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Speaker 1: You have to do all the work, and you have

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Speaker 1: to be brave enough to put yourself out there. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes a lightning bolt is going to strike from the

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Speaker 1: heavens and it's going to work out. And sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: just not going to flow, and it's going to be

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Speaker 1: one of those days that it doesn't work. But if

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Speaker 1: you're not willing to put yourself up there and to

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Speaker 1: put yourself in a position to be great, you're never

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Speaker 1: going to be great.

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Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, Emily Abadi here, Welcome to rewind on Hurdle.

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Speaker 2: Five days of episodes from the Hurdle Vault. I cannot

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Speaker 2: even tell you how often I get requests for interviews

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Speaker 2: with some of the amazing, amazing people that I have

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Speaker 2: already had the privilege of sitting down with, and sometimes

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Speaker 2: I'm able to do a round two around three. But

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Speaker 2: that is what this week is all about. It's me

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Speaker 2: bringing you some of my favorite conversation back to the

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Speaker 2: top of the feed from the last five years.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 2: I'll be honest, it's easy for me to forget that

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Speaker 2: there are new people joining the hurdle community every single week,

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Speaker 2: which means that there is a lot of content to

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Speaker 2: catch up on. Helping everyone on their journey to live happier, healthier,

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Speaker 2: more motivated lives. For the last installment of our series,

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Speaker 2: I am bringing back my first ever conversation with Mollie's Sidel.

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Speaker 2: You know her as an Olympic medalist, a pro marathoner.

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Speaker 2: It is absolutely crazy to think we had this conversation

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Speaker 2: before she came in third in Tokyo. I love it

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Speaker 2: and originally aired in March of twenty twenty. And with that,

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Speaker 2: let's get to it, let's rewind, let's get to hurdling. Today.

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Speaker 2: I'm sitting down with Mollie's Sidel. She is a pro runner,

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Speaker 2: assumed to be Olympian that will never get old.

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Speaker 1: No, it really doesn't. And every time my heart kind

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Speaker 1: of like jumps a little bit.

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Speaker 2: I feel excited and a little bit honored that I'm

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Speaker 2: sitting here on your couch. We're in Boston. I am

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Speaker 2: really just kind of in awe of you, as a

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Speaker 2: lot of people are right now.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's a I'm vastly underwhelming when people

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Speaker 1: actually made me. I had a girl tell me the

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Speaker 1: other day, She's like, I expected.

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Speaker 2: You to be taller, Like okay, okay. I don't know

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Speaker 2: how to respond to that I'm sure you're kind of

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Speaker 2: interacting with a lot of people for the first time

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Speaker 2: right now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Well it's wild because in the lead up to

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Speaker 1: the Trials, a lot of a lot of pro runners,

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Speaker 1: like myself, we kind of like it's almost like this

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Speaker 1: monastic life, like you really kind of narrow in focus.

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Speaker 1: I was actually out in Flagstaff, Arizona, so it was

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Speaker 1: kind of like a very like focus on your training,

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Speaker 1: like you're not really going out a whole lot. It's

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Speaker 1: just like you're nailing your one hundred and fifteen one

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Speaker 1: hundred and twenty miles a week and that's your life.

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Speaker 1: And now it's like I get back to Boston where

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Speaker 1: all my friends are here, it's just a very Boston

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Speaker 1: is a huge running community in general, and so now

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Speaker 1: it's really weird. Like before I could just like bang

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Speaker 1: out my runs on the river and kind of like

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Speaker 1: put my hat down and go. And now I've even

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Speaker 1: just today I got stopped by a girl, and I

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Speaker 1: always like want to be polite and friendly and introduce myself.

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Speaker 1: And I'm also like I kind of need to finish

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Speaker 1: my run kind of in a.

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Speaker 2: Little bit of a rush.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm technically working right now.

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Speaker 2: And I mean forget in real life, but I can't

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Speaker 2: even imagine what the outreach has been on social media.

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Speaker 2: And I mean, I'm sure other wonderful journalists are reaching

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Speaker 2: out to you as well, So it's probably just a lot.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lot. It's been pretty crazy. I also

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Speaker 1: like try to keep the perspective of, like if I

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Speaker 1: start to like get overwhelmed or get kind of like cranky,

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Speaker 1: like I just want to like go back to just

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Speaker 1: my little, boring life, I try to remember that this

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Speaker 1: is ultimately very good for the sport of women's running

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Speaker 1: because we don't necessarily get a whole lot of press.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know what professional running is

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Speaker 1: or follow professional road racing. So it is really exciting

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Speaker 1: that all of a sudden people are really excited about it,

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Speaker 1: and it's an Olympic year. It's kind of the prime

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Speaker 1: time to capitalize on it and let people know like

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Speaker 1: what our sport is about.

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Speaker 2: I love it, and so for those that might not

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Speaker 2: be in the loop. Molly came in second at the

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Speaker 2: Olympic Marathon Trials with a two twenty seven thirty one

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Speaker 2: that's a five thirty eight mile for twenty six point

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Speaker 2: two miles.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. See, that's the funny thing. If somebody had told

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Speaker 1: me that beforehand that I would be able to run

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Speaker 1: that on that course, I definitely wouldn't believed them. I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't believe them if they told me I was going

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Speaker 1: to get second. But I was definitely nervous going into

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Speaker 1: it with it being a bit of a rookie in

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Speaker 1: this area about holding that kind of pace for that long.

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Speaker 1: So sometimes you just have to You just have to

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Speaker 1: do it before you're ready to do it.

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Speaker 2: And I mean you just said the keyword there, rookie.

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Speaker 2: So all of the headlines it's Mollie runs first ever marathon,

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Speaker 2: qualifies for the Olympics. So explain how that works to

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Speaker 2: people who might not totally understand how you just showed

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Speaker 2: up and ran your first marathon.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, going to the Olympics.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I think a lot of people have been a

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Speaker 1: little bit confused because a lot of the headlines have

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Speaker 1: been maybe exaggerating of it, like girl literally runs the

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Speaker 1: first time in her life and qualifies for the Olympics. Incredible.

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Speaker 1: And I work the part time at a bakery as well,

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Speaker 1: so it's like Beisa takes two hour coffee break and

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Speaker 1: runs marathon. I being a professional runner, I do run

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Speaker 1: a lot. I've been running since high school. I ran

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Speaker 1: for many years for the University of Notre Dame at

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Speaker 1: the collegiate level, but I was primarily five k and

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Speaker 1: ten k, so that's three miles and six smiles. And

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Speaker 1: as I transitioned to pro running after college, I moved

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Speaker 1: up a little bit, was doing slightly longer races. But

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Speaker 1: it's only within the past I would say four months

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Speaker 1: at this point that I've moved up to the half

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Speaker 1: marathon and now the marathon. So it was I was

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Speaker 1: training at a pretty high level going into this. By

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Speaker 1: no means was I like couch to five k or

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Speaker 1: couch to marathon. I'd been training upwards of about like

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Speaker 1: one hundred miles a week. I've had many interruptions with injury,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't necessarily a challenge to ramp up to

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Speaker 1: marathon training. My body handled it pretty well because I've

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Speaker 1: got basically, oh god, now i feel like I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: date myself. I'm twenty five now. I've been doing this

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Speaker 1: since I was about fourteen, running consistently every single day,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, basically eleven years at this point.

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Speaker 2: What made you decide to ramp up and go for

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Speaker 2: the longer distances.

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Speaker 1: Basically, I have struggled a lot over the past several

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Speaker 1: years with injury and things. I just felt like I

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Speaker 1: was hitting my head against the wall and kept getting hurt,

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Speaker 1: kept getting hurt doing this five k ten k training.

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Speaker 1: I ended up leaving the training group that I was

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Speaker 1: with over the summer specifically for or that was a

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Speaker 1: major part of it. It just wasn't really working anymore.

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Speaker 1: I have so much respect for my previous coach, but

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Speaker 1: it was just frustrating for the both of us that

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Speaker 1: I couldn't do the kind of training that he wanted

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Speaker 1: me to do. When I began to be coached by

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Speaker 1: my current coach, who's a good friend of mine, who

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Speaker 1: was a Soccony teammate of my teammate of mine, John Green,

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Speaker 1: we kind of came to the realization that my body

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Speaker 1: really thrives off of super high mileage, longer tempo runs,

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Speaker 1: the type of training that a marathon or would traditionally

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Speaker 1: do as opposed to fast interval workouts that a track

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Speaker 1: athlete would do. So he was like, let's try this out.

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Speaker 1: We'll see if you're mileage can get up just build

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Speaker 1: a good base, get aerobically strong, and then we'll see

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Speaker 1: what happens. And I was feeling really healthy, really strong,

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Speaker 1: and he thought it would be fun to hop in

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Speaker 1: a half marathon. Jumped in a half marathon in December,

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Speaker 1: qualified for the Olympic trials, and we figured, hey, it'll

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Speaker 1: be a cool experience, like we'll go out and then

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Speaker 1: maybe a couple of years from now, when when you're

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Speaker 1: a little bit older, when you're closer to the age

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Speaker 1: that women traditionally start moving up to the marathon, then

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Speaker 1: you'll then you can try and be competitive. So, yeah,

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Speaker 1: this was all kind of a big shock, like going

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Speaker 1: in and with my first marathon build up really going

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Speaker 1: a lot better than I expected.

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Speaker 2: And I love what you told runners were old. You

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Speaker 2: said you were going into it and keeping an open

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Speaker 2: mind knowing how much it's going to hurt, and prepared

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Speaker 2: for that amount of pain, the idea of pain and running.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like I've been talking about this a

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Speaker 2: lot lately because it's so true. The pain is part

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Speaker 2: of what you sign up for.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of people assume that when

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Speaker 1: you get to the pro level of running, that it

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Speaker 1: doesn't hurt anymore that if it's this idea that if

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Speaker 1: you get fast enough that it won't hurt anymore, and

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Speaker 1: if anything is the opposite, I think, well, it's funny

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Speaker 1: because I think I'm the biggest change in going from

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Speaker 1: high school to college professional running is your relationship with

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Speaker 1: the discomfort of running changes, and you're able to kind

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Speaker 1: of like come to terms with it and handle it,

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Speaker 1: because that's running at its core, is just being uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: for a long period of time and like battling inside

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Speaker 1: your own head of your brain constantly telling you to stop.

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Speaker 1: And I hate to admit how many times in races

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Speaker 1: I have had the thought of, like, you should just

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Speaker 1: stop right now, and it's like, nope, I can't stop.

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Speaker 1: I have to keep going.

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Speaker 2: I think it's probably pretty refreshing for people to hear

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Speaker 2: that you still feel that way for people who are,

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Speaker 2: you know, maybe even just starting out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So, speaking of starting out, you didn't just show up

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Speaker 2: in Atlanta a contrary to some of the headlines, and

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Speaker 2: I were.

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Speaker 1: Super oblivious about things in many senses. I had no

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Speaker 1: idea how much to warm up for before a marathon,

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Speaker 1: because for road races and shorter stuff we warm up

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Speaker 1: twenty minutes or three miles, and so I was assuming

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Speaker 1: that i'd do the same thing for a marathon. And

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Speaker 1: I like asked a couple of people. They're like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, no, you don't warm up for a marathon.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna be running for twenty six miles. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm really glad, I asked.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad I didn't go run an extra three.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly because that my coach is like, why would

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Speaker 1: you do that. You'd be running like thirty two miles

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Speaker 1: that day then, so extra I know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so you didn't just show up and running.

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Speaker 1: I did not just show up.

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Speaker 2: You said you grew up running, But talk to me

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Speaker 2: about where you grew up, what you what your interaction

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Speaker 2: was with sport from a young age.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, grew up grew up running in Wisconsin. Basically, I

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Speaker 1: went to a super super super small school, Like my

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Speaker 1: graduating class was thirteen kids. Grew up in Wisconsin, and

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Speaker 1: I knew that I loved running, but I was doing

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Speaker 1: a lot of other sports as well. I played field hockey,

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Speaker 1: ski racing was our main sport that was kind of

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Speaker 1: like our school's pride and joy. So those were kind

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Speaker 1: of like my main sports, but I knew that I

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Speaker 1: loved running and I knew I was good at it.

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Speaker 1: I basically got into it through my church. They had

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Speaker 1: a church team and they needed extra kids for like

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Speaker 1: the Catholic School League, and they let me join through

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Speaker 1: my CCD and found out that I was pretty good

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Speaker 1: at it. But at the same time, this was like

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Speaker 1: a pretty pretty small pond to be running in. So

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Speaker 1: by the time I got into high school and I

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Speaker 1: was the only person on our track team, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, well, I hope that, like I can still

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Speaker 1: be competitive and ended up in going out and winning

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Speaker 1: quite a few state titles at the Wisconsin state level.

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Speaker 2: Is that just constant one on one coaching.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So it was basically my middle school track coach,

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Speaker 1: Brian Borkowski, who I'm still super super close with. He

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Speaker 1: was just like, well, if you need someone to coach

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Speaker 1: you too, like I'll like come and like run with

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Speaker 1: you after school, like if you want to him, like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that would be And he was actually pretty much the

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Speaker 1: first person that got me kind of dreaming of someday

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Speaker 1: doing the marathon because he would do Boston every year,

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Speaker 1: and in my mind, Brian was just like the coolest individual.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, he goes out and

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Speaker 1: like runs the Boston Marathon and does all this training

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Speaker 1: and he's still super fast, and he'll run my workouts

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Speaker 1: with me. And like, at the time, I was running

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Speaker 1: like twenty miles a week, it wasn't anything for him

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Speaker 1: to like run this extra stuff with me. But he

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Speaker 1: just showed me how to love running. Like he just

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Speaker 1: loved running so thoroughly that it showed me that, like,

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Speaker 1: running is this thing that, yeah, it's hard, it's painful,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, like it is just like

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Speaker 1: it brings you together with people, it helps you find

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Speaker 1: confidence in yourself, and it's it's this sport that's just

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Speaker 1: so much more than just running in circles. Right, So

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Speaker 1: I really am so grateful for him for teaching me

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Speaker 1: how to love running despite all the challenges that it brings.

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Speaker 2: Did you find in high school then that your love

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Speaker 2: for running was kind of a lonely experience. You didn't

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Speaker 2: have a ton of people to do it with aside

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Speaker 2: from your coach.

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Speaker 1: See that's the thing. I never feel like running alone

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Speaker 1: is lonely for me. And I don't know if part

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Speaker 1: of that is developed from so much time running alone

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Speaker 1: because Brian would only be able to meet up a

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Speaker 1: couple times a week. So yeah, about half the time

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Speaker 1: I was running solo, and then during cross country season,

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Speaker 1: I'd basically be running alone for the majority of the season.

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Speaker 1: And I had to learn a lot of self reliance,

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Speaker 1: I guess, not that I didn't have other people supporting

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Speaker 1: me and helping me, like my family was super supportive.

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Speaker 1: I had a lot of friends through the sport, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's I think I had to develop that sense of like,

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Speaker 1: regardless of whether there are people to run with, whether

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Speaker 1: or not the weather is good or bad or whatnot,

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Speaker 1: you just go out and run regardless. And I think

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Speaker 1: that really helps nowadays because I do. I do a

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Speaker 1: lot of my training solo, and I run a lot

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Speaker 1: more now than I was in high school. And so

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Speaker 1: it's just being able to get that like internal drive

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Speaker 1: or I don't know it, probably the fact that I

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Speaker 1: have OCD probably plays into it a little bit of

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Speaker 1: just like it's really not a struggle to like go

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Speaker 1: out every day because I'm a little bit obsessive. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, I just I have to go out and

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Speaker 1: do it. And after a while it doesn't even become

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Speaker 1: a choice. It's just like brushing your teeth. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of like, oh, it's not a question of whether I'm

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Speaker 1: running today, I am running today, right.

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Speaker 2: I actually said that to my dad the other day

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Speaker 2: about going to the gym. He just got a membership

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Speaker 2: with the Why and I was like, you just need

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Speaker 2: to establish what days are your gym days, and then

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Speaker 2: you'll wake up and it'll be Tuesday and it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: it's jim Day's jim Dy. Yeah, that's just it taking

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Speaker 2: the guestwork out of it so you can make it

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Speaker 2: actually a habit, and then that keeps you accountable obviously, Yeah, because.

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Speaker 1: When it's when you don't have to like make a

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Speaker 1: conscious decision every day of like oh do I want

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Speaker 1: to run? Like do it like the weather's not good,

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Speaker 1: like factoring all that in like it's so hard. But

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Speaker 1: if it's just like in your mind like oh nope,

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Speaker 1: going out and doing this, it's just not it's just automatic.

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Speaker 1: It takes out that extra guesswork and it makes that

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Speaker 1: much easier to get out the door.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's why people love training for marathons, right,

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Speaker 2: because it brings another level of consistency and regularity and

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Speaker 2: kind of makes you feel like you have your life

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Speaker 2: together even when you might not, just because you have

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Speaker 2: a schedule to follow. You have something that just feels

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Speaker 2: constant when everything around you might feel a little bit chaotic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and that's what the times in my life

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Speaker 1: where I've had running and taken away from me, so

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Speaker 1: like during injuries per se it, I do notice just

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Speaker 1: how unstructured I feel like I'm just like a drift

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Speaker 1: kind of and I have no way of like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just feel like my days are just kind of

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Speaker 1: lost then, and it doesn't help that this is my job.

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Speaker 1: So imagine then, like not only do you not like

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Speaker 1: have running with the endorphins and the structure that it gives,

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Speaker 1: but then it's like I just don't have anything to do,

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Speaker 1: so right, yeah, that can be. That was a real

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Speaker 1: real struggle, especially like over the past several years. Once

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Speaker 1: this was like my full time job totally.

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Speaker 2: So in high school, you went a few state championships

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Speaker 2: and then you go to Notre Dame.

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Speaker 1: So I ended up I won nationals for cross country

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Speaker 1: my senior year of high school, so got a scholarship

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Speaker 1: to Notre Dame, which I was just like so excited

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Speaker 1: about it was the chance to get college paid for

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Speaker 1: it just because I can run in circles. Kind of

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Speaker 1: still blows my mind a little bit. But I went

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Speaker 1: to Notre Dame, had an incredible team around me, but

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Speaker 1: really struggled my first two years. I struggled with a

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Speaker 1: lot of injuries. I ended up my freshman year having

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Speaker 1: mold in my dorm room, so I was really really,

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Speaker 1: really really sick.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just not a great situation and it

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Speaker 1: was hard. I thought. By the end of my sophomore year,

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Speaker 1: I was considering quitting the cross country team just because

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Speaker 1: I couldn't get anything together. I was just so hurt.

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Speaker 1: I was just in pain all the time and it

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Speaker 1: just wasn't fun anymore. And I ended up basically like

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Speaker 1: I didn't qualify for regionals my sophomore year, just kind

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Speaker 1: of like peaced out, went and did research down in

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Speaker 1: Argentina for the summer, and it was just like kind

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Speaker 1: of fell back in love with it because it was

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Speaker 1: running regularly and doing really high mileage. Was a great

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Speaker 1: way to fight some of the culture shock because I

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Speaker 1: was the only American on the crew that I was with,

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Speaker 1: So yeah, kind of fell in love with it. And

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Speaker 1: when I came back, we ended up getting a new

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Speaker 1: coach that year, and Sparks just kind of changed my

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Speaker 1: entire collegiate career.

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Speaker 2: And you mentioned before that you had OCD, So when

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Speaker 2: did you start seeing that develop?

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Speaker 1: That was through high school just being around like my

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Speaker 1: family and the structure of that. It really helped being

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Speaker 1: able to and I think it's lower stress in high school.

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Speaker 1: Mine comes out a lot more when I'm under high

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Speaker 1: stress situations, high pressure. So it really started kind of

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Speaker 1: like becoming this really big negative influence on my life

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Speaker 1: during college, just because I was under so much stress

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Speaker 1: with school, so much stress with running, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: have good ways of managing that anxiety. And that's ultimately

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Speaker 1: what OCD is. It's you have all this anxiety and

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Speaker 1: you develop control mechanisms to try and feel some sense

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Speaker 1: of relief or some sense of control over the world

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Speaker 1: that just feels like it's spinning out of control.

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Speaker 2: So what were some of your control mechanisms.

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Speaker 1: Knocking was a big one for me. I would like knock,

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Speaker 1: especially on wood in like repetitive patterns, saying things over

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Speaker 1: and over to myself when it gets really bad. I

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Speaker 1: would like flip light switches, like you can't like leave

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Speaker 1: a room until you've done certain things of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I check things. I flip the light switch on, like

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Speaker 1: obsessively checking like ovens. And I was pretty good at

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Speaker 1: like hiding it from a lot of people because I really, like,

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Speaker 1: you know consciously, like this is super weird. I don't

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Speaker 1: like you consciously know that it's not necessary to do

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Speaker 1: these things, but you have to do it, like your

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Speaker 1: body almost like you just feel this sense of dread

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Speaker 1: if you don't. And then obviously it would reflect in

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Speaker 1: my running sometimes I would kind of obsessively seek out mileage.

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Speaker 1: And then ultimately it came down to eating. Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: developed into really negative, disordered eating habits.

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Speaker 2: Talk to me a little bit about that.

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Speaker 1: A lot of that it doesn't necessarily stem from body

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Speaker 1: image issues, though, I that is a huge problem in

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Speaker 1: our sport, this idea that you need to be very thin.

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Speaker 1: I was kind of like obsessively purging at certain times,

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Speaker 1: so making myself throw up. That was more towards like

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Speaker 1: the early end of college. And yeah, just like only

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Speaker 1: eating certain kinds of foods, eating certain amounts, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's just finding ways to like exert control over the world.

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Speaker 1: By controlling something like what you put into your body

398
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Speaker 1: is something so easily that you can control. So when

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Speaker 1: you're like I can't, like I feel like everything is

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Speaker 1: just like spinning out of my like out of my control,

401
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Speaker 1: I'm able to just like manage this one thing right.

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Speaker 2: Here, right. And so a lot of people casually will say, oh,

403
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Speaker 2: I have the worst OCD.

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00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 1: I hate it when people say that, like, and I realized,

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Speaker 1: like I think, I think there are a lot of

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Speaker 1: people in the world who do have OCD tendencies. But

407
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,400
Speaker 1: like saying like I wash my hands all the time,

408
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Speaker 1: I'm so OCD, or like I just need to make

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Speaker 1: sure my room is clean. I'm so OCD. I'm like,

410
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:30,119
Speaker 1: you don't know what real OCD is, Like it's a nightmare, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And it's like it's just these repetitive thoughts. And sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's this feeling that your brain is like a radio

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Speaker 1: that's turned up to like full volume, and it's just

414
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Speaker 1: these repetitive thoughts. You can't get them to quiet down,

415
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Speaker 1: and you can't focus on the world because your brain

416
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,800
Speaker 1: is just so loud, and so it's it's hard. But

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Speaker 1: I think like people who actually are really struggling with it,

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Speaker 1: like getting help and like seeking therapy. For me, ultimately,

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Speaker 1: that was the biggest thing for me, is learning how

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Speaker 1: to manage it. It's like my life is so drastically

421
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 1: different now than it was, and I've been on and

422
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:11,359
Speaker 1: off medication for it. Ultimately, like meditation actually really helps.

423
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Speaker 1: I'm trying to be good with it. And I know

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Speaker 1: that sounds so like millennial, like, oh yeah, I'm meditating

425
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Speaker 1: every day, but like that actually has been a super

426
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Speaker 1: big thing for me. And then just running, even though

427
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 1: some of my OCD tendencies exert themselves on my running,

428
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Speaker 1: my running is a very good way to manage my OCD.

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Speaker 1: Something about like the rhythmic nature clearing my mind. It's

430
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Speaker 1: just like sometimes I feel like my brain doesn't fit

431
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Speaker 1: with my body. Sometimes it's just like my brain is

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Speaker 1: just exploding, and then I go for a run and

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Speaker 1: it's like my brain finally fits inside of me, Like

434
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 1: everything just makes sense and everything sinks up in a

435
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 1: way that I feel like my truest self when I'm

436
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Speaker 1: out running. And I think that's ultimately why I love

437
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 1: running so much, because this is the only time that

438
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 1: I like my brain works.

439
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,120
Speaker 2: I can relate with that for sure, and I mean

440
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 2: when it came to dealing with your OCD and then

441
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:13,159
Speaker 2: what eventually became disordered eating when you got help, was

442
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,719
Speaker 2: it because that you were ready to seek it or

443
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 2: was it because that people started to catch on to

444
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,879
Speaker 2: the fact that you had a lot of ticks per se.

445
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 1: So it was it was a combination of things. I

446
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:29,080
Speaker 1: originally early in college, started going and seeing just one

447
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,240
Speaker 1: of the Notre Dame like counseling center therapists because I

448
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 1: knew this was a problem and it was really affecting me.

449
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 1: It's like when it gets to a point of like

450
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 1: that you feel like you it's disrupting your normal life,

451
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 1: that's when it gets really hard. So in terms of

452
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,639
Speaker 1: my OCD, that was something that I was able to

453
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 1: identify that I needed help on, sought out help, and

454
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,679
Speaker 1: learned of ways to manage it a bit better. In

455
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 1: terms of my eating disorder, which then kind of took

456
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 1: on a life of its own that was much more

457
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:05,479
Speaker 1: of like I was in such denial about it, and

458
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 1: I think because of how our sport is structured, the

459
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 1: normal control stops of like when you see someone losing

460
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: a lot of weight, like struggling mentally, that isn't something

461
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 1: that kicks in quite as early as it would in

462
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 1: other realms, just because with running, it's like this idea

463
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 1: that like, oh you look so fit, you look so lean,

464
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 1: you look so ready to race, that in other spaces

465
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 1: would have been like, oh, you look really unhealthy, like

466
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 1: you aren't well right now. But I was running so well.

467
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: I was winning NCAA championships. This was later in college,

468
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,120
Speaker 1: just as more my junior senior year, and I ended

469
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,439
Speaker 1: up having probably lost about twenty pounds at that point.

470
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 1: But it was that I was running so well and

471
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 1: I looked so quote unquote fit that things were okay.

472
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 1: And I thought things were okay because I had moved

473
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 1: past the point where I was knocking on things all

474
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 1: the time, where I was forcing myself obsessively to purd

475
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 1: that now it had transformed into kind of this life

476
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 1: of its own. I think that's what's insidious about it,

477
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,479
Speaker 1: is that with mental health issues, it can so quickly

478
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,400
Speaker 1: transform into one thing.

479
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:11,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I.

480
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,479
Speaker 1: Can go from one thing to another. So I was like,

481
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: I don't have a problem anymore. But it became fairly

482
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,959
Speaker 1: apparent by the end of my senior year that there

483
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 1: was a huge problem. Once I had gotten so NWU

484
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 1: putritionally deprived that my bones started breaking.

485
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 2: Talk to me about a what were you actually putting

486
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 2: into your body at this time, because you mentioned that

487
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 2: you were so particular about the foods that were okay

488
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 2: and the foods that were not okay.

489
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was. I won my first NCAA

490
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 1: championship at the end of my junior year. I think

491
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: it was kind of this idea of, oh, if I

492
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: want to win national championships for cross country, which is

493
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 1: arguably one of the hardest running national championships to win,

494
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: just because it's so competitive. I was like, I need

495
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,480
Speaker 1: to be all in on every sense of my life.

496
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 1: So I was running super high mileage, at least for

497
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 1: a collegiate athlete. I was running aboute hundred miles a week.

498
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,719
Speaker 1: But then I was eating all the things that I

499
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,400
Speaker 1: thought were I was supposed to, that were quote unquote clean,

500
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 1: that were healthy, like good proteins, fats. I wasn't like

501
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:16,959
Speaker 1: cutting out anything by any means, but I actually I

502
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 1: was gluten free at the time because I thought that

503
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 1: I had like my stomach would get super upset when

504
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 1: I had certain foods. But it was just because I

505
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 1: was so nutritionally deprived that like my body couldn't handle it.

506
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,680
Speaker 1: I guess, which I've found out since then, But yeah,

507
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 1: I was probably the volume of food. I was nowhere

508
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,080
Speaker 1: near the amount of calories that I needed to beating,

509
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,639
Speaker 1: but I was still eating a lot, so I was

510
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 1: able to kind of like fly under the radar. So

511
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 1: I was eating the amount that probably someone who was

512
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 1: running fifty miles a week should be eating, but I

513
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 1: was running double that, and so I just slowly kept

514
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,960
Speaker 1: losing more and more weight, but I kept running faster

515
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: and faster and faster. Throughout that senior year. It was

516
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 1: like I came in at probably I won my first

517
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,959
Speaker 1: NCAA championship that passed spring at one hundred and twelve,

518
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 1: came in after the summer, having just trained so hard,

519
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 1: not eating enough, eating so quote unquote clean. I was

520
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: probably one o five one oh six. Then going to

521
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 1: the next season at one hundred and every time, because

522
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: you keep running faster, you think, oh, this is my

523
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 1: new racing weight, like this, this is what I should

524
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 1: be at. And then by the time I got to

525
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: the spring and summer of my senior year, which was

526
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 1: the twenty sixteen Olympic trials where I was just so

527
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,400
Speaker 1: obsessed with making an Olympic team. I had my world

528
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 1: standard for the five k, but I was probably ninety

529
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 1: five pounds and just so unwell mentally and physically, and

530
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 1: that was that was the breaking point.

531
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 2: I broke my.

532
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: Back and my sacrum in quick succession and just didn't

533
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 1: even make it to line at the trials. And that

534
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 1: was kind of like the rock bottom moment that I knew, like,

535
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,160
Speaker 1: you can't keep doing this, You're going to kill yourself.

536
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 2: When you have this moment, is it a conversation you're

537
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 2: having with yourself or does it quickly become a conversation

538
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 2: that you're having also with your coaches, with your family,

539
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 2: with your parents, and probably uncomfortable conversations.

540
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, those were awful. So it was I'm very,

541
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 1: very very lucky that I have people around me who

542
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:30,679
Speaker 1: love me and were able to see and people around

543
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 1: me who love me and who love me regardless of

544
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:37,400
Speaker 1: whether or not I'm running. And so basically like I

545
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: had a balling conversation with my mom about how she

546
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: was like, I just want you to be healthy, Like

547
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 1: I don't care about Molly the runner. I care about

548
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 1: Molly the person. And what Molly, the person right now

549
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:53,479
Speaker 1: needs is help, Like you can't do this. And I

550
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 1: think I had convinced myself as like I don't have

551
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 1: a problem. I just like like, I just need to

552
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,680
Speaker 1: gain a little bit of way back and I'll be fine.

553
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,680
Speaker 1: Like I know, maybe I'm a little bit too low

554
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,879
Speaker 1: right now at ninety five. Think you're like, oh, I

555
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 1: just have to get back up to one hundred pounds

556
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 1: and then I'll be fine. And it was this realization

557
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 1: and talking with friends and family and my coach and

558
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,399
Speaker 1: be like like no, like you need to like really

559
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,679
Speaker 1: take this seriously, Like you are not healthy. This is

560
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 1: going to be a long time to get back where

561
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: you need to be. And I don't think when I

562
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,640
Speaker 1: was at the worst of my disorder that I realized

563
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 1: just how hard it was going to be. Eating this

564
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: sort of treatment is really fucking hard, but ultimately it's

565
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,720
Speaker 1: worth it. It just takes time. And that was I'm

566
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 1: very glad that I had that support because I would

567
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: not have gotten through that alone.

568
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 2: When you broke your back and then your sacrum, did

569
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 2: it start out as just something that fell a little off,

570
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden it was like, oh my god,

571
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 2: this is broken or was there a big moment that

572
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 2: you knew wow for my back.

573
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 1: It was kind of like a it like start out

574
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: feeling really really sore. This is a couple of days

575
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 1: after Indoornationals, so March of twenty sixteen, really sore, gradually progressed.

576
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 1: We thought it was a backstrain for a while, just

577
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: from having a long season, got an x ray, realized

578
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: that there were fractures. Cross trained so hard all through

579
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 1: the spring with the intention of, Oh, if I just

580
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: cross trained super hard, I'll be back running in six

581
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 1: weeks and I'll be able to make the trials, and

582
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: got back on the ground, was running and I was

583
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: in a track workout be it just so unhealthy, weight

584
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,239
Speaker 1: was so low getting ready for the trials, and I

585
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 1: literally like I felt like I'd been shot in my butt,

586
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: basically like it just went and I was like, oh

587
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 1: my god, and had to like literally sit down on

588
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 1: the track just stop. And we knew what it was. Yeah,

589
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 1: but even then I was like, maybe I can still

590
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: make it back or something, because I was just yeah,

591
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: like mentally unwell at that point.

592
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 2: How do you accept that you need help?

593
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 1: It was It was hard. It was hard. Getting to

594
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 1: that point of like being willing to say, like, Okay,

595
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: I'm going to take a step back from my running

596
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: and going to turn down these pro contracts that I've

597
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 1: been offered. I'm going to give up on. And at

598
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 1: the time, I thought I was giving up on my

599
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: running career. And that's what like, I just felt like

600
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 1: I was giving up that I needed to keep pushing

601
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 1: and pushing and pushing and I couldn't anymore, and it

602
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 1: was it was hard. Yeah, I went back to Wisconsin.

603
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: I was like, man, I'm like moving back home. Cool,

604
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 1: like super successful and uh yeah. I went into treatment

605
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 1: just outside of Milwaukee and spent four months in super

606
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: intensive treatment and then the still continued to like seek

607
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 1: treatment over the next two years, just on a more

608
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 1: infrequent basis, but staying with my therapist and I actually

609
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 1: still talk with him fairly frequently. It's been kind of

610
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,560
Speaker 1: like my main go to guy because it's still something

611
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 1: you need to like keep maintaining. You're never fully done

612
00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 1: with it.

613
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 2: So that was an in patient program, so you were

614
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 2: there for four months, So.

615
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: It was an intensive outpatient because we lived so close

616
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: that it was actually better for me and my therapist

617
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 1: thought of this that if I was living at home,

618
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: that it would be a much better situation for me

619
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 1: to have the structure of family, for like my mom

620
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 1: was able to like make me meals and like be

621
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: able to really watch what I was eating. And he

622
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 1: knew that. I was like when I hit rock bottom,

623
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 1: I just went all in, like I was willing to

624
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 1: do whatever I needed to do to save my running

625
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 1: career because I knew if I didn't take it seriously.

626
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 1: He was like, my therapist was super hard on me,

627
00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 1: like very frank of like, if you don't take this seriously,

628
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 1: you will never run again. And I was like, I'm

629
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 1: going to be as dedicated to this as I am

630
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: to my running. So if you want me to drink

631
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: three Insure shakes a day, I will drink three Goddamnature

632
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 1: shakes a day, and like do all this and like

633
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: and I think he was actually pretty surprised about how

634
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 1: quickly I was able to like do it. Usually something

635
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 1: like that will take like six to a year of

636
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: pretty intensive work, So I think he was very surprised

637
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 1: at just how like crazy, like crazy invested I was,

638
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 1: and like, let's do this.

639
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 2: So while you're going through this program, how are you

640
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 2: rehabbing your body as well. Obviously a big part of

641
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 2: it is reshaping maybe your relationship with food and also

642
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 2: the mental side. But what are you doing for rehab

643
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 2: for all of your bones and yeah, that kind of stuff.

644
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 1: So I didn't run for a while. I obviously like

645
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: just needed to like let my body heal.

646
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 2: Talk me through the mental side of that.

647
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 1: It's hard, It's really hard because running is kind of

648
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 1: like what keeps me stable. Part of it is like

649
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 1: at least when you're like coming back from something like that,

650
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 1: at the very beginning, it is just so physically painful

651
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 1: to move that it's like you just can't do anything.

652
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 1: And just I had been so obsessively cross training and

653
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 1: pushing through the pain, which is something that you become

654
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 1: very good at when you're a runner. But you need

655
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: to be able to separate like the good pain or

656
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: like quote unquote discomfort when you're training, from like the

657
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 1: bad pain of like oh this is broken, and so

658
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: being able to just learn to be still for a while.

659
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: And that's something that I still struggle with in times

660
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 1: that like I need to take off where I just

661
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: have a trouble sitting still sometimes. Yeah, just learning to

662
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: be like okay with your body and okay with your

663
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: mind and learning some of those calming techniques and finding

664
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 1: other ways of managing my OCD and anxiety without having

665
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 1: to resort to obsessively working out or controlling the foods

666
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 1: that I was eating right And then because at the

667
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 1: same time you're doing this, you're having to like gain weight,

668
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: which goes against basically everything in sports culture and just

669
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 1: like I don't know, freaking Instagram culture nowadays of like no,

670
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 1: only drink Kale smoothies and you can lose another five pounds,

671
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: and just like this idea of like, oh I have

672
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:59,280
Speaker 1: to gain ten pounds and yeah, it's like my weight

673
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 1: was so low that even just like eating normal meals

674
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 1: and then they were having me drink like two extra

675
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 1: Insure shakes a day, like you're going to gain weight

676
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 1: off that. So it's like the mental side is just

677
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 1: like trying to process, like you've gone through all of

678
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,840
Speaker 1: this stress and like losing weight and losing weight and

679
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: losing weight, and you just feel like a failure as

680
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 1: your weight goes up. But yeah, you kind of just

681
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 1: have to buck up and it sucks, but you get

682
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: through it.

683
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I can only imagine how difficult it's

684
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 2: got to be to get over those mental hurdles of

685
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:32,760
Speaker 2: just accepting this new way of life and these new

686
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 2: patterns and counteracting the things that you were so diligently

687
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:37,760
Speaker 2: working toward.

688
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and you have to relearn just how to

689
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 1: live and how to think, because I think for the

690
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:47,800
Speaker 1: longest time my mind had been set to this idea.

691
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 1: It's in sport, it's always okay to be a little

692
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 1: bit underweight rather than overweight. The worst thing you can

693
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 1: do is be one pound overweight. It's fine to be

694
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,320
Speaker 1: three pounds underweight. And now my thinking it's to totally

695
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,800
Speaker 1: shifted of like I cannot go under like my minimum

696
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 1: baseline weight, like because I will get injured and I

697
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 1: will like my bones are gonna suffer. So it's better

698
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 1: now in my mind, I'm like, Okay, it's better to

699
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 1: be a little bit overweight in your training, and then

700
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:18,880
Speaker 1: like I don't know, you can get down to like

701
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 1: your race weight, but you can't go below that and

702
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: just straight up you don't have the energy reserves. Like

703
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 1: I'm so much stronger now in the training that I'm

704
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 1: doing because I actually have energy to train rather than

705
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: just like running off fumes and being so light that

706
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,400
Speaker 1: sometimes like that your body can just propel itself.

707
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 2: I'm curious to know what your relationship is these days

708
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 2: with a scale, do you get.

709
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,439
Speaker 1: I actually don't weigh myself at more. Yeah, Like I'm

710
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:50,439
Speaker 1: fine with like being weighed, but I think it's I'll

711
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 1: get like too wrapped up in the numbers. And so

712
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 1: I found that it's a lot better for me to

713
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,720
Speaker 1: actually just like I've got a better awareness of my body.

714
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 1: So I was out in Ethiopia in the fall doing

715
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 1: some volunteer work with girls, got to run and training,

716
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: and I lost weight while I was over there, and

717
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: so when I came back, I was like, Okay, like

718
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 1: I can feel that I'm under the weight that I

719
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 1: need to be. I just don't feel good right now,

720
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:13,919
Speaker 1: Like I need to focus on like gaining some weight back. Yeah,

721
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 1: or even like after this marathon cycle, I'm I'm doing

722
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 1: fairly light training right now compared to what I was doing.

723
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,720
Speaker 1: So like I'm okay with like gaining some weight, getting

724
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 1: like my reserves back up as I enter the next

725
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 1: training cycle, because I know it's going to be a

726
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 1: really long spring and summer, Like as I get ready

727
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:30,399
Speaker 1: for the games.

728
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 2: Right, And how special is it now that you have

729
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:36,720
Speaker 2: this sense to feel how it is that you're doing,

730
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 2: because before so much of quote unquote how you felt

731
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,720
Speaker 2: was based on what you would look down and see.

732
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. It's like just being able to like have

733
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 1: that like I guess confidence and awareness in my body

734
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 1: and to like step to the line and no, I'm

735
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,879
Speaker 1: not necessarily the skinniest girl on that line, but that

736
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 1: I'm like confident in my body is like I'm much

737
00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 1: more at peace with it and I don't, like I'm

738
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 1: not a obsessed with it like I was. Right, Yeah,

739
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 1: and that just brings me a lot of like relief.

740
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 2: Okay, So four months through the treatment program, then what happens?

741
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 1: Uh? Then I was actually healthy enough at that point

742
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:17,759
Speaker 1: that my therapist had kind of told me, like, I

743
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 1: don't think you should be like training super heavily. But

744
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 1: I was like, but I want to train heavily, and like,

745
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:24,840
Speaker 1: if I can get super healthy in the next four months,

746
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 1: would you let me like go and maybe spend the

747
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 1: fall out in flag Staff, live back there in a

748
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 1: healthy way, and then come back, maybe go back to

749
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 1: Notre Dame in the spring. Then, And so I like

750
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 1: went all in on treatment, got healthy, got back up

751
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 1: to the weight that he had wanted me at, and

752
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:41,800
Speaker 1: then ended up being able to go out to flag

753
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:44,879
Speaker 1: Staff for that fall do do some training, and then

754
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 1: with the intention of coming back that next spring and

755
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,799
Speaker 1: hoping to run well so that I could get a

756
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 1: pro contract. Sorry if this timeline is supers, Yeah, I'm

757
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 1: running this fall of twenty sixteen.

758
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 2: Okay, So I got to go out to.

759
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 1: Flag Staff just be with friends. I took the fall

760
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: off of school because this was after I'd graduated, but

761
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 1: coming back for a fifth year now, so I was

762
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,239
Speaker 1: not at Notre Dame for that fall. Came back in

763
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 1: the spring, and even though my body was in a

764
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 1: much healthier place and eating disorder like that, it just

765
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: kind of SAPs your bones. It has very long term

766
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: repercussions that I don't think I was fully prepared for

767
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 1: just how severe they are going to be. And I

768
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 1: ended up fully fracturing my hip at the end or

769
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 1: my pelvis at the end of my fifth year. So

770
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 1: I finished out my NCAA career being effectively immobile, not

771
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 1: able to do anything, and with just nobody was offering

772
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:44,280
Speaker 1: me contracts because I was effectively a broken toy, and yeah,

773
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:45,800
Speaker 1: nobody was interested.

774
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 2: When you fracture your pelvis, that's such a horrible sentence

775
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 2: to say. When that happens to you. Are you do

776
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 2: you feel like you're just back on the ground again. Yeah,

777
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 2: it was.

778
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 1: I continue to run on it for a while. It

779
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 1: was kind of a situation where it was so excruciatingly painful,

780
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:08,360
Speaker 1: but I was really in denial about what it was,

781
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 1: and I think my coach was hoping that it was

782
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 1: something different than it was. And I was under a

783
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 1: lot of pressure to perform, but eventually got to the

784
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:18,800
Speaker 1: point where I could not walk, so we went in

785
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,280
Speaker 1: got the MRI. It showed that it was very severely fractured,

786
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 1: and so that was it. And it's just I thought

787
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 1: that was truthfully, I thought that was it, that I

788
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: was going to be done. And I healed up. I

789
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 1: finally was able to do stuff again, and sock Andy

790
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 1: was willing to offer me a contract to come out

791
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 1: to Boston run on a team that they were putting together,

792
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 1: and for me at the time, that was way more

793
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 1: than I deserved. Like nobody would have offered that kind

794
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 1: of contract, that kind of developmental contract, and so I

795
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 1: like I'm still so enormously grateful to them for that.

796
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 1: So I moved out here. I was training for a

797
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 1: year and I had quite a bit of success my

798
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 1: first year of training, but kept running into this problem

799
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 1: that my hip that I had thought healed would just

800
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,399
Speaker 1: get sore. The more track work that I was doing,

801
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 1: kept getting hurt, kept getting hurt, and right after USA

802
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:16,239
Speaker 1: USA ten K Champs on the track after that first

803
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 1: year of running, Pro went back in got another their

804
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 1: MRI to see if there was something wrong and they

805
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 1: found that it actually never healed fully, that I had

806
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:27,479
Speaker 1: a two millimeter gap in that pelvis. So yeah, another

807
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: they're biggie and then they're like, okay, you need to

808
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 1: have this like surgically repaired, like this won't heal on

809
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 1: its own. So that was went in on my birthday

810
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 1: in summer of twenty eighteen. They drilled out the bone

811
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 1: marrow from the two crests of my hip on the

812
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,560
Speaker 1: very top, spun it down to get the stem cells,

813
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: and then injected in the bottom. And that was like,

814
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,680
Speaker 1: I've been through some really painful things in my life

815
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,239
Speaker 1: and having to do that with no pain, like because

816
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 1: they couldn't do pain medication and they couldn't put me

817
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 1: out for it because I needed to be awake to

818
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: like manipulate myself. That was quite literally like what I

819
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 1: imagine hell to be.

820
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, I can't how like how does someone endure.

821
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:16,400
Speaker 1: One the amya zanax? So at least I was like

822
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: chilled out while it was happening. The doctor who did

823
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:24,280
Speaker 1: the surgery was like, she's one of my favorite people,

824
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 1: super super nice. She gave me like a sandwich halfway

825
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: through because it's like a two part surgery. But yeah,

826
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 1: it was. It was hellish. They pulled out like and

827
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 1: even like after you go through the drilling and like

828
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 1: the bone marrows out, your hip is just so hurting

829
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 1: so bad, and then they unsheathe this like needle that

830
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 1: is the biggest needle I've ever seen to inject the

831
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 1: stem cells into the bottom of your like like the

832
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 1: very bottom part of my pelvis. And it was just

833
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:56,799
Speaker 1: like oh my god. But you just kinda yeah, you

834
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 1: just get through it.

835
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 2: Did you think at this point, even though you were

836
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 2: getting quote unquote fixed, that you were going to be

837
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 2: able to come back to running? Were you sure of it?

838
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 1: They gave me a fifty to fifty chance of it

839
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 1: working and then like even then it might not like

840
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,279
Speaker 1: with the full knowledge that like I might never run

841
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 1: at the same level again, just with how impinged and

842
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 1: like impaired my hip would be. So yeah, I'm happy

843
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:21,839
Speaker 1: to say that I was the better half of that

844
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:25,279
Speaker 1: fifty percent. Yeah, it was kind of like truthfully, it

845
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:29,239
Speaker 1: was kind of miraculous. But yeah, it was basically six

846
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,279
Speaker 1: months of not being able to do anything. So yeah,

847
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 1: from July of that year to the next January.

848
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 2: So now we're finally in January twenty nineteen.

849
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 1: Twenty nineteen. Literally, I know, sorry, if there's so much stuff,

850
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: it's like the timeline's wild, but yeah, then it's like

851
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 1: literally starting from square one, right, And so yeah, twenty

852
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 1: nineteen was hard because it was like trying to like

853
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 1: build back up off of nothing.

854
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:56,400
Speaker 2: What advice would you offer to people who, like you,

855
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 2: just feel as though they are getting knocked down time

856
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,280
Speaker 2: and time and time again by injury.

857
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 1: I would say that the number one thing is to

858
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,760
Speaker 1: if you are feeling like you're just in this injury

859
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:14,759
Speaker 1: cycle constantly hurting things, you have to get back to

860
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 1: a point where you feel fully healthy. You don't want

861
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,799
Speaker 1: to constantly be playing ketchup and I think that was

862
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:25,240
Speaker 1: my problem for a long time, is that I always

863
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,319
Speaker 1: had something going on and I would try to push

864
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 1: through it, and then it would cause another injury. And

865
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 1: I'd try and push you that and it'd cause another injury.

866
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 1: And I almost think that those six months of being

867
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 1: able to just like sit, let everything heal, and then

868
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 1: start building off of it, coming from the standpoint of

869
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:45,400
Speaker 1: my body is finally healthy, my hip is finally healed.

870
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,760
Speaker 1: I'm not like nursing something and then trying to push

871
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 1: through it. I think once you're coming from a standpoint

872
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 1: of being healthy, then you can build off of that.

873
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: It takes a long time, but if you're constantly like

874
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: facing the tiny things or large things, you're going to

875
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: be hitting yourself against a wall constantly. And that's not

876
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 1: to say that through twenty nineteen I didn't have a

877
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: lot of injuries. I mean, that's ultimately why I ended

878
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 1: up with my new coach, because I had so many

879
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 1: like imbalances. But now I do feel that at least

880
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:21,840
Speaker 1: I'm in the standpoint where like I'm able to train

881
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,360
Speaker 1: at a higher level because like my hip is repaired

882
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 1: and because I took the time to let it heal

883
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 1: and it was really freaking hard being patient enough to

884
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 1: do that, but and it sucked at the time.

885
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also think it's I also think that it

886
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,400
Speaker 2: was probably important for you, like your mom said to

887
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 2: you when you were younger, like I care about Mollie,

888
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 2: my daughter, not just Molly the runner. You probably also

889
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 2: had to get to a point where you cared about

890
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 2: Molly the person and not just Molly the runner.

891
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think it's like, yeah, having to think

892
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 1: about like, oh man, I don't want to like destroy

893
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 1: my body so like years from now I can't walk,

894
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:05,840
Speaker 1: which I think previously I was definitely under the opinion

895
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,399
Speaker 1: like I'm just gonna go as hard as I can

896
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 1: now and not think about Molly at age forty five,

897
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 1: and now it's like I want to make sure that

898
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: like my pelvis doesn't snap when I'm that old. Yeah,

899
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, definitely try and even not even

900
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,840
Speaker 1: from that standpoint, just thinking like if I want to

901
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 1: try and stay in this sport for the next hopefully

902
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: ten years, Like I see women now who are competing

903
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:28,879
Speaker 1: at a super high level in the marathon at age

904
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 1: thirty five thirty six, it's like I'd ultimately like to

905
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 1: do that, but I need my body to be healthy

906
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:37,239
Speaker 1: to do that, and I can't be like constantly just

907
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: like tearing myself apart.

908
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 2: So what's the first race in twenty nineteen that you

909
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 2: come back to and it's like Molly's back.

910
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:49,240
Speaker 1: I did the BAA ten k that was in June,

911
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 1: so it actually had been based almost exactly a full

912
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 1: year since my previous race at USA outdoors on the track,

913
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 1: and I actually raced way better than I thought I

914
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 1: was going to. I actually think I like prd in

915
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 1: the ten k and there, so I was like shocked.

916
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 2: I was like feel towing the line that day.

917
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 1: I was so nervous, but I was so excited. There's

918
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 1: just like nothing feels like racing feels, and I was

919
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 1: just so like ready to get back into it. Yeah,

920
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 1: it was terrifying. I was like, I really hope I'm

921
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:21,279
Speaker 1: still able to do this.

922
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:27,720
Speaker 2: So you do the ten k and then you're feeling high.

923
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 1: Feeling high, go and do a couple more races and

924
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 1: then do Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta on July fourth,

925
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:37,120
Speaker 1: and I hurt my hip again and was on crutches

926
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:41,000
Speaker 1: for two weeks, and I definitely like called coach Sparks,

927
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 1: my college coach, and cried to him and was like,

928
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 1: I think this is the end of my running career.

929
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 1: And he was like, you're being dumb. You're too dumb

930
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 1: to quit running. Like you're going to get through this,

931
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 1: just like you've gone through everything else. You just need

932
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 1: to be patient. Right, got through that, spent the summer rehabbing.

933
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:58,719
Speaker 1: When did you say you went to Ethiopia? That was

934
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 1: actually November? Okay, so that was part of it. I

935
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:03,879
Speaker 1: had gotten involved with girls got to run previously. I'd

936
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 1: been out in January of twenty twenty nineteen actually doing

937
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 1: a relay and it was a really good way of

938
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: while I was injured and kind of building up to

939
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: focus on something that wasn't just me. Yeah, And I

940
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,839
Speaker 1: think that actually really helped as well, because it's like

941
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:21,840
Speaker 1: running is such a selfish sport that you're just so

942
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: self focused all the time. It's like how does my

943
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 1: body feel? How am I performing? And being able to

944
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 1: think like bigger picture of like what's going to be

945
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 1: good for all of these people who aren't me was

946
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 1: really important for me and realizing like that ultimately, like

947
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:40,879
Speaker 1: our sport is super silly and inconsequential and like there's

948
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 1: a huge world out there, and it just gives you

949
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:47,279
Speaker 1: a good perspective on like, I'm doing this because I

950
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:52,319
Speaker 1: love running and it fulfills my goals. But there's more

951
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 1: to this than just.

952
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:56,440
Speaker 2: Me, right, And so you come back from that trip

953
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:59,799
Speaker 2: and you qualify for the trials at the Rock and

954
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 2: R San Antonio. Yes, one ten twenty seven.

955
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that was well, yeah, it was. Yeah. I

956
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 1: was very surprised, just because it was very hard to

957
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 1: train in Ethiopia. It's really high. I had only been

958
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:17,640
Speaker 1: running consistently since September at that point, and John was

959
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 1: now coaching me, so my my current coach and my friend,

960
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 1: and so we had no idea how that was going

961
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 1: to go. I think John always has a lot of

962
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,360
Speaker 1: confidence in me. But yeah, we were both pleasantly surprised

963
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 1: with how well that went.

964
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: And that's up and that's a one ten twenty seven

965
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 2: half marathon. I feel like we just like throw these

966
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:36,759
Speaker 2: numbers around.

967
00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's probably like what are these numbers? Now?

968
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,919
Speaker 2: What's going on? But then there was more to be had.

969
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, So after that race, I was originally set to

970
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: debut in the marathon at the Houston Marathon, and then

971
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:52,799
Speaker 1: the Houston Half is the big race that everybody does

972
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:56,280
Speaker 1: before the trials, and my coach and I were talking

973
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 1: and he was like, you know what, like maybe like

974
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 1: you could switch to the half at Houston. And I

975
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:04,320
Speaker 1: was like, would you let me do the Olympic trials

976
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 1: like for the marathon. He's like, I'm not wild about

977
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 1: the idea, but like maybe we can do this, Like

978
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 1: this might be a really cool experience, and like we'll

979
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 1: see if Houston will let you switch to the half.

980
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:18,319
Speaker 1: They let me switch to the half and went out

981
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 1: to altitude. Then beginning of this past year twenty twenty,

982
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:25,799
Speaker 1: was just train them a butt off and got to

983
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:30,279
Speaker 1: the line, ran very well at Houston, and yeah, then

984
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 1: just was like kind of got that like little inkling

985
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 1: in my mind of like, Okay, I think I can

986
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 1: do this. And I think what I didn't even realize

987
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 1: until more recently was just the dramatic difference I would say,

988
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 1: between how fast you have to be as a half

989
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 1: marathon or to qualify for the Olympic Trials in the

990
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 1: marathon versus I mean, within reason, how fast you would

991
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:53,760
Speaker 1: run a marathon to qualify for the trials in a marathon,

992
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:56,439
Speaker 1: for women, you have to run a marathon in under

993
00:49:56,480 --> 00:50:00,160
Speaker 1: two forty five and if you are qualifying use a

994
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,440
Speaker 1: half marathon time, you have to run the half marathon

995
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 1: under one thirteen. That is a big difference. I think

996
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:08,399
Speaker 1: it's I think it's like talks to how.

997
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 2: Much of a badass you are that you qualified being

998
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 2: a half marathon er.

999
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 1: And there are other women who do qualify off the

1000
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:18,759
Speaker 1: half marathon. I don't know the exact number of us

1001
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 1: that did, but yeah, it's I think it's kind of

1002
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 1: this expectation like if you're going to be like, if

1003
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:26,320
Speaker 1: you're qualifying off the half, you have to be willing

1004
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 1: to go out and like freaking send it like totally. Yeah,

1005
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:31,840
Speaker 1: you have to kind of know what you're getting yourself into.

1006
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 2: So, needless to say, you come off of the Houston

1007
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,719
Speaker 2: half marathon, you're feeling great and you're like, Wow, I

1008
00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:39,320
Speaker 2: guess it's time to go out there and run a

1009
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:40,000
Speaker 2: full finally.

1010
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:42,839
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, But I was like, that's not to say

1011
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:46,720
Speaker 1: that I wasn't scared out of my goddamn mind because

1012
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 1: it was effectively the deepest field the Olympic marathon trials

1013
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 1: it ever had, just the state of women's distance running

1014
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 1: in the US right now is insane. There are so

1015
00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:00,480
Speaker 1: many women who are so talented. So going into this,

1016
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 1: I really was trying to keep my expectations fairly low

1017
00:51:05,239 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 1: the secret to happiness to really say, But yeah, I

1018
00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 1: was not by any means try like just seeing like, oh,

1019
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 1: we have Sarah Hall, who's run two twenty two for

1020
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 1: the marathon. We have like Emma Bates, Emily Sism, Molly

1021
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:22,240
Speaker 1: Huddle who's like a thirty time national champion, Desi Lynden,

1022
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 1: who's fricking won the Boston Marathon, like all of these women.

1023
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:27,360
Speaker 1: And every time I would think, I think of like

1024
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 1: five new other women who were doing this thing, and

1025
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 1: so I'm like, okay, like let's just like go out

1026
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 1: with the goal of just seeing what you can do.

1027
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,840
Speaker 1: Try and like keep your expectations based on your effort

1028
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:43,319
Speaker 1: rather than on like places, because like I was so

1029
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 1: mentally prepared to do so badly in this race that

1030
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 1: I was just like typing myself up, like your self

1031
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 1: worth isn't based on how you finish in a marathon,

1032
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:55,320
Speaker 1: Like your time in the marathon doesn't tell you anything

1033
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 1: about your value as a human. And so I was

1034
00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:00,279
Speaker 1: so ready to do so badly in this race, and

1035
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:02,839
Speaker 1: then it went so much better than I expected it too,

1036
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 1: And I almost don't know how to like react to that.

1037
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 2: Now, do you attribute that to anything specific?

1038
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 1: I think I've been over the last I guess it's

1039
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 1: five years now at this point, I've running has broken

1040
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:22,759
Speaker 1: my heart so many times. I've had so many failures

1041
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 1: in this sport that I try to, like not to

1042
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 1: say that I always expect the worst, but I'm always

1043
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:32,040
Speaker 1: ready for it if it comes. And that's i think

1044
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:34,719
Speaker 1: part of my mentality going into that race, of like

1045
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 1: just expecting it to hurt so badly the entire time,

1046
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 1: because that's just I've kind of gotten used to that

1047
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 1: over the last couple of years. Like, and I'm okay

1048
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:45,880
Speaker 1: with that. I know that sometimes like life's just sucks

1049
00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 1: and you just have to get through it. And I

1050
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 1: kind of expected that to be the marathon, but when

1051
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,480
Speaker 1: it's not. That's why I was so surprised that, Like

1052
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:55,360
Speaker 1: the first twenty miles, I was like, the marathon is

1053
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:58,919
Speaker 1: obviously hard, But then I'm getting into it, I'm like, oh, man,

1054
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:02,160
Speaker 1: like I feel like consistent and smooth in this Like

1055
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:05,200
Speaker 1: I feel it's this feeling of like power I guess like,

1056
00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 1: you know, you're running hard and you feel tired, but

1057
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 1: you're like, I can keep running at this like all

1058
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: day long.

1059
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:13,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's this indescribable high.

1060
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1061
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:17,320
Speaker 2: Can't even imagine maintaining the pace that you were running

1062
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,840
Speaker 2: and feeling that level of high. But I can relate

1063
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:26,719
Speaker 2: to that feeling because earlier last year I ran Chicago

1064
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:28,879
Speaker 2: at a pace that I had never dreamed of, and

1065
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:33,000
Speaker 2: you're out there and it just is as if you're invincible.

1066
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. And then even with the crowds at the trials,

1067
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:39,239
Speaker 1: it was crazy. There were so many people there. It's

1068
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:42,359
Speaker 1: like going through its scream tunnel and you're just like,

1069
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:45,480
Speaker 1: but that's the funny thing. I wasn't like elated by

1070
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:47,520
Speaker 1: any means. I felt like my emotions were very in

1071
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 1: check and like I was just in like this flow

1072
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 1: state that I just felt like I was.

1073
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 2: Like going, talk to me about the moment you realize

1074
00:53:56,920 --> 00:54:01,399
Speaker 2: what's about to happen. As you were getting toward mile

1075
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 2: twenty five mile twenty six.

1076
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 1: Well, I want to preface this with I was in

1077
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,000
Speaker 1: more pain in those last two miles, and I have

1078
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 1: been just about in any race of my life, like

1079
00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:14,799
Speaker 1: it's so frickin' hard, so like you can't really like

1080
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:18,399
Speaker 1: enjoy it because one you're so terrified that someone's gonna

1081
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:20,879
Speaker 1: catch you, and then they give you that tiny little

1082
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:23,200
Speaker 1: flag like six hundred meters from the finish, and you're like,

1083
00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 1: this is way too early to be giving me this flag.

1084
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 1: There's a lot of race left, but I think coming

1085
00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: down once you hit the final downhill, because it was

1086
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 1: downhill for the last two hundred meters, and so by

1087
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:36,879
Speaker 1: that time, I was like, I'm pretty confident that I'm

1088
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 1: going to the Olympics at this point, and I could

1089
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:43,319
Speaker 1: see my my whole family was there, and I could

1090
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 1: see my brother and my sister holding up these ridiculous

1091
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,239
Speaker 1: cutout heads they'd had of me, and my sister is

1092
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 1: literally inhysterics, like sobbing, and that's when I was like

1093
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 1: starting to like break, like just break apart. I was

1094
00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,920
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, Yeah, it was. It was

1095
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:02,799
Speaker 1: wild because you're just crossing the line and it's like

1096
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,080
Speaker 1: the culmination of every dream you've had you're like a kid.

1097
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 1: It was it was like next level and just realizing

1098
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 1: like damn, like I just like did that. Yeah, I'm

1099
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:16,319
Speaker 1: still kind of processing that moment I.

1100
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 2: Don't think anyone ever fully processes that moment. You just

1101
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:23,239
Speaker 2: replay it and replay it and replay it, and you

1102
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 2: probably ask yourself, how does it get better than this?

1103
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 2: And I think maybe the answer to that is when

1104
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:30,640
Speaker 2: you run in the Olympics.

1105
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:33,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's like, I don't know, it's just

1106
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 1: like it's such an honor to get to like say, like, oh, yeah,

1107
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 1: I'm representing the US like at the Olympics. And I

1108
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 1: think that's the that's the core of it, just the

1109
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:48,960
Speaker 1: opportunity to go out on the world stage to represent everything,

1110
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:51,920
Speaker 1: like represents the country that I grew up in and like,

1111
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:54,040
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just a sense of pride and

1112
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:56,440
Speaker 1: I'm really really looking forward to getting to do that.

1113
00:55:56,480 --> 00:56:00,440
Speaker 1: And everyone dreams is like being competitive at the at

1114
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: the Olympics, but at the end of the day, it's

1115
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:05,719
Speaker 1: about like going out and just being a willing to

1116
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 1: like give your best effort and do everything you can

1117
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:12,160
Speaker 1: on the day to like, I don't know, put the

1118
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 1: best foot forward for the country effectively.

1119
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:16,759
Speaker 2: I love it. And the metaphor of the best foot

1120
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:19,319
Speaker 2: forward as you move forward with running, you're just so oh,

1121
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,799
Speaker 2: it's a seat Joe because it's running so good at

1122
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 2: this Okay, so talk to me about what life's like now.

1123
00:56:26,719 --> 00:56:30,959
Speaker 2: Obviously you said your training isn't a well deserved down beach.

1124
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, my coach has been super nice. He knows that,

1125
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 1: like sometimes in full time off, that my body doesn't

1126
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 1: respond super well to it, so he's letting me run

1127
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:42,200
Speaker 1: in these two weeks after the marathon, which really helps. Shockingly,

1128
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 1: my body actually feels like pretty okay right now. So like,

1129
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: I've just been doing easy mileage. I think I did

1130
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 1: like thirty miles last week, and it's just nice being

1131
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:53,719
Speaker 1: able to like enjoy being back home in Boston finally

1132
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:56,719
Speaker 1: with my sister. The weather's been really nice. I'm back

1133
00:56:56,719 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 1: with my friends and just kind of like in that sense,

1134
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:04,240
Speaker 1: my life is much calmer. In the sense of media

1135
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:08,919
Speaker 1: and social media specifically, things have been absolutely insane, which

1136
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 1: I don't think I was prepared for.

1137
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 2: Let's talk about that.

1138
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:13,040
Speaker 1: It's been wild.

1139
00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:15,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I mean, how many, like if we just

1140
00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 2: take Instagram as a platform for example, like, how many

1141
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:19,840
Speaker 2: followers did you show up to the trials with?

1142
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,280
Speaker 1: I showed up on Trials morning, probably with either a

1143
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 1: hair under eight thousand or right around eight thousand.

1144
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:29,120
Speaker 2: And now what are we at like forty five carry five? Yeah,

1145
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 2: I just got verified as of today. That was exciting.

1146
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like it's almost like a joke to me,

1147
00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 1: Like every time I see it, it doesn't seem real. And

1148
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 1: like now, I definitely I'm not super good with posting

1149
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 1: all the time. I'll go dark for long periods of time. Also,

1150
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:51,880
Speaker 1: I usually don't have very good quality photos on my Instagram,

1151
00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 1: So now, for one, it's really weird having all of

1152
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:56,400
Speaker 1: these great photos from the trials. I don't know what

1153
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: to do with it. It's really ruining my blurry iPhone

1154
00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 1: running photo aesthetic. But yeah, it's uh, it is kind

1155
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:07,320
Speaker 1: of fun and definitely like having a little bit more

1156
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:09,720
Speaker 1: of a platform. A lot of people have been like

1157
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:13,440
Speaker 1: reaching out or dming, so I apologize if anyone hearing

1158
00:58:13,480 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 1: this has DMed me, and I haven't responded. I'm still

1159
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 1: working through everything and I truthfully probably won't get to

1160
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 1: them all.

1161
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 2: I think you're entitled to have some time to occur

1162
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:26,520
Speaker 2: it and I mean, but the thing about social media

1163
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:32,040
Speaker 2: is that there's no denying that you want to do

1164
00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:34,160
Speaker 2: the best you can to help as many people as

1165
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:35,920
Speaker 2: you can, and I think, I mean it speaks to

1166
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:38,880
Speaker 2: the work that you did in Ethiopia, like you want

1167
00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 2: to show up and help other people, and sometimes it

1168
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:45,560
Speaker 2: feels as though there's just not enough time to help

1169
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:46,800
Speaker 2: as many people as you want.

1170
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 1: No, and that's what like, Yeah, it's like there's always

1171
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:53,120
Speaker 1: a new message to respond to. There's always like five

1172
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:55,120
Speaker 1: different things, and I feel like you can just kind

1173
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:58,760
Speaker 1: of like spiral into it and there's no getting out.

1174
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:03,120
Speaker 1: And then obviously you always have like the haters online

1175
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:06,440
Speaker 1: of people like responding to stuff, and it's almost like

1176
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:10,040
Speaker 1: you can't even respond. It's like it's not even worth it.

1177
00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1178
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,280
Speaker 1: So and truthfully, I'm usually sow a wall with my

1179
00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 1: social media that I miss half the stuff on there.

1180
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:17,919
Speaker 2: So probably for the better.

1181
00:59:17,920 --> 00:59:19,920
Speaker 1: Sometimes probably for the better, or just like at the

1182
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 1: end of the day, I just try to I try

1183
00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:24,160
Speaker 1: to keep in mind a piece of advice I was

1184
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:28,000
Speaker 1: once given that don't accept criticism from anyone that you

1185
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 1: wouldn't accept advice.

1186
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 2: From oh good one. Yeah I dig that.

1187
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:34,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's good to keep in mind of like all

1188
00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 1: the RANDO like let's run haters.

1189
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure, and there are definitely a lot of them.

1190
00:59:39,280 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 2: When it comes to walking away from that trials experience,

1191
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 2: aside from obviously a place on the Olympic team, what

1192
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 2: would you say, just from that experience and from running

1193
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:53,320
Speaker 2: a marathon, maybe one of your biggest takeaways was whether

1194
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:56,600
Speaker 2: it's technical or a little bit more metaphorical or whatever.

1195
00:59:56,320 --> 00:59:58,840
Speaker 1: You got For me, I guess it's this feeling of

1196
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:02,960
Speaker 1: going into that race. I felt like I even like

1197
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:05,000
Speaker 1: on the starting line, I didn't feel like I belonged.

1198
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:08,120
Speaker 1: I don't deserve to be here. I haven't done enough

1199
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 1: to earn my way here. There's so many people here

1200
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:13,840
Speaker 1: who have done so much more. I even now like

1201
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:16,880
Speaker 1: I've felt like a fraud a little bit. And being

1202
01:00:16,920 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 1: in that race and finally getting up there, it was

1203
01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:22,480
Speaker 1: actually kind of cool. The final part of the course.

1204
01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:26,080
Speaker 1: You go out underneath the Olympic rings, turn around and

1205
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:29,720
Speaker 1: come back past the Olympic torch, and as we're coming back,

1206
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 1: you're seeing the women coming out still and one of

1207
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:34,920
Speaker 1: those women was Desy Lindon, who was in fourth at

1208
01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:37,920
Speaker 1: that time and trying to trying to still close the

1209
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 1: gap make the team, and she saw us, she saw

1210
01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:45,880
Speaker 1: me and Alphine coming out and she just like looked

1211
01:00:45,880 --> 01:00:48,520
Speaker 1: straight at us and gave me a thumbs up, and

1212
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:50,840
Speaker 1: I was I felt like it was like that moment

1213
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:54,120
Speaker 1: of like, no, you deserve to be here, Like you

1214
01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:59,040
Speaker 1: freaking go after this, like don't disapport Deesse Lindon because

1215
01:00:59,040 --> 01:01:01,479
Speaker 1: like she's just like the freaking biggest hero of mine.

1216
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:04,320
Speaker 1: Like I cried watching her when Boston coming through mile

1217
01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: nineteen and be like, oh my god, she's gonna do it.

1218
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:10,640
Speaker 1: So like getting that kind of like validation and like

1219
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:15,200
Speaker 1: realizing like no, like I I can perform at this level,

1220
01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 1: like regardless of what I've gone through the last couple

1221
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:22,280
Speaker 1: of years, Like I have worked way too damn hard

1222
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:25,200
Speaker 1: and stuffered too damn much to give up now. So

1223
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:28,080
Speaker 1: I think that kind of validation of like coming overline

1224
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:31,960
Speaker 1: being like I'm glad that I didn't chicken out, or

1225
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:35,040
Speaker 1: like I'm glad that I was brave enough to go

1226
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 1: and run hard before I believed I was ready to

1227
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 1: run hard in that race.

1228
01:01:39,360 --> 01:01:41,480
Speaker 2: And I think that happens for so many people, right

1229
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:46,280
Speaker 2: regardless of its running or I mean, how many times

1230
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:48,840
Speaker 2: do we question do I belong here? Can I show

1231
01:01:48,920 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 2: up here? Am I allowed to take up space? But

1232
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:54,200
Speaker 2: how beautiful is it when you do show up and

1233
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:58,280
Speaker 2: you tell yourself that I do belong here, Yeah, because

1234
01:01:58,280 --> 01:02:00,640
Speaker 2: so often Yeah, And I think a.

1235
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:03,720
Speaker 1: Lot of people probably sell themselves short. I think I

1236
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:06,280
Speaker 1: definitely have done that on a lot of occasions, assuming

1237
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:08,840
Speaker 1: like I shouldn't be up with the front pack because

1238
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,520
Speaker 1: I'm not fast enough to run with that group. I

1239
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:14,800
Speaker 1: should play it safe and stay back here. And that's

1240
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:16,800
Speaker 1: not to say that sometimes it doesn't work out, Like

1241
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:18,720
Speaker 1: I've definitely had times where I've tried to go out

1242
01:02:18,760 --> 01:02:22,000
Speaker 1: with the front pack and I've blown up spectacularly. I

1243
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:26,400
Speaker 1: think it's it's this idea that like, you have to

1244
01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 1: do all the work, and you have to be brave

1245
01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:31,600
Speaker 1: enough to put yourself out there, and sometimes a lightning

1246
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:33,400
Speaker 1: bolt is going to strike from the heavens and it's

1247
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:35,280
Speaker 1: going to work out. And sometimes it's just not going

1248
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:36,720
Speaker 1: to flow and it's going to be one of those

1249
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:39,160
Speaker 1: days that it doesn't work. But if you're not willing

1250
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:41,800
Speaker 1: to put yourself up there and to put yourself in

1251
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:44,320
Speaker 1: a position to be great, you're never going to be great.

1252
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:46,520
Speaker 2: So you talk to me about maybe one of the

1253
01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:49,480
Speaker 2: biggest takeaways aside from going to the Olympics, from the Trials.

1254
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:51,480
Speaker 2: What would you say was one of the best pieces

1255
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:53,680
Speaker 2: of advice that you were offered going into it.

1256
01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:57,720
Speaker 1: A couple of the amateur women who had qualified for

1257
01:02:57,760 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 1: the trials. I was kind of hanging out with them

1258
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:02,280
Speaker 1: before the race, just sitting with them. They were super nice.

1259
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:05,440
Speaker 1: They were like my race moms, and they kept saying

1260
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:08,040
Speaker 1: they were the women who first told me, don't warm

1261
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:10,880
Speaker 1: up twenty minutes, like more than five minutes, but then

1262
01:03:10,960 --> 01:03:15,440
Speaker 1: also saying like, remember, stay calm, stay patient. The race

1263
01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:19,520
Speaker 1: doesn't start until at least sixteen miles. So on that course,

1264
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:21,760
Speaker 1: they were eight mile loops, so that would have been

1265
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:25,440
Speaker 1: the going into the third lap. So those first two laps,

1266
01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:29,080
Speaker 1: I was conserve your energy, stay in the pack, tuck behind,

1267
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:31,080
Speaker 1: draft off people because it was super windy. It was

1268
01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:33,120
Speaker 1: like twenty miles an hour. But I was like, use

1269
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:37,000
Speaker 1: as little mental energy as you can because the race

1270
01:03:37,080 --> 01:03:39,760
Speaker 1: starts on the third lap, and like you have to

1271
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:41,760
Speaker 1: be ready by the time you get to the third lap.

1272
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:44,760
Speaker 1: You can't exhaust your legs early in the race trying

1273
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:47,800
Speaker 1: to race these first sixteen miles because it doesn't start

1274
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 1: till till like well into the day.

1275
01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:53,080
Speaker 2: And how valuable is that that that helped you get

1276
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:55,640
Speaker 2: to that point, and then really kicking in.

1277
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:58,760
Speaker 1: That saved me. That saved my race, like being able

1278
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:01,320
Speaker 1: to go into the third lap and like Okay, now

1279
01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:03,640
Speaker 1: I'm ready to go. And I think at that point

1280
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:07,160
Speaker 1: a lot of women in that race were because a

1281
01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:10,120
Speaker 1: lot of women's legs were just absolutely fried. People had

1282
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:14,840
Speaker 1: been playing little strategic games fighting each other, making moves,

1283
01:04:15,360 --> 01:04:17,440
Speaker 1: and with how windy it was and how hilly it was,

1284
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:19,960
Speaker 1: I think it sapped a lot of people's legs and

1285
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:21,600
Speaker 1: a lot of women said that after the race that

1286
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:25,640
Speaker 1: their legs just felt trashed. Yeah, And I think like

1287
01:04:25,720 --> 01:04:28,919
Speaker 1: between the sixteen to twenty two mile mark is when

1288
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:32,560
Speaker 1: quite a few of the top group ended up dropping out.

1289
01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:35,520
Speaker 1: And so I think it was definitely a matter of

1290
01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:38,000
Speaker 1: just learning to like preserve yourself as long as you

1291
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:41,080
Speaker 1: can and like choose your battles. Because that's not to

1292
01:04:41,120 --> 01:04:44,320
Speaker 1: say like the last six miles were the hardest I've

1293
01:04:44,360 --> 01:04:47,680
Speaker 1: ever run, but I felt like I was able to

1294
01:04:47,680 --> 01:04:49,880
Speaker 1: get to that point and still be like, Okay, you

1295
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:53,000
Speaker 1: can be competitive, you can you can fight this out

1296
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:54,920
Speaker 1: and not feel like you're redlining.

1297
01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:59,120
Speaker 2: The entire time you mentioned the forty five thousand new

1298
01:04:59,400 --> 01:05:03,800
Speaker 2: social media followers. God, they come to your page now

1299
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:11,480
Speaker 2: and they see this triumphant woman. Got laugh. It's true.

1300
01:05:11,840 --> 01:05:16,560
Speaker 2: It's just so weird, this triumphant woman who has maybe

1301
01:05:16,680 --> 01:05:21,560
Speaker 2: even surpassed her wildest dreams. You look in the mirror, now,

1302
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:24,720
Speaker 2: what is it that you see staring back at you.

1303
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 1: Despite everything over the past week and even that race, Like,

1304
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:32,640
Speaker 1: I feel like my general opinion of myself hasn't changed

1305
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:35,400
Speaker 1: at all. Like all of this is fun. It almost

1306
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:38,320
Speaker 1: like still doesn't seem quite real. But I felt like

1307
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:40,880
Speaker 1: going into that race, I was in a really good

1308
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:44,240
Speaker 1: place mentally. I went into that race because I was

1309
01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:46,760
Speaker 1: assuming that it was going to go so badly. I

1310
01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:48,240
Speaker 1: had come to terms with the fact that it was

1311
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:51,280
Speaker 1: like the outcome of this race doesn't affect my opinion

1312
01:05:51,320 --> 01:05:54,840
Speaker 1: of myself. Like I was so obsessed in twenty sixteen

1313
01:05:54,920 --> 01:05:57,000
Speaker 1: with making a team. I felt like that was what

1314
01:05:57,080 --> 01:05:59,560
Speaker 1: I had to do to have value as a human.

1315
01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:02,920
Speaker 1: And this time around, it was like, I feel like,

1316
01:06:03,120 --> 01:06:05,640
Speaker 1: I love the training that I'm doing, I love the

1317
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:08,840
Speaker 1: community that I'm surrounded by in Boston, I love the

1318
01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:11,640
Speaker 1: I love just like being in this place right now

1319
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:14,760
Speaker 1: that I am in my life and making an Olympic

1320
01:06:14,800 --> 01:06:18,560
Speaker 1: team doesn't change that about me. Like, sure it would,

1321
01:06:18,720 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 1: like that is my highest goal as an athlete, but

1322
01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:23,480
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, like my value as

1323
01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:27,480
Speaker 1: a human doesn't rest on that, and so going into

1324
01:06:27,560 --> 01:06:29,840
Speaker 1: it and making that team it's so cool. But at

1325
01:06:29,840 --> 01:06:32,240
Speaker 1: the same time it makes me so happy, but I

1326
01:06:32,280 --> 01:06:35,200
Speaker 1: feel like my happiness isn't contingent on that anymore. I

1327
01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:39,040
Speaker 1: feel like a more complete person who's got other things.

1328
01:06:39,080 --> 01:06:42,680
Speaker 1: And like, truthfully, the happiest moment of that day wasn't

1329
01:06:42,680 --> 01:06:46,160
Speaker 1: crossing the finish line and like having the adoration of

1330
01:06:46,200 --> 01:06:47,920
Speaker 1: people like, oh my god, you made the team. It

1331
01:06:47,960 --> 01:06:51,280
Speaker 1: was sitting in the bar that night, eating a burger,

1332
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:54,600
Speaker 1: surrounded by my favorite people in the world, getting to

1333
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:59,160
Speaker 1: just celebrate this moment and be be in it and

1334
01:06:59,280 --> 01:07:03,080
Speaker 1: just being happy that I was healthy and able to

1335
01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:06,720
Speaker 1: walk without pain after that race, and surrounded by people

1336
01:07:06,720 --> 01:07:09,760
Speaker 1: that I love and just realized that I was going

1337
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:14,720
Speaker 1: to the Tokyo Olympics. And yeah, It's like there are

1338
01:07:14,720 --> 01:07:17,440
Speaker 1: these huge moments in our life. I think everyone assumes, like, oh,

1339
01:07:17,440 --> 01:07:19,040
Speaker 1: you make an Olympic team and you're just happy for

1340
01:07:19,080 --> 01:07:21,120
Speaker 1: the rest of your life. Like no I'm still going

1341
01:07:21,160 --> 01:07:23,880
Speaker 1: to struggle. I'll probably still like get hurt multiple times

1342
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:26,360
Speaker 1: through my career. There's going to be other things. But

1343
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 1: as long as I'm okay with like being who I

1344
01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:30,840
Speaker 1: am at my core and able to live with that,

1345
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:35,160
Speaker 1: that is what brings me. That's what brings me like peace.

1346
01:07:35,240 --> 01:07:40,160
Speaker 1: It's not getting metals or yeah, yeah, getting metals or

1347
01:07:40,200 --> 01:07:42,760
Speaker 1: breaking records or whatnot. All those are temporary. You need

1348
01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:44,240
Speaker 1: to be okay with who you are at the end

1349
01:07:44,240 --> 01:07:44,680
Speaker 1: of the day.

1350
01:07:45,120 --> 01:07:47,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's really special that the best

1351
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:50,040
Speaker 2: part of that day is the celebration of the event,

1352
01:07:50,120 --> 01:07:54,760
Speaker 2: because I think so often, especially in events and milestones,

1353
01:07:54,760 --> 01:07:57,600
Speaker 2: where you work so hard, there's so much build up

1354
01:07:57,640 --> 01:08:00,560
Speaker 2: that we don't take the time to stop, look around

1355
01:08:00,760 --> 01:08:02,959
Speaker 2: and enjoy all of our hard work.

1356
01:08:03,120 --> 01:08:07,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and just to enjoy it wasn't even necessarily that.

1357
01:08:07,520 --> 01:08:10,400
Speaker 1: It was like being able to appreciate all of the

1358
01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:13,560
Speaker 1: people who helped me get there, like seeing my mom

1359
01:08:13,560 --> 01:08:16,559
Speaker 1: and dad so happy and having seen them like have

1360
01:08:16,640 --> 01:08:19,400
Speaker 1: to drive me to eating disorder treatment and like be

1361
01:08:19,560 --> 01:08:23,360
Speaker 1: with me through that, or like my sister who was

1362
01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:27,000
Speaker 1: like having to help me like hobble around on crutches

1363
01:08:27,040 --> 01:08:30,280
Speaker 1: all summer and like, I don't know my brother who

1364
01:08:30,320 --> 01:08:31,760
Speaker 1: was one of the people who was there at those

1365
01:08:31,800 --> 01:08:33,880
Speaker 1: twenty sixteen trials with me that I was like at

1366
01:08:33,880 --> 01:08:37,120
Speaker 1: my breaking point, he got me through it. It's like yeah,

1367
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:39,680
Speaker 1: it's just like those are the people who got me

1368
01:08:39,720 --> 01:08:41,360
Speaker 1: through the worst of times, and now I get to

1369
01:08:41,400 --> 01:08:45,120
Speaker 1: share this with them and it's just so much fun.

1370
01:08:45,160 --> 01:08:46,519
Speaker 1: And like now they're going to get to come to

1371
01:08:46,520 --> 01:08:49,519
Speaker 1: Tokyo with me and like get to just share that. Like,

1372
01:08:50,280 --> 01:08:53,000
Speaker 1: I don't know that that's what was really special. It's

1373
01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:56,200
Speaker 1: the act of It's the act of running on the day,

1374
01:08:56,360 --> 01:08:59,280
Speaker 1: like actually being in that race and realizing that there's

1375
01:08:59,439 --> 01:09:01,840
Speaker 1: no other place that I would rather be in the

1376
01:09:01,880 --> 01:09:05,920
Speaker 1: world than full flight in the middle of a race,

1377
01:09:06,080 --> 01:09:09,400
Speaker 1: just hauling and just being in it, and then getting

1378
01:09:09,439 --> 01:09:12,439
Speaker 1: to celebrate and just be surrounded by my favorite people

1379
01:09:13,120 --> 01:09:16,240
Speaker 1: and just appreciate what we've been through to get to

1380
01:09:16,280 --> 01:09:16,799
Speaker 1: that moment.

1381
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:23,240
Speaker 2: You have an opportunity right now to offer the Mollie

1382
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:27,840
Speaker 2: who is in the thick of it, she's struggling. You

1383
01:09:27,880 --> 01:09:30,599
Speaker 2: have an opportunity to offer her one piece of advice.

1384
01:09:30,680 --> 01:09:34,080
Speaker 2: Looking back on it, what do you tell her?

1385
01:09:34,920 --> 01:09:39,679
Speaker 1: I would say that nothing lasts forever, in that nothing,

1386
01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:43,080
Speaker 1: no bad thing is going to last forever. No matter

1387
01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:46,479
Speaker 1: how bad it gets, it won't last forever, and good

1388
01:09:46,479 --> 01:09:50,559
Speaker 1: things won't last forever. So it's like you just have

1389
01:09:50,640 --> 01:09:52,760
Speaker 1: to be in the moment and get through it. And

1390
01:09:53,320 --> 01:09:56,960
Speaker 1: this idea that it's okay to feel sad and hurt

1391
01:09:57,280 --> 01:10:01,760
Speaker 1: and to just let yourself experience those motions and just

1392
01:10:01,840 --> 01:10:04,360
Speaker 1: realize that no matter how much you're hurting right now,

1393
01:10:05,320 --> 01:10:07,880
Speaker 1: that will pass and you're going to be able to

1394
01:10:07,880 --> 01:10:09,760
Speaker 1: get through it. But you just have to accept it.

1395
01:10:09,800 --> 01:10:13,559
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's going to be really really hard and you

1396
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:17,240
Speaker 1: just have to keep moving and stay strong. And even

1397
01:10:17,280 --> 01:10:21,000
Speaker 1: now it's like I can appreciate I can appreciate the

1398
01:10:21,040 --> 01:10:22,880
Speaker 1: pain that I went through in eating a sort of

1399
01:10:22,880 --> 01:10:25,320
Speaker 1: treatment or when I had my injuries, because I realized,

1400
01:10:25,320 --> 01:10:28,080
Speaker 1: like that's turned me into the person that I am now.

1401
01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:32,920
Speaker 1: But I think I just needed to fully experience that

1402
01:10:33,000 --> 01:10:34,960
Speaker 1: when I was in it, and yeah, it sucked, but

1403
01:10:35,840 --> 01:10:38,439
Speaker 1: now it's like on the other side, I can appreciate it.

1404
01:10:38,880 --> 01:10:41,519
Speaker 1: So yeah, I feel like I didn't say that as

1405
01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:45,000
Speaker 1: eloquently as I wanted to, but just this idea that

1406
01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:49,280
Speaker 1: there's going to be so many ups and downs, but

1407
01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:51,960
Speaker 1: none of them are going to last forever. So just

1408
01:10:52,000 --> 01:10:55,360
Speaker 1: be able to keep riding it out and you're going

1409
01:10:55,400 --> 01:10:58,800
Speaker 1: to get through it. And I don't know, no matter

1410
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:01,840
Speaker 1: how bad things might be, you never know what's going

1411
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:03,400
Speaker 1: to happen. And then that to.

1412
01:11:03,439 --> 01:11:07,920
Speaker 2: Day, I personally am so grateful for your time and

1413
01:11:08,240 --> 01:11:11,400
Speaker 2: I actually have zero debts in my mind that this

1414
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,559
Speaker 2: is going to impact and help a lot of people,

1415
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:16,599
Speaker 2: some of which you maybe just don't have the time

1416
01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:17,960
Speaker 2: to get there to their DM.

1417
01:11:18,439 --> 01:11:21,720
Speaker 1: I apologize if I left you on unread.

1418
01:11:22,040 --> 01:11:23,200
Speaker 2: It's okay, it's okay.

1419
01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:25,000
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thanks so much.

1420
01:11:25,439 --> 01:11:27,559
Speaker 2: Please take a moment and leave a quick review by

1421
01:11:27,560 --> 01:11:30,040
Speaker 2: clicking the link with a description to this episode. We

1422
01:11:30,080 --> 01:11:32,720
Speaker 2: all face multiple hurdles in life. I want to hear

1423
01:11:32,720 --> 01:11:34,920
Speaker 2: about yours. Reach out to me at Emily at Hurdle

1424
01:11:34,960 --> 01:11:38,960
Speaker 2: dot us, connect with the podcast Instagram, Twitter at Hurdle

1425
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:41,360
Speaker 2: Podcast Mollie. Where do they find you? How do they

1426
01:11:41,439 --> 01:11:43,680
Speaker 2: keep up with you? How do they follow you on

1427
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:45,040
Speaker 2: your road to Tokyo?

1428
01:11:45,560 --> 01:11:48,680
Speaker 1: Probably the best way is through my Instagram at by

1429
01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:52,919
Speaker 1: Golly Mollie. I have a pretty much inactive Twitter account

1430
01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:56,160
Speaker 1: at by Golly Molly twelve so probably don't rely on that.

1431
01:11:56,640 --> 01:11:59,479
Speaker 1: Or if you're around the Boston area and out running,

1432
01:12:00,120 --> 01:12:02,040
Speaker 1: come say hi to me. You'll probably see me down

1433
01:12:02,040 --> 01:12:03,479
Speaker 1: by the river. Run with me.

1434
01:12:03,760 --> 01:12:08,720
Speaker 2: Perfect I am Emily Abodi. Another hurdle conquered. Catch you

1435
01:12:08,760 --> 01:12:09,439
Speaker 2: guys next time.