1 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,639 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of couch 2 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat. 3 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 1: I am your host, and if you are wondering what 4 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,680 Speaker 1: couch Talks is, it is the special bonus episode that 5 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,880 Speaker 1: comes out every Wednesday where I answer questions that you 6 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: guys send to me and you can send those to 7 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 1: Catherine Ka t h r y n at You Need 8 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 1: Therapy podcast dot com. Now quick reminder, and I like 9 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:40,480 Speaker 1: to make this reminder a little bit louder on days 10 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 1: that I'm answering your questions that this podcast does not 11 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 1: serve as a replacement or a substitute for actual mental 12 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:51,159 Speaker 1: health services. However, they're allowed to help you on your journey. Okay, 13 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,480 Speaker 1: So we are in the dead center of nit A Week, 14 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: which is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and Monday I 15 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 1: put out an episode about the space between this diet 16 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 1: culture anti diet culture kind of war that I personally 17 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: feel is coming at us lately, and need A Week 18 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,680 Speaker 1: is here. The purpose of it is to spread hope, 19 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:21,000 Speaker 1: to spread awareness, to spread resources, and really just give information. 20 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 1: I think is one of the biggest things is educate 21 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,760 Speaker 1: and let people know that eating disorders are a thing, 22 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: and they are and can be very dangerous, and they 23 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,400 Speaker 1: are not so much things that just you see on 24 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: the outside. I think in years past, eating disorders were 25 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 1: kind of written off as you know, it's somebody has 26 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: that when they're severely underweight, but you can't see an 27 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 1: eating disorder. And it's something that really lives deep inside 28 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,960 Speaker 1: our thoughts and our beliefs in our brain and we're 29 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: not cutting people's brains open and looking at them as 30 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 1: we walked down the street. And so part of what 31 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 1: I wanted to do on Monday is just give some 32 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:01,920 Speaker 1: information and start a conversation about something that I think, 33 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:05,480 Speaker 1: well I know was was started to help this cause 34 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 1: and has kind of, you know, been twisted and turned 35 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: and kind of brought into something that it isn't so much. 36 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 1: So if you haven't listened to an episode, please go 37 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,799 Speaker 1: do that. It is something that's very near and dear 38 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: to my heart. It is something that I personally have 39 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 1: seen myself ping pong back and forth in and I 40 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: needed another solution that wasn't on one end of the 41 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 1: spectrum or the other. And so we talked about what 42 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 1: that is now for couch Talks, I wanted to answer 43 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 1: some of your questions direct questions that you have sent 44 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,839 Speaker 1: to me. These ones, the ones that I'm answering, came 45 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: to me through DMS. I put up a question box 46 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 1: on my Instagram, and if you don't follow me, you 47 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: can do that. You can follow the podcast at Unique 48 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,119 Speaker 1: Therapy podcast and you can follow me at Kat dot 49 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 1: de fata. So I put up a question box and 50 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: got some of these questions. And I like to mold 51 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: common themed questions into one question. So I kind of 52 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 1: can kill more than one bird with a stuff? What 53 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,839 Speaker 1: does that say kill two birds with one stone? Which 54 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,680 Speaker 1: I don't know we're supposed to say that saying anymore, 55 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: But that's what I was trying to hear. Be efficient. 56 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 1: And so we're going to answer three questions because I'm 57 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: doing three. Usually on couch talks, I do one question 58 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 1: a week, so I can go more in depth because 59 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: we're doing three. These are especially just going to be 60 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: building blocks. I always like the answers to be building blocks. 61 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:25,519 Speaker 1: But this is like the first step towards the complexity 62 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: that all of these questions really entail. So don't take 63 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: them as all being and all knowing. There is so 64 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,640 Speaker 1: much more information. There's so much more to be said 65 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 1: about these three questions, but I think that we can 66 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 1: get off to a good start with talking about each 67 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: one of these three things. Also a reminder, if you're 68 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: thinking about sending a question in I always keep them anonymous. 69 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: You don't have to worry about somebody hearing something that 70 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 1: you're asking about. So the first question is how do 71 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: we handle the roller coaster of feeling strong one day 72 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 1: and then I mean obsessed and a little weaker when 73 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 1: it comes to my recovery the next. And I want 74 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: to start off answering this by saying, recovery is very hard. 75 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: Balancing and joined food with all the noise that we 76 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 1: hear and see around us is really tough. And that's 77 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,599 Speaker 1: one of the things I really harped on on Monday's 78 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:21,160 Speaker 1: episode is we hear so much. There's so much noise 79 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: about what is right and what we should be doing, 80 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 1: and so recovery is really hard because we're battling through 81 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: what people are telling us is right and good and 82 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 1: what actually feels right and good to us, and what 83 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 1: are eating disorder brain says it's right and good. So 84 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,799 Speaker 1: it's really really hard. And I want to start with 85 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:42,480 Speaker 1: that because the first thing I would say of how 86 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,320 Speaker 1: to handle this is offer yourself some grace. That it's 87 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,479 Speaker 1: not that easy. It's not as easy as a podcast 88 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,160 Speaker 1: might say as and even this podcast, I might say, 89 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 1: do this, do that, offer yourself grace. Even offering yourself 90 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 1: graces and that easy, there's more to it, and so 91 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: it's not as easy as an Instagram post. Do these 92 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:04,359 Speaker 1: three things. It's not that easy. And give yourself knowledge 93 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:08,680 Speaker 1: and knowing that this is hard work. Also know your excuses. 94 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: Sometimes I think we don't give ourselves enough credit for 95 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 1: how much power and strength we do have over our 96 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 1: choices and behaviors even when it's tough. And so know 97 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: your excuses, Know those little weak points that you're eating. 98 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,279 Speaker 1: Disort of brain can come in and kind of be like, hey, 99 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 1: this is actually better for us if we do this, 100 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 1: Like know what that voice sounds like, so you can 101 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: prepare for it. Because what we know is there's going 102 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: to be valleys. We know that there's going to be 103 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 1: really good moments, but we also know that in recovery 104 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: there is always going to be tough spots. And the 105 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,679 Speaker 1: way to move through those tough spots isn't by waiting 106 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 1: till we get there and then saying, Okay, what should 107 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,640 Speaker 1: we do. It's figuring out what to do before we 108 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: get there, because when we are there, it's the hardest 109 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 1: point to make a decision out of logic. We're usually 110 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,479 Speaker 1: all in our emotional brain and we want to do 111 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: what feels good and right in that moment. Now, when 112 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 1: we are in the food obsessed zone, though, like struggling 113 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,279 Speaker 1: with whatever I mean, I say food obsessed, and that's 114 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,600 Speaker 1: really what this how this person asked that question, But 115 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:14,160 Speaker 1: whatever it is, maybe it's body obsessed, maybe it's food 116 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 1: avoid it. But where we're in those tough zones for us, 117 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: what I would really wonder in that moment is what 118 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 1: is really going on? What's bringing this end quote obsession on? 119 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:28,839 Speaker 1: And in AA there is this saying halt and it 120 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: stands for hungry, angry, lonely tired, And it's a good 121 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 1: way to stop and see what's happening before I just 122 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 1: get give in to a feeling or urge in the moment. 123 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:43,279 Speaker 1: And self care is really important here too, because I mean, halt, hungry, angry, 124 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:45,840 Speaker 1: lonely tired. Maybe there's something I need in that space 125 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:49,479 Speaker 1: that is self care minded. And on the days that 126 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: I just can't stop thinking about whether it's food or 127 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: I want to eat all the food, or I want 128 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 1: to avoid all the food, or I want to exercise, 129 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:57,680 Speaker 1: or I want to avoid exercise or I want to 130 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,679 Speaker 1: do whatever behavior. On those days when I can't stop 131 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:05,160 Speaker 1: thinking about those behaviors or those things, maybe what we're 132 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,720 Speaker 1: looking for is comfort, and those things are comfort to us. 133 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: Or maybe we're looking for joy or some splash of 134 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 1: something that feels good and endorphin of some sort. And 135 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: are there other ways you can give that to yourself. 136 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 1: So when I say, like, kind of figure that out 137 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,560 Speaker 1: before you get there, make a list of things that 138 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: you can do that are easy and don't take a 139 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 1: lot of effort, and don't take a lot of you know, 140 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: getting things together to do. So you can offer yourself 141 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: almost like quick comfort, but healthy comfort, comfort that's actually 142 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: going to make us feel good in the long run, 143 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: versus make us feel good for a moment and then 144 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,160 Speaker 1: we feel shame or guilt or one of those things, 145 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,880 Speaker 1: and then we have to do this whole cycle over again. 146 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: The last thing I'd say is don't do this alone. Right, 147 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,679 Speaker 1: You don't have to be perfect, and you actually can't 148 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: be perfect, and so when you're having a hard day, 149 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: rather than creating a breeding ground for shame and keeping 150 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,440 Speaker 1: this all to yourself on the inside, call a friend 151 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 1: or even just text a friend and say, hey, today 152 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 1: is tough, And even just saying that can help alleviate 153 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: some of that pressure to hold it all together. And 154 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 1: that might even be the catalyst that helps you make 155 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 1: a decision and make a choice, one of those self 156 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: care choices that that feels good in the long run. 157 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 1: So again building block for that answer, but I hope 158 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 1: that one was helpful. Let's move on to question number two. Okay, 159 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: So the next question is how do I approach someone 160 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 1: if I think they have an eating disorder? And I 161 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 1: will answer this question a million times and I probably 162 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 1: have answered it in different episodes already, but it is 163 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 1: so important to have this conversation, mainly because when we 164 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: don't know how to approach it, we usually avoid it 165 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: or we go head first, and then we kind of create, 166 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: like you know, an explosion, and then that we aren't helpful, 167 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 1: and then we don't want to approach it again. And 168 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,080 Speaker 1: so I love this question. I love answering this question 169 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: like I love talking about it. I live by the 170 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,199 Speaker 1: idea that people don't care how much you know unless 171 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 1: they know how much you care. And you can apply 172 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,960 Speaker 1: that to a bajillion different areas of your life. And 173 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,440 Speaker 1: if you were just to come up to me and 174 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 1: say you have this problem and this is what you 175 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,679 Speaker 1: need to do, all of my walls would come up 176 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: and I would become very defensive. That feels very much 177 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: like an attack. But if I hear first an air 178 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 1: about how you care for me, and I know that 179 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: you're coming to me because you care about me and 180 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,719 Speaker 1: I'm feeling that relational aspect first, and then I hear 181 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 1: your concern, it feels much much different. Or I even 182 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: hear like what you know about something like if you're 183 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: applying this to other areas of your life, so that 184 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 1: might look like you saying to somebody, hey, how are 185 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:54,080 Speaker 1: you doing? Before you say hey, I noticed XYZ like, hey, 186 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 1: I wanted to check in with you. How are you doing? 187 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,560 Speaker 1: What's been going on? I want to know what's been 188 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 1: on your heart, what's been on your brain? I want 189 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 1: to hear and then give them an opportunity to share. 190 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: Now I know what's kind of going through some of 191 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,120 Speaker 1: your brains. Is what if they just say like I'm 192 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,679 Speaker 1: fine if they kind of just like put that hand up, 193 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:15,199 Speaker 1: and you can reply to that like I'm fine. That's 194 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: starting a conversation. You can reply to that, and you 195 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,679 Speaker 1: can say something like, well, I really want you to 196 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 1: know that you are really important to me and I 197 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 1: want to be here for you even when you're not fine, 198 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: And I've noticed some stuff that feels a little off 199 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 1: and out of character with you, and I'd like to 200 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,319 Speaker 1: check in to see if what I'm noticing is matching 201 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: with what you've been experiencing, and so are you open 202 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 1: to hearing that? And so I'm even with that part. 203 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,280 Speaker 1: I'm before I'm telling them what I'm seeing and I'm 204 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,240 Speaker 1: attacking them. I'm saying, hey, I've noticed some things. I 205 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: want to kind of check in to see if I'm 206 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: picking up what you're actually putting down out there, and 207 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 1: can we have that conversation. So you're asking for the 208 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 1: door to be opened, versus you're just like banging down 209 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 1: the door. And of course you don't have to say 210 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 1: it exactly like that, and you probably won't because we 211 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 1: are going to put our own spins on all of 212 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,680 Speaker 1: these things. But the point is show the person that 213 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: you care and give them a chance to open up 214 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:14,560 Speaker 1: before you go in a new attack. And even if 215 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 1: you don't feel like it's attacking, it could feel like 216 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 1: attacking to that other person if they are not open. 217 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: And also they might not say they're open, and you 218 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: can say, okay, well, thank you for letting me know, 219 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 1: and I'm going to check back in with you to 220 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 1: see if you're open in the future. And again, eating 221 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: disorders are a nuanced and answer answering. All these questions 222 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 1: are a nuanced So you can't forever just like let 223 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: them keep the door locked shut, because at some point 224 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: this might become really really dangerous and you might have 225 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,560 Speaker 1: to step in and you might have to cross a 226 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: boundary out of care and love for somebody. And so 227 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: if that's something that's going on, please hear that. Like 228 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 1: if somebody's in danger, different rules apply. If somebody is 229 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,559 Speaker 1: in immediate danger, different rules are applied. That is, I mean, 230 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:04,559 Speaker 1: think about how confidentiality works with therapy, Like everything's confidential, 231 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 1: and I would never breach that at all unless there 232 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 1: is a threat to harm to yourself, harm to other people, 233 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,960 Speaker 1: harmed to a vulnerable population, Like there are limits to 234 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,880 Speaker 1: that because after all, we want to keep each other safe. 235 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,160 Speaker 1: So I wanted to give that caveat the Other thing 236 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 1: that is really helpful to accept before you go to 237 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,880 Speaker 1: share concern with somebody is that you can't help somebody 238 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,319 Speaker 1: who doesn't want help. And that is a therapy one 239 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 1: on one lesson. It is something that therapists most of 240 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 1: the time learn the hard way, and we to learn 241 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,199 Speaker 1: it a million times, that we cannot help people who 242 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 1: do not want to be helped. Then we get in 243 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 1: the power struggle and we push people away more than 244 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:47,839 Speaker 1: we invite them in to eventually be open for that help. 245 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:52,680 Speaker 1: And often your concern might not be received in the moment, 246 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 1: but you might be planting a seed that blooms much later, 247 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 1: and sometimes you don't get to see the bloom, and 248 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 1: that's okay. We just get to trust that there will 249 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,199 Speaker 1: be a bloom in the future at some point. And 250 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,560 Speaker 1: I've shared a story a couple times on here about 251 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,240 Speaker 1: a friend that I had years ago. I mean, I 252 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 1: still have this friend, but I noticed some things that 253 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 1: were pretty concerning to me. And this was back in 254 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,160 Speaker 1: the day of like, well, I guess the Facebook messenger 255 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: is still a thing, but it was like way more 256 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,280 Speaker 1: thing back then. And I remember I messaged her on 257 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:26,280 Speaker 1: Facebook and shared my concern and she messaged me back 258 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: very kindly but kind of just said like nothing's wrong, 259 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:34,200 Speaker 1: Thanks for sharing concern, but like I'm fine. And years 260 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 1: later she came to me and said, in so many words, Hey, 261 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 1: I really was struggling back then, and I wasn't really 262 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,720 Speaker 1: ready to hear or accept your help and your care. 263 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: But I want you to know that it meant a 264 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:51,280 Speaker 1: lot that you did speak up and say something, because 265 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 1: not a lot of people did and that was really 266 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: important to me. And so even if they are not 267 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: accepting your help in the moment, you don't know what's 268 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:04,239 Speaker 1: going on on the inside. And sometimes the biggest boosts, 269 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: the biggest helps that we get from other people, the 270 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,920 Speaker 1: things that make the biggest impact, are just knowing that 271 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,439 Speaker 1: people care about us. So let that be the center 272 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: of your approach of letting somebody know that you care 273 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 1: about them. Okay, And number three our third question, our 274 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: final question, Another really important question that pops up a 275 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 1: lot is how do I know the difference and what 276 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: is the difference between an eating disorder and disordered eating? 277 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 1: And this one, I mean, all of these could have 278 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 1: their own episode this one really could have its own episode. Now, 279 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: the rule I really have here is it doesn't really 280 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,800 Speaker 1: matter which is which. What's really important here is if 281 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 1: your life is being negatively impacted by your thoughts, by 282 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 1: your behaviors, by your beliefs about food and exercise, body image, 283 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: any of that, that is what we want to pay 284 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 1: attention to. Things don't have to be diagnosable to one 285 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 1: be treatable and to be issues or problems. And thinking 286 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 1: that way is actually what gets us from disordered eating 287 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,480 Speaker 1: to eating disorders on a fast track. You can have 288 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:14,760 Speaker 1: disordered eating and not meet the full criteria of an 289 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: eating disorder and still need help. That's really what I 290 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 1: want everybody to hear. You could still need help in 291 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,960 Speaker 1: that area. So deciding what that is outside of like 292 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:30,520 Speaker 1: needing it for insurance purposes, for paperwork and reimbursement, like 293 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 1: that's not the most important thing, And that's not really 294 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: the main question I'm ever asking a client or asking 295 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 1: myself when it comes to a client or even a 296 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 1: friend or somebody that I see is struggling. And again, 297 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:47,320 Speaker 1: a lot of disordered eating habits and behaviors do put 298 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,960 Speaker 1: us on that fast track to eventually have a full 299 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 1: fledged eating disorder and be dancing around eating disorder. Land. 300 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 1: Eating disorders are progressive, so they build and they get 301 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 1: worse over time. So starting with the it's not such 302 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 1: a big deal things eventually lead to the life threatening things. 303 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 1: And what I want people to know is that your 304 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 1: life does not have to be threatened in the moment 305 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 1: for it to matter. For it to matter for you 306 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,520 Speaker 1: personally or for another person, a friend that you see struggling, 307 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 1: or a colleague or a family member, if your thoughts 308 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 1: about your body, about food, about exercise, any of that 309 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: is getting in the way and impacting the quality of 310 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 1: your life, that makes it important. And also it's important 311 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,840 Speaker 1: to remember here that my quality of life doesn't have 312 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 1: to be everyone else's quality of life. Which makes it 313 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 1: sticky to spot something that it actually is impacting the 314 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 1: quality of your life, and it makes it hard to 315 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,640 Speaker 1: actually have the courage to acknowledge that this thing is 316 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 1: impacting your life, because we can make excuses for ourselves, 317 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 1: or we can overly judge someone else's behavior because we're 318 00:16:55,960 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 1: comparing our quality of life to other somebody else is 319 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 1: accepting in wanting, and sometimes we say like, oh, like 320 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 1: I'm happy, this is great, like, I love living life 321 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,720 Speaker 1: like this, but really you're kind of lying to yourself 322 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 1: so you can keep up those behaviors, because getting rid 323 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,360 Speaker 1: of those behaviors is really scary. And what I want 324 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,240 Speaker 1: anybody to know, if you just resonate with that, when 325 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,960 Speaker 1: you go to get help from these things, when you 326 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 1: go to get help from any kind of behavior that 327 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,359 Speaker 1: is impacting the quality of your life, what we're not 328 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,720 Speaker 1: going to do is strip you of everything that helps 329 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 1: you stay alive. I believe that a lot of the 330 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: negative behaviors the maladaptive I'm actually maladaptive is a better 331 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 1: word for this maladaptive behaviors that we use. They're doing 332 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 1: something for us, and at one point they really probably 333 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: did work more than help. However, eventually they started to 334 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,960 Speaker 1: hurt more than help, and we keep using them thinking 335 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 1: that like we're going to get back to that place 336 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,719 Speaker 1: where they would help. And so that's what makes it 337 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,919 Speaker 1: so scary to let go of those behaviors, and so 338 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:03,199 Speaker 1: it feels very threatening to even think about changing the 339 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 1: idea that those behaviors would be available or not available 340 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,119 Speaker 1: to you. And so what I want people to know 341 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,360 Speaker 1: is that we're not going to strip you speaking of therapists, 342 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 1: but we're not stripping you of everything that allows you 343 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,960 Speaker 1: to stay above the water. We want to help figure out, 344 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,199 Speaker 1: like what is making it feel like you're drowning, and 345 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,320 Speaker 1: can we offer you a life vest or some floaties 346 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 1: or a paddle or a new boat so you can 347 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,679 Speaker 1: get out of the boat that is now actually drowning you, 348 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,639 Speaker 1: or you can get out of the life vest that 349 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:36,320 Speaker 1: now is deflated. So that sometimes is hard to hear, 350 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,679 Speaker 1: but I want people to know that the point is 351 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 1: not to flood you with feelings of desperation and fear 352 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 1: and all of that. But what I was saying when 353 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 1: it comes to this is too like this goes back 354 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 1: to we can't help somebody unless they want to. They 355 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:55,719 Speaker 1: want help. We can't force somebody to see something as 356 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 1: a problem until they see it as a problem, because 357 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 1: the more we kind of just try like push them 358 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,040 Speaker 1: to see it, the more they're kind of like going 359 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: to build up these defensives. And whether that's isolation or 360 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: that's excuses, or they build up in their head even 361 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: these stories that help them maintain that these behaviors are good. 362 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: So again it goes back to the question right before 363 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,440 Speaker 1: sharing that you care about somebody is way more important 364 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,359 Speaker 1: than sharing what you know and telling them what is 365 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,399 Speaker 1: best for them. Letting them know that you care about 366 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 1: them and that you're here when things aren't working out 367 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,199 Speaker 1: is one of the best things that you can do 368 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: for anybody. And letting them know that we will be 369 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,879 Speaker 1: here when they are ready, when they have realized that 370 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 1: there's somebody poked a hole in their floaties, we will 371 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,880 Speaker 1: be here ready to help them take those ones off 372 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 1: and help to kind of shimmy some new ones on. 373 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,640 Speaker 1: So if you have any follow up questions to any 374 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: of these, know that my email is always open to 375 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 1: receive those. Again, It's cath at Uni Therapy podcast dot com. 376 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 1: I hope that this week, even if it is a 377 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,320 Speaker 1: small tinge of it, this week has helped bring some 378 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,560 Speaker 1: kind of awareness or hope to you, has taught you 379 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,960 Speaker 1: something about eating disorders, or has given you hope for 380 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 1: help within the realm of eating disorders, because that's what 381 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: this week is all about. It's not to spread the 382 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,199 Speaker 1: doom and gloom. I know we get caught on some 383 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 1: of the statistics. The one that we see the most 384 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 1: I think during this week, and I mean I've said 385 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,240 Speaker 1: it on last week's podcast is how deadly eating disorders 386 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 1: are and how serious they are. And I don't share 387 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,879 Speaker 1: that statistic to create like this fear mongering, like scare 388 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 1: people into believing that this is a thing and take 389 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:47,440 Speaker 1: it seriously. I say that to acknowledge the reality of 390 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 1: what really is going on. And when we can acknowledge 391 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: the reality of how serious these are, that's also where 392 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 1: we can offer hope to find help, so we don't 393 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,840 Speaker 1: have to get to the point where we are adding 394 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,200 Speaker 1: to the statistic of just how deadly these these things 395 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,200 Speaker 1: can be. So I hope this was helpful as always, 396 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,359 Speaker 1: and again reach out to me Catherinette. You need Therapy 397 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 1: podcast dot com if you have any questions follow up 398 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 1: questions to some of the things that we talked about 399 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 1: this week. I hope you guys are having the day 400 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,639 Speaker 1: you need to have and I will be back with 401 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 1: you on Monday.