WEBVTT - That’s So Degrading! 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:03.880 Hey, viewers, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is an explicit podcast about 0:00:03.920 --> 0:00:08.160 queer sex, filtered dirty words, and unfiltered descriptions of sexual activities. 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:12.440 If hearing about orgies, anonymous sex, kink, fetish, and more 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:16.000 offends your sensibilities, you might want to skip this. Viewer 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:20.720 discretion is advised. It's definitely not for kids. Hey, Gabe, 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:23.520 did you experience any bliging when you grew up? 0:00:24.200 --> 0:00:24.960 No, not at all. 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:29.040 I was a perfectly socially adjusted queer child that grew 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:32.720 up in a supportive community of Floridians that embraced who 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:34.519 I was and helped me come into mind. No. 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:37.760 Yeah, I was heavily bullied. 0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:40.080 I think even before you're comfortable with your own sexuality, 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:43.040 someone's gonna call you faggot because you do not prescribe 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:46.160 to the gender norms of being a little boy. 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:49.320 But how about you, Like you were saying, like the 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:51.479 F word and the N word were used very freely 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:54.240 with me in elementary school. Yeah, and like I did 0:00:54.240 --> 0:00:56.120 not know what either of those things were, And so 0:00:56.280 --> 0:01:00.319 I grew up like you really being a perfect that's 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:02.480 an people pleaser sure, and a chameleon right to sort 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:04.880 of like mitigate the bullying. Like if I was the 0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:06.720 smartest in the class and I was the fastest on 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:08.840 the track, then like what do you have to make 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:09.160 fun of? 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:10.840 And then it's wild we have to go through all 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:12.559 of that, and then we get out of high school 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:14.640 and then we find other queer people and it's like, oh, 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:17.320 we've all been through the same shit. But people shouldn't 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:19.200 have to go through like sixteen to eighteen years of 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.119 misery to like eventually. 0:01:20.680 --> 0:01:21.960 Be subsequent therapy. 0:01:22.280 --> 0:01:27.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, so bullying is going to 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:31.480 be a very very light theme today, right, Yeah. 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:33.600 Do you think that any of the experience that you 0:01:33.680 --> 0:01:35.440 had with bullying growing up, do you think that sort 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:37.720 of informs some of the things that you do in bed? 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:41.399 I don't think so. I'll explore some submissive play. It's 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:46.040 not my preferred thing, but I don't like like rules, orders, insects, 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:47.560 and I know for some people that's a kink and 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:49.400 it really turns them on. Yeah, but it's like, baby, 0:01:49.400 --> 0:01:50.920 I grew up Catholic, I grew up perto Rican, I 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:53.240 couldn't get a sleepovers. I don't need new rules in 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:55.920 my life. Okay, I lived half my life with really 0:01:55.920 --> 0:01:59.120 stringent rules. For me, sex is something that's like fun 0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:01.720 and explore to and so for me, I don't see 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:03.240 any connection between that bullying and sex. 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:06.120 But I'm curious, how about you? Absolutely the same? That 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:06.840 shit was hard? 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:09.240 Yeah, sex is one of those few times where I 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:12.639 feel in my body and fully authentic, and to bring 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:15.800 up those moments where I was told that I wasn't 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:18.800 able to be who I am and whatever, like, I 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:20.399 don't want to bring that into my sex life. 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:21.200 And when I. 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.040 Get those type of requests from people, I really like 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:26.919 bulk up against it because I'm like, I don't want 0:02:26.919 --> 0:02:28.560 to inflict that pain on anyone. 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:30.920 You know, today's topic is going to touch a little 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:35.360 bit on bullying, but also degradation and humiliation. We do 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:38.080 know that queer and trans people grow up experiencing bullying 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:40.360 at a far higher rate than that of our peers. 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:43.160 Could that be why some of us find ourselves turned 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:46.360 on by consensual degradation humiliation when we're older. 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:48.760 In this episode, we get on our knees to explore the. 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.600 Increasingly popular fetish practice with the help of a pleasure 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:53.800 educator who loves to be bullied in the bedroom. 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:56.600 Then we'll get tips and tricks from an experienced dom 0:02:56.760 --> 0:02:59.560 and sadist on how to incorporate degradation into your own 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:02.320 play in a safe, sane, and consensual way. 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:05.640 Welcome to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. I am Gabe Gonzale. 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:10.280 I'm Chris Patterson. Rosso Each week weeks more, the Sublind 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:13.000 world of queer sex, cruising and relationship will. 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:15.360 Be talking to queer folks of all kinds. Ask them questions, 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.000 swap sex stories, share intimate revelations. 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:20.840 A lot of us are discovering ourselves in cruising spaces. 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:23.040 This happened to me at this toilet stall, in the 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:25.680 library or the airport. I feel like everybody's gonna fuck 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:28.120 a little harder here. Damn. So I've been like the 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:30.880 neighborhood plot, and I took pride in that I was 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:34.320 so afraid but yet so intrigued. And the more I 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:35.640 gave him, the more he could take. 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:40.000 If you're having sex on Sniffy's, you already have a 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:40.880 moral deficit. 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:46.920 Our first guest today is a pleasure educator and freelance 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:50.200 writer whose columns on queer sexuality have been published in Playboy, 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:52.320 l The Advocate, Them. 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:54.240 And The Daily Beasts. Like Chris and I. 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:56.720 He has a podcast called Bad in Bed that offers 0:03:56.800 --> 0:03:58.160 queer sex ed to listeners. 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:01.560 Please welcome Bobby Box. Hey Bobby, how are you baby? 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:07.840 Well, we're so happy to have you. Did you experience 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:09.360 bullying as a kid. 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:13.160 Oh? Yes, okay, I was, you know, called a fag 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:16.440 since I was a kid all the time. I love 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:18.680 the spice girls, like you know, that was the thing. 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:21.039 Like it was like my friends were girls, you know. 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:23.719 And and then as I went to high school, I 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:25.839 was like, okay, do you need to survive. You're playing 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.960 all the sports, you're gonna be dating girls, You're going 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:30.960 to be doing everything that you can do to make. 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:33.200 Your life easier right now. 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:34.680 But I still got bullied. 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:38.159 Like I remember even bathroom breaks, being like I'm going 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:40.520 to walk down the hall and someone's gonna call me 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:42.920 that name, do you know what I mean? And like 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:45.440 you prepare for it and you go quiet and you 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:48.640 look at the floor while you're walking, and it's you know, 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.680 it's a sad experience in hindsight. But now that I'm 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:54.200 so like proud of who I am, I'm like like 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:55.920 fuck that, yeah. 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:56.360 You know what I mean? 0:04:56.480 --> 0:05:00.360 Like, yeah, like it's like it makes me out or 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:01.960 of who I am now to live out loud. 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:04.400 I think it's obvious how common of it experience this 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:07.479 is globally for queer youth. But interestingly, a lot of 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:11.520 that language is stuff that I've encountered in community or 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:15.000 in sexual scenarios that feels kind of empowering or fun 0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:18.080 to reclaim. Right, Like, I love using the word fag 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:22.159 to describe myself. Yeah, I have had people call me 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:24.080 fag in bed, and I've been like, huh, never thought 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:28.400 about it. Okay, sure, Like as long as we're you know, 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:29.920 I don't have to role play that hard if that's 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:34.560 what you are, like, and then everybody loves that story 0:05:34.560 --> 0:05:36.680 about like going back home and like finding their bully 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:39.520 on grinder and like and like sort of like literally 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:42.400 reclaiming the source of this stuff. Yeah, So I'm curious 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:45.280 how do you sort of navigate this past trauma and 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:47.520 ways of like maybe reclaiming it or giving it a 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:48.280 new context. 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:51.880 The word fag in this sexual context took me a 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:56.279 very long time to get comfortable with. So my first 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:59.240 ever boyfriend that I had, he loved the word. He's 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:02.279 been out for years and was like he was very 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:04.839 dominant and very like had like you know, he knew 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:06.520 what being gay was all about. 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:08.400 I was like the angenu like. 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:11.320 Oh, like you know kind of like yeah, so like 0:06:11.600 --> 0:06:15.320 it worked for us like that whole like dynamic. But 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:19.159 I remember when he used the word fag. I I 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:21.400 felt like I went right back to those days in 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:22.000 high school. 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:23.400 My heart dropped through my chest. 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:27.720 All arousal was gone, and I was like I had 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:30.919 to stop this, you know, this scene you know, quote unquote, 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:34.200 but I was like, I can't do with you calling 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:35.960 me that, like that's an issue for me. And he 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:38.080 was like, oh really, He's like that sucks because like 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:40.400 that's one of my favorite words. And that kind of 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:43.200 modeled its way through our entire relationship. But he also 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:47.920 was somebody I trusted, you know, and somebody that I loved, 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:51.760 and it became something where I actually it has evolved 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:55.080 to become one of the words I really really enjoy 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:58.840 being called in bed now. So it's like so eventually, 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:00.360 and I you know, I think it did come with 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:02.719 you know, being fresh out of the closet, not totally 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.400 comfortable with who I was, to now being like yeah 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:07.880 I am, and I'm proud of it, Like you better 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.320 know I am. I remember when it happened too, Like 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:12.520 I remember being like, oh wait, that word just made 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:15.480 you like come, you know what I mean. I was like, 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:17.800 that was a word that used to be trauma, and 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:20.960 now it's the complete opposite. So it's like I thank 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:23.440 him for many things, but one of the things was 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.600 for just kind of like letting me be a submissive 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:29.520 and trusted dominant completely, do you know what I mean? 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:32.600 And now I don't think I could have without a 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:37.440 boyfriend type relationship, you know, just to really learn the ropes. 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:40.600 Yeah, I don't think I'm there yet. I think maybe 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:43.000 it's part of like being non binary. Like I use 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:45.080 the word paget a lot to describe my group of friends, 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:47.080 et cetera, and like a social context, but like in 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:50.120 a sexual context, I like, I hear the word and 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:53.360 I'm like absolutely not yeah, because I do not identify. 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:55.800 No, I really do think it's common, because I did 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:59.000 do a post on it. I did two informal polls 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:02.000 four years apart, so like just basically on my social accounts, 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:07.080 and I in twenty nineteen twenty seven, only twenty seven 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:11.239 percent were comfortable being called faggot in the bedroom, where 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:14.360 in twenty twenty three, that grew to forty two percent. 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:14.800 Wow. 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:18.880 I don't know if that's that we're becoming more comfortable 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:21.200 with it or that like my audience changed, But like, 0:08:21.240 --> 0:08:22.480 that's an interesting insight. 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:26.160 I think it's But then both yeah. 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:28.480 Right and another and a follow up poll, half of 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:32.640 the voters admitted to using the fsler among friends, so, 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:34.880 like whether they were comfortable with it sexually or not, 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:37.160 half of us use it with our friends as like 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:40.400 it's meaningless, it's a term of endearment. Yeah, you know, 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:44.080 I just find that such an interesting, you know, insight. 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:47.600 Yeah, I'm curious in the context of sort of dom 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:50.920 sub relationships too. How is it something that you started 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:54.440 navigating and is it something that you incorporated into your 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:57.960 sex life outside of your past relationship. 0:08:58.840 --> 0:08:59.360 Yeah. 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:01.880 So you know, like all of us as when we're 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:04.400 younger and we're like exploring our sexual selves, we all 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:07.439 happen upon a website that changes everything for us period, 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:09.560 you know what I mean, Like and you're like, oh, wait, 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:12.160 like your eyes widen, your whole widen. 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:13.400 You know, it just happened. 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.600 And yeah, mine was yeah. 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:22.880 That too, Yeah, and I I mine was called smoking Hunks. 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.280 Dot com smoking hunks. 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:26.040 So I don't know if yeah, so if these men 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:30.560 who are smoking and they're like literally like muscular, greased up, 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:34.120 and then they're like smoking and they're calling you faggot, 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:35.839 they're calling you the worst word, like you know, and 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:36.960 they're just talking down to you. 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:39.959 And I was like, oh, this is gonna be a 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:40.719 problem for me. 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:42.160 Okay, do you know what I mean? 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:44.199 Like I was like, this is that was the beginning 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:44.679 of the end. 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:46.959 And then I found I started dating man that embodied 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:50.000 those types. Even when I tried to convince myself I 0:09:50.040 --> 0:09:54.560 was straight by watching straight porns, I always I always 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:59.560 saw myself as like the female because unfortunately, you know, 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:02.320 head sexual porn is very one note where like it's 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:06.319 often the female being you know, humiliated or degraded or 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.880 anything like that. So like that's where I saw myself, 0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:10.400 you know, Like I was like, oh, that's who I 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:11.760 want to be in scene, you know. 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:14.480 So so I have to ask, are there any words 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:15.080 you don't like? 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:17.680 As much of a submissive as I am, I do 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:20.680 think it's important that every submissive has their boundaries and 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:22.360 they express that right from the get. 0:10:22.200 --> 0:10:25.400 Go, because a good dom also doesn't want. 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:26.120 To cross boundaries. 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:28.840 Yeah, you know, you want both people to be completely comfortable. 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:30.280 I think a lot of people think that, like a 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:34.000 dominant doesn't care about the other person's needs and that's 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:35.880 what makes it hot. And I'm like, not at all, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.679 it's the complete opposite. You need one trust in that 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:42.120 person as much of like a submissive hoe that I 0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:45.600 can be. I'm still very sensitive comments about my body, 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:48.080 like let's not go there, you know, like I'm a 0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:50.440 thicker guy. But like I remember the first time I 0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:53.840 got called beefy. I just remember in the moment it 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:55.840 hitting me, and then your mind's kind of out of 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:58.440 that subspace, which is very important for a submissive, and 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.160 you're like, oh, you kind of off and you tense up, 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:03.920 and it's like that's not good. But like, also, they 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:06.040 didn't know. I didn't express that to them, so that's 0:11:06.080 --> 0:11:08.200 not their issue either, do you know what I mean? 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:09.520 They meant it as a compliment. 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:11.360 Yeah, I mean, and I feel like in that situation, 0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:13.040 it's like you don't know, you don't like it until 0:11:13.040 --> 0:11:16.599 it happens, you know. And I think that, oh, that's 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:19.200 like the whole exploration of that. It's like there are 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:21.520 lots of times where I'm in situations and something happens, 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:23.800 I'm like, oh, you know what, I actually don't like that. 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:25.360 Let's never do that again. 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:29.440 Right, So, baby, I'm curious you'd approach sex from a 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:32.000 kind of educational and sometimes academic standpoint, even though your 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:34.000 language is very accessible, right, you're like meeting folks that 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:37.000 they're at But I'm wondering how how you view the 0:11:37.040 --> 0:11:41.280 psychology of your own approach to humiliation and degradation and 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:45.120 how your thoughts surrounding it have evolved, and if you 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:47.840 see the way people engage with it evolving further than 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:50.000 how we talk about it and engage with it today. 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:54.599 Well, sex obviously is complicated, and you know, like in 0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:56.679 a beautiful way, Like you know, it's complex and all 0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:59.280 of us come at it from a different angle, you know. 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:02.400 So I've managed to because you know, I knew the 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:05.560 topic coming into this, I've distilled it down into four 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:08.040 reasons why I think people are into being humiliated, you know, 0:12:08.080 --> 0:12:13.440 the dom sub type thing being Yeah. So, first is shame. 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:16.920 M So, I think shame drives a lot of sex. Actually, 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:19.240 So what happens is, you know, like from a young age, 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:22.319 we're all taught that, like you know, sex can be bad, 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:24.480 Like you know, it's like, don't engage in sex. You know, 0:12:24.559 --> 0:12:26.600 it's this this can happen to you, that can happen 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:28.640 to you. Then add on the fact that you're queer, 0:12:29.120 --> 0:12:32.920 which amplifies it by a thousand, so you're like everything 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:36.760 I've ever thought is wrong, you know. So when you 0:12:36.800 --> 0:12:39.520 add when those natural feelings are kind of coupled with 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:43.160 this messaging that sex is wrong like and shameful, it 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:44.280 kind of heightens. 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:44.920 Arousal for people. 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:48.480 So it like makes something that you're already ashamed about 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:51.880 more shameful, which in turn makes it more exciting. So 0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:55.040 I think that like kind of leaning into that makes 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:58.760 it more hot. The second one is giving up control. 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:01.520 So I think that for a lot of people, it's 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:04.720 very alluring to be in a sexual scene and be like, listen, 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:06.280 I don't have to worry about a damn thing. 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:07.680 You're gonna take care of this for me. 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.280 And it's like, you know, like you might see CEOs 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:14.520 with sex workers who are like that's their thing because 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:16.560 they're in charge all the time and they don't want 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:19.240 to be anymore. They want to explore that other dynamic. 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:23.079 So I think that that's very appealing and erotic to 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:25.200 people to be like, yeah, like do whatever you want 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:28.640 to me. And then their third which I think might 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:30.599 be surprising to people, but it's intimacy. 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:31.640 Mm hm. 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:36.719 So I think that being submissive is a very vulnerable experience. 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:39.240 You know, you're giving yourself to someone entirely for a 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:43.679 pre negotiated amount of time. So it's like I'm yours, 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:45.920 do what you want with it. But it's like there's 0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:48.559 so much trust that comes with that. And I also 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.200 say like it might not seem intimate based on the 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.600 acts that might be happening at the time, but it 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:55.960 actually is because of everything that went into it. 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:58.800 Yeah, it's like some of the most quote unquote dehumanizing 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:01.280 stuff we do in sex actually requires some of the 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:04.240 most emotional trust and emotional connection. That's I really love 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:06.880 point number three. I'm vibing on that one yes. And 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:08.239 number four Yeah. 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:12.480 Number four is I think honestly validation period. We do 0:14:12.559 --> 0:14:15.720 it because it turns the dom on like we're doing 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:17.720 what they really want and we're their. 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:19.800 Fantasy, do you know what I mean? And that's hot. 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.320 Just like when you post like a first trap, you know, 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:25.920 and it gets likes, It's like but I'm everything he 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:27.800 wants me to be, or they want me to be 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:30.320 she wants me to be. Right now, those what I 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:33.080 would say, are the main four, and for me, I'm 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:35.440 probably a complicated mix of all four. 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:38.440 You know what is one of the hotter stories that 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:42.560 you have of engaging with this kink of domination and humiliation. 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:46.720 I'm still mending from like my broken relationship and I 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:49.320 go on a trip to Palm Springs and I was 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.640 very kind of like in my head and everything. But 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:55.800 we go to like gay Sunday Evening bingo or whatever, 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:59.760 and we play and there's this like hot daddy there bartending, 0:14:59.800 --> 0:15:01.800 but he's like giving out the cards and I told 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:04.360 my friends. I was like, I'm gonna marry that man someday. 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:06.880 Like ah, yeah, you follow it, and I'm like yeah, 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:09.960 yeah yeah. So later that night, me and another friend 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:12.880 went to that bar again and he was there and 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:14.440 he was like, Oh, I'm so glad you came. I 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:17.040 was staring at you all day and I was like, oh, 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:22.000 it's mutual, this is over. So he I go to 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:24.280 the bathroom like after a few drinks and I go 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:26.880 to close the door behind me and then his arm 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:30.200 is in the doorway and he's like, don't close on me, 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:33.040 and like I'm like okay, and then I opened the door. 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.680 He comes in not a word, and then he just 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:38.000 like whips his dick out and starts pissing. 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:42.160 In my mouth. Was it open? Did he aped? Or 0:15:42.200 --> 0:15:44.920 were you like, oh god, it was oh no, it 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:45.400 was open. 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:47.600 Yeah, it was very much like a I think, I 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:48.320 thought oral. 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.120 And then he just fully pissed in my mouth and 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:53.880 I was like okay, and then that happened, and then 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:56.320 I remember like he just like truly like zipped up, 0:15:56.600 --> 0:15:58.440 like tap me on the head, and then like walked 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:00.720 back to the bar, and I remember just like sitting 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:02.680 there like you know, like that moment where like your 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:04.560 heart's pumping, Like I feel like it was like a 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:07.080 TV show thing where it's like you're so turned up, 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:08.800 but you're like, what the hell just happened? 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:10.480 Never did water sports before? 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:11.280 Then that was it. 0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:14.360 So he like eventually like took me home. He was great, 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:17.920 and we had sex for like a crazy amount of 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:20.160 time and he filmed and it was like it things 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:22.000 I've never done before with my phone. 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:23.840 So I was good with It's not going. 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.360 My friend who was like also at the bar with 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:28.400 me was like, I think I like jerked off to 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:30.960 you guys having sex for like three times. I was like, 0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:33.960 because he heard from the other door. So I was like, 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:36.880 what a lovely vacation experience. 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:42.120 Yeah, yeah, and that was last night. 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:45.280 It was such a climactic evening and I was like, 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:47.680 I think I was forever changed after that moment. 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:47.960 Yeah. 0:16:48.000 --> 0:16:50.880 I was like I kind of started chasing those types 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:54.520 of things, but like, nothing ever to that degree has 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:55.160 happened again. 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:57.680 Yeah, it's like chasing your first high. 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.720 Well, Bobby, I'm so sex that you got to join 0:17:00.800 --> 0:17:02.880 us today to where can folks find you online? 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:04.000 By Bobby Box? 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:07.240 So b Y Bobby Box, I would say Instagram and 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:09.080 Twitter is where the best place is to find me 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:09.560 for sure. 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:12.240 All Right, when we come back, we'll be talking with 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:23.600 the master of humiliation, the one and only dominion Onics. 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:27.320 Well, now that we've heard from the submissive side, let's 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:30.640 talk about humiliation and degradation with a dominant. Our next 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:33.160 guest is a writer, a kinster, and a leather man. 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:36.560 He's written about kinks like humiliation for recon dot com 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:39.840 and co hosts a kinky podcast called The bgkh Show 0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:43.920 on YouTube. BGKH stands for a Black, gay, kinky and human. 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:46.040 Please welcome Dominion ONYX. 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:48.480 Hey, guys, how's it going today? It's going well. How 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:53.639 are you? I am tired okay, but super excited to 0:17:53.720 --> 0:17:56.119 be I love that. Yeah, being a good doma. I'm 0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:57.120 sure it takes a lot of work. 0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:01.160 It does its job, it really it really is. I'm 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:03.960 a dumb in my work life and in my personal. 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:06.720 I don't know how you do it. We love a 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:07.560 consistent brand. 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:11.960 That's yeah, dominion for people who don't know what is Onyx. 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:18.199