Speaker 1: All right, let's get started.
Speaker 2: Who's excited to hear a fabulous conversation tonight?
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you?
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: I've been super excited about this conversation all week. It's
Speaker 2: been a lot of fun getting a chance to spend
Speaker 2: some time with Hoda and watch her interact in person
Speaker 2: with other people.
Speaker 4: You of course know her from the.
Speaker 2: Today Show, but having that opportunity to see her in person,
Speaker 2: I don't know that I've ever seen anyone with a
Speaker 2: warmth and a passion for whites and a joy that
Speaker 2: is as contagious as hobus. And you'll see that when
Speaker 2: you're up here tonight and without sail. Every time you
Speaker 2: see someone meet her and walk away, almost every single time,
Speaker 2: they'll say something like, I love her so much.
Speaker 5: I love her so much, I.
Speaker 4: Think she might be my soulmate. It's very confusing.
Speaker 2: We're gonna work through that on the podcast tonight, but
Speaker 2: we're super excited to have the opportunity to partner with
Speaker 2: her on this new podcast that stems from her brilliant
Speaker 2: new company called Joy one oh one.
Speaker 5: The podcast is al also called Joey one oh one.
Speaker 2: Let's give it up with that.
Speaker 5: If you have not.
Speaker 4: Absolver, and it is so fitting that she gets to
Speaker 4: interview one of my favorite people on the planet who
Speaker 4: brought her sweet little puppy tonight. And you're gonna love
Speaker 4: this as well. From nine O two one O m G.
Speaker 4: And I choose me, the one and.
Speaker 5: Only Jenny Garth.
Speaker 2: So let's get to it without further ado hold end, Jenny,
Speaker 2: come on up, rank.
Speaker 3: Go hi, look at us together with Dottie your dog.
Speaker 5: Hi guys. Jenny.
Speaker 3: First of all, Jenny's also one of my favorite people
Speaker 3: in the world. She is quintessential everything to me because
Speaker 3: her life is full of pivots and I admire someone
Speaker 3: who has a whole bunch of different acts in her life,
Speaker 3: and Jenny Garth is that person. So Jenny, first of all,
Speaker 3: I'm so happier here are you? Just randomly in France? Like,
Speaker 3: what's happening?
Speaker 1: What is passing through? Yeah? No, it was in Paris earlier.
Speaker 1: I'm doing a job there and the timing worked out
Speaker 1: when iHeart family called you answer you know you can.
Speaker 5: Of course you do. Who wouldn't.
Speaker 3: And by the way, can I just ask quickly about
Speaker 3: cute Dottie. It's Dottie, tell me about it.
Speaker 1: She's my little girl and she this is her new
Speaker 1: Parisian outfit. I hope you like it. She just got
Speaker 1: this today.
Speaker 5: Super cute. Huh.
Speaker 3: This podcast is called Joy one oh one, and anybody
Speaker 3: who I select to be on this podcast needs to
Speaker 3: exude joy. And what I've learned through the podcast and
Speaker 3: through life is when you have such high highs, often
Speaker 3: the counterpart is there as well. The people who experience
Speaker 3: the most joys of joy or the people who've been
Speaker 3: on their knees, the people who struggled, the people who've
Speaker 3: gone through it. So I love this podcast for so
Speaker 3: many reasons because you're walking living proof of how good
Speaker 3: life is. So I want to start with the nine
Speaker 3: o two one oh days. You went straight from like
Speaker 3: small town girl to sort of global star almost like that, Yeah,
Speaker 3: how did you? How does a kid handle something like that?
Speaker 5: How did you?
Speaker 1: I don't know, honestly, Literally one minute I was playing
Speaker 1: in the cornfields and riding my pink Duffy dirt bike
Speaker 1: through the crazy yard.
Speaker 5: Where'd you grow up?
Speaker 1: Illinois? And very we're all right Midwest and on? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so very small town. I still have family there, but
Speaker 1: it was just by complete luck. You know, life always
Speaker 1: kind of let life go where it wants to go
Speaker 1: until very recently, and I still do that to a
Speaker 1: certain extent. Example, I'm here tonight, yes, But I just
Speaker 1: was always like, this is just great. Life just works
Speaker 1: itself out. And I somehow ended up in Hollywood.
Speaker 3: How, no, No, you don't get to say I somehow
Speaker 3: made it to Hollywood. So you were in the cornfields
Speaker 3: riding bike and then how did you make that track?
Speaker 1: Well, my father got very ill. We lived in Illinois.
Speaker 1: The weather's very harsh, as you know, and he needed
Speaker 1: to be in a warmer, dryer climate. So we moved
Speaker 1: our family caravan style. Couldn't afford a moving company. We
Speaker 1: had like our trucks and trailers full of things. And
Speaker 1: we went to Arizona and he recovered there, and I
Speaker 1: went started back in high school. I started high school there,
Speaker 1: junior high and high school there, and I was just
Speaker 1: living my life. I was dancing on the at the
Speaker 1: corner dance it's called the Dance Shop, and I was
Speaker 1: teaching little girls how to tap dance your age girls.
Speaker 1: And I ended up in a pageant for a scholarship
Speaker 1: to help my parents for college. I wanted to become
Speaker 1: a teacher, and one of the judges at the scholarship
Speaker 1: was the ex exec executive casting directors for ABC Television
Speaker 1: who had just left that and had to pivot his
Speaker 1: life and started his own management company, Talent Management, in
Speaker 1: LA And he was there with his wife on kind
Speaker 1: of like a little getaway but doing this for a friend,
Speaker 1: and she said to him, Randy, I really think you
Speaker 1: need to talk to her. She has something. So they
Speaker 1: had a conversation with myself and my mother and we
Speaker 1: started communicating via tech, telephone and letters in the mail.
Speaker 1: I would do videos at my acting classes. He set
Speaker 1: me up in and we would send the VHS tapes
Speaker 1: to him and he would review them. It's back his notes,
Speaker 1: and so I did that for about a year and
Speaker 1: then he said, you know what, I think you've learned
Speaker 1: as much as you need to if you want to
Speaker 1: come out for pilot season. And so my mom were like, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's give it a try.
Speaker 5: We did, and nine two one oh was the one knock.
Speaker 1: Duck knock, Hi, I'm here are you. I think you
Speaker 1: panicked a little bit, But nine oh two one oh
Speaker 1: wasn't the first and thing I did. I did a
Speaker 1: show called Growing Pains one episode of Growing Pace. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a really big episode. I was like girl
Speaker 1: number one and I had one line, but it consisted
Speaker 1: of one word, and that line was sticky sticky sticky.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what it meant. And then from
Speaker 1: there I did a show called Brand New Life with
Speaker 1: Barbara Eden where I played her daughter, and I was
Speaker 1: just transfixed by her and studied her every move. And
Speaker 1: that's how I fell in love with the industry and
Speaker 1: the like actual like occupation of acting.
Speaker 3: And so you land a role like nine oh two
Speaker 3: one oh, which is incredible, but it also propelled you.
Speaker 3: I mean, you remain sweet I see it today. But
Speaker 3: often when a young person gets into Hollywood, they quickly
Speaker 3: go through the meat grinder somehow and they're not the
Speaker 3: person they were. So how did you navigate that part
Speaker 3: of it?
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know how I survived, quite honestly,
Speaker 1: because I was very much thrown into the deep end,
Speaker 1: fending for myself, emancipated so that I could work longer hours,
Speaker 1: and I learned really quickly what it took to survive
Speaker 1: in the business.
Speaker 5: What did it take.
Speaker 1: It took staying home, it took staying away from the business,
Speaker 1: to survive in the business. So I would do my
Speaker 1: job and then I would go home and try to
Speaker 1: have a regular life because that's all I knew how
Speaker 1: to do successfully. And even at that point, you know,
Speaker 1: I was struggling to figure out, like who I am
Speaker 1: in the confines of this world. It's so different than
Speaker 1: where I come from. And I'd never known a famous person,
Speaker 1: never mingled with anyone, you know, this was all new
Speaker 1: for me and just thrown like, here's it. You own
Speaker 1: a house now here, you have a car payment, you
Speaker 1: have a manager or a lawyer and assistant, that all
Speaker 1: the things. Yeah, And it was just like kind of
Speaker 1: sink or swim. And I think a lot of the
Speaker 1: things in my life have been like that, like thrown in.
Speaker 1: You figure it out and you sink or you swim,
Speaker 1: and I prefer to swim.
Speaker 3: Do you think it's because, I mean, because you're grounded
Speaker 3: obviously from your upbringing. I mean the fact that you
Speaker 3: were trying to go to a pageant so that you
Speaker 3: could make money so that your parents didn't have to
Speaker 3: pay for school really says everything about you. So you
Speaker 3: have that kind of foundational stuff, But isn't it a
Speaker 3: slippery slope? Come to this party, you meet this person.
Speaker 3: You know, it's just like it's so it must be
Speaker 3: so intoxicating. It was not intoxicating for me.
Speaker 1: It was I was afraid and I can I sense
Speaker 1: people's energy, and I can. I don't like to put
Speaker 1: myself in dangerous situation, and I have a good sense
Speaker 1: of when something could potentially not be the safest environment. Okay,
Speaker 1: And so that started off for me very young, and
Speaker 1: I really did say home. I would go to work
Speaker 1: for twelve, fourteen and sixteen hours a day, I would
Speaker 1: go home and I'll wake up and I would do
Speaker 1: it again the next day, five days a week.
Speaker 3: What was the best? Like, what did nine O two
Speaker 3: one zero give you? What was the best thing that
Speaker 3: came out of that experience?
Speaker 1: I'm here with you today, Like if I hadn't done
Speaker 1: nine O two one oh, I wouldn't be where I
Speaker 1: am right now. I wouldn't have three beautiful daughters. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be sitting here with Dottie talking to all of you.
Speaker 1: Like life just takes right where you're supposed to be
Speaker 1: and you don't understand it in the middle of the
Speaker 1: journey and on all the twists and turns of it all.
Speaker 1: But as you get older, you really are able to
Speaker 1: sort of step back and look at your life in
Speaker 1: a from a bigger scope and see things big picture.
Speaker 1: And after I turned fifty, I really started to do that,
Speaker 1: to step back and to sort of like sink to myself,
Speaker 1: because I had spent many years struggling to figure out
Speaker 1: who I was within all of this, and who am
Speaker 1: I if I'm not this to someone or playing this role,
Speaker 1: or fulfilling someone else's needs or being a mom to
Speaker 1: these little girls. So I had a really at some
Speaker 1: point when they started not to need me quite as
Speaker 1: much they were getting older, I had to think about, like.
Speaker 5: What am I doing here?
Speaker 1: What everybody around me has this incredible purpose that they
Speaker 1: feel driven towards, and I don't know what mine is.
Speaker 1: Like I know what mine has always been because someone
Speaker 1: else told me it was right, but I don't know
Speaker 1: what mine really is. So I had to get very
Speaker 1: contemplative and quiet, and I spent a couple of years
Speaker 1: doing that, and then I spent the last couple of
Speaker 1: years writing a book where I dove even deeper into
Speaker 1: And that's one of the conversations that I love the
Speaker 1: most about having my podcasts. I choose me is that
Speaker 1: I want to know who you are and why are
Speaker 1: you the way you are, and how did you get here?
Speaker 1: Because I think it's fascinating. I think how I got
Speaker 1: here as fascinating.
Speaker 3: I think, first of all, I think it's so interesting
Speaker 3: because I think all of us, whoever is listening, or
Speaker 3: whoever's in this room with us, in this moment, we've
Speaker 3: all wondered like are we in the right purpose? Like
Speaker 3: sometimes you know, when you're in flow, you feel like
Speaker 3: this must be right. Because I used to work at
Speaker 3: Dateline and I would go to Afghanistan and scary places,
Speaker 3: and I always weirdly felt like I was swimming upstream.
Speaker 5: I was fighting, but.
Speaker 3: I kept thinking, if I keep pushing, it's going to
Speaker 3: feel right if I keep trying. But there are times
Speaker 3: when you're putting a circle in a square, it's not
Speaker 3: where you're meant to be. And the minute I sat
Speaker 3: with Kathy Lee and you've sat with us many times,
Speaker 3: Drunky Monkey, we were just you know, throwing back who cares,
Speaker 3: and all of a sudden I felt in flow, and
Speaker 3: not because of the booze.
Speaker 5: It was just you were.
Speaker 3: In an environment that felt like home. It felt like
Speaker 3: you had a warm hand on your heart. It felt
Speaker 3: like you were in a resting place.
Speaker 1: I felt that I've never really felt that in the
Speaker 1: entertainment business. To be honest with you, I've always felt
Speaker 1: like an outsider, felt like, ooh, am, I is this
Speaker 1: Am I good? I don't know. I'm sure you know
Speaker 1: all those feelings of inadequacy and questioning. And it wasn't
Speaker 1: until I started meeting women after fifty wasn't like you women,
Speaker 1: like other people that we met through QBC that conference,
Speaker 1: and just all of a sudden, I felt like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've found people that are more experienced than me or
Speaker 1: have done things that I want to do in my life.
Speaker 1: And then I started to look at them as mentors
Speaker 1: yourself included, and think like, if they can do it,
Speaker 1: I can do it, and if they can support me
Speaker 1: in me reaching those achievements as well, you know, finding
Speaker 1: those people that want to pull you with them forwards
Speaker 1: to where you're meant to be, then it starts to
Speaker 1: feel right.
Speaker 3: So you feel like an outsider. Everyone's like fangirling you
Speaker 3: and oh my god, there's Jenny Garth. But you feel
Speaker 3: like you're outside looking in. You're not in the center
Speaker 3: like all of those people. When did you start to
Speaker 3: feel you know enough or whatever the word is, like
Speaker 3: I belong here. I'm not an impostor, I'm not a phony.
Speaker 5: I belong in this space.
Speaker 1: I think it really wasn't until I found that peace
Speaker 1: within myself where I felt like I belong here was
Speaker 1: so wherever I am.
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't need to be in the crowd. I don't
Speaker 1: need to go to the clubs. I don't need to
Speaker 1: be the one at the parties. I don't Those things
Speaker 1: are just not important to me. I want peace within myself.
Speaker 1: And when I found that, and I found that by
Speaker 1: going back in my life and looking at the places
Speaker 1: where I hadn't felt that and really acknowledging them and
Speaker 1: thinking like, is something wrong with me?
Speaker 5: Why?
Speaker 1: Why doesn't that do it for me? And I for
Speaker 1: so long I thought I don't fit here for a reason,
Speaker 1: what is it? Once I figured out that the reason
Speaker 1: was because I really didn't know love myself enough to
Speaker 1: say like, I.
Speaker 5: Love you period period.
Speaker 3: You know, there's so many things to admire about you,
Speaker 3: and all of the highs in your life are your
Speaker 3: greatest hits, and we all know those. But where you're
Speaker 3: formed the part of your life that gives you your
Speaker 3: just your moxie and who you're made of. For all
Speaker 3: of us, it's when we're on our knees. Like nobody said,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I had this great epiphany about my
Speaker 3: life when I was drinking Margarita's. No, it's like it's
Speaker 3: usually when you lose a loved one or when you
Speaker 3: have an illness, Like that's when you actually say to yourself,
Speaker 3: I know what I am made of because I made
Speaker 3: it through that. What did you have to make it through?
Speaker 3: What was the most difficult thing you had to go
Speaker 3: through that taught you the most about life and brought
Speaker 3: you here.
Speaker 1: I had to survive the industry that I was found
Speaker 1: myself in. I had to lose my father, who is
Speaker 1: my soulmate, like my you know, my guy. We share
Speaker 1: a birthday. And I had to have my marriage ended
Speaker 1: after seventeen years and three girls, you know, just had
Speaker 1: a My daughter got just mysteriously ill, and I thought
Speaker 1: I was losing her. We were losing her. We had
Speaker 1: to go through like accepting the fact that we might
Speaker 1: lose her life. I've there's just so many things like
Speaker 1: health wise and just challenges that we go through in
Speaker 1: life and losing very very close friends far too young.
Speaker 1: You know, two of our castmates now have left us,
Speaker 1: and you know, all the things you experience and that
Speaker 1: get you to the next place, they all make you
Speaker 1: who you are and they show you like, if I
Speaker 1: survived that, right, I can survive anything. And then you
Speaker 1: have this beautiful confidence that goes with you wherever you go.
Speaker 1: So whatever room you walk into, whatever meeting you are
Speaker 1: at the table for, you feel like you belong there
Speaker 1: because you belong to your own skin.
Speaker 3: You know, it's so interesting when I think about your
Speaker 3: life because when we talk about pivots, so when you
Speaker 3: had to leave this iconic role, everyone knew you in
Speaker 3: that role. So whenever you stepped out to try anything else,
Speaker 3: didn't matter what it was.
Speaker 5: You know, your intro, it's always the same intro.
Speaker 3: So how did you kind of step into the identity
Speaker 3: you wanted that wasn't who you were? But yet it's
Speaker 3: hard when you are associated with such an iconic character.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I always will be. And you know I
Speaker 1: talk with this with the cast of the show original cast,
Speaker 1: like it doesn't matter where we go or what happens
Speaker 1: to us, if I get arrested tomorrow, They're going to
Speaker 1: flash a cast photo and every one of their names
Speaker 1: is going to be pulled into it. We joke about that,
Speaker 1: but it's true. And I think accepting the fact that
Speaker 1: that is one of the most you know, important stages
Speaker 1: of my life and my self development. Whether it was
Speaker 1: stunted by ten years, which I always think it was
Speaker 1: because that world was not real, and so just trying
Speaker 1: to create a real world outside of that real world
Speaker 1: was difficult. But I really didn't do it until I
Speaker 1: was out of that environment and I went from doing
Speaker 1: nine O two one zero to doing you know, comedy,
Speaker 1: So I feel like there's and I was terrified to
Speaker 1: do that because I thought, how do you do that?
Speaker 1: I only made people cry, like my character gets burned
Speaker 1: and stocked and shot and all the addicted, all the
Speaker 1: things they put Kelly Taylor through, but just really embracing
Speaker 1: all of that, and also when I was writing the book,
Speaker 1: going back and looking at what an impact all of
Speaker 1: even the characters that I've played, the things that they
Speaker 1: have gone through that my body actually processed, and you know,
Speaker 1: playing that character like it leaves a mark in you
Speaker 1: and it takes up that social battery that you know,
Speaker 1: that's your emotional well being. So it's just really looking
Speaker 1: back at all things to find out like what felt
Speaker 1: right and where did it not feel right, and then
Speaker 1: learning to just keep going to what felt good where
Speaker 1: you know, there was one line in the show in
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety five that I had said. It was three words,
Speaker 1: I choose me. She was choosing between Brandon and Dylan.
Speaker 1: And I didn't really understand it then because I was
Speaker 1: just you know, doing my job as a mistress. And
Speaker 1: later in life I met women who had grown up
Speaker 1: with me. When I meet, you know, when I meet
Speaker 1: anybody on the street, they feel like they've I feel
Speaker 1: like I grew up with you, Like I feel like
Speaker 1: I we're friends. I'm like, we are, we grew up together.
Speaker 1: I get it, like I understand. But I found out
Speaker 1: that those women had told me. I never knew I
Speaker 1: choose myself until Kelly chose herself in that moment. Wow,
Speaker 1: And I felt like a little weird about it because
Speaker 1: in the next moment, Kelly chose some other guy, Colin
Speaker 1: the Koke Heads New York. But so she really didn't
Speaker 1: fall through on that, which I'm not proud of. But
Speaker 1: I felt like, oh, this is something very very important
Speaker 1: that needs to continue to be discussed and talked about
Speaker 1: and given a spotlight. And it was it was in
Speaker 1: those little interactions women, those connections women that are just
Speaker 1: from the heart, that I found my purpose that I
Speaker 1: realized like, because I know, I've always been here to
Speaker 1: sort of teach people, like it's in my blood, yeah,
Speaker 1: and share something I never knew what it was. And
Speaker 1: I tried to share things that didn't weren't me that
Speaker 1: I was trying to be sharing those things when I
Speaker 1: found out, like sharing my authentic self, how that impacted
Speaker 1: other people and how they were then able to share
Speaker 1: their authentic self with me in turn, like gates opened up,
Speaker 1: And that's when I really thought, this, this is my purpose,
Speaker 1: this kind of connection.
Speaker 5: Isn't it hard not to be a people pleaser? Yeah?
Speaker 5: I mean, isn't it hard?
Speaker 3: Like because I feel like, you know, because we want
Speaker 3: people to be happy. You want people to be happy
Speaker 3: to see you want them, you want them to have
Speaker 3: a nice experience you, but also you want to take
Speaker 3: care of you. So how do did you step out
Speaker 3: of people pleasing? Are you still in the business of it?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 1: I stayed home a lot. Yeah, and what especially after
Speaker 1: my divorce, I got to the point where I had
Speaker 1: to learn how to please myself. Yeah, And that's pretty
Speaker 1: much all the people pleasing I focus on now, because
Speaker 1: in me is all those things, wanting other people to
Speaker 1: be happy and have great experience, that those are authentic
Speaker 1: to me. It's not like I have to fulfill your needs.
Speaker 1: I'm actually fulfilling my own needs and ones. But it's
Speaker 1: actually in turn making you feel better. So it's just
Speaker 1: coming from a completely more like honest real.
Speaker 5: What are your tattoos? I didn't see on your arm?
Speaker 5: What does it say?
Speaker 1: My daughter's handwriting so it's very hard to read. She
Speaker 1: was in she was at school at Yu and she
Speaker 1: wrote a thesis and in it was about a ritual
Speaker 1: that we always did every night when I would put
Speaker 1: my little girls to bed, I would kiss them on
Speaker 1: the forehead three times and I would say, strength, courage,
Speaker 1: and wisdom, these things I give to you. And it
Speaker 1: was from an India ri song. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you're familiar with such a good song, and it stuck
Speaker 1: with them. So she wrote this paper about it, and
Speaker 1: she was telling me, I said, write it down in
Speaker 1: your handwriting, and I'm going to get a tattooed on
Speaker 1: my arm, and she did, and it actually looks terrible.
Speaker 1: It says it looks like it says. It says, No,
Speaker 1: I can't triple of my ups on your something. Don't
Speaker 1: go to the place in Austin. If you want nice,
Speaker 1: fine tattoo, don't go there.
Speaker 5: But by the way, I love the ritual. I forget
Speaker 5: about the tattoo.
Speaker 1: It's still something that they love and they want to
Speaker 1: carry on to their children, like just filling them with that.
Speaker 3: First of all, I love the fact that your daughter's here. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and she is your right hand, your stylist, your everything.
Speaker 1: Yes, she's twenty three. She's the chief creative officer for
Speaker 1: my brand. We have a fashion brand called Me by
Speaker 1: Jenny Garth and it's exclusive on QVC. You've worn some
Speaker 1: of it, of course, And she does everything for me.
Speaker 1: And I kind of like say, you take care of
Speaker 1: everything because I don't need to succeed. I could want
Speaker 1: her to learn how to do it like I can
Speaker 1: do it, but you go lead the way and I'll
Speaker 1: be right here. You tell me what today.
Speaker 3: By the way, and also to be able to work
Speaker 3: with your daughter at this stage, I just want parenting.
Speaker 3: When you were younger, how did you keep your kids
Speaker 3: on the straight and narrow, especially given that I'm sure
Speaker 3: there were people who were coming up to them and saying,
Speaker 3: you know, who were you and that kind of thing.
Speaker 5: How did you How did you take care of them?
Speaker 1: Well, they really learned to take care of themselves first
Speaker 1: of all, which I think has made them all stronger
Speaker 1: and just intelligent and very self aware of people. Lola,
Speaker 1: for example, would I would always call her the skeptic
Speaker 1: baby because she'd be standing there and then she'd be
Speaker 1: like this world graver face, like what do you want
Speaker 1: from my mom?
Speaker 5: Like you know, oh, that's what you But.
Speaker 1: I think I just grew up my morals. I was
Speaker 1: born in a very normal family, you know, and I
Speaker 1: just made that their environment their norm. We didn't go
Speaker 1: to parties and you know, do this Hollywood thing with them,
Speaker 1: and they knew about it. It was all around them.
Speaker 1: But it was about having dinner at night and giving
Speaker 1: each other a rosebud thorn every oh you did that,
Speaker 1: connecting with them and reading book, just being normal.
Speaker 3: What is it like parenting adult children because you don't
Speaker 3: stop being a mom, and you do, you know, I
Speaker 3: know your daughter's working with you here, and that's so interesting.
Speaker 3: But there is a whole other phase of life when
Speaker 3: it comes to parenting kids who are grown. How do
Speaker 3: you stay in their lives and also help them if
Speaker 3: they let you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, they have turned into, even when they were younger,
Speaker 1: my greatest teachers. So I just some like a sponge
Speaker 1: around them, learning everything that brings them joy or makes
Speaker 1: them happier, makes them feel fulfilled or capable. And then
Speaker 1: in turn, I'm like, Okay, you got that from somewhere,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I must have that in me that I've
Speaker 1: offered you too. But I I feel like as an adult,
Speaker 1: as adult kids sound, they have each other in a
Speaker 1: completely different way. And I don't know what they safe
Speaker 1: about me, whether they're together with mom, you know. And
Speaker 1: I'm sure their experience is unlike other kids' experiences in
Speaker 1: the atmosphere that they've grown up and with a famous
Speaker 1: mom and an actor father's famous too, and I can't
Speaker 1: imagine what it must be like. But that they've turned
Speaker 1: out to be these really decent, self aware, caring kind people,
Speaker 1: I feel like I should get a trophy for that,
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I've done something very, very well,
Speaker 1: when I see how well they do in the world
Speaker 1: without me, and that's the goal. But it's also very,
Speaker 1: very tricky to know when to step back and let
Speaker 1: them make their own mistakes. And that's really difficult because
Speaker 1: there could be very large consequences for the mistakes that
Speaker 1: they're making out there in the real world.
Speaker 3: Now, I think it's so interesting that we keep like
Speaker 3: I have a seven year old and a nine year old,
Speaker 3: and I'm always like telling them things. And I knew
Speaker 3: from growing up that when I earned the most was
Speaker 3: when my mom was showing me something.
Speaker 5: I don't remember.
Speaker 3: I remember very little of what she said or talked about.
Speaker 3: But there was a moment my mom ran her first marathon.
Speaker 5: At age sixty.
Speaker 3: She decided she was going to do it, and I
Speaker 3: remember it like it was yesterday because she was trudging
Speaker 3: down it was like the Marine Corps marathons, you know,
Speaker 3: sweating to death doing it, and at mile six, by
Speaker 3: the way, she was totally wiped out. My brother, sister
Speaker 3: and I were watching her and they looked at our
Speaker 3: shoes and they were like, you have sneakers on going
Speaker 3: with mom? Mom needs somebody, And I ran with her
Speaker 3: that last twenty whatever miles, and I remember stopping at
Speaker 3: the bottom of the Ewojima Memorial just when she was
Speaker 3: running up, and we were delirious, and I had a
Speaker 3: towel and I was just whipping it around and I
Speaker 3: watched her run up that hill, and I have the
Speaker 3: vision in my head, and I remember my sister and
Speaker 3: brother were at the top, and my sister was bawling
Speaker 3: and my brother was crying.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: My brother said he was actually hungry, not crying, but whatevs.
Speaker 5: Brother.
Speaker 3: But anyway, I remember that she did that, and it's
Speaker 3: like when they when we watch our mom overcomes something,
Speaker 3: whatever it is, we think, if she did that, then.
Speaker 5: I can do this.
Speaker 1: It's so valuable. And I've always I'm the person like
Speaker 1: I am an emotionful person. I always talk about, you know,
Speaker 1: some people will try to shame you for your being
Speaker 1: emotional or you know, to this too much or whatever.
Speaker 1: I am an emotionful person. I feel like it's a superpower.
Speaker 1: I think we all have it. We just let it
Speaker 1: come out. But being being that way in front of
Speaker 1: my girls, see letting them see me in my highes
Speaker 1: and my Lise, letting them see me fall and get
Speaker 1: back up, over and over again, letting them see me
Speaker 1: at fifty fifty one, fifty two, fifty three, keep reinventing,
Speaker 1: keep doing things that scare me, keep taking chances that
Speaker 1: I've always thought I might not ever get to do that,
Speaker 1: and I might know somebody might not choose me for
Speaker 1: a role, but I can choose the role I want
Speaker 1: to play, yeah, in my life. And so they are
Speaker 1: witnessing that firsthand, and I think that that's incredibly valuable
Speaker 1: for kids to see their parents go through failures and
Speaker 1: live through them and find their feet again.
Speaker 3: Right, instead of trying to dress it up and it's
Speaker 3: no big deal. So you're you're all about this was hard,
Speaker 3: this was painful.
Speaker 1: I was on the floor and you, honestly you picked
Speaker 1: me up. Like that's what we do for each other
Speaker 1: because we're family and we're women, and that's what we
Speaker 1: do for each other.
Speaker 5: That's what we do.
Speaker 1: That's what we do good.
Speaker 5: I love all of that. That's what we do. This
Speaker 5: podcast is called Joy one oh one.
Speaker 3: I think I personally think joy is a choice. Like, look,
Speaker 3: you're choosing it daily. I mean you are deciding. You
Speaker 3: didn't say oh nine zero two one zero. Boy, you
Speaker 3: know how people talk about their high school football days
Speaker 3: and you're like, please don't talking about that.
Speaker 5: We know you won the title, but it was so
Speaker 5: long ago.
Speaker 3: Like when I've visited with you, you rarely even bring
Speaker 3: it up.
Speaker 5: I knew I had to hear.
Speaker 3: But you talk about where you are, where you're going,
Speaker 3: what your next thing is, what your next idea is,
Speaker 3: and joy must come into that. But how do you, like,
Speaker 3: how do you find joy on a daily basis?
Speaker 1: There was a good portion of my life where I
Speaker 1: couldn't find joy, and that was what that had. That
Speaker 1: was one of the scariest things for me, is really,
Speaker 1: why can't I be happy? Why I have all this goodness,
Speaker 1: these healthy kids, and wonderful house and all the things,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't find joy, like really joy within me.
Speaker 1: And I would see everybody else having it or finding it,
Speaker 1: and I would be happy for them, but think still, like,
Speaker 1: what's what am I damaged? Is something really wrong with me?
Speaker 1: And it wasn't until I really further explored all of
Speaker 1: the things that I found the joy, even in the hardships.
Speaker 1: And then you pull that into the next thing, and
Speaker 1: you pull that into the next thing, and you're.
Speaker 3: Right, like joy is a choice yeah, they can make
Speaker 3: thirty five thousand choices every day we do, starting with
Speaker 3: opening your eyeballs.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Oh yeah, like that's a choice, right right, that is.
Speaker 1: But if you like, do you want to go through
Speaker 1: life feeling unhappy? Because I've done it. It's not fun,
Speaker 1: it sucks. Yeah, But I would much rather find joy
Speaker 1: even in the darkest times, because I know what it
Speaker 1: feels like to live in the swirl of darkness and
Speaker 1: not and wonder am I ever going to feel joy again?
Speaker 5: How how old were you when your father passed.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 5: Thirty thirty four. Yeah, my dad. My dad passed when
Speaker 5: I was in college.
Speaker 3: Like, very shocking and surprising to have that kind of
Speaker 3: just pulled out from under you.
Speaker 5: Was your dad's passing sudden or was it?
Speaker 1: He had been sick for a veraci? But I the
Speaker 1: shocking part for me was that I had wanted to
Speaker 1: be by his side in his final days, and the
Speaker 1: person in my life was adamant that I needed to
Speaker 1: be somewhere else, you know, being happy when there was
Speaker 1: no chance. I was happy doing that because I was
Speaker 1: called to be with my father at a time, yes,
Speaker 1: and I was. It was a very tough decision and
Speaker 1: I chose to the wrong one. And I remember the
Speaker 1: day my dad. My mom said, you need to come today.
Speaker 1: He's not doing well. I race. I got a rental
Speaker 1: car in San Diego, California. I left my family with
Speaker 1: their dad, my girls with their dad, and I drove
Speaker 1: like a maniac to Santa Barbara by myself, and I
Speaker 1: got there moments after he died. And it's it's like
Speaker 1: the biggest instance of my life not listening to my
Speaker 1: instincts and knowing what I needed to do, you know,
Speaker 1: And I'll never always regret that.
Speaker 5: Do you feel him, Yeah?
Speaker 1: I do. I feel I feel my dad all the time,
Speaker 1: and I feel Luke all the time. It was another
Speaker 1: very important person in my life that suddenly passed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, still really very unable to accept that reality
Speaker 1: because it it doesn't seem real to me. No, I
Speaker 1: know it seems real to children, but I it's when
Speaker 1: you lose someone like that so suddenly it's hard to
Speaker 1: accept it.
Speaker 5: So wife and death, I mean, it was so funny.
Speaker 3: My seven year old was and we were in bed
Speaker 3: and she was saying, like, what happens after we die?
Speaker 3: And I said, well, honey, we you go to heaven.
Speaker 3: And she said, well, I still have diabetes. In Heaven's
Speaker 3: she has diabetes and I and it's a lot for
Speaker 3: a little kid. And I said, no, honey, we won't
Speaker 3: have that. She was, well, we all be together and
Speaker 3: I said yeah. And she said will we remember this life,
Speaker 3: the one we have right now? And I said, I
Speaker 3: don't know. It may actually be so good that we
Speaker 3: don't remember this life. I'm not quite sure, but it
Speaker 3: reminded me that I would. I was never able to
Speaker 3: talk about death after my father passed because it was
Speaker 3: so painful.
Speaker 5: It's like you, it seemed unreal.
Speaker 3: Or when I when you lose someone who you cared
Speaker 3: deeply about, you don't even want to discuss, and then
Speaker 3: your a little seven year old blurt something out about
Speaker 3: how we're pain free and all happy and together and
Speaker 3: all of a sudden you feel like a lightness and
Speaker 3: all of that.
Speaker 5: This podcast is called Joy.
Speaker 3: One oh one, So I'm gonna take us up to Joy,
Speaker 3: But will you let's just talk a little bit more
Speaker 3: about like I feel.
Speaker 5: I felt joy won the next one.
Speaker 3: I mean, sorry, but I know that it's not come
Speaker 3: on like the next winning to me was like collective
Speaker 3: effervescence it was my head was exploding by the way
Speaker 3: I took my girls. They love og and Enobi and
Speaker 3: he was at Dick's Sporting Goods.
Speaker 5: Shout out to Dix.
Speaker 3: And I brought my kids in the back and they
Speaker 3: were squealing like it was Disney World. And when he
Speaker 3: walked in, it was like their heads exploded. And I
Speaker 3: was thinking to myself, this is joy. Like I'm watching
Speaker 3: my kids watch a guy who did something incredible. Talk
Speaker 3: to me about when, like, I know, some things are
Speaker 3: circumstances and some things are inside out your book excuse
Speaker 3: me as a New York Times bestseller, a great book,
Speaker 3: and it's full of life lessons, But tell me about
Speaker 3: the joy that you unearthed when when writing that book.
Speaker 1: I think it was just the joy of living the
Speaker 1: life that I've lived. Yes, you know, I'll never forget.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, my daughter's here and hearing this again. But
Speaker 1: when I was going when I was just told that
Speaker 1: I was going to be getting a divorce, my then
Speaker 1: husband said to me, someday you'll someday you'll thank me
Speaker 1: for this, and I thought, well, I don't think so,
Speaker 1: but he was right.
Speaker 5: He was right.
Speaker 1: He was right, and it took me a very long
Speaker 1: time to accept that and to believe it, you know,
Speaker 1: because I wanted that to be wrong for so long.
Speaker 1: And once I said, you know what, I think you
Speaker 1: were right. Like, we're both doing great, our kids are great.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I wouldn't have the life that
Speaker 1: I have now with my new husband if it hadn't
Speaker 1: been for you disrupting things like that. And I'm actually
Speaker 1: really grateful, you know. And it's just finding like the
Speaker 1: gratitude in even the darkest and the hardest points in
Speaker 1: your life. Finding those moments that like you can say
Speaker 1: that that is why I'm here driving right now because
Speaker 1: of that pain, you know, And that's where we find
Speaker 1: the joy to keep going, because yeah, there are gonna
Speaker 1: be more painful moments, They're gonna be more hard times,
Speaker 1: but it's about finding those little like connective tissue, yes,
Speaker 1: that can get us to the finish line.
Speaker 3: Wow, well girl, you're not even anywhere near the finish line.
Speaker 5: You are cruising.
Speaker 3: I am so happy, Jenny to be sitting with you.
Speaker 3: You're a dream. I'm how we bored your dog to
Speaker 3: a snoozeville. Yeah, Dottie's snoozing. It's so sad.
Speaker 1: She has jet lags.
Speaker 5: She has jet lag.
Speaker 3: But I want to thank you for flying here to
Speaker 3: be with me to can And I want to thank
Speaker 3: your daughter too.
Speaker 5: You guys give it up for Jenny.
Speaker 1: Guard chank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Jenny.
Speaker 5: Oh my good
Speaker 1: Gotty says thank you.