Speaker 1: Hi everyone. I'm Holly Robinson, pete, actor, author, advocate, do
Speaker 1: it All mom, and I'm also a caregiver. And this
Speaker 1: is care Walks, a podcast from iHeartRadio and Voltaian Arthritis
Speaker 1: Pain Gel. It's a show for family caregivers who give
Speaker 1: everything to everyone and need to make time for themselves
Speaker 1: through movement. Every episode is designed for you to walk
Speaker 1: as you listen, so just think of me and my
Speaker 1: guests as your weekly walking buddies. We'll hear stories from
Speaker 1: caregivers and gain tips and insights from health experts and
Speaker 1: advocates who know how important it is to take care
Speaker 1: of yourself and manage joint pain due to arthritis that
Speaker 1: often accompanies being a caregiver. We'll discover community ourselves and
Speaker 1: maybe even alleviate some joint pain due to arthritis in
Speaker 1: the process as we walk together and connect to the
Speaker 1: best parts of being a caregiver. Welcome back to care Walks.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here today. How are you feeling?
Speaker 1: You know it's okay if the answer is I'm okay
Speaker 1: or I'm hanging in there, because it's important to acknowledge
Speaker 1: and recognize our feelings, especially if we're not one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Caregiving is twenty four to seven, and it's okay to
Speaker 1: say you know what I'm struggling today. That is the
Speaker 1: first step to asking for help and finding time to
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. I'm also hoping today's show can
Speaker 1: be an uplifting self care moment for you too. As
Speaker 1: a reminder, right now, you're listening to the abridged version
Speaker 1: of this episode, but if you're looking to get a
Speaker 1: little extra inspiration, don't miss a minute. Check out the
Speaker 1: full length version of this episode in your podcast feed.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm really looking forward to today's episode. We're
Speaker 1: talking about the joys of being a caregiver. We talk
Speaker 1: so much about how hard and difficult caregiving can be,
Speaker 1: which is true, but caregiving can bring a lot of
Speaker 1: bright moments too. So I know that from my own experience,
Speaker 1: being a caregiver gave me some really valuable quality time
Speaker 1: with my father. We had a lot of deep conversations
Speaker 1: and it became a time where we really got to
Speaker 1: work on and improve our relationship. Today, I'll be joined
Speaker 1: by caregiver Rob Phobion. Rob is the Chief Community Engagement
Speaker 1: Officer for the Austin Groups for the elderly in Central Texas,
Speaker 1: but he's also been a primary caregiver for the last
Speaker 1: twenty four years for his husband, who suffers from early
Speaker 1: onset dementia. While finding how to strike a balance between
Speaker 1: the many aspects of his busy schedule, Rob has found
Speaker 1: boundless joy in the relationship that caregiving has forged and
Speaker 1: understands the importance of finding support and joy throughout his journey.
Speaker 1: Before we get to my conversation with Rob, let's get walking.
Speaker 1: Let's bring our full attention to this walk. Find things
Speaker 1: to anchor onto in this moment to help you stay present,
Speaker 1: whether it's the feeling of the ground beneath you or
Speaker 1: focusing on the sound of my voice. Take a deep
Speaker 1: breath in end out. We can always return to our
Speaker 1: breath to anchor ourselves again. Take this opportunity to loosen
Speaker 1: your shoulders if they're tense, unclench your jaw, and take
Speaker 1: another cleansing breath in end out. Now, start to find
Speaker 1: a natural and comfortable walking pace to settle into, and
Speaker 1: let's explore how we can find renewed joy and love
Speaker 1: in our role as caregivers every day with my guests,
Speaker 1: Rob Phobion.
Speaker 2: Rob, thank you so much for joining us today. Holly,
Speaker 2: thank you so much. I appreciate this opportunity.
Speaker 1: Yes, oh so, I'd love to get to know your
Speaker 1: story a little bit more. Can you tell us about
Speaker 1: how you first became a caregiver?
Speaker 2: Most certainly, first, I started caring for my husband. He
Speaker 2: has been HIV positive for more than thirty years. So
Speaker 2: he takes thirty six pills every day, and you multiply
Speaker 2: that time thirty years. You know, everything that goes in
Speaker 2: your mouth eventually ends up in your brain. And so
Speaker 2: the doctors told us very early on that if he
Speaker 2: lived long enough that he would probably develop some type
Speaker 2: of cognitive issue because of all the medication. Luckily, he
Speaker 2: is doing terrific health wise. His viral load is undetectable.
Speaker 2: He sell count is through the roof, which is a
Speaker 2: blessing because the meds are doing exactly what they're supposed to.
Speaker 2: They're keeping him alive. Unfortunately, because of all of that medication,
Speaker 2: it's starting to affect his cognitive.
Speaker 1: Yes, the cognitive. It's the give and take, right. How
Speaker 1: did you approach taking on the challenges of his health
Speaker 1: as it declined and did you did you get to
Speaker 1: talk about together or strategize about it.
Speaker 2: We certainly did, and that was one of the blessings
Speaker 2: that we had is knowing that we had time to plan.
Speaker 2: And for many families who are dealing with memory loss
Speaker 2: cognitive issues, they don't have that time or they don't
Speaker 2: take the time, and so addressing it early on is
Speaker 2: so important because we were able to talk about the
Speaker 2: what ifs and what would he like. And the same
Speaker 2: thing has happened with my parents. My father had a
Speaker 2: brain bleed stroke three years ago and so I'm also
Speaker 2: his caregiver along with helping my mother. They live independently,
Speaker 2: but in order for that to happen, I helped take
Speaker 2: care of them. They're in their mid to late eighties,
Speaker 2: and so in addition to the normal aspects of aging,
Speaker 2: we have this on top of it as well. And
Speaker 2: so that's one thing we did, is we sat down
Speaker 2: and had those very honest conversations about what if and
Speaker 2: what comes next and what do you want? And you
Speaker 2: really need to have those conversations early.
Speaker 1: Seeing that you dedicate so much of your time for
Speaker 1: being there for your loved ones, what would you say
Speaker 1: caregiving means to you?
Speaker 2: It is such a blessing, It really is For example,
Speaker 2: I have learned so much about my family and my
Speaker 2: parents getting to spend this much time with them. I
Speaker 2: just found out that my mother was a roller skating
Speaker 2: car hop when she was a senior in high school.
Speaker 2: I never knew that. Wow, that's impressive. So I'm learning
Speaker 2: all these great stories about the family, and it's time
Speaker 2: that I probably would not have gotten to spend with
Speaker 2: my family, because honestly, as a career professional, like most people,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't probably have taken as much time as I
Speaker 2: have to spend with my family.
Speaker 1: You know, you seem to have such clarity about the
Speaker 1: realities of your situation. What have you been able to
Speaker 1: learn about yourself since becoming a caregiver for your husband
Speaker 1: and parents.
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's said I've learned about myself,
Speaker 2: but what I have learned to do is realize that
Speaker 2: most of it is not in my control, and that's okay.
Speaker 2: I'm the kind of person that makes lots of lists
Speaker 2: and has multiple plates spinning simultaneously, and always got lots
Speaker 2: of projects going. And I've had to learn when I'm
Speaker 2: caregiving with my parents with my husband in that situation,
Speaker 2: put all that aside. I am there with them. I'm
Speaker 2: not thinking about the project tomorrow. I'm not thinking about
Speaker 2: what I need to do next week. I need to
Speaker 2: think about what they need and the time that I'm
Speaker 2: spending with them. And that's been difficult for me because
Speaker 2: it's not my personality to do that, but I think
Speaker 2: that has helped me be a better person because it
Speaker 2: is giving me a new skill set that I'm very
Speaker 2: proud of.
Speaker 1: This is the ongoing thread through all of these care
Speaker 1: walks that we've done. You have to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: You've got to keep yourself and put self care and
Speaker 1: make it a priority. Do you rob have a self
Speaker 1: care routine to find that me time I do.
Speaker 2: I go to the gym, and that is not something
Speaker 2: I ever thought I would say out loud, but that
Speaker 2: has become something that I really enjoy doing. So I
Speaker 2: go to the gym and that is my time where
Speaker 2: I just disconnect and you know, I can listen to
Speaker 2: my inner voice while I do my workout routine. The
Speaker 2: other thing that has been really wonderful is we bought
Speaker 2: a house seven years ago, but the grass never grew
Speaker 2: in in our backyard, so we just dug it all
Speaker 2: up and turned it into one huge flower garden. And
Speaker 2: he has a degree in botany. So that's something we've
Speaker 2: been able to share together is we have this big,
Speaker 2: beautiful flower garden. And so when I get home every day,
Speaker 2: the first thing I do is I walk outside and
Speaker 2: I go in the backyard and I just walk around
Speaker 2: and look at the flowers. That has been my blessing,
Speaker 2: that that's my escape, that I can just go out there,
Speaker 2: look at the bees, the birds, the flowers, the plants,
Speaker 2: go dig in the dirt, just kind of get lost
Speaker 2: in that for ten fifteen minutes. That kind of recharges
Speaker 2: my battery. It's like O, gam ready to go. Oh.
Speaker 1: Flowers always do it. They're just They're just like a
Speaker 1: serotonin for the brain. Rob, you seem like somebody that
Speaker 1: can handle everything. Are people from the outside look at
Speaker 1: you and go, oh, he's got it. Rob can handle it.
Speaker 1: He's doing this. He's got the parents, he's got the husband.
Speaker 1: Before we go, Rob, what is one of your what
Speaker 1: would you say is one piece of advice you would
Speaker 1: give two caregivers listening, especially new caregivers, about finding joy
Speaker 1: in their work.
Speaker 2: I think it's always important to look at this journey
Speaker 2: as a cup that is half full, not a cup
Speaker 2: that's half empty. It's not taking something away from your life.
Speaker 2: It's giving you opportunities that you wouldn't have otherwise, and
Speaker 2: look for those moments of joy, look for those opportunities
Speaker 2: to spend time with your loved one that you wouldn't
Speaker 2: have otherwise. And you don't look back three years later
Speaker 2: and go, oh, I wish I really had, because no,
Speaker 2: you didn't know that you made the best choice with
Speaker 2: what you had, and that was the right choice absolutely.
Speaker 1: I mean that is you learn so much on this journey.
Speaker 1: You know, hindsight is everything, right, get to go back
Speaker 1: and if you could go back and do this and
Speaker 1: do that, but no, that was your journey. You were learning,
Speaker 1: and you knew what you knew and you did the
Speaker 1: best you could with what you had. So Rob, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. This has been an awesome conversation when
Speaker 1: I was really looking forward to because that's a question
Speaker 1: I get all the time, Like you know, this is
Speaker 1: such a tough situation. How do we learn to embrace
Speaker 1: it and find and mind the joys from it? So
Speaker 1: thank you again. Take care of yourself and your parents
Speaker 1: and your husband, and I wish you well.
Speaker 2: Thank you Holly, I appreciate this opportunity to visit with you.
Speaker 1: A big thank you again to Rob Fobion for joining
Speaker 1: me today hearing more about his story just it really
Speaker 1: just reminded me about how many special moments caregiving offers
Speaker 1: for a loved one. I know how important it was
Speaker 1: for me to have that time with my father. Rob
Speaker 1: shared with us his favorite parts of caregiving for his
Speaker 1: partner and his dad and how he finds new ways
Speaker 1: to carve out me time while working around his own
Speaker 1: joint pain and remembering to ask for help which makes
Speaker 1: him a better caregiver. Thanks again to Rob and you
Speaker 1: for stopping by. That's it for today's episode. Come back
Speaker 1: next week when I chat with our guests therapist and
Speaker 1: licensed clinical social worker Lindsay Pace about combating caregiver burnout.
Speaker 1: It's such an important conversation. Until then, keep walking and
Speaker 1: don't forget to take care of yourself too. Care Walks
Speaker 1: is produced by iHeartRadio in partnership with voltairean Arthritis pain Gel,
Speaker 1: and hosted by me Holly Robinson Pete. Our executive producer
Speaker 1: is Molly Sosha. Our head engineer is Matt Stillough. This
Speaker 1: episode was written and produced by Sierra Kaiser, with special
Speaker 1: thanks to our partners at GSK Platform, GSK, Weber, Shandwick
Speaker 1: and Edelman