Speaker 1: As a man. There was a certain responsibility that you
Speaker 1: take on when you ask a woman to marry you,
Speaker 1: especially if you ask her to have your children, And
Speaker 1: that responsibility brings a lot of pressure and I just
Speaker 1: feel like pressure. Buzz pipes, diamonds are made under pressure.
Speaker 1: So you're welcome. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos without boys
Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of Live's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Do the lens of a millennium married couple? That ads
Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead as, were actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about
Speaker 1: to take billows off to our whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: ass starts right now. All right, So this story time
Speaker 1: is presented to you. In the year two thousand and nine,
Speaker 1: the recession hit. My father had lost his job, my
Speaker 1: brother just graduated from college, and I had got cut
Speaker 1: by the Cleveland Browns. At this point, this was the
Speaker 1: year after I got cut by the Detroit Lines. Kadina
Speaker 1: and I had moved back to Brooklyn officially, and we
Speaker 1: were trying to figure out what we're gonna do. So
Speaker 1: I remember my father, my brother, and I were in
Speaker 1: the room. We were in my sister's tory room and
Speaker 1: the door was closed, and my father was just like,
Speaker 1: all right, listen, guys, things are gonna be tough, you know. Um.
Speaker 1: At this point, the three of us were not working,
Speaker 1: and this is the first time all three of us
Speaker 1: had not been working. My brother, like I said, just
Speaker 1: graduate from college. My father always kept two three jobs,
Speaker 1: and I was in the NFL. So my father said, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take some money out of my phone one
Speaker 1: k I'm gonna make sure that you're comfortable with about
Speaker 1: your brother is comfortable, and I'm going to, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of provide us with this little bit of space
Speaker 1: so that we can kind of figure out what we're
Speaker 1: gonna do next. And I was like, all right, well,
Speaker 1: you know, are you guys good? You and mom? And
Speaker 1: he was just like, don't don't worry about your mother.
Speaker 1: I was like, what you mean, you know, like mommy works.
Speaker 1: She was just like, don't he said, as a man,
Speaker 1: you don't discuss finances with your wife. Your job as
Speaker 1: a husband is to make sure that your wife is
Speaker 1: at peace at all times. Your mom is not to
Speaker 1: know what issues we have financially. You just work hard.
Speaker 1: I trust you, I trust your brother will figure it out.
Speaker 1: But don't disclose things to your mom. Let your mom
Speaker 1: do what she does, and we have to figure it
Speaker 1: out as men. And it was at that point that
Speaker 1: I realized that there was a lot of pressure that
Speaker 1: comes with being the head of the household. Is gonna
Speaker 1: bless with the vote schools today. Me, me, me, me,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get the before you already all right, hey
Speaker 1: mm hmmm, uh, tell me what you want from me.
Speaker 1: Take a look out what you see. Let me know
Speaker 1: if it's right here. Something you can't have full years.
Speaker 1: Tell me what you want from me. Take a look
Speaker 1: out what you see. Let me know if it's right here,
Speaker 1: something you can't have. Now. Want to see you doing good.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get richly. In my eyes, you
Speaker 1: the bad reason why I love you, because my stad
Speaker 1: is you don't want to see me with a carriage
Speaker 1: living average. Nah, you know, never that you're trying to
Speaker 1: do the things, so we could be established trying to
Speaker 1: old bars bars bars. Nonetheless, I guess we should take
Speaker 1: it back the story time before we before I apply
Speaker 1: this sure on you. Let me tell you how much
Speaker 1: that word, that word has been hot lately, that word.
Speaker 1: We've definitely put the word pressure back on the map.
Speaker 1: It's like one of the turning the number eight or so. Yes,
Speaker 1: so I hear, um, But but take us back to
Speaker 1: story time, real QUI, because I feel like this is perfect.
Speaker 1: This is the perfect segue for us to then unpack, uh,
Speaker 1: this topic of pressure and the pressure that was felt
Speaker 1: by you, um, the pressure applied by me, so to speak.
Speaker 1: So take us from story time, and then I guess
Speaker 1: we can segue into how that then manifests itself in
Speaker 1: our soon to be married life back in our twenties. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's actually pretty simple, right. Um. Two
Speaker 1: thousand and nine was the year that I had decided
Speaker 1: that I wasn't going to play football anymore, and we
Speaker 1: were going through the economic crisis. So, um, you and
Speaker 1: I collectively had and I said collectively because even though
Speaker 1: I was working, we were in this as a partnership. Oh,
Speaker 1: we had lost a ton of money in the stock market. Um,
Speaker 1: the houses that we bought, the property value was down
Speaker 1: because the housing market burst, so all of the equity
Speaker 1: that we had in the property was gone. So we
Speaker 1: could now we couldn't even sell these properties to get
Speaker 1: cash because we were upside down on the mortgage and
Speaker 1: I wasn't working. So two thousand and nine, I'll never forget.
Speaker 1: I woke up one morning. You were laying in the
Speaker 1: bed next to me and you had a plan where
Speaker 1: you had an appointment for us to go look at
Speaker 1: the venue. And at this time I was still with
Speaker 1: the Cleveland Browns. And I woke up that morning. It
Speaker 1: was July. And I woke up that morning and I
Speaker 1: got a phone call and I saw the Berea, Ohio
Speaker 1: area code, and I kind of knew what this was
Speaker 1: because I was expecting this. And I got a phone
Speaker 1: call from the from the officer, Hey, d Val, you
Speaker 1: know we're gonna have to let you go. We want
Speaker 1: to sign some draft picks. So I said, cool, hung
Speaker 1: up the phone And You're like, who was that? I said,
Speaker 1: you know, it's um, it was the Browns. They just
Speaker 1: cut me, and you were like, oh, damn, baby, I
Speaker 1: know you didn't want to be there. I was, you know,
Speaker 1: I didn't, And she's like, all right, well, we have
Speaker 1: a venue to go look at, and I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: I just lost my job and you want to go
Speaker 1: look at at venues for the wedding. But if I
Speaker 1: didn't say anything, I was like, all right, all right, cool, cool,
Speaker 1: like all right, let's let's go look at these venues.
Speaker 1: So I got my dumbass up and I went to
Speaker 1: go look at venues with you and your mom like
Speaker 1: everything was perfectly fine. Meanwhile, on the inside, I was
Speaker 1: kind of like I don't know how I'm going to
Speaker 1: make this happen because I wasn't working. And then I
Speaker 1: remember we got back home and you and I sat
Speaker 1: on your mom's couch and he was like, what do
Speaker 1: you think about the venue? And I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I don't know, I don't I
Speaker 1: kind of feel, you know, I think I might want
Speaker 1: to wait, you know, I don't. I think I might
Speaker 1: want to wait a little bit, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: to get married. And you were just kind of like,
Speaker 1: what you mean? And I was just like I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think I just want to wait a little bit.
Speaker 1: You don't want to wait. And then that's when you
Speaker 1: said I want to get married next year. That felt
Speaker 1: like pressure to me. And it wasn't an ultimatum. You
Speaker 1: didn't say to me either we're getting married or next year,
Speaker 1: or we're not getting married. You never said that. But
Speaker 1: it was at this point that I realized, like gang,
Speaker 1: like I did ask her to marry me. So I
Speaker 1: made that that proposal, like I want to do this,
Speaker 1: and I did want to do this. So there was
Speaker 1: never the pressure to be married to me at all. No,
Speaker 1: I see this, It was time frame. See this is
Speaker 1: the thing. The pressure didn't come in actual marriage. I
Speaker 1: had I bought a house for us to live in.
Speaker 1: You were living with me full time, so I had
Speaker 1: already said to you, you are the woman I want
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of my life with. The idea
Speaker 1: of marriage itself did not scare me as much as
Speaker 1: providing the type of wedding and then financial security for
Speaker 1: the rest of our life. Did that scared me? You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying that the idea of marriage itself
Speaker 1: did scaring, But all of those other things and encompasses.
Speaker 1: Being married scared me, and especially since I didn't have
Speaker 1: a job and I didn't know where the finance were
Speaker 1: going to come from. It was it was I was
Speaker 1: kind of nervous, right, and I get that. And it's
Speaker 1: funny because at the time, of course, like we've said now,
Speaker 1: there was an impressure to be married to me, it
Speaker 1: was just within the time constraints that you feel like
Speaker 1: I gave you. So, you know, the things that I
Speaker 1: asked for in terms of moving forward in the relationship
Speaker 1: was that we'll be married, and we got engaged, and
Speaker 1: to me, I was thinking, Okay, I'm like rolling into
Speaker 1: my late twenties now. So in this again, like I
Speaker 1: said previously, this timeline that I have in my head
Speaker 1: of like what's transpiring in my life and where I
Speaker 1: foresaw me being at these different points, it was rolling
Speaker 1: around time to be married and have a baby, because
Speaker 1: we had discussed that we've been together at that point
Speaker 1: for eight years, so it was like the next thing
Speaker 1: in succession should have been for us to be married
Speaker 1: and also being around you know, our friends who were
Speaker 1: also at the point either married, already married with at
Speaker 1: least one child, engaged, you know, planning their wedding simultaneously.
Speaker 1: We had a lot of couples who were getting married
Speaker 1: around the same time, So for me, it just kind
Speaker 1: of seemed like a natural succession. That was the first thing.
Speaker 1: Was there immaturity in that, I will admit absolutely, because
Speaker 1: in addition to the immaturity that I felt just being
Speaker 1: like a twenty something year old kind of spoiled girl, like, hey,
Speaker 1: my parents have afforded me a life that's been amazing
Speaker 1: so far, and then now I found this amazing man
Speaker 1: who I want to build a life with. There was
Speaker 1: a level of codeine being a spoiled brat saying like, listen,
Speaker 1: this is something that can happen, Like what do you mean.
Speaker 1: I was living kind of in my own bubble. That
Speaker 1: was my reality at the time. That maybe was not
Speaker 1: your reality. Also too, the societal pressures, I would say
Speaker 1: to meaning that they came kind of indirectly, but like
Speaker 1: I said, having people around us who were married and
Speaker 1: things like that, or knowing like you hear this biological
Speaker 1: clock that ticks, which I know now years later that
Speaker 1: that's not necessarily a thing because women are having children,
Speaker 1: their first children, you know, well into their thirties. Some
Speaker 1: people aspire not to have children. Like, there are many
Speaker 1: different things that now I look back on and I'm like, wow, Codeine,
Speaker 1: that was something that you just made up in your
Speaker 1: own mind, or that's something that you were just you know,
Speaker 1: looking at others around you doing that you felt like
Speaker 1: you were behind on time, you know. Um, so that
Speaker 1: was definitely something that I was looking into as well,
Speaker 1: and I thought that that was like one of those things. Um.
Speaker 1: It was one of those things where I was just like,
Speaker 1: you know, I got to get it done now, um,
Speaker 1: question real quick. You don't feel like, well, I mean,
Speaker 1: you just admitted that it was you was kind of
Speaker 1: selfish and it was immature. Absolutely, But you can't see
Speaker 1: how that could feel like pressure to me. No, I
Speaker 1: understand how it felt like pressure because you felt like, wow,
Speaker 1: I've been now put all of this on my future husband,
Speaker 1: my fiance to make it happen. But the crazy thing
Speaker 1: about it, it was that based on your personality, based
Speaker 1: on your work ethic, based on the type of person
Speaker 1: you were or are actually because you're still this way
Speaker 1: to this day, the relentlessness behind you, that unyielding work
Speaker 1: work ethic to just do whatever it is you to do,
Speaker 1: like you told me that you want to be in
Speaker 1: the NFL. You were in the NFL. You told me
Speaker 1: that you want to be an actor. You're an actor.
Speaker 1: You were a full time working actor now. So having
Speaker 1: that faith in you and you being cut from the Browns,
Speaker 1: I actually just thought that was just part of the process.
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, well, you're cut from the Browns today,
Speaker 1: but that's just the nature of the game. And if
Speaker 1: you're cut today, chances are your agent's gonna find you
Speaker 1: a place to be and you'll be signed somewhere tomorrow.
Speaker 1: You know. There was even the perspective, I mean, the
Speaker 1: possibility of you being signed to Canada, and I was like, well, shoot,
Speaker 1: I guess I'm gonna be a Cannadian now, and we
Speaker 1: moved to Canada and we'll have a life out there.
Speaker 1: So I did not in that moment feel like, um,
Speaker 1: although you felt pressure, I didn't feel like it was
Speaker 1: pressure per se because you handled it so well. Um,
Speaker 1: but like, why did you feel the pressure? I guess, well,
Speaker 1: I mean for me, it's it's not just feeling the
Speaker 1: pressure in that moment. There's pressure that exists in being
Speaker 1: a husband daily, you know. But um, my father just
Speaker 1: instilled in me from the time I was young that
Speaker 1: it was my responsibility to remove all stress from my wife,
Speaker 1: right and which I appreciate. I mean, I look at
Speaker 1: your mom and your dad and how they move, and
Speaker 1: it's just like your mom is. You know, she works
Speaker 1: her job. She doesn't really have to worry about anything
Speaker 1: else because your dad he handles it. You know that
Speaker 1: he wasn't My grandfather was the same way like my
Speaker 1: my grandfather. When my grandmother told me that my pop
Speaker 1: used to come home when this check give her, she
Speaker 1: handled everything she needs to handle with the kids and herself,
Speaker 1: and whatever is left over he took for himself. So
Speaker 1: he came home, he provided, he was a provider, He
Speaker 1: made his money and took his family first. And so
Speaker 1: it was instilled in me that that is what I
Speaker 1: have to do for the rest of my life. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, when you ask a woman
Speaker 1: to marry, you would have your kids. That is your responsibility.
Speaker 1: And people can say whatever they want to say about
Speaker 1: gender roles, and let's eliminate gender roles. There there's one
Speaker 1: thing that a man can never take off the hands
Speaker 1: of a woman, and that's having a baby. My father
Speaker 1: said to me, if you're gonna ask the woman you
Speaker 1: to have your children, it is your responsibility to make
Speaker 1: sure that your finances cover everything, because what if she
Speaker 1: decides she doesn't want to go back to work anymore?
Speaker 1: What if she can't go back to work. So for me,
Speaker 1: it was like, Okay, this is what you know. This
Speaker 1: is what I'm at when I say I want to
Speaker 1: marry Kadine. This is what I take on. You understand
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And just to put things into context.
Speaker 1: When I got engaged, things were looking very different, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. When I got in two thousand
Speaker 1: and eight, I had two hundred thousand dollars in my
Speaker 1: bank account. I just bought a house for us to
Speaker 1: live in. I moved you out there. We lived there
Speaker 1: together inch again for two years. Um. I was number
Speaker 1: three on the depth chart. So I was looking at
Speaker 1: I'm gonna play out this season and possibly get a
Speaker 1: big contract next season. Let's the mindset I had as
Speaker 1: well too. I was like, oh kay, well, so when
Speaker 1: I proposed, I was doing things in a place and
Speaker 1: in order of financial consequence, I had put things in
Speaker 1: place to make sure that we were good. So then
Speaker 1: the next thing is to get married. Once all of
Speaker 1: the finances changed, it kind of changed my order. So
Speaker 1: it wasn't like I don't want to get married to
Speaker 1: this woman anymore. It was like, can I do this
Speaker 1: because I don't care what people say. People gonna people
Speaker 1: get up here all day and be like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: men and women are equal and not if your marriage
Speaker 1: is messed up and y'all are suffering financially, you know who?
Speaker 1: They look at the husband, I would say the same
Speaker 1: thing I don't care for, dude is to stay at
Speaker 1: home dad. And a woman is out there bussing her
Speaker 1: tail right when things are not going well financially. They
Speaker 1: look at him and say, yo, you gotta you gotta
Speaker 1: pick up, like you have to do something. And I
Speaker 1: embrace that because I can't have children, so I embraced that.
Speaker 1: So for me at the time, when I said to you,
Speaker 1: I think I might want to wait, and then you said, well,
Speaker 1: I want to get married next year, that felt like pressure,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like on top of the
Speaker 1: pressure that I already put on myself to be a provider.
Speaker 1: And I don't necessarily think that pressure is a bad thing.
Speaker 1: All the time, you know what I'm saying in sound
Speaker 1: about you know sometimes pressure will you know, breed diamonds
Speaker 1: and all sorts of good things, which it did in
Speaker 1: our relationship, because I feel like we're at a space now,
Speaker 1: I mean years later, of course we can reflect on it,
Speaker 1: but in that moment, it's like the sense of urgency
Speaker 1: that I have when I really think back on it
Speaker 1: now with a very clear hindsight view, which we tend
Speaker 1: to do with a lot of things in life. What
Speaker 1: what was my rush? Ultimately, you know, that's what I was.
Speaker 1: That's what I was asking. Bought a house for you
Speaker 1: and moved you into Do I have what more I
Speaker 1: have to do to prove to you that I want
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of my life? Absolutely? The thing
Speaker 1: is too you know. You know people have said that, oh, well,
Speaker 1: Katine was just like telling you her standards and she
Speaker 1: had standard and expectations, and that's just what she She
Speaker 1: was letting you know that this is what she wanted.
Speaker 1: I mean, it was to an extent it was me
Speaker 1: telling you where I foresaw things going. But I could
Speaker 1: have I could have also, I could have had the
Speaker 1: mindset and the foresight to say, you know what, maybe
Speaker 1: now it's at the right time. You could have you know,
Speaker 1: maybe I could have been like that, it's at the
Speaker 1: right time to just talk to this man about actual
Speaker 1: wedding until he finds a job. I'm glad you said that,
Speaker 1: now you know what I'm saying. I did not see
Speaker 1: that in that time frame. Again, I'm coming from who
Speaker 1: that was my fault though, the reason why you felt
Speaker 1: like that that was my fault, I'll say, I'll say
Speaker 1: that that's that's my fault. You ever let me know
Speaker 1: that you felt that pressure. No, I didn't, And that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. It was my fault though, because my
Speaker 1: father instilled in me to remove the pressure from my wife.
Speaker 1: You have the conversation about it. We never because I
Speaker 1: felt like my role as a husband was to be
Speaker 1: that sense of peace. So if we're going through financial hardships,
Speaker 1: I can't. I gotta figure that out on my own,
Speaker 1: like my father instilled that into in me, and I
Speaker 1: took that to heart and said, this is what I
Speaker 1: got to make sure my wife gets everything she wants
Speaker 1: and needs. That's my role, that's my job. So I
Speaker 1: don't blame you for feeling like we can move forward
Speaker 1: with doing things because I made you feel like it
Speaker 1: was I didn't say, and that was my fault. That
Speaker 1: was my fault. But I will say this though about
Speaker 1: the bullshit thing. You know what's bullshit women saying all
Speaker 1: she did was provide her standards and you can walk
Speaker 1: away and not walk away. If I would have said
Speaker 1: to you, right, I want to get married and I
Speaker 1: want to have two kids right away, that's my standard.
Speaker 1: Either you do that or we walk away, those same
Speaker 1: women would be like she's pressuring on her to have
Speaker 1: a baby, would they not? They probably would be. That's
Speaker 1: so then you can't do that to people. You can't
Speaker 1: say to people this is my standards. Accepted a walk
Speaker 1: away when it's convenient for you, and then if if
Speaker 1: he provides his standards, now what's all you're pressure on her?
Speaker 1: You gotta learn how to because that's that's to me,
Speaker 1: is where the bullshit sets in. Right. We have to
Speaker 1: learn how to not only present our standards, but give grace.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. You have to communicate these things.
Speaker 1: Had you told me you felt that way, I know
Speaker 1: you probably were, just like damn, I wish Kate could
Speaker 1: just see what's happening and then no, like have the
Speaker 1: the the ability or the capacity to say, you know
Speaker 1: what I think now, it's not the right time. I
Speaker 1: couldn't have known that because we didn't have the conversation
Speaker 1: about it, you know what I mean. I gotta I
Speaker 1: got to own that that was a mistake on my
Speaker 1: part that I got to own that, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I I the same way you can sit
Speaker 1: here and own the fact that you have been a
Speaker 1: little selfish and and naive. I got to own the
Speaker 1: fact that I should have said something, but I didn't.
Speaker 1: I was twenty five years old and you were just
Speaker 1: doing what I was trying to be the best version
Speaker 1: of the man, and I thought I was supposed to
Speaker 1: be as a husband, which is bearing the brunt of
Speaker 1: the finances like that, because because I did want to
Speaker 1: marry you, and I wanted you to be happy, like
Speaker 1: I just wanted you to be like when you walk
Speaker 1: in the door, I want you to like, oh, I'm home,
Speaker 1: this is my piece. I don't want you to have
Speaker 1: to worry about anything when the light's gonna come on,
Speaker 1: when we have money for this, Because for the first
Speaker 1: five years of our marriage, when we were living paycheck
Speaker 1: to paycheck. I never brought these issues to you. I
Speaker 1: found ways. I took on another job I picked up
Speaker 1: when I was here. I did that because that's what
Speaker 1: it entailed. But those are the pressures that I took
Speaker 1: on as a husband and I still take on today. Well,
Speaker 1: there was a point to after our wedding if we
Speaker 1: fast forward a bit you had told me about, like
Speaker 1: is either we're gonna get this wedding or we're gonna
Speaker 1: get this house in Brooklyn, like is what we're gonna do,
Speaker 1: and me again being in my own world and being
Speaker 1: self saying like, well, we already owned two properties. If
Speaker 1: we wanted to get a house later, we can sell
Speaker 1: those properties by a house, So let's do the wedding now,
Speaker 1: because that was just on my to do list that
Speaker 1: had to check that box. And there was the excitement
Speaker 1: building around that, you know, um and then me too
Speaker 1: just being immature, not having the force ID to say
Speaker 1: what comes after that. But there was the point after
Speaker 1: our wedding and after things set in for that first
Speaker 1: year where it was just like, Okay, I'm not playing
Speaker 1: football anymore, Cadine, Like I'm retiring, And I was like
Speaker 1: what that caught me off? Guard because I was like,
Speaker 1: I felt like you didn't barely you barely scratch the
Speaker 1: surface of your potential as an NFL player. So for
Speaker 1: you to say you were retiring from that to then
Speaker 1: pursue acting, I was like, but you didn't even finish
Speaker 1: doing what you were doing over here, you know. So
Speaker 1: once that happened, you were like, Okay, so you're not
Speaker 1: going back to the NFL. That's that's out of the question.
Speaker 1: Now you want to become an actor, and you had
Speaker 1: said to me, Kay, I know I can't be a
Speaker 1: starving actor, So I'm going to start this mentorship business,
Speaker 1: this training business, and I'm going to build from the
Speaker 1: ground up so that way I have income coming in.
Speaker 1: And that's when the conversation started to happen about where
Speaker 1: we were. Well at that point I had to I
Speaker 1: had to have those conversations because the money wasn't coming in.
Speaker 1: It really wasn't coming in. And at that point I
Speaker 1: was just like, well, damn, I'm sitting at home here.
Speaker 1: You were just like, yo, I think you should go
Speaker 1: down to like the mac counter because you were working
Speaker 1: part time in Michigan, like, see if they're hiring, And
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, what you're right, absolutely, and
Speaker 1: that's when I, you know, picked up my brush belt,
Speaker 1: put on my all black beat my face, got on
Speaker 1: the bus and went down to the mall and was like, yo,
Speaker 1: I'm here to work because what I learned during that
Speaker 1: time was and this is what I didn't I didn't
Speaker 1: want to put it on you, but I realized that
Speaker 1: I had a partner who was willing to jump in
Speaker 1: when needed. You understand what I'm saying, And it's easier
Speaker 1: to include your partner with making decisions because two heads
Speaker 1: are always better than one. Um. I tried my hardest
Speaker 1: in the very beginning to handle everything on my own,
Speaker 1: and that pressure, you know what I'm saying. That pressure
Speaker 1: became overwhelming at times, which is why you and I
Speaker 1: struggled a lot in the first part of my marriage.
Speaker 1: But you helped out and I figured out the rest
Speaker 1: on my own, because, like you said, pressure doesn't only
Speaker 1: bust pipes, but pressure creates diamonds. Right. If you think
Speaker 1: about all of the elite athletes in the world, they're
Speaker 1: not defined by their ability to avoid pressure. They're defined
Speaker 1: by their ability to perform underneath pressure. Right. So for me,
Speaker 1: when you gave me the you're I'm not gonna say ultimatum.
Speaker 1: But when you gave me your standards, it created pressure
Speaker 1: for me. I could either rise to the pressure, take
Speaker 1: it on and handle it, or I could say now
Speaker 1: I'm out and run. But I chose to deal with
Speaker 1: the pressure and make sh it happen. And I made
Speaker 1: it happen. And I handled the pressure very well for
Speaker 1: the first five years, and even better now because we
Speaker 1: made it ten years together. But I'm still not going
Speaker 1: to back down and say you didn't pressure me. I
Speaker 1: felt like it was pressure to get married when you
Speaker 1: wanted to get married. But it was the best decision
Speaker 1: I made. And I said that before and I'll say
Speaker 1: it again. It was the best decision I made because
Speaker 1: it showed me that I can make things happen even
Speaker 1: when it's not on my timeline, and even in my
Speaker 1: own little timeline that I had back then. If we
Speaker 1: had had the candid discussion where you were like, hey, like,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to really juggle a couple of things here,
Speaker 1: I'm debating about not even playing football anymore. So if
Speaker 1: that's the case, we're going to have to scale our
Speaker 1: lifestyle back. We're gonna have to do I mean though
Speaker 1: we weren't living a frivolous lifestyle to begin with, we
Speaker 1: had a lot of money invested that we lost in
Speaker 1: the stock market and whatnot. So if you had had
Speaker 1: the conversation with me early on, it was just like, yo,
Speaker 1: I know you're excited about this wedding. I proposed to
Speaker 1: you because I have every intention of being married to you,
Speaker 1: but I just don't feel like right now is the
Speaker 1: time to have a wedding. Chances are I would have
Speaker 1: been able to say, all right, well I see where
Speaker 1: you're coming from, and then maybe pivot at that point.
Speaker 1: Can I be honest with you? You don't see your
Speaker 1: face when there's things that I say that I cannot do,
Speaker 1: and I hate looking at that. I hate looking at
Speaker 1: your face when you have that face, that disappointment, that
Speaker 1: disappointment you have when when you say when you say
Speaker 1: you want to do something that I'm like, well, we
Speaker 1: can't do that. I don't want to see that. And
Speaker 1: that's not like a bat like your face is. It's
Speaker 1: just as a man, I want to be able to
Speaker 1: give you all the things that you you want and
Speaker 1: deserve a out of life. I don't want to look
Speaker 1: at that face I want to find that I didn't
Speaker 1: even know I have a face. Now I got to
Speaker 1: go look at the face that I make. You got,
Speaker 1: you gotta face, You gotta face. It's the same face
Speaker 1: you had when you and I started going through the
Speaker 1: itemized list of the American Express car and that was guilt.
Speaker 1: That was the same It's the same face that you had.
Speaker 1: That is guilt. That's a kid being caught with their
Speaker 1: hand in the cookie job when they know they're not
Speaker 1: supposed to be having no cookies. Well, listen, that's that.
Speaker 1: That face is the face that as a man, I
Speaker 1: don't want. But listen, you taught me so much about
Speaker 1: finances and life in real estate, Like these are things
Speaker 1: that I wasn't privy too because my parents they pretty
Speaker 1: much worked together to handle those things, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. And my dad very much was the guy
Speaker 1: that was just like, all right, well, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: going to make sure my kids have a roof over
Speaker 1: their head and they have food on their table. My
Speaker 1: mom bust her tail to work to get, you know,
Speaker 1: to help with the finances, to be able to afford
Speaker 1: these different lifestyle luxuries, like just being involved in extracurricular activities,
Speaker 1: things like that. So my parents weren't really letting me
Speaker 1: know about like finances and real real estate and credit.
Speaker 1: I remember when I turned parents talk about finances. Oh god,
Speaker 1: do they look quick? Do they talk about finances? Do
Speaker 1: they argue about finances? Do they discuss each other finances? No,
Speaker 1: my my parents. No. My dad handles it to my parents.
Speaker 1: And I think that that's part of the that's part
Speaker 1: of the problem, the biggest disconnect, that's the biggest disconnect,
Speaker 1: and that that, to me is what I've learned with
Speaker 1: me and you and then finances caused so much residual
Speaker 1: stress because of the things that are not discussing people
Speaker 1: being on the same page, even within a relationship. See,
Speaker 1: and I can't I can't blame you, And this is
Speaker 1: this is just me being honest. I can't blame you
Speaker 1: for telling me the things you want and the things
Speaker 1: you need and me saying all right, I got it,
Speaker 1: and then feeling the pressure of it. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, I can't blame you for that, and I
Speaker 1: don't mind it. I'll take the pressure on, but I'm
Speaker 1: not going to say to this not pressure. But I
Speaker 1: will say that you and not have grown since six
Speaker 1: year old immensely saying we've grown a lot, and now
Speaker 1: those discussions are a lot more of a collective discussion, no,
Speaker 1: for sure, And there's a comfort I feel like you
Speaker 1: feel and I hope I've made that um a space
Speaker 1: for you to feel comfortable saying Okay, like I know
Speaker 1: we want to do this, we have aspiration to do this,
Speaker 1: that or the third, but we can't right now. But
Speaker 1: here's how we can do it. I think one thing
Speaker 1: that's been great about you is that you've been able
Speaker 1: to really You're everything is resolution based, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Like you don't go into anything saying like, well,
Speaker 1: here's the problem. I don't know, it's like, okay, here's
Speaker 1: how we can potentially solve it. And I've learned to,
Speaker 1: even me being a pessimist, I feel like for so long,
Speaker 1: like thinking about the thinking about the how things can
Speaker 1: go wrong, or thinking about the not so bright side,
Speaker 1: you always usually come with a plan. It's like, all right, well,
Speaker 1: if you want to get this, then here's how we
Speaker 1: have to go about getting that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So I think that's something that's right. So it now
Speaker 1: I feel like if we fast forward to the current time.
Speaker 1: Do you continue to still feel pressure? And do I
Speaker 1: make you? What kind of question is that? Okay my question?
Speaker 1: You all got to reframe it. Yes, so I still
Speaker 1: you still feel pressure from me? Alright, middle middle of
Speaker 1: the middle of the podcast, storytime, middle of the podcast.
Speaker 1: We got a double story time to day. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take you back three months. You and I go to
Speaker 1: look at a house. Right, you go to look at
Speaker 1: the house. You're like, baby, I love this house. This
Speaker 1: is the house. I want this house I want. Right,
Speaker 1: I call my financial advisor, I'm like, this is the
Speaker 1: house Kame wants. Can we make this happen? He says, well,
Speaker 1: they already put an offer in. We would have to
Speaker 1: put in an offer. You would have to get pre approved.
Speaker 1: That's gonna take some time. You may not be able
Speaker 1: to get pre approved in twenty four hours, so you
Speaker 1: may not get this house. Right. And then I told
Speaker 1: you that, And what did you do for like a
Speaker 1: whole weekend? No, it was not a weekend. It was
Speaker 1: like an initial It was initially it was just like, damn,
Speaker 1: we're going to find another one, this perfect ship. Now
Speaker 1: we gotta get our ship together. But what did I do? Though?
Speaker 1: You kept looking and we got our ship together. We
Speaker 1: got our ship together, but you pouted and you kept
Speaker 1: looking at the house, saying pending every day. And then
Speaker 1: finally once the household users like yep, up my house
Speaker 1: off the market now now my house now, I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna get out I did. I was like, it can
Speaker 1: go from penning to back on the market at any
Speaker 1: point and then we'll have our ship together. We can
Speaker 1: do this so that you do want a nice house
Speaker 1: and the house I do. But and this is and
Speaker 1: this is my point. Does the pressure exist? Yes, because
Speaker 1: I feel like the pressure. The minute the pressure was
Speaker 1: gone and I feel like that I've got everything taken
Speaker 1: care of under control is when I've lost it. Same
Speaker 1: thing in football, The minute you think you've got everything
Speaker 1: done is when you start playing bad. There has to
Speaker 1: be a sense of urgency and a little bit of
Speaker 1: an anxiety to keep you on your game. You gotta
Speaker 1: have that chip on your shoulder. So that pressure that
Speaker 1: existed in the beginning for me still exists here because
Speaker 1: I still want to create that lifestyle and sustain it.
Speaker 1: It's not candein inflicted, though, is it. That's that's the question, Like,
Speaker 1: is it codine inflicted or is it something that you
Speaker 1: No, no no, no, no, you didn't you didn't ask. No,
Speaker 1: you didn't ask if you inflicted. You just asked. If
Speaker 1: there's still pressure, Yes, there's pressure, right, I guess it's
Speaker 1: a two part I want to know what pressure you
Speaker 1: feeling in from where, so you know how to control
Speaker 1: the pressure. I mean you, you you put some pressure,
Speaker 1: but you also relieve a lot of pressures. You do
Speaker 1: a good job of relieving the pressure. But no, the
Speaker 1: pressure comes from me wanting to be great at being
Speaker 1: a husband, like I want to be great at being
Speaker 1: a husband father. So every day I wake up, I
Speaker 1: wake up saying, okay, well you know what what can
Speaker 1: I do? Like what I can't? There's no off days
Speaker 1: for me being a husband. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: And not for nothing. That goes back to what we
Speaker 1: discussed before. When I hear you say what, I hear
Speaker 1: people say, Oh, she's just tired. Oh she's just tired,
Speaker 1: give her a break. I don't feel like I ever
Speaker 1: get a chance to say, you know what, babe, I'm tired.
Speaker 1: I'm I don't want to pay the mortgage for a
Speaker 1: little bit. I'm tired. I don't I don't want to
Speaker 1: pay the car note for a little bit, Like I
Speaker 1: just I don't want to do that right now? Can
Speaker 1: I just can I get a break? Like I don't
Speaker 1: feel like I have that leniency or that latitude to
Speaker 1: make those decisions. And I feel like that's on me
Speaker 1: all the time. And I accept that. I wear it
Speaker 1: with a badge of honor because like I said before,
Speaker 1: I can't have children. You know what I'm saying. You
Speaker 1: were the vessel of life for our legacy, which is
Speaker 1: out three boys. I get that. I get that, and
Speaker 1: I give you grace for that, but that doesn't but
Speaker 1: that doesn't try to make my workload a lot lighter
Speaker 1: so and and that doesn't that doesn't make it easier
Speaker 1: for me to deal with the fact that it still
Speaker 1: is a lot of pressure for me because that mortgages
Speaker 1: do the first of the month, the Cardinals do, the
Speaker 1: AMAX bill is due, Like those are things that are
Speaker 1: never gonna go away, and I can never at any
Speaker 1: point in our marriage. But you know what, I'm just tired.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't feel like doing it. So it's
Speaker 1: pressure that comes with that. I do feel though, like
Speaker 1: if you ever said to me, K I need I
Speaker 1: need some time that I would totally just jump right
Speaker 1: in and be like, all right, well what I gotta do,
Speaker 1: and then I would just like pick up the slack,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think that's that's what
Speaker 1: the partnership is about. For sure. I want to make
Speaker 1: sure you feel comfortable being able to say that, because
Speaker 1: I know you want to be all of that and
Speaker 1: more and you know have things under control and you
Speaker 1: have things taken care of. But at the same time too,
Speaker 1: I would like for you to also let me know
Speaker 1: years ago if you were in a moment where you
Speaker 1: felt like, you know what, I just can't. I don't mind,
Speaker 1: I don't mind letting you know. But to be honest,
Speaker 1: you can't do what I do with consistency, especially with
Speaker 1: all the other things you have to do. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, It's right, like I admit that I
Speaker 1: ain't offering. I'm just saying. I'm like, I'm just being honest.
Speaker 1: It's true. I helped take care of Jackson, kyron Kas
Speaker 1: cook when I have to clean when I have to,
Speaker 1: I maintain all of the bills. I produce your content.
Speaker 1: I produce my content. I moved your mom in like
Speaker 1: I do all of these things. If I just one
Speaker 1: day said I just don't feel like doing it, you
Speaker 1: got to take over. There's no way you could do
Speaker 1: all of that, you know what I'm saying. Like the
Speaker 1: same way, there's no way you can just say I'm
Speaker 1: tired of being a mom and a wife and take
Speaker 1: everything and step away. You can't do that. I can't
Speaker 1: and I can't. And the thing is we have to
Speaker 1: respect the fact that there that we can't do that.
Speaker 1: And that leads me to my question, like, do you
Speaker 1: feel that there are pressures you feel I'm about to say,
Speaker 1: do you feel like there's pressures you feel? As a wife?
Speaker 1: Me tell you my precious pressures. Um. No, I do
Speaker 1: feel immense anounce of pressure. Um. A lot of it
Speaker 1: rooted around just trying to be or trying to be
Speaker 1: everything that you need me to be. And that's where
Speaker 1: sometimes I feel a level of, like I'll always say,
Speaker 1: a level of inadequacy or a level of falling short
Speaker 1: because I feel like I am not doing everything to
Speaker 1: meet your needs set Um. Some of it is sexually,
Speaker 1: some of it is just like you know, sometimes you
Speaker 1: have your moments where you're like, man, I just miss
Speaker 1: like K from back in the day that dated me,
Speaker 1: you know, in college, Like think about the utopia that
Speaker 1: was college that we were existing in with no responsibilities
Speaker 1: really you know, minimal um and we had what we
Speaker 1: felt like was all the time in the world to
Speaker 1: just completely be you know, embedded in each other and
Speaker 1: in bed with each other. Yea um. But we had
Speaker 1: so many moments like that where you know, I missed that.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you missed that sometimes where you're like, hey, I
Speaker 1: just missed my girlfriend K that was kind of just
Speaker 1: care free and didn't have a lot on her shoulders
Speaker 1: and her fate. But then again, you know, this is
Speaker 1: what life is. We've now grown three beautiful children, you know,
Speaker 1: grown our relationship. We have a beautiful life. I totally cannot,
Speaker 1: you know, ask for more when it comes to that.
Speaker 1: But I do feel the pressure sometimes of trying to
Speaker 1: be what it is you need me to be sexually,
Speaker 1: what it is you need to be physically, what it
Speaker 1: is you need me to be emotionally sometimes like those
Speaker 1: are things that are are also on my plate on
Speaker 1: a day to day basis, and those are things that
Speaker 1: I kind of give myself a measure of, like where
Speaker 1: I am with it. Do I do get down on
Speaker 1: myself sometimes about it. I do because I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, if I'm falling short of being what you
Speaker 1: need and you're always an overdrive trying to give me
Speaker 1: everything that I need and more, then I'm falling short.
Speaker 1: And and there's an immense amount of pressure that comes
Speaker 1: with that too, you know. So let me answer a question.
Speaker 1: When it came time to get married, you didn't feel
Speaker 1: no pressure of being a wife like I felt the
Speaker 1: pressure of being a husband. I honestly, and this I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna tell you what I feel. But I feel
Speaker 1: like you were so caught up in the wedding that
Speaker 1: you didn't even think about the pressures of being a
Speaker 1: wife until after the wedding and the honeymoon was Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: It's like, Okay, I'm gonna have this big, amazing, beautiful
Speaker 1: day and then we're gonna just live happily ever after.
Speaker 1: Like usually in fairy tales too, you see, like the
Speaker 1: big wedding day and then it says happily ever after,
Speaker 1: But what exactly is the happily ever after? Nobody goes
Speaker 1: into that in detail. So when it was when I
Speaker 1: was twenty something, you know, looking to be married. I
Speaker 1: thought like certain things were just gonna happen because it's
Speaker 1: just how it happened. And now because nobody teld me.
Speaker 1: Nobody told me, and I said that before in the
Speaker 1: monogamy episode, I'm like, I did not know a lot
Speaker 1: of the things that we're gonna we're gonna go into marriage,
Speaker 1: and how much it is like a day to day work,
Speaker 1: you know, waking up, making the commitment, making the decision
Speaker 1: to be there, Like, I did not know that that's
Speaker 1: what went into marriage, But that, to me, is where
Speaker 1: a lot of the discconnects started with us. I feel
Speaker 1: like when they came time to think about getting married,
Speaker 1: you were focused on the wedding. I was focused on
Speaker 1: the marriage. So there was pressure because you were prepared
Speaker 1: for that, because that's something your father always told you.
Speaker 1: He was like, and because I had to pay for
Speaker 1: the weather, is it? Yeah, you were focused on having
Speaker 1: fun at a wedding, but I had to pay for it. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: So my mom and dad too, but they helped, but
Speaker 1: they didn't pay the bulk of it. You know. I
Speaker 1: paid the bulk of it out of my my savings
Speaker 1: from the NFL. But it's it's just like you and
Speaker 1: I came to this partnership focused on different things at
Speaker 1: that point. Absolutely, And it's funny when people say, particularly women,
Speaker 1: say how could he feel pressure? But it's like you
Speaker 1: didn't feel pressure because I didn't let you feel any pressure.
Speaker 1: I handled everything. But while handling everything, including finances and
Speaker 1: stuff like that, the funniest thing was sex wasn't even
Speaker 1: on my radar at that point, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like the pressure for me wasn't even coming from the
Speaker 1: idea of being monogamys. It wasn't turned on my dead
Speaker 1: and being broke. No, not at all, not at all.
Speaker 1: Because this is the thing. If I was that interesting,
Speaker 1: if I was that focused concerned about monogamy, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: have bought a home when I got to the league
Speaker 1: and moved you out there to live with me. I
Speaker 1: would have let you stay in New York and I
Speaker 1: would have just been in in Detroit with my own space,
Speaker 1: living my life. But I had moved you out there
Speaker 1: because that I had already decided that monogamy was the
Speaker 1: best part for me, you know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: monogamy to me was great because of what we can do.
Speaker 1: We talked about this on another sex episode about how
Speaker 1: part of the reason why I love monogamy is because
Speaker 1: I'm a freak and you were freak. The things I
Speaker 1: want to do with the woman that I'm sharing this
Speaker 1: intimate moment with, I can't just do with somebody I
Speaker 1: don't know, you know what I'm saying, Like, I just
Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable. Yeah, I don't. I don't like germs,
Speaker 1: at don't. I don't like germs, and I don't like contraceptive.
Speaker 1: So since I don't like contraceptive, it's better for me
Speaker 1: and it's better for you to be with one person.
Speaker 1: So there are reasons why I chose monogamy. But the
Speaker 1: pressure on top of all of that was the fact
Speaker 1: that financially, marriage is a big step. And when you
Speaker 1: came thinking about the wedding and I was focused on
Speaker 1: the marriage, it brought pressure to me. That's the problem,
Speaker 1: and I will be the first to admit it. And
Speaker 1: I don't think a lot of people feel that way now.
Speaker 1: I mean, think about the age that we're in now,
Speaker 1: even just for social media, every photo shoot, every event,
Speaker 1: every life event, it's almost like a contest to see
Speaker 1: who can now do the last person's viral post about
Speaker 1: a wedding. Imagine trying to get married now in this
Speaker 1: day and age. Think about this, not only just the wedding, right,
Speaker 1: even when you propose, what does the woman bring to
Speaker 1: the proposal herself? What does the man have to bring
Speaker 1: to the proposal? A ring and an event around the
Speaker 1: ring to make the women feel special. So who has
Speaker 1: to put more energy into that moment? The woman of
Speaker 1: the man. So when it's time to make that decision,
Speaker 1: you don't just get the chances that I want to
Speaker 1: be engaged. Boom, I'm engaged. Like men don't have to
Speaker 1: do that, Like like women don't have to do that.
Speaker 1: Men have to do that. And you have to choose
Speaker 1: to step up to the plate a man who chooses
Speaker 1: to step up to the plate. You got to choose
Speaker 1: to step up to that plate every day after that.
Speaker 1: Once you get on your knee, that same pressure you
Speaker 1: felt to get on your knee, because remember how nervous
Speaker 1: I was. Yeah, well, I didn't know how to see
Speaker 1: you because I don't know you were preparing for it.
Speaker 1: So I didn't really necessary you camouflage that really well too,
Speaker 1: because I didn't know what was happening. Bro I was capping.
Speaker 1: I was capping, and and the thing it was, I
Speaker 1: was capping because I was just afraid for what I
Speaker 1: was not going to be able to deliver. That's all
Speaker 1: it was. I knew I met the woman I want
Speaker 1: to spend the us to my life. But I knew that,
Speaker 1: but it's just like, can I do this? So it
Speaker 1: was amazing though that you took like that. It meant
Speaker 1: that much to you to do it because you knew
Speaker 1: the kind of life that you wanted to then provide
Speaker 1: for me and yourself. You know, there may be people
Speaker 1: who are just like, well, I'm just you know, give
Speaker 1: it this engagement ring, because that's what she'd been wanting.
Speaker 1: She's she's been racking with me. So we'll take it
Speaker 1: day by day or you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: I want a companion, So let me just you know,
Speaker 1: propose to this girl like I mean, you know, some
Speaker 1: and may feel like that. I don't know. Some do,
Speaker 1: some dude, that wasn't me. Some do. And I got
Speaker 1: to be honest too, some of it was my ego
Speaker 1: as well. As much as you wanted the big wedding,
Speaker 1: I wanted a big wedding too. Yeah, I was coming
Speaker 1: out in the NFL. All the weddings I had been
Speaker 1: to at that time where my gods who were either
Speaker 1: in the NFL or on their way to the NFL
Speaker 1: getting mad, they had big, nice weddings. And then the
Speaker 1: show Platinum Wedding was out. Was super my, super sweet,
Speaker 1: you're right, um wedding? Is it? Anyway? There's a couple
Speaker 1: of Actually, how I found our wedding planner was shout
Speaker 1: out to the diary, So it is it was a
Speaker 1: show and my ego and me wanting to not only
Speaker 1: prove to myself but to prove to everybody else that
Speaker 1: I was successful and I made it. I wanted to
Speaker 1: be able to deliver these things from my wife. And
Speaker 1: there goes another pressure that ultimately had nothing to do
Speaker 1: with you, and that usure that was a societal pressure
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I'm NFL devout. So that means that
Speaker 1: my wife has to have the big wedding, she has
Speaker 1: to have the big ring, we have to move into
Speaker 1: the big house, like these are all of the things
Speaker 1: that I had to live up to that in the
Speaker 1: grand scheme of things, like no one is defined in
Speaker 1: their twenties, like you can have all of that and
Speaker 1: lose it and still make a comeback, or you don't
Speaker 1: really necessarily have to reach to try to get it
Speaker 1: at that moment because you can get it later. Let
Speaker 1: that be a takeaway too. I guess maybe the younger
Speaker 1: folks or some of the single folks, the single folks
Speaker 1: were allowed y'all. Y'all werell out with that last monogamy
Speaker 1: episode with all the opinions. But if there's a takeaway, um,
Speaker 1: just know that you do not need to measure up
Speaker 1: what you're doing, your life, your Instagram profile to anyone.
Speaker 1: It's a facade for the most part. You think about
Speaker 1: all these events and stuff like that, it's cool, but
Speaker 1: what's going in behind the scenes, what's going into the
Speaker 1: relationship behind the scenes. Like it sounds like something you've
Speaker 1: heard before, but it's true. Like there's certain things that
Speaker 1: people say over and over again and say it's a
Speaker 1: cliche for a reason, because it's the truth. It's the truth.
Speaker 1: Like that, if anything needs to be a major takeaway,
Speaker 1: like you cannot be out here measuring your life and
Speaker 1: your relationship against what you see on social media. Especially,
Speaker 1: maybe we need to change the age of when people
Speaker 1: become an adult because let me tell you like I.
Speaker 1: When I turned eighteen, I was like, listen, okay. The
Speaker 1: United States of America said that I am an adult.
Speaker 1: Okay to an extent, there's certain things I can do.
Speaker 1: And then when I hit twenty one, it was a
Speaker 1: whole rep like you can tell me nothing. Like to
Speaker 1: this day, I feel like you still can't tell me
Speaker 1: nothing to an extent. But you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like we figured, we thought we had it all figured
Speaker 1: out in our twins, then we're all here making bad
Speaker 1: decisions together, bad decisions. I mean, we were able to
Speaker 1: bounce back from it though, You and I work together
Speaker 1: because we learned how to communicate. But one thing I
Speaker 1: will say, and I learned this through through our marriage.
Speaker 1: How you get married and the decisions you make will
Speaker 1: define the first few years of your marriage. Yes, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Yes, the first couple of years
Speaker 1: was rocky, a f but and now because we were
Speaker 1: able to make it through that storm, we can look
Speaker 1: back on it laugh. But like I can ask you
Speaker 1: what were you thinking? And you know we can have
Speaker 1: We're able to have conversations that had we had to
Speaker 1: have these conversations in the moment, I couldn't have those
Speaker 1: conversations the moment we couldn't have those conversations. We couldn't know,
Speaker 1: we couldn't. But what growth and reflection before we go
Speaker 1: to break? What's one question you would ask young Devot
Speaker 1: and like say, we don't know all it is during
Speaker 1: that moment when I proposed to you, what's one question
Speaker 1: you would ask me that you thought it was kind
Speaker 1: of off that you would be like devout wild, like,
Speaker 1: what's the one question you asked? I don't think I
Speaker 1: get the question. So, for example, during that time, I
Speaker 1: would I what I would say it was. What I
Speaker 1: wanted to say was thinking, how how the funk could
Speaker 1: you ask me to go look at the venue when
Speaker 1: I literally just found out that I'm not working. That's
Speaker 1: the question I would ask you, Like today, would have
Speaker 1: wanted to ask something. Year old candent year Devout wanted
Speaker 1: to ask them, but I didn't want to ask it
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to come across as not manly enough. I just
Speaker 1: figured out I had to I just figured out I
Speaker 1: had to find a way. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So year old Devout wanted to say that, but didn't
Speaker 1: and I feel like there's a lot of young people
Speaker 1: who are having those moments and they're not saying it,
Speaker 1: and they end up in situations where they're like, then,
Speaker 1: I wish I would have just said something, because I
Speaker 1: feel like if I asked you that question, you would
Speaker 1: have told me this is what I think. I would
Speaker 1: have been like, why how could you go? Look at
Speaker 1: the venue? And you probably would have been like, I
Speaker 1: didn't think it was that big thing. I could you
Speaker 1: be on another team? And then I would have been like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to play football no more that and
Speaker 1: you would have told me that, because my question would
Speaker 1: have been to you, but why aren't you exploring all
Speaker 1: the options with all the teams that potentially have interests.
Speaker 1: There's an offer potentially at Canada, let's move. Why would
Speaker 1: we not go to Canada? But I didn't say that
Speaker 1: in that moment because I'm like, this is not my
Speaker 1: body going on the line to to play these games
Speaker 1: every day. This is not my dream per se, which
Speaker 1: turns out wasn't even your dream either. You were doing
Speaker 1: this as a means to it in so to me,
Speaker 1: I was just like, well, bro, you got places that
Speaker 1: you could potentially like like you're not done here playing football? Like,
Speaker 1: go ahead and play, and I'll be here to hold
Speaker 1: down the fort while you do that. Me asking that
Speaker 1: question would have brought together this conversation which would have
Speaker 1: saved this a lot of money, a lot of heartache. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: name a moment year old Coadean had where you are
Speaker 1: saying I want to ask the Vallece question, but I
Speaker 1: don't because I either don't want to hurt his feelings
Speaker 1: or I don't want to come across as less of
Speaker 1: a woman. It would have probably would have been like,
Speaker 1: are you going to expect me to dress up every
Speaker 1: time we have a second role play? Because if that's
Speaker 1: the case, we might just might deal break right here,
Speaker 1: because if I got to play a different character. I
Speaker 1: know I'm an actress. I know I'm an actress, but
Speaker 1: there's but so many characters that I can play. And
Speaker 1: are you going to make sure that the chandelier is
Speaker 1: bolted into the ceiling so when I swing off that
Speaker 1: ship like a circus monkey you will be able to
Speaker 1: support me. I think the best part of this whole
Speaker 1: thing is that my brother and my sister and I
Speaker 1: share Amazon account, so if they're ever looking at at
Speaker 1: my purchase history. They're gonna be like, where is this
Speaker 1: bitch going? Is it Halloween? No, guys, it's not Halloween.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to find a way to dress up
Speaker 1: as another character for that. All right, so don't judge me.
Speaker 1: So this is what we've learned. If I would have
Speaker 1: asked that question early on in our relationship, I would
Speaker 1: have got to answer. If you would have asked that question,
Speaker 1: I would have got to answer because not for nothing.
Speaker 1: Remember when we talked about way more clarity, but with
Speaker 1: more clarity, because at that point I would have known, like,
Speaker 1: you know what, she really don't like doing it, so
Speaker 1: she don't feel comfortable as opposed to me expecting it
Speaker 1: because you said you was going to do it and
Speaker 1: then not getting it and being just And I would
Speaker 1: have known, Oh, this man, his heart is not in football.
Speaker 1: He does not want to play anymore. So that's gonna
Speaker 1: mean if he wants to become an actor, which typically
Speaker 1: is a longer process to get yourself out there, then
Speaker 1: I'm gonna know, all right, Well, so we're gonna have
Speaker 1: to scale back on this wedding somehow. We're gonna have
Speaker 1: to maybe wait on this wedding. Maybe we elope and
Speaker 1: then have a wedding later, like there would have to
Speaker 1: be in a discussion about what the other options would
Speaker 1: have been, because then you know what I mean, And
Speaker 1: I don't think I was that hardheaded in that moment.
Speaker 1: I might have gave you the face, I might have
Speaker 1: gave you the disappointed face, but we would have slipped
Speaker 1: the same face Jackson, the same face Jackson gives and
Speaker 1: Cairo gives, and cats. They don't get that all of
Speaker 1: us inherited. They all inherited the face from me because
Speaker 1: the toddler face. And that's something qualified on the toddler face,
Speaker 1: like we raised car cry back in the day. Yes,
Speaker 1: here's here's one thing I'm going to say about that. Right.
Speaker 1: A lot of women have been saying, you know, if
Speaker 1: a man, if a woman gives you her standards, you
Speaker 1: have a right to walk away and not say nothing. Right.
Speaker 1: But if I were at this point now to say, Cadine,
Speaker 1: I want to have another baby or if not, I'm leaving,
Speaker 1: those same women will be pissed at me. Somebody cut
Speaker 1: the valves, Mike. I'm just second. I'm just saying, y'all
Speaker 1: know I want another baby, So the pressure so you're
Speaker 1: giving your expectation is that you will have another baby
Speaker 1: with me, and if I don't accept that, you out no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, no, no, not at all, because babies are
Speaker 1: always anytime you bring life, that's the closest you get
Speaker 1: to death. And we've experienced that with Jackson. You you know,
Speaker 1: had to have almost a blood transfusion and that surgery.
Speaker 1: So having babies is very very different. It's right, it's
Speaker 1: very different. Those are different places. I was joking about that.
Speaker 1: But we're gonna take some breaks right now. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: try to put this baby and Kate belly and we're
Speaker 1: gonna gonna listen to these ads. Sorry, Triple yea. All right,
Speaker 1: now we're back for some listener letters. Let's get into
Speaker 1: y'all's business, because y'all show us hell maybe in my business.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's all good though, it's all jokes. I
Speaker 1: promise you. People sometimes be like I'm sorry to say,
Speaker 1: but don't be sorry, Like this is the purpose of
Speaker 1: the podcast. It out there so you guys can have
Speaker 1: these conversations and all that, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: We all we do was just ask that you listen
Speaker 1: to it and its entirety. Yes, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: and then you can have the conversation. You can't have
Speaker 1: a podcast without having people have conversation. Absolutely, that's the purpose.
Speaker 1: That's the purpose of a podcast. So we appreciate all
Speaker 1: the conversations, any absolutely, any input you have. But like
Speaker 1: Dean said, if you're not going to listen to the
Speaker 1: podcast in this entirety, I really don't want to hear
Speaker 1: about your opinion. That's just it doesn't make any sense,
Speaker 1: right right, right, Absolutely, So that being said, we're gonna
Speaker 1: move on to some listen and let us I can
Speaker 1: get into helps business. Um, here's the first question or
Speaker 1: the first scenario. May y'all go went in. We get
Speaker 1: in some paragraphs in here, but we did ask for context,
Speaker 1: so I'm hoping it's in there. I've been dating a
Speaker 1: guy for almost a year. Our dynamic is cool. We
Speaker 1: fell in love or I fell in love. You'll see
Speaker 1: what I mean. Um, we've met each other's family, I've
Speaker 1: met his daughter. We kicked it, we could it tough,
Speaker 1: so on and so forth, all that good stuff. He
Speaker 1: recently told me he didn't see us going any further
Speaker 1: than boyfriend and girlfriend. All he wants is a girl,
Speaker 1: but not a future. He hit me with it has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you, it's me basically, So I'm
Speaker 1: like in my head, oh, he's breaking up with me,
Speaker 1: and then he hits me with, I'm just telling you
Speaker 1: my truth. Then you can decide what you want to do,
Speaker 1: which is a little passive aggressive. But whatever my question is,
Speaker 1: should I stay go? Or can I change him? Oh?
Speaker 1: Can you change him? Lord? I know I can't change
Speaker 1: a man. Okay, you're corrected yourself. Um, And if I
Speaker 1: want a future, the only right answer is for me
Speaker 1: to dip right. But my questions are, for one, what
Speaker 1: is a girlfriend without a future or progression? What does
Speaker 1: that even look like? I asked him. He doesn't know.
Speaker 1: If you don't want a future, why I have a girl?
Speaker 1: Right at my tripping, I just want to point out
Speaker 1: that he gave her his standard and told her she
Speaker 1: could leave a go and she question, no, not even
Speaker 1: that she was appalled by it. But she was appalled
Speaker 1: by it. So it was passive aggressive. It was passive aggressive.
Speaker 1: But when you gave me your standards, he pulled me yes,
Speaker 1: when I said, well, this is what I'm looking forward
Speaker 1: to doing with my life, and then you said you
Speaker 1: feel the pressure. But he did it, and she said
Speaker 1: it was passive aggressive. It was passive aggressive. Now, I
Speaker 1: think he's been clear Hunt. I think he's been clear
Speaker 1: about what he wants, which is, I think what most
Speaker 1: people should want from people who they're dating or having
Speaker 1: the intention of potentially moving forward with. Yeah, but that's
Speaker 1: the thing. She wants to be a wife. He doesn't
Speaker 1: want that. Yeah, So he just wants somebody to to
Speaker 1: kick it with, apparently. And I think you you've answered
Speaker 1: your question and then went back and the answered your
Speaker 1: question a couple of times within this paragraph. Um, and
Speaker 1: I get it. You may be into him, and you
Speaker 1: may potentially see a future with him, but you definitely
Speaker 1: can't get somebody male or female to see a future
Speaker 1: with you if they don't see it for themselves. So yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think that she has every right to if
Speaker 1: she wants a future, to walk away. Absolutely. And I
Speaker 1: think and I think he has every right to say,
Speaker 1: I just want a girlfriend. And I've we've had these
Speaker 1: conversations with friends of ours who have gotten divorced, who
Speaker 1: have been in relations before. I said, if I if
Speaker 1: I ever get divorced, I'm never remarrying. I'll have somebody
Speaker 1: that I kick it with someone who occupies space and time.
Speaker 1: But I don't. I don't want to be obligated to
Speaker 1: anyone or anything. And I think that that's okay, because
Speaker 1: sometimes marriage is not for every person. Some people don't
Speaker 1: want to be married. They just want to have a
Speaker 1: companion when they want that companion and not feel obligated
Speaker 1: to live with that person. His marriage does come with obligations.
Speaker 1: Obligations is the right word, but it does come with
Speaker 1: a social certain responsibility. You are married to somebody, like
Speaker 1: there's certain things that just have to be done, whereas
Speaker 1: if you have a girl or somebody who you're kicking
Speaker 1: it with, it's like, you know, it is what it is.
Speaker 1: I think, I think this is. But these are two
Speaker 1: mature people who are being upfront and honest but have
Speaker 1: decisions to make. And the problem is, if you like someone,
Speaker 1: you want the person that you like to want you
Speaker 1: the same way you want them, and sometimes it's not.
Speaker 1: It's like, sometimes that's just not the way it is.
Speaker 1: And maybe he had heart breaking It could be heartbreaking
Speaker 1: for he's to feel like, you know, it's definitely heartbreaking,
Speaker 1: but more than likely he seemed like he's probably been
Speaker 1: in a relationship or probably was married and don't want
Speaker 1: to do that again. That's what it seems like. And
Speaker 1: you can't fold someone for going through that, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it would be cool to know the age range. Here
Speaker 1: to home girl, I would say, um, just telling him like, well,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you being honest, but I'm looking to bee. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm looking to be someone's wife. So I can't. I
Speaker 1: can't be your your girlfriend if there's no future for you,
Speaker 1: because then that's not what I'm doing for And you're
Speaker 1: well within your rights to do that. Homegod just got
Speaker 1: bounced exactly somewhere else. All Right, we got time for
Speaker 1: one more. I'm gonna read this second one. It's a
Speaker 1: long one too. Um. I'm a thirty five year old female.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend or four years is forty three. We've lived
Speaker 1: together for two of the four years of our relationship.
Speaker 1: We both have good careers nursing engineer. Congratulations you guys.
Speaker 1: I am ready to get married. In bold bold letters, catlock.
Speaker 1: He is not. We never really, He never really gives
Speaker 1: me a reason why he is not. He just says
Speaker 1: it's a big step. I'm not sure what to do.
Speaker 1: Marriage has now become a touchy subject when it's discussed
Speaker 1: amongst other couple's friends of family. I want to give
Speaker 1: him time to get ready and figure out, but how
Speaker 1: much time if marriage is an option for him. If
Speaker 1: marriage is not an option for him, I'm done with
Speaker 1: this relationship. I don't want to give an ultimatum, but
Speaker 1: I'm not waiting ten years for him to figure it out.
Speaker 1: We are not in our twenties anymore, and I feel
Speaker 1: it shouldn't take this long to know if I'm the
Speaker 1: one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Speaker 1: My plan was to wait until we hit the five
Speaker 1: year mark, have a real deep discussion about it, and
Speaker 1: to tell him that if we're not getting married soon,
Speaker 1: I'm done, even though he already knows that's how I feel.
Speaker 1: I'm constantly fighting myself because he is a really great man, father, provider,
Speaker 1: lover and friend. Our relationship is good, and we both
Speaker 1: say it's the best relationship we have ever been in.
Speaker 1: If I leave, I will truly be missing out on
Speaker 1: a great black man but I but if I stay,
Speaker 1: I will constantly have to fight my heart with the
Speaker 1: fact that I'm not married, and I don't think I
Speaker 1: can do that. How long do I wait? Help? Man,
Speaker 1: boyfriend or four years he's forty three m this is
Speaker 1: this is the one thing I will say, right, I
Speaker 1: believe conversations of paramount right, Like, if you're at a
Speaker 1: point now where you guys can't have conversations without it
Speaker 1: becoming hostile, that's a problem because Kadina and I have
Speaker 1: been there with with finances at one point. We were
Speaker 1: there with sex at one point where if someone even
Speaker 1: brought up the topic, it was met with so much
Speaker 1: vitriol that you couldn't even discuss it. And that's an
Speaker 1: issue because there should be nothing that's off the table.
Speaker 1: There should be nothing that you can't discuss with the
Speaker 1: person you're spending the rest of your life with. So
Speaker 1: that to me is a red flag, the fact that
Speaker 1: they can't even discuss it. And if he can't give
Speaker 1: you a reason, you know, then there must be something
Speaker 1: there that he may have to unpack within himself, something
Speaker 1: maybe with his childhood it or something with a previous
Speaker 1: relationship or I don't know, there's a fear of commitment
Speaker 1: for whatever reason. And I see the small area about,
Speaker 1: you know, the touchy subject when discussed amos, groups of
Speaker 1: friends and stuff like that, and that rewinds to twenty something.
Speaker 1: You're a cadine who's then now looking at couples and
Speaker 1: friends who are around and naturally people, you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's almost like asking a woman like, oh, so when
Speaker 1: when you have a baby, when you have another baby,
Speaker 1: when you have another babies, like one of those things
Speaker 1: that people don't even know, the internal struggle that you
Speaker 1: may be having, you know, to have another baby, maybe
Speaker 1: an internal struggle you guys have in your relationship and
Speaker 1: not knowing it's a touchy, touchy subject. People are then
Speaker 1: compiling more you know, um, disdaining about the topic. You know, Um,
Speaker 1: I can't give her a time frame on like when
Speaker 1: to wait, though, you know, I do feel like at
Speaker 1: thirty five, I don't know. He says he's a great
Speaker 1: father or is He's talk a little bit children bad,
Speaker 1: but talk a little bit about You said that part
Speaker 1: of your timeline was your your fertility clock, and you
Speaker 1: wanted to get married because you want to have kids. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I wanted to start, and I know that you
Speaker 1: wanted you wanted four children. I wanted three to work.
Speaker 1: They're like, all right, if we end up somewhere in
Speaker 1: the middle. I didn't want to start at a certain
Speaker 1: time frame too, because then you hear people saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be like you know that older mom,
Speaker 1: that you want to be able to grow with your
Speaker 1: kids and you want to be able to be there
Speaker 1: for your grandkids and things like that. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: we can't end up somewhere in the middle of four
Speaker 1: kids or three. We can't have three and a half kids.
Speaker 1: It's either we're gonna get four or three. So where
Speaker 1: do we round to that? No, I'm just saying you
Speaker 1: said we can end up. You said we can end
Speaker 1: up somewhere in the middle. It's like you want three,
Speaker 1: I want four, right, So it's like either somebody's gonna
Speaker 1: get what they Three sounds nice and round to me.
Speaker 1: If you make a number three, it's like the two
Speaker 1: sides don't work around with four kids. Everybody got a
Speaker 1: partner on the roller coaster? How often are we going
Speaker 1: to roller coasts? We can't even go to all the
Speaker 1: time when we have four kids. But on an airplane,
Speaker 1: if it's a three row in a three row, that's
Speaker 1: gonna be six. Now taking myself, but yes, this um
Speaker 1: so yeah, that that is that. That's what I'm wondering
Speaker 1: if he said she's he's a great father. So I'm
Speaker 1: wondering if at thirty five she says, boy friend, I
Speaker 1: don't know if they have children together or if they're
Speaker 1: his children or not. Um, So there's that's a hard
Speaker 1: one because there really is not like a law of
Speaker 1: time frame. But I feel like there needs to be
Speaker 1: a very very candid conversation between the two of you,
Speaker 1: not waiting necessarily for a five year mark to then
Speaker 1: have the conversation. But it's like, why wait and invest
Speaker 1: a couple more years if he's ultimately not going to
Speaker 1: want to commit understand that? You know, we we know
Speaker 1: someone that we spoke with recently that was just like, yo,
Speaker 1: I might have to let my girl go because she
Speaker 1: wants to be married and have children and I don't
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's right. I just may have to just
Speaker 1: her well, And we thought like, oh my goodness, it
Speaker 1: don't gave me choose at how at peace he was
Speaker 1: with it and how like comfortable he was saying, you
Speaker 1: know what, she wants all of these things, and she's
Speaker 1: been vocal about it. So I cannot meet her there
Speaker 1: and we have to let her go. You know what
Speaker 1: struck me. He said that he loved her so much
Speaker 1: seeing her happy getting what she want was more important
Speaker 1: to he being happy because I was like, yeah, I said,
Speaker 1: you're willing to let her go? When he was just like, bro, like,
Speaker 1: I just love her that much. I want to see
Speaker 1: her be happy. And you know what, sometimes it's people.
Speaker 1: We have to do a better job of loving people
Speaker 1: the way they want to be loved and not be selfish.
Speaker 1: You know. There were times Astance, Yeah, there were there
Speaker 1: were times in our relationship where I was selfish. There
Speaker 1: were times that you were selfish, and if we were
Speaker 1: less selfish, we've been able to love each other better.
Speaker 1: And I think that this may be, you know, this
Speaker 1: may be one of those situations where you tell them
Speaker 1: exactly what you need, you know, and then it's up
Speaker 1: to him to live up to the pressure, rise to
Speaker 1: the pressure, off the pot. There's nothing wrong with being honest,
Speaker 1: like this is this is my life. But that goes
Speaker 1: both ways. If a woman is going to be honest
Speaker 1: and say this is what I want on in my life,
Speaker 1: a man has every right to say this is what
Speaker 1: I want out of my life. You can't disregard what's
Speaker 1: important to me in my life and say I'm childish,
Speaker 1: but then say, all of these things that I want
Speaker 1: in my life have to be mad. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Since when like being honest is now equated with like
Speaker 1: such like highly offended outcomes, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: cancel culture because I mean, like, I mean, people just
Speaker 1: being honest and telling you how they feel, like I
Speaker 1: feel like that in turn just ends up with people
Speaker 1: just being so offended and I'm like, would you rather
Speaker 1: me just sell you the sugarcoated you know, sweet talk
Speaker 1: or do you want to actually hear what it is?
Speaker 1: Political correctness has become valued more than honesty because people
Speaker 1: just want to feel better about themselves. They don't want
Speaker 1: to they don't want to be better, they don't want
Speaker 1: to be better, they just want to feel better. And
Speaker 1: it's easier to feel better when someone is telling you
Speaker 1: what you want to hear as opposed of telling you
Speaker 1: what you need to hear. That's just what And it
Speaker 1: started with giving everyone a trophy, you know, everyone to
Speaker 1: participation trophy. Everyone gets spirit. That That's when they started
Speaker 1: because now it's like you don't have to work towards
Speaker 1: the things you want, You're just given it. It's that
Speaker 1: entitlement and it's it's affecting city is than like trying
Speaker 1: to be taken away the adversity, right, which was the
Speaker 1: sweetest part about the You know, it's affecting us, it's
Speaker 1: affecting us in our relationships. But good, ma'am, you have
Speaker 1: a right to ask you what you want. And if
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to adhere to it, move on. And
Speaker 1: he has the right expectations and standards, we flip it
Speaker 1: back again, that's what. And if he feels like it's
Speaker 1: back is against the wall, if he feels like it's
Speaker 1: an ultimatum, at least you know where you stand and
Speaker 1: he does. All right, y'all. If you want to be
Speaker 1: featured as a listener letter on Dead Ass podcast, be
Speaker 1: sure to email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. That's right, that's D E A D A
Speaker 1: d V I C E at gmail dot com. All right,
Speaker 1: moment of truth time. Do you want to go first? Back?
Speaker 1: If it's on the tip of your tongue, No, this
Speaker 1: is this is my moment of truth. My moment of
Speaker 1: truth is there's a certain level of pressure that exists
Speaker 1: anytime you see value in something, right, I see value
Speaker 1: in being a husband. I see value in being a
Speaker 1: father in order for me to meet the standard of
Speaker 1: which I want to perform being a husband or being
Speaker 1: a father. There's going to come pressure with that. And
Speaker 1: if you don't feel any pressure, then that means it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter enough. Like you said, pressure doesn't only bust
Speaker 1: price where it creates diamonds. If you're willing to work
Speaker 1: through the pressure daily as a man and be a
Speaker 1: great husband and be a great father, you can build
Speaker 1: a fantastic life for your family. I'm up for the challenge.
Speaker 1: I'm willing to do it every day because I have
Speaker 1: an amazing wife that I love so much and I'm
Speaker 1: really to take over the world with her. That's my
Speaker 1: moment of truth. I love that take over the world together.
Speaker 1: I love that my moment of truth is the moment
Speaker 1: that I no longer feel pressure when in my relationship.
Speaker 1: Is the moment I know that I might have clocked
Speaker 1: out and I need to constantly feel a level of
Speaker 1: pressure when it comes to being what I need to
Speaker 1: be in my relationship for my husband, because the moment
Speaker 1: I'm starting to kind of a waiver on that and
Speaker 1: feel like it's not that big of a deal. The
Speaker 1: moment that I feel complacent, like I'm doing a good
Speaker 1: job is the moment that I might have been just
Speaker 1: f to coup as deep. I agree, yes, so, ley'all.
Speaker 1: I mean, if you like what we're doing over here,
Speaker 1: be sure to find us on social media. Um, we
Speaker 1: have Instagram page, dead asked the podcast, so be sure
Speaker 1: to go over there and follow and check us out.
Speaker 1: And of course you can find me on my usual
Speaker 1: handle Cadine I am and I am devout. And if
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review
Speaker 1: and subscribe. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart
Speaker 1: Media podcast Network and is produced by the Nora, Opinia
Speaker 1: and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead
Speaker 1: as the podcasts and never miss a Thing.