1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,799 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:37,600 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode Sorry Sarah, what Isn't good? Thirty? 11 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: Are all right? We were recording multiple episodes today, so 12 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 1: it's hard to keep track sometimes. But we will be 13 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 1: talking about childcare, a topic we have talked about in 14 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:51,520 Speaker 1: the past, but some sort of general guidelines for people 15 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: to think about as they are making their childcare choices 16 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 1: that we've heard from our listeners. Things to keep in 17 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 1: mind as general. Full because you've made some changes recently, Sarah, right, yeah, 18 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 1: I think the reason I thought it would be interesting 19 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,199 Speaker 1: to do another childcare episode since we did talk about 20 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: it before, well a couple of reasons. Number One, we 21 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,199 Speaker 1: have some new listeners, So this is always a requested topic, 22 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: and I think from time to time it's nice to 23 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: go back. But also I think people forget that this 24 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,039 Speaker 1: is an area in which you can't just set it 25 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 1: and forget it, because what works when you have one 26 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 1: baby is different than when you have two children, and 27 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: it's different when you have older children that may have 28 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 1: different kinds of homework. And in fact, really the logistics 29 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,919 Speaker 1: can change every year or even more frequently. We're finding ourselves. 30 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 1: It was funny because all of a sudden, you know, 31 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 1: I wind about it on this podcast enough. You guys know, 32 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: I was very frustrated with a lot of evenings because 33 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 1: Josh often gets home fairly late. There are exceptions, but 34 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 1: I certainly can't rely on him to get home, you know, 35 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 1: around dinner time or anything like that, or even for bedtime. 36 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 1: And I was finding myself dreading those evenings. But our 37 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 1: nanny worked from She used to come at seven thirty 38 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: in the morning, and you know, we used to live 39 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: fairly far from where she did. Now we don't, but 40 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 1: she came really early, you know, she commuted, and then 41 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,079 Speaker 1: of course I wanted to get her out on time, 42 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: so she left at six o'clock, so I would basically 43 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: get home from work and she'd be pretty much out 44 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 1: the door, leaving me to deal with the evening on 45 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 1: my own, which again I did it, but I wasn't 46 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: always very happy happy about it. Yes, So you know, 47 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 1: all of a sudden it occurred to me that we 48 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:29,919 Speaker 1: didn't necessarily need our nanny to do the morning drop off. 49 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: Like I don't know what was stopping me. I mean, 50 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 1: things did change because it has to do with our 51 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 1: move and the timing of school and the fact that 52 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 1: Genevieve goes to school now. But Genevieve's school is conveniently 53 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,919 Speaker 1: located on the way to my office, and I had 54 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:45,920 Speaker 1: this block in my head thinking like, well, you can't 55 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,360 Speaker 1: drop off the big kids and Genevieve. And then one 56 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: day our nannie had to be off and I was like, 57 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: let me try it, and it was like that is 58 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: so easy, like throw them all in the car, or 59 00:02:56,200 --> 00:03:00,200 Speaker 1: sometimes we do it with scooters and a stroller, drop 60 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,480 Speaker 1: off the big kids, and the timing actually works perfectly 61 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,760 Speaker 1: because they need to be there. Really dropped off by 62 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 1: like seven forty five and then I drive halfway to 63 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 1: work Genevieve's drop off coincides pretty much exactly with that 64 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 1: halfway point of when I need to get to work, 65 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 1: and I can actually get in time for when my 66 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 1: first patients there and do the drop off, which means 67 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: I didn't need our nanny to come so early, which 68 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 1: also meant that I felt free to ask her to 69 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 1: work later. So like you know, a cascade, and now 70 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,919 Speaker 1: we have her come. Sometimes she still has to come early. 71 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,839 Speaker 1: We had a parent teacher conference this morning and Josh 72 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 1: and I both wanted to go without being distracted by Genevieve, 73 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 1: so she did come early, so you know, she's still 74 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 1: available to come in the morning. And usually it's one 75 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: to two days during the week that she does come early, 76 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: but a lot of other days she comes in around 77 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: eleven and then we'll stay till seven thirty, and then 78 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 1: the hour's kind of even out to the same number 79 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,840 Speaker 1: of hours she was working before. But I get that 80 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: support in the evenings, and I can usually put Genevieve 81 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,360 Speaker 1: to bed while she's still here, and I am a 82 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: happier person. So but it just like, you know, we 83 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: could have just stayed on autopilot, thinking that you know, 84 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 1: we had a system that worked, and you know, she 85 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 1: was already working a lot of hours, so you know, 86 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: we'd boxed ourselves in a little bit. Yeah, so that 87 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 1: that was a big thing. And then kind of around 88 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 1: the same time, I got empowered because I just came 89 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: to the realization my husbands actually had to take a 90 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 1: little bit more weekend call with some changes at work. 91 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 1: And it's fine, it's it's reasonable, but he's on call 92 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 1: one out of every three weekends. And I was just 93 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:30,200 Speaker 1: sort of seeing these thirty three percent of my weekend 94 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: stretch ahead of me for the rest of the next 95 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,719 Speaker 1: decade and not being able to work out. And I 96 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: was like, wait, I could work out. I Genevieve will 97 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 1: be twelve though by the end of that decade. I'm 98 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: pretty sure that you can leave a twelve year old, 99 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,919 Speaker 1: a fifteen years old, a seventeen year old ago, you 100 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,359 Speaker 1: can certainly leave a twelve year old. Okay, maybe I 101 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,720 Speaker 1: was seeing the next five years ahead of five years, 102 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 1: and I was like, why can't I just hire someone 103 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:54,400 Speaker 1: to comfort like, it doesn't make me a bad parent, 104 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 1: it doesn't make me do anything. And then I'm like, oh, 105 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,560 Speaker 1: and I could hire someone to come watch the big 106 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,360 Speaker 1: kids while I take her to my Jim. And so 107 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 1: now I went back on care dot com, which is 108 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 1: where we found our nanny. I found two babysitters, and 109 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 1: I can talk a little bit about the job application 110 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: process because I've had pretty good luck. And the last 111 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,239 Speaker 1: two weekends, I've had them come for like two hours 112 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,479 Speaker 1: stints in the morning so I can work out while 113 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,840 Speaker 1: my husband's working. And actually sometimes when he's not working, 114 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,240 Speaker 1: I'm trying to have them come so that he can 115 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,600 Speaker 1: Sometimes he asked to do some work when he's not working, 116 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 1: so he can do that without it really taking away 117 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 1: from me, and even so we could maybe both work 118 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 1: out at the same time once in a while. So again, 119 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,600 Speaker 1: it's like you have these stories you tell yourself about 120 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: what you're allowed to do, but we're grown ups. We're 121 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: allowed to do whatever we want. Well, I think there's 122 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: a mental block about having childcare when you are not 123 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: actually working, right, And I think a lot of people 124 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 1: have in their mind that the only acceptable time to 125 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:50,279 Speaker 1: have it is from the start of your commute to 126 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: the time when you walk in the door. And you know, 127 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,719 Speaker 1: maybe you get a date night every month or so 128 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 1: that you have a sitter for, but to regularly build 129 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: into your life life, extra hours beyond that I think 130 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:08,320 Speaker 1: makes people, you know, feel weird, and we can certainly 131 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: explore in this podcast why that is, Like why do 132 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:16,160 Speaker 1: people feel that way? But I think that is definitely 133 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 1: we should there, yes, exactly, but well, first before we 134 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: get to that, though a deeper philosophical question, maybe you 135 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,440 Speaker 1: can talk through the ads that you put on. Yeah, 136 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 1: just from a logistical standpoint. So again, we've found our 137 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: current nanny throughcare dot com six years ago and she's 138 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,839 Speaker 1: still working with us, and I found these two babysitters. 139 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: What has worked for me is that I put in 140 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: an ad, and I do the paid subscriptions you can communicate, 141 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: and then in that ad I put very specific things 142 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,000 Speaker 1: about what I'd like them to respond with. Please respond 143 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:52,720 Speaker 1: with number one your availability, number two like two references, 144 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,880 Speaker 1: and like number three a time you can meet with me. 145 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,799 Speaker 1: Like that's pretty simple, right, And yet most people cannot 146 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 1: follow the instructions to respond with those things. So I'm like, okay, 147 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,279 Speaker 1: we're done. We're done here. You couldn't follow my instructions 148 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: on the ad. You just sent clearly a copy and 149 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,240 Speaker 1: pasted thing about how you want to work because you 150 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: love children, But you didn't answer my question. So that's 151 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 1: a really nice filter. And then that seems to work, 152 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: and then you know, I set up interviews. I have 153 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,280 Speaker 1: a friend, So I set up four interviews for a 154 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: couple a few weeks ago, and I will admit two 155 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: of them just canceled. One of them just canceled and ghosted. 156 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 1: One of them sent me a text like five minutes 157 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: before the interview was about to start and was like sorry, 158 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 1: never mind. And then the other two showed up like 159 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: beautifully on time, professionally dressed like my good yes, with 160 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 1: their cvs and like contacts. In fact, both of them, 161 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: or at least one of them, like sent me a 162 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: text like just just letting you know I'm on my way, 163 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: like just like fully, and then I knew that they 164 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 1: were professionals. The other thing I really like to do 165 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: is if if you're this is not to hire someone 166 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,000 Speaker 1: for a primary job, but like for these babysitting short 167 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:56,720 Speaker 1: little gigs, if you find someone that's hired by an organization, 168 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 1: you know, like one of ours is working for like 169 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 1: a government organization locally, I kind of know that they're 170 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 1: not a government organization is not going to hire like 171 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 1: someone with criminal record, or you know major issues, and 172 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: if I can find out that they've been there for 173 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 1: a couple of years, it's a nice vetting process as 174 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 1: well to make me feel safe and secure. I feel 175 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: less scared about Like I know, there's like a lot 176 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 1: of angst when your child are very little and they're 177 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 1: not they can't talk to you yet about what's going 178 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: to happen. But at least I know, you know, I 179 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: haven't eight year old almost and so she'll tell me 180 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: if someone's you know, not great. But I still feel 181 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,680 Speaker 1: much better knowing that, Okay, this person was vetted to 182 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: work in a medical practice or to work at a daycare, 183 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: like they've been through background checks, drug testing, all that 184 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 1: kind of stuff, because I'm not necessarily going to have 185 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 1: the ability to do that myself. Although through through care 186 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: dot Com you can you can't request various things, So 187 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 1: that's that's a service you can look at. And there's 188 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,560 Speaker 1: others too, like sitter City Nano is an on demand one. 189 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: There's there's a number of players in this space now 190 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: that there weren't in the in the past, and you 191 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,480 Speaker 1: had to go through if if you're hiring full time childcare, 192 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,680 Speaker 1: you had to go through a nanny agency, for instance, 193 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: which they still exist, and you may wish to do that, 194 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:11,560 Speaker 1: but you know, people's mileage may vary with them. And 195 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: I really like references, so I ask. I'm like, I 196 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,600 Speaker 1: want phone number of someone you've worked for recently, and 197 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 1: I do call, and usually you can tell instantly in 198 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 1: that person's voice, like, oh, yeah, this is someone that 199 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,160 Speaker 1: they've trusted. I mean, it's the same as a word 200 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: of mouth, breck. But I'll be honest, people are not always, 201 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: including myself, so excited to share their favorite babysitters contact 202 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,839 Speaker 1: information because they may want to take their own date 203 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 1: nights and they don't want you to pull them off 204 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 1: the market every Saturday night. So exactly that's why. And 205 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,440 Speaker 1: I feel awkward asking for that reason because I don't 206 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: want to steal someone else's best person. When somebody has 207 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,680 Speaker 1: kids that are kind of aging out of the need 208 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:50,199 Speaker 1: for a babysitter, that's a great time to ask, like, oh, 209 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: you've mentioned that you're leaving your you know, ten year 210 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,600 Speaker 1: old or twelve year old at home now, like any 211 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,680 Speaker 1: babysitters that you love that you don't need anymore, that 212 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 1: can be a window of opportunity. Yeah, good advice. Well, 213 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 1: shall we talk about our our guidelines are our general sure, 214 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 1: I mean we can also dive into the whole guilt 215 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 1: phenomenon or the barrier phenomenon. I think I think the 216 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,960 Speaker 1: short answer is probably, you know, as some of my 217 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: blog readers like to write the patriarchych answer, you know, 218 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,679 Speaker 1: I think I think some of it it's just it's 219 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:28,319 Speaker 1: stories we tell ourselves and history of what you've seen 220 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 1: growing up and what you see on TV. Even I mean, 221 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 1: it's just our culture is not very good at it's 222 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: depicting variations in how people might want to live their lives. 223 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,680 Speaker 1: There tends to be like these stereotyped versions that we 224 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 1: look towards. But you have to take a closer look 225 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 1: and figure out what what actually makes sense for you. 226 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,640 Speaker 1: I think yeah, And I think you know, being a 227 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:53,720 Speaker 1: more calm person, calm and happy persons is a good 228 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: in its own right. And we've we've actually had this 229 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 1: experience of you know, when you can and have a 230 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: little bit of extra help, that means you can do 231 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: more things with your bigger kids. So if you have 232 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 1: a big family, often you know you'll wind up spending 233 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 1: a lot of time and energy on the little ones. 234 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:19,600 Speaker 1: Just naturally because they're more needy, and that's fine. Probably 235 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: your kids are going to be fine if that's what 236 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:23,719 Speaker 1: you do. But if you would like to spend more 237 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,319 Speaker 1: one on one time with the older kids, then that 238 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 1: needs to be arranged. And this is one tool in 239 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: the toolbox to make it happen. Yeah, no, it's true. 240 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,040 Speaker 1: Hiring somebody to help care for some kids that you 241 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 1: can spend time with others is underrated. I think if 242 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: you can do it, and I know people are going 243 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,199 Speaker 1: to write in that this is not financially feasible for them, 244 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,839 Speaker 1: but you never know, things might change, and sometimes it 245 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 1: can be really small scale. Just a couple hours every 246 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 1: month even might be enough to save your sanity. And 247 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: over the long term, doesn't two evenings a week, So 248 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:02,200 Speaker 1: if you have a partner who is not available in 249 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 1: the evenings, sometimes maybe having one extra hour twice a 250 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 1: week beyond when you get home, that could be eight 251 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,679 Speaker 1: hours a month. So you know, you can figure out 252 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: whatever the rate would be for that. But like that 253 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: could be a major investment in your sanity and feeling 254 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: like you don't have to do all of it yourself. 255 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 1: And I think we had a lot of you know, 256 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:33,199 Speaker 1: questions about some things we've said in past episodes with this, 257 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: But I think that is a big difference of people 258 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 1: feeling like life is overwhelming or feeling like it isn't 259 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 1: and sometimes having a little help with that transition. And yeah, 260 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 1: maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but if you are 261 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 1: in a position where you have some extra cushion, some 262 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,720 Speaker 1: extra margin in your life, this could be a very 263 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:57,079 Speaker 1: wise place to spend it versus I don't know, buying 264 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:02,200 Speaker 1: an extra pair of pants, redoing your kitchen somehow viewing 265 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 1: your kitchen. Judge about home renovation projects, but they're incredibly expensive, 266 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:12,560 Speaker 1: so I yes, that is true. Another thing you're not 267 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 1: doing with renting? True? Yes, yes, Okay, my gosh. Okay, 268 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: So let's talk about the don't be cheap category. Can 269 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,199 Speaker 1: we start with the day to day life? Okay, first, 270 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: let's talk about you, because I mean, unless your your 271 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,320 Speaker 1: partner is responsible for all things kids related, all these 272 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 1: decisions are going to affect your day to day life. 273 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: It's going to affect your morning commute, right, So the 274 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 1: fact that Sarah can drop her kids off at school 275 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,079 Speaker 1: like it's on the way to work. I mean, these 276 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 1: are important things if you're thinking about housing, for instance, 277 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 1: or choosing a childcare center, you want it to be 278 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 1: relatively close to something that you are going to, whether 279 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 1: that's your office or it's by your home. Keep in mind, 280 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: if it's right by one person's office, that person will 281 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,679 Speaker 1: always have to do the drop off and pick up, 282 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: so you might want to be aware of that. I 283 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,719 Speaker 1: should Josh deserves credit where credits do because when he 284 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 1: does have more flexible days and that does happen one 285 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,839 Speaker 1: to two times a week, I think he enjoys doing 286 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: it and he does do it, and it's it's actually 287 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 1: fairly high quality time because the kids are like scootering 288 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 1: and they're outside and they're having fun. So there may 289 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 1: actually be you know, positives, And don't assume that just 290 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 1: because it's inconvenient for one parent would mean they never 291 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: do it, because maybe they still are going to pick 292 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 1: a day per week that they are more flexible and 293 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 1: choose to jump in. But you know, there's different things 294 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: to look at, Like some daycare centers have lunch, like 295 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 1: they make lunch for the kids or they have provide snacks, 296 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 1: and if they do, that's time you're not going to 297 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 1: be spending making the lunches and packing the snacks, and 298 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: that might be something to take into consideration when you're 299 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,240 Speaker 1: choosing a place, someplace that is fifteen minutes from your 300 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: house versus five minutes from your house, I would say 301 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 1: that it's going to have to be quite a bit 302 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,480 Speaker 1: better to justify the fifteen minutes versus the five minutes. 303 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 1: Someplace that closes at five point thirty versus closes at 304 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 1: six thirty, they have. These are things to keep in 305 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,480 Speaker 1: mind for the convenience factor. When I wrote the book, 306 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 1: I know how she does it. A few years ago, 307 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: I've found a lot of people wound up going the 308 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 1: nanny route because of the day to day convenience factor, 309 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: not having to make that drive to another place and 310 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 1: do the drop off. You know. I still recall one 311 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 1: one time log from a lady who had really a 312 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 1: bad commute. I mean she she would drive to our 313 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,720 Speaker 1: daycare center, which only had street parking, so she had 314 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: to find a parking spot, which might be right there, 315 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: it might be three blocks away, like who knows, it's 316 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 1: parking roulette every morning, right, So that would be incredibly stressful. 317 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: So she's either right there or she's hauling like two 318 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: kids in the snow for three blocks and then she's 319 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 1: trying to make a train, which you imagine like if 320 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: you can't guarantee that there's parking right there and you're 321 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: trying to make a train, it's like a very stressful moment. 322 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: So we'll pause and think about that, and now we'll 323 00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:06,800 Speaker 1: go to our advertisers introducing the Capital one Walmart Rewards Card. 324 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 1: Earn five percent back at Walmart Online. Games for the kids, 325 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 1: headphones for dad, a laptop for mom, doesn't matter. You 326 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 1: get five percent back at Walmart Online. You'll also earn 327 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: two percent at Walmart in store, restaurants and travel, and 328 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:26,160 Speaker 1: one percent everywhere else. When you want all that, you 329 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: need the Capital one Walmart Rewards Card. What's in your wallet? 330 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 1: Terms and exclusions apply Capital one. Na. Okay, we're back. 331 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: So we were just discussing kind of the convenience factors 332 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: that come to choosing your scenario, whether that's having somebody 333 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 1: come to you or whether you're going to go somewhere. 334 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 1: You know. One of the upsides, and we've spoken about 335 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,560 Speaker 1: this before of having somebody come to you is, especially 336 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 1: as the kids get older, not so much when they're 337 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,200 Speaker 1: a newborn, but when they're at more school age if 338 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: you are able to keep someone employed full time or 339 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,200 Speaker 1: if they prefer to be full time, sometimes they can 340 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:08,880 Speaker 1: take on more household responsibilities, which if you're dealing with 341 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,240 Speaker 1: as some of our listeners are in households with two 342 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,280 Speaker 1: big jobs, that's often something that A can be afforded 343 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 1: and B, you know, greatly cleans up those logistics of life. 344 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,399 Speaker 1: So they're not doing that when they would rather be 345 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,679 Speaker 1: doing quality time type things with the kids. Yeah, so 346 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,680 Speaker 1: you know, you could look at that, although I would 347 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,440 Speaker 1: say that probably heavy cleaning is probably something better sent 348 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,880 Speaker 1: to a cleaning sir, and most people aren't gonna want 349 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:36,240 Speaker 1: to sign up for that for that. So what you 350 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:39,840 Speaker 1: mentioned the sort of household management aspect, what is that? 351 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 1: What do you include under that? Yeah? Well again, so 352 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,359 Speaker 1: I give like a rough meal plan, but on weeks 353 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 1: that I don't even do it. Our nanny is kind 354 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 1: of autopilot enough that she'll shop and figure that out 355 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,879 Speaker 1: by herself. You know. She knows the moving parts of 356 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,919 Speaker 1: like who needs to be picked up which time, which days, 357 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 1: and with three kids that gets more and more complex 358 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,360 Speaker 1: with time. She helped with homework. She will help with 359 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:03,639 Speaker 1: like if I have something that needs to go to 360 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 1: the post office. Did you get your socks by the way, 361 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 1: I did, and they're great. Okay, Well she mailed those 362 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:13,919 Speaker 1: stuff like that. Yeah, So and it's because really she 363 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 1: does have even though she's coming in later, everybody's in 364 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 1: school for a few hours, and she's able to help 365 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: with other things. So yeah, and it definitely just takes 366 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,880 Speaker 1: away from Oh and our laundry, which I've spoken about 367 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,160 Speaker 1: before and I recognize as like a totally spoiled thing. 368 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,920 Speaker 1: But she's able to do it and it greatly helps us, 369 00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:36,679 Speaker 1: and I really truly appreciate it. Yeah. Next rule is 370 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:40,679 Speaker 1: don't be cheap. Yes, I totally agree. If someone is 371 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 1: helping you out in all of these ways and caring 372 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:48,640 Speaker 1: for your children, this is not the area to go budget. Yeah, 373 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,639 Speaker 1: you have to figure out what the going rate. My 374 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,480 Speaker 1: feeling is, you figure out what the going rate is 375 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,200 Speaker 1: in your area, and then you go a little above that. Yeah, exactly. 376 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:02,359 Speaker 1: But also things like you know, paid vacations, bonuses, like 377 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,840 Speaker 1: just any what you do for any employment situation, right, Yeah, 378 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,919 Speaker 1: I mean I'm willing to share, like we we've we 379 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,320 Speaker 1: now give two fully paid weeks off plus all major 380 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:16,199 Speaker 1: holidays off and Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. They 381 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,600 Speaker 1: got added to the major holidays somewhere along the way 382 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,680 Speaker 1: and we haven't gotten rid of them. So she gets 383 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 1: holiday to the Yeah, they are kind of holidays anyway, 384 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: she gets close to the number of vacation times that 385 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,120 Speaker 1: I get, not quite but close to it. And then 386 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 1: if we ever hire her for extra time, of course 387 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,400 Speaker 1: we are paying her for extra time, and that includes 388 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,679 Speaker 1: overtime because legally that is something you have to do 389 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 1: with the household employee yeap, which it includes yes, paying legally. 390 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,400 Speaker 1: So yeah, what what what system do you use? Because 391 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 1: you've you've evolved the s over time as well. I 392 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,040 Speaker 1: used to be it used to be very homegrown. I 393 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 1: just had an Excel sheet and I submitted paper W 394 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 1: two's and W three's the I R s every year. 395 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,320 Speaker 1: I was sort of taught to do that by somebody 396 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,440 Speaker 1: who had done it before, and I, you know, checked 397 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,879 Speaker 1: everything by our accountant. I've gotten a little fancier in 398 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 1: the last year so and I've started to use a 399 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: software called nanny pay or you just put the number 400 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,119 Speaker 1: of hours and all your parameters and it'll make the 401 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 1: pay stubbs for you. I use GTM, which is a 402 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,880 Speaker 1: little bit more full service. It's not an app, it's 403 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: a company and they do payroll in general. So if 404 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:17,879 Speaker 1: you have like a small business and you want to 405 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:21,160 Speaker 1: outsource payroll, you would use a company like them. So 406 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:25,000 Speaker 1: you can also do this for other situations, right, So yes, 407 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:32,520 Speaker 1: it's very for example, yeah, yeah, some people, no, you 408 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:36,119 Speaker 1: you just you know, sign up through that. So you 409 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: need an employer I D number, for instance, so that 410 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 1: they can help you get to apply for that and 411 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:49,359 Speaker 1: then you you know, they can send in the through schedule. 412 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,640 Speaker 1: H like the quarterly payments to the government that's withheld 413 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,159 Speaker 1: for both well for federal, for state if you have 414 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 1: local you know, the payments to your state's unemployment insurance 415 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:02,840 Speaker 1: UH program. Those are all things that have to be done. 416 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: So you know, this makes it automatic and it's relatively affordable. 417 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,000 Speaker 1: You know, I forget the exact amount, but we were 418 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,399 Speaker 1: I think, you know, definitely paying under one hundred a month. 419 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 1: And you know that's with more than one person, so 420 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,879 Speaker 1: it's it's good. Nanny pay is way cheaper, but you 421 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,360 Speaker 1: have to do more yourself. But since I had been yeah, 422 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:26,000 Speaker 1: it's been working okay, So yeah, so obviously you know, 423 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:29,880 Speaker 1: we're not accountants. And everybody should consult their own authorities 424 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,440 Speaker 1: when they're figuring this stuff out. But we are both very, 425 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: very passionate that you need to do things the right 426 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,200 Speaker 1: way because it would be a big risk. Not too Yeah, 427 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,000 Speaker 1: so you know, we talked about being realistic about how 428 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,639 Speaker 1: many hours you need. This is one of the funny 429 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: things that people write to me about from time to time. 430 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 1: They want to talk about how great they are on 431 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:56,120 Speaker 1: time management because they have managed to convert their schedules 432 00:21:56,119 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 1: to using as few paid hours of childcare as possible. Like, Okay, 433 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,800 Speaker 1: you're you're talking to the wrong person here. This this 434 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:08,080 Speaker 1: is not like there's this doesn't make you a better person, 435 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,520 Speaker 1: right like that, you know, and so being honest about it, 436 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: like is is so much better. You know, if you 437 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 1: are going to have to work late, having a childcare 438 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,720 Speaker 1: center that closes at five thirty is going to be 439 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,120 Speaker 1: a constant source of stress. Like so if you get 440 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,359 Speaker 1: out of work at five and you have a commute 441 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: and it closes at five thirty, again, this is going 442 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,320 Speaker 1: to be a constant source of stress. So be honest 443 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:38,760 Speaker 1: about leaving yourself a buffer on both sides, and you know, 444 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,879 Speaker 1: then you'll be a much happier person. Yes, I agree. 445 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 1: And one thing I did I did want to say 446 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:48,119 Speaker 1: because we we had we had our conversation with Joel 447 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:51,120 Speaker 1: and Matt to two weeks ago. Was that right two 448 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:55,560 Speaker 1: episodes ago? Yes, that we were talking about, you know, 449 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,680 Speaker 1: childcare as an expense and so Sarah, Sarah didn't like 450 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 1: my work here that we talk about here is not 451 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 1: an expense, And I'm like, well, it is an expense, 452 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 1: just like it's an expense, but it's like it's a 453 00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:12,439 Speaker 1: worthwhile expense. So it's an expense, like saying going to 454 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 1: college is an expense. Okay, yes, well the college is 455 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: a huge expense, but it's a very worthwhile well for you, 456 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: but like in your own for you personally, like if 457 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,720 Speaker 1: you were paying to take classes toward a degree, Like, yes, 458 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,919 Speaker 1: that's an expense. You're doing it as an expense. You're right, 459 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 1: it's an investment as well. But it's an investment because 460 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 1: the reason you're probably doing it is that you think 461 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: this will boost your earning potential over time. And that's 462 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 1: exactly the case. Like, you know, there's some fascinating data. 463 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 1: I know I've talked about this before, but for any 464 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 1: new listeners from economists Sylvia Ann Hewlett who analyzed people's 465 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: earnings and taking three years out of the workforce, so 466 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,640 Speaker 1: that's not a long time, that's not long at all, 467 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:02,480 Speaker 1: results on average in a thirty seven percent hit to 468 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,800 Speaker 1: your earning potential. And that is for the rest of 469 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: your career. Like that is a ton and so I 470 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,639 Speaker 1: mean that's like the equivalent of earning, you know, is 471 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,440 Speaker 1: sixty three thousand versus one hundred thousand. There's a there's 472 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:21,160 Speaker 1: a big difference. So sorry, I'm taking a pause here 473 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:26,479 Speaker 1: to get Henry because it was videoing because this is 474 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:32,080 Speaker 1: so cute. Yes he's so cute, Yes he is. Wow, 475 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: that is so cute. All right, thank you, we're digressing. 476 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,240 Speaker 1: Thank you of it on this episode aggressing, but I 477 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:43,640 Speaker 1: think he's hungry. But it is absolutely it is absolutely 478 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,679 Speaker 1: a long term investment, and you have to think of 479 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,879 Speaker 1: you know that those years if you're not working, then 480 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,320 Speaker 1: you're also not saving for retirement during those years, and 481 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,600 Speaker 1: you're not building the career capital and the connections that 482 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,880 Speaker 1: would take you to the next step those years. Now 483 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,639 Speaker 1: that may be again, like we said on the How 484 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,480 Speaker 1: to Money podcast, I absolute respect that choice. If that's 485 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 1: someone's choice, and that's what they want to do, and 486 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,159 Speaker 1: it fits with their family's goals and they want to 487 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: be home because they just want that to be how 488 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: their life looks at that stage. Totally get it, and 489 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,840 Speaker 1: I think that's great. But making the financial argument is 490 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 1: where it can become problematic. I think and we believe 491 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 1: that the investment in excellent care for your children and 492 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,200 Speaker 1: enough care for your children to keep you see, is 493 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 1: a worthwhile one through and through. I'm going to keep 494 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 1: talking because should meet myself. I'm like, attempting to feed 495 00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 1: a baby here and he's not he's not cooperating. Well, 496 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to mention here what we talked about with troublespots. 497 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,159 Speaker 1: So you know, you have to think about when your 498 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,920 Speaker 1: child is sick and can't go to daycare, or if 499 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,959 Speaker 1: your caregivers sick, if you have a nanny, what are 500 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,359 Speaker 1: you going to do? There's there's not always an easy 501 00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,439 Speaker 1: answer to this, and I do think this can evolve 502 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 1: over time. I mean, as you build SENIORITI in your 503 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,159 Speaker 1: career or your partner does, maybe you do get to 504 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,640 Speaker 1: a place where you're like, well, you know, this happens 505 00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,880 Speaker 1: very rarely, and if it happens I'm going to move 506 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 1: my patients that day, and who cares. I got enough 507 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,359 Speaker 1: vacation saved. I have enough career capital, you know. I 508 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,640 Speaker 1: just joked we were talking before about like being good 509 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,960 Speaker 1: enough that they couldn't ignore you, Like Lady Gaga can 510 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,880 Speaker 1: do whatever she wants because she's that good. If you're 511 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,160 Speaker 1: that good at your career, you can stay home from 512 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 1: work if your kid is sick. But if you're not 513 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 1: at that point yet, then I think a nice back 514 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: door strategy is to use one of the services that 515 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 1: are evolving in a lot of urban areas where you 516 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,040 Speaker 1: can get like a vetted sitter, usually at a very 517 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,119 Speaker 1: expensive hourly rate. But remember that this is like a 518 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 1: very short term thing, and often you can get it 519 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:35,000 Speaker 1: like at an hour's notice or so. So I have 520 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,720 Speaker 1: I have employed that strategy. I used to feel like, oh, 521 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,159 Speaker 1: I need to have like, you know, an aftercare I 522 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,640 Speaker 1: could send my kids to if our nanny is unexpectedly sick. 523 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,960 Speaker 1: But I'm feeling less like that recently. And maybe that's 524 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,359 Speaker 1: because I have a little bit more career flexibility and 525 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,440 Speaker 1: because I've used this backup option before and it wasn't 526 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 1: the end of the world. Yeah, yeah, I mean, and 527 00:26:56,760 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 1: if you are both, say traveling, obviously there's even more 528 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:05,360 Speaker 1: that can go wrong. So you need to think about that. 529 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: Like if you've got it very carefully timed that you know, 530 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:13,200 Speaker 1: one of you leaves right as the other is coming 531 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,640 Speaker 1: home while the kids are at school, you know, well, 532 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 1: what happens if somebody's flight is canceled or delayed four hours? 533 00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:21,679 Speaker 1: You know you need a backup. But and you need 534 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 1: to think of this beforehand, because it's gonna be very 535 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,600 Speaker 1: stressful in the moment. Be like, oh wait, my flight's canceled. 536 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,399 Speaker 1: What on earth am I going to do? Well, like, 537 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,919 Speaker 1: have that thought before the flight's canceled, and then you'll 538 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 1: you'll be a much calm person that you can just 539 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,639 Speaker 1: send the text to your backup arrangement for that and 540 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:40,119 Speaker 1: be like, hey, I am going to need you to 541 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:43,080 Speaker 1: pick up the kids at school today, as we talked about, 542 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:48,640 Speaker 1: and then then you're good. You know it's it's but 543 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:52,239 Speaker 1: but being optimistic is a wonderful thing in life. But 544 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,439 Speaker 1: when it comes, not when it comes to childcare, not 545 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,440 Speaker 1: when it comes to think through what's going to go wrong? 546 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 1: You know what can I do about this? And having 547 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:07,480 Speaker 1: sort of a backup layer is always key awesome, all right, 548 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,560 Speaker 1: I feel like that's most of what we wanted to 549 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:14,880 Speaker 1: talk about. Yeah, because we already went into care dot com, 550 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,640 Speaker 1: we already went into the patriarchy, and we've gone into 551 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,239 Speaker 1: all the changes that we've made in our household. And 552 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:21,880 Speaker 1: you're having to have a little bit more help too 553 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 1: now that you have another baby in the mix. Yeah, 554 00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:28,400 Speaker 1: it's currently just about five kids. Is different for four, 555 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,600 Speaker 1: and so if your family situation changes, and I mean 556 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: among the things, I mean, every time I've put Henry 557 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,560 Speaker 1: in the car, he screams, and partly that's because it's 558 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:40,800 Speaker 1: really cold, but not having to do that is worth 559 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:44,680 Speaker 1: a lot. And so you know, we have an extra 560 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 1: driver now for activities in some afternoons and evenings, and 561 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 1: that's very helpful. And we've also thought through having a 562 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:56,240 Speaker 1: Saturday coverage because that there's a lot of kids activities 563 00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,000 Speaker 1: then too, And so either I don't get to go 564 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 1: to anything because I'm sitting home with the baby, or 565 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:06,479 Speaker 1: we have him scream everywhere. Uh So you know, this 566 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:11,640 Speaker 1: is this is the choice to still be involved in 567 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: my other kids lives, Like I still wind up spending 568 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:18,760 Speaker 1: basically all of Saturday with a kid in some way, 569 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:22,840 Speaker 1: shape or form. It's just it's not with all five 570 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,959 Speaker 1: or you know that I'm always home with the baby 571 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,720 Speaker 1: and not able to do anything with anyone else. That 572 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,040 Speaker 1: makes sense, all right, So let's let's let's get to 573 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 1: our listener question. So uh, I'll read it because it's 574 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,640 Speaker 1: your rants, it's your rent as a response, and I 575 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,280 Speaker 1: purposely in quitted this because Laura. Laura wrote back to 576 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,600 Speaker 1: this listener and was like, well, you will be treated 577 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,000 Speaker 1: to one of my favorite rants. Now we can treat 578 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: all of you guys to one of our favorite rants 579 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:55,320 Speaker 1: as well. Okay, The question says I will be returning 580 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,800 Speaker 1: to work soon as my maternity leave is almost done. 581 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,600 Speaker 1: In order to mentally prepare myself, I'm thinking about the 582 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 1: systems I want to put in place to make my weekday, 583 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:06,240 Speaker 1: mornings and evenings easier. In my research, I've found lots 584 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 1: of working mother bloggers who swear by their weekly prep 585 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: routines that they do on Sundays. Some of these routines 586 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,880 Speaker 1: can be very long processes and take up most of 587 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,600 Speaker 1: the day, maybe because they need blog content Okay, sorry. 588 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,600 Speaker 1: Usually weekly prep involves preparing lunches and suppers for the 589 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 1: working week, as well as other tasks like picking out 590 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:28,600 Speaker 1: clothes for each day or pre packing diaper bags, et cetera. Basically, 591 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: I wanted your opinions on how to effectively prepare for 592 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 1: a working week without giving up too much of my weekend. 593 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,320 Speaker 1: Do you think these Sunday routines are the effective way 594 00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:38,880 Speaker 1: to survive the midweek crunch or are they creating more 595 00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,239 Speaker 1: weekend work that's actually necessary. By the way, like, some 596 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:43,960 Speaker 1: people who know Laura might have thought that, like, this 597 00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,800 Speaker 1: is a fake question that I planted. But it was real. 598 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,000 Speaker 1: It was real. It was real. It was It's a 599 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:54,040 Speaker 1: great question. It just it just critically it does exist. Yes, 600 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,640 Speaker 1: it's like, well, I'm glad you framed it that way 601 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,160 Speaker 1: of whether it's necessary to survive the midwek crunch or 602 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,959 Speaker 1: is it creating more weekend work than is actually necessary? 603 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 1: Thank you for leading into my rank. No, we love 604 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,360 Speaker 1: this question. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah. No, 605 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,960 Speaker 1: I hate the idea of women giving up their whole 606 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: Sundays to prep for the week ahead, partly because I 607 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 1: can't think of any men I know, including single fathers, 608 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 1: who do this, Like, the only fathers who do this 609 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,520 Speaker 1: are the ones who have their own Instagram lunch box 610 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:23,920 Speaker 1: art empires. And then they're doing it because it is 611 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,080 Speaker 1: their job, right, like this is their business and so 612 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,600 Speaker 1: then sure, yeah, like well and this person mentions taking 613 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,360 Speaker 1: mother bloggers, so that was a little hint. So I 614 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,959 Speaker 1: think it's also their job. Their job. It's if it's there, 615 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: if it's your job, then sure, like you want to 616 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:40,320 Speaker 1: show like, look, I lined up five lunches that all 617 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:44,400 Speaker 1: look great and our color coordinated and you know, only 618 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,600 Speaker 1: in muted pastels or something. I mean like, yeah, that's 619 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,520 Speaker 1: their business. So that's why they are doing it. It's 620 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,320 Speaker 1: not because it is in any way necessary. The key 621 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 1: thing here is that there is always going to be 622 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 1: a midweek crunch, like you cannot if you have, like, 623 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 1: you know, kids and a job, you cannot completely keep 624 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,920 Speaker 1: off all you know crunchness and chaosness. It's and it's 625 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,200 Speaker 1: gonna happen whether you prep on Sunday or not, Like 626 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,200 Speaker 1: because you can set out the kids' outfits for the 627 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,600 Speaker 1: week and then the weather changes, like the rainstorm that 628 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,560 Speaker 1: was coming Thursday actually came Wednesday. Maybe find out it's 629 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:16,920 Speaker 1: like special costume day on Thursday, like it's Spirit Day. 630 00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:18,760 Speaker 1: At school, like, oh, oh, yes, I have to wear 631 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,880 Speaker 1: school colors now, oh whoops, I didn't put those out 632 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,280 Speaker 1: on Sunday. Now I'm just redoing my work here. Or 633 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,920 Speaker 1: you know, their play rehearsal is rescheduled and so now 634 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,320 Speaker 1: they need to wear all black on Friday instead of Wednesday. 635 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,760 Speaker 1: Or you know that like Scouts is canceled, so they 636 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 1: don't need to wear their outfit that day. Like all 637 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:38,000 Speaker 1: these things happen, and then you've just doubled up on work, 638 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 1: Whereas you know, if you're closer to the event in question, 639 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,120 Speaker 1: like you can actually you know, plan for it, you know. 640 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,480 Speaker 1: I would also say that people who spend all day 641 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 1: Sunday prepping meals like still spend time during the week 642 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,480 Speaker 1: cooking because they spend time defrosting and heating stuff and 643 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 1: then they do a side dish to go with that 644 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,840 Speaker 1: main you know, lasagna that they cooked on Sunday for 645 00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:01,280 Speaker 1: Wednesday and Thursday. So like, you're better off excepting that 646 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 1: there's always going to be some chaos and making your 647 00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:06,720 Speaker 1: life flexible enough to deal with it. I also think 648 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,120 Speaker 1: when you spend your whole Sunday prepping that that says 649 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:12,560 Speaker 1: it's your job and I don't. If you have a partner, 650 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,040 Speaker 1: it is not all your job. It is both of 651 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,200 Speaker 1: your jobs to deal with life. And by you taking 652 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:20,680 Speaker 1: all of Sunday to do it, well, you know that's 653 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,440 Speaker 1: that's saying like this, this is all moms work, and 654 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 1: I don't think that's the case. I think in general, 655 00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 1: people are better off paring down and simplifying. So in 656 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:33,600 Speaker 1: the moment work doesn't take much work. So if you 657 00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,120 Speaker 1: are cooking on Sunday, that's great, but cook for Sunday 658 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 1: night dinner and then make twice what you were going 659 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,080 Speaker 1: to make, and so you have leftovers that you can 660 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 1: put in your lunches all week. Great. You know, kids 661 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,200 Speaker 1: can buy school a lunch, and if you don't want 662 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,080 Speaker 1: to do that and they're old enough to go to school, 663 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:49,080 Speaker 1: then they can make their own lunches. Get lots of 664 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:51,680 Speaker 1: stuff that is easily put together, modular. As we said, 665 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,520 Speaker 1: you know that it's you know, you have the cheese 666 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:56,080 Speaker 1: stick and you have the yogurt too, or you have 667 00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:57,880 Speaker 1: the cut up fruit that you bought the pre cut fruit, 668 00:33:57,920 --> 00:33:59,240 Speaker 1: and it's all in these little you know, they could 669 00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,720 Speaker 1: put it in the little packet just so it's very 670 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 1: easy to do you know, dinners can be simple, like 671 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,560 Speaker 1: rather than cook all day Sunday, just think, how can 672 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:12,720 Speaker 1: we do simpler foods? Rotisserie chicken and a bag salad 673 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,640 Speaker 1: that is dinner. An omelet and fruit is dinner. Pasta 674 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,759 Speaker 1: with a jar of sauce and cut up veggies can 675 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:22,480 Speaker 1: be dinner. And you know, even more interesting stuff can 676 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,840 Speaker 1: be dinner pretty quick. Like you can buy boil in 677 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,120 Speaker 1: the bag rice that takes what five to ten minutes 678 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,560 Speaker 1: to cook, cut up chicken from the deli, pre cooked chicken, 679 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:35,319 Speaker 1: and then various jarred ethnic cuisine sauces. Like you there's 680 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 1: lots of Indian sauces. There's like I don't know, you know, 681 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 1: Thaie sauces, Like there's all these different ones, and you 682 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:43,759 Speaker 1: just mix it with the rice and the chicken and 683 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,080 Speaker 1: the sauce and like, hey, out of veggie and you've 684 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:50,360 Speaker 1: you've got dinner. As for outfits, like, I just don't 685 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,120 Speaker 1: see how laying out outfits for the whole week saves time. 686 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:56,000 Speaker 1: I mean, get the kids simpler clothes. I don't know, 687 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:57,640 Speaker 1: it just doesn't take that kind of I mean we 688 00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:00,720 Speaker 1: keep our cara ofgean there, but yeah, they just whatever 689 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,000 Speaker 1: they grab out of there. I don't know, honestly even 690 00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,080 Speaker 1: care if it mass shirt, a pair of jeans or 691 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: pants and you know, underwear and diaper and socks. Like 692 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:12,280 Speaker 1: you're good, Like, let's let's don't that doesn't take underwear 693 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:15,440 Speaker 1: and diaper. But yes, I'm just kidding. I think I 694 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 1: think the only thing I have to say about this 695 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:21,680 Speaker 1: is I think I personally think it's fun sometimes and 696 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 1: maybe okay, you know how some men will like want 697 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,360 Speaker 1: to do yard work and they're like, oh, this is 698 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 1: so useful for the family I'm helping, and then they 699 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,400 Speaker 1: like really just want to disappear for five hours and 700 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,360 Speaker 1: like be in the nature and do yard work. I 701 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,360 Speaker 1: think some women do the same thing with meal prep. 702 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,480 Speaker 1: They're like, I have to do this for our family, 703 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:38,800 Speaker 1: and then they're like, oh, thank god, I get to 704 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,040 Speaker 1: put on my headphones and listen to podcasts for five 705 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,520 Speaker 1: hours while I like chop things in a meditative way. 706 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:47,360 Speaker 1: So I think some portion of this may be fueled 707 00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,480 Speaker 1: from like the desire to like be doing something that 708 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:54,120 Speaker 1: feels productive it's not childcare responsibilities. And the only way 709 00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,480 Speaker 1: that women will let themselves do this is to do 710 00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,360 Speaker 1: this which they feel like is for their family. So 711 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,239 Speaker 1: because they're basically you're saying, they're they're they're not going 712 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,960 Speaker 1: to ask their partner to take the kids for Yeah, 713 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,920 Speaker 1: like the patriarchy won't let them, you know, just go 714 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,320 Speaker 1: to the gym for an hour or like a yoga class, 715 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,200 Speaker 1: but the patriarchy will let them listen to podcasts for 716 00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:18,640 Speaker 1: four hours while artfully arranging the week's food. To see 717 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, so if you're pressure comes comes 718 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:28,360 Speaker 1: from that, if you have a partner, you could totally 719 00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,440 Speaker 1: ask that person to take the kids for other things, 720 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,960 Speaker 1: Like you don't have to like make lunches for the 721 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 1: week and food for the week for that to be 722 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,279 Speaker 1: on the table. You can do it because you want 723 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,719 Speaker 1: to do whatever, Like you want to sit in your 724 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:44,840 Speaker 1: room and read a book. So feel free to to 725 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,120 Speaker 1: switch off with each other and do things that are 726 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:50,920 Speaker 1: not to productive household activities during that I mean, and 727 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,319 Speaker 1: if you you know, I will say sometimes I do 728 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:57,040 Speaker 1: enjoy on Sunday night cooking dinner for everyone while I 729 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,840 Speaker 1: am listening to a podcast and ignoring everyone and have 730 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,960 Speaker 1: fun in the kitchen. And you know, maybe I will 731 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,400 Speaker 1: make a double batch so that we can eat it 732 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,520 Speaker 1: the next day. But that's that's different from feeling like 733 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:08,720 Speaker 1: I'm responsible for, you know, making a million different things 734 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,920 Speaker 1: to prep for the week. And I will admit that 735 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,440 Speaker 1: I am doing it because I fully enjoy it. Excellent, 736 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,920 Speaker 1: It's good to enjoy it, all right. Well, this brings 737 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:22,800 Speaker 1: us to our Love of the Week segment. So Sarah, 738 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 1: Sarah's cheating here, I am cheating. Hey, I'm wearing them 739 00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:31,400 Speaker 1: right now. I am like really obsessed with these socks. 740 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,839 Speaker 1: I don't know why. So she's wearing Bombas. By the way, 741 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,880 Speaker 1: I'm wearing Bombas, which is one of our sponsors. And 742 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:38,600 Speaker 1: you know, the nice thing is when you have sponsors, 743 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,239 Speaker 1: a lot of times you get to try things out 744 00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:41,799 Speaker 1: and sample them to make sure that you would be 745 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:45,400 Speaker 1: happy sponsoring them. And Laura and I both got to 746 00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,839 Speaker 1: try some socks and these are like my favorite song. 747 00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:51,479 Speaker 1: They're the performance socks. And there they have sizes like small, 748 00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,040 Speaker 1: meatium large, and I have a small. My feet are 749 00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:55,560 Speaker 1: about a size six, and they just have this lovely 750 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,840 Speaker 1: like foot hugging. They have this like hexagonal pattern and 751 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,840 Speaker 1: it feels like it hugs the arch of my foot 752 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,359 Speaker 1: and I love them and I think they look super cute. 753 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,719 Speaker 1: So that's my love of the week. That's awesome. Well, 754 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:11,319 Speaker 1: I'm enjoying my athletic Polar Tech pants. I wound up 755 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,399 Speaker 1: buying several of these a few years ago, and now 756 00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:16,960 Speaker 1: I can fit into them again now that I'm not pregnant. 757 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:21,160 Speaker 1: But even though they're stretchy, it like just wasn't working 758 00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,360 Speaker 1: with the end of the pregnancy all this time around. 759 00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:29,240 Speaker 1: But it's cold here and I like to run, and 760 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:33,279 Speaker 1: so I want my legs to be warm, and so 761 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,279 Speaker 1: they're great. They're nice and fuzzy, and they keep my 762 00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,440 Speaker 1: legs warmer than I feel a lot of the running tights, 763 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:42,439 Speaker 1: which are sort of spandexy. I mean, I'm sure they're 764 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,200 Speaker 1: supposed to be like windproof or whatever, but it just 765 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,640 Speaker 1: doesn't feel as nice and cozy to get into them, 766 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:48,840 Speaker 1: whereas it feels nice and cozy to get into these 767 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,279 Speaker 1: polar Tech pants. And I bought enough of them that, like, 768 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,040 Speaker 1: sometimes I wear them for running and sometimes I wear 769 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:57,879 Speaker 1: them as pajamas, so they work for either option, both 770 00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:03,000 Speaker 1: cozy both times around. Incredible com Yeah, well, this has 771 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:06,960 Speaker 1: been best of both worlds. We've been talking various childcare 772 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,520 Speaker 1: rules and philosophies, things to keep in mind as you 773 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,719 Speaker 1: are looking for a situation. A couple ideas of being 774 00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,360 Speaker 1: honest about how many hours you need, not being cheap, 775 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,880 Speaker 1: being you know, willing to think outside just from the 776 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,200 Speaker 1: time you leave the house for your commute and the 777 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,319 Speaker 1: time you get home that sometimes even just a few 778 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,239 Speaker 1: hours can make a big difference in your life, and 779 00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,560 Speaker 1: to reevaluate the situation often because life changes and you 780 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,880 Speaker 1: might need something else that you didn't before, or you 781 00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:36,120 Speaker 1: might need you know, different times, so keep that in mind. Well, 782 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:37,839 Speaker 1: this has been best to both worlds. We'll be back 783 00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:39,920 Speaker 1: next week with more on making work and life fit together. 784 00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,799 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 785 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:49,200 Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, 786 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:53,520 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 787 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:57,240 Speaker 1: This has been the best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please 788 00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,800 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 789 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:01,120 Speaker 1: life life work together.