WEBVTT - 4 Things We Stress About & 6 Steps to Reduce Anxiety During This Time 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:04.240 We've made gifts to feel like such a important, big 0:00:04.280 --> 0:00:07.800 thing around this time of year, and it often leads 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:11.639 to more disappointment and more anxiety. The giver is full 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:17.320 of anxiety. The receiver now has unmeta expectations field it's 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:21.200 extremely disappointed, and it also ruins the spirit and the 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:23.400 moment that we're trying to create, which is just about 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:33.839 connection and love. Hey, everyone, welcome back to Our Purpose, 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:36.559 the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:38.560 each and every single one of you that come back 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:43.000 every week to listen, learn and grow. Now. Today's episode 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:46.519 is a special one because it's coming up to the 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:52.120 holidays and I am a huge, huge, huge holiday fan. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:56.600 I love Christmas music, I love Christmas decorations, I love 0:00:56.720 --> 0:00:59.760 Christmas trees. I like anything to do with Christmas. I 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:02.840 grow up as the biggest Christmas geek and it's my 0:01:02.920 --> 0:01:05.679 favorite time of the year. I'm that person who's playing 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:09.880 Christmas music on every car journey from my phone at 0:01:09.920 --> 0:01:13.720 any given moment i possibly can. And I love the 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:17.960 energy of the season. I love how it makes me 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:20.960 feel nostalgically. I remember this being a special time with 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:23.480 my family back home in London. I remember some of 0:01:23.520 --> 0:01:27.120 the rituals and routines we would do. I remember these 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.400 shopping trips would go on. I remember the idea of 0:01:30.520 --> 0:01:34.560 opening up my one special gift on Christmas Day, and 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.360 so I have so many good memories attached to this 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:40.399 period as well. And even though now I'm away from family, 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:43.240 I still really enjoy putting up my tree, putting up 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:47.360 the lights, just getting into that festive spirit and the 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:50.560 music just takes me back. But at the same time, 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:53.640 I know that this can also be a time of 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:56.360 a lot of stress and anxiety. And sometimes as we 0:01:56.400 --> 0:02:02.160 get older, we find ourselves finding this time even more stressful, 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:06.760 nerve wracking, and anxious because we have more responsibilities. We 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:10.080 now become the parents, we become the gift givers, we 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:14.200 become the hosts, and or we become the visitors and guests, 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:16.680 and even that can be challenging. And so there are 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:21.440 so many different types of challenges and anxiety that people 0:02:21.600 --> 0:02:24.640 experience during this time, and I think it's really really 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:28.320 important to address them. So I wanted to dedicate this 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:33.680 podcast to methods of reducing anxiety and the types of 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:38.280 anxiety we feel during the holiday season, Because if any 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:42.240 one of you right now, who's listening is feeling any 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:47.000 sense of anxiety or nervousness as it comes up to 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.200 the holidays. I mean, you know, how far are we 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:54.160 right now? We're literally one week away from Christmas. If 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:57.160 you're listening to this, and I just want to make 0:02:57.200 --> 0:03:01.320 sure that you're prepared. If you're one of those people 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:03.400 that have already been to a couple of holiday parties 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:05.600 and you know that you've got your big ones coming up, 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:07.320 this is the podcast to listen to if you have 0:03:07.360 --> 0:03:10.160 friends in your life that you know are struggling during 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:13.200 this time, maybe they've been through a particular type of stress. 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:16.040 I'll talk about some of the most common types of stress. 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:19.000 I think this is the podcast that everyone's going to 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:21.360 need at this time of year, and I hope you 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:23.680 take a moment to listen to it and share it 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:26.280 with someone as well. So I want to start off 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:30.120 by some of the research I was looking at from 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:34.360 the American Psychological Association or the APA. The website is 0:03:34.400 --> 0:03:36.720 APA dot org if you want to check out some 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:39.800 of what I'm referring to, and they have something on 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:44.160 there called the Holiday Stress Resource Center, and I found 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:46.720 this to be really useful in looking at the different 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:50.000 types of stress, and I think it's really important to 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:54.240 have the skill to be able to label and articulate 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:56.960 your stress. One of the challenges we have is we 0:03:57.160 --> 0:03:59.880 often say things like, oh, I'm just stressed about everything. Right, 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:01.760 when someone says, well, what are you stressed about? We 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:04.680 say just everything, you know, everything is just so stressful. 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:08.800 And when we don't have the words for something, it 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:11.960 actually makes it harder for our mind to deal with it. 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:14.600 This is something I've learned over time, is that when 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:19.320 you don't have the vocabulary to articulate what you are 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:24.520 internally experiencing, it actually becomes harder to deal with it, 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:27.880 because when you don't know what it is, that creates 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:31.440 more anxiety the unknown. In the same way as if 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:34.520 you have a rash on your arm or on your 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:38.800 hand and you decide to google it and you don't 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:40.400 know what it is, you don't have the language of 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:42.560 the vocabulary for it, all of a sudden, you feel 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:46.240 you have every infectious disease on the planet. Right when 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:50.279 you self diagnose, it leads to this feeling of more anxiety. Now, 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:53.240 so in the same way, when we can't diagnose, when 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:55.760 we can't articulate, when we don't have the vocabulary for 0:04:55.880 --> 0:05:00.000 what is happening internally, we actually deal with more struggles. 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:02.560 So when I went on to the APA, it talks 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:06.359 about how there were many different triggers for our stress 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:09.240 and anxiety during the holidays. Now, I know I'm not 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:13.440 going to cover every possible one, because they truly can 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:17.000 be unlimited. But I'm encouraging you at this point in 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:23.599 the podcast to really take a moment to define what 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:28.080 types of anxiety you're currently experiencing, and I promise you 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:30.960 that this activity and exercise is going to help you 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:33.520 manage it better and in a more healthy way. Just 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:36.520 as if you diagnose a rash, you know what it is, 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:39.440 you know what to do right, you don't overamplify or 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:42.760 under sell what that is. I think this is a 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:48.480 really important note that often we either overamplify an anxiety 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:52.360 when we don't know what it is, or we treat 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:55.240 it with less care than it deserves. How many times 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:57.080 have you done that, where when you don't know what 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.680 something is, you either amplify it to feel like the 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:02.880 worst thing ever, or you underplay it. So often we 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:04.880 underplay our pain and we say, oh, no, it's nothing, 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:07.599 it's nothing, it's nothing. And then later on you find 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:12.000 out it is something, and so articulating and diagnosing and 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:15.000 giving a vocabulary allows you to deal with something for 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:19.120 what it truly, truly is. So one of the first 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:23.360 stresses that the APA talks about is dealing with the 0:06:23.400 --> 0:06:28.480 pressure of giving. How many of you feel the pressure 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:31.800 to get the right gift for the right person and 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:34.719 you're sitting there for ages, you order that thing, you 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:37.479 then realize it's not the right thing, and then you 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:39.320 had a conversation with them where they said, well, I 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.440 don't like that, that's not the right thing, and now 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:44.719 you're looking at something else, and all of a sudden, 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:50.880 you now are feeling the anxiety of gift giving. And 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:54.520 I was looking at some statistics on Investipedia to give 0:06:54.560 --> 0:06:58.520 you some idea. Planned holiday spending breaks down to six 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:01.599 hundred and forty eight dollars on gifts for family, friends, 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:04.400 and co workers, two hundred and thirty one dollars on 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:08.560 non gift holiday items including food and decorations, and one 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:11.880 hundred and eighteen dollars on other non gift items for 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:16.080 self and family. That's roughly the average that people are spending, 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:19.160 So nine hundred and ninety eight dollars is the average 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:23.320 amount that consumers expect to spend on winter holidays in 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:27.800 twenty twenty one. Then I was on finder dot com 0:07:27.880 --> 0:07:31.080 and I saw this interesting research study that talked about 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:35.000 Christmas gift confessions, and it said that Americans have wasted 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:42.040 fifteen point two billion dollars on unwanted gifts. We've wasted 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:46.640 fifteen point two billion dollars on unwanted gifts, so forty 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:49.400 three percent of that is made of clothing and accessories, 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:53.360 twenty percent of that is in household items, twelve percent 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:57.040 is cosmetics and fragrances, four percent is food or drink, 0:07:57.360 --> 0:08:02.080 five percent is technology, music is and literatures eight percent, 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:04.840 which means the best gifts that people are less likely 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:09.200 to feel it's wasted. Our technology and literature, books and 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:12.200 tech are good gifts to give, and food, of course 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:15.600 goes in their clothing and household items go as the 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:19.960 biggest wastes that often get returned or have to go back. 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:24.280 So important to think about them. And around thirty percent 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:28.000 of people keep their unwanted gifts, around thirty percent give 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:32.000 it to someone else, twenty percent exchange them, seven percent 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.480 actually sell their unwanted gifts says finder dot Com. And 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:39.400 four percent give them back, four percent throw them away, 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.600 and that's pretty much how it stacks up. So when 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:46.080 you think about that, it starts to make you realize 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:53.000 that gifts are given too much importance when so many 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:57.600 of them are given back, exchanged, sold, and we can 0:08:57.640 --> 0:09:01.400 switch our focus to experiences. We can start to recognize 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:06.400 that an experience is far more valuable than a gift, 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:10.560 because if someone's had an experience, it's an exchange of time. 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:14.000 And if you've organized something for everyone to do and 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:16.320 everyone has had that experience of food and drink that 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:20.520 was up there, then that doesn't feel like as much anxiety, 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.959 and it actually reduces our anxiety because we stop giving 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:27.200 gifts so much precedence. And I think this is a 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:31.120 really really important thing that we need to reprogram ourselves. 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:34.719 Or we've made gifts to feel like such a important, 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:38.240 big thing around this time of year, and it often 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.959 leads to more disappointment and more anxiety. The giver is 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:49.000 full of anxiety, the receiver now has unmeta expectations, extremely disappointed, 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.760 and it also ruins the spirit and the moment that 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:54.959 we're trying to create, which is just about connection and love, 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:58.000 and so I think it's so important that as receivers 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:02.319 and givers, we think think about communicating with the people 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:04.640 in our life and really talking about where the gifts 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:07.240 are important, where the gifts are the only thing. We 0:10:07.280 --> 0:10:08.800 don't do that thing where we say, oh, yeah, I 0:10:08.800 --> 0:10:10.839 don't mind if you don't get me a gift, and 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:14.280 then we're upset when they don't, Or we say, oh, 0:10:14.320 --> 0:10:16.320 I don't mind if you get me a gift, and 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.360 probably let's not worry about it. Then you get them 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:20.160 a surprise gift and hope that they give you a 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:23.320 surprise gift. Right, we play all these games with each other. 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:27.360 Let's communicate really effectively about what we do and don't want. 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:32.640 Let's also reduce the emphasis on gifts and increase the 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:37.560 emphasis on experiences. And let's also set realistic expectations when 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:40.000 people are giving us something. If we haven't told them 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:44.360 what we want very clearly, chances are we won't get it. 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:47.440 Chances are it's not going to be wrapped beautifully under 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:51.360 the Christmas tree. And so it's so important to really 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:54.600 resolve the amount of pressure we place on gift giving. 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:59.080 This was a really interesting thing from the APA, and 0:10:59.360 --> 0:11:03.120 it was from an expert. Pauline Wallin, PhD, a clinical 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:07.120 psychologist in camp Hill, Pennsylvania. She said, over the course 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:10.199 of my career, I have talked to thousands of patients 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:14.600 and never once has anyone said, I'll never forgive my 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:18.559 parents for not getting me that fabulous toy for Christmas. 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:22.360 She said, parents overestimate the importance of the holidays in 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:25.880 the overall picture of their kids' lives. Those are not 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:28.200 the memories the kids will carry with them to the 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:31.959 world to guide and inspire them, which hopefully offers some relief, 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:34.480 you know, hopefully if you who can breathe again and 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:38.440 recognize that it isn't all about that. She goes on 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:40.960 to say a parent could sit down with their kid, 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:43.360 even as young as six or seven years old, and 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:46.800 explain a budget. When they're aware of the family budget, 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:50.680 I think it helps them share the responsibility for good choices. 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:54.240 I thought that was a beautiful idea because we may 0:11:54.280 --> 0:11:56.200 never have had that, and that's why we think the 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:58.240 way we think about Christmas, and we put so much 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:02.560 pressure on Christmas. But if it was possible to actually 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:05.240 have a child understand budgeting from a much younger age, 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:07.480 I remember my parents would always say to me that 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.199 we'd get one gift because that's what the budget was, 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:12.120 so we could only pick one thing. There was only 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:14.400 one thing we could have, and I think that always 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:16.400 made it very very simple, and then if they manage 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.040 to get us something small on top of that, it 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:21.840 always felt like this really exciting bonus. So setting that 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:26.120 budgeting example is really powerful, and so I really hope 0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:28.560 that that helps in your gift giving. I'm sure there's 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:30.959 lots more things I could share there, but hopefully that's 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:34.000 some insight. The next thing is finances. And I've talked 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:38.200 a bit about spending habits already, but finances can be 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:41.520 a big stressor during this time, and one of the 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:43.840 most important things to do is to start with the budget, 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:46.320 to not just say, well, let's see what we can get, 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:50.400 or not track what you're spending. It's really important to 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:53.760 create a budget that you feel comfortable with. As I said, 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:56.480 the average spend is about a thousand dollars. You may 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:59.000 be spending more, you may be spending less. It's just 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:02.480 really important to that's something that you're truly truly comfortable with, 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:06.760 and remember that you shouldn't feel pressured to spend more. 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:09.480 Or less best on what other people are doing. It's 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:12.840 truly about how much you feel comfortable spending. Often we say, oh, 0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:15.480 but they spend so much on their gifts, and last 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:18.200 year they gave us so much, And that kind of 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:22.719 pressure can often ruin the relationship, it can ruin the interaction, 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.680 and it's so important to just be honest with where 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:28.839 we truly are and give something with love, to give 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:31.560 something really, really thoughtful. I know that some of the 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:34.880 best gifts I've given have not been the most expensive, 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:38.880 but they've been the most thoughtful. They've been the most powerful, 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:42.640 They've been the most meaningful. And often when I've given 0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:45.559 gifts that are expensive, They've actually been so easy to 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:49.960 give that there isn't much thought in them. So really 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.600 think about that now. Another thing the APA points out 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:55.320 is that you have to recognize how you deal with 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:57.760 stress related to money. So it says that in tough 0:13:57.800 --> 0:14:01.080 economic times, some people are more likely to relieve stress 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:05.360 by turning to unhealthy activities such as smoking, drinking, gabbling, 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:08.319 or emotional eating. So you end up spending more to 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:12.160 actually deal with your stress of spending in the first place, 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:15.080 and so it's important to understand your relationship with money 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:19.200 during this time of year, and again, investing in experiences 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:23.360 and memories is more important than investing in gifts. It's 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:27.200 so important to build those moments and build those memories 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:32.640 as opposed to building a gift culture in your home. Again, 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:35.120 I'm not saying don't get gifts. I love gifts. I 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:37.400 know what my family is getting me for Christmas. I 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:40.000 know what I'm getting them. But if you are creating 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:42.960 a gift plan, create a gift budget for each other 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:45.320 as well, and even creating a budget within the family 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:49.040 creates so much more joy during this time rather than 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:51.840 the guessing game of how much will someone spend on us. 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:54.280 The Apia goes on to say that the next thing 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:56.880 that people struggle with the most during this time is relationships. 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:00.479 It could be that awkward conversation you've been trying to avoid. 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:04.400 It could be managing the kids during this time. It 0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:07.640 could be just you know, not wanting to see someone again. 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:10.920 And it can also be the idea of loss. Maybe 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.320 you've lost someone. I know. For my family, we lost 0:15:14.400 --> 0:15:17.680 my grandmother during the pandemic, and we're so used to 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:22.320 celebrating Christmas at my uncle's home where my grandmother used 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:26.560 to live and my grandfather also passed away just before 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:29.920 and so I know that this year they're not going 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:33.160 to want to celebrate Christmas at their home. There's a 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:35.960 lot of rituals and routines that they don't want to do. 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:38.480 I'm not even sure if they put their tree up 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:40.520 this year. And that's kind of the things we have 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:43.120 to think about when it comes to loss, that how 0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:46.800 can we help someone who's dealing with loss, and how 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:50.280 can we also help ourselves if we've lost someone in 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:53.120 the last couple of years and Christmas doesn't feel the 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:58.680 same anymore, it's really important to ask some really difficult questions, 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:01.360 but questions that could hopefully help us go in the 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:05.600 right direction. So the APA says that you know, there 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:07.760 may be some traditions that you don't want to do. 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:10.920 Maybe they're just too painful, and it makes sense to 0:16:10.960 --> 0:16:13.600 either not do any traditions or maybe try something new. 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:17.080 It's a real opportunity to create something new. You may 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:18.960 not want to celebrate in the same place. You may 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:20.520 want to travel, you may want to be at a 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:23.800 different home. I think these are very important conversations to 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:26.960 have because on the day these things can really really 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:29.400 put a lot of pressure on us. Who are the 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:31.920 people you want to be around? This is a really 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:35.960 really critical question. Often we feel the pressure to be 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:38.760 around family and specific family, but we have to also 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:42.120 be around our chosen family. It's really important to make 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:45.200 sure that you are around a tribe that you want 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:47.880 to be around. So these are some of the main 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:51.200 areas that the APA talks about. I want to go 0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:55.520 over some really key principles that I think are going 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:58.240 to help you during this time overall, that you can 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:01.440 apply no matter what situation and you're in the Number 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:05.920 one thing is to be cautious with your calendar, don't overcommit, 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.720 and remember it's okay to say no. I think too 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:12.000 many of us we just start saying yes to everything. 0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:14.239 Of course, it's nice to see everyone again. It's been 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:16.520 a long time, but we end up saying yes to 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:18.920 so many people, and often I say no to people 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:21.840 in it really like, I'm really sad and sorry, I'm 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:24.400 going back to London. Someone messaged me the other day 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:25.879 and they said, hey, j I'd love to meet up 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:28.800 with you in London. And I just was honest and 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:30.600 I said, you know what, my parents haven't seen me. 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:33.000 They've seen me once in the last two years. I 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:34.879 really feel like my sister and my parents are my 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:37.760 priority on this trip, and I'm just really sorry. I'll 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:39.360 let you know if I have time. And I feel 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:40.560 like it would have been so easy for me to 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:43.439 say yes, yes, yes, yes yes, And the next thing 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:45.640 I know, my calendar is filled. I feel anxious because 0:17:45.640 --> 0:17:49.000 of my calendar being so busy, and then I feel overcommitted. 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:52.000 You have to remember it's okay to say no, and 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:56.080 remember it's not saying no, it's explaining why you're saying 0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:59.320 no in with the truth of what the reality is. No, 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:01.359 I'm to come up with an answer. But one of 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:04.280 the reasons why we create anxiety in our lives is 0:18:04.320 --> 0:18:07.399 that we're not cautious with our calendars. And so I 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:11.120 recommend having your calendar open. Every time you say yes 0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:13.439 to someone or note to someone. You look at it 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:17.280 and use it throughout the period so that there's never 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:20.280 a time when you're just back to back. Okay. The 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:23.320 next one is prioritizing sleep. Now. I know this may 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:25.400 sound counterintuitive. You may say, Jay, I want to stay 0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:27.199 up all night, I want to have fun, But what 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:30.639 I find is that we often get unwell. We get tired. 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:33.600 We get more anxious when we don't sleep well. When 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:36.720 I was reading from the Sleep Foundation dot Org, I 0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:41.800 was looking at the connection between anxiety and sleep, and 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:44.760 I think often we're not really aware of that connection, 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:49.520 and we don't recognize how deeply interrelated they are. Research 0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:53.560 findings suggests that sleep loss and anxiety are closely linked. 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:57.000 This was an article from Psychology Today that talked about 0:18:57.000 --> 0:19:00.160 how we've learned that sleep provides the brain with an 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:05.560 invaluable period of transporting toxins out of neural tissue through 0:19:05.560 --> 0:19:10.000 a complex garbage removal system operating separately from the body's 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:15.000 lymphatic system. The brain's trash disposal apparatus seems dependent on 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:18.800 sleep to function properly. When you hear that, doesn't it 0:19:18.800 --> 0:19:20.720 just blow your mind and you think, wow, I thought 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:22.879 sleep was just about getting rest. But there is so 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:27.719 much cleansing happening. There is so much brainwashing happening during sleep. 0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:31.239 Poor sleep seems to put the brain on guard by 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:35.639 triggering spites in stress hormones like cortisol, producing an early 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:40.399 am anxiety bloom even before the day begins. I cannot 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:42.600 stress to you all how important it is to get 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:46.040 good sleep. Some of my favorite sleep habits include sleeping 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:50.240 at sixty seven degrees fahrenheit to get that cooler temperature. 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:52.240 Often we want to be cozy and warm, but you 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:53.960 want to sleep in a room that is at sixty 0:19:53.960 --> 0:19:56.920 seven degrees. You want to sleep in cave like darkness, 0:19:56.960 --> 0:20:01.040 no lights, no light coming in through the wind. Get curtains, 0:20:01.080 --> 0:20:04.560 get shades, get blinds. One of my other favorite sleep 0:20:04.600 --> 0:20:08.280 techniques is making sure that I'm sleeping in a room 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:13.119 where the site sense and sounds are really created that ambience. 0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:15.320 So whether it's a candle, whether it's a diffuser, whether 0:20:15.359 --> 0:20:18.480 it's an essential oil that just really calms your body, 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:22.280 it's really healthy to have that in that space. Now. 0:20:22.280 --> 0:20:25.840 Another one is really allowing for imperfection and not meeting 0:20:25.840 --> 0:20:29.240 people's expectations. I think no matter how hard you try 0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:32.679 with food, a party, an event, it's never truly going 0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:34.760 to live up to anyone's expectations. And we have to 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:38.159 allow for imperfection ourselves. I think we often put pressure 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:40.680 on ourselves right. A lot of the pressure around the 0:20:40.720 --> 0:20:43.040 holiday time is on ourselves. Are we going to organize 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:44.719 in good enough party? Are we going to make good 0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:47.160 enough food? Are people going to think we're good hosts, 0:20:47.440 --> 0:20:49.720 and we're constantly worried about how people are going to 0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:53.720 think of us. And the truth is that no one 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:57.320 really ever is going to be fully satisfied, not because 0:20:57.359 --> 0:21:00.560 you're not great, but because people have so many different 0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:04.439 expectations and you can't appeal to every single person. I 0:21:04.480 --> 0:21:07.760 think sometimes we get so lost trying to make sure 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:11.080 that everyone's happy, that no one's happy, whereas if we 0:21:11.160 --> 0:21:15.720 actually just allowed for imperfection and tried our best, more 0:21:15.720 --> 0:21:18.240 people would get our energy. And remember that people are 0:21:18.280 --> 0:21:22.520 looking to feel love through you, not through what you 0:21:22.640 --> 0:21:25.359 give them. And I think this is something that I've 0:21:25.400 --> 0:21:29.040 noticed so much. If I go to someone's home, I'm 0:21:29.160 --> 0:21:31.720 deeply touched by how they speak to me, how they 0:21:31.840 --> 0:21:35.760 welcome me, how they connect with me. So much more 0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:39.000 than what was in the gift bag or what was 0:21:39.080 --> 0:21:42.239 for dinner. The care and the attention in mood and 0:21:42.359 --> 0:21:45.960 spirit and energy goes much longer way, and it's something 0:21:46.000 --> 0:21:49.399 you can fully fully control. Now. I think it's also 0:21:49.560 --> 0:21:52.520 important at this time to remember that we focus on 0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:56.480 what truly matters, experiences in human connection and memories, making 0:21:56.520 --> 0:21:58.840 new memories. It's not the gifts. It's not the food. 0:21:58.840 --> 0:22:01.240 It's not you know, that doesn't make the memories. What 0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:05.160 makes the memories is that human connection. And I really 0:22:05.200 --> 0:22:07.359 hope that the people that you're worried about seeing, I 0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:11.159 hope you practice conversations before. I hope you prepare in 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:15.360 advance for those conversations. And the best way to do 0:22:15.400 --> 0:22:17.000 that is to think about who are the people that 0:22:17.040 --> 0:22:19.160 are going to trigger you, what are they going to say, 0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:24.600 and practice your response now before you go there. That's 0:22:24.640 --> 0:22:26.520