WEBVTT - Jewel and the Not Alone Challenge, Plus Her Pro Tip on How to Stop a Panic Attack (Part 2) 0:00:02.200 --> 0:00:05.400 Welcome back everyone to this edition of Amy and PJ. 0:00:05.600 --> 0:00:09.240 This is part two of our conversation with four time 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:10.920 Grammy nominee Jewel. 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:16.040 You talked earlier about liking to be alone, right, and 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:18.680 that was helpful for you. But then you have something 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:22.400 called the not Alone Challenge. Now help us bridge that 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:25.000 divide if you will, but no, explain. This started several 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:26.599 years ago and it's grown to the point now you 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:28.800 have an award show coming out. But how did it 0:00:28.880 --> 0:00:29.880 start in the first place. 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:32.680 Yeah, and it's a great distinction. You know, being alone 0:00:33.240 --> 0:00:37.000 is different than loneliness. You can feel lonely around people. 0:00:38.000 --> 0:00:40.960 You can be alone and feel deeply connected. It's a 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:44.960 very personal thing. But I really you know, we've seen 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:47.280 the stats on mental health are really dismal. One in 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.479 four kids are contemplating taking their life, and it's not 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:53.160 much better for adults in all honesty, and so we're 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:57.600 really living through an epidemic of disconnection. And we forgot 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.320 how to connect to ourselves in a meaningful way. You know, 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:02.440 where we enjoy being alone and we like our company, 0:01:03.240 --> 0:01:05.640 we've lost how to really connect to one another in 0:01:05.680 --> 0:01:09.760 a meaningful way and connections nourishing. It's very it's important 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:12.280 to us. We're a carbon based molecule. We're literally built 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:16.520 to connect. And so the challenge is was actually the 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:18.479 diet idea of our kids. We have a mental health 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:21.160 foundation and we've been doing it for twenty five years 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:23.440 and it was one of their idea to do a 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:26.800 social media challenge, and it's just been wildly successful. We've 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:30.280 gotten over three billion impressions. It's just been unreal in 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:34.200 four years. And so for me, it's really about not 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:37.240 just raising awareness, but putting tools into people's hands that 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:40.600 are free, giving them resources that they may not know about, 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:43.280 because I think it's mean to raise awareness and then 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:45.920 not help them. That's just because you kind of are 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:48.240 also aware your miserable. It's like, but now what do 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:51.040 I do about it? And then the success was just 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:53.800 so overwhelming that we decided to segue it into a 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:55.600 summit this year and an awards show. 0:01:56.200 --> 0:02:00.000 That's incredible and it's interesting hearing you say we've never 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:05.280 been more disconnected, and yet we've never been more connected 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:09.440 technologically speaking, how much do you think that has actually 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:11.800 been a huge disservice. I know you can be empowering 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:17.560 with social media challenges and hashtags. And getting information out there. 0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:20.560 Why do you think we're in the state we're in 0:02:20.680 --> 0:02:22.040 given the technology we. 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:25.880 Have it, I don't know. Food might be a good metaphor. 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:28.880 You know, you can be full and have a junk 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:33.639 food diet and you're nutritionally starving, and so you want 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:35.560 to look at like what type of calories might and 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:38.760 I'm going to get really nourishing diet and connections like that. 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:45.359 There's vapid entertainment excitatory which a lot of our technology does. 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.920 You know, when you scroll through your Instagram or whatever, 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:54.680 it can be sort of this biochemical perk, almost like 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:58.520 it's like a hit that we're kind of also forgetting 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:02.160 what deep, meaningful can feels like it's different than excitement. 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:06.880 Do we have kids growing up who don't have any 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:09.120 idea what that is? I mean, some adults could have 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:11.160 lost it along the way, but we have a whole 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:14.000 generation growing up that they know how to use an 0:03:14.040 --> 0:03:16.760 iPad and navigated by the age of two or three. 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:19.959 So their connection has always been that are we losing 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:22.320 in your opinion, and to some degree, a generation of 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:24.760 kids who are coming up and right now have no 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:28.000 idea about what it's like to have a human family 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:29.840 connection on a homestead. We don't have to go to 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:31.359 that extreme, but you get what I'm saying. 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:35.320 Yeah, I think it's an unprecedented time to parent. You know, 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:38.120 I'm a fourteen year old, and so iPads were around 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:41.360 and doing well when I was a young mom. And 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:44.440 seeing my son's personality change when I took the iPad 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:46.480 away when he was four, I was like, Oh, there's 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:48.920 something up, Like, this isn't what I think it is. 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:52.840 This isn't harmless entertainment and learning that they really do 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:56.480 get addicted to their own body chemistry through these excitatory 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:59.800 neurochemicals and we're just not teaching parents about it, you 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:02.640 know what I mean. And you know, learning to have 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:08.160 a calm, open, dilated sense of connection is very different 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:12.000 than being excited and entertained, And so you definitely want 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:14.400 to help your kids not confuse those two things if 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:14.760 you can. 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:17.200 I'm curious as a mom. You know, you said you 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:20.280 wanted to break the cycle that you inherited, that your 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:21.240 father inherited. 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:23.320 How do you do that? 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:26.040 I mean, that's that's a heavy task once you've acknowledged 0:04:26.120 --> 0:04:29.120 and I mean, I'm a believer that we all all 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:33.080 suffer from some form of mental health issues at sometimes 0:04:33.080 --> 0:04:35.520 every point in our lives. But it ebbs and flows. 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:37.520 We're all in the thick of it, and we all 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:39.919 inherit something. How do you how do you break a 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:43.760 cycle like that? How have you done so? 0:04:44.200 --> 0:04:47.320 Yeah? I think one is just through attention and the 0:04:47.360 --> 0:04:49.600 willingness to want to do it and to show up 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:52.279 every day and make that a priority in your life. 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:56.520 When you make your happiness your priority, your life will change. 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:59.080 You know, how fast or how slowly is all up 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:03.760 for debate, but it change for healing, you know, generational trauma. 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:07.080 For me, like something that's really helped me is just 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.680 the healing of the parent, is the healing of the child. 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:12.240 You know, my commitment to heal is a gift to 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:16.000 me and it's also a gift to my child. And 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:18.520 then learning to live with the fact that you're not perfect. 0:05:18.520 --> 0:05:20.320 You're going to make mistakes in front of your child, 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:22.960 and what you really hope their takeaway is is that 0:05:23.000 --> 0:05:24.920 they're going to be growing and healing and learning their 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:25.560 whole life too. 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:30.599 How is your What do you notice about your son 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:34.480 at the age of fourteen and you think back to 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:37.040 how you were at the age of fourteen, coming up 0:05:37.080 --> 0:05:39.640 in a much different place, in a different way, different mindset. 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:41.320 How do you compare those two kids? 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.480 Yeah, you know, I became a single mom when I 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:47.839 was forty, I guess. And I was like, how do 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:50.400 you be a single parent and be famous and rich? 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:52.880 Like it's kind of like having two strikes against you as. 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:53.640 A parent, I think. 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:56.520 And so I was like, I don't think I could 0:05:56.520 --> 0:05:58.520 be famous, rich and live in la I know a 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:01.719 lot of parents do it successful. I just it was 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:04.279 so far from how I was raised. I didn't know 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:05.799 how to do it. I was like, that's three strikes, 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:07.480 Like I don't know how to parents around that one. 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:10.920 That's a tough culture. So for me, it was like 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:13.599 I made a big commitment to move in a tiny town, 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.200 to use nature as kind of my co parent the 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:20.480 way it was one for me, and to just have 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:23.880 a specific lifestyle hopefully that could help anchor my son 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:25.600 into a very real experience. 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:29.200 Yeah. I love that concept, to have nature be a 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:32.599 co parent with you. That's pretty cool. I can say 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:38.080 that some of the most meaningful and mindful experiences I've 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:41.479 had with my children were hiking. They had to put 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:44.880 their phones down because there was no cell reception where 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:47.560 we were, and they all of a sudden were connected 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:50.280 to something that Especially raising kids in New York City 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:53.760 has been a difficult situation in a lot of ways 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:55.720 because it was very different from how I was raised, 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:59.440 certainly how TJ. Was raised Georgia, Arkansas we're in you know, 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:03.839 are jungle and so yes, raising kids without access to 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:07.359 the kind of nature that we grew up with is 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:09.400 significant and I never thought about it like that, But 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:13.200 that's pretty cool. We can learn a lot from our surroundings, 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:15.640 maybe not as much in New York City, but maybe 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:17.440 in ways we didn't want our kids to learn. 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:19.880 Is he connected to earth like you were? Would you say? 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:22.480 Yeah, he has a really meaningful connection. So I don't 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:25.760 think it's the same we have such a childhoods but 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:28.320 yeah he has a And you know, nature does it 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:30.720 for you, like if you have a hard time relaxing, 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:33.360 get out in big nature. There's studies on what it 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:35.760 does to your nervous system and helps it dilate and 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:37.440 helps you regulate your nervous system. 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:40.520 Oh my god, you are absolutely appreciing to the choir. 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:44.440 There is something about being Any problem you have suddenly 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:48.880 just doesn't seem insurmountable. True when you're surrounded by nature. 0:07:48.960 --> 0:07:52.160 I love that. Now you mentioned raising awareness is one thing. 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:55.600 Giving people tools is actually what is meaningful, in the 0:07:55.640 --> 0:07:58.520 sense that we have to give not just our children 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:03.040 but adults too, outlets and ways to figure out how 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:05.840 to get better, how to make happiness a priority. What 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:09.280 are some of those ways that you all are sharing 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:12.800 with people who attend the summit and certainly news of 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:13.840 this awareness. 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:17.360 Yeah, there's so many tools. So I guess just for 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:20.160 anybody listening, you know, if talk therapy hasn't worked for you, 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:25.239 there's CBT, there's DBT, there's transcranial magnets. So keep going. 0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:27.480 You know, if some one modality didn't work for you, 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:29.280 it doesn't mean you're broken. It just means you didn't 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:30.960 probably find the right tools. Yet. 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:33.000 What were those acronyms, because I don't even know what 0:08:33.000 --> 0:08:33.520 they stand for. 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:37.439 Yeah, one is CBT, it's cognitive behavioral therapy. The other 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:41.560 one's dialectical behavioral therapy. I'm a big believer that by 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:46.400 changing our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we see specific results 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:50.080 in our lives. Talk therapy for me, personally alone never 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:52.600 quite worked. I would become aware of my problems, which 0:08:52.640 --> 0:08:54.920 was like really great, but then I needed to like 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:58.760 practice something to change these long ingrained habits that I 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:02.360 had had. So CBT and DBT kind of revolve around 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.280 that the practicable things that you can do to wake up. 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:07.319 But there's tons of tricks. You know, we have a 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:09.800 mental health Foundation and we work with kids with suicidal 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:13.600 ideation and all kinds of things, and so you know, 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:16.240 like for panic attacks, there's many things you can do, 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:20.760 ice cubes, something cold. You know, when you have a 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.760 panic attack, your brain goes offline, it goes dark, and 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:25.760 if you watch an MRI you can look it up 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:28.640 on the internet. Your blood drains out of your frontal 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:32.000 lobes and your amigdala gets all of the blood, and 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:35.360 so you literally go offline. And that's why it feels 0:09:35.400 --> 0:09:37.760 that way. And so if you want to you want 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:41.520 to force blood back into the processing centers. And so 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:43.800 one of the best ways to do that is just 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:49.719 have sensory things so cold or hot or taste or 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:53.640 touching something and making your brain process this is a 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:57.960 cold white counter, just that type of detail your blood 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:01.320 has to like redirect to process us those kinds of 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:04.600 information signals and so that'll help you get out of 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:07.520 a panic attack. And then you can learn to bring 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:10.360 awareness around like way I can feel in coming on 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:13.200 and then like, oh, I know for me, like if 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:15.480 there's two, I call it pillar changes. Like if I'm 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:18.400 going through two foundational changes in my life, I need 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:20.680 to be really careful. I'm really prone to panic attacks 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:23.680 if that happens. And so I can kind of develop 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:26.080 like a little protocol for myself if I'm moving and 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:29.680 going through a breakup or something like that, because I know, 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:31.200 I'm like, it's gonna be triggy. 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:32.480 I knew what she was talking about. 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:35.800 Oh yeah, I know, Yes, we know what that's like 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:36.920 to have more than one. 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:39.319 It's very dramatic. 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:42.880 Nah. My pastor used to always say in that twelve 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:45.400 month period, a person can't have more than five of 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:51.319 those or you are clinically going insane, like you need help. 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:53.760 And yes, it's it's a lot. I recognize it. When 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:55.640 you said it. Oh yeah, we. 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:58.800 Were like, oh that hits that reads. Yeah. And for me, 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:00.719 like when you run too many strains and if I 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.440 don't have a safe person with me, I'm fifty one 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:05.480 years old, I'm like, no, I need a human binkie, 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:06.880 What's what's coming with me? 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:10.480 Both of my daughters still have their baby blankets. I 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:13.040 don't know what that says, but they need They actually 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:17.160 use them when they're feeling stressed. It absolutely works for them. 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:22.000 That's pretty cool. That's why I never knew that about 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:25.160 panic attacks. I just do something really valuable. 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:28.319 Isn't it a shame that we all have brains, just 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.240 like we have teeth? We all know dental hygiene. I 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.520 don't feel embarrassed that I've gotten black and I f loss, Like, 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.360 why are we embarrassed? We have brains and we need 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:38.960 mental health hygiene, and like, why aren't we taught like 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:41.080 what a panic attack is? Like it just blows my 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:42.640 mind that information isn't out there. 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:45.440 Are we doing much better about that? We feel like, 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:46.960 and we like to say we're doing better in the 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:49.600 mental health conversation, But are we doing better? 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:53.640 That's an interesting topic. We're doing worse than ever, sadly, 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.680 Like the stats around mental health are really abysmal, and 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:58.880 so these types of tools are really needed. The great 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:01.280 thing about not doing good is you know you need help, 0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:03.120 and so I think it's a great time to help people. 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.920 People are in pain, people are struggling, And when people 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:09.199 are struggling, they will tend to go through adopting something new, 0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:12.280 trying something new they may not have tried before. And 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:14.600 then I think there's actually a real conversation to be 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:19.200 had around the modern health mental health movement. I have 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:22.920 a fear personally. I think that our spiritual practices and 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:26.440 our self growth practices should make us grittier and more 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:29.240 resilient and less precious. It should make us more capable. 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:32.600 And I do worry sometimes that the way the mental 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:36.680 health conversation can be had actually makes us more precious 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:39.480 and more fragile, you know. And so I would just 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:44.240 encourage anybody to just pay attention to is are the 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:47.439 practices you're enveloping in your life making you grittier? Because 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:50.319 we're built to handle stress. Actually, we're built for this, 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:53.000 you know, So it should make us more resilient. 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:54.840 I love that you just said that, because I think 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:57.800 when people say things like you just triggered me again, 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:00.640 you're giving away your power. You're saying you need to 0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:03.520 change your behavior so I feel safe. Yeah, And I 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:07.240 think people start to believe that instead of realizing you 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.960 actually have the power. The power is from within and 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:11.880 you can acknowledge a trigger, but then you have to 0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:15.120 get curious, why do I feel that way? Instead of 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:16.880 why did that person do that to me? 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.560 Yeah? And I look at it like an economy, Like 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:25.240 I can't invest my emotional energy, my emotional resources in 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:29.319 a place I have zero control. You know, I actually 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:31.800 shouldn't be investing it in myself because I do have 0:13:31.840 --> 0:13:34.760 the ability to influence my own decisions. And so you know, 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:38.920 I got triggered by that. And what am I willing 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:40.800 to do about that? Am I going to stay away 0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:41.520 from Sally? 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:42.240 You know? 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:44.280 Because every time I'm around her I feel terrible? This 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:45.480 is a hypothetical, Sally. 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:48.680 I know people are going through your lyrics right now. 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:50.080 Yes, Sally? 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:53.560 Yeah? And am I willing to stay away from that relationship? 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:56.000 You know? What? It's about a self responsibility? 0:13:57.320 --> 0:14:00.679 Wow, we don't practice that most of us humans, right, 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:03.640 We're all about wanting to blame the other person. And 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.959 also just this, I feel like there's this voyeurism out 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:09.120 there now where we just want to see someone else's 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:12.000 life that's messier than ours. So we feel better about 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:14.839 hours that we don't have to fix hours because ours 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:16.520 isn't as bad as theirs. 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.200 And I think a lot of that's just because the 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:21.840 idea of change is so overwhelming. I mean, where do 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:25.200 you start. I mean, we're not taught these tools. So 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:28.040 if you feel hopeless that you really actually can break 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:31.080 down and have steps to changing yourself, A very good 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:33.640 tactic is to say I don't need to change, they're 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:35.320 the problem. You know, I get it. 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:46.240 Last thing I did want to ask you actually on 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:47.640 that point, there are a lot of people who are 0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:52.440 under assault to a certain degree by bills, trying to 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:54.280 get food on the table, trying to get a kid 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.480 safely to and from school every day. Right, there are 0:14:56.480 --> 0:15:00.040 a lot of parents who have so much on their plates, 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.920 and I know you acknowledge that, but for them, for 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:06.160 just a moment, if there was something you could say 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:08.240 as a plea, like, I know you got all this 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:11.360 going on, but why it's still important that they take 0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:15.200 even what first step and making sure they're okay upstairs? 0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:20.120 They matter? I mean, overwhelmed parents, you know, you always 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.880 put yourself last. You're trying to care for everybody else, 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:26.040 and often you are the only you know, you are 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:29.600 the lynchpin in other people's lives without much safety in it, 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:35.880 and It is wildly stressful, but you matter. Your happiness 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:40.520 and your experience matter, and investing in that one friendship 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:43.760 that's safe, calling that one person at night and where 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:46.000 you can say, I'm shame spiraling, I just yelled at 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:49.040 my kid or whatever it is. You know, have that 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:51.680 one person that feels like a safe place, it feels 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:55.400 like a respite. Learning to just stop and a lot 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:57.280 of it. That's why I really am science focused. But 0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:01.120 in five breaths, you can get yourself off of fight 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:03.840 or flight and into pair sympathetic nervous system. By breaths. 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:07.600 You have five breaths. Everybody has five breaths, you know, 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:10.960 and so investing that as self care is really important. 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:13.640 But if you weren't raised with somebody caring for you, 0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:17.160 it's very hard to establish the habit of caring for yourself. 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:21.800 It's not comfortable. But there's a simple, free thing that 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:23.760 you can do, and everybody's worth it. 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:27.840 I love that. I still am kind of reeling about 0:16:27.880 --> 0:16:32.360 the ice or something to actually physically. You know, we 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:35.160 all put it to mental, but a brain is an organ. 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:38.880 A brain is physical, and that concept of doing something 0:16:38.920 --> 0:16:41.920 physical to change your brain chemistry and that moment is 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:45.640 really remarkable in terms of other things that are available. 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.320 They are free. How much does exercise play a role 0:16:48.400 --> 0:16:53.600 in your life? And do you lean on anything else 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:55.920 physical to try and help with the mental. 0:16:56.440 --> 0:17:00.160 Yeah, I really look at mental health as like an ecosystem. Know, 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:03.000 I don't get to choose how life changes. I only 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:05.920 get to choose how it changes me. And I realized 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:08.560 somewhere along the line that I think I was engaging 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:12.600 and like healing as of elegant form of control. I 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:15.119 thought maybe if I healed perfectly, I would never have 0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:17.560 anything bad happen to me again. And so I had 0:17:17.560 --> 0:17:19.520 to come to terms with the fact that, you know, 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:22.439 life is destined to break all of our hearts. It's 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:25.000 what we do with those pieces that make us extraordinary, 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:26.800 and we have to live with the vulnerability of the 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:28.439 fact that bad things are still going to happen in 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:32.119 our lives. That doesn't mean you're mentally unhealthy. Like you 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:35.800 should be sad when something sad happens, you know, that's health. 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:39.480 You should be stressed when something stressful happens. It's about 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:42.560 how quickly can you come back to regulation. That really 0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:45.399 is a sign of health. I forget your question. I 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:46.679 got was. 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:49.399 No, but it's all so fascinating. But I was asking 0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:52.240 about the role of exercise. Oh yeah, because I do 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:54.840 think that is something that is available to everyone. But 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:57.040 sometimes it's the last thing you want to do when 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:59.719 you feel stressed, or when you're in a shame spiral 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:01.080 or having a panic attack. 0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:04.000 Yeah yeah, I love to have many, many tools for 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:06.640 any given problem. So like for a panic attack, ice 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:10.280 cubes works, peppermint will scent, that type of strong scent 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:14.720 will work. Reading something sometimes ice cubes don't work. Sometimes 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:17.480 forcing myself to read works. So you want multiple tools 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:20.359 if you can to handle a problem. Exercise is an 0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:23.520 amazing tool to have in your arsenal. Cold showers are 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:26.600 really good to have because that stops ruminating thoughts. So 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:30.280 we want to arm ourselves with a multitude, you know, 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:33.600 of tools, because at different times you're gonna have to 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:34.960 experiment and see what works. 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:39.199 That's very cool, And you just mentioned something the spiraling thoughts, 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:42.640 and you know we have you know, we have immersed 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:46.000 ourselves in reading a lot of self help books, a 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:50.440 lot of philosophers. But what is your go to and 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:55.800 where are you in that journey with not you don't 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.560 want to control your thoughts, but managing them or recognizing them, 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:02.440 acknowledging them, and and shifting gears. That's I think one 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:04.399 of the toughest things for a lot of us is 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:08.439 just not getting into that negative thought pattern, or at 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:09.480 least recognizing it. 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:13.399 Yeah, I think the number one most important thing we 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:18.320 can invest in is cultivating awareness, learning in real time 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:22.159 to be consciously present. I mean, the word mindful of 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:24.240 such a weird word to me. It just means being 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:28.840 consciously present. I'm able to be consciously present, and that 0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:32.040 puts me in a position to respond to my life 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:36.960 in a healthy way, hopefully. And so it's noticing I'm 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:39.560 getting agitated earlier and earlier and earlier. 0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:39.720 You know. 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:41.720 I used to wake up after a panic attack and 0:19:41.760 --> 0:19:43.879 then I sort of have awareness during it, and then 0:19:43.920 --> 0:19:45.639 I'd start to notice it was coming on, but I 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:48.800 couldn't stop it. And I finally cultivated enough awareness to 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:51.160 go I am starting to feel triggered in enough time 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:54.960 that I can actually intervene. So I think raised learning 0:19:55.000 --> 0:19:58.160 to like invest in being present is probably the safest 0:19:58.160 --> 0:19:59.800 position we can be, and that's how to give yourself 0:19:59.800 --> 0:20:01.480 a emotional safety. 0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:04.919 Yeah, how many hours of sleep do you get to night. 0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:08.119 Oh my gosh, I'm the worst sleeper. That's really where 0:20:08.160 --> 0:20:11.640