WEBVTT - Computer Error 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:05.040 Attention Shoppers Employees Only is an improvised podcast about a 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:06.159 fictional superstore. 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:10.040 Any similarity to a real store or real people is 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:11.720 completely coincidental. 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:20.000 Wow, the back to school sale is savage this year. 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:22.400 I just had to break up two women fighting over 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:23.440 an Elmo backpack. 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:28.320 Lordie, Liz, you are not just whistling Dixie. I've had 0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:31.440 to mop up blood several times already. 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:34.920 I mean, girl, these sales really are brutal. It's like 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:38.440 the Running of the Karens. Just a sea of John 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:41.760 and Kate plus eight Bob's as far as I could see. 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:43.800 You know, when I was a kid, there wasn't all 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:46.360 this pressure to have the perfect outfit. 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:46.760 We didn't. 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:49.400 We didn't put pressure like that on children. You know, 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:51.239 if you dressed weird, we just. 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:55.160 Beat you up, that's all. And you learn, you learn fast. 0:00:56.440 --> 0:00:59.160 Stakes to night on mois nothing. 0:00:59.280 --> 0:00:59.959 We don't. 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:09.800 Everything by I have met the enemy and it is 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:11.280 stressed out moms. 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:14.640 I don't get it. Really. The sooner we adopt Star 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:17.200 Trek like uniforms, the sooner we can move on to 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:17.840 important thing. 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:19.360 Back to the Star Trek uniform. 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:23.360 I wish to wear tunics and to enter a virtual 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:27.880 dream scape indistinguishable from our real world. Perhaps we live 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:30.760 in a simulation ourselves. But lord, I could muse on 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:31.480 this for hours. 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:35.400 No matter what sale is happening, Victor brings it back 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:37.080 to wearing Star Trek uniforms. 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:39.720 I'm just saying, the most rational form of clothing is 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:41.040 the unisex tunic. 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:41.520 Listen. 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:43.600 The back to school aisle is filled with so much 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:46.760 crap that nobody needs. Like, why are there easels? There 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:50.000 is your kid taking a nude figure drawing class. We 0:01:50.040 --> 0:01:52.640 have a whole aisle that you could call stuff the 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:54.000 district cut funding for. 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:57.240 It's kind of like Christmas, except for all the kids 0:01:57.280 --> 0:01:57.880 are sad. 0:01:58.040 --> 0:01:59.960 These SAPs that come in trying to get their kids 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:03.680 brand new laptops for college. I'm like, get the one 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:06.720 that's you know, liquid damage resistant, because you know what 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:07.560 he's using it for. 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:10.680 You know, when I was their age, I learned everything 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:14.079 I needed to know from various GeoCities, websites, and from 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:18.480 a nineteenth century edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica. Ask me 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:20.480 anything about the state of Rhodesia. 0:02:21.000 --> 0:02:24.080 Hey, Darryl, no shoes off in the breakroom. 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:30.240 You're disgusting, all right, everybody? It is paycheck time. I 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:32.360 got paychecks for everyone here. 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:33.880 You worked hard for him. 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:34.359 Here you go. 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:38.000 We got one for rib Boy, one for Liz, here 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:40.440 you go here everybody payday. 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:44.720 Finally going to get that RBG portrait on my upper thigh. 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:47.880 That's attractive. People will really like that. 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:48.480 Yeah they will. 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:52.680 I heard that Ruth Bader Ginsburg would wear a different 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:57.160 lace collar depending on whether she was delivering a descent 0:02:57.360 --> 0:03:00.240 or not. I like that because that shows that the 0:03:00.240 --> 0:03:03.880 elites always communicate in the language of symbols and sons. 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.920 Victor, didn't we give you a bell so that we 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:08.320 would know when you walk in a room? 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:08.600 Yeah? 0:03:08.639 --> 0:03:09.880 What happened to the bell, Victor? 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:11.400 I must snake ate it? 0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:12.600 Youw so? 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:15.040 I guess if we hear the bell, the python is nearby? 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:15.840 Is correct? 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:21.640 Okay, Hey, Jerry, I just noticed my paycheck says Marta 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:24.840 instead of Marcia Marta. 0:03:25.080 --> 0:03:26.600 That's uh, that's not your. 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:31.360 Name, Jerry, Jerry, we've been working together for two years. 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:34.000 You don't know my name. It's on my name tag, Jerry. 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:34.920 I'm sorry. 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:38.040 There's a lot of there's a lot of employees here, Okay, 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:39.360 I got a lot on my plate. 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:42.440 Okay, now this just feels like racist in a kind 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:46.520 of like dyslexic. I don't see color kind of way. 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:51.680 No, I'm saying I see the color blue, as in 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:54.760 let's blue sky. Some solutions to this, I think that 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:56.760 I think I can. 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:57.760 I can make some calls. 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:01.440 I know a couple of people at corporate who might 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:02.920 be able to figure out what's going on here. 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:06.760 Fix my paycheck. I'm not leaving today without my name 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:08.120 corrected on my paycheck. 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:13.839 Fix it, fix it, I'm gonna fix it. By Oh 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:17.120 my god, oh my lord, get off my Instagram. My 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:20.320 damn niece is in London, England, and she keeps posting 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:24.719 these pictures from Westminster Abbey because they've got an exhibition 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:28.760 of the Coronation of King Charles the damn Third. As 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:30.920 if we didn't get enough of it on TV, now 0:04:30.920 --> 0:04:34.120 they got a permanent, damn exhibition that everybody's niece is 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:36.839 gonna be posting from for the next three to five years. 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.960 I love the royal stuff, I love the pageantry. I 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:42.119 love the shows. Honey. I've dressed up like a queen 0:04:42.160 --> 0:04:46.120 more times than anybody. But whoo, I tell you that 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:49.000 pork fingered son of a bitch doesn't deserve anything after 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:49.920 what he's done to Diane. 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:53.640 Listen, Arnold, if I had to salute a white man, 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:56.640 I'd prefer you. I'll just be honest, because every time 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:59.600 someone brings up royalty in England, I'm like, is this 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:01.839 still happening? Colonizer says what. 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:06.560 Yeah, Like this is why the monarchy doesn't work. We're saying, Hi, 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:08.919 I'm seventy three years old and I'm the face of 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:10.120 the future of England. 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:12.840 I mean, let's be honest. An old white man who 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:14.840 cheated on his wife got a promotion at work. 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:17.360 How's that news, Liz. I've been here longer than any 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:19.279 of y'all and I'm still waiting on a promotion. And 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:21.599 I am an old white man. And maybe it's because 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:24.359 I'm gay, but I will point that out. And yes, 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:27.279 I took off a six month sabbatical to go to 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:30.560 Fort Lauderdale, but then they reduced my seniority when I 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:33.760 came back. Whatever their privilege there was didn't trickle down here. 0:05:33.960 --> 0:05:35.800 Well, he's not going to be around for long either. 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:39.039 He's seventy three. I mean, in our country, Biden's eighty. 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:41.800 How come every guy who controls the free world needs 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:43.040 help going to piss. 0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:46.760 That's it, honey. He's seventy three years old. Good lord, 0:05:46.839 --> 0:05:50.120 he's still inheriting things like he's a twenty two year old. 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:52.760 He's still getting Christmas cards with one hundred dollars stuff 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:55.719 they didn't accept. It's five hundred trillion pounds. 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:58.520 I mean, let's not even talk about this, Camilla. I mean, 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:02.200 my queen is black. I gotten be honest. Meghan Markele 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:04.359 and Beyonce are my only queens. 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.440 Oh well, don't get me started on that. Megan Markle. 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:08.359 What you've got to say about Meghan Markle. 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:10.120 I'm not gonna say that. I'm not going to march 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:12.440 in your communist parade, but I will say you can 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:14.920 keep Megan Markle for all I care. As long as 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.000 I get to take Harry to a weekend in Vegas. 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:19.680 I'm happy. I've seen the naked pictures. They make you 0:06:19.760 --> 0:06:21.960 click through some websites you never even heard of, but 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:25.560 I've seen them pictures, and whoo lord. 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:27.240 And we know how you like redheads. 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:30.480 That Prince, Harry m hm, I pledge allegiance to that king. 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:32.960 I knew you were a royalist Arnold the day that 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:35.720 you first got here, because you brought that little Princess 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:36.880 Diana bobblehead with you. 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:39.320 It's still right there. It's right there, next to the microwave. 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.520 She just looks at me longingly every time I microwave 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:43.719 one of my vegan burritos. 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:46.479 Even the bobblehead knows it was Prince Charles had done it. 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:50.960 Royalty never changes. Megan Markle is just keeping herself safe. 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:54.240 I mean, Arnold, you're onto something. First his ex dies 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:57.200 in a car accident, then his mother dies of quote 0:06:57.320 --> 0:07:01.040 old age unquote. None of this seems suspicious. Sea Charles 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:03.760 the Third more like Richard the Third. Y'all know Richard 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:04.159 the Third. 0:07:04.360 --> 0:07:06.000 Yes, I went to high school. 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:08.560 Honey. I'm limping around so much these days. I feel 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:10.000 like God damn Richard the Third. 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:13.160 I'm sad that Harry abdicated, though, because we were just 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:17.840 two assassinations away from having a USA Network star become 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:18.679 the Queen of England. 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:20.960 I was a big Suits fan, by the way, huge 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:21.800 Suits fame. 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:22.320 Same. 0:07:22.480 --> 0:07:26.320 Oh my gosh, wow, the Suits watch parties. That night, 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:27.760 I brought too much hard kombucha. 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:28.679 That was good. 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:30.720 It got me wasted, It got me there. 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:32.080 Those got sloppy. 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:35.840 You know they say that three point eighty eight billion 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:38.720 minutes of suits have been streamed on Netflix. You and 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.320 I are responsible for at least a billion maybe two. 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:43.160 Can't even talk about it. 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:49.280 Bye bye we. 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:52.120 Uh. 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:56.480 Biso's fiance Lauren tweeted that they're giving one hundred million 0:07:56.520 --> 0:08:00.880 dollars to Hawaii. That's nice and all, but his ex wife, Mackenzie, 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:05.760 donated fourteen billion dollars to charitable causes. Any nonprofit can 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:09.080 apply for a million dollar grant from her go off. 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:12.760 I love a charitable queen as usual. It's the woman 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:15.080 who cares about her community while the man flies around 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:17.960 in helicopters sending dick pics to spokesmodels. 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:20.760 Yeah totally. I mean, look, all I know is that 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:23.240 he cheated on her, and the only way to menda 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:28.040 broken heart is about thirty billion dollars, okay, I mean, 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:29.920 why get even when you could get half? 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:32.839 You know, all those organizations are going to have to 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:36.160 use Amazon for everything, so they're just putting it right 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:40.679 back in Jeff's pockets. Way to think things through, McKenzie. 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:43.000 I mean, I'm actually thinking of applying for one of 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:47.200 these Bezos grants. As a side gig, I run a 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:51.960 not for profit that teachers capaeira to underprivileged youths. It's 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.320 a striking martial art developed in Brazil. 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:59.439 Of course, when everybody looks at Victor, they think Brazilian martial. 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:03.320 Arts, your deadliest strikes within something that looks like dance 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:04.760 to the untrained eye. 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:06.559 Thirty billion dollars. 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:07.120 Man. 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:10.000 If Jamathie and I ever pull the trigger and get 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:12.880 the divorce, you know, we've been separated for five years, 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:15.600 but we just can't make it over the finish line. 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:17.600 All I'd have to donate of his is his collection 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:19.760 of civil war books to the public library. 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:22.839 Jeremy Thee is really coming along in his capeweira training. 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:25.640 He's really mastered the ginga, the side to side motion 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:29.200 that is the core steff of all capawerra strikes and movements. 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:33.840 It's Jamathee Victor, not Jerramathe, that's not even a name. 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:36.520 And yeah, he's been telling our girls about this new 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:38.480 ganga move and they do not. 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:41.400 Care, sort of like us, like we don't give a 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:44.720 shit about kupueta, but you know we're power to you. Victor, 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:47.440 get get your cardio. However you can get your cardio. 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:49.480 I personally prefer zumba. 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:51.480 Same girl, are we going this weekend? 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:53.319 Marsha, Oh yeah girl, Oh yeah. 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:54.880 Kles teaching, Kyle's teaching. 0:09:55.040 --> 0:09:55.520 I want to go. 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:57.079 We're The sweat is so good. 0:09:57.480 --> 0:10:00.880 I love that everybody here hates and Mazon ooh, I 0:10:00.920 --> 0:10:01.240 love that. 0:10:01.320 --> 0:10:01.719 You know what? 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:05.000 I lost my TV remote and Amazon sent another one 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:07.200 to my house in two hours. Throw in a six 0:10:07.280 --> 0:10:09.840 pack now box of frozen white castles for a grand 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:12.600 total of thirty bucks. All right, I would stay faithful 0:10:12.640 --> 0:10:15.080 to Jeff Bezos if he banged my wife and put 0:10:15.080 --> 0:10:17.240 a video of it on the Prime home page. 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:19.079 Mark because you like Jack Reacher. 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:20.280 Bye. 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:24.800 Oh my god, Liz girl, did you happen to bring 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:28.280 a second sandwich in that hemp bag you got over there? 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:30.319 I went out to my car to get my lunch 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:34.600 and it completely melted into my car seat. My entire 0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:38.800 car seat now is just plastic in tuna fish. It's horrible. 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:42.439 It's the hottest summer on record, Marsh. I mean, record 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:45.880 high temperatures on three continents. Arizona is recording the highest 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:48.960 temperature it's ever had. I mean, there's kids in Arizona 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:51.880 who've probably never seen an unmelted candy bar. They just 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:53.600 think Snickers is a drink, you know. 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:59.880 Uh oh uh oh? Did I hear that Arizona is hot? 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:01.800 It's always hot in Arizona. 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:06.240 They should make t shirts saying hottest, hottest temperature on record. 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:08.480 They should be proud of it, all right, because it 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:11.520 is literally the only thing Arizona has is that it's hot. 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:12.840 But it's record. 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:16.040 Temperatures across the country, across three continents. 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:18.240 Rich, you cannot deny climate change. 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:20.520 Excuse me if I could just I could just get 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:23.240 under the sink, my mate, I just want to get 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:26.800 under here. You see this bottle of windecks. See with 0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:30.679 record temperatures like this, Uh, I always keep a secret 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:33.280 stash of this blue fruit punch that I put in 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:37.120 the Windex bottles there underneath every sink in the entire by. Well, 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:39.640 feel free to sneak a sip if you ever want some. 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:41.640 I tell you this because you're my friends. 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:45.520 Victor. I literally just replaced that that is actually a Windex. 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:45.959 That's not. 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:49.439 I need to sit down. 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:50.600 Yeah, sit where we can see you. 0:11:50.640 --> 0:11:52.839 Now, we gotta get them another bell. 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:56.160 I can't tell when the world is covered in water, 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:59.599 if Victor's going to be our king or drown immediately. 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:01.360 It's it's really a toss up. 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:03.960 You guys go on and on about sea levels rising, 0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:06.680 but all I hear is that buying that jet ski 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:09.880 just became practical, all right, and that's a tax right off. 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:12.320 Now that's my main mode of transportational work. 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:15.319 But for now you just have a jet ski in Pennsylvania. 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:17.400 Yeah, coolest dude on my block. 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:22.000 And moments like this, fortune favors the prepared. And I 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:27.040 already purchased a little acre of land up in northern Canada. So, 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:30.120 like I said, you're my friends. If any of you 0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:31.760 want to sign up to share it with me, I 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:35.120 have a document outlining what your daily duties would be, 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:38.400 whether it's you know, cultivation of our small vegetable garden, 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:42.240 maintenance of the quantcet hut, or rebuilding the human population. 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:45.520 You're going to cultivate a vegetable garden in an uninhabitable 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:46.679 part of Canada, Victor. 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.800 Well, for now someone's going to have sex with you, Victor. 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:51.880 And we have to sign an NDA if we do. 0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:54.160 You've already looked over the paperwork. 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.040 Rich Well, I love contracts. 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:58.439 Look, by the time any of us is going to 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:01.800 move up there, Northern Quebec is going to be like 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:03.520 South Florida exactly. 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:07.120 All right, Complain all you want, because when Vegas is uninhabitable, 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:10.800 this town is going to be eighty five degrees all 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:13.439 year long, just in time to be the new Vegas. 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:14.600 All of you will be on. 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:18.520 Your knees thanking exon when you can see Adele and 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:20.520 Garth Brooks five nights a week. 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:30.640 Bye bye, all right, one more thing, y'all. The softball 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:34.000 team lost again this week. Come on, guys, if you 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:36.160 signed up for the softball team, you got to put it. 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:36.920 In your calendar. 0:13:37.000 --> 0:13:39.240 Jerry, I don't necessarily want people to know where I 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:42.160 am at all times. I'll sign up on numerous sign 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:45.800 up sheets on the same day just to create contrasting 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:48.800 paper trails so you can never tell where I was. 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:51.640 Victor, Don't do that, is what I'm asking. Like, if 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.240 you sign up for softball, show up. 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:58.840 Okay, I'm moving on, Marcia. I figured out why your paycheck, 0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:02.679 says Marta. There has been a computer error. 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:07.520 Okay, a computer error. How convenient or perhaps is it 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:10.199 that the machines are becoming sentient? 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:10.679 Victor? 0:14:10.760 --> 0:14:13.040 This is not an AI thing, and I really don't 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:15.520 want to have to talk to you about AI every 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:17.920 day that we come to work. So please give me 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:19.800 a little space here so I can talk to Marsha. 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:20.720 Okay. 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:24.280 So there's just an additional issue with this, all right, 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:26.520 because if I put your name in is Marcia, that 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.320 will result in you getting two paychecks. You'll get the 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:32.720 Marsha paycheck and the Marta paycheck. And we cannot give 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:34.520 an employee to paycheck Cherry. 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:36.840 If I don't get my paycheck, I can't pay. 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:41.080 My rent, you know, Marcia, This is why I save money. 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:43.440 Oh yeah, Actually, you know what, man, if I will 0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:47.200 should start actually saving for my payout for my lawsuit, 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:50.120 which I'm definitely gonna win because you are withholding pay 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:52.640 for me and that is illegal per the state and 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:53.680 the federal government. 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:57.440 All right, there's no need to use the L word. 0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:00.360 Okay, I can talk to admin again and I can 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:01.440 figure out what's going on. 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:03.800 Maybe they Yeah, I can talk to them again. 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:05.480 Wait, do you guys? 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:07.400 Do you guys hear the bell? 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:09.440 Victor? 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:11.520 You didn't bring your cobra to work, did you? 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:12.040 Oh? 0:15:12.080 --> 0:15:14.160 My god? Snake? 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:19.400 Okay, a number one. It's a Burmese python And if 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:21.560 you hear the bell, i'd advise you to get up 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:24.640 on a chair or a table, although that it won't 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:26.800 save you in a long run. It can climb to 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:29.440 great heights, both in the jungle and in an urban environment. 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:37.200 Oh my god, Yeah, there is a new Golden Bachelor show. 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.320 It's a version of The Bachelor where the bachelor is 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:45.760 seventy one years old. Talk about old men who need 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:46.640 help peeing. 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:49.960 Hello, I'm sorry if I have to burry a seventy 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.160 one year old, it's Liam neesin or bust, you know 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:52.640 what I mean. 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:55.400 He's got a particular set of skills. 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:58.320 And I think one of them is making sure I finish, 0:15:58.360 --> 0:15:59.040 you know what I'm saying. 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:04.160 Yeah, Wait, wait a second, wait, wait, this guy has 0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:08.000 to marry who wins? You somehow made it to seventy 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:11.040 one with all your money and an empty house with 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:13.000 no one nagging you, and now you're gonna throw it 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.840 all away like a chump on National TV. Why why 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:17.880 don't you you do a sequel where you pick which 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:19.040 prison you want to live in. 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:21.240 I don't know. I think I'd go on the show 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:24.400 as a contestant, mostly because it's like, oh my god, 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:28.119 you have a million dollars and you suffer from shortness 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:32.480 of breath. Let's get Mary Baby. I want to be 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.160 like Anna Nicole Smith, but like chocolate. 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:37.520 You know, yeah, and you know he's viril. You know. 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:42.120 They say nursing homes are a hotbed of sexual antics, 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:47.440 just a bunch of octagenarians having threesomes and foursomes and 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:52.800 orgies and whatnot, hand stuff, et cetera. In fact, I 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:57.600 saw some videos online that confirmed this research purposes only. 0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:00.880 Yeah, I'm sorry, but I can't watch that many pharmaceutical 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:02.680 ads in a row. Can you imagine what this one's 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:04.199 going to be like? I mean, I'm already at my 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:07.120 limit after an hour of MSNBC. I know it's time 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:09.600 to shut the DV off ones. I've seen old people 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:11.040 kayaking for the fifth time. 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:15.479 I don't really watch reality TV, you know, personally, I 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:17.920 get all the sex and romance that I need in 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:19.480 one episode of Yellowstone. 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:22.240 God, this is going to be hard to watch. I mean, 0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:25.600 the reunion special will be more like a wellness check. 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.320 I don't understand what people find so weird about being 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:32.200 attracted to older men. People are attracted to all types. 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:36.440 There are even individuals who are sexually attracted to inanimate objects. Like, say, 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:39.439 a really beautiful Chevrolet Lumina that they've had since they 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:43.200 were in high school. Sky bloom cloth interior radio that 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:46.639 doesn't work quite right. But sometimes it's the imperfections that 0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:48.600 throw the beauty into the highest relief. 0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:51.200 Victor, take a couple of steps back. I can feel 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:53.440 your breath on my neck. Back up a little bit by. 0:17:56.680 --> 0:18:01.800 Oh, come on, what the fee machine is squirting out 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:02.480 water again? 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:05.600 Come on, there's a problem. I didn't put in a 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:08.640 I didn't put in a cup. Are we now we're 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:09.200 out of cups? 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:09.600 Cheeps? 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:12.280 Hey, wow, do you see this? 0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:15.480 All these gen Z kids are using apps to share 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:19.560 their location with each other now because we don't. We've 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:24.359 we've given enough privacy away to every corporation on the planet. 0:18:24.400 --> 0:18:26.040 Now we just got to give it away for free 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:28.320 to our friends. Good job, gen Z. 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:29.760 I make my. 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:32.120 Daughters share their location with me. I can't have them 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:35.080 down by the quarry. You know, nothing good happens down 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:35.719 at the quarry. 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:39.680