Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim and give us.
Speaker 3: Time and a terminol and gay. We want to send
Speaker 3: you off in style. Do you wanna welcome you back home?
Speaker 3: Tell us all about it?
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride.
Speaker 1: With Karen and Chris? What are your hobbies?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 1: Candles? Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is
Speaker 1: Chris Fairbanks and this is Taren Kilgareth. We're a beautiful burbank.
Speaker 1: Oh so it's just picturesque.
Speaker 4: I thought today and it was my idea to have
Speaker 4: no guests and just catch up with my friend Karen.
Speaker 5: That's right, And I said I don't want to do
Speaker 5: it that way.
Speaker 1: And then we fought and thought and Chris won. I'm
Speaker 1: good at dodging punches.
Speaker 5: I kicked him in the jaw, but it didn't affect
Speaker 5: him at all.
Speaker 4: It's funny because it's been a while since you and
Speaker 4: I had a physical fistfight.
Speaker 1: I forgot how much kicking you try and do I do.
Speaker 5: My kicking is very much Broadway dance based, So a
Speaker 5: lot of times I'll do kicking from the musical Oklahoma,
Speaker 5: which is outside to side.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not helpful. It was.
Speaker 4: It's also quite a giveaway when well, right before we fight,
Speaker 4: you put on leggings well.
Speaker 1: And stretched for forty five minutes big warmers. Leg warmers
Speaker 1: came back right, not that I know of, but I'm
Speaker 1: not the person to ask them. They shouldn't. That's a
Speaker 1: brand new building. That's like brand new. Wow.
Speaker 4: You know what is in a brand new building? The
Speaker 4: one I moved into. Oh, I went and bought. I
Speaker 4: bought new lamps and thought I could do it myself.
Speaker 4: And I took down the old lamps on the ceiling
Speaker 4: and on the walls, and which are from I think
Speaker 4: my buildings from around the thirties, eighteen thirties, the eighteen thirties. Well,
Speaker 4: that's when it was wired. Because I brought down there's
Speaker 4: two scary wires. I turned off the power. I'm no fool. Well,
Speaker 4: I youtubed a video, but there I pulled them down,
Speaker 4: and everything covering it, which I guess at one point
Speaker 4: was fabric, crumbled away. Revealing copper just exposed. Yeah wire yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: So then I turned the power back on and just
Speaker 4: I've left it alone. That's all as far as I got.
Speaker 4: The lamp is on the floor, and I have not
Speaker 4: I have to hire an electrician.
Speaker 5: Now you're going to get over to fixing the toaster
Speaker 5: with that fork. Yes, your next plan. Don't do any
Speaker 5: of these electrical things yourself, no matter how I know
Speaker 5: you think your handy. It's a big part of your
Speaker 5: whole personality. It's one of your hobbies.
Speaker 1: I'm a man, and I want to do man things,
Speaker 1: man stuff like Tim Allen.
Speaker 5: But please don't risk your life this way.
Speaker 4: I knew, I knew when to stop myself because there's
Speaker 4: one thing I'm scared of in that is voltage going
Speaker 4: through my body.
Speaker 1: As as you should be, I think that's very natural.
Speaker 4: I'm bout you know those little seventies plastic plugs you're
Speaker 4: putting outlets.
Speaker 1: I went ahead and got myself some of those. You
Speaker 1: mean to plug up the plug it up, plug up
Speaker 1: the holes. Sure? Yeah, is that a puppy? It is
Speaker 1: a tiny puppy. Look at that tiny that's almost too tiny.
Speaker 4: It looks like Ames Mountain puppy. It was a miniature puppy.
Speaker 4: My friend Ryan has a miniature Golden Retriever. If I
Speaker 4: told you that, what, no Golden Retriever puppy sized that
Speaker 4: will never get large.
Speaker 5: Oh that's from science. I don't know if I agree
Speaker 5: with that.
Speaker 1: No, they just it's a test tube kit.
Speaker 5: You buy it for chemicals on the regular dog.
Speaker 4: Well, no, you gotta get the real stuff from the
Speaker 4: real dog in that process.
Speaker 1: No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 5: Husbandry. Animal husbandry at its finest. You put a little
Speaker 5: bonnet on them. You don't let them have any opinions.
Speaker 5: The first thing I thought of when you said a
Speaker 5: miniature Golden Retriever is a corgy.
Speaker 1: Don't they already have those.
Speaker 4: I don't know how they acquire he did it. Maybe
Speaker 4: it was a rescue. Maybe you have to wait longer.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: But they broke it out of the science jail that
Speaker 1: it was in right right, the laboratory laboratory door.
Speaker 4: Oh no, you know when a pun's there and you
Speaker 4: just it just doesn't work out.
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe it's for the best. Your ears refuse to
Speaker 5: hear what it should be.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: I knew what it was by the Labradoratory. Yeah, thank
Speaker 1: you Elabordoratory.
Speaker 5: That's you know what that that pun is from the
Speaker 5: Scholastic book order.
Speaker 1: That's like a puzzle in the Scholastic book.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like a pun that be the winning final
Speaker 4: pun on the O Henry Punoff in Austin, Texas?
Speaker 1: Would it win?
Speaker 5: Though?
Speaker 1: I really get it. I'm giving your pun of No,
Speaker 1: it's fine, it's final.
Speaker 4: A lot of you know, I came to this city
Speaker 4: with a lot of puns in my in my hip sack,
Speaker 4: and and I was told right away that keep wordplay,
Speaker 4: should not keep them to myself. But there are groups
Speaker 4: out there that really appreciate puns.
Speaker 1: Well there is.
Speaker 4: That's a real thing, the O Henry pun Off. It's like,
Speaker 4: is that true? Yeah, it's a it was a thing
Speaker 4: in Austin. And I was like, I could do that
Speaker 4: because you have to come up with them on the spot,
Speaker 4: so it's like an.
Speaker 1: Improv sing did you do it? I didn't do it.
Speaker 1: I was too scared And I.
Speaker 4: Bet you could do it though I But now, unfortunately
Speaker 4: the desire has gone away.
Speaker 1: You guys want to go to Starbucks right yours? You
Speaker 1: don't even have to? Hi, can I get a double Tall,
Speaker 1: one pump Mocha.
Speaker 5: One Pump Mocha Classic vent Could I also get a
Speaker 5: Venti Vanilla Latte, hot iceed coffee and medium ice coffee.
Speaker 1: And a Grande ice coffee please? Yes? Anything else that's
Speaker 1: gonna be it?
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, all right, let's not fight, so you can
Speaker 5: do you mind handing me my wallet with all of
Speaker 5: our beautiful gift cards inside Starbucks order today, brought to
Speaker 5: us by now I may or may not.
Speaker 1: Have been using these without you guys. Oh, I can't be.
Speaker 5: Trusted, right, I'll definitely pull one of these out if
Speaker 5: if it comes up.
Speaker 1: So, and that was a gift for our podcast.
Speaker 5: Yes, I want to say I wrote it on the
Speaker 5: original and I did already say it once.
Speaker 1: But I think her name was Amanda. It's something it
Speaker 1: starts with an A. I'm pretty sure it was Amanda,
Speaker 1: but also consults a few episodes ago. Listen.
Speaker 5: We got this as a gift in Pittsburgh, perhaps Pittsburgh.
Speaker 4: I looked at my notes and I can firm it
Speaker 4: was Amanda from Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, thank you?
Speaker 5: Who that.
Speaker 1: Cool?
Speaker 5: Great and left sweet nice so much, Thank you yours, Thanks.
Speaker 1: Nice, Thanks Amanda, we got everything, kids, kids, do you
Speaker 1: have to go to the bathroom? A la the kids?
Speaker 1: We left the kids in the drive through. Kids.
Speaker 4: But I bought a snowboard pass that works at mountains
Speaker 4: throughout the United States. That's all I was going to say,
Speaker 4: is just a I can go a different mountains in Colorado.
Speaker 4: I can go to Whistler in Canada, I can go
Speaker 4: to Big Bear here, I can go to Mammoth here.
Speaker 1: And it was the half the price of a pass somewhere.
Speaker 1: You just buy it early. Oh that's great. Next year.
Speaker 4: I'm just going to be mister snowboard man if I
Speaker 4: don't enter my goddamn hip again.
Speaker 5: Yeah, please be careful. But I was going to say,
Speaker 5: why didn't you go? And maybe it's just the weather
Speaker 5: wasn't wasn't there for you? But why wouldn't you go
Speaker 5: to Big Bear?
Speaker 1: This time?
Speaker 4: It is over Big Beerr is snow seventy degrees and
Speaker 4: the snow is ruined.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's been warm okay.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And they didn't get the kind of snow that
Speaker 4: Mammoth and Tahoe.
Speaker 1: God, those are just the big mountains.
Speaker 4: They get the big snow, and it's a big ass
Speaker 4: drive to get there got it if I took a gamble,
Speaker 4: you don't ever know.
Speaker 1: I'm not a weatherman or meteorologist.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 5: And also the drive to Mammoth is absolutely gorgeous.
Speaker 1: It is.
Speaker 5: I love that drive. I love those weird mountains that
Speaker 5: come up when you're going toward it. They're on the
Speaker 5: left hand side.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Melt McKinley.
Speaker 5: For God's sake, it's all like it looks so it
Speaker 5: looks like something from Jane Eyres.
Speaker 1: It's so dramatic and beautiful.
Speaker 4: It looks like a Ansel Adam's photo, except it's in color.
Speaker 1: It doesn't.
Speaker 5: And there's often like along the way you see these
Speaker 5: little farms that are nestled into the base of mountains
Speaker 5: that then go straight up behind them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm like, I am going to move there.
Speaker 4: There's also just shacks where people are squatting and clearly
Speaker 4: doing math or something.
Speaker 1: Oh. I'm like, look at that abandoned building.
Speaker 4: And I looked closely as we drown by this windowless,
Speaker 4: doorless fuselage of a building, and it was there was
Speaker 4: a light on, and there was a guy in there
Speaker 4: I'd like to think hugging himself trembling.
Speaker 5: Now, can I suggest could it have been like say,
Speaker 5: a milking house on a dairy property.
Speaker 4: It was too dilapidated and scary. But maybe he was
Speaker 4: milking in the.
Speaker 1: Dark, but on cracks so too fast.
Speaker 4: Hey, you can get a lot of utters squeezed when
Speaker 4: you're on the old white pony.
Speaker 1: But they sure don't like it. They don't like it.
Speaker 1: It's too hard today. Yeah, what is wrong with you? Jerry? Jerry?
Speaker 5: Uh, well, that's yeah. It was going to make sure
Speaker 5: your car doesn't break down on that road.
Speaker 4: I guess no, No, that's the other thing. I don't
Speaker 4: own a brand new car. I have four wheel drive.
Speaker 4: There's so many things that what an expensive, flawed intest
Speaker 4: I've gotten myself into.
Speaker 1: As a kid, I just didn't have new stuff.
Speaker 4: I had a front wheel drive car with one snow
Speaker 4: tire that would break down. But now as an adult,
Speaker 4: I can't have anything go wrong. Yeah, and it's like, wow,
Speaker 4: this is expensive. Yes, it's like, how do you get
Speaker 4: into a wakeboarding with something that I sort of was
Speaker 4: into just because it's near that sport a little bit?
Speaker 1: But you have to own a boat? Who owns?
Speaker 4: Only assholes own boats. I'm not an asshole, No, you're not.
Speaker 4: You guys would tell me if I was right.
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, but maybe off Mike, right, No, you're not.
Speaker 5: And I think those interests oftentimes are very like family dependent.
Speaker 5: It's like I like wakeboarding because our family goes to
Speaker 5: blah blah blah and we have a boat and we
Speaker 5: go to this lake and we have a cabin, and
Speaker 5: there's almost a You're born into that.
Speaker 1: Yeah culture, maybe hard.
Speaker 5: To be a independent person in the world and then
Speaker 5: be like, guess what I'm going to get into downhill skiing?
Speaker 1: Right right? It also asked to do with where you
Speaker 1: grew up.
Speaker 4: I mean I at my school there a bus came
Speaker 4: and took you up to the mountain, the mountain that
Speaker 4: no longer gets snow because you know, the al Gore thing.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but it is, you know, because of propaganda.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, made a propaganda that happened. You know, if
Speaker 4: you talk about something enough, it just comes true.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 4: These damn liberals loose lips, sink ships. And it also,
Speaker 4: you know, affects the environment.
Speaker 1: It's true, It is true.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't be surprised if somebody, well, it came true
Speaker 4: because you, you whining snowflakes got rid of the snowflakes.
Speaker 1: But we just left. We were in Denver last weekend.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he left on again. It was hot when
Speaker 1: we were there, it was like balmy.
Speaker 5: And then my dad goes, ooh, you got out of
Speaker 5: Denver just in time, and I was like, what are
Speaker 5: you talking about?
Speaker 1: And there was a full on blizzard. You know that.
Speaker 4: They say that is where they really do say you
Speaker 4: don't like the weather, just hang out for a little while.
Speaker 4: There would wait five minutes. That is a Denver. It
Speaker 4: really does happen in Denver. Me and my friends were there.
Speaker 4: It snowed a bunch in the nineties and then like
Speaker 4: a foot downtown and then by the end of the
Speaker 4: day it was dry and we went skateboarding and the
Speaker 4: sun was out. And they say that everywhere though they do.
Speaker 4: Everyone's every state's in competition for the most fickle weather.
Speaker 5: I think sometimes things like that it's just to prepare
Speaker 5: people for the inevitable unexpected, now you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: It's like saying, hey, don't get too comfortable in your sweater, right,
Speaker 5: don't relax. Everything comes to an end every and things
Speaker 5: change and go opposite. And this is the pendubble of
Speaker 5: life that we're all stuck on. Yeah, stop acting like
Speaker 5: it's going to be winter for the rest of your
Speaker 5: goddamn life.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4: It starts with the weather, and then it ends with
Speaker 4: you're never going to get the job you wanted either, Right.
Speaker 5: It starts it starts with the fickleness of weather that
Speaker 5: goes into your abject failure.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, well weather is just training you for never
Speaker 4: getting what you want in line.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, and why should you? What have you ever done? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think you just because you were born you deserve
Speaker 1: everything you want. No, you've got to pull up your
Speaker 1: boot stratch and work for it.
Speaker 5: And A your taxes. Tax day is coming up? Can
Speaker 5: I share a Can I share a moment with the
Speaker 5: two of you?
Speaker 1: Sure? Tax day? Is it about filing for an extension?
Speaker 5: It's about me burping straight into the micropoft. I just
Speaker 5: signed my taxpapers for this year, which is a great
Speaker 5: feeling because for five years I didn't do my taxes.
Speaker 1: Still no, no, no, no, oh right, right, I remember
Speaker 1: those dark days. I was in the same boat. Yes,
Speaker 1: we were.
Speaker 5: We would talk about it often, but my dream came true,
Speaker 5: Like I mean, it happened. I've done it now for
Speaker 5: say three years. But it's just this is the world
Speaker 5: I wanted to live in, which is someone comes and
Speaker 5: hands me my tax papers and I just sign them
Speaker 5: and write and now I'm it's taken care of for me.
Speaker 5: And that has been my goal, more so than fame,
Speaker 5: fortune performing. Is just someone do my taxes and all
Speaker 5: I do is sign and then someone takes the package away.
Speaker 5: And that just happened right before you guys got to
Speaker 5: my house. And I would like to think God, yahweh,
Speaker 5: the Goddess, the Maya Earth.
Speaker 1: Actually the actually did have a guy that actually did it.
Speaker 4: And Lilah my accountant, Oh what about you though?
Speaker 1: And not to get all into tax talk, but everyone's
Speaker 1: thinking about it.
Speaker 4: If this podcast is nothing, which is yeah, I mean
Speaker 4: kind of is. If it's not funny, it's gonna everyone's
Speaker 4: thinking about taxes.
Speaker 1: Yes, don't you just come out on April te Oh wow, the.
Speaker 4: Happy text everybody, thank you, See Damon, You're welcome.
Speaker 1: But I'd have to itally up my receipts. I'd fill
Speaker 1: out a spreadsheet.
Speaker 4: I'm the only one that has access to that information.
Speaker 1: I look at my old bank records.
Speaker 4: I try, you know, I think it's a conspiracy though,
Speaker 4: a lot of these receipts.
Speaker 1: Just self destruct.
Speaker 4: They're on some sort of copy paper and by the
Speaker 4: end of the year it's just shiny and there's no
Speaker 4: you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Yes, where the ink speed slides off.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it looks like it was burnt like some
Speaker 4: of them looked like they were held put an iron.
Speaker 1: Was put on them. It's because you set them out
Speaker 1: in the sun that way. I do.
Speaker 4: I put all my receipts on a window sill like
Speaker 4: an avocado.
Speaker 1: I told you not to.
Speaker 5: I said, no more toothpicks in the receipts, and you said,
Speaker 5: I'll do it.
Speaker 1: I want I'm a snowboarder. Yeah, yeah, and you started
Speaker 1: kicking me again.
Speaker 5: It's kicking to the side and to the side, hoping
Speaker 5: one day you would go to my wright left Zoomba class.
Speaker 1: Anyways, I don't know how that could get done for you.
Speaker 1: How did you? How do you do your expenses? You
Speaker 1: have expenses? I do, Yeah, it's all done by my accountant.
Speaker 1: Is amazing.
Speaker 5: It basically went from me being so financially fucked that
Speaker 5: all my only solution that I could come up with
Speaker 5: personally was sit and cry and then never talk about it.
Speaker 1: I've been there, right, I know a lot of people
Speaker 1: that have been there.
Speaker 5: But here's what I think anybody, if you might be
Speaker 5: in this situation, please remember, first of all, panic, don't panic,
Speaker 5: look for answers and ask for help from people you trust,
Speaker 5: not people either you don't know or who won't help you.
Speaker 5: Because I went to different people for help, and when
Speaker 5: I wouldn't get the help the way I needed it,
Speaker 5: it would make me not ask again for a long
Speaker 5: time until I finally, like basically, you know, got a
Speaker 5: good job, was able to take the steps. Sometimes you
Speaker 5: can't go from aid to f and you have to
Speaker 5: just wait and be in the bad, uncomfortable, unhappy part.
Speaker 5: But you can always be working toward the next step.
Speaker 5: And I think that idea, even if you're just visualizing
Speaker 5: yourself being in the place where you want to be,
Speaker 5: you can do that for yourself. And I swear to God,
Speaker 5: this is someone who this has happened to me.
Speaker 1: This is real.
Speaker 5: Like I didn't do anything except for that podcast that
Speaker 5: my favorite murder became a hit and suddenly I had
Speaker 5: the ability to change the situation. Right, But that was
Speaker 5: you know, that's because I put in a bunch of
Speaker 5: work on that, right.
Speaker 4: Right, But you also it has to be I mean,
Speaker 4: I'm not saying I'm worsoft, but you know how I
Speaker 4: can only do one thing at a time physically.
Speaker 1: I am that way mentally too.
Speaker 4: If I think about any task and it's daunting, I
Speaker 4: really avoid it, Yeah, because I know there are steps,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, oh, I'll just take care of this.
Speaker 4: I can do this right now. And I let years
Speaker 4: back up at one point just and pretended.
Speaker 1: It wasn't happening. Yeah, I mean, I think that's very natural.
Speaker 5: I think people beat themselves up so much for having
Speaker 5: human reactions to scary things, and so like, I was
Speaker 5: ashamed that I didn't get take care of it. I
Speaker 5: felt like a bad adult all these things where I
Speaker 5: used it to even pile on more where it was
Speaker 5: bad enough. I was having a bad time enough already, right,
Speaker 5: I didn't need to get.
Speaker 1: Beaten up over the fact that it happened or that
Speaker 1: it was happening. So I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 5: I can't say it's not like the solution, because when
Speaker 5: you have tax problems, it just feels like scary and everything. Yeah,
Speaker 5: but you don't have to sit in it and suffer.
Speaker 5: You can like take little steps and take It's all
Speaker 5: about little changes toward the big change.
Speaker 4: I every once in a while, and when my back's
Speaker 4: against the loan, something huge just happened. Like, for instance,
Speaker 4: I just moved and I threw away a lot of
Speaker 4: my male and receipt that I'm not great at paper shredding.
Speaker 4: I should have, but I was throwing them all away
Speaker 4: into a recycled bin that has a lock on it
Speaker 4: in my alley.
Speaker 1: M hm.
Speaker 4: Anyway, I kept getting notifications and I was ignoring them
Speaker 4: from Sprint saying do you want to activate your new device?
Speaker 4: Because I at one point I got a iPad. A
Speaker 4: while ago, someone had been ordering phones to my account. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I had thousands of dollt and they were being delivered
Speaker 4: to a hotel.
Speaker 1: Near my house. God and I yeah, addressed to me.
Speaker 4: And so I called who I thought was Sprint, and
Speaker 4: it was a guy I gave my credit card. I
Speaker 4: hate that I'm admitting this, but I gave my credit
Speaker 4: card in photo a person that just had the script
Speaker 4: in front of them. And I realized it after it happened,
Speaker 4: and so I got a new card.
Speaker 1: So I stopped that one.
Speaker 5: Wait, explain that better so that people have a better
Speaker 5: awareness of what that trick is, because that was it
Speaker 5: had to do with you applying to it.
Speaker 4: Do not ever, if someone calls you claiming they are
Speaker 4: your cellular company, just hang up and call them because
Speaker 4: they there are people that can call you and make
Speaker 4: their number pop up, the Sprint number pop up, and
Speaker 4: that's what this person was able to do. I talked
Speaker 4: to the Sprint fraud guy and he kind of walked
Speaker 4: me through what they were able to do. Also, this person,
Speaker 4: they were nice to me. They were talking like we
Speaker 4: had some banter. They were a normal person, but they
Speaker 4: got a lot of my information and said, Okay, we're
Speaker 4: going to put a fraud thing on this. You have
Speaker 4: to go into a store now, you can't call or
Speaker 4: online order anything. This was the guy though. He had
Speaker 4: this Sprint script in front of him and he tricked me.
Speaker 4: And I'm not dumb, like I should have seen it coming.
Speaker 4: But then another device it said do you want to
Speaker 4: activate this device? I'm like, I thought we dealt with this,
Speaker 4: and I called Sprint and they said, you never talked
Speaker 4: to our fraud department. Oh, that wouldn't be on record,
Speaker 4: And so I had to get new coma bag, get
Speaker 4: new cards, and and then I called this hotel that
Speaker 4: these showed up at and they said, no one came
Speaker 4: to pick up your tablet.
Speaker 1: So we sent it back. So it got sent back
Speaker 1: to Spring. Oh that's good, that's great. So and there.
Speaker 4: But for a while I was like, really, this is happening,
Speaker 4: like thousands of dollars an iPad, some new iPhones, things
Speaker 4: I would love to have. You know, I have a
Speaker 4: rickety old phone. It smokes when I and I would
Speaker 4: and I was so frustrated. And it's while I'm moving
Speaker 4: like I'm dealing with this as I have a paint
Speaker 4: brush in my hand anyway, So I think it's all
Speaker 4: taken care of.
Speaker 1: But don't throw away your receipts and things in mail. Yes,
Speaker 1: shred it. It is important.
Speaker 4: I've always heard that, uh, And that's why I had
Speaker 4: a joke about ripping things in half and ripping those
Speaker 4: in half, and because I'm hoping my identity thief just
Speaker 4: hates puzzles. That's an old joke of mine, but it's real,
Speaker 4: it's true, and it's based on Michelle Balloon telling me
Speaker 4: a long time ago to get a paper shreadder I'm like, ah,
Speaker 4: and it's I feel I'm just I'm marrying out my
Speaker 4: problems because I've just made a mistake.
Speaker 1: Arem Well?
Speaker 5: No, because also that you could prevent another person from
Speaker 5: having that happen, because there's lots of people who don't.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have known that.
Speaker 5: If they call me, don't talk to them and be like,
Speaker 5: I'll call you back. That's a great trick no matter what.
Speaker 5: Anyone that calls you'd be like, you know what, I'm
Speaker 5: going to call you back. Yeah, I'm going you know what,
Speaker 5: this is gonna be on my time.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: With Sprain, it's like starve two and you do you
Speaker 4: call them back? Don't and they sprint calls me all
Speaker 4: the time and I'm talking to a person. Apparently you're
Speaker 4: not supposed to do that. Yeah, because there are people
Speaker 4: that are gifted thieves. Yes, comment, And I don't know,
Speaker 4: you know, I'm not sure how they did it, but
Speaker 4: it's the only reason I'm assuming it was someone digging
Speaker 4: through my garbage and finding old stuff is that they
Speaker 4: were delivered to a hotel. There just two blocks. These
Speaker 4: devices were sent to a hotel near my house. That's
Speaker 4: that's not a coincidence.
Speaker 1: I'm no. I don't think you're not willing to accept it.
Speaker 1: Don't accept it. Don't accept it at the hotel, don't
Speaker 1: accept it at your home. Not certainly, not in your head.
Speaker 1: There's a new way. That is the cost. There's new way.
Speaker 4: I'm so embarrassed about it that I'm sweating, don't you
Speaker 4: Are you kidding?
Speaker 1: This fucking happens to people constantly.
Speaker 4: I've kept it to myself, but we know that I
Speaker 4: like to blurt every I've gotten so much trouble on
Speaker 4: this podcast.
Speaker 1: I've had gotten comedy clubs mad at me. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just I warned you, but you know that I do it.
Speaker 1: I know you did. I know you did not do it.
Speaker 1: I do it, and I did it. I do he
Speaker 1: I owe you. Oh, we have to get it out. Listen.
Speaker 5: There's no If something bad happens to you like that,
Speaker 5: it's good to talk about it because the one of
Speaker 5: the benefits. It's not like you can redo any of
Speaker 5: that happening. We can just help other people have it
Speaker 5: and not happen to them.
Speaker 1: And I guess what I have.
Speaker 4: The thing I've learned about myself, or the thing I
Speaker 4: can glean from it is when shade hits the fan
Speaker 4: like that where they're like, Hi, you spread ten thousand dollars,
Speaker 4: I don't freak out. I call, and I call. I'm like, oh, well,
Speaker 4: this is hilarious. This is scarier than an I. R.
Speaker 4: S Man coming because at least you can reason with them.
Speaker 4: They're the government or whatever. Yeah, or you think you can.
Speaker 4: This was I was. It was scary, you know, kind
Speaker 4: of like if if there's muggers, you know how I've
Speaker 4: fought off muggers before.
Speaker 5: Well, yes, I mean your jiu jitsu skills are fucking nuts.
Speaker 5: It's probably why they're so jealous of you and stole
Speaker 5: your identity in the first time.
Speaker 4: I've had no training, right, That's what's inherent jiu jitsu,
Speaker 4: just doing the soul.
Speaker 1: Really I have through my blood coursing the ability of.
Speaker 4: And I never even asked for it. It was just gifted.
Speaker 4: Like I was on a mountaintop with some monks.
Speaker 1: They were like, do you want jiu jitsu? And you
Speaker 1: were like, sure, jiu jitsu? And sure. That was terrible.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even a pun it didn't sound like anything.
Speaker 4: The problem would be around me as I rub off
Speaker 4: on people, and it's the parts of me that aren't
Speaker 4: that that are made annoying people Throughout my life, I've
Speaker 4: said I've been doing this now I when I talk,
Speaker 4: I spit because I'm around you, or when things I've
Speaker 4: always done.
Speaker 1: That's about it.
Speaker 5: Oh I thought you met me and I got really embarrassed.
Speaker 5: I'm a big spitter.
Speaker 6: Oh I just rerediting my special oo Oh, let me talk.
Speaker 6: Oh Canada, I tell you there's a very Morgan Mindy
Speaker 6: show and did very tried very hard to do a
Speaker 6: young Robin Williams impression, and it turns out I just
Speaker 6: they actually said I wasn't hairy enough.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and the guy that they hired looked exactly
Speaker 4: like Robin Williams and did a very good impression of him,
Speaker 4: but he wasn't like a comedian.
Speaker 1: So I really still think they should have hired me. Anyway,
Speaker 1: How long was this? This was a decade ago.
Speaker 4: Yes, it's a made for TV Moran Mindy specific biopic
Speaker 4: about Robin Williams and his transition into fame.
Speaker 1: And is hair, Well, you had very hairy arms. I
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of body here.
Speaker 5: I'm not bragging, I mean, but what they're saying is
Speaker 5: you could get extensions, but you're not willing to make
Speaker 5: the sacrifice.
Speaker 1: Right exactly.
Speaker 4: You know I've always said, no one touches this skin,
Speaker 4: certainly not the skin on my arms.
Speaker 1: Wait? Can I sidebar you really quick? Oh? Please do?
Speaker 1: Or were you trying to make a point separate from
Speaker 1: Robin Wood? You know what, it probably wouldn't have gotten
Speaker 1: back there. I was just going to say it just
Speaker 1: for me to remember.
Speaker 5: Last night we recorded at the studio and on my
Speaker 5: way home, I realized I didn't bring my normal glasses.
Speaker 5: I only had my sunglasses. But it was nine o'clock
Speaker 5: at night and my sunglasses are prescription. So I had
Speaker 5: to drive home last night with my sunglasses on in
Speaker 5: the dark.
Speaker 1: And you couldn't fuck it hilarious? Did you have that
Speaker 1: song in your head the whole time?
Speaker 5: I mean a little bit too, a little bit, but
Speaker 5: I really you look like such a dumb ass, Like
Speaker 5: it looks like you think that looks good.
Speaker 1: Right? Uh?
Speaker 4: It does not bothers me when people have sunglasses on
Speaker 4: at night.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well it's stupid, like you don't need them, and
Speaker 5: so clearly they're doing it for some weird reason, right.
Speaker 1: Right, But you know what the other side of that
Speaker 1: coin is don't missle Brown with the dog shit. I
Speaker 1: don't know. This is part of it. It is that
Speaker 1: one of the biggest parts of it.
Speaker 4: I would say, Oh, I was going to say, we've
Speaker 4: been editing my special.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited about it. It looks good. But I
Speaker 1: spit so much and it is well lit.
Speaker 4: So much spit flies out of my mouth while I'm
Speaker 4: doing comedy. That it's I'm thinking of naming it.
Speaker 1: Hey, come spit with me. That's a really good idea.
Speaker 6: Is like.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of like a I want to
Speaker 1: get it on this naming. Yes, I don't know what
Speaker 1: to name my special. The spit roast. Oh you're not
Speaker 1: a roast? Comment roast? Spit honest spit?
Speaker 5: Could I could I bend your ear for a spittle?
Speaker 1: No, that's terrible. We will.
Speaker 4: We should spit all this spinballing, Yeah, spitballingballing, spitballing.
Speaker 5: But it's spit b A W L I D like
Speaker 5: you're crying because you're crying about how much you spit.
Speaker 4: And there's a substantial amount of talking about crying in
Speaker 4: the special.
Speaker 1: It's a perfect yes balling. It is fitballing. We've done it,
Speaker 1: and it's done. I don't know what to call it.
Speaker 1: That was the same with my album.
Speaker 4: I just called it Fairbanks because I didn't know what
Speaker 4: else to call it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think not that important. I don't think so,
Speaker 5: but I think it's funny. Like, please ignore how much
Speaker 5: I spit as a title of a special.
Speaker 1: Is hilarious? Oh maybe, okay, because then when people watch
Speaker 1: it and see you spit, they laugh.
Speaker 4: Additionally, Oh, you're right, I'm adding jokes by having easter eggs.
Speaker 1: Oh, other people love it easter egg Okay. I'm driving
Speaker 1: us up in here because I'm looking. We're going to
Speaker 1: look at houses. Oh, we're after chopping for houses. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just I really like this area. Oh I do too.
Speaker 5: Isn't it cool? I think George Clooney lives somewhere around here?
Speaker 1: Oh? Is there anyone. He's one of my favorite celebrities.
Speaker 1: He's the coolest. Yeah. I know that he's cool. I've
Speaker 1: heard too many stories. Yeah, and he's fun, you mean, like.
Speaker 4: And throughout his life, even since he is young and
Speaker 4: on facts of life.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you for Pete's sake. I know you
Speaker 1: jump in there.
Speaker 4: You knew he's always had these pet pigs and it's great.
Speaker 4: There's a Google right now a picture of George Clooney
Speaker 4: with a pig. You'll see pictures from the eighties, pictures
Speaker 4: from the nineties.
Speaker 1: He liked pigs before they were like hip.
Speaker 4: Before pigs were awesome, which he has an Instagram account.
Speaker 1: I enjoy. He was in the pigs early on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's cool. He's a kermit of movies.
Speaker 5: He's He's also somebody you know would be funded like
Speaker 5: drink with if you were stuck somewhere good times, if
Speaker 5: there's a blizzard and we're all at his house.
Speaker 1: If you someone that's been sober for a while.
Speaker 4: If kloon Dog came up and said, Hey, do you
Speaker 4: want a whiskey, Karen, would you just leap off the wagon.
Speaker 1: Just I would never look back.
Speaker 5: I would never I would I would cash in everything
Speaker 5: I had. I would lose it all for one session
Speaker 5: of drinking whiskey with fucking George Clooney. The only problem
Speaker 5: is that I would behave so badly, you know what
Speaker 5: I mean. The behavior would go off the rails.
Speaker 1: Very quickly, Chelsea Handler woman behaving.
Speaker 5: I'd be one of those booze moms everyone loves to
Speaker 5: Instagram about I.
Speaker 4: Like the reference short lived TV shows from years ago.
Speaker 5: Was that a sitcom woman I don't know, Karras Aldanovitch
Speaker 5: was on and she she's hilarious.
Speaker 1: I love her.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's such a good stand up comic.
Speaker 1: I like where we're at. Look at that farmhouse.
Speaker 5: Do you like this weird freestanding chair that's in the
Speaker 5: middle of the street.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, that's from a minivan or something.
Speaker 1: It's confronting us. Yeah, it's like, do not pass. I
Speaker 1: don't like it. I don't like that conk. Do you
Speaker 1: know George Clooney pii Oh okay, Well look at that doggie?
Speaker 1: Can you see through the fence? Maybe it's no, you're
Speaker 1: saying a dog that I can't see. Is anyone else
Speaker 1: seeing the dog? This is a cool pretty we did
Speaker 1: this pass.
Speaker 4: I've always been into well groomed, well shaped hedges, especially
Speaker 4: the ones that dairy queen that look like a soft
Speaker 4: served cone. But these little these I remember we were
Speaker 4: at my grandma's house and my friend came with me.
Speaker 4: We were in like sixth grade, and their hedges were
Speaker 4: always like perfect right angled, perfectly cut, full hedges, like
Speaker 4: so perfect that they're like the branches are like an
Speaker 4: inch thick, but they're you know, they've just been cut
Speaker 4: for years. And my friend put his elbow up on
Speaker 4: it and rested it on there as he was talking
Speaker 4: to my grandpa as a joke, but my grandma didn't laugh,
Speaker 4: and he just kept it there. And I'll never forget that.
Speaker 4: I was like, that was some good comedy. That was
Speaker 4: a sixth grade friend. I'll show him and all to
Speaker 4: end up doing comedy.
Speaker 1: That's where do you think you got the bug bitten?
Speaker 1: Right there? That hetch moment right there? They called it
Speaker 1: a hedging moment. Oh, yes, yes, they always have, They
Speaker 1: always in comedy. When was your hedge moment in comedy?
Speaker 5: I guess when I stood on the bench in sixth
Speaker 5: grade at lunchtime at my new school and did an
Speaker 5: impression speaking of the facts of life of Jerry Blair's
Speaker 5: cousin Jerry, who had cerebral palsy, and I did an
Speaker 5: impression of Jerry for everyone on it, in.
Speaker 1: Which now you know would be bad. I kind of
Speaker 1: knew it was bad at the time.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, but the problem was my impression was dead
Speaker 5: fucking on right. So a group of children gathered around
Speaker 5: because it was such a good impression to watch me.
Speaker 5: But the playground monitor, of course, she didn't get the reference.
Speaker 1: She just thought I was making fun of.
Speaker 5: A handicapped Oh no, Yeah, I went to the principal's office.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 5: And that's when I thought to myself, Yes, this is
Speaker 5: what I'm about.
Speaker 4: It's I am. I will defend you right now. I
Speaker 4: will defend young you. Well, I think you're a kid.
Speaker 4: You do whatever you can to make other kids laugh. Yes,
Speaker 4: and it's oftentimes it's at the expense of others. Oftentimes
Speaker 4: that's called bullying.
Speaker 1: But if the person isn't there, right, is it bullying?
Speaker 1: Who's being stopped? Sign? Yeah? How's your stop sign working out? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Friend, I knew he wanted to ignore it. This is
Speaker 4: a nice area. Which place are you going to buy, Karen?
Speaker 1: No, I don't know. I would like a hill in
Speaker 1: the backyard. What about that one? You should live there?
Speaker 1: That's a nice ranch style home. I don't know.
Speaker 5: I just think it's cool because I didn't realize there
Speaker 5: were these little, tucked away neighborhoods. Yeah, up here. The
Speaker 5: only problem is now we're getting back toward h not
Speaker 5: to Studio City, but we're getting back too far. This
Speaker 5: way because I think I want to live back that
Speaker 5: way more. But see how many houses are for sale.
Speaker 1: Yeah, lots of them. It's they are cool and they're
Speaker 1: all a little different. Yeah, I just want a pool,
Speaker 1: that's all. Oh yeah, but wait, don't you really how
Speaker 1: often you use the pool? Do you have? Oh my god?
Speaker 1: It's not about how often I use it, which certainly isn't.
Speaker 1: It's when I use it? Do I use it to
Speaker 1: its fullest capacity?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 1: Right? Okay, And the answer is I sure the fuck do? Yeah?
Speaker 4: You swim around the edge, touching every single tile twice.
Speaker 5: I make my own whirlpool, and I will whirlpool myself.
Speaker 4: You hand, you put an arcle on a mask, and
Speaker 4: you hand pick up all the leaves at the bottom.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's my favorite activity. Actually, I have been really
Speaker 1: getting into lately. Lackload's good. Oh wow. Oh we take
Speaker 1: a picture of that sign for me? Thank you? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I also have seen a picture on some other signs.
Speaker 1: She might que you into some other area houses. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that one is clearly there's people thank you too. There's
Speaker 1: there's a there's certain real estate people.
Speaker 4: I almost apologize to a stick that you drove over
Speaker 4: like it was like it was stepping on someone's foot.
Speaker 5: Our apologies, our apologies. We certainly don't want to be
Speaker 5: stepping on any stick toes. There's another Oh that's for lease. No,
Speaker 5: I'm not going to lease no house. That's a waste.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's man that people say leasing is wrong, it's
Speaker 1: against the environment.
Speaker 4: So I'm probably gonna if I ever do on purpose,
Speaker 4: get a new phone.
Speaker 1: That's how I end up doing it that you actually use.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that actually ends up being activated by me.
Speaker 1: No, just get that.
Speaker 5: Plot of land, yeah, and literally run up that hill constantly.
Speaker 1: I mean there's some nice trees up there. It is beautiful. Man.
Speaker 1: I kind of want to go camping. Is anyone with
Speaker 1: me on that? You know?
Speaker 5: Where I would want to go that I don't think
Speaker 5: I've been to as far as I can tell.
Speaker 1: Is this? Is it the Sequoias? The one that's basically kind.
Speaker 5: Of like up toward on the way to Mammoth but
Speaker 5: it's a little further east.
Speaker 4: Wow, I mean there are those kind of trees. It
Speaker 4: has to be Sequoia National Park. Yeah, yeah, I think
Speaker 4: that's what I'm thinking of. Sure, it's kind of Yosemite ish.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I want to see that it's all it's
Speaker 1: worth seeing.
Speaker 4: It's there's so many beautiful places around southern California and
Speaker 4: close to Los Angeles that we just are so worried
Speaker 4: about auditioning for cat food commercials that we don't go no.
Speaker 1: And look at them. And I want to start.
Speaker 4: I want to buy a tent, and I want to
Speaker 4: get a backpack, and I want to get.
Speaker 1: Mulled by a bear. I don't want downhill. I've done
Speaker 1: a lot of camping. This could be your punk rock neighbor.
Speaker 5: I'm going to tell her how much we have in common.
Speaker 5: Do you like Susie and the Bantis too? Susie, I
Speaker 5: just don't ever want to camp again. But I do
Speaker 5: want to be in nature and then retreat to a
Speaker 5: gorgeous hotel.
Speaker 1: Right, that's the kind of asshole I am. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think I like the sleeping looking at stars thing.
Speaker 1: I think I'm into that, but I do want to
Speaker 1: be warm.
Speaker 5: You can't look at stars when you're asleep, and I'm
Speaker 5: sorry to argue with you.
Speaker 1: I have to call you on your bullshit. Here's what
Speaker 1: I do. I rub my eyes.
Speaker 4: Really, You're not supposed to do it, but rub eyes
Speaker 4: really intensely and for a minute.
Speaker 1: Even with them closed, you will see stars. You make
Speaker 1: your own stars, or you can have.
Speaker 4: A cartoon character hit you on the head with some
Speaker 4: object and then you'll see stars.
Speaker 5: I mean, hopefully an oversize mallet. If you're going to
Speaker 5: be authentic to the.
Speaker 1: Oh god, damn it. These are beautiful homes. I want
Speaker 1: to be a part of this community. I do too.
Speaker 4: There's all these like eat that home looks like it's
Speaker 4: somewhere in Astoria, Oregon.
Speaker 1: Yes, like all green, lush. What is that a fern? Oh? Man,
Speaker 1: that's one? Oh what are we in the outskirts of Chicago?
Speaker 5: I know right, it's every style because Los Angeles is
Speaker 5: just a bunch of people who are transplants from over
Speaker 5: their places.
Speaker 1: Look at this the the wrong side of the tracks, Idaho.
Speaker 5: It's like, yeah, that looks like country Pedaluma where it's
Speaker 5: like we don't have to mow our front its yard
Speaker 5: if we don't want to.
Speaker 4: It's almost like every house, every family in these houses
Speaker 4: is trying to look like they're from a different area.
Speaker 4: That was a very That whole neighborhood was like inconsistent
Speaker 4: in a really cool way.
Speaker 1: Imagine it during Halloween.
Speaker 4: Oh I can't stop thinking, Oh, decorate all those.
Speaker 1: Homes for Halloween. Okay, I'm going to show you a
Speaker 1: house that I've actually looked on the inside of.
Speaker 4: We really are doing this, yeah, okay, I'll help you decide.
Speaker 1: Okay, very exciting.
Speaker 5: It's all they're all too expensive, and it's all very
Speaker 5: like this seems like a bad idea, but I just
Speaker 5: think I need to do it at the same time.
Speaker 4: Yes, you know, you know how it is good help
Speaker 4: with wallpapering, painting, any of that electrician stuff you're really
Speaker 4: good at. I've been postponing all of it so I
Speaker 4: can go to your house, get it started and leave
Speaker 4: most of the items okay, and unused glue just on
Speaker 4: the floor, and then you walk around that.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 5: So basically you're kind of a starter for when I
Speaker 5: hire the real person.
Speaker 1: I need help. Okay. Well, I'm saying, all right, so.
Speaker 4: When you hire a real person, send them over my way,
Speaker 4: because I probably still won't have done it.
Speaker 1: It's you mean, you need help for yourself, but you
Speaker 1: come first. What's fun.
Speaker 5: It would be funny to hire a person and like
Speaker 5: on their card it said like they're a handyman, but
Speaker 5: it just says I need help, Like, I'm not gonna
Speaker 5: I can't do this. It's too much already, and then
Speaker 5: you still hire them anyway.
Speaker 4: I look, I'm still just two hands. I'm not a magician.
Speaker 4: I'm a handyman. Hey, that's what says on the card.
Speaker 5: And then there's a guy with really big hands.
Speaker 1: I have been youtub you can pretty much.
Speaker 4: It's pretty interesting how you can YouTube anything and someone
Speaker 4: will have made a how to video.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's true.
Speaker 5: I actually looked up and Stephen knows this because we
Speaker 5: had a coffee maker in the exactly right studio that
Speaker 5: we ordered the Ninja and we only had it for
Speaker 5: a month and it started doing this weird thing, basically
Speaker 5: just shutting itself off. And I watched a YouTube video
Speaker 5: literally the exact problem. Like it took one Google search
Speaker 5: right to find a guy who'd made a video about
Speaker 5: how to fixture ninja. If this thing is happening, right,
Speaker 5: it's crazy, right.
Speaker 4: I found the how to install a lamp video was
Speaker 4: my actual lamp that I thought, but it's just like
Speaker 4: not how to install it into a nineteen thirties home.
Speaker 1: With crumbly wires. This house, this is a beautiful house.
Speaker 1: This is the one I looked at. It's perfect. I
Speaker 1: love it.
Speaker 5: It's a little too expensive, yeah, but it's big and
Speaker 5: fancy and it has the most beautiful pool in backyard.
Speaker 1: It's like a dream.
Speaker 5: But I thought, we looked at it. This is the
Speaker 5: first house I looked at and I was like, it's perfect.
Speaker 1: I just want to get it. Don't do that, don't
Speaker 1: be that way about it.
Speaker 5: So I've looked at other places, but this is kind
Speaker 5: of my like, this is the one to beat.
Speaker 1: It is beautiful. I like that modern looking door, isn't
Speaker 1: that cool?
Speaker 4: All I'm a big I'm a big modern furniture person.
Speaker 1: Like the furniture you can get an article, yes, kind
Speaker 1: of like a mid century feeling. Yeah, there's nothing better.
Speaker 4: And then when you've got other stuff like a rustic
Speaker 4: whiskey drink and leather chair, you gotta get rid of
Speaker 4: it all of a sudden it's all modern or go
Speaker 4: home or stay home.
Speaker 5: Or you can keep like a leather whiskey drinking chair
Speaker 5: as a singular piece and feature it and focus it.
Speaker 1: I guess so I can.
Speaker 4: I got to have a corner of the room that's like,
Speaker 4: here's my whiskey foxtrot.
Speaker 1: Can't wait, ska Cavalier corner.
Speaker 5: Can I just say though, that one of the reasons
Speaker 5: that I was thinking that that house wouldn't be good
Speaker 5: to buy is because it would be so busy and
Speaker 5: noisy during commute.
Speaker 1: And it's not. We're on the street right now, it's
Speaker 1: not busy in the least. That's a nice al Camino. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's some good ship around here.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 4: When my grandpa was sick towards the end of his life,
Speaker 4: he bought a El Camino that was all black and
Speaker 4: I believe it said ghost Rider.
Speaker 1: There on the side of the car.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I can I don't know if there's a
Speaker 4: grim reaper or anything off of this was a new
Speaker 4: hot rod pickup truck car, like you know, an old Camino.
Speaker 1: Shit. And I rode in and once my dad was
Speaker 1: driving and we it's rear wheel drive.
Speaker 4: We hit a patch ice did about four three sixties
Speaker 4: on a freeway in the winter, but we were okay, okay,
Speaker 4: it was okay, good, Yeah, And it was so you know, it's.
Speaker 1: People, you know, it's it's just how how life is well.
Speaker 5: And also luckily it wasn't like your grandpa's lifelong El Camino.
Speaker 1: It was just like, oh, I got this because it's
Speaker 1: a fun Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's just and you know, when you're a kid,
Speaker 4: you remember things differently.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was a year before he passed.
Speaker 4: I don't know, Man, that car it makes me want
Speaker 4: to get a black Alchemino and put ghost Rider on
Speaker 4: the side.
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's kind of the coolest thing I've ever heard,
Speaker 1: the coolest thing for a grandpa. I it was a
Speaker 1: cool grandpa. He sounds like it. Did he wear like
Speaker 1: Ben Davis pants and stuff? Oh? Sure, cock driver? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's all you know, he's a tough guy.
Speaker 5: Sure yeahs folded flannel shirts folded at the elbow.
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, I know, I know it is. He never
Speaker 1: covered up those forearms. Why would he know?
Speaker 4: That's a lot of people roll up their sleeves right
Speaker 4: before they do a task.
Speaker 1: What if you're always doing tasks, you just don't need
Speaker 1: some Yeah no, that's why he wore everything sleeveless. Oh
Speaker 1: I don't want to go back down.
Speaker 5: Oh moholland get away. I can't believe how not busy
Speaker 5: this area is. I thought it was going to be crazy.
Speaker 1: I mean we are in this is kind of rush
Speaker 1: hour time. Yeah it is. And it's okay, Well then
Speaker 1: I'm gonna buy that a house beautiful.
Speaker 4: I got pretty you have my permission to get it.
Speaker 4: You really, Yes, it's gorgeous.
Speaker 1: It's a pretty great house.
Speaker 5: And it has that thing that I love, which is
Speaker 5: the wall that faces the backyard where the pool is.
Speaker 5: It's just it's just sliding glass doors so you can
Speaker 5: have like the entire back of the house open.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Wow, that's like that's like in every in every movie.
Speaker 4: That's what drug dealers have.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what I, as a drug dealer want. Yeah,
Speaker 5: I can deal my drugs better right there on the corner.
Speaker 1: Karen Doby SAMs. We're recording no woops. So what was
Speaker 1: it like in Denver? The show was fun? Oh? Our
Speaker 1: Denver show was majestic, was it? Yeah? Those audiences are
Speaker 1: so good they Denver specifically, Denver specifically.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they know they love comedy, They support comedy, they
Speaker 5: watch it all the time.
Speaker 1: They have great taste. I don't know an other town
Speaker 1: that has more of a supportive scene.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're the new Portland's Portland was the new San Francisco.
Speaker 5: It's all super cool and and I got like, right
Speaker 5: before the show started, I got a little nervous because
Speaker 5: and I know I've told you this story before, but
Speaker 5: when I first started doing stand up, like very first
Speaker 5: after working in TV for five years and then leaving
Speaker 5: and then going and doing stand up again, the first
Speaker 5: thing I did was Greg Barrett had me middle for
Speaker 5: him at the Irvine improv, which I was terrible, but
Speaker 5: but I was back.
Speaker 1: On my feet.
Speaker 4: I remember this time period because I was his middle often.
Speaker 1: Oh I see, yeah, I hear what you're saying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you totally took a and I was depending on it
Speaker 1: that week. Well, I needed to go and eat it,
Speaker 1: and I did.
Speaker 5: But then I got my agent called and said, do
Speaker 5: you want to open for the Flight of the Concords
Speaker 5: in Denver? It's a one nighter and you have to
Speaker 5: fly yourself out, And I was like absolutely, because I
Speaker 5: love the.
Speaker 1: Flight of the Conquerords of any normal person. Sure.
Speaker 5: Well, one of the things I forgot to specify to
Speaker 5: the people, because of course, the Flight of the Conquers
Speaker 5: are a music act, and so they have their here's
Speaker 5: your future house.
Speaker 1: There it is ding ding ding ding ding ding. That's beautiful, boy,
Speaker 1: love it. I'll never live somewhere like that. You don't
Speaker 1: know that do not say it. We'll see you don't
Speaker 1: say it, you envision it. No, I'm you know my routine.
Speaker 4: If I say that it's not going to happen, what
Speaker 4: are the chances of it actually not happened?
Speaker 1: You shoot?
Speaker 4: You can't shoot something down, shut it out of your life,
Speaker 4: and then also have it not happen.
Speaker 1: That's just two coincidences. Yeah, it's two coincidences.
Speaker 4: Oh, I'll never have a Topaz Ferrari. Hey, hey, look
Speaker 4: what are That's such a specific car. I'll probably have one.
Speaker 1: Now you know it's inevitable.
Speaker 4: No one breaks into my car as I park it here.
Speaker 4: Now they're going to break in, right, you know what
Speaker 4: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I think so a lot of people are like, don't
Speaker 1: put that in the universe. I'm saying, and you're saying,
Speaker 1: put it in and challenge the US, challenge the universe. Okay, Well, my.
Speaker 5: End of that anecdote is I didn't specify for them
Speaker 5: to not wrap the mic cord around the mic stand
Speaker 5: fifty times like they do for musicians. Oh right, So
Speaker 5: when I went out, I couldn't take the mic off
Speaker 5: the mic stand, so I just had to stand there.
Speaker 5: And then so I couldn't kind of get anything going
Speaker 5: or like be myself because I was now this weird
Speaker 5: stand in one spot comic, which is very bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: The first thing you have to fumble with. It takes
Speaker 4: away all your power. Oh the chord's going through the thing. Yeah,
Speaker 4: people are watching you do it. You haven't said anything yet. Yeah,
Speaker 4: during my special no mic stand my cordless mic on
Speaker 4: a bench.
Speaker 5: Yeah, right, because you don't want to it's it's weird,
Speaker 5: dumb business, not a park bench.
Speaker 1: The background is great. It's a gorky par like period park. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's nice. Yeah, it's beautiful. An old man in the
Speaker 1: background of gift. We had live pigeons on set. The
Speaker 1: end of this story, it's gonna be worth it, not
Speaker 1: at all?
Speaker 5: Is that I ate it so deeply royally opening for
Speaker 5: the flight of the Concords that a guy wrote an
Speaker 5: article about how bad I was way in some Denver,
Speaker 5: you know, comedy newspaper that, of course I got my
Speaker 5: hands on and then freaked out forever of like I.
Speaker 1: Shouldn't be doing this, which is kind of fine. It
Speaker 1: set me off of the path of is he still
Speaker 1: write comedy? I have no idea. I don't know who
Speaker 1: it was.
Speaker 5: It was just basically going the opener suck to the
Speaker 5: Flight of the Conquerors are amazing because.
Speaker 4: There's a nice guy there, John Wenzel, who wrote a
Speaker 4: book about comedy and he's written articles. When I'm there,
Speaker 4: he seems really he would never do that. It's probably
Speaker 4: not him, Probably not him. Yeah, but it's great. All
Speaker 4: I wanted to say is he's great, and he wasn't
Speaker 4: the guy.
Speaker 1: Probably not, but but we can't ever know. Why was
Speaker 1: the cord wrapped.
Speaker 5: Around the mic so much because they're musicians and that's
Speaker 5: how they have their mics, so nobody was adjusting it
Speaker 5: for what I.
Speaker 4: Needed, and they had scarves and things hanging from the
Speaker 4: mics stand to Basically.
Speaker 5: I just wanted to do well in front of a
Speaker 5: Denver audience because right at the eleventh hour, I was like,
Speaker 5: what if I eat it again? And then like the debt,
Speaker 5: the discerning and tough customer Denver crowd is like, nah,
Speaker 5: she's not that good. And so the show was awesome
Speaker 5: and I was so excited because I was like, ah, I.
Speaker 1: Don't have to worry about that anymore.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it basically got rid of Yeah, it like
Speaker 5: deleted that fail off of mine.
Speaker 4: Do you feel like the audience there has changed and
Speaker 4: it's way better new just because they've been kind of
Speaker 4: trained to be a comedy town.
Speaker 1: I feel like.
Speaker 5: I maybe I mean, but I don't. I was giving
Speaker 5: them nothing to enjoy. I'll say this, it was bad.
Speaker 5: It was bad material. But normally I had a little
Speaker 5: bit of play. I could kind of like make it
Speaker 5: seem a little bit interesting because I would have personality
Speaker 5: behind it. But being stuck on the mic stand, you're
Speaker 5: just like you're weirdly like Stephen Wright all of a sudden,
Speaker 5: yeah or whoever.
Speaker 4: Also stand ups hard and you have to do it
Speaker 4: all the damn time, And if you haven't been doing.
Speaker 1: It, yeah, you can't. Just you can't just pick up
Speaker 1: gigs after five years of not doing it.
Speaker 4: No, I can't even do it after taking a month
Speaker 4: off y and predictably do well horrible.
Speaker 5: And even if you do well, like we were talking
Speaker 5: about earlier the project, we can't see our own good
Speaker 5: thing because we're the ones doing it right.
Speaker 1: So like me, I can really see my bad things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm so good at the bad thing.
Speaker 5: So it was like, all in all, I feel like
Speaker 5: that is such a good feeling to delete the old
Speaker 5: fail that, like.
Speaker 1: Was it weird? Weird around the play of the Concord
Speaker 1: Sky Germaine and the other guy. No, they were so nice.
Speaker 1: It couldn't have been nicer.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I left immediately after my safe It was
Speaker 5: bad enough so that I was just like, goodbye?
Speaker 1: Did you cry? Sometimes I cry after it goes really bad.
Speaker 1: I definitely have.
Speaker 5: I don't that time, I kind of was like more bewildered,
Speaker 5: like why did I volunteer for this?
Speaker 1: It's very weird of me.
Speaker 4: Sure you took the realistic approach, Yes, like who am I?
Speaker 1: Who am I? And what's happening? Yes?
Speaker 4: Well, I always think I'm never going to feel that
Speaker 4: way again, Like, oh, because you'll have a dozen good shows.
Speaker 4: It's like I'm finally in full control over this. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's art of mine and no no eating. It is
Speaker 4: always there for you.
Speaker 1: It's a surprise every time because it's you know, it's like.
Speaker 5: The crowd, your own mood, the amount of material you
Speaker 5: do or don't have, right, the other things going on
Speaker 5: in your life. Like I just did goddamn comedy jam,
Speaker 5: I had no material. I didn't realize I was supposed
Speaker 5: to do a set beforehand, I scraped up six jokes
Speaker 5: that Lizzie texted to me. Really yes, because I was like,
Speaker 5: do you remember any jokes of mine? I have to
Speaker 5: do a set, and then basically told the audience I
Speaker 5: haven't done a set in six months and didn't know
Speaker 5: I was supposed to do this.
Speaker 1: Now, listen to these ideas and then I'll get out
Speaker 1: of your hair.
Speaker 4: Basically, and it ended up being really fun, of course,
Speaker 4: because you get that disclaimer.
Speaker 5: Yes, the disclaimer and performing live doing the podcast does
Speaker 5: a lot of the same things.
Speaker 1: It's just not that written material. But it's like, it's
Speaker 1: not cold.
Speaker 4: You know, yeah, I fail, you're really comfortable on stages
Speaker 4: in front of thousands of people.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's gotten. It has gotten a little bit.
Speaker 5: Then you're doing other things and going, oh, this isn't
Speaker 5: the be all end all. I can suck right now
Speaker 5: and that's okay too, Whereas my entire stand up career
Speaker 5: it's like the idea of sucking was like automatic death.
Speaker 4: Yeah, when in reality, way more people are judging the
Speaker 4: words I'm saying right now listening to this than have ever.
Speaker 1: And then months of doing life. Sure, yeah, absolutely, but
Speaker 1: you don't know that. No, all right, try not to
Speaker 1: think about it. The ignorance. It's bliss. Oh my, yes,
Speaker 1: but I do.
Speaker 4: I want you to start doing stand up again, okay,
Speaker 4: And I want you to start that band.
Speaker 1: And I want you to clean your room. No, it's
Speaker 1: your house looks nice and plain. Thank you, You're welcome.
Speaker 5: It's really nice to have a clean house. Uh, when
Speaker 5: you have two dogs. Yeah, it felt so impossible for
Speaker 5: so long.
Speaker 1: Do they help at all play in the house. No,
Speaker 1: what they don't.
Speaker 5: I like to remind them often that they bring nothing
Speaker 5: to the table in terms of how the house runs.
Speaker 1: They're spoiled. They complain all the time.
Speaker 4: That's not true. Tonight one of your doggies brought a
Speaker 4: chew toy to the table.
Speaker 1: Well, and you almost rolled your ankle on it. That
Speaker 1: was one of Frank's tricks.
Speaker 5: You can tell that he's a con man from the
Speaker 5: streets is He slid that bullystick right under my foot
Speaker 5: and then ice skating style from a cartoon went sliding backwards.
Speaker 4: And then he had three cups and he said which
Speaker 4: one has the marble under it?
Speaker 1: And he grifted me and then I said, I'm not
Speaker 1: playing that game. Oh, it's clearly under that cup, where
Speaker 1: the hell's my wallet? And then Frank's the woe that's
Speaker 1: ordering tablets and phones.
Speaker 4: But you know what, I'd be a way less mad
Speaker 4: if I found out it was a dog doing all this.
Speaker 1: It would be pretty awesome. You'd get your own segment
Speaker 1: on Good Morning America.
Speaker 4: I bet did you when you were a kid, did
Speaker 4: you have a grown up in a McGruff suit come
Speaker 4: to your school and teach you about Do you know
Speaker 4: who McGruff the climb dog is?
Speaker 1: I sure do. He's a detective dog, I know. Did
Speaker 1: he ever come here school? Colombo based detective had a
Speaker 1: trench coat?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: I think I was too old. Okay, uh? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Did you have sprocket Man, the bicycle safety superhero Midar school?
Speaker 1: Never? He may have been. He was in an all
Speaker 1: red a lot of grown men in costumes.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we had missus Terwilliger who would come and explain.
Speaker 5: She had this van where the sides opened, and then
Speaker 5: she had all these pieces of nature and she would
Speaker 5: just explain to you what everything was.
Speaker 1: So she'd be like, he has a robin's nest. And
Speaker 1: she was like this old lady with gray hair. She
Speaker 1: was like a mother nature superhero.
Speaker 5: Yes, but yeah she was awesome. But that was for
Speaker 5: like little kids. Yeah, And it was basically like, if.
Speaker 1: You see this snake nest, don't put your arm in it.
Speaker 1: It was a lot of that, oh wow, see that's
Speaker 1: actually useful. Yeah. A lot of kids, you know, stick
Speaker 1: their pants right in us. I mean it's so irritating.
Speaker 5: But I saw the mcgruffa crime Dog cartoons on when
Speaker 5: we would watch cartoons, but no one ever showed up
Speaker 5: in right.
Speaker 4: I think a lot of people have seen the cartoons.
Speaker 4: Someone actually had a professionally made costume and multiple times
Speaker 4: came to my school because mainly they're saying, go to
Speaker 4: a house with my name on it or my picture
Speaker 4: in the window if you are being you know, because
Speaker 4: everyone's getting kidnaped indies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it was my biggest fear. It really always was.
Speaker 1: And every day I thought I was going to get
Speaker 1: a kidnapped. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I'm glad you did thought that because I probably kept
Speaker 5: you spry alert. Right.
Speaker 4: I was kind of a paranoid kid in general. But
Speaker 4: also I think it was smarter my parents to be like, hey,
Speaker 4: there's people that grab you. Yes, And so everyone was
Speaker 4: a kidnapper walking to school.
Speaker 1: I just you know, I.
Speaker 5: Think I've said this before, but my sister, as a teacher,
Speaker 5: tells her kids all the time adults don't need help
Speaker 5: from kids.
Speaker 1: If an adult is asking you for help for something,
Speaker 1: oh my god, get away.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because it's it's the perfect explanation where it's just like, oh,
Speaker 5: can you help me find this dog? Can you help me?
Speaker 5: That's how they usually get little kids the worst. They
Speaker 5: draw them in and so that makes me mad.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a weird, sweaty, foreheaded Stanley Tucci.
Speaker 1: Character the Lovely Book that was hard for me. It's tough.
Speaker 1: It's a tough ride that movie. Have you read the book? No,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can. Also, I'm saying I
Speaker 1: don't know if I know how to read. I did
Speaker 1: so long.
Speaker 4: I did a little interview thing for my manager's website
Speaker 4: is a veil website, and she just kind of interviewed
Speaker 4: all her clients and one of the questions was it.
Speaker 1: Was a book.
Speaker 4: Follow up questions too, And I felt so dumb that
Speaker 4: I didn't have an example of a book I've been reading.
Speaker 1: Oh god, it made me go and at.
Speaker 4: Least just flipped through David Sadara's book essays, I can
Speaker 4: tackle those and.
Speaker 5: David Snares, that's the most readable anything.
Speaker 1: On the planet. It's the best. Yeah. Yeah, so so
Speaker 1: I just looked.
Speaker 4: At his pages so I could put down dress your Family,
Speaker 4: Cornerine or whatever it was is.
Speaker 5: There is the essay in that one when he talks
Speaker 5: about being in art school and his dad coming to
Speaker 5: his art show.
Speaker 4: I think so because that sounds familiar, but it might
Speaker 4: be from one of the other ones.
Speaker 1: It is the best.
Speaker 5: If you have a chance to read David Sedars's essay
Speaker 5: about being on I think he's on like Crank or
Speaker 5: something and doing a like.
Speaker 1: A performance show and his dad comes.
Speaker 5: It's I was laughing so hard on a plane that
Speaker 5: like I had to stop reading it because I was
Speaker 5: making a scene.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Like I was.
Speaker 5: Choke like volume laughing. Really, it was so embarrassing and
Speaker 5: it was so funny.
Speaker 4: I get a lot of well, well you see him
Speaker 4: on Twitter and you see him too, But people say.
Speaker 1: That with their podcast. Does that for them sometimes? Oh,
Speaker 1: like it embarrasses them at work? Well yeah, because a
Speaker 1: lot of people are listening privately. Yes, I love it.
Speaker 1: I mean that's the compliment is the ultimate compliment. Is
Speaker 1: you getting fired while is you getting on worke detention
Speaker 1: for some reason? You better be.
Speaker 4: Laughing at how quickly you're finishing that progress.
Speaker 5: Report right away, mister to Willigert about doom.
Speaker 1: You all work in fifties offices.
Speaker 5: But for the lady that shows children nature things that
Speaker 5: I just mentioned, I God, that sounds familiar.
Speaker 1: But we grew up in different towns, so there's no way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think she was local, but I SA County. I
Speaker 1: think that we had a woman like that, but it
Speaker 1: was just puppets. She was a puppet, yeah, puppet.
Speaker 5: Teer okay, yeah, but she would talk about nature.
Speaker 1: I think just talk to herself using puppets.
Speaker 4: The scenes really never went anywhere, and she maybe wasn't
Speaker 4: even hired.
Speaker 1: By this school. She was just she was just right
Speaker 1: on the chain link fence in the playground.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, I don't know, someone wants to entertain
Speaker 4: the kids for a while. It's all us teachers go
Speaker 4: have a smoke break. Is that her you found? How
Speaker 4: did you find her?
Speaker 1: That's her spell? Wow? Good work, Stephen Well. I love
Speaker 1: her face. This is there was a clam and a
Speaker 1: muscle type of stuff. Oh wow, she's the best. She's
Speaker 1: your by the way, with Thompson, what if I brought
Speaker 1: up a picture and it was me, Oh, that would
Speaker 1: be nuts. Do you remember any photo shoots with that woman?
Speaker 1: I mean, your people love to photo shoot with me?
Speaker 1: Is that you and the bowl cut? That look at her?
Speaker 5: But you'd go out to the beach with her, and
Speaker 5: then she'd be like, dick down here, and that's how
Speaker 5: you find that, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like she knew all the tricks.
Speaker 4: I can't remember. It's a vague memory, but I wasn't
Speaker 4: quite that young. But it was friends of an old
Speaker 4: my old ex step mom. They we went, we were
Speaker 4: in like the Puget Sound somewhere and went these nice
Speaker 4: old folks on their boat took us crabbing, and they
Speaker 4: were so sweet.
Speaker 1: They were like it was a really fun time.
Speaker 4: And I was trying to I was a rebellious little kid,
Speaker 4: like not wanting to be there for some reason.
Speaker 1: I was having one of my moods.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and they were so sweet and showing me the
Speaker 4: traps and now they catch the crabs. And my dad
Speaker 4: and I were in this little boat, not the main boat,
Speaker 4: but the boat they pull the traps and empty them
Speaker 4: in and all of a sudden they emptied the trap
Speaker 4: and thirty crabs that looked like giant spiders are just coming.
Speaker 4: We both almost jumped out of the boat. And they
Speaker 4: were just laughing. And these they were these sweet old people.
Speaker 4: And then they just pick up the crabs and twist
Speaker 4: them like a smoke detector, yeah, and throw them in
Speaker 4: like crabs that were moving, yeah, and boiling them.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you you old folks have an edge
Speaker 1: to you, yo. Yeah.
Speaker 4: And that woman was say she probably could grab a
Speaker 4: snake from the snake pile. Hell yes, and not be
Speaker 4: scared of it.
Speaker 1: She would be. She would be.
Speaker 5: She would teach that snake a lesson if she found it,
Speaker 5: but she would be gentle with it, maybe put a
Speaker 5: little hat on it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my favorite thing. It's pretty cool. Well, you
Speaker 1: know it's funny too.
Speaker 5: That's so funny of you saying like, then you're in
Speaker 5: a little mood because it's like, especially back then, like
Speaker 5: my parents never checked to make sure we ate lunch
Speaker 5: or you know what I mean, Like it wasn't like
Speaker 5: being tended to the way kids are tended to these days.
Speaker 5: I'm just so jealous because I would get moods or whatever,
Speaker 5: because I'm super sugar sensitive. So if I didn't have
Speaker 5: anything to eat, and then they'd be like, you'll be fine,
Speaker 5: just wait till we get to the restaurant. Right by
Speaker 5: the time I got to the restaurant, I would be
Speaker 5: in tears.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for some reason, right, my mood went away once
Speaker 1: I had a little crab mate. Yes, like it's hungry
Speaker 1: that things. Reasons, God damn it, there's reasons.
Speaker 4: No, it was I remembered that one of the man
Speaker 4: I wish I remembered who these people were. They just
Speaker 4: that woman reminded me of that picture of her, just
Speaker 4: like a family friend, old boat man. But I was
Speaker 4: in a mood and he said, hey, cheer up, you
Speaker 4: should be in a better mood. And I snapped right
Speaker 4: out of it. This nice old man was like noticing,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, oh, I thought I was being more subtle. Yes,
Speaker 4: I need to work on Okay, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm back. I'm having fun. Let's go crabbing. I don't
Speaker 1: want you to be mad at me, old ma'am. Yeah
Speaker 1: who I never knew, untaw again, but he made an impression.
Speaker 1: That's so.
Speaker 4: The point is not all strangers are bad kids. That's right,
Speaker 4: life lessons.
Speaker 5: If it's a fishermen, their chances are they're good.
Speaker 1: Here's the problem with that.
Speaker 5: That idea though, of putting a sticker on a house,
Speaker 5: right with McGruff the car, what a great way to
Speaker 5: get kids to come to your house exactly. That's the
Speaker 5: other thing too, is ask a mom. That's that's another
Speaker 5: thing that my Sistery says. If you if you think
Speaker 5: you're in trouble, go run and find a mom.
Speaker 1: Yeah. That's very anti dad, it is. That's right, it is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how do you know it's a mom?
Speaker 4: If dads don't like a lady with kids, I mean,
Speaker 4: it might be the dragon lady, but your odds are
Speaker 4: as a lady.
Speaker 1: In my neighborhood that looked like a witch that you
Speaker 1: ran to you, it.
Speaker 4: Would be that every kid was scared of the point
Speaker 4: is they come in all shapes and size.
Speaker 1: It's these scary ladies now people, but usually the ladies.
Speaker 5: It's moreover like a dragon Lady's gonna be like, get
Speaker 5: the fuck away from me.
Speaker 1: I'm the dragon.
Speaker 4: She would drive around on a right around on a bike.
Speaker 4: She wore all black. Her house was entirely spray painted
Speaker 4: with graffiti. She my mom was a sewer billing person.
Speaker 4: She didn't use the city plumbing and her house was
Speaker 4: right by my school and covered with graffiti get out,
Speaker 4: stay out. And now in retrospect, I think other people
Speaker 4: spray painted her house.
Speaker 1: It wasn't her. Oh no.
Speaker 4: She wore tons of makeup and had a black veil,
Speaker 4: so she kind of was like, hey, I want to
Speaker 4: look creepy. Yeah, and she went. She was a dragon lady,
Speaker 4: and my mom always was nice to her. And she's like, oh,
Speaker 4: she's fine. She came in and why are they honking?
Speaker 4: I don't understand.
Speaker 1: That that person was going going too slow.
Speaker 4: But she's a real person and everyone was scared of her.
Speaker 4: Everyone remembers who that was.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well that's she's going to make a real impression.
Speaker 5: That's like the Lava Lady. I just recently found out
Speaker 5: that the lady I like to talk about and called
Speaker 5: the Unicorn Lady here in La Her actual name that
Speaker 5: people know her by is the Lava Lady because her
Speaker 5: house is made of lava rock or was.
Speaker 1: I think she's passed away at this point, but she
Speaker 1: used to walk.
Speaker 5: Around on LaBrea around third and she had a bun
Speaker 5: that went straight up like a unicorn.
Speaker 1: Like it was like a like a Marge Simpson type weget,
Speaker 1: but it was it was more like a button, so
Speaker 1: it was like but it went straight up.
Speaker 5: She was crazy skinny and then she would wear these
Speaker 5: like insane platform shoes and it was nuts.
Speaker 1: She was.
Speaker 5: She was fascinating and crazy makeup in her like really
Speaker 5: strangely like tan face, and she was just like local
Speaker 5: color essentially.
Speaker 4: Yeah, where the rumors about her and be I mean
Speaker 4: people would say, if you went to the Dragon Lady's
Speaker 4: house and try to open the gate, you get hit
Speaker 4: with a hammer. Like there's really specific stories.
Speaker 5: I started rumor about the Love Lady that she was
Speaker 5: a slut, but nobody it didn't catch on at all.
Speaker 1: I just like saying it the best possible rumor. Oh
Speaker 1: and the sad part is now I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 4: What if you were a kid in need and much
Speaker 4: like bou Radley or whatever, the Dragon Lady was there
Speaker 4: to save.
Speaker 1: You, yes, and wanted to and kept her eye on you.
Speaker 4: All she wanted was to have a emotional connection with
Speaker 4: a kid.
Speaker 1: You guys, my front door is open. Is that bad?
Speaker 1: Do you think you left it open? Do you think
Speaker 1: your dog's no because it's screen doors closed. Okay, I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess let's go find out.
Speaker 4: Well, I guess we're going to go inside Karen's house
Speaker 4: and see if there is a burglar. It's funny with this.
Speaker 4: It's just on the eels, in the gruff and someone's.
Speaker 1: In your house, right, Yeah, I mean it was me.
Speaker 1: I was the last one out.
Speaker 4: So if you never hear an episode from us again,
Speaker 4: there was indeed someone in the house.
Speaker 1: He was able to overpower the three of us yet.
Speaker 1: So this might be the last episode, but probably not.
Speaker 1: Do you have anything to plug before we go get stabbed?
Speaker 5: I don't think so, although you know, thanks for listening
Speaker 5: all this time. You know, if this is the last
Speaker 5: podcast we ever do, what a great opportunity we've had.
Speaker 4: And I'm just going to assume that. And this is
Speaker 4: after the fact, of course. But I put up a
Speaker 4: good fight with this guy in Karen's house. I tried
Speaker 4: to save us both. He just was able to overpower me.
Speaker 4: I only weigh one hundred.
Speaker 6: And fifty sixty you like one sixty five?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and one sixty five? Stephen, do you have your gun?
Speaker 1: I always carried on me? Okay, Oh, yeah, yeah, he
Speaker 1: has that little pink ankle gun. You're welcome. You've been
Speaker 1: listening to Do you need to ride? D y n
Speaker 1: A R Hong Kong? Are you leaving? I?
Speaker 3: You wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way you want to be there, doesn't matter how.
Speaker 1: Much baggage you claim.
Speaker 2: And give us time and a turmano and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off InStyle. You want to
Speaker 3: welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 5: Malborn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need with Karen and Cress m h