WEBVTT - The Unexpected Joys of Being a Caregiver (Abridged Version)

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<v Speaker 1>Hi everyone. I'm Holly Robinson, pete, actor, author, advocate, do

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<v Speaker 1>it All mom, and I'm also a caregiver. And this

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<v Speaker 1>is care Walks, a podcast from iHeartRadio and Voltaian Arthritis

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<v Speaker 1>Pain Gel. It's a show for family caregivers who give

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<v Speaker 1>everything to everyone and need to make time for themselves

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<v Speaker 1>through movement. Every episode is designed for you to walk

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<v Speaker 1>as you listen, so just think of me and my

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<v Speaker 1>guests as your weekly walking buddies. We'll hear stories from

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<v Speaker 1>caregivers and gain tips and insights from health experts and

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<v Speaker 1>advocates who know how important it is to take care

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<v Speaker 1>of yourself and manage joint pain due to arthritis that

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<v Speaker 1>often accompanies being a caregiver. We'll discover community ourselves and

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<v Speaker 1>maybe even alleviate some joint pain due to arthritis in

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<v Speaker 1>the process as we walk together and connect to the

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<v Speaker 1>best parts of being a caregiver. Welcome back to care Walks.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad you're here today. How are you feeling?

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<v Speaker 1>You know it's okay if the answer is I'm okay

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<v Speaker 1>or I'm hanging in there, because it's important to acknowledge

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<v Speaker 1>and recognize our feelings, especially if we're not one hundred percent.

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<v Speaker 1>Caregiving is twenty four to seven, and it's okay to

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<v Speaker 1>say you know what I'm struggling today. That is the

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<v Speaker 1>first step to asking for help and finding time to

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<v Speaker 1>take care of yourself. I'm also hoping today's show can

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<v Speaker 1>be an uplifting self care moment for you too. As

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<v Speaker 1>a reminder, right now, you're listening to the abridged version

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<v Speaker 1>of this episode, but if you're looking to get a

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<v Speaker 1>little extra inspiration, don't miss a minute. Check out the

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<v Speaker 1>full length version of this episode in your podcast feed.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, I'm really looking forward to today's episode. We're

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<v Speaker 1>talking about the joys of being a caregiver. We talk

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<v Speaker 1>so much about how hard and difficult caregiving can be,

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<v Speaker 1>which is true, but caregiving can bring a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>bright moments too. So I know that from my own experience,

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<v Speaker 1>being a caregiver gave me some really valuable quality time

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<v Speaker 1>with my father. We had a lot of deep conversations

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<v Speaker 1>and it became a time where we really got to

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<v Speaker 1>work on and improve our relationship. Today, I'll be joined

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<v Speaker 1>by caregiver Rob Phobion. Rob is the Chief Community Engagement

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<v Speaker 1>Officer for the Austin Groups for the elderly in Central Texas,

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<v Speaker 1>but he's also been a primary caregiver for the last

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<v Speaker 1>twenty four years for his husband, who suffers from early

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<v Speaker 1>onset dementia. While finding how to strike a balance between

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<v Speaker 1>the many aspects of his busy schedule, Rob has found

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<v Speaker 1>boundless joy in the relationship that caregiving has forged and

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<v Speaker 1>understands the importance of finding support and joy throughout his journey.

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<v Speaker 1>Before we get to my conversation with Rob, let's get walking.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's bring our full attention to this walk. Find things

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<v Speaker 1>to anchor onto in this moment to help you stay present,

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<v Speaker 1>whether it's the feeling of the ground beneath you or

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<v Speaker 1>focusing on the sound of my voice. Take a deep

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<v Speaker 1>breath in end out. We can always return to our

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<v Speaker 1>breath to anchor ourselves again. Take this opportunity to loosen

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<v Speaker 1>your shoulders if they're tense, unclench your jaw, and take

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<v Speaker 1>another cleansing breath in end out. Now, start to find

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<v Speaker 1>a natural and comfortable walking pace to settle into, and

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<v Speaker 1>let's explore how we can find renewed joy and love

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<v Speaker 1>in our role as caregivers every day with my guests,

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<v Speaker 1>Rob Phobion.

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<v Speaker 2>Rob, thank you so much for joining us today. Holly,

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<v Speaker 2>thank you so much. I appreciate this opportunity.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, oh so, I'd love to get to know your

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<v Speaker 1>story a little bit more. Can you tell us about

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<v Speaker 1>how you first became a caregiver?

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<v Speaker 2>Most certainly, first, I started caring for my husband. He

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<v Speaker 2>has been HIV positive for more than thirty years. So

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<v Speaker 2>he takes thirty six pills every day, and you multiply

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<v Speaker 2>that time thirty years. You know, everything that goes in

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<v Speaker 2>your mouth eventually ends up in your brain. And so

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<v Speaker 2>the doctors told us very early on that if he

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<v Speaker 2>lived long enough that he would probably develop some type

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<v Speaker 2>of cognitive issue because of all the medication. Luckily, he

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<v Speaker 2>is doing terrific health wise. His viral load is undetectable.

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<v Speaker 2>He sell count is through the roof, which is a

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<v Speaker 2>blessing because the meds are doing exactly what they're supposed to.

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<v Speaker 2>They're keeping him alive. Unfortunately, because of all of that medication,

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<v Speaker 2>it's starting to affect his cognitive.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, the cognitive. It's the give and take, right. How

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<v Speaker 1>did you approach taking on the challenges of his health

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<v Speaker 1>as it declined and did you did you get to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about together or strategize about it.

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<v Speaker 2>We certainly did, and that was one of the blessings

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<v Speaker 2>that we had is knowing that we had time to plan.

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<v Speaker 2>And for many families who are dealing with memory loss

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<v Speaker 2>cognitive issues, they don't have that time or they don't

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<v Speaker 2>take the time, and so addressing it early on is

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<v Speaker 2>so important because we were able to talk about the

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<v Speaker 2>what ifs and what would he like. And the same

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<v Speaker 2>thing has happened with my parents. My father had a

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<v Speaker 2>brain bleed stroke three years ago and so I'm also

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<v Speaker 2>his caregiver along with helping my mother. They live independently,

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<v Speaker 2>but in order for that to happen, I helped take

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<v Speaker 2>care of them. They're in their mid to late eighties,

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<v Speaker 2>and so in addition to the normal aspects of aging,

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<v Speaker 2>we have this on top of it as well. And

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<v Speaker 2>so that's one thing we did, is we sat down

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<v Speaker 2>and had those very honest conversations about what if and

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<v Speaker 2>what comes next and what do you want? And you

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<v Speaker 2>really need to have those conversations early.

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<v Speaker 1>Seeing that you dedicate so much of your time for

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<v Speaker 1>being there for your loved ones, what would you say

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<v Speaker 1>caregiving means to you?

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<v Speaker 2>It is such a blessing, It really is For example,

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<v Speaker 2>I have learned so much about my family and my

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<v Speaker 2>parents getting to spend this much time with them. I

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<v Speaker 2>just found out that my mother was a roller skating

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<v Speaker 2>car hop when she was a senior in high school.

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<v Speaker 2>I never knew that. Wow, that's impressive. So I'm learning

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<v Speaker 2>all these great stories about the family, and it's time

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<v Speaker 2>that I probably would not have gotten to spend with

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<v Speaker 2>my family, because honestly, as a career professional, like most people,

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<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't probably have taken as much time as I

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<v Speaker 2>have to spend with my family.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, you seem to have such clarity about the

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<v Speaker 1>realities of your situation. What have you been able to

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<v Speaker 1>learn about yourself since becoming a caregiver for your husband

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<v Speaker 1>and parents.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know if it's said I've learned about myself,

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<v Speaker 2>but what I have learned to do is realize that

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<v Speaker 2>most of it is not in my control, and that's okay.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm the kind of person that makes lots of lists

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<v Speaker 2>and has multiple plates spinning simultaneously, and always got lots

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<v Speaker 2>of projects going. And I've had to learn when I'm

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<v Speaker 2>caregiving with my parents with my husband in that situation,

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<v Speaker 2>put all that aside. I am there with them. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not thinking about the project tomorrow. I'm not thinking about

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<v Speaker 2>what I need to do next week. I need to

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<v Speaker 2>think about what they need and the time that I'm

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<v Speaker 2>spending with them. And that's been difficult for me because

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<v Speaker 2>it's not my personality to do that, but I think

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<v Speaker 2>that has helped me be a better person because it

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<v Speaker 2>is giving me a new skill set that I'm very

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<v Speaker 2>proud of.

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<v Speaker 1>This is the ongoing thread through all of these care

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<v Speaker 1>walks that we've done. You have to take care of yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>You've got to keep yourself and put self care and

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<v Speaker 1>make it a priority. Do you rob have a self

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<v Speaker 1>care routine to find that me time I do.

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<v Speaker 2>I go to the gym, and that is not something

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<v Speaker 2>I ever thought I would say out loud, but that

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<v Speaker 2>has become something that I really enjoy doing. So I

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<v Speaker 2>go to the gym and that is my time where

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<v Speaker 2>I just disconnect and you know, I can listen to

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<v Speaker 2>my inner voice while I do my workout routine. The

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<v Speaker 2>other thing that has been really wonderful is we bought

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<v Speaker 2>a house seven years ago, but the grass never grew

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<v Speaker 2>in in our backyard, so we just dug it all

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<v Speaker 2>up and turned it into one huge flower garden. And

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<v Speaker 2>he has a degree in botany. So that's something we've

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<v Speaker 2>been able to share together is we have this big,

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<v Speaker 2>beautiful flower garden. And so when I get home every day,

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<v Speaker 2>the first thing I do is I walk outside and

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<v Speaker 2>I go in the backyard and I just walk around

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<v Speaker 2>and look at the flowers. That has been my blessing,

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<v Speaker 2>that that's my escape, that I can just go out there,

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<v Speaker 2>look at the bees, the birds, the flowers, the plants,

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<v Speaker 2>go dig in the dirt, just kind of get lost

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<v Speaker 2>in that for ten fifteen minutes. That kind of recharges

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<v Speaker 2>my battery. It's like O, gam ready to go. Oh.

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<v Speaker 1>Flowers always do it. They're just They're just like a

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<v Speaker 1>serotonin for the brain. Rob, you seem like somebody that

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<v Speaker 1>can handle everything. Are people from the outside look at

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<v Speaker 1>you and go, oh, he's got it. Rob can handle it.

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<v Speaker 1>He's doing this. He's got the parents, he's got the husband.

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<v Speaker 1>Before we go, Rob, what is one of your what

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<v Speaker 1>would you say is one piece of advice you would

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<v Speaker 1>give two caregivers listening, especially new caregivers, about finding joy

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<v Speaker 1>in their work.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's always important to look at this journey

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<v Speaker 2>as a cup that is half full, not a cup

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<v Speaker 2>that's half empty. It's not taking something away from your life.

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<v Speaker 2>It's giving you opportunities that you wouldn't have otherwise, and

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<v Speaker 2>look for those moments of joy, look for those opportunities

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<v Speaker 2>to spend time with your loved one that you wouldn't

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<v Speaker 2>have otherwise. And you don't look back three years later

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<v Speaker 2>and go, oh, I wish I really had, because no,

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<v Speaker 2>you didn't know that you made the best choice with

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<v Speaker 2>what you had, and that was the right choice absolutely.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean that is you learn so much on this journey.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, hindsight is everything, right, get to go back

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<v Speaker 1>and if you could go back and do this and

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<v Speaker 1>do that, but no, that was your journey. You were learning,

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<v Speaker 1>and you knew what you knew and you did the

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<v Speaker 1>best you could with what you had. So Rob, thank

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<v Speaker 1>you so much. This has been an awesome conversation when

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<v Speaker 1>I was really looking forward to because that's a question

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<v Speaker 1>I get all the time, Like you know, this is

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<v Speaker 1>such a tough situation. How do we learn to embrace

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<v Speaker 1>it and find and mind the joys from it? So

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<v Speaker 1>thank you again. Take care of yourself and your parents

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<v Speaker 1>and your husband, and I wish you well.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you Holly, I appreciate this opportunity to visit with you.

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<v Speaker 1>A big thank you again to Rob Fobion for joining

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<v Speaker 1>me today hearing more about his story just it really

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<v Speaker 1>just reminded me about how many special moments caregiving offers

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<v Speaker 1>for a loved one. I know how important it was

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<v Speaker 1>for me to have that time with my father. Rob

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<v Speaker 1>shared with us his favorite parts of caregiving for his

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<v Speaker 1>partner and his dad and how he finds new ways

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<v Speaker 1>to carve out me time while working around his own

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<v Speaker 1>joint pain and remembering to ask for help which makes

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<v Speaker 1>him a better caregiver. Thanks again to Rob and you

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<v Speaker 1>for stopping by. That's it for today's episode. Come back

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<v Speaker 1>next week when I chat with our guests therapist and

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<v Speaker 1>licensed clinical social worker Lindsay Pace about combating caregiver burnout.

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<v Speaker 1>It's such an important conversation. Until then, keep walking and

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<v Speaker 1>don't forget to take care of yourself too. Care Walks

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<v Speaker 1>is produced by iHeartRadio in partnership with voltairean Arthritis pain Gel,

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<v Speaker 1>and hosted by me Holly Robinson Pete. Our executive producer

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<v Speaker 1>is Molly Sosha. Our head engineer is Matt Stillough. This

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<v Speaker 1>episode was written and produced by Sierra Kaiser, with special

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<v Speaker 1>thanks to our partners at GSK Platform, GSK, Weber, Shandwick

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<v Speaker 1>and Edelman