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Speaker 1: Welcome back Barbie Adler from Selective Search. She is a

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Speaker 1: matchmaker and dating expert. So we are going to get

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Speaker 1: all the free information and not have to pay several

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Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars.

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Speaker 2: Okay, hello, Hello, Hello. Okay.

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Speaker 1: So it was funny because we were talking earlier and

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Speaker 1: you were saying, well, we're going to talk about hygiene,

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Speaker 1: et cetera, which we could.

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Speaker 2: But I've been, I've been.

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Speaker 1: I've found myself on the side of social media that's

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Speaker 1: like self help, like mel Robbins and different people talking

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Speaker 1: about different things. So I want to talk about some

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Speaker 1: of those things. Because I drive my daughter to school

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Speaker 1: and she'll have like a boy that likes her or

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Speaker 1: something going on, or I'll just explain to her.

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Speaker 2: She'll say, what's going on with you.

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Speaker 1: I don't place too much weight on my daughter meeting

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Speaker 1: someone because of the relationship that we have, if that

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Speaker 1: makes any sense, Like she's told me what she wants

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Speaker 1: for me, like she has her opinion. It doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: I'm only doing that, but because it's the two of us,

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Speaker 1: and because she's with me ninety percent of the time,

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Speaker 1: it's kind of a decision, not for both of us.

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Speaker 1: But I want a family for her. She doesn't really

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Speaker 1: I don't have like that deep like cousins and all

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Speaker 1: these people that we spend holidays with, and sometimes you know,

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Speaker 1: we're insular. Like for Christmas Eve, we have a ritual

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Speaker 1: where it's just the two of us and we make

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Speaker 1: this nice dinner and she likes to be alone together

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Speaker 1: on Christmas. With Thanksgiving, we were with a group of people,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't like our family, and it wasn't even

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Speaker 1: like my best friends and their family, and we were

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Speaker 1: talking about the sort of family dynamic and I meet

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Speaker 1: sometimes I've met people am I dating life where it's

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Speaker 1: like they're so immersed in family and all the time

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Speaker 1: there's all these people around or they're not at all,

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Speaker 1: And so I include my daughter in the discussions because

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Speaker 1: she'll ask me. And I found that after a breakup,

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Speaker 1: when dating and my daughter would know that I was

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Speaker 1: going out on nights, she'd say, like, what are you doing?

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Speaker 1: And if I can go to dinner with who? Like

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Speaker 1: she'd feel like I was keeping something from her and

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Speaker 1: there was a little bit of tension. And I've found

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Speaker 1: that in other people too that are single. They talk

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Speaker 1: about that like it's sort of this taboo tension where

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Speaker 1: she's not my friend, she's my daughter. But I'll still

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Speaker 1: be like I went out, which was like, how was

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Speaker 1: your date? And I'll say it was nice. He was this,

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Speaker 1: he was that, he was the other thing. And there

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Speaker 1: have been times where she's met someone, let's say after

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Speaker 1: a month, but not enough. This is my very serious

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Speaker 1: boyfriend and I run into them in the Hamptons and

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Speaker 1: I say hi, and she asks who it was, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I went out with him. So I want

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Speaker 1: to know your opinion on that for divorced people, breaking

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Speaker 1: up people, because I personally believe that people place too

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Speaker 1: much weight on like I don't introduce anyone to my

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Speaker 1: kids and then one day it's six months in you

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Speaker 1: introduce them.

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Speaker 2: It's so daunting.

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Speaker 1: I've experienced this too, and everybody makes such a big

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Speaker 1: deal out of it. Everything doesn't have to be so

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Speaker 1: like black or white. It could be just people that

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Speaker 1: are friends in your life. So I want to know

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Speaker 1: your opinion of that whole topic.

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Speaker 3: Well, first of all, I commend you for sharing your

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Speaker 3: life experience and having real conversations with your daughter at

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Speaker 3: a young age, because I think so many times you're

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Speaker 3: not people aren't learning the lessons and learning through their

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Speaker 3: parents because they're trying to keep it so removed that

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Speaker 3: it's almost like then it's awkward, and then they never

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Speaker 3: learn the lessons. And that's my whole problem with and

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Speaker 3: we think about it. What matters most in your life

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Speaker 3: is who you spend your time with and who you

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Speaker 3: end up marrying. But yet your parents are very involved

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Speaker 3: when it comes to right and wrong and safety and

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Speaker 3: danger and table manners and even like education that selection,

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Speaker 3: but they stop teaching you about matters of the heart

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Speaker 3: and things that really matter. So I love the fact

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Speaker 3: that you're having these real conversations, and I do the

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Speaker 3: same with my stepdaughters to teach them like we are

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Speaker 3: also wise. That's the one thing of getting older is

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Speaker 3: that we have so much knowledge and you only learn

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Speaker 3: through experience.

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Speaker 4: So the fact that.

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Speaker 3: You're normalizing that you're in a place in your life

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Speaker 3: where you are looking for someone that is your life partner.

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Speaker 3: But you're not worth you know you're worth. You're not

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Speaker 3: willing to settle. You don't want to bring someone into

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Speaker 3: your life that's not good for the two of you.

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Speaker 4: It is a package deal.

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Speaker 3: And it shows that she could feel safe and exhale, like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: my mom has my back and I could feel safe

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Speaker 3: because she's not going to bring someone into my life

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Speaker 3: that isn't good for the both of us. And I

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Speaker 3: also think it's honoring you what you're hearing that she needs,

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Speaker 3: which is family and the family dynamics, and that you

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Speaker 3: care about that. Yes, that said, I think that you

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Speaker 3: only are the only one as an adult that will

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Speaker 3: judge what makes you happy, right like your happy meter

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Speaker 3: and your love tank can only be filled with not

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Speaker 3: what your friends want, not what society tells you, but

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Speaker 3: what makes you happy. It's the same thing like when

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Speaker 3: you know that you're or in the Hamptons, that's your

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Speaker 3: happy place.

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Speaker 4: You beam and you're happy. Same thing when you meet someone,

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Speaker 4: it's you have.

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Speaker 3: To make sure that you feel like, Okay, this is

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Speaker 3: someone I feel safe with, I feel.

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Speaker 4: Heard, I have a blast with.

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Speaker 3: And then I do think that there's no right or

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Speaker 3: wrong of when to introduce your daughter to somebody. I

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Speaker 3: think that to your point, it doesn't have to be

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Speaker 3: the one, and you're making this whole big build up.

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Speaker 4: And that's yeah, yeah, I think.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be that because then it is

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Speaker 3: so much pressure for the person you're with, and also

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Speaker 3: for your daughter, and it's like she almost has no

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Speaker 3: choice but to say I like him, and it just

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Speaker 3: becomes more anxiety.

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Speaker 1: Exactly, And I think it's I think it's done that

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Speaker 1: way and it doesn't make any sense. And so like,

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Speaker 1: for example, there have been times too while I'm dating

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Speaker 1: someone she doesn't totally care for them. She's trying to

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Speaker 1: like play the game and pretend she doesn't get to

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Speaker 1: know them. Maybe they're not paying enough attention to dermany

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Speaker 1: and they're not interested in what she's doing, and she's

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Speaker 1: noticing that as a as a flaw, and kids have

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Speaker 1: a cleaner slate to notice things about people. And if

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Speaker 1: you can separate, like if you know that your child

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Speaker 1: wants you to meet someone, which mine does, if you

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Speaker 1: can take that away, if they just will hate everybody,

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Speaker 1: that's a separate conversation. But for example, my daughter, does

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Speaker 1: you know is involved in who I'm spending my time with?

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Speaker 1: And she will inform things that I kind of know

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Speaker 1: in my gut, but she's crystallized, like she might say,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I think they're just a little weird,

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Speaker 1: And it's because she doesn't totally trust them, and then

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Speaker 1: I've actually seen that She's kind of right. I'm just

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Speaker 1: trying to, you know, pretend that it's not the case. Also,

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Speaker 1: I feel that there are so many lessons for them

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Speaker 1: to what we were both saying. I go drive with

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Speaker 1: her to school and I'll like and she'll say, what

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Speaker 1: happened with this person? Or I don't love this person.

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Speaker 1: I'll be like, yeah, don't worry, I'm not marrying them.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I am. I'm just sometimes mommy's lonely.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes mommy wants someone who's a friend to spend time

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Speaker 1: with and just hang out with. And when you're doing

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Speaker 1: something else, so You're at a volleyball tournament and I'm

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Speaker 1: not there, Like, sometimes I just want someone to hang

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Speaker 1: out with. Everybody doesn't have to be your future father,

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Speaker 1: hey be I'll say, I give her like a lesson

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Speaker 1: every day. It's not intentional, but it just happens in

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Speaker 1: the car where I'll say to her and I'll always

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Speaker 1: frame it. I'm like, this will be something that you're

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Speaker 1: going to realize. You're not going to realize right now.

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Speaker 1: But like she has a boy that she knew that

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Speaker 1: like every time she would speak to them, she'd get excited.

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Speaker 1: She'd run into him and then he'd text her or

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Speaker 1: snap her whatever they do, and then he might say

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Speaker 1: something and then he would just be gone, like and dissolved.

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Speaker 1: And I said to her, literally regurgitating what mel Robins said,

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Speaker 1: no response is a response.

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Speaker 2: I said to her, No response is a response. I

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Speaker 2: learned this. I go. I'm fifty four years old.

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Speaker 1: I wish I had someone to tell me anything as

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Speaker 1: a kid because I didn't have any renal involvement. I

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Speaker 1: said to her, if someone's not treating you well and

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Speaker 1: you don't feel good about it, it has nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with you, from a family member to a friend,

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Speaker 1: it really doesn't have anything to do with you. It

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Speaker 1: has everything to do with them. So you know what

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Speaker 1: your worth is and you know what you deserve. But like,

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Speaker 1: if you're in a good place and someone is not

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Speaker 1: going to meet you where you're at halfway, that's not

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Speaker 1: for you, you know. And by the way, you may

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Speaker 1: hang out with someone because they're cute at school, but

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Speaker 1: you know that you know they're not treating you well,

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Speaker 1: and there might be a different reason, but I'm just

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Speaker 1: letting you know. So each day there's like a thing

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Speaker 1: and I think that It doesn't have to be a

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Speaker 1: zero sum game. You can be dating and like learning

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Speaker 1: something and also including your kid. And I think there

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Speaker 1: are so many lessons there, and you're right that like

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Speaker 1: people want to keep everything in a closet from their kids.

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Speaker 1: I also think schools should be talking about this stuff.

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Speaker 3: Nobody does. It's so disappointing and frustrating. They talk about.

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Speaker 1: Sex just because it's science and your body. They should

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Speaker 1: be talking about emotional health at school.

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Speaker 3: Interpersonal relationships. It could be platonic romantic friendships no one

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Speaker 3: talks about, even when you're in an unhealthy relationship with

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Speaker 3: a with a with a friend. It just is never

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Speaker 3: talked about.

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Speaker 1: Like I was talking yesterday to someone about colleges, like

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Speaker 1: just early because she's just curious, and we were talking

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Speaker 1: about I was trying to explain to Brinn how colleges

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Speaker 1: want to know who you are as a whole person

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Speaker 1: because they want to produce productive individuals that are going

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Speaker 1: to do great things so they can say, oh, this

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Speaker 1: person was a graduate here, like and why you tries

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Speaker 1: to claim me even though they had nothing to do

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Speaker 1: with any of my success.

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Speaker 2: Nor did be you.

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Speaker 1: I literally was there as minimum as I had to go,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, treated like a transaction. But I

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Speaker 1: so if that's the case, if they want to produce

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Speaker 1: these productive, successful individuals, why wouldn't they want to produce

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Speaker 1: people that are emotionally successful because we take away so

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Speaker 1: much of our bandwidth with emotional problems. You suffer at work,

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Speaker 1: you suffer at productivity, so many things as a result

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Speaker 1: of what's going with you emotionally, So why wouldn't these

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Speaker 1: educational environments.

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Speaker 3: You're gonna take your same broken self into every relationship,

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Speaker 3: into every workplace, everywhere you're a and sometimes you just

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Speaker 3: don't know the lessons, so you do your best. And

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Speaker 3: it's like the saying, if you knew better, you would

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Speaker 3: do better, and when you finally learn it, then you

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Speaker 3: can do better. But sometimes you just don't even know

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Speaker 3: the skills. And also the mind games we play with

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Speaker 3: their selfs, which I think is what mel Robbins is

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Speaker 3: talking about, what just let it be theory, which is

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Speaker 3: do a mind flip and stop trying to control what

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Speaker 3: you can't control.

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Speaker 2: I think there's nothing to do with you, right, there's

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Speaker 2: nothing to do with you.

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Speaker 3: And I always say to my stepdaughter, is like the

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Speaker 3: lesson of when someone tells you who they are, Believe them.

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Speaker 3: If someone tells you they're not ready to be a relationship,

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Speaker 3: believe them or run. It's a gift when someone reveals

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Speaker 3: their true self and you don't like what you see,

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Speaker 3: because it's good for them to reveal their true self

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Speaker 3: sooner than later. So you could run the other way

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Speaker 3: because you know you're worth and then it's not healthy

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Speaker 3: for you.

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Speaker 2: Well, this connects to a little bit of you.

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Speaker 1: You know, I've spoken to the dating coach on here,

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Speaker 1: and I've spoken to you, and I speak to my

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Speaker 1: therapist and my life coach. I'm like a fuck, I'm

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Speaker 1: like perfect now. Of course I'm just the perfect specimen

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Speaker 1: but emotionally hot low. But you talk about people doing

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Speaker 1: their own work before they come to you to meet someone,

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Speaker 1: because you don't want a broken toy to stick in

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Speaker 1: with somebody, the other person that you've hopefully talked to

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Speaker 1: that you're setting up that is coming in a full person.

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Speaker 2: Like there's someone that you introduced me to.

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Speaker 1: I won't say what or who, but they said they

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Speaker 1: had done this self evaluation, the self reflection about why

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Speaker 1: they had met someone in all this time or why,

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Speaker 1: and I just admire that as a concept, particularly in

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Speaker 1: a man. Okay particularly in a man, but one of

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Speaker 1: the concepts that has resonated with me that relates to

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Speaker 1: you saying that is like, if you feel like your

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Speaker 1: shit is fairly together, meaning we're all a mess, and

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Speaker 1: we're all a mess on certain days and we're hormonal,

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Speaker 1: and my friend yesterday said to me, I'm a fucking mess,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, it's okay. Just take a deep breath,

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Speaker 1: go take a walk, and be fine tomorrow. Like barring normalcy,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? If you're like a together

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Speaker 1: person who's been doing the work and intentional and evolved

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Speaker 1: and willing to do work, then you come in contact

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Speaker 1: with someone who could be great. They have great potential,

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Speaker 1: but they're not actively willing to do the work. Like

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Speaker 1: you could meet someone that's fifty pounds overweight. You may

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Speaker 1: not be attracted to that. You may not think it's

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Speaker 1: healthy if you see that you're meeting them and they're

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Speaker 1: eating well, they've started a regimen, like that's all you

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Speaker 1: could hope for. You know, I was talking to someone

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Speaker 1: about longevity the other day and on and when I

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Speaker 1: was out to dinner with them, they were saying, you

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Speaker 1: should think about weights because of and they weren't preachy,

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Speaker 1: but because of muscle mass and because of bones and longevity.

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Speaker 1: And I texted them a couple of times showing them

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Speaker 1: I tried. I did handweights and I'm doing yoga, meaning like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not a person that's just gonna sit here and

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Speaker 1: smoke cigarettes and someone's gonna like talk about how it's

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Speaker 1: not good for my health and not make an attempt.

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Speaker 1: So my long winded thing about that is that if

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Speaker 1: someone isn't doing the work or has the intention to

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Speaker 1: do the steps to meet you where you're atting you're

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Speaker 1: in a good place, then you're gonna be on the

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Speaker 1: relay team with the person that you know you're carrying

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Speaker 1: dead weight.

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Speaker 3: You're carrying dead weight and you're carrying it up a hill,

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Speaker 3: and it's the definition of insanity.

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Speaker 4: You could only control your own actions.

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Speaker 3: It's so much more peaceful when you could take control

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Speaker 3: of your own self and not be adding to the

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Speaker 3: drama of Uh. You know, it's like you're it. You're creating.

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Speaker 3: You're an enabler and you're creating it. If people will

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Speaker 3: change when they're ready to change, no one's going to

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Speaker 3: change if they're not ready to change.

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Speaker 4: And sometimes I feel.

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Speaker 3: That people make other people their projects because they don't

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Speaker 3: want to work, worry, or work on themselves, and so

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Speaker 3: they focus on everyone else's problems when it should be

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Speaker 3: focus on yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but I well that's kind of part of the

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Speaker 1: let them too, Like you can't control what someone else

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Speaker 1: is doing.

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Speaker 2: You can only control what you're doing.

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Speaker 1: But I think we create some childhood things too, Like

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Speaker 1: I remember with my father always trying to like get him,

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Speaker 1: get his attention, or get something from him, and like

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Speaker 1: you keep trying, and you do the same thing over

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Speaker 1: and you go lower. It sounds crazy, but there's a

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Speaker 1: celebrity the other night that I saw out that I've

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Speaker 1: seen two times and they were very rude, and it

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Speaker 1: shocked them that they were rude because they don't come

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Speaker 1: in a rude package and the world doesn't think that

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Speaker 1: they're rude, but they've been very rude. And the third

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Speaker 1: time they were rude again, And now I'm like fuck you,

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Speaker 1: like you in my mind, like fuck you because we

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Speaker 1: keep trying. And I feel like in relationships sometimes the

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Speaker 1: people that give us the least, we give them most

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Speaker 1: because you know, like you're trying to give them a,

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Speaker 1: p I've done this.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a challenge, or you're so offended.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you want to get them presents.

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Speaker 1: You want to be good because one day you're gonna

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Speaker 1: get the reaction you want, and it's you go worse.

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Speaker 3: Right, And it's almost better to rise above and to

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Speaker 3: realize that they're showing you who they are and you're

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Speaker 3: better without that person in your life, because what stakes

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Speaker 3: are you going to continue to try and try and

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Speaker 3: get nothing in return, and it's making you feel bad

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Speaker 3: about yourself, you go lower, right, versus surrounding yourself with

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Speaker 3: people that you are energy givers and that you know love,

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Speaker 3: you have your best interests and you don't have to

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Speaker 3: prove yourself. You could be yourself even flawed, even on

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Speaker 3: bad days where you're like, whoa, I'm like literally a

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Speaker 3: little bonkers today. That people accept you where you are,

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Speaker 3: love you anyways, versus the people that judge you want

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Speaker 3: you to be perfect and that you'll never be able

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Speaker 3: to please.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and our dads could have been friends.

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Speaker 3: Unfortunately, it does go back to childhood and you wanting

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Speaker 3: that little girl that just wants to be nourished.

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Speaker 4: And it also it's.

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Speaker 3: Like the competitive part of probably both of us that

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Speaker 3: wants to just realize, like I could win this person over,

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Speaker 3: but you can't, And why show you that person doesn't

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Speaker 3: actually deserve your attention, your friendship, anything like that. If

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Speaker 3: that's how they're treating you, then it's their loss, is

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Speaker 3: how I always coach people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that so many women really are putting

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Speaker 1: on a front of who they are and then the

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Speaker 1: person finds out later.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I, well, there's two things. One.

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Speaker 1: I think there's that because they want to get I

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Speaker 1: think women want to get the guy. They're like goal

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Speaker 1: oriented to get the guy. And I think this is

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Speaker 1: what happens with a dynamic that I've discussed on here

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Speaker 1: before where I've met several a shocking number of men

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Speaker 1: in their fifties that they have custody of their children,

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Speaker 1: like it's full custody and there and it all is

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Speaker 1: the same. And it's not just them saying, because their

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Speaker 1: friends are saying it too. They have somehow gone through

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Speaker 1: the midlife crisis, they've thrived, they're working out, they've gotten healthy,

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Speaker 1: and somehow the woman that they married who they married

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Speaker 1: because the woman wanted to get the guy, get the

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Speaker 1: guy who's gonna make money and do shopping and not

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Speaker 1: have to work, and the woman has no purpose. And

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Speaker 1: the woman becomes a mess because she's either doing drugs

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Speaker 1: or drinking or parting or a disaster, has mental issues

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Speaker 1: because she has no purpose. And I feel like I

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Speaker 1: see these young women with the get the guy mentality

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Speaker 1: to get the guy, get the ring, and that involves

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Speaker 1: a little bit of deception, meaning they have to act perfect.

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Speaker 1: They're in workout clothes every day, all the shit that

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Speaker 1: even at my age, thirty years older than them, I

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Speaker 1: don't even do. And I still can get the guy

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Speaker 1: just right being myself and being strong in my two feet.

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Speaker 1: And I just feel like women need to know this

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Speaker 1: stuff early.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's what going back to our earlier conversation, what

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Speaker 3: frustrates me is it's our daughters. It's the new generation

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Speaker 3: that is looking to create a family that has to

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Speaker 3: learn that lesson, like don't get married just because your

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Speaker 3: friends are getting married, don't move along to the next

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Speaker 3: level because your parents are applying that pressure as society is.

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Speaker 3: You have to make sure that this is someone you

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Speaker 3: feel like is going to be the right partner. When

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Speaker 3: you're not at your best, when you're not perfect, that's

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Speaker 3: going to help you with the kids, all the things

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Speaker 3: that really matters, the foul nation. But what sets you

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Speaker 3: apart from others is because you're interested and interesting. And

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Speaker 3: that's why I always try to preach to the younger generation,

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Speaker 3: like have purpose, do things that make you happy, so

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Speaker 3: that when you do have kids and other things, you

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Speaker 3: can't just be a parent. You just can't be a

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Speaker 3: mom like there's eventually they also feel.

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Speaker 1: Under it and it doesn't fill up. But listen, this

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Speaker 1: is gonna sound crazy. Everybody knows how many businesses I have,

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Speaker 1: my half a billion dollar almost philanthropic effort, like all

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Speaker 1: the things I do, traveling, my daughter, no nanny, the

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Speaker 1: whole thing. I still sometimes feel purposeless and bored, and

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Speaker 1: so I can't imagine. And I don't want to go

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Speaker 1: like shop as a verb, not that I need to

400
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Speaker 1: be as everything comes to my house because everyone sends

401
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Speaker 1: me all the shit I don't want anyway, But I'm

402
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Speaker 1: saying like I don't lunch as a verb. I don't

403
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Speaker 1: go shop as like a like let's go shopping as

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Speaker 1: an activity. And I don't like I'll work out for

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Speaker 1: forty minutes if that or walk if I am in

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Speaker 1: that mode, but like, this is why women are sitting

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Speaker 1: lunching for two hours, drinking wine, work out, trying to

408
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Speaker 1: drag it out, shop and buy shit, and the men

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Speaker 1: this is not what men want to talk about. Like

410
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Speaker 1: and I'm making a gender, but it is. I go

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Speaker 1: out to dinner and men are talking to me about politics,

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Speaker 1: about business, about the stock market, about crypto, Like you

413
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Speaker 1: got to have your game fairly tight, Like you can't

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Speaker 1: just sit there and be the woman who's sitting next

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Speaker 1: to the girls talking about the shopping. The guy's rolling

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Speaker 1: his eyes and he's talking to the men about the

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Speaker 1: super Bowl, Like you got to level.

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Speaker 4: Up one hundred percent.

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Speaker 3: And that's why I always say, make sure that you're

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Speaker 3: keeping in touch with current events and that you have

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Speaker 3: something to say, and that you know what's going on,

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Speaker 3: whether it's politics or pop culture or things that who

423
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Speaker 3: just got traded to what team?

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Speaker 4: You have to know what's going on.

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Speaker 3: You can't just talk about your kids because that people

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Speaker 3: don't want to talk about that the gyues do. They

427
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Speaker 3: want to know that you are well, that you're a

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Speaker 3: loving parent, and that there's things that are going to

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Speaker 3: come up with kids. But after that, then what you

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Speaker 3: have to be I would say interested and interesting, I

431
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Speaker 3: love and be playful. Have something to say, but not

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Speaker 3: just because you're telling you to have something to say,

433
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Speaker 3: but authentically geek out on something, whatever it is, Be

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Speaker 3: passionate about whatever.

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Speaker 1: Words have it, take a position, and also debate and

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Speaker 1: talk and agree and disagree and have a conversation. Because

437
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,199
Speaker 1: that's what men are missing. That is why I have

438
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,800
Speaker 1: done so well in dating. Like I said, people, I

439
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,439
Speaker 1: give all this advice and I am always shocked that

440
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,400
Speaker 1: people are listening to it, and they're like, oh my god,

441
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,760
Speaker 1: you're the mother the anthet sister I never had. And

442
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 1: I understand why they're listening because I have not been

443
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 1: successful ultimately at relationships because I a have either chosen

444
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,400
Speaker 1: poorly or be because of my childhood, have not wanted

445
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,240
Speaker 1: to ultimately sustain or commit. But I have never had

446
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,960
Speaker 1: a problem interesting men, getting men to want to be

447
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 1: in a relationship, falling in love with me, asking me

448
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 1: to marry me. And I'm not saying this is a

449
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 1: conceited matter. I'm saying it as a fact. And this

450
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,919
Speaker 1: is why I see it in their eyes because I

451
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,399
Speaker 1: have something. I'm having a conversation and men want to

452
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 1: be heard. You often hear of the man leaving the

453
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,359
Speaker 1: very attractive woman for the woman who works in his

454
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,240
Speaker 1: office that you know is interested in him and maybe

455
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,880
Speaker 1: they have something to talk about or someone's super smart.

456
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 1: This is not people focus too much on looks.

457
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 4: Right. Men want to feel like the hero, not the zero.

458
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:11,200
Speaker 3: If someone makes them feel that they're already disappointing them

459
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,920
Speaker 3: or they're critical or criticizing them, they're gonna say, I

460
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 3: don't need this aggravation. They want someone that makes them

461
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:20,120
Speaker 3: feel lifted up and appreciated and adored and not that

462
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,400
Speaker 3: they're all these things that they're doing wrong and all

463
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,439
Speaker 3: these expectations. They don't want to feel like they're with

464
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 3: their mommy and that they're disappointing. So look, and it

465
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,400
Speaker 3: goes both ways, right like, obviously we need to feel

466
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,400
Speaker 3: heard and seen and someone that we can feel safe with.

467
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 4: But we're talking about when men, it's beyond a pretty

468
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 4: girl that is just like God.

469
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 3: They want someone takes care of themselves, but they really

470
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 3: need someone that's playful and fun and happy, and that

471
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 3: comes from within.

472
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 4: You have to love yourself. You have to like yourself

473
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,400
Speaker 4: like you have to be like playful.

474
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 3: And and again. It's different for your dynamic with your girlfriends.

475
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 3: With a guy, it's like you want it. First of all,

476
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,880
Speaker 3: you have to want that dynamic. You have to love men.

477
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 3: If you hate men, it's going to show up on

478
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 3: the dates that you feel like you're judging and careful

479
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:04,360
Speaker 3: and angry.

480
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,640
Speaker 4: That will show up. You have to first love yourself.

481
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 2: I love it.

482
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,080
Speaker 3: I know we could talk all day. Well, thank you

483
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 3: as always for having I love you.

484
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:11,879
Speaker 2: Thank you.

485
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 4: We'll be talking so I love you so much