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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Two Jersey Jays.

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Speaker 1: I'm Jackie Goldschneider. I'm Jen Fessler. Hi guys, Hi, Okay,

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Speaker 1: and Jen. I have a question for you. Yes, this

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Speaker 1: term sounds jump right and horrifying, but have you ever

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Speaker 1: heard of invisible women syndrome?

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Speaker 2: I have heard of it, But even if I hadn't

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Speaker 2: heard of it, I think I would be just the

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Speaker 2: title alone with clue me in to what it means.

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Speaker 1: But please, Invisible woman syndrome is a theory that when

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Speaker 1: a woman reaches a certain age, usually when they go

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Speaker 1: through menopause around age fifty, the world stops seeing them.

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Speaker 1: They become invisible. They stop excelling at the things that

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Speaker 1: society says women are made for, which is beauty and

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Speaker 1: raising children, and they therefore become invisible in society, in

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Speaker 1: the workplace, and in the media. And you know, I

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Speaker 1: have to say, I don't feel invisible, but I do

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Speaker 1: feel at times like as I get older, I find

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Speaker 1: it hard to figure out what my purpose is. When

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Speaker 1: I was younger, I had all these big dreams, and

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Speaker 1: now as I'm approaching fifty, it does feel like things

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Speaker 1: are limited.

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Speaker 2: Well, first, before I comment, on Invisible Women's Syndrome. In

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Speaker 2: case you guys haven't guessed, our episode today is about aging,

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Speaker 2: and we're talking about specifically because we happen to be women.

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Speaker 2: We're talking about women and aging. Although like to throw

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Speaker 2: in a few thoughts that we have on differences between

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Speaker 2: men and women aging, but I relate to what you're describing,

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Speaker 2: and I the most relatable part of it for me

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Speaker 2: is the idea that women are not being looked at

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Speaker 2: and in social situations. Not so much in the workplace

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Speaker 2: for me, but that feeling that I used to have

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Speaker 2: where I was very noticeable. I guess to men and

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Speaker 2: to women. We are on reality television right now, so

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Speaker 2: we do get noticed, maybe in a different way. But

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Speaker 2: let's say, for me before Housewives, there is a difference

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Speaker 2: now at age fifty five than there was at age

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Speaker 2: even forty five and thirty five. And I don't know

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Speaker 2: if it's partly in my own mind or I just

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Speaker 2: have become less relevant to society.

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Speaker 1: Well, do you know, I think? Can I just tell

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Speaker 1: you this story when I was in my twenties, I

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Speaker 1: still I remember this so distinctly. I was what it

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Speaker 1: was like, not a club, but it was like a

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Speaker 1: bar with music and everything, and there was this group

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Speaker 1: of older women and they, when I say older women,

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Speaker 1: they were like in their late forties, maybe early fifties,

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Speaker 1: and they were at the same place as us. And

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Speaker 1: the song who Let the Dogs Out came on and

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Speaker 1: one of the women had a.

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Speaker 2: Leash with her. Okay, I guess it was our favorite.

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Speaker 1: Song or something. She had a leash and she was

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Speaker 1: swinging the leash and dancing her ass off to Who

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Speaker 1: Let the Dogs Out? And I turned to my friend

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Speaker 1: and I said, if I'm doing that when I'm fifty

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Speaker 1: years old, please kill me. And I'll always remember that,

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Speaker 1: because I almost felt like this woman was too old

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Speaker 1: to be having this much fun, like at that stage,

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Speaker 1: calm the fuck down, sit down, like enjoy your grandchildren.

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Speaker 1: Like I had all these distorted ideas of what life

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Speaker 1: was supposed to be like. And I wonder now if

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Speaker 1: when I go to because I still love to have

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Speaker 1: fun and I love to go out, and I wonder

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Speaker 1: if twenty year old or young thirties are looking at

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Speaker 1: me and saying, wow, go home, go home to your

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Speaker 1: family and live appropriately. And it bothers me so much

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Speaker 1: that I thought that.

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Speaker 2: The uh, well, I want to delve into this later.

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Speaker 2: But the good news about hitting middle age and getting

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Speaker 2: older is that all of that doesn't matter as much

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Speaker 2: as it used to. Like what people are thinking, and

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Speaker 2: what people are, how people are judging you, all of

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Speaker 2: that starts to sort of fall under the category of

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Speaker 2: who gives a shit? But we're ahead of ourselves. A

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Speaker 2: little talk about that later.

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Speaker 1: I don't know about that. I don't know about that,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know. I feel like when I was younger,

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Speaker 1: I really thought that fifty years old was old.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean the Golden Girls, the Golden Girls that

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Speaker 2: we watched, right, they were representing old women in Florida,

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Speaker 2: you know, over fifty community and we watched them and

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Speaker 2: love them because they were older and yet they were

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Speaker 2: still sassy. But I don't remember. I remember reading something

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Speaker 2: about like their actual ages that they were supposed to be,

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Speaker 2: and I'm older than that. Except for the mother what

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Speaker 2: was her name? Not so yeah, not Sophia, Yes, I

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Speaker 2: don't think. I think she was probably supposed to be

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Speaker 2: a little bit older, but like absolutely right in that

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Speaker 2: range Alice on the Brady Bunch, I think they said

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Speaker 2: she was forty five, right, And the way they say

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Speaker 2: ten years older than Alice, right, but.

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Speaker 1: They were like so, so what they were in there?

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Speaker 1: They were supposed to be in their seventies, I guess, right.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know that.

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Speaker 1: And all they did was sit around and eat cheesecake

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Speaker 1: and like do old lady things. And I feel like

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Speaker 1: that's why, maybe that's why we think about getting old.

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Speaker 2: Is not but fifty is not what it was, right,

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Speaker 2: Like I said this, my business is sort of based around,

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Speaker 2: loosely based around the idea of agism. So my heels

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Speaker 2: that I make are for women who have reached a

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Speaker 2: certain agent, can no longer wear heels and still want

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Speaker 2: to feel sexy. But we say, one of the things

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Speaker 2: we talk about when we're promoting f major is that

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Speaker 2: you know, fifty, this is not your mother's fifty. And

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Speaker 2: my mother did not like I do it fifty that

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Speaker 2: is not I'm whatever to do my own horn. But

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Speaker 2: she didn't have access to so much that we have

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Speaker 2: access to now. So physically it's a different time, right,

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Speaker 2: So we have access to everything from botox to fillers,

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Speaker 2: to care extensions and keratin and all the bs and

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Speaker 2: surgeries and the cur all things that really our mothers

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Speaker 2: didn't have access to personal trainers, different ways to exercise.

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Speaker 2: So I don't think fifty looks like it used to

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Speaker 2: look right, and.

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Speaker 1: I think that's a problem. So you take these women

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Speaker 1: who people say defy age, right, like Jennifer Lopez or

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Speaker 1: cape Beck and Sale both. You know Katee Beck and

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Speaker 1: Sale's fifty. I think Jennfi Lopez a few years past that,

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Speaker 1: and they're freaking gorgeous. They look very young, And we

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Speaker 1: do have access to all this stuff, so I feel

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Speaker 1: like it's it's almost like you fell apart if you

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Speaker 1: don't do it right, and that's not true.

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Speaker 2: But I don't think that. I feel like, I think

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Speaker 2: it's great that we have access to these things. Whether

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Speaker 2: or not you decide to use them is of course

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Speaker 2: your own decision. But I love that I don't look

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Speaker 2: like my mother and my grandmother did at fifty, that

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Speaker 2: I have pools that they didn't have, for better or

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Speaker 2: for worse. I'm grateful for that. But unrealistic expectations now

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Speaker 2: that come along with aging, I think they have. They're

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Speaker 2: way bigger those expectations than they used to be. Like,

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Speaker 2: you don't really see.

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Speaker 1: A woman when you see a woman with enough money

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Speaker 1: to get botox? Who chooses not to? Don't you think

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Speaker 1: to yourself, well, why would you walk around with all

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Speaker 1: those lines on your face? Like Lisa Barlowe, famously on

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Speaker 1: Real House Sizes of Salt Lake City, doesn't get botox.

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Speaker 1: She says she wants she likes her face natural, and

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Speaker 1: I always I think she's stunning, but I always think, like,

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Speaker 1: why wouldn't you get botox?

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Speaker 2: Well, you're asking the wrong girl. I'd been getting botox

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Speaker 2: since botox was a thing, so I can't really answer

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Speaker 2: that question. I think, though, how glorious it must be

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Speaker 2: to be a woman who is really is embracing age

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Speaker 2: and doesn't give a shit. I'm not one of those women,

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Speaker 2: but I do like Justine Bateman so right, So she's

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Speaker 2: come out recently. She doesn't looks like, she doesn't wear makeup,

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Speaker 2: and she doesn't color her hair, and she has completely

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Speaker 2: embraced that lot. Pamela Anderson like, these are women that

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Speaker 2: are saying, you know, fuck all of you, this is

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Speaker 2: what fifty something or hopever they old there looks like

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Speaker 2: I think I'm beautiful. That's all that matters. And God

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Speaker 2: bless them, fat not bless.

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Speaker 1: Them, But they get torn apart in the media. Well,

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Speaker 1: not so much Pamela Anderson, but Justine Bateman. She got

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Speaker 1: destroyed in the media.

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Speaker 2: It made her more likable for me, even though I

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Speaker 2: have yeah, I'm not that person. I have no interest

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Speaker 2: in letting my hair grow go gray and letting my

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Speaker 2: wrinkle get wrinklear. But I definitely felt, uh this affinity

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Speaker 2: towards her, like cool man, like, look at you doing

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Speaker 2: you and not making excuses for it? Right you? How

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Speaker 2: much time I would save if I just didn't give

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Speaker 2: a shit about my looks? How much time?

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Speaker 1: This is?

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Speaker 2: What?

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Speaker 1: This is what Pam Anderson said on Today dot Com.

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Speaker 1: She said, I'm much more comfortable in my own skin.

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Speaker 1: But I'm also in an industry that really focuses on beauty,

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Speaker 1: and I thought, I'm going to challenge beauty. I think

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Speaker 1: challenging ourselves is what keeps us young and beautiful. And

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Speaker 1: I think, really genuinely, beauty does come from within and

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Speaker 1: you don't have to play the game.

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Speaker 2: So I love that.

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Speaker 1: But then again, she is Pam Anderson, and she looks

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Speaker 1: like Pam Anderson, so i' mean, like, hey, do when

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Speaker 1: you're Pam Anderson, you could do that? But when I

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Speaker 1: wake up, and I have no makeup on. I am

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Speaker 1: not showing my face to the world. But I do

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Speaker 1: think that it is kind of like yesterday I heard

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Speaker 1: this guy in his uh I think he's in his

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Speaker 1: early thirties, and somebody asked him if he had a

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Speaker 1: celebrity crush and he said, it'll always be Jennifer Aniston,

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Speaker 1: and I love that, And then he followed it by saying,

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Speaker 1: she's simply ageless, and I thought, like, why can't she

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Speaker 1: just be Jennifer Aniston? Like why does what would happen

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Speaker 1: if she did look, you know, fifty something.

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Speaker 2: Well, let's let's turn that around for a minute, Okay,

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Speaker 2: So I could tell you that whoever I was, whatever

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Speaker 2: man I was in love with as a younger woman,

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Speaker 2: when there are one hundred and ten, I'm gonna still

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Speaker 2: love them. I'm gonna still feel attracted to them. And

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Speaker 2: I can tell you that because I can look at

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Speaker 2: men like I don't know the Clint Eastwoods of the world,

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Speaker 2: even like, but I know he just had a baby,

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Speaker 2: and that's a whole other subject and weird or whatever.

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Speaker 2: But Rober Junior, I think he is so sexy. I

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Speaker 2: could yeah, I do. Oh boy, no, not I I

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Speaker 2: just think it's different. I think that it's different. Man,

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Speaker 2: I don't have that like you know, Okay, let's stay,

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Speaker 2: let's do someone simpler. How about a George Clooney. Yeah

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Speaker 2: he's gorgeous, He's gorgeous, gorgeous.

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Speaker 1: But I don't think men compare themselves to like George

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Speaker 1: Clooney and Brad Pitt. They're in their fifties.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, no. But but the point being that, like

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Speaker 2: this guy said Jennifer Anderston is ageless, I don't care

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Speaker 2: if George Clooney is ageless, aging over the hill, the

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Speaker 2: hill follow of shit.

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Speaker 1: What I'm saying is you wouldn't say I love George

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Speaker 1: Clooney even at his age.

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Speaker 2: Now, I know it's different from say that it.

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Speaker 1: Is very different. For a Minute's different like the fact

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Speaker 1: that Robert de Niro and al Pacino could have a

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Speaker 1: baby in their eighties. I I don't think. I'm just

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Speaker 1: gonna be honest, like, just because you can doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: you should. I think it's horrible, I really, I mean

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Speaker 1: there's something about like life is not guaranteed for anybody, right,

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Speaker 1: but having a child when you know you're not going

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Speaker 1: to live more than like I mean yes, there are

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Speaker 1: outliers who live. I think it's I think it's an

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Speaker 1: ego thing. I think it's horrible. I don't think you

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Speaker 1: should be having a child in your eighties. I just don't.

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Speaker 1: But you know, it is different for men. I think,

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Speaker 1: you know, the midlife crisis for a woman and a

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Speaker 1: man are very different. So for a man, they say,

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Speaker 1: you know, reach a research shows that a man's midlife

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Speaker 1: crisis is triggered by a feeling of being trapped in

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Speaker 1: their life. And that's why I think it's the mentality.

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Speaker 1: It's about right quality for men, right, But that's why

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Speaker 1: you get these men who are trying to move backwards

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Speaker 1: by like getting a bestorcycles or.

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Speaker 2: Dying their hair.

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Speaker 1: Women doing crazy right.

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Speaker 2: So I actually hold my friends. And when I say

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Speaker 2: I pulled my friends, I pulled a lot of my

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Speaker 2: friends going into this episode. And I want to say,

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Speaker 2: I talked to maybe twenty women and I ask them

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Speaker 2: all the same question, and Jack, I'll ask it to you,

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Speaker 2: but without overthinking it. Okay, just give me a sentence.

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Speaker 2: What is what do you feel like is the best

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Speaker 2: part of aging?

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Speaker 1: Aside from the fact that I do appreciate that I'm

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Speaker 1: healthy and have a healthy family and everything, and that

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Speaker 1: aging is not you know.

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Speaker 2: It's a gift.

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Speaker 1: What do I appreciate about it? I have to be honest,

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Speaker 1: I don't love too much about it. But what I

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Speaker 1: do love is the feeling of I feel less pressure

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Speaker 1: to be a people pleaser. I say no to more

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Speaker 1: things that I authentically don't want to do. Yep, And

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Speaker 1: I put people out of my life that I don't

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Speaker 1: feel good being around. And that's been especially in the

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Speaker 1: past two years. I've chosen to surround myself only with

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Speaker 1: the people that I enjoy being around, and that includes, sadly,

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Speaker 1: that included my sister too. I stopped, I really stopped.

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Speaker 1: I used to try hard with her, but not hard,

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Speaker 1: but like check in every once in a while and

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Speaker 1: see if maybe she wants to talk.

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Speaker 2: I've stopped. Well, so I will tell you that unanimously.

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Speaker 2: I'm not making this up. I have my little journal

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Speaker 2: here and I called about twenty women. I wrote down

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Speaker 2: exactly what they said. I said, just give me a sentence,

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Speaker 2: and I could read you. When I said the best

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Speaker 2: part of aging, they almost said it in the exact

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Speaker 2: same way. The best I'm just gonna read. The one

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Speaker 2: is don't fucking care anymore, the best not giving a shit,

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Speaker 2: the best not having my period and not giving a shit,

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Speaker 2: not caring about what others think, not giving a shit,

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Speaker 2: and being more confident. I mean, it was just over

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Speaker 2: and over again. And it was the ability also to

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Speaker 2: say no and not caring about what was going to

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Speaker 2: come b at you. And it's funny because I was thinking,

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Speaker 2: I have a funny story about that myself, because for me,

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Speaker 2: that's the best part of getting older, is I am

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Speaker 2: still I still struggle with people pleasing Having said that,

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Speaker 2: it's way better than what than it was when I

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Speaker 2: was younger. And for instance, so I have a friend

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Speaker 2: and we had plans to go out on a Thursday night.

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Speaker 2: This is going back I know a couple of years

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Speaker 2: and another one of our friends got wind of it

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Speaker 2: and she at the time was going out with someone

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Speaker 2: that night coincidentally, so there were four of us going

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Speaker 2: out that night. So my other friend, my third friend.

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Speaker 2: So if you know, I'm going out one person and

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Speaker 2: there are two others. So said, well, you know, guys,

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Speaker 2: let's just put ourselves in the same reservation. We'll all

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Speaker 2: go out together, the four of us. And I said no, uh, huh,

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Speaker 2: And we were on sort of like a thread without

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Speaker 2: the fourth person. But the fourth person, lovely woman, was

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Speaker 2: not a good friend of mine, and it was going

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Speaker 2: to change the whole dynamic of that Thursday night going

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Speaker 2: out and being amongst like someone that I felt really

293
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Speaker 2: comfortable with and sharing what's going on with me, and

294
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Speaker 2: I didn't want for that dynamic to switch. It was

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Speaker 2: a Thursday night. Knowing me, I probably didn't want to

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Speaker 2: go out anyway, So I said, no, that's not going

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Speaker 2: to work. And my friend said back, what do you mean,

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Speaker 2: What do you mean no? And I said no, and

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Speaker 2: she's so it just kept like, what are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: Why not we're all going out? I said, because I

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Speaker 2: don't want to, And he said, what do you mean?

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Speaker 2: Why are you being like this? I said, well, if

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Speaker 2: you want, I'll make up a lie. Okay, I don't

304
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Speaker 2: feel good. Would you like me to lie to you?

305
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Speaker 2: I don't want to. I'd rather just go out with

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Speaker 2: me and this one person. With me and this one

307
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Speaker 2: person and you, this other person who's a lovely woman

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Speaker 2: changes the dynamic of the night, and I don't want

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Speaker 2: to do it. And I know it may sound like

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Speaker 2: a silly story, but it was so everything for me

311
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Speaker 2: because like I'm not making excuses why I don't wanna,

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Speaker 2: That's why. And at fifty five years old, I can

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Speaker 2: say no, I don't want to and not have to

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Speaker 2: make excuses for it. That's enough, my mom. It was

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Speaker 2: just no is not a four letter word. That's part

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Speaker 2: of like the not giving a shit thing. I mean,

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Speaker 2: there are so many pieces of not giving a shit

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Speaker 2: that are so satisfy, you know, satisfactory, satisfactory, that gives

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Speaker 2: so much satisfaction. But like when I was younger, I

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Speaker 2: just would have never been able to do that no

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Speaker 2: because I said no, That's why, And that is I

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Speaker 2: definitely has come with age, right.

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Speaker 1: That that is the best part because you when you

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Speaker 1: say no to things, like when I used to, I

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Speaker 1: used to be like, well, what if am I going

326
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Speaker 1: to not get invited to this thing next time?

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Speaker 2: Right, this one's going to be mad at me.

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Speaker 1: Now you know that, like, first of all, no one's

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Speaker 1: thinking about you as much as you're thinking about you,

330
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Speaker 1: but also like it just life is short, and you

331
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Speaker 1: know that, like you've become aware of the fact that

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Speaker 1: people around you are unhappy or they get sick, or

333
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Speaker 1: they lose people, and like, you know that life is

334
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Speaker 1: short and you have this like clarity.

335
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Speaker 2: But I don't know that. I buy all of these.

336
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Speaker 1: Women who say that they don't care what people think

337
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Speaker 1: of them any more.

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Speaker 2: I mean there are degrees of it. You know, it's

339
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 2: not like you now you never ever care, But it's

340
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,479
Speaker 2: so much better than it used to be. I mean,

341
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Speaker 2: that's right, that's the beauty of agent all these middle

342
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Speaker 2: aged women on ozenbic. Not to go back to that,

343
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Speaker 2: but I mean it is omnipresent. So like all these

344
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Speaker 2: people don't care, then why are they all like drastically

345
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Speaker 2: changing their bodies right now? But I don't think I'm

346
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Speaker 2: not saying that. Well, okay, so great. So, remembering what

347
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,400
Speaker 2: you just said and what you just asked me, I'm

348
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,040
Speaker 2: going to ask you what's the worst thing for you

349
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:34,120
Speaker 2: about aging? The worst thing a quick sentence, don't get

350
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:38,600
Speaker 2: like even to love it, but like my face looks older? Okay,

351
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,560
Speaker 2: so unanimously all the friends I could go back and

352
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Speaker 2: tell you the best thing was not.

353
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Speaker 1: Giving a shit claiming I'm not claiming that I don't

354
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Speaker 1: care what people think of my looks.

355
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Speaker 2: No, wait, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying

356
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Speaker 2: is not giving a shit about what people think is

357
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Speaker 2: not the same as not caring, as not liking the

358
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Speaker 2: physical changes that come along with aging. So what that

359
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:03,000
Speaker 2: means is that I want to look great. It's not

360
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,800
Speaker 2: about everybody else like it used to be. It's not

361
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Speaker 2: because I want to catch a husband or I want

362
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,680
Speaker 2: to be the pretty girl said. I want to look

363
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Speaker 2: in the mirror and like what I see and still

364
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:17,159
Speaker 2: feel sexy. So I don't think they're mutually exclusive, right, Like,

365
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:22,440
Speaker 2: you can not give a shit anymore and still feel

366
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,680
Speaker 2: badly about your body and your face aging. And I'm

367
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,919
Speaker 2: telling you that that was the unan of his answer.

368
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:32,760
Speaker 2: That's what I got from over twenty women. It was

369
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Speaker 2: really almost bizarre. So I think that it's great Adjustine

370
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 2: Bateman of Pamela Anderson, like God bless them, good for them.

371
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,119
Speaker 2: But I think for the most part, the part of

372
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Speaker 2: aging that is so hard for us is the physicality

373
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Speaker 2: of it, right, that part of us that the first

374
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Speaker 2: time I saw gray hair on my vagina, that was

375
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 2: a tragic day. Okay, Now that's not necessarily about like,

376
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 2: you know what I look like. Not many people were

377
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,720
Speaker 2: seeing that. Not many people would want to. But my

378
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,720
Speaker 2: point is like just knowing that my body is getting older.

379
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,240
Speaker 1: I know there are times when I stare in the

380
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:11,439
Speaker 1: mirror and I'll like use my fingers, my like middle

381
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,920
Speaker 1: fingers to like pick up certain parts of my face,

382
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,720
Speaker 1: like yeah, I look, and I wonder, like what fell

383
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,600
Speaker 1: on my face that makes me look thirty years older

384
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,600
Speaker 1: than I was at twenty, right, And I'll like pick

385
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 1: things up and that little lift will make me look

386
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,639
Speaker 1: so much younger, and then I have to drop it again.

387
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,719
Speaker 2: And it's about acceptance, right, because my friends will say,

388
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 2: no one understands why their knees look the way they do,

389
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 2: so I have That's that's sort of like the topic

390
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 2: recently is that everybody's legs having a lot to do

391
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,960
Speaker 2: with the people that are on ozembic. But your skin

392
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 2: starts to sag. But even let's put ozembic aside for

393
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 2: a minute. As you get older, your skin starts to

394
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 2: sag on your knees. Jack, I don't know if you've

395
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,879
Speaker 2: this has happened to you, but they just sort of

396
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,960
Speaker 2: fold skin folds over itself on your knees, and so

397
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 2: there's a lot of like why, so, like what is happening?

398
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 2: Why are man of these do it? Here's the answer,

399
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,679
Speaker 2: Because you're old. We're getting old.

400
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: It's funny that you say that. There was this woman

401
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 1: once and I had a conversation. This is like ten

402
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 1: years ago. I was a camp drop off and I

403
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 1: was with someone to pick up my campers. My kids

404
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 1: were little, and there was a counselor and I said

405
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 1: to my friend, how old do you think she is?

406
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 1: And she said fifties And I said, no, she looks

407
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,159
Speaker 1: so young. She looks so pretty, and maybe in her thirties.

408
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 1: And she said no, look at her knees. And he

409
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,679
Speaker 1: looked at her knees she and I was like, oh,

410
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,000
Speaker 1: you're right. And I never thought about like people's knees before,

411
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,439
Speaker 1: but you could tell by the other parts of your body.

412
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: Why does that happen to other women? On ozempiic, your

413
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: skin folds faster.

414
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 2: You lose muscle. Unless you don't, unless you're very diligent

415
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 2: about it, you can lose muscle. So the skin, yeah,

416
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 2: it starts to wrinkle and hang. So you know, for

417
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 2: some women, that in and of itself is a reason

418
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 2: not he's ozemptic. But it never me.

419
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,360
Speaker 1: No, I mean, I can't say that I mean, I'm

420
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 1: so lucky, you know, to be aging with a healthy

421
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 1: family and with a lot of support. But I don't

422
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 1: I mean it's for me.

423
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 2: I don't think it's I don't love it.

424
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 1: I don't love getting older.

425
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 2: I really don't know. And I used to say, and

426
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 2: my mother used to make fun of me because I

427
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 2: would say all the time, like, I don't mind getting older.

428
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,400
Speaker 2: I'm excited to hit forty I'm excited to hit forty five.

429
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 2: And she was like, well, Jen, you're just gonna be

430
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,880
Speaker 2: ecstatic than when you hit eighty, Just like, hold your breath,

431
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 2: it'll be here soon, Jen. But I really did used

432
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 2: to say that, and I think part of that was

433
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 2: because my twenties were so riddled with insecurity and maybe

434
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 2: that was the best I ever looked physically, maybe my thirties,

435
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,920
Speaker 2: but it was mentally didn't matter. It was a misery.

436
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:50,360
Speaker 2: And I am so much more, not only self confident,

437
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 2: aware of who I am, happy in my skin. And

438
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,119
Speaker 2: those are the gifts that come with aging. Right. Unfortunately,

439
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,400
Speaker 2: you wish that you knew then what you know now.

440
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 2: The ideal, right would be to be like, look like

441
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 2: I was twenty, but still be me at fifty five.

442
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,159
Speaker 2: Then I would I take the world.

443
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: God. I remember, I used to always dread what other

444
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 1: people that were older than me were going, like only

445
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 1: a few years older, but what they were doing. And

446
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,920
Speaker 1: I used to say, like, for example, when my kids

447
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: were in elementary school and people would graduate out of

448
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 1: the elementary school and their last kid would graduate fifth grade,

449
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 1: I used to say, thank god, I have kids that

450
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: are still at elementary school. I'm still young. My kids

451
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 1: are still babies. And then it was suddenly I had

452
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,680
Speaker 1: no kids at elementary school. Then it was the Barmit's

453
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 1: for years. Thank god, it's not my kids yet. You

454
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 1: know they all have teenagers. I still have little kids.

455
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 1: Then I was there, and now all my friends are

456
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,160
Speaker 1: doing college admissions and like now I'm in this phase

457
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: of like, oh, thank god, I'm not at the college

458
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 1: admission phase yet. And then I know soon enough, like

459
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 1: I'm going to be there also, And it's just, you know,

460
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,880
Speaker 1: I gets scared. I get scared of getting older because

461
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 1: my kids give me so much purpose and I know

462
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 1: that no matter what happens in my career, listen, this

463
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 1: show that we're on that can go away at any moment,

464
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 1: and that has to end some time for everybody, right,

465
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: I mean, you're not going to be on the Housewives forever,

466
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 1: so that kind of like explosion of relevancy that's going

467
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,360
Speaker 1: to go away. And no matter what happens in your life,

468
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 1: you know that, like raising your kids is you know

469
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 1: that gives you purpose. You know they'll only have one mother,

470
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 1: so I just I get nervous about them getting older

471
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 1: and independent with it and not needing me.

472
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 2: So this is a great, a great sort of segue

473
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:36,080
Speaker 2: into the whole empty nesting thing in terms of aging

474
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,879
Speaker 2: and women. And I don't feel like you do. And

475
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:42,120
Speaker 2: I didn't feel like you do in the sense that well,

476
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 2: first of all, I love being an empty nester, so

477
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,120
Speaker 2: I love it, oh my god. Now, And I don't

478
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:49,879
Speaker 2: know sometimes I feel like sometimes that what you just

479
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 2: said is part of it. Like you feel like the

480
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 2: kids make you relevant, and.

481
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I elevant, and like they give me so much

482
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:02,199
Speaker 1: to do and watching them and like molding them and guiding.

483
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,040
Speaker 2: But all of us, listen, this doesn't mean it's funny.

484
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 2: Because when I would send my kids to Sleepway camp

485
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,199
Speaker 2: in my town, that was always the Jewish women that

486
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 2: did that, and the non Jewish women didn't. And it

487
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 2: would feel like the non Jewish women. Maybe it was

488
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 2: in my head or the heads of my friends, but

489
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 2: they were judgmental about it, like, how could you send

490
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,359
Speaker 2: your kids away? I don't. I'm not to buy into this,

491
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 2: Like you love your kids more because you keep them home,

492
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 2: or if you're walking by their bedroom after they've left

493
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,200
Speaker 2: for college and crying, that means that you must really

494
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 2: love your kids. When kids come out of you or

495
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 2: when they become yours and you become a mother, we

496
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,959
Speaker 2: all love them, maybe not the same way, but that

497
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:44,359
Speaker 2: level of love is like nothing else. And being a mother,

498
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 2: no matter if I like my time or loved my

499
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 2: time in the summer when my kids were away, knowing

500
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,119
Speaker 2: that they were having the time of their life, you

501
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 2: know that didn't make me any more or less of

502
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 2: a loving, doting mother. And I will tell you that

503
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:04,400
Speaker 2: in terms of like I love empty nesting, the truth

504
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 2: is I love being alone. So there's that. I way

505
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 2: prefer Jeff to go into the office, but whatever, that's

506
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 2: my I'll talk to my shrink about that on Thursday.

507
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 2: But anyway, but the point is that like I have

508
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 2: no qualms as long as they're happy and I know

509
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 2: they're away and they are living their best life. When

510
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,439
Speaker 2: my kids are unhappy, either one of them, then everything

511
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 2: sort of stops right dead in its tracks, and I

512
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 2: become mama bear and I can't, you know, enjoy myself.

513
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 2: And that's, you know, it's a very difficult thing, because

514
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 2: if they're suffering as mothers, I think that we suffer.

515
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 2: But in terms of being in my house, I never

516
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 2: was crying walking by their bedrooms. They come home a lot,

517
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 2: and when they do, and the house gets to be

518
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 2: a mess, and you know, there is there are other

519
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 2: people's needs. And I'm fifty five and I sort of

520
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 2: really enjoy just attending to my own needs and Jeff's needs,

521
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 2: and I don't know, it's it is so fabulous and freeing.

522
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,439
Speaker 2: I think, though part of that is because I have

523
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 2: so much going on, and I reinvented myself a bit

524
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 2: right when I turned fifty. I started a business, when

525
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 2: I turned fifty three, became a friend of a housewife.

526
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 2: Maybe without that, I wouldn't feel so fulfilled and so

527
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 2: at ease with having my nest be empty. But you know,

528
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: as much as I there's no one I love more

529
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 2: than I love those two people and my husband. But

530
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 2: having said that, I'm good, like I'm very very happy

531
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 2: to walk around my house to have it be everything

532
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 2: is neat and I have stuff to do and there's

533
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,880
Speaker 2: nobody asking me what's for dinner as long as they're good.

534
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 2: I'm loving that. Aspect of getting older.

535
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: I really hope that I am like that, because I

536
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 1: really do. I'm afraid of it. My house right now

537
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: is very full. It's very busy. Listen, I had my

538
00:27:55,320 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: children so close together because of my fertility issues, ended

539
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 1: up having four children in three years, so I brought home.

540
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,880
Speaker 1: I brought home my infants when my older ones were

541
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: two and a half, so I had four kids in

542
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:13,199
Speaker 1: diapers for a while. For a good six months, I

543
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 1: would change thirty two diapers a day.

544
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 2: It was wild.

545
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 1: But you know, I have a very full, busy house,

546
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 1: and I feel like, because they are so close in age,

547
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to lose everything within a matter of years,

548
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: you know, not lose everything, but like it's just going

549
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: to go from like bustling to quiet. And I'm really scared.

550
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 1: I am scared of that. I don't know how a

551
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 1: lot of because but unlike.

552
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 2: Camo members who feel like that, yeah, well we're gonna.

553
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 1: Say I'm scared of it, but no, I was gonna say,

554
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 1: unlike you, like my my big you know, explosion in career,

555
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 1: And of course I don't know what's going to happen

556
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 1: in the future, and I have big dreams and everything,

557
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: but my big explosion of career came when my kids

558
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 1: were still small, you know, so so I don't know it's.

559
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 2: Going to career aside though, even without even without career,

560
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 2: because without everything that's gone down, the business, the housewives,

561
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 2: the podcast. I mean, I feel very blessed by, you know,

562
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 2: all the things that I have going on right now

563
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 2: and that I would not have been able to manage

564
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 2: when the kids were little. But even without all of that,

565
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 2: I never found myself. Even when the kids were at

566
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 2: Sleepway Cat, I was never bored. Really. I know a

567
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 2: lot of women do get bored without that purpose of

568
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 2: like having the kids around, getting them to sports practice,

569
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 2: getting dinner on the table. I never felt really bored.

570
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 2: I can occupy myself very easily. I'm lucky in that way.

571
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 2: I'm unlucky in a lot of ways, but that's I

572
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 2: don't never really worried about being alone. I am loving

573
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 2: empty nesting, and I think that as like things are

574
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 2: changing in this world, and in twenty twenty four there

575
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 2: are more opportunities. There's a little bit less agism when

576
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 2: I think that it's going to be easier and easier,

577
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 2: But I don't know. For me, it's another phase of

578
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,400
Speaker 2: my life that I I'm actually really loving.

579
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 1: It reminds me when Don Lemon, who I really like, actually,

580
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: but Don Lemon said that Nikki Hiley was pissed her

581
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 1: prime and that was kind of horrifying. I understand why

582
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 1: you did not go over. Well, yeah, yeah, because how

583
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 1: old is she? She's in her fifties, right, younger than me. Yeah,

584
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 1: she looks younger than me. So, but menopause, menopause the

585
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 1: big really unfamiliar for me. I have not yet gone

586
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 1: through it. Now that being said, here's a little TMI.

587
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: Because of my anorexia, I had not gotten my period

588
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: in a good twenty years. I've gotten so for me,

589
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: that's not going to change. But I am scared of

590
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 1: many things about menopause, one of them being because of

591
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 1: all the homeowne changes. I know that people in menopause

592
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: do tend to gain some weight, and for me that's

593
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: a very loaded issue because I gained a fair amount

594
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 1: of weight in my recovery from anorexia, and I don't

595
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: I don't want to gain even more. But you know

596
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 1: that's for another time, another discussion. But you know, it

597
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,959
Speaker 1: just feels to me like I don't know how I'll

598
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 1: handle all of those, like hormonal changes.

599
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 2: I mean, there's so much to talk about when it

600
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 2: comes to menopause. And I actually, you know, I've spoken

601
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 2: about doing menopause like our own exceparate, like our just

602
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 2: one menopause, right, and we both have a common friend

603
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:32,479
Speaker 2: that is an expert in this area, so that'll be fun. Well,

604
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 2: I don't know if menopause is ever fun, but I

605
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 2: can tell you that, yeah, fun, I do miss. I

606
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 2: certainly don't miss cramps. I certainly don't miss bloating you

607
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 2: mean for your period. Yeah, But in terms of it's

608
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 2: it's a weird feeling to know that I, even if

609
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 2: I wanted to, I don't have ovaries. I had them.

610
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 2: They had to come out. I had have surgery. But anyway,

611
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 2: really I had a tumor, not cancerous one, but I

612
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:01,719
Speaker 2: had a really large tumor on my ovary, and so

613
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 2: they had to take them out along with my fallopian

614
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 2: tubes anyway, but that I can't even if I wanted

615
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 2: to have a baby, I can't have a baby is weird.

616
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 2: You know, it's weird to know that feeling of being

617
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 2: all dried up quote unquote. You know it's I associate,

618
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 2: you know, having the fact that I'll never buy tampons

619
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 2: for myself again. There is something kind of sad for

620
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 2: me about it. And menopause is not an easy ride.

621
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 2: There's so much more that goes along with it than

622
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 2: people used to actually even think or give women credit for.

623
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 2: It's the hormonal changes, obviously, the physical changes, the emotional changes.

624
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 2: The sweats alone are enough to make you want to

625
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 2: put a bullet through your brain. I mean, it's just

626
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 2: not for everybody. Everybody's different. Maybe you will sail through that,

627
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 2: but they suck, They really suck. And I used to

628
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:56,959
Speaker 2: have I'm on hormone replacement now, but I have used

629
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 2: to have the most horrible pains in my joints. This

630
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 2: feeling of constant fatigue is how long it varies. I mean,

631
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 2: everybody's different. You know some people I have friends who

632
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 2: have gone through it. It never had sweats. But you know,

633
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 2: I think it's just I'm not a doctor, but for me,

634
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 2: the symptoms of menopause years years for sure. I mean

635
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 2: there's perimenopause and then there's then you're in menopause.

636
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: You've probably how old you jacks A forty seven? You

637
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: may even be in period, probably am, But I don't

638
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 1: know because I still I don't.

639
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 2: Do period periods. I stop when I was fifty is

640
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 2: the last time I got my period, so, which is

641
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 2: pretty early. I think for menopause, maybe it's average. But yeah,

642
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 2: it's a hard thing to kind of get your head around.

643
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 2: But I think in a way, it's like kind of symbolic, right,

644
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 2: Like it's kind of free, Like you don't have to

645
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 2: worry about your period anymore, and you don't have to

646
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:51,960
Speaker 2: you don't get cramps that you used to, so we

647
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 2: can like kind of spin it like that.

648
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll need you to help me spin it.

649
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 2: I'll help you spin it.

650
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 1: You have to stick around in my life life. So

651
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 1: you know, I was talking to Evan this morning and

652
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 1: I asked him because he's turning fifty in August, and

653
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 1: I asked him how he feels about reaching midlife. You know,

654
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 1: I think we're been in midlife for a while. You know,

655
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:18,880
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not living to one hundred. I mean,

656
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 1: I hope we do. But and he said to me

657
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 1: that he's really really looking forward. He thinks the best

658
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: years are yet to come. And I said, hold on, explain.

659
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:31,719
Speaker 1: He said, well, when you're you know, life goes in

660
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 1: three phases. When you're in your you know, when you're

661
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 1: around like you know, a late teen, early twenties, you're selfish.

662
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 1: You're doing whatever makes you feel good. You're building your

663
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: own life, your own career, you're doing your own thing.

664
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 1: But you're not like secure yet. You don't have financial security,

665
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 1: you don't know what you're going to do with your life.

666
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 1: So there's that fear. Right next phase of your life,

667
00:34:55,560 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 1: you're totally selfless. You're having kids, you're trying to make

668
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 1: everyone happy, you're raising your children, dealing with aging parents, right,

669
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: and then you get to you're, you know, fifty five

670
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 1: to seventy, and he said, those are the years when

671
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 1: you get to go back to being selfish. But you

672
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 1: have the financial security, You've worked your job, you're in retirement.

673
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: You know what matters. You know what you want to do,

674
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,880
Speaker 1: you want to see the world. You have that inner

675
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:30,280
Speaker 1: peace and I just thought, Amen, And you're so lucky

676
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 1: that you see life like that and that you have

677
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,280
Speaker 1: that clarity because I'm just living with all this fear

678
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: of what's to come, and he's living with all of

679
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 1: this like excitement of what's yet to come. And I

680
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: think there's a real difference. Yeah, it's a real different.

681
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 2: Same exact question. And he said, well, I asked him

682
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 2: the best and the worst, right I wanted to get

683
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 2: I asked a couple of men though, the best and

684
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 2: the worst, and what they thought. I wanted to kind

685
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,879
Speaker 2: of compare it to the women. But anyway, I said,

686
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 2: what's the best part of aging for you? And he said,

687
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 2: knowing that I'm not full of shit? I think not

688
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 2: as much as worrying about what people thought, what people think,

689
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 2: but doubting himself when he was younger. I think a

690
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 2: lot of that is attached to his career, right, Like

691
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 2: he knows when he knows something, he knows it. There's

692
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 2: no real arguing with him. And if he's imparting wisdom

693
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 2: to a client or to his son, like he doesn't

694
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 2: have to die. He doesn't doubt himself. He is very

695
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 2: sure of who he is, what he knows, and sort

696
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 2: of there's no insecurity. I don't know. Maybe that's more

697
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 2: a more attached for him to his career. And I said,

698
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 2: you know, what's the what's the worst thing like about

699
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 2: getting older? And he said, because I'm getting closer to death.

700
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 2: I mean it's literally that mortality piece, right, and it's

701
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 2: it's which I feel too. Not I don't feel it

702
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,839
Speaker 2: all the time, but some of the like all of us,

703
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 2: I get I get scared. But you know, it was

704
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 2: a little different. He didn't say anything about the physical changes, right,

705
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 2: he doesn't care if he's he's gone completely bald, which

706
00:36:58,200 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 2: I like one of mine.

707
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:02,319
Speaker 1: I asked him and said, do you compare yourself to

708
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 1: younger men? And he said no, because I know I'm

709
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,439
Speaker 1: not a younger guy anymore, so there's no point. He goes,

710
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: but I think I look great for fifty eight.

711
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 2: He does, like I can't lie to you. I mean

712
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,959
Speaker 2: he does. I mean, I don't know, but he's doing good,

713
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 2: you know, And that's.

714
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 1: Hard for me too. Evan's always like in shape, and

715
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 1: that makes me worry also, like if there are changes

716
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 1: that I can control, right, you know, I had this

717
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 1: horrendous eating disorder for so long because I felt that

718
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 1: it was something that gave me absolute control over my body. Yeah,

719
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 1: but you know, now I'm in recovery, but I'm facing

720
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: these hormonal changes that are going to take it that

721
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 1: control away from me again and do things to my

722
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 1: body that I can't control. And he is not going

723
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 1: to go through that. And Evan always keeps himself in shape,

724
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,400
Speaker 1: and he loves the gym, and he loves going outside

725
00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 1: and being physical. And I also worry about you know,

726
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: you see these I don't worry about him ever leaving me.

727
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 1: I know he loves me.

728
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 2: But you see all these older or training in for

729
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 2: a younger version and a younger thirty version.

730
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 1: I feel like aging doesn't affect men the way that

731
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 1: it does women. Yeah, you know, but then again, I'm

732
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 1: not in a man's body. I don't know.

733
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 2: I don't know what they think. But here's okay. So

734
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 2: here's if we spin that a little bit. Here's the thing.

735
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:31,280
Speaker 2: So I become decrepit, and let's say I stop doing

736
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 2: all of these things that prop my face up and

737
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,320
Speaker 2: my body up and whatever. Let's say I become decrepit.

738
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 2: And Jeff Fessler does an age the same way that

739
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 2: I do, and he for whatever reason, becomes more attractive

740
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 2: and more But here's the thing that I know now

741
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 2: that I didn't know. Then, Good luck, dude. Like, I'm

742
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 2: good honey, you do you? Because I know who I am. Obviously,

743
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 2: if Jeff Fessler ever left me, it would completely devastate me.

744
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,319
Speaker 2: But I am not that person who is scared. I'm

745
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 2: not scared, honey, because I know who I am, different

746
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 2: than when I was, even in my forties, and you're

747
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 2: forty seven. I don't remember exactly where I was in

748
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 2: terms of my my you know, my headset. But like

749
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:15,879
Speaker 2: now I'm okay, Like I don't want you to leave.

750
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 2: I love you, You're You're my person. But guess what you

751
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 2: think there is better? Honey? Do you? I'll be back here.

752
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 2: How would you feel? What? I mean?

753
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 1: You saw them?

754
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 2: Really?

755
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:29,879
Speaker 1: I'm either kind of botox or anything or you don't

756
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 1: have to say, Jeff Festna, does Jeff Besto get botox?

757
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: Are you?

758
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 2: He's not warn cologne ever since the day I met him. Botox.

759
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:41,320
Speaker 2: He shocks her jeans at cold. He just wants me

760
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 2: to leave him alone. No, there's no botox. The world

761
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 2: comfortable he is. It's all about it. If I didn't

762
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 2: do anything. Oh man, Yeah, well guess what. I don't

763
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:50,959
Speaker 2: give shit either.

764
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: I don't mean it's just that fair, though, And then

765
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 1: you look at all of these men with these younger women,

766
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,720
Speaker 1: and nobody bats andy like Steven Tyler looking at pictures.

767
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 1: He was at some kind of Grammy's party. His girlfriend

768
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 1: is thirty nine, and he's I think.

769
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 2: I know double he was, Oh, I know. I mean,

770
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 2: how about this.

771
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 1: When I was in my twenties, I went on vacation

772
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 1: with my parents. I was with my dad. We were

773
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 1: on some kind of like trolley in the Caribbean going

774
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 1: to play tennis. I was going with my dad and

775
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,240
Speaker 1: we were sitting next to each other and this couple

776
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,320
Speaker 1: asked us if we were on our honeymoon, and my dad.

777
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:31,879
Speaker 2: Was like, oh, he loved it.

778
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 1: It was like the greatest moment of his life.

779
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,280
Speaker 2: And I remember thinking, God, that's so unfair.

780
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 1: I'm like twenty two years old and he's like in

781
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 1: his fifties. You know, like it's just and nobody would

782
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 1: think twice. But then you have Luanne was just on

783
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 1: Watch what Happens Lie like this young guy and he

784
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 1: was flirting with her, and I saw so many comments

785
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 1: like why would he be flirting with her, you know,

786
00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: like and she just said, I mean, and she's a

787
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 1: gorgeous woman, you know, like even when you know cher

788
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:02,760
Speaker 1: or Madonna people. I assume that these younger men want

789
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,360
Speaker 1: their money and their fame, and there couldn't be another reason.

790
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 1: There couldn't be a reason why a young man, a

791
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 1: young beautiful man, would fall in love with an older woman,

792
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 1: like a signify older woman.

793
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 2: My father married a woman the divorced now, who was

794
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 2: three years older than me. I actually I have a

795
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 2: sister who is younger than my daughter. And that's for

796
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 2: another episode. Why We'll get into family dysfunction another time,

797
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:33,839
Speaker 2: but anyway, we can have a long one on that. Yeah,

798
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 2: we could have a long one on that. But anyway,

799
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 2: but you know, imagine being cool with that, right, Like

800
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 2: he made a choice and it would have been so

801
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 2: I can't imagine my mom marrying someone that was three

802
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 2: years older than me, Like that's just unheard of. That

803
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 2: would never happen in the world. My father was always

804
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 2: with younger women. It seemed, it was no big shock

805
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 2: when it happened, do you know what I mean. My mother,

806
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 2: on the other hand, like it would have been the

807
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 2: twilight zone. Never think about it.

808
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 1: Think about it for a second, though, if something happened

809
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 1: with your marriage.

810
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 2: Would you I don't think I would ever.

811
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 1: Feel comfortable, as great as it might seem to date

812
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 1: a real young man. I think I'd always wonder if

813
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 1: he saw me as old, and if he was looking

814
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,399
Speaker 1: at younger women. You know, I don't think i'd ever

815
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 1: feel secure.

816
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know. I always wanted older anyway.

817
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 2: I mean, Jeff is not Jeff sixty one and fifty five.

818
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 2: But like I always wanted when I was dating, to

819
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:38,920
Speaker 2: be with an older man, and I just never had

820
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 2: the patience for anybody that was certainly younger than me

821
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 2: or I don't see myself ever really wanting that, who

822
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 2: knows why, But like I would go up. So if

823
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,919
Speaker 2: I was single right now and I had to put

824
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,800
Speaker 2: in the age range on the dating app that I

825
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,320
Speaker 2: would date up to, I would probably date to seventy.

826
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 1: Really, yeah, I could never be with a seventy year

827
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 1: old man. Yeah, just you're younger than I am just

828
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:09,840
Speaker 1: a few years. I don't know, Yeah, but yeah, I

829
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:13,280
Speaker 1: do think that men have a different sense of midlife.

830
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,440
Speaker 1: They don't feel you know, the looks pressure. They don't

831
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 1: feel you know, they don't. They don't feel empty, nesting

832
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,359
Speaker 1: loss as much as I'm sure some men do. But

833
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,720
Speaker 1: you know, I think they look forward to the freedom

834
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 1: and to the selfishness again, you know, yeah, but you

835
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 1: know there are there are good things about midlife.

836
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:36,879
Speaker 2: Like you said, I don't even know my midlife. Maybe

837
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 2: I'm not. Maybe I'm old life. I don't even know.

838
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:43,400
Speaker 2: You're not. What is mid life even considered anymore? What

839
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 2: is midlife considered? I mean, if we're going to break

840
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 2: it up into three different segments, I'm way past I'm

841
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 2: in the third quarter, baby, No, I don't think so.

842
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:54,799
Speaker 2: I'm in the third card, and you're a map with right,

843
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: I think. No, I don't think you're there yet. I

844
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 2: think forty of sixty is midlife. I don't know now.

845
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 1: I refuse to be in the last quarter. No way,

846
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 1: let's see here. So you know, what's also difficult about

847
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 1: these years is that a lot of women are in

848
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 1: crossover roles. So we're still taking care of our kids,

849
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 1: but we're also taking care of aging parents, and all

850
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:22,959
Speaker 1: of those pressures leave very little time for our own

851
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 1: self care.

852
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, that part is definitely hard. The aging parents piece

853
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:31,760
Speaker 2: is definitely hard. And I both my parents are alive

854
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 2: and healthy, but we lost my mother in law and

855
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 2: my father in law years back, and it was just

856
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 2: a bitch. It was horrible, and they were the most

857
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:43,160
Speaker 2: amazing people, and Jeff was so close to them both.

858
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 2: And my father in law died of Alzheimer's. My mother

859
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 2: in law died shortly after her heart gave way. But

860
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:54,919
Speaker 2: they weren't old. I mean, eighty hold was backs eighty

861
00:44:55,000 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 2: two whatever. Anyway, that is a very difficult and heartbreaking scenario.

862
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:07,799
Speaker 2: And also I think, you know, it means that we're next, right,

863
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:11,279
Speaker 2: Like it used to be death so far away, right,

864
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:15,080
Speaker 2: My grandparents were alive and maybe my great grandparents, and

865
00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:18,280
Speaker 2: now it's like once your parents go, you're next in line.

866
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 2: It is scary.

867
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:23,280
Speaker 1: It is scary, and I think that's why you stop

868
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 1: being such a people pleaser, you know.

869
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, well yeah, And.

870
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 1: I think about my mother when I was younger, and

871
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:34,319
Speaker 1: I never realized, never appreciated this then, but my mother,

872
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 1: when she was in her forties, my grandparents lived with us.

873
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:44,839
Speaker 1: They were Holocaust survivors. My grandfather, my mother's father. I

874
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 1: only knew him when his dementia really started in so

875
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: I just remember him as a frail old man counting.

876
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 1: He used to count pennies all day on the couch,

877
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,359
Speaker 1: and he thought we lived in Denmark. He didn't really

878
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 1: know what was going on. He knew who his grandchildren were.

879
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 1: But my mother was taking care of her parents, taking

880
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 1: care of her children, and working full time. And I

881
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 1: have a handcap brother. I mean, she was just doing

882
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 1: everything for everyone, and I didn't appreciate it them. But

883
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 1: I look back now and I'm like, oh.

884
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 2: Did you do all of that right? Right? You know?

885
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:20,360
Speaker 1: But my mother also never gave a shit about her looks.

886
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:23,799
Speaker 1: I mean, past a certain age, she started looking old.

887
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 1: I used to have vicious fights with her about coloring

888
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 1: her hair. The last time I think she colored her

889
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 1: hair was for my wedding. I begged her to color

890
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:31,439
Speaker 1: her hair.

891
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:35,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's been graceful. My mother is so I mean,

892
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 2: to this day, she's running five miles, she's every she

893
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,479
Speaker 2: is so put together. It's a you know, I think

894
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 2: that I like that part of being a woman. I

895
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 2: think my mother does too. So it's not even like

896
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 2: I'm still trying to hold onto my youth. Maybe as

897
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:56,280
Speaker 2: much as like I enjoy makeup. I love the feeling

898
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,799
Speaker 2: of like a new haircut, getting my hair colored. I

899
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 2: like when my nails look pretty. I don't know if

900
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,480
Speaker 2: that's about even youth. So much is just for me,

901
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 2: just part of what I love about being a woman.

902
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:09,800
Speaker 2: And my mother has more maintenance, has more maintenance I

903
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 2: think than I do. I mean, she is on her

904
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 2: maintenance game.

905
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like feeling put together. I don't know if

906
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 1: it's a woman thing. I just I like having all

907
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 1: that done. But I do think I sometimes chasing youth

908
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 1: is all the tattoos that I get. I love getting tattoos,

909
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,879
Speaker 1: and I think it's honest keeps me a little bit young.

910
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 2: But this was I got nothing.

911
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 1: Let's send us off with what kind of things can

912
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 1: a woman do for herself in middle age to make

913
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:38,959
Speaker 1: herself feel good?

914
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 2: You can join on the Housewives of New Jersey. Yes,

915
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 2: join the house. I don't know if that'll make you

916
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 2: feel internally, but all of a sudden, you'll glow your

917
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:49,759
Speaker 2: ass right up.

918
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 1: No oh yeah, Jed's glow up was well, your grow

919
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 1: up was like nobody else's. I didn't have that kind

920
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 1: of glow up. I just learned to contour better. Actually,

921
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:00,720
Speaker 1: people accuse me all the time of changing my face.

922
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 1: Like whenever I do a picture, like take a picture

923
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: or post a picture of people were like, what did

924
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 1: you do it to your face?

925
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 2: You destroyed your face.

926
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:10,800
Speaker 1: Honestly, I did nothing to my face. I start, I

927
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 1: didn't destroy your beautify face. So no, but like this

928
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,799
Speaker 1: is my nose and these are my eyebrows, Like I

929
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 1: didn't get No, I'm just saying like I did get

930
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:22,320
Speaker 1: filler in my lips, but I like, I didn't change

931
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:24,120
Speaker 1: my face. So I didn't really have the blow up

932
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:24,719
Speaker 1: that you had.

933
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 2: I mean it was I was a separate it was

934
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 2: a different face. I have a cult completely different face

935
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:32,360
Speaker 2: and I lost all this we face, different body, just

936
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:34,880
Speaker 2: so super glam. Like I was looking at a picture

937
00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 2: of you. I actually somebody asked me what plastic surgeon

938
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 2: you went to, and I said, look at her before

939
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 2: and after. So I went to your Instagram page.

940
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 1: And I scrolled down to the bottom and I took

941
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 1: a picture from like, oh I didn't deleave these years ago,

942
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,839
Speaker 1: thanks for reminding me of Sorry, I'm a little bit

943
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:51,840
Speaker 1: of a dogger. And then I went back up to

944
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 1: the top and I was like, that's the same person.

945
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 1: They were like, yeah, it's not because, yeah, the same

946
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: person and they took your doctor's number.

947
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:01,840
Speaker 2: Yeah it was. So that's my advice, So get yourself

948
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:05,360
Speaker 2: on reality TV. Yeah no, I don't mean it, but really,

949
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:06,799
Speaker 2: like take the time.

950
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 1: And I have to remind myself of this sometimes, Like

951
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 1: right now, I have a son who's knee who he

952
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:14,399
Speaker 1: broke his tibia and he has he's a non non

953
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 1: weight bearing so he can't walk by himself. So I've

954
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 1: been doing just absolutely every single thing for him, and

955
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:21,279
Speaker 1: so I haven't breathed because I still have the other

956
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,279
Speaker 1: three kids and like four different like gig jobs, and

957
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:28,880
Speaker 1: I haven't stopped. And I thought to myself, what if

958
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 1: this was my life forever, how would I ever take

959
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:34,960
Speaker 1: time for myself because I had to, you know, everything

960
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 1: I've wanted to do for myself for the past few

961
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 1: weeks I've put aside or if canceled. And I think,

962
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 1: you really, really it's important to carve out that time

963
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,400
Speaker 1: for yourself, even if it's just a little bit. Go

964
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 1: for a drive by yourself, go for a walk by yourself,

965
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 1: see your friends, you know.

966
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 2: Investing me with friends right now, That's what I'm saying

967
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 2: that's why I love maybe the whole empty nesting like

968
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 2: lots and lots of time for me. Yeah, lots of

969
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:57,239
Speaker 2: gend time.

970
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,399
Speaker 1: True. I guess that's the good part about it.

971
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:01,760
Speaker 2: I like it too much, properly.

972
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 1: Well, I think that you are aging perfectly right.

973
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 2: Back at you, my sister.

974
00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 1: But I only met you a few years ago, so

975
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:10,720
Speaker 1: we but but no, you are not in your fourth quarter.

976
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 1: You are supple and beautiful, healthfully in your in your

977
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:18,240
Speaker 1: second third.

978
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:24,479
Speaker 2: Yes, all right, my friend, my young friend, this was fun.

979
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 2: I wish you could get I want feedback, like I

980
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 2: don't know you, guys, if anyone's listening and wants to

981
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 2: what does the young person's expression slide into the DMS

982
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 2: or whatever the hell it is? Like, I want to know.

983
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:37,360
Speaker 2: I wish we maybe when we'll have eventually like a

984
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 2: question and answer like I don't know how.

985
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:41,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's do a live let's do a live one.

986
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'd love that. All right, guys, thank you for listening.

987
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:47,160
Speaker 2: We love you. Thank you so much.

988
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 1: Bye,