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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of

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Speaker 1: Couch Talks on You Need Therapy. My name is Kat

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Speaker 1: and I am the host and if you're new, couch

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Speaker 1: Talks is the special bonus episode of You Need Therapy

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Speaker 1: where I answer questions that you guys sent into me.

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Speaker 1: You can send in your questions to Catherine at You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast and maybe one day I will answer it.

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Speaker 1: So that's where we are. We're about to answer some questions,

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Speaker 1: and before we do that, another quick reminder, as always

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Speaker 1: that this is not therapy. This is a podcast. But

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Speaker 1: the podcast might encourage you to go get therapy that

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Speaker 1: might happen, but this is not it. Okay, well, I

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Speaker 1: think we should just jump into it. So here's the

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Speaker 1: first question. Hi Cat, I am someone who has a

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Speaker 1: lot of ideas in my head. I am really good

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Speaker 1: at coming up with goals or things that I want,

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Speaker 1: but then I can't seem to figure out how to start.

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Speaker 1: I listened to the Fear of Failure episode and I

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Speaker 1: really resonated with it a lot. However, I still can't

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Speaker 1: seem to start. Do you have any tips on how

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Speaker 1: to take action and actually make things happen? Okay, So,

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Speaker 1: I really like this question and I relate to it myself.

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Speaker 1: Despite what anybody might think, I really struggle with starting.

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Speaker 1: And I actually have about five hundred million, exactly ideas

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Speaker 1: that pop into my head every second, like my brain

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Speaker 1: overworks coming up with new ideas and things I want

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Speaker 1: to do and things I want to try, and I

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Speaker 1: don't try all of them. And then of the things

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Speaker 1: that I do try, they don't always work out and

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Speaker 1: they don't always stick. So I hear you on this.

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Speaker 1: The first order of business here is to be realistic

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Speaker 1: and know that every idea you have will not be

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Speaker 1: something you can act on. So the first thing to

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Speaker 1: figure out is like, what are the things that I

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Speaker 1: actually want to act on and why? Because I can't

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Speaker 1: do it all, And I would not even try to

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Speaker 1: sit here and explain to you how to start to

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Speaker 1: do it all, because that's not possible. This is also

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Speaker 1: something that we can make really odd. So we're talking

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Speaker 1: about all kinds of goals here, So starting anything, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't have to be about a career or a new hobby.

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Speaker 1: It can be about how to start waking up early,

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Speaker 1: or how to start doing my dishes like I want.

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Speaker 1: Whoever is listening to this. This doesn't just have to

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Speaker 1: be applied to big, big goals. They can be small goals,

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Speaker 1: they can be simple goals, they can be things that

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Speaker 1: you just think that you should be doing anyway. So

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Speaker 1: if we've already moved past the fear of failure part,

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Speaker 1: and because you listen to the episode, and that I'm

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Speaker 1: going to assume, and if you haven't listened to the episode,

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Speaker 1: go listen to it, and that will this will make

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Speaker 1: more sense. But I'm going to assume that that part

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Speaker 1: has been the resolve. So I'm no longer feeling stuck

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Speaker 1: because I'm afraid of failing. I've moved through that, and

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Speaker 1: now I'm stuck because I just can't create some action.

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Speaker 1: So that means we're just in action phase. So if

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Speaker 1: we are ready but cannot create lasting action, we're just

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Speaker 1: talking about simply behavioral activation. And this is just figuring

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Speaker 1: out a way to do something before we actually start

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Speaker 1: getting the benefit of doing what that thing is. So

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Speaker 1: the solutions are very simple. Were things that I want

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Speaker 1: to talk about one getting concrete to simplifying, three writing

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Speaker 1: things down, and then four the five second role. So

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Speaker 1: getting concrete that just means I want you to get

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Speaker 1: very specific about what it is that you want. Maybe

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Speaker 1: you have a really big goal, like I want to

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Speaker 1: start a company, but you're not just going to start

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Speaker 1: a company one day and it's going to be done.

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Speaker 1: There are about one million things that you do before

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Speaker 1: that actually is like created, and that comes to fruition.

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Speaker 1: So get concrete first on what the goal is, what

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Speaker 1: it maybe and if it's the big goal, get concrete

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Speaker 1: about the big goal. If it's a small goal like

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Speaker 1: I want to start waking up thirty minutes earlier to read. Okay,

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Speaker 1: then get concrete. Get exactly what it is that you're

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Speaker 1: wanting to do. Now. The second part is to simplify.

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Speaker 1: So because if your goal is something like starting a business,

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Speaker 1: that's huge. So we're gonna break it down. What are

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Speaker 1: the big goals? So what's the big goal? Now? What

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Speaker 1: are three goals that lead to that big goal? Now?

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Speaker 1: What are three goals that lead to each of those

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Speaker 1: smaller goals? And you're gonna kind of create like a web,

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Speaker 1: like and that goes into the next thing that's write

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Speaker 1: it down. But you're going to create a web. And

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Speaker 1: something that I like to do is create like thirty

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Speaker 1: six day goals or like one month, three months, six

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Speaker 1: month goals, and that helps me kind of like filter everything,

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Speaker 1: so I'm not doing everything all at once, because when

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Speaker 1: we try to do everything at all at once, a

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Speaker 1: lot of times we end up doing nothing. But if

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Speaker 1: I know that, okay, the first thirty days, all I

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Speaker 1: have to do is meet with three people that have

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Speaker 1: done this before. Okay. I have to meet those people

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Speaker 1: and have conversations with those three people, Okay, and then

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Speaker 1: that's gonna lead me to the and you create whatever

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Speaker 1: is next. If your goal is smaller, like I want

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Speaker 1: to wake up earlier, like something like that, then your

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Speaker 1: smaller goals you're simplified, could be okay, instead of saying,

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Speaker 1: now I'm going to wake up thirty minutes earlier for

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Speaker 1: the rest of my life, Okay, I'm going to wake

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Speaker 1: up five minutes earlier for three days this week, and

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Speaker 1: then maybe the next of goals is I'm gonna wake

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Speaker 1: up ten minutes earlier four days this week, and then

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Speaker 1: so you're growing and you're you're moving through that process

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Speaker 1: rather than having to like wa bam, Like I've never

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Speaker 1: said what bam? That was so weird? Uh, you know

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Speaker 1: what I was trying to say, So that makes it

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Speaker 1: easier than having to just like all of a sudden

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Speaker 1: like have this like perfect goal action set up. And

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Speaker 1: one of the reasons I like this is because, like

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Speaker 1: I said, big, huge, scary goals don't get accomplished by

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Speaker 1: just waking up one day and starting and doing them perfectly.

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Speaker 1: They get accomplished by the tiny things that we do

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Speaker 1: along the way. So you're making tiny goals that is

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Speaker 1: one going to help with your esteem, like your self

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Speaker 1: esteem and excitement because we're accomplishing something over and over

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Speaker 1: again instead of working on something forever until we only

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Speaker 1: get to accomplish something one time. So it turns from

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Speaker 1: losing every day until we win to winning every day

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Speaker 1: until we win. And I like that better. So then

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Speaker 1: the next thing would be to write it down. So

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Speaker 1: all these things were up in our head, that's that's awesome,

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Speaker 1: But when things stay up in our head, we end

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Speaker 1: up just spinning around on them and a lot of

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Speaker 1: times they don't ever really happen. So I would suggest

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Speaker 1: you write these things down. Everything that we're talking about,

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Speaker 1: write it down, and like things like fitness goals, So

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Speaker 1: maybe you want to you want to learn how to

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Speaker 1: do a pull up, that's always a goal of mine.

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Speaker 1: So you might write down those little things that you're

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Speaker 1: going to do a couple of times a week until

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Speaker 1: you reach that and put it somewhere where you see

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Speaker 1: it or a mind to you that you can do

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Speaker 1: these things. And one thing that was really helpful one

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Speaker 1: time when I was training for a race, is I

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Speaker 1: made like a chart that had all my runs and

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Speaker 1: and exercises and workouts on there, and so in my

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Speaker 1: rest days, I also included my rest days on the chart.

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Speaker 1: And so every time I completed one of those things,

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Speaker 1: I got to put a sticker on the chart, and

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Speaker 1: it was so satisfying, Like sometimes I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to this discussing and I put my

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Speaker 1: stick on the chart, and yeah, I still put the

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Speaker 1: sticker on the chart when I had a rest day.

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Speaker 1: But having something that is like one visual, but something

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Speaker 1: that has the plan out there so you can take

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Speaker 1: it out from spinning in your head and actually see

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Speaker 1: it clearly on a piece of paper helps us understand

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Speaker 1: that these things are doable and accomplishable. Is that a

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Speaker 1: word accomplishable? If it's not, we're making it a word

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Speaker 1: starting now. And then the other thing I would do

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Speaker 1: is look at and try to incorporate this five second rule.

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Speaker 1: So this is something that Mel Robbins, who's awesome. You

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Speaker 1: can follow her on instrument at Mel Robbins, she coined

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Speaker 1: and she actually wrote a book the five second Rule,

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Speaker 1: and what it is is literally it's just counting to

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Speaker 1: five and making like forcing yourself to do it when

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Speaker 1: you count to five. So it's like, okay, I need

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Speaker 1: to get a bed one to three, four or five

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Speaker 1: get up, or I need to start cooking dinner one two, three,

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Speaker 1: four or five go And it's just like a simple

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Speaker 1: way to kind of motivate yourself to get up and move.

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Speaker 1: It's like reminds me of when you were like younger

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Speaker 1: and your mom was like okay, on the count of

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Speaker 1: three one and it's like you had to do it

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Speaker 1: by the time you have to three. That was very

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Speaker 1: motivated in a different way. So this is a little

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Speaker 1: bit different, but the five second rules. So if you

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Speaker 1: want to learn more about that, follow mail you can

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Speaker 1: read her book. But there's tons of different little tricks

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Speaker 1: and things that you can do and try to to

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Speaker 1: start getting you to do those things that you want

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Speaker 1: to do. But these are just ones that I think

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Speaker 1: are helpful, get concrete, simplify what it is, create small goals,

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Speaker 1: write it down, use the five second rule. I think

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Speaker 1: that kind of covers that question. Good luck on whatever

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Speaker 1: it is. Those goals were that you have been struggling

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Speaker 1: to kind of make happen, and hopefully some of that

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Speaker 1: stuff helps. Now the second part of today, usually i'll

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Speaker 1: answer another question today, I just would like to talk

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Speaker 1: about something. I want to chat about a post that

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Speaker 1: I saw on Instagram, and it was a post from

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Women, and I'm just going to read

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Speaker 1: it and then I'm also going to read her caption. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so her post says, yes, some things are trauma responses,

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Speaker 1: but not everything is a trauma response, and acting though

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Speaker 1: everything is a trauma response is not helpful. Signed every

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Speaker 1: therapist on Instagram. So this is putting some language on

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Speaker 1: something that I've kind of talked about a lot on

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Speaker 1: the podcast, and it stems from the idea that we

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Speaker 1: need to be careful about who we're following and what

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Speaker 1: we're listening to, because there's a lot of information out

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Speaker 1: there that's clickbait, literal clickbait. People are taking something that's

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Speaker 1: somewhat trendy, which is like, I feel so gross saying

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Speaker 1: trauma's trendy. But we're taking something that's trendy and people

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Speaker 1: are really interested in and people are wanting to learn about,

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Speaker 1: and people want to know more about. We're capitalizing on that,

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Speaker 1: and then we're trying to gain a following or trying

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Speaker 1: to gain likes and reposts and all that by creating

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Speaker 1: clickbait and capitalizing on a mental health trend. And I

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Speaker 1: don't enjoy it, and I don't like it, And so

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Speaker 1: I also want to read her caption, because the caption

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Speaker 1: is very important and it was important to her for

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Speaker 1: the people that did see this for them to read

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Speaker 1: the captain, So I want to read that as well.

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Speaker 1: She said, keep in mind, if you have trauma, I'm

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Speaker 1: not trying to invalidate your trauma, so please please don't

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Speaker 1: take it that way. This isn't a post to take personally,

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Speaker 1: because it is a comment on the general trend I've

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Speaker 1: seen on social media the past year or so of

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Speaker 1: pop culture, wellness brands and influencers reducing all experiences and

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Speaker 1: struggles to trauma. This post is not directed at individuals.

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Speaker 1: Please please note I am not trying to invalidate anyone's

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Speaker 1: trauma or trying to discourage someone from seeking help. There's

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Speaker 1: nothing further from the truth. My frustration is when pop

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Speaker 1: culture bloggers and influencers use the word trauma because it's

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Speaker 1: so trendy, often trying to sell you something too. They

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Speaker 1: label everything as trauma, and this actually prevents people from

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Speaker 1: getting help. To be clear, I believe most of us

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Speaker 1: have trauma in some capacity. However, not everything is trauma,

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Speaker 1: and this distinction is important. Also, I wish I could

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Speaker 1: make a simple post that says this is trauma and

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Speaker 1: this isn't. Unfortunately it's not that simple. Trauma is so specific,

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Speaker 1: and while I'm passionate about educating about mental health, I

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Speaker 1: cannot provide a checklist for what is trauma and what isn't.

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Speaker 1: Because the truth is the same thing could happen to

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Speaker 1: two people, and it's traumatic for one person and not

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Speaker 1: for the other. So that's all that she wrote on

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Speaker 1: that post. And there's obviously reasons that I wanted to

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Speaker 1: bring this up, and I agree with her. This is

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Speaker 1: nothing about This is trying to invalidate you if if

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Speaker 1: you have trauma or some of these posts have helped

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Speaker 1: you identify your trauma, because that can be true. The

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Speaker 1: problem is when we are reducing everything to trauma and

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Speaker 1: then we're almost like watering it down. Now, I believe

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Speaker 1: that trauma is a very subjective and relative thing. Like

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Speaker 1: she said, two people can't experience the same thing and

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Speaker 1: it's not going to be trauma for both people. Necessarily.

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Speaker 1: It has to do with a lot of other things.

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Speaker 1: And so when there's all these TikTok videos and Instagram

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Speaker 1: posts and reels that are saying, if you experience these

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Speaker 1: things in your life that stems from this kind of trauma,

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Speaker 1: this kind of trauma, this kind of trauma, it's really

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Speaker 1: frustrating because that's not always true. And sometimes there is

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Speaker 1: not a trauma explanation of something. Something can affect you

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Speaker 1: without it being trauma. That's one thing. Not everything necessarily

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Speaker 1: is going to have an effect on you. And who

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Speaker 1: nobody is to say that to be true on the

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Speaker 1: internet about you. Nobody who doesn't know, especially if they're

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Speaker 1: not a therapist, first of all, But therapists do this too,

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Speaker 1: because therapists want to be influencers as well, and therapists

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Speaker 1: want to gain popularity through that kind of marketing as well.

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Speaker 1: And the other thing is sometimes you are just the

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Speaker 1: way you are and has nothing to do with trauma.

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Speaker 1: It's just called temperament, and you're born with that. You're

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Speaker 1: born with a temperament, And so some of us are

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Speaker 1: certain ways just because that's the way we're born. Some

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Speaker 1: of us are born perfectionists. Some of us just are that.

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Speaker 1: Not it's not because our parents neglected us, and it's

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Speaker 1: not because of this happen in third grade. Now, that

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Speaker 1: can be true for many people, that they develop that

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Speaker 1: because of a traumatic experience, but it doesn't always necessarily

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Speaker 1: mean that. So really, my point in saying all this

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Speaker 1: and even bringing this up on the podcast is because

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Speaker 1: we talk about trauma a lot, and I think that

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Speaker 1: the podcast has helped people understand their trauma, especially when

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Speaker 1: it comes to little tea trauma. I think it's been

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Speaker 1: a huge tool for people, especially when it comes to

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Speaker 1: like attachment wounds and stuff like that, because we talk

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Speaker 1: about that a lot. And I'm so grateful for that,

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Speaker 1: so so grateful. But I wanted to bring this up

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Speaker 1: because we have to be careful about one what we're

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Speaker 1: putting on the Internet and what information we're taking and

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Speaker 1: then filtering through our brains and then sending out into

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Speaker 1: the world. So we have to be careful of what

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Speaker 1: we're putting out there, and then we have to be

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Speaker 1: careful about the kinds of things that we're also listening to,

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Speaker 1: because I get so many videos to me from clients,

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Speaker 1: a lot from clients, but also just friends and people

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Speaker 1: I know that are like, is this true? Have you

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Speaker 1: seen this? This is so crazy, I've never thought of

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Speaker 1: it this way, and blah blah blah, And a lot

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Speaker 1: of times I want to like throw my phone against

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Speaker 1: the wall because I'm like, that is not real. Whatever

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Speaker 1: you just sent me, somebody made that up. And it

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Speaker 1: might sound really awesome. It might be something that sounds

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Speaker 1: really cool and awesome and helpful, but it doesn't necessarily

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Speaker 1: mean it's true. And so we have to be careful

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Speaker 1: about the information that we are taking in because honestly,

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Speaker 1: that whole idea of like confirmation bias, it's it's a

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Speaker 1: real thing. If we hear something enough times, enough people

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Speaker 1: are saying something, then we're going to start believing that

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Speaker 1: it's true, and we're just gonna take it as fact.

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Speaker 1: So if there's all these people that are putting out

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Speaker 1: this information about what trauma is and what that means

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Speaker 1: for you, and how to identify it and how it manifests.

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Speaker 1: That's the other thing. Trauma manifests differently for different people,

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Speaker 1: also because of our temperament. So let's say we both

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Speaker 1: went through a traumatic experience, We're going to filter that differently,

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Speaker 1: and our behaviors are going to possibly look different because

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Speaker 1: of what happened before, during after that experience, and just

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Speaker 1: because of who we are and we're different people. So

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Speaker 1: when you see a video and it's like if you

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Speaker 1: do this, this, this, this, this, this, that absolutely means

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Speaker 1: that you experience this red flag. And if the person

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Speaker 1: who's putting that information out is a mental health professional

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Speaker 1: or a therapist or just somebody in that realm, that's like,

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Speaker 1: not shame on you for believing it, Like it's this

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Speaker 1: isn't a shame anybody for believing stuff because we look

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Speaker 1: and we're interested in that stuff because we probably want

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Speaker 1: help or we want healing, or we want understanding and

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Speaker 1: we want to get to know ourselves better. So that's

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Speaker 1: not a problem with the general public, honestly, that's an

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Speaker 1: issue with like the system of mental health and the

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Speaker 1: system of therapists and unselers and helping people and how

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Speaker 1: we are using the new platforms that are available and

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Speaker 1: how we're using the ability to reach more people. And

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Speaker 1: that has to do with with us more than it

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Speaker 1: has to do with just the general people, because I

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Speaker 1: think people are interested in mental health because not because

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Speaker 1: it's trendy, but because people are finally wanting to pay

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Speaker 1: attention to their stuff and and work on things and

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Speaker 1: and take care of themselves. So this was a long

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Speaker 1: rant of me just saying like, be careful, and you

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Speaker 1: don't have to follow seventeen thousand different mental health accounts.

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Speaker 1: You can follow a couple that you really trust and

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Speaker 1: that's okay. And you can see something on TikTok and say,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that's true. You don't have to

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Speaker 1: believe it just because it's out there, you know, which

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Speaker 1: is like goes into all things. Because there was one

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Speaker 1: TikTok that I saw that it was like it was

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Speaker 1: like a transformation something and it was like a video

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Speaker 1: of a guy any basically was can you believe that this?

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Speaker 1: And it was like some child star turned into this

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Speaker 1: and it was like some guy later and they look

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Speaker 1: completely different. I was like, Wow, that's crazy. I can't

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Speaker 1: believe they don't look like the same. Person, and then

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Speaker 1: I read the comments and I was like, oh, it's

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Speaker 1: a joke. Like anybody can say anything on there, and

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Speaker 1: we're just so readily available to believe what they're saying,

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Speaker 1: and it's not necessarily true. There's one TikTok account that

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Speaker 1: they test out the TikTok trends like the like hacks

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Speaker 1: and stuff to see if they are myths or they

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Speaker 1: actually work, and like, if we need that, then that

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Speaker 1: means there's probably some mental health stuff out there that

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Speaker 1: isn't true too. So none of this is to invalidate

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Speaker 1: your trauma, your stuff. None of this is to tell

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Speaker 1: you that you shouldn't be wanting to learn about yourself

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Speaker 1: or you can't trust anybody out there. It's to hold

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Speaker 1: the mental health field accountable, and it's just give you

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Speaker 1: guys a warning that, like, not all people on the

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Speaker 1: Internet are created equal, which I would think we would

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Speaker 1: know by now, but you know, sometimes we need help.

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Speaker 1: So I think I'm done with that. I think we're

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Speaker 1: done here. Follow at Therapy for Women because her accounts great.

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Speaker 1: I will say that if you're going to follow a

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Speaker 1: mental health person, she use a good one, and I

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Speaker 1: think that's going to do it. For us today, So

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Speaker 1: if you have thoughts, questions, feelings, feedback, you can send

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Speaker 1: it to me at Catherine at you Need Therapy Podcasts.

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Speaker 1: You can follow us the podcast or me at at

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Speaker 1: you Need Therapy podcast or at cat dot defata And

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Speaker 1: I hope you guys are having the day you need

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Speaker 1: to have. I will talk to you guys on Monday