1 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:13,159 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of 2 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:16,239 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Cat and I 3 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,439 Speaker 1: am just so glad you're here. Honestly, I'm really really 4 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:23,480 Speaker 1: glad you're here today because this was probably one of 5 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: my very favorite conversations I have had on the podcast 6 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,120 Speaker 1: to date. And if you think I say that all 7 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,159 Speaker 1: the time, I don't know if I do, but I 8 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 1: really really, really really mean it. And before I even 9 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: get to that, because I'm jumping ahead, I want to 10 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: remind everybody that I am a therapist and I do 11 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: therapy and that is my job. However, this podcast is 12 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: not therapy. This podcast is just a way for me 13 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 1: to help create more meaningful conversations out in the world 14 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: that can help encourage you, guys, to have meaningful conversations 15 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 1: within your own relationships and within yourself that can help 16 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 1: you live the fullest life, the life that you are 17 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 1: created to live. Now, with that, I mean, I'm so excited, 18 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't even know how to talk or 19 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: like what words to say. But this episode, I have 20 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,760 Speaker 1: my new friend, Chase lock On, and he might be 21 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: a familiar name to some of you who might listen 22 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 1: to my friend Amy's podcast for Things with Amy Brown. 23 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: Chase has been on that podcast before many times, and 24 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: that's how I first was introduced to him. And I'm 25 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: telling you, guys, this human is the type of human 26 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 1: you want to know. This human is the type of 27 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: human you want to have conversations with. He is the 28 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,800 Speaker 1: real deal. Like I don't even know how to describe it. 29 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 1: I say, this is on my favorite conversations because it 30 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,400 Speaker 1: was one of the most vulnerable and it was one 31 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,319 Speaker 1: of the most real, and it was just it was 32 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 1: like a soul giving conversation, you know, when like you 33 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: really feel like somebody is being honest and truthful and vulnerable. 34 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 1: It feeds your soul just as much it might feed 35 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: that person's soul who is opening up. And that's what 36 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 1: this is. And so this is kind of like a 37 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 1: real life example of why being vulnerable is worth it. Right. 38 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 1: It offers connection and it it brings people together. And 39 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: we were created, we literally were created the way we 40 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 1: were created to connect with other people, and this is 41 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: a great way to do it. We talked about so much, 42 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 1: and up top, I want to say thank you times 43 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: four million, trillion, trillion, trillion trillion to Chase for allowing 44 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 1: us to have this conversation, because I don't think it 45 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,959 Speaker 1: was easy. I mean, I do not think that talking 46 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: about some of the stuff that we talked about was easy. 47 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: Not just because Chase is a guy and we talked 48 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 1: about that, and we talked about emotions and being a guy, 49 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: but because he gets super vulnerable and allows the truest 50 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 1: forms of himself to show up. And I'm honored one 51 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: that I was able to be in that conversation and 52 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,079 Speaker 1: he trusted me with that. It's just good. So I'm 53 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,920 Speaker 1: just gonna stop talking about how good it is, and 54 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to say thank you Chase for doing this 55 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: and and being yourself, And just like I said about 56 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 1: Max last week, thank you for allowing yourself to choose 57 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 1: yourself and allowing yourself to choose the fullness of you 58 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: with all of it. Because you did that, then I 59 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 1: get to experience you too, And and the world would 60 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: feel the loss if they didn't get to feel the 61 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 1: fullness of you, and I believe that for all of us. 62 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 1: And so again, thank you, Chase for allowing yourself to 63 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: choose yourself fully so then we get to experience it, 64 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,639 Speaker 1: and we get to experience this conversation which I know 65 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 1: people are going to lean into. I know it's going 66 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 1: to open up the ability for others to feel comfortable 67 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,919 Speaker 1: and give others permission, even though we don't need permission 68 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,240 Speaker 1: to be themselves as well. It's just gonna do a 69 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,679 Speaker 1: lot of things. It's going to do a lot of good. 70 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,639 Speaker 1: So thank you for being with me in this conversation, 71 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 1: and thank you guys for being here and listening to it. 72 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: If you have any questions for Chase, or for me, 73 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: or for anybody that I can have answer around this conversation, 74 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 1: go ahead and send them my way Catherine at you 75 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast dot com. And I hope you enjoy 76 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: listening to this conversation as much as I enjoyed being 77 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: in it. Here is my conversation with my friend Chaise. 78 00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 1: Al Right, guys, we have my very new friend Chase here, 79 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 1: and I'm really excited to talk. Well, first of all, welcome, 80 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. I'm excited to be here. I'm 81 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 1: super excited to talk to you for multiple reasons. There's 82 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: a million things that we might get to. But I 83 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: was sitting here thinking this is I was just telling 84 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: you this, how do I want to start this conversation 85 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: do I want it to go here? Do I want 86 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,239 Speaker 1: it to go there? And this is where I landed 87 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 1: in the sense that I've heard you on Amy's podcast 88 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,840 Speaker 1: Amy Brown. For those of you who don't know who 89 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,279 Speaker 1: that is, you should know who that is. Go follow 90 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 1: her at Radio Amy and go listen to her podcast 91 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 1: for Things with Amy Brown. That's how I discover who 92 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,599 Speaker 1: you are because you would be on her at the 93 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 1: time it was called Fifth Thing, and you would answer 94 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 1: questions with her. And I remember hearing you talk and 95 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, he just sounds emotionally connected to like himself 96 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 1: in the world. That's really cool. So I'm sitting here 97 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: thinking about that because that's kind of my first impression 98 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:54,159 Speaker 1: of you, even though I had never met you. So 99 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: I'm sitting here thinking and it hit me like, that's 100 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,920 Speaker 1: kind of a weird thought to have that I'm surprised 101 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:05,040 Speaker 1: past that somebody would be connected and emotionally I guess intelligent. 102 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 1: For me, it comes back to, oh, that was a guy. 103 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: That was a man who sounded super connected and was 104 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: willing And I can't remember what the questions were that 105 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: you were talking about, but you were willing to on 106 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 1: a public very public platform talk about emotions and feelings. 107 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 1: I don't think you gave details of anything, but it 108 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,720 Speaker 1: was like that that's what you were talking about. I'm 109 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,280 Speaker 1: sure she was talking about therapy or something authenticity. And 110 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 1: so that's kind of where I want to start with, Like, 111 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 1: for you, what does that even like to hear me 112 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: be like, oh, I'm surprised that like a guy would 113 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: be like that, because what I make up in that 114 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:46,360 Speaker 1: is that that's my bias of men aren't supposed to 115 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 1: do that, even though I want them to. And I 116 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: think that women. I hear so often my side of 117 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: the street of women saying like, oh, men are so 118 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 1: this or that, or they're not I can't connect to 119 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 1: them or whatever. And in my head, is that that 120 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,039 Speaker 1: you don't have the emotions that I have or the 121 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: ability to lean into that. It's that you're taught different 122 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: things about those. So that is a long winded way 123 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: to ask a not in direct question, because I am 124 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,120 Speaker 1: assuming you are connected based on what I know, and 125 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,280 Speaker 1: what has that been like for you? And has it 126 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,599 Speaker 1: always been that way? So I think in order to 127 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,039 Speaker 1: answer that question, which will probably have to peel back 128 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,679 Speaker 1: some layers because it kind of there is a loaded question. 129 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 1: My faith is really important to me, and sometimes it's 130 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: hard to explain this because I think people kind of 131 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 1: think I'm crazy when I say but of course I 132 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: don't care because it's the truth. But like, my earliest 133 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 1: memories in life are knowing this presence of God in 134 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,839 Speaker 1: my life. And I say that not being like we 135 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,720 Speaker 1: didn't go to church on a regular basis. We were 136 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:55,799 Speaker 1: a family of believers, but I come from a ranching family. 137 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: They worked a lot, and so we didn't get up 138 00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 1: like we were the kind of people that went to 139 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,720 Speaker 1: church Christmas, Easter, all the holidays. But that's just like 140 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 1: my earliest memory of like God's presence in my life, 141 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: like at a very very young age. And so I 142 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 1: feel like I've always known who created me, in what 143 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: I was created for, and I think that like is 144 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 1: the starting point for everything for me. I mean, you know, 145 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: as we've talked, there's a lot of things that have 146 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: happened and kind of like unfolded throughout my life that 147 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: maybe made me question that at times, But like that 148 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: voice and that being inside me is just it's the 149 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: most real thing in my life and it has been 150 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 1: since since day one. And again I know that's kind 151 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 1: of odd to say, but like, I have a lot 152 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: of memories as a child, but like the earliest memory 153 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 1: I can actually like track back to was that feeling 154 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 1: of just God being in my life. I don't think 155 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: that sounds odd. Well, I think sometimes when I talk 156 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 1: about it, like because that early memory, you know, maybe 157 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: I guess I'm overthinking it. But to me, I'm like, 158 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,559 Speaker 1: that sounds very cool because I talk a lot about 159 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,520 Speaker 1: how like therapy and and the work that I do 160 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 1: with clients and and myself, it's about creating a deeper 161 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: connection between ourselves, God and others. And so I will 162 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: say this to everybody listening. My God doesn't have to 163 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 1: be your God, that's not the point. But a higher 164 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: being higher than you, a connection that is higher than 165 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: you can really even comprehend. And I think that's the 166 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 1: basis of a lot of things that like. And so 167 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,160 Speaker 1: what I hear when you say that is like, I 168 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: have been connected to that which has allowed me to 169 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: show up the way I was created to show up, 170 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: versus I'm trying to connect to this outside world. Yeah. 171 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,560 Speaker 1: So I grew up on a ranch in Southeast Kansas. 172 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 1: I have two incredible parents who are both ranchers. My 173 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 1: dad's cowboy, have three brothers who are all cowboys. I'm 174 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,840 Speaker 1: the one who definitely gonna say and then what are you? 175 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 1: And I'm just funny to do his own thing. But 176 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to have come from that lifestyle because 177 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: it really, like in those early years, we were outside 178 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: and it was a lot of me in nature with 179 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: just this really vivid imagination and playing that like, I 180 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: think just really nurtured a lot of that and allowed 181 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,200 Speaker 1: me to be in a space to maybe feel and 182 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: see things a little bit different than other kids. Yes, 183 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 1: And because I'm imagining like somebody who's growing up in 184 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,839 Speaker 1: like a city or whatever, doing whatever, they have a 185 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,280 Speaker 1: lot of different experiences and their lifestyle is completely different 186 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 1: where you're more connected with like the earth. Literally you're 187 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: connecting to the earth, which is like a way to 188 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: connect to God or a higher power. And so you're 189 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 1: that is just one way to start that. Can you 190 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 1: tell me, because I have known nothing about ranching, what 191 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:41,439 Speaker 1: is that whole lifestyle? How how might that be different 192 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,640 Speaker 1: than of somebody who like me who's growing up in 193 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:47,680 Speaker 1: a suburb of Nashville. Totally. I think I'll try to 194 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 1: answer that as best as it was like pertained to 195 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: me growing up, and even like it is today now. 196 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 1: It is a very beautiful lifestyle, like in the way 197 00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: that it's a supportive community. It's very emily centered, you know, 198 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:05,840 Speaker 1: like there's a simplicity about it. They are incredibly hard workers. 199 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 1: Before the sun comes up the sun goes down, Like truly, 200 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,200 Speaker 1: all those things you kind of hear stereotype are often true, 201 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 1: and they really do like they value their work and 202 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: their stewardship of the earth and of life, you know, 203 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,719 Speaker 1: and animals and all of that. You know. With that, 204 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,959 Speaker 1: like in hindsight, I think what maybe made it tough 205 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 1: for me in some of the things that I kind 206 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: of maybe experienced growing up, was it is kind of 207 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: like put some dirt on it, you know, get on 208 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:37,320 Speaker 1: with it, or like pull up your boots, just keep rolling. 209 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,440 Speaker 1: Not so much like toughen up, because there is a 210 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 1: space to be somewhat vulnerable, but it is kind of 211 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: like you don't talk about a lot maybe I think 212 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 1: that would be typical to say, and a lot of 213 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 1: agg families that I would have. Again I'm assuming, but 214 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 1: there's probably not a lot of like deep conversation outside 215 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: of kind of the day to day and it's very 216 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:04,320 Speaker 1: based tradition as well. That's important I think. Okay, I 217 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:08,560 Speaker 1: want to know for you how that really affected the 218 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: way you saw the world, relationships, yourself, beliefs in general, 219 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,200 Speaker 1: because with that segue of we don't talk a lot 220 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,280 Speaker 1: about a lot, yet I'm very connected and I'm feeling, 221 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,079 Speaker 1: I'm experiencing, I'm all the I have emotions that I'm 222 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,439 Speaker 1: aware of them as a human. What I know about 223 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,679 Speaker 1: you so far, based on other conversations is you did 224 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 1: experience a lot growing up, and you did experience things 225 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: that you would consider trauma as a kid. Yeah, you 226 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,679 Speaker 1: and I kind of talked about this, and it's interesting 227 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: because you know, identify that trauma and started to work 228 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:43,439 Speaker 1: through that, like recently. So when I was in probably 229 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,439 Speaker 1: second or third grade, we moved to town because having 230 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,719 Speaker 1: three brothers, we were starting to get more involved in 231 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:53,680 Speaker 1: sports and extracurricular activities, and our parents wanted us to 232 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: be you know, where we could ride our bikes, friends houses, 233 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:59,160 Speaker 1: and just kind of be easier to get around versus 234 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 1: being outside it's own and disconnected from everything. So it 235 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:07,240 Speaker 1: was in the third grade that we had a friend 236 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 1: that was kind of one of the popular ones came 237 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:14,120 Speaker 1: from like an affluent family and a house that you 238 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: would typically see a lot of people at. And in 239 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:22,960 Speaker 1: this environment, I was exposed to a ton of very 240 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 1: port a lot of porn, of graphic images and videos 241 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 1: and all of that, and very graphic. It wasn't like 242 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 1: finding you know, your dad's playboy or something like that. 243 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 1: Like it was a whole different deal. But in that 244 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: so there was a situation where there was production of 245 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: pornographic images and again we're talking children, and all of 246 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 1: this led me kind of to become sexually active at 247 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,560 Speaker 1: a young age. And it was confusing, like it was, 248 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:56,200 Speaker 1: it was very confusing in hindsight. And what made it 249 00:12:56,280 --> 00:13:02,199 Speaker 1: all that much more confusing was church. And I say this, 250 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 1: I love the church. I love what church should be. 251 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,600 Speaker 1: I have a wonderful church with life church and a 252 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 1: great pastor in craig Roschel. But at the time, I 253 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 1: remember probably sixth grade, going to a service in the 254 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 1: pastor talking about sin and heaven and hell and it 255 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 1: was a Baptist church, you know, and great people. I 256 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,599 Speaker 1: want to stress that, like there was no bad intention, 257 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,680 Speaker 1: but talking about you know, the sexual sins and sex 258 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: before marriage and all these things, and I remember identifying 259 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 1: like having the realization as a child like, oh no, 260 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: like I've sinned and I might be going to hell 261 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 1: like and then it was like this instant shame. So 262 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:48,480 Speaker 1: I think probably there was some shame associated with what 263 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:52,559 Speaker 1: happened in the actual situation, but then there was also 264 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,200 Speaker 1: the shame that I really started to feel started at church, 265 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: and it was probably where the narrative and everything. It's 266 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: confusing for me because again going back to this, like 267 00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:07,960 Speaker 1: my earliest memories are like feeling God's presence in my 268 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 1: life and knowing what that is, like feeling very confident 269 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 1: what that is. And then all of a sudden, this 270 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,960 Speaker 1: place that teaches you about God, and it's like the 271 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 1: Home to God is telling me something different, and I'm 272 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: thinking it just made me question everything, and so it 273 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 1: kind of like from that moment, I would say, it 274 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 1: was like the ball started rolling down the hill and 275 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,920 Speaker 1: it was like a sticky ball that just started picking 276 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 1: up things, you know, And it was like, over the years, 277 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 1: just this narrative because I I kept I didn't tell anybody, 278 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 1: You didn't tell anybody about what you were feeling and 279 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 1: what you experienced. Both, yeah, I didn't say anything to anyone. 280 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: Later on, some things came to light that revealed some 281 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: of the situation. When I was asked about it directly, 282 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 1: I denied and said I wasn't a part of anything. 283 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: How old How old were you when that happened, maybe 284 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,360 Speaker 1: a freshman in high school? Do you remember what you 285 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: were feeling and what it urged you to say I 286 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,520 Speaker 1: wasn't involved. Two things, One, like I I was definitely 287 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 1: putting that stuff in a box. I didn't want to 288 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 1: remember a process any of it. And also, second, and 289 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,800 Speaker 1: I think this is part of the reason when you 290 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 1: and I had talked before, I was I was unsure 291 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 1: on how much of this I wanted to share. I'm 292 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: very comfortable sharing it. But I said no because I 293 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 1: wasn't touched. And so I was like, well, no, I 294 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 1: wasn't effective. I was never physically touched by anybody, so 295 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 1: therefore I wasn't a victim in anything. So I said no, 296 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 1: and that was the truth, because that's how I thought 297 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:42,880 Speaker 1: abuse or anything like that. And so I say that 298 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: because I think it was just a few years ago. 299 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 1: I mean, it was really recent that I started to 300 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 1: unpack this and really let it go. I had done 301 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:55,560 Speaker 1: some work a while ago, but honestly it was Dak Shephard. 302 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 1: I love his podcast, and he talked about being you know, 303 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:04,000 Speaker 1: lested as a child, which again that was not my situation, 304 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,840 Speaker 1: but it was when I was like the first time 305 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,400 Speaker 1: I had the realization, like the first time in my 306 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 1: life that, like Chase, you were a kid, like you 307 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 1: were a little boy when that happened. But like, as 308 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 1: you take that narrative with you, you just assume that's 309 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 1: what happened then and that's who you are now, Like 310 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 1: you're still that little kid, and you think that as 311 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: an adult, I'm still broken and I make bad decisions. 312 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 1: And but here's the here's the thing, and I want 313 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: to unpack this with you because I mean, there's seventeen 314 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,040 Speaker 1: things firing off of my head as you speak. In 315 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 1: one is you're gonna have no idea how many people 316 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: have experienced a similar situation and still haven't gotten to 317 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: the point that you've gotten to. So I am already 318 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 1: immensely grateful that somebody's going to hear this, because it's 319 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,680 Speaker 1: as scary to talk about publicly. So I just have 320 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 1: to say that when you experienced whatever you experienced, and 321 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,240 Speaker 1: then you acted out in whatever way, and then you 322 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 1: went to church and you start feeling all this shame. 323 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 1: The thing about our development and how we process things 324 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 1: is a lot of times we think very we're very egocentrics, 325 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,400 Speaker 1: we think very us based, right, So sometimes that's good. 326 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,439 Speaker 1: A lot of times that's not so great because what 327 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,639 Speaker 1: I hear you saying is I put what the church 328 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:22,119 Speaker 1: is saying together with what I have done in my life, 329 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 1: and I make those choices that I am now in 330 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 1: my head because of the church categorizing is bad or 331 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 1: wrong about me being bad or wrong, and there lies 332 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,199 Speaker 1: the shame. I'm not talking about this then when you 333 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,560 Speaker 1: approached about something happening, it's still that narrative like that 334 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,120 Speaker 1: I wasn't affected by that. One because like I think, 335 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 1: there's a part of you that's like, I don't want 336 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,480 Speaker 1: to I don't want that to have affected me, because 337 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,200 Speaker 1: that's tough and hard. But two, because you really didn't 338 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: think that that had anything to do with anything when 339 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,399 Speaker 1: that probably couldn't be further from the truth. And I'm 340 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 1: I'm saying this with the assumption that this is something 341 00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 1: that you've learned through processing this as a kid. It 342 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 1: you're also so open to what life is telling you 343 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:08,920 Speaker 1: about the world. You are like a blank slate, and 344 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: your environment teaches you what to do, what's normal, what's 345 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:18,439 Speaker 1: not normal. Your environment, from what I'm hearing, showed you 346 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 1: things that you probably developmentally should not have been experiencing 347 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: until later in life. How the hell would you know 348 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,480 Speaker 1: as a little kid that that's not right if they 349 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: were people in your life telling you that it was. Yeah, 350 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,840 Speaker 1: does that make sense what I'm saying? And I say 351 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,920 Speaker 1: that not to like yell at you, but to say, like, 352 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,480 Speaker 1: how would you know? Like, how would a little kid? 353 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of regrets. I think the 354 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,240 Speaker 1: one thing I if I had, Maybe regret isn't the 355 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: right word, but I wish I had given my parents 356 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,719 Speaker 1: the opportunity to, like, I mean, help me through it. 357 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 1: What is coming up in that well, I just you know, 358 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 1: I had made the assumption early on, like we don't 359 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:09,080 Speaker 1: talk about a lot and so I'm not gonna tell them. 360 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: And also like, and it's probably a product of this, 361 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,919 Speaker 1: but I'm a pretty independent person and I kind of 362 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: like to take care of myself. And then you put 363 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: this and a lot of things, so just again kind 364 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,680 Speaker 1: of snowballed over time, and that narrative that really made 365 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,879 Speaker 1: me like suck at trusting people. And I want to 366 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,359 Speaker 1: say to real quickly, and I don't feel like I 367 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,880 Speaker 1: got to defend my parents because they're the most freaking 368 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: incredible human beings ever. But they both went through traumatic 369 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,960 Speaker 1: experiences of their own as children. Like my dad's dad 370 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 1: was killed in a horse accident when he was eight 371 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: years old. My grandmother didn't process that and honestly probably 372 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: still hasn't a lot of it. And my mom's mom, 373 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 1: so my grandmother, her mother was murdered, which caused a difference. 374 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,960 Speaker 1: So like not to unpack all that, but I'm just 375 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 1: saying that, in their defense, came from households that probably 376 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:04,720 Speaker 1: didn't talk about a lot of things as well. Now 377 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 1: in that there were some really amazing people like my 378 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:12,440 Speaker 1: great grandparents on both sides, my mom's grandmother, my dad's 379 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:17,040 Speaker 1: grandma and grandpa were angels of a different world. But 380 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,640 Speaker 1: I also just heard you say though, when you said 381 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: I wish my parents would have let my parents help me, 382 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,919 Speaker 1: what I'm assuming what you mean is that if I 383 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,920 Speaker 1: would have told them, they would have been there. Yeah. Yeah, 384 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:29,879 Speaker 1: as an adult, I see that. I think at the time, 385 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,560 Speaker 1: you just assume, and maybe we also were a household 386 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,399 Speaker 1: again and kind of speaking to the lifestyle of maybe 387 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 1: our family dynamic. We didn't have a lot of rules. 388 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,359 Speaker 1: You didn't get grounded, you didn't have curfews. It was 389 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 1: very much a respect thing. Like you didn't want to 390 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,240 Speaker 1: let your parents down. You know, if they say home, 391 00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,080 Speaker 1: be home at a decent time, You're home at a 392 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,719 Speaker 1: decent time. And so the worst thing you could do 393 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 1: really was let your parents down. And I think I 394 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,639 Speaker 1: never wanted to say anything because I didn't want them to, 395 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: you know. That's the point I think I was trying 396 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 1: to make. There is like you just saying, like I 397 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 1: didn't want to let my parents down. I didn't want 398 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 1: to make this a thing. The shame was so big 399 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,880 Speaker 1: for you as a little kid. In your head, it's 400 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: like I'm bad, I've done something wrong. You have no 401 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,080 Speaker 1: fault or blame for this thing or whatever this thing 402 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 1: is that you're saying that that is bad or wrong. 403 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,919 Speaker 1: But that's what I'm saying, And that's the point that like, 404 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,200 Speaker 1: as a little kid, you've made this all about you 405 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 1: in the shame has been so big that I'm going 406 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,880 Speaker 1: to shut it down when if you spoke about it, 407 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 1: your parents would have supported you. I don't think that's 408 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: a gender thing. I think that's a agricultural and it's 409 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,200 Speaker 1: a thing of like if I show up with my stuff, 410 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,120 Speaker 1: I'm going to let you down. And what I think 411 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:48,040 Speaker 1: you're learning is that that wasn't me, that wasn't my fault. 412 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,200 Speaker 1: That little however old how old? Thirteen fourteen? Yeah, when 413 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,119 Speaker 1: I was probably asked the question, yeah, it's like that 414 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,680 Speaker 1: kid was innocent and scared. Yeah. Again, it was connecting 415 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: back to however old you are when you're in third grade, 416 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,440 Speaker 1: like and and all of that, you know, to kind 417 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:07,920 Speaker 1: of I don't want to jump the gun, but as 418 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 1: it's snowballed, I just put it away and I was like, well, 419 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,679 Speaker 1: it's done because here's another piece of it. Eventually the 420 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:19,760 Speaker 1: adult involved, you know, had passed, and so there really 421 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:24,120 Speaker 1: was this kind of it's done anyways, as time went on, 422 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:29,160 Speaker 1: I think it affected definitely relationships, like in a big 423 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,959 Speaker 1: way early on because first off, too not to be 424 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:37,439 Speaker 1: too graphic, but you go into you know, puberty, and 425 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 1: then thinking sex is what you see in that pornography, 426 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 1: in those images, like it's not intimacy. I mean, there's 427 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:49,199 Speaker 1: a huge disconnect right there alone, and I don't know, 428 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 1: it made me trusting people a little bit more difficult. 429 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: Can I stop you for a second. You've mentioned very earlier, 430 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,280 Speaker 1: and I think this is something a lot of people 431 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: go through, and why a lot of people don't process 432 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,160 Speaker 1: or talk about things that they've been through that maybe 433 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,879 Speaker 1: we're traumatic, is that I don't want to bring it up. 434 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 1: I don't want to relive that. I don't it's in 435 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,680 Speaker 1: the past, it's done. The thing is it was in 436 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 1: the past, but also for you wasn't very much in 437 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,200 Speaker 1: the present because what you had learned based on X 438 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 1: y Z was affecting you in your relationships today and 439 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 1: you didn't know that that stuff was connected. And that 440 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,080 Speaker 1: just build a deeper sense of shame about this isn't 441 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:31,359 Speaker 1: me thing. I can't connect emotionally intimately physics like those things. 442 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,639 Speaker 1: And so I just want to take a moment to say, like, 443 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,360 Speaker 1: that's the point, and that is such a beautiful example 444 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,320 Speaker 1: of I hear all the time. Why do we have 445 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,359 Speaker 1: to talk about that like it's over. I'm like, because 446 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:45,080 Speaker 1: it's not over. You're living out the lessons that you 447 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 1: that you learned through that not your faults, but we 448 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,800 Speaker 1: have to talk about it so we can unlearn that stuff. 449 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,160 Speaker 1: I want to hear about, Like how in your relationships, 450 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 1: as you're growing and you're dating or doing whatever, how 451 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,400 Speaker 1: is that showing up for you and getting in your way? Well, 452 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:03,440 Speaker 1: I think it's first off, just completely allowing myself earlier 453 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 1: on to be vulnerable. I mean, I think that's something 454 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: we all can relate to. I think that's common. I 455 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,359 Speaker 1: don't know if this answers the question, but it just 456 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:16,639 Speaker 1: continued to snowball to where I probably started to overcompense 457 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,639 Speaker 1: sat in ways like where I wanted to be the 458 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 1: one to fix your problems, you know, and I learned 459 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:27,080 Speaker 1: like fast forward, you know, I ended up deciding like 460 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:30,440 Speaker 1: my health was a huge piece in helping get better, 461 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 1: like working out and physically being active allowing my brain 462 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 1: to balance and rest, But it was my trainer ended 463 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,080 Speaker 1: up becoming like one of my best friends who looked 464 00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: at me and is like, you really suck at listening, 465 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 1: you know that? And I was like, what you know, 466 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,879 Speaker 1: of course I get defensive. I'm like no, no, But 467 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 1: it was in that epiphany, like I looked back in 468 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,120 Speaker 1: hindsight and I really did like I was the one 469 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,840 Speaker 1: that I probably sucked at just listening, but I was 470 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,239 Speaker 1: quick to say, this is what we can do, this 471 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 1: is how we can solve it. This like not wanting 472 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,399 Speaker 1: to necessarily control or take the lead, but I wanted 473 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,159 Speaker 1: to solve your problems and help you. And I'd say too, 474 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,879 Speaker 1: like I have a very I believe my life in 475 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 1: service of others is like the ultimate goal. Like I 476 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:19,119 Speaker 1: selfishly get a lot of gratitude after seeing other people, 477 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 1: you know, win and reach their highest potential. So like 478 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 1: all that together, it was just what did it do 479 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 1: for you to be the fixer? I mean I was, 480 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,160 Speaker 1: for one, focusing on their problems and helping them solve 481 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,280 Speaker 1: it and not look at my own, Like it helped 482 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 1: me to focus on their issues and how do we 483 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:40,080 Speaker 1: make things better for them without having to maybe look 484 00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 1: at it for myself and not letting anyone else again 485 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,560 Speaker 1: kind of going back to my parents, but anyone else 486 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:51,080 Speaker 1: thereafter in enough to maybe help me. That's a beautiful 487 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 1: way to avoid deflect project you did all you did 488 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 1: all the defense, mam, Yeah, isn't that. I don't know 489 00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:02,639 Speaker 1: what the right word is a pretty way to shove 490 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: your stuff away because if you're the helper, you're also 491 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,560 Speaker 1: like a good guy. Yeah, And I want to say, 492 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:13,800 Speaker 1: like just in full transparency, that was definitely the outward scenario, 493 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,240 Speaker 1: and that that was how I was doing it. There 494 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:22,160 Speaker 1: were things that over time we're somewhat self destructive, and 495 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,840 Speaker 1: how I was dealing with it just on me, like 496 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,040 Speaker 1: it didn't affect necessarily anyone else. But you know, I 497 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:30,159 Speaker 1: went through a point where all of a sudden, I 498 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 1: was eating a ton, so I put on weight, and 499 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 1: then it was like I become addicted to running and 500 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,119 Speaker 1: I cut weight really quick, and then that eventually morphed 501 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:41,440 Speaker 1: into I started to drink. I was drinking too much, 502 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,800 Speaker 1: and it was the kind of drinking where you're having 503 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 1: like some whiskeys by yourself every night, not necessarily getting 504 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 1: wasted and going out, but just little numbness. Yeah. But 505 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 1: it almost concerned me more because I was just doing 506 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,439 Speaker 1: it on my like there's no social aspect. And so 507 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 1: there there have been again periods throughout especially my really 508 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,600 Speaker 1: to mid twenties, where I was numbing things in different ways, 509 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:08,160 Speaker 1: and I think that's where for me it was. Honestly, 510 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,000 Speaker 1: there was also kind of an epiphany last year. Of course, 511 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,760 Speaker 1: the pandemic allowed us a lot of time with ourselves 512 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:18,080 Speaker 1: to maybe look back and reflect, and we had done 513 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: I shouldn't say we aiming. Did a podcast with Dr 514 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 1: Beverly Tatum, who's the president of Spellman College. She wrote 515 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,240 Speaker 1: a book Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together 516 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,520 Speaker 1: in the Cafeteria, which was a big best seller, and 517 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,119 Speaker 1: she had come on after the George Floyd video was 518 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,080 Speaker 1: released and we were talking about race relations in America 519 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,800 Speaker 1: and she had said, you know, it's not about what 520 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,240 Speaker 1: everyone needs to learn, it's about what we need to unlearned. 521 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,480 Speaker 1: And I just remember taking that to heart in terms 522 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,280 Speaker 1: of what we were talking about, but also just in 523 00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,160 Speaker 1: my own life, and it was like, I keep trying 524 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,919 Speaker 1: to find a solution and find something that's gonna fix it, 525 00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,480 Speaker 1: or I'm gonna learn how to make it all work. 526 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,399 Speaker 1: It's like, no, I need to just really backtrack and 527 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:07,760 Speaker 1: unlearn it and like release it and like clarify the narrative. 528 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,320 Speaker 1: The only way for you to unlearn that is to 529 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: pay attention to it. Yeah, Which that's where I think 530 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:18,480 Speaker 1: me being somewhat connected and pretty self aware has allowed 531 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:22,680 Speaker 1: me to get to this point. God's timing, It's all 532 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:27,000 Speaker 1: such a beautiful thing because there was a point earlier 533 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:28,880 Speaker 1: on where I thought, you know, i'd probably end up 534 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:33,920 Speaker 1: settling down doing family and kids earlier on that kind 535 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:38,040 Speaker 1: of stuff. And I'm thirty three now, and if that happens. 536 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 1: When that happens, I'm very content. Either way, I'll be 537 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,520 Speaker 1: so much better for it. I could almost cry just 538 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 1: thinking about how grateful I am like where things are 539 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:51,120 Speaker 1: at now, and also a lot of that journey, Like 540 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,960 Speaker 1: I hate that that again happened to like the little 541 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 1: boy that I was, and that I more so allowed 542 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:04,200 Speaker 1: that to just domino into this ongoing narrative, because that's 543 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,560 Speaker 1: where what I think the real trauma or impact was 544 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:11,840 Speaker 1: on me. Of course what happened was unfortunate, but I 545 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,480 Speaker 1: think it was the things that followed in the narrative 546 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: that was built in those very formative years of my 547 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: mind as a young kid that just I just carried 548 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:23,920 Speaker 1: and I put it in the box, and I carried 549 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 1: it too long, And no doubt, there's still things that 550 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 1: I unpack and work through, and at times I have 551 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,480 Speaker 1: to remind myself I have lived a very very like 552 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,800 Speaker 1: blessed life. There's been more good than there has been bad. 553 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 1: In my life. I joked, like my cup runneth over. 554 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 1: I hesitate to say this because I know for so 555 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 1: many people was terrible. I ended up in this really 556 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:52,320 Speaker 1: beautiful situation where we had just experienced the tornado in 557 00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:56,280 Speaker 1: East Nashville. Here. Yeah, I was living in East Nashville, 558 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,400 Speaker 1: and I was going to be moving to New York 559 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 1: City mid March, and so the movers had come, the 560 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:07,120 Speaker 1: pandemic conversation was kind of heating up, and anyways, I 561 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 1: was going to drive back to Kansas with my things 562 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,840 Speaker 1: to put a lot of it in storage because a 563 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:13,240 Speaker 1: lot of it wasn't going to go to New York. 564 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:15,800 Speaker 1: So I'm driving back on a Thursday with a flight 565 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 1: to move to New York City on Tuesday. And it's 566 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 1: when I'm driving back to Kansas, my best friend calls, 567 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,040 Speaker 1: who's a coach at George Washington University, that same trainer 568 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: who told me I stuck it listening, and he said 569 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,840 Speaker 1: they just walked out on the baseball field and told 570 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,280 Speaker 1: all the athletes to go back, get their things and 571 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,400 Speaker 1: go home. The season's over, like abruptly, like mid practice. 572 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,959 Speaker 1: There was no meeting, no closure, and so I'm like thinking, 573 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,680 Speaker 1: oh wow, this is really heating up. And then it 574 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: was like within a few days things just start to 575 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,760 Speaker 1: shut down. So all that to say, I was very 576 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,240 Speaker 1: fortunate to have a few days on my side where 577 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,640 Speaker 1: I ended up being quarantined at that ranch I grew 578 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,080 Speaker 1: up on because my parents had moved back out there 579 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 1: for most of last year and I worked for remotely 580 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:04,760 Speaker 1: and so that time really allowed me the ability to 581 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:09,600 Speaker 1: probably like process and really clean up the narrative and 582 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:11,880 Speaker 1: to be in a place again like that's the same 583 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:15,400 Speaker 1: place where like my earliest memory is like God's presence 584 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 1: in my life. That's cool because also what has been 585 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 1: taken away is the distraction of life. Of like we've 586 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 1: taken these distractions away. You can either keep doing the 587 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 1: whack a mole thing of this, drinking, running, working out, 588 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:34,240 Speaker 1: work this that, or you can settle down, pay attention 589 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:38,120 Speaker 1: to what actually is going on, acknowledge all of the things, 590 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,840 Speaker 1: and then work on a healing process, which that sounds 591 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,480 Speaker 1: like it's what you did, yeah totally. And then that's 592 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 1: where I just I couldn't be more grateful for that 593 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 1: time and that time with my family, Like it was 594 00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,320 Speaker 1: just great. And you know, I want to say this 595 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,200 Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of people feel that 596 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,120 Speaker 1: way of like it's so hard if, like the pandemic 597 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,719 Speaker 1: wasn't the worst thing for me, And I get that, 598 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:01,560 Speaker 1: and I appreciate the care behind. You can be grateful 599 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,400 Speaker 1: for the outcome of a situation without being grateful for 600 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:09,360 Speaker 1: the situation. I don't think you would say, oh, that 601 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,640 Speaker 1: was so wonderful. I'm so glad the pandemic happened and 602 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,240 Speaker 1: all these people died and all these people lost their jobs, 603 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,400 Speaker 1: but I succeeded. That's not what you're saying. You're not 604 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,280 Speaker 1: saying I'm grateful for the pandemic. You're saying I'm grateful 605 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,000 Speaker 1: for the outcome that I am now sitting in. And 606 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 1: those are two very different things, and I am in 607 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 1: that with you, and I think a lot of people are, 608 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:30,760 Speaker 1: and a lot of people are afraid to say that. 609 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,280 Speaker 1: So thanks for saying that well, and thank you for 610 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:39,040 Speaker 1: saying that as well, because you worded that perfectly. Thank you. Okay, 611 00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 1: so full circle. You're in your healing, you're doing the work, 612 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,560 Speaker 1: you're shifting the belief systems, all of that. If you 613 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 1: could go back, you can choose either third grade chase 614 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:54,440 Speaker 1: or freshman in high school. Chase, and you could say 615 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,840 Speaker 1: whatever you wanted, but it was coming from you, the 616 00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:59,880 Speaker 1: adult Chase, who's really doing the work and learning to 617 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 1: like appreciate you, your story and who you are. Who 618 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:04,440 Speaker 1: would you go back to and what would you go 619 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 1: back to that person and say? Or if you want 620 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:08,640 Speaker 1: to do both, you can talk to both of those people. 621 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,719 Speaker 1: I think I would say probably the same thing to both, 622 00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:17,840 Speaker 1: This wasn't your fault, And that voice inside of you 623 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:22,520 Speaker 1: that you've always known, trust that before you trust the 624 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,920 Speaker 1: voices of this world if you will the things you 625 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,720 Speaker 1: hear on the outside, I know too, and all of that. 626 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 1: Like again, that's what the push and pull of it, 627 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 1: why it made it so tough is I felt one 628 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,800 Speaker 1: thing on the inside, but then things on the outside 629 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,360 Speaker 1: we're making me feel this shame. So I would just 630 00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 1: really stress that this isn't your fault, this isn't your outcome. 631 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,880 Speaker 1: The best is yet to come, and and yeah, trust 632 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:50,280 Speaker 1: that voice inside because it's the one thing that you've 633 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,880 Speaker 1: known for sure since day one and you've never straight 634 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,800 Speaker 1: from I'm so glad you said that both of those things. 635 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 1: But that second part of trust that voice, now I 636 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 1: know I said that was gonna be how we're gonna 637 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,640 Speaker 1: end it, end us. But now I have another question, though, 638 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,280 Speaker 1: why do you think I want to know your opinion? 639 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:10,680 Speaker 1: Why do you think it's so hard to trust ourselves 640 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:14,319 Speaker 1: in the insides of us in those moments because it 641 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 1: becomes a what I hear to be true in me 642 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 1: and then I see this. Why do you think there's 643 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,320 Speaker 1: such an inclination to lean out of ourselves and into 644 00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,719 Speaker 1: what the world is saying instead. Well, I mean, I 645 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,800 Speaker 1: think that's we're seeing that play out in the world 646 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,440 Speaker 1: today more than ever, especially with this pandemic. Like we 647 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,640 Speaker 1: were just talking about, like you struggle and you question 648 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,400 Speaker 1: things you can't see, you know what I mean, Like 649 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:42,120 Speaker 1: we like definitive and like someone telling us what it 650 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,000 Speaker 1: is or being able to see it with our own eyes. 651 00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,600 Speaker 1: And I think when you have someone in front of 652 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,759 Speaker 1: you saying one thing, it makes you pause, especially as 653 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:53,640 Speaker 1: a kid. You know, I just can't stress that enough, 654 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,719 Speaker 1: Like you just like trusting that voice inside to me, 655 00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,800 Speaker 1: that's that is God, that is the alpha and the omega, 656 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 1: like the thing that created me. And I have always 657 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,680 Speaker 1: felt like in that there's a light that burns inside me. 658 00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:12,439 Speaker 1: And it's my job to just fan the flame and 659 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:14,680 Speaker 1: try to make it burn as bright as it can be. 660 00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:18,000 Speaker 1: I don't know, like it is. It's tough to kind 661 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,000 Speaker 1: of sort that out when you're you're weighing the two. 662 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,799 Speaker 1: But I'm also someone as a kid that had a 663 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:28,480 Speaker 1: big imagination and loved like NASA and dinosaurs, and you're 664 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 1: talking kind of, you know, as you look at faith 665 00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:36,239 Speaker 1: and therapy, like some people say, well, this explains this, 666 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,760 Speaker 1: and that explains that and this, and I'm like, that's 667 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:42,840 Speaker 1: just still the beauty of God's work and creation to me, 668 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,400 Speaker 1: you know, like unpacking me. It's so big and vast 669 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,080 Speaker 1: and can't put limits on it because this is what 670 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,440 Speaker 1: I know. I know we do not need other people 671 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:55,600 Speaker 1: to agree with what we know to be true for 672 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 1: it to be true. We don't need that. We want it, 673 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,439 Speaker 1: we definitely want it, but we don't need it. I'm 674 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,360 Speaker 1: just going to share this because I love this story. 675 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,360 Speaker 1: But it's not my story. It's from what's the movie 676 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,160 Speaker 1: The Santa Claus with Tim Allen. One of my favorite 677 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,360 Speaker 1: scenes of any movie. This is it because it it 678 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,880 Speaker 1: meant so much to me, and I just wish they 679 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:14,440 Speaker 1: knew that this part of the movie meant so much. 680 00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,200 Speaker 1: But there's the part where what's the do you know 681 00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:20,239 Speaker 1: what the sun's name is? I can see him, but 682 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,440 Speaker 1: I can see him too. Anyway, he was talking to Neil, 683 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,799 Speaker 1: the stepdad. He was like, your dad's not Santa Claus, 684 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,560 Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah, like whatever. You didn't go to 685 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 1: the North Pole and he the kid, was like, yes 686 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 1: I did. And he was like, prove it. You know 687 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,239 Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. He goes, prove it and or 688 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,480 Speaker 1: something like that. I'm probably butchering this and he said, well, 689 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,440 Speaker 1: have you ever seen a million dollars? And Neil said no, 690 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,680 Speaker 1: And he said, well, do you believe in a million dollars? 691 00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:45,240 Speaker 1: And he's like yeah, And he's like, you don't always 692 00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:48,120 Speaker 1: have to see something to believe it. And I remember 693 00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:51,759 Speaker 1: exactly that part in the movie so good. I'm like, 694 00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:53,680 Speaker 1: as a kid, I'm like, oh, that was good. But 695 00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,160 Speaker 1: like now as an adult, I'm like, exactly, there are 696 00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,960 Speaker 1: so many things that we choose to believe and we 697 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,319 Speaker 1: can't see them or we don't have confirmation. But I 698 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,120 Speaker 1: know that's true, So I have the ability to trust 699 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:06,640 Speaker 1: other parts of myself too, And to me, that's a 700 00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:10,160 Speaker 1: good reminder just for me, the biggest thing is like 701 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,480 Speaker 1: the proof and all of that is like my life. 702 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,680 Speaker 1: And I truly and I said, I think that in 703 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,759 Speaker 1: everyone's story, you might not be able to see God, 704 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:20,719 Speaker 1: you might not be able to see what that voices 705 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,520 Speaker 1: inside of you, but like I damn well can see 706 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,320 Speaker 1: it in other people. And I'm gonna say this real quickly, 707 00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,680 Speaker 1: not that you want me to turn the table, but like, 708 00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:31,640 Speaker 1: I see it in you, and I really do, Like 709 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,920 Speaker 1: I appreciate so much that you have been doing the 710 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,920 Speaker 1: work you're doing. That you're doing this podcast. It's been 711 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:42,800 Speaker 1: super beneficial for me to listen and on other people's 712 00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:46,319 Speaker 1: stories to hear you talk about things, and so I 713 00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,319 Speaker 1: just want to encourage you to keep up the good 714 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:52,080 Speaker 1: work and applaud you for doing that, because there's definitely 715 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:54,799 Speaker 1: something inside you that you know shines out on the 716 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,719 Speaker 1: rest of us. And I really appreciate that. Thank you. 717 00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:00,399 Speaker 1: You know, I appreciate that because I get the inner 718 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,160 Speaker 1: critic and the stuff inside my head too, and so 719 00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,160 Speaker 1: I have to have reminders. So I do appreciate that 720 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,480 Speaker 1: a lot. Proud of you. Thank you, well, I'm proud 721 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:10,360 Speaker 1: of you. This was a big deal. This conversation was 722 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,800 Speaker 1: a big deal. Well, and again to that point, I 723 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 1: felt comfortable doing it with you, and because of all 724 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,160 Speaker 1: the work you've been doing and how you handle things 725 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,879 Speaker 1: with such grace, so happy to be here, love love, 726 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,239 Speaker 1: you need therapy. Maybe we can do a follow up 727 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,319 Speaker 1: someday and into all the other things, because I feel 728 00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,320 Speaker 1: like you and I could go for like three more hours. 729 00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:34,440 Speaker 1: That's literally my problem. Every single episode. I'm like, Okay, 730 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,879 Speaker 1: this could be four hours, but then people would stop 731 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:38,400 Speaker 1: listening to it and they wouldn't listen to all the 732 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 1: good stuff. So well, obviously that's what I say. Almost 733 00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:43,279 Speaker 1: at the end of every episode. We'll have you back 734 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:47,279 Speaker 1: because there's more to talk about, so for sure. And 735 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,000 Speaker 1: if people want to send a question in and this 736 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,319 Speaker 1: is to you, guys, if you want to send a 737 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,480 Speaker 1: question and based on this conversation or maybe a question 738 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,160 Speaker 1: for Chase, we can answer it on a Couch Talks 739 00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,120 Speaker 1: episode on on a Wednesday. Send this to me and 740 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,680 Speaker 1: if there's one, I can run it by you, Chase, 741 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,040 Speaker 1: and and maybe we could hop on a call quick 742 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,000 Speaker 1: last and do something at that. Happy to