Speaker 1: Hey, viewers, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is an explicit podcast about
Speaker 1: queer sex, filtered dirty words, and unfiltered descriptions of sexual activities.
Speaker 1: If hearing about orgies, anonymous sex, kink, fetish, and more
Speaker 1: offends your sensibilities, you might want to skip this. Viewer
Speaker 1: discretion is advised. It's definitely not for kids. Hey, Gabe,
Speaker 1: did you experience any bliging when you grew up?
Speaker 2: No, not at all.
Speaker 1: I was a perfectly socially adjusted queer child that grew
Speaker 1: up in a supportive community of Floridians that embraced who
Speaker 1: I was and helped me come into mind. No.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was heavily bullied.
Speaker 1: I think even before you're comfortable with your own sexuality,
Speaker 1: someone's gonna call you faggot because you do not prescribe
Speaker 1: to the gender norms of being a little boy.
Speaker 3: But how about you, Like you were saying, like the
Speaker 3: F word and the N word were used very freely
Speaker 3: with me in elementary school. Yeah, and like I did
Speaker 3: not know what either of those things were, And so
Speaker 3: I grew up like you really being a perfect that's
Speaker 3: an people pleaser sure, and a chameleon right to sort
Speaker 3: of like mitigate the bullying. Like if I was the
Speaker 3: smartest in the class and I was the fastest on
Speaker 3: the track, then like what do you have to make
Speaker 3: fun of?
Speaker 1: And then it's wild we have to go through all
Speaker 1: of that, and then we get out of high school
Speaker 1: and then we find other queer people and it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: we've all been through the same shit. But people shouldn't
Speaker 1: have to go through like sixteen to eighteen years of
Speaker 1: misery to like eventually.
Speaker 2: Be subsequent therapy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, so bullying is going to
Speaker 1: be a very very light theme today, right, Yeah.
Speaker 3: Do you think that any of the experience that you
Speaker 3: had with bullying growing up, do you think that sort
Speaker 3: of informs some of the things that you do in bed?
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I'll explore some submissive play. It's
Speaker 1: not my preferred thing, but I don't like like rules, orders, insects,
Speaker 1: and I know for some people that's a kink and
Speaker 1: it really turns them on. Yeah, but it's like, baby,
Speaker 1: I grew up Catholic, I grew up perto Rican, I
Speaker 1: couldn't get a sleepovers. I don't need new rules in
Speaker 1: my life. Okay, I lived half my life with really
Speaker 1: stringent rules. For me, sex is something that's like fun
Speaker 1: and explore to and so for me, I don't see
Speaker 1: any connection between that bullying and sex.
Speaker 2: But I'm curious, how about you? Absolutely the same? That
Speaker 2: shit was hard?
Speaker 3: Yeah, sex is one of those few times where I
Speaker 3: feel in my body and fully authentic, and to bring
Speaker 3: up those moments where I was told that I wasn't
Speaker 3: able to be who I am and whatever, like, I
Speaker 3: don't want to bring that into my sex life.
Speaker 2: And when I.
Speaker 3: Get those type of requests from people, I really like
Speaker 3: bulk up against it because I'm like, I don't want
Speaker 3: to inflict that pain on anyone.
Speaker 1: You know, today's topic is going to touch a little
Speaker 1: bit on bullying, but also degradation and humiliation. We do
Speaker 1: know that queer and trans people grow up experiencing bullying
Speaker 1: at a far higher rate than that of our peers.
Speaker 1: Could that be why some of us find ourselves turned
Speaker 1: on by consensual degradation humiliation when we're older.
Speaker 2: In this episode, we get on our knees to explore the.
Speaker 3: Increasingly popular fetish practice with the help of a pleasure
Speaker 3: educator who loves to be bullied in the bedroom.
Speaker 1: Then we'll get tips and tricks from an experienced dom
Speaker 1: and sadist on how to incorporate degradation into your own
Speaker 1: play in a safe, sane, and consensual way.
Speaker 2: Welcome to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. I am Gabe Gonzale.
Speaker 3: I'm Chris Patterson. Rosso Each week weeks more, the Sublind
Speaker 3: world of queer sex, cruising and relationship will.
Speaker 1: Be talking to queer folks of all kinds. Ask them questions,
Speaker 1: swap sex stories, share intimate revelations.
Speaker 2: A lot of us are discovering ourselves in cruising spaces.
Speaker 2: This happened to me at this toilet stall, in the
Speaker 2: library or the airport. I feel like everybody's gonna fuck
Speaker 2: a little harder here. Damn. So I've been like the
Speaker 2: neighborhood plot, and I took pride in that I was
Speaker 2: so afraid but yet so intrigued. And the more I
Speaker 2: gave him, the more he could take.
Speaker 4: If you're having sex on Sniffy's, you already have a
Speaker 4: moral deficit.
Speaker 3: Our first guest today is a pleasure educator and freelance
Speaker 3: writer whose columns on queer sexuality have been published in Playboy,
Speaker 3: l The Advocate, Them.
Speaker 2: And The Daily Beasts. Like Chris and I.
Speaker 1: He has a podcast called Bad in Bed that offers
Speaker 1: queer sex ed to listeners.
Speaker 2: Please welcome Bobby Box. Hey Bobby, how are you baby?
Speaker 3: Well, we're so happy to have you. Did you experience
Speaker 3: bullying as a kid.
Speaker 5: Oh? Yes, okay, I was, you know, called a fag
Speaker 5: since I was a kid all the time. I love
Speaker 5: the spice girls, like you know, that was the thing.
Speaker 5: Like it was like my friends were girls, you know.
Speaker 5: And and then as I went to high school, I
Speaker 5: was like, okay, do you need to survive. You're playing
Speaker 5: all the sports, you're gonna be dating girls, You're going
Speaker 5: to be doing everything that you can do to make.
Speaker 6: Your life easier right now.
Speaker 2: But I still got bullied.
Speaker 5: Like I remember even bathroom breaks, being like I'm going
Speaker 5: to walk down the hall and someone's gonna call me
Speaker 5: that name, do you know what I mean? And like
Speaker 5: you prepare for it and you go quiet and you
Speaker 5: look at the floor while you're walking, and it's you know,
Speaker 5: it's a sad experience in hindsight. But now that I'm
Speaker 5: so like proud of who I am, I'm like like
Speaker 5: fuck that, yeah.
Speaker 6: You know what I mean?
Speaker 5: Like, yeah, like it's like it makes me out or
Speaker 5: of who I am now to live out loud.
Speaker 1: I think it's obvious how common of it experience this
Speaker 1: is globally for queer youth. But interestingly, a lot of
Speaker 1: that language is stuff that I've encountered in community or
Speaker 1: in sexual scenarios that feels kind of empowering or fun
Speaker 1: to reclaim. Right, Like, I love using the word fag
Speaker 1: to describe myself. Yeah, I have had people call me
Speaker 1: fag in bed, and I've been like, huh, never thought
Speaker 1: about it. Okay, sure, Like as long as we're you know,
Speaker 1: I don't have to role play that hard if that's
Speaker 1: what you are, like, and then everybody loves that story
Speaker 1: about like going back home and like finding their bully
Speaker 1: on grinder and like and like sort of like literally
Speaker 1: reclaiming the source of this stuff. Yeah, So I'm curious
Speaker 1: how do you sort of navigate this past trauma and
Speaker 1: ways of like maybe reclaiming it or giving it a
Speaker 1: new context.
Speaker 5: The word fag in this sexual context took me a
Speaker 5: very long time to get comfortable with. So my first
Speaker 5: ever boyfriend that I had, he loved the word. He's
Speaker 5: been out for years and was like he was very
Speaker 5: dominant and very like had like you know, he knew
Speaker 5: what being gay was all about.
Speaker 6: I was like the angenu like.
Speaker 5: Oh, like you know kind of like yeah, so like
Speaker 5: it worked for us like that whole like dynamic. But
Speaker 5: I remember when he used the word fag. I I
Speaker 5: felt like I went right back to those days in
Speaker 5: high school.
Speaker 6: My heart dropped through my chest.
Speaker 5: All arousal was gone, and I was like I had
Speaker 5: to stop this, you know, this scene you know, quote unquote,
Speaker 5: but I was like, I can't do with you calling
Speaker 5: me that, like that's an issue for me. And he
Speaker 5: was like, oh really, He's like that sucks because like
Speaker 5: that's one of my favorite words. And that kind of
Speaker 5: modeled its way through our entire relationship. But he also
Speaker 5: was somebody I trusted, you know, and somebody that I loved,
Speaker 5: and it became something where I actually it has evolved
Speaker 5: to become one of the words I really really enjoy
Speaker 5: being called in bed now. So it's like so eventually,
Speaker 5: and I you know, I think it did come with
Speaker 5: you know, being fresh out of the closet, not totally
Speaker 5: comfortable with who I was, to now being like yeah
Speaker 5: I am, and I'm proud of it, Like you better
Speaker 5: know I am. I remember when it happened too, Like
Speaker 5: I remember being like, oh wait, that word just made
Speaker 5: you like come, you know what I mean. I was like,
Speaker 5: that was a word that used to be trauma, and
Speaker 5: now it's the complete opposite. So it's like I thank
Speaker 5: him for many things, but one of the things was
Speaker 5: for just kind of like letting me be a submissive
Speaker 5: and trusted dominant completely, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 5: And now I don't think I could have without a
Speaker 5: boyfriend type relationship, you know, just to really learn the ropes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think I'm there yet. I think maybe
Speaker 3: it's part of like being non binary. Like I use
Speaker 3: the word paget a lot to describe my group of friends,
Speaker 3: et cetera, and like a social context, but like in
Speaker 3: a sexual context, I like, I hear the word and
Speaker 3: I'm like absolutely not yeah, because I do not identify.
Speaker 5: No, I really do think it's common, because I did
Speaker 5: do a post on it. I did two informal polls
Speaker 5: four years apart, so like just basically on my social accounts,
Speaker 5: and I in twenty nineteen twenty seven, only twenty seven
Speaker 5: percent were comfortable being called faggot in the bedroom, where
Speaker 5: in twenty twenty three, that grew to forty two percent.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 5: I don't know if that's that we're becoming more comfortable
Speaker 5: with it or that like my audience changed, But like,
Speaker 5: that's an interesting insight.
Speaker 2: I think it's But then both yeah.
Speaker 5: Right and another and a follow up poll, half of
Speaker 5: the voters admitted to using the fsler among friends, so,
Speaker 5: like whether they were comfortable with it sexually or not,
Speaker 5: half of us use it with our friends as like
Speaker 5: it's meaningless, it's a term of endearment. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 5: I just find that such an interesting, you know, insight.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm curious in the context of sort of dom
Speaker 1: sub relationships too. How is it something that you started
Speaker 1: navigating and is it something that you incorporated into your
Speaker 1: sex life outside of your past relationship.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So you know, like all of us as when we're
Speaker 5: younger and we're like exploring our sexual selves, we all
Speaker 5: happen upon a website that changes everything for us period,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean, Like and you're like, oh, wait,
Speaker 5: like your eyes widen, your whole widen.
Speaker 6: You know, it just happened.
Speaker 2: And yeah, mine was yeah.
Speaker 5: That too, Yeah, and I I mine was called smoking Hunks.
Speaker 2: Dot com smoking hunks.
Speaker 5: So I don't know if yeah, so if these men
Speaker 5: who are smoking and they're like literally like muscular, greased up,
Speaker 5: and then they're like smoking and they're calling you faggot,
Speaker 5: they're calling you the worst word, like you know, and
Speaker 5: they're just talking down to you.
Speaker 6: And I was like, oh, this is gonna be a
Speaker 6: problem for me.
Speaker 2: Okay, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 6: Like I was like, this is that was the beginning
Speaker 6: of the end.
Speaker 5: And then I found I started dating man that embodied
Speaker 5: those types. Even when I tried to convince myself I
Speaker 5: was straight by watching straight porns, I always I always
Speaker 5: saw myself as like the female because unfortunately, you know,
Speaker 5: head sexual porn is very one note where like it's
Speaker 5: often the female being you know, humiliated or degraded or
Speaker 5: anything like that. So like that's where I saw myself,
Speaker 5: you know, Like I was like, oh, that's who I
Speaker 5: want to be in scene, you know.
Speaker 3: So so I have to ask, are there any words
Speaker 3: you don't like?
Speaker 5: As much of a submissive as I am, I do
Speaker 5: think it's important that every submissive has their boundaries and
Speaker 5: they express that right from the get.
Speaker 6: Go, because a good dom also doesn't want.
Speaker 2: To cross boundaries.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, you want both people to be completely comfortable.
Speaker 5: I think a lot of people think that, like a
Speaker 5: dominant doesn't care about the other person's needs and that's
Speaker 5: what makes it hot. And I'm like, not at all,
Speaker 5: it's the complete opposite. You need one trust in that
Speaker 5: person as much of like a submissive hoe that I
Speaker 5: can be. I'm still very sensitive comments about my body,
Speaker 5: like let's not go there, you know, like I'm a
Speaker 5: thicker guy. But like I remember the first time I
Speaker 5: got called beefy. I just remember in the moment it
Speaker 5: hitting me, and then your mind's kind of out of
Speaker 5: that subspace, which is very important for a submissive, and
Speaker 5: you're like, oh, you kind of off and you tense up,
Speaker 5: and it's like that's not good. But like, also, they
Speaker 5: didn't know. I didn't express that to them, so that's
Speaker 5: not their issue either, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 6: They meant it as a compliment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, and I feel like in that situation,
Speaker 3: it's like you don't know, you don't like it until
Speaker 3: it happens, you know. And I think that, oh, that's
Speaker 3: like the whole exploration of that. It's like there are
Speaker 3: lots of times where I'm in situations and something happens,
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, you know what, I actually don't like that.
Speaker 3: Let's never do that again.
Speaker 1: Right, So, baby, I'm curious you'd approach sex from a
Speaker 1: kind of educational and sometimes academic standpoint, even though your
Speaker 1: language is very accessible, right, you're like meeting folks that
Speaker 1: they're at But I'm wondering how how you view the
Speaker 1: psychology of your own approach to humiliation and degradation and
Speaker 1: how your thoughts surrounding it have evolved, and if you
Speaker 1: see the way people engage with it evolving further than
Speaker 1: how we talk about it and engage with it today.
Speaker 5: Well, sex obviously is complicated, and you know, like in
Speaker 5: a beautiful way, Like you know, it's complex and all
Speaker 5: of us come at it from a different angle, you know.
Speaker 5: So I've managed to because you know, I knew the
Speaker 5: topic coming into this, I've distilled it down into four
Speaker 5: reasons why I think people are into being humiliated, you know,
Speaker 5: the dom sub type thing being Yeah. So, first is shame.
Speaker 5: M So, I think shame drives a lot of sex. Actually,
Speaker 5: So what happens is, you know, like from a young age,
Speaker 5: we're all taught that, like you know, sex can be bad,
Speaker 5: Like you know, it's like, don't engage in sex. You know,
Speaker 5: it's this this can happen to you, that can happen
Speaker 5: to you. Then add on the fact that you're queer,
Speaker 5: which amplifies it by a thousand, so you're like everything
Speaker 5: I've ever thought is wrong, you know. So when you
Speaker 5: add when those natural feelings are kind of coupled with
Speaker 5: this messaging that sex is wrong like and shameful, it
Speaker 5: kind of heightens.
Speaker 6: Arousal for people.
Speaker 5: So it like makes something that you're already ashamed about
Speaker 5: more shameful, which in turn makes it more exciting. So
Speaker 5: I think that like kind of leaning into that makes
Speaker 5: it more hot. The second one is giving up control.
Speaker 5: So I think that for a lot of people, it's
Speaker 5: very alluring to be in a sexual scene and be like, listen,
Speaker 5: I don't have to worry about a damn thing.
Speaker 6: You're gonna take care of this for me.
Speaker 5: And it's like, you know, like you might see CEOs
Speaker 5: with sex workers who are like that's their thing because
Speaker 5: they're in charge all the time and they don't want
Speaker 5: to be anymore. They want to explore that other dynamic.
Speaker 5: So I think that that's very appealing and erotic to
Speaker 5: people to be like, yeah, like do whatever you want
Speaker 5: to me. And then their third which I think might
Speaker 5: be surprising to people, but it's intimacy.
Speaker 2: Mm hm.
Speaker 5: So I think that being submissive is a very vulnerable experience.
Speaker 5: You know, you're giving yourself to someone entirely for a
Speaker 5: pre negotiated amount of time. So it's like I'm yours,
Speaker 5: do what you want with it. But it's like there's
Speaker 5: so much trust that comes with that. And I also
Speaker 5: say like it might not seem intimate based on the
Speaker 5: acts that might be happening at the time, but it
Speaker 5: actually is because of everything that went into it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like some of the most quote unquote dehumanizing
Speaker 1: stuff we do in sex actually requires some of the
Speaker 1: most emotional trust and emotional connection. That's I really love
Speaker 1: point number three. I'm vibing on that one yes. And
Speaker 1: number four Yeah.
Speaker 5: Number four is I think honestly validation period. We do
Speaker 5: it because it turns the dom on like we're doing
Speaker 5: what they really want and we're their.
Speaker 6: Fantasy, do you know what I mean? And that's hot.
Speaker 5: Just like when you post like a first trap, you know,
Speaker 5: and it gets likes, It's like but I'm everything he
Speaker 5: wants me to be, or they want me to be
Speaker 5: she wants me to be. Right now, those what I
Speaker 5: would say, are the main four, and for me, I'm
Speaker 5: probably a complicated mix of all four.
Speaker 1: You know what is one of the hotter stories that
Speaker 1: you have of engaging with this kink of domination and humiliation.
Speaker 5: I'm still mending from like my broken relationship and I
Speaker 5: go on a trip to Palm Springs and I was
Speaker 5: very kind of like in my head and everything. But
Speaker 5: we go to like gay Sunday Evening bingo or whatever,
Speaker 5: and we play and there's this like hot daddy there bartending,
Speaker 5: but he's like giving out the cards and I told
Speaker 5: my friends. I was like, I'm gonna marry that man someday.
Speaker 5: Like ah, yeah, you follow it, and I'm like yeah,
Speaker 5: yeah yeah. So later that night, me and another friend
Speaker 5: went to that bar again and he was there and
Speaker 5: he was like, Oh, I'm so glad you came. I
Speaker 5: was staring at you all day and I was like, oh,
Speaker 5: it's mutual, this is over. So he I go to
Speaker 5: the bathroom like after a few drinks and I go
Speaker 5: to close the door behind me and then his arm
Speaker 5: is in the doorway and he's like, don't close on me,
Speaker 5: and like I'm like okay, and then I opened the door.
Speaker 5: He comes in not a word, and then he just
Speaker 5: like whips his dick out and starts pissing.
Speaker 2: In my mouth. Was it open? Did he aped? Or
Speaker 2: were you like, oh god, it was oh no, it
Speaker 2: was open.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was very much like a I think, I
Speaker 6: thought oral.
Speaker 5: And then he just fully pissed in my mouth and
Speaker 5: I was like okay, and then that happened, and then
Speaker 5: I remember like he just like truly like zipped up,
Speaker 5: like tap me on the head, and then like walked
Speaker 5: back to the bar, and I remember just like sitting
Speaker 5: there like you know, like that moment where like your
Speaker 5: heart's pumping, Like I feel like it was like a
Speaker 5: TV show thing where it's like you're so turned up,
Speaker 5: but you're like, what the hell just happened?
Speaker 6: Never did water sports before?
Speaker 2: Then that was it.
Speaker 5: So he like eventually like took me home. He was great,
Speaker 5: and we had sex for like a crazy amount of
Speaker 5: time and he filmed and it was like it things
Speaker 5: I've never done before with my phone.
Speaker 6: So I was good with It's not going.
Speaker 5: My friend who was like also at the bar with
Speaker 5: me was like, I think I like jerked off to
Speaker 5: you guys having sex for like three times. I was like,
Speaker 5: because he heard from the other door. So I was like,
Speaker 5: what a lovely vacation experience.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and that was last night.
Speaker 5: It was such a climactic evening and I was like,
Speaker 5: I think I was forever changed after that moment.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I was like I kind of started chasing those types
Speaker 5: of things, but like, nothing ever to that degree has
Speaker 5: happened again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like chasing your first high.
Speaker 1: Well, Bobby, I'm so sex that you got to join
Speaker 1: us today to where can folks find you online?
Speaker 6: By Bobby Box?
Speaker 5: So b Y Bobby Box, I would say Instagram and
Speaker 5: Twitter is where the best place is to find me
Speaker 5: for sure.
Speaker 3: All Right, when we come back, we'll be talking with
Speaker 3: the master of humiliation, the one and only dominion Onics.
Speaker 1: Well, now that we've heard from the submissive side, let's
Speaker 1: talk about humiliation and degradation with a dominant. Our next
Speaker 1: guest is a writer, a kinster, and a leather man.
Speaker 3: He's written about kinks like humiliation for recon dot com
Speaker 3: and co hosts a kinky podcast called The bgkh Show
Speaker 3: on YouTube. BGKH stands for a Black, gay, kinky and human.
Speaker 3: Please welcome Dominion ONYX.
Speaker 2: Hey, guys, how's it going today? It's going well. How
Speaker 2: are you? I am tired okay, but super excited to
Speaker 2: be I love that. Yeah, being a good doma. I'm
Speaker 2: sure it takes a lot of work.
Speaker 4: It does its job, it really it really is. I'm
Speaker 4: a dumb in my work life and in my personal.
Speaker 2: I don't know how you do it. We love a
Speaker 2: consistent brand.
Speaker 3: That's yeah, dominion for people who don't know what is Onyx.
Speaker 4: ONYX is a fraternity for gay and bisexual men of
Speaker 4: color who are into leather, kink, and fetish lifestyles.
Speaker 2: And we have chapters all over the US.
Speaker 4: Ten chapters so far. And I am the chair of
Speaker 4: the National Council.
Speaker 2: Oh incredible, Okay, oh my god. We got the Damia
Speaker 2: the crown. Oh you have earned the crowd. I love that. Okay. Cool.
Speaker 2: Some people wear some people wear your caps.
Speaker 4: I wear the crown period. I'm not a sir, I'm
Speaker 4: not a master. I am Dominion.
Speaker 2: Oh so I love I love that, so dominion.
Speaker 1: Our previous guest, Bobby Box, described a bit of a
Speaker 1: connection maybe between his childhood bullying experiences and his appreciation
Speaker 1: for scenes of degradation or getting pissed on or being
Speaker 1: called names. And I'm wondering if you have any connection
Speaker 1: between your youth are coming into your sexuality and your
Speaker 1: interest in this particular area of the kink world.
Speaker 4: Well a little. So this this is not like a
Speaker 4: direct thread that you can draw. But you know, when
Speaker 4: I was a kid, you know, so my best friend
Speaker 4: he probably doesn't remember all of this, or he doesn't want.
Speaker 2: To talk about it, but.
Speaker 4: I guess which I remember distinctly being in his basement
Speaker 4: and making him pull his pants down so that I
Speaker 4: could spank him. And that was a thing that we
Speaker 4: did a lot of, and we were both he was
Speaker 4: nine and I was eight, so it wasn't like, you know,
Speaker 4: a sexual thing, but that was the beginning of that
Speaker 4: sort of thing. And also even when we played like
Speaker 4: schoolhouse games, I was always.
Speaker 2: Like the person in charge.
Speaker 4: So that sort of has been a through line in
Speaker 4: my entire personality ever since. I mean from the age
Speaker 4: of twenty two to on. You know, men have called
Speaker 4: me daddy, so you know, it's just been who I am.
Speaker 4: And so over time I grew into that personality and
Speaker 4: learned not to fight it and use it to my advantage.
Speaker 3: I have to ask, like, as a nine year old,
Speaker 3: what what sparked this idea that, like, you know what,
Speaker 3: I just want to spank my best friend.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: It just you know, sometimes I spend a lot I
Speaker 4: spent I do spend a lot of time thinking about
Speaker 4: these things. But then sometimes I'm just like it just
Speaker 4: is it?
Speaker 2: Just is it?
Speaker 4: Just it makes me happy. No one's getting hurt. He
Speaker 4: we're not even friends anymore, so he doesn't even know
Speaker 4: who dominion is. Clearly that's not what my mother named me.
Speaker 4: But you know, he doesn't know about this part of
Speaker 4: my life and he wouldn't remember that or think anything
Speaker 4: about it.
Speaker 2: But he did it willingly. Okay, okay, so this was
Speaker 2: like anything.
Speaker 4: Where I sort of forced him into a corner and
Speaker 4: made him pull his pants down. I did, like, take
Speaker 4: your pants off, you know, and my most forceful eight
Speaker 4: year old voice. But you know, he did it willingly
Speaker 4: of his own volition. When I'm dominating someone, I'm fine
Speaker 4: with tying people up a dooring whatever, but I'd rather
Speaker 4: just say take your clothes off. And because of the
Speaker 4: force of my personality.
Speaker 3: My body just reacted to that.
Speaker 2: I did that.
Speaker 4: I clearly recalled being in Wilton Manors and we were
Speaker 4: in the whatever the name of that grilled Cheese New
Speaker 4: York Grilled Cheese and this guy was there. I was like,
Speaker 4: you should just take your pants off right here.
Speaker 2: He was like I shouldn't. I was like, you should
Speaker 2: take your pants off right now.
Speaker 4: And he laughed for a moment. But I don't break
Speaker 4: eye content. You know, there's it's it's it's a it's
Speaker 4: a scene that you're getting into and always it's always consensual.
Speaker 4: So if he hadn't done, and what was I going
Speaker 4: to do, like make him take his store? But it
Speaker 4: was like a little fun game that we were playing,
Speaker 4: and he was totally excited. He was getting turned on
Speaker 4: and his lips were getting red and you can see
Speaker 4: the tips of his ears getting read. So I knew
Speaker 4: that he was into it. He just need to get
Speaker 4: into that. He was getting into it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm like thinking of myself eating my grilled
Speaker 3: cheese and watching this man take his pants.
Speaker 2: Off exactly exactly.
Speaker 4: And I was with all of my I was with
Speaker 4: all of my friends too, so all of my all
Speaker 4: of my brothers. They were like here he goes here,
Speaker 4: he goes here, you go yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: So it reminds me of the witches in Dune, the
Speaker 1: Benny Jesuret who just like used the voice and everyone's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god.
Speaker 2: Exactly, that's you. Yeah, it's a more subtle magic, it is.
Speaker 2: It is a very subtle magic.
Speaker 4: Yes, my dominance was a natural growth of who I was,
Speaker 4: and at first it was really just sort of basic
Speaker 4: sexual things. But really getting involved with Onyx gave me
Speaker 4: the opportunity to dive deeper into who I was and
Speaker 4: to be mentored by other doms and to learn different
Speaker 4: kinds of domination. So I'm sort of a loud person.
Speaker 4: That's who I am just naturally. But I was mentored
Speaker 4: by people who were quiet when they were in the room.
Speaker 4: They dominated the room, but they never raised their voice,
Speaker 4: and so that was something that I practiced.
Speaker 2: Over time.
Speaker 4: I just developed those ways. I got mentored by good people.
Speaker 4: I had some good experiences, and I also, as a domb,
Speaker 4: opened myself up to new experiences. So all of the
Speaker 4: things that I'm into now are the results of relationships
Speaker 4: that I was in and people bringing things to those
Speaker 4: relationships that hadn't previously been a part of my personality.
Speaker 4: My first true love we were in a hotel room
Speaker 4: one day at mid Atlantic leather weekend. I have a shoehorn,
Speaker 4: a three foot long shoehorn for putting on boots. Yeah,
Speaker 4: he said you should hit me with this, and you know,
Speaker 4: hit him one time. He was like, no, you should
Speaker 4: hit me with this. It's like, yeah, he just.
Speaker 2: Used the voice on you. He used the voice on me.
Speaker 4: And so that's the thing I am not so wrapped
Speaker 4: up and who dominion is that I can't be mentored
Speaker 4: and taught and learn from other people, regardless of.
Speaker 2: What side of the slash they on. I know who
Speaker 2: I am.
Speaker 4: I know that I'm dominant, but that doesn't mean I
Speaker 4: can't accept something from other people, because all of that
Speaker 4: is variety. So I took this shoehorn and he was
Speaker 4: he's black, but he was light skinned, and so I
Speaker 4: could start to see how his skin started to change
Speaker 4: color and how he would grab me, not around the
Speaker 4: neck like this, but like hugging me, like holding on
Speaker 4: to me, like for dear life. As I started to
Speaker 4: hit him harder and harder, and then that's when my
Speaker 4: emotional vamporism sort of kicked in and he was getting
Speaker 4: louder and I was getting louder, and so that's when
Speaker 4: my journey into sadism really.
Speaker 2: Sort of started.
Speaker 4: It's interesting to explore the concept of humiliation, because one
Speaker 4: person's humiliation getting pissed on is another person's day in
Speaker 4: the park. Is it humiliating to be forced to wear
Speaker 4: a butt plug and to have it come out while
Speaker 4: you're at the gym? For some people that is the
Speaker 4: height of humiliation, But for a lot of people, including
Speaker 4: my former slave, that kind of thing was not super humiliating.
Speaker 2: It was more like a.
Speaker 4: Marker of dominion controls me. The journey has to include
Speaker 4: you getting excited as well, because I do know some
Speaker 4: doms and it works for some subs that their only
Speaker 4: interest is their own pleasure, and the subs only interest
Speaker 4: is the doms pleasure.
Speaker 2: That's not fun for me.
Speaker 4: If we're really going to have a scene, I need
Speaker 4: you to be equally as satisfied as well, because otherwise
Speaker 4: I could have had a V eight. So a new
Speaker 4: thing that I am into, and again these are all
Speaker 4: things that have been brought to me by slaves or
Speaker 4: subs in my life is bondage through pantyhose.
Speaker 2: Oh so just.
Speaker 4: Take a pair of passes, yes, and a tight pair,
Speaker 4: so you know you're fully encased.
Speaker 2: And then there's all sorts of things that you could do.
Speaker 2: There's nipples.
Speaker 4: I could put a nice big plug inside of you
Speaker 4: and then just sort of gently pound on the plug. Well,
Speaker 4: you said tap, I said paund But we mean the
Speaker 4: same thing.
Speaker 1: A very subject subjective, you know, exactly exactly, And I'm
Speaker 1: glad you realized that I saw the switch.
Speaker 6: Oh well, okay.
Speaker 4: You know, so that encasement bondage for some people is
Speaker 4: really fun and exciting and it's accessible. There's lots of
Speaker 4: fun and interesting things, and so what I want to
Speaker 4: do is make kink accessible to them. So it's great
Speaker 4: to have like a full dungeon full of stuff, but
Speaker 4: it's also great to say, hey, just go by by
Speaker 4: yourself a pair of pantyhose and a candle, a white
Speaker 4: candle from the bodega, and these are all things that
Speaker 4: are easily accessible to you.
Speaker 1: I love that too, right, that there doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be a financial barrier to entering dominance and submission play.
Speaker 1: It's like you can use things that you have at homie,
Speaker 1: can use things that you can find at the bodega.
Speaker 1: And I think again, it kind of it requires tapping
Speaker 1: into the imagination a little bit, right.
Speaker 2: It's like that's why it's a scene.
Speaker 1: You're creating a bit of a fantasy and like you're
Speaker 1: bringing things and looking at them in a new context.
Speaker 2: I think it's great advice.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's funny, but I'm into that sort of creating
Speaker 4: a scene and role playing.
Speaker 2: But I hate role playing.
Speaker 4: Like if you were to be like, call me daddy,
Speaker 4: and I'd be like, I guess, but I mean not
Speaker 4: you called, not not me, call you daddy.
Speaker 1: You know what?
Speaker 2: You knew what? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Okay, alright, But I mean like they're just like, okay,
Speaker 4: so I'm the errant schoolboy and you're the school master,
Speaker 4: and I'm just like that requires the kind of thought
Speaker 4: that I don't want to put in. But if you
Speaker 4: were like, hey, hey, here's a box full of stuff,
Speaker 4: like we're in the kitchen, it's like, you know, build
Speaker 4: a scene with you know something in this kitchen, I'm like, okay, well,
Speaker 4: here's a rebel of Spatula and a wooden spoon and
Speaker 4: you know some crisco.
Speaker 1: If somebody is trying to enter this particular form of kink.
Speaker 1: What tips would you give for somebody who wants to
Speaker 1: specifically enter this space as a dominant partner.
Speaker 2: So I think you need to be open.
Speaker 4: That's really the first thing, because you're going to have
Speaker 4: some ideas about what you want. But humiliation is often
Speaker 4: about what they want. It's an exchange, and so unlike
Speaker 4: even other forms of kink exchange, humiliation is a lot
Speaker 4: more about what they're getting out of the scene. So
Speaker 4: you need to be open to that because likely or
Speaker 4: at least partially going to be things that you might
Speaker 4: need might not even be into, So you're going to
Speaker 4: have to be willing to be open about that.
Speaker 2: You're then going to have to figure.
Speaker 4: Out what you're at absolute hard limits. Are you know
Speaker 4: you're not going to be into blood or whatever, then
Speaker 4: you're just not into that.
Speaker 2: I think you're going to have to brush up on
Speaker 2: your negotiation skills. Sure, I think.
Speaker 4: You're going to have to figure out how to say
Speaker 4: no and mean it. And I think you're going to
Speaker 4: have to figure out once you've had these sort of conversations.
Speaker 2: What that aftercare is going to look like.
Speaker 4: So I'm hoping that the other people that you've talked
Speaker 4: to have talked about sort of similar things. So whether
Speaker 4: you're on the dom or the subside, it's going to
Speaker 4: be about the same. It's just that on the domb
Speaker 4: side you're going to have to be more open because
Speaker 4: what is humiliating to you might not be humiliating to
Speaker 4: the person who wants to be humiliated. So you're going
Speaker 4: to have to expand your thinking, do a lot of reading,
Speaker 4: listen to other people, see what other people think is humiliating,
Speaker 4: and then be prepared with that list of things when
Speaker 4: you're talking to whoever it is is that you're going
Speaker 4: to play with, and so then you've got like this
Speaker 4: menu of things that they want to do. So I
Speaker 4: think those are probably some some good tips to start.
Speaker 3: I would love to know what is your favorite and
Speaker 3: most wild experience that you've had.
Speaker 4: I mean, I feel like I am just always plateauing
Speaker 4: with a new partner because I'm always doing new stuff
Speaker 4: with the slave and with others. So and then there
Speaker 4: was this one time at Blackout for where I existed
Speaker 4: for the weekend on the other side of the slash. Now,
Speaker 4: no one here should get any idea, but those who
Speaker 4: know know that there's a reason that my other nickname
Speaker 4: and Onyx is Nadiya Kominich. My mentor said to me,
Speaker 4: you know, if you you know, don't do anything to
Speaker 4: others that you wouldn't have done to you. So I
Speaker 4: was like, all right, great, so I'll take a turn
Speaker 4: in the sling with these toys and yeah we uh
Speaker 4: so here I am relaxing, you know, they're playing in
Speaker 4: my butt and then I.
Speaker 2: Hear this was a raid. Shut up. I rocked forward,
Speaker 2: I rock back.
Speaker 4: I rocked forward and into my clothes, which is how
Speaker 4: I got the name Nadiya Komaich because if I was
Speaker 4: going to jail, I was not going to jail naked.
Speaker 1: Or with any toys in your butt. Plug came out,
Speaker 1: the pants came on. Yeah, yes, so that is wild.
Speaker 2: But I also I think that's wonderful, right.
Speaker 1: I think we've actually talked to a lot of doms
Speaker 1: that either used to identify some missives.
Speaker 2: Some bottom a lot and they really.
Speaker 1: Were like, I think understanding things from both sides of
Speaker 1: the spectrum has been really helpful.
Speaker 2: Now that one time was enough for me, I don't sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, sometimes the knowledge sticks. You read the book
Speaker 1: once and you get it right exactly, you know. But
Speaker 1: sometimes we like to go back and reread. Yeah, yes
Speaker 1: you are.
Speaker 2: Davidian.
Speaker 1: This has been so much fun. Appreciate it and thank
Speaker 1: you so much for joining us today. I'm curious where
Speaker 1: can folks find you online or on social media.
Speaker 4: On the theta Insta webs and the twitters and the TikTok.
Speaker 4: Everything is at domonics okay, and you can also find
Speaker 4: me every Wednesday at eight pm on The b g
Speaker 4: k H Show with Dominion and Epic YouTube dot com
Speaker 4: Slash The b gk H Show just like it sounds, black, gay,
Speaker 4: kinky and human.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming. I will be bet
Speaker 2: you will. I think you were instructed to just now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have faith that I will connect with you, sir.
Speaker 2: I love you too.
Speaker 1: I know my my height might be uh misleading, but
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know if I'm the target audience.
Speaker 2: Okay, friends, Yeah, this park was this episode was wild.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like yeah, the conversations that we had for me,
Speaker 3: I could never be degraded in the bedroom. But understanding
Speaker 3: why someone would like that, I think Bobby gave us
Speaker 3: longe syst like why someone is into these things in
Speaker 3: the bedroom. You need to give me a little bit
Speaker 3: more perspective, and I don't know if I'll be changing
Speaker 3: my views on that anytime, but it is nice to
Speaker 3: know where people are coming from so that like when
Speaker 3: I hear about those things, I don't immediately like cringe,
Speaker 3: because sometimes I do.
Speaker 1: And I think speaking to Bobby especially, I think I
Speaker 1: was skeptical of this idea that like trauma informs our
Speaker 1: sexual preferences.
Speaker 2: Again, I was like, it's giving freud. I don't buy it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not liking it. I'm still in my oral phase.
Speaker 1: But I really think that for some people it does
Speaker 1: kind of work that way. It can be a very
Speaker 1: healing and I don't know, therapeutic process to kind of
Speaker 1: channel some of that trauma and recontextualize it in your
Speaker 1: brain as something that turns you on. I think that's
Speaker 1: kind of like the root of a lot of kings
Speaker 1: and fetishes.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: A thing that should be painful or a thing that
Speaker 1: should be traumatic is actually pleasurable when done in the
Speaker 1: right context and with and communication between partners for sure.
Speaker 2: And that trust, right. We talked a lot about trust
Speaker 2: today and being open.
Speaker 1: Domini was very open to dominating you, which I thought
Speaker 1: that there was a vibe, but there was a vibe.
Speaker 1: I gotta say, I really I loved him, and I
Speaker 1: think he taught me a lot about how like dom
Speaker 1: sort of view their role in relationships, because I love
Speaker 1: that he spoke a lot about how his submissive partners
Speaker 1: have actually introduced him.
Speaker 2: And into the way that he shows up as a
Speaker 2: don totally.
Speaker 1: This is our last episode Wild. We are on our
Speaker 1: twelfth episode Wild. I know, can you believe we did it?
Speaker 2: Did it? I'm very excited. No, I'm really excited.
Speaker 1: Yea.
Speaker 3: It has been such a joy talking to all of
Speaker 3: our guests and really having this platform to talk about
Speaker 3: some really interesting topics and how having fun but also
Speaker 3: being really educational and informative.
Speaker 2: And you know, I'm really looking forward to season two.
Speaker 2: I am too. I would love to be back.
Speaker 1: This has been such a fun ride, and I'm I'm
Speaker 1: just really thankful that we got to do this together.
Speaker 2: Yes, because I love you, but I'm like.
Speaker 1: I was really blown away by the guests and topics
Speaker 1: that we managed to approach, and I think that's been
Speaker 1: the most fun part of the series, right, like really
Speaker 1: digging in and also being kind of slutty. It's the
Speaker 1: smart and slutty division. Has been evenly balanced, which is
Speaker 1: kind of my brand.
Speaker 2: That's give it up for nerdy sluts. Come on now.
Speaker 1: So, since this is our last episode, we've got to
Speaker 1: say goodbye to all of you, our audience, who has
Speaker 1: been so incredible. We've been reading all your comments. We've
Speaker 1: been loving the feedback. Thank you for watching, thank you
Speaker 1: for coming along for the ride, every ride. Because we've
Speaker 1: written a lot, done, written so much on this shows
Speaker 1: from episode one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now, please continue sharing the series if you liked anything
Speaker 1: you saw, and if you want to follow us on
Speaker 1: social media, you can find me on all socials using
Speaker 1: the handle gay Bones g A Y b O n
Speaker 1: e Z. It was a nickname in college and I
Speaker 1: never thought I'd have to use it professionally.
Speaker 3: And yet here we are, and here we are, and
Speaker 3: you can find me on all socials at CPR gives
Speaker 3: you life.
Speaker 2: CPR gives you life.
Speaker 1: You're pretty good at puns yourself. That, Yeah, because it does.
Speaker 1: It literally does, and they do and I do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Thanks again for watching, and we'll see you for season
Speaker 1: two next season. Gus Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is a production
Speaker 1: of the Outspoken podcast Network from iHeart Podcasts. It's directed
Speaker 1: by Adam Barron, produced by Stevie Williams and Cameron Femino,
Speaker 1: and executive produced by Eli Martin. Cruising Confessions is presented
Speaker 1: by Snippy's, the ultimate map based cruising platform for gay
Speaker 1: by and curious people ready to cruise.
Speaker 2: Check out the map at snippis dot com and follow
Speaker 2: Snippy's on socials at Snippy's app.
Speaker 6: Put job good, put Joe, put Jo puts yeah H