Speaker 1: You ready, Carl. Mmmmm, I felt like Beyonce, you ready
Speaker 1: do do hilarious. That's so good. Hey y'all, Hey, what's up?
Speaker 1: And welcome to Let's Red Table that I'm Tracy t
Speaker 1: row and on Carra Presley, and today we're talking all
Speaker 1: about mental health and healing your inner child. We need
Speaker 1: this one, we need this episode. We've been fighting an
Speaker 1: expert to the table to equip us with a new
Speaker 1: tool for taking care of our well being. I love
Speaker 1: that we're helping people prioritize their mental health card. Isn't
Speaker 1: that important? It's super important, super important. I mean, Tracy,
Speaker 1: what have you done this week to protect your mental health?
Speaker 1: It's a continuous journey, right, It's an everyday intentional journey
Speaker 1: to tap into, realize, and then nurture and care for
Speaker 1: mental health. You know, I'm all about affirmations so much so,
Speaker 1: you know I have that whole old everyday amazing mindset
Speaker 1: affirmation cards set. Yes, you have your set, And what
Speaker 1: I do with those cards is I just shuffle the
Speaker 1: deck and then pull a card. And so my card
Speaker 1: for today. You want to hear what it says? Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I am only limited by my imagination. Oh, I love
Speaker 1: that it's right into the episode. I mean, it's perfect,
Speaker 1: and most times it's right in line with whatever it
Speaker 1: is that's going on for the day for me. And
Speaker 1: so there's never a wrong time to know that you
Speaker 1: can literally take the limits off and there's no box
Speaker 1: that you have to stay in, there's no line you
Speaker 1: have to stay in the coloring zone of right. It's
Speaker 1: so wonderful. What about you? What are you doing? Listen?
Speaker 1: I'm always doing something, Yes you are, I am. Listen.
Speaker 1: You know I'm having into spirituality. Okay, So I recently
Speaker 1: went to the t D. Jake's Women Thou Art Wait
Speaker 1: a second now, the last I am just so proud
Speaker 1: of you. It was the last. I appreciate you. Yes,
Speaker 1: we were there as media. Was the last one. And
Speaker 1: I love it because it's just an alignment with this
Speaker 1: exact topic, like you're saying, healing who you are, your
Speaker 1: inner child, and the next conference they're actually going to
Speaker 1: transition it into women Evolved. So as they're evolving, we
Speaker 1: are evolving. I saw the beginning and the end of
Speaker 1: an era with something, so I just I just love
Speaker 1: that we're trying new things, we're doing new things, we're
Speaker 1: tapping in. We are reading our affirmations, we're getting an alignment,
Speaker 1: and we're really deciding what we need. We're not going
Speaker 1: with the norm anymore. We're not just doing what they say.
Speaker 1: We're not gonna be who you say we're supposed to be.
Speaker 1: We're gonna find out for ourselves. So I love that
Speaker 1: for us. That's so wonderful. The Evolution. I think that's
Speaker 1: an apropos name for that conference because it's not so
Speaker 1: much in the loose as it is in the evolution.
Speaker 1: And I think that's wonderful and smart typling for them.
Speaker 1: And I'm happy for you that you had an opportunity
Speaker 1: to go on that journey because it's part of the growth. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: so many women take on so much, and it's good
Speaker 1: to have an opportunity to be in a space where
Speaker 1: you can say, you know what, I'm doing this jest
Speaker 1: for myself. Absolutely, it was amazing and I'm excited to
Speaker 1: have a bit apart. Oh you use my favorite word, Cara,
Speaker 1: what amazing, amazing, every day amazing. I love it. Thanks
Speaker 1: to you being a wonderful member of the Red Table
Speaker 1: Talk community, you got a chance to go backstage. Who
Speaker 1: was one of your standout connections or people that you
Speaker 1: met with that you remember. Listen. It was a great
Speaker 1: We got to be a part of press and listen
Speaker 1: to t V Jake's but I got to personally talk
Speaker 1: to Spinderella in case Finderella from Salt from Salt and
Speaker 1: Papa Yes e j Spinderella. She was doing her thing
Speaker 1: there for the event, and she shared her favorite form
Speaker 1: of self care. She loved things that were relaxing, like massages,
Speaker 1: and she expressed that the environment was super important, so
Speaker 1: relaxing music, zig and anything to give her a sense
Speaker 1: of zen. It was successful and her nails were beautiful.
Speaker 1: Oh I love that. I've always loved Spenderella. I'm sothing
Speaker 1: like you got a chance to meet her. And thank
Speaker 1: you Spenderella for sharing what you do to take care
Speaker 1: of your mental health. We've received some listener mail over
Speaker 1: the past couple of weeks and we want to thank
Speaker 1: you sincerely. Thank you for writing and sharing, and we
Speaker 1: want to share one of those stories with the rest
Speaker 1: of our listeners now. Absolutely Francis wrote us to thank
Speaker 1: us for our episode covering postpartum pain because she has
Speaker 1: experienced what she calls terrifying, intrusive thoughts and harm o
Speaker 1: c D. Gosh, but differently from our guests Jade, who
Speaker 1: was on our episode because Francis is not a mom,
Speaker 1: which I mean, I think that's so important that she's
Speaker 1: just honoring her own human journey, right, Francis wrote, it
Speaker 1: was so helpful and reassuring to hear Jade describe in
Speaker 1: trusive thoughts similar to mine, because that is the first
Speaker 1: time I've heard someone say this so openly and public lee.
Speaker 1: This RTT episode was helpful because it made me consider
Speaker 1: that perhaps my harm o c D was also caused
Speaker 1: by my past trauma, and that's something I can now
Speaker 1: look into exploring with the doctor. I'm so glad that
Speaker 1: we could help de stigmatize this topic a little for her,
Speaker 1: I would say a lot, because now she has the
Speaker 1: language needed to go to her doctor. It's so important,
Speaker 1: and this is why the Red Table is so powerful.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing. I am just thrilled
Speaker 1: for you, Francis, that you heard someone else speak your language,
Speaker 1: and that you know that you were affirmed and how
Speaker 1: you feel, and that you can now boldly go forward
Speaker 1: into your own healing. That's wonderful, and thank you so
Speaker 1: much for sharing that with us again. Before we start
Speaker 1: the episode, we're going to take a quick break, but
Speaker 1: when we get back, we will be joined with our
Speaker 1: mental health expert, Ivy Quom. Mental health is so important,
Speaker 1: which is why we're very excited to welcome Ivy Fong
Speaker 1: to the virtual Red Table. Ivy is a licensed marriage
Speaker 1: and family therapist and a life and relationship coach. She
Speaker 1: specializes in codependency, intergenerational trauma, self worth, and so much more.
Speaker 1: She is a published author, and her most recent book,
Speaker 1: called The Little Girl, The Ocean and the Moon, is
Speaker 1: dedicated to your inner child, which I need that. So yes,
Speaker 1: thank you Ivy for coming on less Red Table that.
Speaker 1: How are you really excited to be here today? Very
Speaker 1: grateful they opportunity to share anything that might come up nice.
Speaker 1: We're happy to have you excited. So let's get into it.
Speaker 1: And this season of Red Table Talk, we talked a
Speaker 1: lot about rebuilding the parent child relationships. But sometimes we
Speaker 1: also have to heal our inner child by parenting ourselves
Speaker 1: because of childhood trauma of course, so this is something
Speaker 1: you know a lot about, Ivy. So how do we
Speaker 1: know when our inner child is wound it and needs healing?
Speaker 1: When we get triggered when we have strong emotions in
Speaker 1: response to something that's happening. I like to say that
Speaker 1: if your response to a one or two or three
Speaker 1: trigger is like an eight, nine or ten, there's probably
Speaker 1: some historical trauma that's showing up. Someone forgets to put
Speaker 1: the cap back on the tues paste and you blow up.
Speaker 1: It's probably not a twoth sakee cap. So this is
Speaker 1: kind of signs indicators opportunities for us to be curious
Speaker 1: about where it might be coming from, and there could
Speaker 1: be an opportunity to do some inner child healing work
Speaker 1: in those spaces. Oh man, that makes so much sense.
Speaker 1: So just initially at least paying attention to your triggers, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: what would you say are the first steps to actually
Speaker 1: healing that inner child? So the first step would be awareness.
Speaker 1: So one of the questions that I like to invite
Speaker 1: people that ask themselves is how old do I feel
Speaker 1: right now? So maybe you're having conversation with your parents
Speaker 1: or your partner, and suddenly you are six years old,
Speaker 1: or suddenly you're fifteen years old, and suddenly something's happening
Speaker 1: where you are no longer in your fully embodied adult
Speaker 1: self and you are responding and reacting as if you
Speaker 1: were a much younger version of yourself. And once you
Speaker 1: realize that's happening, that's when you can do something about that,
Speaker 1: because we do the best we can every moment, and
Speaker 1: if we don't have the awareness and we don't have
Speaker 1: any choice, a lot of times we are just going
Speaker 1: through the motions of what we're going through. If we
Speaker 1: don't notice, we can't change anything. So the moment we
Speaker 1: start noticing, oh wait a second, I'm feeling not like
Speaker 1: I am my forty two year old self right now.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm eight and something's hurting and I'm
Speaker 1: really upset and I feel really scared, or I feel
Speaker 1: really just whatever is coming up, that's an opportunity to
Speaker 1: check in with that younger version of yourself that's kind
Speaker 1: of emerging. Because I believe that we all hold all
Speaker 1: parts of ourselves that have ever been within us. We
Speaker 1: hold our infant cells or five six seven year old selves,
Speaker 1: or twelve year old selves or eighteen twenty year old sells,
Speaker 1: and every part of us has ever been, and their memories,
Speaker 1: their lived experiences, their embodiment, they're all present. And sometimes
Speaker 1: your body remembers your body absolutely yes, the body holds
Speaker 1: and remembers all of it. That is so good. When
Speaker 1: you are recognizing that you are not your current age,
Speaker 1: you feel like you're younger. That's really amazing Because you
Speaker 1: think about it, there's almost some memories that are good
Speaker 1: memories that can take you back to when you were
Speaker 1: at your grandma's house, a certain smell that you think
Speaker 1: of Findly, for whatever reason, I've never associated the same
Speaker 1: to be true with the trauma that you know, you
Speaker 1: can have an experience that will put you right back
Speaker 1: in the childhood position where you felt out of control
Speaker 1: or lacked power or hurt. And that is so good.
Speaker 1: I mean that, you know, let's just polsy and for
Speaker 1: because just like you're processing, I am processing, and I'm
Speaker 1: literally thinking about all the times that to the year
Speaker 1: old car or shows up. We've never really paid attention
Speaker 1: to the fact that if I'm responding a certain way,
Speaker 1: that might be twenty year old me, or two year
Speaker 1: old me or fifteen year old me who's still annoyed
Speaker 1: and triggered. Right, And once you realize that that younger
Speaker 1: version of you is present, that's when you can start
Speaker 1: the reparenting process. That's when you can acknowledge that what
Speaker 1: their feeling is completely valid, right Like, you're feeling really
Speaker 1: afraid right now, you're feeling angry, things, really frustrated, And
Speaker 1: that's when you can check in with what it is
Speaker 1: in that moment that you're needing that that part of
Speaker 1: you is asking for. And is it something that you
Speaker 1: can request from someone else that you're wanting to request
Speaker 1: it from. And if that person is unable, unwilling, or
Speaker 1: just not present with being able to provide that for you,
Speaker 1: how can you provide that for yourself? So, for example,
Speaker 1: if you are feeling rejected and you would like some
Speaker 1: attention and you're trying to get it from the person
Speaker 1: and trying to get it from but they're just busy
Speaker 1: and don't have time. They don't have the time for
Speaker 1: that right now? How can you self soothe and take
Speaker 1: that precious little you know however eight year old you
Speaker 1: and be like, Hey, I really hear you. You want
Speaker 1: to intention? How can I be there for you? Can
Speaker 1: I listen to you? Can I spend time with you?
Speaker 1: Can I literally give you what you need in terms
Speaker 1: of the way you're asking for it. I love good affirmation, Tracy,
Speaker 1: I know you do too. Are there any affirmations that
Speaker 1: can help us with our inner child work. So one
Speaker 1: affirmation is I hear what you're feeling, and to affirm
Speaker 1: what it is that you're feeling. I hear that right now,
Speaker 1: you're feeling scared. I hear that right now. Just acknowledging
Speaker 1: at first, because so often we're trying to talk ourselves
Speaker 1: out of feeling a certain feeling, like you shouldn't be
Speaker 1: feeling that way. You don't need to be feeling that way,
Speaker 1: you don't actually feel it, well, no, but you do.
Speaker 1: So Hey, I hear that you're feeling that way, and
Speaker 1: that's okay, And I can be with you in this
Speaker 1: big emotion. And I'm here for you, and I'm here
Speaker 1: with you, and I'm not going anywhere I can handle it.
Speaker 1: I've got us, and I'm here to listen to what
Speaker 1: it is that needs to be heard. Seeing spoke, witnessed,
Speaker 1: intended to. I love that I'm not going anywhere I've
Speaker 1: got us. I'm not going anywhere I've got us. That's
Speaker 1: just it's reaffirming, it's reassuring. It's like a hug in
Speaker 1: a word, I'm not going into where I've got us.
Speaker 1: I love that, car I don't know about you, but
Speaker 1: I've seen all sorts of tips and tricks about inner
Speaker 1: child work and repairing and yourself pop up on Instagram
Speaker 1: and TikTok Ivy help us clear out some of this mud.
Speaker 1: Is there any advice you've seen online that you you say, no,
Speaker 1: I don't agree with that, and we should ignore. What
Speaker 1: would it be? I feel like this is such intimate
Speaker 1: work that everyone kind of has a different way of
Speaker 1: relating to their inner child. So some people journal to themselves.
Speaker 1: I know some folks who will write out their adult
Speaker 1: hand with you know, their dominant hand, and then write
Speaker 1: out their child responds with their non dominant hand. And
Speaker 1: some folks who will speak out loud to their inner
Speaker 1: child as if they were there in person or to
Speaker 1: a picture of them. I know some people who will
Speaker 1: take walks with their inner children and just have chats
Speaker 1: with them. Um, there are folks who will sing or
Speaker 1: dance or play with them. And so there's no right
Speaker 1: way or a wrong way to do it. If there's
Speaker 1: this idea that this person is a part of you,
Speaker 1: but they are also their own unique being that it
Speaker 1: is also can be worked with independent from your adult self.
Speaker 1: Some of the things you just mentioned. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1: I love that there's so much out there that's that's
Speaker 1: good and works. So you want to make sure that
Speaker 1: you're inclusive and that you affirm whatever works for other people.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate there. Absolutely. Yeah, if there's something that
Speaker 1: feels healing, nourishing true for you, then absolutely keep doing that.
Speaker 1: Listen to that. You're the expert of your own healing.
Speaker 1: There's so many folks out there saying this is the way,
Speaker 1: in the only way, and I'm always really skeptical about that,
Speaker 1: because how could you possibly be the expert someone else's experience.
Speaker 1: Oh that's so powerful. Yeah, I think that's very powerful.
Speaker 1: Just to remind people to as they consider and think
Speaker 1: about therapy and different ways to work on their inner
Speaker 1: child work, I think on they still have the power
Speaker 1: is super important. I feel like people feel like they
Speaker 1: have to release power maybe when they reach out for help,
Speaker 1: but that is not the case. So I love that
Speaker 1: it is not this hierarchical thing when it comes to therapy.
Speaker 1: It's not I'm the expert, You're the one who's right.
Speaker 1: It's not that there shouldn't be a power dynamic. It's hey,
Speaker 1: I'm here to walk with you, alongside you on this
Speaker 1: journey as your mirror and as a guide with some
Speaker 1: tools and tips and things in my toolbox to help
Speaker 1: you get unstuck when you're stuck. But I'm not here
Speaker 1: to tell you what to do, and I'm always really
Speaker 1: cautious of people who are. Again, this is the way
Speaker 1: to your healing. I think a lot of times we
Speaker 1: show up in in spaces where we feel like we
Speaker 1: have to defer to whoever the expert is. And in
Speaker 1: your therapy process, you're encouraged to show up for yourself,
Speaker 1: to trust yourself, and you can fire your therapist, by
Speaker 1: the way, if you're not happy with what's happening and
Speaker 1: the therapeutic space, and ask the questions and navcate for you,
Speaker 1: and anyone who is worth continued to work with will
Speaker 1: respond to that with care and respect. It's important that
Speaker 1: you said that to because so many people feel uncomfortable
Speaker 1: about firing their therapists. You don't recognize that it's just
Speaker 1: another person that's in your tool belt, and if you
Speaker 1: decide you don't want to work with that person, you
Speaker 1: can select someone else. You have that authority over your healing.
Speaker 1: That part, I've definitely agree with that, You've been a
Speaker 1: therapist for sixteen years, so you've helped countless people with
Speaker 1: different backgrounds and needs you help them heal and move
Speaker 1: forward in their lives. What are some examples of childhood
Speaker 1: trauma that you've come across in your practice, Maybe things
Speaker 1: that we don't even see firsthand. So there's big tea
Speaker 1: and little T trauma. Right, So big T trauma, like
Speaker 1: you know, the car accidents and the sexual abuse and
Speaker 1: the things that are are more overt, and then there's
Speaker 1: kind of the covert little T trauma. And everyone experiences
Speaker 1: the world differently, so you can grow up in the
Speaker 1: same household with the same things that are happening, and
Speaker 1: one person experiences something is trauma the other person doesn't.
Speaker 1: And so when it comes to trauma, there's not only
Speaker 1: the Okay, I cried in my crib and nobody came
Speaker 1: for someone that's a traumatic experience that will forever affect
Speaker 1: their attachment For other people, they're like, that was fine, right,
Speaker 1: that didn't really impact me, or don't know the where
Speaker 1: that's impacted me. There can also be ancestral intergenerational trauma
Speaker 1: that gets passed on from generation to generation that we
Speaker 1: hold again in ourselves and our bodies and our beings,
Speaker 1: and sometimes that can come out too, And we carry
Speaker 1: the wounds and the resilience of all those who have
Speaker 1: come before us, and sometimes those can come out as well,
Speaker 1: because sometimes I look at my own parents and so
Speaker 1: many parents who have not had the chance for their
Speaker 1: own little inner children to be healed, and so often
Speaker 1: you have children trying to parent, and children trying to
Speaker 1: make very adult decisions. And so that's why I think
Speaker 1: this work is so powerful and so important that we
Speaker 1: can do the work to heal squin heal generations before
Speaker 1: us and after us. I'm loving every moment of every
Speaker 1: single thing you're saying, right right. It's powerful for me,
Speaker 1: especially the intergenerational because I think people are always trying
Speaker 1: to pinpoint what it is and why they feel absolutely true,
Speaker 1: absolutely true. And that's the thing you don't have to know,
Speaker 1: and that is that is the part that we all
Speaker 1: need to hear. You don't have to know there's something
Speaker 1: and and it's the discovery of it. You don't have
Speaker 1: to just automatically know what it is. And my mom
Speaker 1: actually said this to me, and at the time it
Speaker 1: didn't make sense, but it's all clear now that she
Speaker 1: said that there was a little girl in her that
Speaker 1: needed attention. And at the time I was like, your mom,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? But I get it now
Speaker 1: I get it. I totally get it. There's something within her.
Speaker 1: She didn't get to need that right, absolutely right, that
Speaker 1: she had a childhood trauma. She didn't say that, she
Speaker 1: didn't use that phrase, but she said there was a
Speaker 1: little girl in her and she identified going back to
Speaker 1: what you said about what age were you when you
Speaker 1: were felt whatever it was or whatever triggered you. And
Speaker 1: so now I get it. I need to talk to
Speaker 1: my mom about that, because that's going to be a
Speaker 1: healing opportunity for both of us. I think, do you
Speaker 1: think that inner child work can heal all different kinds
Speaker 1: of childhood trauma? Or are there specific traumas that respond
Speaker 1: better to this kind of therapy? So I think that
Speaker 1: inner child work can to certain degree help different types
Speaker 1: of trauma, especially again those that we experienced when we
Speaker 1: were children, when we were younger, and so any instance
Speaker 1: in which we were a child and didn't get a
Speaker 1: need met that we need met can be healed and
Speaker 1: tended to with inner child work. So this can be
Speaker 1: again attachment and relational wounds. This can be needing protection
Speaker 1: and we didn't get the protection that we want or
Speaker 1: needed or hope for protection attention care. And so if
Speaker 1: we're noticing these patterns showing up in our adult lives
Speaker 1: that can be traced back to that source, then absolutely
Speaker 1: inner child healing work can be healing of those types
Speaker 1: of almost in terms of other traumas that might respond
Speaker 1: better too. This are different kinds of therapy. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that everything is connected, so it's not that
Speaker 1: one is better than or worse than another. I think
Speaker 1: this is just another tool and if it resonates with you,
Speaker 1: then it's something that can be really powerful and carry
Speaker 1: with you always. You can always check in on what
Speaker 1: version of yourself is presently with you, and you can
Speaker 1: tend to that. I love that. I'm gonna say that
Speaker 1: after everything, because this is just the necessary conversations like
Speaker 1: healing in real time. So, Ivy, how has working in
Speaker 1: the mental health space helped you healed your inner child?
Speaker 1: I think, first and foremost just the normalization that's so
Speaker 1: much of what I experienced. I wasn't the only one,
Speaker 1: and that there are ways to become different and to
Speaker 1: live a different life than any of the life you've
Speaker 1: ever known, that there are these tools, practices, exercises, opportunities,
Speaker 1: just books and and and teachings and healers who can
Speaker 1: support me on my journey because I feel like so
Speaker 1: much of what we know is only what we've been taught,
Speaker 1: and so we're limited in that way, and there's so
Speaker 1: much that we don't know, and so going to this world,
Speaker 1: I'm learning every day. I am forever a student because
Speaker 1: as long as I have breath, that will be more
Speaker 1: that can be learned and known, and to use that
Speaker 1: moving forward and moving forward is just a gift because
Speaker 1: the stagnation of it all and lack of growth and evolving,
Speaker 1: it's painful. And you know, growth and comfort don't coexist.
Speaker 1: It is sometimes difficult. There's your comfort zone, there's the
Speaker 1: growth zone, and then there's the oh, whoa, I've I've overstepped. Like,
Speaker 1: let me go back a little bit and just where
Speaker 1: are you? Are you living in a space where you're
Speaker 1: like always comfortable and nothing's changing your soul starting to
Speaker 1: feel stuck and stifled. Are you in the growth somewhere?
Speaker 1: It's kind of like I'm a little uncomfortable, but I'm Okay,
Speaker 1: this is comfort because there's more here for me. Again,
Speaker 1: we talked a little bit earlier about becoming more of
Speaker 1: who you are and can be and can become. That's
Speaker 1: so exciting to continuously be in that us as a
Speaker 1: discovery and evolution. Now we're going to take a quick break,
Speaker 1: but our conversation with ib Quong will continue after this.
Speaker 1: Along with being a practicing therapist, you're a published author.
Speaker 1: Talk to us a bit about your books and how
Speaker 1: they help heal. So the Little Girl that Oly means
Speaker 1: the children's book Healing Codependency is is for adults, you
Speaker 1: know in teens as well. I feel like there's so
Speaker 1: much that we can learn through story, and so much
Speaker 1: that we can unlearn and relearn through story. And I
Speaker 1: know that the way that the Little Girl that Ocean
Speaker 1: Moon came through me was an opportunity for my inner
Speaker 1: child to have a chance to write a book with
Speaker 1: me that could be healing for both of us and
Speaker 1: perhaps others and their own inner children. And so in
Speaker 1: that particular book, it's a story Once upon a time,
Speaker 1: there's a little girl want to go to the the oceans
Speaker 1: in the moon, and she goes to all these bull
Speaker 1: trying to ask them to take her to go to
Speaker 1: the ocean see the moon. Her mom, her dad, a
Speaker 1: friend at school. She starts to grow up, become a
Speaker 1: bigger girl, a partner, and she grows up in a job.
Speaker 1: Maybe my boss will send me the ocean see the moon,
Speaker 1: And of course nobody does. And then she starts to
Speaker 1: forget because she's a grown up. She has to work hard.
Speaker 1: She's working and working, and then one night she goes
Speaker 1: to sleep and she has a dream, and in her dream,
Speaker 1: her little girl comes back to her and says, I
Speaker 1: would like to go to the ocean to see the moon.
Speaker 1: And that's when she wakes up and knows what she
Speaker 1: has to do. She packs the suitcase, she buys a
Speaker 1: plane ticket, and she takes herself to the ocean. See
Speaker 1: them on the last page is a story of an
Speaker 1: adult woman looking at the ocean and you see her shadow,
Speaker 1: and her shadow is holding the shadow hand of a
Speaker 1: little girl with pigtails. I think so often we have
Speaker 1: these dreams when we're younger, these desires, these passions, these enters,
Speaker 1: these hopes, and sometimes over the course of life, if
Speaker 1: they don't get reflected, supported or seeing, they get forgotten.
Speaker 1: And this is hopefully where myer for for those of
Speaker 1: us who are grown up with children inside of us
Speaker 1: and also little kids. So yeah, just hopefully the message
Speaker 1: can reach more people on that way. I love it.
Speaker 1: That is just the sweetest thing ever, right, I love that.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's something that a lot of people
Speaker 1: need because all of us have experienced what we call
Speaker 1: the dream deferred right, the raising the sun moment, and
Speaker 1: to have the opportunity to not only read it, but
Speaker 1: have the illustration of viewing it and then having the
Speaker 1: end be that the girl fulfilled her own dreams and
Speaker 1: the little girl was with her, that's just cathartic, very much, so,
Speaker 1: very much. So it also says, it's not too late.
Speaker 1: You've shared the beautiful ending to your book. But why
Speaker 1: is that piece just a bit key? Why is it
Speaker 1: important to remember and honor your childhood dreams? I think
Speaker 1: that the are things at different points in our lives
Speaker 1: that show up is very, very very important to us,
Speaker 1: and other people might not understand or agree or get
Speaker 1: it that there ares and they're part of our essence.
Speaker 1: But we have to offer the world how we want
Speaker 1: to engage in the world, interact with the world, and
Speaker 1: with others, and so often in life we start getting
Speaker 1: told that that way isn't the way it should be.
Speaker 1: There's a better way, there's a different way. You should
Speaker 1: follow my way and listen to my way and have
Speaker 1: my values and my desires, my dreams, my beliefs, and
Speaker 1: so often, because we want to please, we want to
Speaker 1: make others happy, and we want to be accepted and
Speaker 1: cared for, and we want to survive, we have to
Speaker 1: abandon these parts of ourselves in order to adopt whatever
Speaker 1: it is that the other person would prefer. And so
Speaker 1: remembering the essence of who we are so often birth
Speaker 1: from childhood can really help us maintain and restore parts
Speaker 1: of our soul and our spirit that that need to
Speaker 1: be heard, old and and nourished. And so yes, that's
Speaker 1: just one reason why I think that's perfect. I think
Speaker 1: that's successful. That's a great reason I think we all
Speaker 1: need to tap into these dreams. You'll know, I love
Speaker 1: a nap, so I'm definitely gonna give yourself and your
Speaker 1: inner child back over the right. Right, Come on, naps,
Speaker 1: naps and the dreams. We're gonna honor both of those,
Speaker 1: and let's please In this episode, on a lighter note,
Speaker 1: what were all of y'all's childhood dreams? Listen, I was
Speaker 1: kicking off mine was crazy as it sounds to be Oprah.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be that person in the spotlight and
Speaker 1: that dream got deferred. But baby, we are back on
Speaker 1: the path. So how successful is that? It's just gonna
Speaker 1: say here you are interviewing I know, right back on
Speaker 1: the bad because I was like, but what if I
Speaker 1: really can? And I am so celebrating dreams. Yes, bravo
Speaker 1: to little Cara for coming back around celebrating her I
Speaker 1: love that this is happening. That I remember one of
Speaker 1: the earliest dreams and I acted it out, was that
Speaker 1: I wanted to be a teacher. I set all my
Speaker 1: dolls up and I made them have school, and so
Speaker 1: I taught them different things. And I don't know what
Speaker 1: I could have taught them that I knew, but whatever
Speaker 1: it was that I knew, I shared with them because
Speaker 1: I wanted to impart some wisdom to my little dolls.
Speaker 1: And so I think that it's interesting. Throughout the course
Speaker 1: of my life, I've been not officially a teacher, but
Speaker 1: I have shared the lessons that I've learned with others,
Speaker 1: and in terms of making sure that they feel seen
Speaker 1: and also trying to help them navigate through their own
Speaker 1: things through my professional development purpose. So I'm excited about that.
Speaker 1: I'm celebrating that, like you, Cara, there was definitely and
Speaker 1: I'm going to be the next Oprah moment. I never
Speaker 1: forget that, definitely, And and so I think it's interesting
Speaker 1: that it's we both come to this point in our
Speaker 1: lives where we get to use this platform to have
Speaker 1: a voice and then to help people through their healing
Speaker 1: with this information and awareness is a gift, Chase. I
Speaker 1: love that you're also honoring your childhood dreams. That just
Speaker 1: the platform that you have the lives were able to
Speaker 1: touch and change, whether you're able to teach and to
Speaker 1: offer and to share is so impactful and absolutely manifestation
Speaker 1: of that. Beyond the dolls and the stuff animals that
Speaker 1: you set up when you were little, right funny, you
Speaker 1: both lined everything up. They were definitely my studio audience.
Speaker 1: I mean, when did you want to be? Are you
Speaker 1: on your paths work? Absolutely? There were definitely a lot
Speaker 1: of detours along the way. There are definitely deferral the
Speaker 1: dreams for what other people wanted or hoped for or
Speaker 1: believed would be successful. But when I was little, I
Speaker 1: loved writing, I loved drawing. I always wanted to have
Speaker 1: a book that people might be able to read one
Speaker 1: day because I love after reading. I loved laying my
Speaker 1: little bean bag in the sun with my books and
Speaker 1: be like, Wow, how wonderful would be one day if
Speaker 1: someone could be something I wrote. And here we are,
Speaker 1: nice and here we are talking about your book. I mean,
Speaker 1: is perfect. It is absolutely perfect. I love that we've
Speaker 1: all come full circle into our dreams, that we can
Speaker 1: get a chance to live that and see the manifestation
Speaker 1: of that right and looking at how we're all helping
Speaker 1: each other in the process. I love it. I just
Speaker 1: think what you said is so important about not assimilating
Speaker 1: to the other person's idea of what is right for you.
Speaker 1: And we've had so many conversations. We had an opportunity
Speaker 1: recently to be guessed on BFF, the Black Back Film Podcast,
Speaker 1: and we talked about having a canvas and that you
Speaker 1: get to paint your own canvas, choosing your colors, and
Speaker 1: that you don't have to let someone else pick the
Speaker 1: colors for you. And I think that's the thing, Like
Speaker 1: we are all a can this, and sometimes people will
Speaker 1: come up to the canvas and say, I think brown
Speaker 1: needs to go there, I think blue needs to go there.
Speaker 1: I think green looks better on this canvas. And sometimes
Speaker 1: you have to say, you didn't buy the canvas, you
Speaker 1: didn't give the coy it again, you know, stop trying
Speaker 1: to paint me as the person you want to paint
Speaker 1: me as I gotta paint myself. Isn't that that? That
Speaker 1: was just I was moved by that. That's so good
Speaker 1: that the colors that you're bring you joy when you
Speaker 1: feel something. I felt like, am I feeling this? You know?
Speaker 1: Am I feeling inspired? My drawn to it? All of
Speaker 1: these things. I imagine both of you were drawn to
Speaker 1: doing this work because there's something about it that you
Speaker 1: can connect with it that who you are and rights Yes,
Speaker 1: the energy following as a paint color or you know.
Speaker 1: That's so. I am truly re energized and revitalized from
Speaker 1: engagements right absolutely, It's it's a big energy shift. And
Speaker 1: like even I remember, I remember I preferred my own dream.
Speaker 1: That's a sad part where people come in and they
Speaker 1: will paint your canvas gray, like Tracy was gonna alluding to.
Speaker 1: But I told myself. I was like, there, there's there's
Speaker 1: the people on TV, and then there's people who watch,
Speaker 1: and I think you'll have to be the one that watches.
Speaker 1: And and I just clearly after twenty years in a career,
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not watching anymore. I'm gonna go out
Speaker 1: there and that's and and we're here. So that is great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I did defer my own dream. I feel like
Speaker 1: your voice when you said that, I could just imagine
Speaker 1: you with your hands on your hip and like a
Speaker 1: wonder woman stands I'm not watching anything. That's where I am.
Speaker 1: Yes to that, Yes, Yes, what am I doing? Yes,
Speaker 1: that's fantastic. We could stay on with you, I know,
Speaker 1: for at least another hour because I have absolutely just
Speaker 1: thrown myself into this. It has been so amazing. But
Speaker 1: we don't want to keep you, although we do want
Speaker 1: to keep you, so you have to come back and
Speaker 1: visit us sometime. Thank you so much, Ivy for coming
Speaker 1: to our virtual red table. We are just delighted to
Speaker 1: have had the benefit of you sharing your expertise with us.
Speaker 1: It's done. Thank you so much for the opportunity you
Speaker 1: can learn more from Ivy about these topics and more
Speaker 1: at bear ivy dot com and that's bare as in
Speaker 1: B A R E. We want to know how you're
Speaker 1: feeling about this new season of Red Table Talk. We
Speaker 1: are open to talk about anything with you all, so
Speaker 1: please send in your questions at Let's Red Table that
Speaker 1: at red table talk dot com, and we have a
Speaker 1: fantastic voice message option that you can use to connect
Speaker 1: with us at speak pipe dot com slash Let's Red
Speaker 1: Table Back. Thank you so much for listening, and make
Speaker 1: sure you subscribe on I Heart Radio app, and please
Speaker 1: rate this podcast on Apple podcast. You already know we
Speaker 1: wanta five. We'll be back next week for another episode
Speaker 1: of Let's Red Table bat I beg. Thank you to
Speaker 1: our executive producers j D. Pickett, Smith, Ellen Rackitton and
Speaker 1: Falon deeath Row. And thank you to our producer Kyler
Speaker 1: Knew and our associate producer Yolanda Chow. And finally, thank
Speaker 1: you to our sound engineer, Stephanie Aguilar. Hey, Let's heyday,
Speaker 1: both that, Hey, Let's rank, Let's rends up