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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is

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Speaker 1: fear doesn't win here man. Fear is a big topic, right.

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Speaker 1: It's a tiny word, tiny word, four letters, but it

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Speaker 1: has such big meaning, such big weight, because fear is

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Speaker 1: something that as human beings, we all struggle with, we

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Speaker 1: all have a relationship with, we all fight to overcome

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Speaker 1: fear in various ways in our lives that it presents itself,

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Speaker 1: whether it's job related, or love related, or friendship related,

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Speaker 1: or whatever the case may be. Fear is always kind

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Speaker 1: of lingering. It's always there, and we have to constantly

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Speaker 1: fight against it and show fear that it won't win.

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Speaker 1: It won't stop us, it won't dissuade us from doing

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Speaker 1: what we want to do, what we need to do,

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Speaker 1: what we're capable of doing, the power that we're that

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Speaker 1: we're going to step in that we know we should

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Speaker 1: be stepping in. But it will try to throw us, right,

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Speaker 1: it will try to throw us. So, as I continue

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Speaker 1: to go through this journey called life, and as many

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Speaker 1: of you know, I hit a big milestone of forty

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Speaker 1: this year, I reevaluate my relationship with things that scare

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Speaker 1: me and I don't like to be someone that lives

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Speaker 1: in the state of fear, and quite often in my

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Speaker 1: life I've been thrown in very uncomfortable situations, mainly professionally,

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Speaker 1: where I didn't really have a lot of room to

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Speaker 1: have fear because I couldn't think much about it. I

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Speaker 1: just had to go out there and do it and perform,

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Speaker 1: and you know, not worry about what could go wrong,

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Speaker 1: because there genuinely wasn't time for it. So fear is

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Speaker 1: something that I've definitely battled with. I'm feeling fear right

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Speaker 1: now about an upcoming job that's really big and I've

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Speaker 1: never worked with this team before, and i haven't really

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Speaker 1: worked in the genre before, and I feel anxiety and fear,

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Speaker 1: but I'm not gonna let it win. I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: let it win and stop me from doing the job

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Speaker 1: I know I can do. But I wanted to share

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Speaker 1: a story about fear today that I think will make

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Speaker 1: you smile for one, it will probably make you laugh

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Speaker 1: for two, And I think it will help redefine our

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Speaker 1: relationship with fear. At least I hope it can inspire

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Speaker 1: you to redefine your relationship with fear. So I just

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Speaker 1: got back from Las Vegas. I went out there with

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Speaker 1: a few of my best friends with GEO to go

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Speaker 1: see Jennifer Lopez in her residency. Now. I love j Loo.

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Speaker 1: I think she's an incredible performer. I saw her ten

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Speaker 1: years ago when I turned thirty in Las Vegas. So

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Speaker 1: it's the first time I've been to Vegas since, and

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Speaker 1: I thought, Wow, what a great thing to do for

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Speaker 1: my fortieth birthday to see a live show with great

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Speaker 1: songs and great music and with my best friends, and

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Speaker 1: let's go have fun. Let's go have a fun two

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Speaker 1: night trip in Vegas. So I went out there to

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Speaker 1: see her, and I was invited by the team to

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Speaker 1: go see the show. I've interviewed her over the years

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Speaker 1: and they know I'm such a big fan of her music.

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Speaker 1: So we get to the show and about ten minutes

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Speaker 1: before the show, her managers come out and they say,

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Speaker 1: you've been re to come on stage with Jennifer Lopez

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Speaker 1: during the show. I'm like, wait, what okay? And I

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Speaker 1: said what does that mean? And they say, we're not

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Speaker 1: going to tell you much. We don't want to spoil it,

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Speaker 1: but all you have to know is we're going to

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Speaker 1: give you this black Jennifer Lopez. Branda jacket and black

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Speaker 1: sunglasses and you're going to put them on, and all

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Speaker 1: you really need to know is are somehow going to

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Speaker 1: end up on her? Like during the song. I thought, okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, cool, and they said, are you comfortable with

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Speaker 1: your shirt being taken off on stage? And I'm like sure,

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Speaker 1: for for j Lo, sure let's do it. Why not?

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Speaker 1: So that's all I knew. All I knew was somehow

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Speaker 1: the jacket and glasses were going to come off, and

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Speaker 1: my shirt was probably going to come off. That is

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Speaker 1: all I knew. But I thought, hey, when in Vegas,

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Speaker 1: why not let's go. So they gave me the song

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Speaker 1: which was Ain't Your Mama, which is my cue to

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Speaker 1: go meet her security guard. So the song started playing,

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Speaker 1: I get up. I like, look at my friends. I

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Speaker 1: have a little anxiety. I should all also note that

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Speaker 1: when they did this ten minutes before the show, I

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Speaker 1: turned to Geo and I said, Geo, I need a

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Speaker 1: drink right now. He came back with a double margarita

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Speaker 1: and I probably drank that sucker in ten minutes because

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Speaker 1: I was so nervous. I was so nervous. So I

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Speaker 1: go to meet her security guard. I say to him, hey,

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Speaker 1: like what else do I need to know? I really

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Speaker 1: don't know much. You said. All you got to know

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Speaker 1: is she's dancing on a ballet bar. You're going to

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Speaker 1: go out to the center of the stage when I

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Speaker 1: tell you when, and you just need to stop and

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Speaker 1: land in front of that ballet bar by her again,

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Speaker 1: that's like no information. I'm about to go on a

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Speaker 1: stage in front of all of these diehard j LO fans.

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Speaker 1: It's a dark arena, it's so loud. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what's going on, but I'm just going with it. I'm

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Speaker 1: just going with it. Am I scared shitless? Absolutely? I

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Speaker 1: am scared shitless. I am somebody that, contrary to be

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Speaker 1: to being in a public facing job, will say I

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Speaker 1: don't love lots of attention. I truly, truly don't like.

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Speaker 1: I don't go to red carpets just to go and

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Speaker 1: get photographed. Like there's a million events a week at night.

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Speaker 1: I don't do any of that. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: do any of that. I'm not comfortable. It's outside of

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Speaker 1: my comfort zone. If I had a publicist, I'm sure

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Speaker 1: they'd be like, you need to go out three nights

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Speaker 1: a week. I don't care. I don't want to do it.

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Speaker 1: I don't need the attention, and when I do have

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Speaker 1: to do it for something, it's like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: instant anxiety. So anyway, this isn't my thing. But I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to channel my alter ego

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to go out. And that's what I

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Speaker 1: tend to do when I do have to perform in

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Speaker 1: that sort of setting or be in a public facing job.

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Speaker 1: It is like an alter ego that comes over me.

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Speaker 1: It's the best way to describe it. So anyway, the

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Speaker 1: guard brings me to the side of the stage and

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Speaker 1: he goes, okay, go out now, and he just gently

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Speaker 1: pushes me forward. Next thing I know, I'm on the

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Speaker 1: stage with Jennifer Lopez. So her and her dancers are

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Speaker 1: dancing on that ballet bar. They start kind of like

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Speaker 1: pointing at me and calling me over. So I very

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Speaker 1: slowly start walking over towards them. I reach the bar,

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Speaker 1: the dancer's hands start, you know, touching me and going

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Speaker 1: all over me. I do a little spin because why

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Speaker 1: not that just kind of came out of nowhere. See

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Speaker 1: that's the alter ego. And then I finally reached j

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Speaker 1: Lo and she grabs my shoulder, and she has a

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Speaker 1: little bit where she says, you know, hi baby, are

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Speaker 1: you married? And I go, yeah, I'm married, and she

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Speaker 1: goes good, and then she grabs my hand and pulls

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Speaker 1: me under the ballet bar and walks me back behind

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Speaker 1: the silver curtains that she parts. Right, So now I'm

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Speaker 1: backstage in the dark, you know, with her and her dancers.

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Speaker 1: She puts the mic down because she's saying really cute

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Speaker 1: things to the audience during the show. You know, they're

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Speaker 1: during the sexy number, and she looks at me and goes,

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Speaker 1: hi baby, and I'm like, hi, j Loo. And the

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Speaker 1: next thing I know, my shirts are being ripped off,

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Speaker 1: like everything's coming out. I was wearing like a tank

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Speaker 1: top with a short sleeved shirt under it over it

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Speaker 1: with a jacket over it. All of a sudden, everything

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Speaker 1: is coming off of me and I'm shirtless. I'm suddenly shirtless,

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Speaker 1: feeling the cool breeze of backstage against my body. What

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Speaker 1: I didn't know, because nobody explained this to me, is

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Speaker 1: that the entire venue could see them undressing me because

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Speaker 1: they were filming this backstage. So I was on the

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Speaker 1: big jumbo screens being on with everybody watching and I

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Speaker 1: had no idea. So in a flash, everyone's gone, and

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Speaker 1: I think when the dancer's leaving, she says come out,

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Speaker 1: like come back out. So I'm standing there for a second.

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Speaker 1: No one's back there to cue me. It's total silence,

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Speaker 1: and she's back out there performing, and I'm like, h

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Speaker 1: what am I am? I? Am I supposed to be

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Speaker 1: out there? Am I doing something wrong? Oh? My god?

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Speaker 1: Am I totally messing up her big number? Well? I

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Speaker 1: then decide to open the silver curtain, like literally bust

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Speaker 1: that open as if I'm j Lo and walk out

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Speaker 1: stage totally topless and stand behind Jylo and the dancers

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Speaker 1: just kind of like bopping to the music. Right there's

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Speaker 1: like fifteen seconds left of the song. But then suddenly

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Speaker 1: I clock Jennifer Nor the dancers are looking at me,

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Speaker 1: like nobody's looking at me, So I'm like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if they know I'm here? Oh my god, am

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Speaker 1: I supposed to be here? In that moment of panic,

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Speaker 1: I felt like I could either run I'm backstage and

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Speaker 1: totally freak out, or just finish the song out and

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Speaker 1: then go so it all looks like it's part of

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Speaker 1: the act, still not knowing if I'm supposed to be

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Speaker 1: there or not. The song ends finally, or the guard

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Speaker 1: that pushed me on stages in the back and goes, thanks, Tommy,

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Speaker 1: come on back. So that's when I leave the stage.

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Speaker 1: The song ends. I hear jaw Rule suddenly getting ready

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Speaker 1: to perform with her her next number, who I Love,

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Speaker 1: But I'm missing it now because I'm backstage and I'm

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Speaker 1: walking back out with the guard and I say to him, Hey, man,

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Speaker 1: did I do everything I'm supposed to do? And he goes, dude,

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Speaker 1: that was awesome. So now I'm like, what does that mean?

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Speaker 1: Did I just totally fuck up the number? Like? What

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Speaker 1: does that mean? I'm getting the vibe I did not

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Speaker 1: do what I was supposed to do. So I go backstage.

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Speaker 1: I'm waiting for my clothes five minutes past. As I

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Speaker 1: put them on, I text her her manager, who came

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Speaker 1: out and coordinated with me this whole thing, and I said,

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Speaker 1: I am suddenly feeling like I wasn't supposed to come

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Speaker 1: back out on the stage, and he goes, oh, no,

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Speaker 1: you absolutely were not, but that was awesome, And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, oh my god, I totally the whole

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Speaker 1: bit was supposed to end with them taking my shirt

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Speaker 1: off and then I leave right like they brought me

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Speaker 1: on stage, they brought me backstage, they ripped my clothes

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Speaker 1: off and like discarded me. That was the bit. Nobody

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Speaker 1: explained to me they were filming that. I didn't know

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Speaker 1: that was the bit. So I'm now back with my

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Speaker 1: guys and I'm like, oh my god, thinking I totally

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Speaker 1: mess this up. What is going on? Am I going

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Speaker 1: to get in trouble? But it made me think. I

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Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I'm proud. I'm proud because

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Speaker 1: in that moment, I could have panicked and ran off

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Speaker 1: that stage and sunk into like a deep, weird anxiety spiral,

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Speaker 1: thinking oh my god, I look so stupid and so silly.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't. I didn't. I stayed on that stage.

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Speaker 1: I owned it, shirtless, standing up there, bopping to the

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Speaker 1: music for the last fifteen seconds of her song. And

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Speaker 1: it just so happened that when I left, the song ended,

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Speaker 1: so it looked like it was all part of the shtick.

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Speaker 1: But it wasn't. But I made it look like that

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Speaker 1: because I just went with it. I didn't let fear win.

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Speaker 1: I didn't let being afraid with all these eyeballs looking

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Speaker 1: at me, totally vulnerable with no shirt on back of

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Speaker 1: one of the biggest global superstars in the world. I

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Speaker 1: didn't let that throw me. I said, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm here, I'm on stage. It is what it is.

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Speaker 1: Let's seize today. It's gonna be fine. And I just

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Speaker 1: went with it. Where I feel like ten years ago,

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Speaker 1: if that happened to me, I would have panicked like

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Speaker 1: I would have like, I don't know, maybe ran to

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Speaker 1: the left of the stage or the right of the

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Speaker 1: stage and ran off and not like it would have

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Speaker 1: been a hot, flaming disaster, literally the biggest disaster I

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Speaker 1: think of my life if I haven't been where I

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Speaker 1: am in my mindset right now. So it just got

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Speaker 1: me thinking, like fear I don't know. I'm proud that

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Speaker 1: I didn't let fear win. I didn't let Finn fear

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Speaker 1: win because the go to is to freak out, and

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Speaker 1: I thought, you know what, let's go, let's go. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know if this is what happens as you

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Speaker 1: get older. I don't know if it happens when you

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Speaker 1: care less about what people think. And I love me

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Speaker 1: some j low, but I guess at The bottom line

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Speaker 1: is I didn't really care what anyone thought I was

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Speaker 1: out there. I was part of the show. I volunteered.

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Speaker 1: In my mind, I was gracious enough to do this,

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Speaker 1: and yes, they were gracious enough to include me, but

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Speaker 1: I did agree. So like it is what it is.

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Speaker 1: And there's a quiet confidence with that, with not letting

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Speaker 1: fear run and dictate your life and getting in your

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Speaker 1: head about everything. I truly believe that. And what was

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Speaker 1: really funny is after the show we went backstage, we

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Speaker 1: said hello to her, and her manager, Benny Medina, came

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Speaker 1: out and told her what happened. She had no idea

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Speaker 1: I was standing there shirtless behind her, no idea. Thank god,

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Speaker 1: she didn't turn around, and she saw this six foot

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Speaker 1: shirtless man scare her because she wasn't expecting him. Right,

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Speaker 1: So he told her what happened. GEO pulled up a

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Speaker 1: picture of me shirtless behind her. She zoomed in, laughed

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Speaker 1: like it was a cute, little fun moment. She you know,

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Speaker 1: loved it. But it just was a reminder to me

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Speaker 1: that even when you're in the most uncomfortable of situations,

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Speaker 1: like being shirtless in front of everybody, unexpectedly in a

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Speaker 1: place where you're not supposed to be. If you don't

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Speaker 1: let Fear win, it's all good. You're gonna leave feeling

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Speaker 1: better about yourself. Everyone's gonna have a good time, and

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Speaker 1: it's all good. My night could have ended disastrously, right.

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Speaker 1: I could have left there in the worst mood ever,

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Speaker 1: feeling like I embarrassed myself or made a fool of

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Speaker 1: myself and didn't want to show my face again to

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Speaker 1: her or the team. I didn't. We all laughed, We

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Speaker 1: all had fun. It was a really cool, funny moment,

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Speaker 1: and it's part of the story. So I posted that

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Speaker 1: on Instagram, the video which if you want to go

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Speaker 1: look go to my Instagram at Tommy Didario the videos

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Speaker 1: up there, and you see the moment where I come

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Speaker 1: back on shirtless and then leave at the end when

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Speaker 1: the song ends. But it just wanted me to come

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Speaker 1: on today and talk about Fear and to remind you

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Speaker 1: guys that that could have been hugely embarrassing, and maybe

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Speaker 1: to some people it is. Maybe some people are going

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Speaker 1: to see that or have seen her like, oh, he

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Speaker 1: was not supposed to come back, that's so embarrassing her cringe.

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Speaker 1: The bottom line is I don't give a shit, because

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Speaker 1: I had a great time. I had fun, and I

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Speaker 1: feel good about it. I don't feel embarrassed. It was

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Speaker 1: a funny moment in time. So I think if we

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Speaker 1: can just push past fear and not get in our

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Speaker 1: heads so much, and stay in the present and stay

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Speaker 1: in the moment, and realize that things aren't that deep,

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Speaker 1: they're not that big of a deal in the grand

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Speaker 1: scheme of things, they really aren't, then we can go

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Speaker 1: through life having so much more more fun and smiling

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Speaker 1: and laughing and feeling better about ourselves on the daily,

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Speaker 1: on the rag. So here's to saying a goodbye to

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Speaker 1: fear and pushing that little bit as far away as

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Speaker 1: we can. And if anything, I hope my story shows

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Speaker 1: you that what could have made me feel so bad

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Speaker 1: and embarrassed, you know, for myself, actually just made me

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Speaker 1: have a great time. So let's rock and roll. Let's

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Speaker 1: step outside our comfort zone, and let's take risks and

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Speaker 1: don't let fear stop you from doing anything. Because I

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Speaker 1: believe in you. You've got this. I've never said this before.

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Speaker 1: Is hosted by me Tommy Dedario. This podcast is executive

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Speaker 1: produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by me Tommy,

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Speaker 1: with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never said this before

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Speaker 1: is part of the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart

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Speaker 1: Podcasts for more rate, review and subscribe to our show

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Speaker 1: and if you liked this episode, tell your friends. Until

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Speaker 1: next time, I'm Tommy de Dario