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Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I am so happy to be here with you again.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, Thank you for choosing to come

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Speaker 1: here to the I Choose Me podcast to spend some

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Speaker 1: time with me. And you know what, I also just

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Speaker 1: want to take a second to thank everybody who has

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Speaker 1: helped me get to do this with you, all the

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Speaker 1: team at iHeart and my life crew, but mostly you.

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Speaker 1: You are the reason I get to do this with you.

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Speaker 1: You are the reason I want to do this with you.

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Speaker 1: I mean it, me wanting and choosing to do a

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Speaker 1: podcast came from you. It's because of the connections that

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Speaker 1: I felt from all of you, the support you've always

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Speaker 1: given me, the people I meet, the comments I see

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Speaker 1: and hear. You guys lift me up every time I

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Speaker 1: hear from you, and it makes me want to give

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Speaker 1: you more and do more with you because at the

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Speaker 1: end of the day, you know what, I like you.

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Speaker 1: More importantly, I am like you. We are all the same.

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Speaker 1: We are all just working it out, finding our way,

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Speaker 1: figuring out this amazing life thing, and we're all dealing

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Speaker 1: with the same things, the same hurdles, the same challenges.

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Speaker 1: On some level, if you think my life looks a

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Speaker 1: certain way on the GRAM or the talk or the whatever,

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Speaker 1: and that I'm not dealing with the same shit that

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Speaker 1: you are, you are mistaken. You may not see that,

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Speaker 1: but I promise you it is absolutely true. And the

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Speaker 1: sooner we can all recognize that and give in to

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Speaker 1: the notion that it's not just me and my story

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Speaker 1: and my problems. It's we, our stories, our problems, the

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Speaker 1: better off we're going to be. So let's get comfortable

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Speaker 1: enough with each other in this new I Choose Me

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Speaker 1: community to grow together, because that's what it's all. We

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Speaker 1: are here to love and to connect and to grow. Remember,

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Speaker 1: if you're not growing, you're slowing, and I don't want

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Speaker 1: to slow. I don't know about you. So if you're

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Speaker 1: like that, if you're like me, which I already know

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Speaker 1: you are because you're here with me listening to this podcast,

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Speaker 1: let's do this together. It's a lot more fun to

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Speaker 1: do life together.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: So now I want to introduce you all to a

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Speaker 1: very special someone in my life, Adele House, who will

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Speaker 1: be gracing us with her wisdom and insights as a

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Speaker 1: licensed therapist, our free therapist here at I Choose Me

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Speaker 1: I've known Adele for thirty years. This year actually marks

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Speaker 1: our thirty year friends of versary. She is the best

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Speaker 1: person I know. We can literally ask her anything like this, Adele,

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Speaker 1: Jenny Adele, what the fuck is wrong with me? How

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Speaker 1: many times if I asked you that question?

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Speaker 2: You're a human being?

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Speaker 1: Oh that little thing?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you always forget that part. We were just.

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Speaker 1: Talking on the phone, remember a couple of days ago.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember way back when? Yeah, we were just

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Speaker 1: talking about all the stress and all the things. But

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Speaker 1: I feel like you my whole life, you've known me.

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Speaker 1: I've been stressed out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's a real reason for that. Right. I

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Speaker 2: was thinking about this too, and I was thinking about

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Speaker 2: So I met you thirty years ago, right, you were

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Speaker 2: twenty one years old. I just want to set the

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Speaker 2: stage a little.

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Speaker 1: Bit that I walked the stage.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I walked into your life. You were twenty one

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Speaker 2: and I was twenty six. You were on a huge

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Speaker 2: hit show, nine of two on Oher. You were you

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Speaker 2: were already a homeowner, Like at twenty six, I couldn't

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Speaker 2: even fathom being a homeowner. Right, you were internationally faan Right,

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Speaker 2: So you were working a job that you had to

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Speaker 2: show up to every day and memorize your lines and

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Speaker 2: look good. At twenty one, you had a boyfriend living

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Speaker 2: with you or fiance. He might have been a fiance

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Speaker 2: by then.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they always are.

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Speaker 2: Yeah he was. He was the sweetest guy. But he

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Speaker 2: you had the weight of the world on your shoulders.

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Speaker 2: He had no weight on his shoulders. He was living

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Speaker 2: fancy free. He wasn't really helping you or supporting you

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Speaker 2: in any way. He was just cute and sweet, and

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Speaker 2: he played the drums. We got a need. You had

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Speaker 2: about seventeen animals. I think you also had a ranch.

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Speaker 1: But wait, wait, let's explain to our friends. You came

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Speaker 1: into my life initially as my very first assistant ever. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and at twenty one I had an assistant, which I

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Speaker 1: don't even understand.

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Speaker 2: Well, this is exactly why I think you must have

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Speaker 2: been so stressed out that Randy had a great thought,

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Speaker 2: why don't we get you an assistant? And he found

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Speaker 2: me luckily, Thank God for our lives and our paths.

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Speaker 2: And I think I walked into your life and it

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Speaker 2: was huge, and you were at that point already adulting

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Speaker 2: so hard. At twenty one, you were two years out

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Speaker 2: of being a teenager, think about your kids, do you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Lola is twenty one right now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so think if she had the responsibility that you

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Speaker 2: had at her age right now.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I wouldn't want that for her right right.

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Speaker 2: So here, I am a little bit older and maybe

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Speaker 2: had a little more life experience, not much, and I

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Speaker 2: think I was somebody who just was standing in front

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Speaker 2: of you saying, how can I help? How can I

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Speaker 2: ease your stress? How can give me stuff? Give me

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Speaker 2: stuff to do, or let's do it together. You always

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Speaker 2: like to do stuff together, which I always thought was

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Speaker 2: so cute. Instead of just giving me stuff, you would

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Speaker 2: be like, well, I've got a list for us for

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Speaker 2: the day. But I think it was the first time

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Speaker 2: everybody wanted something from you at that time. I mean

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Speaker 2: I remember going through piles of paper where there were

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Speaker 2: just requests for you to I mean, it's still your life,

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Speaker 2: but even more I think than like show up at

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Speaker 2: this thing, or sign this thing or donate this. And

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Speaker 2: I think about it now and the kind of responsibilities

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Speaker 2: you had, and you were also helping people and helping

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Speaker 2: family members. Of course you were stressed out. So there's

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Speaker 2: what I really want to say to you is there's

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Speaker 2: nothing wrong with you. You've had a huge life and you've

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Speaker 2: had to be an adult very fast.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, adulting not a lot of fun.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, especially at twenty one, right, It's like it's not

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Speaker 2: It wasn't a natural time to be thrown into major adulting.

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Speaker 2: And the other thing is you were so close to

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Speaker 2: your mom when you were young, and I think you

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Speaker 2: turned to her a lot and she would advise or guide.

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Speaker 2: But there was a point you were also at twenty

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Speaker 2: one when you were differentiating from your mom and you

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Speaker 2: needed space and you needed to be making your own decisions,

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Speaker 2: and so you weren't turning to her as much. And

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Speaker 2: I think for us it was kind of perfect because

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Speaker 2: I think I came into your life at the right

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Speaker 2: time where you had a new confidante and you had

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Speaker 2: someone that you could like just ask advice from.

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Speaker 1: So when did I come to you with this feeling

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Speaker 1: that I was experiencing, this feeling of spinning, this feeling

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Speaker 1: of the beginning I think of anxiety for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's such a great question, I think. I mean

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Speaker 2: it was fast. We bonded pretty quickly, and I think

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Speaker 2: it's because neither of us are that interested in small talk,

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Speaker 2: and I think we started talking. We just started going

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Speaker 2: for it right away. And I remember it was within

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Speaker 2: a couple of months. And I used to carry a

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Speaker 2: pager when I first started. It was beeper yeah, beeverer. Wow,

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, sorry to age us. Okay, you called

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Speaker 2: me late at night like, wait, I beep you. I

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Speaker 2: think so or it was a landline. But you called

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Speaker 2: me at like ten o'clock at night and you were

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Speaker 2: crying and you said, I'm really freaking out. I'm really

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Speaker 2: stressed out. My head is spinning and spinning and I'm

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Speaker 2: overthinking and I'm hearing like a ringing sound. And I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, she's so anxious, she is so stressed out. Now,

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Speaker 2: I didn't have any experience at this I wasn't a

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Speaker 2: therapist then, right.

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Speaker 1: You didn't have any therapy school or training or anything yet.

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Speaker 2: No, but I had been to my own therapy. I'd been.

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Speaker 2: I started therapy at nineteen. I was twenty six at

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Speaker 2: this time. So I immediately remembered a tool that So

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Speaker 2: I can't take credit for this tool, but I was

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Speaker 2: given a tool for similar things for you know, stress, anxiety, fear,

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Speaker 2: and so I do you remember what I did?

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Speaker 1: Yes, no, I remember this vividly, and I don't remember

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Speaker 1: that much. So this is a very important time for

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Speaker 1: me because this was the first time in my life

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Speaker 1: so that anybody ever gave me like a tangible, usable skill,

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Speaker 1: like a tool that I could use in my life

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Speaker 1: on my own to get me through something that I

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Speaker 1: was experiencing. And in this case, it was that spinning feeling,

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Speaker 1: that anxious feeling, and at that time it was more

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Speaker 1: just like a spinning, spinning, spinning and like what like

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Speaker 1: a spinning top kind of feeling. That's how kind of

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Speaker 1: my anxiety started to manifest in my body. And you said, okay,

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Speaker 1: I want you to just lay down on the couch,

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Speaker 1: and I remember I had a similar couch to the

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Speaker 1: one I'm sitting on right now, and you said, close

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Speaker 1: your eyes. You say it, go ahead. I like it

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Speaker 1: better when you say it.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm just listening to you saying, I'm like, god,

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Speaker 2: the confidence I had it's twenty six to like just

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Speaker 2: walk you through an intervention basically, But yeah, it was

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Speaker 2: close your eyes. I want you to picture a stop sign, right,

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Speaker 2: And this is an intervention when you can't even grab

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Speaker 2: onto a thought, when you are just spinning. You think

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Speaker 2: about a stop sign and you picture it, and you

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Speaker 2: picture the color of it, you picture the red of it,

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Speaker 2: you picture the eight sides of it, and you go

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Speaker 2: down every side, the octagonal shape of it, and the line,

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Speaker 2: the white line that frames it out. And you spend

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Speaker 2: time with the S, and then you spend time with

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Speaker 2: the T and the oh, and then you picture the

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Speaker 2: P and you think about the word and just spend

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Speaker 2: time with the stop sign. And what happens for you

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Speaker 2: when you do that.

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Speaker 1: I just feel so much calmer. I just did it

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Speaker 1: while you're explaining it. Oh, it feels it really does

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Speaker 1: for me. That is one trick that just resonated. And

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Speaker 1: I have used that since then.

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Speaker 2: Amazing. And you told me that the other day and

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Speaker 2: I had no idea you were still using it now.

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Speaker 1: I still use it. I give it to my daughters

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Speaker 1: to use.

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Speaker 2: Oh. I love that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And it works. It works every time.

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Speaker 2: It's an immediate intervention and it's free too, So it's

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Speaker 2: a great tool for your listener. Right, any fear, any anxiety,

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Speaker 2: any feeling out of control? Right.

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Speaker 1: I think so often when one person is spinning in

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Speaker 1: this anxiety world and they're in a relationship with someone

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Speaker 1: or in a partnership with someone, the other person doesn't

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Speaker 1: know how to help them. They don't understand really sometimes,

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Speaker 1: but you're trying to make them understand like what you're experiencing.

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Speaker 1: And I think for me at that young age, that

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Speaker 1: was my experience of it. I didn't really have anybody

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Speaker 1: but you and I. I wasn't going to therapy then,

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Speaker 1: and you were just like sort of like my guiding force,

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Speaker 1: you know, my guiding light of how to come back

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Speaker 1: to myself in all that chaos. What happens though, like

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Speaker 1: in when you're in a relationship and one person is

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Speaker 1: having anxiety about something and they don't know what it

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Speaker 1: is or where it's coming from. How do you handle

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Speaker 1: that in a partnership?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's so important and it's so misunderstood,

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Speaker 2: especially among couples, because most people, when they're in a

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Speaker 2: couple ship or they love somebody, when they know they're

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Speaker 2: partner suffering, they want to fix it, right, Yeah, But

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Speaker 2: that's rarely do we want our partner but actually.

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Speaker 1: Right, Oh, I don't want you to fix it. I

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Speaker 1: just want you to listen to me.

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Speaker 2: Yes, right, So it's our job to kind of actually

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Speaker 2: let them know that. So I think anybody who doesn't

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Speaker 2: have any of this training, which we never really learned

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Speaker 2: this stuff, you know, with a partner, you just want

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Speaker 2: to say, you have to have the awareness first, right

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Speaker 2: that you are spinning. I feel it in my body.

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Speaker 2: I am so strung out right now. I can't even

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Speaker 2: grab onto a thought. I'm just letting you know where

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Speaker 2: I'm at. I don't need you to do anything. I

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Speaker 2: don't need you to fix it. I just need you

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Speaker 2: to know and maybe be gentle on me or ask

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Speaker 2: me what I need once in a while, because you

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Speaker 2: don't even know it at any moment what you need, and.

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Speaker 1: You don't know also who else is sitting right next

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Speaker 1: to you having experiencing anxiety, right. I feel like so

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Speaker 1: many people nowadays are experiencing anxiety with just the state

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Speaker 1: of the world and everything that's happening and moving at

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Speaker 1: lightning speed all the time, yes, and the immense pressures

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Speaker 1: that we put on ourselves to be something we see

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Speaker 1: on social media or how we think we're supposed to

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Speaker 1: be for others. I know I've spent a great deal

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Speaker 1: of my time worrying about that. I still worry about

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Speaker 1: that sometimes, And then I have to just like get

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Speaker 1: myself under control, like you know, bring myself back to

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Speaker 1: my base and mind myself that it doesn't really matter.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's your wisdom as you age, right, because

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Speaker 2: I think you have a little bit of distance now

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Speaker 2: and a little bit more understanding. And you're watching your

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Speaker 2: daughters go through it, so you have that it's externalized

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Speaker 2: for you. Right. So you're watching your three beautiful daughters

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Speaker 2: going through it and going like, oh my god, that's

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Speaker 2: what I do too. I don't want to do that anymore.

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Speaker 2: How can I model for them how to do it differently?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well I've tried. But let me ask you this,

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Speaker 1: is it something that I've given to my daughters. Is

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Speaker 1: it is anxiety like something you pass down in your family?

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Speaker 1: Is it a genetic thing or is it of an

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Speaker 1: environmental developed You.

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Speaker 2: Asked the best questions. I love this like everything. It's

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Speaker 2: a little of both. Right, they're going to see it,

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Speaker 2: they're going to feel it. They're going to feel your anxiety.

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Speaker 2: They're going to take on your anxiety. And there's no

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Speaker 2: way you can't do it. So you didn't do anything wrong, right.

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Speaker 2: We all screw our kids up, you know, I mean

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Speaker 2: that's just part of the part of being a parent.

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Speaker 2: That's in the definition of being a parent.

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Speaker 1: I said to them, I say to them all the time,

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Speaker 1: so when are you going to be in therapy over

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Speaker 1: me because of me? They're like, I already am.

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Speaker 2: But I also think that I believe it's a great

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Speaker 2: question if it's genetic. But boy, anxiety runs in my family.

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Speaker 2: I see it. So I don't know if it's just

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Speaker 2: that we all absorbed it from generations past, or if

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Speaker 2: it's like physiology and physically, you know, we feel certain

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Speaker 2: cues that give us anxiety.

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Speaker 1: This wasn't even a conversation not that long ago, Like

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Speaker 1: people weren't openly talking about suffering from anxiety or anxiety

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Speaker 1: disorder or depression. So I remember when Carson Daily started

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Speaker 1: talking about his mental health challenges, and things just sort

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Speaker 1: of opened up after that point, like everybody started talking

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Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, And it's incredible now because the stigma

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Speaker 1: has been taken away from talking about it suffering from it,

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Speaker 1: And I think that's that's just a huge like opening

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Speaker 1: for everybody to start getting a handle on it and

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Speaker 1: start helping themselves.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all really normalized now in a way, which

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Speaker 2: when it wasn't. I mean, we lived We've lived in

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Speaker 2: Los Angeles for the last thirty to forty years, and

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Speaker 2: everybody talks about going to therapy, so we were around

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Speaker 2: it a little bit, you know. I mean that's kind

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Speaker 2: of a stereotype, but it's also quite true.

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Speaker 1: But everybody, but everybody in LA everybody goes.

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Speaker 2: And New York. But the other thing is, I think,

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Speaker 2: you know you were saying earlier, we live in this

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Speaker 2: really unique time right now, between social media, between the pandemic,

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Speaker 2: between the last ten years of sort of our you know,

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Speaker 2: the political landscape and how stressful it's been, and so

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Speaker 2: every people we're all going through the same things kind

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Speaker 2: of at the same time, especially when the pandemic hit,

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Speaker 2: like it was the first time when I was doing therapy,

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Speaker 2: you know, I walked out of my office that March

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Speaker 2: thirteenth or whatever, went online and started seeing everybody on

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Speaker 2: video on telehealth, and suddenly, for the first time in

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Speaker 2: almost twenty years of doing therapy, I was going through

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Speaker 2: the same thing my clients were going through at the

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Speaker 2: exact same time. And I think because it was a

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Speaker 2: worldwide pandemic, it allowed us to really start talking about

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Speaker 2: what we're going through our feelings, our fears, and I

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Speaker 2: love it. I'm so thrilled to see, especially people with

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Speaker 2: the platform, you know, people known people are talking about

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Speaker 2: mental health now and normalizing it because guess what, we

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Speaker 2: all have mental health issues. There's not a single family,

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Speaker 2: there's not a single person walking. It's you know, they

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Speaker 2: say one in four people struggle with mental illness. Well,

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Speaker 2: we all struggle with mental health issues. So it's it's universal.

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Speaker 2: So I hope that everybody that's listening today and thank

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Speaker 2: you for listening, and I'm so excited to be here,

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Speaker 2: just you know, starts to normalize it. Be gentle on themselves,

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Speaker 2: to be gentle on others, ask for help.

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Speaker 1: You know, I did that with you so many times.

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Speaker 1: I remember when my anxiety started to kick in to

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Speaker 1: the next level. And this was a point in my

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Speaker 1: life when it was kind of towards the end of

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Speaker 1: my marriage with Peter Who and I remember feeling like

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Speaker 1: there was an elephant, literally a ginormous, big, bad elephants

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Speaker 1: sitting right on my chest and I could wait, this

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Speaker 1: is terrible, But every time he would come around me,

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Speaker 1: I would have that feeling and I would literally my

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Speaker 1: breath would become shallow, and I would just and then

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Speaker 1: I would start to focus on the feeling of like

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Speaker 1: what is this, what is this feeling I'm feeling in

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Speaker 1: my chest? And why am I having a heart attack?

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Speaker 1: Like what is going on? And then it would go away,

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Speaker 1: and then he would come back and I feel it again.

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Speaker 1: And so I started to develop this pattern of like

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Speaker 1: whenever a situation was around me that felt bigger than

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Speaker 1: I could handle, in that moment, my body would start

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Speaker 1: to react in that physical manifestation, that physical feeling in

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Speaker 1: my chest. Have you heard that a lot?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah? I mean that is the physical manifestation of stress, fear, anxiety.

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Speaker 2: And that's why we don't want to ignore that. You know,

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Speaker 2: like sometimes maybe some episode, if we talk about listening

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Speaker 2: to your gut or following your gut, that's part of

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Speaker 2: your body talking to you. Right. It's knocking from the

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Speaker 2: inside out, and it's saying like you need to listen

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Speaker 2: to me. Something's going on here.

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Speaker 1: It's saying hello, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Saying hello, please listen to me. Don't be afraid of me, right,

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Speaker 2: And what we so often do is shut it out

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Speaker 2: and quiet it with a number of things, right, drugs, alcohol,

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Speaker 2: ice cream, TV for me, that's my escape.

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Speaker 1: Right, But isn't that okay? Yes, yes, I mean not

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Speaker 1: the drug point alcohol part.

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Speaker 2: Even drugs and alcohol. I mean I'm not talking about

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Speaker 2: illicit drugs, right, but like legal drugs or medicine to

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Speaker 2: help with you know, your neurotransmitters if you're depressed whatever.

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Speaker 1: Of course you're talking like modern day medicine. I was

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Speaker 1: talking about elicit drugs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just like numbing it. Yes, I'm

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Speaker 2: also a fan of numbing to a degree, right, I'm

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Speaker 2: I'm very much about like being gentle on yourself and

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Speaker 2: listening to your body and taking care of yourself. And

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Speaker 2: I think numbing out to TV is fine as long

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Speaker 2: as you're not doing it for you know, six days

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Speaker 2: in a row, ten days in a row. Then you

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Speaker 2: start to kind of get concerned about like, okay, as

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Speaker 2: this person depressed and we probably need to get them

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Speaker 2: moving their body and kind of addressing what's going on.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, of course we need all those things, but

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Speaker 2: they can't be the only go to either, right, you

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Speaker 2: can't go I don't want to hear. I don't want

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Speaker 2: to talk to you, elephant. I don't want this elephant

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Speaker 2: on my chest. I'm going to just drink.

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Speaker 1: That's not that's yeah. I think that's what started to

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Speaker 1: happen for me was I didn't know how to stop

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Speaker 1: that feeling, and so I did turn to certain drugs

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Speaker 1: to help me numb out, help me check out, help

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Speaker 1: me deal with it. Yeah, and we were You and

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Speaker 1: I've always been super super close, but there have been

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Speaker 1: times that I've been like, I cannot call her again

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Speaker 1: with this problem.

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Speaker 2: I never said to you you can't call me. No,

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Speaker 2: you never never set that boundary. You know I'm here,

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Speaker 2: but I know you kind of tried to curb your

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Speaker 2: your adele needs. I like hearing about the times you

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Speaker 2: reached you needed me. I remember, I remember sitting in

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Speaker 2: your Remember you're off your primary suite on Info Local Lake,

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Speaker 2: in that little like makeup room off the bedroom, and

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Speaker 2: I knew you and Peter were in trouble. I'd known

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Speaker 2: for a while. I mean, you guys had both let

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Speaker 2: me in and you said to me, I'm so scared.

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Speaker 2: I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. And

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Speaker 2: I said, turn towards your marriage and do everything you

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Speaker 2: can to try to save it. And you're like, I

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Speaker 2: don't know how, and I said, you've got to give

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Speaker 2: it everything you've got, and he's trying. And you said

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Speaker 2: to me, and this maybe two intimate to share, and

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Speaker 2: you'll say if it is. But you said, it's too

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Speaker 2: painful to open my heart and close it every time

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Speaker 2: he comes and goes, because he was working so much

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Speaker 2: at that time. And I remember, it's kind of making

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Speaker 2: me choke up right now, like it broke my heart

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Speaker 2: because you have so much love to give, and there

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Speaker 2: was love there, you know, like I went through that

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Speaker 2: whole eighteen year partnership with you, guys. I was there

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Speaker 2: the weekend basically got you guys, met and fell in love.

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Speaker 1: Right, you have been through everything with me. This is insane.

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Speaker 2: I was there when you told Dan you wanted a

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Speaker 2: divorce and fell into my arms.

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Speaker 1: Wait, you were there when you planned that first wedding.

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Speaker 2: I did plan your first wedding.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And then you were there when I got my

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Speaker 1: first divorce.

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Speaker 2: Uh huh. I was there when you and Peter fall

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Speaker 2: in love. Loved Peter. We had so much fun and

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Speaker 2: I really saw it. I really got it, and of

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Speaker 2: course really saw it and really got the dave of

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Speaker 2: it all too, which we'll talk about because you know

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Speaker 2: how much I love my Davy. But yeah, yeah, and

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Speaker 2: so it was. It was it was heartbreaking and it

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Speaker 2: was devastating, and you know, I know you tried. I

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Speaker 2: know you did what you could, and I know Peter

431
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Speaker 2: tried to.

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Speaker 1: I sometimes think because I have had such a rollercoaster

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Speaker 1: emotional journey since gosh, since I was twelve years old,

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Speaker 1: Like I I've never been a person that's just even keeled, steady,

435
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: bright and bubbly all the time positive. You know, I

436
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: don't have I don't walk around with like rainbows and

437
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 1: unicorns lying out of my ass, you know, like people

438
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:54,639
Speaker 1: expect you to be that way. Me everyone like people, I.

439
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 2: Have rainbows and unicorns flying out my ass sometimes.

440
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've just saying like I felt like something was

441
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:08,400
Speaker 1: wrong with me all these years, early on being pegged

442
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: with like my nickname from my sisters, which was puddles

443
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 1: because I cried a lot, and then moving into you know,

444
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 1: relationships that weren't that stable feeling or safe feeling, yeah,

445
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:28,679
Speaker 1: and writing that emotional roller coaster and that marriage and

446
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 1: divorce and marriage and divorce and death and sick kids.

447
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,200
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I've been through so many ups

448
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 1: and downs as we all have. But I do sometimes think, wait,

449
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 1: why is something wrong with me that I'm that emotion

450
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 1: I call it emotion full instead of emotional.

451
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 2: I like that. It's so interesting because you know, again,

452
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 2: I know you so well, and I've known you for

453
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 2: thirty years, and I don't see you That's not how

454
00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 2: I would qualify you. I mean, yes, you have through

455
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 2: a lot, and I think you have made choices over

456
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 2: the years that didn't reflect I. Here's maybe why we've

457
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 2: stayed together all these years too. I see you differently,

458
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 2: a little bit differently than you see yourself. Yes, I

459
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 2: think you have had a lot of challenges in your life.

460
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 2: You were I'm not diagnosing you, but you were a

461
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,200
Speaker 2: parentified child. You had a dad who was sick most

462
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 2: of his life, so you had to worry on your

463
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 2: shoulders starting at a very young age. And so the

464
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,959
Speaker 2: puddles thing. You know, you have some depression, but so

465
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 2: do I.

466
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: We've talked about that, Yeah, I've talked about that. Like

467
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 1: I remember my dad would say, do you want to

468
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 1: go to dairy queen? Are you feeling blue? And I

469
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,920
Speaker 1: remember telling you about that and you said I'm blue.

470
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 2: Too, Like we're just blue beyond.

471
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're just blue. We're blue people like.

472
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 2: I'm not like yellow, right, but you described me as

473
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 2: like rainbows unicorns. But I have like a chronic low

474
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 2: grade depression. I have my whole life since I can remember. It,

475
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 2: maybe manifest or looks a little bit different for each

476
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 2: of us.

477
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: It looks different on you because you know how to

478
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 1: deal with it. I've learned how to deal with it.

479
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 2: Well. I lean into it. I don't fight against.

480
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: It, right, I've learned to do accept it.

481
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but for a long time that okay,

482
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 2: we're getting to something here. Yes, for a long time

483
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,400
Speaker 2: you didn't accept it. And the question you asked yourself

484
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 2: is what is wrong with me? Right?

485
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: Why am I this way?

486
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,120
Speaker 2: And it's why I said you're a human being, because

487
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 2: you're human. We all have something. The other thing I

488
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 2: would say about you, Jen that a lot of what

489
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 2: we talk about is the way that you think about things.

490
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,239
Speaker 2: And I think we should do a whole episode on

491
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,680
Speaker 2: this is the is being aware of our thoughts, right,

492
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 2: because our thoughts affect the way we feel, and the

493
00:27:56,320 --> 00:28:00,359
Speaker 2: way we feel affects our behaviors and our choices. Right,

494
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,360
Speaker 2: that's our big thing is choices here, right.

495
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:07,680
Speaker 1: Okay, So it starts as a thought yes in your mind, yes, always,

496
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 1: and you're the only one that's hearing that thought, only

497
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 1: one hopefully, And then what happens?

498
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 2: And then that thought creates a feeling? Think about it

499
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:19,159
Speaker 2: if you're at think about this for a second. If

500
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,360
Speaker 2: you're at Trader Joe's and you are at the register

501
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 2: and the person who's checking you out is sort of

502
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 2: unkind or cold, you could have a couple different thoughts.

503
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,880
Speaker 2: You could be like, oh god, what a jerk. They're

504
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 2: being so rude to me. Right, how do you feel

505
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 2: when you.

506
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 1: Have that thought? Mad?

507
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 2: Exactly? Okay. What if you are standing there and that

508
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 2: same guy as being a jerk or whatever, and you think, oh,

509
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 2: he must be having a hard day. What do you

510
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 2: feel empathy? Oh my god? It starts with a thought, right.

511
00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 2: This is what cognitive therapy is based on. It's like ABC.

512
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: It's like a linear thing. Our thoughts affect our feelings,

513
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 2: and then if we feel mad, we're gonna like throw

514
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 2: our money at them right at the register.

515
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 1: Right, So your thoughts become your feelings, and your feelings

516
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: become your behaviors or your actions.

517
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, or your choices, right voices. Yeah, and that's kind

518
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 2: of where you and I in our long friendship. I'm

519
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 2: always talking to you sort of regularly, saying like, well, like,

520
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 2: tell me what you're thinking, and your thinking is stinking.

521
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,719
Speaker 2: Sometimes you're stinking thinking sometimes.

522
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: Ooh, that's a good one.

523
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 2: I didn't make it up. It's a twelve step platitude.

524
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 2: I can't take credit. But you you have black and

525
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 2: white thoughts. You have hard thoughts, and those thoughts set

526
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 2: you up to feel, have very strong feelings, right, and

527
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 2: then those strong feelings drive you towards a certain action

528
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 2: or behavior.

529
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 1: I want to touch on one thing. Lorraine, my producer,

530
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: wants to understand. She's curious as to why I would

531
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 1: feel like I had an elephant sitting on my chest

532
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:14,960
Speaker 1: whenever Peter would come around.

533
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that. I'd like to know too.

534
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: Oh I'm supposed to answer it. That was a question

535
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 1: for you, damn it.

536
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 2: I can't answer it.

537
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 1: Well, here's what I know. That feeling had nothing to

538
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: do with Peter. I've had everything to do with me

539
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 1: and my thoughts in that moment.

540
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 2: But that's your growth, right. You didn't know it ten

541
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 2: years ago.

542
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,239
Speaker 1: No, I didn't. I would just sit there and be like,

543
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: what the fuck is happening? Like, why do I feel anxious?

544
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:50,719
Speaker 1: This is my husband, this is my family, I'm happy,

545
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:52,719
Speaker 1: look at all that I have. Why am I feeling

546
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 1: this anxiety? And I would often, you know, share that

547
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: and be sort of met with like, yeah, I don't know,

548
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,959
Speaker 1: I don't know why you have that. Everything's great, so

549
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: must be your problem, and.

550
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 2: That it was, but it wasn't very loving. Right.

551
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 1: It was right, but it made it worse because I

552
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 1: felt so alone in it.

553
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 2: Okay, good, So what did you What would you have

554
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 2: wanted to hear from him in that moment?

555
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:23,479
Speaker 1: Well, now I would have wanted to hear I'm sorry, babe.

556
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 1: I hear you, and I'm here for you if you

557
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: want to talk about it. If you do you need

558
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: a hug, yeah, because for me, a lot of times

559
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: when I'm feeling spinny or I'm feeling anxious, I need

560
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: a hug. I need a hug from one certain person

561
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 1: and that is usually my husband. And Dave gets that

562
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: about me. He's learned that a hug will just regulate

563
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: me and just bring me back down to earth.

564
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 2: I'm not a hugger, Yeah, you're not.

565
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: I don't go around hugging people.

566
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, now, but it's so beautiful and I love

567
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 2: that Dave knows that about you. And who knows whether

568
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 2: you sort of trained him up and let him know

569
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 2: or if he kind of figured it out, but you

570
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 2: and you even said it like regulates me, it grounds me,

571
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 2: so you need It's funny because you know, when I

572
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 2: think about talking about stress and everything, one of you know,

573
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 2: one of the tips I was going to share today

574
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 2: was just like physical grounding, either you know, through a

575
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 2: partner or a person or a family member or getting outside, right,

576
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 2: hugging a tree. I know that sounds.

577
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,480
Speaker 1: Okay, hugging a tree.

578
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 2: Okay, but you would be surprised, how really.

579
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: I love this idea. But I'm just I'm playing Devil's advocate.

580
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 2: Right please always because people, oh.

581
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 1: Like, I'm gonna go hug a tree.

582
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 2: Okay, you'd be surprised. You would be surprised. How I wouldn't.

583
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: I love hugging trees.

584
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 2: Okay, I can see you doing it later today. I'll

585
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 2: send you a picture us about it.

586
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 1: Okay, So ground yourself, hug a tree, put your feet

587
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 1: in the earth, on the earth.

588
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, take a walk, right, I mean if we're talking

589
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 2: about obviously, like the stop sign is a very accessible,

590
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 2: immediate free tool. It's an intervention. Another my favorite, actually

591
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 2: have a couple favorites. My very immediate favorite is breathing

592
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 2: exercises because my physical manifestation of stress is muscle tension.

593
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 2: And I'm kind of a fight flight and freeze. I'm

594
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:37,520
Speaker 2: a freezer, so everything in me just freezes, and so

595
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 2: a deep breath opens up everything and it just slows.

596
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 1: Can you just go back for a second and down.

597
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: You said you're a fight flight freezer.

598
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 2: So in any kind of situation when we're feeling stress

599
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 2: or tension, there's usually three responses, fight.

600
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 1: Flight or free when you do all three.

601
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 2: No, I'm a freezer. You're a freezer bunny like a bunny.

602
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,879
Speaker 1: Like a deer in the headlights kind of thing.

603
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 2: Yep, that's a that's a yeah, that's a freezer too.

604
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,879
Speaker 1: Yeah.

605
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,399
Speaker 2: M So what do you think?

606
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: Okay, let me think, Oh, well, that doesn't take me

607
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 1: long to answer that one.

608
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:23,840
Speaker 2: I think I know it is.

609
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 1: I've been all things though. Honestly, I used to be

610
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:32,239
Speaker 1: a freezer because I was I didn't know what was

611
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,359
Speaker 1: happening with all the emotions that I was feeling and

612
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 1: I didn't know which way to turn or what to do.

613
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,399
Speaker 2: So I would just overwhelm and I.

614
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 1: Would just shut up, and I would let other people

615
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 1: make the calls and I would just go with whatever

616
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:45,919
Speaker 1: anybody said.

617
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 2: I remember those years.

618
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 1: I've been a flighter because it's just easier.

619
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 2: Honestly, problems or eyes.

620
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 1: See, you wouldn't want to be you. But I think

621
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 1: I would say my general state of being is a fighter,

622
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 1: because well, when I'm in aries and I have these horns,

623
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 1: but two because I this sounds so stupid, but I'm

624
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: a seeker, like I want to figure it all out,

625
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 1: like I want to know what's going on. I want

626
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 1: to figure it out. I want to fix it, and

627
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 1: I want to move forward, and I want to do

628
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 1: a lot of growing along the way.

629
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 2: But that's the positive version of a fighter. You're fighting

630
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 2: for something, right, You're fighting for yourself, You're fighting for

631
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 2: the relationship. You're fighting for your kid's future and their

632
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:47,800
Speaker 2: well being. That makes sense.

633
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 1: I used to spend a lot of time fighting, yeah,

634
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 1: for the wrong reasons.

635
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 2: Right, But you took your fighter into a more evolved place.

636
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 1: Thank God. It's exhausting being a fighter and it gives

637
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 1: you wrinkles.

638
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 2: So that the intervention or the tip I was going

639
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 2: to share is breathing, which there is one particular one

640
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 2: called the four seven eight method to this one tell us.

641
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:21,959
Speaker 2: So you basically breathe in for seconds.

642
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 1: Okay, So how am I supposed to count on my head?

643
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 2: I'm doing this for breath all right, Breathe in for

644
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 2: four seconds, and when you get to the top of

645
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:35,800
Speaker 2: the four seconds, hold it for seven.

646
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:37,280
Speaker 1: Seven.

647
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can do it. Okay, let me try a

648
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:49,760
Speaker 2: good months and then slowly breathe out for eight counts.

649
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 2: That is the.

650
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, feel a little dizzy with like nothingness like I feel,

651
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 1: you know that feeling of like just I feel like

652
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: an empty What is this body?

653
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:13,720
Speaker 2: A vessel?

654
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: A vessel?

655
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 2: Yeah? So imagine doing that five times.

656
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,480
Speaker 1: Right, or I might pass out.

657
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 2: Well, the other thing is I noticed you you breathe

658
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 2: very shallowly. Okay, so try to not just from up

659
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,719
Speaker 2: here in the chest, but try to use your diaphragm

660
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,440
Speaker 2: tap into your actor training.

661
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:39,319
Speaker 1: Oh that's hard.

662
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 2: Hold on, okay, So breathe in four counts, hold it

663
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 2: for seven, and slowly breathe out for eight and release

664
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:56,840
Speaker 2: the tension in your body.

665
00:37:58,200 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 1: I love that one.

666
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 2: You look like angel, I'm at peace. Yeah, we don't

667
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,760
Speaker 2: do that for her ourselves on a daily basis. Isn't

668
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 2: that crazy?

669
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,439
Speaker 1: No, we breathe all day long, but we're not paying

670
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 1: we're not paying attention, and we're not like getting the

671
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 1: benefits of what a good deep breath can get you.

672
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 1: I've often thought, Okay, this is just my theory because

673
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: I've helped a couple of people in my life stop smoking. Now,

674
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 1: I've often thought like, when people smoke, yeah, it's about

675
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:32,320
Speaker 1: the tobacco, it's about the nicotine, but it's also about

676
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 1: taking a moment and taking a deep breath and you

677
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 1: breathe it in and you hold it that awful smoke,

678
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 1: and then you breathe it out. And then people are like, ah.

679
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 2: Yes, it's deep breathing. Right, it's a milliment for yourself.

680
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 2: You're taking your break for yourself. You're deep breathing. Absolutely,

681
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 2: and I think that some people who quit smoking even

682
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 2: start practicing deep breathing.

683
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:57,879
Speaker 1: It's really magical. Yeah, And it's it's nothing. You don't

684
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,400
Speaker 1: have to go anywhere to get it. You don't need

685
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 1: an app, right, you don't have to pay anything. It's

686
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:04,320
Speaker 1: just comes with the body.

687
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:07,399
Speaker 2: It's immediate, and it's free. And here's how I got

688
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 2: better at it, because again, all the things that I

689
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,440
Speaker 2: do I'm not perfect at. I forget them still, you know,

690
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 2: I teach these things and I forget to do them sometimes.

691
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 2: But what happens is again, awareness is so important. Right,

692
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 2: So if you start to ask yourself, why am I,

693
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,239
Speaker 2: like for the Jenny version of it, when one of

694
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 2: your awareness pieces could be when you save yourself, why

695
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,799
Speaker 2: am I right? Why am I this? Why am I that?

696
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,320
Speaker 2: Why am I so stressed out? Why am I so angry?

697
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 2: Why am I so whatever? That's the beginning of your

698
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:43,399
Speaker 2: awareness for you of like, oh, that's a queue. I'm

699
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 2: in a stress state. I just need to do some

700
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 2: four seven eight breathing. I need to take twenty seconds

701
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:55,800
Speaker 2: and do it. It's free, it's immediate, it is effective.

702
00:39:55,960 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 2: It reduces stress everything we're talking about. It increases your mood, it,

703
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 2: you know, lowers your blood pressure, all the things, all

704
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 2: the things.

705
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: I am so lucky that you are my best friend.

706
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 2: I'm lucky too.

707
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 1: You would never be my actual therapist all these years, Ohted.

708
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 2: We as therapists can't see people we know as you

709
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 2: might imagine we wouldn't be particularly objective or unbiased. It

710
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 2: makes sense, it really does. It was called a dual relationship,

711
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:42,440
Speaker 2: right to sort of see people that are your friends

712
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 2: or your family. Or it just doesn't work way too

713
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 2: it's a quagmar way, too many pitfalls. But as I've

714
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 2: always said to you, you get it for free anytime.

715
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 2: I always answer your call.

716
00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 1: You guys, I highly recommend finding yourself. If a best

717
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: friend that's a therapist, you get therapy for free, while

718
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 1: I'm a science ah thanks for my sessh.

719
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it. I love spending time with you.

720
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 2: I love talking it out and breaking it down, and

721
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 2: I know we'll do more of it.

722
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 1: I love you, bye bye, I love you, bye bye.

723
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:29,839
Speaker 1: I really needed that. I hope you enjoyed that conversation

724
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: as much as I did. And I love sharing my

725
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 1: tips and tricks and adele's with you. So this week,

726
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:40,359
Speaker 1: let's do that. Let's try those out. If you're feeling overwhelmed,

727
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 1: or you're stressed the f out over one thing or another,

728
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 1: if you're experiencing anxiety like I described, like that elephant

729
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 1: on your chest, I want you to remember that stop

730
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 1: sign trick I've used it for so many years and

731
00:41:57,239 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 1: I highly recommend it, or the four seven eight breathing

732
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 1: that she told us about you. Guys, if you want

733
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,960
Speaker 1: real change in your life, you have to take action.

734
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 1: You have to choose yourself. And while you're at it,

735
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 1: I want you to go on over to that mirror,

736
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 1: look into your eyes, and take a minute with yourself.

737
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 1: Even if you don't like what you see at this

738
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 1: very moment, I want you to replace that negative automatic

739
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: reaction with a kinder, more gentle thought. Instead of saying ugh,

740
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: say okay, I see you. Just give that a try.

741
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 1: I promise you, when you start to replace those old,

742
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 1: ingrained negative thoughts with loving thoughts, we will start seeing

743
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 1: and feeling that empathy with ourselves and everyone around us.

744
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 1: I love you. I'll be right here next week. I

745
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 1: hope you will too,