Speaker 1: Welcome back Barbie Adler from Selective Search. She is a
Speaker 1: matchmaker and dating expert. So we are going to get
Speaker 1: all the free information and not have to pay several
Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: Okay, hello, Hello, Hello. Okay.
Speaker 1: So it was funny because we were talking earlier and
Speaker 1: you were saying, well, we're going to talk about hygiene,
Speaker 1: et cetera, which we could.
Speaker 2: But I've been, I've been.
Speaker 1: I've found myself on the side of social media that's
Speaker 1: like self help, like mel Robbins and different people talking
Speaker 1: about different things. So I want to talk about some
Speaker 1: of those things. Because I drive my daughter to school
Speaker 1: and she'll have like a boy that likes her or
Speaker 1: something going on, or I'll just explain to her.
Speaker 2: She'll say, what's going on with you.
Speaker 1: I don't place too much weight on my daughter meeting
Speaker 1: someone because of the relationship that we have, if that
Speaker 1: makes any sense, Like she's told me what she wants
Speaker 1: for me, like she has her opinion. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: I'm only doing that, but because it's the two of us,
Speaker 1: and because she's with me ninety percent of the time,
Speaker 1: it's kind of a decision, not for both of us.
Speaker 1: But I want a family for her. She doesn't really
Speaker 1: I don't have like that deep like cousins and all
Speaker 1: these people that we spend holidays with, and sometimes you know,
Speaker 1: we're insular. Like for Christmas Eve, we have a ritual
Speaker 1: where it's just the two of us and we make
Speaker 1: this nice dinner and she likes to be alone together
Speaker 1: on Christmas. With Thanksgiving, we were with a group of people,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't like our family, and it wasn't even
Speaker 1: like my best friends and their family, and we were
Speaker 1: talking about the sort of family dynamic and I meet
Speaker 1: sometimes I've met people am I dating life where it's
Speaker 1: like they're so immersed in family and all the time
Speaker 1: there's all these people around or they're not at all,
Speaker 1: And so I include my daughter in the discussions because
Speaker 1: she'll ask me. And I found that after a breakup,
Speaker 1: when dating and my daughter would know that I was
Speaker 1: going out on nights, she'd say, like, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: And if I can go to dinner with who? Like
Speaker 1: she'd feel like I was keeping something from her and
Speaker 1: there was a little bit of tension. And I've found
Speaker 1: that in other people too that are single. They talk
Speaker 1: about that like it's sort of this taboo tension where
Speaker 1: she's not my friend, she's my daughter. But I'll still
Speaker 1: be like I went out, which was like, how was
Speaker 1: your date? And I'll say it was nice. He was this,
Speaker 1: he was that, he was the other thing. And there
Speaker 1: have been times where she's met someone, let's say after
Speaker 1: a month, but not enough. This is my very serious
Speaker 1: boyfriend and I run into them in the Hamptons and
Speaker 1: I say hi, and she asks who it was, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I went out with him. So I want
Speaker 1: to know your opinion on that for divorced people, breaking
Speaker 1: up people, because I personally believe that people place too
Speaker 1: much weight on like I don't introduce anyone to my
Speaker 1: kids and then one day it's six months in you
Speaker 1: introduce them.
Speaker 2: It's so daunting.
Speaker 1: I've experienced this too, and everybody makes such a big
Speaker 1: deal out of it. Everything doesn't have to be so
Speaker 1: like black or white. It could be just people that
Speaker 1: are friends in your life. So I want to know
Speaker 1: your opinion of that whole topic.
Speaker 3: Well, first of all, I commend you for sharing your
Speaker 3: life experience and having real conversations with your daughter at
Speaker 3: a young age, because I think so many times you're
Speaker 3: not people aren't learning the lessons and learning through their
Speaker 3: parents because they're trying to keep it so removed that
Speaker 3: it's almost like then it's awkward, and then they never
Speaker 3: learn the lessons. And that's my whole problem with and
Speaker 3: we think about it. What matters most in your life
Speaker 3: is who you spend your time with and who you
Speaker 3: end up marrying. But yet your parents are very involved
Speaker 3: when it comes to right and wrong and safety and
Speaker 3: danger and table manners and even like education that selection,
Speaker 3: but they stop teaching you about matters of the heart
Speaker 3: and things that really matter. So I love the fact
Speaker 3: that you're having these real conversations, and I do the
Speaker 3: same with my stepdaughters to teach them like we are
Speaker 3: also wise. That's the one thing of getting older is
Speaker 3: that we have so much knowledge and you only learn
Speaker 3: through experience.
Speaker 4: So the fact that.
Speaker 3: You're normalizing that you're in a place in your life
Speaker 3: where you are looking for someone that is your life partner.
Speaker 3: But you're not worth you know you're worth. You're not
Speaker 3: willing to settle. You don't want to bring someone into
Speaker 3: your life that's not good for the two of you.
Speaker 4: It is a package deal.
Speaker 3: And it shows that she could feel safe and exhale, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: my mom has my back and I could feel safe
Speaker 3: because she's not going to bring someone into my life
Speaker 3: that isn't good for the both of us. And I
Speaker 3: also think it's honoring you what you're hearing that she needs,
Speaker 3: which is family and the family dynamics, and that you
Speaker 3: care about that. Yes, that said, I think that you
Speaker 3: only are the only one as an adult that will
Speaker 3: judge what makes you happy, right like your happy meter
Speaker 3: and your love tank can only be filled with not
Speaker 3: what your friends want, not what society tells you, but
Speaker 3: what makes you happy. It's the same thing like when
Speaker 3: you know that you're or in the Hamptons, that's your
Speaker 3: happy place.
Speaker 4: You beam and you're happy. Same thing when you meet someone,
Speaker 4: it's you have.
Speaker 3: To make sure that you feel like, Okay, this is
Speaker 3: someone I feel safe with, I feel.
Speaker 4: Heard, I have a blast with.
Speaker 3: And then I do think that there's no right or
Speaker 3: wrong of when to introduce your daughter to somebody. I
Speaker 3: think that to your point, it doesn't have to be
Speaker 3: the one, and you're making this whole big build up.
Speaker 4: And that's yeah, yeah, I think.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be that because then it is
Speaker 3: so much pressure for the person you're with, and also
Speaker 3: for your daughter, and it's like she almost has no
Speaker 3: choice but to say I like him, and it just
Speaker 3: becomes more anxiety.
Speaker 1: Exactly, And I think it's I think it's done that
Speaker 1: way and it doesn't make any sense. And so like,
Speaker 1: for example, there have been times too while I'm dating
Speaker 1: someone she doesn't totally care for them. She's trying to
Speaker 1: like play the game and pretend she doesn't get to
Speaker 1: know them. Maybe they're not paying enough attention to dermany
Speaker 1: and they're not interested in what she's doing, and she's
Speaker 1: noticing that as a as a flaw, and kids have
Speaker 1: a cleaner slate to notice things about people. And if
Speaker 1: you can separate, like if you know that your child
Speaker 1: wants you to meet someone, which mine does, if you
Speaker 1: can take that away, if they just will hate everybody,
Speaker 1: that's a separate conversation. But for example, my daughter, does
Speaker 1: you know is involved in who I'm spending my time with?
Speaker 1: And she will inform things that I kind of know
Speaker 1: in my gut, but she's crystallized, like she might say,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think they're just a little weird,
Speaker 1: And it's because she doesn't totally trust them, and then
Speaker 1: I've actually seen that She's kind of right. I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to, you know, pretend that it's not the case. Also,
Speaker 1: I feel that there are so many lessons for them
Speaker 1: to what we were both saying. I go drive with
Speaker 1: her to school and I'll like and she'll say, what
Speaker 1: happened with this person? Or I don't love this person.
Speaker 1: I'll be like, yeah, don't worry, I'm not marrying them.
Speaker 1: I don't think I am. I'm just sometimes mommy's lonely.
Speaker 1: Sometimes mommy wants someone who's a friend to spend time
Speaker 1: with and just hang out with. And when you're doing
Speaker 1: something else, so You're at a volleyball tournament and I'm
Speaker 1: not there, Like, sometimes I just want someone to hang
Speaker 1: out with. Everybody doesn't have to be your future father,
Speaker 1: hey be I'll say, I give her like a lesson
Speaker 1: every day. It's not intentional, but it just happens in
Speaker 1: the car where I'll say to her and I'll always
Speaker 1: frame it. I'm like, this will be something that you're
Speaker 1: going to realize. You're not going to realize right now.
Speaker 1: But like she has a boy that she knew that
Speaker 1: like every time she would speak to them, she'd get excited.
Speaker 1: She'd run into him and then he'd text her or
Speaker 1: snap her whatever they do, and then he might say
Speaker 1: something and then he would just be gone, like and dissolved.
Speaker 1: And I said to her, literally regurgitating what mel Robins said,
Speaker 1: no response is a response.
Speaker 2: I said to her, No response is a response. I
Speaker 2: learned this. I go. I'm fifty four years old.
Speaker 1: I wish I had someone to tell me anything as
Speaker 1: a kid because I didn't have any renal involvement. I
Speaker 1: said to her, if someone's not treating you well and
Speaker 1: you don't feel good about it, it has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with you, from a family member to a friend,
Speaker 1: it really doesn't have anything to do with you. It
Speaker 1: has everything to do with them. So you know what
Speaker 1: your worth is and you know what you deserve. But like,
Speaker 1: if you're in a good place and someone is not
Speaker 1: going to meet you where you're at halfway, that's not
Speaker 1: for you, you know. And by the way, you may
Speaker 1: hang out with someone because they're cute at school, but
Speaker 1: you know that you know they're not treating you well,
Speaker 1: and there might be a different reason, but I'm just
Speaker 1: letting you know. So each day there's like a thing
Speaker 1: and I think that It doesn't have to be a
Speaker 1: zero sum game. You can be dating and like learning
Speaker 1: something and also including your kid. And I think there
Speaker 1: are so many lessons there, and you're right that like
Speaker 1: people want to keep everything in a closet from their kids.
Speaker 1: I also think schools should be talking about this stuff.
Speaker 3: Nobody does. It's so disappointing and frustrating. They talk about.
Speaker 1: Sex just because it's science and your body. They should
Speaker 1: be talking about emotional health at school.
Speaker 3: Interpersonal relationships. It could be platonic romantic friendships no one
Speaker 3: talks about, even when you're in an unhealthy relationship with
Speaker 3: a with a with a friend. It just is never
Speaker 3: talked about.
Speaker 1: Like I was talking yesterday to someone about colleges, like
Speaker 1: just early because she's just curious, and we were talking
Speaker 1: about I was trying to explain to Brinn how colleges
Speaker 1: want to know who you are as a whole person
Speaker 1: because they want to produce productive individuals that are going
Speaker 1: to do great things so they can say, oh, this
Speaker 1: person was a graduate here, like and why you tries
Speaker 1: to claim me even though they had nothing to do
Speaker 1: with any of my success.
Speaker 2: Nor did be you.
Speaker 1: I literally was there as minimum as I had to go,
Speaker 1: and I was like, treated like a transaction. But I
Speaker 1: so if that's the case, if they want to produce
Speaker 1: these productive, successful individuals, why wouldn't they want to produce
Speaker 1: people that are emotionally successful because we take away so
Speaker 1: much of our bandwidth with emotional problems. You suffer at work,
Speaker 1: you suffer at productivity, so many things as a result
Speaker 1: of what's going with you emotionally, So why wouldn't these
Speaker 1: educational environments.
Speaker 3: You're gonna take your same broken self into every relationship,
Speaker 3: into every workplace, everywhere you're a and sometimes you just
Speaker 3: don't know the lessons, so you do your best. And
Speaker 3: it's like the saying, if you knew better, you would
Speaker 3: do better, and when you finally learn it, then you
Speaker 3: can do better. But sometimes you just don't even know
Speaker 3: the skills. And also the mind games we play with
Speaker 3: their selfs, which I think is what mel Robbins is
Speaker 3: talking about, what just let it be theory, which is
Speaker 3: do a mind flip and stop trying to control what
Speaker 3: you can't control.
Speaker 2: I think there's nothing to do with you, right, there's
Speaker 2: nothing to do with you.
Speaker 3: And I always say to my stepdaughter, is like the
Speaker 3: lesson of when someone tells you who they are, Believe them.
Speaker 3: If someone tells you they're not ready to be a relationship,
Speaker 3: believe them or run. It's a gift when someone reveals
Speaker 3: their true self and you don't like what you see,
Speaker 3: because it's good for them to reveal their true self
Speaker 3: sooner than later. So you could run the other way
Speaker 3: because you know you're worth and then it's not healthy
Speaker 3: for you.
Speaker 2: Well, this connects to a little bit of you.
Speaker 1: You know, I've spoken to the dating coach on here,
Speaker 1: and I've spoken to you, and I speak to my
Speaker 1: therapist and my life coach. I'm like a fuck, I'm
Speaker 1: like perfect now. Of course I'm just the perfect specimen
Speaker 1: but emotionally hot low. But you talk about people doing
Speaker 1: their own work before they come to you to meet someone,
Speaker 1: because you don't want a broken toy to stick in
Speaker 1: with somebody, the other person that you've hopefully talked to
Speaker 1: that you're setting up that is coming in a full person.
Speaker 2: Like there's someone that you introduced me to.
Speaker 1: I won't say what or who, but they said they
Speaker 1: had done this self evaluation, the self reflection about why
Speaker 1: they had met someone in all this time or why,
Speaker 1: and I just admire that as a concept, particularly in
Speaker 1: a man. Okay particularly in a man, but one of
Speaker 1: the concepts that has resonated with me that relates to
Speaker 1: you saying that is like, if you feel like your
Speaker 1: shit is fairly together, meaning we're all a mess, and
Speaker 1: we're all a mess on certain days and we're hormonal,
Speaker 1: and my friend yesterday said to me, I'm a fucking mess,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, it's okay. Just take a deep breath,
Speaker 1: go take a walk, and be fine tomorrow. Like barring normalcy,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? If you're like a together
Speaker 1: person who's been doing the work and intentional and evolved
Speaker 1: and willing to do work, then you come in contact
Speaker 1: with someone who could be great. They have great potential,
Speaker 1: but they're not actively willing to do the work. Like
Speaker 1: you could meet someone that's fifty pounds overweight. You may
Speaker 1: not be attracted to that. You may not think it's
Speaker 1: healthy if you see that you're meeting them and they're
Speaker 1: eating well, they've started a regimen, like that's all you
Speaker 1: could hope for. You know, I was talking to someone
Speaker 1: about longevity the other day and on and when I
Speaker 1: was out to dinner with them, they were saying, you
Speaker 1: should think about weights because of and they weren't preachy,
Speaker 1: but because of muscle mass and because of bones and longevity.
Speaker 1: And I texted them a couple of times showing them
Speaker 1: I tried. I did handweights and I'm doing yoga, meaning like,
Speaker 1: I'm not a person that's just gonna sit here and
Speaker 1: smoke cigarettes and someone's gonna like talk about how it's
Speaker 1: not good for my health and not make an attempt.
Speaker 1: So my long winded thing about that is that if
Speaker 1: someone isn't doing the work or has the intention to
Speaker 1: do the steps to meet you where you're atting you're
Speaker 1: in a good place, then you're gonna be on the
Speaker 1: relay team with the person that you know you're carrying
Speaker 1: dead weight.
Speaker 3: You're carrying dead weight and you're carrying it up a hill,
Speaker 3: and it's the definition of insanity.
Speaker 4: You could only control your own actions.
Speaker 3: It's so much more peaceful when you could take control
Speaker 3: of your own self and not be adding to the
Speaker 3: drama of Uh. You know, it's like you're it. You're creating.
Speaker 3: You're an enabler and you're creating it. If people will
Speaker 3: change when they're ready to change, no one's going to
Speaker 3: change if they're not ready to change.
Speaker 4: And sometimes I feel.
Speaker 3: That people make other people their projects because they don't
Speaker 3: want to work, worry, or work on themselves, and so
Speaker 3: they focus on everyone else's problems when it should be
Speaker 3: focus on yourself.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I well that's kind of part of the
Speaker 1: let them too, Like you can't control what someone else
Speaker 1: is doing.
Speaker 2: You can only control what you're doing.
Speaker 1: But I think we create some childhood things too, Like
Speaker 1: I remember with my father always trying to like get him,
Speaker 1: get his attention, or get something from him, and like
Speaker 1: you keep trying, and you do the same thing over
Speaker 1: and you go lower. It sounds crazy, but there's a
Speaker 1: celebrity the other night that I saw out that I've
Speaker 1: seen two times and they were very rude, and it
Speaker 1: shocked them that they were rude because they don't come
Speaker 1: in a rude package and the world doesn't think that
Speaker 1: they're rude, but they've been very rude. And the third
Speaker 1: time they were rude again, And now I'm like fuck you,
Speaker 1: like you in my mind, like fuck you because we
Speaker 1: keep trying. And I feel like in relationships sometimes the
Speaker 1: people that give us the least, we give them most
Speaker 1: because you know, like you're trying to give them a,
Speaker 1: p I've done this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a challenge, or you're so offended.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you want to get them presents.
Speaker 1: You want to be good because one day you're gonna
Speaker 1: get the reaction you want, and it's you go worse.
Speaker 3: Right, And it's almost better to rise above and to
Speaker 3: realize that they're showing you who they are and you're
Speaker 3: better without that person in your life, because what stakes
Speaker 3: are you going to continue to try and try and
Speaker 3: get nothing in return, and it's making you feel bad
Speaker 3: about yourself, you go lower, right, versus surrounding yourself with
Speaker 3: people that you are energy givers and that you know love,
Speaker 3: you have your best interests and you don't have to
Speaker 3: prove yourself. You could be yourself even flawed, even on
Speaker 3: bad days where you're like, whoa, I'm like literally a
Speaker 3: little bonkers today. That people accept you where you are,
Speaker 3: love you anyways, versus the people that judge you want
Speaker 3: you to be perfect and that you'll never be able
Speaker 3: to please.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and our dads could have been friends.
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, it does go back to childhood and you wanting
Speaker 3: that little girl that just wants to be nourished.
Speaker 4: And it also it's.
Speaker 3: Like the competitive part of probably both of us that
Speaker 3: wants to just realize, like I could win this person over,
Speaker 3: but you can't, And why show you that person doesn't
Speaker 3: actually deserve your attention, your friendship, anything like that. If
Speaker 3: that's how they're treating you, then it's their loss, is
Speaker 3: how I always coach people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that so many women really are putting
Speaker 1: on a front of who they are and then the
Speaker 1: person finds out later.
Speaker 2: I mean, I, well, there's two things. One.
Speaker 1: I think there's that because they want to get I
Speaker 1: think women want to get the guy. They're like goal
Speaker 1: oriented to get the guy. And I think this is
Speaker 1: what happens with a dynamic that I've discussed on here
Speaker 1: before where I've met several a shocking number of men
Speaker 1: in their fifties that they have custody of their children,
Speaker 1: like it's full custody and there and it all is
Speaker 1: the same. And it's not just them saying, because their
Speaker 1: friends are saying it too. They have somehow gone through
Speaker 1: the midlife crisis, they've thrived, they're working out, they've gotten healthy,
Speaker 1: and somehow the woman that they married who they married
Speaker 1: because the woman wanted to get the guy, get the
Speaker 1: guy who's gonna make money and do shopping and not
Speaker 1: have to work, and the woman has no purpose. And
Speaker 1: the woman becomes a mess because she's either doing drugs
Speaker 1: or drinking or parting or a disaster, has mental issues
Speaker 1: because she has no purpose. And I feel like I
Speaker 1: see these young women with the get the guy mentality
Speaker 1: to get the guy, get the ring, and that involves
Speaker 1: a little bit of deception, meaning they have to act perfect.
Speaker 1: They're in workout clothes every day, all the shit that
Speaker 1: even at my age, thirty years older than them, I
Speaker 1: don't even do. And I still can get the guy
Speaker 1: just right being myself and being strong in my two feet.
Speaker 1: And I just feel like women need to know this
Speaker 1: stuff early.
Speaker 3: Well, that's what going back to our earlier conversation, what
Speaker 3: frustrates me is it's our daughters. It's the new generation
Speaker 3: that is looking to create a family that has to
Speaker 3: learn that lesson, like don't get married just because your
Speaker 3: friends are getting married, don't move along to the next
Speaker 3: level because your parents are applying that pressure as society is.
Speaker 3: You have to make sure that this is someone you
Speaker 3: feel like is going to be the right partner. When
Speaker 3: you're not at your best, when you're not perfect, that's
Speaker 3: going to help you with the kids, all the things
Speaker 3: that really matters, the foul nation. But what sets you
Speaker 3: apart from others is because you're interested and interesting. And
Speaker 3: that's why I always try to preach to the younger generation,
Speaker 3: like have purpose, do things that make you happy, so
Speaker 3: that when you do have kids and other things, you
Speaker 3: can't just be a parent. You just can't be a
Speaker 3: mom like there's eventually they also feel.
Speaker 1: Under it and it doesn't fill up. But listen, this
Speaker 1: is gonna sound crazy. Everybody knows how many businesses I have,
Speaker 1: my half a billion dollar almost philanthropic effort, like all
Speaker 1: the things I do, traveling, my daughter, no nanny, the
Speaker 1: whole thing. I still sometimes feel purposeless and bored, and
Speaker 1: so I can't imagine. And I don't want to go
Speaker 1: like shop as a verb, not that I need to
Speaker 1: be as everything comes to my house because everyone sends
Speaker 1: me all the shit I don't want anyway, But I'm
Speaker 1: saying like I don't lunch as a verb. I don't
Speaker 1: go shop as like a like let's go shopping as
Speaker 1: an activity. And I don't like I'll work out for
Speaker 1: forty minutes if that or walk if I am in
Speaker 1: that mode, but like, this is why women are sitting
Speaker 1: lunching for two hours, drinking wine, work out, trying to
Speaker 1: drag it out, shop and buy shit, and the men
Speaker 1: this is not what men want to talk about. Like
Speaker 1: and I'm making a gender, but it is. I go
Speaker 1: out to dinner and men are talking to me about politics,
Speaker 1: about business, about the stock market, about crypto, Like you
Speaker 1: got to have your game fairly tight, Like you can't
Speaker 1: just sit there and be the woman who's sitting next
Speaker 1: to the girls talking about the shopping. The guy's rolling
Speaker 1: his eyes and he's talking to the men about the
Speaker 1: super Bowl, Like you got to level.
Speaker 4: Up one hundred percent.
Speaker 3: And that's why I always say, make sure that you're
Speaker 3: keeping in touch with current events and that you have
Speaker 3: something to say, and that you know what's going on,
Speaker 3: whether it's politics or pop culture or things that who
Speaker 3: just got traded to what team?
Speaker 4: You have to know what's going on.
Speaker 3: You can't just talk about your kids because that people
Speaker 3: don't want to talk about that the gyues do. They
Speaker 3: want to know that you are well, that you're a
Speaker 3: loving parent, and that there's things that are going to
Speaker 3: come up with kids. But after that, then what you
Speaker 3: have to be I would say interested and interesting, I
Speaker 3: love and be playful. Have something to say, but not
Speaker 3: just because you're telling you to have something to say,
Speaker 3: but authentically geek out on something, whatever it is, Be
Speaker 3: passionate about whatever.
Speaker 1: Words have it, take a position, and also debate and
Speaker 1: talk and agree and disagree and have a conversation. Because
Speaker 1: that's what men are missing. That is why I have
Speaker 1: done so well in dating. Like I said, people, I
Speaker 1: give all this advice and I am always shocked that
Speaker 1: people are listening to it, and they're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you're the mother the anthet sister I never had. And
Speaker 1: I understand why they're listening because I have not been
Speaker 1: successful ultimately at relationships because I a have either chosen
Speaker 1: poorly or be because of my childhood, have not wanted
Speaker 1: to ultimately sustain or commit. But I have never had
Speaker 1: a problem interesting men, getting men to want to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship, falling in love with me, asking me
Speaker 1: to marry me. And I'm not saying this is a
Speaker 1: conceited matter. I'm saying it as a fact. And this
Speaker 1: is why I see it in their eyes because I
Speaker 1: have something. I'm having a conversation and men want to
Speaker 1: be heard. You often hear of the man leaving the
Speaker 1: very attractive woman for the woman who works in his
Speaker 1: office that you know is interested in him and maybe
Speaker 1: they have something to talk about or someone's super smart.
Speaker 1: This is not people focus too much on looks.
Speaker 4: Right. Men want to feel like the hero, not the zero.
Speaker 3: If someone makes them feel that they're already disappointing them
Speaker 3: or they're critical or criticizing them, they're gonna say, I
Speaker 3: don't need this aggravation. They want someone that makes them
Speaker 3: feel lifted up and appreciated and adored and not that
Speaker 3: they're all these things that they're doing wrong and all
Speaker 3: these expectations. They don't want to feel like they're with
Speaker 3: their mommy and that they're disappointing. So look, and it
Speaker 3: goes both ways, right like, obviously we need to feel
Speaker 3: heard and seen and someone that we can feel safe with.
Speaker 4: But we're talking about when men, it's beyond a pretty
Speaker 4: girl that is just like God.
Speaker 3: They want someone takes care of themselves, but they really
Speaker 3: need someone that's playful and fun and happy, and that
Speaker 3: comes from within.
Speaker 4: You have to love yourself. You have to like yourself
Speaker 4: like you have to be like playful.
Speaker 3: And and again. It's different for your dynamic with your girlfriends.
Speaker 3: With a guy, it's like you want it. First of all,
Speaker 3: you have to want that dynamic. You have to love men.
Speaker 3: If you hate men, it's going to show up on
Speaker 3: the dates that you feel like you're judging and careful
Speaker 3: and angry.
Speaker 4: That will show up. You have to first love yourself.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 3: I know we could talk all day. Well, thank you
Speaker 3: as always for having I love you.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 4: We'll be talking so I love you so much