Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's Friday. It's direct day for uploading
Speaker 1: true Drew. We said we were going to talk about
Speaker 1: that on camera.
Speaker 2: We this, no, it needs to be addressed. So there's
Speaker 2: been a part of us missing for the last six
Speaker 2: weeks or something like that, and we thought like we
Speaker 2: we might just let it go and no one will notice.
Speaker 2: But ye, Kai holds a big spot in all of
Speaker 2: our hearts. This is about Kai. But yeah, we we
Speaker 2: decided to go separate ways. We fired Kai. I know
Speaker 2: this is like a horrible like horrible timing for this
Speaker 2: to come out, but like, yeah, Kai is gone, He's
Speaker 2: out of the picture.
Speaker 1: You fired him because you found out he went hooked
Speaker 1: up with somebody else, even though you like said okay.
Speaker 2: And we don't have hr and like what like like
Speaker 2: what literally like what.
Speaker 1: I told you guys, You guys shouldn't have been like
Speaker 1: romantically inclined if you were gonna work together. I said
Speaker 1: that like from the beginning.
Speaker 2: Well, once you do us with someone, you're spiritually connected.
Speaker 1: We have no connection.
Speaker 2: So now I'm gonna have to fire you.
Speaker 1: You can't fire I'm firing. Also, Kai isn't fired. He's
Speaker 1: like in the hallway I'm pretty sure Kai, you didn't
Speaker 1: fire him. You just said he can't be in the
Speaker 1: room anymore.
Speaker 2: We were saying, you're fired.
Speaker 1: Well, he's been trying to fire you.
Speaker 2: What because you're like hooking up with people and you're
Speaker 2: blowing vape smoke in my face.
Speaker 1: I know he did just walk into the kitchen and
Speaker 1: blow up smoke.
Speaker 2: Drew.
Speaker 3: Yeah, should we start the episode? Where were you guys
Speaker 3: talking about when I was in the bathroom.
Speaker 2: No, we were saying, like, you're gone, You're out of here,
Speaker 2: You're out of the.
Speaker 3: Are you like flirting with me?
Speaker 2: Is it's like? No, No, it's.
Speaker 1: Been like a huge decision. We've been thinking, we've.
Speaker 2: Been We've been talking about this for a very long time.
Speaker 2: I thought you were already gone, but apparently you want
Speaker 2: to hook up with other fucking hose Oh is this.
Speaker 3: About when you sat me down and said, since you're
Speaker 3: fucking like hundreds of other people, I can't work on
Speaker 3: the podect. I thought that was a joke.
Speaker 2: No, I was, okay, let's play.
Speaker 1: Wait, who was fucking hundreds of people? Because girls coming on?
Speaker 3: Was he was doing what you do? I was doing
Speaker 3: what you do.
Speaker 1: It's gonna you can do what the master does.
Speaker 2: It's different. Yeah, like I'm ran through, but I still
Speaker 2: look put together. You're ran through and look.
Speaker 3: You're ran through and you don't look put together. I'm
Speaker 3: ran through and I look perfect.
Speaker 1: You're falling apart from all the all the insertions you've had.
Speaker 3: I'm having a lot of work done.
Speaker 1: We need to say that about people who are looking
Speaker 1: up lot low key. You are getting a lot of
Speaker 1: work done.
Speaker 2: You're getting a lot of getting work done. All right, guys,
Speaker 2: and scene Kai is not fired.
Speaker 3: I was improv. He's all funny improv.
Speaker 2: He's just been traveling the world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's been too cool for us.
Speaker 3: So, no, that's not true. You guys are my priority.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh that's what you say.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys are my priority.
Speaker 2: Hey yep, yes, not yep, yes, but I just I
Speaker 2: dot no not yet you said yep. You say yes.
Speaker 3: Yes, papas and Mama, queen, queen.
Speaker 2: Yes queen, and yes Daddy yes no yet? Say kay?
Speaker 2: Can you say good boy?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: No, just boy? Good boy?
Speaker 3: Wow? So much I've missed so much stuff. I saw
Speaker 3: a baby girl and I've been saying that to people
Speaker 3: when I check out it groceries. I'll be like, good girl, you.
Speaker 1: Shouldn't be saying that's a random.
Speaker 2: Like it's Trader Joe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the.
Speaker 3: First they're all slugs.
Speaker 1: Like when did that start? When did the like Trader
Speaker 1: Joe to whore pipeline start? Like when did that become
Speaker 1: like a theory?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Is it just because all their workers are like sexy?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: I think they're just like trained to be nice and
Speaker 2: like we live, we were existing in like a loneliness epidemic,
Speaker 2: not just men but women too, and like when someone's
Speaker 2: nice to you, it's like, oh wait, like they want
Speaker 2: to have sex, they want me, But I fall for that.
Speaker 2: Every time I.
Speaker 3: Heard something that was like Trader Joe's business models. They're
Speaker 3: trying to commodify the small town grocery store, so like
Speaker 3: their aesthetic is like not super like it's not branded
Speaker 3: like a CBS. And then they train people to treat
Speaker 3: patrons bell basically. Yes, yes, it's the Southern bell technique.
Speaker 2: That actually is interesting because when I go to the
Speaker 2: grocery stores in Granberry, they're all like chit chatty, want
Speaker 2: to have a conversation, and I'm like, leave me the
Speaker 2: fuck alone.
Speaker 1: I know, I will say yesterday I went grocery shopping
Speaker 1: and two people spoke to me. One this guy saw
Speaker 1: me like he was a gay guy, so I let
Speaker 1: him speak to me. This older gay guy saw me
Speaker 1: getting pretzels and was asking about them, and like I
Speaker 1: entertained the conversation about my head. I was like, you're old. I,
Speaker 1: here's gay guy.
Speaker 2: Okay, here's gay guy. And last.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well look.
Speaker 2: You can't say yeah. You gotta say yes, yes, daddy
Speaker 2: and mama you stop that can't like I mama's and poppa.
Speaker 1: But he was asking me about the fucking pretzels, and
Speaker 1: I just entertained it, even though I was not in
Speaker 1: the mood and I was like in a rush. I
Speaker 1: entertained it. And then this older lady was asking me
Speaker 1: to grab some honey off the top shelf for her.
Speaker 1: She was tall enough to grab it. Yeah, her old
Speaker 1: ass was tall enough to grab it. She was not
Speaker 1: my fucking I. I just grabbed it for her. And
Speaker 1: then twenty minutes later, I'm not.
Speaker 2: Narcissist, like a literal narcissist. Everybody wants her.
Speaker 1: Well, no, I don't actually think that. You said that.
Speaker 1: I didn't think that. I did think she was just
Speaker 1: like a little loose because she asked me to grab
Speaker 1: the big she has through its because she asked me
Speaker 1: to grab the bigger container. I want to go grab that,
Speaker 1: and she's like, no, can you shut the fuck up
Speaker 1: for three goddamn fucking seconds down.
Speaker 3: You should slap him or something. Hit me?
Speaker 2: Hit me, hit me, hit me. I can't feel my
Speaker 2: fucking face. Just hit me?
Speaker 1: Did they like was that far in the movie? Just
Speaker 1: like they did drugs or some shit and they were
Speaker 1: like being freaky when they do smoke weed or something
Speaker 1: or I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't know what they might have done, like nitrous
Speaker 2: oxide or some shit.
Speaker 3: What are you guys talking about?
Speaker 1: Thirteen thirteen?
Speaker 3: Oh, I haven't seen that since I hit me.
Speaker 2: And it's liken and like it was like a huge
Speaker 2: thing on me. Fuck fucking hit me.
Speaker 1: I don't feel anything. Hit me. But I went to
Speaker 1: go grab the bigger thing of honey because she was
Speaker 1: pointing at them and she was like, no, no, a small one.
Speaker 1: I grabbed her one small one, and then she was like, actually,
Speaker 1: can you get me another one? And I was like okay,
Speaker 1: So I grabbed her another one and then she asked
Speaker 1: me for another one, so she got three smaller ones
Speaker 1: instead of just the big one, which I'm whatever, but
Speaker 1: the point of the story. Literally three minutes later in
Speaker 1: the next aisle, we were in the produce aisle and
Speaker 1: she comes around the corner and she slams into my
Speaker 1: car hard as fuck, didn't say sorry, didn't look at me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, I think she
Speaker 1: might just have dementia. Like she literally like turned the corner,
Speaker 1: slammed into me, looked at me, and looked away, and
Speaker 1: then started like inching closer and pushing my car out
Speaker 1: of the way with her cart without saying a word.
Speaker 1: And I was like, bitch, I don't know what, but
Speaker 1: I just fucking helped you around the corner. Why are
Speaker 1: you like with the fucking carts now? So she was
Speaker 1: mad at me for help.
Speaker 2: He's tweaking out. Also, like the entire time you were talking,
Speaker 2: I realized every single word that comes out of anybody's
Speaker 2: mouth in my vicinity, I can sexualize. I know it's
Speaker 2: I know, it's really like you said, like inches, and
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, inches, penis, because I was Okay,
Speaker 2: we're getting a new TV, but I wanted to measure
Speaker 2: the old TV. So I think it's sixty five inches,
Speaker 2: which is three Drew penis slings. That's like a new
Speaker 2: unit of measure we're using.
Speaker 3: Your dick? Is that long? Long?
Speaker 2: Is that it's like twenty one point five inches twenty
Speaker 2: one point three three, but I.
Speaker 1: Round it's actually twenty one point six six.
Speaker 2: Yeah, twenty one point sixty six, So I round.
Speaker 3: Down is that when it's you have a oh onsoft?
Speaker 2: But yeah, we You also said slams, like her cart
Speaker 2: slams into you, slams like.
Speaker 1: Doing s Who says slams?
Speaker 2: You said slams?
Speaker 1: No, I'm saying, like, who says that in a sexual content?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: I slammed her? That think this new fucking thing that
Speaker 2: like guys are saying that's abs absolutely like repulsive, like
Speaker 2: you know, like they have riz and they have huzz
Speaker 2: and they have all that shit. Bitch. The new thing
Speaker 2: they're saying is splitting, like, oh, I'd split that, which
Speaker 2: is like that's gross. Yeah, And they're like talking about
Speaker 2: like the most what's craziest.
Speaker 1: I think, Drew, somehow you interact with the straightest side
Speaker 1: of the internet, because every time you bring up some
Speaker 1: stuff that like guys are talking about, it really freaks
Speaker 1: me out.
Speaker 3: Who told you that you knew about like mogging culture
Speaker 3: so long, like a year before people were.
Speaker 2: Oh, no, I was.
Speaker 1: I was tapped in so he knew about mewing way
Speaker 1: too early.
Speaker 2: You know, I was. I was tapped the fuck into
Speaker 2: the like looks Max and culture because I just thought
Speaker 2: it was literally the most deranged, funny thing I've ever
Speaker 2: seen in my life. And the reason I found out
Speaker 2: about it was this kid, Dylan Latham, who is a
Speaker 2: part of the cookie Verse, who is also a part
Speaker 2: of Santa Cruz. Is like it's chop house.
Speaker 1: Chopped how.
Speaker 2: No, you don't know, you don't know power mb.
Speaker 1: No, No, I don't want to know. I like Ie Squad,
Speaker 1: Like no, I feel like I genuinely, genuinely think these
Speaker 1: are things I should never hear, Like do you know
Speaker 1: what I mean?
Speaker 2: Sometimes like no, Vex Boltz is a part of Ya Squad,
Speaker 2: and yes, Vex Bolts snuck into the cookie Verse lore
Speaker 2: he was sneaking in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really, I really, I'm not kidding. It feels
Speaker 1: like a world that I just shouldn't know exists. It's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god.
Speaker 2: It's a world no man over the age of sixteen
Speaker 2: should know about. And It's like really crazy because like
Speaker 2: I'm like so locked into this universe. I even DMed
Speaker 2: Cookie King because I want to sneak into his lore.
Speaker 2: I want to sneak into the Lord. But no, the
Speaker 2: reason I found out about looks.
Speaker 3: Nexting Karen Drew say that he DMed Cookie King.
Speaker 2: No but and then sneaking into the lore. I'm going
Speaker 2: to be in season eight. I'm gonna be in season eight.
Speaker 3: Seasons.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're in season seven right now.
Speaker 3: And it's what are you talking about?
Speaker 1: How you want to season of? Why?
Speaker 2: Like universe y'all don't know Hills bro Hills.
Speaker 1: Like like why you have all the information in your ad?
Speaker 1: Like what scares me? Is I genuinely do think Yourew
Speaker 1: is gonna be like dementia ridden really early.
Speaker 2: Now I'm gonna remember, cared for.
Speaker 1: The things you're gonna remember, Like you're only gonna remember
Speaker 1: the weirdest ship Cookie King, brit.
Speaker 3: How can I, as a thirty year old man get
Speaker 3: involved in this? DM Zeta Well, speaking of looks, Maxim,
Speaker 3: you guys are both looking very good, very attractive. You
Speaker 3: guys both look like the bell of the ball. Thank you,
Speaker 3: you're welcome, and you look good okay, and you look good. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I get a haircut every month.
Speaker 1: Look good. Every time you get here, I.
Speaker 3: Can tell thank you.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: The craziest part about me reacting like that is there
Speaker 1: are some of y'all who would have had to like
Speaker 1: bear the bravery of explaining what this is to one
Speaker 1: of your friends, and that is probably exactly how they
Speaker 1: feel hearing.
Speaker 2: About my well, their cousins, and they fucked. I mean no,
Speaker 2: that's really still so.
Speaker 3: That sound before.
Speaker 2: I was also driving and you know that billboard by
Speaker 2: our apartment in you no, like right on the corner
Speaker 2: over there. I was swear to god, I was like
Speaker 2: imagining because it's a big ass fucking billboard and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, a good billboard would be like let
Speaker 2: cousins date or let cousins love, and it's just our
Speaker 2: pictures up there. And that's the only that's what all
Speaker 2: the billboard is.
Speaker 1: Is every time we're in the neighborhood, are going to
Speaker 1: like like the areas we like to go around here.
Speaker 1: Imagine somebody has seen that like right before they got
Speaker 1: there and holding hands because we really hold hands and
Speaker 1: grab each other like we're a couple of yea. But
Speaker 1: my favorite things oh, we've been straight maxing, like yeah,
Speaker 1: in a crazy Wait wait, what were you doing in
Speaker 1: Whole Foods when we scared that guy?
Speaker 2: I don't remember.
Speaker 1: We were like having a fake argument or I like
Speaker 1: said something to you. I was like, you need to
Speaker 1: leave me the fuck alone.
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't remember what it was. But yeah, we
Speaker 2: fake argue in public and it scares the shit out
Speaker 2: of people. But like we fake argue and then like
Speaker 2: we like hug and fake kiss and like yeah right
Speaker 2: each other, right, and it just looks like a chaotic,
Speaker 2: toxic relationship.
Speaker 1: Like wait, why do we like to cosplay? Is like
Speaker 1: crazy couple?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's because I like, I love a crazy couple that's
Speaker 1: like not actually crazy, but just says crazy remarks to
Speaker 1: each other in public that will always get me. And entertainment.
Speaker 1: I just feel like I was born to entertain so I.
Speaker 2: Like to like, you're an entertaining todding, You're you're a
Speaker 2: stay entertaining, You're a star. Did that sound like old Hollywood?
Speaker 3: I did?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Did you guys see that? A lot of people on
Speaker 3: the internet think that I look like Elio Leo from
Speaker 3: calling me by your name.
Speaker 1: No, you have a picture.
Speaker 3: Well just look, so they drew this beautiful drawing and
Speaker 3: then the comment, the top comment says, that's kind new.
Speaker 2: Man guy, That does not mean you look you look
Speaker 2: like the shitty drawing of l e Oh.
Speaker 1: I know they're saying you took that with grace. I
Speaker 1: will say, you took that like a.
Speaker 3: Being called a handsome movie start lookike, yeah.
Speaker 2: Being called tnnedy chaamagna. What like the you know.
Speaker 1: The hyper pigmentation. That's kind. Oh I want like a
Speaker 1: kid to draw an ugly portrait of me so I
Speaker 1: can see it and hold it. Why are you crying?
Speaker 4: Bro?
Speaker 1: My fucking god.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I looked up, I looked down at my phone,
Speaker 3: and then I looked back up, and you're fucking crying.
Speaker 1: Why it's what? Just is it the TikTok man?
Speaker 2: You're banning red dye three? They're ready, they're banning red
Speaker 2: dye three.
Speaker 1: Wait are they actually wait? Did they did it go through?
Speaker 2: Because twenty seven they're banning red dye three.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you have so much time.
Speaker 2: And this is my nine to eleven, This is my
Speaker 2: nine eleven. They hit the fucking Pentagon, give me my
Speaker 2: red dye.
Speaker 1: They hit the fucking Pentagon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they they're taking care.
Speaker 1: I would fucking hope in two years your ass is
Speaker 1: not eating Red forty anymore. I learn a lot of
Speaker 1: bad lesson. You're gonna learn a lot of.
Speaker 2: Scary less my hemorrhoids. I don't have hemorrhoids, but I
Speaker 2: like to say I have hemorrhoids. But I'm like, in
Speaker 2: a way manifesting hemorrhoids, and I do not want him.
Speaker 1: I've never had hemorrhoids, and I've always been convinced I do,
Speaker 1: but I don't even know they existed until I met
Speaker 1: like my guy friends, and every guy I know has
Speaker 1: had a bunch of hemorrhoids.
Speaker 2: So now, just have you had a hemorrhoids?
Speaker 1: Tendency is every time have you ever had a fit?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 1: Who has a had a fisher there here or there?
Speaker 3: Like, I'm not no comment.
Speaker 1: Everyone's dropped a huge.
Speaker 3: Everyone has had we just say a huge dry load,
Speaker 3: A huge.
Speaker 1: Stinky load, No, a huge hard load, A.
Speaker 3: Really painful thing. Is like when you're constant and you
Speaker 3: have the big dry log and you push it out
Speaker 3: and it's like it's very dense.
Speaker 1: You end up talking about ship.
Speaker 2: I know, we need.
Speaker 3: To talk about important stuff.
Speaker 2: Like the TikTok band. Y'all, bitch, I don't believe that. See,
Speaker 2: I wrote all of the things I want to.
Speaker 3: Don't either, I don't. I don't think it's gonna happen.
Speaker 2: I wrote all the things I wanted to talk about.
Speaker 2: I genuinely I don't believe it either. But if it
Speaker 2: does get banned, like earth shattering, heartbreaking, fundamentally changing, like
Speaker 2: like we still exist in the wild wild West of
Speaker 2: the Internet, even if it doesn't feel like it. And
Speaker 2: this sets a precedent where it's like, oh my God,
Speaker 2: like they can just take whatever the fuck they want
Speaker 2: from us. And also, y'all, I everybody I give a chance,
Speaker 2: you better hope I don't give you a fucking second chance,
Speaker 2: because every single person I give a second chance squanders it.
Speaker 2: Mark Zuckerberg counts your fucking days. You and Elon Musk
Speaker 2: are gonna end up in the same fucking place together
Speaker 2: if I get my hands on y'all.
Speaker 1: They're such like little dick ass hose, like they just
Speaker 1: have like.
Speaker 2: His stupid fucking perm, Like why are you perming your
Speaker 2: hair in your fucking forties?
Speaker 1: You feel like they have like vaginal type fupas does
Speaker 1: that make sense. Yeah, no, Lily, Like I just know,
Speaker 1: like if you if you got that fat like Kuchima Bob,
Speaker 1: you know exactly what I'm talking about. And I feel
Speaker 1: like they have that.
Speaker 2: They both have like concave chess or X like, dude,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: They're just disgusting and fucking ugly.
Speaker 2: And take that fucking gold chain off, you freak pitch.
Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck if it has sentimental value.
Speaker 2: Oh look, my child gave it to me, you fucking pervert.
Speaker 2: Like it's all his fault. He's a fucking perv. Like literally,
Speaker 2: he's a perv.
Speaker 1: They're fucking nasty, bro. I want so badly I would
Speaker 1: pay any amount of money to have them both like
Speaker 1: put in velcrow suits and like launched on a machine
Speaker 1: onto a target and then everybody gets to throw like
Speaker 1: something at them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would throw bricks.
Speaker 1: Tomato, Oh, I would throw Okay, So here would be
Speaker 1: the order. We strap Elon and Mark Zuckerberg up to walls.
Speaker 1: We start with tomatoes. No, no, no, We start with
Speaker 1: water balloons that have like a bit of gelatin in
Speaker 1: the water. We start with that it's gonna be cold
Speaker 1: water like jello. Shans We start with that. Then we
Speaker 1: do cold mushy tomatoes.
Speaker 2: Do that.
Speaker 1: Then we do balloons like but more so like condoms,
Speaker 1: something that can like snap if it's like overfilled. We
Speaker 1: fill it with powder a powdered sugar. We throw that.
Speaker 1: We leave them outside overnight so they get covered in
Speaker 1: ants all night, and then in the morning we come
Speaker 1: and we use a power hose that's made for taking
Speaker 1: mold off of concrete and we.
Speaker 2: Just spray the spray their their first layer.
Speaker 1: Of skin off and they get to live. But that's
Speaker 1: just like punishment.
Speaker 2: I want to cover them in bees.
Speaker 3: I think. So I'm imagining we build like a big
Speaker 3: diving board and we put them at the top, and
Speaker 3: then there's this huge like body of liquid and then
Speaker 3: I'm like, I walk into it. I'm like, look like,
Speaker 3: all you're gonna do is dive into this, and then
Speaker 3: they dive in, and then it's non Newtonian, so like
Speaker 3: since I walked through it very slowly, they they'll say
Speaker 3: that dive in and then when they hit it, it's
Speaker 3: basically just concrete and.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: But everything I wrote that I wanted to talk about
Speaker 2: about the TikTok ban has already been said a million
Speaker 2: times by now, and I wrote it all like three
Speaker 2: days ago. So whatever. I don't know why I'm saying this, but.
Speaker 1: They hacked his neuralinks he passed.
Speaker 2: His Elon must It's like I love Elon musk no
Speaker 2: the the way that like they thought like banning this app, well, okay,
Speaker 2: let me back it up a little bit. China government, they.
Speaker 1: Thought they way.
Speaker 2: No, but China and America. China and America have worked
Speaker 2: very hard over the last thirty fifty sixty eighty decades
Speaker 2: to get us to hate each other, like they want
Speaker 2: us to hate each other. They don't want us united,
Speaker 2: They want us to hate each other through propaganda whatever
Speaker 2: the fuck it is. In banning TikTok, they wanted us
Speaker 2: to like be separated even further. They said it was
Speaker 2: a data issue, like da da da da da. We
Speaker 2: all know why it's getting banned, But it's hilarious that
Speaker 2: in doing so, they've like kind of united China and
Speaker 2: American people like with this red no note, like the amount.
Speaker 1: Of like Americans on my iPhone right now learning Mandarin.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that many people could speak Mandarin. Isn't
Speaker 1: that like the hardest language to learn? That some of
Speaker 1: y'all need to be careful because it's showing the text
Speaker 1: wracket you grew up in. Because some of y'all are
Speaker 1: a little too young to know Mandarin. I'm saying that,
Speaker 1: like people don't have fucking free will and actual like
Speaker 1: academic access and dueling.
Speaker 2: God exists, I guess I think is cool. I want
Speaker 2: I love China.
Speaker 3: I really want a yang wang U nine.
Speaker 2: It's like you've been talking about that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like an electric supercar that they built.
Speaker 1: Oh I do remember, yeah, bad. I just want to
Speaker 1: go to China because it sounds lit as fuck, like
Speaker 1: it sounds pretty. I have friends who've gone, and they
Speaker 1: all say it's pretty, and I want to go. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, the next brand trip like fuck all that
Speaker 1: Turks and Keko shit? Who was taking me to China?
Speaker 1: But no, I actually can't believe so many people know
Speaker 1: Mandarin because I barely know Spanish anymore and it is
Speaker 1: so impressive, and that they are just jealous. I'm jealous
Speaker 1: of people.
Speaker 2: What I've been practicing Mandarin. No you haven't, I literally have,
Speaker 2: and ironically.
Speaker 1: Then fucking speak it. Now, give me your phone because
Speaker 1: I feel like you're gonna like just look something up.
Speaker 2: Or chunga chung shout? What's that? Timin the mankom he
Speaker 2: is a child ing the Uhan?
Speaker 3: That sounded perfect.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what did you say?
Speaker 2: I said? I can't remember all of it, but basically
Speaker 2: I said I want to have sex?
Speaker 1: Wait, how did you do that?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: When did you learn that? I'm so confused.
Speaker 2: I've been learning Mandarin in Swahili?
Speaker 1: Do you know?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, because I remember him trying to learn Swahili. He
Speaker 1: said that he was going to learn it in a month,
Speaker 1: and he did.
Speaker 3: Do a link or a week one of those things
Speaker 3: that he said that he was never going to fall
Speaker 3: through with.
Speaker 2: Yeah, fucking god, so annoying, Like y'all are so annoyed?
Speaker 2: Well did I try?
Speaker 1: Okay? Also, like if you're not actually speaking mander and
Speaker 1: I hope you know that's like fucked up.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, the liberals here the liberals go again. You
Speaker 2: can't even speak a language. Okay, Well, let that gett canceled.
Speaker 3: Let me try, let me try. Well, what instiden kind
Speaker 3: ad me?
Speaker 2: I'm concential, tilla, Oh what'd you say?
Speaker 3: I said that. I'm just happy to be back and
Speaker 3: I'm happy to see.
Speaker 1: You guys, I feel like, that's not what you said.
Speaker 3: Why are you not impressed when I when I do it.
Speaker 1: Well, because you're just like this guy with a phone
Speaker 1: who like uses it and like, I.
Speaker 3: Don't know, but that's hard. It's hard to learn.
Speaker 2: Like you're a guy with the phone with crypto.
Speaker 1: Yeah, literally you just like I feel like you're on
Speaker 1: the internet like that. It's like not that shocking to mab.
Speaker 3: Still impressive that I know languages.
Speaker 1: You know what is really fucked up about me? When
Speaker 1: that was a good guy? No crazy like random languages.
Speaker 1: I don't find it impressive. I actually usually find it
Speaker 1: extremely annoying. I'm like, oh, okay, I'm.
Speaker 2: So h wait. That one white guy that goes to
Speaker 2: like Chinatown and speaks Mandarin and everybody.
Speaker 1: Weirdly it's impressive because he's just he's very polite.
Speaker 2: I love the reactions of the people like so much.
Speaker 2: And there's one where he's like getting like a pedicure
Speaker 2: or something and they're like talking about his toes and
Speaker 2: they're like nasty, like they're like nasty, fucking gross white
Speaker 2: people toes or whatever the fuck they say, and then
Speaker 2: he clocks them and is like starts speaking the language.
Speaker 1: Wait, what does he say back?
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't remember.
Speaker 1: He's like, you, stupid fucking bitch.
Speaker 3: He kicks Oh hope not no.
Speaker 2: I think he just says something in Mandarin random and
Speaker 2: then they're like, he can he understands us I did
Speaker 2: remember the.
Speaker 1: Kind of people who That is how the episode that
Speaker 1: video ended, and we were just mentioning casually, like oh,
Speaker 1: it's a really funny video. You guys should go watch it.
Speaker 1: And then they went and watched it and somebody got
Speaker 1: kicked in the face. People who watch like a lot
Speaker 1: of violand videos really scare me. And that's all I'll say.
Speaker 1: That is coming from somebody who watches murdered documentaries. But
Speaker 1: there's one thing to watch, like a like a crime
Speaker 1: investigation or something, which I don't do as often anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm back out of the dark.
Speaker 2: Trade update, Trade update, Trade update. Read all about it,
Speaker 2: Read all about it. Wait, hold on, I'm easy, I'm extra,
Speaker 2: I'm an alien.
Speaker 1: Read out about it, Read out about it.
Speaker 2: It's like the news. I'm eatsy, I'm an alien, I'm extra.
Speaker 1: I like, okay, actually, I'm so sorry to intarpe, but
Speaker 1: I have to get this out The thing that really
Speaker 1: actually annoys me about someone like Elon Musk or Mark
Speaker 1: Zuckerberg is if I had that kind of money and power,
Speaker 1: what I would really be doing is putting ray bands
Speaker 1: Snapchat glasses on a handful of people and watching their
Speaker 1: days and then paying somebody an absurd amount of money
Speaker 1: to do super cuts of those.
Speaker 2: Wait I at.
Speaker 1: Night and just watch their updated days.
Speaker 2: I have a documentary idea like this. Mine's way darker
Speaker 2: and I don't want to get into it.
Speaker 1: But no, mine fun.
Speaker 2: I told both of y'all about it.
Speaker 1: Mine is like fun, though, like I want like fun,
Speaker 1: Try it update, try it, update U.
Speaker 2: Y'all. The trade in question, not the phony which I
Speaker 2: found out he had made a video talking about our
Speaker 2: taste being similar in men and that he wanted to
Speaker 2: see my Twitter. I don't have one, but he wanted
Speaker 2: to see my Twitter because Twitter is all porn, Yeah,
Speaker 2: to see if we have the same taste. Right, that's
Speaker 2: I'm assuming that's what you was saying. But he left
Speaker 2: a comic because I commented, like my trade, because he
Speaker 2: made a video like responding, and I was like my
Speaker 2: trade and he said something so funny. He was like
Speaker 2: if Drew no if and yet yes.
Speaker 1: Hey, come over, I have space in my bed for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. But basically, I'll give you the brief synopsis because
Speaker 2: it's all I talk about now, and everybody's so tired
Speaker 2: and bored of it, but I'm not.
Speaker 1: I love it. It's like watching sex in the city
Speaker 1: for the I.
Speaker 3: Don't like hearing about this ship. I think we should
Speaker 3: just move on.
Speaker 1: You want a job or not?
Speaker 2: You're so jealous.
Speaker 3: Not jealous, and just so you talk about a lot.
Speaker 3: It's like, okay, great, like he's awesome, he's handsome, whatever.
Speaker 2: And you saw a picture of him too, I want
Speaker 2: to see a picture.
Speaker 3: I haven't seen a picture.
Speaker 2: But basically I had more in the loss of him
Speaker 2: because I decided I'm not texting him first. I will
Speaker 2: never tell I will literally rather never text him again
Speaker 2: than me have to text him first one more fucking time.
Speaker 2: And granted he has texted me first several times, but
Speaker 2: the last like three times we spoke, he didn't text
Speaker 2: me first, so I was like, fuck you, like we're done.
Speaker 2: So I didn't message him. Two days go past and
Speaker 2: I was like fuck I actually, like, I actually think
Speaker 2: he doesn't give a shit about me, cuz if you're
Speaker 2: confused what he's not interested?
Speaker 1: Yeah, where did you hear that? Because that's like I
Speaker 1: don't necessary.
Speaker 2: I literally don't know where I heard it.
Speaker 1: Al So it's not really good advice.
Speaker 2: No, I think it is, because like literally, like you
Speaker 2: if you're confused, like you should know if someone likes you,
Speaker 2: off rip. But also I give off this like weird, mysterious,
Speaker 2: creepy energy, and I think he's terrified of me. I'm
Speaker 2: like literally creepy to him, bro, But.
Speaker 1: You're saying it like you're texting him, like what's the typical.
Speaker 2: Well I almost want to come in. I almost asked
Speaker 2: him if he watches true crime stories, but then I
Speaker 2: got in my head and I was like wait, because
Speaker 2: we're watching the Jinx and I was like, oh, we
Speaker 2: can talk about the jinks. But then I was like, wait, actually,
Speaker 2: I don't want to bring up true crime because like
Speaker 2: we don't know each other, and it's weird if someone's
Speaker 2: like I don't know, I just get him overthink.
Speaker 1: He's been overthinking every step. I'm just watching somebody with
Speaker 1: like intense paranoia and anxiety and like trying to navigate
Speaker 1: a crush. But also we're just so opposite and you.
Speaker 1: I say this all the time, but you can't ask
Speaker 1: me for advice because the way I text people who
Speaker 1: I like, like, I don't give a fuck. What are
Speaker 1: you just gonna not like me anymore?
Speaker 2: Okay, fine, crush, we have to keep that in mind.
Speaker 2: This is my first crush. But I didn't text him.
Speaker 2: He didn't text me for like two days, and I
Speaker 2: was like, really sad. I was like, fuck, dude, I
Speaker 2: actually like, don't think he gives a shit about me.
Speaker 2: He never cared about me. He just wanted my body.
Speaker 2: He doesn't give a fuck about me. Well, he texted
Speaker 2: me back first, y'all. He asked me how I was
Speaker 2: doing because of the fires.
Speaker 3: He text me back, Has your crush grown since the
Speaker 3: last time?
Speaker 2: No, it's only shrunk, but it's shrinking. Its shrinking, its shrinking,
Speaker 2: But it's gonna be like a black hole where eventually
Speaker 2: it shrinks in the matter falls upon itself, and it
Speaker 2: explodes out. That's how I've been thinking about it, or
Speaker 2: what I still do. The first thing I think about
Speaker 2: in the morning is him, and the last thing I
Speaker 2: think about before going to bed.
Speaker 3: Way, when celestial bodies collide, they create universes.
Speaker 2: I'm scared to have text with him again after developing
Speaker 2: this crush because my penis is not gonna work.
Speaker 1: Also, have you ever like, had like sex with somebody
Speaker 1: who you really had a crush on?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, people have had really big crushes on me,
Speaker 2: have had sex with me.
Speaker 3: Wow, Well that was really bad.
Speaker 1: Also, that's the beast of its own. That must be
Speaker 1: like so awesome. I don't think anybody I've had sex
Speaker 1: with liked me more than I liked that. I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone I've ever liked has liked me more than
Speaker 1: I liked that.
Speaker 2: You know, that's impossible. You have like three thousand bodies,
Speaker 2: you're ran through it.
Speaker 1: Don't air me out like that. Also, I've gotten it
Speaker 1: down because in the ten year gap it goes now,
Speaker 1: so it's now at.
Speaker 2: Plus your body sheds its. All of the cells in
Speaker 2: your body replace themselves after seven years. So those bodies
Speaker 2: in the past seven years, that's a really good They
Speaker 2: don't give they don't count.
Speaker 1: They don't give a fuck.
Speaker 3: Also, give a fuck three thousand bodies. Three thousand bodies
Speaker 3: doesn't that much.
Speaker 1: It really is not like.
Speaker 3: That's not bad.
Speaker 2: She's not gonna bang you, bro, dude.
Speaker 3: No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying you're not blushing.
Speaker 3: I'm not rs I'm not blushing. What else did you
Speaker 3: crush me? I'm not saying that I was just right right. No,
Speaker 3: I just don't think that we shame body count.
Speaker 1: Wait, what did you say recently? In an episode? He
Speaker 1: said something so stupid that would be perfect for this moment,
Speaker 1: But I'm not gonna remember. And I don't know why
Speaker 1: I just interacted because.
Speaker 2: I hate when I do that too.
Speaker 3: Figure it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, last night, I have this hat on because
Speaker 1: last night, when I was making myself a little snack,
Speaker 1: I flung hot sugar at my face and look, Oh
Speaker 1: it's bad, it's bad.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, she has third degree burns.
Speaker 1: It burns like all my skin off. And immediately it
Speaker 1: burns my skin off. And I did something so stupid
Speaker 1: because the sugar not only flung on my face, but
Speaker 1: it stayed there for a second because I had all
Speaker 1: this stuff.
Speaker 2: Tongu that one crazy And here's a tongue hulu.
Speaker 1: A tongue hulu.
Speaker 2: Wait, but I'm not done talking about my crust.
Speaker 1: You no, get back to it.
Speaker 2: Actually I am done. Really, Basically, I make him text
Speaker 2: me first now and he does.
Speaker 1: You know what it is is you just haven't survived
Speaker 1: like a Hay scenario. Like the thing is, you don't
Speaker 1: need to keep in mind the Hay scenario is the
Speaker 1: least of my worries in terms of embarrassing romantic endeavors.
Speaker 1: Like I genuinely, from the beginning of being.
Speaker 2: My god, I curved and friend zoned her so hard
Speaker 2: and you weren't.
Speaker 1: You weren't the first, and you aren't gonna be the last,
Speaker 1: like damn, because like the thing is, I am very
Speaker 1: aware that I'm like a pretty girl whatever I'm fond
Speaker 1: of interesting. I am batshit crazy like that Like that,
Speaker 1: I think everyone in my life can attest to. I
Speaker 1: am batshit crazy and my priorities are really not in
Speaker 1: any romantic person. So everybody who dates me.
Speaker 2: Has to bat bat shit crazy right now too, Like
Speaker 2: you're like, I'm bad, shit crazy crazy.
Speaker 1: No, I have been feeling like so insane the past
Speaker 1: three weeks.
Speaker 2: Like so in insane.
Speaker 1: I want to I just I really need to go
Speaker 1: to the middle of America and find like a Derby
Speaker 1: car park thing I'm driving the boat, I'm driving the
Speaker 1: Derby car. I want to just crash a car, like
Speaker 1: I want it to be a safe scenario, but like
Speaker 1: my body feels like it needs to just like blast
Speaker 1: a song of my choice.
Speaker 2: And just like my dream is to buyo like a
Speaker 2: thousand dollars car and crash it.
Speaker 1: No, but I wanted to be like safety modded out
Speaker 1: because I'm not gonna die like that.
Speaker 3: Come on, like, oh, you want to be in it.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm saying I want to drive it, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to be like modded out that like there's
Speaker 1: phone cushioning all around me, so like at worst, I
Speaker 1: feel like a blow to my chest to.
Speaker 3: Be like you know what I feel like. One of
Speaker 3: the most cathartic things is you know when people are
Speaker 3: like I was in this insane crash and my car
Speaker 3: flipped over, but I'm line, yeah, that feels like a
Speaker 3: really cool experience to be okay.
Speaker 2: And it's like spinning like the upside down yeah, ye,
Speaker 2: spinning on the roof of the car.
Speaker 1: And you know, I would really hit for somebody to
Speaker 1: find me upside.
Speaker 2: Down car, Like your seat belts not working, Like what
Speaker 2: do you mean?
Speaker 1: Just hanging upside down? And I need like my seat belts.
Speaker 2: You have like little cuts on your face cut me off,
Speaker 2: and I to be like all my head the jaws
Speaker 2: of life, like like it's really dramatic for no thing,
Speaker 2: you really, I mean. That was my New Year's resolution
Speaker 2: was to get in a car crash. One of them
Speaker 2: was to get in a car crash, but not in
Speaker 2: like a deadly car.
Speaker 1: Because you can't say that because you don't care enough.
Speaker 1: I'm always driving when you're in a car, but.
Speaker 2: I know or even get hit by a car like
Speaker 2: crossing the street.
Speaker 3: But one time I was parked in San Francisco. I
Speaker 3: was with my friend and he was dropping me off,
Speaker 3: and then a car hit us at like eighty miles
Speaker 3: an hour, and we were parked on one of like
Speaker 3: the really steep hills in San Francisco, and the car
Speaker 3: flipped over it hit us, and then it shot down
Speaker 3: the hill and it flipped.
Speaker 2: Over me all the time like walking we.
Speaker 3: Were in the car, but it smashed into our car
Speaker 3: and then it flipped rolled down the hill and then
Speaker 3: the guy just got out and said I ran up
Speaker 3: to him to like get a photo of the thing,
Speaker 3: and I was like, are you good? And he was like,
Speaker 3: I just need to go to sleep. Like, I just
Speaker 3: don't want my boss to find out about this. It
Speaker 3: was so weird.
Speaker 2: Did the hospital So.
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, wait here, yeah, the hospital came.
Speaker 2: No, my hospital.
Speaker 3: I was in front of my house at the time,
Speaker 3: and I went inside to get water with my friend
Speaker 3: that was parked with me and we were.
Speaker 2: Lived in San Francisco.
Speaker 3: Okay, that first of all homophobic.
Speaker 2: No, no, I mean it's literally it's literally gay.
Speaker 3: I didn't even think about it, and.
Speaker 1: Like theory you were the homophobic one, because why are
Speaker 1: you so offended at being.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 3: That's a good point, and I'm gonna I'm gonna think about.
Speaker 2: It to kiss later. You'll just have to kiss me.
Speaker 3: We broke up whatever manipulative Okay. We went inside to
Speaker 3: drink water. Then when we came back out, the guy
Speaker 3: drove the car off. When we were inside we were
Speaker 3: drinking water. We were gonna like come back out because
Speaker 3: I don't know. We were just like, let's just go
Speaker 3: inside for a second. And then when we were inside,
Speaker 3: we heard the car start and it like drove off
Speaker 3: and what I don't know. I mean, I have a
Speaker 3: I ended up like reporting it and we got like
Speaker 3: physical therapy out of it. But it was like some
Speaker 3: weird thing that ended up being this guy who worked
Speaker 3: for like this rich tech person and what would like
Speaker 3: this is like the seventh time it had happened, Oh
Speaker 3: my god, where he was like his assistant. He would
Speaker 3: like do xanax and.
Speaker 2: Drive and it was his boss's car.
Speaker 3: It was his boss's car.
Speaker 1: Oh hell no.
Speaker 2: I would be like, I want to go to sleep too.
Speaker 1: For a long.
Speaker 2: I want to be in a coma please video wait.
Speaker 1: That just reminded me of when you and Arrinde took
Speaker 1: my car and O Ryan had already got into a
Speaker 1: car accident in my car and then I let them
Speaker 1: take it to San Francisco and they thought they got
Speaker 1: hit and they were talking about if they brought my
Speaker 1: car back, and it was like Flintstones.
Speaker 2: I literally was sobbing crying. I have never left that
Speaker 2: heart of my life, and I truly it wasn't that funny.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: Well, also the imagery of like me standing on the
Speaker 1: front porch and y'all coming up in the car and.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, what was the thing that happened with O
Speaker 3: Ryan's car where there was like that security?
Speaker 2: God, I forget what it was we haven't. I've always
Speaker 2: asked Oryan for it, but she'll never send it to me.
Speaker 1: Okay, we should like save onto that story because we
Speaker 1: want to have a Ryan on again. So we'll tell
Speaker 1: that story because that ship is so funny.
Speaker 2: Just look out. Me and O'Ryan got in a car
Speaker 2: crash and it's quite literally the funniest security cam footage.
Speaker 1: Feels like the silent films that cut it and they're like.
Speaker 2: But what, Yeah, it's so fucking funny.
Speaker 3: But oh that's awkward.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, have y'all seen that the video
Speaker 2: of that truck that gets in the tornado and it
Speaker 2: flips and rolls over and all that shit. It happened
Speaker 2: like probably five years ago.
Speaker 1: I need to see it.
Speaker 2: But it gets hit by a tornado, it rolls a
Speaker 2: bunch and then just drives away.
Speaker 1: It's like the greatest ad honestly, Like if I got
Speaker 1: rolled around by a tornado but my car and I
Speaker 1: was fine, Like, yes, I would drive away. Actually no,
Speaker 1: could I make any money off of that situation? If
Speaker 1: I say?
Speaker 5: Okay, back to the wild weather out of Texas following
Speaker 5: a tornado outbreak, folks, this is video you're looking at
Speaker 5: from Elgin, just east of Austin.
Speaker 1: Watch as a twister lifts a pick up.
Speaker 5: Off the ground, spinning it around and then landing it
Speaker 5: back on its wheels. Take another look. Okay, if that's
Speaker 5: the driver, continues as if nothing.
Speaker 1: Even you want driving.
Speaker 2: Didn't even show it, fucking driving off.
Speaker 1: I mean, I believe it. I believe you, Drew, I
Speaker 1: believe you.
Speaker 2: Pisses me off. But it was a Texas team and
Speaker 2: he got fifteen thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Okay, then yeah, I would say good.
Speaker 3: To know who pays the money for I.
Speaker 2: Think it was like the fucking state. I think it
Speaker 2: was the car company because they like it was like
Speaker 2: the greatest ad for them ever, because like they're hard
Speaker 2: to get hit by.
Speaker 1: Hid him fifteen k Now it's not a good adoption, true,
Speaker 1: I want more.
Speaker 2: I could have died because that's at least like a
Speaker 2: three million dollar budget commercial. Yea, yeah, but they saved
Speaker 2: three million dollars.
Speaker 1: They saved so much money on editors.
Speaker 2: Speaking of cars. Yeah, literally, because Ellen ellen Degenner has
Speaker 2: saved so much money on editors, because or saves so
Speaker 2: much money because she hires.
Speaker 1: She does hold the editing for the show herself.
Speaker 2: But but oh, you know that like hoodie that Ellen
Speaker 2: and jay z ware that has like the Bosquiocht painting
Speaker 2: on it. I think it's off white and all of
Speaker 2: like the conspiracy freakazoids like uh talk about it like
Speaker 2: it's like if you know this symbol like and what
Speaker 2: it means, you would be shocked. Then it's like just
Speaker 2: pictures of Ellen and other celebrities wearing that hoodie.
Speaker 1: I want it so fucking bad you're talking about it's just.
Speaker 2: Like a Boscocht painting, Like Boscocht like a state collab
Speaker 2: with off white and there's like this little creepy Boscot
Speaker 2: painting right here.
Speaker 1: Oh maybe I have seen it and.
Speaker 2: It looked it does look kind of demonic. But something
Speaker 2: that's legitimately been pissing me the fuck off recently, like
Speaker 2: actually driving me insane.
Speaker 1: Is.
Speaker 2: Why the fuck are the speed limits fifty miles per
Speaker 2: hour but my car can go one hundred and fifty
Speaker 2: miles per hour? Like literally, what is the point of
Speaker 2: making my car go that fast or making the speed
Speaker 2: limits that low if my car can go that fast?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't really understand it either. Also that, but
Speaker 1: that's why I don't understand people who want sports cars
Speaker 1: that go like, why would I ever need.
Speaker 2: My car to go three hundred miles per hour? Like okay,
Speaker 2: so I can drive in the salt flats, Like cool,
Speaker 2: that's so fun.
Speaker 1: Do you need a car that faster to driving the
Speaker 1: salt flats?
Speaker 2: No, but you can drive that fast in the salt flats.
Speaker 2: That's where they set all the world records for land speed.
Speaker 2: I can't believe that. It's really cool. There's this really
Speaker 2: awesome documentary about like a motorcycle.
Speaker 1: Is it dangerous to drive that fast even on like
Speaker 1: flat area?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like there could be like a because
Speaker 2: in the salt flats there's like little pockets where the
Speaker 2: water like erodes the salt away and then it gets covered. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 2: and you don't see it. Yeah, you're if you're going
Speaker 2: three hundred miles and you hit that, it's not in
Speaker 2: the yang Wang yang Wang.
Speaker 1: That is fucking insane. Also, yang Wang literally sounds like
Speaker 1: the name of like a beauty influencer, Like it sounds
Speaker 1: like a guy.
Speaker 2: To yeah, like, are's thel beauty.
Speaker 3: I feel like cars can go that fast because I've
Speaker 3: always in my head rationalized of like if you aren't
Speaker 3: an emergency situation and you have to like drive really
Speaker 3: fast around. I don't know, I'm like for men.
Speaker 1: Emergency situation is like when we pulled up today to
Speaker 1: film the episode, I saw Kai and I felt like
Speaker 1: I had to put my car.
Speaker 2: Oh, speaking of the emergency situ fucking wait, wait, why
Speaker 2: I was perving on me when I was in my car.
Speaker 3: I was just filming.
Speaker 2: I had look look at this creepy video.
Speaker 3: He's a little I was just filming you.
Speaker 1: We've become obsessed with saying all ew, why are you
Speaker 1: breathing so hard?
Speaker 3: I'm just filming.
Speaker 1: Why were you filming?
Speaker 3: I'm so ugly when I'm to add it to the
Speaker 3: to the database of videos that I have of you guys,
Speaker 3: because you guys just look so cute when you don't
Speaker 3: know that someone's filming you. And I just I want
Speaker 3: you guys to see what the world sees.
Speaker 1: I never want to see what the world sees. Actually,
Speaker 1: I decided, like I think I'm gonna get rid of
Speaker 1: all my mirrors and get rid of my phone and
Speaker 1: move to the woods and die.
Speaker 2: Okay, we are back. Wait, I'm gonna taken off guard
Speaker 2: photo of Okay, there we go, got it? This is
Speaker 2: actually so.
Speaker 1: He looks so cute.
Speaker 3: Let me see that's.
Speaker 1: Actually that is weirdly enough, the lighting your back lit.
Speaker 1: But like that.
Speaker 3: Photo, Can I see it again? Because I feel like.
Speaker 1: The lighting was really good even though it's back lit.
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 1: I don't think I look photos like photographs I've ever seen.
Speaker 2: I know, I'm like Loki, a photographer. I can capture
Speaker 2: someone's essence perfectly.
Speaker 1: Just they're like, snap, that's real life. This is real life.
Speaker 3: Really imposing that you're saying, I actually look good because
Speaker 3: I'll put it on on my main.
Speaker 1: Yeah you should.
Speaker 2: This is a good photo of you and you guys
Speaker 2: aren't working with me, No, you.
Speaker 1: It's so moisturized, and your teeth are really.
Speaker 2: White, real white teeth. You got that?
Speaker 1: That a smile?
Speaker 3: Honestly, I trust you, guys. I trust you, guys. I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't trust my own image of myself, So I
Speaker 3: trust you. Be okay, then send me that.
Speaker 2: Well we've been saying, y'all, this is so fucking funny.
Speaker 2: Before I got I, before I wrote the trade update,
Speaker 2: I took a note saying I didn't re checked. It's
Speaker 2: so fucking dramatic. I didn't know it was possible.
Speaker 1: Love to read your fucking journals right now.
Speaker 2: They're not really like they're so psychopathic, like they're really intense.
Speaker 1: Uh well, my car story. Have I told the story
Speaker 1: about me crashing the car when I was fifteen?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like the hit and run, Yeah, the hit.
Speaker 1: And run, the Starbucks hit and run.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh that one isn't that funny. But I'll tell that
Speaker 1: one a different time if actually people want to hear it,
Speaker 1: because it is a funny story. But the one I
Speaker 1: was just thinking of is one time when we were
Speaker 1: driving home from school, me and my whole family were
Speaker 1: in the car, or we're driving to school, because it
Speaker 1: was like seven am, and this tiny like Toyota Camry,
Speaker 1: it was a gold color just like, ran through a
Speaker 1: red light and t boned somebody who was right in
Speaker 1: front of us. And I am not kidding. Twelve high
Speaker 1: schoolers jumped out of the car and it felt like
Speaker 1: I was actually watching a clown car because it was
Speaker 1: a tiny like nineteen ninety six camera and twelve big
Speaker 1: ass teenagers got out and ran all different directions, and
Speaker 1: it turned out that it was a bunch of eighth
Speaker 1: graders from my school who had taken their mom's car
Speaker 1: to school, and they were like just listening to a
Speaker 1: bunch of music. And this kid had gone around and
Speaker 1: picked up all his friends and were like all laughing,
Speaker 1: like dude, just get in, just get in, we can
Speaker 1: all fit. And they were all in there, like laying
Speaker 1: on top of each other, and they weren't paying attention
Speaker 1: because they were too busy just like laughing. They hit
Speaker 1: this car. Nobody got injured, but all of them ran
Speaker 1: out and just the one kid who I knew who
Speaker 1: I went to YMCA with was Stan left standing at
Speaker 1: the car and I just like we looked at my
Speaker 1: dad was like, oh my god, these kids are crazy,
Speaker 1: and we were like, yeah, they're so crazy. But they
Speaker 1: were like all of our front.
Speaker 2: They're free too. I told you my car crash story.
Speaker 2: Wife two. So one of them I was getting slurpees
Speaker 2: from racetrack and we were.
Speaker 1: We had our first problem is getting slurpees from race track.
Speaker 2: I was we would go to the YMCA and then
Speaker 2: we'd it was like across the street and then we
Speaker 2: would drive my friend's dad would drive us across the
Speaker 2: street and we were drinking slurpees and we had small
Speaker 2: cups of Slurpees, but they had really long straws in
Speaker 2: them because they only had long straws, And we were
Speaker 2: both sipping our slurpies as we were rear ended, and
Speaker 2: we both deep throated our slurpee straws and cut the
Speaker 2: back of our throats.
Speaker 1: Like wait, Also, I just remembered another car crash story,
Speaker 1: which was a very very sure sign of me from
Speaker 1: a young age having OCD. But the first car accident
Speaker 1: I remember being in I had it was my first
Speaker 1: day second grade. My mom picked me up. I was
Speaker 1: in the front seat. I didn't put a seatbelt on,
Speaker 1: and I was talking mad about my new teacher because
Speaker 1: I thought she was a fucking bitch and her name
Speaker 1: was like miss Adams or some shit, and she was
Speaker 1: a bitch. It was literally like she was evil version
Speaker 1: of missus Frizzle from that one fucking show. But like
Speaker 1: now looking back, she was very cute, because there were
Speaker 1: times where she was very nice. But the first day
Speaker 1: of school I was talking mad shit about her, and
Speaker 1: then we got into a car crash, and since I
Speaker 1: didn't have my seatbelt on, I shot into like the
Speaker 1: foot space because I was a tiny person, and I
Speaker 1: shot into the foot space I twisted my ankle, and
Speaker 1: I was I never talked shit about her for the
Speaker 1: rest of the year, even though she was so mean
Speaker 1: to me. I was convinced that talking about her made
Speaker 1: my mom crash the car karma, so I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't talk bad about her anymore because she's like
Speaker 1: a witch or something.
Speaker 2: The last cars crash story I'll tell is I was
Speaker 2: driving in Grand Burry and we were going down you
Speaker 2: know that big road by like like you know, Hb's
Speaker 2: here where I worked is here. We were going down
Speaker 2: that road and there were like, no, I'm not even
Speaker 2: gonna tell it. Okay, I'm not gonna tell it.
Speaker 1: We don't deserve it.
Speaker 2: No, y'all don't get it. Y'all will never understand it. Now,
Speaker 2: I was just gonna lie and say hit a bunch
Speaker 2: of bikers. But I was like, honestly, that's not funny.
Speaker 2: But the last thing I'll bring up, and this was diabolical.
Speaker 2: This was full y'all are evil for doing this to me.
Speaker 2: But I saw the video and it was like when
Speaker 2: they're an ugly type of hot, and it was like
Speaker 2: this girl like like when they're an ugly type of hot.
Speaker 2: I got tagged in that thirty plus times, and there
Speaker 2: was a comment saying, oh, this is Drew Phillips that
Speaker 2: had three thousand likes an ugly type of hot. You
Speaker 2: were not an ugly type of hot.
Speaker 1: We're not ugly hot like I think you are just hot.
Speaker 3: You are take the hot you honestly aren't. Yeah, drop
Speaker 3: the ugly purely hot.
Speaker 1: Well, I need to find the screenshot because I saw
Speaker 1: something like that of me recently that made me crack
Speaker 1: d fuck up. Oh, it was like going into the
Speaker 1: new year with an any humanser mindset, and it was like.
Speaker 4: A slideshow of a bunch of really really cute pictures
Speaker 4: and like just my vibe, like aesthetically And then the
Speaker 4: top comment was isn't she like super sad?
Speaker 2: Yeh yeh, yeah, not anymore. It's five exact and you're
Speaker 2: so happy. Actually, you have been really happy recently. I
Speaker 2: have been, like the last week. There was a rough
Speaker 2: two weeks when we got back.
Speaker 3: Have you been happy the last week?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Actually, well I was gonna say, I've also been happy, So.
Speaker 2: Make it end with me while you're bragging.
Speaker 3: Bragg I'm usually sad.
Speaker 2: Usually when we're sad, you have to be sad. You
Speaker 2: can and when we're happy, you have to be sad.
Speaker 1: What you need to stay sad?
Speaker 3: Dude.
Speaker 2: I love hearing that, though, kaya because.
Speaker 3: I felt so good. That's awesome. Yeah, it felt good you.
Speaker 2: Were in I mean, you've been going back and seeing
Speaker 2: your family a lot. What if that's like the key?
Speaker 3: It might be it really is. I'm not kidding.
Speaker 1: I think like removing yourself from like high.
Speaker 3: Social helping your parents with stuff is like, so it's
Speaker 3: what we were meant to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was truly. We were supposed to be like
Speaker 2: in the villages, like helping our parents build the mud hut.
Speaker 5: Like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, when I was younger, I would go visit my
Speaker 3: family and I would just regress and that that was
Speaker 3: my activity. But now I just I go back and
Speaker 3: I help them do chores and stuff.
Speaker 2: That's that is so cute. I don't have a Drew
Speaker 2: sigh up today, but I have a monologue.
Speaker 1: I if this is what I think it is, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna walk away while you do it, all.
Speaker 2: Right, no lube, no protection, all night, all day. From
Speaker 2: the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining
Speaker 2: room table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to
Speaker 2: the shower from the front porch to the battalcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratically, exponentially,
Speaker 2: fuck exponently, logarithmic, while I gasp for air, scream until
Speaker 2: I see the light. Missionary cowgirl, reverse, cowgirl, doggie, backwards, forwards, sideways,
Speaker 2: upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch,
Speaker 2: on a chair, being carried against the wall outside, in
Speaker 2: a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle,
Speaker 2: the bed of a truck, on a trampoline, in a
Speaker 2: bounce house, in the pool, bent over in the basement
Speaker 2: against the window. Have the most toe curling, back arching,
Speaker 2: leg shaking, dick throbbing, fist clenching, ear ringing, mouth drolling,
Speaker 2: ass clenching, nose sniffing, eye watering, eye rolling, hip thrusting, earthquaking, sheets, gripping, knuckles, cracking,
Speaker 2: jaw dropping, hair pulling, teeth, theator bug, mind boggling, soul snatching,
Speaker 2: over stimulating, vial, sloppy, moan inducing, heart wrenching, spine tingling, backbreaking, atrocious, gushy, creamy, beastly,
Speaker 2: lip biting, lip biting, gravity defying, nail biting, sweaty feet kicking,
Speaker 2: mind blowing, body shivering, orgasmic, bone wrecking, world ending, black
Speaker 2: hole creating, universe destroying, devious, scrumptious, amazing, delightful, delectable, unbelievable,
Speaker 2: body numbing, back worthing, can't walk, head nodding, soul evaporating,
Speaker 2: don't cough, uh sorry, soul evaporating, volcano erupting, sweat rolling,
Speaker 2: sweat rolling, voice cracking, trembling, sheets removing, eye widening, pussy popping,
Speaker 2: nail scratching, back cuts, spectacular, brain cell dissolving, hair ripping, slow,
Speaker 2: show stopping, magnificent, unique, extraordinary, splendid, phenomenal, mouth foaming, heavenly
Speaker 2: awaking Devn's Devil's tattoo. That was a Fredine Switt slip,
Speaker 2: Hi devn Devil's tango. He could not put a nuclear
Speaker 2: bomb inside of me and I'd still ride it. Or
Speaker 2: he could put a nuclear bomb inside of me and
Speaker 2: I'd still ride it, and I would give this man
Speaker 2: the sloppiest, wettest, creamiest, soul taking, slimy, life changing, death, defying,
Speaker 2: heaven sent flabbergasting, hypnotizing, ungodly.
Speaker 3: Head that is sexy. That was a very sexy poem that.
Speaker 1: Felt like when you and your friends go to a
Speaker 1: new restaurant and the waitress asks if y'all have been
Speaker 1: there before, and some fucking idiot the table decides to
Speaker 1: admit you haven't been there before, So now you have
Speaker 1: to hear the whole spiel. That's what it is.
Speaker 2: What is the suit? Mini? Also, I have to give
Speaker 2: what's on the sup menu today.
Speaker 1: And the special today. Drew is the kind of motherfucker.
Speaker 2: I do do that. I do do that, but I
Speaker 2: have to give credit where credit is due. That was
Speaker 2: from at cunt rs on.
Speaker 3: Oh, I thought you were writing sex poetry.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no.
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, because I've I've actually been writing
Speaker 3: some sex sexy poetry as well.
Speaker 2: Read some.
Speaker 3: This one's called clever Girl. I feel like a cursed
Speaker 3: time traveler, one that can only move forward in time.
Speaker 3: My addiction to the arts rivaled only by my addiction
Speaker 3: to beautiful women. What does a night out with a
Speaker 3: guy like me look like? I take you to a restaurant,
Speaker 3: I wine and dine you and shower you with sexy compliments.
Speaker 3: I take you back to my apartment and impress you
Speaker 3: with my sexy furniture. I make you laugh until you squirt,
Speaker 3: and best of all, we make love in the morning,
Speaker 3: I make you breakfast, and you bake me for more sex.
Speaker 3: A bachelor tethered only to his cock.
Speaker 1: What is this?
Speaker 3: It's poetry. I've been working on a coffee in a
Speaker 3: hip downtown cafe, overlooking the side. God, I indulge in
Speaker 3: a cigarette, sue me. May you find me guilty? You
Speaker 3: find it?
Speaker 1: Where is this from? God?
Speaker 3: You find it relaxing to be around me, even when
Speaker 3: I'm giving you little kisses and nibbles. God, I'm almost done.
Speaker 3: The sun sets, The sun sets on a brazen New
Speaker 3: York City skyline. Your body quenches my thirst, a sexual oasis.
Speaker 3: I laugh at it. You introduce me to your friends.
Speaker 3: They are offended by my candor.
Speaker 2: So it ends there.
Speaker 3: That's it. It's yeah, that was.
Speaker 2: Beautiful.
Speaker 3: When I was in New York, me and my friends
Speaker 3: were like, we're trying to write like the most like disgusting,
Speaker 3: like straight guy poetry. We can.
Speaker 2: That's your milk and honey.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll just keep working on that. I'm gonna keep working, you.
Speaker 2: Know, I think, right, a couple more and we'll bring
Speaker 2: one every episode so and you can hear it every time.
Speaker 3: Now I like them longer.
Speaker 1: Too, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna kill myself tonight.
Speaker 2: Okay, Drew's high up corner. I'm always intrigued by close friends' stories.
Speaker 2: Who's not allowed to see you grilling zucchini?
Speaker 1: That's how I feel about, like ice cream? Like why
Speaker 1: who can't know you're having a sweet treat right now?
Speaker 2: Why is six gagged? Why because seven eight?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: That was at shape Ports on Twitter. Y'all merge perfectly
Speaker 2: at chick fil A. But y'all merge perfectly at Chick
Speaker 2: fil A? But why not? On the I forty five,
Speaker 2: that's really good. That was from Cassidy Jane, And that's
Speaker 2: all y'all get well.
Speaker 1: My media of the week is still just Walk a
Speaker 1: Thin Line by Fleetwood Mac because I don't know, I
Speaker 1: just feel like that song, and that's all I've been
Speaker 1: listening to on repeat.
Speaker 2: My media of the week is The Dark Tower one
Speaker 2: in the Dark Tower series by Stephen Hawking or Stephen
Speaker 2: King because my crush really likes it and so I
Speaker 2: started listening to it. That's cute all, but no, for real,
Speaker 2: my media is I might break, but I won't buy
Speaker 2: Thrillium Angels Maury Moury' that's all y'all get. And then
Speaker 2: I've been only listening to the Challengers soundtrack. It's been
Speaker 2: the score to my life the last three weeks. It's
Speaker 2: been the soundtrack to my life. So tap in and
Speaker 2: then anything Trent Reznor Atticus Ross. I started listening to
Speaker 2: the Social Network soundtrack because every once in a while,
Speaker 2: like if I have an album I really really love,
Speaker 2: I like have to withdraw from it because I'm like
Speaker 2: too like dependent on it and I'm also like just desensitized. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I like take like a tolerance break from it.
Speaker 2: And oh my god, the Social Network soundtrack is so
Speaker 2: fucking good, y'all, And I'm back on that ship. I'm
Speaker 2: back on that good ship. And my media, well, Ky,
Speaker 2: do you have a single song you would like to type? People?
Speaker 3: Movie the movie Media, The Before Sun Before Sons. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I had never seen him, really, I've never seen him.
Speaker 3: They're so good.
Speaker 2: We've we've talked about you not seeing them before. They're
Speaker 2: so fucking lit.
Speaker 3: So crazy. And actually in the first one.
Speaker 2: Was that one car away No no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: it's link later, yeah, link later.
Speaker 3: But in the first one, the guy is like, I
Speaker 3: have this idea for a TV show where we just
Speaker 3: follow people's lives, like what you guys are talking about. Yeah,
Speaker 3: before sunset?
Speaker 2: Are there two or three?
Speaker 3: There's three and they're ten years apart every time were
Speaker 3: they made?
Speaker 2: Do you know if they were made like like years
Speaker 2: apart or they.
Speaker 3: Were made over the course of thirty years with the
Speaker 3: same actors, so lit it's it's really.
Speaker 2: Cool, so goodd but okay, well, thanks for listening to
Speaker 2: this episode of Emergency or Calm. This is the last
Speaker 2: episode to talk what's fun
Speaker 4: M