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Speaker 1: Friend prank calls me at work, so I created a

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Speaker 1: fake paternity lawsuit to destroy his life.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that's a little bit of escalation. But

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Speaker 2: what is the prank? Though? If it's a crazy, crazy,

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Speaker 2: awful prank, maybe the punishment fits the.

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Speaker 1: You know maybe and also, you know you heard that

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Speaker 1: phrase go big or go home. He's just trying to

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Speaker 1: do things that the best of you know you were

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Speaker 1: going to say. Have you ever heard that phrase? Just

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Speaker 1: a prank? Bro, I was about to murder you. I

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Speaker 1: held it in. I held it, I held it tight.

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Speaker 1: There might be there might be one that was out

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Speaker 1: in this story. Though it might be one. There might

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Speaker 1: be one. Ten years ago, a friend of mine prank

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Speaker 1: called me several times in my office over the course.

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Speaker 3: Of a day.

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Speaker 2: What was he saying?

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Speaker 3: The worst act known to man? Was he like?

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Speaker 2: Is he a refrigerator running and I'm going.

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Speaker 4: To murder you?

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Speaker 2: Let's play game.

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Speaker 1: Great green sweater you wore today, it'll serve great as.

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Speaker 3: A body bag.

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Speaker 1: I don't think he even says what what the friend franks,

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Speaker 1: let's let's let's see. I decided in that moment, one

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Speaker 1: I would not stand for this, and two rather than

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Speaker 1: entering into a long protracted quagmire of a prank war.

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Speaker 1: I would use the nuclear option and end it immediately

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Speaker 1: for a frank.

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Speaker 2: You're so, I'm just like, bro escalated so fast. It's

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Speaker 2: like he calls me at work, leaves a couple of

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Speaker 2: prank calls, and then I was like, I'm gonna end

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Speaker 2: this my whole man's career. Yeah, it's basically like I

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Speaker 2: feel I filled your your coffee cup with like soap

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Speaker 2: water or something, and then you're like, I'm gonna murder

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Speaker 2: your wife. Yeah, just just absurdly over the top. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: there's no need. There's no need, no need at all.

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Speaker 2: My friend Mike friend for my friend.

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Speaker 1: Was well, was a well known local bartender. I worked

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Speaker 1: at the same bar as a bouncer, and he was

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Speaker 1: very much enjoying this single life.

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Speaker 3: At the time.

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Speaker 2: If you know what I mean, as in sleeping around

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Speaker 2: facts which I knew I could take advantage. I got dude,

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Speaker 2: hope he is a mastermind.

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Speaker 3: Dude like that.

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Speaker 2: This sausage has been in many caves. You to make

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Speaker 2: sure that.

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Speaker 1: Sausage pace, Bro, that sausage is a cave membership. Just

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Speaker 1: every cave that is in the cave network. I need

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Speaker 1: every bad bitch of an equinox. I need to know

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Speaker 1: right and have you freaking not soon. A plan began

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Speaker 1: to form.

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Speaker 2: This is evil.

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Speaker 1: I would have him served with a fake paternity suit

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Speaker 1: while he was working at the bar.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 4: Wow, dude, this is such an escalation. Man does a

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Speaker 4: prank call, he gets a fake Wait, wait till you

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Speaker 4: see the steps he went her. That's incredible.

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Speaker 1: So I compiled a ton of free online documents, not

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Speaker 1: just the good old paternity suit, you know, regular schmegular stuff,

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Speaker 1: but also income disclosure forms, statements of paternal rights, and

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Speaker 1: suggested visitation schedules pending demonstratable proof of sobriety. Wow, he's

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Speaker 1: going all the way full send. I filled out all

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Speaker 1: the forms and then smeared what looks like a date

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Speaker 1: received stamp is proof that they had been filed, and

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Speaker 1: I ran copies to make those stamps even more illegible.

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Speaker 1: So he's basically trying to like, you know, fudge it

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Speaker 1: up to make it seem like, oh.

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Speaker 2: This is like a copy of a copy.

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Speaker 3: It's been through the system.

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Speaker 1: From there, I crafted a backstory to include a cover

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Speaker 1: letter backstory.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, dude.

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Speaker 2: Oh pe.

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Speaker 3: Escalation it's so high yo.

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Speaker 1: I crafted a backstory that included a cover letter from

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Speaker 1: the fictional mother's fake law firm, the nearby city Family

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Speaker 1: Law Center, on letterhead and everything.

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Speaker 2: He even made a fake law office. Dude, this has

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Speaker 2: to be illegal. This is it has to be. It's

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Speaker 2: a great prank.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this guy is going to the upteenth degree

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Speaker 1: to execute my God, you really got it, honestly, Like

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Speaker 1: credit though ten out of ten for like execution, yeah,

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Speaker 1: god yeah. Imagine he like the guy finds out, he's like, man,

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Speaker 1: this ruined my life.

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Speaker 3: But damn if you didn't put in the good effort here.

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Speaker 2: Or it's like damn, this ruined my life and he

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Speaker 2: kills himself. Sure, yop, but that would be the best

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Speaker 2: reverse prank. You know, flees to Cuba, leaves a suicide,

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Speaker 2: coms please to Cuba.

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Speaker 3: So he he he's.

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Speaker 2: Uh, people said he committed suicide.

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Speaker 3: Yes, he doesn't come out like cha.

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Speaker 2: He's like, no, no, no, I'm committed to living in

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Speaker 2: Cuba for the rest of my life to get back.

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Speaker 2: I mean that's his death that he's like, yeah, bitch,

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Speaker 2: you think he'll He'll.

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Speaker 3: Walk into the room as he's like on a ventilator.

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Speaker 2: And then he pulls the plug. Yeah, my god, this guy,

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Speaker 2: we just you know, we just created a very very

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Speaker 2: dark movie out of this. I would watch that movie.

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Speaker 1: It was just a prank colon broh. The mother was

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Speaker 1: an Irish exchange student visiting the area the previous summer.

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Speaker 1: She had only been with Mike, so she knew that

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Speaker 1: the baby, Eliza was his.

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Speaker 3: Wow, the details, you.

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Speaker 2: Know that, like he hooked up with an Irish exchange student.

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Speaker 1: Oh, that's a good question. I let's see if it

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Speaker 1: says it. But I'm not one hundred percent sure.

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Speaker 3: The cover letter.

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Speaker 1: Encouraged Mike to call during regular office hours to discuss

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Speaker 1: arranging a DNA test to confirm parindy. I set up

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Speaker 1: a generic voicemail for the number listed as the office

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Speaker 1: on the letterhead.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, he said, he literally.

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Speaker 1: Created a whole number for this. Imagine he started getting

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Speaker 1: like inquiries like, you know, Sutherland Family Law Center, I

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Speaker 1: need your help. Yeah, well, Harry, yeah, it becomes have

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Speaker 1: you seen Saul No? No, no, is that like the

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Speaker 1: premise of that he's like a fake lawyer.

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Speaker 2: Well, he's like a real Ish lawyer. He's the lawyer

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Speaker 2: in a breaking bad and they did a spin off show.

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Speaker 2: I was thinking of catch me if you can, which

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Speaker 2: is like Leonardo DiCaprio, Yes, taking to be a doctor,

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Speaker 2: like doing all the papers. I mean, he's like op

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Speaker 2: forged all these papers, so why not.

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Speaker 3: He could do it if he really wanted to pull

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Speaker 3: it off.

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Speaker 1: By the end, the paperwork was somewhere between twenty and

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Speaker 1: twenty five pages long.

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Speaker 3: Good god.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: I enlisted another friend not known my mic to serve

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Speaker 1: the documents and instructed him to do so around ten

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Speaker 1: pm on a Saturday evening. Oh, this is the level

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Speaker 1: of savagey is is? It's too high, It's too much.

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Speaker 1: I told him to keep the interaction very simple. Imagine

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Speaker 1: the dude just like beats him to like beats him

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Speaker 1: to a Yeah. Is like tell me that I wasn't

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Speaker 1: able to be the bar back because I knew I

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Speaker 1: would be laughing too hard. But based on eyewitness reports,

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Speaker 1: it played out like this friend, are you Mike, last

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Speaker 1: name Mike, Yeah, Friend Mike middle name, last name Mike. Yes.

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Speaker 1: Friend drops the folder on the bar. Mike, what's that? Friend?

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Speaker 1: A paternity suit you've been served? Turns around and immediately

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Speaker 1: leaves the bar.

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Speaker 2: Shit.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 2: The theatrics of this are crazy. The next line is

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Speaker 2: it's great Mike. Yeah, that sounds about right. He already knows.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Mike read through the packet shakily, pouring himself several drinks.

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Speaker 1: Then he ran over to the bar owner, who was

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Speaker 1: aware of the prank, to ask what to do. He

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Speaker 1: also called a number on the letterhead, but sadly did

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Speaker 1: not leave a voicemail. I slid ten minutes. After intense

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Speaker 1: psychological revenge, the owner finally told Mike he should closely

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Speaker 1: read the letterhead of the packet. On it in size

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Speaker 1: to font read go fuck yourself, Mike, Wow, at which

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Speaker 1: point Mike ran to the front door and punched me

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Speaker 1: in the chest.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, good god.

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Speaker 3: Wow. Well, there is an update.

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Speaker 2: Let's hear the update.

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Speaker 1: Several months later, Mike was on a trip across the country.

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Speaker 1: He had left his car at home with his mom,

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Speaker 1: who generously had it washed for him. Mike, for some reason,

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Speaker 1: kept the paternity suit paperwork in the driver's side.

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Speaker 2: Tor oh no, no, mommy no.

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Speaker 1: During the course of the car wash, his mother found

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Speaker 1: it and read the entire thing, then called him sobbing

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Speaker 1: in the middle of the night, asking why he hadn't

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Speaker 1: told her about her bastard Irish granddaughter.

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Speaker 2: This is the most beautiful story ever.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you kind of have to respect Opie on

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Speaker 1: giving the level yeah like dedication, Like his dedication went

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Speaker 1: so far that it just unraveled an entirely new layer

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Speaker 1: of prank of prank, yeah

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Speaker 2: Power, you got it.