WEBVTT - Minisode: Offed in Bermuda with Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea.

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<v Speaker 2>I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her

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<v Speaker 2>husband Andy Haynes.

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<v Speaker 3>Hi.

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<v Speaker 2>Rosebud and Andy, thank you for being here today as

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<v Speaker 2>a couple. So as you have gotten to spend all

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<v Speaker 2>these years together. How many years have you been together?

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<v Speaker 4>Now?

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<v Speaker 1>Five?

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<v Speaker 5>It'll be five.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's not even not really long of a time.

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<v Speaker 2>But within the five years, do you think that your

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<v Speaker 2>performance within the relationship has improved? Learning to get to

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<v Speaker 2>know somebody, meeting someone else's needs, Like, how do you

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<v Speaker 2>think that you have changed from the beginning of the

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<v Speaker 2>relationship to now.

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<v Speaker 3>I think in the beginning of our relationship, I genuinely

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<v Speaker 3>had no idea how to be a partner to someone.

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<v Speaker 1>You're nodding, Andy.

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<v Speaker 4>She was never like a not compassion now, but when

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<v Speaker 4>I first started dating rosebudg she was like a fairal child.

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<v Speaker 5>She was.

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<v Speaker 4>You would go into her cupboards and there would be

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<v Speaker 4>like a half eaten open box of saltines and an

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<v Speaker 4>empty Tabasco sauce and that was her entire pantry. Like

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<v Speaker 4>she was at home, I was on the road, and

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<v Speaker 4>you know, she just was.

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<v Speaker 5>She had like one towel. You know. It was like

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<v Speaker 5>very it was just a very different person.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, but I was always I always decorated. Well, let's

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<v Speaker 6>just say that.

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<v Speaker 2>And do you think you had a big hand and

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<v Speaker 2>not changing her personality, but where her relationship her ability

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<v Speaker 2>to be within a relationship is. Now, do you feel

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<v Speaker 2>like you had a big hand in that.

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<v Speaker 4>I think I probably changed what she thought she needed

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<v Speaker 4>out of a relationship maybe, or like maybe I changed

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<v Speaker 4>like the type of partner she thought she needed. Is

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<v Speaker 4>because I don't think I'm her type. If you go

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<v Speaker 4>back to twenty nineteen and you're like pick a guy

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<v Speaker 4>out of a lineup, I don't think I'm I think

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<v Speaker 4>I'm like in the waiting room, you know, and I'm

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<v Speaker 4>number seven, you know. But I think that really changed

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<v Speaker 4>a lot because Rosebud's can I can I say this?

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<v Speaker 4>Rosebud's dad is very stoic, and you know how we're

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<v Speaker 4>like usually attracted people that are kind of like the

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<v Speaker 4>opposite sex parent. So I think that I was kind

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<v Speaker 4>of the anti that to some extent because her dad

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<v Speaker 4>is like immovable.

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<v Speaker 6>I went to it's like hugging a ghost.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>I went on a trip with him to the Bahamas,

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<v Speaker 4>and I was like, partially like does Rosebud want a

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<v Speaker 4>divorce and they're just going to an accident's going to happen, Like.

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<v Speaker 5>That's the full time.

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<v Speaker 4>I was like, just divorce me, like I won't fight you,

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<v Speaker 4>Like you don't have to have me killed in the Bahamas.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>If anything, you've learned how to be less trusting in

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<v Speaker 3>a good way.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, just by being a part of my family.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, I want to be now that I've gotten a

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<v Speaker 4>little taste of it. And also it's trusting or more

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<v Speaker 4>trusting less I want to be. So I want to be.

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<v Speaker 4>I want to be like one of the characters from

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<v Speaker 4>HBO's industry. I want to be just a cold blooded capitalist.

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<v Speaker 4>I would love it.

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<v Speaker 2>What impact do you think you've had on Andy since

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<v Speaker 2>you've been married and now that you have a kid that.

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<v Speaker 3>I think Andy's learned how to kind of go okay,

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<v Speaker 3>My feelings aren't necessarily the facts I get. I can

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<v Speaker 3>get through this day by just like planning ahead and

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<v Speaker 3>getting what I need to get done done, and I

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<v Speaker 3>can deal with my emotions later. And I think I

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<v Speaker 3>don't even know if that's healthy, but it seems like

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<v Speaker 3>it's balanced him out.

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<v Speaker 6>A little bit.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, yeah, I mean it sounds healthy.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean if you have an emotional reaction to everything,

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<v Speaker 2>that's not conducive to being like and even imbalanced, because

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<v Speaker 2>there's a time and a place for those kinds of emotions,

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<v Speaker 2>just like there's a time and a place for certain conversations, right, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>So like, yeah, you want to be able to mitigate

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<v Speaker 2>your emotional response in certain situations. Yeah, and then in

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<v Speaker 2>other situations, it's totally acceptable to be like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>if you think something's wrong with you internally and you

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<v Speaker 2>feel your organs are suffering, you know what your organs

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<v Speaker 2>feel like when they're moved around, You.

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<v Speaker 1>Know that is like you can have a reaction to that.

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<v Speaker 1>But I hear a.

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<v Speaker 3>Big change for us, Like when you had it was

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<v Speaker 3>like earlier this summer when he was going through all

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<v Speaker 3>of that. I that was like a big way up

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<v Speaker 3>call for me where I was like, oh, I got

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<v Speaker 3>to be a better partner about Like. Also, I don't

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<v Speaker 3>like sick people. It's not it's not I don't like

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<v Speaker 3>I get upset around sickness and I get up.

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<v Speaker 6>I feel, yes, it feels to me.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm like, I I don't really afford myself it seems

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<v Speaker 3>like a luxury. And of course there's I'm not talking

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<v Speaker 3>about people who are like, you know, deathly ill, or

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<v Speaker 3>people who are like what's the word when they're it

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<v Speaker 3>never stops, yes, whatever, But I'm talking about just like

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<v Speaker 3>the flu or like with a.

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<v Speaker 2>Guy a few weeks ago that I'm sleeping with who limped. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I went to dinner and he had and I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>what's wrong with your leg? Why are you why limping? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it's like on my knee. I'm like, no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 2>I think.

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<v Speaker 4>There's something like animal in us where we want them

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<v Speaker 4>to be put down.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, got to leave.

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<v Speaker 6>The pack, right.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>I've always felt that about certain men, certain men where

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<v Speaker 4>I was like, you're because I'm like, I'm kind of

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<v Speaker 4>a pussy.

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<v Speaker 5>I'm a huge pussy in a.

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<v Speaker 4>Lot of ways we've gotten but I also could survive

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<v Speaker 4>like for a month in the woods without any help,

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<v Speaker 4>you know.

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<v Speaker 1>Like it's a weird obviously very bright.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but also I'm like I was raised in this

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<v Speaker 4>like wilderness and kind of outdoorsy and all that stuff

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<v Speaker 4>like that, And so I think I still have this

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<v Speaker 4>thing where like if I meet a guy and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 4>you're pathetic, you know, like I have this weird animal

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<v Speaker 4>thing where I'm like, we got to kill him, we

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<v Speaker 4>gotta He's going to slow us down and we're gonna

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<v Speaker 4>miss the winter.

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<v Speaker 5>We're not gonna be able to get over that pass.

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<v Speaker 3>And that's what happened to me when you had your ulcer.

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<v Speaker 3>I know, so you understand. Yeah, but I did realize

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<v Speaker 3>I need to be a better partner.

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<v Speaker 5>But I'll say it good.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I do think that the biggest thing that I

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<v Speaker 4>learned in the relationship recently is that I have to

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<v Speaker 4>keep certain things for certain people.

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<v Speaker 3>Like I.

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<v Speaker 4>I do think like you can't go full don Draper

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<v Speaker 4>and have like another family, but you can go like

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<v Speaker 4>I'm going through all this stuff and I'm not going

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<v Speaker 4>to bring it to my wife or my kid or

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<v Speaker 4>like the dinner table.

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<v Speaker 6>Well, the first thing is we don't eat at the

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<v Speaker 6>dinner table.

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<v Speaker 2>But also so I'm so sick of the dinner table,

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<v Speaker 2>Like who wants to sit down and have a full

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<v Speaker 2>dinner every night.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to eat on the sofa. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>eat on the floor. I don't want the formality, Like

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<v Speaker 1>I don't like that. I don't want to style to me.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it does We went to her grandpa's house in

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<v Speaker 4>March and had like a big sit down dinner and

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<v Speaker 4>all the people came and brought the food.

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<v Speaker 5>And I was like, this is you know, this is

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<v Speaker 5>how it should be. Yeah, like a Sunday Road you

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<v Speaker 5>want to be?

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<v Speaker 1>You want to be a Kennedy is basically what?

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<v Speaker 5>Oh man?

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<v Speaker 1>And do you see how dysfunctional that family is?

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<v Speaker 5>Bring me on? I love it. I'm already.

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<v Speaker 1>You mentioned early before that Rosebud is the bread winner.

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<v Speaker 2>So how as a modern man does that impact your

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<v Speaker 2>your feelings out the relationship? Is that something that you've

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<v Speaker 2>ever had to struggle with? Does that bother you? Did

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<v Speaker 2>it bother you?

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<v Speaker 4>I definitely had to get used to it because there's

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<v Speaker 4>kind of you might know this because you've been in

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<v Speaker 4>relationships where you can be in a relationship where you're

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<v Speaker 4>both kind of doing something and then all of a sudden,

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<v Speaker 4>one person's doing this. And there was this feeling when

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<v Speaker 4>she started to get a bunch of stuff where it

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<v Speaker 4>was like should.

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<v Speaker 5>We like be together?

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<v Speaker 4>Like you're not going to bring me on red carpets?

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<v Speaker 4>Like a feeling like that, like should we even be

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<v Speaker 4>together because you're doing so well? And it was like

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<v Speaker 4>all insecurity, and then I think I've gotten used to it,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, like I I think that it ebbs and flows,

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<v Speaker 4>and I think there'll be times where I'm probably doing

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<v Speaker 4>a lot and she wants to not do as much.

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<v Speaker 4>But she also, I mean, she's so much better at

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<v Speaker 4>making eye contact and being personable, So maybe.

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<v Speaker 2>Not, you know, but I haven't noticed your eye contact

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<v Speaker 2>issue yet.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe you're I'm working on actively.

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<v Speaker 2>I during what we're discussing, like your burgeoning success, like

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<v Speaker 2>having it happen in the beginning, How did that make

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<v Speaker 2>you feel to see him feel that way?

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<v Speaker 3>I expected it a little bit, And just to be clear,

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<v Speaker 3>like I don't I haven't achieved like anything that I

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<v Speaker 3>actually want to achieve yet, Like I mean, I've achieved

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<v Speaker 3>more than I thought I would at the beginning, but

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<v Speaker 3>this I don't even have a Netflix special out yet,

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<v Speaker 3>you know what I mean. So it was kind of

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<v Speaker 3>like it was good that we went through this early

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<v Speaker 3>because I was like, it's good to just get these

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<v Speaker 3>feelings up and out. I'm like, if you don't get

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<v Speaker 3>them up and out and you don't like examine them

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<v Speaker 3>and you don't look at them and go like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>this is probably bullshit. I probably don't need to feel

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<v Speaker 3>this way, but this is how I'm feeling.

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<v Speaker 6>Then that's good.

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<v Speaker 3>But there was a part of me that got really

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<v Speaker 3>upset and got really defensive. You know, there was a

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<v Speaker 3>defensiveness about just feminism on a feminism level, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>like this would never be a conversation if you were

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<v Speaker 3>doing better than me.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, never be it.

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<v Speaker 3>But then I thought about it, and I was like,

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<v Speaker 3>there have been comics that I've dated that we're doing

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<v Speaker 3>better than me, and I did have those same feelings.

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<v Speaker 3>So I was like, this is more about like us

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<v Speaker 3>both being comedians than it is about men and women.

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<v Speaker 3>And I think at the end of the day, that's

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<v Speaker 3>just something that we have to We just got to

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<v Speaker 3>support each other through it and like be there for

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<v Speaker 3>each other through it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I think airing out that kind of stuff is

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<v Speaker 2>so important because the longer you ignore a problem, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>the bigger it gets. Kinds if you're being dishonest about

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<v Speaker 2>that and you're not being honest about your insecurities and

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<v Speaker 2>labeling them, Like we're all insecure and it's impossible not

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<v Speaker 2>to be envious of someone achieving something that you haven't

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<v Speaker 2>yet achieved.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So denying that is.

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<v Speaker 2>More problematic than actually exposing those feelings.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, and I won't deny that.

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<v Speaker 4>It like a lot of it came from like being

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<v Speaker 4>a man, you know, Like I was like, I want

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<v Speaker 4>her to design the living room, and I just want

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<v Speaker 4>to write a blank check because I make that kind

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<v Speaker 4>of money and I provide for my family.

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<v Speaker 5>And there was a lot of that that I wanted.

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<v Speaker 4>And also there was like a competitiveness in comedy, right,

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<v Speaker 4>Like we're both comics, and I'm so progressive.

0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:17.600
<v Speaker 5>I get jealous of women.

0:10:17.480 --> 0:10:21.680
<v Speaker 4>Comics too, But you know, it was like, wow, she's

0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:24.080
<v Speaker 4>like doing a lot of the stuff that I want

0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:28.400
<v Speaker 4>to do. And so that was like it was all insecurity,

0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:31.000
<v Speaker 4>and I think we it was like bumpy, but we

0:10:31.040 --> 0:10:33.439
<v Speaker 4>like navigated it pretty well to like a place where

0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:37.319
<v Speaker 4>it's like pretty comfortable. And I really did a lot

0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.679
<v Speaker 4>of like even though I'm jealous, even though I'm insecure

0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:43.280
<v Speaker 4>type of stuff, I'm like gonna make sure she knows

0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:45.360
<v Speaker 4>I'm really proud of her, you know, because I think

0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:47.880
<v Speaker 4>that was always really important that even if I had

0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:49.720
<v Speaker 4>those feelings that I wanted her to know that I

0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:52.839
<v Speaker 4>was like so stoked that she had got cast on something,

0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:55.120
<v Speaker 4>or that she got a job writing for something, or

0:10:55.160 --> 0:10:57.360
<v Speaker 4>now that she's like doing this special Like it was

0:10:57.360 --> 0:11:00.240
<v Speaker 4>always important for me for her to know that, even

0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:01.600
<v Speaker 4>if I felt some type of way.

0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:03.760
<v Speaker 2>Well, it's interesting though, because you're saying it comes down

0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.000
<v Speaker 2>to you guys being comedians, and you're saying a.

0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:08.160
<v Speaker 1>Little bit of both, because I'm wondering if she were.

0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:09.600
<v Speaker 6>Saying a little bit of both too.

0:11:09.840 --> 0:11:12.079
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, because like if you were in the financial

0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:14.520
<v Speaker 2>world and crushing it financially, would that have had the

0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:15.640
<v Speaker 2>same impact on you?

0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:16.200
<v Speaker 5>Right?

0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:17.719
<v Speaker 1>So it is more I.

0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.120
<v Speaker 2>Think about being comedians and being in the same business

0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:22.400
<v Speaker 2>because that's just naturally competitive.

0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:25.640
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, it is, And I think but he did.

0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:29.280
<v Speaker 3>He was like, I remember when my first day at SNL,

0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:32.560
<v Speaker 3>I came home and Andy had this big sign up

0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:36.840
<v Speaker 3>that's in congratulations, you know, and he was like waiting

0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:38.920
<v Speaker 3>for me and was excited when I got home, and

0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.480
<v Speaker 3>I was like, and I knew how he felt, you know.

0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:44.160
<v Speaker 3>So the fact that he was able to do that

0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:46.880
<v Speaker 3>and kind of like rise above it meant so much

0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:50.400
<v Speaker 3>to me because I I'm like, you didn't even have

0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:51.480
<v Speaker 3>to do that, you know.

0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:55.319
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy

0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:59.960
<v Speaker 2>tune in next time as we continue couples counseling with Chelsea.

0:12:00.000 --> 0:12:02.120
<v Speaker 2>You can check out Rosebud and Andy's podcast, It's called

0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:05.160
<v Speaker 2>Find Your Beach. Andy will be on tour in Dallas,

0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:09.320
<v Speaker 2>Oklahoma City, and Tulsa in September, Amsterdam on October twenty fifth,

0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:12.439
<v Speaker 2>and then he has two dates in Milwaukee in December,

0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:15.600
<v Speaker 2>so check out his Instagram and TikTok at I'm Andy

0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:20.240
<v Speaker 2>Haynes hy Nes for tickets to those dates and for more,

0:12:20.280 --> 0:12:23.160
<v Speaker 2>and you can find both Andy and Rosebud on YouTube.

0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:24.600
<v Speaker 1>Rosebud will be taping her.

0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:27.040
<v Speaker 2>New special on September sixteenth in New York at the

0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:29.000
<v Speaker 2>Village Underground and you can get tickets to this and

0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:31.800
<v Speaker 2>more of her dates at rosebud Baker dot com and

0:12:32.120 --> 0:12:35.080
<v Speaker 2>you can find her on Instagram and TikTok at rosebud Baker.

0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.559
<v Speaker 2>Upcoming shows that I have. I'm coming to Texas, I'm

0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:40.960
<v Speaker 2>coming to Saint Louis in Kansas City, and then I

0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:44.280
<v Speaker 2>will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater

0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:47.920
<v Speaker 2>inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York

0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:52.120
<v Speaker 2>at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I have

0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:56.000
<v Speaker 2>tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December,

0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:59.920
<v Speaker 2>so if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Beth

0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:04.559
<v Speaker 2>or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler

0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:05.440
<v Speaker 2>dot com for tickets.

0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:06.000
<v Speaker 4>Okay,