:34:38.919 one woman for the rest of his life. Well, I want, 0:34:39.000 --> 0:34:40.959 I want to tear her to jump back in here, 0:34:41.000 --> 0:34:44.600 but you know, LaToya um, you actually have to jump 0:34:44.719 --> 0:34:48.440 off um. And so you may have a perspective on this, 0:34:48.680 --> 0:34:53.279 I think I My opinion in response to what has 0:34:53.320 --> 0:34:56.920 been said both Tory and my son is that I 0:34:56.960 --> 0:34:59.840 don't disagree that some of these things may be true, 0:35:00.239 --> 0:35:03.200 but it's the lie. It's not the actual act of 0:35:03.840 --> 0:35:07.560 UM having sex with someone or choosing a certain lifestyle. 0:35:07.960 --> 0:35:10.920 It's the lie. And it's also the fact that people 0:35:11.120 --> 0:35:13.400 and you know, so I appreciate your life tory, right, 0:35:13.440 --> 0:35:16.640 because it's straight up, it's honest, it's out there and 0:35:16.760 --> 0:35:19.279 I and I know that the response because I've been 0:35:19.280 --> 0:35:22.200 in this conversation not just with my son but many people, 0:35:22.239 --> 0:35:25.120 and they say, well, you know, because when we try 0:35:25.160 --> 0:35:27.600 to tell y'all, you can't handle it. And what I say, 0:35:27.719 --> 0:35:30.319 as it was response to that is if you're gonna 0:35:30.320 --> 0:35:32.680 be a man one time of the day, you need 0:35:32.719 --> 0:35:34.799 to be a man all day long, no matter what 0:35:35.000 --> 0:35:38.000 that means, even if that means the person leaves you, 0:35:38.520 --> 0:35:41.640 even if it means that the person says, well, I'm 0:35:41.680 --> 0:35:43.920 not gonna deal with it whatever it is, you can't 0:35:43.960 --> 0:35:47.880 be selfish enough to say just because you couldn't handle it. 0:35:48.000 --> 0:35:50.959 My stand is, as a man dropped down to where 0:35:50.960 --> 0:35:53.640 I started lying about what it is that I'm doing, 0:35:54.080 --> 0:35:56.320 that's my opinion. You gotta put it on the table 0:35:56.320 --> 0:35:59.800 and say this is who I am, period, and allowed 0:36:00.040 --> 0:36:03.360 the other individual to make a decision of whether or 0:36:03.400 --> 0:36:06.640 not they can live with it or not. And if not, 0:36:06.880 --> 0:36:10.160 you got to go find the people who are willing 0:36:10.280 --> 0:36:14.560 to fulfill that as whatever the standards are for your life. 0:36:14.760 --> 0:36:17.040 And that's what you know. The thing is, the reality 0:36:17.120 --> 0:36:19.040 situation is. And I'm gonna let you look. No, I 0:36:19.040 --> 0:36:20.560 want you to say something to it. But this one 0:36:20.600 --> 0:36:23.759 thing is, mothers aren't teaching that to this suns right. 0:36:24.200 --> 0:36:26.600 Mothers are saying, this is how you're supposed to be 0:36:27.239 --> 0:36:28.759 to get you a woman. You're supposed to be a 0:36:28.760 --> 0:36:34.120 good husband. They watched their mothers get rid of their 0:36:34.160 --> 0:36:37.440 father for cheating. These are things that men have watched 0:36:37.440 --> 0:36:41.279 throughout history. They haven't seen the positivity of them being 0:36:41.320 --> 0:36:44.279 honest in this regard. They haven't seen any of these things. 0:36:44.360 --> 0:36:47.840 When you come to a young boy that's seventeen, eighteen 0:36:47.920 --> 0:36:50.440 or nineteen and he started dating all these things and 0:36:50.480 --> 0:36:52.400 he wants to date another girl, and his mother like, yo, 0:36:52.440 --> 0:36:54.080 you need to be good to that girl. Don't be 0:36:54.120 --> 0:36:56.319 out there, don't be a cheaterd like your father, and 0:36:56.360 --> 0:36:59.839 all those things. That's not the mentality that a man gets. 0:37:00.360 --> 0:37:02.680 It's not it's not real men. It's not nobody sitting 0:37:02.680 --> 0:37:04.880 down with these young boys and saying, listen, brother, you 0:37:04.920 --> 0:37:07.160 need to be very honest. You can date whoever you 0:37:07.160 --> 0:37:09.239 want if you want to do all these These are 0:37:09.239 --> 0:37:11.640 not conversations that they had with men. I've been a 0:37:11.640 --> 0:37:14.319 man my whole life. These are not conversations that I 0:37:14.400 --> 0:37:16.719 mean and have with young I've had these conversations with 0:37:16.800 --> 0:37:20.000 my young brothers. And the way that they move. They 0:37:20.120 --> 0:37:21.840 move in that manner, and they have a lot of 0:37:21.920 --> 0:37:25.040 problems with especially young women, because they say, oh, these 0:37:25.120 --> 0:37:28.480 they're disrespectful. They but they're very honest and what it 0:37:28.560 --> 0:37:30.000 is that they want. They say, this is how I 0:37:30.040 --> 0:37:32.319 want to live my life. I'm dating, I'm seeing this one. 0:37:32.480 --> 0:37:34.759 And I hear a lot of times from women that like, 0:37:34.800 --> 0:37:37.400 your brothers are disrespectful, they don't care about women and 0:37:37.440 --> 0:37:39.719 all of these things. And there's a narrative being pain 0:37:39.760 --> 0:37:41.680 So a lot of people are not strong enough to 0:37:41.760 --> 0:37:43.839 deal with that narrative. A lot of men don't want 0:37:43.840 --> 0:37:46.080 to be seen as this individual. They don't want to 0:37:46.120 --> 0:37:48.279 be talked about in the negative way. They don't have 0:37:48.520 --> 0:37:51.440 the strength to be, you know, seeing They want to 0:37:51.480 --> 0:37:53.839 be seen in the light as something that's positive. So 0:37:54.160 --> 0:37:58.680 until we start rechanging trading the narrative just like women sexuality. Right, 0:37:58.840 --> 0:38:00.640 But women decide they want to have sexual a lot 0:38:00.640 --> 0:38:02.560 of women and they say a lot of men or 0:38:02.560 --> 0:38:06.000 whatever they've seen as whores and all these things. So 0:38:06.040 --> 0:38:07.680 it's not that they don't want to do it. Like 0:38:07.719 --> 0:38:09.719 you said, you, why are we being seen this? There 0:38:09.760 --> 0:38:12.600 has to be a change in narrative on both spectrums 0:38:12.640 --> 0:38:17.719 for us. Let go and then we can come back 0:38:18.200 --> 0:38:21.560 to that when we talk about changing the narrative. Conversations 0:38:21.600 --> 0:38:25.080 like this are start right because first of all, we 0:38:25.200 --> 0:38:29.200 don't normally see people who look like Tory who say 0:38:29.320 --> 0:38:31.440 this is their lifestyle. Right. When we hear about a 0:38:31.480 --> 0:38:35.640 polyamorous lifestyle, it's usually others, it is not us. So 0:38:35.920 --> 0:38:38.120 first of all, her standing up and saying, hey, this 0:38:38.200 --> 0:38:41.000 is who I am. Here are my needs, my expectations, 0:38:41.040 --> 0:38:44.640 and what I am accepting of in my relationship. So 0:38:45.200 --> 0:38:47.120 this starts that. But to kind of go back to 0:38:47.120 --> 0:38:48.839 where you were talking about my son when we talked 0:38:48.840 --> 0:38:52.160 about friends versus how you treat a man, I think 0:38:52.400 --> 0:38:55.680 it boils down to expectations. I don't expect my girl 0:38:56.719 --> 0:39:00.440 to be monogamous with me if I'm gonna relay ship 0:39:00.560 --> 0:39:04.480 with the concept doesn't even make sense. I'm just saying, 0:39:04.880 --> 0:39:07.759 obviously when you walk I'm sorry. Didn't mean to cut 0:39:07.760 --> 0:39:09.440 you off when I said this to him, So I'm 0:39:09.480 --> 0:39:12.080 glad that you were saying it. When I walk into 0:39:12.200 --> 0:39:16.319 a job that is at the Dollar Tree store, right, 0:39:16.640 --> 0:39:19.440 and I am a cashier, there's going to be a 0:39:19.480 --> 0:39:22.560 certain expectation. But if I go down the sacks fitth 0:39:22.600 --> 0:39:25.680 Avenue and get a job as a manager, there is 0:39:25.719 --> 0:39:29.600 a higher expectation from me. And so when you're in 0:39:29.600 --> 0:39:31.640 a relationship and this is your friend and y'all are 0:39:31.680 --> 0:39:35.879 not having sex or having any emotional connection, You're not 0:39:35.960 --> 0:39:38.319 going to have the same That's really true. Friends have 0:39:38.320 --> 0:39:42.800 emotional connections. Because my friends told me in the middle tonight, 0:39:42.880 --> 0:39:45.040 and I'm gonna jump up the same way. I'm a 0:39:45.160 --> 0:39:48.640 call for my wife. But I'm just I know it's 0:39:48.680 --> 0:39:50.480 not the same thing to you. There's a grace that 0:39:50.520 --> 0:39:54.520 comes with friendships, and you took your point in relationships, 0:39:54.560 --> 0:39:58.200 now you don't always give. That's the problem. There's no 0:39:58.280 --> 0:40:03.000 way I acknowledge it is completely a problem. It is 0:40:03.040 --> 0:40:06.640 an issue because everyday monogamy is a choice. Every day 0:40:06.840 --> 0:40:09.480 I commit to being faithful to my husband, right he 0:40:09.560 --> 0:40:12.320 commits to being faithful to me. So that's the biggest, 0:40:12.560 --> 0:40:14.399 the biggest thing that we have to acknowledge. So when 0:40:14.400 --> 0:40:17.359 we talk about the whole idea and construct of monogamy, 0:40:17.480 --> 0:40:19.680 is it right or is it if it works for you? 0:40:20.120 --> 0:40:22.279 If it works for you. But here's here's where I 0:40:22.360 --> 0:40:24.799 want to make sure. And this is kind of too 0:40:24.840 --> 0:40:27.000 to me at this point. Not everyone is going to 0:40:27.120 --> 0:40:29.920 keep in one hundred. They're not going to say, look, 0:40:30.600 --> 0:40:33.920 I am starting to give feelings for someone else, or 0:40:34.719 --> 0:40:37.319 I'm only getting it's time to move. People don't communicate 0:40:37.480 --> 0:40:40.359 enough right, People don't communicate enough. I'm a girl who 0:40:40.360 --> 0:40:42.600 cuts bait when it's time to go right, and so 0:40:42.760 --> 0:40:47.440 in past relationships, I'm not I'm cheating for me. Wouldn't 0:40:47.480 --> 0:40:50.160 be a choice because guess what, I'm gonna leave before 0:40:50.160 --> 0:40:52.759 I have to get there. So I'm a communicator. I 0:40:52.760 --> 0:40:54.800 don't mind communicating with you and say, you know what, 0:40:54.920 --> 0:40:59.400 my son, we're good. But this is not what I need. 0:40:59.520 --> 0:41:01.800 I need more to feel fulfill. I need a different 0:41:01.800 --> 0:41:04.000 type of person, whatever it is. And so I think 0:41:04.040 --> 0:41:06.920 it boils down to the communication aspect. But we cannot 0:41:06.920 --> 0:41:10.520 expect that we're gonna hold our friends to the same 0:41:10.560 --> 0:41:12.520 standard as we are the people that were sleeping with 0:41:12.680 --> 0:41:14.279 what I'm trying to tell you, it's for me, and 0:41:14.360 --> 0:41:17.960 that's what the problem is. I think relationships don't establish friendship, right. 0:41:18.200 --> 0:41:22.560 I think relationships. I think relationships have expectations that aren't 0:41:22.600 --> 0:41:26.319 even realistic. If you're in a lifetime relationship with somebody, right, 0:41:26.880 --> 0:41:29.160 relationship is the only thing that you're supposed to do 0:41:29.239 --> 0:41:32.880 for the rest of your life, right, everything else changes. 0:41:32.960 --> 0:41:36.200 You decide, your outfit change. You gotta pass sneakers you like? 0:41:36.480 --> 0:41:38.680 You decide next in two weeks, you know, I'm getting 0:41:38.680 --> 0:41:40.200 another pis sneak. It doesn't mean that you don't like 0:41:40.239 --> 0:41:42.479 the piss sneakers you got, but you decided you seeing 0:41:42.480 --> 0:41:44.759 another pas sneakers you like. For the rest of your life. 0:41:44.760 --> 0:41:48.040 You're supposed to be one person. That individual changes, The 0:41:48.080 --> 0:41:51.120 way that you communicate changes, the things you learn about yourself, 0:41:51.280 --> 0:41:53.880 the things you learn about life change. And you're supposed 0:41:53.920 --> 0:41:56.080 to be with this one person. And if this relationship 0:41:56.120 --> 0:41:58.759 doesn't evolve, and you aren't able to say, hey, this 0:41:58.840 --> 0:42:01.480 is this is age in me. Right, And a lot 0:42:01.480 --> 0:42:04.279 of times when you grow into this relationship and you 0:42:04.320 --> 0:42:09.040 have these relationships. It's it's very hard to tell somebody 0:42:09.080 --> 0:42:11.839 that this has changed in you because you don't want 0:42:11.880 --> 0:42:15.560 to disappoint that individual. Nobody wants to disappoint somebody that 0:42:15.600 --> 0:42:19.439 they've obligated themselves to, that they've made brought into this life, 0:42:19.440 --> 0:42:22.120 So you don't want to disappoint them. So you caught 0:42:22.120 --> 0:42:24.640 in the quagmire. You're saying, you know what, how do 0:42:24.680 --> 0:42:27.680 I maintain this? How do I not maintain this? And 0:42:27.719 --> 0:42:32.399 we haven't been taught that we have from young man, 0:42:35.680 --> 0:42:45.799 from young men, from young men. I'm giving you the answer, though, 0:42:45.800 --> 0:42:48.200 I'm gonna tell you right, young man, we were talked 0:42:48.239 --> 0:42:50.480 by older men. It's not what you do, it's how 0:42:50.520 --> 0:42:52.960 you do it. We weren't taught. They weren't having a 0:42:53.040 --> 0:42:55.400 conversation with us. They was like a man gonna be 0:42:55.400 --> 0:42:59.600 a man. Everyone. I have a husband who was taught 0:42:59.680 --> 0:43:02.160 by And when you've done with a woman, if that's 0:43:02.200 --> 0:43:04.319 not what you want to move on like you. That's 0:43:04.320 --> 0:43:12.480 what I'm trying to tell you, the average everybody, it's 0:43:12.520 --> 0:43:15.040 not the average conversation with men, because I would I 0:43:15.080 --> 0:43:18.799 had to learn throughout history, throughout my own trials and tribulations. 0:43:19.000 --> 0:43:21.640 So now I am still that in my younger brothers 0:43:21.680 --> 0:43:25.000 and my son. I have real conversations with them. When 0:43:25.040 --> 0:43:27.239 I have conversations with young girls that come to me, 0:43:27.480 --> 0:43:31.440 I have real conversations about realism of life and what's 0:43:31.600 --> 0:43:35.239 realistic expectations. I don't just say yo, because you're my 0:43:35.440 --> 0:43:37.640 cousin or you're my sister, that's gonna be this way 0:43:37.640 --> 0:43:39.560 and you should do with this. No, you're going to 0:43:39.600 --> 0:43:41.560 put up with something in relationship. You just gotta figure 0:43:41.560 --> 0:43:43.680 out who you're gonna do it with, how you want 0:43:43.680 --> 0:43:46.680 to deal with it. Things change every day, and it's 0:43:46.719 --> 0:43:50.200 not realistic for me. When you look at most relationships 0:43:50.640 --> 0:43:54.480 they have lasted, you know the sense of time, thirty 0:43:54.560 --> 0:43:57.680 forty years. They went through periods of infidelity, They went 0:43:57.719 --> 0:44:00.600 through periods of breakup, They went through furious or information 0:44:00.680 --> 0:44:02.759 to where some of them didn't even like each other 0:44:02.800 --> 0:44:04.439 for years, They didn't even want to talk to each 0:44:04.440 --> 0:44:07.920 other for years. They separated for years. There are periods 0:44:07.960 --> 0:44:11.480 of times as individuals we change, and to have an 0:44:11.520 --> 0:44:15.440 expectation that one person is going to completely satisfy you 0:44:15.520 --> 0:44:17.480 for the rest of your life, I don't know if 0:44:17.480 --> 0:44:22.040 it's realistic and unless that relationship evolves into something else 0:44:22.080 --> 0:44:25.480 unless you and that individual evolvement start to re make 0:44:25.640 --> 0:44:28.840 different dynamics of that relationship. I just don't know. It 0:44:29.000 --> 0:44:31.239 is absolutely a choice. Am I the same woman I 0:44:31.320 --> 0:44:33.000 was seven years ago when I'm at my husband? No? 0:44:33.160 --> 0:44:36.160 Is he the same man? No? Do we choose daily 0:44:36.560 --> 0:44:41.680 to relearn one another to stay committed? Yes? Right? So 0:44:41.719 --> 0:44:44.640 I think it's based on who those people are. There 0:44:44.640 --> 0:44:47.640 are some people out there who are absolutely not ever 0:44:47.760 --> 0:44:51.239 going to get down with the concept of monogamy just 0:44:51.280 --> 0:44:54.240 because they don't have to. Right, we're talking about choice. 0:44:55.080 --> 0:44:56.880 They don't have to. Like can said, oh no, I 0:44:57.000 --> 0:44:59.640 choose to sleep with this person, with that person, to 0:44:59.719 --> 0:45:03.160 be this person, not commit or whatever. But there are 0:45:03.280 --> 0:45:06.680 others who do choose to be So I don't I 0:45:06.719 --> 0:45:08.640 don't want to look at it like a right or wrong. 0:45:08.719 --> 0:45:11.320 I think there are When we think about the deeper 0:45:11.360 --> 0:45:15.279 reasons why people aren't monogamous, there's so much trauma, so 0:45:15.400 --> 0:45:19.879 much unhealed trauma walking around with individuals. Right, So when 0:45:19.880 --> 0:45:22.920 you talk about a man saying, oh, well, all I 0:45:23.000 --> 0:45:25.160 ever heard growing up was a man was going to 0:45:25.200 --> 0:45:28.440 be a man, it doesn't make it right that that 0:45:28.520 --> 0:45:30.640 was all he heard right. So if he's never seen 0:45:30.680 --> 0:45:34.399 a positive relationship, yeah, all he may know is I'm 0:45:34.400 --> 0:45:36.560 gonna dip off with this woman, with this woman and 0:45:36.600 --> 0:45:39.480 with this one. So I think the conversation starts with that, 0:45:39.760 --> 0:45:42.839 what have we learned? Who are when we come into relationships? Like? 0:45:42.880 --> 0:45:45.440 Who are you? What is that person's history? I dated 0:45:45.480 --> 0:45:48.640 someone who didn't believe a marriage. My parents been married 0:45:48.640 --> 0:45:52.239 fifty plus years. That wasn't going to work for me 0:45:52.360 --> 0:45:56.279 because I saw a marriage. I saw a union that 0:45:56.400 --> 0:45:58.879 lasted the test of time. And so when you tell me, oh, 0:45:58.920 --> 0:46:00.600 I don't believe in it because it's just a piece 0:46:00.600 --> 0:46:02.719 of paper and I know it, it it is so much more. 0:46:03.520 --> 0:46:07.920 You're not my person, right, So so, Tory are you? 0:46:08.400 --> 0:46:12.760 Are you married? No? I'm completely against signing the paper 0:46:13.040 --> 0:46:18.239 quite honestly. Um. I look at marriage UM a lot 0:46:18.360 --> 0:46:22.160 differently than that. I feel like I'm all for the union, 0:46:22.360 --> 0:46:24.480 and I feel like that union is between me, my 0:46:24.560 --> 0:46:28.680 partner and God. I just personally don't UM. I don't 0:46:28.800 --> 0:46:33.120 feel I'm not a hundred percent behind involving a third 0:46:33.160 --> 0:46:36.720 party or another party just for financial gain into my union. 0:46:37.000 --> 0:46:40.400 And that's just my you know, thought process, And it 0:46:40.520 --> 0:46:43.040 could go back to what she said about trauma. You know, 0:46:43.200 --> 0:46:46.239 I've I've just seen some really nasty things, you know, 0:46:46.440 --> 0:46:50.239 happened with with marriage and divorces and money and and 0:46:50.320 --> 0:46:52.480 all of those things. And I'm just not for it, 0:46:52.640 --> 0:46:56.320 you know. I I can't tell myself that I'm comfortable 0:46:56.360 --> 0:46:59.399 with like we talked about, like what my son talked about, 0:46:59.400 --> 0:47:02.040 what about us even of me, I may evolved in 0:47:02.080 --> 0:47:06.120 five years that to where now this relationship, this marriage, 0:47:06.120 --> 0:47:09.319 is this this union or whatever, it's not working the 0:47:09.320 --> 0:47:12.239 way that it was. I don't think it's fair that 0:47:12.800 --> 0:47:18.439 a Caucasian middle aged man has the power to tell 0:47:18.560 --> 0:47:21.000 me half of everything that you have needs to go 0:47:21.160 --> 0:47:24.439 to this person, half of everything that you built, and 0:47:24.440 --> 0:47:27.799 and and in deciding and making those decisions for me 0:47:28.160 --> 0:47:31.520 about what happens with my life and my children. That's 0:47:31.560 --> 0:47:33.560 something that I would like to keep between me and 0:47:33.600 --> 0:47:36.120 my partner and you know, me and my union. So 0:47:36.480 --> 0:47:40.160 I'm definitely not for signing the paper per se, but 0:47:40.280 --> 0:47:44.279 I am definitely for a union for sure. What state 0:47:44.320 --> 0:47:46.480 are you? And here's the thing I just want to play. 0:47:46.760 --> 0:47:48.279 I don't want to say devil advocate, but I'm just 0:47:48.280 --> 0:47:50.040 gonna play the other side of the point, what state 0:47:50.040 --> 0:47:54.480 are you in? I'm in Texas right now. Girl, listen, 0:47:54.680 --> 0:47:57.759 come and law state. How long I'm in Togethern Well, 0:47:57.840 --> 0:48:01.080 I actually just military three months ago. And like I said, 0:48:01.120 --> 0:48:03.280 we've been on and off for the past like fifteen years. 0:48:03.440 --> 0:48:06.399 You're gonna live together and have me at the same house. Well, 0:48:06.440 --> 0:48:09.160 because I'm bringing down Yeah, that happened a I'm just 0:48:09.200 --> 0:48:12.640 saying because in the state of Texas, it doesn't even matter. 0:48:12.800 --> 0:48:16.480 He becomes your common law husband after a certain period. 0:48:16.520 --> 0:48:18.279 So I hear what you're saying. I'm not in any 0:48:18.320 --> 0:48:21.320 way trying to discount or discredit what you feel and believe. No, 0:48:21.440 --> 0:48:23.400 I feel you're not at all. But yeah, like in 0:48:23.440 --> 0:48:26.680 some states, it doesn't even matter if you legally go 0:48:26.800 --> 0:48:28.680 down to the court and get a piece of paper 0:48:28.680 --> 0:48:32.080 and stand before a judge or whatever. And that's the problem. 0:48:32.200 --> 0:48:34.839 That's that that that no one should be able to 0:48:35.440 --> 0:48:38.160 make should have that power. Do you get what I'm saying? 0:48:38.239 --> 0:48:41.279 No one should have that power. And me and my 0:48:41.400 --> 0:48:44.560 relationship at all, I don't think it's right. I don't 0:48:44.560 --> 0:48:47.319 think it's fair at all. And anything that I do 0:48:47.400 --> 0:48:50.359 in my home, it's my business. You know what I mean, 0:48:50.480 --> 0:48:52.920 it's it's my business and it and it shouldn't It 0:48:52.960 --> 0:48:56.000 shouldn't mean oh, because you know, in order to get 0:48:56.040 --> 0:48:57.800 a pool, and I feel like it's just all about 0:48:57.960 --> 0:49:00.400 money and it's you know, it shouldn't be. You can 0:49:00.440 --> 0:49:03.600 only get approved for this loan if you and your husband, 0:49:03.680 --> 0:49:05.799 you know, make this certain amount of money, and it 0:49:05.840 --> 0:49:07.719 has to be. But like all of those things that 0:49:07.800 --> 0:49:10.440 come along with it, it's just to me, it's just 0:49:10.480 --> 0:49:12.600 another way that they get to have their hands into 0:49:12.680 --> 0:49:15.120 my business. And I'm just not for it at all, 0:49:15.400 --> 0:49:20.799 Like is what we're saying here. All that I think 0:49:20.960 --> 0:49:24.560 what I'm hearing is that just like the digital space 0:49:24.680 --> 0:49:29.359 now right like with technology, people are dating online a 0:49:29.400 --> 0:49:32.759 lot of what we're used to. And I agree, I'm 0:49:32.760 --> 0:49:36.840 not gonna say that I think that people online are weirdos, 0:49:36.880 --> 0:49:40.239 but I understand sort of like the concept that I 0:49:40.280 --> 0:49:42.799 feel like I don't know what I'm meeting right at 0:49:42.840 --> 0:49:47.440 all on the internet, and most of the men that 0:49:47.600 --> 0:49:51.719 I know don't they're not really online like that anyway, 0:49:51.960 --> 0:49:55.200 especially not to go onto a dating app. But I 0:49:55.280 --> 0:49:58.800 also understand that just like jobs have moved to the internet, 0:49:59.440 --> 0:50:03.920 just like you know, school online school that sort of 0:50:03.960 --> 0:50:07.719 we've developed in society. So I guess when when I'm 0:50:07.760 --> 0:50:10.560 listening to what my son is saying, I'm listening to you, Tori, 0:50:11.040 --> 0:50:16.600 I feel like, is what I'm hearing that m relationships 0:50:16.640 --> 0:50:19.959 that are what we knew about the relationships is now 0:50:20.120 --> 0:50:24.560 changing because the times are changing and ideals are changing. 0:50:24.920 --> 0:50:28.080 Absolutely if we wanted, like let's be let's be kind 0:50:28.080 --> 0:50:30.839 of technical, like you know, realistic about some things and 0:50:30.920 --> 0:50:33.080 like a lot of people like to compare themselves to 0:50:33.640 --> 0:50:36.560 our grandparents and our great grant parents. My grandmother, she 0:50:36.719 --> 0:50:40.520 was the most angel angel on earth, Okay when she 0:50:40.680 --> 0:50:42.960 was alive, only being with one man, which was my 0:50:43.080 --> 0:50:46.759 grandfather her entire life. Never cheated on him, never did 0:50:46.760 --> 0:50:49.960 anything of course he did, and she took care of 0:50:50.000 --> 0:50:53.640 at home. She did everything by the book a woman 0:50:53.800 --> 0:50:55.880 was supposed to do. Even though it didn't still it 0:50:55.880 --> 0:50:58.920 still didn't stop my grandfather from going now doing what 0:50:58.960 --> 0:51:01.279 he was doing, having another kid or whatever the case. 0:51:01.320 --> 0:51:04.120 Maybe she did her part. The thing about it is 0:51:04.400 --> 0:51:08.879 when we're talking about seventy eighty years ago when the 0:51:08.960 --> 0:51:12.640 cost of living was a a fraction of what it is, 0:51:12.680 --> 0:51:15.560 and I'm living in a two bedroom apartment, right now, 0:51:15.640 --> 0:51:19.080 that's over fifteen hundred dollars a month. That was not 0:51:19.239 --> 0:51:22.879 the case eighty years ago. Unfortunately, it's a little bit more. 0:51:22.960 --> 0:51:25.719 It's like when the cost of living kept going up, 0:51:26.120 --> 0:51:29.200 um expectations kept going up, but they still was trying 0:51:29.239 --> 0:51:32.359 to you know, spoon feed are black men or are 0:51:32.480 --> 0:51:36.440 men period or how to get those same opportunities, like, Okay, 0:51:36.480 --> 0:51:38.839 what the cost of living is going up, I need 0:51:38.840 --> 0:51:41.880 more money, I need more income. We but man is 0:51:41.880 --> 0:51:44.960 still not making an average the amount, you know, the 0:51:45.000 --> 0:51:48.160 same amount of money as are our other parts. They're 0:51:48.200 --> 0:51:51.279 just not. So we're looking at eighty years ago when 0:51:51.800 --> 0:51:55.040 a man was able to financially take care of a household, 0:51:55.120 --> 0:51:59.000 a household by himself without his woman working, it was 0:51:59.040 --> 0:52:02.280 a lot easier than was compared to now two thousand 0:52:02.280 --> 0:52:06.120 and twenty one. Unfortunately, the way that life is now, 0:52:06.200 --> 0:52:08.080 you do kind of need more than one, you know, 0:52:08.200 --> 0:52:12.359 income in the household majority of the time. And if 0:52:12.400 --> 0:52:15.040 I'm a woman and I gotta I'm not saying I'm 0:52:15.080 --> 0:52:17.640 in there and I gotta pay ranting all other bills. 0:52:17.640 --> 0:52:20.239 Of course he's still gonna do all that, but there 0:52:20.280 --> 0:52:23.080 still needs to be some type of financial you know, 0:52:23.400 --> 0:52:26.239 you input from the woman period in two thousand and 0:52:26.280 --> 0:52:28.360 twenty one. Now, I don't want to do that and 0:52:28.520 --> 0:52:31.040 be the only person cooking and be the only person 0:52:31.080 --> 0:52:33.319 cleaning and being the only ones having care of kids, 0:52:33.440 --> 0:52:37.160 watching the clothes. Women these days are straights. They are 0:52:37.280 --> 0:52:42.239 stressed out, they are mentally unstable, and that's just what 0:52:42.280 --> 0:52:44.800 it is. I listened to a lot of women these days, 0:52:44.840 --> 0:52:47.560 and they are depressed. They feel like they are not 0:52:47.719 --> 0:52:51.520 meeting their mark because they're not their grandmother's. They're not 0:52:51.640 --> 0:52:54.719 doing they're not meeting the market. They're great and grandrdmothers. 0:52:54.760 --> 0:52:58.040 We're making it. So they feel like they're not a woman, 0:52:58.280 --> 0:53:00.600 you know what I'm saying. They feel like they're less 0:53:00.600 --> 0:53:03.920 than and it's like, I don't want all that pressure. 0:53:04.120 --> 0:53:06.239 I don't want all that pressure for that if I 0:53:06.360 --> 0:53:10.520 know that I like to work, actually, I like to 0:53:10.880 --> 0:53:14.000 contribute and do these certain things. So I shouldn't be 0:53:14.080 --> 0:53:16.399 looked at as less of a woman because I want 0:53:16.400 --> 0:53:20.520 to share some of those responsibilities across the board. You know, 0:53:20.600 --> 0:53:23.480 I agree. I just think for me, just when I 0:53:23.560 --> 0:53:25.799 when I think about relationships, right, I have a lot 0:53:25.800 --> 0:53:28.640 of conversations with people about that is especially a lot 0:53:28.680 --> 0:53:33.319 of elders and the narrative that that's being painted that 0:53:33.480 --> 0:53:35.839 everything when you look at relationships and they said, I've 0:53:35.840 --> 0:53:39.000 been together fifty years and this whole narrative that everything 0:53:39.120 --> 0:53:42.880 was good and nobody had it's not realistic. Like a 0:53:42.880 --> 0:53:44.919 lot of them been together and got two and three 0:53:45.000 --> 0:53:48.440 kids with other people. They there's been so much stuff 0:53:48.480 --> 0:53:52.120 that's that's been taken out of the fifty years that 0:53:52.239 --> 0:53:54.080 we just look at that and say it can be done, 0:53:54.600 --> 0:53:56.640 and it's not being it's not being told in the 0:53:56.719 --> 0:54:00.560 proper perspective, right, And and a lot of like she said, 0:54:00.719 --> 0:54:03.440 there was a there was a different mentality before, Like 0:54:03.480 --> 0:54:06.920 there was mentality women were saying, I'm not my husband 0:54:06.920 --> 0:54:09.160 and my husband be here, he's gonna do this. Like 0:54:09.239 --> 0:54:12.000 when I used to have conversation with my grandfather. To 0:54:12.080 --> 0:54:14.960 be honest, I've never seen a man cheat like I've 0:54:15.000 --> 0:54:17.040 never I've never seen my father cheat on my mother. 0:54:17.600 --> 0:54:19.399 That was never a thing my mother to this day 0:54:19.400 --> 0:54:23.359 to tell you that she she never saw my father cheat. Right, 0:54:23.800 --> 0:54:26.080 I never seen my grandfather cheat on my grandmother. But 0:54:26.120 --> 0:54:28.800 my me and my grandfather would have conversations and he 0:54:28.840 --> 0:54:30.480 would be like a man gonna be a man. You 0:54:30.600 --> 0:54:32.960 just gotta do. When my grandfather came home every night, 0:54:33.239 --> 0:54:35.920 he paid all the bills, He took him my grandmother 0:54:35.960 --> 0:54:38.239 whatever she needs. And when he what he did on 0:54:38.320 --> 0:54:40.359 his weekends when he was out all day, I don't 0:54:40.400 --> 0:54:42.319 know what he did. He would take me to work 0:54:42.360 --> 0:54:44.400 with him sometimes when he was hanging up with My 0:54:44.440 --> 0:54:46.440 grandmother didn't call him, and that we didn't have cell 0:54:46.440 --> 0:54:52.000 phones back then. She wasn't involved. It wasn't nothing. He 0:54:52.080 --> 0:54:55.520 came home on his weekends. That was his time. He 0:54:55.640 --> 0:54:58.160 was nine to five. He came home, and his weekends 0:54:58.160 --> 0:54:59.879 he hung up with his friends or whatever he did 0:55:00.160 --> 0:55:02.400 came She said, A man gonna be a man as 0:55:02.440 --> 0:55:05.239 long as he This is my grandmother told me as 0:55:05.280 --> 0:55:08.160 a woman. And they were together for over thirty plus 0:55:08.280 --> 0:55:11.799 years before they both passed away, like six months after 0:55:11.840 --> 0:55:14.520 each other. And they and they and they and they 0:55:14.719 --> 0:55:17.480 carried on so and and and and throughout history. The 0:55:17.719 --> 0:55:21.359 relationships that I know, that's what's happened is not this 0:55:21.600 --> 0:55:24.319 quote unquote we live happily of after I say all 0:55:24.360 --> 0:55:27.120 the time, women want the title of a wife, women 0:55:27.160 --> 0:55:29.839 want the title of a relationship, but they don't want 0:55:30.040 --> 0:55:32.680 the reality of it the reality that comes with you 0:55:32.800 --> 0:55:35.279 being with a certain caliber man. You're being with a man, 0:55:35.520 --> 0:55:37.320 you don't want to deal with the ups and downs 0:55:37.360 --> 0:55:40.200 of it. You just want the grass is green park. 0:55:40.239 --> 0:55:42.879 And it's not realistic. And when you have comes with men, 0:55:43.160 --> 0:55:46.000 which I do all the time, they're either gonna they're 0:55:46.080 --> 0:55:48.480 lying to women trying to make them believe certain things 0:55:48.520 --> 0:55:50.640 because they don't want them to know certain things, or 0:55:50.640 --> 0:55:53.319 they're telling the truth that you know. It's not it's 0:55:53.360 --> 0:55:56.080 not realistic. So I'm just trying to figure out where 0:55:56.080 --> 0:55:59.879 do we get to a space where men are able 0:55:59.920 --> 0:56:02.680 to sit down and we can really talk about what 0:56:02.800 --> 0:56:05.440 relationships that are going to be fruit food that are 0:56:05.440 --> 0:56:09.879 gonna be both everybody's gonna agree upon. Everybody's gonna come 0:56:09.920 --> 0:56:12.960 to a space of understanding each other, the nature of 0:56:12.960 --> 0:56:15.200 a man, nature of women, and things that we require, 0:56:15.239 --> 0:56:17.319 things that we require, and we're gonna do it right 0:56:17.360 --> 0:56:20.560 without every conversation as men of dogs, Oh he cheated up. 0:56:20.600 --> 0:56:22.759 Every day you we find out our best rate, We 0:56:22.800 --> 0:56:25.120 find out the best relationships that we thought was the 0:56:25.160 --> 0:56:27.520 best relationship in the world. We come on TV and 0:56:27.520 --> 0:56:29.719 we follow out, Oh he was cheating on them. Oh 0:56:29.800 --> 0:56:31.719 this one was cheating on and we keep hearing this 0:56:32.080 --> 0:56:35.239 the same narrative over and over and over. So when 0:56:35.280 --> 0:56:37.680 do we gonna say, Okay, these are just not bad 0:56:37.760 --> 0:56:45.080 men we talk about in history like I don't. I 0:56:45.120 --> 0:56:47.560 am not a woman, even though I work with women 0:56:47.960 --> 0:56:51.160 and help them date in a very different space, I 0:56:51.200 --> 0:56:54.720 don't believe that. I don't believe that all men are cheaters. 0:56:54.760 --> 0:56:57.040 I don't believe that men are dogs. I have never 0:56:57.600 --> 0:56:59.560 said that, and I'm not saying that you said that, 0:56:59.560 --> 0:57:01.960 but I'm just you know, there are women out there 0:57:01.960 --> 0:57:06.240 who do not believe that. Okay. Secondly to your point 0:57:06.280 --> 0:57:10.000 about when are we going to have these conversations and 0:57:10.000 --> 0:57:11.960 and when can a man just be honest? It's about 0:57:12.000 --> 0:57:14.959 communicating from the jump, because if you are to look 0:57:14.960 --> 0:57:17.439 at your friends and you say, okay, so you met 0:57:17.480 --> 0:57:19.800 girl a maybe he met her at a bar. Right, 0:57:19.800 --> 0:57:22.000 we'll take online dating out of it. He met her 0:57:22.040 --> 0:57:25.320 at a bar. She's cute, she's nice, she's lovely. He 0:57:26.240 --> 0:57:29.120 is going to because he wants something from her. He's 0:57:29.160 --> 0:57:31.600 going to tell her everything she wants to hear right 0:57:31.840 --> 0:57:34.440 when he knows, sincerely and in his heart, he's not 0:57:34.480 --> 0:57:36.480 really trying to be in a relationship. He's not trying 0:57:36.520 --> 0:57:38.800 to settle down, he's not in a place where he's 0:57:38.920 --> 0:57:41.360 even ready for a relationship. But because he wants what 0:57:41.440 --> 0:57:43.920 he wants, he's gonna spend game and give her whatever 0:57:43.960 --> 0:57:47.200 she wants to hear. So it starts there, why can't 0:57:47.200 --> 0:57:49.640 he communicate it? Look, I'm not in a place to 0:57:49.720 --> 0:57:52.280 actually give you a relationship. I think you're fine, I 0:57:52.280 --> 0:57:55.080 think you're hot. Um, if you're down with it, because 0:57:55.120 --> 0:57:58.280 surprisingly there are women who be like, oh, I'm down 0:57:58.360 --> 0:58:01.040 with it. I'm that's cool. Thank you for honoring my 0:58:01.160 --> 0:58:04.560 feelings enough to tell me what it is and what 0:58:04.640 --> 0:58:09.120 it want versus him lying is literally you ain't gotta lie, 0:58:09.160 --> 0:58:11.680 cred Like it boils down to that, like you don't 0:58:11.880 --> 0:58:14.880 have to lie. You'll be so surprised at how many 0:58:14.920 --> 0:58:18.920 women out there are able to handle those kind of 0:58:18.960 --> 0:58:22.040 conversations because at least you gave me a choice. Cheating 0:58:22.160 --> 0:58:26.240 removes my choices. That you cheating, that you remove my choices. 0:58:26.320 --> 0:58:29.400 So I just want you to know that there are 0:58:29.440 --> 0:58:33.920 women who think very progressively when it comes to relationships 0:58:34.000 --> 0:58:37.280 in dating, Like it's not the that's that's so young, 0:58:37.360 --> 0:58:39.200 Like all men are ing no They're not all men 0:58:39.200 --> 0:58:42.680 are dogs. Know, if you look statistically, women probably cheat 0:58:42.760 --> 0:58:46.720 more than men. Agree, right, we we we cheat, We 0:58:46.880 --> 0:58:48.760 just do it differently. We don't get caught. We don't 0:58:48.800 --> 0:58:51.040 go blasting and talking to our home girls at the 0:58:51.040 --> 0:58:53.160 beauty shop about oh I was cheating with it. No, 0:58:53.760 --> 0:58:56.560 it's it's just a different kind of way. It's a 0:58:56.560 --> 0:58:59.120 different way that it's done. I think there are a 0:58:59.160 --> 0:59:07.960 lot of things that unfortunately, uh, we all, um, we 0:59:08.120 --> 0:59:12.919 have ideals that are just not true, right about what 0:59:12.960 --> 0:59:16.040 women think or what men are going to do and 0:59:16.080 --> 0:59:18.960 what they're not going to do. And I always say, 0:59:19.080 --> 0:59:23.120 um to my son, we should stop saying women don't 0:59:23.200 --> 0:59:26.360 like this that, or men are gonna do because it's 0:59:26.400 --> 0:59:31.440 not true that all of anything exactly. It's that there 0:59:31.480 --> 0:59:34.840 are some women who can't handle true. There are some 0:59:34.920 --> 0:59:38.160 men who lie rather than telling the truth. And yeah, 0:59:38.240 --> 0:59:41.480 I think you made one point, um mi, set I 0:59:41.560 --> 0:59:47.720 think is true that women will say he's a dog 0:59:47.920 --> 0:59:53.240 or whatever because they see how you know, a young 0:59:53.320 --> 0:59:56.080 man is sleeping with this one or that one and 0:59:56.120 --> 0:59:59.680 has lots of relationships. But I submit in this conversation 0:59:59.720 --> 1:00:03.640 that it's not actually the problem. The problem isn't that 1:00:03.920 --> 1:00:08.120 the man is has multiple women. Excuse me for not 1:00:08.200 --> 1:00:10.320 you know, oftentimes, like when I'm trying to think through 1:00:10.360 --> 1:00:12.560 what I'm saying, I want to make sure that it's 1:00:12.680 --> 1:00:16.640 it's being stated properly, So excuse my all over the place. 1:00:17.160 --> 1:00:19.479 I don't think it's that. I think if you talk 1:00:19.560 --> 1:00:23.800 to those women and you listen to the backstories of 1:00:23.880 --> 1:00:26.400 the things that these younger men who are who my 1:00:26.480 --> 1:00:29.480 son may be talking to, and other men are counseling 1:00:29.480 --> 1:00:32.760 them about a different way to do it, they're doing 1:00:32.800 --> 1:00:36.280 a bunch of other bullshit, right, There's a bunch of 1:00:36.360 --> 1:00:40.360 lies and and and and and and and just um, 1:00:40.400 --> 1:00:45.080 you know, just just nasty things that the men are 1:00:45.200 --> 1:00:49.400 also doing that's mixed up in this whole idea that 1:00:49.440 --> 1:00:52.280 I'm not trying to just be with one woman woman. 1:00:52.520 --> 1:00:54.440 And I think if we're honest about it, and you 1:00:54.560 --> 1:00:58.960 peel back the layers of their behavior, the immaturity, the 1:00:59.240 --> 1:01:02.000 the you know, the all the things that go along 1:01:02.040 --> 1:01:05.360 with it, um, you will find that the problem is 1:01:05.440 --> 1:01:09.200 not the multiple women. It's the it's the way in 1:01:09.320 --> 1:01:13.880 which people are actually going about living and operating in 1:01:13.920 --> 1:01:18.600 their truth and in their because that's how to do 1:01:18.600 --> 1:01:23.560 it is it's raggedy. Raggedy's raggedy way they speak to women, 1:01:24.240 --> 1:01:26.960 the way that they you know, just certain things that 1:01:27.000 --> 1:01:30.160 they're doing it it hurts people's feelings. So the issue 1:01:30.280 --> 1:01:33.000 is not so much that we need to be open 1:01:33.160 --> 1:01:36.760 enough where we can see other people. The problem comes 1:01:36.840 --> 1:01:41.160 down to how you go about operating in that space. 1:01:41.240 --> 1:01:43.240 And I think that's what I think now. I don't 1:01:43.280 --> 1:01:46.880 know all of the details of the relations or the 1:01:46.960 --> 1:01:50.400 people that my son knows, or that your relationship tory 1:01:50.520 --> 1:01:52.919 or whatever. I can't speak to it because I don't know, 1:01:53.400 --> 1:01:58.120 but I would amact just based upon my knowledge of 1:01:58.280 --> 1:02:04.120 guys who you have multiple women that what often happens 1:02:04.520 --> 1:02:07.400 is the benefits of what they can get from a 1:02:07.480 --> 1:02:11.840 woman from lying about whether they are in a monogamous 1:02:11.880 --> 1:02:16.520 relationship mean more to their narcissism than for them to 1:02:16.600 --> 1:02:19.840 be able to sit down and say, because I am 1:02:19.920 --> 1:02:23.240 now telling you that I am seeing other people, you 1:02:23.280 --> 1:02:26.760 may not be available all the time. You may not 1:02:26.960 --> 1:02:30.440 financially help or support or do things. You may not 1:02:30.520 --> 1:02:33.880 be working as hard for me. You may be you 1:02:33.880 --> 1:02:37.440 know things are going to change, and because many people 1:02:37.560 --> 1:02:41.360 want to maintain the benefits of the relationship. They will 1:02:41.480 --> 1:02:44.560 lie so that they don't lose anything because they are 1:02:44.680 --> 1:02:48.840 unable to commit fully on the other side, and that 1:02:49.240 --> 1:02:51.800 I think for for most women, like for me, that 1:02:51.840 --> 1:02:54.160 would be a problem for me. If we're gonna be 1:02:54.240 --> 1:02:57.360 honest about it, be a hundred percent honest, and then 1:02:57.520 --> 1:03:01.240 understand that I now can make choices that don't necessarily 1:03:01.320 --> 1:03:03.880 benefit you as much as they did in the exactly 1:03:04.120 --> 1:03:06.920 exactly there's two things that you said that I think 1:03:06.960 --> 1:03:09.760 are so important for that people should take away, and 1:03:09.800 --> 1:03:12.040 I totally agree with it. It's you know, on this 1:03:12.080 --> 1:03:14.800 side of the spectrum, its like you just said, you 1:03:14.920 --> 1:03:17.520 have the man has to be completely honest because it's 1:03:17.560 --> 1:03:21.240 about giving and taking away that choice from that woman, right. 1:03:21.320 --> 1:03:23.760 And then on the step on the flip side about it, 1:03:24.000 --> 1:03:27.160 you know, some women having that thought process of men 1:03:27.160 --> 1:03:29.720 are dogs. Like you said, it's not about the multiple women, 1:03:30.080 --> 1:03:32.600 it's like it's the other stuff that come along with it. 1:03:32.640 --> 1:03:35.800 Is exactly what you said. My grandmother used to always 1:03:35.880 --> 1:03:38.800 tell me this, when when a woman is happy, when 1:03:38.840 --> 1:03:42.720 you're fulfilling everything, you know, automother Nixon, she's really not 1:03:43.000 --> 1:03:45.600 interested in caring about going through your phone. Of course, 1:03:45.720 --> 1:03:47.960 it wasn't a phone that being, But you get I'm 1:03:48.000 --> 1:03:51.640 translating into now times. We're not going through your phone, 1:03:52.040 --> 1:03:54.920 I'm not checking your emails and doing all that. I 1:03:54.920 --> 1:03:57.120 don't have a time. I'm too busy and happy in 1:03:57.240 --> 1:03:59.640 mala land that I really don't have a time or 1:03:59.680 --> 1:04:02.680 interest even want to look for something that could mess 1:04:02.760 --> 1:04:04.560 up my happy You get what I'm saying. But when 1:04:04.560 --> 1:04:07.400 you're a man and you ain't yeah, yeah, your woman 1:04:07.440 --> 1:04:09.920 ain't even happy because you ain't doing a B and C. 1:04:10.680 --> 1:04:13.080 Now she got more time on her hands and she's 1:04:13.120 --> 1:04:15.080 looking at Okay, well you ain't even doing a B 1:04:15.200 --> 1:04:18.560 and C. So how dare you even have the audacity 1:04:18.640 --> 1:04:21.240 to want to have a relationship or do anything with 1:04:21.320 --> 1:04:23.720 another woman that that makes no sense to me? Make 1:04:23.720 --> 1:04:26.120 sure I'm good over here, and I don't, And then 1:04:26.160 --> 1:04:27.760 I don't care what you know. I'm i I'm my 1:04:28.000 --> 1:04:30.880 questioning that I don't care. I'm happy over year, bills 1:04:30.920 --> 1:04:34.200 just paid, children are happy, you know, the home is 1:04:34.240 --> 1:04:38.080 being fulful, everything's good. So that that both of those 1:04:38.080 --> 1:04:40.160 things that you said, I think are two important things 1:04:40.160 --> 1:04:44.200 are why relationships are going the way that they are 1:04:44.320 --> 1:04:48.720 right now. This conversation made me feel like I'm gonna 1:04:48.720 --> 1:04:54.920 continue to be single. I think, I know all. I 1:04:54.960 --> 1:04:57.320 want to go on record and say, are there some 1:04:57.360 --> 1:04:59.640 weird people out there in the dating space, yes, or 1:04:59.680 --> 1:05:04.880 some of online? Absolutely? Are there nice, normal, good people 1:05:04.920 --> 1:05:08.320 out there looking for relationships who maybe are not going 1:05:08.320 --> 1:05:11.000 out to the clubs, not going to the social events, 1:05:11.160 --> 1:05:13.400 don't have time. Maybe they're building their business. So for 1:05:13.520 --> 1:05:16.640 them it makes sense because I can go grocery shopping 1:05:16.720 --> 1:05:21.120 for a mate on my phone. Yes, yes, yes, yes, 1:05:21.120 --> 1:05:23.120 So I don't want you to just throw the whole 1:05:23.400 --> 1:05:26.640 dating concept away, especially not the online because I know 1:05:26.720 --> 1:05:30.880 this conversation has gone super duper deep. But there are 1:05:31.160 --> 1:05:33.960 I listen, I've coached ladies who have gotten married two 1:05:34.000 --> 1:05:39.200 men that they've met online. I have two cousins that 1:05:39.360 --> 1:05:42.480 they online and they well, one of them is happy, 1:05:42.600 --> 1:05:47.440 the other one, you know, it's questionable, but so we 1:05:47.600 --> 1:05:51.120 have Yeah. So that's the thing. It's like, just no, 1:05:51.480 --> 1:05:52.760 and I mean, if we can get down to the 1:05:52.800 --> 1:05:55.200 like mirror, you might meet what you actually are out 1:05:55.200 --> 1:05:59.120 there in those dating streets, whether it's online or whatever. Um, 1:05:59.160 --> 1:06:01.960 but just just not to give it the negative convertation 1:06:01.960 --> 1:06:04.440 of like, oh, everybody who goes online is a weirdo. 1:06:04.520 --> 1:06:07.480 I'm not a weirdo. My husband wasn't a weirdough. There 1:06:07.480 --> 1:06:09.760 are interesting people out there, but there are also good 1:06:09.840 --> 1:06:12.280 people who use it as a method to meet people 1:06:12.320 --> 1:06:15.840 that they would not ordinarily have interacted with. So that's 1:06:15.880 --> 1:06:18.280 my two cents on that. I just I just wanted 1:06:18.280 --> 1:06:22.360 to um say something. You said something right about You know, 1:06:22.880 --> 1:06:26.360 a lot of men get about men. Some men get 1:06:26.440 --> 1:06:30.040 into relationships or meet women and they know they don't 1:06:30.040 --> 1:06:31.760 want to be in this relationship, but they want to 1:06:31.800 --> 1:06:34.919 tell them all these things, and that's a process that 1:06:34.920 --> 1:06:37.960 that is. Those things happen. But they are also men 1:06:38.000 --> 1:06:41.920 who get in relationships and actually want something right. They 1:06:41.960 --> 1:06:45.120 actually think that they want to be with this thing, 1:06:45.440 --> 1:06:49.600 and as time goes on, it doesn't work right, It 1:06:49.640 --> 1:06:51.800 doesn't work what they thought was gonna work with you. 1:06:51.880 --> 1:06:54.040 It just just doesn't work for them. And then they 1:06:54.160 --> 1:06:56.240 come to the process and they mind. They said them, 1:06:56.280 --> 1:06:58.680 how do I say this? How do I transfer this? 1:06:58.800 --> 1:07:00.640 How do I don't want to hurt with this person? 1:07:00.720 --> 1:07:03.600 Because I thought this and that and these those things 1:07:03.640 --> 1:07:06.680 happen as well a lot of women. Women, A lot 1:07:06.720 --> 1:07:11.400 of women think that men get into relationships with the objective. 1:07:11.880 --> 1:07:14.160 I'm just trying to get over on you and I'm 1:07:14.240 --> 1:07:16.440 trying to just be No. That doesn't always happen. I 1:07:16.480 --> 1:07:19.200 know a lot of different situations with men I'm friends. 1:07:19.200 --> 1:07:21.480 I know they were dating some chickens, like yo, I 1:07:21.520 --> 1:07:23.600 like this chick next thing, you know, the chickens. All 1:07:23.680 --> 1:07:25.520 you know a a day she called him a thousand towns 1:07:25.640 --> 1:07:28.680 is the fight this and that turns into okay, damn. 1:07:28.720 --> 1:07:31.680 I thought it was good and and then it changes. 1:07:31.760 --> 1:07:35.439 Think that nic asking that they communicate the change. I 1:07:35.560 --> 1:07:40.760 completely acknowledge what you're saying about feelings change. People change. Right, 1:07:40.880 --> 1:07:43.000 You're getting something and it might be more than what 1:07:43.040 --> 1:07:45.360 you thought it was or what you could actually handle 1:07:45.400 --> 1:07:49.720 at that time. The problem comes in when they don't communicate, 1:07:50.120 --> 1:07:53.240 when they say hey, when you say that, right, and 1:07:53.280 --> 1:07:55.520 it's very it's a lot easier said than done, Queen, 1:07:55.920 --> 1:08:00.040 because I've had hard conversations and so I have of 1:08:00.200 --> 1:08:03.640 my daughter's father. Okay, I have left before your relationship. 1:08:03.680 --> 1:08:08.040 So I've had hard conversations when a relationship didn't serve me. 1:08:08.080 --> 1:08:10.240 So I hear what you're saying. We say it's easier 1:08:10.240 --> 1:08:13.760 said than done. But because I've had to have those conversations. 1:08:14.960 --> 1:08:16.840 I still say it's worth it, because what do I 1:08:16.920 --> 1:08:20.240 look like eighteen years later, staying with my ex just 1:08:20.320 --> 1:08:23.160 because oh we have a kid, and oh no I 1:08:23.200 --> 1:08:25.680 had to choose me. I was just trying to say 1:08:25.760 --> 1:08:27.360 she was this, that she was in me for. I 1:08:27.360 --> 1:08:31.840 don't care if the conversation everything not hard. Sometimes they do. 1:08:32.000 --> 1:08:34.439 You know, some people think I'm a bit I don't 1:08:34.439 --> 1:08:36.880 know if the worry. Maybe it's abrasive or something, or 1:08:37.240 --> 1:08:39.400 lack some some money that said I lack empathy. I 1:08:39.439 --> 1:08:42.040 don't think it's that. But it's like you said, I'm 1:08:42.040 --> 1:08:46.160 gonna choose me. Used to women choosing themselves right there. 1:08:46.200 --> 1:08:47.920 Used to us being the nurturers and we're gonna take 1:08:47.920 --> 1:08:52.719 care everybody. I choose me every single everything, every single 1:08:52.720 --> 1:08:55.880 But if you're not as crazy, it took a toxic 1:08:56.040 --> 1:08:58.519 as relates. Sorry, I don't know if even curse. It 1:08:58.640 --> 1:09:03.439 took a toxic relationship for me to get to this 1:09:03.680 --> 1:09:08.320 unapologetic version of me. You know, it took the oh, 1:09:08.520 --> 1:09:11.040 I'm gonna be like my grandmother for so many years, 1:09:11.080 --> 1:09:14.960 so I'm just gonna lay down and whatever men do, whatevery, 1:09:15.040 --> 1:09:16.920 you know, I'm just gonna take it, and I'm just 1:09:16.960 --> 1:09:19.759 supposed to still look happy and smile. And then it took. 1:09:19.960 --> 1:09:24.280 It took my daughter's father, which was the worst relationship 1:09:24.280 --> 1:09:27.479 I've ever had in my life. It always refers to 1:09:27.520 --> 1:09:32.360 that relationship as like the whole metamorphosis, metamorphosis process of 1:09:32.400 --> 1:09:34.280 a caterpillar to a butterfly. I don't know if you 1:09:34.320 --> 1:09:37.240 God is familiar, if you're listening, you're not. When a 1:09:37.280 --> 1:09:41.320 caterpillar goes into the cocoon, it literally liquefies itself and 1:09:41.520 --> 1:09:44.040 consumes itself, and then when it you know, that's when 1:09:44.040 --> 1:09:47.559 it rebuilds itself to a completely new insect, which is 1:09:47.600 --> 1:09:50.600 a motterfly. And that is literally what happened to me 1:09:50.680 --> 1:09:54.280 from that relationship and ever since then, that's when I 1:09:54.320 --> 1:09:56.960 really was like, Okay, I think polyamory is for me. 1:09:58.080 --> 1:10:01.160 I'm gonna do I'm gonna do life the way I want, 1:10:01.640 --> 1:10:05.040 and I'm going to require the things I require, and 1:10:05.160 --> 1:10:08.759 I'm gonna always pick me before you know. Of course, 1:10:09.160 --> 1:10:11.240 not for your kids or something like that, but you know, 1:10:11.439 --> 1:10:13.640 I'm just gonna always kick me in. I don't think 1:10:13.680 --> 1:10:16.200 I can change that. What do you think do you 1:10:16.240 --> 1:10:18.760 think that men have the same grace. You think when 1:10:18.800 --> 1:10:21.479 men make that decision that they are looked upon the 1:10:21.520 --> 1:10:25.040 same as when women make that decision. No, they're definitely 1:10:25.280 --> 1:10:29.000 I think I think in relationships, right, most of the time, 1:10:29.120 --> 1:10:32.439 when when men leave a relationship or step outside or 1:10:32.479 --> 1:10:36.360 the side, men are demonized for that. Like you know 1:10:36.400 --> 1:10:39.400 what I'm going, I'm not I'm not dealing with that boom. 1:10:40.240 --> 1:10:41.720 I don't give I don't care about none of that. 1:10:41.800 --> 1:10:46.080 I'm just going, I'm choosing me. I don't think period 1:10:46.240 --> 1:10:49.120 compared to women. If I'm being technical, it's just the truth. 1:10:49.479 --> 1:10:51.639 I don't think men get as much grace as women 1:10:51.680 --> 1:10:56.160 at all across the board. That's just my just the answer. 1:10:56.479 --> 1:11:00.320 I think the answer um because I agree. I think 1:11:00.400 --> 1:11:05.400 men do get demonized for choosing them, right, I definitely 1:11:05.439 --> 1:11:11.120 agree with that. But I also believe that time heals 1:11:11.240 --> 1:11:16.200 all whom you know. I believe that over time, the 1:11:16.320 --> 1:11:19.599 more consistent you are as a friend, as a father, 1:11:19.960 --> 1:11:24.080 as a whatever, whatever, you know, whatever the role is, 1:11:24.560 --> 1:11:29.480 that over time people will begin to come around everybody 1:11:29.479 --> 1:11:31.760 in the family too. And of course if you just 1:11:31.920 --> 1:11:34.599 if you are dealing with a bitter situation, you just 1:11:34.640 --> 1:11:38.120 it is what it is, but if not, people will 1:11:38.160 --> 1:11:41.360 begin to come around to the idea that you know what, 1:11:41.920 --> 1:11:44.800 now we are a new thing, new unit or new 1:11:44.840 --> 1:11:49.120 in a new space. And perhaps and I think, you know, 1:11:49.120 --> 1:11:50.519 I don't know myself. I don't want to speak you, 1:11:50.640 --> 1:11:54.080 but I would assume that you're saying that if there's 1:11:54.080 --> 1:11:56.639 a man, a friend, or somebody who noticed as well, 1:11:56.920 --> 1:11:59.880 I want to be in a polly relationship. It's not 1:12:00.080 --> 1:12:03.240 that easy for a man to start that conversation because 1:12:03.280 --> 1:12:06.920 once you do, then it's like, oh, see, all men 1:12:07.400 --> 1:12:09.880 you know just want to cheat. I just want what 1:12:09.960 --> 1:12:12.040 is this? So I can see how it's not the 1:12:12.080 --> 1:12:16.080 easiest thing to do. But I believe at least it's 1:12:16.120 --> 1:12:20.160 become it's become more apparent to me over time that 1:12:20.439 --> 1:12:24.479 regardless of what everybody else may feel, the more honest 1:12:24.600 --> 1:12:28.320 we are, the better the results of it later. So 1:12:28.360 --> 1:12:30.919 it's even you're gonna get the ship at the beginning 1:12:31.120 --> 1:12:35.760 or at the end, and then I love that you 1:12:35.760 --> 1:12:40.400 know what I'm saying, and I would prefer I like that. 1:12:40.720 --> 1:12:43.200 I would prefer the ship of working through it in 1:12:43.240 --> 1:12:46.760 the beginning, getting on the same page about what it is, 1:12:46.960 --> 1:12:49.919 so that you can have sort of like a smoother 1:12:50.400 --> 1:12:53.639 smoother because life is life. There's gonna be us and downs, 1:12:54.000 --> 1:12:57.640 but a smoother transition towards the end. And I do 1:12:57.800 --> 1:13:00.920 think that I think my son is a percent right 1:13:01.200 --> 1:13:03.479 the ways in which we have been taught. We live 1:13:03.520 --> 1:13:07.759 in a patriarchal society, that we have been taught certain 1:13:07.800 --> 1:13:11.760 things that are not good for any of us. And 1:13:11.840 --> 1:13:15.639 patriarchy does not mean just men. It means that women 1:13:15.760 --> 1:13:19.600 and men have ideals and and and operate within a 1:13:19.680 --> 1:13:25.280 certain particular, particular mindset that really, for us as black people, 1:13:25.800 --> 1:13:29.880 wasn't even established by us. It was established by white 1:13:29.920 --> 1:13:32.960 folks and the ways in which they see the world. 1:13:33.120 --> 1:13:37.360 And we have operated in that and have perpetuated the 1:13:37.439 --> 1:13:42.240 patriarchy against one another and in our internal relationships. So 1:13:42.320 --> 1:13:47.360 perhaps anogamy is um is not natural if you will. 1:13:47.680 --> 1:13:49.960 I don't think it's not just natural for men. I 1:13:49.960 --> 1:13:53.080 think it may not be not not natural for humans 1:13:53.200 --> 1:13:58.280 in general. But the end result for me comes down 1:13:58.320 --> 1:14:01.720 and the reason why I am very concerned about the 1:14:01.800 --> 1:14:06.560 idea of even saying, oh, I'm in a relationship and 1:14:06.640 --> 1:14:11.559 a marriage and all of that is because the the 1:14:11.720 --> 1:14:16.680 lack of honesty that we all have the nature, the 1:14:16.840 --> 1:14:22.800 natural instinct to lie, wanted to to try to um uh, 1:14:23.280 --> 1:14:27.400 to try to get around dealing with with whatever facing 1:14:27.479 --> 1:14:31.200 whatever our truth is head on. It's too it's dangerous. 1:14:31.439 --> 1:14:34.639 It scarves me on the down low with men who 1:14:34.680 --> 1:14:37.400 are unwilling to say I am who I am and 1:14:37.840 --> 1:14:40.679 I think you know and as i'm I'm thinking about 1:14:40.720 --> 1:14:44.040 and it's coming to me. This is also a problem 1:14:44.080 --> 1:14:48.759 in that area because the same rules apply that people 1:14:48.880 --> 1:14:52.799 who are gay or feel like they may be trans 1:14:52.920 --> 1:14:57.479 or whatever are unable to communicate the truth because once 1:14:57.600 --> 1:15:01.440 they say who they are to the world, they become demonized, 1:15:01.800 --> 1:15:05.880 They become look that funny they be called. They called 1:15:06.040 --> 1:15:08.680 names that they you know, if it's not they're not. 1:15:08.720 --> 1:15:12.559 They don't feel comfortable. So therefore they lie their way 1:15:12.640 --> 1:15:16.160 through some of them and it ends up harming people 1:15:16.760 --> 1:15:20.599 and tearing down families. So for me, I just I 1:15:20.680 --> 1:15:24.200 just want the part for me in my life. I 1:15:24.280 --> 1:15:27.320 just want to try to figure out how do we 1:15:27.439 --> 1:15:31.719 start to make it more normal for people to tell 1:15:31.840 --> 1:15:36.240 their truth. I agree, I think it's fact for conversations 1:15:36.280 --> 1:15:44.720 like these, and we're holding your judgment because nobody tories happy. 1:15:44.840 --> 1:15:47.960 It's the people outside who have something to say about 1:15:47.960 --> 1:15:51.559 tories lifestyle. Right, So we're telling our judgment because it's 1:15:51.600 --> 1:15:53.559 like the old school. If you like it, I love it. 1:15:53.600 --> 1:15:55.880 If that works for you, I'm rooting for you. Send 1:15:55.920 --> 1:15:58.479 me an invitation to the baby show. We're like, because 1:15:58.520 --> 1:16:01.720 it's your life. It's not my place to put myself 1:16:02.080 --> 1:16:04.599 in there. I'm a rock with how I'm looking over here. 1:16:05.000 --> 1:16:06.640 But you do you And I don't think that a 1:16:06.680 --> 1:16:10.280 lot of people take that mindset. There's so much like, oh, 1:16:10.720 --> 1:16:13.920 what Tomika doing, what's her situation over there? What my sons? 1:16:14.320 --> 1:16:19.439 You're in everybody else's business? Exactly? Thank you social media. 1:16:19.920 --> 1:16:22.439 The reality of it is that people base their life 1:16:22.439 --> 1:16:25.800 based on other people's opinions. Right, Yeah, So it's it's 1:16:25.840 --> 1:16:29.519 it's hard. It's not just okay, that was that was 1:16:29.680 --> 1:16:34.840 you got one. That's because more often than not, right, 1:16:35.280 --> 1:16:37.479 there are man, they are women that are living in 1:16:37.560 --> 1:16:42.040 polyamious relationships that they know it is and they're operating 1:16:42.080 --> 1:16:45.479 in that same space already. Right, But the fact that 1:16:46.320 --> 1:16:48.040 you want to touch the nerve with that you might 1:16:49.080 --> 1:16:51.120 and the fact that they acknowledge it and one of 1:16:51.120 --> 1:16:53.600 their girlfriends who might say, oh you stupid girl, and 1:16:53.640 --> 1:16:56.000 that's the same girl that's telling you that her man 1:16:56.080 --> 1:16:59.240 is how he's sucking everybody, and she know it. And 1:16:59.280 --> 1:17:03.520 she ain't trying to mean that's not Polly, is it. 1:17:03.760 --> 1:17:06.680 But what I'm saying, I understand it's not. It's not 1:17:06.840 --> 1:17:09.000 it's not under the same guys as Polly, but the 1:17:09.040 --> 1:17:13.960 reality of situation he is. She is a hundred cent 1:17:14.000 --> 1:17:19.719 aware that her husband is having extra marital relationships outside 1:17:19.760 --> 1:17:22.439 of their home, and she's comfortable with that. Will come 1:17:22.479 --> 1:17:24.960 to you and tell you that you stupid if you 1:17:25.080 --> 1:17:28.320 deal with a polyamorous or your husband or my man 1:17:28.320 --> 1:17:29.800 would never be able to say that. But you know 1:17:30.120 --> 1:17:32.160 that he got five or six chicks that he see 1:17:32.200 --> 1:17:34.080 from here and then he come home to you and 1:17:34.080 --> 1:17:36.360 it's the end. They of no benefit to you. None 1:17:36.360 --> 1:17:39.600 of these chicks off in any bad So it's just 1:17:39.720 --> 1:17:42.519 what I'm trying to say, These things been happening, Like 1:17:42.560 --> 1:17:44.640 I see that I forgot. It's this lady that's on 1:17:44.800 --> 1:17:47.240 lie and she's I think she's like older. I don't 1:17:47.280 --> 1:17:49.000 know where she comes from, but it's a black lady. 1:17:49.000 --> 1:17:51.160 And she was talking about it, and she was talking 1:17:51.200 --> 1:17:54.160 about relations sheps like these things been happening it ain't 1:17:54.160 --> 1:17:55.760 for me to tell a black man not to do 1:17:55.800 --> 1:17:57.719 it or not. I'm just telling you that they happened, 1:17:57.720 --> 1:17:59.600 and then whether you deal with it or not is 1:17:59.640 --> 1:18:02.320 on you. I'm just telling you exactly what's going on. 1:18:02.640 --> 1:18:04.519 And I think that's the space with it is for me. 1:18:04.560 --> 1:18:07.679 It's like, I know I'd be having conversations with dudes 1:18:08.240 --> 1:18:11.519 and I'll be watching dudes and it's I'm not saying nothing, 1:18:11.560 --> 1:18:16.160 but I watch I've watched dudes vives that I know 1:18:16.240 --> 1:18:18.840 it was out here cheating, talking about how my man 1:18:18.880 --> 1:18:20.479 would never be able to do this to me, and 1:18:20.600 --> 1:18:22.800 I swear I don't know what you'll be dealing and 1:18:22.840 --> 1:18:25.880 I'll just be sitting into myself, like this is not 1:18:25.920 --> 1:18:28.720 even a realistic conversation. You don't even under you don't 1:18:28.720 --> 1:18:31.160 even know who you sleep with every night, you don't 1:18:31.200 --> 1:18:34.120 and and but you you passing judgment on somebody else, 1:18:34.160 --> 1:18:37.080 and it's just not realistic. I think that's another thing 1:18:37.160 --> 1:18:39.040 we also have to start doing too. It is like, 1:18:39.160 --> 1:18:42.519 how do we get to a point where because we 1:18:42.640 --> 1:18:47.920 we now are losing babies because they can't handle someone 1:18:47.960 --> 1:18:51.760 else talking about them or saying something negative about them. 1:18:51.840 --> 1:18:55.320 And you know, we got kids, committing suicide and all 1:18:55.439 --> 1:18:57.240 these things, and it's like, how do we get to 1:18:57.920 --> 1:19:00.040 get to the point where, like she just mentioned, and 1:19:00.120 --> 1:19:03.280 I am. I was asked before I came out here, 1:19:03.280 --> 1:19:06.160 are you comfortable talking to about I don't care. Yes, 1:19:06.360 --> 1:19:09.400 I don't care where I'm at. I already know there's 1:19:09.479 --> 1:19:12.840 judgment and already know people are gonna say, but you 1:19:12.880 --> 1:19:15.240 know like that to say, I'm I'm happy with who 1:19:15.280 --> 1:19:17.799 I am in my lifestyle. And there's nothing that nobody 1:19:17.840 --> 1:19:20.640 can say, you know, to me personally to make me 1:19:20.720 --> 1:19:23.800 feel any differently. But like, how do we how do 1:19:23.880 --> 1:19:26.519 we get to that point though, to where everybody is 1:19:26.600 --> 1:19:29.160 like that or more of us are like that? Because 1:19:29.320 --> 1:19:34.120 I wasn't even like this until that toxic relationship, until 1:19:34.320 --> 1:19:37.439 I was done and just through my flag up of 1:19:37.560 --> 1:19:40.519 living my life exactly how everybody told me I was 1:19:40.560 --> 1:19:44.240 supposed to live, exactly by the book. I wasn't happy 1:19:44.439 --> 1:19:47.280 until I decided to just get rid of all that 1:19:47.360 --> 1:19:50.240 and say, you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna have 1:19:50.320 --> 1:19:53.240 my walk with God. I'm going to I'm going to 1:19:53.280 --> 1:19:55.240 live my life the way that I want to live 1:19:55.280 --> 1:19:57.920 in and be happy, and nothing that nobody can say 1:19:58.000 --> 1:20:00.240 can affect me. How do we get how do we 1:20:00.320 --> 1:20:03.120 migrate to that more? Though, I think that's one of 1:20:03.160 --> 1:20:10.120 the bigger problems we do two and three. But I 1:20:10.160 --> 1:20:12.160 want to say one thing. When I look at the 1:20:12.240 --> 1:20:15.000 scrutiny that Will and Jay to get right from whatever 1:20:15.120 --> 1:20:18.840 the dynamics is of their relationship, Yeah, it's so weird 1:20:18.920 --> 1:20:21.959 to me that you look at the level of success 1:20:21.960 --> 1:20:24.439 that they've had together, the way that they communicate, the 1:20:24.880 --> 1:20:27.760 way they've raised their kids, the select the way that 1:20:27.800 --> 1:20:31.479 they've been able to move and to understanding that they've had, 1:20:32.080 --> 1:20:35.879 and people outside who haven't been able to accomplish half 1:20:36.000 --> 1:20:38.920 one third of what they have consit there in past 1:20:39.040 --> 1:20:42.240 judgment on something that they're doing, like Will said, one 1:20:42.280 --> 1:20:44.280 of the real est thing, he said, we're having an 1:20:44.280 --> 1:20:49.680 experiment on relationship that have his person needs to have, 1:20:49.760 --> 1:20:51.880 but they don't even know how to get there. This 1:20:51.920 --> 1:20:54.639 is an experience, this is a reality of it won't 1:20:54.680 --> 1:20:59.040 look it won't look right to everybody else. We're trying 1:20:59.080 --> 1:21:01.760 to We really just trying to figure They're figuring it 1:21:01.760 --> 1:21:04.440 out as they grow, as I grow into an individual, 1:21:04.800 --> 1:21:07.360 He's going to his wife and say, hey, Babe, this 1:21:07.439 --> 1:21:10.720 is who I'm becoming. And as she grows into individuals, 1:21:10.960 --> 1:21:13.000 she's coming to her husband and say, you know what 1:21:13.040 --> 1:21:16.439 this And they're trying to find the device and that 1:21:16.600 --> 1:21:19.400 by still loving and supporting each other and raising their 1:21:19.479 --> 1:21:22.720 kids like it's a dynamic that's not been seen and 1:21:22.760 --> 1:21:25.719 it's and because we've been taught that it's not natural, 1:21:25.840 --> 1:21:27.960 it's not right, that there's something wrong with it. And 1:21:28.080 --> 1:21:30.400 for me, it's just like I don't want I don't 1:21:30.439 --> 1:21:33.680 want to live my life based on somebody else's perception 1:21:33.760 --> 1:21:36.759 of how I should live. But you know, Jada, Jada 1:21:36.840 --> 1:21:39.439 and Will are friends, and I talked to Jada often. 1:21:39.680 --> 1:21:43.519 I would say, to your earlier point, it doesn't just 1:21:43.880 --> 1:21:47.080 I'm sure right and I know, okay for me to say, 1:21:47.600 --> 1:21:51.160 it hasn't always just been you come and communicate to 1:21:51.240 --> 1:21:53.840 me and I come. And they have gone through some 1:21:54.040 --> 1:21:57.800 situations and circumstances where to come out of it, they 1:21:57.920 --> 1:22:02.360 had to be honest about where they are and figure 1:22:02.400 --> 1:22:05.840 out what does the relationship look like going forward, because 1:22:05.920 --> 1:22:09.960 it's no longer this. It now has evolved into this 1:22:10.160 --> 1:22:13.360 other thing in this other space. And again I think 1:22:13.560 --> 1:22:18.920 I just don't know that people have practiced honesty enough 1:22:19.400 --> 1:22:22.720 to be able to accomplish that. I think that the 1:22:23.000 --> 1:22:26.400 fear of what the other person might say or do 1:22:27.120 --> 1:22:30.679 gets in the way of folks being able to just say, listen, 1:22:30.760 --> 1:22:35.400 you know what I decided. You know that I don't 1:22:35.479 --> 1:22:39.080 want I'm not in the space for just being in 1:22:40.240 --> 1:22:43.519 a relationship in this moment with one person. But here's 1:22:43.520 --> 1:22:46.960 the problem that I know, or at least that I feel. 1:22:48.080 --> 1:22:50.960 It's when a woman, when a man says that the 1:22:51.120 --> 1:22:53.360 idea that he may have to deal with a woman 1:22:53.400 --> 1:22:56.400 who returns that, okay, and I also may sleep with 1:22:56.520 --> 1:23:00.360 outside people becomes an oh no, kard, Oh I can't 1:23:03.120 --> 1:23:07.040 it might be a right anything. It's hard to tell 1:23:07.120 --> 1:23:11.479 us yeah, Tori, and and the wait, wait, LaToya hasn't 1:23:11.520 --> 1:23:14.880 been in the conversation, so she's going yeah, yeah, yeah, 1:23:15.000 --> 1:23:18.080 so maybe she's got an opinion on this. You know, 1:23:18.360 --> 1:23:22.160 it's the honest it's the lack of honesty and transparency. 1:23:22.320 --> 1:23:25.440 For me, I do feel like a lot of relationships 1:23:25.520 --> 1:23:28.960 fail because people don't feel like they can be honest 1:23:29.240 --> 1:23:34.680 with their desires. Right, So if you're not honest with 1:23:35.200 --> 1:23:37.360 you know what, I like my nipple to be rubbed 1:23:37.400 --> 1:23:40.640 ten times a day, then you're gonna feel like, you 1:23:40.720 --> 1:23:44.720 know what, I need to go outside and get that fulfilled. Right, 1:23:44.840 --> 1:23:48.960 So when you approach your a new person, you have 1:23:49.160 --> 1:23:51.439 to just it doesn't matter if I'm gonna hurt, You'm 1:23:51.439 --> 1:23:53.760 gonna hurt you. Either you're gonna take it, You're gonna 1:23:53.800 --> 1:23:56.160 work for me, or it's not gonna work at all. 1:23:56.240 --> 1:23:59.920 But give me the opportunity. Tell me what it is 1:24:00.040 --> 1:24:02.200 that you like and dislike, so I can tell you 1:24:03.000 --> 1:24:05.519 this ain't gonna work. I'm not here for that, and 1:24:05.560 --> 1:24:09.120 then we movement, going on separate ways. But also I 1:24:09.240 --> 1:24:12.960 think that people should have the flexibility to change their minds. 1:24:13.960 --> 1:24:17.799 I think that as you grow older, you you change, 1:24:18.200 --> 1:24:21.599 or you evolved, and maybe you didn't like your nipples 1:24:21.640 --> 1:24:24.400 to be rubbed ten years ago, but you know what today, 1:24:24.880 --> 1:24:26.920 that's this is what I want. Can you deliver? Yes 1:24:27.040 --> 1:24:29.680 or no? And if you cannot, are you okay? I 1:24:29.920 --> 1:24:33.439 love you, I love you, I love our foundation, I 1:24:33.560 --> 1:24:36.519 love what we have. But if you're not, if you're 1:24:36.640 --> 1:24:39.640 if you can't fulfill this area, are you okay with 1:24:39.760 --> 1:24:43.000 me going out and getting it fulfilled? Because that is 1:24:43.040 --> 1:24:46.080 what I desire. That's what's gonna make me happy. And 1:24:46.880 --> 1:24:51.000 that's that's it, and what it is for me is 1:24:51.040 --> 1:24:53.559 like and when I'm when I'm thinking about this, right, 1:24:53.600 --> 1:24:55.479 there are a lot of women right that say they'd 1:24:55.479 --> 1:24:59.040 be in their relationships and they're skinned to tell their 1:24:59.120 --> 1:25:02.720 partners of about things they want sexual right. For a man, 1:25:03.280 --> 1:25:05.559 that is the same way. And I want to give 1:25:05.560 --> 1:25:08.760 you the comparison, right, the comparison is the same way 1:25:08.960 --> 1:25:11.920 a man is scared to tell his woman that he 1:25:12.040 --> 1:25:14.720 might want to be with another woman. Right, And and 1:25:14.960 --> 1:25:17.160 y'all say, just be honest, you know, why don't you 1:25:17.280 --> 1:25:19.840 just be honest to say this the same reason that 1:25:20.000 --> 1:25:23.240 women are in relationships that are not sexually satisfied and 1:25:23.360 --> 1:25:25.599 not telling a man that you're not doing this right 1:25:25.640 --> 1:25:27.519 and I want this done this way, and they go 1:25:27.720 --> 1:25:30.679 through years and years of doing that. It's the same, 1:25:30.760 --> 1:25:33.519 it's the same mental it's the same mentality. So when 1:25:33.520 --> 1:25:35.880 you say, why don't you just say, yo, I want 1:25:35.920 --> 1:25:37.400 to do this and that won't you just be honest 1:25:37.439 --> 1:25:39.960 you a man, Well, won't you tell that man that 1:25:40.080 --> 1:25:41.920 he ain't hit in the spot that you want to 1:25:42.000 --> 1:25:43.720 done this way and want and you want it done 1:25:43.760 --> 1:25:46.400 that way? Why you don't have that same energy that 1:25:46.520 --> 1:25:48.719 you have for us to be honest on that side 1:25:49.040 --> 1:25:52.519 and all the time saying yo, we just don't know 1:25:52.640 --> 1:25:54.200 how to say it, We don't want to say it. 1:25:54.479 --> 1:25:58.400 We just feel embarrassed the same way we feel when 1:25:58.439 --> 1:25:59.840 we want to come to you and say, yo, you 1:25:59.880 --> 1:26:02.080 know what, we might want to change the dynamics to 1:26:02.200 --> 1:26:06.519 this relationship. Just I think you have to say it 1:26:06.640 --> 1:26:11.320 like it's this is what I like. Just this is 1:26:11.360 --> 1:26:12.800 what I like, This is what I this is what 1:26:12.880 --> 1:26:15.439 I want to try, this is this would make me happy, 1:26:15.880 --> 1:26:18.960 and maybe it would soften the approach versus you're not 1:26:19.120 --> 1:26:22.120 doing a good job. Yeah, you're you're not hitting the 1:26:22.240 --> 1:26:25.880 spot like you're just you're gonna bruise an ego, you're 1:26:25.880 --> 1:26:29.160 gonna hurt a feeling. You're not here to hurt anyone's feelings. 1:26:29.280 --> 1:26:32.840 You're here to satisfy your desires. You're here to find 1:26:32.960 --> 1:26:36.840 someone that can compliment the things that you like, that 1:26:37.040 --> 1:26:39.960 you want that is also here to make you happy. 1:26:40.400 --> 1:26:45.320 So your conversational approach should be based on this is 1:26:45.479 --> 1:26:50.160 what I desire. Can you fulfill that? Yes? Or no? Yeah? 1:26:50.520 --> 1:26:54.000 It's that is that's the that's the way we're going 1:26:54.120 --> 1:26:55.640 in to say we gotta have a part to it is. 1:26:55.960 --> 1:26:58.680 We're supposed to end this like thirty minutes ago, but 1:26:59.080 --> 1:27:01.160 we was. It was such a good conversation. I'm glad 1:27:01.600 --> 1:27:04.240 that you came back up, Latoria to give that because 1:27:04.280 --> 1:27:06.599 that that right there has summed it up so well. 1:27:06.720 --> 1:27:10.640 For me, it's evolution and understanding that everyone is going 1:27:10.680 --> 1:27:14.040 to grow and change and want different things and relationships. 1:27:14.360 --> 1:27:15.920 And for me, I tell people all the time that 1:27:16.120 --> 1:27:18.400 relationships are the only thing that people want you to 1:27:18.479 --> 1:27:20.719 do for the rest of your life. There is nothing 1:27:20.760 --> 1:27:22.400 else that you're supposed to do for the rest of 1:27:22.439 --> 1:27:25.240 your life with want nothing else, nothing else in the world. 1:27:25.560 --> 1:27:27.599 So there has to be a level of grace that's 1:27:27.640 --> 1:27:30.479 like nothing else, you know, it has to be a reality. 1:27:30.600 --> 1:27:32.920 So I want to thank you, you woman for coming 1:27:33.000 --> 1:27:37.640 on your beautiful melanated queens with different perspectives and ideologies, 1:27:37.720 --> 1:27:40.800 but you're all beautiful in your own rank. And I 1:27:40.920 --> 1:27:44.479 love the confidence that you all exude. You know, it's 1:27:44.520 --> 1:27:47.920 beautiful for me. So you know, I appreciate this dialogue 1:27:48.120 --> 1:27:51.040 and being able to get, you know, get my little 1:27:51.080 --> 1:27:53.040 point of views and y'all shut me here down, here 1:27:53.040 --> 1:27:58.479 and there. But I appreciate it definitely appreciate. Thank you, 1:27:59.000 --> 1:28:02.680 Thanks everyone, right, it was nice seeing y'all. Thank you 1:28:02.840 --> 1:28:04.880 so much. Ladies little we have to have you back 1:28:04.920 --> 1:28:07.519 because you didn't get to be with us. I had 1:28:07.760 --> 1:28:11.320 so many things to tell about. Asked me about my 1:28:11.560 --> 1:28:14.479 my panty colors last night. I'm just like, listen, we're 1:28:14.560 --> 1:28:20.599 doing a party. We gotta get into absolutely maybe it'll 1:28:20.640 --> 1:28:23.360 actually be next week and we need to throw a 1:28:23.439 --> 1:28:26.639 guy in two and say this, Ubjay need to stop 1:28:26.680 --> 1:28:29.120 my partner in. He got a lot of stay, let's 1:28:29.160 --> 1:28:32.400 do it. Let's do it. Thank you all so much. 1:28:32.880 --> 1:28:39.040 All right, bye, bye y'all, bye everybody. So we have 1:28:39.240 --> 1:28:42.519 to do part one to three, four and six of 1:28:42.680 --> 1:28:46.000 this show. The conversation, Man, it's dialogue that needs to 1:28:46.080 --> 1:28:51.000 be had. It's actually, you know, thought processes that it 1:28:51.080 --> 1:28:54.479 happened every day, is reality that's happening every day. And 1:28:54.560 --> 1:28:58.479 people don't want to have these conversations because it's kind 1:28:58.479 --> 1:29:02.559 of like taboo, you know, to talk about it. Yeah, 1:29:02.960 --> 1:29:06.760 it's taboo, and I get it, But I think that 1:29:08.760 --> 1:29:12.320 it's not as taboo as people make it. I really don't. 1:29:12.400 --> 1:29:15.400 I think we were living in a time where it 1:29:15.479 --> 1:29:18.360 could be much more. It could be much easier than 1:29:18.479 --> 1:29:21.920 people are ready for. I think men are actually not 1:29:22.720 --> 1:29:25.960 as prepared as you all think. Some men, excuse me, 1:29:26.320 --> 1:29:31.519 are not as prepared as you all think for how 1:29:31.800 --> 1:29:35.920 more progressive women are. I think we just at this 1:29:36.080 --> 1:29:38.400 point in our lives, we just don't want to be 1:29:38.520 --> 1:29:45.000 lied to. We um we want to have equal rights, 1:29:45.640 --> 1:29:50.960 if you will, and we also want to be respected 1:29:51.479 --> 1:29:54.920 all around right in other ways. That and I think 1:29:55.040 --> 1:29:59.000 there's so much emphasis put on people having sex with 1:29:59.240 --> 1:30:02.800 other people that it gets in the way of being 1:30:02.840 --> 1:30:06.080 able to have just you know, conversations and and and 1:30:06.280 --> 1:30:11.920 deal with like like working through problems in a relationship 1:30:12.040 --> 1:30:15.599 that might not just be about infidelity. That's my opinion. 1:30:16.960 --> 1:30:25.960 I don't get it. I just don't you know what 1:30:26.000 --> 1:30:28.160 I don't get. And I was just in there thinking, 1:30:29.040 --> 1:30:36.439 I don't get why relationship communications are so hard, Like 1:30:36.600 --> 1:30:39.240 it's really it's what they are. Like you just said, 1:30:39.840 --> 1:30:44.800 we you know, men are don't realize how progressive women are. 1:30:44.880 --> 1:30:48.080 But when you have these conversations, because I have conversations 1:30:48.120 --> 1:30:50.840 with women all the time that seemed to be progressive 1:30:50.920 --> 1:30:54.160 and talk and they they the pushback from you saying 1:30:54.240 --> 1:30:57.720 a sense of reality is so it's so, and I'm 1:30:57.760 --> 1:31:06.840 a confident man. You have conversations with me. Yeah, No, 1:31:07.640 --> 1:31:13.760 but that's not that is not accurate when they tell 1:31:13.800 --> 1:31:16.840 you about the realities and men. No, it's not about 1:31:16.920 --> 1:31:20.960 the realities of relationships. Well, okay, let me zoom out. 1:31:21.800 --> 1:31:24.880 The zoom out is that you may be a hundred 1:31:24.960 --> 1:31:29.760 percent right that we all were triggered by certain things, right, 1:31:30.439 --> 1:31:34.439 because the reality is that we all have been taught 1:31:34.520 --> 1:31:37.800 things that stick with us. Right. So, so we've been 1:31:37.880 --> 1:31:41.880 taught that a man that's out there um sleeping with 1:31:42.240 --> 1:31:45.040 or you know, having certain types of relationships with other 1:31:45.120 --> 1:31:48.800 women is threatening and whatever we've you know, we've we've 1:31:48.880 --> 1:31:51.040 all been taught certain things. You know, a man don't 1:31:51.040 --> 1:31:52.720 have no respect for you if he's doing X, Y 1:31:52.880 --> 1:31:57.640 Z thing. But I think that in in most conversations 1:31:57.760 --> 1:32:01.560 and situations that I have either been a part of 1:32:01.800 --> 1:32:05.760 when we all have been debating, and or conversations that 1:32:05.840 --> 1:32:10.040 I have with other people that run much deeper and different, Right, 1:32:11.800 --> 1:32:15.759 it's the lie. It's the lie. It's when I'm talking 1:32:15.800 --> 1:32:19.760 to women oftentimes, because let me tell you something. The 1:32:19.920 --> 1:32:24.479 thing I've realized is that the men who have been honest, 1:32:25.120 --> 1:32:28.839 it might be again difficult, it might be a struggle 1:32:29.000 --> 1:32:32.960 to get through whatever, but after a while, everybody even 1:32:33.080 --> 1:32:37.120 falls in place. Everybody falls in place. I think I 1:32:37.240 --> 1:32:41.000 think that's I think that's a process. Right. It's like this, 1:32:43.840 --> 1:32:49.439 It's like going through prison ten years right before before 1:32:49.520 --> 1:32:51.720 you go to prison, right and you're like, yo, I 1:32:51.760 --> 1:32:53.320 think you don't want to go to jail. Nobody wants 1:32:53.320 --> 1:32:55.640 to go to jail. But right when you when you 1:32:55.800 --> 1:32:58.720 live a certain life and you do certain ships and 1:32:58.880 --> 1:33:01.400 jail comes, you know you gotta deal with it, right, 1:33:01.439 --> 1:33:04.240 you know, fucking I gotta deal. And after you get 1:33:04.320 --> 1:33:06.960 through the prison sense, you're like, you know what, it 1:33:07.160 --> 1:33:10.000 was tough. I did my thing. I've learned from it. 1:33:10.360 --> 1:33:12.720 It made me into a better person, and you come 1:33:12.720 --> 1:33:16.080 out with a different sense of understanding. I think that's 1:33:16.120 --> 1:33:19.160 the same thing when it comes to relationships and threshing 1:33:19.160 --> 1:33:22.680 in regard to men being honest about certain ships with women, right, 1:33:23.120 --> 1:33:27.760 because what happens is you meet women under certain pretense, right, 1:33:27.840 --> 1:33:30.080 a certain pretense, and then even when you meet women 1:33:30.120 --> 1:33:32.439 under certain pretense, you can meet a woman and say, yo, 1:33:32.680 --> 1:33:34.519 you know, I'm just we're just dating. I ain't really 1:33:34.560 --> 1:33:37.960 trying to do not serious, and the woman changed the 1:33:38.040 --> 1:33:40.720 dynamic of that. Well, okay, we're cool here, let's hang out, 1:33:40.960 --> 1:33:42.639 and after two or three months we're good. We're having 1:33:42.640 --> 1:33:45.200 a good touch of you know what, I'm trying to 1:33:45.280 --> 1:33:47.800 be serious. I'm looking for a husband. Now, now you 1:33:48.000 --> 1:33:50.320 like the woman, you like day and now you like 1:33:50.439 --> 1:33:52.400 all the ship they come with it. So now you 1:33:52.600 --> 1:33:55.680 forced into giving her either saying I need all right, 1:33:55.720 --> 1:33:58.680 I'm looking I'm trying. I want to try this. Then 1:33:58.760 --> 1:34:01.439 once you say that and you don't do it, you're 1:34:01.439 --> 1:34:04.439 a liar. So you're like, so this is what I'm 1:34:04.439 --> 1:34:09.000 trying to tell you. So you you so, But what 1:34:09.160 --> 1:34:12.400 I understand what you're saying? Right, But man, men know 1:34:12.560 --> 1:34:16.720 it's like a quagmire. It's like the person that that 1:34:17.000 --> 1:34:20.800 works at a job and they said, yo, you either 1:34:20.880 --> 1:34:23.439 got you gotta get the vaccine or you don't, or 1:34:23.479 --> 1:34:25.080 you gotta lose your job. I don't want to lose 1:34:25.160 --> 1:34:28.040 my job, right, I don't want to, But I don't 1:34:28.040 --> 1:34:30.439 really want to get the vaccine either. Right, So you're 1:34:30.479 --> 1:34:32.800 trying to move all around. You got niggas line and 1:34:32.840 --> 1:34:35.560 said you got Brett from saying I mean um a 1:34:35.760 --> 1:34:37.559 ra saying yeah, I had the vaccine because he didn't 1:34:37.560 --> 1:34:39.479 want to be received a certain way, but even want 1:34:39.520 --> 1:34:41.519 to get the vaccine, and he wanted to keep his 1:34:41.640 --> 1:34:44.200 job and he wanted to keep faith with everybody else. Right, 1:34:44.320 --> 1:34:47.559 There's it's not as easy as everybody makes it seem. 1:34:47.680 --> 1:34:49.519 It's like over funking. You don't want to get the vaccine, 1:34:49.640 --> 1:34:51.920 you just lose the job. You can work somewhere else. No, 1:34:52.080 --> 1:34:53.360 and I get it. And you're like, I didn't do 1:34:53.439 --> 1:34:55.519 all this stuff to get this job. I didn't even 1:34:56.280 --> 1:34:58.479 with the school for four eight years. I did all 1:34:58.520 --> 1:35:00.560 this ship and I got this job. And now the 1:35:00.640 --> 1:35:04.560 requirement is now you gotta get a vaccine. Right, we 1:35:04.640 --> 1:35:06.360 don't like we've been dating. We did all this ship 1:35:06.400 --> 1:35:09.040 and then you're like, you know what, either we're gonna 1:35:09.080 --> 1:35:11.800 get married or I'm gonna I'm gonna move on, or 1:35:11.880 --> 1:35:14.200 either you're gonna be with this and that it's it's 1:35:14.320 --> 1:35:16.640 it's not as simple as you may. I know that 1:35:16.760 --> 1:35:18.920 it may not be, but I think that if we 1:35:19.200 --> 1:35:24.200 want to solve for X, which is the divorce rates 1:35:24.240 --> 1:35:27.280 and the destruction of the black community, then we've got 1:35:27.400 --> 1:35:30.639 to start somewhere. And at the end of the day. 1:35:31.840 --> 1:35:37.640 We can't. We cannot have relationships that are rooted in 1:35:38.280 --> 1:35:42.639 people trying being dishonest in order to keep it going 1:35:42.800 --> 1:35:44.599 as it can. Ask your question, do you think it's 1:35:44.640 --> 1:35:47.640 dishonest right that if you you meet a man, you 1:35:47.760 --> 1:35:50.479 know that you ultimately want to get married, right, but 1:35:50.600 --> 1:35:52.240 you don't tell a man that. They tell you, look, 1:35:52.280 --> 1:35:54.720 I ain't really trying to get married, none of that ship. 1:35:54.800 --> 1:35:56.559 I've just did it. And you're like, all right, cool, 1:35:56.600 --> 1:35:59.040 we just did it. And in six or eight months 1:35:59.280 --> 1:36:01.200 down the line, don't date that you're having the best 1:36:01.240 --> 1:36:04.040 relationship if you know the Lord of men and you do. 1:36:04.400 --> 1:36:07.439 You already said you wasn't he was cool whatever he was, 1:36:07.800 --> 1:36:09.960 and then you, after eight months you decided to say, 1:36:10.000 --> 1:36:12.800 you know what, I think I want to be married. 1:36:12.800 --> 1:36:15.559 If you don't want to get married, it's cool, it's cool. 1:36:17.320 --> 1:36:20.120 That's not being a liar. I'm gonna tell you why. 1:36:21.080 --> 1:36:24.840 It's not. I'm gonna tell you why. Okay, I'm gonna 1:36:24.920 --> 1:36:29.080 tell you what the lie I explain it to you. Okay. 1:36:30.360 --> 1:36:34.360 The liars in that you said you didn't want to 1:36:34.400 --> 1:36:37.320 get married, but she never really doesn't happen. Most women 1:36:37.360 --> 1:36:38.800 they come and say, I would like to get married, 1:36:38.840 --> 1:36:41.200 But if you don't want to, that's okay. That's not 1:36:41.240 --> 1:36:43.840 going to stop me from being in this relationship. Okay. 1:36:44.240 --> 1:36:45.960 So the man knows in the back of his mind 1:36:46.200 --> 1:36:49.960 she would want to. I'm not trying to just let 1:36:50.000 --> 1:36:52.040 me finish. He knows in the back of his mind 1:36:52.120 --> 1:36:54.519 she wants you, but she said she doesn't. She knows 1:36:54.600 --> 1:36:59.920 that I'm adamantly against it. Okay, then six of mon 1:37:00.160 --> 1:37:03.920 sent to the relationship. What would be a lie is 1:37:04.080 --> 1:37:08.360 if she goes and gets married outside the relationship to 1:37:08.520 --> 1:37:12.560 somebody else and is playing games with you, using you 1:37:12.760 --> 1:37:16.400 for using the man for his house, his car, his money, 1:37:16.880 --> 1:37:21.240 his time, his sex, his whatever, and not telling him 1:37:21.520 --> 1:37:25.520 that she actually either has a husband or another relationship 1:37:25.640 --> 1:37:28.479 that she's in with somebody that does want to get married. 1:37:28.800 --> 1:37:31.840 The honest thing to do is to say, at the 1:37:31.960 --> 1:37:34.840 six month point, when you feel like I need to 1:37:34.920 --> 1:37:38.160 get married, is to come and say, hey, I have 1:37:38.360 --> 1:37:41.680 had a change of heart. I know I said when 1:37:41.760 --> 1:37:43.960 we started this that I did not want to get married, 1:37:44.000 --> 1:37:46.759 or that I was okay with us not being married, 1:37:47.200 --> 1:37:49.960 but that has now changed for me. Are you in 1:37:50.080 --> 1:37:54.040 the same space, because if not, I am going to 1:37:54.320 --> 1:37:58.840 start the process of finding who is for me in 1:37:59.000 --> 1:38:01.760 this new phase of my life. But it is not 1:38:02.040 --> 1:38:06.040 okay for her to go out behind his back because 1:38:06.120 --> 1:38:09.679 guess what he may have decided in the last six 1:38:09.800 --> 1:38:13.080 months that I would like to marry you or I'm 1:38:13.200 --> 1:38:16.599 open to it. Now. Now we can start building our 1:38:16.680 --> 1:38:20.000 credit together and thinking of things that we need to 1:38:20.040 --> 1:38:23.720 do to get ready for the proper marriage. But it's 1:38:23.800 --> 1:38:26.960 not okay for me to go and start something else 1:38:27.120 --> 1:38:30.640 and not give the person that I'm with the opportunity 1:38:30.760 --> 1:38:34.960 to understand things have changed with me. So that's what 1:38:35.040 --> 1:38:39.160 I'm talking about. The lie, it's the deceit. It's the deceit. 1:38:40.840 --> 1:38:42.479 This is what I'm trying to say. I don't know 1:38:42.600 --> 1:38:45.840 how you got to come back to that because you 1:38:46.000 --> 1:38:48.240 just brought a whole another scenario and decided that I 1:38:48.400 --> 1:38:54.400 was Excuse me, I didn't me. I did not create 1:38:54.479 --> 1:38:59.760 a scenario about it. Excuse me, I responded to us 1:38:59.800 --> 1:39:03.280 a scenario that was created for me. I didn't bring 1:39:03.439 --> 1:39:05.960 up I don't want to get married. I want to 1:39:06.000 --> 1:39:10.920 get married. Okay, So you act like you know that's 1:39:10.960 --> 1:39:13.400 not a similar situations because it's not like a man 1:39:13.640 --> 1:39:15.360 is dating you and say he don't want to get married, 1:39:15.400 --> 1:39:17.640 he's going to marry somebody else. And they said, oh 1:39:17.720 --> 1:39:23.520 I changed. Excuse me, excuse me. There are many bums 1:39:24.479 --> 1:39:29.280 out here who are in one relationship with a whole 1:39:29.600 --> 1:39:33.639 other wife and children across town or in another state. 1:39:33.760 --> 1:39:36.720 They haven't on the Lifetime movies every damn night. What 1:39:36.880 --> 1:39:41.200 I'm saying, my son, I was talking about what you said. 1:39:41.479 --> 1:39:45.120 Is it a lie when somebody says when they get 1:39:45.200 --> 1:39:48.360 with you they don't want to get married, knowing good 1:39:48.439 --> 1:39:50.840 and well, they actually do and then they lure you 1:39:51.000 --> 1:39:53.960 in and they do all the things, and didn't they change? 1:39:54.200 --> 1:39:57.120 And what I'm saying to you is that that what 1:39:57.320 --> 1:40:00.559 the problem with that scenario is that, for the most part, 1:40:00.880 --> 1:40:04.240 very similar to what you have said. It's more than 1:40:04.360 --> 1:40:07.000 likely not that they're trying to lord you win. It's 1:40:07.080 --> 1:40:11.559 that in the beginning, it seems feasible, right, it seems 1:40:11.800 --> 1:40:14.240 when you first meet a woman, a man look at 1:40:14.280 --> 1:40:20.840 you just just just hear me out. Hear me out, 1:40:21.520 --> 1:40:24.600 because I'm going with your example, so we could be 1:40:24.720 --> 1:40:28.960 on the same page. When a man first meets a 1:40:29.080 --> 1:40:33.920 woman's year one, year two, whatever y'all are hanging doing, 1:40:34.240 --> 1:40:37.439 going feeling each other. It's all good. She ain't got 1:40:37.479 --> 1:40:41.600 as many expectations, problems, arguments, this, that, all of that. 1:40:41.840 --> 1:40:44.840 I get it. It's all it's different. It's just new. 1:40:45.320 --> 1:40:47.680 It's fresh. It's like the new pair of shoes. It's 1:40:47.720 --> 1:40:50.840 the whole thing. You stunt and you fly, it's it's amazing. 1:40:51.360 --> 1:40:58.080 Right over time you say, damn, I love her, And 1:40:58.200 --> 1:41:01.920 I really was considered that this could be somebody that 1:41:02.000 --> 1:41:04.800 I don't want to sleep with nobody else because she 1:41:04.960 --> 1:41:07.360 got the good this and a good ad and a 1:41:07.439 --> 1:41:11.280 good good gush. She's all at okay. So I'm feeling it. 1:41:11.600 --> 1:41:14.320 But as time goes on, people get older, things change, 1:41:14.360 --> 1:41:16.600 Your body change. This happened, that happens. All kinds of 1:41:16.640 --> 1:41:20.479 things happen, and then you start saying the urge to 1:41:20.720 --> 1:41:24.360 go out and have some of the other things that 1:41:24.520 --> 1:41:28.320 you've learned about yourself. LaToya says the nipple rubbing, the 1:41:28.400 --> 1:41:31.880 whole thing or whatever, it may change. What I'm saying 1:41:32.040 --> 1:41:35.080 is that even if you go back to that person 1:41:35.200 --> 1:41:37.639 at that moment and say to them, hey, I've changed, 1:41:38.040 --> 1:41:40.040 you know, like you said, lower them in or whatever, 1:41:40.360 --> 1:41:42.479 I now want my nipples rubbed. I want this. I 1:41:42.600 --> 1:41:45.080 want that. I don't think that's a lie. I don't 1:41:45.120 --> 1:41:47.400 think it's a lie. I think that that is I 1:41:47.560 --> 1:41:50.000 grew or I learned, or I figured out or whatever, 1:41:50.479 --> 1:41:53.559 and now I want to do something different. I'm saying 1:41:53.680 --> 1:41:56.439 the lie is to go get your nipple rubbed by 1:41:56.600 --> 1:42:01.840 Lisa and not or Mark and not tell Laurie who 1:42:01.960 --> 1:42:04.600 you actually are with that I need Lisa now to 1:42:04.680 --> 1:42:07.120 rub my nephew. That's what I'm talking about. That's the lie. 1:42:07.240 --> 1:42:10.720 But I'm not saying we already we've already acknowledged that part, right, 1:42:10.800 --> 1:42:13.080 that the part of when you get in the relationship 1:42:13.080 --> 1:42:15.080 and you go cheat on the person outside, We've already 1:42:15.080 --> 1:42:18.320 acknowledged that that is a lie. Right, I'm talking about 1:42:18.520 --> 1:42:22.559 the content of the relationships, right, How people enter into 1:42:22.600 --> 1:42:24.760 relations I'm not talking about how would he when it 1:42:24.840 --> 1:42:27.160 gets to a place and an evolved Right, I'm talking 1:42:27.160 --> 1:42:30.840 about how people into People come into the relationship, Like 1:42:31.320 --> 1:42:33.880 women are saying, men come into relationship line, no, they 1:42:33.960 --> 1:42:37.080 don't have any real expectations of ship, right, And women 1:42:37.200 --> 1:42:39.680 come into relationship with the same thing. They lie and 1:42:39.720 --> 1:42:42.439 act like they don't have expectation what they do. So 1:42:42.720 --> 1:42:46.120 everybody is trying to trick somebody, right, everybody likes the 1:42:46.240 --> 1:42:48.280 person you look down like this dude. And I know 1:42:48.400 --> 1:42:49.760 if I say that I want to get married, it 1:42:49.840 --> 1:42:51.720 might scare him away. So I'm gonna I'm gonna play 1:42:51.760 --> 1:42:54.519 along with him, hoping that you know, eventually he'll want 1:42:54.560 --> 1:42:56.400 to get married on his own. When he doesn't want 1:42:56.400 --> 1:42:59.040 to get married on his own, then I'm gonna say, 1:42:59.560 --> 1:43:01.800 fucking I gonna try to maybe do something else right, 1:43:02.200 --> 1:43:04.320 and I might be dating. I might still want to 1:43:04.400 --> 1:43:06.920 keep him and start dating up seeing if I see something, 1:43:06.960 --> 1:43:08.680 if I see a better deal, and the NYGN trying 1:43:08.680 --> 1:43:10.800 to get married, I might go get married. That might 1:43:10.840 --> 1:43:13.080 be the mentality that women have. So what I'm trying 1:43:13.120 --> 1:43:15.400 to say is men get in relationships saying I don't 1:43:15.400 --> 1:43:18.800 want to get married, and the woman says, yo, you know, 1:43:18.880 --> 1:43:21.960 I'm trying to get married at a certain amount of time, right, 1:43:22.040 --> 1:43:23.960 And it is that that's not really what I want 1:43:24.000 --> 1:43:25.519 to do. But I'm gonna tell her that's what I 1:43:25.600 --> 1:43:28.479 wanna do. You know, I want this relationship becoming not yea. 1:43:28.479 --> 1:43:29.960 I know he was just dating and it was cool 1:43:30.000 --> 1:43:31.840 before and all the rest of the ship. I didn't 1:43:31.880 --> 1:43:34.080 care if you were seeing it, but now I care 1:43:34.160 --> 1:43:38.080 like I'm caring now, right, so everything the dynamics change. 1:43:38.080 --> 1:43:41.800 You don't want to lose that. That's what all I'm 1:43:41.840 --> 1:43:44.720 saying is what I if we go, if you enter 1:43:44.920 --> 1:43:48.160 in the relationship, when if we go back to the premise, No, 1:43:48.520 --> 1:43:53.080 because even you have said that in our lives, the 1:43:53.240 --> 1:43:56.479 things I did when I was sixteen don't work for 1:43:56.600 --> 1:44:01.200 me at right. So the only thing I'm responsible for 1:44:01.800 --> 1:44:05.519 my son is being honest that something has changed in me. 1:44:06.720 --> 1:44:10.840 That's it. The thing is that the reason why we 1:44:11.080 --> 1:44:15.880 have such a breakdown is because of exactly what Terror 1:44:16.320 --> 1:44:21.640 was saying, the lack of communication. People do not communicate 1:44:22.160 --> 1:44:25.200 their true I'm not saying that it's not on both sides. 1:44:25.800 --> 1:44:29.160 I'm just saying that there's you don't necessarily know when 1:44:29.240 --> 1:44:32.240 you start something how you're gonna be in the middle 1:44:32.320 --> 1:44:37.479 and in the possible end or later on. We don't know, right, 1:44:37.560 --> 1:44:41.800 We learn as we go. And I'm I'm only suggesting 1:44:42.840 --> 1:44:48.200 that most times men, because of some men have in 1:44:48.320 --> 1:44:53.720 their minds the preconceived notions of what they have experienced. Right, 1:44:53.800 --> 1:44:56.920 so they don't you tell this woman this or that, 1:44:56.960 --> 1:44:58.880 adding the third it could turn into this and this 1:44:59.080 --> 1:45:01.240 and that in the third But I'm just trying to 1:45:01.320 --> 1:45:05.320 I'm I'm saying to you that more women are uh, 1:45:06.360 --> 1:45:10.160 what's the word, more women are progressive in their mindset, 1:45:10.800 --> 1:45:13.800 then they're being given credit for. But they're not dealing 1:45:13.880 --> 1:45:20.000 with honest people. And what is very unfortunate is that 1:45:20.120 --> 1:45:22.559 a lot of is that a lot of our men, 1:45:22.880 --> 1:45:25.920 a lot of our men will not even admit to 1:45:26.040 --> 1:45:29.760 the fact that they just start offline. They that a 1:45:29.840 --> 1:45:32.080 lot of men. But that's what we're going to say. 1:45:32.160 --> 1:45:34.920 But that's what that's what you just said is the 1:45:35.080 --> 1:45:38.200 whole premise of my what I was saying to you, right, 1:45:38.400 --> 1:45:40.760 a lot of our would because you come from a 1:45:40.880 --> 1:45:43.920 perspective where a lot of men start off line. You're 1:45:43.960 --> 1:45:46.519 not saying that not a woman start off line. A 1:45:46.600 --> 1:45:49.840 lot of women come into a situation knowing that they 1:45:50.000 --> 1:45:52.519 want more from a man than they actually get it, 1:45:52.920 --> 1:45:55.080 and they're willing to play a role to try to 1:45:55.200 --> 1:45:57.120 lower that man to get to what they want. That's 1:45:57.200 --> 1:45:59.200 that's a lot to me. But that's not but that, 1:45:59.360 --> 1:46:05.080 But my Sonne, that's life. Myson. Listen, you start a 1:46:05.200 --> 1:46:09.519 job right as a cashier. You're not coming to the 1:46:09.640 --> 1:46:12.320 job as a cashier to stay in the cashier's rape forever. 1:46:12.920 --> 1:46:15.200 You come into the job saying I'm gonna be the 1:46:15.479 --> 1:46:19.560 best cashier I can be, because eventually I want to 1:46:19.600 --> 1:46:22.120 get on the floor, and after that I want to 1:46:22.160 --> 1:46:24.960 become a manager, and after manager, I want to become 1:46:25.160 --> 1:46:28.160 the regional manager, and then I want to go to 1:46:28.240 --> 1:46:31.720 the court. But but what But what I'm saying is 1:46:32.160 --> 1:46:36.160 they tell you, but listen, listen, listen. They might tell 1:46:36.280 --> 1:46:41.680 you the only position we have available for you as cashier, 1:46:43.000 --> 1:46:45.000 and you know what you do. You go there and 1:46:45.120 --> 1:46:48.479 you say, Okay, no problem, I'm going here and I'm 1:46:48.479 --> 1:46:51.720 gonna focus on being a cashier. But you hope that 1:46:51.880 --> 1:46:54.280 they will notice and say I can make a new 1:46:54.360 --> 1:46:58.000 position for this great cashier that we had. That's not 1:46:58.120 --> 1:47:02.479 a lie. That's aspiration. Ship, that's aspiration. I'm not sure 1:47:02.680 --> 1:47:07.640 how you can compare somebody that, in your face, is 1:47:07.760 --> 1:47:11.479 working at becoming better so that they can be moved 1:47:11.760 --> 1:47:15.800 up in the ladder in your life to somebody that, 1:47:16.000 --> 1:47:20.360 because of whatever, never tells you but goals around your back. 1:47:20.479 --> 1:47:24.800 And that's not what we're seeing. That's not what you're 1:47:24.800 --> 1:47:28.040 talking about. You keep talking about the cheating part. I'm 1:47:28.080 --> 1:47:30.759 not even talking about that. I'm talking about the dynamic 1:47:30.840 --> 1:47:34.040 of going into a relationship. I'm not talking about cheating. 1:47:34.240 --> 1:47:36.960 I'm talking about if you enter, if you enter into 1:47:37.000 --> 1:47:40.120 a relationship, right, it's just like, so, what I'm trying 1:47:40.160 --> 1:47:44.160 to tell you is if the cashier right is a 1:47:44.240 --> 1:47:46.439 niked that's dating outside, you're just dating and it you're 1:47:46.439 --> 1:47:47.840 having a good time. You don't know what you do 1:47:47.960 --> 1:47:50.960 on Wednesdays, Friday, and Saturdays. You might see him Tuesdays 1:47:50.960 --> 1:47:54.799 and Mondays. Right, dynamics him hanging with you on Tuesdays 1:47:54.800 --> 1:47:56.640 and Monday said, Look, I'm not trying to really be 1:47:56.720 --> 1:47:58.720 in a relationship. I like you be cool and you're like, 1:47:58.720 --> 1:48:01.519 all right, cool, I'm doo with that. We start dating 1:48:01.600 --> 1:48:04.719 more good that? Okay, So listen to what I'm saying. 1:48:04.800 --> 1:48:08.679 You was good with that, you're dating. He ain't lied 1:48:08.760 --> 1:48:12.680 to you. He told you so when you've come and 1:48:12.800 --> 1:48:15.640 you decided to change the dynamics because of change for you, 1:48:16.160 --> 1:48:17.920 or if you already had it or you thought you 1:48:18.040 --> 1:48:22.200 had assirations like I'm just gonna play this role because eventually, nigger, 1:48:22.240 --> 1:48:23.680 he gonna be with me because I know and I'm 1:48:23.800 --> 1:48:26.160 showing that I'm worthy of getting that's you know what 1:48:26.280 --> 1:48:28.320 that is? You know what that is? You know what 1:48:28.400 --> 1:48:31.080 that is. This is what I'm saying to you. Not 1:48:31.360 --> 1:48:37.440 enough people take responsibility for self right when we're having conversations. 1:48:37.920 --> 1:48:42.760 Our conversations is always based upon somebody else's whatever which 1:48:42.840 --> 1:48:45.640 makes us be and do. At the point that a 1:48:45.800 --> 1:48:48.960 person communicates to you that I need more or I 1:48:49.120 --> 1:48:55.080 want something different, you then have the ability to walk away. 1:48:56.200 --> 1:48:59.679 This is the problem up to you with that point 1:48:59.760 --> 1:49:03.680 to say that is not what I want, and therefore 1:49:04.240 --> 1:49:08.240 I am exiting the building at the because guess what 1:49:08.360 --> 1:49:13.280 I'm doing. I am communicating that things have changed for me. 1:49:13.960 --> 1:49:17.439 I'm telling you I now want to get married, I 1:49:17.560 --> 1:49:20.120 now want to have a baby. I now want to 1:49:20.240 --> 1:49:23.040 be in a committed relationship. I now don't want to 1:49:23.160 --> 1:49:26.920 be sleeping with everybody. I now. I'm saying that I 1:49:27.040 --> 1:49:32.519 am communicating the changes within me. But what I'm trying 1:49:32.520 --> 1:49:35.719 to tell you is one when you communicated the changes 1:49:35.800 --> 1:49:40.360 within you, after you've already created a level of stability 1:49:40.439 --> 1:49:44.320 and life for the individual, it's a lot harder. It's 1:49:44.479 --> 1:49:48.240 way harder for that individual to just say, you know what, 1:49:48.439 --> 1:49:54.439 I understand those changes, but I'm not. But life is hard. 1:49:54.560 --> 1:49:56.479 But I hear you. What I'm trying to tell you 1:49:56.640 --> 1:49:58.880 is just like the vaccine, the negative work for you, 1:49:59.640 --> 1:50:03.200 and I get it. But if you don't learn that, 1:50:03.360 --> 1:50:04.880 you don't you know what you don't learn. Just like 1:50:04.960 --> 1:50:07.080 you said, a lot of women's men don't know that 1:50:07.240 --> 1:50:09.560 until they actually go through it and you realize that 1:50:09.640 --> 1:50:11.920 I'd rather be the nigga that the chick is mad 1:50:12.240 --> 1:50:14.080 because she didn't do this or I didn't do it 1:50:14.320 --> 1:50:16.080 and I was honest with her to being a nigga 1:50:16.120 --> 1:50:17.920 that she said a lot to it, and then you 1:50:18.120 --> 1:50:19.800 you start to get to that point, and then you 1:50:19.880 --> 1:50:22.320 can you can relay that message because that's not the 1:50:22.360 --> 1:50:24.760 message that's been related. That's why I think that the 1:50:24.840 --> 1:50:28.800 whole point of this episode and the series that we're 1:50:28.880 --> 1:50:33.559 focused on, had should we we need to delve into 1:50:33.720 --> 1:50:37.320 that because the truth of the matter is that we 1:50:37.520 --> 1:50:40.400 have to take responsibility no matter how hard things are. 1:50:40.960 --> 1:50:43.720 And just because something is hard does not mean that 1:50:43.880 --> 1:50:46.800 we get to lie. We have to be honest with 1:50:46.960 --> 1:50:50.240 ourselves and the people around us about what it is 1:50:50.360 --> 1:50:53.120 that we feel. That's it and I'm and that doesn't 1:50:53.200 --> 1:50:57.240 stand for it's not Larry's job to be honest. It's 1:50:57.280 --> 1:51:00.600 not so it's the people that's in a real relationship. 1:51:00.800 --> 1:51:04.040 It's their job to be honest with one another. And 1:51:04.120 --> 1:51:06.920 when you and I think you're right, we do as 1:51:07.040 --> 1:51:10.519 women debate and switch. That's what you're talking about, baiting 1:51:10.560 --> 1:51:14.720 a man in and then switching to something different at 1:51:14.760 --> 1:51:19.120 a later time. But it is, it's it. But I 1:51:19.240 --> 1:51:22.840 think that to assume that anyone is gonna stay stagnant 1:51:23.040 --> 1:51:27.640 in the same place forever, it's it's it's foolish, just 1:51:27.880 --> 1:51:31.360 like men will some men will say it's foolish to 1:51:31.439 --> 1:51:35.600 believe that a man is only going to be interested 1:51:35.840 --> 1:51:38.800 in one woman for the rest of his life. Right, 1:51:39.200 --> 1:51:42.799 He's gonna see other things. He's gonna get excited by others, 1:51:43.080 --> 1:51:46.519 and there will be times when he's not necessarily excited 1:51:46.560 --> 1:51:48.920 by you. Of course you passed by one day he 1:51:49.000 --> 1:51:50.840 gets the whiff of the smell and be like, damn, 1:51:50.920 --> 1:51:54.040 I love my friend, partner, wife, because you know whatever 1:51:54.160 --> 1:51:57.840 it is. But I'm just saying that, no matter how 1:51:57.960 --> 1:52:00.960 difficult it is, I don't think they're people should stay 1:52:00.960 --> 1:52:04.200 in one place. I think everybody has the right to 1:52:04.360 --> 1:52:08.360 say what I was at eighteen, I'm not anymore at five. 1:52:08.960 --> 1:52:13.759 And now therefore I'm I'm communicating that they are changes 1:52:13.840 --> 1:52:15.760 that have been made. But I'm just would to say, 1:52:15.920 --> 1:52:18.200 I hear what you're saying. But it's just when you 1:52:18.320 --> 1:52:20.320 do that to a man, or when you do that 1:52:20.439 --> 1:52:23.599 to anybody, it's not easy. For It's like, you create 1:52:23.680 --> 1:52:27.280 a whole family with a person, you got kids, you've 1:52:27.280 --> 1:52:29.479 got bank accounts, and said, you know what, I don't 1:52:29.479 --> 1:52:32.400 really want to be married no more. So you need 1:52:32.479 --> 1:52:34.080 to figure out what you're gonna do. You need to 1:52:34.080 --> 1:52:36.120 figure out what you gonna do. You need to figure 1:52:36.120 --> 1:52:37.800 out what you're gonna do, because all this ship that 1:52:37.920 --> 1:52:40.280 we don't you know, y'all figure out what you're gonna do. 1:52:40.680 --> 1:52:42.720 It changed for me. If you're in a relationship with 1:52:42.800 --> 1:52:45.400 somebody in six or seven months yet to build some ship, 1:52:45.479 --> 1:52:48.280 you gotta a rhythm that all the ship going. And 1:52:48.360 --> 1:52:50.080 it's like, it's like, then this is on a trajectory. 1:52:50.120 --> 1:52:51.960 I don't know about marriage. I don't even know if 1:52:52.000 --> 1:52:53.080 I want to do that, but I know I like 1:52:53.240 --> 1:52:55.280 this person, damn, but I don't want to. I don't 1:52:55.320 --> 1:52:57.160 want to end it. For I even see if I 1:52:57.200 --> 1:52:59.280 can get to that place with this person, So what 1:52:59.400 --> 1:53:03.200 then do I do? We don't think. I just don't 1:53:03.320 --> 1:53:06.720 think that. I don't you know, maybe I'm wrong, but 1:53:06.880 --> 1:53:09.400 I I just I don't think that people just be 1:53:09.600 --> 1:53:13.200 changing in six months. That's not That's not been my experience. 1:53:13.680 --> 1:53:17.360 It usually takes time, and after a while a woman 1:53:17.600 --> 1:53:21.080 starts to put her foot down and say, Okay, we've 1:53:21.160 --> 1:53:24.160 done this already for a certain amount of years. Now 1:53:24.360 --> 1:53:27.080 I want to move on to something different. But I 1:53:27.320 --> 1:53:31.479 understand from your perspective that you're saying women are Lauren 1:53:31.600 --> 1:53:35.759 men and they you know, being monogamous for one person 1:53:35.840 --> 1:53:39.640 the whole time is not necessarily natural. It's something that 1:53:39.720 --> 1:53:42.720 can be learned behavior, but it's not natural. It's this 1:53:42.960 --> 1:53:45.519 is that all the things that I hear you saying, 1:53:46.120 --> 1:53:49.240 it means somebody like me and and and it's the 1:53:49.320 --> 1:53:52.240 reason why I see so many black women that are single. 1:53:52.640 --> 1:53:55.320 Not only are they single, many of them are now 1:53:55.520 --> 1:53:58.920 comfortably single. We have just decided that this is where 1:53:58.960 --> 1:54:02.040 we are because because if you can't even look at 1:54:02.080 --> 1:54:07.080 somebody and say I'm growing and I need these new things, 1:54:07.760 --> 1:54:10.680 and then that person be honest and communicate back with 1:54:10.840 --> 1:54:14.120 you or you can't even look for somebody not to 1:54:14.280 --> 1:54:18.000 go behind your back and do whatever they're doing. What 1:54:18.160 --> 1:54:20.679 the hell is the point. I'm not saying you can't. 1:54:21.120 --> 1:54:24.840 I'm just saying I'm just saying what happens is it 1:54:25.200 --> 1:54:28.600 becomes a lot more difficult situation. I'm not saying that 1:54:28.680 --> 1:54:32.480 you shouldn't expect, Honestly, you shouldn't expect real reality and 1:54:33.240 --> 1:54:36.480 you know a level of transparency and communication, it just 1:54:36.760 --> 1:54:39.280 is a lot more difficult. And men, a lot of 1:54:39.320 --> 1:54:42.120 men don't want to deal with that difficulty, and we 1:54:42.240 --> 1:54:43.880 have to get we have to learn how to do it. 1:54:44.240 --> 1:54:47.040 You're right, it's it's a process, you know, it's it's 1:54:47.080 --> 1:54:49.080 it's the way that the way we're wire it is different. 1:54:49.120 --> 1:54:52.120 We don't want to disappoint, especially people that we care about, 1:54:52.720 --> 1:54:54.720 piss people that we love. And so a lot of 1:54:54.800 --> 1:54:58.440 times when your mind state or your ideology changes, and 1:54:58.560 --> 1:55:01.040 you understand that it's gonna affect the partner that you 1:55:01.160 --> 1:55:05.080 believe believed in you, it has put so much it 1:55:05.200 --> 1:55:07.680 around you. When that changes, it's not easy to just 1:55:07.720 --> 1:55:10.640 say that that mindset changes. But women are saying and 1:55:10.720 --> 1:55:12.680 then when you actually start being honest with the women 1:55:12.720 --> 1:55:15.560 they said, you don't give a about you don't really care. 1:55:15.600 --> 1:55:17.720 I've seen it now, you know. Then you just say 1:55:17.760 --> 1:55:20.040 anything to me. You don't even care how I feel. 1:55:20.560 --> 1:55:23.080 And the change, it's just there's so many things. It's 1:55:23.160 --> 1:55:25.720 less grace than men have to deal with, and that 1:55:25.840 --> 1:55:29.200 women have to deal with it too. So this conversation 1:55:29.280 --> 1:55:32.240 about because all day and I agree with you, I do, 1:55:32.480 --> 1:55:37.440 I agree. I think the advice that you know, I 1:55:37.560 --> 1:55:40.080 have to give myself and and all of us is 1:55:40.160 --> 1:55:45.720 that once the conversation is happening because of some drama, 1:55:46.440 --> 1:55:48.960 it's not gonna work out the way we wanted to. So, 1:55:49.080 --> 1:55:51.840 in other words, we have to figure out ways to 1:55:51.960 --> 1:55:56.640 have conversations about things in a different setting. And that's 1:55:56.680 --> 1:55:59.760 been we We usually had all of our dialogue as 1:56:00.080 --> 1:56:05.760 men with difficult conversations in the conflict. And that's what 1:56:05.880 --> 1:56:08.840 we gotta try to figure out. So that's it, and 1:56:09.000 --> 1:56:12.680 that's it. Another dope show. You gotta get too. Fart 1:56:12.720 --> 1:56:14.640 two and three. You gotta bring some more brothers on. 1:56:15.320 --> 1:56:17.920 The sister said, bring up partner. I got a couple 1:56:17.920 --> 1:56:20.040 of dudes I know could come on and have some 1:56:20.280 --> 1:56:23.560 you know, perspectives on this. Just different perspectives, but I 1:56:23.640 --> 1:56:26.280 think it's a dope, you know, a dope topic. Once 1:56:26.320 --> 1:56:29.160 again with the number one, number one podcast in the world, 1:56:29.600 --> 1:56:33.320 Street Politicians. If you've got any ideas, send them to us, 1:56:33.480 --> 1:56:38.160 as Street Politicians on on Instagram, d m us your ideas, 1:56:38.200 --> 1:56:39.920 tell us you love us, tell us you hate us, 1:56:40.360 --> 1:56:43.760 anything you want. If you have brands, please tell us. 1:56:43.840 --> 1:56:46.160 Make sure you've got a real brand, You've got a 1:56:46.240 --> 1:56:49.520 real company, organ is some ship that you can really 1:56:49.640 --> 1:56:52.520 send you something. We don't want you know, your homeboys 1:56:52.960 --> 1:56:55.560 on the corner in his cash app, We don't want that. 1:56:56.120 --> 1:56:57.800 You know what I'm saying. We want a real business. 1:56:58.200 --> 1:57:00.560 Hit us up so we can promote yours more business 1:57:00.640 --> 1:57:05.400 on a on a platform. And once again, man, I'm 1:57:05.400 --> 1:57:07.200 not gonna always be right to me. It's not gonna 1:57:07.200 --> 1:57:09.280 always be wrong, but she is most of the time. 1:57:09.360 --> 1:57:11.520 I said it again, most of the time. But we 1:57:11.760 --> 1:57:17.240 both always and I mean always, be authentic. Yeah, peace y'all. 1:57:19.600 --> 1:57:22.680 Listen to Street Politicians on the Black Effect Network on 1:57:22.920 --> 1:57:26.080 I Heart Radio and catch us every single Wednesday for 1:57:26.120 --> 1:57:29.040 the video version of Street Politicians on I Women Dot TV.