WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Santa with Lighting & a Boom Mic 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:01.480 Cut booms. 0:00:02.320 --> 0:00:05.360 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:09.200 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.480 of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.600 --> 0:00:15.520 treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:17.480 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:18.360 Wow. 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.159 It's a clearing house of hot takes. Break free for 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:30.720 something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:32.520 In the air everywhere. 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:35.400 The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Maler and Danny g 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:39.559 Radio A Happy Friday to you the day after the 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:43.519 big holiday, the Christmas Holiday. Why am I doing this podcast? 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:46.080 I am away from the radio. I'll tell you why. 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:50.240 I'm a glutton for punishment. And a podcast is much 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:54.360 easier than a four hour radio show. A podcast is 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:57.840 twenty five or thirty minutes and that's it, and you 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:01.040 can do it whenever you want to explain this to people. 0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:03.560 I have friends of mine that are doing podcasts and 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:06.280 some of them never did radio, and I try to 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:08.160 point out. 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:10.479 That is it a brag? I guess it's a brag. 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:14.960 I just the live radio show is a much bigger 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:18.560 endeavor than a podcast. People get offended by that. Just 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:23.200 the reality of the situation. Nonetheless, it is Boxing Day today, 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:26.600 and so I figured what better way to celebrate Boxing 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:29.759 Day than to do this podcast. And really, every day 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:32.959 is Boxing Day at the Malor Mansion. My wife is 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:36.320 now pretty much one hundred percent an online shopper, and 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:41.720 that's it just more convenient, and we have box after 0:01:41.920 --> 0:01:48.120 box after box after box, so many boxes. Every day 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:50.880 is Boxing Day. It's time to hop on the bully 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:55.840 pulpit because there's a thing happening in the NFL every 0:01:55.960 --> 0:01:58.480 December that drives me absolutely be as. Now I've got 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:02.160 on this podcast. We've got camel and tuned into PPS. 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:05.120 Now this is my age old pet people. We're gonna 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:08.720 start with this and it's a pretty good jumping up point. 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:10.040 You've probably seen. Back in the day, there was a 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:16.000 channel called QVC. My problem is QGC, not QVC. My 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:22.760 problem is QGC as in quarterbacks, gifts cameras. It is 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:25.839 everywhere this time of the year, throwing lights in action 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:30.880 if you want. It's the annual look at me, I'm generous. 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:34.680 I have a lot of money, I buy really nice gifts. 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:36.200 But it's look at me, I'm generous. 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:41.040 The Bowl sponsored by Ring Lights and brand managers from 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:46.239 c They're shining Sea. Every quarterback in the league turns 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:49.720 into Santa Claus old Saint Nick. But not the small Santa, 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:53.160 the kind that you see at the mall or when 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:55.040 I was sitting my fat ass on the back of 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:59.160 a fire truck. Not the bad Santa image of the 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:05.120 cigarette bray, the depressed, down on their luck, smell like regret, 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:08.359 have sad cup of coffee in their hand. Not that 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:11.720 this is Santa with the PR department. This is Santa 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:15.880 with a social media coordinator. It is Santa with a 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:20.160 three point lighting setup and a boom bike covering like 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:24.280 it's an episode they're filming of Hard Knocks, the c 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:32.000 SE edition Community Service Edition. Ho ho smash that like button. Now, 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:35.120 I'm gonna tell you right now. I fully blame my 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:40.640 dearly departed parents. They raised me on the radical, absolutely 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:46.240 radical idea that true charity should be anonymous, and I 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:49.720 blame them. That is, if you're doing something nice and 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:54.040 immediately have to tell everyone about it, maybe that's a 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:57.520 weasel word. You're not doing it for the right reasons, dumb, 0:03:57.600 --> 0:04:02.320 dumb your jackwagon. Now, real generosity is doing something nice 0:04:02.360 --> 0:04:05.560 for someone who will never find out. Not doing it 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:07.840 because you want to get likes on Facebook or a 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:12.640 bunch of views on TikTok, not for Instagram validation, just 0:04:12.800 --> 0:04:14.760 because it's the right thing to do. 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:16.560 God forbid. 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:20.440 How will people know that you're a good person if 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:22.680 you don't tell them, You have to show them. 0:04:23.680 --> 0:04:28.600 It's a sickness. This is empty social media friendly generosity. 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:30.839 It's ridiculous. 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:36.440 It's philanthropathy that boosts the giver's social capital more than 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:39.840 the cause itself. It's not PBS, it's PPS. We're all 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:47.039 tuned into PPS. That's performative philanthropic syndrome. These charity events 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:51.960 have better production. I'm telling you, better pressure value than 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:54.360 half the stuff Netflix screen lights. 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:55.080 I've always hey this. 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:56.920 I remember when I first got on the media business 0:04:56.960 --> 0:04:59.240 and I was on the email list for all the 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:02.400 teams in in LA, and I remember the Lakers would 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:04.400 send out a press release this goes back to like 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:08.760 the nineties, and they'd be like Nick van Exel's handing 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:12.640 out turkeys at the shelter. He'll be there from two 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:15.960 to two thirty photo op and then he'll do a 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:19.320 ten minute of media availability after that. And they said 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:20.440 this out, I mean all the teams do it. I 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:22.680 just mentioned Lakers, but they all did it because they 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:25.000 wanted to get on the eleven o'clock news back when 0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:27.960 people watch the news. Of course, now that's been taken 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:30.560 to the next level. We're at the point where quarterback 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:33.640 gift reveal, which goes on all of us. It looks 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:38.240 like a gender reveal party for a Lamborghini QB number 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:42.320 one playing Santa is not new, all right, it's not new. 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:47.760 This has been around for generations. Literally, it used to 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:50.800 be quiet, it used to be subtle. It did it 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:56.320 was under the radar. Is it true that Joe Montana 0:05:56.520 --> 0:06:00.640 is credited as the innovator In the nineteen eighties, he 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:04.120 gave his forty nine er offensive lineman Rolex watches. 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:07.280 I was back in the late eighties early nineties. There 0:06:07.279 --> 0:06:07.600 were no. 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:12.000 Cameras, there was no hashtags, couldn't be There was no 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:12.840 makeup chair. 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:14.960 They didn't have a sound guy. 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.400 Just hey, big fella, thanks for keeping me alive and 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:20.640 helping the Niners win the Super Bowl. Here's a nice 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:25.400 expensive watch. Now Montana was doing charity like a mob boss. 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:28.200 Here's your envelope. Just nod walk away. 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:32.479 That's it. Manila envelope, nod walk away. That's all. 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:40.080 Then came the person who is believed to be Patient zero, 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:50.080 Dan the man Dan Marino, Dolphin's legend from the nineteen eighties. 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:54.800 He was Patient zero, the invasive species, the man who 0:06:54.880 --> 0:07:01.200 turned gratitude into attitude and an advertised campaign. And if 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:05.920 you're old that you know of those iconic Isotona glove commercials. 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:09.920 I give them to protect the hands that protect me. 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:15.720 Boom goes to dynamite and now we're selling gloves and 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:18.640 virtue and you can thank number thirteen in your teal 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:22.600 dolphin uniform, Dan Marino. That was the moment that charity 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:27.400 jumped the shark right there, Boom, Shaka laka, or put 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:30.480 the shark in branded gloves if you want. 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:33.520 Since then, we have literally witnessed. 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:39.560 In my lifetime in arms race, not arms, watches, cars, bikes, swords. 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:43.080 We're talking cutlery, actual medieval weaponry. 0:07:43.520 --> 0:07:47.880 Quarterbacks one upping each other like it's a pissing contest, 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:51.840 and it's like they're yacht owners elbowing each other at 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:56.120 Monaco Happy Hour. I'll see your rolex and raise you 0:07:56.160 --> 0:08:02.000 a Toyota Tacoma. What so here as we wind down, 0:08:02.120 --> 0:08:07.920 twenty twenty five, we reached full absurdity. Brock Party Brock Perty, 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:10.800 the forty nine er quarterback who I believe is a 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:14.600 brand ambassador for Toyota handing out trucks now. Last year 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:17.400 he handed out a bunch of cars to his teammates. 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:21.920 This year it's families in Need, which is genuinely kind. 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.320 I'm not here to say that that's not kind. It's 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:31.920 also filmed, edited, packaged, released in a neat bow with 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:37.080 background music that sounds like a pharmaceutical commercial. Just have 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:40.240 to add to tagline. Ask your doctor if generosity is 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:45.000 right for you. Josh Allen gave the Bills offensive line 0:08:45.040 --> 0:08:45.880 a quarter of a cow. 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:46.760 We talked about that. 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:49.400 Spaccoli said, that's one hundred to one hundred and fifty 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:52.880 pounds of meat. Still, why not just buy the whole cow? 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.400 Why only a quarter? I bought a cow, or just 0:08:57.440 --> 0:09:00.000 say you bought a cow. It's not a gift, it's 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:02.160 it's a ranch. Just give the person the ranch. That's 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:04.920 not a stocking stuffer. By the way, that's some kind 0:09:04.960 --> 0:09:07.839 of agriculture policy. I don't know what it is, but 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:11.120 that cow has more job security than the most NFL 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:13.440 running backs, and we know where that cow is getting 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:16.319 end up. Jared Goff of course had to announce it. 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:19.760 He gave luxury golf carts to his buddies. There Aaron 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:22.600 Rodgers of the Steelers gave out some kind of luxury 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:28.160 off road vehicle. So nothing says thanks for protecting me, 0:09:28.320 --> 0:09:31.560 like a vehicle like that. That golf cart thing like 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:33.480 a vehicle. You use that to walk, you know, to 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.240 save twelve steps. I'm going to take my golf cart. 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:40.200 I do love the visual, though offensive linemen for the 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:45.040 Lions riding around like their retired Florida snowbirds in their 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:47.920 golf cart on some little island off the coast of Florida. 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:52.840 And then there's Patrick Mahomes, who what a humdinger, Good 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:56.839 old Patrick Mahomes. Here Mahomes went full black Friday at 0:09:56.840 --> 0:10:00.600 the Mall of America. Luxury watches were with more than 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:07.559 some people's homes, e bikes, indoor golf simulators, headphones, AI, sunglasses, 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:12.160 I'm not done suitcases. It looked like the prize table 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:15.840 backstage at the price is right, we can bring back 0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:19.640 Bob Barker and it's like he had a Super Bowl 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:23.040 ring or something like that. But everyone pretends that this 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:27.600 is about gratitude and not about branding. And this is 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:29.440 another one of those parts of the story that makes 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:30.400 me a little. 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:31.559 Itchy and scratchy. 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:35.840 Itchy and scratchy, because none of this, none of these things, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.920 is really for the linemen. They're already rich, they can 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:42.640 buy whatever they want, they're already set. This is not 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:45.320 back in the old days in the NFL when guys 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:48.880 had jobs in the off season. They're already driving nicer cars. 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:53.600 And I'll ever even put my nose in. This isn't generosity. 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:59.800 It's pageantry. It's gratitude, kabuki theaters what it is. It's applause, farming, 0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:02.720 all of that. It's charity, wearing shoulder pads and yelling. 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:06.120 Don't forget to tag me. If you want to do 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.480 something meaningful, if you really do, and it's great, you 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:11.959 should do that, do it quietly. Pay off someone's mortgage 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.360 you got the money, help a family who will never 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:17.640 know your name, write a check, and don't tell the internet. 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:21.800 That's real generosity. It can be done, it was done 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:23.679 for hundreds and hundreds of years. 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:27.120 That's doing the right thing. When there's no scoreboard. 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:33.280 That's how that's how you get it done instead, Well. 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:35.480 What about the algorithm. I get rewarded by the algorithm. 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:37.360 You wouldn't reward me with the algorithm. I want to 0:11:37.400 --> 0:11:39.840 be rewarded by the algorithm. That's the problem. 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:45.440 We've turned kindness into content, compassion into a clip on 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:49.160 the internet, a highlight reel. Every good deed needs a 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:52.600 drone shot and a slow motion hug. Now, no one 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:56.240 is more egregious in this department than Russell Wilson. Now 0:11:56.320 --> 0:11:58.360 Russ is no longer a starting quarterback, so I assume 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:00.640 he doesn't have to worry about getting gifts. But Russ, 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:04.600 he always had a camera crew. 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:05.120 He used to go to the. 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:07.679 Children's hospital all the time. And how do we know that? 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:10.920 Because he always had a camera guy. He had a 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:14.600 lighting guy, a sound guy, a makeup team. 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:18.240 So it seemed, and. 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:19.600 You want to do that, but you want people to 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:21.680 hear about it because of word of mouth. Like Kobe 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:25.160 Bryant when he died burned up in the helicopter crash, 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:28.840 all these stories came out that Kobe would quietly go 0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:32.920 to hospitals around southern California and elsewhere to see kids. 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:36.560 He did not have a camera crew. He didn't post 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:40.760 about it on social media. Ninety five percent of the time, 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:42.800 he just did it. It was a good deed that 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:45.160 needed to be done. You didn't need to get a 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:48.160 drone shot and a slow motion hug shot. 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:49.679 You didn't need that. 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:53.400 Santa Claus Force now has an agent. And look, I'm 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:55.880 not saying. I'm not saying these quarterbacks are bad people. 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:58.240 I'm not, and you can take me out of context 0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:01.280 if you want. They're not villains. They are just products 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:04.160 of the zeitgeist of the times. This is the system 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:09.559 that confuses attention with impact. And it's not just in sports, 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:12.880 but we do a plausibly a sports show where it's 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:16.560 where charity without witness doesn't count. These guys have been 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:20.160 raised that way. I was raised differently. Who knows who's right. 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:24.359 I believe I'm right they were raised. We're giving quietly 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:29.920 feels like a missed opportunity in today's NFL. If a 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:33.800 good deed happens and nobody posted, did it even happen? 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:38.080 That's the silliness of this. Because generosity should not sound 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:41.840 like a press conference. It shouldn't need graphics a chiron, 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:46.880 it shouldn't trend. The best charity doesn't spike engagement, it 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:51.480 changes lives in silence, less ring lights, and more heart. 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:55.880 The loudest kindness is usually the emptiest and the real 0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:59.160 good stuff that happens off camera when no one's watching. 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:03.760 We know we are in the minority, but that's just 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:08.320 my position turning the page. So by request, several of 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:10.040 you emailed me this week saying, can you tell me 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:12.600 more about the party? I like the photos. We did 0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:14.600 post some photos. Thank you for liking the photos. A 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:17.160 few of you took shots at me. That's fine, but 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:19.840 we did post some photos on Instagram and Facebook, so 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:21.600 check that out. But it was that time of the 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:25.560 year when the calendar exhales, when the days feel like 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:30.880 a jukebox stuck on nostalgia, and when grown adults convinced 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:36.000 themselves that calories are merely a suggestion. We must celebrate 0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:39.440 good times. Come on now, gota celebrate. So as twenty 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:45.360 twenty five wobbled towards the exit and just memory like 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:49.240 a barb patron wobbling out who insists he's fine to drive, 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:53.120 and we decided to throw a party now, not just 0:14:53.200 --> 0:14:59.280 any party, a rebrand because if you don't evolve, you fossilize, 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:05.760 someone said somewhere along the way, and nobody. Nobody wants 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:10.120 to be a pain in the tukis and be a 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:13.720 dinosaur in an ugly sweater. So thus the malar ugly 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:17.840 Sweater Christmas Party was officially retired to mothballs. Its number 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:21.480 was raised to the rafters high above the garden, replaced 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:25.600 by the Mallard Christmas pajama jam, which is a fancy 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:27.720 way of saying, show up dressed like you've already given 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:33.360 up on the day. Pajamas. Now I've seen kids today 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:35.840 they go to school in pajamas. That was not allowed 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.200 back in my day. Pajamas. If you want in pajamas, 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:41.640 they'd send you home. Now they encourage it. Pajamas are honest. 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:46.200 Pajamas tell the truth. Pajamas say I am here for comfort, 0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:50.280 not for your approval. Ugly sweaters were so twenty twenty 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:53.960 four and before pajamas are the future soft forgiving the 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:57.720 elastic waistband comfort when you eat too much. Leading up 0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:02.440 to last weekend, it was part already prep Central, which 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:06.200 means activating Benny the Baker, a man who treats dessert 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:10.680 like Michael Angelo treated marble. Benny the baker obsessed with baking. 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.800 Now we went deep in the recipe bag, the one 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:19.360 that has flour stains and emotional support. Butter turning the 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:24.560 butter cookies in the air, ev or you wear homemade 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:28.720 chocolate chip. We had sprinkles, the Christmas and Hankkah varieties, 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:33.760 Honeka for the tribe, white chocolate, macadamia nut Mallard style. 0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:34.800 Those are my favorite. 0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:39.240 Blueberry blast cookies with real blueberries that looked innocent but 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:43.240 packed a surprise, like a trick play on a third 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:46.480 and short, the old hook and ladder, and the crown 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:52.600 jewel of the cookie parade, the malar Oui gooey cinnamon 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:57.600 roll cookie, which is essentially a cinnabn. It's basically cinnabon 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:00.920 after grad school, little chunks of the middle part of 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:01.800 the cinnamon. 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:02.800 Role mixed in the cookie. 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:07.120 And these weren't cookies so much as a baked philosophy 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:10.200 chunks at just those matching those ooi gooey chunks of 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:12.480 cinnamon role mixed right from the center. 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:13.840 Man' is that good? 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:19.960 That's not subtle, that's not apologetic, that's decadence with its 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:24.919 chest out brownies followed, because sometimes you just need a 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:27.760 classic rock song to balance the playlist, and there's nothing 0:17:27.840 --> 0:17:32.760 quite as classic then A big plate of delicious Giridelli 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:37.600 brownies from Danny's family business, and just absolutely wonderful, just 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:40.840 absolutely great. Now for the main food event, I did 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:43.760 what any rational middle aged person would do. 0:17:44.359 --> 0:17:45.159 I left early. 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:49.639 I hopped into the malamobile and went turbo time and 0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:55.159 drove until I reached the Holy Land, the mecca raising canes, 0:17:55.480 --> 0:17:58.639 ding ding ding, ding ding, And I returned in the 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:02.880 malamobile with not one, not two, but three bags the 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:05.320 size roughly, I don't want to be too dramatic here, 0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:08.399 the size of the state of Rhode Island, filled with 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:13.719 chicken fingers, so pleasant and so plentiful, they made everyone smile. 0:18:14.119 --> 0:18:16.399 They actually required their own sensus. They were so big. 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:20.640 And you know it's a big party when you're dusting 0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:23.719 off the credit card for hundreds of pieces of finger 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:27.680 licking Sorry, KFC, this is finger licking chicken. Of course, 0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:32.080 it's chicken fingers. Now, Cane sauce flowed like a river 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:35.639 of dreams. I'm pretty sure that they gave me a 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:40.040 lifetime supply, or at least enough to survive a mild apocalypse. 0:18:40.200 --> 0:18:42.960 So if we have another pandemic, you all are on 0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:44.760 your own. You can go get your water, and you 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:47.560 tore the paper and your little mask and knock yourself out. 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:52.520 I'm just gonna enjoy my lifetime supply of Caine's Caniac sauce. 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:53.000 Now. 0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:58.400 My wife, meanwhile, she executed her signature move at these parties. 0:18:58.800 --> 0:19:01.560 The nacho bar. That's our fastball. 0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:04.919 That's the gas tortilla chip stacked as tall as the Himalayas, 0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:11.240 toppings everywhere, a choose your own adventure of melted cheese 0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:14.760 and optimism. Add in random snacks such as m and 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:19.359 ms and pretzels orbiting the room like asteroids, and suddenly 0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:21.920 the house felt like a cruise ship. 0:19:21.920 --> 0:19:23.119 Now I've never actually been. 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:24.760 On a cruise ship other than the Queen Mary, but 0:19:24.840 --> 0:19:27.320 in my head from those that have gone, they tell 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:28.720 me that it's just gluttony. 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:31.280 It's just gluttony, and so we had that. 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:34.200 It was like a cruise ship buffet where discipline goes 0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:39.160 to die, goes to die. The alcohol situation, let's call 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:42.479 it what it is. It was temptation island is what 0:19:42.520 --> 0:19:45.720 it was. You got whiskey to the right vocular the left. 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:47.840 You got gin in the middle and bourbon in the air. 0:19:47.920 --> 0:19:51.400 Everywhere there was beer stacked like sandbags. In case there 0:19:51.480 --> 0:19:55.040 was a flash flood. You had mixers standing by like 0:19:55.160 --> 0:19:57.200 cranberry and orange for support. 0:19:57.240 --> 0:19:57.719 Of course. 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:01.160 Now radio people those are my people, and law enforcement 0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:02.119 those are my wife's people. 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:06.080 They don't just sip. They commit all. 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:09.560 They go for it. Our party philosophy is simple. It's 0:20:09.600 --> 0:20:12.919 carved into the stone tablets, Eat, drink and be merry 0:20:13.480 --> 0:20:17.400 for tomorrow we may die. I still intermitte fast, even 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:18.320 over the holidays. 0:20:18.440 --> 0:20:20.560 I do. I don't pause that. I still do it. 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:25.639 However, I do believe in the mantra are aa mantra 0:20:25.880 --> 0:20:30.880 rare and appropriate. Rare and appropriate feasting isn't just allowed, 0:20:30.920 --> 0:20:31.720 it is encouraged. 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:35.760 You gotta do it. It's like, you know, everyone's a babushka. 0:20:35.880 --> 0:20:37.679 You got to eat your finish your food, finish your 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:41.359 enjoy life before the pearly gates start checking ideas. All 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:44.480 right now, the guest list was a beautiful melting pot, 0:20:44.640 --> 0:20:45.600 not cheese fondue. 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:48.440 Not cheese fondu. Something better, something better. 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:51.159 We've had a bunch of different eras of my career 0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:53.800 been at Fox Sports, radio for over twenty five years, 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:56.920 and all of these different eras of Fox Sports Radio 0:20:56.960 --> 0:20:59.960 blending together like a playlist on shot. 0:21:00.840 --> 0:21:02.639 You had the radio lifers like me. 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:05.199 You had people that are no longer in radio, that 0:21:05.320 --> 0:21:07.600 used to be in radio, people that did their time, 0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:11.679 are retired now old friends, relatively new friends. People who 0:21:11.720 --> 0:21:13.720 I've done shows with, people I've never did shows with, 0:21:14.000 --> 0:21:18.480 people who I've shared studios. As I said, microphones, dead air, cockroaches, 0:21:18.520 --> 0:21:22.760 parachuting down, parachuting down from the ceiling. One of the 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:27.959 highlights was Bobo on the radio, who drove from what 0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:31.520 felt like a million miles away. I haven't seen Bobo 0:21:31.560 --> 0:21:38.080 in a while, despite having a newborn baby a at home. Now, 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:40.560 let me tell you something. I want to bring this up. 0:21:40.720 --> 0:21:45.280 That's commitment. Most people have kids. I'm convinced specifically to 0:21:45.359 --> 0:21:49.960 avoid parties. I would do it too. It's the nuclear option, 0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:54.640 It's the get out of party free clause. And Bobo 0:21:55.640 --> 0:21:58.680 went above that. I remember Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm. 0:21:58.760 --> 0:22:02.280 It is that famous things that you can't question the 0:22:02.359 --> 0:22:04.919 kid card, right, Oh, I have a kid, can't go 0:22:04.960 --> 0:22:09.880 to the party, right, And so for Bobo to have 0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:12.439 that in his pocket and I don't even see him 0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:14.080 on a day I don't work with any and for 0:22:14.160 --> 0:22:17.600 him not to play it Hall of Fame Bobo on 0:22:17.640 --> 0:22:18.800 the radio Hall of Fame. 0:22:19.600 --> 0:22:21.080 Seriously, I was like, so cool. 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:23.399 So many people I know that I can't go, I 0:22:23.400 --> 0:22:25.000 got a kid, whatever, and I'm like, what. 0:22:25.119 --> 0:22:27.679 I'm fine, But here's Bubba's I want to go. I 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:28.320 want to hang out. 0:22:28.720 --> 0:22:32.560 So the competitive peak of the night came courtesy of 0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:35.080 a game called Left Right Center. I've talked about it before. 0:22:35.160 --> 0:22:38.719 Left Right Center a game so pure it laughs. At Intelligence, 0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:42.800 we busted out old poker chips like sacred artifacts. Now, 0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:47.000 it doesn't matter if you're sober, sober, little tipsy, little tipsy, 0:22:47.119 --> 0:22:51.280 or floating somewhere above the room. You could have an 0:22:51.280 --> 0:22:55.120 IQ of forty or be the valed Victorian of Harvard. 0:22:55.560 --> 0:22:59.560 It doesn't matter. The game does not discriminate. Chaos is 0:22:59.560 --> 0:23:02.359 the great equalizer. So we played that. We had a 0:23:02.400 --> 0:23:04.879 we had a good game. Rob Parker was there, Jason Smith, 0:23:04.960 --> 0:23:10.720 Mike Harmon, Bobo, a bunch of people, and the Clipper 0:23:10.720 --> 0:23:14.760 game was flickering on the TV in the background noise 0:23:15.040 --> 0:23:18.480 until it wasn't The morbid Clippers having a miserable season. 0:23:18.560 --> 0:23:22.800 Throwback Season took care of business. They silenced the Laker 0:23:23.200 --> 0:23:28.400 fans who have been chirping so much this year. Purple 0:23:28.440 --> 0:23:32.280 and Gold historians left with nothing but excuses and empty cups. 0:23:32.920 --> 0:23:34.600 I kind of enjoyed that, not that I paid much 0:23:34.640 --> 0:23:37.600 attention to the game now, as an introvert by nature, 0:23:38.320 --> 0:23:42.040 a social camel. That's right, I am a camel, a 0:23:42.080 --> 0:23:46.960 social camel who prefers small SIPs. This is an awkward night. 0:23:47.680 --> 0:23:50.120