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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional. Hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: welcome to this week's episode of the PhD Podcast. It's

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Speaker 1: your girl, eban A and I am super excited about

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Speaker 1: this week's episode. Before we begin, let's do a little housekeeping.

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Speaker 1: Please make sure to follow me on Instagram at the

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girl at the PhD Podcast, and last but

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Speaker 1: not least, at eban a Beauty. If you have any questions, comments, concerns,

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Speaker 1: if you're going to just say hey girl, Hey, if

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Speaker 1: you want to give the kids some love, some advice,

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Speaker 1: please make sure to email me at Hello at the

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Speaker 1: PhD podcast dot com. And last but not least, if

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Speaker 1: you're listening to me or listening to any of my

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Speaker 1: episodes on your iPhone, please make sure to leave a

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Speaker 1: five star review on the Apple podcast app. So for

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Speaker 1: this week's episode, we are getting closer to so I

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Speaker 1: just want to give y'all some encouragement for y'all to

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Speaker 1: stay solid and to stay focused on your goals. I

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Speaker 1: thought it was only right that I did a recap

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Speaker 1: of all of my favorite gems that was dropped from

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Speaker 1: my previous guests. So I really do hope you guys

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Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode because I couldn't stop listening to It

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Speaker 1: was so many different gyms that we heard throughout twenty

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Speaker 1: nineteen and it was just amazing. So if you have

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Speaker 1: any questions comments, if you want to know a particular

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Speaker 1: segment from the episode from today that you're listening to,

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Speaker 1: and if you want to hear the full episode, just

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Speaker 1: email me at hello at the PC podcast dot com

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Speaker 1: and enjoy guys later. But it but all that like

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Speaker 1: unnecessary shopping, going out, drinking, enow, getting your nail has

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Speaker 1: done this that like you're gonna have to come back somehow,

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Speaker 1: some way if you want to about your journey, like yo,

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Speaker 1: you really don't know yourself until like you literally out

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Speaker 1: here as a grown as person with no no credit

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Speaker 1: and no bank account and no way to be able

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Speaker 1: to rock it people. So I had depended on Robin

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Speaker 1: Peter to pay Paul for so long. But when Peter so,

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Speaker 1: it was no way to me was Peter what was

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Speaker 1: he was going nothing? There was no Peter to rock.

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Speaker 1: So I had to continue to pay Paul simply just

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Speaker 1: out of my check and it was really the true

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Speaker 1: definition of me learning paycheck. But while I was on bankruptcy,

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Speaker 1: I stayed the most money that I was ever ready

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Speaker 1: ever able to say, like, I really proof to myself

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Speaker 1: that I can do it. And I think that also

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Speaker 1: the fact that I filed myself. I was gonna say

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Speaker 1: that earlier, but the facts that I found myself, it

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Speaker 1: just reminded me that I don't never want to go

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Speaker 1: through this ship again. And like, because I don't want

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Speaker 1: to never go through this ship again in this process

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Speaker 1: under this, I'm gonna make sure I do this and

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna handle this ship and get it out behind me.

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Speaker 1: I don't never want to even look this way no more.

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Speaker 1: I'm done, you know, girl. You know that's one thing

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Speaker 1: that I can say I have learned, especially when it

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Speaker 1: comes to money. Once you been broke for so long

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Speaker 1: and you finally make that, you change your mindset, like, yo,

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Speaker 1: I'm not living this life no more. You know you're

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Speaker 1: gonna work so hard to never go broke because I can't.

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Speaker 1: I can't like living that paycheck to paycheck or trying

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Speaker 1: to take money out of here to pay call patres

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Speaker 1: Pault and the Rescipes like I can't. It's it's it's

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Speaker 1: a lot. And I think that those are the things

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Speaker 1: that people, you know, just don't realize. So what is

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Speaker 1: your relationship with money now? So now we have a

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Speaker 1: love py relationship. Um, so I recognize I have a

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Speaker 1: big way, bigger my and set on things, and I

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Speaker 1: recognize where I need to go and how I need

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Speaker 1: to do things. Um I think that for me, of course,

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Speaker 1: I think I'm always gonna hate paying bills. And I

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Speaker 1: think that it's like that because right, let me how

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Speaker 1: you why you hate paying it? You hate paying it

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Speaker 1: because it's not automatic. If you if you set up

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Speaker 1: auto pay, like let's say, if your phone mill is

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Speaker 1: a hundred dollars and you put out for both of

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Speaker 1: your checks to have fifty dollars taken out, you wouldn't

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Speaker 1: hate paying your phone mill. You hate paying it because

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Speaker 1: you make it a thing. You literally make it a

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Speaker 1: thing to where you have to get a link, open

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Speaker 1: up your credit card, put in the cards, and pay it.

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Speaker 1: And you wouldn't have to do that, and you wouldn't

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Speaker 1: feel that way, you know what I mean, if it

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Speaker 1: was automatic and it automatically came out. And once you

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Speaker 1: get to that stage, that's just that's the ultimate stage,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So that's what I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to get I really that's my goal for January nineteen

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Speaker 1: is to be at that stage. And I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm on I'm on my way there. Um. I would love,

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Speaker 1: definitely like to increase my savings. So I am saving.

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Speaker 1: It's something that I feel like I want to do.

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Speaker 1: Tempt thums over. I definitely know I'm paying too much

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Speaker 1: in rent um. You know, it's a love hate relationship.

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Speaker 1: The more the problem is, this is the thing too right.

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Speaker 1: And I told listen to my students earlier, it's like,

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Speaker 1: you know the problem with knowing more and no one

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Speaker 1: better is that you gotta do better. So once you

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Speaker 1: know all of this ship, you know all these financial things,

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Speaker 1: now you can't just go out and eat and sunk

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Speaker 1: up and mess up and really like, you know, just

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Speaker 1: make irresponsible decisions. Now. It's like when you're doing that

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Speaker 1: before you sap that call, you like, girl, you know

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Speaker 1: better than this, you know. And I think that that

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Speaker 1: that sort of response to the crown is heavy. That

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Speaker 1: responsibility weighs heavy on you, you know. So I think

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Speaker 1: I'm in that stage right now where I'm fighting between

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Speaker 1: you know, being still being true to me, being you know,

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Speaker 1: flock it on the block and still you know, Yo,

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Speaker 1: it was so funny because I was like, um, I

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Speaker 1: was listening to Gary V and he was like, the

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Speaker 1: worst thing that people do is trying to keep up

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Speaker 1: with the jones Is. Somebody tell me who the funk

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Speaker 1: these Joneses are and how do I kill them? I

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Speaker 1: was like, Yo, this guy is, but it's no true,

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Speaker 1: Like like who then all these Joneses and why then

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Speaker 1: we trying to keep up with them? Like Lida. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's so crazy because growing up, like we was talked to,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what it is in our culture proudness

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Speaker 1: definitely a cultural proudness, it's definitely, but I think that

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Speaker 1: we got that mixed up right. So no, no doubt.

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Speaker 1: As a Brown people, we are flashy, asked people. We

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Speaker 1: created jewelry, we created hairstyles, we created all of this ship.

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Speaker 1: We like the shine. That's us. It's always gonna be us.

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Speaker 1: It's never gonna change. But we was in Africa. We

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Speaker 1: was making it out of stones, so us more in

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Speaker 1: the style ain't never gonna change. We was braiding here,

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Speaker 1: making masks, but I you know what I mean, Like

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Speaker 1: we've been doing this doing turbans. But it's so crazy

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Speaker 1: because when you see when you see the white people.

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Speaker 1: But that's done. We ain't never gonna be that. We

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Speaker 1: can't never be that. And that's what and that's what

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell us too. That's the last point that

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Speaker 1: I really want to leave other people, is we gotta

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Speaker 1: stop that. We are never gonna be that. That ain't you, baby,

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Speaker 1: You was born to shine. That's who you are. Your

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Speaker 1: was paid for, so you was born to put it on,

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Speaker 1: no doubt about that. However, I think that some of

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Speaker 1: the things that we mistake is that we think that

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Speaker 1: it got to come from part of Gucci Louis in

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Speaker 1: order for us to shine, and it don't you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? So like we're down the line, he

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Speaker 1: got crossed with the what shown in means you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, yeah, we are proud of people

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Speaker 1: and we love them good. It's prought of us and

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Speaker 1: it ain't never gonna leave us. However, looking good that

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Speaker 1: is very different from having expensive things, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? And I think that that's the part where

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Speaker 1: somewhere down the line, we adapted their ideals of what

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Speaker 1: it means to look good, and no, we created what

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Speaker 1: it means to look good. They're following us, and we

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Speaker 1: have to remember the first. And it's all just for me.

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Speaker 1: I didn't really grow up with an example of what

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Speaker 1: love looked like. I didn't grow up with women being

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Speaker 1: honest and say, hey, enjoy your twinies, no date, have

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Speaker 1: a good time, build that self worth within yourself, establish

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Speaker 1: yourself as a woman before you uh trying to make

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Speaker 1: those connections. Like I really just didn't grow up with that.

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Speaker 1: Everything that I formulated was from TV music and that's

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Speaker 1: what they was putting. You had to do this, you

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Speaker 1: gotta do that and keep a man on his other stuff.

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Speaker 1: So if that's all you see and know, and nobody

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Speaker 1: even really teaching the things that you should have been

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Speaker 1: taught about, you know, like you said, yeah, of course

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Speaker 1: you're gonna go left, going right exactly exactly, you know,

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Speaker 1: when I was going out like the worst thing. You know.

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Speaker 1: Now I look at things and women are, especially younger

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Speaker 1: women are, so I feel more comfortable with their sexuality,

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Speaker 1: more comfortable to say no, I'm not accepting this type

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Speaker 1: of behavior. I'm not accepting that. And I just and

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Speaker 1: I keep talking about it back then like it was

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Speaker 1: a hundred years ago. It really wasn't that long ago.

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Speaker 1: But there was definitely this pressure and I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it was just in our communities or just all

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Speaker 1: over with it. This is pressure to to be like,

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Speaker 1: you know, this rough rider down and it was just

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Speaker 1: it was just that's what it was. Yeah. So when

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Speaker 1: he asked you, like, did you initially want to say

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Speaker 1: no to donate it? You know, he didn't, he didn't

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Speaker 1: even ask. Volunteered. Yeah, I volunteered. And again, hindsight, looking

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Speaker 1: back on it, it was just like I realized that, yes,

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Speaker 1: there was a part of me that wanted to do

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Speaker 1: it because I felt that it was the right thing

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Speaker 1: to do. I felt like I cared for him and

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Speaker 1: it was just beautiful, you know, Yeah, just beautiful experience

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Speaker 1: that we were going to share. But then looking back now,

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Speaker 1: there was a small part of me that was trying

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Speaker 1: to prove something to him, to everyone, and you know

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Speaker 1: what everyone else, you know, because I know somebody was

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Speaker 1: My mom said no, did not want me to do it. Um,

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Speaker 1: we went, uh, my mom and I went to have

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Speaker 1: dinner with him and his dad, and my mom asked

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Speaker 1: the hard questions that I was too afraid to ask,

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Speaker 1: and at the time I was upset with her for

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Speaker 1: doing that, but she was just protecting you. Yeah. She

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Speaker 1: asked him flat out, what are your intention with my daughter?

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Speaker 1: My daughter is doing this for you, Where is this going?

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Speaker 1: Where in this relationship going? And he pretty much told her, well,

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Speaker 1: we'll see where it goes. And when we left that dinner,

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Speaker 1: my mother pulled me aside and said, he will never

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Speaker 1: marry you, he will never commit to you. Please don't

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Speaker 1: do this. And what did you do? What I mean,

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Speaker 1: what didn't make you feel? Because I can only imagine

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Speaker 1: you being in your what he was in your late

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Speaker 1: almost twenty early twenties. Yeah, I can only imagine being

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Speaker 1: this because I mean I was in my men's twenties.

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Speaker 1: I used to be like, well, I know what's best

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Speaker 1: for me that. And then you have some like your

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Speaker 1: mother coming to you and telling you these things, because

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Speaker 1: of course she knows what's to come, because she's been

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Speaker 1: down that role. She knows life more than you do.

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Speaker 1: But you just be so like I'm not listening, Like

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Speaker 1: even if my life has depending on like I have

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Speaker 1: to prove my point or at least try to. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's exactly what I was thinking, Like, you don't know

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Speaker 1: what you're talking about, you know, I was more upset

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Speaker 1: with her that she asked the question and put him

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Speaker 1: on the spot to be honest about it than being

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Speaker 1: upset about hearing the truth. But even when he was

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Speaker 1: saying what he said, did it makes me feel away?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know why he didn't register

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Speaker 1: It was just like he he, he don't know, he

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Speaker 1: he don't know what I know. Even his dad was like,

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Speaker 1: you're wrong, like you need to she's doing all of

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Speaker 1: this for you, or his dad's like, you should not

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Speaker 1: accept it if you know she's not the one, Like

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Speaker 1: you're not going to marry it, because for her to

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Speaker 1: do something like that for you shows like the ultimate

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Speaker 1: love and you're not ready to reciprocate that, so you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't accept it. Yeah, So even if dad was like,

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't, you shouldn't do this. So how long after

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Speaker 1: them day with the four y'all, when was the surgery?

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Speaker 1: The surgery was maybe about two months after that. So

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Speaker 1: leading up to the surgery, how relationship in between him

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Speaker 1: It was actually really good. We spent a lot of

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Speaker 1: time together. Uh, and probably for the first time in

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Speaker 1: our whole relationship, he was faithful. I think, like the

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Speaker 1: closest faith forever. But do you think he was girl?

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Speaker 1: Sometimes men only is faith their options, right, I think

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Speaker 1: because he couldn't be as mobile as he because of

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Speaker 1: the situation, niggas. It's crazy. So fast forward to the

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Speaker 1: day before the surgery, what were your thoughts, Like, how

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Speaker 1: were you feeling? Like would you really like y'all about

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Speaker 1: to really go through this? Like was there any signs? Like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know, man, you know what. I'll tell

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Speaker 1: you this because you never know. I feel like this

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Speaker 1: story it's going because know what it is when you

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Speaker 1: go through ship and you beat like in your backup

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Speaker 1: is against the wall, and sometimes you'd be like, damn,

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Speaker 1: I wonder if anybody who's going through ship, like why

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Speaker 1: is this happening to me? So it's like why am

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Speaker 1: I men is predicting it? Like why? I mean? So,

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Speaker 1: it's one of the reasons why I wanted to do

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Speaker 1: this podcast because I want to encourage other listeners like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: You're not the only person to go through ship like.

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Speaker 1: People go through your every day ship like and it

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Speaker 1: may not be as dramatic as donating, but it can

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Speaker 1: be as hurtful. You know, it could still because pain

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Speaker 1: is pain exactly, and it doesn't have to be like

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Speaker 1: the physical act of donating. But you can be giving

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Speaker 1: too much time to someone. You could be giving too

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Speaker 1: much energy to someone. You can be giving too much

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Speaker 1: money to be a financial burden, you know, because some

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Speaker 1: of these men are financial burdens. Yeah. So sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: like it's gonna take a hardship on your one other exactly.

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Speaker 1: And for me it was this, But to be honest

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Speaker 1: with you, there was other, uh other, there were other

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Speaker 1: hurts in that relationship that I had ignored to get

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Speaker 1: me to this point, because I do believe that, uh

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Speaker 1: if you, God keeps showing you signs until you get it.

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Speaker 1: And I had gotten so many signs and I ignored

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Speaker 1: them my own youthfulness, my own ignorance. Some some of

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Speaker 1: them I chose to ignore, and I just kept ignoring it.

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Speaker 1: You know, you're not like a dumb person, like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's the worst. It's like, I have a relationship with

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Speaker 1: our guests and she's not dumb, so but time nobody's

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Speaker 1: really dumb. In certain situations, I feel like the good

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Speaker 1: things happened to the dumb people. I mean, to think

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Speaker 1: about it, there's some women that are in situations where

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Speaker 1: they're being abused, and they're smart women, they're capable of

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Speaker 1: women and al for some reason they can't let go.

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Speaker 1: And that was for me, like I just could not

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Speaker 1: let go and it took. Now I'm actually thankful for

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Speaker 1: it because that's what it took to get me out

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Speaker 1: of that toxic relationship. It was about it was not

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Speaker 1: it was not where I needed to be, and it

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Speaker 1: was not for me. And instead of I was trying

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Speaker 1: to make him into something that would for me and

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Speaker 1: he isn't and he never was. So I'm okay with

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Speaker 1: it now. So I wish I didn't have to lose

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Speaker 1: my kidney to learn that. So are we talking about

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Speaker 1: the lessons you learned? I'm pretty sure there's so many

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Speaker 1: lessons you learned about yourself, about what you wanted a

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Speaker 1: man um So the day of surgery, what happened. So

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Speaker 1: the data surgery, I go in and before that, for months,

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Speaker 1: they're testing you to tief you're compatible. You're giving you

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Speaker 1: like a full I felt a full physical to make

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Speaker 1: sure you're healthy enough for it. Wait, nobody and his

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Speaker 1: family wasn't at girl. Okay, he had them too, simply

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Speaker 1: and either one of them offer because exactly that should

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Speaker 1: have been like, yeah, so if you want, if you

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Speaker 1: want to, Navi gave him the kidney. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if one of them would would have stepped up after,

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Speaker 1: you know, if there was no one else. I'm not sure. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so they could test everything was still going good. The

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Speaker 1: relationship was like peach because Nigga want the kidney. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I'll never forget. So they separate us right And I

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Speaker 1: have to say the hospital, they do a great job

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Speaker 1: of giving you opportunities to back out of it. So

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Speaker 1: all through the process they keep saying, are you sure

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Speaker 1: you want to do this? We could tell him anything.

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Speaker 1: If you don't want to do this and you don't

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Speaker 1: want to ruin you know, the relationship, We'll just tell

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Speaker 1: them you're not compatible. We'll just tell them. You know that,

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Speaker 1: they'll they'll give you an out. You think they like

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Speaker 1: you do that with God with like girl, I'm giving

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Speaker 1: you one more last ship. Yeah. I remember I was

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Speaker 1: being prepped for the surgery. I was I was really

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Speaker 1: really nervous, but I kind of want to just get

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Speaker 1: it over with your family, with you, my mom my mom,

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Speaker 1: I know she was pissed y'all the whole time. She

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Speaker 1: was just like they hadn't be the hardest thing. She

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Speaker 1: was just looking like, first of all, you're about to

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Speaker 1: go into you about to have surgery, and you're scared,

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Speaker 1: but your mom is your left, like I don't know why,

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Speaker 1: why are you doing this? It's like she was hoping

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Speaker 1: for the best, but she knew he was. She knew

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Speaker 1: he was out of there anyway. She was like, well

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Speaker 1: she gotta learn, so what a hard way to so

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Speaker 1: I never forget out their perfect extra surgery and they

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Speaker 1: separated us and this, uh, this nurse is black. Nurse

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Speaker 1: was preparing me. I know she had hold her last.

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Speaker 1: While she was preparing me, she was asking questions like, so,

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Speaker 1: who are you doing? And she was like, I guess

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Speaker 1: she thought it was like a family member. And I

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Speaker 1: explained her and she goes, boyfriend, Hey, girl, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: She said that black women are crazy, and I really

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Speaker 1: felt like that was a sign from God, Like, girl,

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Speaker 1: you know what that's like. You gotta appreciate a black

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Speaker 1: woman man because you know that she was right and

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Speaker 1: even put a ring on your finger. Girl wouldn't be

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Speaker 1: me like she was just going off, you know what?

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Speaker 1: Funny in my own ignorance, I don't Rember. She's so mean.

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Speaker 1: She just don't know. I'm telling the most story of

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Speaker 1: ages when this is done. I really think she was

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Speaker 1: put there to give me that final And then God

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00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,880
Speaker 1: was having like girl and I was walking, so they

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00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:53,640
Speaker 1: called me in and I'm walking to Yeah. I can't

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Speaker 1: believe she said that too. She's very blunt, said it

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Speaker 1: like you're out of your mind. It was just have

348
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Speaker 1: you ever felt pleasure? Oh? Not not by a penetration,

349
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,720
Speaker 1: so obviously when you receive head and stuff. Yeah, because

350
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 1: it's not like something that's actually corny. Yeah. The only

351
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:18,120
Speaker 1: time I climax is by clear it's actions. So um.

352
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Speaker 1: So I think this is so funny because like I've

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Speaker 1: been norming my guest for like almost a year now,

354
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,439
Speaker 1: and I was so intrigued by this. So I started

355
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,040
Speaker 1: doing research and I was looking at the girl. I

356
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,560
Speaker 1: found a doctor for you, and I was doing research

357
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,480
Speaker 1: and it was a video on YouTube and we talked

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Speaker 1: about this. Um. This woman the doctor like sticked the

359
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,880
Speaker 1: cue tip or something to her and she was going crazy.

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Speaker 1: It's crazy because I thought it was just me. I

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Speaker 1: was like, damn, something's wrong with me. Great, Like, there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of women like that. I didn't really know

363
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,360
Speaker 1: it was a thing until that conversation. Until I saw

364
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,480
Speaker 1: these Cupid I was like, oh, wow, there's really a

365
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Speaker 1: thing that there are women who just don't enjoy sex. Now,

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Speaker 1: the woman that was basically crying by a doctor putting

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Speaker 1: a cue at my situation is not like that, mind you.

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Speaker 1: When I get pap smears, yes, it's the most uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: thing ever. And you know, I can stand the pain

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Speaker 1: going through sexual intercourse, but it's just like I just

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Speaker 1: don't feel anything. It's like there's no sensation down there

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Speaker 1: at all. So have you thought about experiencing other partners

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Speaker 1: like other women? And the reason why I add because

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Speaker 1: I always feel like when I do speak to like

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Speaker 1: my lesbian friends, they always tell me like that's how

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Speaker 1: I know I'm not into men because the ship hurts.

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Speaker 1: It don't feel good. They don't do nothing for me.

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Speaker 1: And of course you're anatomy, like you're gonna get wet

379
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Speaker 1: because you're excited. Your body can't help what it likes.

380
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Speaker 1: But it's just like ship, I want to fucking what's

381
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Speaker 1: a nut? Like? Yeah, So I actually did end up

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Speaker 1: having sex with a woman, and not because like I

383
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Speaker 1: was going through something or like, you know, forget these man,

384
00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:01,800
Speaker 1: I'm not, but it was actually like a real connection, right. Um,

385
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 1: just like super quick backstory. In high school, I kind

386
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,880
Speaker 1: of saw myself being attracted to women. Well, I would

387
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,879
Speaker 1: just pay attention to them a lot more. And I

388
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Speaker 1: was like, why am I looking at these girls? I

389
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Speaker 1: was like, why am I like observing that girls like

390
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,880
Speaker 1: I see a pretty good Like, oh she's really pretty. Yeah,

391
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Speaker 1: So that's what I thought. So I was like, you know,

392
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 1: maybe it's because you know, I admire the body of

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Speaker 1: a woman because I am a woman. Also, I was

394
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Speaker 1: super artsy in high school, so I was like, you

395
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 1: still are arts. Well, it's not as much now, but

396
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 1: you know, at the time, I thought like, oh, maybe

397
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Speaker 1: it's just because I'm super into art and I love

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00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:45,159
Speaker 1: drawing the female anatomy so seriously. So fast forward to

399
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Speaker 1: you know, I graduate high school and in college when

400
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:54,959
Speaker 1: in my orientation and I see this woman and so

401
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,479
Speaker 1: I was a freshman, she had to be like a

402
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 1: sophomore junior. And it was just like an immediate like

403
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Speaker 1: a magnetic attraction and like it's not love at first

404
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:06,919
Speaker 1: sight because I wasn't in love with her, but I

405
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,960
Speaker 1: was like, oh, my God, like I have to get

406
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 1: to know what I have to be, like, I just

407
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:14,440
Speaker 1: have to be in her presence. But I'm super shy,

408
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna, you know, approach you or anything,

409
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 1: but I will watch you from a distance, you know.

410
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:24,240
Speaker 1: Not that's like that the Netflix show. You know, I'm

411
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 1: just playing. I wasn't stalking the girl, but I was

412
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 1: just but you know, if I saw her on campus,

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Speaker 1: I would just be so in awe. And it wasn't like,

414
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Speaker 1: you know, she how you feel like that with a man,

415
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Speaker 1: So that no, like there have been men that you know,

416
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 1: I've been in love with, you know, but that but

417
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 1: that first immediate like first sight attraction. No, it was

418
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 1: just her. So I don't know how the universe ended

419
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,439
Speaker 1: up getting us together. But you know, you think what

420
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 1: you are, or you are what you think. So when

421
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 1: you think about seven certain things, it just comes to

422
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 1: you because you put it out in the universe, specially

423
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: if you're speaking about it. Yeah. Yeah, So we ended

424
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 1: up just like you know, hanging out, kicking it in

425
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:10,919
Speaker 1: her dorm room and then one day, I don't know,

426
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 1: like we just end up we ended up making out

427
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 1: and so we didn't have sex at that moment. We

428
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:19,040
Speaker 1: didn't have sex like years later, but I was just

429
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,879
Speaker 1: like seeing freaking fireworks and I remember going home that

430
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: night thinking like, oh my god, that's my gay what's

431
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 1: going I was just like this is so exciting. But

432
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 1: you know, fast forwarding to like my sexual experience with her,

433
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: I would say she gave me the best sex ever.

434
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 1: Like I will say that the day I died. Whether

435
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,360
Speaker 1: we end up together in the future or not, if

436
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: you're married to a man or whatever, that was she

437
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: you know, it was the best sex. And it was

438
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 1: because there was no penetration, like it was a lot

439
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:55,639
Speaker 1: of like yeah, and that's and for me, that's what

440
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,360
Speaker 1: gets me off and that's what makes me climax. So

441
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,679
Speaker 1: and like you said, it definitely starts from within. So however,

442
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 1: you feel, it's gonna definitely come out and it's gonna show.

443
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 1: So it's like you're trying to cover it up, fix it,

444
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: and you know, and maybe there is no quote unquote

445
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm sorry to interrupt on that, but

446
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 1: maybe there isn't a fix, but acknowledge acknowledge you know

447
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 1: what I mean, Because you know, it's like I had

448
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,919
Speaker 1: a really great teacher when I went to esthetic school,

449
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: and she said, you know, people with acne, it's not

450
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 1: what they're eating, it's what they're thinking. It's always what

451
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: they're thinking. So if you have a tape in your

452
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 1: head that's always putting you down, that's always saying you're

453
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 1: not good enough, that's always saying you're not doing enough,

454
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,680
Speaker 1: that's always saying, you know, whatever, I'm not good enough,

455
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: it's going to come out. Wow, that's not true. You know,

456
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship that sucks and that person

457
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 1: is making you feel like crap, you think, if that's

458
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 1: not going to come out in your skin. You may

459
00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:00,040
Speaker 1: deny it in your mind, but that is going to

460
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 1: come out in your skin. It always does, literally comes

461
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: out in your skin. Like even when I remember when

462
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: I was like, like I said, when my grandmother passed away,

463
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 1: I was so stressed out. I was like doing so much.

464
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 1: My skin look crazy, Like half the time, I don't

465
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 1: even wear and I love makeup. I don't even wear

466
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 1: as much makeup as I do now because my skin

467
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,879
Speaker 1: is like in a really good condition. But I remember

468
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: back then I was so embarrassing in my skin, my

469
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 1: face off or my makeup off, because I'm just like

470
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, Like what the hell I did to my skin?

471
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: Like my skin I usually have like the craziest dark spots.

472
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 1: And it's so funny because I am living proof that

473
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,800
Speaker 1: you can't have really good skin even if you had

474
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 1: shitty skin before. So to see that growth in that

475
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 1: transition from the journey I made where I'm at now

476
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 1: is like it's possible and it can happen, you know, yeah, absolutely,

477
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 1: And you know as much as I know scientifically about

478
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: what I do, and I know physics for laser, I

479
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 1: know chemistry for skincare. The most important thing that a

480
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: good institution does is that they never forget that there

481
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 1: is a human being on their treatment table. So the

482
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: best skill that I have is that I listen to people.

483
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,679
Speaker 1: I listen and observe because that'll tell me a lot.

484
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: I listen to you all the time. I just pretend

485
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 1: I don't listen to it because I know you don't

486
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 1: like to be listened to, like to observe, but I know, yeah.

487
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 1: Most importantly, what is the advice that you would give

488
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 1: to our listeners? The most important advice I give to

489
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 1: any woman, and now I say three things. Make sure

490
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,919
Speaker 1: that your mental health is in check. Health is wealth,

491
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 1: mental health, and your physical health, and check make sure

492
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 1: that you're healthy. Make sure that you're going to the doctors.

493
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 1: You know what's going on in your body, you know

494
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 1: how you flow in, you know, and please make that

495
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,440
Speaker 1: the number one priority before anything. You know what's going

496
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:06,879
Speaker 1: on with your mind and body, being the best version

497
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 1: of you. Put yourself first because no one is going

498
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 1: to take care of you. You are responsible for yourself.

499
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 1: You have to do whatever it takes so that you

500
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,719
Speaker 1: can be happy. And if that means separating yourself from people,

501
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: if you have to separate yourself from your mama, do that.

502
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 1: Do whatever you need to do, because your happiness is

503
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 1: a part of you having a healthy life and a

504
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 1: healthy mental state. And lastly, I would saying, be the

505
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:42,719
Speaker 1: baddest bitch in the room, Like, like you know, whenever

506
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 1: I go anywhere, I'm just the baddest bitch in the room.

507
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: I just am not gonna let nobody upstage me because

508
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm I'm the greatest. And what

509
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 1: about your relationship with men? How has been treated you differently?

510
00:27:55,280 --> 00:28:01,680
Speaker 1: How have they treated me differently? And I was like, girl, Okay,

511
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: let's talk about the experience when you was, um, you

512
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: was at a club or bars and yourself. Yes, girl,

513
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 1: you want talking about okay, because I was just like, oh,

514
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: he has some fucking nerves, Yes he did. So you

515
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 1: know I'm not, you know, enjoying myself at this little

516
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: dance hall place and this guy we started making eyes

517
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: whatever whatever. I don't know what was said, what was done,

518
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 1: just a whole lot in between there. But I end

519
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: up at his house, in his bed with hardly no

520
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 1: clothes on. Now that I never told this man from

521
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 1: the beginning of the night, I'm not giving you nothing.

522
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: I'm not giving you nothing but down I'm in his

523
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: bed with hardly no clothes on. Mistake, mistake. But um

524
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: so then I disclosed to him my virus because of

525
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: course I have to. I'm not going to sleep with you,

526
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 1: whether protected or unprotected, without allowing you to make an

527
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: informed decision. So explain to like, Look, I'm undetectable. You

528
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: wouldn't catch it even if we use that kind of

529
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 1: whatever whatever. So he undetectable because of your medicine that

530
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: you're taking. Yes, yes, yes, so will you always be undetectable? Um,

531
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 1: that's what I get checked offten So I've been undeceptable

532
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 1: for years. Um, I have not developed like any medication

533
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 1: resistance or anything. So my medication is still working for me. Um. Now,

534
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: if I came out for medicine, you, no, that would

535
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 1: not be the same thing I would. The virus would

536
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 1: begin to do what it is in my body to do,

537
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 1: which is to read their heavy and then I would

538
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 1: have virus in my blood, which in my fluids would

539
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 1: would make me susceptible to passing it and stuff. So

540
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: the medication is such a key component to this. Um.

541
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 1: But this dude he wasn't hearing none of it. He

542
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 1: wasn't hear none of it. So now he wants me

543
00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 1: to play with myself in front of him so that

544
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,920
Speaker 1: he can he jack off. And just yes, exactly, you

545
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 1: got it, girl, I said this nigga got some nerves,

546
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 1: say yo. And I just felt so like violated in

547
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: that moment. I felt like, how dare you so? You

548
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 1: this dude from this club that yeah, I probably would

549
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: have given something that night, but you from this club

550
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: and you want me to do what for you? Like

551
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 1: I don't even know you like that to want you

552
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 1: to get off that much? Like? No, Wow, well I

553
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: have been some other situations. I know you had another

554
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: situation that was crazy. I think you know, I'm about

555
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 1: to say the one with the you was kind of

556
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 1: like Dani's guy. He wasn't really feeling him and then

557
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 1: next thing you know, he kind of like locked you

558
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 1: in the bathroom. That was wild. But you know what,

559
00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 1: before you tell the story, you made a really good point. Um.

560
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: You said something about how like when people know like

561
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 1: certain situations about you, in situation that's very um, that's

562
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: very dear to you and very sensitive people would kind

563
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 1: of use that against you because he lied and said

564
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 1: that his mother had HIV. Yes, And I was like, oh,

565
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: like your mom had it, so you kinda were understand right,

566
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: That's what I thought. But it didn't take me very

567
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 1: long to put those pieces together. He was a whole fult.

568
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 1: He was a whole liar. Um, don't think his mom

569
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:37,320
Speaker 1: ever headed? And I really go ahead, no, go ahead,

570
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 1: because because then he said his mom like passed away

571
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 1: from it or like did he mat like a crazy lie.

572
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: All of it was a crazy lie. I don't even

573
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 1: know which part. Like we'll tell us about it, tell

574
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: us about it. Okay, So I met this guy. He

575
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: was the first guy that I met since moving back

576
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 1: to the city of Philadelphia, and I was on like

577
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 1: a dating site and I had it dead out immediately. Look,

578
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 1: I'm HIV positive, I'm new to the city. I'm just

579
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 1: trying to get to know friends. So he was in

580
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 1: my inbox immediately, and I was like, hey, my mom um,

581
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: she has HIV. I'm not sure if he said that

582
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: she died from it, but she has it. Such a

583
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: beautiful woman. And I believe in black love and da

584
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 1: da da da. So like the conversation started. We eventually

585
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: began hanging out, and it came out over time that

586
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 1: he was a little thrown off. He had a lot

587
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: of issues. I remember being in this house one night

588
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 1: and he just snapped, like he snapped, I'm in the bathroom.

589
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 1: He's holding me by my locks, in my hair, and

590
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 1: it's threatening that he should cut my hair off right

591
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: now because I'm not strong, Like I don't deserve them.

592
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 1: He'll take Zillion's mom from him right now, and all

593
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: of this, Like that night was a night that I

594
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: felt like I was going to die. If I've never

595
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: felt that way before, that was the night in this

596
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 1: instinct of just they say you're either going to fight

597
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: or fight like I ran, he ran outside after me.

598
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 1: It was so dramatic, and that is something I never

599
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: I would Yes, I never thought I would experience that,

600
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 1: Like especially I met you off the premise of me

601
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: having HIV. I thought that this was going to be

602
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: like more of a understanding, you know. And then the

603
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 1: next day he called, you're talking about something you gave

604
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 1: this on Oh my god, girl, what No, I didn't

605
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 1: you like, what are you talking about doing? Like? Oh

606
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:44,400
Speaker 1: you crazy? Crazy? Um? So that goes into mind the

607
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 1: same question. What about the time when you um when

608
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: you got shot. Yeah, because when you were talking about that,

609
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 1: I was like, I think you said you ran to

610
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: the the hospital or something you got it, And I'm like,

611
00:33:56,120 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 1: what a strong Yes you are man or it's either that.

612
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 1: But I owed all to God because I know hes

613
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:09,799
Speaker 1: get your your mama. You work hard, you know, I said.

614
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: That's how said he was not snatched me up by

615
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 1: my wig for all my life getting me out of trouble.

616
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, but you never you never fold though,

617
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:24,319
Speaker 1: like you really held it down the strength that I have,

618
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 1: like I should be really walking around taking medication half crazy.

619
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:32,399
Speaker 1: She looked good after all of the things that I've

620
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 1: been through and have seen. But yeah, that day I

621
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: got shot. How were you? I was twenty four, I

622
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 1: may have been twenty three going on twenty four. Uh.

623
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 1: In a split second, I was on the ground. But

624
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,879
Speaker 1: they had came to shoot or kill a guy from

625
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: a block because of an incident had happened maybe a

626
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,399
Speaker 1: day or two before. And when I seen the combination

627
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 1: of the guy from my block and who he was

628
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: talking to, I know it was a bad combination. So

629
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 1: I was trying to go. I was going to jump

630
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: in a cab and go tell the boys of that

631
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 1: crew because he was my daughter's goldfather. But before I

632
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 1: could do it, I heard the shots and the guy

633
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 1: was running towards me, which was a friend of mine.

634
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 1: I yelled at one of the shooter's names, like what

635
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:25,360
Speaker 1: are you doing? And then I just started running. So

636
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:29,560
Speaker 1: I fell and my friend fell in front of me.

637
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:31,879
Speaker 1: But for some reason, I knew how I was hit.

638
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: I don't know how I knew. I'm not sure. I

639
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 1: can't remember feeling a bullet, to be honest with you,

640
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 1: but I knew, and I told my cousin, who was

641
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 1: standing there in shock, but she wasn't hearing anything. She

642
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 1: was just you know, she wasn't shock and that split

643
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:52,680
Speaker 1: the second. All I thought about was my baby upstairs.

644
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 1: Her dad is away, and I couldn't die on the streets.

645
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: So I got up. She wasn't hearing anything. I'm calling

646
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 1: her name, so I got up. It was a guy

647
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: from my block name John. He said, t let's go,

648
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:09,359
Speaker 1: kid in the cab because I was like, yo, I'm hit.

649
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 1: I just knew it, and we got a cab. Home

650
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 1: in hospital was about maybe three blocks down and one

651
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 1: block over, so a camp happened to be ranking on

652
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,479
Speaker 1: the corner. That's God, yeah, you know, So I jumped

653
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 1: in a cab. We got there. They immediately started tearing

654
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 1: my clothes off. The bullet went straight through about that

655
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: maybe maybe an inch away from my spine, and it

656
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 1: came out my breast um and um. They just started

657
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 1: to operate. Not no, not operate. They cut me under

658
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 1: my arm. They give me a chest too, because I

659
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: actually was bleeding internally. So had I laid on the ground,

660
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 1: my lungs would have filled up, like yeah, I would

661
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 1: have smothered to death, especially when fifty fell in front

662
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 1: of me. His name is fifty and that's a second

663
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,880
Speaker 1: when I imagined my daughter stays her daddy was away.

664
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 1: I've seen white sheets all my life from the ground,

665
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:02,840
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm not gonna be on the

666
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,239
Speaker 1: white sheet on this ground, like my parents and my

667
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 1: family not gonna see that. So that's what made me

668
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 1: get to the hospital. And they did good. Yeah, they

669
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 1: did good. I'm still here because I know when we're

670
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 1: in college, like I was saying, like I was very active.

671
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 1: I was very like trying to stay focused, get trade

672
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 1: is and all this other stuff. So it's like when

673
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: I was going through certain things, I guess it's kind

674
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 1: of hard to explain to somebody who's not going through

675
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,360
Speaker 1: or they just don't understand. So did you feel like

676
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 1: that as well when he was I, yes, I was

677
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 1: living two lives. And I think that might stem back

678
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 1: to a couple of things. It might step back to

679
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: the fact that my first trauma I kept a secret,

680
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 1: and so that's my go to was to not talk

681
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: about things. But also I went to an HBCU in

682
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: the sum to one time for the h b c us.

683
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 1: You know, they've got to keep them alive. Man waits.

684
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 1: It's amazing. But like most Black families, who's talking about

685
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 1: mental health? Like, am I going to come to and say, hey,

686
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,840
Speaker 1: I'm believe it and I can't stop throwing up all

687
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: my food? Or I cut myself every night when I

688
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 1: say good night to you guys, or you know, I

689
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: just I didn't come to the party last night, or

690
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 1: I left the party early because I had a panic

691
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,319
Speaker 1: attack and needed to go, you know, cry all night,

692
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:22,800
Speaker 1: like I didn't feel safe enough. And when my mental

693
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 1: health stuff was starting to come out, there were people

694
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,279
Speaker 1: that were close to me that we're not understanding and

695
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 1: we're gossiping about and very mean not I don't think

696
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: it was intentional. I think it just was a lack

697
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:41,280
Speaker 1: of understanding. And now that I'm out and very open

698
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 1: and honest about what I deal with, I have had

699
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 1: those same people reach out to me and say, you know,

700
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 1: I had no idea because it just is a lack

701
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: of education. And I also felt like when we was

702
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 1: in college, because I can instill knew you around the

703
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: same age, I feel like we was in college, they

704
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: didn't really talk about mental health, and like I feel

705
00:38:58,640 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 1: like when I was in college, it was all about

706
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 1: show my face. It was it was all about showing

707
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 1: face and black accellent, you know, And I think that

708
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 1: as a black girl, I can say that growing up,

709
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 1: the only time I ever felt seen or special was

710
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,719
Speaker 1: when I was doing something extraordinary. And so how can

711
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:21,880
Speaker 1: I admit that not only am I not really extraordinary,

712
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 1: but I am so below average that I'm barely functioning

713
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:32,280
Speaker 1: behind right there by myself? You know? How can I

714
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 1: admit to that my whole identity is tied up and

715
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 1: being the best in being this magical thing in order

716
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 1: to feel adequate. There's no way I can talk to

717
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 1: anybody about this because I don't want to fail at

718
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:51,760
Speaker 1: being a black a black girl. Man, ain't it? Girl?

719
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,319
Speaker 1: Because you have to you it's so many size of

720
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 1: it's so many parts of being a woman. It's like

721
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,359
Speaker 1: for you just trying to find that balance. It's a lot.

722
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 1: It really can just drive somebody crazy. Literally, did I

723
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,480
Speaker 1: feel like I was done of my research? I'm always

724
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 1: seeing a lot of men. But the sister can and um,

725
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:19,799
Speaker 1: I guess it's my opinion. When I say this, I

726
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 1: don't agree with it at all. I I'm not not

727
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 1: only a person to frown upon things or you know,

728
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: judge people or whatever. But I don't agree with it,

729
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:33,759
Speaker 1: um because I study things down to the science. Okay,

730
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 1: as a woman, our our our female form, our female

731
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 1: makeup was never meant to um be accessible to two

732
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: dicks at the same time, I'm and I know, I

733
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:50,839
Speaker 1: really know. So it's not and it's not even just

734
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:52,840
Speaker 1: it's not even just on on a on a on

735
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:56,880
Speaker 1: a chemical level, I'm talking spiritual like as women were

736
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: very very magnetic. So we we take on we we

737
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 1: absorb certain energies. So every man that you ever had

738
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:05,319
Speaker 1: sex with, you carry something from that man with you

739
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. So but what about

740
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 1: having sex with a with a woman because your your

741
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 1: your soul is still tied to that one. That's very true,

742
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 1: That's very true. So this so what's the difference? Men

743
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:25,240
Speaker 1: give off many etmn energies? Men? Men are not magnetic.

744
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:30,919
Speaker 1: They're the total opposite. So by you, you know, engaging

745
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 1: with Okay, because when you're having sex with a man,

746
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: if you have sex with a man persistently for ten,

747
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,759
Speaker 1: twent thirty years and you have not had sex with

748
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 1: no other man, he's left his DNA inside of you,

749
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,840
Speaker 1: and your DNA is now being altered to match his.

750
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:50,760
Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know this. So women wonder

751
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: why they go through um pH imbalances with their vaginas

752
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 1: and and you know, little little issues like that necessarily

753
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 1: saying always has to be sex. But that is one

754
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 1: of the reasons, you know, why women have a high

755
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 1: level of um bad bacteria, or their body might be

756
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:13,400
Speaker 1: a little too acidic to be able to balance it

757
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 1: balance itself back out, and and and along with the

758
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 1: acidic diets that we consume as Americans or whatever. But

759
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 1: that just doesn't make it any better. And these things

760
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 1: can bring on emotional imbalance because if you if your

761
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:31,479
Speaker 1: brain is literally swimming in acid juice, you're not gonna

762
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: be thinking clearly. And now you're wondering why you're going

763
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 1: through things, or why you're depressed, or why you're you know,

764
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: you cry yourself to sleep at night, or why you

765
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, all of these things

766
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: tie into one another. All of these things play play

767
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 1: a role in into your day to day living, into

768
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 1: your day to day interactions, how you deal with situations,

769
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 1: how you deal with problems. You know what I'm saying,

770
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 1: So you you don't want it, You don't want to

771
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:58,280
Speaker 1: taint yourself with more than your you were actually made

772
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 1: to take on. You understand what saying. But you know,

773
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 1: I think the woman a woman can have the same

774
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 1: effect on a woman as a man does, especially if

775
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 1: you've been said I don't. I don't think so, because

776
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 1: it's impossible for me too. It's impossible for me to

777
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 1: leave my DNA inside of another woman. I can't, I

778
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 1: can't do it. I can't. I can't ejaculate inside of

779
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:24,399
Speaker 1: another woman. And and people don't really, people don't really

780
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 1: analyze the spirituality of sex. People have perverted it so

781
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,319
Speaker 1: much that they look at it like, you know, we

782
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: can't talk about it like that or whatever whatever. We

783
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 1: can't correlate spirituality and sex with one another. But it's

784
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,880
Speaker 1: it's it's blasphemous to me, and it's the biggest contradiction

785
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:41,760
Speaker 1: because you know, sex is what brought us all here,

786
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 1: you know, so it's all to do with spirituality. Beneath

787
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: From North Carolina, everything was fine. The second day the

788
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: Maltowny came. I did the scene. I had a few

789
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 1: little ish I did the scene totally sober. That was

790
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 1: one issue, because I'm my nerves was a wreck to

791
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,759
Speaker 1: be so this was the first time that you had

792
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 1: sex with the male talent, and you did a sober yep,

793
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 1: but you wanted to see how I was gonna LEO.

794
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,400
Speaker 1: I didn't. First of all, the man like he paid

795
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,279
Speaker 1: for the room. I went down there still on very

796
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 1: little money, just a little money just for emergencies. So

797
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 1: you know, if anything happened, like I said, the company,

798
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 1: the man, the producer, he paid for my travel. You know,

799
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: well excills me megabus mhm, you know that long ass ride.

800
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:29,439
Speaker 1: He paid for all of that. You know what I'm saying,

801
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 1: paid for the hotel, You pay for my food and stuff.

802
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: But he doesn't drink or smoke or you know, I

803
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 1: don't smoke nothing, you know what I'm saying. But he

804
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:40,319
Speaker 1: don't drink or whatever. He don't do nothing. So you know,

805
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 1: he wasn't buying no damn liquor, you know what I mean.

806
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:47,399
Speaker 1: He made that real clear, you know. But then says

807
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 1: I was didn't have had no damn liquor, you know

808
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 1: what I mean. I ended up going to the store

809
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:55,839
Speaker 1: and I did buy a beer. But by the time

810
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,800
Speaker 1: the male talent got off in his regular job, because

811
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 1: most people have a regular job in his industry, by

812
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: the time he got his record job and got there

813
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 1: and they came like in the last minute they called me.

814
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 1: The producer called him, was like, okay, we're on our way.

815
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 1: I had to run rushed, kit dressed. I come out

816
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: the bathroom like they got the keys a getting the

817
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: room reminders in their name. So when I come out

818
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 1: the bathroom there there you know what I'm saying, the

819
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:22,320
Speaker 1: male talent comes in, he uses the bathroom, we start shooting.

820
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 1: It was okay, I felt like I still have a

821
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,800
Speaker 1: relationship with the male talent. You know what I'm saying.

822
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,880
Speaker 1: He comes to my city because he drives truck or

823
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,520
Speaker 1: whatever too, so when he comes up here, you know,

824
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 1: we go see him and you know, we're talking, you know,

825
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,399
Speaker 1: to spend time talking and stuff or whatever. You know. Um,

826
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:49,879
Speaker 1: it was I felt kind of it felt strange. And

827
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 1: don't get it twisted. I've slept with Motherucker's I ain't

828
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 1: known before you know what I'm saying, But it was

829
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 1: different for the camera and everything that I actually have

830
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 1: an audience. Yeah, I knew how to I know how

831
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 1: to be seductive, you know what I mean. I know

832
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: that I have the eyes you know when I'm looking

833
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 1: I know you know, it's just you just can't stare

834
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 1: into the camera, you know what I mean, you gotta

835
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 1: act like you don't know what's going on. But then

836
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 1: there was little incidents where the male talent, but he

837
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:25,440
Speaker 1: had like bleeding like it was little ship that I

838
00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:29,440
Speaker 1: was like, okay, this is something wrong. He had shaved

839
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 1: cut like on his butt, so there was like a

840
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 1: little bit of drop like not drop, a little like

841
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:42,960
Speaker 1: a little line of blood or whatever on it did

842
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:45,960
Speaker 1: because automatically I'm like, okay, is this one fucking gay?

843
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 1: Which don't get it sucked up. There's you know, I

844
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,280
Speaker 1: have a lot of gay friends, you know what I'm saying.

845
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 1: So it's not that's not the that's not the situation.

846
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 1: The situation is you're fucking need right, yeah, and you

847
00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 1: bleeding like he bleeding from your asshole is going on?

848
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 1: You know what are you afraid of? How to get terrified? Yes,

849
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:10,480
Speaker 1: a thousand, million, trillion, billion percent terrified to have children

850
00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 1: to the point where I've decided where I don't think

851
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,799
Speaker 1: I want them. M hmm. I'm so you're afraid you're

852
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:18,520
Speaker 1: going to be like her? No, I think I'm going

853
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 1: to be an extremist because I don't want to be

854
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 1: like her mm hmmm. And I know that there has

855
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 1: to be some type of balance. You can't be a

856
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 1: smothering mom and you can't be a distant mom. You

857
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:33,279
Speaker 1: have to have balance. And I don't think I can

858
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 1: do that. I think I'll be too anxious to know,

859
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: like what's going on with my kid, how is my

860
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,720
Speaker 1: kid feeling, how is my kid doing? How is school?

861
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 1: I would be one of those parents where I joke

862
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: about it, but I would be one of those parents

863
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 1: where I would put a camera in their their button

864
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 1: jacket or like give them glasses where even though they

865
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 1: don't need them, it's like a pitty camera on it's

866
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 1: I could no be talking to them who's around. I

867
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,760
Speaker 1: would be obsessed with my child because of the fact

868
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 1: that I wasn did so much. I'd be obsessed and

869
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:05,120
Speaker 1: I don't think that's healthy for me. And because of

870
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 1: the fact that I've dealt with depression for a very

871
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 1: long time and still on and off depending you know,

872
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 1: I don't think that would benefit anyone. So I think

873
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 1: I would have to be in a healthy state with

874
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 1: myself first before I ever introduce a child into this world.

875
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 1: And I have to I just I have to learn

876
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 1: a balance. I have to teach myself to have a

877
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 1: balance before I could ever introduce a kid into this world.

878
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,399
Speaker 1: I mean, poor poor thing. They would want to run

879
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 1: away from me if like, oh my god, my mom

880
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 1: again she's at school for no fucking reason, Like I'd

881
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 1: be crazy, Like the school would hate me because I'd

882
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:47,960
Speaker 1: be there constantly. I want to be going on my boyfriend.

883
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 1: I was like yo, because I mean, I bought my

884
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: ask because I'm really trying to, like I don't want

885
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:55,080
Speaker 1: my kids to go out like I want my kids.

886
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 1: We haven't do a lot of days because I went

887
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 1: without when I was growing up and I had I

888
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:00,920
Speaker 1: think I had not for job and I was like

889
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 1: fourteen because I was like, I'm tired of this ship. Yeah,

890
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 1: I got to get out there and get on my

891
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 1: own because obviously, I mean, my my mom hasn't sent

892
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 1: me money and stuff, but you know that's every so often.

893
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:13,920
Speaker 1: So it's just like I had to get out there

894
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: and hustle. So I was like, yeah, I bust my

895
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,839
Speaker 1: ass because I was like, I know I'm gonna get

896
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:22,920
Speaker 1: my kids everything right. I don't have my kids to

897
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 1: go out and I want to make sure I am

898
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 1: there every step of the way. Yeah, that's how it

899
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 1: should be. That's how it should be. We turned onto

900
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 1: a certain street and we were at a light. And

901
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 1: because they're gentrifying all parts of Atlanta, there will be

902
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 1: some really nice things on one block. If you go

903
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:47,919
Speaker 1: one block back, you're in an area where not good

904
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: things happen. So I just leave at that. So I

905
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:55,920
Speaker 1: made I naively hindsight is made the comment because we

906
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 1: were we were around a certain area and I was like,

907
00:49:57,920 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 1: you know, this perch is really nice, but honestly, even

908
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 1: if go one street over, you know, I've heard and

909
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:04,840
Speaker 1: seen things that have gone on over there, Like you

910
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,799
Speaker 1: just really need to be careful as a driver. And

911
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 1: he started throwing his weight around, telling me that he

912
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,400
Speaker 1: didn't need to worry about that. You know, he his

913
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:19,239
Speaker 1: work security for all of these years. He worked homeland security,

914
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:24,880
Speaker 1: high Museum, He worked closely with the pastor at like

915
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 1: a huge mega church here in Atlanta security for this

916
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 1: and he just knows how to handle people. And it

917
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 1: was around that. It was a combination of me noticing

918
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 1: that we were in this area, which is a little

919
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 1: further than I thought we needed to be. In that

920
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 1: comment those comments of him trying to intimidate me that

921
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:47,880
Speaker 1: I started to feel uncomfortable. My stomach started to not up,

922
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 1: I started sweating. So at this point I started actively

923
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 1: sending my location, Like every time we crossed over another street.

924
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 1: I was sending my location to the friend that I

925
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 1: just left. And I said in a message and I said,

926
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:06,400
Speaker 1: call me. So again, we're still driving down these history.

927
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:11,279
Speaker 1: He's missing turns that I think we should be. He

928
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 1: did call me, but so remember I was telling you

929
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 1: he lives really close to that restaurant, so he had

930
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 1: gone home. He started getting right for bed, like had

931
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 1: a quick shower, that kind of thing. So this is

932
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 1: like what he's doing in this time that I'm sending.

933
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 1: I'm sending my location and all that. So, um, we

934
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:31,040
Speaker 1: passed another turn where I thought we should be going,

935
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 1: and the driver he just keeps telling me, oh my god,

936
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:38,799
Speaker 1: you're so pretty. You should model. You know, your hair,

937
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:43,360
Speaker 1: your this, you're that. I was just like, at this point,

938
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:50,399
Speaker 1: I'm starting to like okay, almost like okay, what's the plan? Wow,

939
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 1: so's it's till thirty in the morning, Like who says that?

940
00:51:56,680 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: Who says that? A really not about that? So it's

941
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:06,720
Speaker 1: like what are you trun sir? It I made that comment,

942
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 1: you know, to the police investigators and let them know,

943
00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:12,239
Speaker 1: like listen, I've taken lift before late at night. I've

944
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:15,839
Speaker 1: taken it with friends, you know whatever. And if it's

945
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:19,960
Speaker 1: a male female dynamic, whether it's one male versus a

946
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:26,399
Speaker 1: few versus one and they're not how do I how

947
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 1: do I phrase this and there's no sneakiness or weirdness

948
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 1: or anything like that going on, they will go out

949
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:40,240
Speaker 1: of their way to steer the conversation and like um

950
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:44,279
Speaker 1: surface level, but you know what I mean, like, you know,

951
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 1: do you guys work around here? You know, what do

952
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:50,440
Speaker 1: you do? Do you like Atlanta? I like these restaurants,

953
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: And they will go out of their way to make

954
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:58,000
Speaker 1: sure that you don't feel uncomfortable. And because that dynamic

955
00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:04,240
Speaker 1: already calls for that, if that makes sense. So we're driving,

956
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:07,279
Speaker 1: We're probably driving like another three or four minutes, and

957
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:11,319
Speaker 1: we crossed over a street and like alarm bells were

958
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 1: just going off, and I was just like hell no,

959
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:14,840
Speaker 1: like we're not supposed to be over here. This is

960
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 1: not It was what was like, if you can't inspire,

961
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:20,279
Speaker 1: like what are the feelings like when you know, like

962
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 1: the alarm bells, because I think a lot of times

963
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 1: people don't know, like like I know when something's going crazy,

964
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 1: it's because like like not in your stomach, like a

965
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 1: hair start standing up, like what was something was experiencing? Um,

966
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:37,840
Speaker 1: So it was almost just like the anticipation of something

967
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 1: not going well. I was feeling like nasea, okay, oh,

968
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 1: I'll put it like this. Do you remember like when

969
00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 1: you were little, right and you did something you weren't

970
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:51,919
Speaker 1: supposed to do right, maybe at school, maybe at home,

971
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:55,280
Speaker 1: and maybe it wasn't even that big. You just didn't

972
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:59,239
Speaker 1: really know what the consequences be. And then kind of

973
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:04,239
Speaker 1: just that it anticipation of of something you know it's

974
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 1: not gonna be good, right, you just don't know, but

975
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:12,120
Speaker 1: you know it's not gonna end well. So it was

976
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 1: something like that. So I actually when we started going

977
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:19,959
Speaker 1: down the one street, I actually thought like, oh my god,

978
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:23,799
Speaker 1: I could projectile vomit on this one shield right now,

979
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:26,799
Speaker 1: and there there would be nothing I can do about it.

980
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:31,760
Speaker 1: That's how sick I felt. I felt like food poisoning. Wow.

981
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 1: So I he turns on he starts turning onto a street,

982
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 1: like did he notice that you would like starting Phil,

983
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 1: I'm sure. I'm sure he did, because when we started talking,

984
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,879
Speaker 1: I started like stuttering and stuff like that. And at

985
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:50,680
Speaker 1: one point he picked up his phone and he was like,

986
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 1: let me see how far we are from your destination.

987
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 1: Oh seven minutes. Let's get you to where you need

988
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 1: to go, almost like that was gonna calm me down.

989
00:54:57,640 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 1: And I was still like, um no. So he starts.

990
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 1: So I'm super visual. Um, That's what I do in

991
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 1: my job. That's just the way I'm wired. Um. I

992
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:14,560
Speaker 1: just really can remember thinking, now, if you tell me something,

993
00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:17,319
Speaker 1: if I write something now, you know whatever, that that's

994
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:19,880
Speaker 1: not whatever. But if I can see it, especially like

995
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 1: in color or the way things are set up, you

996
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:26,160
Speaker 1: know whatever. So we started turning on so we passed

997
00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 1: an office building that was like beautifully I just remember

998
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:33,120
Speaker 1: it being like beautifully landscaped. I was like, wow, you know, like,

999
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:35,400
Speaker 1: I just remember seeing that. And then we turned onto

1000
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:39,040
Speaker 1: a street and there's a median and I can immediately

1001
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:41,239
Speaker 1: in the media and see that the street is not

1002
00:55:41,360 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 1: being taken care of. There's pine straw, there's trash, like,

1003
00:55:46,239 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 1: it looks desolate, it looks like a forgotten street almost,

1004
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:55,239
Speaker 1: And when he started to turn on the street. I said,

1005
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,319
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling well. Can you please stop the car?

1006
00:55:57,400 --> 00:55:59,840
Speaker 1: Can you please pull over? I'm just I'm really not

1007
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:04,240
Speaker 1: feeling well. And he, like I said, he's already driving slow.

1008
00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: So he slows down a little bit to make this turn,

1009
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:11,920
Speaker 1: but he speeds up if that makes sense, to continue

1010
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 1: down the street. And I look over at him and

1011
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 1: he has this like death grip on the steering wheel

1012
00:56:19,239 --> 00:56:23,399
Speaker 1: with his right hand. With his left hand, he has

1013
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: what I would identify as a nervous like I'm in

1014
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:32,160
Speaker 1: the back seat watching this like this is because that's

1015
00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 1: because that's how memory and that's how And sometimes I'm

1016
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 1: like when people because I've had people, you know, my

1017
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 1: Instagram and stuff like that tell me that they think

1018
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:43,520
Speaker 1: I'm lying and all this kind of stuff. No, I'm sorry, Sis,

1019
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, bro, this is for real. This is remember

1020
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 1: killing me about that because I was going through comments,

1021
00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 1: I was just like, why would somebody make this up?

1022
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:54,040
Speaker 1: And I know there's a lot of bug that people,

1023
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:55,960
Speaker 1: but like when I was reading it and you was

1024
00:56:56,239 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 1: like you provided free shots and stuff, nothing about that

1025
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:04,279
Speaker 1: told me she was lying. No, I would, first of all,

1026
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,359
Speaker 1: I would never wish this on anybody. Second of all,

1027
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:08,839
Speaker 1: this would not be a lie that I would tell.

1028
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:13,360
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, like, things are going pretty okay for

1029
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 1: me right, Like I have all of my basic necessities.

1030
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not starving, I have friends, like things

1031
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 1: are Why would why would I want this for? What

1032
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 1: are you getting from this? Exactly? So he turned down

1033
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,440
Speaker 1: the street. He turned down the street. I look over.

1034
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:36,040
Speaker 1: He's got this deper up on the steering wheel. He's

1035
00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:40,320
Speaker 1: like rubbing his index finger and his thumb together like vigorously.

1036
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:44,600
Speaker 1: And I feel a car speed up. And it happened

1037
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 1: so fast I don't remember it so Also too, I'm

1038
00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 1: very type a. Everything that I do has to be

1039
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 1: a plan. Everything that I do um needs to be

1040
00:57:53,920 --> 00:57:55,960
Speaker 1: thought of, thought out. That's just the kind of person

1041
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:59,720
Speaker 1: I am. And it happened so quickly. When I looked

1042
00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:02,440
Speaker 1: over and felt the car speed up, and looked over

1043
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,960
Speaker 1: and saw him doing that, I felt like I was

1044
00:58:04,960 --> 00:58:07,120
Speaker 1: gonna vomit. I felt like it was coming up from

1045
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 1: my belly like my chest kind of um, you know,

1046
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 1: like you would heave a little bit like my chest

1047
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 1: kind of And when vomit happened, my arm extended out

1048
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:20,760
Speaker 1: and opened the car door, and I I jumped out, Wow,

1049
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 1: how fast do you think he was lawing? I would

1050
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:27,439
Speaker 1: say that he probably still was not going over twenty

1051
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 1: because he slowed down to make the turn right as

1052
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 1: soon as as soon when I say, we were coming

1053
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:35,919
Speaker 1: up on the turn and I asked him to pull over,

1054
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 1: so it wasn't like the car was had fully turned.

1055
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:41,680
Speaker 1: And then I asked, when I saw that media look

1056
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:43,919
Speaker 1: amiss the way it did. I already knew what coming street.

1057
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:45,800
Speaker 1: We were turning around, you know what I mean, going

1058
00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 1: on like I'm not new to this, like I know

1059
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:53,080
Speaker 1: what is around Atlanta, you know what I mean. So

1060
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:55,439
Speaker 1: as soon as we were starting to make the turn,

1061
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 1: I asked him to pull over. I and buckled my seatbelt,

1062
00:58:57,520 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 1: asked him to pull over. I felt him beating up.

1063
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:04,240
Speaker 1: I saw over and look at and I just got out. You, um,

1064
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:09,600
Speaker 1: that's a misconception many people. Many times the virus can

1065
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:13,400
Speaker 1: be covered up by things. You know, So I really

1066
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:16,360
Speaker 1: will tell people if you have any type of symptoms,

1067
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:18,959
Speaker 1: don't ignore it. And that's women. I was just about

1068
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:21,600
Speaker 1: to ask you that next, because I know everybody bodies

1069
00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:24,880
Speaker 1: is different, so that where something like I guess if

1070
00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:27,440
Speaker 1: there is was like some of the most common symptoms

1071
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:30,040
Speaker 1: out there. Okay, so the common which this one about.

1072
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:31,439
Speaker 1: This is the reason why I'm about to say, don't

1073
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:34,160
Speaker 1: ignore it. It's itching. You know, most people you get

1074
00:59:34,160 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 1: the simple itching so um itching, burning um, and I

1075
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:41,800
Speaker 1: mean burning sensation. That burning consisentation could be in your

1076
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 1: growing area, that can be on your face. Some people

1077
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 1: they feel it all over their body, something that's in

1078
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:51,200
Speaker 1: their legs. Some people get like like feeling like like

1079
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,919
Speaker 1: pins and their butts like they butt started the egg

1080
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:56,360
Speaker 1: and their legs started egg and they feet started eight

1081
00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:01,200
Speaker 1: from her pies. Yes, it can cause for some people.

1082
01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:02,960
Speaker 1: And some people may think like, oh, I gotta screen

1083
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:06,160
Speaker 1: with dry you know, I'm just tight, my nerves just hurt. No,

1084
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 1: you may just have herpes and you don't know it,

1085
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So that's some misconception. A

1086
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,240
Speaker 1: lot of people are something that most people kind of

1087
01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 1: brush over. Some people get migraines, and that's not everybody's.

1088
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 1: Don't think every migraine you have is herpies. No. Um.

1089
01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 1: So that happens for some people and other people, like

1090
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:25,120
Speaker 1: I said, the tingling all over the body. Some ladies

1091
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:30,440
Speaker 1: get discharge. Um, what's the other you know, clusters of

1092
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:34,640
Speaker 1: bumps that happens to some people that look like fluid field. Um.

1093
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:38,040
Speaker 1: Some people they look yellow. Um. Some people they open

1094
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:42,120
Speaker 1: completely up. Some people only have one bump. Um. It

1095
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:44,600
Speaker 1: looked like a pimple to them. You know, it don't

1096
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:47,440
Speaker 1: look like anything. Some people are look like a hair bump.

1097
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 1: Some people are like abrasion. Some people are like a rash.

1098
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:53,439
Speaker 1: Some guys they think, well, that's not nothing. I'm gonna

1099
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:57,440
Speaker 1: ask because I know, especially within the if you're mostly

1100
01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:00,040
Speaker 1: black women that I know, they get a lot of

1101
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:03,280
Speaker 1: bulls or hair bumps and stuff. Yeah, the thing about

1102
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:05,640
Speaker 1: bulls and has nothing to do with her pies. But

1103
01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:07,160
Speaker 1: a lot of people have been coming to me about

1104
01:01:07,160 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 1: a question. So I'm so happy you browing that up.

1105
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:12,240
Speaker 1: Oh my god, bron that up. Because that has nothing

1106
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:15,160
Speaker 1: to do with Curry's nothing at all. That's a whole

1107
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:17,680
Speaker 1: another issue for a whole another day. So that's not

1108
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:19,920
Speaker 1: an issue in which most people may think that. But

1109
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,960
Speaker 1: it's not, Um, you say, hair bump, It's just your

1110
01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:25,720
Speaker 1: hair is just grown within. I tell ladies, it's very important.

1111
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:29,400
Speaker 1: We need to stop shaving. You know, it's not good

1112
01:01:29,440 --> 01:01:32,120
Speaker 1: for us. You know, it's just not good. Um, if

1113
01:01:32,160 --> 01:01:35,680
Speaker 1: you do shave, make sure you shave low, don't shave off.

1114
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:37,959
Speaker 1: Something I learned from my mom is get to get

1115
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 1: a mad tremor and you and trim low. Well, I've

1116
01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:44,920
Speaker 1: been telling my friends because I know a lot of

1117
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:47,000
Speaker 1: them don't like to get laser. But there's a particular

1118
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 1: laser that we have to use for our skin type.

1119
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 1: It's called Yeah, it's called yas because my skin is

1120
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 1: like extremely sense toll because I was shaving when I

1121
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:57,600
Speaker 1: was young and I had and grown hairs, and I mean,

1122
01:01:57,600 --> 01:02:01,040
Speaker 1: he's tm that we are families and then you can

1123
01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:03,560
Speaker 1: have all these breakouts and stuff. But you know, our

1124
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:06,439
Speaker 1: moms and their moms they lived in the generation where

1125
01:02:06,480 --> 01:02:08,560
Speaker 1: they did shave or they left it like it was.

1126
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:11,840
Speaker 1: So we're in the generation we have the resources and

1127
01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:15,680
Speaker 1: it's called the technique is called Yes, the amazing their treatment,

1128
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:19,000
Speaker 1: and it has helped me out so much because you

1129
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:21,360
Speaker 1: write and grow hair com and then you have this

1130
01:02:21,480 --> 01:02:26,120
Speaker 1: get skin is flurred up and then it's annoying and god,

1131
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:33,720
Speaker 1: yea a couple who baby that thing. Um, some people

1132
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 1: don't realize that if you leave it too long, and

1133
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:38,919
Speaker 1: it's really embedded and get infected and all this other

1134
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 1: stuff can happen. Um, some people get cisted. You know,

1135
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:45,840
Speaker 1: it's so many things that can happen, so um, so

1136
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:47,720
Speaker 1: it do. It can look like a hair box for

1137
01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:49,760
Speaker 1: some people just because it's where it is and its

1138
01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:51,600
Speaker 1: hair right there, so it's looking like the hair is

1139
01:02:51,640 --> 01:02:54,200
Speaker 1: in it, and it's really not. It's just the bump

1140
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 1: is raised and the hair is on top of it.

1141
01:02:56,160 --> 01:02:58,600
Speaker 1: It just looks that way. Um, Like you said, some

1142
01:02:58,720 --> 01:03:02,000
Speaker 1: guys it's just a job for them. Um. And some

1143
01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:04,200
Speaker 1: people is a bump, but it don't hurt. Some people

1144
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 1: are like cut some people you don't get any bombs, cuts, nothing,

1145
01:03:08,240 --> 01:03:11,320
Speaker 1: it's just pained. Like it's feel like a throbbing feeling,

1146
01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:13,600
Speaker 1: you know, like you know, like you know, you little

1147
01:03:13,760 --> 01:03:15,800
Speaker 1: and you hit your knee and it's throbbing. People like,

1148
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:20,680
Speaker 1: oh now it's the systems. Can the systems be consistent?

1149
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 1: Because I know it's I have I have. I had

1150
01:03:23,520 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 1: a friend she found out she had her fees and

1151
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:28,680
Speaker 1: when she found out she was gonna take she took

1152
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,960
Speaker 1: the medicine. Of the medicine made it worse, so she

1153
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:36,120
Speaker 1: stopped taking it for some people. And the thing about

1154
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 1: I'm want to say this, she may assume that it

1155
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:40,000
Speaker 1: got worse. But that's one thing I'm gonna tell you

1156
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:43,960
Speaker 1: about the medicine. The medicine, it's best used. And then

1157
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:45,480
Speaker 1: they said us to us all the time, but we

1158
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:48,320
Speaker 1: can't hear nothing because we just freaking out. It's best

1159
01:03:48,440 --> 01:03:51,880
Speaker 1: used when you first first get a symptom. So most

1160
01:03:51,920 --> 01:03:54,200
Speaker 1: of us go into the planet and we're all away,

1161
01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:57,640
Speaker 1: all away in the outbreak. That medicine ain't gonna do

1162
01:03:57,640 --> 01:03:59,600
Speaker 1: you nothing. It's just gonna seem like it's getting worse,

1163
01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 1: but it's really not. The outbreak is just doing what

1164
01:04:01,680 --> 01:04:03,120
Speaker 1: it's gonna do. It's gonna go all the way to

1165
01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:05,800
Speaker 1: its full capacity and it's gonna come all the way down.

1166
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:08,520
Speaker 1: So really the medicine probably didn't do that. That's what

1167
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:11,400
Speaker 1: she thought. And she's thinking that the medicine gonna speed

1168
01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 1: it up. It's not like a um antibiotic. When you

1169
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:17,240
Speaker 1: start taking antibotic if you feel better, No, no, no, baby,

1170
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:19,440
Speaker 1: they don't work like this. This stuck is like, oh

1171
01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:22,840
Speaker 1: you late, you're really that medicine don'ta feel like a

1172
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:26,200
Speaker 1: sugar pill m hm. And they don't feel it's gonna

1173
01:04:26,200 --> 01:04:28,160
Speaker 1: feel like nothing because you're already in it. So I'll

1174
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:30,600
Speaker 1: tell anybody who's listening to this or have a friend

1175
01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:33,920
Speaker 1: if they feel a tingle. I always tell people go

1176
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:36,560
Speaker 1: get tested. And I know you get scared. You don't

1177
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:38,840
Speaker 1: want to find out. You may hurt other people. Horror

1178
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:41,200
Speaker 1: stories all that stuff. Take a horror story and find

1179
01:04:41,200 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 1: out the truth, because you may go in there and

1180
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:45,840
Speaker 1: find out it's something else. It's so many different conditions

1181
01:04:45,880 --> 01:04:49,320
Speaker 1: out here. It's unreal. It may not be herpies. You

1182
01:04:49,400 --> 01:04:51,560
Speaker 1: may it be allergic to your soul or alergic to

1183
01:04:51,600 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 1: your man sing. It's real. Okay, that's true. Um, how

1184
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:58,200
Speaker 1: was it telling people that you have heard bees like

1185
01:04:58,640 --> 01:05:00,240
Speaker 1: as far as like dating? Because I know you have

1186
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:04,040
Speaker 1: two sons, and that's another that's another misconception. And I

1187
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:06,840
Speaker 1: read that, oh because when she found out, she was like,

1188
01:05:06,880 --> 01:05:08,960
Speaker 1: I'm afraid to have kids now because they can have it.

1189
01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:11,760
Speaker 1: And I'm like, girl, I think you can have kids.

1190
01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:15,360
Speaker 1: You just have to be a little crocious about it. Yeah, yeah,

1191
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:17,480
Speaker 1: you have kids. So I have my first son, which

1192
01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:19,640
Speaker 1: is nine. I had him literally a year after I

1193
01:05:19,640 --> 01:05:22,480
Speaker 1: founded in April. I had him the next year. Um,

1194
01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:25,920
Speaker 1: and I was terrified. I don't gonna lie, gonna get it.

1195
01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:28,520
Speaker 1: I'm thinking like HIV. You know at that time, HIV

1196
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:31,240
Speaker 1: information was coming out, but that's what we always assume.

1197
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:34,640
Speaker 1: Everything functioned ass um So I'm thinking, like I got

1198
01:05:34,640 --> 01:05:36,400
Speaker 1: the Virus're gonna automatically get the virus not all and

1199
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:38,320
Speaker 1: stuff like that. But that's not how the virus work.

1200
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:41,400
Speaker 1: The baby will have to come in contact with the

1201
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 1: physical outbreak. So the baby had to come through the

1202
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:46,000
Speaker 1: birthn noal and I had to have an outbreak for

1203
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:48,120
Speaker 1: him to get it, and at that time I wasn't

1204
01:05:48,160 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 1: having one. And when you get to your third trimester,

1205
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:53,960
Speaker 1: the doctor always like, okay, we get to the third trimester,

1206
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:56,160
Speaker 1: that's gonna head to get your anti virus to kind

1207
01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:58,680
Speaker 1: of reduce the chance you have an outbreak. Like I

1208
01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:02,160
Speaker 1: said about the medicine and don't prevent anything and assist

1209
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:05,400
Speaker 1: in a sist. But if you're going to labor and

1210
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:07,520
Speaker 1: you have an outbreak, which I'm not gonna lie, they

1211
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:11,040
Speaker 1: all up in your stuff. You okay, miss Bobby, Are

1212
01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:13,400
Speaker 1: you okay? It's okay? Then we talked about you you

1213
01:06:13,440 --> 01:06:15,640
Speaker 1: know what we need talking in front of everything like

1214
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:19,120
Speaker 1: they are really like serious, because they know that baby

1215
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:22,000
Speaker 1: come into contact with that, that that baby can go blind.

1216
01:06:22,120 --> 01:06:25,160
Speaker 1: It can kill a baby. Yeah, I read that too,

1217
01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:28,480
Speaker 1: like to yeah, it can kill a baby. That can

1218
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:30,200
Speaker 1: it can get really bad, but it can really kill

1219
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:32,880
Speaker 1: kill the baby. Yeah it can't. And this is not

1220
01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:35,040
Speaker 1: to scared people, but this is this is for you

1221
01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:37,560
Speaker 1: to know. And that's why doctors don't think it's a

1222
01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:40,120
Speaker 1: big deal. They only care when it gets down to

1223
01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:42,200
Speaker 1: that third trauma, so when you're going to labor, because

1224
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:45,160
Speaker 1: at this point, you can have this baby any time now. Um,

1225
01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:47,960
Speaker 1: So that's why it's very important. I tell anybody, you know,

1226
01:06:48,240 --> 01:06:50,600
Speaker 1: if it's your first I'll take the medicine. There's nothing

1227
01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:53,240
Speaker 1: wrong with taking not if the medicine don't work for you,

1228
01:06:53,320 --> 01:06:55,960
Speaker 1: or called you to have um other health conditions, or

1229
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:58,360
Speaker 1: it's just not working for you, I get it. You'll

1230
01:06:58,360 --> 01:07:00,560
Speaker 1: have to just try to find another method, which is

1231
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:02,960
Speaker 1: other supplements and stuff like that. But I would tell anybody,

1232
01:07:03,040 --> 01:07:04,960
Speaker 1: please talk to your doctor. Don't be going out here

1233
01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:07,080
Speaker 1: jumping off and I don't want to take all these supplements.

1234
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:10,240
Speaker 1: Hold up, you're pregnant. Remember, it's just not your life.

1235
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:13,600
Speaker 1: You got another life, you know, So I'll tell people,

1236
01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:16,480
Speaker 1: you know, please talk to your OBEs about what you're

1237
01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 1: talking or even talk to your doulas. If you get

1238
01:07:18,200 --> 01:07:20,320
Speaker 1: a doula, you don't talk to them about what you

1239
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:22,200
Speaker 1: want to do and the route you want to take

1240
01:07:22,240 --> 01:07:24,320
Speaker 1: because you don't always have to do that. And then

1241
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:26,000
Speaker 1: even for the young ladies who are just like you

1242
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:28,160
Speaker 1: know what, girl, I am terrified. I don't want to

1243
01:07:28,200 --> 01:07:30,680
Speaker 1: do it. I'm scared that I maybe have an outbreak

1244
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:32,520
Speaker 1: and I don't know about it. Because some women have

1245
01:07:32,560 --> 01:07:35,040
Speaker 1: outbreaks in their service. They don't have where they have it.

1246
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:38,800
Speaker 1: They don't have the outside of vagina, so the doctor

1247
01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:41,360
Speaker 1: won't know, you know what I mean, open it homes

1248
01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:44,680
Speaker 1: like that. Correct. So that's another thing. If you know

1249
01:07:44,880 --> 01:07:46,520
Speaker 1: you're that type of woman that you know you have

1250
01:07:46,680 --> 01:07:50,080
Speaker 1: your your outburks inside, I would just say, look, let's

1251
01:07:50,080 --> 01:07:55,840
Speaker 1: schedule umse I know recently you're all schedule and see

1252
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:57,840
Speaker 1: section because they're just terrified, and I said, there's nothing

1253
01:07:57,880 --> 01:08:00,320
Speaker 1: wrong with that. Just have a support system, get you

1254
01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:04,760
Speaker 1: through your healing process and you're fine. Right. It's so crazy.

1255
01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:07,560
Speaker 1: So I just think it's so crazy when you go

1256
01:08:07,560 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 1: on when you're on social media, you see all these

1257
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:13,120
Speaker 1: like white girls and they come off as black and

1258
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:15,600
Speaker 1: people think they're exotic. But then when they wash that

1259
01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:17,880
Speaker 1: ship off their face, because you teach people to love

1260
01:08:17,920 --> 01:08:20,880
Speaker 1: everything but hate theirselves, and that has worked on us

1261
01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:23,760
Speaker 1: as a people, as a group of black people, even

1262
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:25,920
Speaker 1: us as black women. Away we treat each other is

1263
01:08:25,960 --> 01:08:28,760
Speaker 1: like this takes one also puts into the air and

1264
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:31,559
Speaker 1: puts into society to be like oh to treat people

1265
01:08:31,640 --> 01:08:33,640
Speaker 1: that way, like I was fast. Do you think we

1266
01:08:33,680 --> 01:08:37,200
Speaker 1: treat each other? I think that many times we are

1267
01:08:37,200 --> 01:08:40,599
Speaker 1: our worst, our own worst enemies, our own worst critics.

1268
01:08:40,640 --> 01:08:44,960
Speaker 1: Like I've seen people I have friends that when we

1269
01:08:44,960 --> 01:08:46,720
Speaker 1: was looking at J. Cole, they're like, oh J Cole

1270
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:48,800
Speaker 1: is dirty, and because his hair is growing out of

1271
01:08:48,840 --> 01:08:52,280
Speaker 1: his head in his and in like nappy. But that's

1272
01:08:52,320 --> 01:08:55,680
Speaker 1: the way our hair grows. So it's like when you

1273
01:08:55,840 --> 01:08:57,760
Speaker 1: say things like that, when you put things like that

1274
01:08:57,800 --> 01:09:00,640
Speaker 1: out in the ears like that, that's the next of connotation.

1275
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:02,120
Speaker 1: Like I don't even like that for my son. When

1276
01:09:02,120 --> 01:09:03,800
Speaker 1: people going on like oh yeah here it's peasy. No,

1277
01:09:03,880 --> 01:09:06,320
Speaker 1: it's not tell them that he's curl tight and they

1278
01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:08,960
Speaker 1: combing out if you need to. It's just the way

1279
01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:11,720
Speaker 1: that you how we display messages in our community. It's

1280
01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:16,200
Speaker 1: so like it's just me like even when when people

1281
01:09:16,280 --> 01:09:18,240
Speaker 1: be like, oh, sit your black ass down and do this,

1282
01:09:18,479 --> 01:09:21,080
Speaker 1: that already makes you think like, oh, it's a negative

1283
01:09:21,120 --> 01:09:23,960
Speaker 1: thing on the word black, like you, why is there

1284
01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:26,639
Speaker 1: no positive things about it? Well, bring your beautiful black

1285
01:09:26,680 --> 01:09:32,680
Speaker 1: ass here, say that girl, it's like, and people tell

1286
01:09:32,680 --> 01:09:35,560
Speaker 1: that to their kids, like your black ugly ass, but

1287
01:09:35,720 --> 01:09:38,720
Speaker 1: your dog ass and no because he dogs scared and

1288
01:09:38,760 --> 01:09:40,800
Speaker 1: look how beautiful. And even if they don't talk about

1289
01:09:40,840 --> 01:09:43,280
Speaker 1: somebody and dog scared, they will just uplift a child.

1290
01:09:43,320 --> 01:09:46,280
Speaker 1: That's a lighter shade that has even you see people

1291
01:09:46,320 --> 01:09:48,760
Speaker 1: in our cult, your black girls do it all the time.

1292
01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:50,719
Speaker 1: Oh I want to have a baby with this kind

1293
01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:52,840
Speaker 1: of here, and I have the baby with that kind

1294
01:09:52,840 --> 01:09:56,600
Speaker 1: of here, Like that's disgusting to me. That's disgusting to

1295
01:09:56,760 --> 01:09:59,599
Speaker 1: me as a black girl with nappy as here, that's

1296
01:09:59,640 --> 01:10:02,080
Speaker 1: this this thing to me. Okay, I want a doorn

1297
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:03,599
Speaker 1: were here that look just like moms, so I could

1298
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:04,920
Speaker 1: teach you how to love her here the way I

1299
01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:08,160
Speaker 1: should have learned to love mine. Like, never would I

1300
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:10,080
Speaker 1: would never sit around, I would never be on my

1301
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:12,360
Speaker 1: my son and a lot of that. A lot of

1302
01:10:12,400 --> 01:10:14,880
Speaker 1: my ways changed because I had a son. Like I

1303
01:10:15,000 --> 01:10:16,680
Speaker 1: was before I was a girl, like, oh, I'm not

1304
01:10:16,760 --> 01:10:18,880
Speaker 1: have a Chinese baby father. When I was young, I

1305
01:10:18,960 --> 01:10:20,479
Speaker 1: used to say stupid stuff like that. But now that

1306
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:22,519
Speaker 1: I've got older, and I like, where do you think

1307
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:26,160
Speaker 1: you got that from? Um? Just being around I think

1308
01:10:26,160 --> 01:10:30,240
Speaker 1: almost everybody that's from the hood. Yeah, And it's because

1309
01:10:30,280 --> 01:10:33,960
Speaker 1: people are uplifting another group. You see that people are

1310
01:10:33,960 --> 01:10:37,360
Speaker 1: saying when Spanish girls come through to her, you see

1311
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:39,880
Speaker 1: how your homeboys act. That been chilling with you all day.

1312
01:10:40,120 --> 01:10:42,240
Speaker 1: Now he got a dollar for Yeah, I no dollar

1313
01:10:42,320 --> 01:10:44,160
Speaker 1: for you. He couldn't go to the store, he could

1314
01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:47,439
Speaker 1: do nothing. Now he got a dollar. I see what's

1315
01:10:47,439 --> 01:10:49,800
Speaker 1: going on. And just certain things like that, and that

1316
01:10:49,880 --> 01:10:52,200
Speaker 1: plays into kid's minds and people don't even realize that

1317
01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:55,080
Speaker 1: that plays onto people. Conversations that you have in your house.

1318
01:10:55,240 --> 01:10:57,320
Speaker 1: Bring me a little ugly black ass here. That plays

1319
01:10:57,320 --> 01:10:59,559
Speaker 1: on kids. Now they're going to school, like, but you're

1320
01:10:59,560 --> 01:11:04,360
Speaker 1: black as African boy, scratcha And no, my soun already knows.

1321
01:11:04,439 --> 01:11:06,280
Speaker 1: That's not a joke. That's we don't play like that.

1322
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:09,120
Speaker 1: I'm beautiful and black anytime safe. Something about being black

1323
01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:14,439
Speaker 1: beautiful sounds pretty I'm pretty sure everybody wants to know.

1324
01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:18,080
Speaker 1: Because you've been doing this for what, Senna sennth eight years?

1325
01:11:18,800 --> 01:11:22,760
Speaker 1: What made you stop having a family, I mean not

1326
01:11:22,880 --> 01:11:25,320
Speaker 1: having a family, but like being involved with somebody where

1327
01:11:25,880 --> 01:11:27,920
Speaker 1: Like he was like, this is a dub. You ain't

1328
01:11:27,920 --> 01:11:31,360
Speaker 1: doing this somewhere. So I was like, you goot to

1329
01:11:31,400 --> 01:11:33,960
Speaker 1: pay bills? Huh, you about to pay bills? You about

1330
01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:35,880
Speaker 1: to the four family? And he's like, yeah, we be

1331
01:11:35,960 --> 01:11:39,760
Speaker 1: out and out and how was out? Because like I

1332
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:44,400
Speaker 1: felt like it was it was never for me. I

1333
01:11:44,439 --> 01:11:46,559
Speaker 1: don't know about the people. I can't speak for other people,

1334
01:11:47,200 --> 01:11:50,920
Speaker 1: but this type of industry I don't think you can

1335
01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:53,840
Speaker 1: do forever. And I think that the people who do

1336
01:11:54,280 --> 01:11:57,120
Speaker 1: do it forever is like somebody who made totally different

1337
01:11:57,200 --> 01:12:01,280
Speaker 1: choices in their lifetime. Um, but I don't want to

1338
01:12:01,320 --> 01:12:03,160
Speaker 1: do this forever. Like I have a calling. I know

1339
01:12:03,240 --> 01:12:07,760
Speaker 1: what my calling is, and I know that like this

1340
01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:10,519
Speaker 1: is part of it. There's my experiences here. We're definitely

1341
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:12,320
Speaker 1: a part of it, but it's not for everything. Like

1342
01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:15,840
Speaker 1: you know, I have shipped to do. But if people,

1343
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:19,080
Speaker 1: if the world made ship much easier, people would not

1344
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:21,200
Speaker 1: do the sex industry as often as they do. If

1345
01:12:21,240 --> 01:12:25,040
Speaker 1: you made fucking college free or affordable, or housing free

1346
01:12:25,160 --> 01:12:30,400
Speaker 1: or affordable, if you made right, you just made things affordable,

1347
01:12:30,840 --> 01:12:33,599
Speaker 1: we would not have to worry about so much trafficking

1348
01:12:33,640 --> 01:12:36,120
Speaker 1: and so much violence and so much harm because people

1349
01:12:36,160 --> 01:12:37,880
Speaker 1: would be able to get the things that they fucking

1350
01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:41,479
Speaker 1: need to live, and you wouldn't have to worry about

1351
01:12:41,520 --> 01:12:44,000
Speaker 1: making these daily choices. And the people who truly choose

1352
01:12:44,080 --> 01:12:45,960
Speaker 1: to do this work can do it in a way

1353
01:12:46,040 --> 01:12:48,840
Speaker 1: that makes sense for them. But because that's not the

1354
01:12:48,920 --> 01:12:51,519
Speaker 1: society be living, you're only gonna see it in flux.

1355
01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:53,840
Speaker 1: You're only going to see it going up, regardless of

1356
01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:56,240
Speaker 1: what kind of laws and bills that people put in place.

1357
01:12:56,320 --> 01:12:58,519
Speaker 1: That should don't mean nothing to nobody. When you have

1358
01:12:58,640 --> 01:13:00,599
Speaker 1: rent to pay or mouse the fee, you know, places

1359
01:13:00,640 --> 01:13:03,880
Speaker 1: to stink, that should don't mean nothing to nobody. Right,

1360
01:13:05,240 --> 01:13:09,880
Speaker 1: So let's so let's talk about club owners. Well, you know,

1361
01:13:09,960 --> 01:13:11,880
Speaker 1: before we do club owners, another question I want to

1362
01:13:11,920 --> 01:13:13,960
Speaker 1: ask you about the whole listen glamor thing, because I

1363
01:13:14,040 --> 01:13:15,800
Speaker 1: know you said something to the effects of like how

1364
01:13:15,920 --> 01:13:17,920
Speaker 1: everybody want to lie be a part of the stripper

1365
01:13:18,760 --> 01:13:20,400
Speaker 1: cultural Like when where the hills. They want to do

1366
01:13:20,439 --> 01:13:22,280
Speaker 1: all these movies and stuff, but like they don't want

1367
01:13:22,320 --> 01:13:25,240
Speaker 1: to fully support strippers. Yeah, what do you mean by that?

1368
01:13:26,280 --> 01:13:28,479
Speaker 1: I mean it's just as simple as like you see

1369
01:13:28,600 --> 01:13:32,240
Speaker 1: girls that are walking around talking about like, oh hot girls, summhere,

1370
01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:35,439
Speaker 1: I'm a I'm a hoe and like you know, they

1371
01:13:35,520 --> 01:13:38,559
Speaker 1: talked about sugar daddies and like you know, singing city

1372
01:13:38,640 --> 01:13:41,479
Speaker 1: girls lyrics and stuff like that. But it's like then again,

1373
01:13:41,520 --> 01:13:43,680
Speaker 1: when I'm saying like, oh I got that, I got

1374
01:13:43,720 --> 01:13:45,760
Speaker 1: this man to find me out somewhere, you know, last

1375
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:48,000
Speaker 1: week or something like that, Oh she's a hope because

1376
01:13:48,040 --> 01:13:49,519
Speaker 1: she's a stripper, Like you know what I mean. So

1377
01:13:49,600 --> 01:13:51,519
Speaker 1: you can't really have that double standard when you're sitting

1378
01:13:51,520 --> 01:13:53,640
Speaker 1: here singing these song lyrics, but then you're calling the

1379
01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:56,439
Speaker 1: people that are actually living these lives. You're looking down

1380
01:13:56,520 --> 01:13:57,640
Speaker 1: on them and like you know what I mean, And

1381
01:13:57,720 --> 01:14:00,439
Speaker 1: that's what's continuing to cause this horror o bia in

1382
01:14:00,520 --> 01:14:04,720
Speaker 1: the world. Right Well, um, I interview at escort and

1383
01:14:04,760 --> 01:14:08,080
Speaker 1: she said, ho arkery, Yeah, exactly exactly. That's a better

1384
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:11,960
Speaker 1: one to you. It's like the prost to look crazy

1385
01:14:12,080 --> 01:14:14,080
Speaker 1: at the n scores. The n scorts look down on

1386
01:14:14,160 --> 01:14:17,479
Speaker 1: the strippers exactly what exactly and yeah, and that's why

1387
01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:20,679
Speaker 1: people don't even realize even within our own community, there's

1388
01:14:20,720 --> 01:14:24,799
Speaker 1: so much slut shing. Like I was watching UM special

1389
01:14:24,840 --> 01:14:28,280
Speaker 1: in the movie Hustlers, and they were talking about, Yeah,

1390
01:14:28,320 --> 01:14:30,559
Speaker 1: the girls didn't want to actually have sex with the men,

1391
01:14:30,680 --> 01:14:32,800
Speaker 1: so they would go online and find, you know, women

1392
01:14:32,840 --> 01:14:34,600
Speaker 1: on back at the time, Backpage was so up of

1393
01:14:34,680 --> 01:14:37,439
Speaker 1: course Backpage and Craigslist and would have sex with these men.

1394
01:14:37,640 --> 01:14:39,400
Speaker 1: But it's like, I don't like how people want to

1395
01:14:39,439 --> 01:14:41,280
Speaker 1: look down in the next type of sex work, you

1396
01:14:41,320 --> 01:14:42,960
Speaker 1: know what I mean, And that is not going to

1397
01:14:43,040 --> 01:14:45,320
Speaker 1: help us further ourselves in any type of way to

1398
01:14:45,479 --> 01:14:48,360
Speaker 1: continue to slutghing others just because you won't do something.

1399
01:14:48,439 --> 01:14:50,840
Speaker 1: That's how another girl survives and that's how she makes

1400
01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:52,960
Speaker 1: sure that she eats and that her bills are paid.

1401
01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,719
Speaker 1: So right, how do you feel about the movie Hustlers

1402
01:14:55,840 --> 01:14:58,040
Speaker 1: or like a Players Club or any movie that depicts

1403
01:14:58,080 --> 01:15:03,080
Speaker 1: the stripper industry. See, it's like it's very tricky, especially

1404
01:15:03,200 --> 01:15:05,200
Speaker 1: right now. Of course, a lot I feel like there's

1405
01:15:05,200 --> 01:15:07,759
Speaker 1: a lot of mixed emotions among the sex or community

1406
01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:10,720
Speaker 1: about the movie, about the movie Hustlers, and specific just

1407
01:15:10,800 --> 01:15:15,200
Speaker 1: because of certain things, because of one lack of representation.

1408
01:15:15,320 --> 01:15:17,559
Speaker 1: I feel like I haven't yet talked about it yet. Yeah,

1409
01:15:17,560 --> 01:15:19,280
Speaker 1: I've been waiting to see if I really want to

1410
01:15:19,280 --> 01:15:21,080
Speaker 1: go see the movie. I think I'm gonna go see it.

1411
01:15:21,240 --> 01:15:22,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go see it too, because I want to

1412
01:15:22,640 --> 01:15:25,160
Speaker 1: see what everybody is talking about. Yeah, but I was

1413
01:15:25,240 --> 01:15:28,800
Speaker 1: doing some research about the producers of the movie and

1414
01:15:28,880 --> 01:15:31,639
Speaker 1: one thing that personally I didn't like was that out

1415
01:15:31,680 --> 01:15:35,840
Speaker 1: of the eleven producers, six of them were white women,

1416
01:15:36,439 --> 01:15:40,040
Speaker 1: three were white men, and then Jla was a producer,

1417
01:15:40,760 --> 01:15:43,720
Speaker 1: and then um there was someone named Benny Medina and

1418
01:15:43,840 --> 01:15:49,000
Speaker 1: he was actually accused of attempted sexual assault, and um,

1419
01:15:49,080 --> 01:15:51,519
Speaker 1: I forget the last person, but um, yeah, I was

1420
01:15:51,680 --> 01:15:54,560
Speaker 1: very just disappointed with the lack of diversity behind the

1421
01:15:54,640 --> 01:15:57,400
Speaker 1: scenes because I feel like oftentimes in Hollywood, they want

1422
01:15:57,439 --> 01:15:59,439
Speaker 1: to produce like of course they have like Lizzo and

1423
01:16:00,040 --> 01:16:03,720
Speaker 1: um Kiki Palmer and Constant constant Woo, so they want

1424
01:16:03,720 --> 01:16:06,160
Speaker 1: to push diversity on the screen, but it's like, where's

1425
01:16:06,160 --> 01:16:09,720
Speaker 1: the diversity behind you know, that's the one that's making

1426
01:16:09,760 --> 01:16:13,680
Speaker 1: the voices exactly the strips, you know what I mean?

1427
01:16:14,120 --> 01:16:16,800
Speaker 1: And people are very complicated about Jack the Stripper as well,

1428
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:20,040
Speaker 1: um consulting for the movie. And I feel like that Jack,

1429
01:16:20,479 --> 01:16:25,280
Speaker 1: she did attempt to just try to try to show

1430
01:16:25,360 --> 01:16:27,400
Speaker 1: us in the best like that she could and really

1431
01:16:27,439 --> 01:16:31,040
Speaker 1: try to tell Jack the Stripper, she is a um

1432
01:16:31,320 --> 01:16:35,960
Speaker 1: she is she's a Yeah, she's a dancer, she's well

1433
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:38,280
Speaker 1: she is a white woman. She's a dancer. Um, she

1434
01:16:38,760 --> 01:16:40,920
Speaker 1: is a comedian. She makes are you should really check

1435
01:16:40,920 --> 01:16:43,720
Speaker 1: her out on Instagram. Um. And you know, she was

1436
01:16:43,760 --> 01:16:46,120
Speaker 1: a consultant for the movie of Hustlers, and I think

1437
01:16:46,200 --> 01:16:50,040
Speaker 1: people I have seen people bashing her on Twitter and

1438
01:16:50,240 --> 01:16:52,680
Speaker 1: saying like she's, um just trying to be like the

1439
01:16:52,800 --> 01:16:55,560
Speaker 1: white face of the stripper community. And I don't necessarily

1440
01:16:55,640 --> 01:16:57,479
Speaker 1: think that's what she's trying to do, because let's be real,

1441
01:16:57,479 --> 01:16:58,720
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, if any of us

1442
01:16:58,920 --> 01:17:01,040
Speaker 1: could console on a movie, we would like you know,

1443
01:17:02,120 --> 01:17:03,960
Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, I feel like she tried

1444
01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:06,360
Speaker 1: to just highlight us in the best life that she could.

1445
01:17:07,160 --> 01:17:09,360
Speaker 1: But at the same time, like you know, one stripper

1446
01:17:09,439 --> 01:17:12,599
Speaker 1: story can't represent every stripper story. And I don't mean

1447
01:17:12,680 --> 01:17:14,560
Speaker 1: that as far as race, but I just mean it

1448
01:17:14,560 --> 01:17:17,559
Speaker 1: as far as like, you know, just one white woman

1449
01:17:17,680 --> 01:17:19,920
Speaker 1: and that's the stripper will go through a different thing.

1450
01:17:20,120 --> 01:17:22,080
Speaker 1: Is that another white woman as an escort will like

1451
01:17:22,160 --> 01:17:25,760
Speaker 1: that's just you know the realities of it. So yeah, So, last,

1452
01:17:25,800 --> 01:17:28,519
Speaker 1: but not least, would you do it all over again

1453
01:17:28,600 --> 01:17:35,479
Speaker 1: if you could? Right that you can't get me to stop?

1454
01:17:35,680 --> 01:17:39,640
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Like you have unaddicted to my lifestyle,

1455
01:17:40,160 --> 01:17:43,559
Speaker 1: and I'm addicted to being able to help other women.

1456
01:17:43,640 --> 01:17:45,160
Speaker 1: I realized the whole reason why I got in this

1457
01:17:45,320 --> 01:17:47,960
Speaker 1: game is because I like to cape for hose. I

1458
01:17:48,080 --> 01:17:51,040
Speaker 1: realized that I always had a stigma about me for

1459
01:17:51,160 --> 01:17:53,400
Speaker 1: some reason my whole life. People always thought I was

1460
01:17:53,439 --> 01:17:55,600
Speaker 1: at home where they thought I was fast, or they

1461
01:17:55,640 --> 01:17:57,360
Speaker 1: thought I was you know what I mean, a freak

1462
01:17:57,439 --> 01:17:59,080
Speaker 1: and all that, and I never was any of those things.

1463
01:17:59,120 --> 01:18:00,880
Speaker 1: And he used to bother me. But then like the

1464
01:18:01,000 --> 01:18:03,479
Speaker 1: inside part of me that was like, well, why are

1465
01:18:03,560 --> 01:18:05,920
Speaker 1: you bothered by that? Like there are girls that are

1466
01:18:06,000 --> 01:18:07,599
Speaker 1: like that, but are you gonna look down on them?

1467
01:18:07,640 --> 01:18:09,800
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well no, it's like, well why are

1468
01:18:09,840 --> 01:18:11,680
Speaker 1: you having a problem with people assuming that you are

1469
01:18:11,760 --> 01:18:13,960
Speaker 1: that even though you're not. So then I started getting

1470
01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:16,479
Speaker 1: pissed for the bitches that were so then I wanted

1471
01:18:16,520 --> 01:18:20,080
Speaker 1: to be yo, that's something real ship though, because I

1472
01:18:20,200 --> 01:18:22,000
Speaker 1: had somebody like that when I was growing up. She

1473
01:18:22,120 --> 01:18:24,679
Speaker 1: was like my teacher and she thought I was so fast,

1474
01:18:24,840 --> 01:18:27,120
Speaker 1: so this and that mess with all the boys, I

1475
01:18:27,280 --> 01:18:30,160
Speaker 1: wasn't doing ship and everybody who she thought was innocent

1476
01:18:30,360 --> 01:18:32,760
Speaker 1: and I feel like push judgment or anything on that.

1477
01:18:33,040 --> 01:18:35,920
Speaker 1: But now they have kids struggling this and that, and

1478
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:37,639
Speaker 1: I was like, and when she seen me, she couldn't

1479
01:18:37,640 --> 01:18:39,080
Speaker 1: even say nothing that And I used to always be like,

1480
01:18:39,240 --> 01:18:44,160
Speaker 1: remember what you said about me? Exactly exactly. There was boys, moms,

1481
01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:47,720
Speaker 1: there was teachers, there's people in church. It's always yea,

1482
01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:51,759
Speaker 1: and it's coming from a woman from growing as adults,

1483
01:18:51,800 --> 01:18:54,560
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, But

1484
01:18:54,680 --> 01:18:56,640
Speaker 1: that's how I learned about self projection. As I got

1485
01:18:56,680 --> 01:18:59,600
Speaker 1: older in life, I realized, oh, it's just self projection.

1486
01:19:00,040 --> 01:19:04,120
Speaker 1: You're trying to project your fast as on me work.

1487
01:19:04,400 --> 01:19:06,439
Speaker 1: But in the meantime and between time, I found a

1488
01:19:06,479 --> 01:19:09,080
Speaker 1: love for holes because I felt like it was an

1489
01:19:09,120 --> 01:19:10,760
Speaker 1: insult to be called one, but I didn't think that

1490
01:19:10,760 --> 01:19:12,760
Speaker 1: it was, so I had to. I wanted to do

1491
01:19:12,880 --> 01:19:15,160
Speaker 1: something to where women could feel like they could have

1492
01:19:15,240 --> 01:19:18,799
Speaker 1: somebody to talk to about it and have a resource

1493
01:19:18,880 --> 01:19:21,000
Speaker 1: of like if they want to change their lifestyle, okay,

1494
01:19:21,080 --> 01:19:24,080
Speaker 1: But also if you're in this lifestyle, you don't have

1495
01:19:24,200 --> 01:19:26,200
Speaker 1: to run in like shout it out to the world.

1496
01:19:26,280 --> 01:19:28,479
Speaker 1: But don't be ashamed of it. That's the only thing

1497
01:19:28,520 --> 01:19:30,400
Speaker 1: I'm trying to tell, Like, if you're gonna be a

1498
01:19:30,439 --> 01:19:33,000
Speaker 1: sex worker, the worst thing you could ever do is

1499
01:19:33,040 --> 01:19:34,880
Speaker 1: be ashamed of it because of the energy that you're

1500
01:19:34,880 --> 01:19:37,280
Speaker 1: working with is so real. It will haunt you and

1501
01:19:37,400 --> 01:19:39,759
Speaker 1: it will end up being a curse instead of a blessing.

1502
01:19:40,040 --> 01:19:42,200
Speaker 1: So if it's something that you can't do, you need

1503
01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:45,240
Speaker 1: to get the funk out. The industry is not for everybody.

1504
01:19:45,760 --> 01:19:49,200
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. I'm talked about the type of man that

1505
01:19:49,360 --> 01:19:54,160
Speaker 1: you want to be before you transition. M hmm. I

1506
01:19:54,280 --> 01:19:57,680
Speaker 1: wanted to be in like, want to be the man

1507
01:19:57,760 --> 01:20:00,559
Speaker 1: that I see around me that are good and nurturing.

1508
01:20:01,080 --> 01:20:04,600
Speaker 1: So I had I have. I have good examples of

1509
01:20:04,720 --> 01:20:07,400
Speaker 1: men in my life, like my brothers and my father,

1510
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:10,160
Speaker 1: and we we have been really around and really consistent,

1511
01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:14,240
Speaker 1: um who are really tender. UM. I also want to

1512
01:20:14,320 --> 01:20:18,760
Speaker 1: be like my when it's not just a man. But

1513
01:20:18,960 --> 01:20:22,520
Speaker 1: I think about masculinity as a whole um and masculinely,

1514
01:20:22,680 --> 01:20:28,560
Speaker 1: that's not about having these ways that reduces their emotional

1515
01:20:28,680 --> 01:20:32,960
Speaker 1: intelligence um, but actually increases it. UM. I think that

1516
01:20:33,560 --> 01:20:36,720
Speaker 1: these ideas of men are masculinely. They feel like they're

1517
01:20:36,720 --> 01:20:40,640
Speaker 1: supposed to be tied together. But we know that you

1518
01:20:40,720 --> 01:20:43,320
Speaker 1: could be You could be born a guy and not

1519
01:20:43,520 --> 01:20:48,280
Speaker 1: treat women correctly. You can you can over talk, you

1520
01:20:48,360 --> 01:20:50,720
Speaker 1: can talk louder than them and not listen to them

1521
01:20:50,760 --> 01:20:55,000
Speaker 1: in your office and workspaces um or in order to that,

1522
01:20:55,840 --> 01:20:58,240
Speaker 1: will like to explain to you things that you already

1523
01:20:58,800 --> 01:21:01,280
Speaker 1: have knowledge and um. And so I don't want to

1524
01:21:01,320 --> 01:21:06,760
Speaker 1: be that a fun boys to be working with that word.

1525
01:21:06,880 --> 01:21:13,479
Speaker 1: You're like man masculinity, which I don't want to be.

1526
01:21:13,720 --> 01:21:17,439
Speaker 1: And that's a good UM. I was checking. I don't

1527
01:21:17,439 --> 01:21:19,679
Speaker 1: about that. So I want to be the alpha inspection.

1528
01:21:20,280 --> 01:21:24,519
Speaker 1: I'm I feel lucky, like twenty nine years of walking

1529
01:21:24,560 --> 01:21:27,400
Speaker 1: in the world as a black woman in gender knocking

1530
01:21:27,439 --> 01:21:29,640
Speaker 1: for in presson, I want to be I want to

1531
01:21:29,680 --> 01:21:31,439
Speaker 1: bring all that to manhood. I just want to look

1532
01:21:31,760 --> 01:21:36,960
Speaker 1: a particular way, you know, be there like stuffed and

1533
01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:45,360
Speaker 1: husky and hands can talk us through the day. When

1534
01:21:45,439 --> 01:21:50,000
Speaker 1: you first got your first silicone injection. Um, it was

1535
01:21:50,120 --> 01:21:53,479
Speaker 1: so weird because I was so excited. I was so

1536
01:21:53,920 --> 01:21:55,920
Speaker 1: pumped up that that was just like, oh my god,

1537
01:21:55,960 --> 01:21:59,120
Speaker 1: you gotta count down. Like I was so amped up, like,

1538
01:21:59,200 --> 01:22:00,880
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm a boy to have a shape

1539
01:22:01,080 --> 01:22:02,560
Speaker 1: like I have when I said I had no but

1540
01:22:03,280 --> 01:22:06,000
Speaker 1: like none, so I was just like, oh my god,

1541
01:22:06,040 --> 01:22:07,559
Speaker 1: Oh my god. And they was like, oh, you gotta

1542
01:22:07,600 --> 01:22:12,160
Speaker 1: calm down. So they made me smoke some weeds and

1543
01:22:12,280 --> 01:22:15,519
Speaker 1: I don't smoke, so it was like smellow me out

1544
01:22:15,760 --> 01:22:18,400
Speaker 1: because I was so amped up. And when I got it,

1545
01:22:18,920 --> 01:22:21,439
Speaker 1: I was like looking and I was like, oh, oh

1546
01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:24,840
Speaker 1: my god. They was like can you be still? But

1547
01:22:24,960 --> 01:22:26,640
Speaker 1: I was like I couldn't believe. It was blowing up

1548
01:22:26,720 --> 01:22:29,160
Speaker 1: like a balloon, you know, And it was just like,

1549
01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:32,040
Speaker 1: oh my god. So wait the WILSA procedure because I

1550
01:22:32,360 --> 01:22:34,360
Speaker 1: know it is because I was there when somebody got done.

1551
01:22:34,600 --> 01:22:38,200
Speaker 1: So they was there somebody's house or yeah, it was

1552
01:22:38,280 --> 01:22:41,840
Speaker 1: at somebody's house. And then um, it was just like

1553
01:22:42,080 --> 01:22:46,000
Speaker 1: literally like you know, they were very clean, you know,

1554
01:22:46,360 --> 01:22:51,520
Speaker 1: very alcohol rubber gloves, like everything clean and in sanitary.

1555
01:22:51,880 --> 01:22:54,680
Speaker 1: But it was just like you just get injection, you

1556
01:22:54,720 --> 01:22:56,000
Speaker 1: know what I mean it's just like a needle with

1557
01:22:56,080 --> 01:22:59,320
Speaker 1: the silicone in it. It was looked like water and

1558
01:23:00,040 --> 01:23:02,280
Speaker 1: when you when you see it, and then it just

1559
01:23:02,479 --> 01:23:04,200
Speaker 1: was blowing up like a balloon. And they was just

1560
01:23:04,320 --> 01:23:08,240
Speaker 1: doing it like in a pattern to like blow it,

1561
01:23:08,320 --> 01:23:11,120
Speaker 1: you know, to blow it up your butt up to

1562
01:23:11,240 --> 01:23:13,759
Speaker 1: make a shape basically. So when you were seeing this happened,

1563
01:23:13,800 --> 01:23:17,840
Speaker 1: it was like your immediate response. I was pumped. It

1564
01:23:17,960 --> 01:23:21,320
Speaker 1: was like, can you be still? But I was so excited.

1565
01:23:21,520 --> 01:23:24,160
Speaker 1: It was just like, you know, I get really amped

1566
01:23:24,200 --> 01:23:26,880
Speaker 1: up when I know I'm about to do something. So

1567
01:23:27,640 --> 01:23:30,080
Speaker 1: it was just trying to calm me down from excitement.

1568
01:23:30,439 --> 01:23:34,160
Speaker 1: And then afterwards they finished and they just had me

1569
01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:36,320
Speaker 1: kind of leaned forward and they just kind of like

1570
01:23:36,560 --> 01:23:39,720
Speaker 1: duct tape they putt it was like saran wrap, and

1571
01:23:39,800 --> 01:23:44,479
Speaker 1: then they duct tape around for like the shape and

1572
01:23:45,479 --> 01:23:50,439
Speaker 1: go ahead. I'm trying to think. You couldn't sit on

1573
01:23:50,479 --> 01:23:54,240
Speaker 1: it for like eight hours if I remember correctly. And

1574
01:23:54,320 --> 01:23:57,080
Speaker 1: then you get in a hot tub of water, like

1575
01:23:57,200 --> 01:23:59,519
Speaker 1: a hot hot bath, and you do it like to

1576
01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:02,360
Speaker 1: you know, let it cool off. Rent you know, rents

1577
01:24:02,640 --> 01:24:05,040
Speaker 1: running again for like two or three times, and then

1578
01:24:05,120 --> 01:24:07,280
Speaker 1: I was it and it was like magic. It was like,

1579
01:24:07,360 --> 01:24:09,200
Speaker 1: oh my god, I gotta shape. I didn't really, Oh

1580
01:24:09,280 --> 01:24:13,919
Speaker 1: my god, how did it feel? It felt like regular,

1581
01:24:14,560 --> 01:24:19,000
Speaker 1: like like regular, but it wasn't hard. It was just

1582
01:24:19,200 --> 01:24:23,200
Speaker 1: like jellylight. Yeah, I know you was feeling it. Oh

1583
01:24:23,360 --> 01:24:25,360
Speaker 1: my god. I was like, oh, this is great. But

1584
01:24:25,520 --> 01:24:28,599
Speaker 1: you know what, because I was so small the first

1585
01:24:28,640 --> 01:24:31,519
Speaker 1: time that I got it done, it was like a

1586
01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:36,160
Speaker 1: normal size, like no, it was it was wasn't big,

1587
01:24:36,479 --> 01:24:38,600
Speaker 1: but it was like something there. You know. I was

1588
01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:41,080
Speaker 1: gonna ask you how many times afterwards did you? Did

1589
01:24:41,160 --> 01:24:45,120
Speaker 1: you receive their injections? Um? I got my butt done

1590
01:24:45,280 --> 01:24:49,040
Speaker 1: twice and then I was so thin I ended up

1591
01:24:49,080 --> 01:24:52,200
Speaker 1: getting hips too. Oh wow. And it was the hills,

1592
01:24:52,240 --> 01:24:56,720
Speaker 1: the same procedure as the butt, same thing. Well, my

1593
01:24:56,880 --> 01:24:59,439
Speaker 1: last question, and I want you to answer this and

1594
01:25:00,320 --> 01:25:03,519
Speaker 1: from two different perspectives. So the question is what are

1595
01:25:03,560 --> 01:25:07,160
Speaker 1: your thoughts on the Collique Brawler story and the reason

1596
01:25:07,200 --> 01:25:09,040
Speaker 1: why I'm asking you this? For those who haven't wanted,

1597
01:25:09,040 --> 01:25:11,519
Speaker 1: the documentary is about the the young black boy. He

1598
01:25:11,600 --> 01:25:14,679
Speaker 1: was sixteen. He went straight to Riker's allan over a backpack.

1599
01:25:15,080 --> 01:25:17,400
Speaker 1: And when I was watching the documentary, I was just like,

1600
01:25:17,520 --> 01:25:19,760
Speaker 1: I mean it really like broke my heart, right, And

1601
01:25:19,880 --> 01:25:21,840
Speaker 1: I think another reason when I broke my heart because

1602
01:25:21,880 --> 01:25:24,360
Speaker 1: I'm just like, damn, like when you watch these documentaries

1603
01:25:24,400 --> 01:25:27,439
Speaker 1: and like writerers and certain jails, it's not the black

1604
01:25:27,479 --> 01:25:32,759
Speaker 1: people in those jails, right, And that like really affected

1605
01:25:32,800 --> 01:25:34,680
Speaker 1: me because it's like, damn, like these are that could

1606
01:25:34,720 --> 01:25:37,559
Speaker 1: have been my brother or something, So like, how does

1607
01:25:37,640 --> 01:25:39,280
Speaker 1: that make? What are your thoughts? I mean from a

1608
01:25:39,320 --> 01:25:46,400
Speaker 1: CEO perspective, Um, from a c old perspective. I watched it.

1609
01:25:46,680 --> 01:25:49,479
Speaker 1: I didn't watch the story. I watched it, and I

1610
01:25:49,640 --> 01:25:55,120
Speaker 1: watched it and said, um, something happened as far as

1611
01:25:55,800 --> 01:25:59,840
Speaker 1: the reason why the officer reacted the way that he

1612
01:26:00,040 --> 01:26:02,760
Speaker 1: did when one part where he was like fighting with

1613
01:26:02,840 --> 01:26:05,599
Speaker 1: the officer or whatever the case, maybe it's a reason

1614
01:26:05,720 --> 01:26:09,920
Speaker 1: why he was in protective custody for so long, right,

1615
01:26:10,080 --> 01:26:11,920
Speaker 1: and and not protective custody where he was in like

1616
01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:14,240
Speaker 1: the being area when you buy yourself or whatever case

1617
01:26:14,280 --> 01:26:18,960
Speaker 1: may be. He had to be doing stuff in order

1618
01:26:19,080 --> 01:26:21,519
Speaker 1: for those things to happen, right, So we just don't go,

1619
01:26:22,240 --> 01:26:24,240
Speaker 1: you're an asshole, we don't like you. We're gonna throw

1620
01:26:24,280 --> 01:26:26,880
Speaker 1: you in the cell because we don't like you. He

1621
01:26:27,040 --> 01:26:29,880
Speaker 1: might have been doing stuff to get into the being.

1622
01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:31,720
Speaker 1: Like I just said, the guy assaulted me to be

1623
01:26:31,880 --> 01:26:34,599
Speaker 1: by himself because he was getting beat up all the time,

1624
01:26:34,760 --> 01:26:38,040
Speaker 1: or whatever the case may be. There was reactions from

1625
01:26:38,160 --> 01:26:42,799
Speaker 1: the officers from his actions that I saw that clearly

1626
01:26:42,880 --> 01:26:45,840
Speaker 1: because I'm like, yeah, we just don't start fighting people.

1627
01:26:46,080 --> 01:26:49,639
Speaker 1: That just doesn't happen. Something happened, and so yeah, I'm

1628
01:26:49,720 --> 01:26:51,960
Speaker 1: able to look at it a different where people are

1629
01:26:52,000 --> 01:26:54,280
Speaker 1: probably go, why are they doing that to him? Why

1630
01:26:54,360 --> 01:26:56,320
Speaker 1: they Oh, they're so funked up. That's what they do.

1631
01:26:56,479 --> 01:27:00,160
Speaker 1: They just assault people. We don't the massive then ask

1632
01:27:00,200 --> 01:27:03,080
Speaker 1: majority of officers don't. I don't want to fight most officers.

1633
01:27:03,120 --> 01:27:04,439
Speaker 1: I don't want to come to work and just fight.

1634
01:27:04,680 --> 01:27:06,479
Speaker 1: I'm not just coming to work to just punch somebody

1635
01:27:06,520 --> 01:27:08,479
Speaker 1: in their face because I know it's a whole bunch

1636
01:27:08,479 --> 01:27:10,639
Speaker 1: of stuff that happens after that, Right, even if it's

1637
01:27:10,680 --> 01:27:12,640
Speaker 1: the little worst thing about writing a report about what

1638
01:27:12,720 --> 01:27:14,120
Speaker 1: I have, a lot of officers don't even want to

1639
01:27:14,160 --> 01:27:16,559
Speaker 1: write reports, you know what I'm saying. So we don't

1640
01:27:16,600 --> 01:27:18,200
Speaker 1: get to just punch people in the face and then

1641
01:27:18,240 --> 01:27:20,160
Speaker 1: they throw them in the cell and then it just

1642
01:27:20,280 --> 01:27:23,639
Speaker 1: goes away. If there's a whole process that happens after

1643
01:27:23,680 --> 01:27:26,400
Speaker 1: that that none time out of ten officers don't want

1644
01:27:26,400 --> 01:27:29,799
Speaker 1: to do. So if we're going through that, something happened,

1645
01:27:30,240 --> 01:27:35,560
Speaker 1: and it might have been from karlif wanting to be

1646
01:27:35,800 --> 01:27:39,320
Speaker 1: in a place where he felt safe and protective, protected.

1647
01:27:39,360 --> 01:27:41,840
Speaker 1: A lot of gods wants to be by themselves, but

1648
01:27:42,000 --> 01:27:45,400
Speaker 1: Jell is mostly not by yourself, So that might have

1649
01:27:45,439 --> 01:27:47,920
Speaker 1: been his angle, But I don't know. But my second

1650
01:27:48,040 --> 01:27:50,519
Speaker 1: question is from my mother's perspective, how did you feel

1651
01:27:52,240 --> 01:27:56,559
Speaker 1: From a mother's perspective, I felt like the system felt

1652
01:27:57,080 --> 01:28:00,320
Speaker 1: before he got to write this Island, the system failed

1653
01:28:00,400 --> 01:28:04,280
Speaker 1: him right. And so a lot of the times that uh,

1654
01:28:05,320 --> 01:28:07,519
Speaker 1: things happen I see on the news or things happen

1655
01:28:07,600 --> 01:28:10,160
Speaker 1: on the street right before my eyes. A lot of

1656
01:28:10,240 --> 01:28:13,080
Speaker 1: the times the system gets away with a lot of

1657
01:28:13,240 --> 01:28:17,439
Speaker 1: things because we just don't know right. We don't know

1658
01:28:17,560 --> 01:28:21,000
Speaker 1: the laws, we don't know our rights, we don't know

1659
01:28:21,200 --> 01:28:24,120
Speaker 1: what we can and can. We haven't trained our children

1660
01:28:24,760 --> 01:28:27,360
Speaker 1: right what to say, what not to say, what to do,

1661
01:28:27,520 --> 01:28:31,000
Speaker 1: what not to do, and so the system plays on that.

1662
01:28:31,240 --> 01:28:35,280
Speaker 1: If do you think that it's just correction officers that's corrupt,

1663
01:28:35,320 --> 01:28:38,479
Speaker 1: you have d A's that's corrupting. Have lawyers that's come up, right,

1664
01:28:38,520 --> 01:28:40,640
Speaker 1: you have judges that's come up. You have and not

1665
01:28:40,760 --> 01:28:43,559
Speaker 1: even corrupt. They just don't care. You're just a number.

1666
01:28:43,880 --> 01:28:46,679
Speaker 1: They want to get done with you. They it's Friday,

1667
01:28:46,840 --> 01:28:49,360
Speaker 1: they're thinking about the vacation they're about to take. So

1668
01:28:49,479 --> 01:28:51,680
Speaker 1: we're gonna not because part of his story was that

1669
01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:55,040
Speaker 1: they just kept not him his case, right, they kept

1670
01:28:55,240 --> 01:28:57,759
Speaker 1: he kept coming, showing up to court and then prolonging

1671
01:28:57,880 --> 01:29:00,080
Speaker 1: his case. Prolonging his case was made him stay to

1672
01:29:00,200 --> 01:29:03,720
Speaker 1: Alan longer and longer. Right, the system fell to him

1673
01:29:03,760 --> 01:29:06,800
Speaker 1: at some point. So as a mother's point of view,

1674
01:29:07,160 --> 01:29:09,720
Speaker 1: I was saddened by that because I am a mother.

1675
01:29:09,800 --> 01:29:12,280
Speaker 1: I do have a young black child, but I but

1676
01:29:12,600 --> 01:29:15,719
Speaker 1: because of this job. That's how my job has class

1677
01:29:16,080 --> 01:29:19,200
Speaker 1: played a role in me being a parent. Right, I'm

1678
01:29:19,280 --> 01:29:22,559
Speaker 1: harder on my kids because I'm like, Oh, you don't

1679
01:29:22,560 --> 01:29:23,960
Speaker 1: want to go to jail, you don't want to go

1680
01:29:24,000 --> 01:29:27,800
Speaker 1: to workers at you're understaying. If the cops stop you, Uh,

1681
01:29:28,000 --> 01:29:31,240
Speaker 1: this is what you're supposed to say, absolutely nothing, right,

1682
01:29:31,640 --> 01:29:34,200
Speaker 1: you don't admit to nothing, you know whatever. Like it's

1683
01:29:34,240 --> 01:29:37,719
Speaker 1: certain ways that because of this job, I'm a little

1684
01:29:37,920 --> 01:29:40,479
Speaker 1: harder on my kids. I'm more aware of other things

1685
01:29:40,520 --> 01:29:44,519
Speaker 1: that you see our communities unfortunately. Yeah, and I work

1686
01:29:44,560 --> 01:29:48,599
Speaker 1: in a yeah yeah, so I work with d as,

1687
01:29:48,720 --> 01:29:54,160
Speaker 1: I work with police, I work with It's how somebody

1688
01:29:54,200 --> 01:29:56,120
Speaker 1: could get lost. That's what happened with colleague. He got

1689
01:29:56,240 --> 01:29:58,600
Speaker 1: lost in the system for a book that you know

1690
01:29:58,600 --> 01:30:00,920
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. He got lost in system. So he

1691
01:30:01,080 --> 01:30:05,320
Speaker 1: was felled time and time again before anything ever happened

1692
01:30:05,360 --> 01:30:08,960
Speaker 1: with he was felt like I could not have asked

1693
01:30:09,000 --> 01:30:10,680
Speaker 1: for a better set of friends. And I feel like

1694
01:30:10,720 --> 01:30:13,880
Speaker 1: we all just been through so much like everybody. Mom

1695
01:30:13,960 --> 01:30:17,400
Speaker 1: played a major part in my upbringing. Song Girl, I

1696
01:30:17,520 --> 01:30:20,920
Speaker 1: am so appreciative all of y'all. I am so thankful

1697
01:30:20,960 --> 01:30:29,880
Speaker 1: for all y'all. And once I make it girl now

1698
01:30:29,920 --> 01:30:31,920
Speaker 1: because I think it's important to get people their flowers

1699
01:30:31,920 --> 01:30:33,880
Speaker 1: because you know, life is very hard and we all

1700
01:30:33,960 --> 01:30:37,480
Speaker 1: been through so much. Ship. You know, everybody's having children

1701
01:30:37,600 --> 01:30:46,800
Speaker 1: and everybody have lives. I think for me, you know,

1702
01:30:47,000 --> 01:30:48,560
Speaker 1: so I just think that what this means to me

1703
01:30:48,760 --> 01:30:51,080
Speaker 1: is for us to just continue to grow our friendship

1704
01:30:51,160 --> 01:30:54,720
Speaker 1: and to continue to just be when we're asking each

1705
01:30:54,760 --> 01:30:57,120
Speaker 1: other because life is short and I don't ever want

1706
01:30:57,160 --> 01:30:59,400
Speaker 1: to have to go a day with think him, Damn,

1707
01:30:59,520 --> 01:31:01,240
Speaker 1: what if I would have made that phone call, or

1708
01:31:01,280 --> 01:31:03,519
Speaker 1: what if I would have linked up with song so

1709
01:31:03,920 --> 01:31:06,960
Speaker 1: or this and that. So. I hope that this episode

1710
01:31:07,120 --> 01:31:09,320
Speaker 1: encouraged everyone that's listening to reach out to those who

1711
01:31:09,400 --> 01:31:11,439
Speaker 1: really matter to them, because life was really short and

1712
01:31:11,840 --> 01:31:15,519
Speaker 1: you just never know what people are going through, and

1713
01:31:15,640 --> 01:31:20,280
Speaker 1: they call can change Yeah, just being wrong and feel

1714
01:31:20,360 --> 01:31:22,960
Speaker 1: unfeelter you. We'll just listen to your podcasts and different

1715
01:31:23,000 --> 01:31:28,120
Speaker 1: things that tastes for like my girls, like they don't

1716
01:31:28,160 --> 01:31:30,599
Speaker 1: even realize, just the answering on the phone call hear

1717
01:31:30,640 --> 01:31:33,880
Speaker 1: and them breathing, or just anything of positively you can

1718
01:31:34,520 --> 01:31:38,160
Speaker 1: change word the dark spot that was more prettier than

1719
01:31:38,439 --> 01:31:41,719
Speaker 1: the light that I can walk to and then's deepest.

1720
01:31:42,040 --> 01:31:44,360
Speaker 1: That's why I pride myself for my friends. I've been

1721
01:31:44,439 --> 01:31:47,639
Speaker 1: ferenced my friends to third. When I see people, I'm like, damn,

1722
01:31:47,680 --> 01:31:49,519
Speaker 1: you were just hanging with someone someone out of the

1723
01:31:49,560 --> 01:31:54,040
Speaker 1: pay six months. Now it's like you're little flopping. It's

1724
01:31:54,080 --> 01:31:56,800
Speaker 1: like I feel like and I think like, I don't

1725
01:31:57,360 --> 01:31:59,479
Speaker 1: I feel like we got a good platform for us

1726
01:32:00,080 --> 01:32:03,320
Speaker 1: or your friendship ease. They might not see it when

1727
01:32:03,400 --> 01:32:10,439
Speaker 1: people look at their likes. That's being very solid versus

1728
01:32:11,280 --> 01:32:18,040
Speaker 1: the what looks good. What is an advice you would

1729
01:32:18,040 --> 01:32:20,600
Speaker 1: give to the listeners if they want to lead a

1730
01:32:20,720 --> 01:32:24,600
Speaker 1: more fulfilling life. One. I think if you are in

1731
01:32:24,640 --> 01:32:27,760
Speaker 1: a place where your life is not fulfilling, sit down

1732
01:32:27,800 --> 01:32:30,840
Speaker 1: and talk to someone and figure out why, right, Um,

1733
01:32:30,960 --> 01:32:33,360
Speaker 1: figure out why we are still doing the same thing

1734
01:32:33,479 --> 01:32:36,599
Speaker 1: over and over again expecting a different result. Um, Which

1735
01:32:36,680 --> 01:32:39,640
Speaker 1: is the definition of insanity. I'm doing the same thing

1736
01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:42,000
Speaker 1: every day, and I think it's going to be better,

1737
01:32:42,439 --> 01:32:44,680
Speaker 1: So sit down and talk to someone. The other thing

1738
01:32:44,880 --> 01:32:47,280
Speaker 1: is really sitting down and saying, you know, where do

1739
01:32:47,400 --> 01:32:49,560
Speaker 1: I want to see my life go? You know, I

1740
01:32:49,680 --> 01:32:52,000
Speaker 1: am doing the same thing over and over again, but

1741
01:32:52,080 --> 01:32:54,240
Speaker 1: maybe I don't even have a trajectory on where my

1742
01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:56,439
Speaker 1: life should go or where I wanted to go. Um,

1743
01:32:56,560 --> 01:32:59,599
Speaker 1: sitting down with yourself, by yourself and saying, what can

1744
01:32:59,640 --> 01:33:02,599
Speaker 1: I magine happening in my life five years from now,

1745
01:33:02,720 --> 01:33:05,320
Speaker 1: seven years from now, with no holds barred, Because sometimes

1746
01:33:05,360 --> 01:33:06,960
Speaker 1: we do them and we're like, well, I don't know

1747
01:33:07,000 --> 01:33:09,880
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna have money for that house. We don't know, right,

1748
01:33:10,040 --> 01:33:12,120
Speaker 1: and we can get you there. We don't have to

1749
01:33:12,240 --> 01:33:15,160
Speaker 1: dream with like limits on it. So allow when people

1750
01:33:15,200 --> 01:33:17,040
Speaker 1: to sit with themselves and say, where do I see

1751
01:33:17,080 --> 01:33:19,560
Speaker 1: myself going? And if I'm capable of getting there on

1752
01:33:19,680 --> 01:33:21,400
Speaker 1: my own. If I'm not, let me reach out to

1753
01:33:21,520 --> 01:33:24,360
Speaker 1: someone and talk to them about it. Yeah. I even

1754
01:33:24,400 --> 01:33:27,280
Speaker 1: say that people do four or five sessions. You don't

1755
01:33:27,320 --> 01:33:29,200
Speaker 1: have to walk into it with a lifelong you know,

1756
01:33:29,560 --> 01:33:32,320
Speaker 1: commitment to it. Do four four or five sessions get

1757
01:33:32,400 --> 01:33:35,360
Speaker 1: some insight. Have you ever told somebody that you think

1758
01:33:35,360 --> 01:33:38,320
Speaker 1: their time is done, like they reached their highest potential?

1759
01:33:39,840 --> 01:33:42,599
Speaker 1: What do you mean my highest potential? Like you feel

1760
01:33:42,800 --> 01:33:45,559
Speaker 1: like maybe they have reached the highest level of their

1761
01:33:45,600 --> 01:33:47,720
Speaker 1: growth like they was doing they did so well over

1762
01:33:47,760 --> 01:33:49,880
Speaker 1: the years, and there's no need to like unless they

1763
01:33:49,960 --> 01:33:53,240
Speaker 1: really need to come back to you. I've never said

1764
01:33:53,280 --> 01:33:55,879
Speaker 1: that to a person. What I usually do with clients

1765
01:33:56,080 --> 01:33:59,920
Speaker 1: is maybe monthly or every two months, we'll sit down

1766
01:34:00,000 --> 01:34:02,640
Speaker 1: and talk about the progress UM that they've had and

1767
01:34:02,720 --> 01:34:04,960
Speaker 1: what are the growth you know, places in their lives

1768
01:34:05,080 --> 01:34:07,960
Speaker 1: that they have grown UM. And then I will say

1769
01:34:08,000 --> 01:34:10,640
Speaker 1: to them what do we want to work on next? UM?

1770
01:34:11,080 --> 01:34:15,400
Speaker 1: But therapy is life is like like you're like an onion.

1771
01:34:15,640 --> 01:34:18,240
Speaker 1: So you'll come for a couple of days or a

1772
01:34:18,320 --> 01:34:20,680
Speaker 1: couple of couple of sessions and you're just peeling off

1773
01:34:20,720 --> 01:34:23,960
Speaker 1: the outside layers a lot of Yeah, so you learn

1774
01:34:24,000 --> 01:34:26,639
Speaker 1: about those things, and as you get through that, another

1775
01:34:26,720 --> 01:34:29,240
Speaker 1: bunch of layers come, and then another bunch of layers come,

1776
01:34:29,560 --> 01:34:32,439
Speaker 1: um and you continuously do it right until you get

1777
01:34:32,479 --> 01:34:35,840
Speaker 1: to the point where you're like, oh, everything has changed,

1778
01:34:36,040 --> 01:34:38,120
Speaker 1: and then it's like, I don't want it to ever

1779
01:34:38,200 --> 01:34:40,840
Speaker 1: go back to that. So most people are like, I'll

1780
01:34:40,920 --> 01:34:42,840
Speaker 1: check in with you once a month. I will have

1781
01:34:43,000 --> 01:34:45,879
Speaker 1: these months a month check ins because life still happens

1782
01:34:46,000 --> 01:34:48,720
Speaker 1: all the time and I'm gonna be triggered still. I'm

1783
01:34:48,760 --> 01:34:53,000
Speaker 1: not healed one where life don't make me feel anyway.

1784
01:34:53,520 --> 01:34:57,040
Speaker 1: Sometimes people check in every couple of months because something happens, right.

1785
01:34:57,479 --> 01:34:59,840
Speaker 1: They get married, baby is born, a job is law,

1786
01:35:00,320 --> 01:35:03,320
Speaker 1: a relationship is lost. And when those things happen and

1787
01:35:03,400 --> 01:35:06,280
Speaker 1: we're in emotional distress, it's so easy for us to

1788
01:35:06,360 --> 01:35:09,000
Speaker 1: shift back into who used to be, even if it's

1789
01:35:09,040 --> 01:35:11,040
Speaker 1: only for a moment. But you want to make sure

1790
01:35:11,080 --> 01:35:13,120
Speaker 1: that you have a lifeline to someone that can say,

1791
01:35:13,400 --> 01:35:16,519
Speaker 1: all right, so this happened, We're okay, right, We're okay.

1792
01:35:16,600 --> 01:35:18,559
Speaker 1: Life shook you for a little bit. Things are gonna

1793
01:35:18,560 --> 01:35:22,479
Speaker 1: be okay. We're gonna move forward. Breathe, breathe, yes, breathe.

1794
01:35:22,600 --> 01:35:24,439
Speaker 1: And I remember my therapist to say that too. I

1795
01:35:24,520 --> 01:35:26,920
Speaker 1: used to be like, oh my god, it's a catastrophe. Yeah,

1796
01:35:27,000 --> 01:35:28,400
Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever make it, and she

1797
01:35:28,439 --> 01:35:30,720
Speaker 1: would be like, just breathe. We're gonna get through this.

1798
01:35:31,000 --> 01:35:33,040
Speaker 1: It was just a bump in the road, right. Life

1799
01:35:33,080 --> 01:35:35,320
Speaker 1: comes in others and flows, and let's get through this together.

1800
01:35:35,760 --> 01:35:37,720
Speaker 1: And last we not at least list some advice you

1801
01:35:37,760 --> 01:35:40,439
Speaker 1: would give to our listeners if they found out they

1802
01:35:40,520 --> 01:35:45,240
Speaker 1: was HIV positive. I know that it's not the end

1803
01:35:45,280 --> 01:35:48,320
Speaker 1: of your life. I know that you're bigger than your

1804
01:35:48,479 --> 01:35:51,920
Speaker 1: h than HIV. That's only a small piece of your life.

1805
01:35:52,360 --> 01:35:54,280
Speaker 1: It's not a big piece of you. And it's not

1806
01:35:54,439 --> 01:35:58,160
Speaker 1: who you are, it's who God choose you to be.

1807
01:35:58,880 --> 01:36:01,640
Speaker 1: And believe, no matter of what dog space you in,

1808
01:36:02,240 --> 01:36:05,360
Speaker 1: God has a purpose for your life. And you have

1809
01:36:05,560 --> 01:36:08,599
Speaker 1: to find that purpose and you have to live that purpose.

1810
01:36:09,200 --> 01:36:12,120
Speaker 1: And that's what makes you great. Not how many times

1811
01:36:12,200 --> 01:36:14,040
Speaker 1: you fall down, but how many times you get back

1812
01:36:14,120 --> 01:36:18,919
Speaker 1: up again. And I hope you guys enjoyed this week's episode.

1813
01:36:19,600 --> 01:36:21,800
Speaker 1: If you have any questions or comments want to email

1814
01:36:21,840 --> 01:36:25,120
Speaker 1: me about a particular segment from this week's episode, please

1815
01:36:25,240 --> 01:36:28,479
Speaker 1: email me at hello at the pH D podcast dot com.

1816
01:36:29,080 --> 01:36:30,960
Speaker 1: Until next time, guys Later,