Speaker 1: Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea.
Speaker 2: I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her
Speaker 2: husband Andy Haynes.
Speaker 3: Hi.
Speaker 2: Rosebud and Andy, thank you for being here today as
Speaker 2: a couple. So as you have gotten to spend all
Speaker 2: these years together. How many years have you been together?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 1: Five?
Speaker 5: It'll be five.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not even not really long of a time.
Speaker 2: But within the five years, do you think that your
Speaker 2: performance within the relationship has improved? Learning to get to
Speaker 2: know somebody, meeting someone else's needs, Like, how do you
Speaker 2: think that you have changed from the beginning of the
Speaker 2: relationship to now.
Speaker 3: I think in the beginning of our relationship, I genuinely
Speaker 3: had no idea how to be a partner to someone.
Speaker 1: You're nodding, Andy.
Speaker 4: She was never like a not compassion now, but when
Speaker 4: I first started dating rosebudg she was like a fairal child.
Speaker 5: She was.
Speaker 4: You would go into her cupboards and there would be
Speaker 4: like a half eaten open box of saltines and an
Speaker 4: empty Tabasco sauce and that was her entire pantry. Like
Speaker 4: she was at home, I was on the road, and
Speaker 4: you know, she just was.
Speaker 5: She had like one towel. You know. It was like
Speaker 5: very it was just a very different person.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but I was always I always decorated. Well, let's
Speaker 6: just say that.
Speaker 2: And do you think you had a big hand and
Speaker 2: not changing her personality, but where her relationship her ability
Speaker 2: to be within a relationship is. Now, do you feel
Speaker 2: like you had a big hand in that.
Speaker 4: I think I probably changed what she thought she needed
Speaker 4: out of a relationship maybe, or like maybe I changed
Speaker 4: like the type of partner she thought she needed. Is
Speaker 4: because I don't think I'm her type. If you go
Speaker 4: back to twenty nineteen and you're like pick a guy
Speaker 4: out of a lineup, I don't think I'm I think
Speaker 4: I'm like in the waiting room, you know, and I'm
Speaker 4: number seven, you know. But I think that really changed
Speaker 4: a lot because Rosebud's can I can I say this?
Speaker 4: Rosebud's dad is very stoic, and you know how we're
Speaker 4: like usually attracted people that are kind of like the
Speaker 4: opposite sex parent. So I think that I was kind
Speaker 4: of the anti that to some extent because her dad
Speaker 4: is like immovable.
Speaker 6: I went to it's like hugging a ghost.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I went on a trip with him to the Bahamas,
Speaker 4: and I was like, partially like does Rosebud want a
Speaker 4: divorce and they're just going to an accident's going to happen, Like.
Speaker 5: That's the full time.
Speaker 4: I was like, just divorce me, like I won't fight you,
Speaker 4: Like you don't have to have me killed in the Bahamas.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: If anything, you've learned how to be less trusting in
Speaker 3: a good way.
Speaker 6: Yeah, just by being a part of my family.
Speaker 4: Yes, I want to be now that I've gotten a
Speaker 4: little taste of it. And also it's trusting or more
Speaker 4: trusting less I want to be. So I want to be.
Speaker 4: I want to be like one of the characters from
Speaker 4: HBO's industry. I want to be just a cold blooded capitalist.
Speaker 4: I would love it.
Speaker 2: What impact do you think you've had on Andy since
Speaker 2: you've been married and now that you have a kid that.
Speaker 3: I think Andy's learned how to kind of go okay,
Speaker 3: My feelings aren't necessarily the facts I get. I can
Speaker 3: get through this day by just like planning ahead and
Speaker 3: getting what I need to get done done, and I
Speaker 3: can deal with my emotions later. And I think I
Speaker 3: don't even know if that's healthy, but it seems like
Speaker 3: it's balanced him out.
Speaker 6: A little bit.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I mean it sounds healthy.
Speaker 2: I mean if you have an emotional reaction to everything,
Speaker 2: that's not conducive to being like and even imbalanced, because
Speaker 2: there's a time and a place for those kinds of emotions,
Speaker 2: just like there's a time and a place for certain conversations, right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: So like, yeah, you want to be able to mitigate
Speaker 2: your emotional response in certain situations. Yeah, and then in
Speaker 2: other situations, it's totally acceptable to be like, you know,
Speaker 2: if you think something's wrong with you internally and you
Speaker 2: feel your organs are suffering, you know what your organs
Speaker 2: feel like when they're moved around, You.
Speaker 1: Know that is like you can have a reaction to that.
Speaker 1: But I hear a.
Speaker 3: Big change for us, Like when you had it was
Speaker 3: like earlier this summer when he was going through all
Speaker 3: of that. I that was like a big way up
Speaker 3: call for me where I was like, oh, I got
Speaker 3: to be a better partner about Like. Also, I don't
Speaker 3: like sick people. It's not it's not I don't like
Speaker 3: I get upset around sickness and I get up.
Speaker 6: I feel, yes, it feels to me.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I I don't really afford myself it seems
Speaker 3: like a luxury. And of course there's I'm not talking
Speaker 3: about people who are like, you know, deathly ill, or
Speaker 3: people who are like what's the word when they're it
Speaker 3: never stops, yes, whatever, But I'm talking about just like
Speaker 3: the flu or like with a.
Speaker 2: Guy a few weeks ago that I'm sleeping with who limped. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I went to dinner and he had and I was like,
Speaker 2: what's wrong with your leg? Why are you why limping? Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's like on my knee. I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 4: There's something like animal in us where we want them
Speaker 4: to be put down.
Speaker 5: Yeah, got to leave.
Speaker 6: The pack, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I've always felt that about certain men, certain men where
Speaker 4: I was like, you're because I'm like, I'm kind of
Speaker 4: a pussy.
Speaker 5: I'm a huge pussy in a.
Speaker 4: Lot of ways we've gotten but I also could survive
Speaker 4: like for a month in the woods without any help,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 1: Like it's a weird obviously very bright.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but also I'm like I was raised in this
Speaker 4: like wilderness and kind of outdoorsy and all that stuff
Speaker 4: like that, And so I think I still have this
Speaker 4: thing where like if I meet a guy and I'm like,
Speaker 4: you're pathetic, you know, like I have this weird animal
Speaker 4: thing where I'm like, we got to kill him, we
Speaker 4: gotta He's going to slow us down and we're gonna
Speaker 4: miss the winter.
Speaker 5: We're not gonna be able to get over that pass.
Speaker 3: And that's what happened to me when you had your ulcer.
Speaker 3: I know, so you understand. Yeah, but I did realize
Speaker 3: I need to be a better partner.
Speaker 5: But I'll say it good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do think that the biggest thing that I
Speaker 4: learned in the relationship recently is that I have to
Speaker 4: keep certain things for certain people.
Speaker 3: Like I.
Speaker 4: I do think like you can't go full don Draper
Speaker 4: and have like another family, but you can go like
Speaker 4: I'm going through all this stuff and I'm not going
Speaker 4: to bring it to my wife or my kid or
Speaker 4: like the dinner table.
Speaker 6: Well, the first thing is we don't eat at the
Speaker 6: dinner table.
Speaker 2: But also so I'm so sick of the dinner table,
Speaker 2: Like who wants to sit down and have a full
Speaker 2: dinner every night.
Speaker 1: I want to eat on the sofa. I want to
Speaker 1: eat on the floor. I don't want the formality, Like
Speaker 1: I don't like that. I don't want to style to me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it does We went to her grandpa's house in
Speaker 4: March and had like a big sit down dinner and
Speaker 4: all the people came and brought the food.
Speaker 5: And I was like, this is you know, this is
Speaker 5: how it should be. Yeah, like a Sunday Road you
Speaker 5: want to be?
Speaker 1: You want to be a Kennedy is basically what?
Speaker 5: Oh man?
Speaker 1: And do you see how dysfunctional that family is?
Speaker 5: Bring me on? I love it. I'm already.
Speaker 1: You mentioned early before that Rosebud is the bread winner.
Speaker 2: So how as a modern man does that impact your
Speaker 2: your feelings out the relationship? Is that something that you've
Speaker 2: ever had to struggle with? Does that bother you? Did
Speaker 2: it bother you?
Speaker 4: I definitely had to get used to it because there's
Speaker 4: kind of you might know this because you've been in
Speaker 4: relationships where you can be in a relationship where you're
Speaker 4: both kind of doing something and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: one person's doing this. And there was this feeling when
Speaker 4: she started to get a bunch of stuff where it
Speaker 4: was like should.
Speaker 5: We like be together?
Speaker 4: Like you're not going to bring me on red carpets?
Speaker 4: Like a feeling like that, like should we even be
Speaker 4: together because you're doing so well? And it was like
Speaker 4: all insecurity, and then I think I've gotten used to it,
Speaker 4: you know, like I I think that it ebbs and flows,
Speaker 4: and I think there'll be times where I'm probably doing
Speaker 4: a lot and she wants to not do as much.
Speaker 4: But she also, I mean, she's so much better at
Speaker 4: making eye contact and being personable, So maybe.
Speaker 2: Not, you know, but I haven't noticed your eye contact
Speaker 2: issue yet.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're I'm working on actively.
Speaker 2: I during what we're discussing, like your burgeoning success, like
Speaker 2: having it happen in the beginning, How did that make
Speaker 2: you feel to see him feel that way?
Speaker 3: I expected it a little bit, And just to be clear,
Speaker 3: like I don't I haven't achieved like anything that I
Speaker 3: actually want to achieve yet, Like I mean, I've achieved
Speaker 3: more than I thought I would at the beginning, but
Speaker 3: this I don't even have a Netflix special out yet,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. So it was kind of
Speaker 3: like it was good that we went through this early
Speaker 3: because I was like, it's good to just get these
Speaker 3: feelings up and out. I'm like, if you don't get
Speaker 3: them up and out and you don't like examine them
Speaker 3: and you don't look at them and go like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is probably bullshit. I probably don't need to feel
Speaker 3: this way, but this is how I'm feeling.
Speaker 6: Then that's good.
Speaker 3: But there was a part of me that got really
Speaker 3: upset and got really defensive. You know, there was a
Speaker 3: defensiveness about just feminism on a feminism level, you know,
Speaker 3: like this would never be a conversation if you were
Speaker 3: doing better than me.
Speaker 6: Yeah, never be it.
Speaker 3: But then I thought about it, and I was like,
Speaker 3: there have been comics that I've dated that we're doing
Speaker 3: better than me, and I did have those same feelings.
Speaker 3: So I was like, this is more about like us
Speaker 3: both being comedians than it is about men and women.
Speaker 3: And I think at the end of the day, that's
Speaker 3: just something that we have to We just got to
Speaker 3: support each other through it and like be there for
Speaker 3: each other through it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think airing out that kind of stuff is
Speaker 2: so important because the longer you ignore a problem, you know,
Speaker 2: the bigger it gets. Kinds if you're being dishonest about
Speaker 2: that and you're not being honest about your insecurities and
Speaker 2: labeling them, Like we're all insecure and it's impossible not
Speaker 2: to be envious of someone achieving something that you haven't
Speaker 2: yet achieved.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So denying that is.
Speaker 2: More problematic than actually exposing those feelings.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I won't deny that.
Speaker 4: It like a lot of it came from like being
Speaker 4: a man, you know, Like I was like, I want
Speaker 4: her to design the living room, and I just want
Speaker 4: to write a blank check because I make that kind
Speaker 4: of money and I provide for my family.
Speaker 5: And there was a lot of that that I wanted.
Speaker 4: And also there was like a competitiveness in comedy, right,
Speaker 4: Like we're both comics, and I'm so progressive.
Speaker 5: I get jealous of women.
Speaker 4: Comics too, But you know, it was like, wow, she's
Speaker 4: like doing a lot of the stuff that I want
Speaker 4: to do. And so that was like it was all insecurity,
Speaker 4: and I think we it was like bumpy, but we
Speaker 4: like navigated it pretty well to like a place where
Speaker 4: it's like pretty comfortable. And I really did a lot
Speaker 4: of like even though I'm jealous, even though I'm insecure
Speaker 4: type of stuff, I'm like gonna make sure she knows
Speaker 4: I'm really proud of her, you know, because I think
Speaker 4: that was always really important that even if I had
Speaker 4: those feelings that I wanted her to know that I
Speaker 4: was like so stoked that she had got cast on something,
Speaker 4: or that she got a job writing for something, or
Speaker 4: now that she's like doing this special Like it was
Speaker 4: always important for me for her to know that, even
Speaker 4: if I felt some type of way.
Speaker 2: Well, it's interesting though, because you're saying it comes down
Speaker 2: to you guys being comedians, and you're saying a.
Speaker 1: Little bit of both, because I'm wondering if she were.
Speaker 6: Saying a little bit of both too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because like if you were in the financial
Speaker 2: world and crushing it financially, would that have had the
Speaker 2: same impact on you?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 1: So it is more I.
Speaker 2: Think about being comedians and being in the same business
Speaker 2: because that's just naturally competitive.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it is, And I think but he did.
Speaker 3: He was like, I remember when my first day at SNL,
Speaker 3: I came home and Andy had this big sign up
Speaker 3: that's in congratulations, you know, and he was like waiting
Speaker 3: for me and was excited when I got home, and
Speaker 3: I was like, and I knew how he felt, you know.
Speaker 3: So the fact that he was able to do that
Speaker 3: and kind of like rise above it meant so much
Speaker 3: to me because I I'm like, you didn't even have
Speaker 3: to do that, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy
Speaker 2: tune in next time as we continue couples counseling with Chelsea.
Speaker 2: You can check out Rosebud and Andy's podcast, It's called
Speaker 2: Find Your Beach. Andy will be on tour in Dallas,
Speaker 2: Oklahoma City, and Tulsa in September, Amsterdam on October twenty fifth,
Speaker 2: and then he has two dates in Milwaukee in December,
Speaker 2: so check out his Instagram and TikTok at I'm Andy
Speaker 2: Haynes hy Nes for tickets to those dates and for more,
Speaker 2: and you can find both Andy and Rosebud on YouTube.
Speaker 1: Rosebud will be taping her.
Speaker 2: New special on September sixteenth in New York at the
Speaker 2: Village Underground and you can get tickets to this and
Speaker 2: more of her dates at rosebud Baker dot com and
Speaker 2: you can find her on Instagram and TikTok at rosebud Baker.
Speaker 2: Upcoming shows that I have. I'm coming to Texas, I'm
Speaker 2: coming to Saint Louis in Kansas City, and then I
Speaker 2: will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater
Speaker 2: inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York
Speaker 2: at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I have
Speaker 2: tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December,
Speaker 2: so if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Beth
Speaker 2: or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler
Speaker 2: dot com for tickets.
Speaker 4: Okay,