WEBVTT - Two Ts Presents: Two Jersey Js: Aging Gracefully 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:06.240 Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Two Jersey Jays. 0:00:06.240 --> 0:00:11.160 I'm Jackie Goldschneider. I'm Jen Fessler. Hi guys, Hi, Okay, 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:14.520 and Jen. I have a question for you. Yes, this 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:17.640 term sounds jump right and horrifying, but have you ever 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:20.120 heard of invisible women syndrome? 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:23.479 I have heard of it, But even if I hadn't 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:26.200 heard of it, I think I would be just the 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:28.240 title alone with clue me in to what it means. 0:00:28.240 --> 0:00:32.920 But please, Invisible woman syndrome is a theory that when 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:36.280 a woman reaches a certain age, usually when they go 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:41.000 through menopause around age fifty, the world stops seeing them. 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:46.319 They become invisible. They stop excelling at the things that 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:51.360 society says women are made for, which is beauty and 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:57.760 raising children, and they therefore become invisible in society, in 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:02.680 the workplace, and in the media. And you know, I 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:05.479 have to say, I don't feel invisible, but I do 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:10.960 feel at times like as I get older, I find 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:15.400 it hard to figure out what my purpose is. When 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:17.959 I was younger, I had all these big dreams, and 0:01:18.040 --> 0:01:21.720 now as I'm approaching fifty, it does feel like things 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:22.320 are limited. 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:28.399 Well, first, before I comment, on Invisible Women's Syndrome. In 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:32.039 case you guys haven't guessed, our episode today is about aging, 0:01:32.840 --> 0:01:36.119 and we're talking about specifically because we happen to be women. 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:39.240 We're talking about women and aging. Although like to throw 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:42.279 in a few thoughts that we have on differences between 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:46.480 men and women aging, but I relate to what you're describing, 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:50.280 and I the most relatable part of it for me 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:56.720 is the idea that women are not being looked at 0:01:56.760 --> 0:01:59.360 and in social situations. Not so much in the workplace 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:02.440 for me, but that feeling that I used to have 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:05.360 where I was very noticeable. I guess to men and 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:09.160 to women. We are on reality television right now, so 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:11.040 we do get noticed, maybe in a different way. But 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:15.880 let's say, for me before Housewives, there is a difference 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:19.120 now at age fifty five than there was at age 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:23.520 even forty five and thirty five. And I don't know 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:27.600 if it's partly in my own mind or I just 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:31.279 have become less relevant to society. 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:35.120 Well, do you know, I think? Can I just tell 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:37.200 you this story when I was in my twenties, I 0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:42.600 still I remember this so distinctly. I was what it 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:44.440 was like, not a club, but it was like a 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:48.959 bar with music and everything, and there was this group 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.920 of older women and they, when I say older women, 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:54.880 they were like in their late forties, maybe early fifties, 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:57.320 and they were at the same place as us. And 0:02:57.400 --> 0:03:01.120 the song who Let the Dogs Out came on and 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:02.560 one of the women had a. 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:05.760 Leash with her. Okay, I guess it was our favorite. 0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:07.760 Song or something. She had a leash and she was 0:03:08.240 --> 0:03:11.560 swinging the leash and dancing her ass off to Who 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:14.320 Let the Dogs Out? And I turned to my friend 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:18.280 and I said, if I'm doing that when I'm fifty 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:22.520 years old, please kill me. And I'll always remember that, 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:26.119 because I almost felt like this woman was too old 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:28.760 to be having this much fun, like at that stage, 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:32.520 calm the fuck down, sit down, like enjoy your grandchildren. 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:35.240 Like I had all these distorted ideas of what life 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:38.600 was supposed to be like. And I wonder now if 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:40.520 when I go to because I still love to have 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:42.680 fun and I love to go out, and I wonder 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:46.240 if twenty year old or young thirties are looking at 0:03:46.280 --> 0:03:49.040 me and saying, wow, go home, go home to your 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:53.119 family and live appropriately. And it bothers me so much 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:53.920 that I thought that. 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:56.480 The uh, well, I want to delve into this later. 0:03:56.880 --> 0:04:01.240 But the good news about hitting middle age and getting 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:06.120 older is that all of that doesn't matter as much 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:09.160 as it used to. Like what people are thinking, and 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:12.680 what people are, how people are judging you, all of 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:15.520 that starts to sort of fall under the category of 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:19.200 who gives a shit? But we're ahead of ourselves. A 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:20.240 little talk about that later. 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:22.600 I don't know about that. I don't know about that, 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:29.640 but I don't know. I feel like when I was younger, 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:34.080 I really thought that fifty years old was old. 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:37.479 Well, I mean the Golden Girls, the Golden Girls that 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:43.680 we watched, right, they were representing old women in Florida, 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:47.719 you know, over fifty community and we watched them and 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:50.360 love them because they were older and yet they were 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:54.360 still sassy. But I don't remember. I remember reading something 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:56.640 about like their actual ages that they were supposed to be, 0:04:56.800 --> 0:04:59.520 and I'm older than that. Except for the mother what 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:04.240 was her name? Not so yeah, not Sophia, Yes, I 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:05.840 don't think. I think she was probably supposed to be 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:08.440 a little bit older, but like absolutely right in that 0:05:08.560 --> 0:05:11.200 range Alice on the Brady Bunch, I think they said 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:13.719 she was forty five, right, And the way they say 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:16.400 ten years older than Alice, right, but. 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:18.680 They were like so, so what they were in there? 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:21.720 They were supposed to be in their seventies, I guess, right. 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:23.120 I don't know. I don't know that. 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:25.920 And all they did was sit around and eat cheesecake 0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:28.880 and like do old lady things. And I feel like 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:33.479 that's why, maybe that's why we think about getting old. 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.320 Is not but fifty is not what it was, right, 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:39.279 Like I said this, my business is sort of based around, 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:42.279 loosely based around the idea of agism. So my heels 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:45.400 that I make are for women who have reached a 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:47.320 certain agent, can no longer wear heels and still want 0:05:47.360 --> 0:05:50.279 to feel sexy. But we say, one of the things 0:05:50.320 --> 0:05:54.080 we talk about when we're promoting f major is that 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:57.760 you know, fifty, this is not your mother's fifty. And 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:01.719 my mother did not like I do it fifty that 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:04.159 is not I'm whatever to do my own horn. But 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:07.159 she didn't have access to so much that we have 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:12.000 access to now. So physically it's a different time, right, 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:16.680 So we have access to everything from botox to fillers, 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:21.599 to care extensions and keratin and all the bs and 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:26.080 surgeries and the cur all things that really our mothers 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:28.960 didn't have access to personal trainers, different ways to exercise. 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.760 So I don't think fifty looks like it used to 0:06:32.800 --> 0:06:34.280 look right, and. 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:37.120 I think that's a problem. So you take these women 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:42.240 who people say defy age, right, like Jennifer Lopez or 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:45.120 cape Beck and Sale both. You know Katee Beck and 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:47.880 Sale's fifty. I think Jennfi Lopez a few years past that, 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:54.720 and they're freaking gorgeous. They look very young, And we 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:56.799 do have access to all this stuff, so I feel 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:59.840 like it's it's almost like you fell apart if you 0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:02.120 don't do it right, and that's not true. 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:05.080 But I don't think that. I feel like, I think 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:07.279 it's great that we have access to these things. Whether 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:09.720 or not you decide to use them is of course 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:14.280 your own decision. But I love that I don't look 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:16.840 like my mother and my grandmother did at fifty, that 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:20.000 I have pools that they didn't have, for better or 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:24.640 for worse. I'm grateful for that. But unrealistic expectations now 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:28.960 that come along with aging, I think they have. They're 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:31.920 way bigger those expectations than they used to be. Like, 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:33.080 you don't really see. 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:36.680 A woman when you see a woman with enough money 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:41.680 to get botox? Who chooses not to? Don't you think 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:43.960 to yourself, well, why would you walk around with all 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:46.960 those lines on your face? Like Lisa Barlowe, famously on 0:07:47.880 --> 0:07:50.040 Real House Sizes of Salt Lake City, doesn't get botox. 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:53.320 She says she wants she likes her face natural, and 0:07:53.400 --> 0:07:56.360 I always I think she's stunning, but I always think, like, 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:58.280 why wouldn't you get botox? 0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:01.640 Well, you're asking the wrong girl. I'd been getting botox 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:05.000 since botox was a thing, so I can't really answer 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:09.000 that question. I think, though, how glorious it must be 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:13.800 to be a woman who is really is embracing age 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.559 and doesn't give a shit. I'm not one of those women, 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:21.720 but I do like Justine Bateman so right, So she's 0:08:21.720 --> 0:08:25.360 come out recently. She doesn't looks like, she doesn't wear makeup, 0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:28.200 and she doesn't color her hair, and she has completely 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:31.360 embraced that lot. Pamela Anderson like, these are women that 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:34.360 are saying, you know, fuck all of you, this is 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:37.040 what fifty something or hopever they old there looks like 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:41.440 I think I'm beautiful. That's all that matters. And God 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:43.640 bless them, fat not bless. 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:45.560 Them, But they get torn apart in the media. Well, 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:48.880 not so much Pamela Anderson, but Justine Bateman. She got 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:50.760 destroyed in the media. 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:53.640 It made her more likable for me, even though I 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:56.959 have yeah, I'm not that person. I have no interest 0:08:57.040 --> 0:08:59.640 in letting my hair grow go gray and letting my 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:04.840 wrinkle get wrinklear. But I definitely felt, uh this affinity 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:09.000 towards her, like cool man, like, look at you doing 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:11.880 you and not making excuses for it? Right you? How 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:14.840 much time I would save if I just didn't give 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:17.400 a shit about my looks? How much time? 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:17.679 This is? 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:17.880 What? 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:21.280 This is what Pam Anderson said on Today dot Com. 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:23.559 She said, I'm much more comfortable in my own skin. 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:26.640 But I'm also in an industry that really focuses on beauty, 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:29.679 and I thought, I'm going to challenge beauty. I think 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:32.560 challenging ourselves is what keeps us young and beautiful. And 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:35.920 I think, really genuinely, beauty does come from within and 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:37.200 you don't have to play the game. 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:38.319 So I love that. 0:09:38.360 --> 0:09:40.760 But then again, she is Pam Anderson, and she looks 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:43.360 like Pam Anderson, so i' mean, like, hey, do when 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:45.040 you're Pam Anderson, you could do that? But when I 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:47.240 wake up, and I have no makeup on. I am 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:50.960 not showing my face to the world. But I do 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:54.640 think that it is kind of like yesterday I heard 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:58.800 this guy in his uh I think he's in his 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:00.720 early thirties, and somebody asked him if he had a 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.760 celebrity crush and he said, it'll always be Jennifer Aniston, 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:06.440 and I love that, And then he followed it by saying, 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:12.440 she's simply ageless, and I thought, like, why can't she 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:16.320 just be Jennifer Aniston? Like why does what would happen 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:18.920 if she did look, you know, fifty something. 0:10:19.320 --> 0:10:21.520 Well, let's let's turn that around for a minute, Okay, 0:10:21.920 --> 0:10:24.959 So I could tell you that whoever I was, whatever 0:10:25.040 --> 0:10:27.640 man I was in love with as a younger woman, 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:30.240 when there are one hundred and ten, I'm gonna still 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.400 love them. I'm gonna still feel attracted to them. And 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:34.800 I can tell you that because I can look at 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:38.360 men like I don't know the Clint Eastwoods of the world, 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:41.200 even like, but I know he just had a baby, 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:43.080 and that's a whole other subject and weird or whatever. 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:46.520 But Rober Junior, I think he is so sexy. I 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:50.720 could yeah, I do. Oh boy, no, not I I 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:52.400 just think it's different. I think that it's different. Man, 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:55.480 I don't have that like you know, Okay, let's stay, 0:10:55.559 --> 0:11:00.360 let's do someone simpler. How about a George Clooney. Yeah 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:02.680 he's gorgeous, He's gorgeous, gorgeous. 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:04.800 But I don't think men compare themselves to like George 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:06.480 Clooney and Brad Pitt. They're in their fifties. 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:08.440 Oh no, no. But but the point being that, like 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:11.680 this guy said Jennifer Anderston is ageless, I don't care 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:15.800 if George Clooney is ageless, aging over the hill, the 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:17.040 hill follow of shit. 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.400 What I'm saying is you wouldn't say I love George 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:22.280 Clooney even at his age. 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:24.760 Now, I know it's different from say that it. 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:27.600 Is very different. For a Minute's different like the fact 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:31.160 that Robert de Niro and al Pacino could have a 0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:36.240 baby in their eighties. I I don't think. I'm just 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.200 gonna be honest, like, just because you can doesn't mean 0:11:38.240 --> 0:11:41.120 you should. I think it's horrible, I really, I mean 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:44.600 there's something about like life is not guaranteed for anybody, right, 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:46.400 but having a child when you know you're not going 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:49.719 to live more than like I mean yes, there are 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:54.240 outliers who live. I think it's I think it's an 0:11:54.280 --> 0:11:57.000 ego thing. I think it's horrible. I don't think you 0:11:57.000 --> 0:11:59.840 should be having a child in your eighties. I just don't. 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:03.640 But you know, it is different for men. I think, 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:07.920 you know, the midlife crisis for a woman and a 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:12.280 man are very different. So for a man, they say, 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:16.840 you know, reach a research shows that a man's midlife 0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:20.360 crisis is triggered by a feeling of being trapped in 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:24.600 their life. And that's why I think it's the mentality. 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:28.080 It's about right quality for men, right, But that's why 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:31.160 you get these men who are trying to move backwards 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:34.280 by like getting a bestorcycles or. 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:35.200 Dying their hair. 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:37.240 Women doing crazy right. 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:49.520 So I actually hold my friends. And when I say 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:51.440 I pulled my friends, I pulled a lot of my 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:57.480 friends going into this episode. And I want to say, 0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:01.600 I talked to maybe twenty women and I ask them 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:04.280 all the same question, and Jack, I'll ask it to you, 0:13:04.360 --> 0:13:07.920 but without overthinking it. Okay, just give me a sentence. 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:10.400 What is what do you feel like is the best 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:11.080 part of aging? 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:18.480 Aside from the fact that I do appreciate that I'm 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:22.559 healthy and have a healthy family and everything, and that 0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:23.959 aging is not you know. 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:24.439 It's a gift. 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:28.120 What do I appreciate about it? I have to be honest, 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:33.280 I don't love too much about it. But what I 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:40.240 do love is the feeling of I feel less pressure 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.880 to be a people pleaser. I say no to more 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:48.640 things that I authentically don't want to do. Yep, And 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:52.440 I put people out of my life that I don't 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:56.319 feel good being around. And that's been especially in the 0:13:56.360 --> 0:14:01.960 past two years. I've chosen to surround myself only with 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:06.319 the people that I enjoy being around, and that includes, sadly, 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:10.040 that included my sister too. I stopped, I really stopped. 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:13.920 I used to try hard with her, but not hard, 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:15.719 but like check in every once in a while and 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:17.040 see if maybe she wants to talk. 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:22.080 I've stopped. Well, so I will tell you that unanimously. 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:24.640 I'm not making this up. I have my little journal 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:27.720 here and I called about twenty women. I wrote down 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:29.640 exactly what they said. I said, just give me a sentence, 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:32.240 and I could read you. When I said the best 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:34.760 part of aging, they almost said it in the exact 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:38.160 same way. The best I'm just gonna read. The one 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:42.040 is don't fucking care anymore, the best not giving a shit, 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:45.600 the best not having my period and not giving a shit, 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:50.880 not caring about what others think, not giving a shit, 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:52.720 and being more confident. I mean, it was just over 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.240 and over again. And it was the ability also to 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:59.720 say no and not caring about what was going to 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:01.440 come b at you. And it's funny because I was thinking, 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:03.960 I have a funny story about that myself, because for me, 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:06.160 that's the best part of getting older, is I am 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:09.920 still I still struggle with people pleasing Having said that, 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:12.360 it's way better than what than it was when I 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:16.800 was younger. And for instance, so I have a friend 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.000 and we had plans to go out on a Thursday night. 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:21.480 This is going back I know a couple of years 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:25.000 and another one of our friends got wind of it 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:27.840 and she at the time was going out with someone 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:30.080 that night coincidentally, so there were four of us going 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:34.840 out that night. So my other friend, my third friend. 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:36.920 So if you know, I'm going out one person and 0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:39.360 there are two others. So said, well, you know, guys, 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:42.080 let's just put ourselves in the same reservation. We'll all 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:47.880 go out together, the four of us. And I said no, uh, huh, 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:49.400 And we were on sort of like a thread without 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.000 the fourth person. But the fourth person, lovely woman, was 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:53.840 not a good friend of mine, and it was going 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:56.800 to change the whole dynamic of that Thursday night going 0:15:56.840 --> 0:16:00.440 out and being amongst like someone that I felt really 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:02.960 comfortable with and sharing what's going on with me, and 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:05.120 I didn't want for that dynamic to switch. It was 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:06.840 a Thursday night. Knowing me, I probably didn't want to 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:09.600 go out anyway, So I said, no, that's not going 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:12.640 to work. And my friend said back, what do you mean, 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:15.760 What do you mean no? And I said no, and 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:17.960 she's so it just kept like, what are you talking about? 0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:20.040 Why not we're all going out? I said, because I 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:23.560 don't want to, And he said, what do you mean? 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:25.240 Why are you being like this? I said, well, if 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:27.520 you want, I'll make up a lie. Okay, I don't 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:29.480 feel good. Would you like me to lie to you? 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.840 I don't want to. I'd rather just go out with 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:35.160 me and this one person. With me and this one 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:37.800 person and you, this other person who's a lovely woman 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:40.160 changes the dynamic of the night, and I don't want 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:42.600 to do it. And I know it may sound like 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:45.240 a silly story, but it was so everything for me 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:49.760 because like I'm not making excuses why I don't wanna, 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:54.160 That's why. And at fifty five years old, I can 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:57.440 say no, I don't want to and not have to 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:00.240 make excuses for it. That's enough, my mom. It was 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:03.160 just no is not a four letter word. That's part 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.439 of like the not giving a shit thing. I mean, 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.040 there are so many pieces of not giving a shit 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:11.680 that are so satisfy, you know, satisfactory, satisfactory, that gives 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:14.239 so much satisfaction. But like when I was younger, I 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:16.640 just would have never been able to do that no 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:20.199 because I said no, That's why, And that is I 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:22.399 definitely has come with age, right. 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:25.080 That that is the best part because you when you 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:27.040 say no to things, like when I used to, I 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:29.159 used to be like, well, what if am I going 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:31.440 to not get invited to this thing next time? 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:32.840 Right, this one's going to be mad at me. 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:35.160 Now you know that, like, first of all, no one's 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:37.199 thinking about you as much as you're thinking about you, 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:40.719 but also like it just life is short, and you 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.119 know that, like you've become aware of the fact that 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:48.720 people around you are unhappy or they get sick, or 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:51.919 they lose people, and like, you know that life is 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:55.240 short and you have this like clarity. 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:58.400 But I don't know that. I buy all of these. 0:17:58.240 --> 0:18:00.600 Women who say that they don't care what people think 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:01.320 of them any more. 0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:03.680 I mean there are degrees of it. You know, it's 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:06.040 not like you now you never ever care, But it's 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:07.479 so much better than it used to be. I mean, 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:10.800 that's right, that's the beauty of agent all these middle 0:18:10.840 --> 0:18:12.919 aged women on ozenbic. Not to go back to that, 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:15.959 but I mean it is omnipresent. So like all these 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:19.040 people don't care, then why are they all like drastically 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:21.000 changing their bodies right now? But I don't think I'm 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:25.040 not saying that. Well, okay, so great. So, remembering what 0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:27.400 you just said and what you just asked me, I'm 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:29.040 going to ask you what's the worst thing for you 0:18:29.080 --> 0:18:34.120 about aging? The worst thing a quick sentence, don't get 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:38.600 like even to love it, but like my face looks older? Okay, 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:41.560 so unanimously all the friends I could go back and 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:42.720 tell you the best thing was not. 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:45.320 Giving a shit claiming I'm not claiming that I don't 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:47.080 care what people think of my looks. 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:49.240 No, wait, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying 0:18:49.320 --> 0:18:52.600 is not giving a shit about what people think is 0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:56.040 not the same as not caring, as not liking the 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:58.920 physical changes that come along with aging. So what that 0:18:58.960 --> 0:19:03.000 means is that I want to look great. It's not 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:05.800 about everybody else like it used to be. It's not 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:08.840 because I want to catch a husband or I want 0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:10.680 to be the pretty girl said. I want to look 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:13.160 in the mirror and like what I see and still 0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:17.159 feel sexy. So I don't think they're mutually exclusive, right, Like, 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:22.440 you can not give a shit anymore and still feel 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:25.680 badly about your body and your face aging. And I'm 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.919 telling you that that was the unan of his answer. 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:32.760 That's what I got from over twenty women. It was 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:37.120 really almost bizarre. So I think that it's great Adjustine 0:19:37.160 --> 0:19:40.280 Bateman of Pamela Anderson, like God bless them, good for them. 0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:43.119 But I think for the most part, the part of 0:19:43.119 --> 0:19:46.560 aging that is so hard for us is the physicality 0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:49.680 of it, right, that part of us that the first 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.359 time I saw gray hair on my vagina, that was 0:19:52.400 --> 0:19:56.320 a tragic day. Okay, Now that's not necessarily about like, 0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:59.119 you know what I look like. Not many people were 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:01.720 seeing that. Not many people would want to. But my 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:04.720 point is like just knowing that my body is getting older. 0:20:05.240 --> 0:20:07.240 I know there are times when I stare in the 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:11.439 mirror and I'll like use my fingers, my like middle 0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:13.920 fingers to like pick up certain parts of my face, 0:20:14.000 --> 0:20:17.720 like yeah, I look, and I wonder, like what fell 0:20:17.960 --> 0:20:20.600 on my face that makes me look thirty years older 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:23.600 than I was at twenty, right, And I'll like pick 0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:27.520 things up and that little lift will make me look 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:29.639 so much younger, and then I have to drop it again. 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:32.719 And it's about acceptance, right, because my friends will say, 0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:35.320 no one understands why their knees look the way they do, 0:20:35.600 --> 0:20:38.280 so I have That's that's sort of like the topic 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:41.240 recently is that everybody's legs having a lot to do 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:42.960 with the people that are on ozembic. But your skin 0:20:43.000 --> 0:20:45.600 starts to sag. But even let's put ozembic aside for 0:20:45.600 --> 0:20:47.800 a minute. As you get older, your skin starts to 0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:49.600 sag on your knees. Jack, I don't know if you've 0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:51.879 this has happened to you, but they just sort of 0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:54.960 fold skin folds over itself on your knees, and so 0:20:55.000 --> 0:20:58.000 there's a lot of like why, so, like what is happening? 0:20:58.000 --> 0:20:59.520 Why are man of these do it? Here's the answer, 0:21:00.160 --> 0:21:02.679 Because you're old. We're getting old. 0:21:03.200 --> 0:21:05.600 It's funny that you say that. There was this woman 0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:07.800