1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:04,240 Speaker 1: We've made gifts to feel like such a important, big 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:07,800 Speaker 1: thing around this time of year, and it often leads 3 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:11,639 Speaker 1: to more disappointment and more anxiety. The giver is full 4 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 1: of anxiety. The receiver now has unmeta expectations field it's 5 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 1: extremely disappointed, and it also ruins the spirit and the 6 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: moment that we're trying to create, which is just about 7 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:33,839 Speaker 1: connection and love. Hey, everyone, welcome back to Our Purpose, 8 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,559 Speaker 1: the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to 9 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,560 Speaker 1: each and every single one of you that come back 10 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: every week to listen, learn and grow. Now. Today's episode 11 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,519 Speaker 1: is a special one because it's coming up to the 12 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: holidays and I am a huge, huge, huge holiday fan. 13 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 1: I love Christmas music, I love Christmas decorations, I love 14 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: Christmas trees. I like anything to do with Christmas. I 15 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: grow up as the biggest Christmas geek and it's my 16 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,679 Speaker 1: favorite time of the year. I'm that person who's playing 17 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:09,880 Speaker 1: Christmas music on every car journey from my phone at 18 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: any given moment i possibly can. And I love the 19 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: energy of the season. I love how it makes me 20 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,960 Speaker 1: feel nostalgically. I remember this being a special time with 21 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,480 Speaker 1: my family back home in London. I remember some of 22 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:27,120 Speaker 1: the rituals and routines we would do. I remember these 23 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,400 Speaker 1: shopping trips would go on. I remember the idea of 24 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: opening up my one special gift on Christmas Day, and 25 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: so I have so many good memories attached to this 26 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,399 Speaker 1: period as well. And even though now I'm away from family, 27 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: I still really enjoy putting up my tree, putting up 28 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 1: the lights, just getting into that festive spirit and the 29 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,560 Speaker 1: music just takes me back. But at the same time, 30 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: I know that this can also be a time of 31 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: a lot of stress and anxiety. And sometimes as we 32 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: get older, we find ourselves finding this time even more stressful, 33 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: nerve wracking, and anxious because we have more responsibilities. We 34 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 1: now become the parents, we become the gift givers, we 35 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 1: become the hosts, and or we become the visitors and guests, 36 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 1: and even that can be challenging. And so there are 37 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: so many different types of challenges and anxiety that people 38 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 1: experience during this time, and I think it's really really 39 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: important to address them. So I wanted to dedicate this 40 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: podcast to methods of reducing anxiety and the types of 41 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 1: anxiety we feel during the holiday season, Because if any 42 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:42,240 Speaker 1: one of you right now, who's listening is feeling any 43 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 1: sense of anxiety or nervousness as it comes up to 44 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 1: the holidays. I mean, you know, how far are we 45 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: right now? We're literally one week away from Christmas. If 46 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 1: you're listening to this, and I just want to make 47 00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 1: sure that you're prepared. If you're one of those people 48 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 1: that have already been to a couple of holiday parties 49 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: and you know that you've got your big ones coming up, 50 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: this is the podcast to listen to if you have 51 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 1: friends in your life that you know are struggling during 52 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: this time, maybe they've been through a particular type of stress. 53 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: I'll talk about some of the most common types of stress. 54 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: I think this is the podcast that everyone's going to 55 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 1: need at this time of year, and I hope you 56 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: take a moment to listen to it and share it 57 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: with someone as well. So I want to start off 58 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: by some of the research I was looking at from 59 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 1: the American Psychological Association or the APA. The website is 60 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 1: APA dot org if you want to check out some 61 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: of what I'm referring to, and they have something on 62 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: there called the Holiday Stress Resource Center, and I found 63 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: this to be really useful in looking at the different 64 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 1: types of stress, and I think it's really important to 65 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: have the skill to be able to label and articulate 66 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: your stress. One of the challenges we have is we 67 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: often say things like, oh, I'm just stressed about everything. Right, 68 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: when someone says, well, what are you stressed about? We 69 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 1: say just everything, you know, everything is just so stressful. 70 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: And when we don't have the words for something, it 71 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: actually makes it harder for our mind to deal with it. 72 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: This is something I've learned over time, is that when 73 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 1: you don't have the vocabulary to articulate what you are 74 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:24,520 Speaker 1: internally experiencing, it actually becomes harder to deal with it, 75 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 1: because when you don't know what it is, that creates 76 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 1: more anxiety the unknown. In the same way as if 77 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 1: you have a rash on your arm or on your 78 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 1: hand and you decide to google it and you don't 79 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 1: know what it is, you don't have the language of 80 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: the vocabulary for it, all of a sudden, you feel 81 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 1: you have every infectious disease on the planet. Right when 82 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:50,279 Speaker 1: you self diagnose, it leads to this feeling of more anxiety. Now, 83 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 1: so in the same way, when we can't diagnose, when 84 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:55,760 Speaker 1: we can't articulate, when we don't have the vocabulary for 85 00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: what is happening internally, we actually deal with more struggles. 86 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,560 Speaker 1: So when I went on to the APA, it talks 87 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,359 Speaker 1: about how there were many different triggers for our stress 88 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: and anxiety during the holidays. Now, I know I'm not 89 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: going to cover every possible one, because they truly can 90 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: be unlimited. But I'm encouraging you at this point in 91 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 1: the podcast to really take a moment to define what 92 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: types of anxiety you're currently experiencing, and I promise you 93 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 1: that this activity and exercise is going to help you 94 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: manage it better and in a more healthy way. Just 95 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 1: as if you diagnose a rash, you know what it is, 96 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: you know what to do right, you don't overamplify or 97 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: under sell what that is. I think this is a 98 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:48,480 Speaker 1: really important note that often we either overamplify an anxiety 99 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: when we don't know what it is, or we treat 100 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 1: it with less care than it deserves. How many times 101 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: have you done that, where when you don't know what 102 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 1: something is, you either amplify it to feel like the 103 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: worst thing ever, or you underplay it. So often we 104 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: underplay our pain and we say, oh, no, it's nothing, 105 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,599 Speaker 1: it's nothing, it's nothing. And then later on you find 106 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:12,000 Speaker 1: out it is something, and so articulating and diagnosing and 107 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: giving a vocabulary allows you to deal with something for 108 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 1: what it truly, truly is. So one of the first 109 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:23,360 Speaker 1: stresses that the APA talks about is dealing with the 110 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 1: pressure of giving. How many of you feel the pressure 111 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: to get the right gift for the right person and 112 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,719 Speaker 1: you're sitting there for ages, you order that thing, you 113 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,479 Speaker 1: then realize it's not the right thing, and then you 114 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 1: had a conversation with them where they said, well, I 115 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: don't like that, that's not the right thing, and now 116 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,719 Speaker 1: you're looking at something else, and all of a sudden, 117 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 1: you now are feeling the anxiety of gift giving. And 118 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: I was looking at some statistics on Investipedia to give 119 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: you some idea. Planned holiday spending breaks down to six 120 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 1: hundred and forty eight dollars on gifts for family, friends, 121 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: and co workers, two hundred and thirty one dollars on 122 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 1: non gift holiday items including food and decorations, and one 123 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 1: hundred and eighteen dollars on other non gift items for 124 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: self and family. That's roughly the average that people are spending, 125 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 1: So nine hundred and ninety eight dollars is the average 126 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: amount that consumers expect to spend on winter holidays in 127 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 1: twenty twenty one. Then I was on finder dot com 128 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: and I saw this interesting research study that talked about 129 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 1: Christmas gift confessions, and it said that Americans have wasted 130 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 1: fifteen point two billion dollars on unwanted gifts. We've wasted 131 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: fifteen point two billion dollars on unwanted gifts, so forty 132 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,400 Speaker 1: three percent of that is made of clothing and accessories, 133 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 1: twenty percent of that is in household items, twelve percent 134 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 1: is cosmetics and fragrances, four percent is food or drink, 135 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 1: five percent is technology, music is and literatures eight percent, 136 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 1: which means the best gifts that people are less likely 137 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 1: to feel it's wasted. Our technology and literature, books and 138 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 1: tech are good gifts to give, and food, of course 139 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: goes in their clothing and household items go as the 140 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: biggest wastes that often get returned or have to go back. 141 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 1: So important to think about them. And around thirty percent 142 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: of people keep their unwanted gifts, around thirty percent give 143 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: it to someone else, twenty percent exchange them, seven percent 144 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:35,480 Speaker 1: actually sell their unwanted gifts says finder dot Com. And 145 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 1: four percent give them back, four percent throw them away, 146 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 1: and that's pretty much how it stacks up. So when 147 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 1: you think about that, it starts to make you realize 148 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:53,000 Speaker 1: that gifts are given too much importance when so many 149 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 1: of them are given back, exchanged, sold, and we can 150 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: switch our focus to experiences. We can start to recognize 151 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: that an experience is far more valuable than a gift, 152 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 1: because if someone's had an experience, it's an exchange of time. 153 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: And if you've organized something for everyone to do and 154 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 1: everyone has had that experience of food and drink that 155 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: was up there, then that doesn't feel like as much anxiety, 156 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,959 Speaker 1: and it actually reduces our anxiety because we stop giving 157 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 1: gifts so much precedence. And I think this is a 158 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: really really important thing that we need to reprogram ourselves. 159 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,719 Speaker 1: Or we've made gifts to feel like such a important, 160 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 1: big thing around this time of year, and it often 161 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,959 Speaker 1: leads to more disappointment and more anxiety. The giver is 162 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: full of anxiety, the receiver now has unmeta expectations, extremely disappointed, 163 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 1: and it also ruins the spirit and the moment that 164 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,959 Speaker 1: we're trying to create, which is just about connection and love, 165 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 1: and so I think it's so important that as receivers 166 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:02,319 Speaker 1: and givers, we think think about communicating with the people 167 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,640 Speaker 1: in our life and really talking about where the gifts 168 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 1: are important, where the gifts are the only thing. We 169 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: don't do that thing where we say, oh, yeah, I 170 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,839 Speaker 1: don't mind if you don't get me a gift, and 171 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: then we're upset when they don't, Or we say, oh, 172 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 1: I don't mind if you get me a gift, and 173 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,360 Speaker 1: probably let's not worry about it. Then you get them 174 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,160 Speaker 1: a surprise gift and hope that they give you a 175 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 1: surprise gift. Right, we play all these games with each other. 176 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: Let's communicate really effectively about what we do and don't want. 177 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: Let's also reduce the emphasis on gifts and increase the 178 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 1: emphasis on experiences. And let's also set realistic expectations when 179 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 1: people are giving us something. If we haven't told them 180 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:44,360 Speaker 1: what we want very clearly, chances are we won't get it. 181 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: Chances are it's not going to be wrapped beautifully under 182 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: the Christmas tree. And so it's so important to really 183 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: resolve the amount of pressure we place on gift giving. 184 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:59,080 Speaker 1: This was a really interesting thing from the APA, and 185 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 1: it was from an expert. Pauline Wallin, PhD, a clinical 186 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 1: psychologist in camp Hill, Pennsylvania. She said, over the course 187 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,199 Speaker 1: of my career, I have talked to thousands of patients 188 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: and never once has anyone said, I'll never forgive my 189 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:18,559 Speaker 1: parents for not getting me that fabulous toy for Christmas. 190 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 1: She said, parents overestimate the importance of the holidays in 191 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 1: the overall picture of their kids' lives. Those are not 192 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,200 Speaker 1: the memories the kids will carry with them to the 193 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:31,959 Speaker 1: world to guide and inspire them, which hopefully offers some relief, 194 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: you know, hopefully if you who can breathe again and 195 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:38,440 Speaker 1: recognize that it isn't all about that. She goes on 196 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: to say a parent could sit down with their kid, 197 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: even as young as six or seven years old, and 198 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,800 Speaker 1: explain a budget. When they're aware of the family budget, 199 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,680 Speaker 1: I think it helps them share the responsibility for good choices. 200 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 1: I thought that was a beautiful idea because we may 201 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,200 Speaker 1: never have had that, and that's why we think the 202 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: way we think about Christmas, and we put so much 203 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:02,560 Speaker 1: pressure on Christmas. But if it was possible to actually 204 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 1: have a child understand budgeting from a much younger age, 205 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,480 Speaker 1: I remember my parents would always say to me that 206 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,199 Speaker 1: we'd get one gift because that's what the budget was, 207 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 1: so we could only pick one thing. There was only 208 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 1: one thing we could have, and I think that always 209 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,400 Speaker 1: made it very very simple, and then if they manage 210 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: to get us something small on top of that, it 211 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 1: always felt like this really exciting bonus. So setting that 212 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: budgeting example is really powerful, and so I really hope 213 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 1: that that helps in your gift giving. I'm sure there's 214 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,959 Speaker 1: lots more things I could share there, but hopefully that's 215 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 1: some insight. The next thing is finances. And I've talked 216 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 1: a bit about spending habits already, but finances can be 217 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: a big stressor during this time, and one of the 218 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:43,840 Speaker 1: most important things to do is to start with the budget, 219 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,320 Speaker 1: to not just say, well, let's see what we can get, 220 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 1: or not track what you're spending. It's really important to 221 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:53,760 Speaker 1: create a budget that you feel comfortable with. As I said, 222 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: the average spend is about a thousand dollars. You may 223 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: be spending more, you may be spending less. It's just 224 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:02,480 Speaker 1: really important to that's something that you're truly truly comfortable with, 225 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: and remember that you shouldn't feel pressured to spend more. 226 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 1: Or less best on what other people are doing. It's 227 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,840 Speaker 1: truly about how much you feel comfortable spending. Often we say, oh, 228 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 1: but they spend so much on their gifts, and last 229 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:18,200 Speaker 1: year they gave us so much, And that kind of 230 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:22,719 Speaker 1: pressure can often ruin the relationship, it can ruin the interaction, 231 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,680 Speaker 1: and it's so important to just be honest with where 232 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,839 Speaker 1: we truly are and give something with love, to give 233 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,560 Speaker 1: something really, really thoughtful. I know that some of the 234 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: best gifts I've given have not been the most expensive, 235 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: but they've been the most thoughtful. They've been the most powerful, 236 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: They've been the most meaningful. And often when I've given 237 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,559 Speaker 1: gifts that are expensive, They've actually been so easy to 238 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 1: give that there isn't much thought in them. So really 239 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: think about that now. Another thing the APA points out 240 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:55,320 Speaker 1: is that you have to recognize how you deal with 241 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: stress related to money. So it says that in tough 242 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,080 Speaker 1: economic times, some people are more likely to relieve stress 243 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 1: by turning to unhealthy activities such as smoking, drinking, gabbling, 244 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,319 Speaker 1: or emotional eating. So you end up spending more to 245 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: actually deal with your stress of spending in the first place, 246 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: and so it's important to understand your relationship with money 247 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: during this time of year, and again, investing in experiences 248 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 1: and memories is more important than investing in gifts. It's 249 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 1: so important to build those moments and build those memories 250 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: as opposed to building a gift culture in your home. Again, 251 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 1: I'm not saying don't get gifts. I love gifts. I 252 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 1: know what my family is getting me for Christmas. I 253 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 1: know what I'm getting them. But if you are creating 254 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 1: a gift plan, create a gift budget for each other 255 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 1: as well, and even creating a budget within the family 256 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: creates so much more joy during this time rather than 257 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: the guessing game of how much will someone spend on us. 258 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 1: The Apia goes on to say that the next thing 259 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 1: that people struggle with the most during this time is relationships. 260 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,479 Speaker 1: It could be that awkward conversation you've been trying to avoid. 261 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 1: It could be managing the kids during this time. It 262 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 1: could be just you know, not wanting to see someone again. 263 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 1: And it can also be the idea of loss. Maybe 264 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 1: you've lost someone. I know. For my family, we lost 265 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 1: my grandmother during the pandemic, and we're so used to 266 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 1: celebrating Christmas at my uncle's home where my grandmother used 267 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: to live and my grandfather also passed away just before 268 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: and so I know that this year they're not going 269 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 1: to want to celebrate Christmas at their home. There's a 270 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: lot of rituals and routines that they don't want to do. 271 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: I'm not even sure if they put their tree up 272 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,520 Speaker 1: this year. And that's kind of the things we have 273 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,120 Speaker 1: to think about when it comes to loss, that how 274 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: can we help someone who's dealing with loss, and how 275 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 1: can we also help ourselves if we've lost someone in 276 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 1: the last couple of years and Christmas doesn't feel the 277 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: same anymore, it's really important to ask some really difficult questions, 278 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,360 Speaker 1: but questions that could hopefully help us go in the 279 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: right direction. So the APA says that you know, there 280 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: may be some traditions that you don't want to do. 281 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 1: Maybe they're just too painful, and it makes sense to 282 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 1: either not do any traditions or maybe try something new. 283 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: It's a real opportunity to create something new. You may 284 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: not want to celebrate in the same place. You may 285 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,520 Speaker 1: want to travel, you may want to be at a 286 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,800 Speaker 1: different home. I think these are very important conversations to 287 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: have because on the day these things can really really 288 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 1: put a lot of pressure on us. Who are the 289 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 1: people you want to be around? This is a really 290 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: really critical question. Often we feel the pressure to be 291 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: around family and specific family, but we have to also 292 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,120 Speaker 1: be around our chosen family. It's really important to make 293 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,200 Speaker 1: sure that you are around a tribe that you want 294 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 1: to be around. So these are some of the main 295 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 1: areas that the APA talks about. I want to go 296 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 1: over some really key principles that I think are going 297 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: to help you during this time overall, that you can 298 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,440 Speaker 1: apply no matter what situation and you're in the Number 299 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 1: one thing is to be cautious with your calendar, don't overcommit, 300 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 1: and remember it's okay to say no. I think too 301 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 1: many of us we just start saying yes to everything. 302 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,239 Speaker 1: Of course, it's nice to see everyone again. It's been 303 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 1: a long time, but we end up saying yes to 304 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,920 Speaker 1: so many people, and often I say no to people 305 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: in it really like, I'm really sad and sorry, I'm 306 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,400 Speaker 1: going back to London. Someone messaged me the other day 307 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,879 Speaker 1: and they said, hey, j I'd love to meet up 308 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 1: with you in London. And I just was honest and 309 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 1: I said, you know what, my parents haven't seen me. 310 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 1: They've seen me once in the last two years. I 311 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:34,879 Speaker 1: really feel like my sister and my parents are my 312 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,760 Speaker 1: priority on this trip, and I'm just really sorry. I'll 313 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,360 Speaker 1: let you know if I have time. And I feel 314 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 1: like it would have been so easy for me to 315 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,439 Speaker 1: say yes, yes, yes, yes yes, And the next thing 316 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,640 Speaker 1: I know, my calendar is filled. I feel anxious because 317 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: of my calendar being so busy, and then I feel overcommitted. 318 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 1: You have to remember it's okay to say no, and 319 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 1: remember it's not saying no, it's explaining why you're saying 320 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 1: no in with the truth of what the reality is. No, 321 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,359 Speaker 1: I'm to come up with an answer. But one of 322 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:04,280 Speaker 1: the reasons why we create anxiety in our lives is 323 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 1: that we're not cautious with our calendars. And so I 324 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,120 Speaker 1: recommend having your calendar open. Every time you say yes 325 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,439 Speaker 1: to someone or note to someone. You look at it 326 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 1: and use it throughout the period so that there's never 327 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: a time when you're just back to back. Okay. The 328 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,320 Speaker 1: next one is prioritizing sleep. Now. I know this may 329 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,400 Speaker 1: sound counterintuitive. You may say, Jay, I want to stay 330 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,199 Speaker 1: up all night, I want to have fun, But what 331 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,639 Speaker 1: I find is that we often get unwell. We get tired. 332 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,600 Speaker 1: We get more anxious when we don't sleep well. When 333 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 1: I was reading from the Sleep Foundation dot Org, I 334 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: was looking at the connection between anxiety and sleep, and 335 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: I think often we're not really aware of that connection, 336 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:49,520 Speaker 1: and we don't recognize how deeply interrelated they are. Research 337 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 1: findings suggests that sleep loss and anxiety are closely linked. 338 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 1: This was an article from Psychology Today that talked about 339 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,160 Speaker 1: how we've learned that sleep provides the brain with an 340 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 1: invaluable period of transporting toxins out of neural tissue through 341 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: a complex garbage removal system operating separately from the body's 342 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 1: lymphatic system. The brain's trash disposal apparatus seems dependent on 343 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 1: sleep to function properly. When you hear that, doesn't it 344 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 1: just blow your mind and you think, wow, I thought 345 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,879 Speaker 1: sleep was just about getting rest. But there is so 346 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:27,719 Speaker 1: much cleansing happening. There is so much brainwashing happening during sleep. 347 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,239 Speaker 1: Poor sleep seems to put the brain on guard by 348 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:35,639 Speaker 1: triggering spites in stress hormones like cortisol, producing an early 349 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:40,399 Speaker 1: am anxiety bloom even before the day begins. I cannot 350 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: stress to you all how important it is to get 351 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 1: good sleep. Some of my favorite sleep habits include sleeping 352 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:50,240 Speaker 1: at sixty seven degrees fahrenheit to get that cooler temperature. 353 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 1: Often we want to be cozy and warm, but you 354 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 1: want to sleep in a room that is at sixty 355 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,920 Speaker 1: seven degrees. You want to sleep in cave like darkness, 356 00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 1: no lights, no light coming in through the wind. Get curtains, 357 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:04,560 Speaker 1: get shades, get blinds. One of my other favorite sleep 358 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,280 Speaker 1: techniques is making sure that I'm sleeping in a room 359 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:13,119 Speaker 1: where the site sense and sounds are really created that ambience. 360 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: So whether it's a candle, whether it's a diffuser, whether 361 00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 1: it's an essential oil that just really calms your body, 362 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 1: it's really healthy to have that in that space. Now. 363 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 1: Another one is really allowing for imperfection and not meeting 364 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,240 Speaker 1: people's expectations. I think no matter how hard you try 365 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,679 Speaker 1: with food, a party, an event, it's never truly going 366 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 1: to live up to anyone's expectations. And we have to 367 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,159 Speaker 1: allow for imperfection ourselves. I think we often put pressure 368 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,680 Speaker 1: on ourselves right. A lot of the pressure around the 369 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,040 Speaker 1: holiday time is on ourselves. Are we going to organize 370 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,719 Speaker 1: in good enough party? Are we going to make good 371 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,160 Speaker 1: enough food? Are people going to think we're good hosts, 372 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,720 Speaker 1: and we're constantly worried about how people are going to 373 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 1: think of us. And the truth is that no one 374 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 1: really ever is going to be fully satisfied, not because 375 00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 1: you're not great, but because people have so many different 376 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,439 Speaker 1: expectations and you can't appeal to every single person. I 377 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 1: think sometimes we get so lost trying to make sure 378 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,080 Speaker 1: that everyone's happy, that no one's happy, whereas if we 379 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 1: actually just allowed for imperfection and tried our best, more 380 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 1: people would get our energy. And remember that people are 381 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: looking to feel love through you, not through what you 382 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 1: give them. And I think this is something that I've 383 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:29,040 Speaker 1: noticed so much. If I go to someone's home, I'm 384 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,720 Speaker 1: deeply touched by how they speak to me, how they 385 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:35,760 Speaker 1: welcome me, how they connect with me. So much more 386 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 1: than what was in the gift bag or what was 387 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,239 Speaker 1: for dinner. The care and the attention in mood and 388 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,960 Speaker 1: spirit and energy goes much longer way, and it's something 389 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,399 Speaker 1: you can fully fully control. Now. I think it's also 390 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,520 Speaker 1: important at this time to remember that we focus on 391 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:56,480 Speaker 1: what truly matters, experiences in human connection and memories, making 392 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,840 Speaker 1: new memories. It's not the gifts. It's not the food. 393 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 1: It's not you know, that doesn't make the memories. What 394 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,160 Speaker 1: makes the memories is that human connection. And I really 395 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 1: hope that the people that you're worried about seeing, I 396 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:11,159 Speaker 1: hope you practice conversations before. I hope you prepare in 397 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:15,360 Speaker 1: advance for those conversations. And the best way to do 398 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,000 Speaker 1: that is to think about who are the people that 399 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,160 Speaker 1: are going to trigger you, what are they going to say, 400 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 1: and practice your response now before you go there. That's 401 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 1: the best way to do it, because what that does 402 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,640 Speaker 1: is it means that now when you hear those words, 403 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,440 Speaker 1: you already knew they were coming, and you've already programmed 404 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 1: yourself to not give an instinctual response, but to give 405 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,679 Speaker 1: a practiced response. What the practice response does is it 406 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:42,120 Speaker 1: allows you to respond without anxiety. I find it shocking 407 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:46,159 Speaker 1: how so many people will know the person who's going 408 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,119 Speaker 1: to trigger them, they know that that person's going to 409 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,840 Speaker 1: upset them, and then they still let that person upset them. 410 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,199 Speaker 1: If you know someone is going to upset you, be 411 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,520 Speaker 1: upset now and practice how you respond to make sure 412 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,640 Speaker 1: you don't feel upset in the moment when you practice 413 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 1: that conversation. Now, when you practice that feeling I do 414 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: this all the time when I was about to go 415 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: on and become a monk. Whenever I would be in 416 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 1: my family, why are you going to be a monk? 417 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:09,720 Speaker 1: Why are you going to do this? I knew I 418 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 1: was going to have those questions, and I responded by saying, 419 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 1: this is something that means a lot to me. And 420 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: sometimes they would laugh at that. Sometimes they would make 421 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,920 Speaker 1: fun of that, and I would just say, Okay, I 422 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 1: would move on with it because I realized it didn't 423 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 1: affect my life, it didn't affect my decision, and that 424 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 1: sort of realized that winning an argument with your family 425 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,480 Speaker 1: doesn't solve anything. It doesn't solve what's happening in the 426 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:36,119 Speaker 1: real world. And therefore, allowing yourself just the space to 427 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: not have to make your holidays a place of debate 428 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 1: create so much peace and de clutters the mind. And 429 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,240 Speaker 1: the final thing I want to say is make sure 430 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 1: you take some time to reflect. This is one of 431 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,160 Speaker 1: the things that's often avoided until the first of January. 432 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,480 Speaker 1: I'm going to do an amazing episode in the next 433 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 1: couple of weeks about how to reflect during this time, 434 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 1: and I really truly hope that you'll make time for that, 435 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:01,119 Speaker 1: because you've done some amazing things this year. You have 436 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,199 Speaker 1: achieved some incredible things this year, and I want you 437 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,520 Speaker 1: to take a moment to truly honor how far you've come. 438 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,600 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. 439 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 1: It means the world to me to have this time 440 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 1: with you, and I cannot wait. I cannot wait to 441 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 1: see you again next week. Thanks everyone, Thank you. Bye.