WEBVTT - Enduring Friendships with Michelle Monaghan

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. How's whistler?

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<v Speaker 2>Whistler is has welcomed me with open arms. It's springtime.

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<v Speaker 2>Spring skiing has sprung. Doug and I have reunited. We

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<v Speaker 2>took a plane ride together with an e bike, the

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<v Speaker 2>three of us, and I sent him back to training

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<v Speaker 2>camp and somehow he came back a slightly more aggressive

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<v Speaker 2>So we are we.

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<v Speaker 3>I know, I have my work cut out for me.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm hanging out here with all my girlfriends having a

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<v Speaker 2>grand old time.

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<v Speaker 3>Very happy about a break.

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<v Speaker 2>I hope everyone has checked out my new Netflix special,

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<v Speaker 2>The Feeling. It has premiered on Netflix. It's out now officially,

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<v Speaker 2>and yes, very exciting my book and my special.

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<v Speaker 4>I mean, it's all it's all common up Brosa's. I'm

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<v Speaker 4>getting so many emails, especially about the book. I mean,

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<v Speaker 4>the special just came out, so I've gotten a feel

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<v Speaker 4>about that too, But so many emails from listeners saying

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<v Speaker 4>how much they love the book, how much it's meaning

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<v Speaker 4>to them.

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<v Speaker 3>So oh nice.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that.

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<v Speaker 3>I love that. I'm trying to answer all my dms.

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<v Speaker 2>Some of them are a little fucked up, though, so

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes I read them and I'm like, unread, unread, I

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't find there's like a section from when you get

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<v Speaker 2>DMS by from people that you don't know, like there's

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<v Speaker 2>nothing to say unread. But then I realized, once you

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<v Speaker 2>they're not in your primary or jet you know they're in,

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<v Speaker 2>you're not, yes, so it doesn't matter if you read

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<v Speaker 2>them and don't because I'm like, oh God, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>want to deal with this. So many people are asking

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<v Speaker 2>me for money. I would love to help everyone with money.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't have that much money to be giving out

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<v Speaker 2>to strangers.

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<v Speaker 3>I can't really do that for legal purposes.

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<v Speaker 2>Mostly I've had bad experiences in the past. So while

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<v Speaker 2>people are reaching out, I mean, I want to help you,

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<v Speaker 2>but I can't.

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<v Speaker 3>Legally just give out money to people all the time.

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<v Speaker 4>So but that's why it's nice that we have that

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<v Speaker 4>resource of like pandemic of love that we can send

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<v Speaker 4>people to that helps, you know, connect people with people

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<v Speaker 4>who can donate.

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<v Speaker 2>So yes, and also there's all these great teachers that

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<v Speaker 2>are asking for supplies. That is something that we can

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<v Speaker 2>do and every ready can donate to for teachers who

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<v Speaker 2>need supplies for their classrooms, especially considering everything that's happening

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<v Speaker 2>in this hot mess administration that is driving me to

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<v Speaker 2>drink more even while I'm in Canada. Who all my

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<v Speaker 2>Canadian friends are like, no one will buy American goods.

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<v Speaker 3>Up here, you know, no one.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like an American boycott. I don't know how much longer, exactly,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know how much longer Americans are even going

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<v Speaker 2>to be welcome.

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<v Speaker 4>I mean, listen, I a millennial, have not shopped at

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<v Speaker 4>Target in like two months. So like, if that doesn't

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<v Speaker 4>tell you something's crazy, I'm fully on with the boycott.

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<v Speaker 3>So I am as well. I am as well.

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<v Speaker 2>It's hard to boycott Amazon. Everyone orders everything from Amazon.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm trying to minimize my Amazon like it's down to

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<v Speaker 4>the bear bear bones.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, on the bright side, our lovely guest today is

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<v Speaker 4>Michelle Monahan, who can be found on this current season

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<v Speaker 4>of White Lotus.

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<v Speaker 1>Please welcome Michelle Monahan.

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<v Speaker 5>Hi, Chelsea, Hi, how are you?

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<v Speaker 3>Long time?

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<v Speaker 2>No meat, I've been waiting to meet, excell you me too.

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<v Speaker 2>Look at all of your people leaving your room. Where

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<v Speaker 2>the people servicing you?

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<v Speaker 5>They're all service me.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my goodness, where are you?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in New York. I'm in New York. I just

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<v Speaker 1>got here for a couple of days in press, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm excited to be talking with you.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, Oh my god. Well we have so

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<v Speaker 2>much to discuss. First of all, yes we do. We

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<v Speaker 2>have so much to do. I hope you're seeing Leslie

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<v Speaker 2>while you're in New York.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm sure you.

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<v Speaker 1>I am just going to miss her. We were just texting,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't think it's going to happen because she's

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<v Speaker 1>knee deep in in all of her press at the moment,

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<v Speaker 1>and I am too. But I did get to see

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<v Speaker 1>her a couple of weeks ago. We both happened to

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<v Speaker 1>be in Paris, and so we had a beautiful dinner

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<v Speaker 1>and a great catchup.

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<v Speaker 3>And yeah, she told me. She told me.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh my god, the fact that the

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<v Speaker 2>two of you are working together. I was so excited.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know Carrie yet, but I'm going to have

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<v Speaker 2>to meet her too because of the three of you.

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<v Speaker 2>But so, okay, we're not going to give any well

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<v Speaker 2>we are, because who cares.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, if people aren't caught up to.

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<v Speaker 2>White lotus, then they're fucking not paying attention to the

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<v Speaker 2>life anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>It's going to be ruined for them. The internet going

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<v Speaker 1>to ruin it for them. Any ways, they should catch up.

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<v Speaker 2>But by the time we air this, they'll have been

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<v Speaker 2>at least one more episode come out. So let's just

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<v Speaker 2>talk about the most recent episode where you fuck the.

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<v Speaker 3>Guy that youre a friend wanted to fuck.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so I saw this, I mean, I guess I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't see it coming. I want to say I saw

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<v Speaker 2>a coming after I came. But I mean, we just

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<v Speaker 2>see the lead up. But the whole dynamic between the

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<v Speaker 2>three of you will start with white lotus because it

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<v Speaker 2>was such a huge filming experience that I have a

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<v Speaker 2>couple of friends that were on this show, so I

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<v Speaker 2>was so like, I heard so many different things about

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<v Speaker 2>being away for that many months.

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<v Speaker 3>You guys were away for six months in Thailand?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, absolutely, yeah, six months?

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<v Speaker 2>And what how I mean I know you have children?

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<v Speaker 2>You have two daughters, right.

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<v Speaker 1>I am two. I was a sixteen year old daughter

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<v Speaker 1>and an eleven year old son.

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<v Speaker 3>Eleven year old son.

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<v Speaker 2>How do you stay away from your son for an

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<v Speaker 2>eleven year old son?

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<v Speaker 3>Was he able to visit you?

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<v Speaker 5>Yes?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Well I was lucky because the show basically started

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<v Speaker 1>filming in February, so they came over for three weeks

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<v Speaker 1>at spring break, and then they came over for three

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<v Speaker 1>months during the school holidays, the summer vacation, so I

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<v Speaker 1>got to actually spend quite a bit of time with them.

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<v Speaker 1>And then, as you know, the show is very much

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<v Speaker 1>an ensemble with multiple storylines, and so with the nature

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<v Speaker 1>of filming, you would have kind of one storyline front

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<v Speaker 1>and center, the Ladies specifically, as Mike refers to as

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<v Speaker 1>the Ladies. We kicked off productions, so we shot pretty

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<v Speaker 1>intensely for about four weeks I think, and then the

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<v Speaker 1>rat lifts started and so the Ladies had a couple

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<v Speaker 1>of weeks downtime. So I flew back home to be

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<v Speaker 1>with the family. Then. So what I thought was going

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<v Speaker 1>to be a really really intense time of being away

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<v Speaker 1>from my family and thinking like, holy shit, how the

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<v Speaker 1>fuck am I going to make this work? Actually it

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<v Speaker 1>didn't end up being that at all. I was actually

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<v Speaker 1>able to travel to see them in The big joy

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<v Speaker 1>was them being able to come over and spend time

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<v Speaker 1>in Thailand and kind of having that family adventure there

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<v Speaker 1>was like hitting second to none.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean, what tell us about Thailand? Tell us

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<v Speaker 2>about spending so much time there?

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I am someone who loves to travel. It's

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<v Speaker 1>it's probably my greatest pastime and certainly the greatest privilege.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been traveling since I was about seventeen, kind of

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<v Speaker 1>on my own. I started modeling when I was a teenager,

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<v Speaker 1>and so it's something that I feel really comfortable doing

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<v Speaker 1>and I am excited to always do. I mean, listen,

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<v Speaker 1>even if it's in like Winnipeg or Albuquerque, I will

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<v Speaker 1>find my jam. I will find that routine.

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<v Speaker 3>Those Winnipeg listen, don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I've heard Winnipeg about five times in the last two weeks.

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<v Speaker 2>I have spent three days in Winnipeg. I will never

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<v Speaker 2>ever see the inside of Winnipeg again.

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<v Speaker 3>So the fact that you.

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<v Speaker 6>You got to be in Winnipeg in summer because that's

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<v Speaker 6>what all the beer gardens come out, and like everybody's

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<v Speaker 6>in a good nude, So you know, you got to

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<v Speaker 6>You gotta do Winnipeg in the right season.

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<v Speaker 1>That's the key. That's the key.

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<v Speaker 2>I would imagine Winnipeg is really celebratory in the summertime

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<v Speaker 2>after what they got through in.

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<v Speaker 3>The winter time.

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<v Speaker 1>They're like Chicago, you know, like all the crazy comes.

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<v Speaker 2>Out well without without the shopping and without the civilization

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<v Speaker 2>I mean Winnipeg. I spent three nights in Winnipeg. I

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<v Speaker 2>was performing in on tour.

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<v Speaker 3>How much online shopping did you do online? Are you

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<v Speaker 3>kidding me?

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<v Speaker 2>I just took I took Xanax one after another and

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<v Speaker 2>just kept sleeping. I was like, fuck this place. I

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<v Speaker 2>woke up for my show and then went back to sleep.

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<v Speaker 3>Afterward.

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<v Speaker 2>I flew in there and it was a sheet of ice.

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<v Speaker 2>It was, and there were people ice skating, like not

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<v Speaker 2>in an ice skating rink. On the streets. People were

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<v Speaker 2>ice skating to work. I was like, ok, God, and

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<v Speaker 2>with no mountain, so I love the snow if there's

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<v Speaker 2>something to ski.

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<v Speaker 3>But there was nothing to see because it's all flat.

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<v Speaker 1>You're right, You're right. It's very anticlimactic there, right, exactly.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, that's a good note to go back in the summertime.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm sure. I mean, I can't get any work.

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<v Speaker 1>It's beautiful, rights, It's okay then, But I will say

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<v Speaker 1>Thailand was amazing.

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<v Speaker 6>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd never been to that part of the world. I'd

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<v Speaker 1>spent a little time in Singapore probably a couple decades ago,

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<v Speaker 1>spent time in Japan, but never been to Thailand. And

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<v Speaker 1>it was a place that I've it's kind of always

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<v Speaker 1>on that on that list, and it's gorgeous there. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>it's called the Land of Smiles for an absolute reason.

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<v Speaker 1>And you get there and the people, the culture is

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<v Speaker 1>so warm, and the food. I mean, I listen, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>a huge fan of Thai food. I love to eat,

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<v Speaker 1>and there wasn't one day that I was ever sick

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<v Speaker 1>of eating you know, thaie beef salad or green chicken

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<v Speaker 1>curry or grapao or any kind of Thai dish. And

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<v Speaker 1>fresh fish, I mean they you know, you you eat

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<v Speaker 1>the most incredible like sea bass, red snapper. I mean

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<v Speaker 1>it's all just caught fresh. It was just it was

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<v Speaker 1>a beautiful experience to be able to just have that

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<v Speaker 1>as a part of like your daily routine.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I would have.

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<v Speaker 1>It was pretty sweet. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>So you talk about this experience being one of like

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<v Speaker 2>the most expansive experiences career wise and personally that you've

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<v Speaker 2>had working with Mike White, working.

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<v Speaker 3>On this show.

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<v Speaker 2>Can you talk a little bit more about why it

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<v Speaker 2>has been such a special experience.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean, listen, I've been in this industry for

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<v Speaker 1>twenty twenty five years. I mean, it is not lost

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<v Speaker 1>on me how special that is to be able to

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<v Speaker 1>have that kind of longevity as an actor, to have

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<v Speaker 1>a kind of breadth of a career that I've had,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, been able to explore so many different kinds

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<v Speaker 1>of genres, you know, in my career, independent film, big films,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, television, and that's been incredible for me. But

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<v Speaker 1>I'm also a woman in my in my forties, and

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<v Speaker 1>we always get fed that narrative, you know that, like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, your career is going to start to dry

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<v Speaker 1>up in your forties, There's not going to be those

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<v Speaker 1>kinds of roles. And I guess in some ways I've

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<v Speaker 1>maybe experienced that notion, but I also think like that

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<v Speaker 1>we feed ourselves that and those are like stories that

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<v Speaker 1>we tell ourselves, which I don't necessarily think are reality.

0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:31.559
<v Speaker 1>I think to be able to specifically work with with

0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:37.280
<v Speaker 1>Mike on this particular storyline was really special for me.

0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:40.040
<v Speaker 1>We were coming out of a strike as a union.

0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:45.400
<v Speaker 1>Things were really slow, you know. The opportunity came to

0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:47.160
<v Speaker 1>me and said, you know, Mike would like you to

0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:52.720
<v Speaker 1>audition for this character, and I was like, holy shit.

0:10:52.840 --> 0:10:56.560
<v Speaker 1>I've loved Mike from Chuck and Buck, like from back

0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:58.760
<v Speaker 1>in the day. I've been obsessed with that dude. And

0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:02.920
<v Speaker 1>I randomly met him at a dinner party, like I

0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:06.960
<v Speaker 1>don't know, probably fifteen seventeen years ago, and I sat

0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:09.480
<v Speaker 1>across from him, my husband and I did, and I

0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:12.559
<v Speaker 1>remember us leaving that dinner part I was like, that

0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:16.520
<v Speaker 1>fucking guy is so cool, weird and awesome, Like, I

0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:18.560
<v Speaker 1>just want to spend more time with that guy. And

0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:21.240
<v Speaker 1>within that span of time, of course, we've watched the

0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:27.439
<v Speaker 1>trajectory of Mike's career as an actor, as a writer,

0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:31.120
<v Speaker 1>and most certainly, you know, as a director. To then

0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:35.680
<v Speaker 1>actually have an opportunity to kind of work with him.

0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:38.600
<v Speaker 1>When I got the gig, I was like overwhelmed, you know,

0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:42.440
<v Speaker 1>I cried tears of joy, you know, because I knew

0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:46.040
<v Speaker 1>how big of an opportunity this was. And I think

0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:49.120
<v Speaker 1>as an actor and as a fan of the show,

0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:53.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, he's a master of tone, and so to

0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:57.120
<v Speaker 1>get to creatively, to dive in and to kind of

0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:02.960
<v Speaker 1>flesh out the neuroses of these people bull that walks

0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:07.800
<v Speaker 1>such a fine line between comedy and drama, and it's melancholic,

0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:11.560
<v Speaker 1>it's all this acerbic, all those things like that's such

0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:15.679
<v Speaker 1>a challenge and I was so excited to be able

0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:19.440
<v Speaker 1>to challenge myself as a as an actor, as a

0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:22.160
<v Speaker 1>performer and go like, all right, can I lean into

0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:26.400
<v Speaker 1>these things? Can I deliver exactly what his material deserves?

0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:30.839
<v Speaker 1>And so I was super excited about getting that opportunity

0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:33.360
<v Speaker 1>and to get to do it also with like the

0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:36.400
<v Speaker 1>likes of Leslie Bibb and Carrie Koon, who I hold

0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:37.280
<v Speaker 1>in such highestea.

0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:39.439
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's such a great trifecta, the three of

0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:43.040
<v Speaker 2>you girls. I fucking love it so much. Well, I

0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:45.800
<v Speaker 2>want to ask you a question as an actor, when

0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:48.559
<v Speaker 2>you read this, right, you, when you're first auditioning, you're

0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:50.240
<v Speaker 2>just reading probably sides or.

0:12:50.240 --> 0:12:52.200
<v Speaker 3>That you get the first script. Maybe I don't.

0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:54.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure how he works, but I'm sure it's

0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:58.320
<v Speaker 2>very secretive. Yes, right, So once you get hired for

0:12:58.400 --> 0:13:02.000
<v Speaker 2>the role, are you able to read through the entire series?

0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:05.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? So it's such a great question. I mean, when

0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:07.760
<v Speaker 1>I first got the sides, I was just like, fucking,

0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.240
<v Speaker 1>hey man, I just have some like insight into what

0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:13.000
<v Speaker 1>season three is like. I was just excited to.

0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:16.600
<v Speaker 5>Like just to have like ten pages of like.

0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:17.640
<v Speaker 3>His brain, you know.

0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:22.880
<v Speaker 1>And then once I got the role, you get them

0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:27.240
<v Speaker 1>all eight episodes in your inbox. You get to binge

0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:30.080
<v Speaker 1>read this show. And I remember my husband and I

0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:32.800
<v Speaker 1>and the kids we were. We got it right before

0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:37.760
<v Speaker 1>Christmas break twenty twenty three, I guess because we were

0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:40.520
<v Speaker 1>shooting twenty February twenty twenty four. So I got it

0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:42.360
<v Speaker 1>right as we were going to Australia and I was like,

0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:44.880
<v Speaker 1>there's no way I'm going to sleep on this flight

0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:47.600
<v Speaker 1>to night flight. I was like, I'm just gonna stay off.

0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:52.360
<v Speaker 1>And I read all eight episodes and I was like,

0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:55.800
<v Speaker 1>holy shit, it man, he has done it again. Like

0:13:56.400 --> 0:14:01.200
<v Speaker 1>the guy is g He writes every single scene and

0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:08.120
<v Speaker 1>every single character is so complicated, in layered in ooey

0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:11.640
<v Speaker 1>and gooey and cringey, like all of these things.

0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:13.760
<v Speaker 5>And you don't know.

0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:16.360
<v Speaker 1>Where it's going, Like you think you know where it's going,

0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:18.400
<v Speaker 1>and then you just don't know where it's going and

0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:22.400
<v Speaker 1>you get to the end and it's like, holy shit,

0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:24.360
<v Speaker 1>you know I get to do this?

0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:30.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, well okay, So when you are portraying this character,

0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:36.440
<v Speaker 2>knowing how it ends has to impact your performance, right

0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:37.160
<v Speaker 2>or does it?

0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:38.120
<v Speaker 3>Or do you play it?

0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:41.600
<v Speaker 2>Because there's so many misleads on the show, so like,

0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:44.040
<v Speaker 2>how do you play that? Is that something you work

0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:47.440
<v Speaker 2>with with Mike, Like, obviously your character is going in

0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:49.840
<v Speaker 2>a direction. We don't know what's going on with your boyfriend.

0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:53.320
<v Speaker 2>Seemingly he's unavailable, who knows what he's up to, and

0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:56.440
<v Speaker 2>you're lashing out in the last episode when you and

0:14:56.520 --> 0:14:59.720
<v Speaker 2>I are speaking today, the last episode was your boyfriend

0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.200
<v Speaker 2>didn't turn your calls or text, and then you decide

0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:04.800
<v Speaker 2>to go out on the town and party blah blah

0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:06.680
<v Speaker 2>blah the girls, and then you end up poking up

0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:10.880
<v Speaker 2>with Carrie Kon's potential supposed love interest that you set up,

0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.520
<v Speaker 2>that you set up and then stole from her, which

0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.560
<v Speaker 2>is probably the best one, the most fun character to play.

0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:22.680
<v Speaker 1>It's true, it's true. So basically what happens is you

0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:27.320
<v Speaker 1>get all eight episodes and you shoot them so far

0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:31.240
<v Speaker 1>out of sequence it's crazy. So for example, in our

0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:36.080
<v Speaker 1>very first day of production, we were shooting scenes from

0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:41.520
<v Speaker 1>episode one and episode eight. So that's a really really

0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:46.000
<v Speaker 1>intense kind of bookend of in terms of your emotional

0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.840
<v Speaker 1>arc and where you need to be. So you need

0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:52.440
<v Speaker 1>to be, as a performer, as an actor, incredibly clear

0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:56.920
<v Speaker 1>about all of the emotional beats. So that you can

0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.720
<v Speaker 1>tap into one and tap out of one, like within

0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:04.760
<v Speaker 1>hours of each other, if necessary. So the process was

0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:08.480
<v Speaker 1>very much sitting down with Mike specifically once we got

0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:11.920
<v Speaker 1>to Thailand, one on one each of us as actors,

0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:17.120
<v Speaker 1>and said, Okay, what are the qualities in Jacqueline that

0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:20.200
<v Speaker 1>you really want us to lean into, Like, what do

0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:23.840
<v Speaker 1>you what is it that that you love about Jacqueline?

0:16:23.880 --> 0:16:27.080
<v Speaker 1>You know, what is it that you know, like you said,

0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:30.360
<v Speaker 1>are they are? Are there things that you kind of like,

0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:34.080
<v Speaker 1>what are the privileges maybe that she she enjoys, you know,

0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.920
<v Speaker 1>the things that she can kind of take advantage of

0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:40.200
<v Speaker 1>in terms of her fame and things like that. So

0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:44.360
<v Speaker 1>that's kind of the process and I and I think

0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:49.320
<v Speaker 1>like for Jacqueline, you know, she was really excited, you know,

0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:53.120
<v Speaker 1>sincerely about taking her girlfriends on vacation. I think that

0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:56.000
<v Speaker 1>she feels like this is something that she wants to

0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:59.920
<v Speaker 1>do to kind of rekindle this this long time friend

0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:02.960
<v Speaker 1>that she's had and and she's proud to do that.

0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:05.600
<v Speaker 1>And you know, these are ladies that have all kind

0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:08.560
<v Speaker 1>of gone their different direction, They've made different life choices,

0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:11.720
<v Speaker 1>and you know, you see in those first few episodes

0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:15.879
<v Speaker 1>that there is a lot of toxic positivity going on

0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:19.320
<v Speaker 1>with the gals, and you know, you see sort of

0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:23.760
<v Speaker 1>that tension building within the friendship, and you know, I

0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:31.440
<v Speaker 1>really loved this idea that Jacqueline is completely sincere with

0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:35.159
<v Speaker 1>with with Laurie and saying, like, listen, this is a

0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:38.360
<v Speaker 1>perfect week for a fling like you. You deserve this.

0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:41.000
<v Speaker 1>You've got a hard life, you've been working, there's a

0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:44.239
<v Speaker 1>lot of things personally that she's been going through and like,

0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:46.800
<v Speaker 1>this guy looks like a fling type of guy, like

0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:51.359
<v Speaker 1>you should go for it. And I think, unfortunately as

0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:55.040
<v Speaker 1>as the relationship, as the season progresses, we start to

0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:57.520
<v Speaker 1>see the relationship in each of the gals kind of

0:17:57.680 --> 0:18:02.840
<v Speaker 1>devolve really and you know, as you mentioned, you know,

0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:07.119
<v Speaker 1>she's in a relationship, Jacqueline's in a relationship where she's

0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:12.280
<v Speaker 1>being ignored a little bit. And listen, Jacqueline needs a

0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.080
<v Speaker 1>lot of validation. She needs a lot of external validation.

0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:19.280
<v Speaker 1>You can tell that she's like needs to be stimulated

0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:23.160
<v Speaker 1>a lot. She's very kind of colorful and bright, and

0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:27.200
<v Speaker 1>she was she was a butterfly to me, and somebody

0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:30.720
<v Speaker 1>who's like very bright and colorful, beautiful, but just kind

0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:32.959
<v Speaker 1>of just like flies in and makes a little commotion

0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:36.639
<v Speaker 1>and then flies out, And butterflies have real short life spans,

0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:39.440
<v Speaker 1>and so for me, I thought like as an actor,

0:18:40.040 --> 0:18:43.880
<v Speaker 1>I you know, I felt like Jacqueline feels like she's

0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:47.679
<v Speaker 1>got a short life span. And I don't know, like

0:18:47.720 --> 0:18:50.800
<v Speaker 1>I just kept thinking like she's like a butterfly, and

0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:53.879
<v Speaker 1>so I think, like she needs that stimulation, and all

0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:56.160
<v Speaker 1>of a sudden, she's not getting it, Like she's done

0:18:56.160 --> 0:19:00.360
<v Speaker 1>with the fucking detox, you know, and the ladies kind

0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:02.600
<v Speaker 1>of boring her, and she wants to get out there

0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.560
<v Speaker 1>and like have some fun, and she goes out to

0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:08.520
<v Speaker 1>kind of create some fun. For better or for worse.

0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:12.120
<v Speaker 1>She's gonna get that validation uh where she needs it.

0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:15.640
<v Speaker 1>And I think that at the end of that night,

0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:19.680
<v Speaker 1>she just makes a really impulsive decision. I don't think

0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:23.520
<v Speaker 1>it's malicious. I don't think it's manipulative, and I think

0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:26.080
<v Speaker 1>it's something that she's probably going to tell the girls

0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:28.639
<v Speaker 1>about the next day, Like guess who I, you know,

0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:29.520
<v Speaker 1>like guess.

0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:31.880
<v Speaker 3>Who I hooked right right right right. I could see

0:19:31.880 --> 0:19:32.359
<v Speaker 3>that happening.

0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:35.919
<v Speaker 1>That was really like that was kind of my you know,

0:19:35.920 --> 0:19:37.880
<v Speaker 1>when we're talking to getting I know I've gone off

0:19:37.880 --> 0:19:40.840
<v Speaker 1>on a tangent, but in terms of like creating that arc,

0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:46.159
<v Speaker 1>because we shot that scene, we shot like the pool

0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:50.959
<v Speaker 1>scene and the mee kind of you know, summoning Valentine

0:19:51.000 --> 0:19:53.080
<v Speaker 1>to the room. We shot that like on day three.

0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:56.439
<v Speaker 1>That was all but then like the party scene and

0:19:56.480 --> 0:19:59.040
<v Speaker 1>the dancing scene and all that that was like six

0:19:59.080 --> 0:20:01.320
<v Speaker 1>months down the road was towards the end, and then

0:20:01.359 --> 0:20:05.320
<v Speaker 1>the actual dext scene happened on the very last day.

0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:07.600
<v Speaker 1>I think it was the last scene that I shot,

0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:10.159
<v Speaker 1>so you can see that we were all over the place.

0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:13.800
<v Speaker 1>So I think it was just like this split second

0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:17.360
<v Speaker 1>thing that Jacqueline's like, I'm back in bed. She probably

0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:19.600
<v Speaker 1>tried to call her boyfriend again. He didn't pick up

0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:22.240
<v Speaker 1>the phone, and she was like, hey, I want to

0:20:22.320 --> 0:20:23.480
<v Speaker 1>I want to get laid.

0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:28.600
<v Speaker 7>You know, and she's yeah, she was like, and she

0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:31.960
<v Speaker 7>obviously didn't take Valentine home, so I guess like he's

0:20:32.040 --> 0:20:35.320
<v Speaker 7>up for grabs, Like I think it was that, and

0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:37.000
<v Speaker 7>then you know, it's not gonna fight.

0:20:37.119 --> 0:20:38.840
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, somebody's gonna fuck this guy, and he's not going

0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:40.760
<v Speaker 3>to fuck himself, so I'm gonna do it.

0:20:41.400 --> 0:20:45.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't know he might though, I mean, I mean, yeah,

0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:49.240
<v Speaker 1>he's so I think I think it was just like

0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:51.640
<v Speaker 1>she was just she's having fun. She hit the fuck

0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:55.520
<v Speaker 1>it button, you know. Yeah, and then I think, like

0:20:55.680 --> 0:21:00.000
<v Speaker 1>as as people seen as they will watch the next episode.

0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:04.560
<v Speaker 1>By the time this, this particular conversation airs, is she

0:21:04.640 --> 0:21:08.160
<v Speaker 1>immediately gets you know, called out on it. The next

0:21:08.320 --> 0:21:10.600
<v Speaker 1>the next morning, you know, one of the girls actually

0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:16.160
<v Speaker 1>sees Valentine leave. Kate actually sees Valentine leave her room,

0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:21.440
<v Speaker 1>and then Kate immediately gets on it with Laurie. And

0:21:22.040 --> 0:21:25.800
<v Speaker 1>what it does is it ends up being a massive betrayal.

0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:29.040
<v Speaker 1>The women perceive it as a massive betrayal to them,

0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:33.280
<v Speaker 1>and for Jacqueline, I think she just didn't think it

0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:38.320
<v Speaker 1>was that big of a deal. And so you'll, you know,

0:21:38.440 --> 0:21:40.639
<v Speaker 1>the rest of the season is sort of like is

0:21:40.680 --> 0:21:43.600
<v Speaker 1>it irreparable or can they get kind of past this?

0:21:43.840 --> 0:21:50.119
<v Speaker 1>And and can Jacqueline take accountability for you know, having

0:21:50.240 --> 0:21:55.359
<v Speaker 1>this indiscretion with Valentine wasn't like Lorie's husband, you know

0:21:56.080 --> 0:21:57.840
<v Speaker 1>was it was dude, It was the butler.

0:21:59.600 --> 0:22:05.919
<v Speaker 3>I know. It's so funny. I am so much like

0:22:06.040 --> 0:22:06.720
<v Speaker 3>that character.

0:22:06.920 --> 0:22:10.360
<v Speaker 2>When I go on vacation, I'm just always like, oh,

0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:13.360
<v Speaker 2>like even the way you talk to people who approach you, like, oh,

0:22:13.520 --> 0:22:14.640
<v Speaker 2>you're so nice to them.

0:22:14.720 --> 0:22:15.920
<v Speaker 3>I'm always so nice to them.

0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:18.399
<v Speaker 2>But like after like the fourth or fifth time, I'm like, Okay,

0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:19.280
<v Speaker 2>we can we go.

0:22:19.280 --> 0:22:20.640
<v Speaker 3>Somewhere else, you know what I mean.

0:22:20.800 --> 0:22:23.680
<v Speaker 2>Like, I mean you were left because of the elderliness

0:22:23.680 --> 0:22:26.359
<v Speaker 2>of the second hotel, but yes, but just even the

0:22:26.359 --> 0:22:28.920
<v Speaker 2>way you interact with them as a public, like as

0:22:28.920 --> 0:22:29.720
<v Speaker 2>a famous person.

0:22:29.720 --> 0:22:31.359
<v Speaker 3>It's so funny. I was like, Oh, that's me on

0:22:31.440 --> 0:22:33.840
<v Speaker 3>vacation totally. I bring my friends.

0:22:34.200 --> 0:22:36.920
<v Speaker 2>I fucking hook up not with astutely, not with people

0:22:37.000 --> 0:22:37.639
<v Speaker 2>they're interested in.

0:22:37.800 --> 0:22:39.680
<v Speaker 3>But that's what I'm up to for sure.

0:22:39.600 --> 0:22:43.280
<v Speaker 1>Exactly exactly, And I think that's why. You know, listen,

0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:45.840
<v Speaker 1>this is a testament to Mike White, you know, in

0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:49.320
<v Speaker 1>not just our storyline or Jacqueline storyline. It's it's in

0:22:49.520 --> 0:22:51.840
<v Speaker 1>all the storylines. It's all the characters. I mean, he

0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:57.600
<v Speaker 1>really creates roles and characters that people relate to, like

0:22:57.680 --> 0:23:00.840
<v Speaker 1>you either are that person or you know somebody who

0:23:00.920 --> 0:23:03.480
<v Speaker 1>is like that. It's subtle, you know what I mean.

0:23:03.600 --> 0:23:05.680
<v Speaker 1>And there's so much subtext in it. But I think

0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:10.360
<v Speaker 1>that's like and it's universally relatable you know, it's why

0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:12.760
<v Speaker 1>people all over the world are just like, oh my god,

0:23:12.800 --> 0:23:15.119
<v Speaker 1>I so know these women or even men are like,

0:23:15.160 --> 0:23:17.879
<v Speaker 1>oh my god, my wife and then her friends, you know,

0:23:18.119 --> 0:23:21.280
<v Speaker 1>and the Ratliffe family, like who doesn't know, like the

0:23:21.400 --> 0:23:25.000
<v Speaker 1>Southern Woman that Parker Posey is playing, you know, like

0:23:25.160 --> 0:23:29.360
<v Speaker 1>super privileged, and maybe fewer people who understand the incest

0:23:29.600 --> 0:23:34.520
<v Speaker 1>the incestuous seeing your co show hopefully right right right,

0:23:34.840 --> 0:23:37.800
<v Speaker 1>But you know, I think I think that's why people

0:23:38.080 --> 0:23:40.840
<v Speaker 1>are getting a kick out of the storyline. I think

0:23:40.920 --> 0:23:44.520
<v Speaker 1>specifically the ladies storyline, because I feel like it's very familiar.

0:23:44.960 --> 0:23:47.240
<v Speaker 2>It's very familiar, and also it's kind of a pointer

0:23:47.560 --> 0:23:51.439
<v Speaker 2>for like your future self everyone who like sees the show,

0:23:51.600 --> 0:23:55.240
<v Speaker 2>Like in groups of women, it is a reminder of

0:23:55.359 --> 0:23:59.719
<v Speaker 2>how to kind of honor friendships and not honor friendships

0:24:00.040 --> 0:24:04.160
<v Speaker 2>the lowest common denominator to talk about people once they.

0:24:04.119 --> 0:24:06.000
<v Speaker 3>Leave the room for families.

0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:09.639
<v Speaker 2>For families, I think it's acceptable because the families deserve

0:24:09.720 --> 0:24:11.760
<v Speaker 2>that and they've been together and it's not a choice.

0:24:11.760 --> 0:24:14.640
<v Speaker 2>But when you have friends, yes, it's like it's kind

0:24:14.640 --> 0:24:16.880
<v Speaker 2>of a reminder don't be like it's ick.

0:24:17.400 --> 0:24:18.120
<v Speaker 1>It is.

0:24:17.960 --> 0:24:18.879
<v Speaker 3>It's an ick to.

0:24:18.920 --> 0:24:21.600
<v Speaker 2>Talk about your friends when you're on vacation with them

0:24:21.720 --> 0:24:23.920
<v Speaker 2>and they're acting. I mean, well, it's one thing to

0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:25.520
<v Speaker 2>find out what's a Republican that is.

0:24:25.800 --> 0:24:28.800
<v Speaker 8>That's where we need to talk about that. We need

0:24:28.840 --> 0:24:32.399
<v Speaker 8>to talk about that, We need to talk about them. Okay,

0:24:32.440 --> 0:24:34.119
<v Speaker 8>On that note, we're going to take a break, Michelle.

0:24:34.200 --> 0:24:36.520
<v Speaker 8>We'll be right back and we're going to take some callers.

0:24:36.760 --> 0:24:39.320
<v Speaker 4>If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at

0:24:39.320 --> 0:24:42.760
<v Speaker 4>Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to

0:24:42.760 --> 0:24:45.600
<v Speaker 4>hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on.

0:24:45.920 --> 0:24:49.040
<v Speaker 4>And this week we're looking for questions about clear relationship issues.

0:24:49.119 --> 0:24:50.520
<v Speaker 1>So if you're a queer person.

0:24:50.240 --> 0:24:52.800
<v Speaker 4>And you're dating or are in a long term relationship,

0:24:52.840 --> 0:24:55.840
<v Speaker 4>write in about your relationship woes at Dear Chelsea podcast

0:24:55.880 --> 0:24:59.679
<v Speaker 4>at gmail dot com.

0:25:00.080 --> 0:25:02.840
<v Speaker 3>And we're back with Michelle Vonahan. It was our quick break.

0:25:03.119 --> 0:25:05.600
<v Speaker 1>But I think, like what you were saying, like it's

0:25:05.680 --> 0:25:08.560
<v Speaker 1>so true, Like I think that this it holds a mirror,

0:25:08.600 --> 0:25:10.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, the storyline really holds a mirror.

0:25:10.680 --> 0:25:14.240
<v Speaker 9>To to women out there, the way in which we

0:25:14.440 --> 0:25:18.600
<v Speaker 9>endure these sorts of relationships and the way that we

0:25:18.640 --> 0:25:23.000
<v Speaker 9>also perpetuate them right by like judging ourselves so harshly,

0:25:23.080 --> 0:25:25.120
<v Speaker 9>judging our friends so harshly, It's like.

0:25:25.800 --> 0:25:28.400
<v Speaker 1>There is enough room for all of us to kind

0:25:28.440 --> 0:25:32.159
<v Speaker 1>of celebrate each other and our you know, each other's

0:25:32.160 --> 0:25:37.760
<v Speaker 1>respective sort of life's decisions, and you know successes inevitably

0:25:38.000 --> 0:25:40.440
<v Speaker 1>all of our failures. And I think, like, I think

0:25:40.480 --> 0:25:44.119
<v Speaker 1>the storyline really highlights that for women to kind of

0:25:44.119 --> 0:25:47.200
<v Speaker 1>across the board, and it's confronting and you know, it's

0:25:47.240 --> 0:25:49.000
<v Speaker 1>kind of vulnerable, so and important.

0:25:49.200 --> 0:25:53.040
<v Speaker 2>It's like underlining the idea that everyone is different, Like

0:25:53.119 --> 0:25:55.639
<v Speaker 2>your friends are different. The reason why you're attracted to

0:25:55.680 --> 0:25:59.880
<v Speaker 2>them is because you share some similarities and you share dissimilarities.

0:26:00.160 --> 0:26:03.760
<v Speaker 2>But it's a reminder also we're not all the same,

0:26:04.040 --> 0:26:08.840
<v Speaker 2>so don't be so judgmental or quick to go to

0:26:08.960 --> 0:26:12.480
<v Speaker 2>the lowest to common denominator, which is you know, gossiping

0:26:12.560 --> 0:26:16.080
<v Speaker 2>and da. It's like everyone has something to add. So

0:26:16.119 --> 0:26:19.040
<v Speaker 2>it's a nice reminder to like let each other. You know,

0:26:19.520 --> 0:26:21.919
<v Speaker 2>it might be less comedic, but it's nice to just

0:26:22.000 --> 0:26:24.879
<v Speaker 2>like open up and let people who are different in

0:26:25.600 --> 0:26:27.560
<v Speaker 2>and be like, okay, these are my friends, let me

0:26:27.680 --> 0:26:29.960
<v Speaker 2>let me learn what I can grab from them, Rather

0:26:30.040 --> 0:26:32.600
<v Speaker 2>than you know, consider them less.

0:26:32.359 --> 0:26:34.320
<v Speaker 3>Than because they behaved it this way or that way.

0:26:34.480 --> 0:26:38.520
<v Speaker 1>That's right, And I think that's why people will enjoy

0:26:38.800 --> 0:26:41.640
<v Speaker 1>this second half of this season. I think that you're

0:26:41.680 --> 0:26:44.640
<v Speaker 1>going to see the idea of that take place. Yeah,

0:26:44.720 --> 0:26:46.840
<v Speaker 1>things have kicked off for sure. In the first couple

0:26:46.880 --> 0:26:48.879
<v Speaker 1>of episodes. I'm like this is getting I'm like this

0:26:48.920 --> 0:26:51.639
<v Speaker 1>is a little bit slow. And then all of a sudden,

0:26:51.720 --> 0:26:53.199
<v Speaker 1>I was like, Okay, here we go, here we go.

0:26:53.359 --> 0:26:54.000
<v Speaker 3>Buckle up.

0:26:54.080 --> 0:26:56.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and then we had a com full circle.

0:26:56.920 --> 0:26:59.280
<v Speaker 3>We're going to take a couple of callers now, Michelle.

0:26:59.280 --> 0:27:01.840
<v Speaker 2>We give advice people real life and love it because

0:27:01.920 --> 0:27:03.800
<v Speaker 2>the best advice you could get is somebody who has

0:27:03.840 --> 0:27:05.160
<v Speaker 2>nothing to do with your situation.

0:27:05.359 --> 0:27:06.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm a firm believer of that.

0:27:06.720 --> 0:27:09.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so that's what we dole out here at Dear Chelsea,

0:27:09.640 --> 0:27:10.280
<v Speaker 2>say Chelsea.

0:27:10.200 --> 0:27:12.840
<v Speaker 3>Lately, and I was like, where am I wrong? Shell whoop?

0:27:12.920 --> 0:27:16.919
<v Speaker 4>See well, our first question is just an email, Aaron says,

0:27:17.119 --> 0:27:20.240
<v Speaker 4>Dear Chelsea. I am a day one Dear Chelsea, Girly,

0:27:20.480 --> 0:27:23.320
<v Speaker 4>I've been listening religiously week after week since your launch.

0:27:23.440 --> 0:27:26.440
<v Speaker 4>I find every single episode so relatable, helpful, and enjoy

0:27:26.480 --> 0:27:29.399
<v Speaker 4>the giggles to keep me going through each Thursday. I

0:27:29.520 --> 0:27:32.240
<v Speaker 4>very much identify with all of Chelsea's views on happiness,

0:27:32.320 --> 0:27:36.080
<v Speaker 4>single womanhood, and no children life. I'm thirty one, successful,

0:27:36.200 --> 0:27:39.240
<v Speaker 4>happy and independent. I've been dating my entire life, with

0:27:39.280 --> 0:27:41.840
<v Speaker 4>a few long term relationships that always end due to

0:27:42.280 --> 0:27:44.879
<v Speaker 4>falling out of love or not having the lasting connection

0:27:44.960 --> 0:27:47.679
<v Speaker 4>I'm looking for. My current issue is something I've never

0:27:47.760 --> 0:27:50.679
<v Speaker 4>encountered before. It's relatively low stakes, but would love your

0:27:50.680 --> 0:27:53.920
<v Speaker 4>honest opinions. I started dating two guys about a month ago.

0:27:54.359 --> 0:27:57.679
<v Speaker 4>Guy number one my age, a hustler, different than my

0:27:57.720 --> 0:28:01.119
<v Speaker 4>normal type, but so cute, kind, care and goal oriented.

0:28:01.560 --> 0:28:03.919
<v Speaker 4>He has such good energy makes me feel like I

0:28:03.920 --> 0:28:06.560
<v Speaker 4>can be my silly self. I have no reservations that

0:28:06.600 --> 0:28:08.760
<v Speaker 4>he would integrate well into my life, and not to

0:28:08.800 --> 0:28:12.000
<v Speaker 4>mention pretty good chemistry as well. Guy number two is

0:28:12.040 --> 0:28:14.679
<v Speaker 4>five years older, a hustler, but lives a much slower

0:28:14.680 --> 0:28:18.240
<v Speaker 4>lifestyle and hangs out with all men in retirement fifties

0:28:18.240 --> 0:28:21.040
<v Speaker 4>to seventies and golfs five days a week. We have

0:28:21.080 --> 0:28:24.480
<v Speaker 4>the best sexual chemistry, cuddles and kisses I've ever experienced.

0:28:25.000 --> 0:28:27.800
<v Speaker 4>We have not developed the full emotional connection yet, and

0:28:27.840 --> 0:28:29.840
<v Speaker 4>I have not integrated him into my life, and I'm

0:28:29.920 --> 0:28:32.800
<v Speaker 4>unsure if he will vibe with my friends. During a

0:28:32.800 --> 0:28:35.399
<v Speaker 4>conversation with Guy number two about me seeing other people,

0:28:35.480 --> 0:28:38.760
<v Speaker 4>I disclosed that I'm seeing others, and he said he's

0:28:38.800 --> 0:28:40.960
<v Speaker 4>not interested in seeing anyone else. He doesn't want to

0:28:40.960 --> 0:28:43.880
<v Speaker 4>continue dating if I'm seeing other people. I told him

0:28:43.880 --> 0:28:45.280
<v Speaker 4>it's not enough time for me to tell if the

0:28:45.280 --> 0:28:48.040
<v Speaker 4>emotional connection is strong enough to make a decision either way.

0:28:48.440 --> 0:28:51.240
<v Speaker 4>How should I handle this? A? Should I just respect

0:28:51.240 --> 0:28:54.040
<v Speaker 4>his boundaries and move on from Guy number two? B?

0:28:54.280 --> 0:28:57.480
<v Speaker 4>Should I commit prematurely to Guy number two? C? Should

0:28:57.520 --> 0:28:59.560
<v Speaker 4>I lie and keep them both in my lineup? Going

0:28:59.600 --> 0:29:02.800
<v Speaker 4>against me? Morals slash honesty. Hopefully this is a quick

0:29:02.800 --> 0:29:09.880
<v Speaker 4>and easy one to answer. Help Aaron, Interesting, very interesting?

0:29:11.120 --> 0:29:13.760
<v Speaker 3>Well what was A?

0:29:14.040 --> 0:29:14.840
<v Speaker 1>What was A?

0:29:15.240 --> 0:29:15.640
<v Speaker 3>It was A?

0:29:15.880 --> 0:29:16.560
<v Speaker 10>Was to A?

0:29:16.920 --> 0:29:19.480
<v Speaker 4>Was should I respect his boundaries and just say, like,

0:29:19.600 --> 0:29:22.280
<v Speaker 4>move on? You know, if, like, if you aren't okay

0:29:22.320 --> 0:29:23.880
<v Speaker 4>with me dating other people, then I just have to

0:29:23.880 --> 0:29:24.160
<v Speaker 4>move on?

0:29:24.920 --> 0:29:26.560
<v Speaker 11>Which really is respecting the boundary.

0:29:26.680 --> 0:29:30.440
<v Speaker 1>Which, yeah, I also think it reveals something else. I

0:29:30.440 --> 0:29:34.200
<v Speaker 1>think if you I think A for me, it's an A.

0:29:34.680 --> 0:29:38.080
<v Speaker 1>And I think what's revealed in A is Number one,

0:29:38.280 --> 0:29:41.400
<v Speaker 1>you're respecting the boundaries, right, You're kind of doing the

0:29:41.520 --> 0:29:48.040
<v Speaker 1>right thing. But moreover, it might actually allowing her to

0:29:48.080 --> 0:29:50.040
<v Speaker 1>take a break and take making that kind of that

0:29:50.120 --> 0:29:53.040
<v Speaker 1>solid break in him. Having created that boundary and her

0:29:53.080 --> 0:29:56.240
<v Speaker 1>respecting it, you might walk away and like, two months

0:29:56.280 --> 0:29:59.920
<v Speaker 1>down the road feel like, hey, actually I missed this guy.

0:30:00.080 --> 0:30:03.240
<v Speaker 1>I miss those cuddles. I miss those snuggles. If she's

0:30:03.320 --> 0:30:06.200
<v Speaker 1>kind of like in between and happen and hap out,

0:30:06.240 --> 0:30:09.360
<v Speaker 1>she's not going to really know for herself what it's

0:30:09.480 --> 0:30:14.400
<v Speaker 1>like to not have him in her life. So I

0:30:14.440 --> 0:30:17.080
<v Speaker 1>think that's creating a nice boundary for herself to maybe

0:30:17.160 --> 0:30:20.600
<v Speaker 1>kind of learn about who she really does want in

0:30:20.640 --> 0:30:23.000
<v Speaker 1>her life. That makes sense, I agree.

0:30:23.360 --> 0:30:25.360
<v Speaker 2>Would I'm not going to encourage anyone to be dishonest

0:30:25.360 --> 0:30:27.560
<v Speaker 2>when somebody's asking for the truth. I think what you

0:30:27.600 --> 0:30:30.440
<v Speaker 2>can do, in addition to a is also say, listen,

0:30:30.520 --> 0:30:32.600
<v Speaker 2>I am going to continue to see other people because

0:30:32.880 --> 0:30:35.640
<v Speaker 2>I do really like spending time with you. I would

0:30:35.640 --> 0:30:39.520
<v Speaker 2>be willing since they have such great sexual chemistry, I

0:30:39.600 --> 0:30:42.320
<v Speaker 2>would be willing to continue having sex with you, no

0:30:42.360 --> 0:30:46.040
<v Speaker 2>strings attached, and we don't have to talk about a relationship.

0:30:46.320 --> 0:30:48.880
<v Speaker 2>If that's what you want, like, I love that part

0:30:48.920 --> 0:30:52.280
<v Speaker 2>of us, and if you're okay with that, let me know,

0:30:52.480 --> 0:30:55.840
<v Speaker 2>because that's an option. And I guarantee you she will

0:30:55.880 --> 0:31:00.720
<v Speaker 2>hear from him. Maybe not initially I'll say, Okay, no,

0:31:00.760 --> 0:31:02.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm not interested in that. I don't want to see

0:31:02.280 --> 0:31:03.920
<v Speaker 2>other people, and I don't want you to see other people.

0:31:04.040 --> 0:31:05.800
<v Speaker 2>But I bet you he will call you at some

0:31:05.880 --> 0:31:08.080
<v Speaker 2>point and say, oh, why don't you come over and

0:31:08.160 --> 0:31:10.240
<v Speaker 2>da da And that way you have you have him

0:31:10.280 --> 0:31:12.080
<v Speaker 2>for sex when you want him, and that's the part

0:31:12.120 --> 0:31:14.320
<v Speaker 2>you liked about him, and you have this other guy

0:31:14.400 --> 0:31:17.240
<v Speaker 2>that's a burgeoning relationship, and when that gets more serious

0:31:17.560 --> 0:31:19.400
<v Speaker 2>and you want to be committed, then do that.

0:31:19.720 --> 0:31:21.520
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I think the worst thing you could do was

0:31:21.560 --> 0:31:25.640
<v Speaker 4>prematurely commit, you know, because.

0:31:24.600 --> 0:31:25.840
<v Speaker 3>Don't premature commit.

0:31:26.240 --> 0:31:27.960
<v Speaker 2>And also you have to respect and you have to

0:31:27.960 --> 0:31:30.480
<v Speaker 2>respect other people's boundaries if they're not cool with your

0:31:30.760 --> 0:31:32.920
<v Speaker 2>multiple lovers and then they're.

0:31:32.760 --> 0:31:35.440
<v Speaker 4>Not, Yeah, he's going to be really shocked by that though,

0:31:35.480 --> 0:31:37.720
<v Speaker 4>Like I think that's the most surprising thing is he's like,

0:31:37.720 --> 0:31:39.200
<v Speaker 4>this is my boundary, take it or leave it.

0:31:39.240 --> 0:31:41.240
<v Speaker 3>But why is he also hanging out with retirees. I

0:31:41.240 --> 0:31:44.080
<v Speaker 3>don't understand what that's about this guy.

0:31:44.120 --> 0:31:45.840
<v Speaker 11>Also a little bit strikes me as maybe a dud.

0:31:46.000 --> 0:31:47.680
<v Speaker 2>A thirty six year old hanging out with a bunch

0:31:47.680 --> 0:31:49.360
<v Speaker 2>of retired people and plays golf five.

0:31:49.560 --> 0:31:51.360
<v Speaker 5>A guy seems like a pretty good catch.

0:31:51.440 --> 0:31:51.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:31:52.160 --> 0:31:54.880
<v Speaker 6>I mean, he sees like she she kind of had

0:31:54.880 --> 0:31:57.320
<v Speaker 6>me with, Like I feel like myself.

0:31:56.920 --> 0:32:00.239
<v Speaker 1>Around him, and like that's all we want in any relationship, right,

0:32:00.320 --> 0:32:03.880
<v Speaker 1>whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship or even

0:32:03.920 --> 0:32:06.680
<v Speaker 1>a work relationship, just to be able to be silly

0:32:06.720 --> 0:32:09.920
<v Speaker 1>and to be yourself and to be comfortable. Like that's gold.

0:32:10.040 --> 0:32:13.160
<v Speaker 11>Yeah, all right, Well, there you have it around them, solved, solved.

0:32:13.240 --> 0:32:13.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:32:13.960 --> 0:32:18.560
<v Speaker 4>Our next question comes from Kim. Kim says, dear Chelsea,

0:32:18.720 --> 0:32:21.760
<v Speaker 4>and Kim, by the way, is recovering from surgery right now,

0:32:21.800 --> 0:32:24.440
<v Speaker 4>but she'll be joining us here on the phone. Just

0:32:24.440 --> 0:32:26.760
<v Speaker 4>Dear Chelsea. My name is Kim, and I just turned

0:32:26.760 --> 0:32:29.520
<v Speaker 4>thirty seven and had surgery for a problematic syst along

0:32:29.560 --> 0:32:31.480
<v Speaker 4>with having my tubes removed as I don't plan on

0:32:31.520 --> 0:32:34.280
<v Speaker 4>having children. During my surgery, it was discovered that I

0:32:34.320 --> 0:32:37.840
<v Speaker 4>have endometriosis. Despite being told over and over that I didn't.

0:32:38.240 --> 0:32:40.720
<v Speaker 4>There was a great deal of endometriosis tissue that had

0:32:40.720 --> 0:32:42.920
<v Speaker 4>to be removed, and the recovery was more painful than

0:32:42.960 --> 0:32:46.520
<v Speaker 4>I expected. My entire life's health issues seem to now

0:32:46.560 --> 0:32:50.000
<v Speaker 4>be connected to this diagnosis, from systemic inflammation that was

0:32:50.040 --> 0:32:53.880
<v Speaker 4>misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia, being put on harsh drugs that resulted

0:32:53.880 --> 0:32:56.240
<v Speaker 4>in me going on disability and losing my job, a

0:32:56.240 --> 0:32:59.440
<v Speaker 4>spinal epidural angiogram, and incidents where I was blacking out

0:32:59.440 --> 0:33:02.440
<v Speaker 4>in pain and could not comprehend why. I've been fortunate

0:33:02.520 --> 0:33:04.960
<v Speaker 4>enough to work with a lymphatic doctor for several years,

0:33:04.960 --> 0:33:07.040
<v Speaker 4>and I truly believe this work has saved my life

0:33:07.040 --> 0:33:10.080
<v Speaker 4>on more than one occasion as a woman, seeing how

0:33:10.120 --> 0:33:13.040
<v Speaker 4>absolutely horrific health care is for us and the years

0:33:13.080 --> 0:33:15.960
<v Speaker 4>we go with our pain dismissed and lives destroyed. How

0:33:16.000 --> 0:33:18.760
<v Speaker 4>can I advocate for other women going through this, who

0:33:18.840 --> 0:33:21.360
<v Speaker 4>like me, were blindsided by a diagnosis like this and

0:33:21.440 --> 0:33:24.440
<v Speaker 4>don't have the appropriate resources to improve their quality of life.

0:33:24.640 --> 0:33:26.320
<v Speaker 4>Thank you again, Kim.

0:33:26.560 --> 0:33:30.840
<v Speaker 2>Hi, Kim Hi Hi, so sorry to hear about all

0:33:30.880 --> 0:33:33.920
<v Speaker 2>of your healths, all of this, and yes, you are

0:33:33.920 --> 0:33:36.520
<v Speaker 2>not the only woman that is completely frustrated with our

0:33:36.520 --> 0:33:39.520
<v Speaker 2>healthcare system, which in the immediate future.

0:33:41.480 --> 0:33:41.800
<v Speaker 3>You know what.

0:33:41.840 --> 0:33:43.560
<v Speaker 2>I was with someone this weekend and we were talking

0:33:43.560 --> 0:33:46.600
<v Speaker 2>about this very issue with regard to healthcare, with regard

0:33:46.600 --> 0:33:50.640
<v Speaker 2>to education, with regard to this administration. And she is

0:33:50.680 --> 0:33:54.840
<v Speaker 2>somebody who she's like, there are so many opportunities right

0:33:54.920 --> 0:33:59.520
<v Speaker 2>now because of the defunding of all of these governmental

0:33:59.520 --> 0:34:01.880
<v Speaker 2>agencies that help with all of these things. There are

0:34:01.920 --> 0:34:06.880
<v Speaker 2>so many opportunities for us to redefine helping other people.

0:34:07.120 --> 0:34:08.799
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, Oh, that's such a great way

0:34:08.800 --> 0:34:11.280
<v Speaker 2>to look at this. Like, you know, she's in mutual

0:34:11.360 --> 0:34:14.120
<v Speaker 2>aid and she runs this organization about mutual aid and

0:34:14.160 --> 0:34:17.040
<v Speaker 2>she's tried to codify that in the government, So like

0:34:17.120 --> 0:34:19.600
<v Speaker 2>this here to me, sounds like an opportunity for you

0:34:19.680 --> 0:34:21.240
<v Speaker 2>to definitely be helping other women.

0:34:21.520 --> 0:34:24.400
<v Speaker 3>Also. First things first, have you had an Ablazian.

0:34:24.760 --> 0:34:27.680
<v Speaker 12>No, thankfully I have not, but I did have this

0:34:27.840 --> 0:34:31.920
<v Speaker 12>cyst rupture in October and got bounced around from hospital

0:34:31.960 --> 0:34:35.279
<v Speaker 12>to hospital. They told me I had pancreatitis. They gave

0:34:35.320 --> 0:34:38.040
<v Speaker 12>me no painment. I literally had to leave one hospital

0:34:38.080 --> 0:34:41.600
<v Speaker 12>go to another hospital, and you know, the care was

0:34:41.640 --> 0:34:44.359
<v Speaker 12>just horrific and I didn't know what was going on.

0:34:44.440 --> 0:34:45.760
<v Speaker 1>They had said it was just assist.

0:34:45.880 --> 0:34:49.960
<v Speaker 12>Everyone told me this wasn't endometriosis, so I had no idea.

0:34:50.000 --> 0:34:53.239
<v Speaker 12>My mom had to have an Ablasian years ago, so

0:34:53.320 --> 0:34:55.040
<v Speaker 12>I didn't know if this was hereditary.

0:34:55.120 --> 0:34:56.400
<v Speaker 3>If this you know what it was.

0:34:56.440 --> 0:34:58.920
<v Speaker 12>And it wasn't until I had this surgery and my

0:34:59.000 --> 0:35:02.160
<v Speaker 12>doctor said there was endometriosis all over and we had

0:35:02.200 --> 0:35:03.839
<v Speaker 12>to remove it, and that she said, that's why your

0:35:03.840 --> 0:35:07.920
<v Speaker 12>recovery was so horrific, because it was just everywhere.

0:35:08.040 --> 0:35:09.000
<v Speaker 11>It was just everywhere.

0:35:09.040 --> 0:35:11.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm bringing up an Ablacian because it sounds like

0:35:11.560 --> 0:35:12.399
<v Speaker 2>something you might want.

0:35:12.440 --> 0:35:13.760
<v Speaker 3>Are you planning on having children?

0:35:14.080 --> 0:35:16.600
<v Speaker 12>No, but they did remove my tubes. So from here on,

0:35:16.760 --> 0:35:18.759
<v Speaker 12>I don't have a follow up again Women's health care

0:35:18.840 --> 0:35:21.000
<v Speaker 12>for four weeks, so I don't get to talk to

0:35:21.040 --> 0:35:24.280
<v Speaker 12>my doctor until then, and at that point in time.

0:35:24.360 --> 0:35:26.399
<v Speaker 1>I'll see what her thoughts are.

0:35:26.480 --> 0:35:28.239
<v Speaker 12>She had told my mom, well, she'll probably need to

0:35:28.239 --> 0:35:30.120
<v Speaker 12>be on a low dose birth control, and I said,

0:35:30.320 --> 0:35:32.440
<v Speaker 12>you know, I don't really want to do that. Are

0:35:32.600 --> 0:35:34.799
<v Speaker 12>there have to be other options for us other than

0:35:34.920 --> 0:35:37.520
<v Speaker 12>just throwing us on birth control pills? And if that

0:35:37.640 --> 0:35:40.279
<v Speaker 12>is my only option, then so be it. But I'd

0:35:40.320 --> 0:35:43.000
<v Speaker 12>like to think that there's other resources and other things

0:35:43.040 --> 0:35:44.759
<v Speaker 12>out there to help them well.

0:35:44.880 --> 0:35:47.520
<v Speaker 2>First of all, First of all, an ablazion, in my opinion,

0:35:47.600 --> 0:35:49.520
<v Speaker 2>would be a great thing for you to have because

0:35:49.560 --> 0:35:52.000
<v Speaker 2>it stops your period for ninety nine percent of women,

0:35:52.280 --> 0:35:53.680
<v Speaker 2>so then you don't have to deal with I mean,

0:35:53.680 --> 0:35:56.400
<v Speaker 2>it blanches your uterus, so your uterine lining you don't have.

0:35:56.480 --> 0:35:58.319
<v Speaker 3>I got one. My sister got one. I found out

0:35:58.320 --> 0:35:58.560
<v Speaker 3>about it.

0:35:58.600 --> 0:36:01.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, what, you could stop your period and she's like, yes,

0:36:01.840 --> 0:36:03.120
<v Speaker 2>you could get your uterus gorch.

0:36:03.160 --> 0:36:04.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, I signed me fucking up.

0:36:04.560 --> 0:36:07.480
<v Speaker 2>And my guynecologist was like, Chelsea, it's not really elective.

0:36:07.480 --> 0:36:08.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, you want to make a bet.

0:36:08.520 --> 0:36:09.839
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, if you don't do it for me, I'm

0:36:09.840 --> 0:36:11.120
<v Speaker 2>going to go to the next guy and he'll do

0:36:11.160 --> 0:36:13.279
<v Speaker 2>it for me. So she did it, and I don't

0:36:13.280 --> 0:36:16.439
<v Speaker 2>get my period anymore. I mean, I'm probably going through perimenopause.

0:36:16.480 --> 0:36:18.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure at my age because I just turned fifty.

0:36:18.800 --> 0:36:21.879
<v Speaker 2>But it's been a joy. And it also like that

0:36:21.880 --> 0:36:24.160
<v Speaker 2>that's half of your problems. It sounds like, so you

0:36:24.200 --> 0:36:26.600
<v Speaker 2>should inquire about that. Is there a reason you don't

0:36:26.640 --> 0:36:26.960
<v Speaker 2>want that?

0:36:27.560 --> 0:36:27.960
<v Speaker 3>No?

0:36:27.960 --> 0:36:30.280
<v Speaker 12>No, I had no idea that that was an elective

0:36:30.280 --> 0:36:30.759
<v Speaker 12>thing either.

0:36:30.840 --> 0:36:32.520
<v Speaker 1>I thought it was just you know, I have a

0:36:32.520 --> 0:36:34.480
<v Speaker 1>friend that just had it done, but I had no.

0:36:34.520 --> 0:36:36.759
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm going to do a public service announcement on

0:36:36.760 --> 0:36:38.840
<v Speaker 2>my Instagram to make sure every fucking woman knows that

0:36:38.960 --> 0:36:41.680
<v Speaker 2>they don't want to have children and they have bad periods.

0:36:41.920 --> 0:36:43.640
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have a bad period. I just don't want

0:36:43.640 --> 0:36:45.319
<v Speaker 2>my period. Why would you want your period if you're

0:36:45.320 --> 0:36:47.440
<v Speaker 2>not gonna have children. Well, I mean, it doesn't affect

0:36:47.480 --> 0:36:49.920
<v Speaker 2>you hormonally. It only affects your your own lining, so

0:36:50.160 --> 0:36:50.880
<v Speaker 2>you don't bleed.

0:36:50.960 --> 0:36:52.880
<v Speaker 4>And you know what else I just learned too, is

0:36:52.920 --> 0:36:54.759
<v Speaker 4>that they can do I mean this might be a

0:36:54.800 --> 0:36:57.120
<v Speaker 4>little too far for what you're experiencing, but they can

0:36:57.160 --> 0:37:00.160
<v Speaker 4>do a hysterectomy but leave your ovaries so that you

0:37:00.239 --> 0:37:03.040
<v Speaker 4>still have your hormones coming in, so it like doesn't

0:37:03.080 --> 0:37:05.239
<v Speaker 4>throw you a media into metamahaze like I used to.

0:37:05.880 --> 0:37:08.239
<v Speaker 11>So I know somebody who had that and it's all

0:37:08.239 --> 0:37:08.640
<v Speaker 11>going well.

0:37:08.680 --> 0:37:11.080
<v Speaker 2>But what I would say in terms of helping other women,

0:37:11.280 --> 0:37:13.319
<v Speaker 2>First of all, I would be very loud about it.

0:37:13.360 --> 0:37:15.239
<v Speaker 2>I think women need all the help that they can get.

0:37:15.320 --> 0:37:18.440
<v Speaker 2>I would I would contact your local Planned Parenthood and

0:37:18.719 --> 0:37:20.600
<v Speaker 2>have a conversation with them and see how you could

0:37:20.600 --> 0:37:23.360
<v Speaker 2>be like a mouthpiece for them and figure out a

0:37:23.360 --> 0:37:26.239
<v Speaker 2>way to either start a newsletter or to you know,

0:37:26.320 --> 0:37:30.319
<v Speaker 2>even starting small in your community, starting or tapping into

0:37:30.320 --> 0:37:33.080
<v Speaker 2>their networks or other women's networks, because right now is

0:37:33.120 --> 0:37:36.279
<v Speaker 2>the time. I mean, our healthcare is very much at risk,

0:37:36.360 --> 0:37:40.120
<v Speaker 2>and that's a very understood problem that we're dealing with.

0:37:40.200 --> 0:37:42.880
<v Speaker 2>So I would talk to as many medical professionals. I

0:37:42.960 --> 0:37:46.000
<v Speaker 2>understand that the medical community has kind of run you around,

0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:48.759
<v Speaker 2>but there are good people within that community who do

0:37:48.840 --> 0:37:51.360
<v Speaker 2>want want women to be more educated and know what

0:37:51.400 --> 0:37:52.120
<v Speaker 2>their options are.

0:37:52.160 --> 0:37:53.920
<v Speaker 3>And I've heard this story so many times.

0:37:53.960 --> 0:37:56.400
<v Speaker 2>Even some of my celebrity friends have dealt with this,

0:37:56.520 --> 0:37:58.440
<v Speaker 2>and you would think that they would be getting better

0:37:58.480 --> 0:37:59.640
<v Speaker 2>attention from their doctors.

0:37:59.680 --> 0:38:02.080
<v Speaker 3>It's not true. It's simply just not there for women.

0:38:02.520 --> 0:38:06.080
<v Speaker 2>So I mean, I think it's great wanting to be

0:38:06.239 --> 0:38:08.200
<v Speaker 2>an advocate for women's health, and I think there are

0:38:08.200 --> 0:38:10.280
<v Speaker 2>a million ways to go about it. So I would

0:38:10.480 --> 0:38:14.080
<v Speaker 2>really just start talking to everyone you know, every woman

0:38:14.160 --> 0:38:17.720
<v Speaker 2>you know about what they know, and really think about

0:38:18.120 --> 0:38:21.759
<v Speaker 2>using your social platforms, using like maybe you write a newsletter,

0:38:22.040 --> 0:38:25.960
<v Speaker 2>maybe you connect with a women's group or multiple women's

0:38:25.960 --> 0:38:27.360
<v Speaker 2>groups in your area.

0:38:27.560 --> 0:38:29.360
<v Speaker 4>Or I like what you said about writing a newsletter

0:38:29.400 --> 0:38:32.839
<v Speaker 4>because she's such on her previous call that she's a writer,

0:38:33.000 --> 0:38:36.160
<v Speaker 4>so like maybe a substack, so like that or TikTok.

0:38:36.320 --> 0:38:37.640
<v Speaker 11>I mean, yeah, I think that's great.

0:38:38.120 --> 0:38:40.840
<v Speaker 4>And Michelle, I know that you have advocated for like

0:38:40.920 --> 0:38:43.399
<v Speaker 4>melanoma awareness. Can you talk to us a little bit

0:38:43.440 --> 0:38:46.239
<v Speaker 4>about your experiences with like getting the word out about

0:38:46.239 --> 0:38:47.600
<v Speaker 4>getting checked and that sort of thing.

0:38:48.120 --> 0:38:52.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean as just becoming an advocate for your

0:38:52.440 --> 0:38:55.200
<v Speaker 1>own healthcare is the best thing that you can do.

0:38:55.560 --> 0:38:59.000
<v Speaker 1>I was diagnosed with melanoma about ten years ago. My

0:38:59.120 --> 0:39:02.080
<v Speaker 1>husband actually found it. Fortunately I discovered it at an

0:39:02.080 --> 0:39:04.880
<v Speaker 1>early stage and removed all of it and I was

0:39:04.920 --> 0:39:07.600
<v Speaker 1>cancer free. But it was a huge wake up call

0:39:08.239 --> 0:39:11.200
<v Speaker 1>through me because actually initially the doctor didn't even want

0:39:11.200 --> 0:39:13.480
<v Speaker 1>to remove it. The doctor was like, I think it's fine.

0:39:14.000 --> 0:39:17.960
<v Speaker 1>And my husband is Australian, it happens to be very

0:39:17.960 --> 0:39:21.239
<v Speaker 1>well educated in what skin cancer looks like, and he

0:39:21.360 --> 0:39:22.920
<v Speaker 1>was like, no, no, no, you need to have that

0:39:23.000 --> 0:39:25.879
<v Speaker 1>biop so you need to have that removed. And I too,

0:39:26.120 --> 0:39:29.120
<v Speaker 1>as an American, I had like a lack of sun sense.

0:39:29.160 --> 0:39:31.719
<v Speaker 1>If you will. I had a lack of awareness kind

0:39:31.719 --> 0:39:34.640
<v Speaker 1>of growing up, didn't wear a lot of sunscreen, and

0:39:34.719 --> 0:39:37.600
<v Speaker 1>when I found out it was melanoma, I was actually shocked.

0:39:37.960 --> 0:39:40.920
<v Speaker 1>I didn't even realize melanoma could be fatal. And so

0:39:41.040 --> 0:39:43.720
<v Speaker 1>once I started doing my due diligence and really started

0:39:43.719 --> 0:39:46.799
<v Speaker 1>to educate myself about the dangers of too much sun

0:39:46.880 --> 0:39:51.160
<v Speaker 1>exposure and ingredients safety and wearing sunscreen and how important

0:39:51.160 --> 0:39:54.560
<v Speaker 1>that is, I went, wow, like, I need to share

0:39:54.600 --> 0:39:58.040
<v Speaker 1>this information because I'm learning a lot and I need

0:39:58.040 --> 0:40:01.480
<v Speaker 1>to impart this not not only onto my children. You know.

0:40:01.760 --> 0:40:05.680
<v Speaker 1>Simultaneously happened as I was becoming a mother, but with

0:40:05.760 --> 0:40:09.760
<v Speaker 1>my friends, because I'm seeing all my friends like sitting

0:40:09.760 --> 0:40:13.160
<v Speaker 1>out in the sun and not really fully grasping the

0:40:13.239 --> 0:40:15.759
<v Speaker 1>dangers of the impact of what the sun can do

0:40:15.840 --> 0:40:19.880
<v Speaker 1>to you. So I started, as Chelsea was just saying,

0:40:19.920 --> 0:40:23.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, talking to my friends and my family about

0:40:23.520 --> 0:40:26.080
<v Speaker 1>how important it is to get your skin checks and

0:40:26.120 --> 0:40:30.440
<v Speaker 1>things like that. And so now I would consider my

0:40:30.680 --> 0:40:34.320
<v Speaker 1>self as skin cancer advocate. And I love like every

0:40:34.320 --> 0:40:36.439
<v Speaker 1>May comes around and you know, I like to shout

0:40:36.480 --> 0:40:39.560
<v Speaker 1>it from the mountaintops because it's skin cancer Awareness month.

0:40:40.040 --> 0:40:43.399
<v Speaker 1>But you know, the most important thing that we have

0:40:43.800 --> 0:40:48.239
<v Speaker 1>as women is our ability to communicate with each other

0:40:48.320 --> 0:40:50.759
<v Speaker 1>and amongst our friend groups. You know, one of the

0:40:50.840 --> 0:40:53.680
<v Speaker 1>latest things is like I'm in the middle of perimenopause

0:40:53.719 --> 0:40:56.520
<v Speaker 1>and I didn't even know it, and all of my

0:40:56.640 --> 0:40:59.959
<v Speaker 1>symptoms were dismissed by like my GP and my action

0:41:00.640 --> 0:41:03.560
<v Speaker 1>gynecologists because like I didn't have hot flashes, but like

0:41:03.600 --> 0:41:05.560
<v Speaker 1>I had all these other things, And I was like,

0:41:06.160 --> 0:41:08.040
<v Speaker 1>what is this. This is so weird, This is not

0:41:08.239 --> 0:41:10.680
<v Speaker 1>like me to have this kind of anxiety, Like why

0:41:10.719 --> 0:41:13.439
<v Speaker 1>do I have this more modal acne? Why do I feel?

0:41:13.440 --> 0:41:15.960
<v Speaker 1>Why am I not sleeping? Well? All of these things?

0:41:16.000 --> 0:41:18.840
<v Speaker 1>And it started with a conversation with my friends and

0:41:18.840 --> 0:41:22.000
<v Speaker 1>they're like, well, I guess we're like in perimenopause because

0:41:22.000 --> 0:41:22.920
<v Speaker 1>we're in our mid forties.

0:41:22.960 --> 0:41:24.879
<v Speaker 5>And I was like, wait, what is this thing?

0:41:25.040 --> 0:41:25.279
<v Speaker 8>You know?

0:41:26.080 --> 0:41:30.200
<v Speaker 1>And so I think that's our greatest superpower is to

0:41:30.239 --> 0:41:33.759
<v Speaker 1>be able just to share the knowledge that we have

0:41:33.880 --> 0:41:36.720
<v Speaker 1>and that we learn, and like we don't gatekeep on things.

0:41:36.760 --> 0:41:40.360
<v Speaker 1>And I'll say, in terms of endometriosis, I have so

0:41:40.400 --> 0:41:45.279
<v Speaker 1>many friends that have also endured that. And now I'm

0:41:45.320 --> 0:41:49.040
<v Speaker 1>seeing the conversation a lot more. You know online and

0:41:49.080 --> 0:41:52.440
<v Speaker 1>people are talking about it. I'm from Iowa and there

0:41:52.520 --> 0:41:55.960
<v Speaker 1>was a great state representative that like put a bill

0:41:56.040 --> 0:42:00.239
<v Speaker 1>through through the Iowa Congress to add more funding into

0:42:00.239 --> 0:42:03.520
<v Speaker 1>the research of endometriosis. So even where you're at, I

0:42:03.560 --> 0:42:07.040
<v Speaker 1>would look into kind of state you know, as government

0:42:07.160 --> 0:42:10.040
<v Speaker 1>is defunding their folks out there that are actually as

0:42:10.440 --> 0:42:12.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, Chelsea said, there's these like strong, like little

0:42:12.920 --> 0:42:15.600
<v Speaker 1>coalitions that are actually trying to help people. So maybe

0:42:15.640 --> 0:42:19.319
<v Speaker 1>even look into do that into just even in your

0:42:19.360 --> 0:42:22.279
<v Speaker 1>local kind of policies and see if there's people out

0:42:22.320 --> 0:42:25.400
<v Speaker 1>there trying to to motivate the research forward.

0:42:25.440 --> 0:42:27.640
<v Speaker 2>And also, Kim, really like this is this is a

0:42:27.719 --> 0:42:30.520
<v Speaker 2>huge opportunity for you, Like it is a huge opportunity

0:42:30.560 --> 0:42:33.800
<v Speaker 2>to get your message out and also having real conversations

0:42:33.880 --> 0:42:36.840
<v Speaker 2>with these doctors and saying, you know, it doesn't have

0:42:36.880 --> 0:42:39.440
<v Speaker 2>to be confrontational, it doesn't have to be argumentative.

0:42:39.640 --> 0:42:42.360
<v Speaker 3>You can just be like, listen, this information, this is

0:42:42.440 --> 0:42:43.120
<v Speaker 3>not cool.

0:42:43.360 --> 0:42:45.840
<v Speaker 2>There are so many women out here dealing with this problem,

0:42:45.840 --> 0:42:48.239
<v Speaker 2>and you, as a medical professional need to hear from

0:42:48.239 --> 0:42:50.440
<v Speaker 2>your patient that you guys need to do a better

0:42:50.520 --> 0:42:54.359
<v Speaker 2>job of actually taking our concerns seriously, taking our pain

0:42:54.480 --> 0:42:58.040
<v Speaker 2>seriously and really go through it with them. So as

0:42:58.040 --> 0:43:00.600
<v Speaker 2>a learning moment and a teaching moment for the doctors.

0:43:00.600 --> 0:43:02.759
<v Speaker 2>I mean, this is their profession and some won't be

0:43:03.120 --> 0:43:05.759
<v Speaker 2>receptive to it, but I'm sure one or two will be,

0:43:05.880 --> 0:43:07.959
<v Speaker 2>and you're going to kind of change the trajectory of

0:43:08.080 --> 0:43:10.799
<v Speaker 2>how they treat their patients moving forward. So it is

0:43:10.840 --> 0:43:14.480
<v Speaker 2>a worthwhile endeavor for sure to have these honest conversations

0:43:14.520 --> 0:43:16.680
<v Speaker 2>with anybody and everybody you can.

0:43:17.800 --> 0:43:19.840
<v Speaker 11>Yeah, that's huge, that's huge. Actually.

0:43:20.160 --> 0:43:22.319
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and the political aspect is great too, because there

0:43:22.360 --> 0:43:24.200
<v Speaker 2>are going to be representatives in your state who are

0:43:24.280 --> 0:43:25.600
<v Speaker 2>very concerned with women's healthcare.

0:43:25.719 --> 0:43:27.640
<v Speaker 3>So, like, get into it. It seems like a big

0:43:27.680 --> 0:43:29.040
<v Speaker 3>hill to climb, but it's really not.

0:43:29.160 --> 0:43:31.120
<v Speaker 2>Once you make a couple steps in the right direction,

0:43:31.440 --> 0:43:34.200
<v Speaker 2>everything kind of comes together and you know they're going

0:43:34.239 --> 0:43:35.800
<v Speaker 2>to be grateful for the information.

0:43:36.719 --> 0:43:37.160
<v Speaker 1>I agree.

0:43:37.239 --> 0:43:39.840
<v Speaker 12>I mean, so many parts of this journey have just

0:43:39.880 --> 0:43:43.200
<v Speaker 12>been wild, and you know, they just dismiss your pain

0:43:43.200 --> 0:43:46.120
<v Speaker 12>and tell you it's a bad period and that's it.

0:43:46.200 --> 0:43:48.320
<v Speaker 12>They just knock it up to it's a bad period

0:43:48.400 --> 0:43:50.360
<v Speaker 12>and you'll deal with it.

0:43:50.360 --> 0:43:54.080
<v Speaker 1>It's so interesting. I just had this conversation with my

0:43:54.200 --> 0:43:58.719
<v Speaker 1>daughter this past weekend. She's sixteen, and because I know

0:43:58.800 --> 0:44:02.880
<v Speaker 1>that this is such a pervas issue for women, I said,

0:44:03.040 --> 0:44:05.719
<v Speaker 1>let's talk about your period. Let's have a real conversation

0:44:05.800 --> 0:44:08.000
<v Speaker 1>about your period, Like I want to know, like, are

0:44:08.040 --> 0:44:10.800
<v Speaker 1>you having bad periods? Like what do you have cramps?

0:44:10.800 --> 0:44:12.840
<v Speaker 1>So how long are your periods? Like I wanted to

0:44:12.840 --> 0:44:17.239
<v Speaker 1>have an understanding because I feel like once someone gets

0:44:17.239 --> 0:44:18.920
<v Speaker 1>their period, you're like, Okay, you got your period, and

0:44:18.920 --> 0:44:22.320
<v Speaker 1>then the conversation ends, right, And that's part of the problem.

0:44:22.400 --> 0:44:25.360
<v Speaker 1>I think like a part of the education is talking

0:44:25.400 --> 0:44:28.719
<v Speaker 1>to a younger generation and saying like, this is what

0:44:28.800 --> 0:44:31.680
<v Speaker 1>a real period should be and feel like, and if

0:44:31.680 --> 0:44:34.920
<v Speaker 1>it doesn't feel like this, then we need to know

0:44:34.960 --> 0:44:38.080
<v Speaker 1>about it. Because a lot of young women start their

0:44:38.120 --> 0:44:41.920
<v Speaker 1>periods but don't necessarily start seeing a guydecologist until later

0:44:42.000 --> 0:44:45.120
<v Speaker 1>in their teens, and so by that time they're enduring

0:44:45.200 --> 0:44:47.719
<v Speaker 1>kind of enduring this pain and these are you know,

0:44:47.800 --> 0:44:50.000
<v Speaker 1>things that they just think, I guess are normal and

0:44:50.040 --> 0:44:53.040
<v Speaker 1>attributed to being a woman, you know. So I think

0:44:53.320 --> 0:44:56.719
<v Speaker 1>the education starts from the time that we're talking kind

0:44:56.719 --> 0:44:58.880
<v Speaker 1>of about the birds and the bees, you know, and

0:44:58.960 --> 0:45:02.520
<v Speaker 1>what's normal. So I think the whole narrative needs to shift.

0:45:03.280 --> 0:45:06.200
<v Speaker 4>So for any dear Chelsea listeners that want to follow Kim,

0:45:06.440 --> 0:45:08.560
<v Speaker 4>I'll put a link in the description, but you can

0:45:08.600 --> 0:45:12.319
<v Speaker 4>just follow her on Instagram at Kim dot versus dot endo.

0:45:12.520 --> 0:45:15.200
<v Speaker 4>That's at Kim dot vs dot e end o.

0:45:15.800 --> 0:45:17.160
<v Speaker 1>Awesome. Thank you so much.

0:45:17.239 --> 0:45:18.279
<v Speaker 3>I appreciate it.

0:45:18.360 --> 0:45:20.799
<v Speaker 12>I mean, my goal throughout my whole life was I

0:45:20.800 --> 0:45:23.160
<v Speaker 12>don't want people, and Chelsea in your in your book

0:45:23.480 --> 0:45:25.440
<v Speaker 12>he said, I don't want people to feel alone, like

0:45:25.480 --> 0:45:28.000
<v Speaker 12>you're not alone. And I read that in your book

0:45:28.040 --> 0:45:30.840
<v Speaker 12>and it was just like that was the That was

0:45:30.880 --> 0:45:32.920
<v Speaker 12>that driving force. That's like, you know what, I'm not

0:45:32.960 --> 0:45:35.160
<v Speaker 12>going to shut up and I'm not going to quiet

0:45:35.200 --> 0:45:37.239
<v Speaker 12>and I'm going to talk to everyone and I'm going

0:45:37.320 --> 0:45:40.200
<v Speaker 12>to do something about this. So thank you for being

0:45:40.239 --> 0:45:42.440
<v Speaker 12>an inspiration and giving people like me a voice and

0:45:42.440 --> 0:45:45.520
<v Speaker 12>an opportunity to try and change the world. Because without you,

0:45:46.080 --> 0:45:47.759
<v Speaker 12>I wouldn't be here right now, and I wouldn't have

0:45:47.840 --> 0:45:50.560
<v Speaker 12>this drive to just really change things.

0:45:50.640 --> 0:45:52.440
<v Speaker 3>Really well, you would be here. You would be here

0:45:52.480 --> 0:45:55.960
<v Speaker 3>without me, So let's that can be too much credit.

0:45:56.200 --> 0:45:57.840
<v Speaker 1>But she makes it more fun, doesn't she.

0:45:59.400 --> 0:46:01.479
<v Speaker 2>But yes, I'm I'm so happy you called in and yeah,

0:46:01.520 --> 0:46:04.560
<v Speaker 2>go and run with this, okay, exactly, Yeah, make this

0:46:04.600 --> 0:46:06.040
<v Speaker 2>part of your purpose in life.

0:46:06.239 --> 0:46:06.680
<v Speaker 1>It is.

0:46:06.760 --> 0:46:08.960
<v Speaker 12>It is one hundred percent. Thank you all so much.

0:46:08.960 --> 0:46:10.160
<v Speaker 12>I really appreciate it.

0:46:10.400 --> 0:46:12.680
<v Speaker 1>I can, I can nice to meet you.

0:46:13.120 --> 0:46:15.239
<v Speaker 3>I can't tell you how many. I mean, obviously we're

0:46:15.280 --> 0:46:15.680
<v Speaker 3>all women.

0:46:15.760 --> 0:46:18.680
<v Speaker 2>We know how many women could have that have endometriosis

0:46:18.680 --> 0:46:19.200
<v Speaker 2>and go on it.

0:46:19.440 --> 0:46:21.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, oh yeah, and go undiagnosed.

0:46:22.040 --> 0:46:24.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I remember when Amy Schumer was pregnant, like

0:46:24.760 --> 0:46:27.360
<v Speaker 2>they I don't even know what the term is for

0:46:27.440 --> 0:46:29.560
<v Speaker 2>what she has where you're nauseous every day for your

0:46:29.560 --> 0:46:31.200
<v Speaker 2>pregnant throughout your pregnancy.

0:46:31.800 --> 0:46:32.640
<v Speaker 11>Yeah, it'll come to me.

0:46:32.760 --> 0:46:34.680
<v Speaker 2>It starts with an E, but it's got about forty

0:46:34.719 --> 0:46:35.480
<v Speaker 2>seven syllables.

0:46:35.520 --> 0:46:37.360
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Anyway, Yes, she didn't.

0:46:37.080 --> 0:46:40.000
<v Speaker 2>Get diagnosed until, like, you know, halfway through her pregnancy,

0:46:40.320 --> 0:46:42.359
<v Speaker 2>and she was vomiting every single day.

0:46:42.440 --> 0:46:44.280
<v Speaker 3>Like no one ever told you that was an option.

0:46:44.400 --> 0:46:47.280
<v Speaker 2>They tell you about morning sickness last the first trimester,

0:46:47.400 --> 0:46:49.040
<v Speaker 2>they don't say, oh, you could also be sick for

0:46:49.160 --> 0:46:51.520
<v Speaker 2>dine month straight or exactly.

0:46:51.080 --> 0:46:54.480
<v Speaker 1>What it's like something grab us something I.

0:46:54.400 --> 0:46:57.719
<v Speaker 2>Don't know, grav locks, that's what you put. I think

0:46:57.760 --> 0:46:59.560
<v Speaker 2>that that's what you put on your bagel.

0:47:01.400 --> 0:47:05.440
<v Speaker 4>Well, our next collar is lazette, and she says, Dear Chelsea,

0:47:05.880 --> 0:47:08.040
<v Speaker 4>I have a fourteen year old daughter, and like everyone

0:47:08.080 --> 0:47:10.640
<v Speaker 4>told me, my little girl has become a nightmare.

0:47:11.120 --> 0:47:12.279
<v Speaker 3>She's a good kid with.

0:47:12.239 --> 0:47:14.959
<v Speaker 1>A good hat on her shoulders, but the attitude is real.

0:47:15.440 --> 0:47:17.520
<v Speaker 4>I cannot get her to help clean up around the house,

0:47:17.640 --> 0:47:21.120
<v Speaker 4>the biggest issue, or clean up her bedroom or bathroom.

0:47:21.400 --> 0:47:23.239
<v Speaker 4>We have a two bed, two bath condo and it's

0:47:23.320 --> 0:47:26.040
<v Speaker 4>just us two. She's just so messy and I thought

0:47:26.080 --> 0:47:27.759
<v Speaker 4>by this age she would get a little better, but

0:47:27.800 --> 0:47:30.920
<v Speaker 4>she's just been a walking disaster. I've tried grounding her

0:47:31.000 --> 0:47:34.000
<v Speaker 4>and taking away her electronic devices, but she doesn't even care.

0:47:34.360 --> 0:47:36.359
<v Speaker 11>Please help, Lizette.

0:47:37.320 --> 0:47:42.360
<v Speaker 1>High Lazette, Highlazette, Listen, I've got a sixteen year old daughter.

0:47:43.880 --> 0:47:46.600
<v Speaker 1>It's the wet it's the towels that like really do

0:47:46.800 --> 0:47:49.359
<v Speaker 1>my head in that don't like get hung up right.

0:47:49.960 --> 0:47:52.239
<v Speaker 1>And then I get in the shower because we share

0:47:52.480 --> 0:47:56.040
<v Speaker 1>the bathroom, and then I'm like, wait, where are all the towels?

0:47:56.080 --> 0:47:57.840
<v Speaker 1>And then I go into her room and they like

0:47:57.880 --> 0:48:01.400
<v Speaker 1>are scattered everywhere. But I do want to say something

0:48:01.480 --> 0:48:06.520
<v Speaker 1>encouraging she's sixteen now, and this weekend we were hanging

0:48:06.520 --> 0:48:08.759
<v Speaker 1>out and we were getting home and we're going to

0:48:08.840 --> 0:48:12.000
<v Speaker 1>go and do something and she's like, but mommy, She's like,

0:48:12.920 --> 0:48:14.840
<v Speaker 1>I want to tie you up my room first, because

0:48:14.880 --> 0:48:17.239
<v Speaker 1>like my girlfriends came over last night. I mean, just

0:48:17.280 --> 0:48:18.920
<v Speaker 1>like it's a disasterrous I want to tie you eat

0:48:19.000 --> 0:48:20.839
<v Speaker 1>up and then I'll come down and we'll do the thing.

0:48:21.440 --> 0:48:25.120
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, whoa, wow, this is crazy because

0:48:25.680 --> 0:48:29.600
<v Speaker 1>at thirteen and fourteen, I just thought like I was

0:48:29.640 --> 0:48:32.839
<v Speaker 1>just raising a kid that just is like going to

0:48:32.920 --> 0:48:34.960
<v Speaker 1>ignore all of the things like can you just make

0:48:34.960 --> 0:48:37.279
<v Speaker 1>your bed, can you just like pick up the towels? This?

0:48:37.320 --> 0:48:39.439
<v Speaker 1>And that. You're in the thick of it right now.

0:48:39.719 --> 0:48:42.680
<v Speaker 1>But I promise you they come out on the other side.

0:48:42.960 --> 0:48:45.640
<v Speaker 1>And when they come out on the other side is

0:48:45.680 --> 0:48:49.680
<v Speaker 1>when they start like hosting their friends and then they

0:48:49.760 --> 0:48:52.080
<v Speaker 1>have like a boy come over because now all of

0:48:52.080 --> 0:48:54.880
<v Speaker 1>a sudden, they don't want to live in a pig style.

0:48:55.480 --> 0:48:58.839
<v Speaker 1>But as soon as like they start to invite other

0:48:58.880 --> 0:49:01.840
<v Speaker 1>people in, they like actually really start to care about,

0:49:02.160 --> 0:49:04.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, the things that kind of matter, and they

0:49:04.640 --> 0:49:08.439
<v Speaker 1>realize they had to start picking up after themselves because yeah,

0:49:08.480 --> 0:49:10.920
<v Speaker 1>taking away the electronics and all of that stuff, Like

0:49:10.960 --> 0:49:13.279
<v Speaker 1>none of that worked for us either, and then all

0:49:13.320 --> 0:49:15.040
<v Speaker 1>of a sudden it just switched. She just kind of

0:49:15.080 --> 0:49:18.120
<v Speaker 1>matured and evolved, which is really exciting.

0:49:18.960 --> 0:49:22.239
<v Speaker 2>How is she outside of her messiness just raging, hormonal?

0:49:23.040 --> 0:49:26.840
<v Speaker 1>No, she's not at all. Actually, he is really like

0:49:26.920 --> 0:49:29.880
<v Speaker 1>a grounded kid. And that's something also that I always

0:49:29.960 --> 0:49:32.080
<v Speaker 1>want to like, I kind of want to touch on.

0:49:33.120 --> 0:49:38.439
<v Speaker 1>I feel like when you are in conversation with other

0:49:38.520 --> 0:49:41.800
<v Speaker 1>people and you say that like I have a teenage daughter,

0:49:42.560 --> 0:49:45.279
<v Speaker 1>everybody's like, oh my god, you must be going through it.

0:49:45.360 --> 0:49:49.680
<v Speaker 1>How is that? And I just want to point out

0:49:49.880 --> 0:49:53.360
<v Speaker 1>that nobody says that about a teenage boy. Nobody says like,

0:49:53.440 --> 0:49:56.520
<v Speaker 1>oh god, you must be going through that. I think

0:49:56.560 --> 0:49:58.960
<v Speaker 1>that's such bolstit. I want to call that out and

0:49:59.000 --> 0:50:03.640
<v Speaker 1>I want to stop with that narrative because I think

0:50:03.640 --> 0:50:06.239
<v Speaker 1>that we're putting these things that are on realistic and

0:50:06.280 --> 0:50:09.640
<v Speaker 1>not entirely true on our young daughters.

0:50:10.000 --> 0:50:13.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, girls do seem I mean from my

0:50:13.800 --> 0:50:17.080
<v Speaker 2>experience as if I am such a fucking raging bitch

0:50:17.120 --> 0:50:22.000
<v Speaker 2>from the age thirteen to eighteen, Liz, how is your

0:50:22.120 --> 0:50:24.279
<v Speaker 2>daughter outside of the messydess.

0:50:24.440 --> 0:50:28.400
<v Speaker 3>Is she just hormonally out of whack? Like, because I

0:50:28.440 --> 0:50:29.960
<v Speaker 3>do think girls at.

0:50:29.800 --> 0:50:33.200
<v Speaker 2>That age are having a harder time than boys at

0:50:33.200 --> 0:50:36.400
<v Speaker 2>that age. I don't think they're worse than boys. I

0:50:36.440 --> 0:50:39.520
<v Speaker 2>think they are struggling more than boys do at that age.

0:50:39.960 --> 0:50:43.200
<v Speaker 10>My daughter is definitely not like raging hormones or out

0:50:43.200 --> 0:50:45.680
<v Speaker 10>of control. She's really grounded and.

0:50:46.239 --> 0:50:49.000
<v Speaker 3>Oh it's great, very well in school. She's in a

0:50:49.040 --> 0:50:54.359
<v Speaker 3>lot of activities. She's just messy.

0:50:56.120 --> 0:50:57.600
<v Speaker 1>She's going to grow through that.

0:50:57.880 --> 0:51:01.120
<v Speaker 4>She will, she will, And does that tell them what

0:51:01.160 --> 0:51:03.520
<v Speaker 4>you told me about? Like some things she's fine at

0:51:03.520 --> 0:51:05.839
<v Speaker 4>and some things she has like a panic over and

0:51:06.040 --> 0:51:06.719
<v Speaker 4>a breakdown.

0:51:07.600 --> 0:51:11.000
<v Speaker 10>Yeah, So, like I try to give her easy enough chores.

0:51:11.280 --> 0:51:16.160
<v Speaker 10>Obviously she's learning to clean correctly still, but yeah, like

0:51:16.280 --> 0:51:18.560
<v Speaker 10>if I tell her to unload the dishwasher, she has

0:51:18.600 --> 0:51:20.960
<v Speaker 10>no problem with that. But if I tell her to

0:51:21.000 --> 0:51:24.120
<v Speaker 10>load the dishwasher, it is a full panic attack. It's

0:51:24.480 --> 0:51:27.080
<v Speaker 10>I can't do what it is. This is a huge mountdown.

0:51:27.520 --> 0:51:29.600
<v Speaker 10>I don't know why you're making me do this. It's

0:51:29.600 --> 0:51:33.520
<v Speaker 10>so hard, and yeah, it's just crazy.

0:51:34.360 --> 0:51:36.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Well, I feel like you already have a lot

0:51:36.239 --> 0:51:38.680
<v Speaker 2>going for you in terms of her other behaviors. So

0:51:38.760 --> 0:51:41.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean, if this is the worst problem and it's temporary,

0:51:41.560 --> 0:51:45.319
<v Speaker 2>as Michelle has elucidated, and like, yeah, so have her

0:51:45.400 --> 0:51:47.759
<v Speaker 2>unload the dishwasher instead of load it. Have her do

0:51:47.800 --> 0:51:51.000
<v Speaker 2>the things she's capable of and feels good about, and

0:51:51.040 --> 0:51:53.600
<v Speaker 2>she will grow out of it absolutely. And she's got

0:51:53.600 --> 0:51:55.720
<v Speaker 2>all these other things going for her, like she's getting

0:51:55.719 --> 0:51:58.840
<v Speaker 2>good grades. That's really the most important thing. That she's grounded.

0:51:59.120 --> 0:52:01.799
<v Speaker 2>That's also the most important thing. Like those are all

0:52:01.800 --> 0:52:05.600
<v Speaker 2>good qualities and not every listen. I was away with

0:52:05.600 --> 0:52:07.800
<v Speaker 2>my family this weekend. My sister had a big birthday,

0:52:08.280 --> 0:52:11.320
<v Speaker 2>and I went into the kitchen to try to add

0:52:11.680 --> 0:52:15.000
<v Speaker 2>something to a plate, like there was all this food

0:52:15.080 --> 0:52:18.719
<v Speaker 2>in this dish and it was like stripped pork, like carnitas,

0:52:19.000 --> 0:52:20.640
<v Speaker 2>and I was trying to put it in the pan

0:52:20.760 --> 0:52:23.680
<v Speaker 2>for my aunt who was cooking, and three of the

0:52:23.719 --> 0:52:27.080
<v Speaker 2>people were like, Chelsea, don't touch anything in the kitchen.

0:52:27.200 --> 0:52:28.280
<v Speaker 3>We don't want your help.

0:52:28.800 --> 0:52:32.440
<v Speaker 2>Just go outside and use your strengths, which our personality

0:52:32.680 --> 0:52:36.000
<v Speaker 2>and talking like that made me never. Something I'll never

0:52:36.040 --> 0:52:38.640
<v Speaker 2>be able to do is anything that involves kitchen cooking.

0:52:38.760 --> 0:52:40.560
<v Speaker 2>Da da da, Like I'm not good at that. I've

0:52:40.560 --> 0:52:43.000
<v Speaker 2>never been good at that. It's like my brain freezes

0:52:43.040 --> 0:52:45.000
<v Speaker 2>when I have to do anything that involves that.

0:52:45.400 --> 0:52:47.480
<v Speaker 3>So like, give her a little bit of latitude.

0:52:47.520 --> 0:52:49.000
<v Speaker 2>I know you're her mother and you don't want to

0:52:49.000 --> 0:52:51.520
<v Speaker 2>be sitting around cleaning up after your daughter. But MESSI

0:52:51.640 --> 0:52:53.560
<v Speaker 2>is not the worst thing in the world. And I

0:52:53.600 --> 0:52:57.360
<v Speaker 2>bet you if you stop actually like trying to punish

0:52:57.360 --> 0:52:59.759
<v Speaker 2>her and try and talking about it, I bet you,

0:52:59.800 --> 0:53:02.120
<v Speaker 2>with out the pressure of it, she'll kind of come

0:53:02.160 --> 0:53:04.080
<v Speaker 2>to it on her own at some point.

0:53:04.239 --> 0:53:05.839
<v Speaker 3>Also, Yeah, it.

0:53:05.760 --> 0:53:08.680
<v Speaker 4>Could also be like letting the pressure off by saying like, Okay,

0:53:08.680 --> 0:53:10.239
<v Speaker 4>well you've got a choice, like do you want to

0:53:10.280 --> 0:53:13.479
<v Speaker 4>load the dishwasher or vacuum the living room or something

0:53:13.560 --> 0:53:16.600
<v Speaker 4>like that. So she's got a little bit more autonomy there,

0:53:16.640 --> 0:53:18.279
<v Speaker 4>but she still has to like help out in the

0:53:18.280 --> 0:53:19.480
<v Speaker 4>ways that you need her to help out.

0:53:19.640 --> 0:53:23.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And I also think honesty is the best policy.

0:53:23.840 --> 0:53:26.279
<v Speaker 1>You Know, there are times where I just like my

0:53:26.360 --> 0:53:30.080
<v Speaker 1>husband and I've sat the kids down and just be like, hey, guys,

0:53:31.040 --> 0:53:35.200
<v Speaker 1>we really need you to help contribute because we're really

0:53:35.200 --> 0:53:38.040
<v Speaker 1>stressed out right now over this, or we're really busy,

0:53:38.160 --> 0:53:40.360
<v Speaker 1>or I'm working, or Daddy's trying to get this finished.

0:53:40.840 --> 0:53:43.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm really overwhelmed with work, I'm going to be traveling

0:53:43.560 --> 0:53:45.880
<v Speaker 1>a lot. I really need to focus on this today,

0:53:45.920 --> 0:53:47.880
<v Speaker 1>whatever you can do to kind of help get us

0:53:47.880 --> 0:53:51.080
<v Speaker 1>through the day or this week, and just having that

0:53:51.200 --> 0:53:54.319
<v Speaker 1>kind of communication and having that vulnerability, because I think

0:53:54.400 --> 0:53:57.239
<v Speaker 1>kids like see us as I always kind of run

0:53:57.280 --> 0:53:59.280
<v Speaker 1>into this problem too. I have to be really careful

0:53:59.280 --> 0:54:01.520
<v Speaker 1>because I'm busy, I'm traveling a lot, and I have

0:54:01.600 --> 0:54:03.960
<v Speaker 1>to be careful to like not come into the house

0:54:04.040 --> 0:54:07.040
<v Speaker 1>and like if I'm just kind of passing through and

0:54:07.080 --> 0:54:09.200
<v Speaker 1>like be the nagger, you know, and they can do

0:54:09.280 --> 0:54:11.000
<v Speaker 1>this and do that, you know, And I want to

0:54:11.040 --> 0:54:13.640
<v Speaker 1>come in and be the person that kind of uplifts

0:54:13.680 --> 0:54:16.960
<v Speaker 1>them and be like hey, like wow, well done, Like

0:54:17.000 --> 0:54:18.960
<v Speaker 1>you are killing it at school right now. I'm so

0:54:19.080 --> 0:54:21.000
<v Speaker 1>proud of you, like, thank you so much. And I

0:54:21.000 --> 0:54:24.359
<v Speaker 1>feel like in life in general, we all we all

0:54:24.400 --> 0:54:27.200
<v Speaker 1>want kind of that, we all want to be tapped

0:54:27.200 --> 0:54:30.120
<v Speaker 1>on the shoulder for and get that recognition for like

0:54:30.160 --> 0:54:32.200
<v Speaker 1>the hard work and the things that we are doing right.

0:54:32.280 --> 0:54:34.279
<v Speaker 1>And I think at the end of the day that

0:54:34.360 --> 0:54:37.680
<v Speaker 1>helps build confidence and inspires us to kind of do

0:54:37.760 --> 0:54:41.160
<v Speaker 1>better or try to contribute more in other areas that

0:54:41.239 --> 0:54:43.920
<v Speaker 1>maybe we're not doing so much so so that might

0:54:43.960 --> 0:54:45.359
<v Speaker 1>be another approach as well.

0:54:46.320 --> 0:54:48.240
<v Speaker 10>Yeah, that's good, that's encouraging.

0:54:49.000 --> 0:54:49.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:54:49.560 --> 0:54:53.200
<v Speaker 3>Okay, well, thank you for calling in, Liz, Yes, thank you.

0:54:53.640 --> 0:54:56.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, have a great day. Okay, we're going to take

0:54:56.120 --> 0:54:57.759
<v Speaker 2>our last break and come back to wrap up with

0:54:57.760 --> 0:55:05.320
<v Speaker 2>the Michelle bought a hat. And we're back with Michelle Monahan,

0:55:05.719 --> 0:55:07.240
<v Speaker 2>most recently from White Lotus.

0:55:07.239 --> 0:55:08.600
<v Speaker 3>But you've seen her a million things.

0:55:08.600 --> 0:55:11.319
<v Speaker 2>She was in a mission impossible three she I didn't

0:55:11.320 --> 0:55:12.759
<v Speaker 2>know you were married to an Australian guy.

0:55:12.800 --> 0:55:13.320
<v Speaker 3>That's funny.

0:55:13.360 --> 0:55:16.600
<v Speaker 2>I have so many Australians in my life. Australians know

0:55:17.000 --> 0:55:18.720
<v Speaker 2>all about skin cancer.

0:55:19.280 --> 0:55:20.759
<v Speaker 8>They know all.

0:55:20.560 --> 0:55:25.319
<v Speaker 1>About skin cancer. They really do. Ozzie's are fantastic. I mean,

0:55:25.440 --> 0:55:29.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, they're just so loose and fun and a

0:55:29.400 --> 0:55:32.320
<v Speaker 1>great sure. Yeah, I have a great sense of humor.

0:55:32.960 --> 0:55:34.840
<v Speaker 2>Well, it's been such a pleasure talking to you. I

0:55:34.840 --> 0:55:37.400
<v Speaker 2>hope I get to see you in person at some point.

0:55:37.480 --> 0:55:40.520
<v Speaker 2>I hope we get to hang out. Well we definitely,

0:55:40.520 --> 0:55:43.360
<v Speaker 2>Well you will get together with Leslie also great and

0:55:43.680 --> 0:55:45.360
<v Speaker 2>best of luck. I can't wait to see all the

0:55:45.360 --> 0:55:47.319
<v Speaker 2>good things that come from white Lotus for all of you.

0:55:47.440 --> 0:55:50.640
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Thank you so much. Chelsea. You rock absolutely

0:55:50.719 --> 0:55:51.480
<v Speaker 1>appreciate you.

0:55:52.080 --> 0:55:55.160
<v Speaker 3>Have a great day, all right, you too. Bye bye,

0:55:55.239 --> 0:55:57.920
<v Speaker 3>thanks ladies, Bye bye.

0:55:58.360 --> 0:56:02.480
<v Speaker 2>Do do do do Do do drum roll Catherine, please,

0:56:03.680 --> 0:56:05.000
<v Speaker 2>Chelsea Handler abroad.

0:56:05.200 --> 0:56:07.160
<v Speaker 3>Abroad is my European tour.

0:56:07.600 --> 0:56:12.160
<v Speaker 2>So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I

0:56:12.480 --> 0:56:15.160
<v Speaker 2>need to get the help out of this fucking country.

0:56:15.760 --> 0:56:17.680
<v Speaker 3>And it's not as easy as you think.

0:56:17.840 --> 0:56:21.680
<v Speaker 2>So I'm coming to Rekuvic, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm

0:56:21.680 --> 0:56:26.200
<v Speaker 2>coming to the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast

0:56:26.880 --> 0:56:33.120
<v Speaker 2>in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,

0:56:33.760 --> 0:56:38.480
<v Speaker 2>New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,

0:56:38.719 --> 0:56:40.200
<v Speaker 2>Barcelona and Lisbon.

0:56:41.120 --> 0:56:43.040
<v Speaker 3>I'm coming abroad.

0:56:43.200 --> 0:56:45.480
<v Speaker 1>Is abroad that sounds like fun. I'm gonna go see

0:56:45.480 --> 0:56:45.960
<v Speaker 1>you abroad.

0:56:46.360 --> 0:56:48.480
<v Speaker 2>I know I want to go see me abroad and

0:56:48.680 --> 0:56:53.680
<v Speaker 2>there all be, there all be upcoming Vegas States, April eighteenth,

0:56:53.800 --> 0:56:57.920
<v Speaker 2>July fifth, August thirtieth, November one and twenty ninth at

0:56:57.960 --> 0:56:59.920
<v Speaker 2>the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.

0:57:00.280 --> 0:57:01.560
<v Speaker 1>Do you want advice from Chelsea?

0:57:01.760 --> 0:57:05.279
<v Speaker 4>Write into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

0:57:05.320 --> 0:57:08.480
<v Speaker 4>full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching

0:57:08.560 --> 0:57:12.360
<v Speaker 4>at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered

0:57:12.360 --> 0:57:16.120
<v Speaker 4>by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure

0:57:16.120 --> 0:57:20.800
<v Speaker 4>to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com