1 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:08,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls podcasts, a 2 00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:13,360 Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the 3 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,480 Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible 4 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:21,160 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy Hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information, 6 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. 7 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: And while I hope you love listening to and learning 8 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 1: from the podcast, it is not meant to be a 9 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:45,880 Speaker 1: substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, 10 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: thanks so much for joining me for session seventy two 11 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Today we're focusing 12 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 1: on many of the complexities related to being a caregiver, 13 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: and for this conversation I was joined by Renette Or, 14 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:05,400 Speaker 1: who is a licensed clinical social worker in Atlanta. Renette 15 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: has over thirteen years of clinical consulting and program evaluation 16 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:16,560 Speaker 1: experience nationally and internationally. A graduate from Georgia State University 17 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 1: with the VS in Psychology and a minor in sociology, 18 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,520 Speaker 1: Renette continued her education pursuing a Master of Social Work 19 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 1: at the University of Georgia with a concentration in clinical practice. Currently, 20 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 1: Renette is licensed in the state of Georgia and Florida 21 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:38,360 Speaker 1: as a clinical social worker and holds a national certification 22 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: as a Master Addiction Counselor. Renette is the founder and 23 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: CEO of The Empowerment Agency, a behavioral health consulting firm 24 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 1: headquartered in Atlanta, Georgia. Renette's passion to serve the aging 25 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: and those who care for adults stems from her personal 26 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: life of being the baby child born to a sixty 27 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:02,640 Speaker 1: year old father in forty one year old mother. During 28 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 1: high school, she began to observe the complex needs related 29 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,799 Speaker 1: to the aging population due to her mother and father's experiences. 30 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: During her senior year high school, her now deceased father 31 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 1: was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, resulting in her mother stepping into 32 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 1: the role of caregiver and head of household. Currently, she 33 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,839 Speaker 1: provides respites to her sister and brother in law, who 34 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:34,359 Speaker 1: provide caregiver support to her aging mother. Understanding the laughs, tears, 35 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 1: and precious moments related to caring for adults, Renette added 36 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,799 Speaker 1: this service component to her work at the Empowerment Agency. 37 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 1: Renette and I discussed some of the common challenges that 38 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: come up her caregivers, managing your emotions as a caregiver, 39 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 1: how to engage your support system, why self care is 40 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 1: so important as a caregiver, and how to engage in 41 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:02,360 Speaker 1: clear and effective communication with Emily and friends. If you 42 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,800 Speaker 1: hear something you think others should also here, please shared 43 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,679 Speaker 1: with us on social media using the hashtag tb g 44 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:14,359 Speaker 1: in session. Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for 45 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 1: joining us today, Rennette. Thank you for having me. I'm 46 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 1: very happy we're finally able to align our schedule so 47 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: that you could come on and talk about this topic. 48 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,120 Speaker 1: It's been a heavily requested topic, and so once I 49 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,360 Speaker 1: found out that you had this expertise, I knew you 50 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 1: were the one I wanted to come on and chat 51 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 1: about it. So I'm happy you were able to join 52 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 1: us today. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. This 53 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: is a topic that is very near and dear to 54 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 1: my heart personally and professionally. Yeah. So, can you just 55 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 1: start by telling us a little bit about some of 56 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 1: the common challenges that come up for people once they 57 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:50,120 Speaker 1: become caregivers for their parents or other loved ones. Yeah. Absolutely, So. 58 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 1: One of the main challenges that individual's experience is how 59 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 1: do I maintain balance of being myself as well as 60 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:02,120 Speaker 1: stepping into this caregiver role. Oftentimes these are our loved ones, 61 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 1: our parents, possibly a sibling who we want to provide 62 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 1: the most loving care and support for, and so we 63 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: end up diving in head first without thinking about what 64 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 1: is my own self care. How do I balance my relationships, 65 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: whether it's with a significant other, work employees, or other 66 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,520 Speaker 1: interpersonal relationship, and then how do I maintain my work? 67 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 1: So those are the full spectrum of challenges that they 68 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:34,839 Speaker 1: experience around finding balance. I would also say there's often 69 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: a lot of shame and stigma many times individuals when 70 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:43,159 Speaker 1: their loved ones are experiencing these challenges, it's hard to 71 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 1: see them in those positions, in those places. And so 72 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: how do I go out into the community every day 73 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,279 Speaker 1: and when someone asks about my loved one share that 74 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,920 Speaker 1: this is what it's going on, especially if I don't 75 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: have a full understanding of it or I don't know 76 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: how to relate or how the other person may respond 77 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 1: to what's going on. Okay, so you brought up a 78 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 1: lot of good points, and I want to make sure 79 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,560 Speaker 1: that we kind of give attention to all of those things. 80 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: Like the spectrum of issues that you mentioned. But I'm 81 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 1: also aware that a lot of times this happens really swiftly, right, Like, 82 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: sometimes you can plan for like a parent getting older, 83 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 1: and like, Okay, this is how we're going to transition 84 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,039 Speaker 1: and do these things. But sometimes, you know, there's a 85 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,279 Speaker 1: health challenge that causes you to become a caregiver without 86 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 1: any planning. So I'm curious about, you know, especially like 87 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,479 Speaker 1: the financial piece of that, like how you manage when 88 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: you might not be stable yourself right and then to 89 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,359 Speaker 1: have to take on maybe you know, significant other cause 90 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 1: related to caregiving for a loved one. Absolutely great questions. 91 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 1: So one of the things that we've noticed is that, 92 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:47,600 Speaker 1: particularly let's say the individual has a sudden illness such 93 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,919 Speaker 1: as a stroke, that leaves them to where they have 94 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,920 Speaker 1: to have caregivers to provide that support, we would want 95 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 1: to sit down to do a financial assessment immediately, not 96 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:01,279 Speaker 1: something to judge or for you to feel ashamed or 97 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,679 Speaker 1: to you know, remind you that, hey, you know, I'm 98 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 1: having difficulty taking care of myself and I'm stepping into 99 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 1: this role. You want to look at your finances to 100 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: figure out strategically, what do I have coming in, what's 101 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 1: going out, and what can I do moving forward? Because 102 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 1: one of the main challenges goes back to if I'm 103 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:24,360 Speaker 1: providing caregiver support, what does that do to my employment? 104 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 1: Oftentimes individuals miss days of work due to caring for 105 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: their loved one or taking them to their appointments or 106 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,239 Speaker 1: being at home when someone is coming in to provide 107 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 1: that in home support. Okay, So a financial plan would 108 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,159 Speaker 1: be where you would start your saying what other things 109 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 1: would you want to be looking at, especially if this 110 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,479 Speaker 1: was something that happened suddenly. So there are also case 111 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 1: managers in the community. One of the things that I've 112 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 1: brought on in my organization is an insurance specialist UM. 113 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,599 Speaker 1: This lady is certified in Belief forty eight to the 114 00:06:56,680 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: fifty states, where she can identify what insurance Paul sees 115 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: may the individual be eligible for, but also what other 116 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:07,480 Speaker 1: mainstream benefits are available in the community, so that we 117 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,559 Speaker 1: can help lift some of that financial burden, but also 118 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: identify what other resources are available for you or the 119 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 1: individual you're caring for may now be eligible for. Yeah, 120 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,240 Speaker 1: I'm sure that would be a really important resource to 121 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: look at, right because that could help to relieve some 122 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 1: of the financial burden that you may be expecting. Absolutely, absolutely. 123 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: And the other thing is if you have a family. 124 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: Sometimes we work with large sized families who some of 125 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 1: the children or m relatives may have additional funds and 126 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 1: are able to provide support. We may get into this 127 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 1: a little bit later, but not everyone as a caregiver. 128 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,200 Speaker 1: So if we look at what tools and resources and 129 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,840 Speaker 1: skill sets are available in your support system, someone may 130 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: be able to assist and provide financial assistance for certain 131 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,400 Speaker 1: things that the loved one may need. So you also 132 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 1: mentioned in that the whole idea of like how do 133 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 1: you talk to maybe like a partner about these things, 134 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 1: and like how does the partnership kind of manage this? 135 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 1: How do you manage this at work? Like what are 136 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: your tips for that? So I would say the first 137 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,880 Speaker 1: thing to do is just be open and honest in 138 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: terms of what's going on. Sometimes we try to dive 139 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 1: into this caregiver role being a superhero. I'm gonna swoop 140 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: in and I'm gonna do everything that i need to 141 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 1: do to help provide support for my loved one. And 142 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,760 Speaker 1: although I know in our heart and in our mind 143 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,560 Speaker 1: that's exactly what we want to do, at the end 144 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,560 Speaker 1: of the day, we're human and we need support. We 145 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 1: need assistance now. One of the first things I would do, 146 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 1: I would sit down with my family unit or with 147 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: my partner and talk about this is the incident, this 148 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: is what's going on right now with our loved one, 149 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: and this is the overall goal. This is what we're 150 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,200 Speaker 1: trying to do. But then I would think about, Okay, 151 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: what's reasonable. What can we do right now that's reasonable 152 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: for myself and for you, And so if you get 153 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 1: that input in advance and provide that support to say 154 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: this is what I can do, and are you able 155 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: or capable of helping me with anything. There may be 156 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: instances where your loved one or support system is able 157 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: to provide more support, especially in families where individuals live 158 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,880 Speaker 1: nearby or if they live out of state. We've seen 159 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: situations where families have created plans where the loved one 160 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: maybe with one child of the time and the other 161 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 1: child the next fifty percent of the time. In relation 162 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 1: to work, again, I would have this conversation with my supervisors. Again, 163 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,880 Speaker 1: I always preface think about the culture of your organization 164 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 1: in terms of how much information you share. But I 165 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: do think it's worth having a conversation to say, this 166 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 1: is what's going on. Oftentimes people go into workplaces thinking 167 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: that they're able to mask this new caregiver role, and 168 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: it tends to bleed through into our work, into our 169 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:06,839 Speaker 1: interactions and our companies are jobs, our clients don't know 170 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:11,319 Speaker 1: what's going on, but we're still being impacted by this 171 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:16,079 Speaker 1: new role. So having that conversation, possibly sitting down with HR, 172 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:20,040 Speaker 1: having that conversation to see what are your options, thinking 173 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: about the trajectory of this new role, what could it 174 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,119 Speaker 1: looked like long term? What are my options? What's available 175 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,319 Speaker 1: to me? And then tapping into your E A P 176 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:35,079 Speaker 1: or therapists UM. I believe in therapy as preventative UM support, 177 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:37,760 Speaker 1: so that you can help talk through some of the 178 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 1: complications that you are experiencing, whether it's complications in terms 179 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,560 Speaker 1: of your role, but also you're wrapping your mind frame 180 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 1: around how do I now adjust to this new role 181 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 1: everything that I'm seeing and experiencing. Yeah, and I definitely 182 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: want to talk more about that because I think this 183 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 1: is like so multilayered, because one like now you're you 184 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,200 Speaker 1: maybe thrust into this new role that you and not 185 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,679 Speaker 1: maybe necessarily planning to have right now. But I also 186 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: think that there are some real, like just emotional kinds 187 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 1: of responses. You know, like there may be some grief 188 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: related to losing independence and you didn't think that would 189 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 1: happen so soon, or you know, just like like you mentioned, 190 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:19,240 Speaker 1: like the difficulty balancing this new role with kind of 191 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: who you thought you were. Yeah, I will definitely say 192 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 1: the caregiver role, and again I always speak to it 193 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:29,839 Speaker 1: from both a personal and professional relationship. It's probably one 194 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:34,559 Speaker 1: of the most emotionally taxing roles that you will ever experience, 195 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:39,200 Speaker 1: so much that oftentimes individuals feel isolated as if no 196 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 1: one understands. Going into the caregiver role and watching your 197 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:47,199 Speaker 1: love one or your parents basically not be able to 198 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 1: do the things that they were able to do or 199 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 1: your expectations of what they can do, can be very 200 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 1: emotionally draining to you, so much that some individuals have 201 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 1: identified it as being traumatic to them. So it's you 202 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,480 Speaker 1: dealing with those emotions. One of the things that our 203 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 1: agency that we do, we have real conversations. We've had 204 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: some people come in and say, you know what, this 205 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,440 Speaker 1: is very emotionally draining on me. How do I cope 206 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 1: with this? How do I write my mind around or 207 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,880 Speaker 1: go through these stages of grief, because now that's what 208 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,959 Speaker 1: I'm doing. I'm grieving my idea of what I thought 209 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,600 Speaker 1: my parents would be able to do or what my 210 00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 1: love on would be able to do, and we process 211 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,880 Speaker 1: that out. Now. The times where we really get to 212 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 1: i'll say, the nitty gritty of things and have real 213 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: conversations is where we have individuals who come in and 214 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: they may say, you know, I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, 215 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,040 Speaker 1: or you know, I don't want to do this and 216 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 1: I was forced into this role, and we create a 217 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,719 Speaker 1: safe space to say, you know what, that's okay, It's 218 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 1: okay to feel exactly how you are feeling. Now let's 219 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,560 Speaker 1: process it out so that we can allow you to, 220 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: you know, be truthful and honest with yourself, but also 221 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,160 Speaker 1: um still be productive, still provide the level of support 222 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,040 Speaker 1: and figure out what is it that you need us 223 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 1: the caregiver, and what is it that the individual needs. 224 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,680 Speaker 1: And I think that's a really good or important point 225 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 1: to highlight, Renette, because I think particularly culturally, right like, 226 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 1: we are kind of race to kind of have this 227 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,960 Speaker 1: level of reverence for our parents and So talking about 228 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: the fact that you're angry about having to do this, 229 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: you know, and just frustrated with the process, I think 230 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: can be very taboo, especially in the black community. So 231 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 1: being able to kind of create a space for saying 232 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,719 Speaker 1: like this doesn't feel good to me. You know, this 233 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,520 Speaker 1: is tough. I'm going to do it, but I don't 234 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,719 Speaker 1: feel good about it. I think being able to give 235 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 1: people that space to say that it's really important. It is. 236 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: And I cannot tell you how many times individuals have 237 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 1: in their close intimate support systems. Let's say it's a daughter, 238 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 1: adult daughter who's taking care of her mother or father, 239 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: and she may have a husband or one sibling. Well, 240 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 1: if they have made in a re meant to say 241 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,080 Speaker 1: this is our plan, this is what we are going 242 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: to do, especially in cases where the individual has now 243 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 1: went beyond that point where you can provide that in 244 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,160 Speaker 1: home care. It's just becoming too much, as I describe it, 245 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 1: and that too much is based on each individual. What 246 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 1: may be too much for me may be different from 247 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 1: someone else. But if we've come to an agreement that 248 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: this is too much, when you then start to go 249 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,800 Speaker 1: out into those outside or extended family members or into 250 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 1: the community and share, well, we have reached a point 251 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: where you know, we're just gonna have to place Mom 252 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 1: into a nursing home. That caregiver is faced then with 253 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 1: the reaction from the community, which may not be as supportive. 254 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: Often it isn't, so then you have to again deal 255 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: with processing and challenging and standing up for yourself to 256 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 1: say I have did everything that I can do up 257 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 1: until this point, and we have made a decision to 258 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: say this is the next placement or the care for 259 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 1: my loved one. Yeah, and I would imagine that those 260 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 1: are tough conversations to have again because of you know, 261 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 1: what we are taught to believe about what should happen 262 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 1: with our parents. Absolutely, but I always say I try 263 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:13,240 Speaker 1: to remind people resources, support and facilities are in place 264 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: for a reason. There are ways for us to manage 265 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,280 Speaker 1: it and get the support that we need so that 266 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 1: we can again have that balance for ourselves. Um. I 267 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: definitely believe and if that is the next transition, there 268 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 1: are steps that you can take so that you can 269 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 1: get the most out of that experience, you know, making 270 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 1: sure that you visit facilities, making sure that you have 271 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 1: consistent contact with those facilities, so that they know that 272 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 1: you are involved and that you are aware. Oftentimes when 273 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 1: we see cases of loved ones being UM neglected or 274 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 1: abused and facilities is when they don't have that outside 275 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 1: support to check in with them and make sure that 276 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: they're okay or let facilities know that, hey, you know, 277 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 1: this isn't just a displaced loved one. They have family 278 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 1: who are coming in and check one them as well. So, Ronette, 279 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: you also mentioned that one of the responses that you 280 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: might have to becoming a caregiver is frustration UM and 281 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 1: one of the one of our listeners wrote in talking 282 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 1: about UM frustration related to like your parents not doing 283 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,280 Speaker 1: what they need to do to kind of take care 284 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 1: of their medical needs, right, you know, like sometimes not 285 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: wanting to keep doctor's appointments are just you know, not 286 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: doing what they need to do maybe to be in 287 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: the best health. UM. So what are your strategies for 288 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: kind of talking through some of that, like frustration with 289 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 1: a parent who doesn't want to do what they need 290 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 1: to do. So my client to experience that, I often 291 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 1: first have a real conversation with them. I have that 292 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 1: conversation to reiterate because often they know, but to reiterate 293 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: the fact that your loved one is an adult. So 294 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: they're still an adult. They're still making choices and decisions, 295 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:54,640 Speaker 1: and you cannot want it more than they do. Oftentimes, 296 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 1: individuals who are experiencing that, you know, as they go 297 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,440 Speaker 1: through their life stages, this is a very difficult transition 298 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 1: for them as well. So I try to remind them 299 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,800 Speaker 1: and get them to reflect back on who their parents 300 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,560 Speaker 1: was prior to this stage and how they operated and 301 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 1: who they are now and understand that. You know, they 302 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,679 Speaker 1: may feel a sense of I don't want to be 303 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:21,200 Speaker 1: a burden, or they may feel a sense of hopelessness 304 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 1: or hopelessness. They may feel a sense of I just 305 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 1: want to give up. Now do we sit and I'll 306 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:31,160 Speaker 1: just allow them to give up. I don't recommend that, 307 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,679 Speaker 1: but we just have to come to that understanding that 308 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,159 Speaker 1: this may be where they are. So some of my 309 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,400 Speaker 1: strategies to help with that is to have a conversation 310 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:43,119 Speaker 1: with them. I believe in just having open, honest dialogue 311 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:46,159 Speaker 1: and going to them and saying and talking about and 312 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,880 Speaker 1: identifying what are you truly capable of and what do 313 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,640 Speaker 1: you want to do, and then reiterating that I want 314 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: to support you to the best that I can or 315 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,119 Speaker 1: the best of my ability, but I cannot want it 316 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 1: more than you on it. There have been other times 317 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,520 Speaker 1: where I've had individuals say these are the things that 318 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 1: I have observed that you are able to do. Why 319 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,760 Speaker 1: aren't you doing those now, let's talk about that, or 320 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 1: even connecting that loved one to therapy to say, you know, 321 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,359 Speaker 1: maybe you need to process some of this stuff because 322 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:19,639 Speaker 1: this is a difficult situation that you are experiencing of 323 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,240 Speaker 1: someone who has a loss of independence. Yeah, I'm glad 324 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,359 Speaker 1: you brought that up, because it definitely sounds like that 325 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 1: would be a good thing, right, maybe for that person 326 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: to have their own therapists, but it also seems like 327 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,480 Speaker 1: some family therapy could be helpful in some of these situations. 328 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, absolutely absolutely, because it's it's a family dynamic. 329 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: It's impacted whether you are the primary caregiver, secondary, whether 330 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 1: your states away, etcetera. Everyone is impacted and everyone plays 331 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:52,360 Speaker 1: a role, and oftentimes the primary caregivers isolated because they 332 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 1: don't know how to either reach out for support or 333 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 1: they may be reaching out and not getting the support 334 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,959 Speaker 1: that they feel like they need. So I want to 335 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 1: talk more about these family dynamics because I think when 336 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,560 Speaker 1: you often hear about like family drama, a lot of 337 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 1: times like these kinds of situations tend to be with 338 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 1: either spark all of these dynamics kind of coming out 339 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,479 Speaker 1: of the closet or they definitely heighten them, right, And 340 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,960 Speaker 1: so you know, sometimes you will see either like an 341 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 1: only child who now has to kind of take this 342 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 1: on and like how do they get support? But other times, 343 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,720 Speaker 1: you know, there may be like multiple siblings and then 344 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 1: like all of the caregiving may fall on one of 345 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,879 Speaker 1: the siblings, and then what does that do to the 346 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 1: entire sibling relationship? So can you talk more about some 347 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,440 Speaker 1: of those kind of um dynamics that you do see 348 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:43,200 Speaker 1: come out of these kinds of situations. Absolutely, that only 349 00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:47,879 Speaker 1: child may walk into that caregiver role by choice or 350 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 1: by force, depending on their perception of it and what 351 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:55,919 Speaker 1: their abilities are and related to caregiving. So this is 352 00:19:55,960 --> 00:20:00,679 Speaker 1: where my belief and informal and formal support system really 353 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 1: stands out. I believe that we have the ability to 354 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: create our own support systems. So when you are only 355 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,440 Speaker 1: child and you have limited supports, you have to reach 356 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,479 Speaker 1: out to both and form more formal supports whoever that 357 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:17,119 Speaker 1: may be whether it may be a aunt or uncle, 358 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 1: or a friend or a neighbor for example. And then 359 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:24,760 Speaker 1: also what agencies or community resources are available that I 360 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,960 Speaker 1: can tap into to help me provide or help provide 361 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,680 Speaker 1: support such as respite and whatnot. I'll use case and 362 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 1: point and again personal and professional. My family for example, 363 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:41,160 Speaker 1: my mother right now has all timers and she resides 364 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,879 Speaker 1: in Florida with my sister. My sister is her primary caregiver. 365 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,400 Speaker 1: We do divvy up some time now. I'll also out 366 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,959 Speaker 1: and I'll be transparent. My sister has a level of 367 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 1: care giver skills that Renett does not possess at all. 368 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 1: Um my pay sance is a bit and especially when 369 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,640 Speaker 1: it comes to my mother, so I have to account 370 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:09,920 Speaker 1: for some of my own skills and attitudes and how 371 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:15,439 Speaker 1: I process dealing with this. So I provide support based 372 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,040 Speaker 1: on what we have agreed to and also what I 373 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,680 Speaker 1: feel comfortable with now. We also have an agreement that 374 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,800 Speaker 1: if in the event it ever becomes too much and 375 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,400 Speaker 1: my mother needs to come stay with me for rest 376 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 1: it as in, she needs to come stay here for 377 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,560 Speaker 1: a period of time to get my sister bright. We 378 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,680 Speaker 1: do that. We have an open relationship at our open 379 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: communication plan to where she can voice and say, hey, 380 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,399 Speaker 1: I'm booking mama trip and she'll be there for thirty days. 381 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,040 Speaker 1: And I'm okay with that because we've set that up 382 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,680 Speaker 1: from the beginning. It's not something that I'm just she's 383 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: just throwing on me to do last minute or in 384 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,919 Speaker 1: spite of so. Again, I think it's about laying and 385 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,720 Speaker 1: setting up the platform in advance to say this is 386 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,560 Speaker 1: how we're gonna approach this for right now, how do 387 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,680 Speaker 1: we how do we sound the alarm just in case 388 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,119 Speaker 1: something isn't going right or just in case I'm having 389 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:11,480 Speaker 1: a difficult time and I need support. Yeah, and I'm 390 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,520 Speaker 1: glad you said that, because I do think it's important 391 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: to just have the conversations right like it. It feels 392 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,280 Speaker 1: like these taboo topics that we don't often want to 393 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,920 Speaker 1: talk about just because people are probably having their own 394 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:26,120 Speaker 1: reactions to whatever the situation is now, But there are 395 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 1: some very real things that need to be put in place, 396 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 1: and so it sounds like having these conversations being open 397 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,200 Speaker 1: to modifications, you know, just kind of like you said, 398 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,800 Speaker 1: continuing to have a space for a conversation is really important, 399 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 1: especially with the sibling said absolutely having tough conversations. And 400 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,040 Speaker 1: I always say, if you don't have them now, you're 401 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 1: gonna have it later. So I would rather jump start 402 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: the conversation and have a tentative plan in place versus 403 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,119 Speaker 1: waiting until something occurs where we're in a moment of crisis. 404 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,520 Speaker 1: I'm emotionally charged and could be drained, and you are 405 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 1: then frustrated because I'm calling on you at the last 406 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,399 Speaker 1: minute where we can talk about it in advance and 407 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,760 Speaker 1: try to figure out what can we do moving forward. Yeah, 408 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,680 Speaker 1: and I think the alternative is to not have the conversation, 409 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 1: but then you are left with all these lingering feelings 410 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:17,879 Speaker 1: of resentment and maybe abandonment that your siblings didn't step 411 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: in when they said they were going to or when 412 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,760 Speaker 1: you thought they needed to. Right, So it's either have 413 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: the conversation or then maybe have some like lasting impacts 414 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,560 Speaker 1: to the relationship. Absolutely, and a lot of the times 415 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,479 Speaker 1: we end up facilitating that conversation and dialogue between family 416 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 1: members because it can be very emotionally charged. And then 417 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,800 Speaker 1: thinking about family dynamics, there's a whole history that has 418 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,680 Speaker 1: occurred between these family members prior to this one incident 419 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:48,000 Speaker 1: or this crisis situation, So how do we help them 420 00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: navigate these relationships in order to create an effective plan 421 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 1: that helps support this loved one. That's that's key, Rent, 422 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 1: because you're right, I mean, how often are there things 423 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,119 Speaker 1: already going on with between family members that are not, 424 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 1: like healed, are addressed, and then something like this laid 425 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 1: on top of it then makes everything feel, you know, 426 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 1: even more intense. So it sounds like there's like there's 427 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 1: likely some work that needs to be done with the 428 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,760 Speaker 1: foundation of the relationship before you maybe even can get 429 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:18,879 Speaker 1: into Okay, how can we handle this current situation absolutely 430 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:23,159 Speaker 1: absolutely magnifies those situations that were already there and often 431 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,400 Speaker 1: Tom's never addressed. Right, So I want to go back 432 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: a little bit too, um Like, if you're an only child, 433 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,640 Speaker 1: what are some resources or um like things that you've 434 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,560 Speaker 1: seen maybe be helpful for other only children to be 435 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,800 Speaker 1: able to get some support, because I do think that 436 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:43,400 Speaker 1: that is probably a very isolating and very heavy situation 437 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,000 Speaker 1: to manage when you don't at least have other siblings 438 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,280 Speaker 1: to help you out with it. As an only child, 439 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 1: one of the first thing I would ask is are 440 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,520 Speaker 1: they currently engaged in any therapy services? Because that will 441 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,440 Speaker 1: help them process what they will experience moving forward. One 442 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 1: of the biggest recommendations that I often make is making 443 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:05,240 Speaker 1: sure that they are connected to a support group. It 444 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: could help connect them to someone who is like them, 445 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,280 Speaker 1: similar to them, also an only child or just a 446 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,840 Speaker 1: family of peers who they can communicate with, who they 447 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,000 Speaker 1: can check in with, and who can they can also 448 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:21,040 Speaker 1: process during those support groups the feelings that they are 449 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,679 Speaker 1: feeling so they're not isolated. Another thing that I would do, 450 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:29,000 Speaker 1: I recommend books that help them process and gather more 451 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:32,520 Speaker 1: information regarding what they will experience. Two of the books 452 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:36,160 Speaker 1: that I really focus on is the Caregiver Survival Book, 453 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:40,480 Speaker 1: and this is by Alexis Bramson. It's a L E 454 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 1: X I S A B R A M S O N. 455 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:48,240 Speaker 1: And then The Thirty six Hour Day And so this 456 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,400 Speaker 1: the thirty six Hour Day is specifically for individuals who 457 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:57,440 Speaker 1: have Alzheimer's or dementia to help them identify what they 458 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 1: can do to help their days more effective, take here themselves, 459 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 1: and also deal with what they're going to experience with 460 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 1: their loved one. So very insightful books. They help individuals 461 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,160 Speaker 1: just process out what they are going through and then 462 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 1: for the conversations with siblings. Um, so you know, let's 463 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,240 Speaker 1: say that you did have a group of siblings that 464 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,840 Speaker 1: came to you and said, hey, you know, now we 465 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,200 Speaker 1: are charged with taking care of our parents. What kinds 466 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,440 Speaker 1: of things that we be considering? What kinds of things 467 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,720 Speaker 1: would you be addressing with them? So I would still 468 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,880 Speaker 1: recommend the same books for them, because I want them 469 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,240 Speaker 1: each to get an idea of what they will experience, 470 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,919 Speaker 1: even if they're not going to be the primary caregiver, 471 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,880 Speaker 1: So they will have an understanding of what the primary 472 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 1: caregiver will experience because oftentimes they're gonna be a time 473 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,640 Speaker 1: where that person calls that sibling up or that love 474 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:51,159 Speaker 1: one up to vent so vents and say, you know, 475 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,000 Speaker 1: this is what's going on, and we want them to 476 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,439 Speaker 1: at least be a path they can have a general 477 00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:00,399 Speaker 1: understanding of what they are experiencing. Again, create eating that 478 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:04,680 Speaker 1: opportunity to have open honest dialogue. I tell them up front, 479 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,199 Speaker 1: you all are going to need to build or create 480 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,160 Speaker 1: a level of communication that you may not have ever 481 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 1: had before. And you have to allow each individual to 482 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 1: be open, honest and transparent in order to continue that 483 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,920 Speaker 1: relationship and for it to be a positive relationship. Um. 484 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 1: Some other things that I do is create a plan, 485 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,120 Speaker 1: so we'll put it in writing in terms of this 486 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:32,600 Speaker 1: is what each person will be responsible for. These are 487 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 1: some of the expectations, and then this is a tentative 488 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:39,879 Speaker 1: plan that if a crisis situation occurs, this is what 489 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:41,879 Speaker 1: some of the next steps are, so that you have 490 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,399 Speaker 1: an added layer of support, and we put it in 491 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 1: writing so that individuals can see these are the conversations 492 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,359 Speaker 1: that we had and this is my role in it, 493 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,199 Speaker 1: just as a reminder. So I do know, Ronette, and 494 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 1: you've kind of alluded to this, but I do think 495 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 1: it's important to kind of just be able to call 496 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,720 Speaker 1: this out directly that like burnout support caregivers is really 497 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,880 Speaker 1: really high, right because, like you said, you are now 498 00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:08,359 Speaker 1: thrust into this additional role that carries a lot of responsibility, 499 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,240 Speaker 1: a lot of commitment and time um, on top of 500 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,040 Speaker 1: likely everything else you were doing. So you may already 501 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:17,800 Speaker 1: be a mom and a partner and you know, an 502 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,480 Speaker 1: employee and all of these things, and now you're also 503 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 1: responsible for maybe some caregiving responsibilities. So what tips would 504 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,119 Speaker 1: you give for how to take care of yourself in 505 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,239 Speaker 1: the midst of everything else going on here. So my 506 00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:35,119 Speaker 1: suggestion from the jump is to do a self care plan. 507 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,520 Speaker 1: There are tons of self care plans on the internet. 508 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 1: If anyone contacts me, I will send them a template 509 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,520 Speaker 1: or worksheet with self care plans. But you're looking at 510 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 1: different aspects of your life, your physical health, your emotional health, 511 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,520 Speaker 1: your financial health, your spiritual health, and you can add 512 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 1: in sections and creating a plan of how do I 513 00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:01,160 Speaker 1: maintain positive self care for myself. I often say if 514 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,720 Speaker 1: you wait until you get the notion that you need 515 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 1: self care, you've waited too late. Not that you can't start, 516 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:11,320 Speaker 1: but you needed it way back. When create those self 517 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,840 Speaker 1: care plans. Begin to eat healthy, look at your diets, 518 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,840 Speaker 1: start to do the physical exercise, look at your finances. 519 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,880 Speaker 1: And I say that especially because you want to reduce 520 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,080 Speaker 1: the amount of stress that is occurring. I also look 521 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 1: at what other self care activities that help promote mental wellness, 522 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 1: things like yoga. I'm a huge proponent of meditation things 523 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,640 Speaker 1: like that, just so you can help ground yourself and 524 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 1: breathe through some of the stuff that you are experiencing 525 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:43,120 Speaker 1: as a person. Also, journaling is very helpful if you 526 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,360 Speaker 1: feel like you're in a position where you may not 527 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:49,280 Speaker 1: be able to communicate what you are feeling. You can 528 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,960 Speaker 1: journal it out, journal it out to yourself, your private 529 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 1: thoughts so that you can process that information out and 530 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,520 Speaker 1: have a safe space for it and then move on. 531 00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 1: That definitely sounds good, And I love that you said, 532 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 1: you know, if you're already thinking about it, you're probably 533 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,560 Speaker 1: too late, right Like to in this I think could 534 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 1: be helpful for anybody, right because most of us are 535 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,480 Speaker 1: managing multiple rules, right and so I think making sure 536 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 1: that you have like a really good idea of a 537 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 1: self care plan and to just get in the habit 538 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 1: of doing some of these things can be helpful, whether 539 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 1: you're a caregiver or not. Absolutely, and talk about that 540 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 1: self care plan with those who are in especially close 541 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:28,520 Speaker 1: proximity with you. So if you have children or a 542 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,080 Speaker 1: significant other, a spouse who lives with you, talk about 543 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,920 Speaker 1: the importance of your self care plan and let them 544 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 1: know these times where I have carved out time for 545 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,640 Speaker 1: self care or to go to the gym, or to 546 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 1: go to yoga, or to have even if it's just 547 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,880 Speaker 1: thirty minutes of alone or quiet time, how important it 548 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,600 Speaker 1: is for you to honor at that time. Getting everybody 549 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,600 Speaker 1: on board is really helpful, and I think it's also 550 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 1: good modeling right that you are saying I'm taking this 551 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,320 Speaker 1: time for myself and that it will also be okay 552 00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,600 Speaker 1: for you to take time for yourself should you need it. Absolutely, absolutely, 553 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,240 Speaker 1: and then loved ones will pick up on it. We've 554 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 1: hadations where individuals have said, I know when my caretaker 555 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:13,440 Speaker 1: goes into the room at four thirty pm that she's 556 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,520 Speaker 1: taken that thirty minutes to regroup before the children get 557 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 1: home from sports and whatnot. So I try not to 558 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:22,840 Speaker 1: bother her for those thirty minutes. And then they will 559 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 1: also institute a code word to say, but if I 560 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,520 Speaker 1: say this, that lets her know that I need her 561 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 1: right here and right now. So it must be something 562 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,600 Speaker 1: urgent or imminent that I need in order to let 563 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 1: her know that, hey, I need your help and I'm 564 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,600 Speaker 1: gonna interrupt your self care time. Yeah. That that's a 565 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 1: really good strategy. I like that. So besides the two 566 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,560 Speaker 1: books that you shared, are there are other resources that 567 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:50,880 Speaker 1: you find yourself frequently suggesting to your clients. Absolutely. A 568 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:55,080 Speaker 1: r P has an amazing website of resources and tools 569 00:31:55,160 --> 00:32:00,240 Speaker 1: for caregivers. D v A also has a resource data 570 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:04,920 Speaker 1: base for caregivers. So they have tons of informational pamphlets 571 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:10,400 Speaker 1: on caregiver duties, some things that you may experience, resources, 572 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,880 Speaker 1: but also questions to take into consideration as you go 573 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,480 Speaker 1: along in this journey. And because it is it's a 574 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,280 Speaker 1: journey for yourself as the caregiver as well as for 575 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:24,120 Speaker 1: the individual who is in need of caregiver support. Right, so, 576 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,880 Speaker 1: you mentioned that you have the templates available, but I'm 577 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: also excited to hear anything else that you have available 578 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: that may be helpful to the listeners that UM where 579 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:37,400 Speaker 1: they can find more resources from you. Absolutely, so we 580 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,640 Speaker 1: are actually in the process of revamping our side. We 581 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:45,200 Speaker 1: have received many requests for this caregiver um support and 582 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:49,200 Speaker 1: so we're creating a better resource section on our website 583 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:55,480 Speaker 1: at www dot empowered E M P O W E 584 00:32:55,680 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 1: R E D DASH Consultants with an s dot com UM. 585 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 1: So under our resource tab we will have a plethora 586 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 1: of resources, handbooks, handouts, etcetera. That are four caregivers as 587 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,600 Speaker 1: well as we've added that insurance specialists to our staff 588 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,360 Speaker 1: and to our organization. The thing that we are so 589 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 1: excited about this insurance specialist is not only is she 590 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 1: licensed in states to provide insurance. She has an amazing 591 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,680 Speaker 1: skill set to walk through the different parts of Medicare 592 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,600 Speaker 1: and other insurance policies to talk about some of the 593 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:34,760 Speaker 1: benefits or why a plan may be better for this individual. 594 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,480 Speaker 1: We're not selling the insurance, but we are walking family 595 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:42,280 Speaker 1: members through. One of the greatest complications that we hear 596 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,000 Speaker 1: or challenges that families provide, is that they didn't know 597 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,800 Speaker 1: what insurance was the best fit for their loved one 598 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 1: or which ones had the most financial benefits for their 599 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:56,480 Speaker 1: loved ones. So she's taking time to walk through these 600 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,960 Speaker 1: cases with either the individual if they're able to under 601 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 1: standing comprehend, or the caregiver to explain what exactly matter 602 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:08,960 Speaker 1: here is providing offering and what's the best fit for them. Okay, 603 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,200 Speaker 1: So that sounds like a service somebody may be able 604 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 1: to take part in, regardless of what state they're in, Right, 605 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,480 Speaker 1: and as long as she's licensed in one of those states. 606 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,440 Speaker 1: Absolutely got you, okay, and we've already got your website. 607 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,520 Speaker 1: Are there other places online? Any social media handles that 608 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,319 Speaker 1: you want to share? So yeah, I would definitely want 609 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:34,239 Speaker 1: to share my Instagram. It is empowerment Underscore agency. We'll 610 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:37,520 Speaker 1: be sharing a lot of information there as well. In 611 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:41,040 Speaker 1: terms of Facebook, we do have an amazing Facebook page 612 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:45,960 Speaker 1: www dot Facebook dot com. It's the Empowerment Agency, and 613 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 1: we also have a Facebook group now because there's a 614 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:54,320 Speaker 1: broad spectrum of caregiver support. This Facebook group is called 615 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 1: Replenish because we want to replenish our caregivers. We want 616 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,040 Speaker 1: them to be poured back into so they're not depleted, 617 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:05,360 Speaker 1: are walking around in need of something. So this Facebook 618 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:10,480 Speaker 1: group is called Replenished Support for Adults Caring for other adults. 619 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:12,759 Speaker 1: And all of that information will be included in the 620 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,680 Speaker 1: show notes so nobody has to try to remember that 621 00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:18,759 Speaker 1: if they're driving or something. Awesome. Thank you, great well, 622 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,480 Speaker 1: thank you so much for sharing all of this with 623 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,120 Speaker 1: us today, and Nette, I know that it will be 624 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,839 Speaker 1: super helpful for people who need it. Awesome. Thank you 625 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,160 Speaker 1: for having me. And again we're here as a resource 626 00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,920 Speaker 1: and support. If we can answer any questions, please for 627 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,520 Speaker 1: free to reach out to us. Thank you and Nette, 628 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,560 Speaker 1: I'm so thankful Renette was able to share her expertise 629 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:39,719 Speaker 1: with us today. To check out the resources that she 630 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:43,319 Speaker 1: shared and to learn more about her practice, visit the 631 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,520 Speaker 1: show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash 632 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 1: Session seventy two, and please make sure to share this 633 00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:53,160 Speaker 1: episode with two people in your life or share your 634 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:56,399 Speaker 1: takeaways and your i G stories. Make sure to use 635 00:35:56,400 --> 00:36:00,800 Speaker 1: the hashtag TPG in session so that we can share them. 636 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,600 Speaker 1: If you're looking for a therapist in your area, be 637 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,759 Speaker 1: sure to visit the therapist directory at Therapy for Black 638 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:10,000 Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to 639 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:13,640 Speaker 1: continue this conversation and join a community of other sisters 640 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,319 Speaker 1: who listen to the podcast, join us over in the 641 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:20,560 Speaker 1: Thrive tribe at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tribe. 642 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,280 Speaker 1: Make sure you answer the three questions that are asked 643 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,160 Speaker 1: to gain injury. Thank y'all so much for joining me 644 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 1: again this week, and I look forward to continue in 645 00:36:29,080 --> 00:37:03,640 Speaker 1: this conversation with you all. Real Son, take a career 646 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:09,360 Speaker 1: of ter