WEBVTT - The Playbook: What’s in a name? 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000 This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:07.680 --> 0:00:09.520 Chris Harrison and Lauren z Ema Comedy from the home 0:00:09.560 --> 0:00:13.480 office in Austin, Texas today to talk about something that 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:17.040 I didn't think would be that controversial, but apparently it is. 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:22.640 As we open up the playbook on taking the last 0:00:22.720 --> 0:00:27.680 name of your significant other, of your spouse, changing your 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:30.560 last name when you get married, is it right? Is 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:33.560 it wrong? Should you do it? Is it just an 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:38.320 old tradition that nobody really knows why we continue to 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:40.880 do it? Elsie, that's what we're talking about today. 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:43.839 You're so right that I did not expect this to 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:45.000 be so controversial. 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:46.800 So this kind of started because. 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:49.000 I went on my Instagram and I keep getting these 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:52.199 emails from the wedding website the notot no shade to 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:54.279 the knot. Look, they're doing their job, they know I'm 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:56.920 a bride. They're sending me stuff. But I keep getting 0:00:56.920 --> 0:00:58.600 these things that are kind of cracking me up because 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.240 they're sort of stressful emails. I got an email, you know, 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:02.760 like you get an email blast. And I got an 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:05.679 email the other day that said, you should really consider. 0:01:05.319 --> 0:01:06.360 A destination wedding. 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:10.440 Lauren, and I'm like it's a bit like for that. 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:14.280 I got one that said, in the subject line changing 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:17.160 your name, let's change your name? How the not can 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:20.520 help you save time when changing your name? And I 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:22.640 posted this on my Instagram because I thought it. You know, 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.840 it's just so interesting to me because here's what that 0:01:25.880 --> 0:01:28.360 email says to me. That email blast says to me. 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:35.959 The assumption, the commonality is still that a woman marrying 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:40.039 a man is going to take is likely going to 0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:42.240 take that man's last name, or at least it will 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:45.360 be like a strong consideration and a discussion point. Will 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:47.400 the woman take the man's last name? Is she going 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:48.880 to do it? Changing your name? 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:49.680 Question mark? 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:53.240 And I went on Instagram and said, you know, why 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:57.280 are we not yet at the point where we're discussing, well, 0:01:57.320 --> 0:01:59.640 would the man potentially take that last name? 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:02.560 Would you know, how do we feel about changing your 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:04.520 last name at all? And it was very polarizing. 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:07.960 You got some really strong opinions, So I got I 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:09.639 did a little poll, I said how do we feel 0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:12.000 about last name changing? And the options that I gave 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:16.160 were one, women should take men's last names. Two it 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:18.680 needs to be more equal, meaning like maybe a man 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:20.840 should take a woman's last name, and three, no one 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:24.640 should change their last names. Fifty one percent of the 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:29.600 responders at press time here said women should take men's 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:32.280 last names. They didn't even choose the option. It needs 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:34.520 to be more equal, and that was interesting to me. 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.800 I got a couple strong responses. One woman told me 0:02:37.880 --> 0:02:41.080 that she thought my way of thinking was quote disgusting. 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:42.359 She called me disgusting. 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:46.640 She said that men are women's protectors, and so women 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:50.520 should take men's last names. Another woman told me, if 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:52.799 you wanted him to ask him to marry you, then 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.240 you should take his last name. I thought that was 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:58.760 interesting and actually sort of a valid point because we 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.800 also still many of us assume at this point that 0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:04.800 the man should ask the woman to marry him. 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:07.280 I'll be honest with you, I've probably never said this 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:07.520 to you. 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:12.520 Yeah, I don't like I loved you asking me to 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:15.639 marry you. And I knew that, like well, I knew 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:19.080 that you were kind of a not old school but 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:21.560 like a romantic in that way, and I knew you. Yeah, 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:25.320 I knew you'd want to ask me, but I didn't 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:27.600 need you to ask me. Like if we'd I so 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:29.639 would have married you if it was I'm not sure 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:31.240 I ever would have asked you because I think you 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:33.120 wouldn't have liked that or something. 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:35.720 Right, But well, then how would we have ever gotten married. 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:38.520 Well, that's part of the problem. Somebody's got to do it. 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:39.640 I don't know. 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:42.120 We could have discussed it one day. I don't know 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:45.240 that like, but I loved you asking to marry me. 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:46.680 And here's the thing. I want to make it clear. 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:51.000 I don't have hate for people taking somebody's last name. 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:54.800 My point here is why is it not more of 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:57.720 a discussion. Why is it not more of a consideration 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:01.480 instead of just me getting this email with the assumption 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:04.840 that I, Lauren am thinking about changing my last thing. 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:06.400 I definitely did not get that email. 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:07.320 You didn't get that email. 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:08.800 I did not get that email from the not or 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:09.440 anybody else. 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:12.960 And if you're being honest, let me ask you. Did 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:15.800 you at any point think maybe I'll take Lauren's last name. 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:18.960 Well, we've joked about it because I think zemails. 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:21.680 People have asked me, are you taking Chris's last name? 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:26.279 Anybody legitimately has asked me, would you take Lauren's last name? 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:28.960 It's not a point of discussion for straight men. In 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:30.000 straight relationships. 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:33.840 I think, you know, so I know people listen to 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:37.440 these podcasts out of order at times. But earlier in 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:41.839 the week, I had a sit down with Madison Prewitt Trout. 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:45.200 Madison Prewitt, of course, was on The Bachelor, on Peter 0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:47.560 season The Bachelor, and she just got married to this guy, 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:50.839 Grant Trout, and she took his name, and we started 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:54.719 the podcast out by talking about that, and for her 0:04:55.600 --> 0:04:59.680 it was kind of interesting. She wasn't that strongly opinionated 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:02.200 about it, like, oh my gosh, you have to do this. 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:06.040 She it was important to her because of her faith 0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:06.960 and valuing and. 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:09.800 I got several messages from people saying it's rooted in 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:10.240 the Bible. 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:11.360 That's why it's important. 0:05:11.080 --> 0:05:11.720 To do well. 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:15.000 You can find that, yes, you can about honoring your 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:17.800 spouse and becoming one. And that's what Maddie and I 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:21.760 talked about it. It's becoming one apart from your family, 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:25.640 you're now a unit with this person. And so I 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:28.640 get the biblical sense. I'm a faith driven person and 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:32.000 so I understand that part. And so I think you 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:33.919 hit the nail on the head though. Something very important 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:38.839 we and I'll just speak for myself. I am not 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:43.400 against doing that, like someone taking their spouse's name. I 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:45.240 want to make it very clear, we're fine with that. 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:46.240 It's just. 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:51.320 What about the opposite and those that don't. Is that 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:53.360 a bad thing? Is that really an abomination? 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:56.120 Oh? You're asking if it's a bad thing to not 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:57.480 for nobody to change their name. 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:58.120 Yeah, for some time. 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:00.480 And that's the thing. 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:02.080 It's like, I get if you want to change your 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:04.559 name and it's something that's you, you know. For Maddie, 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:07.640 it's her first marriage. It's something she's been thinking about, 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:10.159 and that's awesome. I love that. I love that for you. 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:14.640 I'm not saying we're broken. I'm not saying that. You know, 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:17.560 we're beaten and bruised. But Laura and I have done 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:20.960 this before. We have been down this path. We've been married. 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:25.479 My first wife changed her name. She got remarried and 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:30.039 she took it so she hyphenated again. So actually now 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:34.880 she has kind of my last name and spouse's name. 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:37.440 And she probably did that in part business. 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.239 Oh okay, it was because she's a real estate agent, 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:43.480 and so she wanted to keep that because the signs 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:45.839 and all that. And Maddie even said, which was interesting, I. 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:49.040 Assumed with your exit. It was also maybe keeping the 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:51.080 same last name as her kids at that point. I 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:53.160 heard that from some people and I get that too, 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:55.800 I mean, especially so you get divorced, You're like, well, 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:57.600 I didn't want to confuse people not have the same 0:06:57.680 --> 0:06:58.400 last name as my kids. 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:00.599 I get out of business stuff, you know, in this 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:02.800 day and age of social media. Maddie was like, well, 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:06.720 I kept Maddie Prue on my Instagram because that's how 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:08.520 people know me, and she has millions. 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:09.880 Wait, is there really a question? 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:12.320 Is it in the Bible that it's an abomination if 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:14.960 you don't take the person's last name forgive my religious 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:15.920 wise well text ignorance. 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:17.480 Well, and I don't want to kick over in an 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:19.720 hill that we don't need to kick over. But with 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:24.840 many things in the Bible, it's really left up to interpretation. 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:31.760 Many things in the Bible are lessons, parables, what have you. 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:34.320 And then you have to figure out how you're going 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:38.200 to apply those to your life and to modern life, 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:40.320 by the way, and to modern life, because you know 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:40.720 we can. 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:45.840 I mean again, listen, and this is I love people 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:48.600 having faith. I think spirituality is such an important part 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:51.200 of life, whatever your faith may be. So this is 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:53.560 no shade or anything. It's just that, you know, I 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:55.680 also think about, Okay, we're living in modern times when 0:07:55.760 --> 0:08:00.960 I think a lot of people want, for example, their 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:03.960 son to marry a woman who's like very well educated 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:06.280 and has a career of her own. So that's very 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:09.360 different than it was in biblical times. So we got 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:11.920 to continue to update, is all I'm saying. 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:15.000 Right, I think that the devotion and the word and 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:17.480 a lot of that stuff has remained the same. And 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:20.680 I think you know, many people listening who are of faith, 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:23.760 no matter what that faith is, would say, the crazier 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:26.280 things get, the more we need to lean back into that, 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:29.960 into those traditions and stuff. So I understand both sides. 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:34.040 I really do. If it means something to you, then 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:37.880 God bless you. I'm all for it. It's just I'm 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:41.920 not a big fan of ever saying, especially when things 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:46.160 come out of the Bible, it's my way or the highway. 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:49.560 The black and white of it all always got me. 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:54.320 When you're not hurting anybody. If Lauren decides to do this, 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:56.720 it's not an abomination. If that's how we love and 0:08:56.760 --> 0:08:59.400 respect each other, that's our choice. And if you decide 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:03.320 to change your name, hyphen eate whatever, that's that's your choice. 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:04.240 It's all on totally. 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:07.000 And I said that on Instagram too. I said, look, ultimately, 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:09.440 do whatever's happy for the whatever makes the two of 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:12.440 you happy. But I am an advocate for and I 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:15.280 do think again, it should be a discussion. I don't 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:17.960 think it should be an assumption that a woman is 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:20.480 going to take her husband's last name. And another thing 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.040 I said on Instagram this really, I won't back off 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:25.200 on this. This drives me nuts. And I've seen it 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:29.640 happen at weddings. You've just gotten married. Yeah, the officiant 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:32.199 has finished the ceremony, and the two of you turn 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:34.640 around to the audience, and the officiant says. 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:37.960 For the first time ever as announce. 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:44.199 As a married couple, mister and missus Chris Harrison. And 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:47.680 the woman has no name at all. It's not even 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:50.000 I've seen this, I've been at weddings. It's not even 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:53.600 mister and missus Harrison or mister and missus Chris and 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:57.720 Lauren Harrison. It's just mister and missus Chris Harrison. 0:09:57.840 --> 0:09:59.440 The woman has lost her identity all the time. 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:03.360 Suddenly, and I think it's meaningful. I don't think it's 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:07.720 a small thing. It suddenly we've completed this ceremony, she's married, 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:10.319 and she's disappeared into him. 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:11.960 Her existence is through him. 0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:14.360 Now, that's what that says to me, And it bothers me, 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:19.120 because yeah, I can't whatever the Bible might say, I 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:21.760 can't get. And I'm not saying the two are related 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:24.240 in any marriage, no matter what, no matter what faith, 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:27.040 no matter what. A marriage is a partnership. To me, 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:31.079 these are two human beings in a partnership. And that's 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:35.360 I don't like what that communicates that it's all his name. 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:49.440 Now. Well, like that woman said to you in the 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:53.120 message she sent you about protection, and if you know, 0:10:53.400 --> 0:10:55.760 if you're seeking protection, if you're seeking to honor whatever, 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:58.839 you should take his name. And I think you can 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:03.080 do all those things without changing the name on your checkbook. 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:05.480 By Oh you know what, that's funny. 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:08.160 A lot of people messaged me and said, I've been 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:10.679 married thirty years. I never changed my name because logistically 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:13.040 it was too annoying. I got several messages like that, 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:15.560 like a woman who said, I just never changed it. 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:18.960 It's passports and social Security cards and driver's licenses. 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:22.880 And all that streaming services and well, and then a lot. 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:27.199 Of people messaged me and said that they'd changed I 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:30.320 actually got some messages about husbands changing their last names 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:32.640 because the wife's last name, Like this was a point 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:36.320 I made. Also, why isn't it a discussion purely for 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:39.240 logistical reasons? Like one, if somebody has a business, like 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:41.120 say you and a woman get married and that woman 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:43.280 has like an incredibly successful business. 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:43.840 I don't know. 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:47.960 Zema's flooring if I was in the flooring business, and 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:50.040 you know, I really need to keep it for that reason. 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:53.000 Maybe you even change your name because maybe you're going 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:53.559 to come in on. 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:54.200 The business with me. 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:58.560 Why aren't you discussing it from is does the guy 0:11:58.600 --> 0:12:00.880 have a really long last name? And maybe you should 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:03.200 take the woman's last name because it's just shorter and easier. 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:04.760 And then so I got. 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.760 Some really funny messages from people who said that the 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:09.840 man had taken the woman's last name because the man 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:12.720 had like an embarrassing name, or the woman's name was embarrassing, 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:14.920 so she happily was ready to get married and change 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:17.680 her name, like somebody had the last name. But I 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:19.560 got a message from someone that they knew someone with 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:22.679 the last name Boob Bob, and so that person was 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:24.559 you know, yeah, let's change the name. 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:25.600 I'm ready. I get that. 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:28.960 And then I got some interesting dms from people who 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:33.679 said that both parties man or woman in a relationship 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:37.240 actually because of like family trauma or not being close 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:40.000 with their family, had wanted to start a new married 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:42.240 chapter and take their spouse's last name. 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:43.480 So that was interesting too. 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:45.880 It really drove home for me this is very If 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:48.000 some people might consider it no big deal, but for 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:49.880 some people it's very emotional and significant. 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:52.040 Well, I think the most important thing to realize with 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:55.640 any of this stuff is it's personal. It's personal to you. 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:59.480 Like everybody listening right now has a feeling, a pretty 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:02.400 strong feeling about what we're talking about, and you might 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:05.840 be thinking to yourself, like we are so off base here, 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:08.719 and you're not wrong. Maybe I don't know, but it's 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:11.280 it's a very when you get into things like the 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:14.280 subjects like this. That's why I love talking about it 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:18.320 is when things get personal, it gets very emotional, and 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.720 we get very you have these visceral reactions. And so 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:25.800 I kind of wanted to bring bring in Kendall because 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:27.160 she is younger. 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:29.559 Than us yes, producer Kendall. 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:33.560 Producer Kendall who has Kendall? Am I correct? And you've 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:34.360 never been married? 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:37.280 No, so yeah, I. 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:40.120 Just want to make sure something I didn't know about you. 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.600 But so you've never been married. Have you thought about this? 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:45.120 And because you're you're much younger than we are and 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:47.360 you are on that path of you're gonna fall in 0:13:47.400 --> 0:13:49.720 love and have that first marriage. 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:53.000 Hopefully only have you ever thought about whether you would 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:55.240 change your name if or when you get married. 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:58.600 Yeah? This has been actually a fight between my boyfriend 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:01.080 and I. As you know, he'd been for like almost 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:04.280 six years now. We like talk about marriage, but I'm 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:08.480 in no rush at all, but I personally don't want 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:13.240 to change my last name and he gets really frustrated 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:15.840 by that, and he really wants me to have his 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:18.120 last name if we were to get married. So I 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:20.280 guess we'll see what happens. But also, like our names 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:23.800 together hyphenated would not sound good in my opinion, so 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:25.760 we shall have to see what happens. 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:27.640 Well, I wonder what his reasonings are. 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.240 I was going to say if you asked him, like, 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:30.560 why does he get frustrated? 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:33.720 Yeah, I think it's because he feels that it's a 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:37.760 unique last name that he is proud of, which I 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:40.680 totally get, and my last name's Cohen, which everybody has 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:42.840 the last name Cohen. So it's like, why would you 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:44.560 want to keep that and not have a unique last 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:46.280 name like I'm proud of where it came from. 0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:47.720 Doesn't he realized that? 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:50.000 Like, but it sounds like you want to keep your 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:52.440 last name because you feel emotionally connected to your last 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:55.800 name too, So if you both have the same reasoning, 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:57.360 why doesn't he respect your reasoning? 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:01.360 You know, that's a good point to definitely tell him that, 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:03.600 But I guess I don't know. We're so young and 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:05.360 we try to talk it through, and maybe we're not 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:08.320 mature enough yet to get each other's like point of 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:11.040 views on it. But I guess just something we're gonna 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:11.640 have to figure out. 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:13.440 The fact that you're even having that conversation in the 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.400 first place is mature and it's smart, and you know, 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.440 it just made me think of another layer to this 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:22.440 that l Z and I are not going to have 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:26.600 most likely, and that is kids. So you get married, 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:32.240 you're young, and you have kids, you don't change your name. Okay, 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:35.000 who what last name are your kids? 0:15:35.000 --> 0:15:35.720 Taking m H. 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:40.040 That is a difficult There are just logistics in our 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:42.480 society that make this a difficult question. 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:46.080 Yeah, so kinda like, And I don't want to put 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.360 you on the spot, but I'm sure that's where your 0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:51.280 mind goes. And so if and when you had kids 0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:53.760 and you were blessed with that, would they take his 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:55.640 last name? Would you want them to have your last 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:57.120 name or hyphenate it? 0:15:57.600 --> 0:15:58.800 I guess take his like that. 0:15:59.000 --> 0:15:59.600 I don't mind. 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:02.400 I just feel like for myself, like I am who 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:04.800 I am, and I like the sound of it, and 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:05.800 I don't want to change that. 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:08.600 I'll be honest with you, Kendall. 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:11.520 I look, I completely agree with you, and this was 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:15.760 a point of issue in my first marriage. And I'm 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:20.120 not trying to scare you, but I no, I just 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:25.120 it's something where obviously there were many other issues. I 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:29.240 just mean I didn't want to take his last name. 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:33.680 And by the way, my reasons now are the same 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.680 as they were then. I and you and I we've 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:38.560 never even really talked about this because I think we've 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:40.880 both been using our names professionally for so long it 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:43.080 wasn't even a question, like neither of us I've been 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:46.320 using Lauren Zima for a decade publicly and professionally, like 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:48.160 there was no question of am I going to give 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:52.040 that up? But in my first marriage it was also 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:55.400 a similar reason, which was, you know, I lost my dad, 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:59.440 and to me, my last name is a connection to 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:01.560 my father that I don't want to give up. 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:02.840 It's my father's last name. 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:07.200 So they're actually, you know, I'm glad that my mom 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:09.439 had us kids take my dad's last name because now 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:11.520 it really helps me feel connected to my father's no 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:13.720 longer here, and so that's really beautiful. Like the name 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.440 taking thing, I don't want to I don't want to say. 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.960 I don't think it can't be so beautiful and emotional important. Again, 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:22.240 I'm just wanting it to be a discussion. But the 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:26.879 issue with my first husband was he'd like, I mean, 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:28.960 I told him it's about my connection to my dad, 0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:31.840 and he no matter what he saw it as like 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:35.040 somehow that I wasn't committing to him, that I wouldn't 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:39.080 take his name or something, And again I would say, well, 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:41.560 then why do I have to prove that to you 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:43.439 in that way show your commitment to me take my 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:43.960 last name? 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:45.520 Then why can't it go both ways? 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:50.080 Well, what's interesting is anybody's argument that says it's so 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:53.440 important to me, it's important to me that you do this, 0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:58.520 you need to consider it. Well if it's just as important, 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.359 like the what you're talking about is one hundred percent 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.320 about how important it is to you. Of why you 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:06.600 wanted to keep your dad's last name. It's not that 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:08.680 you wanted to keep your mom's maide name or whatever 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:15.159 like that is what I find important in this. Listening 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:18.960 to your significant other, listening to your spouse, why, why 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:20.800 do you know? Why does Lauren Zima want to keep 0:18:20.800 --> 0:18:23.320 her name? Yes, there's the practicality of it. She's been 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:25.720 known worldwide is Lauren Zema. 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:27.480 And I think it's always a little bit of a 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:28.240 red flag. 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:30.080 Other thanks for the worldwide. 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:32.040 Worldwide, you're international, babe. 0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:34.800 I think it's a red flag if the person isn't 0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:38.280 open to it going the other way, like if I 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:40.600 then turn the question around and say, okay, well would 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:42.919 you be open to taking my last name? And if 0:18:42.960 --> 0:18:45.520 it's an immediate no, well that's a red flag to me. 0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:48.720 If in partnership, why aren't you open to going both 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:49.360 ways with it? 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:52.080 And the traditions and again we go back to the 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:55.000 church and maybe we'll have to have somebody on and 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:56.760 really talk more at length about this. 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:58.480 But well, but what's interesting too. 0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:02.240 I got some dms from people about out cultural differences, 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:04.439