WEBVTT - Healing Our Inner Child (with Ivy Kwong) 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:10.760 You ready, Carl. Mmmmm, I felt like Beyonce, you ready 0:00:06.800 --> 0:00:17.240 do do hilarious. That's so good. Hey y'all, Hey, what's up? 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:20.079 And welcome to Let's Red Table that I'm Tracy t 0:00:20.320 --> 0:00:23.960 row and on Carra Presley, and today we're talking all 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:27.720 about mental health and healing your inner child. We need 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:31.000 this one, we need this episode. We've been fighting an 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:33.320 expert to the table to equip us with a new 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:36.239 tool for taking care of our well being. I love 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:39.520 that we're helping people prioritize their mental health card. Isn't 0:00:39.520 --> 0:00:43.120 that important? It's super important, super important. I mean, Tracy, 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:46.480 what have you done this week to protect your mental health? 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:51.240 It's a continuous journey, right, It's an everyday intentional journey 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:55.200 to tap into, realize, and then nurture and care for 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:58.880 mental health. You know, I'm all about affirmations so much so, 0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:01.800 you know I have that whole old everyday amazing mindset 0:01:01.840 --> 0:01:06.240 affirmation cards set. Yes, you have your set, And what 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:09.320 I do with those cards is I just shuffle the 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:12.640 deck and then pull a card. And so my card 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:14.839 for today. You want to hear what it says? Yes, yes, 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:19.600 I am only limited by my imagination. Oh, I love 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:23.240 that it's right into the episode. I mean, it's perfect, 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:26.640 and most times it's right in line with whatever it 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:28.360 is that's going on for the day for me. And 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:31.600 so there's never a wrong time to know that you 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:35.919 can literally take the limits off and there's no box 0:01:35.959 --> 0:01:38.000 that you have to stay in, there's no line you 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:40.759 have to stay in the coloring zone of right. It's 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:43.559 so wonderful. What about you? What are you doing? Listen? 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:48.600 I'm always doing something, Yes you are, I am. Listen. 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:51.560 You know I'm having into spirituality. Okay, So I recently 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:55.760 went to the t D. Jake's Women Thou Art Wait 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:59.279 a second now, the last I am just so proud 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:01.880 of you. It was the last. I appreciate you. Yes, 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:04.440 we were there as media. Was the last one. And 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:07.440 I love it because it's just an alignment with this 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:10.000 exact topic, like you're saying, healing who you are, your 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:13.359 inner child, and the next conference they're actually going to 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:17.400 transition it into women Evolved. So as they're evolving, we 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:19.880 are evolving. I saw the beginning and the end of 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.120 an era with something, so I just I just love 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:25.000 that we're trying new things, we're doing new things, we're 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:28.959 tapping in. We are reading our affirmations, we're getting an alignment, 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:32.799 and we're really deciding what we need. We're not going 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.320 with the norm anymore. We're not just doing what they say. 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:37.839 We're not gonna be who you say we're supposed to be. 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:40.240 We're gonna find out for ourselves. So I love that 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:43.520 for us. That's so wonderful. The Evolution. I think that's 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:47.480 an apropos name for that conference because it's not so 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:49.880 much in the loose as it is in the evolution. 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:53.240 And I think that's wonderful and smart typling for them. 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:55.480 And I'm happy for you that you had an opportunity 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:59.880 to go on that journey because it's part of the growth. Absolutely, 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:03.880 so many women take on so much, and it's good 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:06.399 to have an opportunity to be in a space where 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:08.600 you can say, you know what, I'm doing this jest 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:13.160 for myself. Absolutely, it was amazing and I'm excited to 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:16.680 have a bit apart. Oh you use my favorite word, Cara, 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:22.480 what amazing, amazing, every day amazing. I love it. Thanks 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:25.480 to you being a wonderful member of the Red Table 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:28.240 Talk community, you got a chance to go backstage. Who 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:31.040 was one of your standout connections or people that you 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:34.480 met with that you remember. Listen. It was a great 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:36.080 We got to be a part of press and listen 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:38.120 to t V Jake's but I got to personally talk 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:44.160 to Spinderella in case Finderella from Salt from Salt and 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:47.160 Papa Yes e j Spinderella. She was doing her thing 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:50.960 there for the event, and she shared her favorite form 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:55.280 of self care. She loved things that were relaxing, like massages, 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:59.000 and she expressed that the environment was super important, so 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:02.200 relaxing music, zig and anything to give her a sense 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:05.880 of zen. It was successful and her nails were beautiful. 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:08.880 Oh I love that. I've always loved Spenderella. I'm sothing 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:10.760 like you got a chance to meet her. And thank 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:13.040 you Spenderella for sharing what you do to take care 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:19.000 of your mental health. We've received some listener mail over 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:21.559 the past couple of weeks and we want to thank 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:25.040 you sincerely. Thank you for writing and sharing, and we 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:26.839 want to share one of those stories with the rest 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:30.280 of our listeners now. Absolutely Francis wrote us to thank 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.880 us for our episode covering postpartum pain because she has 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:37.840 experienced what she calls terrifying, intrusive thoughts and harm o 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:41.400 c D. Gosh, but differently from our guests Jade, who 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:44.320 was on our episode because Francis is not a mom, 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:46.960 which I mean, I think that's so important that she's 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:51.159 just honoring her own human journey, right, Francis wrote, it 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:54.080 was so helpful and reassuring to hear Jade describe in 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:57.160 trusive thoughts similar to mine, because that is the first 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:00.240 time I've heard someone say this so openly and public lee. 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:04.080 This RTT episode was helpful because it made me consider 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:07.320 that perhaps my harm o c D was also caused 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:10.560 by my past trauma, and that's something I can now 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:14.040 look into exploring with the doctor. I'm so glad that 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:17.080 we could help de stigmatize this topic a little for her, 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:19.520 I would say a lot, because now she has the 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:23.240 language needed to go to her doctor. It's so important, 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:25.680 and this is why the Red Table is so powerful. 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:28.600 Thank you so much for sharing. I am just thrilled 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:32.320 for you, Francis, that you heard someone else speak your language, 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:35.200 and that you know that you were affirmed and how 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:39.160 you feel, and that you can now boldly go forward 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:41.760 into your own healing. That's wonderful, and thank you so 0:05:41.839 --> 0:05:44.400 much for sharing that with us again. Before we start 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:46.640 the episode, we're going to take a quick break, but 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:48.960 when we get back, we will be joined with our 0:05:49.000 --> 0:06:03.560 mental health expert, Ivy Quom. Mental health is so important, 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.560 which is why we're very excited to welcome Ivy Fong 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:10.279 to the virtual Red Table. Ivy is a licensed marriage 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.560 and family therapist and a life and relationship coach. She 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:19.760 specializes in codependency, intergenerational trauma, self worth, and so much more. 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:23.000 She is a published author, and her most recent book, 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:25.839 called The Little Girl, The Ocean and the Moon, is 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:29.039 dedicated to your inner child, which I need that. So yes, 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:32.560 thank you Ivy for coming on less Red Table that. 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:35.920 How are you really excited to be here today? Very 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:39.000 grateful they opportunity to share anything that might come up nice. 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:41.919 We're happy to have you excited. So let's get into it. 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:44.680 And this season of Red Table Talk, we talked a 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:48.800 lot about rebuilding the parent child relationships. But sometimes we 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:52.080 also have to heal our inner child by parenting ourselves 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:54.919 because of childhood trauma of course, so this is something 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.719 you know a lot about, Ivy. So how do we 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:01.880 know when our inner child is wound it and needs healing? 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:05.479 When we get triggered when we have strong emotions in 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:07.960 response to something that's happening. I like to say that 0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:10.600 if your response to a one or two or three 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:14.040 trigger is like an eight, nine or ten, there's probably 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:17.160 some historical trauma that's showing up. Someone forgets to put 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:19.320 the cap back on the tues paste and you blow up. 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:22.040 It's probably not a twoth sakee cap. So this is 0:07:22.200 --> 0:07:26.080 kind of signs indicators opportunities for us to be curious 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:28.920 about where it might be coming from, and there could 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:31.040 be an opportunity to do some inner child healing work 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:33.600 in those spaces. Oh man, that makes so much sense. 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:38.840 So just initially at least paying attention to your triggers, right, Okay, 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:41.160 what would you say are the first steps to actually 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:45.600 healing that inner child? So the first step would be awareness. 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:48.239 So one of the questions that I like to invite 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:51.320 people that ask themselves is how old do I feel 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:54.760 right now? So maybe you're having conversation with your parents 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:58.960 or your partner, and suddenly you are six years old, 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:02.360 or suddenly you're fifteen years old, and suddenly something's happening 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:05.680 where you are no longer in your fully embodied adult 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:09.480 self and you are responding and reacting as if you 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:12.920 were a much younger version of yourself. And once you 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:16.800 realize that's happening, that's when you can do something about that, 0:08:16.840 --> 0:08:18.880 because we do the best we can every moment, and 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:20.240 if we don't have the awareness and we don't have 0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:24.480 any choice, a lot of times we are just going 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:26.880 through the motions of what we're going through. If we 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:29.240 don't notice, we can't change anything. So the moment we 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:33.400 start noticing, oh wait a second, I'm feeling not like 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:35.240 I am my forty two year old self right now. 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:38.679 I feel like I'm eight and something's hurting and I'm 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:41.480 really upset and I feel really scared, or I feel 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:44.599 really just whatever is coming up, that's an opportunity to 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:46.880 check in with that younger version of yourself that's kind 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:49.360 of emerging. Because I believe that we all hold all 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:51.840 parts of ourselves that have ever been within us. We 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:54.880 hold our infant cells or five six seven year old selves, 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:58.200 or twelve year old selves or eighteen twenty year old sells, 0:08:58.200 --> 0:09:00.960 and every part of us has ever been, and their memories, 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:06.560 their lived experiences, their embodiment, they're all present. And sometimes 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:10.800 your body remembers your body absolutely yes, the body holds 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.760 and remembers all of it. That is so good. When 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:17.760 you are recognizing that you are not your current age, 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:21.440 you feel like you're younger. That's really amazing Because you 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:24.319 think about it, there's almost some memories that are good 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:26.520 memories that can take you back to when you were 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:28.920 at your grandma's house, a certain smell that you think 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:33.840 of Findly, for whatever reason, I've never associated the same 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:36.200 to be true with the trauma that you know, you 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:39.520 can have an experience that will put you right back 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.520 in the childhood position where you felt out of control 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:47.440 or lacked power or hurt. And that is so good. 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:52.079 I mean that, you know, let's just polsy and for 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:56.720 because just like you're processing, I am processing, and I'm 0:09:56.800 --> 0:10:00.240 literally thinking about all the times that to the year 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:02.520 old car or shows up. We've never really paid attention 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:04.800 to the fact that if I'm responding a certain way, 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:06.560 that might be twenty year old me, or two year 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:09.640 old me or fifteen year old me who's still annoyed 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:13.360 and triggered. Right, And once you realize that that younger 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:15.839 version of you is present, that's when you can start 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:19.079 the reparenting process. That's when you can acknowledge that what 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:22.360 their feeling is completely valid, right Like, you're feeling really 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:25.720 afraid right now, you're feeling angry, things, really frustrated, And 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:27.599 that's when you can check in with what it is 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:29.560 in that moment that you're needing that that part of 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:32.720 you is asking for. And is it something that you 0:10:32.760 --> 0:10:36.200 can request from someone else that you're wanting to request 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:38.760 it from. And if that person is unable, unwilling, or 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:41.960 just not present with being able to provide that for you, 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:46.400 how can you provide that for yourself? So, for example, 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:49.840 if you are feeling rejected and you would like some 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.000 attention and you're trying to get it from the person 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:53.600 and trying to get it from but they're just busy 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:55.200 and don't have time. They don't have the time for 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:58.480 that right now? How can you self soothe and take 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:00.720 that precious little you know however eight year old you 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:03.040 and be like, Hey, I really hear you. You want 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:06.319 to intention? How can I be there for you? Can 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:08.600 I listen to you? Can I spend time with you? 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:12.760 Can I literally give you what you need in terms 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:17.080 of the way you're asking for it. I love good affirmation, Tracy, 0:11:17.160 --> 0:11:20.120 I know you do too. Are there any affirmations that 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:23.200 can help us with our inner child work. So one 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:27.360 affirmation is I hear what you're feeling, and to affirm 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:30.000 what it is that you're feeling. I hear that right now, 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:32.600 you're feeling scared. I hear that right now. Just acknowledging 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:35.079 at first, because so often we're trying to talk ourselves 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:37.240 out of feeling a certain feeling, like you shouldn't be 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:39.120 feeling that way. You don't need to be feeling that way, 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:40.800 you don't actually feel it, well, no, but you do. 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:45.080 So Hey, I hear that you're feeling that way, and 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:47.560 that's okay, And I can be with you in this 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:50.959 big emotion. And I'm here for you, and I'm here 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:53.080 with you, and I'm not going anywhere I can handle it. 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:57.400 I've got us, and I'm here to listen to what 0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:00.480 it is that needs to be heard. Seeing spoke, witnessed, 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:03.080 intended to. I love that I'm not going anywhere I've 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:06.079 got us. I'm not going anywhere I've got us. That's 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:10.040 just it's reaffirming, it's reassuring. It's like a hug in 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:11.760 a word, I'm not going into where I've got us. 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:14.240 I love that, car I don't know about you, but 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:17.079 I've seen all sorts of tips and tricks about inner 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:19.880 child work and repairing and yourself pop up on Instagram 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:23.760 and TikTok Ivy help us clear out some of this mud. 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:27.880 Is there any advice you've seen online that you you say, no, 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:31.040 I don't agree with that, and we should ignore. What 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.760 would it be? I feel like this is such intimate 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:36.880 work that everyone kind of has a different way of 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:41.679 relating to their inner child. So some people journal to themselves. 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:44.200 I know some folks who will write out their adult 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:46.320 hand with you know, their dominant hand, and then write 0:12:46.320 --> 0:12:49.280 out their child responds with their non dominant hand. And 0:12:49.480 --> 0:12:51.600 some folks who will speak out loud to their inner 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:54.079 child as if they were there in person or to 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:56.439 a picture of them. I know some people who will 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.559 take walks with their inner children and just have chats 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:02.079 with them. Um, there are folks who will sing or 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:05.160 dance or play with them. And so there's no right 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.400 way or a wrong way to do it. If there's 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:10.680 this idea that this person is a part of you, 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:14.880 but they are also their own unique being that it 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:18.679 is also can be worked with independent from your adult self. 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:21.760 Some of the things you just mentioned. Oh my goodness. 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:25.080 I love that there's so much out there that's that's 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:27.040 good and works. So you want to make sure that 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:31.000 you're inclusive and that you affirm whatever works for other people. 0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:34.400 I really appreciate there. Absolutely. Yeah, if there's something that 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:38.120 feels healing, nourishing true for you, then absolutely keep doing that. 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:40.240 Listen to that. You're the expert of your own healing. 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:42.480 There's so many folks out there saying this is the way, 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:45.120 in the only way, and I'm always really skeptical about that, 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:48.800 because how could you possibly be the expert someone else's experience. 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:52.439 Oh that's so powerful. Yeah, I think that's very powerful. 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:55.520 Just to remind people to as they consider and think 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:58.720 about therapy and different ways to work on their inner 0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:01.440 child work, I think on they still have the power 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:04.120 is super important. I feel like people feel like they 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:06.920 have to release power maybe when they reach out for help, 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:09.920 but that is not the case. So I love that 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:12.640 it is not this hierarchical thing when it comes to therapy. 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.440 It's not I'm the expert, You're the one who's right. 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:17.400 It's not that there shouldn't be a power dynamic. It's hey, 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:19.640 I'm here to walk with you, alongside you on this 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:21.720 journey as your mirror and as a guide with some 0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:24.440 tools and tips and things in my toolbox to help 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:26.520 you get unstuck when you're stuck. But I'm not here 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:28.080 to tell you what to do, and I'm always really 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:30.920 cautious of people who are. Again, this is the way 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:32.800 to your healing. I think a lot of times we 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:36.240 show up in in spaces where we feel like we 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:40.280 have to defer to whoever the expert is. And in 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:45.640 your therapy process, you're encouraged to show up for yourself, 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:48.360 to trust yourself, and you can fire your therapist, by 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:51.080 the way, if you're not happy with what's happening and 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:54.240 the therapeutic space, and ask the questions and navcate for you, 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:56.560 and anyone who is worth continued to work with will 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:59.240 respond to that with care and respect. It's important that 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:02.480 you said that to because so many people feel uncomfortable 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:06.040 about firing their therapists. You don't recognize that it's just 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:09.560 another person that's in your tool belt, and if you 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.560 decide you don't want to work with that person, you 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:14.800 can select someone else. You have that authority over your healing. 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.240 That part, I've definitely agree with that, You've been a 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:21.480 therapist for sixteen years, so you've helped countless people with 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:24.560 different backgrounds and needs you help them heal and move 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:28.520 forward in their lives. What are some examples of childhood 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:32.360 trauma that you've come across in your practice, Maybe things 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:36.280 that we don't even see firsthand. So there's big tea 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:39.520 and little T trauma. Right, So big T trauma, like 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:43.560 you know, the car accidents and the sexual abuse and 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:47.360 the things that are are more overt, and then there's 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:52.440 kind of the covert little T trauma. And everyone experiences 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:54.040 the world differently, so you can grow up in the 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:56.120 same household with the same things that are happening, and 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:59.120 one person experiences something is trauma the other person doesn't. 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:03.760 And so when it comes to trauma, there's not only 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:07.040 the Okay, I cried in my crib and nobody came 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:10.480 for someone that's a traumatic experience that will forever affect 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:13.200 their attachment For other people, they're like, that was fine, right, 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:15.640 that didn't really impact me, or don't know the where 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:19.440 that's impacted me. There can also be ancestral intergenerational trauma 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:22.720 that gets passed on from generation to generation that we 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:25.560 hold again in ourselves and our bodies and our beings, 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:29.600 and sometimes that can come out too, And we carry 0:16:29.760 --> 0:16:32.200 the wounds and the resilience of all those who have 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:34.560 come before us, and sometimes those can come out as well, 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:37.160 because sometimes I look at my own parents and so 0:16:37.200 --> 0:16:40.720 many parents who have not had the chance for their 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:43.080 own little inner children to be healed, and so often 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:46.760 you have children trying to parent, and children trying to 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.600 make very adult decisions. And so that's why I think 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:51.640 this work is so powerful and so important that we 0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:54.440 can do the work to heal squin heal generations before 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:59.200 us and after us. I'm loving every moment of every 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:03.160 single thing you're saying, right right. It's powerful for me, 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:07.200 especially the intergenerational because I think people are always trying 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:12.040 to pinpoint what it is and why they feel absolutely true, 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:15.840 absolutely true. And that's the thing you don't have to know, 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:18.400 and that is that is the part that we all 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:22.240 need to hear. You don't have to know there's something 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:25.040 and and it's the discovery of it. You don't have 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:27.640 to just automatically know what it is. And my mom 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:29.720 actually said this to me, and at the time it 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:32.960 didn't make sense, but it's all clear now that she 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:35.639 said that there was a little girl in her that 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:39.840 needed attention. And at the time I was like, your mom, 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:42.200 what are you talking about? But I get it now 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:46.960 I get it. I totally get it. There's something within her. 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:50.840 She didn't get to need that right, absolutely right, that 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:52.879 she had a childhood trauma. She didn't say that, she 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:54.600 didn't use that phrase, but she said there was a 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:57.480 little girl in her and she identified going back to 0:17:57.520 --> 0:17:59.879 what you said about what age were you when you 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:03.199 were felt whatever it was or whatever triggered you. And 0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:04.520 so now I get it. I need to talk to 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:06.480 my mom about that, because that's going to be a 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:09.359 healing opportunity for both of us. I think, do you 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:12.160 think that inner child work can heal all different kinds 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:15.800 of childhood trauma? Or are there specific traumas that respond 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:19.000 better to this kind of therapy? So I think that 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:23.080 inner child work can to certain degree help different types 0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:25.479 of trauma, especially again those that we experienced when we 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:29.800 were children, when we were younger, and so any instance 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:31.800 in which we were a child and didn't get a 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.879 need met that we need met can be healed and 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:38.840 tended to with inner child work. So this can be 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:44.240 again attachment and relational wounds. This can be needing protection 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:46.000 and we didn't get the protection that we want or 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:52.320 needed or hope for protection attention care. And so if 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:55.199 we're noticing these patterns showing up in our adult lives 0:18:55.240 --> 0:18:57.880 that can be traced back to that source, then absolutely 0:18:57.920 --> 0:18:59.720 inner child healing work can be healing of those types 0:18:59.760 --> 0:19:02.560 of almost in terms of other traumas that might respond 0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:05.680 better too. This are different kinds of therapy. I mean, 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:09.120 I think that everything is connected, so it's not that 0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:11.160 one is better than or worse than another. I think 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:13.760 this is just another tool and if it resonates with you, 0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:15.639 then it's something that can be really powerful and carry 0:19:15.680 --> 0:19:18.080 with you always. You can always check in on what 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:21.239 version of yourself is presently with you, and you can 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:25.720 tend to that. I love that. I'm gonna say that 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:30.800 after everything, because this is just the necessary conversations like 0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:34.399 healing in real time. So, Ivy, how has working in 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:37.399 the mental health space helped you healed your inner child? 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:41.399 I think, first and foremost just the normalization that's so 0:19:41.480 --> 0:19:43.360 much of what I experienced. I wasn't the only one, 0:19:44.400 --> 0:19:47.080 and that there are ways to become different and to 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:48.800 live a different life than any of the life you've 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:53.440 ever known, that there are these tools, practices, exercises, opportunities, 0:19:53.560 --> 0:19:59.200 just books and and and teachings and healers who can 0:19:59.400 --> 0:20:02.360 support me on my journey because I feel like so 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:05.000 much of what we know is only what we've been taught, 0:20:05.080 --> 0:20:06.760 and so we're limited in that way, and there's so 0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:09.200 much that we don't know, and so going to this world, 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:12.520 I'm learning every day. I am forever a student because 0:20:12.560 --> 0:20:14.200 as long as I have breath, that will be more 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:17.520 that can be learned and known, and to use that 0:20:17.600 --> 0:20:21.679 moving forward and moving forward is just a gift because 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:25.320 the stagnation of it all and lack of growth and evolving, 0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:31.520 it's painful. And you know, growth and comfort don't coexist. 0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:36.480 It is sometimes difficult. There's your comfort zone, there's the 0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:39.480 growth zone, and then there's the oh, whoa, I've I've overstepped. Like, 0:20:39.680 --> 0:20:42.040 let me go back a little bit and just where 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:43.760 are you? Are you living in a space where you're 0:20:43.800 --> 0:20:46.399 like always comfortable and nothing's changing your soul starting to 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:49.040 feel stuck and stifled. Are you in the growth somewhere? 0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:51.160 It's kind of like I'm a little uncomfortable, but I'm Okay, 0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:53.680 this is comfort because there's more here for me. Again, 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:56.000 we talked a little bit earlier about becoming more of 0:20:56.160 --> 0:20:58.320 who you are and can be and can become. That's 0:20:58.320 --> 0:21:00.320 so exciting to continuously be in that us as a 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:03.960 discovery and evolution. Now we're going to take a quick break, 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:08.200 but our conversation with ib Quong will continue after this. 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:19.520 Along with being a practicing therapist, you're a published author. 0:21:19.920 --> 0:21:22.080 Talk to us a bit about your books and how 0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:24.920 they help heal. So the Little Girl that Oly means 0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:28.000 the children's book Healing Codependency is is for adults, you 0:21:28.040 --> 0:21:30.600