1 00:00:04,795 --> 00:00:21,155 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio once 2 00:00:21,235 --> 00:00:25,955 Speaker 1: Again Dementia. J Trump is providing hints and foreshadowings and 3 00:00:26,035 --> 00:00:31,195 Speaker 1: augurs that he is about to finally lose all control 4 00:00:31,555 --> 00:00:35,875 Speaker 1: of his mind. Meanwhile, Jack Smith has clearly graduated from 5 00:00:35,955 --> 00:00:38,875 Speaker 1: demanding that they put a gag order on Trump to 6 00:00:39,035 --> 00:00:41,475 Speaker 1: instead demanding that they put something on him that more 7 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:46,475 Speaker 1: resembles a Hannibal lecter mask Trump under a gag order 8 00:00:46,515 --> 00:00:49,075 Speaker 1: in a New York courtroom, two violations of which have 9 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,555 Speaker 1: been used to argue for the immediate reinstatement of another 10 00:00:51,595 --> 00:00:54,555 Speaker 1: gag order in a Washington courtroom, a gag order which 11 00:00:54,595 --> 00:00:57,475 Speaker 1: could go back into effect as early as tomorrow. Has 12 00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:01,875 Speaker 1: now attacked the New York judge three separate times online, 13 00:01:02,075 --> 00:01:04,515 Speaker 1: and in one of the attacks, he may have issued 14 00:01:04,715 --> 00:01:10,275 Speaker 1: yet another stochastic call for violence against the judge. Quote. 15 00:01:10,315 --> 00:01:15,115 Speaker 1: This is judicial misconduct coupled with prosecutorial misconduct, and somebody 16 00:01:15,635 --> 00:01:19,555 Speaker 1: from the state of New York must step in and 17 00:01:19,795 --> 00:01:25,595 Speaker 1: stop this complete and total miscarriage of justice unquote because 18 00:01:25,715 --> 00:01:30,475 Speaker 1: Trump had earlier suggested that New York's governor should get involved, 19 00:01:30,875 --> 00:01:33,995 Speaker 1: and because he capitalized the word state when he wrote 20 00:01:34,035 --> 00:01:37,355 Speaker 1: state of New York. He managed to keep one foot 21 00:01:37,395 --> 00:01:40,315 Speaker 1: in that shadowy region in which he has lived his life, 22 00:01:40,755 --> 00:01:43,355 Speaker 1: and his attorneys could argue that he was not asking 23 00:01:44,075 --> 00:01:46,075 Speaker 1: somebody from the state of New York to step in 24 00:01:46,115 --> 00:01:48,835 Speaker 1: and stop this by attacking somebody like the judge or 25 00:01:48,835 --> 00:01:53,595 Speaker 1: the district attorney or both. But Trump's rage inside that 26 00:01:53,715 --> 00:01:57,195 Speaker 1: New York courtroom this week was worse than initially reported. 27 00:01:57,555 --> 00:02:00,875 Speaker 1: Those inside it with him now say he pounded his 28 00:02:01,035 --> 00:02:04,875 Speaker 1: fist on the defense table and got bright red. And 29 00:02:04,955 --> 00:02:08,755 Speaker 1: perhaps the full measure of how rapidly his already minimal 30 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:12,475 Speaker 1: self control seems to be cracking was underscored just before 31 00:02:12,555 --> 00:02:16,115 Speaker 1: one pm Eastern yesterday when he attacked a reporter, not 32 00:02:16,235 --> 00:02:19,155 Speaker 1: so much for what she had written, but for what 33 00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:25,195 Speaker 1: she did not write. Quote Maggot Hagerman of the failing 34 00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:29,155 Speaker 1: New York Times wrote almost her entire fake story today 35 00:02:29,475 --> 00:02:32,795 Speaker 1: about the Trump hating judges gag order they loved to 36 00:02:32,955 --> 00:02:37,115 Speaker 1: silence me rather than the racist Attorney general, star witness 37 00:02:37,795 --> 00:02:42,595 Speaker 1: choking like a dog on the witness stand, Perry Mason. 38 00:02:45,115 --> 00:02:48,915 Speaker 1: There is so much ass in that sentence that it 39 00:02:48,955 --> 00:02:52,035 Speaker 1: is hard to sort it all out. But from a 40 00:02:52,075 --> 00:02:55,195 Speaker 1: psychological viewpoint, there is little that could be ever more 41 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:58,475 Speaker 1: telling than Trump attacking a writer who has often been, 42 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:03,275 Speaker 1: even post coup, astonishingly deferential to him, and who has 43 00:03:03,315 --> 00:03:08,395 Speaker 1: been brutally attacked, including by me here metaphorically speaking of course, 44 00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:12,995 Speaker 1: for being so deferential to him. Moreover, the article that 45 00:03:13,115 --> 00:03:15,275 Speaker 1: drove him to this most insane of a series of 46 00:03:15,275 --> 00:03:21,355 Speaker 1: insane posts is pretty dull, pretty even handed, pretty hard 47 00:03:21,355 --> 00:03:26,315 Speaker 1: to criticize. Any Trumpist who actually bothered to read Maggie 48 00:03:26,395 --> 00:03:29,395 Speaker 1: Haberman's piece in The New York Times yesterday would be 49 00:03:29,435 --> 00:03:32,835 Speaker 1: hard pressed to figure out why Trump would have gone 50 00:03:32,915 --> 00:03:37,875 Speaker 1: so crazy. And that's because since the court hearings began 51 00:03:37,915 --> 00:03:40,995 Speaker 1: to dominate his schedule, Trump has ever increasingly shown more 52 00:03:41,035 --> 00:03:45,155 Speaker 1: and more signs of his evil but still strategic public 53 00:03:45,235 --> 00:03:49,835 Speaker 1: pressure against prosecutors and political opponents and others. He's shown 54 00:03:49,835 --> 00:03:56,715 Speaker 1: that that is dissolving into pure petulance, maggot, and then 55 00:03:56,795 --> 00:04:02,275 Speaker 1: calling Haberman Hagerman on, I guess the premise that's substituting 56 00:04:02,315 --> 00:04:05,235 Speaker 1: a G for the B in her name means we're 57 00:04:05,275 --> 00:04:10,995 Speaker 1: supposed to pronounce that hag The parenthetical reference to Perry 58 00:04:11,035 --> 00:04:14,675 Speaker 1: Mason in there, that's a callback to an earlier post 59 00:04:15,515 --> 00:04:18,595 Speaker 1: ten or twenty posts before and anyway, it's a reference 60 00:04:18,635 --> 00:04:21,515 Speaker 1: to a television show that had its last special episode 61 00:04:21,675 --> 00:04:25,755 Speaker 1: on April tenth, nineteen ninety five. The reference to the 62 00:04:25,755 --> 00:04:30,835 Speaker 1: star witness choking because he doesn't know how to spell choking. 63 00:04:32,235 --> 00:04:39,795 Speaker 1: These are easy tells, clear signs of Trump under stress, 64 00:04:39,875 --> 00:04:42,195 Speaker 1: and the real tell is in the phrase that should 65 00:04:42,235 --> 00:04:45,475 Speaker 1: have read choking like a dog. That is the second 66 00:04:45,475 --> 00:04:49,875 Speaker 1: reference in twelve hours to dogs doing things dogs don't do, choking. 67 00:04:50,435 --> 00:04:54,035 Speaker 1: The other one is lying. Trump has a fraud relationship 68 00:04:54,075 --> 00:04:57,915 Speaker 1: with canine analogies. In the stress of the twenty sixteen campaign, 69 00:04:57,915 --> 00:04:59,595 Speaker 1: at his lowest moments, when it looked as if he 70 00:04:59,635 --> 00:05:02,675 Speaker 1: would lose by ten points or perhaps be replaced on 71 00:05:02,715 --> 00:05:05,395 Speaker 1: the ticket in a special maneuver by the re Publican party, 72 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:10,035 Speaker 1: he repeatedly made references to people being fired like a dog, 73 00:05:10,195 --> 00:05:14,595 Speaker 1: or thrown off TV like a dog, or begging for 74 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:17,795 Speaker 1: money like a dog. And he made these references with 75 00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:21,955 Speaker 1: the confidence of a moron speaking a language, a foreign 76 00:05:22,075 --> 00:05:27,155 Speaker 1: language he doesn't really understand. The next dog I see 77 00:05:27,195 --> 00:05:30,395 Speaker 1: begging for money will be the first in the history 78 00:05:30,395 --> 00:05:33,035 Speaker 1: of the planet. More on this shortly, but back to 79 00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:37,955 Speaker 1: the main point. Trump just threw some more chaff submarine 80 00:05:37,995 --> 00:05:41,275 Speaker 1: countermeasures into this mix. His lawyers last night filed a 81 00:05:41,355 --> 00:05:45,035 Speaker 1: motion that he is not guilty of election subversion because 82 00:05:45,075 --> 00:05:48,115 Speaker 1: there are classified government assessments that he's going to produce 83 00:05:48,155 --> 00:05:53,475 Speaker 1: at trial quote relating to foreign influence activities that impacted 84 00:05:53,475 --> 00:05:57,115 Speaker 1: the twenty sixteen and twenty twenty election, to establish that 85 00:05:57,195 --> 00:06:00,315 Speaker 1: he acted at all times in good faith and on 86 00:06:00,355 --> 00:06:02,355 Speaker 1: the belief that he was doing what he had been 87 00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:06,835 Speaker 1: elected to do, which I guess means he's going to 88 00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:13,235 Speaker 1: call as a surprise witness Q. While Judge Tanya Chutkin 89 00:06:13,315 --> 00:06:16,475 Speaker 1: deals with this nonsense, I am still unconvinced that either 90 00:06:16,515 --> 00:06:19,555 Speaker 1: she or Judge Arthur Engern will actually jail Trump for 91 00:06:19,635 --> 00:06:23,475 Speaker 1: violating gag orders, although my hopes for Chutkin are significantly higher. 92 00:06:23,835 --> 00:06:26,955 Speaker 1: But I am just as firmly convinced that that is 93 00:06:27,075 --> 00:06:30,795 Speaker 1: exactly what Jack Smith and his team of prosecutors in 94 00:06:30,835 --> 00:06:36,275 Speaker 1: the federal election subversion case are now pushing for Trump's ambulance. 95 00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:39,835 Speaker 1: Chasers appealed the Chutkin gag order to a different court 96 00:06:39,915 --> 00:06:43,355 Speaker 1: at as judges do. Chutkin gave him a temporary suspension 97 00:06:43,395 --> 00:06:46,475 Speaker 1: of that gag order. His attorneys then immediately asked for 98 00:06:46,515 --> 00:06:50,075 Speaker 1: an even longer suspension. The Office of the Special Council 99 00:06:50,355 --> 00:06:54,355 Speaker 1: replied late Wednesday night early yesterday morning, demanding that Trump 100 00:06:54,395 --> 00:06:59,075 Speaker 1: be regagged immediately, and Trump's lawyers, you know, the future 101 00:06:59,195 --> 00:07:02,515 Speaker 1: witnesses against him in some other courtroom and the jurisdiction 102 00:07:02,675 --> 00:07:06,195 Speaker 1: far far away. They had till Saturday morning to reply. 103 00:07:07,355 --> 00:07:10,835 Speaker 1: The focus of the Smith argument is obviously Trump's all 104 00:07:10,915 --> 00:07:16,595 Speaker 1: purpose posts about Mark Meadows, part insult, part dismissal, part 105 00:07:16,755 --> 00:07:21,155 Speaker 1: not at all veiled threat, but most importantly dovetailing with 106 00:07:21,195 --> 00:07:23,715 Speaker 1: the argument Smith and his group have repeatedly made to 107 00:07:23,795 --> 00:07:27,995 Speaker 1: Judge Chutkin. It contained not just intimidation of a witness. 108 00:07:28,475 --> 00:07:31,755 Speaker 1: It contained an attempt to poison the jury pool by 109 00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:37,235 Speaker 1: impeaching a witness and insisting the prosecution was corrupt to 110 00:07:37,435 --> 00:07:42,715 Speaker 1: quote that Smith filing. The defendant's targeting included insinuating that 111 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:45,475 Speaker 1: if the reporting were true, the chief of staff had 112 00:07:45,555 --> 00:07:48,955 Speaker 1: lied and had been coerced, and the defendant sent a 113 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:52,795 Speaker 1: clear public message to the chief of staff intended to 114 00:07:52,835 --> 00:07:58,475 Speaker 1: intimidate him. And then in the footnotes, the ghostbuster streams 115 00:07:58,675 --> 00:08:03,795 Speaker 1: crossed the bid to restart the Washington gag cited Trump's 116 00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:08,235 Speaker 1: ignoring of the New York gag quote. Defense counsel also 117 00:08:08,315 --> 00:08:11,275 Speaker 1: assured the court that the defendant's post targeting the court 118 00:08:11,395 --> 00:08:14,435 Speaker 1: staffer had been quote dealt with by the court in 119 00:08:14,555 --> 00:08:20,875 Speaker 1: New York. That assurance turned out to be mistaken unquote 120 00:08:21,315 --> 00:08:25,555 Speaker 1: here the word mistaken is a very very polite euphemism. 121 00:08:25,875 --> 00:08:28,235 Speaker 1: The rest of the filing shows that Trump ignored the 122 00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:31,355 Speaker 1: New York gag order, ignored it a second time, was 123 00:08:31,475 --> 00:08:33,995 Speaker 1: called to the witness stand to explain what he said, 124 00:08:34,395 --> 00:08:38,115 Speaker 1: lied about what he said, perjured himself, and has proven 125 00:08:38,195 --> 00:08:43,075 Speaker 1: to be unrestrainable even with the gag order as presently constituted. 126 00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:46,955 Speaker 1: What Jack Smith and his staff are setting up is 127 00:08:46,995 --> 00:08:49,875 Speaker 1: something stronger. As I said earlier, it is less a 128 00:08:49,915 --> 00:08:53,235 Speaker 1: gag order than it is a Hannibal Lecter mask. Here, 129 00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:57,795 Speaker 1: they write, the defendant has capitalized on the court's administrative 130 00:08:57,835 --> 00:09:02,435 Speaker 1: stay to, among other prejudicial conduct, send an unmistakable and 131 00:09:02,555 --> 00:09:06,675 Speaker 1: threatening message to a foreseeable witness in this case, Unless 132 00:09:06,675 --> 00:09:10,115 Speaker 1: the court lifts the administrative stay, the defendant will not 133 00:09:10,315 --> 00:09:14,315 Speaker 1: stop his harmful and prejudicial attacks. In addition to the 134 00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:18,155 Speaker 1: extent that the defendant's public message directed to mark Meadows 135 00:09:18,435 --> 00:09:21,315 Speaker 1: with knowledge that it would reach him is not already 136 00:09:21,475 --> 00:09:25,715 Speaker 1: covered by his release conditions. It is an intentional end 137 00:09:25,875 --> 00:09:29,675 Speaker 1: run around them. En quote, let me translate that. In 138 00:09:29,715 --> 00:09:32,635 Speaker 1: other words, Jack Smith is not telling the judge that 139 00:09:32,715 --> 00:09:36,075 Speaker 1: Trump has violated her gag order. He is telling the 140 00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:41,235 Speaker 1: judge that Trump has violated the original conditions under which 141 00:09:41,435 --> 00:09:45,675 Speaker 1: she did not jail him until the trial starts. To 142 00:09:45,795 --> 00:09:50,275 Speaker 1: resume the quote, Accordingly, the court should modify the defendant's 143 00:09:50,315 --> 00:09:54,755 Speaker 1: conditions of release by making compliance with the order a condition, 144 00:09:55,755 --> 00:10:00,155 Speaker 1: or by clarifying that the existing condition barring communication with 145 00:10:00,235 --> 00:10:04,875 Speaker 1: witnesses about the facts of the case includes indirect message 146 00:10:04,915 --> 00:10:10,435 Speaker 1: is made publicly on social media or in speeches. Again, 147 00:10:10,995 --> 00:10:15,635 Speaker 1: in short, a mask over his face and a straight 148 00:10:15,755 --> 00:10:21,795 Speaker 1: jacket legally anyway, I'm afraid Trump in a real mask 149 00:10:22,395 --> 00:10:26,995 Speaker 1: and a real straight jacket is just too much to 150 00:10:27,155 --> 00:10:35,915 Speaker 1: hope for for now. The quick follow up now on 151 00:10:35,995 --> 00:10:38,195 Speaker 1: this the second full day of the reign of Speaker 152 00:10:38,235 --> 00:10:41,475 Speaker 1: Mike Johnson. For a man who spent twenty years advocating 153 00:10:41,515 --> 00:10:44,955 Speaker 1: for sending gay people to prison for having sex, advocating 154 00:10:44,955 --> 00:10:48,515 Speaker 1: for sending doctors to prison for providing family planning for women, 155 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,915 Speaker 1: advocating for a national abortion ban, advocating for fewer laws 156 00:10:52,955 --> 00:10:57,755 Speaker 1: against guns, advocating for more laws against divorce, advocating for 157 00:10:57,795 --> 00:11:02,755 Speaker 1: gutting the entire social safety net, advocating for disenfranchising minorities 158 00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:07,275 Speaker 1: and entire states. Advocating for using the Constitution to destroy 159 00:11:07,355 --> 00:11:11,435 Speaker 1: the Constitution. Advocating for the forced conflation of church and state, 160 00:11:11,875 --> 00:11:15,115 Speaker 1: Advocating for a conservative group that makes its employees swear 161 00:11:15,155 --> 00:11:20,595 Speaker 1: an oath to Jesus, advocating against transgenderism, advocating against men 162 00:11:20,635 --> 00:11:25,795 Speaker 1: wearing women's clothes, advocating against women wearing men's clothes, advocating 163 00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:31,075 Speaker 1: restrictions against Muslims, advocating against federal disaster relief, advocating for 164 00:11:31,195 --> 00:11:34,035 Speaker 1: more oil and gas, and against science that has proved 165 00:11:34,075 --> 00:11:36,915 Speaker 1: we're all going to get killed by more oil and gas. 166 00:11:37,275 --> 00:11:40,475 Speaker 1: Advocating for that idiot Amy Cony Barrett since he met 167 00:11:40,475 --> 00:11:43,395 Speaker 1: her in nineteen eighty eight, advocating for a limit of 168 00:11:43,475 --> 00:11:45,795 Speaker 1: three terms in the House and then running for this 169 00:11:46,035 --> 00:11:49,915 Speaker 1: term his fourth term, and advocating for the overthrow of 170 00:11:49,955 --> 00:11:52,915 Speaker 1: the duly elected government of the United States. Throughout the 171 00:11:53,035 --> 00:11:55,515 Speaker 1: end of twenty twenty and the beginning of twenty twenty 172 00:11:55,555 --> 00:11:59,155 Speaker 1: one for a guy who has done nothing but comment 173 00:11:59,515 --> 00:12:03,675 Speaker 1: on everything all the time and has always been wrong 174 00:12:04,675 --> 00:12:09,795 Speaker 1: so far. Mike Johnson sure has been Speaker of the House, 175 00:12:09,915 --> 00:12:14,275 Speaker 1: mister no comment. Can you clarify your show on the 176 00:12:14,395 --> 00:12:17,635 Speaker 1: anchist brief? Do you believe the twenty twenty election was stolen? 177 00:12:17,715 --> 00:12:22,315 Speaker 2: Serg just yes or no news? For the record service? 178 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,595 Speaker 2: Do you impress his excuse me? Do you send to 179 00:12:29,675 --> 00:12:32,195 Speaker 2: pursue a national abortion fan as speaker? 180 00:12:32,275 --> 00:12:32,475 Speaker 1: Sir? 181 00:12:33,075 --> 00:12:35,355 Speaker 2: Oh, President, you. 182 00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:43,715 Speaker 1: Know you're gonna have to say something sometime soon. Sparky 183 00:12:43,915 --> 00:12:50,155 Speaker 1: two other Johnson notes Echelon Insights not exactly a liberal outfit. 184 00:12:50,235 --> 00:12:53,115 Speaker 1: Did a crash poll on public reaction to the news 185 00:12:53,115 --> 00:12:56,835 Speaker 1: Speaker five hundred and ninety four US adults. They say 186 00:12:57,115 --> 00:13:01,715 Speaker 1: favorable thirty one percent, unfavorable fifteen percent, heard of him 187 00:13:01,755 --> 00:13:04,675 Speaker 1: but have no opinion twenty one percent. But the big 188 00:13:04,755 --> 00:13:09,515 Speaker 1: winner is never heard of him thirty four percent. Compare 189 00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:15,635 Speaker 1: this to Congressman Ted Jones favorable eighteen percent, unfavorable just 190 00:13:15,715 --> 00:13:19,315 Speaker 1: twelve percent, heard of him but have no opinion nineteen percent. 191 00:13:19,555 --> 00:13:22,395 Speaker 1: That is a statistical tie with Speaker Johnson, and again 192 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,355 Speaker 1: the big winner for Congressman Ted Jones never heard of 193 00:13:25,435 --> 00:13:30,835 Speaker 1: him fifty one percent. There is no congressman Ted Jones, 194 00:13:31,955 --> 00:13:34,555 Speaker 1: the news speaker of the House, the leader of the 195 00:13:34,595 --> 00:13:41,075 Speaker 1: Republicans in Congress. He's doing slightly better than an imaginary congressman. 196 00:13:42,715 --> 00:13:45,035 Speaker 1: And lastly, from the House, I am stealing this joke 197 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:49,435 Speaker 1: from Twitter user your Canadian girlfriend at your Canadian GF. 198 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:53,195 Speaker 1: Representative Lauren Bobert tweeted a photo of herself wearing too 199 00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:58,155 Speaker 1: much makeup on the packed House floor beaming alongside Speaker Johnson. 200 00:13:58,395 --> 00:14:01,195 Speaker 1: Congratulations on becoming the next Speaker of the United States 201 00:14:01,195 --> 00:14:04,155 Speaker 1: House of Representatives. You assume office at a critical time 202 00:14:04,195 --> 00:14:07,315 Speaker 1: for our name, Pray the Lord guides you. Blah blah 203 00:14:07,315 --> 00:14:13,875 Speaker 1: blah blah blah, to which your Canadian girlfriend observes quote 204 00:14:14,235 --> 00:14:17,355 Speaker 1: not the first time she stroked a Johnson in a 205 00:14:17,395 --> 00:14:27,355 Speaker 1: crowded room. Wow, and now is referenced earlier. Since the 206 00:14:27,395 --> 00:14:32,875 Speaker 1: subject is topical and podcasts can be infinity long. This 207 00:14:33,075 --> 00:14:35,115 Speaker 1: is an all new episode, by the way, including a 208 00:14:35,115 --> 00:14:37,835 Speaker 1: Thurber story I have not read you previously, plus sports 209 00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:40,395 Speaker 1: plus Worst Persons, which is mostly about the main shooting 210 00:14:40,435 --> 00:14:43,395 Speaker 1: and how we should name these shootings after the politicians 211 00:14:43,395 --> 00:14:47,035 Speaker 1: who have enabled them. Since the subject is still front 212 00:14:47,035 --> 00:14:49,475 Speaker 1: of mind. Let me repeat what I first analyzed on 213 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:56,275 Speaker 1: October three, twenty sixteen. This insane The word is meant literally, 214 00:14:56,795 --> 00:15:00,275 Speaker 1: this insane inability of dementia jay Trump to process the 215 00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:04,675 Speaker 1: concept of dogs. When he talks about dogs, he clearly 216 00:15:04,795 --> 00:15:08,795 Speaker 1: he is unaware that anybody likes dogs. When he analogizes 217 00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:11,955 Speaker 1: with dogs, he says things that make less sense than usual, 218 00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:16,435 Speaker 1: even for him. When he invokes dogs, something fragile in 219 00:15:16,435 --> 00:15:20,955 Speaker 1: his brain is barking. It is saying to us, it 220 00:15:21,035 --> 00:15:24,755 Speaker 1: is close to the breaking point, and we are here 221 00:15:24,835 --> 00:15:27,355 Speaker 1: again as we were seven years ago this month when 222 00:15:27,395 --> 00:15:32,915 Speaker 1: I first said this quote. Until one has loved an animal, 223 00:15:33,235 --> 00:15:36,675 Speaker 1: wrote the journalist and author Anatole France, a part of 224 00:15:36,755 --> 00:15:42,355 Speaker 1: one's soul remains unawakened. There is no evidence Donald Trump 225 00:15:42,395 --> 00:15:46,635 Speaker 1: has ever loved an animal. If Trump has ever in 226 00:15:46,715 --> 00:15:48,675 Speaker 1: his life had a pet, wrote Gail Collins of The 227 00:15:48,675 --> 00:15:51,955 Speaker 1: New York Times, his campaign doesn't know about it. There's 228 00:15:51,995 --> 00:15:55,435 Speaker 1: some question, in fact about whether he's even had an 229 00:15:55,515 --> 00:15:59,115 Speaker 1: animal friend. In fact, none of the books about Trump, 230 00:15:59,195 --> 00:16:02,195 Speaker 1: including his own, refer to a pet dog. The co 231 00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:04,675 Speaker 1: author or ghostwriter of the Art of The Deal time 232 00:16:04,675 --> 00:16:08,155 Speaker 1: Tony Schwartz told me he never heard Trump reference a 233 00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:12,155 Speaker 1: pet as adult or child. Google it, fact check it, 234 00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:14,875 Speaker 1: do a nexus Lexis search on it, and you come 235 00:16:14,955 --> 00:16:19,195 Speaker 1: up blank. Save for an apparently apocryphal story about him 236 00:16:19,435 --> 00:16:24,755 Speaker 1: tweeting asking for prayers for a labrador named Spinney, there 237 00:16:24,755 --> 00:16:27,955 Speaker 1: were no tweets, no entreaties, and for all we can determine, 238 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,355 Speaker 1: no spinny. A man running to lead a nation of 239 00:16:31,355 --> 00:16:33,555 Speaker 1: three hundred and twenty four million people, and while we're 240 00:16:33,595 --> 00:16:36,595 Speaker 1: at it, seventy eight million dogs and seventy six million cats, 241 00:16:36,755 --> 00:16:39,235 Speaker 1: and there are solid reasons to believe he has never 242 00:16:39,395 --> 00:16:44,475 Speaker 1: had a dog. But it's worse than just that, isn't it. 243 00:16:44,955 --> 00:16:49,395 Speaker 1: Quote July twenty fifteen. I hear that sleepy eyes Chuck 244 00:16:49,515 --> 00:16:54,235 Speaker 1: Todd will be fired like a dog. October twenty fifteen. Wow, 245 00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:56,995 Speaker 1: great news, I hear. Eric Erickson of Red State was 246 00:16:57,115 --> 00:17:01,755 Speaker 1: fired like a dog. December twenty fifteen. Glenn Beck got 247 00:17:01,795 --> 00:17:05,995 Speaker 1: fired like a dog. January two thousand six. Union leader 248 00:17:06,035 --> 00:17:08,115 Speaker 1: refuses to comment as to why they were kicked out 249 00:17:08,115 --> 00:17:12,355 Speaker 1: of the ABC News debate like a dog. Twelve days later, 250 00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:15,435 Speaker 1: Brent Bozell, one of the National Review lightweights, came to 251 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:21,275 Speaker 1: my office, begging for money like a dog. Huh When 252 00:17:21,315 --> 00:17:24,035 Speaker 1: was the last time he saw a dog begging for 253 00:17:24,155 --> 00:17:30,715 Speaker 1: money in somebody's office? February twenty sixteen. Wow, was Ted 254 00:17:30,835 --> 00:17:34,195 Speaker 1: Cruz disloyal to his very capable director of communication? He 255 00:17:34,315 --> 00:17:38,355 Speaker 1: used him as a scapegoat. Fired like a dog? All right? 256 00:17:38,395 --> 00:17:41,755 Speaker 1: Which is it a go to greet dog? March twenty sixteen, 257 00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:45,195 Speaker 1: Eric Erickson again got fired like a dog from Red State. 258 00:17:45,435 --> 00:17:47,875 Speaker 1: Eleven days after that, David Gregory got thrown off of 259 00:17:47,995 --> 00:17:51,875 Speaker 1: TV by NBC, Fired like a dog. June twenty sixteen. 260 00:17:51,915 --> 00:17:54,075 Speaker 1: Mitt Romney had his chance to beat a failed president, 261 00:17:54,195 --> 00:17:58,635 Speaker 1: but he choked like a dog. What the hell is 262 00:17:58,675 --> 00:18:01,995 Speaker 1: wrong with this guy about dogs? Fired like a dog? 263 00:18:03,675 --> 00:18:08,715 Speaker 1: Have you ever fired a dog? He's also tweeted that 264 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,915 Speaker 1: the Egyptian president Mubarik was dropped like a dog, that 265 00:18:12,035 --> 00:18:14,675 Speaker 1: Reverend Jeremiah Wright was dumped like a dog, that Mark 266 00:18:14,755 --> 00:18:17,435 Speaker 1: Cuban was thrown off television like a dog, that Kristen 267 00:18:17,635 --> 00:18:21,875 Speaker 1: Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson like a dog. And worst 268 00:18:21,915 --> 00:18:24,835 Speaker 1: of all, he said that during a Republican debate, he 269 00:18:24,875 --> 00:18:30,675 Speaker 1: saw Senator Marco Rubio sweating like a dog. Dogs don't sweat. 270 00:18:31,555 --> 00:18:35,435 Speaker 1: In theory, they could get fired, they could get cheated on, 271 00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:39,555 Speaker 1: they could beg for money, or they could get dropped, dumped, 272 00:18:39,675 --> 00:18:44,555 Speaker 1: kicked out, or thrown off television. But physically they cannot sweat. 273 00:18:45,195 --> 00:18:48,275 Speaker 1: Donald Trump has no knowledge of this, no understanding of this. 274 00:18:50,035 --> 00:18:52,435 Speaker 1: There's no evidence that he's ever had a dog, no 275 00:18:52,515 --> 00:18:56,315 Speaker 1: evidence he understands even the kinds of basics that people 276 00:18:56,355 --> 00:19:00,955 Speaker 1: who do not have dogs still know about dogs. What 277 00:19:00,995 --> 00:19:05,515 Speaker 1: the hell is he for, Mars? If so, could he 278 00:19:05,595 --> 00:19:12,235 Speaker 1: go back and I'll add in twenty sixteen when he 279 00:19:12,315 --> 00:19:17,155 Speaker 1: said Romney choked like a dog, unlike this week about 280 00:19:17,195 --> 00:19:26,115 Speaker 1: Michael Cohen. In twenty sixteen, Trump spelled choked correctly, naming 281 00:19:26,195 --> 00:19:29,995 Speaker 1: the mass shootings after people like, say Senator Susan Collins. 282 00:19:30,355 --> 00:19:32,155 Speaker 1: That's next. This is countdown. 283 00:19:33,595 --> 00:19:51,955 Speaker 2: This is countdown with Keith Olberman. This is Sports Senate. Wait, 284 00:19:52,155 --> 00:19:59,715 Speaker 2: check that not anymore. This is countdown with Keith Olberman. 285 00:19:59,955 --> 00:20:06,235 Speaker 1: In Sports World Series starts tonight, the team tied for 286 00:20:06,275 --> 00:20:10,915 Speaker 1: the seventh best record in the game, the Texas Rangers, 287 00:20:11,355 --> 00:20:15,395 Speaker 1: hosting the team with the twelfth best record in the game, 288 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:21,075 Speaker 1: the Arizona Diamondbacks. Baseball has managed to develop a playoff 289 00:20:21,155 --> 00:20:25,515 Speaker 1: system in which ten of the eleven best teams in 290 00:20:25,595 --> 00:20:32,195 Speaker 1: the regular season can be eliminated. Sadly, the team's taking 291 00:20:32,235 --> 00:20:35,475 Speaker 1: the field Arizona and Texas. They are not the best 292 00:20:35,515 --> 00:20:38,315 Speaker 1: teams in the game or in either league. I do 293 00:20:38,435 --> 00:20:42,075 Speaker 1: not know what they are playing for anymore. The whole 294 00:20:42,115 --> 00:21:02,795 Speaker 1: thing is just a really sad lie. Now, thank you, 295 00:21:02,915 --> 00:21:06,875 Speaker 1: Nancy Faust. Just to make it worse, the Arizona Diamondbacks 296 00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:09,595 Speaker 1: are expected to become the first team to despoil the 297 00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:15,035 Speaker 1: World Series by wearing uniforms with advertising patches on the sleeves. 298 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,715 Speaker 1: And if you're the advertiser, you should be asking for 299 00:21:18,755 --> 00:21:21,595 Speaker 1: your money back, because, as much as I know, I 300 00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:26,075 Speaker 1: sound like the captain of team old man yells at cloud. Hey, 301 00:21:26,155 --> 00:21:28,675 Speaker 1: you kids, get off my lawn. I'm going to go 302 00:21:28,715 --> 00:21:30,915 Speaker 1: back to my prediction. Way. Do you see how many 303 00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:35,635 Speaker 1: people do not watch this World Series Nationally? The series 304 00:21:35,675 --> 00:21:39,115 Speaker 1: has only once dipped below ten million viewers per game. 305 00:21:39,555 --> 00:21:42,115 Speaker 1: That was in the COVID season the token World Series 306 00:21:42,155 --> 00:21:46,075 Speaker 1: of twenty twenty. The peak was forty four million viewers 307 00:21:46,075 --> 00:21:49,755 Speaker 1: per game for the Yankees and Dodgers in nineteen seventy eight. Yes, 308 00:21:49,835 --> 00:21:54,115 Speaker 1: a different entertainment world, there were only three TV networks. 309 00:21:54,475 --> 00:21:56,755 Speaker 1: On the other hand, the population was thirty three percent 310 00:21:56,835 --> 00:22:00,555 Speaker 1: smaller than it is now. Guess which one of those numbers, 311 00:22:00,595 --> 00:22:03,875 Speaker 1: ten million or forty four million a game? This series 312 00:22:03,915 --> 00:22:06,755 Speaker 1: is going to come close or two. They have reduced 313 00:22:06,795 --> 00:22:10,075 Speaker 1: the World Series to this simple formula. Is my team 314 00:22:10,075 --> 00:22:16,635 Speaker 1: playing no see an x spring? Who would have ever 315 00:22:16,715 --> 00:22:20,155 Speaker 1: thought this? As gambling sites become one of the leading advertisers, 316 00:22:20,155 --> 00:22:23,275 Speaker 1: maybe the leading advertisers in all of sports. A pro 317 00:22:23,355 --> 00:22:26,795 Speaker 1: athlete has been suspended for violating his league's rules against 318 00:22:26,795 --> 00:22:32,355 Speaker 1: gambling on sports. I know a shock. Shane Pinto of 319 00:22:32,395 --> 00:22:35,795 Speaker 1: hockey's Ottawa Senators will sit for forty one games after 320 00:22:35,835 --> 00:22:38,635 Speaker 1: one of the sites reported to the NHL that he 321 00:22:38,715 --> 00:22:42,035 Speaker 1: had a gambling account with them. There is some evidence 322 00:22:42,075 --> 00:22:44,955 Speaker 1: that Pinto did not actually do the gambling in question, 323 00:22:45,235 --> 00:22:49,115 Speaker 1: but somebody else was using his account improperly and talk 324 00:22:49,155 --> 00:22:51,435 Speaker 1: about the chickens coming home to roost. The first hockey 325 00:22:51,435 --> 00:22:53,915 Speaker 1: team to have put an ad on its helmets for 326 00:22:53,995 --> 00:22:58,915 Speaker 1: a gambling site yep, Pinto's Ottawa Senators, and the worst 327 00:22:58,955 --> 00:23:03,675 Speaker 1: on this is clearly yet to come. Lastly, also on uniforms, 328 00:23:03,835 --> 00:23:07,355 Speaker 1: brilliance from the British soccer club Tottenham Hotspur. It has 329 00:23:07,435 --> 00:23:10,595 Speaker 1: carefully researched the eight hundred and seventy nine different players 330 00:23:10,595 --> 00:23:13,435 Speaker 1: who performed for the team since it began play in 331 00:23:13,515 --> 00:23:17,675 Speaker 1: eighteen ninety four. It has determined in which order they debuted, 332 00:23:18,115 --> 00:23:22,275 Speaker 1: and it has now assigned each of them a legacy number. 333 00:23:22,675 --> 00:23:26,755 Speaker 1: Stanley Briggs, center half of their first eighteen ninety four 334 00:23:26,835 --> 00:23:31,515 Speaker 1: Spurs team, is number one, and Alejo Valise, who just 335 00:23:31,595 --> 00:23:34,395 Speaker 1: joined them this year, is number eight seventy nine. So 336 00:23:34,515 --> 00:23:37,355 Speaker 1: when their next new player debuts, there will be a 337 00:23:37,395 --> 00:23:40,475 Speaker 1: small number eight eighty on the back of his jersey 338 00:23:40,715 --> 00:23:45,275 Speaker 1: below the collar. Imagine an American team in any sport 339 00:23:45,395 --> 00:23:48,675 Speaker 1: doing this. It is that rarest of ideas, something that 340 00:23:48,715 --> 00:23:52,435 Speaker 1: actually salutes the players, cherishes the history of the game, 341 00:23:52,835 --> 00:23:55,395 Speaker 1: and lets the team make some more money selling more 342 00:23:55,435 --> 00:24:00,835 Speaker 1: replica uniforms, only maybe leave the ads off them. This time. 343 00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:25,435 Speaker 1: Still ahead on this all new edition of Countdown Fridays 344 00:24:25,435 --> 00:24:27,715 Speaker 1: with Thurber, and I've never yet met anybody who will 345 00:24:27,755 --> 00:24:31,595 Speaker 1: not shudder with recognition about something in James Thrber's reminiscences 346 00:24:31,955 --> 00:24:37,195 Speaker 1: about how he almost did not graduate because of science 347 00:24:37,715 --> 00:24:40,875 Speaker 1: and swimming. The first time I have ever read to 348 00:24:40,915 --> 00:24:45,435 Speaker 1: you University days, first time for the daily roundup of 349 00:24:45,435 --> 00:24:48,475 Speaker 1: the misgrants, morons and dunning Kruger effects specimens who constitute 350 00:24:48,515 --> 00:24:51,875 Speaker 1: today's worst persons in the world. The bronze President Dudah 351 00:24:51,955 --> 00:24:56,755 Speaker 1: of Poland, the anti fascist candidate Prime Minister Donald Tewisk 352 00:24:56,915 --> 00:25:01,795 Speaker 1: upset the ultra nationalist quote Law and Justice Party and 353 00:25:02,035 --> 00:25:05,115 Speaker 1: has the only prospects for forming a coalition to now 354 00:25:05,195 --> 00:25:08,195 Speaker 1: rule the nation. Yet the President has refused to name 355 00:25:08,275 --> 00:25:11,515 Speaker 1: Tusk as prime minister. The President now says he will 356 00:25:11,515 --> 00:25:14,475 Speaker 1: not open parliament until the eleventh of next month, and 357 00:25:14,515 --> 00:25:16,875 Speaker 1: he may not have named a prime minister even then. 358 00:25:17,355 --> 00:25:20,155 Speaker 1: There are grim suspicions in Poland that somebody is trying 359 00:25:20,195 --> 00:25:23,835 Speaker 1: to pull a Trump there to reappoint the fascist and 360 00:25:23,875 --> 00:25:27,635 Speaker 1: then either stage violence or create some diversion to keep 361 00:25:27,675 --> 00:25:32,555 Speaker 1: the Democratic Coalition and Tusk out of office. The runner up, 362 00:25:32,595 --> 00:25:35,315 Speaker 1: Mayor Eric Adams of New York. This is not about 363 00:25:35,355 --> 00:25:38,275 Speaker 1: his delusion of being anointed by God. I'm letting that 364 00:25:38,395 --> 00:25:41,955 Speaker 1: pass today. This is about the dangers of e bikes 365 00:25:41,995 --> 00:25:46,275 Speaker 1: in this city or any other city. People have died 366 00:25:46,355 --> 00:25:49,075 Speaker 1: here because the batteries of e bikes have caught fire 367 00:25:49,195 --> 00:25:52,795 Speaker 1: in apartment buildings. People have been grievously wounded here because 368 00:25:52,795 --> 00:25:55,275 Speaker 1: the police do nothing about e bikers riding up on 369 00:25:55,435 --> 00:25:59,515 Speaker 1: sidewalks or ignoring all traffic lights and laws and driving 370 00:25:59,515 --> 00:26:02,235 Speaker 1: in the opposite direction of the traffic and now now 371 00:26:02,275 --> 00:26:05,435 Speaker 1: though they've gone too far. Wednesday night, friend of mine's 372 00:26:05,475 --> 00:26:08,675 Speaker 1: dog and another dog were being walked on the west Side. 373 00:26:08,715 --> 00:26:12,155 Speaker 1: They were walking east on forty seventh Street on the sidewalk, 374 00:26:12,635 --> 00:26:16,235 Speaker 1: which is for walking out of nowhere. An idiot on 375 00:26:16,275 --> 00:26:21,755 Speaker 1: an e bike on the sidewalk going west plows into them, 376 00:26:21,795 --> 00:26:25,075 Speaker 1: the walker and the two dogs. Happily, the injuries to 377 00:26:25,155 --> 00:26:27,875 Speaker 1: the dogs and the walker were minor. The e biker 378 00:26:27,915 --> 00:26:31,355 Speaker 1: those swore at them as he drove away, and two 379 00:26:31,435 --> 00:26:37,155 Speaker 1: cops witnessed the entire event and did nothing. Maybe the 380 00:26:37,235 --> 00:26:39,555 Speaker 1: lead story is here. There were two cops standing on 381 00:26:39,595 --> 00:26:44,115 Speaker 1: forty seventh Street alert the media. The nightmare, of course, 382 00:26:44,195 --> 00:26:47,275 Speaker 1: is that e bikes are central to fighting climate change, 383 00:26:47,635 --> 00:26:51,275 Speaker 1: but something like this happens daily here because the city 384 00:26:51,355 --> 00:26:55,275 Speaker 1: is not designed for e bikes or enforcing rules, and 385 00:26:55,355 --> 00:26:58,195 Speaker 1: people are coming to hate e bikes here, and the 386 00:26:58,195 --> 00:27:01,915 Speaker 1: people who drive e bikes here so recklessly that when 387 00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:06,035 Speaker 1: the city acts instead of enforcing regulation against e bikes, 388 00:27:06,595 --> 00:27:09,155 Speaker 1: it's going to have to flat out ban them. So 389 00:27:09,315 --> 00:27:14,475 Speaker 1: these idiots are endangering lives and endangering dogs, and then 390 00:27:14,515 --> 00:27:17,795 Speaker 1: they will endanger lives again by ruining one means we 391 00:27:17,955 --> 00:27:21,995 Speaker 1: have of helping to not extinguish life on the planet. 392 00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:26,875 Speaker 1: Get on this, Mayor Adams, pretend God told you to, 393 00:27:28,755 --> 00:27:31,515 Speaker 1: but our winners, and we will drop the music for this. 394 00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:35,995 Speaker 1: It is a tie. Speaker Mike Johnson, hours after his 395 00:27:36,075 --> 00:27:39,075 Speaker 1: election a mass shooting in Maine, for which he has 396 00:27:39,115 --> 00:27:45,115 Speaker 1: now offered prayers. Johnson voted against background checks. He's voted 397 00:27:45,115 --> 00:27:49,315 Speaker 1: against protecting domestic violence victims from gun possession. He's voted 398 00:27:49,315 --> 00:27:53,795 Speaker 1: against the Bipartisans Safer Communities Act. But he had time 399 00:27:53,835 --> 00:27:56,555 Speaker 1: to meet ten days ago in his House office with 400 00:27:56,795 --> 00:27:59,275 Speaker 1: women for Gun Rights to, as he put it, then 401 00:27:59,635 --> 00:28:05,515 Speaker 1: discuss the safeguarding of our Second Amendment rights. Speaker, shove 402 00:28:05,595 --> 00:28:09,395 Speaker 1: your Second Amendment up your ass. It does not say 403 00:28:09,435 --> 00:28:13,075 Speaker 1: anything about ownership of guns. If it did, it would 404 00:28:13,155 --> 00:28:18,275 Speaker 1: have the word own in it, you fatuous christo fascist idiot. 405 00:28:19,435 --> 00:28:22,475 Speaker 1: I'm going to suggest something now that might be grotesque, 406 00:28:22,595 --> 00:28:25,515 Speaker 1: It might be callous, it might hurt some of those 407 00:28:25,555 --> 00:28:29,435 Speaker 1: directly affected by these shootings, or it might steer the 408 00:28:29,515 --> 00:28:33,235 Speaker 1: society out of its spiral towards collective suicide by gun. 409 00:28:33,555 --> 00:28:38,195 Speaker 1: I think we should name each mass shooting after a 410 00:28:38,395 --> 00:28:43,315 Speaker 1: politician who's inactivity, negligence, or acceptance of bribes from the 411 00:28:43,435 --> 00:28:47,555 Speaker 1: NRA has made them at least a symbolic accessory before 412 00:28:47,595 --> 00:28:50,515 Speaker 1: the fact to the latest carnage. I think we should 413 00:28:50,515 --> 00:28:54,355 Speaker 1: not call this one the Lewiston, Maine mass shooting. I 414 00:28:54,435 --> 00:28:57,955 Speaker 1: think we should call this one the Speaker Mike Johnson 415 00:28:58,155 --> 00:29:03,795 Speaker 1: mass shooting, or the Senator Susan Collins mass shooting. The 416 00:29:03,875 --> 00:29:08,195 Speaker 1: Senator from voted against renewing the assault weapons ban, and 417 00:29:08,235 --> 00:29:11,275 Speaker 1: she voted against the ban on high capacity magazines that 418 00:29:11,315 --> 00:29:14,515 Speaker 1: allow mass shooters to fire their weapons of terror even faster. 419 00:29:15,035 --> 00:29:18,115 Speaker 1: She has contributed to the fact that while gutless, heartless 420 00:29:18,115 --> 00:29:22,115 Speaker 1: Republicans like herself always respond to a mass shooting like 421 00:29:22,235 --> 00:29:25,755 Speaker 1: the Speaker Mike Johnson mass shooting by invoking mental health. 422 00:29:26,035 --> 00:29:29,715 Speaker 1: Maine does not have background checks on all gun sales, 423 00:29:29,915 --> 00:29:33,075 Speaker 1: nor a red flag law, nor does it stop domestic 424 00:29:33,115 --> 00:29:36,275 Speaker 1: abusers from getting guns, nor does it have a waiting period. 425 00:29:37,115 --> 00:29:40,715 Speaker 1: Senator Collins has not learned her lesson. She had the 426 00:29:40,755 --> 00:29:43,075 Speaker 1: gall to show up to a news conference in Lewiston 427 00:29:43,235 --> 00:29:46,995 Speaker 1: last night. Or we could also call this one the 428 00:29:47,115 --> 00:29:50,955 Speaker 1: Sean Hannity mass shooting. A long time ago, I was 429 00:29:50,995 --> 00:29:55,115 Speaker 1: friendly with this fatuous idiot. He used to express bewilderment 430 00:29:55,195 --> 00:29:58,075 Speaker 1: to me that people took what he said or what 431 00:29:58,235 --> 00:30:03,915 Speaker 1: I said seriously. It's only television. At some point though, 432 00:30:04,235 --> 00:30:08,275 Speaker 1: he started believing his own delusions after the shooting Wednesday night, 433 00:30:08,395 --> 00:30:12,635 Speaker 1: interviewing Nicky Hayley, well, there's a combined IQ that's still 434 00:30:12,675 --> 00:30:17,035 Speaker 1: under one hundred, Hannity actually suggested that everybody should have 435 00:30:17,035 --> 00:30:22,155 Speaker 1: a plan to confront a mass shooter. Quote, I have 436 00:30:22,235 --> 00:30:26,355 Speaker 1: a personal security plan. I train in mix Marshall Arch. 437 00:30:27,955 --> 00:30:31,275 Speaker 1: In other words, Sean Hannity thinks this is the matrix 438 00:30:31,715 --> 00:30:34,515 Speaker 1: and he's going to kick the AR fifteen out of 439 00:30:34,555 --> 00:30:39,835 Speaker 1: the Mike Johnson mass shooter's hands. I'm guessing ultimately nobody 440 00:30:39,875 --> 00:30:42,395 Speaker 1: on the right will do anything about any of this 441 00:30:42,675 --> 00:30:46,595 Speaker 1: until they are literally all standing over the body of 442 00:30:46,635 --> 00:30:50,395 Speaker 1: somebody like Sean Hannity and commenting on how it looked 443 00:30:50,435 --> 00:30:53,075 Speaker 1: like he was in some sort of jiu jitsu stance. 444 00:30:53,675 --> 00:30:56,835 Speaker 1: When that guy put the six inch diameter bullet hole 445 00:30:56,995 --> 00:31:00,635 Speaker 1: through him, and maybe even then they still won't do 446 00:31:00,675 --> 00:31:06,555 Speaker 1: anything about it. Speaker Mike Johnson, Senator and Collins Sean 447 00:31:06,635 --> 00:31:13,635 Speaker 1: Hannity useless wasted human beings, today's worst persons in the world. 448 00:31:20,195 --> 00:31:23,555 Speaker 1: The closest thing James Thurber ever wrote to a novel 449 00:31:24,435 --> 00:31:28,195 Speaker 1: was the story of his childhood, somewhat exaggerated, or, according 450 00:31:28,235 --> 00:31:31,995 Speaker 1: to his family, almost completely exaggerated. It was called My 451 00:31:32,115 --> 00:31:35,475 Speaker 1: Life and hard Times. In it are stories like the 452 00:31:35,595 --> 00:31:39,875 Speaker 1: night the bed fell and such as that. But my favorite, 453 00:31:39,875 --> 00:31:43,075 Speaker 1: perhaps of all of his stories from his supposed youth, 454 00:31:43,995 --> 00:31:50,555 Speaker 1: is called University Days. There's a lot of well you'll hear, 455 00:31:50,875 --> 00:31:53,395 Speaker 1: there's a lot of stuff in University Days. And so 456 00:31:53,475 --> 00:31:56,955 Speaker 1: I presented to you for the first time on Fridays 457 00:31:56,955 --> 00:32:04,395 Speaker 1: with Thurber University Days by James Thurber. I've passed all 458 00:32:04,475 --> 00:32:06,995 Speaker 1: the other courses that I took at my university, but 459 00:32:07,035 --> 00:32:12,115 Speaker 1: I could never pass botany. This was because all botany 460 00:32:12,115 --> 00:32:14,075 Speaker 1: students had to spend several hours a week in a 461 00:32:14,115 --> 00:32:17,755 Speaker 1: laboratory looking through a microscope at plant cells, and I 462 00:32:17,795 --> 00:32:22,355 Speaker 1: could never see through a microscope. I never once saw 463 00:32:22,435 --> 00:32:28,275 Speaker 1: a cell through a microscope. This used to enrage my instructor. 464 00:32:28,915 --> 00:32:32,195 Speaker 1: He would wander around the laboratory, pleased with the progress 465 00:32:32,275 --> 00:32:34,995 Speaker 1: all the students were making and drawing the involved and 466 00:32:35,595 --> 00:32:40,635 Speaker 1: so I am told interesting structure of flower cells. Until 467 00:32:40,675 --> 00:32:44,155 Speaker 1: he came to me. I would just be standing there. 468 00:32:45,115 --> 00:32:48,555 Speaker 1: I can't see anything, I would say. He would begin 469 00:32:48,715 --> 00:32:52,715 Speaker 1: patiently enough explaining how anybody can see through a microscope, 470 00:32:52,875 --> 00:32:55,435 Speaker 1: but he would always end up in a fury, claiming 471 00:32:55,475 --> 00:32:57,875 Speaker 1: that I could too see through a microscope, but just 472 00:32:57,955 --> 00:33:01,875 Speaker 1: pretended that I couldn't. It takes away from the beauty 473 00:33:01,875 --> 00:33:04,435 Speaker 1: of flowers. Anyway. I used to tell him, we are 474 00:33:04,475 --> 00:33:07,595 Speaker 1: not concern with the beauty in this course. He would say, 475 00:33:07,875 --> 00:33:11,435 Speaker 1: we are concerned solely with what I may call the 476 00:33:11,515 --> 00:33:18,035 Speaker 1: mechanics of flowers. Well, I'd say, I can't see anything. 477 00:33:18,635 --> 00:33:22,235 Speaker 1: Try it just once again, he'd say, And I would 478 00:33:22,235 --> 00:33:24,915 Speaker 1: put my eye to the microscope and see nothing at all, 479 00:33:25,235 --> 00:33:30,195 Speaker 1: except now and again a nebulous milky substance, a phenomenon 480 00:33:30,275 --> 00:33:35,275 Speaker 1: of maladjustment. You were supposed to see a vivid, restless 481 00:33:35,395 --> 00:33:40,195 Speaker 1: clockwork of sharply defined plant cells. I see what looks 482 00:33:40,235 --> 00:33:42,995 Speaker 1: like a lot of milk. I would tell him this, 483 00:33:43,115 --> 00:33:45,995 Speaker 1: He claimed was the result of my not having adjusted 484 00:33:46,035 --> 00:33:49,155 Speaker 1: the microscope properly. So he would readjust it for me, 485 00:33:49,595 --> 00:33:52,515 Speaker 1: or rather for himself, and I would look again and 486 00:33:52,635 --> 00:33:58,315 Speaker 1: see milk. I finally took a deferred pass, as they 487 00:33:58,355 --> 00:34:01,475 Speaker 1: called it, and waited a year and tried again. You 488 00:34:01,595 --> 00:34:04,395 Speaker 1: had to pass one of the biological sciences, or you 489 00:34:04,395 --> 00:34:08,155 Speaker 1: could graduate. The professor had come back from vacation brown 490 00:34:08,195 --> 00:34:11,075 Speaker 1: as a berry, bright eyed and eager to explain cell 491 00:34:11,155 --> 00:34:14,715 Speaker 1: structure again to his classes. Well, he said to me 492 00:34:14,835 --> 00:34:17,675 Speaker 1: cheerily when we met in the laboratory first hour of 493 00:34:17,675 --> 00:34:23,115 Speaker 1: the semester. We're going to see cells this time, aren't we, Yes, sir, 494 00:34:23,435 --> 00:34:26,995 Speaker 1: I said. Students to right of me, and to left 495 00:34:26,995 --> 00:34:28,995 Speaker 1: of me, and in front of me were seeing cells. 496 00:34:29,115 --> 00:34:31,835 Speaker 1: What's more, they were quietly drawing pictures of them in 497 00:34:31,915 --> 00:34:39,475 Speaker 1: their notebooks. Of course, I didn't see anything. We'll try it, 498 00:34:39,795 --> 00:34:43,955 Speaker 1: the professor said to me gently. With every adjustment of 499 00:34:43,995 --> 00:34:49,075 Speaker 1: the microscope known to man, as God is my witness, 500 00:34:49,275 --> 00:34:53,515 Speaker 1: I'll arrange this glass so that you see cells through it, 501 00:34:53,755 --> 00:34:58,995 Speaker 1: or I'll give up teaching. In twenty two years of 502 00:34:59,115 --> 00:35:04,475 Speaker 1: botany I he cut off abruptly before he was beginning 503 00:35:04,475 --> 00:35:09,515 Speaker 1: to quiver all over like Lionel Barrymore, and he genuinely 504 00:35:09,555 --> 00:35:12,115 Speaker 1: wished to hold on to his temper. His scenes with 505 00:35:12,155 --> 00:35:15,715 Speaker 1: me had taken a great deal out of him. As 506 00:35:15,715 --> 00:35:18,315 Speaker 1: an editor's note here, if you don't recognize the name 507 00:35:18,395 --> 00:35:21,595 Speaker 1: Lionel Barrymore, if you've ever seen the movie It's a 508 00:35:21,635 --> 00:35:26,555 Speaker 1: Wonderful life, mister Potter, the evil financier in the wheelchair 509 00:35:27,155 --> 00:35:32,355 Speaker 1: that was played by Lionel Barrymore, who used to quiver 510 00:35:32,515 --> 00:35:37,075 Speaker 1: all over. Back to Thurber. So, we tried it with 511 00:35:37,155 --> 00:35:40,395 Speaker 1: every adjustment of the microscope known to man. With only 512 00:35:40,435 --> 00:35:43,275 Speaker 1: one of them did I see anything but blackness or 513 00:35:43,355 --> 00:35:47,435 Speaker 1: the familiar lacteal opacity. And that time I saw, to 514 00:35:47,555 --> 00:35:52,555 Speaker 1: my pleasure and amazement, a variegated constellation of flex specks 515 00:35:52,875 --> 00:35:58,635 Speaker 1: and dots. These I hastily drew. The instructor, noting my activity, 516 00:35:58,675 --> 00:36:01,395 Speaker 1: came back from an adjoining desk, a smile on his lips, 517 00:36:01,515 --> 00:36:04,275 Speaker 1: his eyebrows high in hope. He looked at my cell 518 00:36:04,355 --> 00:36:08,395 Speaker 1: draw What's that, he demanded, with a hint of squeal 519 00:36:08,435 --> 00:36:12,115 Speaker 1: in his voice. That's what I saw. I said, You didn't, 520 00:36:12,635 --> 00:36:16,635 Speaker 1: You didn't, You didn't, he screamed, losing control of his 521 00:36:16,715 --> 00:36:19,915 Speaker 1: temper instantly, and he bent over and squinted into the microscope. 522 00:36:20,075 --> 00:36:25,355 Speaker 1: His head snapped up. That's your eye, he shouted. You 523 00:36:25,555 --> 00:36:31,995 Speaker 1: fix the lens so that it reflects you've drawn your eye. 524 00:36:32,915 --> 00:36:36,355 Speaker 1: Another course that I didn't like but somehow managed to 525 00:36:36,435 --> 00:36:41,075 Speaker 1: pass was economics. I went to that class straight from 526 00:36:41,075 --> 00:36:44,195 Speaker 1: the botany class, which didn't help me any in understanding 527 00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:47,875 Speaker 1: either subject. I used to get them mixed up, but 528 00:36:47,995 --> 00:36:50,675 Speaker 1: not as mixed up as another student in my economics 529 00:36:50,715 --> 00:36:53,915 Speaker 1: class who came there direct from a physics laboratory. He 530 00:36:54,035 --> 00:36:58,475 Speaker 1: was a tackle on the football team named Balentsowitz. At 531 00:36:58,475 --> 00:37:00,875 Speaker 1: the time, Ohio State University had one of the best 532 00:37:00,875 --> 00:37:04,155 Speaker 1: football teams in the country, and Blentsuwitz was one of 533 00:37:04,195 --> 00:37:08,355 Speaker 1: its outside standing stars. In order to be eligible to play, 534 00:37:08,395 --> 00:37:10,955 Speaker 1: it was necessary for him to keep up in his studies, 535 00:37:11,755 --> 00:37:15,995 Speaker 1: a very difficult matter, for while he was not dumber 536 00:37:16,035 --> 00:37:21,275 Speaker 1: than an ox, he was not any smarter. Most of 537 00:37:21,315 --> 00:37:24,995 Speaker 1: his professors were lenient and helped him along. None gave 538 00:37:25,075 --> 00:37:27,995 Speaker 1: him more hints in answering questions or asked him simpler 539 00:37:28,035 --> 00:37:33,355 Speaker 1: ones than the economics professor, a thin, timid man named Bassum. 540 00:37:33,955 --> 00:37:35,635 Speaker 1: One day, when when we were on the subject of 541 00:37:35,675 --> 00:37:40,555 Speaker 1: transportation and distribution. It became Blentsowitz's turn to answer a question. 542 00:37:42,115 --> 00:37:47,395 Speaker 1: Name one means of transportation, the professor said to him. 543 00:37:48,635 --> 00:37:52,555 Speaker 1: No light came into the big tackle's eyes. Just any 544 00:37:53,115 --> 00:38:00,435 Speaker 1: means of transportation, said the professor. Balentsuwitz sat staring at him. 545 00:38:01,195 --> 00:38:07,235 Speaker 1: That is, pursued the professor, any medium, agency or method 546 00:38:07,275 --> 00:38:14,155 Speaker 1: of going from one place to another. Balentuwitz had the 547 00:38:14,155 --> 00:38:16,475 Speaker 1: look of a man who is being led into a trap. 548 00:38:17,435 --> 00:38:22,475 Speaker 1: You may choose among steam, horse drawn or electrically propelled vehicles, 549 00:38:22,835 --> 00:38:25,915 Speaker 1: said the instructor. I might suggest the one which we 550 00:38:26,035 --> 00:38:33,835 Speaker 1: commonly take in making long journeys across land. There was 551 00:38:33,875 --> 00:38:41,915 Speaker 1: a profound silence in which everybody stirred uneasily, including Balentuwitz 552 00:38:42,115 --> 00:38:48,355 Speaker 1: and mister Bassum. Mister Bassom abruptly broke this silence in 553 00:38:48,395 --> 00:38:55,115 Speaker 1: an amazing manner. Chew, Chew, chew, he said in a 554 00:38:55,195 --> 00:38:59,835 Speaker 1: low voice, and turned instantly scarlet. He glanced appealingly around 555 00:38:59,875 --> 00:39:02,275 Speaker 1: the room. All of us, of course, shared mister Bassom's 556 00:39:02,315 --> 00:39:05,355 Speaker 1: desire that Balentuwitz would stay abreast of the class in 557 00:39:05,395 --> 00:39:07,675 Speaker 1: economics for the Illinois Game, one of the hardest and 558 00:39:07,715 --> 00:39:13,635 Speaker 1: most important the season. Was only a week off too, too, too, 559 00:39:13,955 --> 00:39:16,595 Speaker 1: Some student with a deep voice moaned, and we all 560 00:39:16,635 --> 00:39:20,915 Speaker 1: looked encouragingly at Balentsuwitz. Somebody else gave a fine imitation 561 00:39:20,955 --> 00:39:24,715 Speaker 1: of a locomotive letting off steam. Mister Bassom himself rounded 562 00:39:24,755 --> 00:39:30,875 Speaker 1: off the little shell. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, 563 00:39:31,075 --> 00:39:35,675 Speaker 1: he said hopefully. Balentsowitz was staring at the floor now 564 00:39:36,275 --> 00:39:41,235 Speaker 1: trying to think. His great brow furrowed, his huge hands 565 00:39:41,315 --> 00:39:48,355 Speaker 1: rubbing together, his face red. How did you come to 566 00:39:48,435 --> 00:39:54,715 Speaker 1: college this year, mister Balentowitz asked the professor. Chuff of chuff, chuff, chuff, 567 00:39:54,835 --> 00:39:59,235 Speaker 1: CHUFFI chuff my father sent me, said the football player. 568 00:40:01,595 --> 00:40:09,075 Speaker 1: What on, asked bassm get Loans, said the tackle in 569 00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:14,155 Speaker 1: a low, husky voice, obviously embarrassed. No, No, said pass. 570 00:40:14,155 --> 00:40:19,235 Speaker 1: Some name a means of transportation? What did you ride 571 00:40:19,595 --> 00:40:27,635 Speaker 1: here on train? Said Bealensuitz. Quite right, said the professor. Now, 572 00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:32,555 Speaker 1: mister Nugent, will you tell us if I went through 573 00:40:32,595 --> 00:40:36,475 Speaker 1: anguish in botany and economics for different reasons. Gymnasium work 574 00:40:36,515 --> 00:40:39,115 Speaker 1: was even worse. I don't even like to think about it. 575 00:40:39,515 --> 00:40:42,515 Speaker 1: They wouldn't let you play games or join in the exercises. 576 00:40:42,515 --> 00:40:46,275 Speaker 1: With your glasses on and I couldn't see with mine off. 577 00:40:46,675 --> 00:40:53,155 Speaker 1: I bumped into professors, horizontal bars, agricultural students swinging iron rings, 578 00:40:54,195 --> 00:40:56,435 Speaker 1: not being able to see. I could take it, but 579 00:40:56,475 --> 00:41:01,315 Speaker 1: I couldn't dish it out. Also, in order to pass gymnasium, 580 00:41:01,355 --> 00:41:03,955 Speaker 1: and you had to pass it to graduate, you had 581 00:41:03,955 --> 00:41:07,355 Speaker 1: to learn to swim if you didn't know how. I 582 00:41:07,595 --> 00:41:11,715 Speaker 1: didn't like the swimming pool. I didn't like swimming, and 583 00:41:11,875 --> 00:41:16,315 Speaker 1: I didn't like the swimming instructor, and after all these years, 584 00:41:16,475 --> 00:41:20,995 Speaker 1: I still don't. I never swam, but I passed my 585 00:41:21,115 --> 00:41:24,995 Speaker 1: gym work anyway by having another student give my gymnasium 586 00:41:25,075 --> 00:41:28,755 Speaker 1: number nine seven eight and swim across the pool in 587 00:41:28,835 --> 00:41:32,635 Speaker 1: my place. He was a quiet, amiable blonde youth number 588 00:41:32,675 --> 00:41:35,195 Speaker 1: four seventy three, and he would have seen through a 589 00:41:35,235 --> 00:41:37,275 Speaker 1: microscope before me if we could have gotten away with that. 590 00:41:37,915 --> 00:41:40,275 Speaker 1: But we couldn't get away with that. Another thing I 591 00:41:40,275 --> 00:41:42,635 Speaker 1: didn't like about gymnasium work was that they made you 592 00:41:42,835 --> 00:41:46,155 Speaker 1: strip the day you registered. It is impossible for me 593 00:41:46,235 --> 00:41:48,995 Speaker 1: to be happy when I am stripped and being asked 594 00:41:49,035 --> 00:41:52,555 Speaker 1: a lot of questions. Still, I did better than a 595 00:41:52,635 --> 00:41:56,075 Speaker 1: lanky agricultural student who was cross examined. Just before I was. 596 00:41:56,675 --> 00:41:59,955 Speaker 1: They asked each student what college he was in, that is, 597 00:41:59,995 --> 00:42:04,955 Speaker 1: whether arts, engineering, commerce, or agriculture. What college are you in? 598 00:42:05,235 --> 00:42:07,275 Speaker 1: The instructor snapped at the youth in front of me 599 00:42:08,035 --> 00:42:15,155 Speaker 1: Ohio State University. He said promptly, it wasn't that agricultural student, 600 00:42:15,195 --> 00:42:17,075 Speaker 1: but it was another a whole lot like him, who 601 00:42:17,115 --> 00:42:19,555 Speaker 1: decided to take up journalism, possibly on the ground that 602 00:42:19,635 --> 00:42:21,555 Speaker 1: when farming went to hell, he could fall back on 603 00:42:21,595 --> 00:42:25,355 Speaker 1: newspaper work. He didn't realize, of course, that that would 604 00:42:25,395 --> 00:42:27,435 Speaker 1: be very much like falling back full length on a 605 00:42:27,515 --> 00:42:32,715 Speaker 1: kit of carpenter's tools. Haskins didn't seem cut out for journalism, 606 00:42:33,115 --> 00:42:36,195 Speaker 1: being too embarrassed to talk to anybody and unable to 607 00:42:36,275 --> 00:42:39,115 Speaker 1: use a typewriter, but the editor of the college paper 608 00:42:39,155 --> 00:42:42,915 Speaker 1: assigned him to the cowbarns, the sheep house, the horse pavilion, 609 00:42:42,915 --> 00:42:48,155 Speaker 1: and the animal husbandry department. Generally, this was a genuinely 610 00:42:48,315 --> 00:42:52,195 Speaker 1: big beat for took up five times as much ground 611 00:42:52,235 --> 00:42:55,995 Speaker 1: and got ten times as great a legislative appropriation as 612 00:42:56,035 --> 00:43:00,555 Speaker 1: the College of Liberal Arts. The agricultural student knew animals, 613 00:43:01,115 --> 00:43:05,355 Speaker 1: but nevertheless his stories were dull and colorlessly written. He 614 00:43:05,475 --> 00:43:09,115 Speaker 1: took all afternoon on each of them. On account of 615 00:43:09,195 --> 00:43:13,515 Speaker 1: having to hunt for each letter on the typewriter. Once 616 00:43:13,555 --> 00:43:15,675 Speaker 1: in a while he had to ask somebody to help 617 00:43:15,715 --> 00:43:21,195 Speaker 1: him hunt. C and L in particular, were hard letters 618 00:43:21,235 --> 00:43:24,875 Speaker 1: for him to find. His editor finally got pretty much 619 00:43:24,875 --> 00:43:28,195 Speaker 1: annoyed at the farmer journalists because his pieces were so uninteresting. 620 00:43:28,835 --> 00:43:31,795 Speaker 1: See here, Haskins. He snapped at him one day, why 621 00:43:31,875 --> 00:43:33,875 Speaker 1: is it we never have anything hot from you on 622 00:43:33,915 --> 00:43:36,635 Speaker 1: the horse pavilion Here we have two hundred head of 623 00:43:36,635 --> 00:43:39,315 Speaker 1: horses on this campus, more than any other university in 624 00:43:39,315 --> 00:43:42,555 Speaker 1: the Western Conference except Purdue, and yet you never get 625 00:43:42,595 --> 00:43:45,715 Speaker 1: any real lowdown on them. Now shoot over to the 626 00:43:45,755 --> 00:43:50,955 Speaker 1: horse barns and dig up something lively. Haskins shambled out 627 00:43:50,995 --> 00:43:53,995 Speaker 1: and came back in about an hour. He said he 628 00:43:54,075 --> 00:43:57,635 Speaker 1: had something. Well tart it off, snappily, said the editor, 629 00:43:57,755 --> 00:44:01,595 Speaker 1: something people will read. Haskins sent to work, and in 630 00:44:01,635 --> 00:44:04,195 Speaker 1: a couple of hours brought a sheet of typewritten paper 631 00:44:04,195 --> 00:44:06,875 Speaker 1: to the desk. It was a two hundred word story 632 00:44:06,915 --> 00:44:10,075 Speaker 1: about some disease that had broken out among the horses. 633 00:44:10,675 --> 00:44:16,435 Speaker 1: Its opening sentence was simple but arresting. It read, who 634 00:44:16,515 --> 00:44:19,475 Speaker 1: has noticed the sores on the tops of the horses 635 00:44:19,515 --> 00:44:25,435 Speaker 1: in the animal husbandry building. Ohio State was a land 636 00:44:25,475 --> 00:44:29,355 Speaker 1: grant university and therefore two years of military drill was compulsory. 637 00:44:29,755 --> 00:44:32,955 Speaker 1: We drilled with old Springfield rifles and studied the tactics 638 00:44:32,995 --> 00:44:35,235 Speaker 1: of the Civil War, even though the World War was 639 00:44:35,275 --> 00:44:38,195 Speaker 1: going on at the time. At eleven o'clock each morning, 640 00:44:38,275 --> 00:44:41,635 Speaker 1: thousands of freshmen and sophomores used to deploy over the campus, 641 00:44:41,955 --> 00:44:45,715 Speaker 1: moodily creeping up on the old chemistry building. It was 642 00:44:45,755 --> 00:44:48,155 Speaker 1: good training for the kind of warfare that was waged 643 00:44:48,195 --> 00:44:51,155 Speaker 1: at Shiloh, but it had no connection with what was 644 00:44:51,195 --> 00:44:54,635 Speaker 1: going on in Europe. Some people used to think that 645 00:44:54,675 --> 00:44:58,315 Speaker 1: there was German money behind it, but they didn't dare 646 00:44:58,475 --> 00:45:00,755 Speaker 1: say that, or they would have been thrown in jail 647 00:45:00,795 --> 00:45:04,915 Speaker 1: as German spies. It was a period of muddy thought 648 00:45:04,995 --> 00:45:08,155 Speaker 1: and marked I believe the decline of higher education in 649 00:45:08,195 --> 00:45:12,435 Speaker 1: the Middle West. As a soldier, I was never any 650 00:45:12,475 --> 00:45:17,155 Speaker 1: good at all. Most of the cadets were glumly indifferent soldiers, 651 00:45:17,195 --> 00:45:23,475 Speaker 1: but I was no good at all. Once General Littlefield, 652 00:45:23,475 --> 00:45:26,395 Speaker 1: who was commandant of the Cadet Corps, popped up in 653 00:45:26,435 --> 00:45:29,675 Speaker 1: front of me during regimental drill and snapped, you are 654 00:45:29,715 --> 00:45:34,555 Speaker 1: the main trouble with this university. I think he meant 655 00:45:34,555 --> 00:45:37,715 Speaker 1: that my type was the main trouble with the university, 656 00:45:37,755 --> 00:45:41,515 Speaker 1: but he may have met me individually. I was mediocre 657 00:45:41,515 --> 00:45:46,115 Speaker 1: at drill, certainly, that is until my senior year. By 658 00:45:46,155 --> 00:45:48,755 Speaker 1: that time I had drilled longer than anybody else in 659 00:45:48,755 --> 00:45:52,075 Speaker 1: the Western Conference, having failed at military at the end 660 00:45:52,115 --> 00:45:54,395 Speaker 1: of each preceding year, so that I had to do 661 00:45:54,435 --> 00:45:57,715 Speaker 1: it all over again. I was the only seniors still 662 00:45:57,715 --> 00:46:00,915 Speaker 1: in uniform. The uniform, which when new had made me 663 00:46:00,995 --> 00:46:06,275 Speaker 1: look like an interurban railway conductor, had become faded and 664 00:46:06,355 --> 00:46:09,715 Speaker 1: too tight, made me look like Bert Williams in his 665 00:46:09,915 --> 00:46:16,515 Speaker 1: Bellboy act. This had a definitely bad effect on my morale. 666 00:46:17,955 --> 00:46:21,035 Speaker 1: Even so, I had become by sheer practice little short 667 00:46:21,035 --> 00:46:26,395 Speaker 1: of wonderful at squad maneuvers. One day, General Littlefield picked 668 00:46:26,435 --> 00:46:28,515 Speaker 1: our company out of the whole regiment, tried to get 669 00:46:28,515 --> 00:46:31,115 Speaker 1: it mixed up by putting it through one movement after 670 00:46:31,155 --> 00:46:33,675 Speaker 1: another as fast as we could execute them. Squad's right, 671 00:46:33,715 --> 00:46:36,395 Speaker 1: squad's left, squad's on right into line squad's right, about 672 00:46:36,475 --> 00:46:40,595 Speaker 1: squad's left, front into line, et cetera. In about three minutes. 673 00:46:40,755 --> 00:46:44,715 Speaker 1: One hundred and nine men were marching in one direction, 674 00:46:45,555 --> 00:46:48,515 Speaker 1: and I was marching away from them at an angle 675 00:46:48,595 --> 00:46:54,515 Speaker 1: of forty degrees, all alone. Company halt, shouted General Littlefield. 676 00:46:54,915 --> 00:46:59,115 Speaker 1: That man is the only man who has it right. 677 00:47:01,035 --> 00:47:06,995 Speaker 1: I was made a corporal for my achievement. The next day, 678 00:47:07,035 --> 00:47:10,235 Speaker 1: General Littlefield summoned me to his office. He was swatting 679 00:47:10,275 --> 00:47:12,835 Speaker 1: flies when I came in. I was silent, and he 680 00:47:12,915 --> 00:47:15,515 Speaker 1: was silent too. For a long time. I don't think 681 00:47:15,555 --> 00:47:18,235 Speaker 1: he remembered me or why he had sent for me, 682 00:47:18,715 --> 00:47:21,875 Speaker 1: But he didn't want to admit that. He swatted some 683 00:47:21,915 --> 00:47:24,435 Speaker 1: more flies, keeping his eyes on them narrowly before he 684 00:47:24,515 --> 00:47:27,115 Speaker 1: let go with the swatter. But not up your coat, 685 00:47:27,515 --> 00:47:32,555 Speaker 1: he snapped. Looking back on it now, I can see 686 00:47:32,555 --> 00:47:35,595 Speaker 1: that he meant me, although he was looking at a fly. 687 00:47:36,995 --> 00:47:39,755 Speaker 1: But I just stood there. Another fly came to rest 688 00:47:39,795 --> 00:47:41,195 Speaker 1: on a paper in front of the General and began 689 00:47:41,315 --> 00:47:44,955 Speaker 1: rubbing its hind legs together. The General lifted the swatter cautiously. 690 00:47:45,955 --> 00:47:49,795 Speaker 1: I moved restlessly, and the fly flew away. You startle them, 691 00:47:50,075 --> 00:47:54,235 Speaker 1: barked General Littlefield, looking at me severely. I said, I 692 00:47:54,315 --> 00:47:58,315 Speaker 1: was sorry. That won't help the situation. Snapped the General 693 00:47:58,355 --> 00:48:02,075 Speaker 1: with cold military logic. I didn't see what I could 694 00:48:02,115 --> 00:48:05,155 Speaker 1: do except offered to chase some more flies toward him desk, 695 00:48:05,235 --> 00:48:08,755 Speaker 1: but I didn't say anything. He stared out the window 696 00:48:08,795 --> 00:48:11,075 Speaker 1: at the far away figures of co Ed's crossing the 697 00:48:11,115 --> 00:48:14,955 Speaker 1: campus towards the library. Finally he told me I could go, 698 00:48:16,035 --> 00:48:19,915 Speaker 1: so I went. He either didn't know which cadet I was, 699 00:48:20,035 --> 00:48:22,195 Speaker 1: or else he forgot what he wanted to see me about. 700 00:48:23,075 --> 00:48:25,995 Speaker 1: It may have been that he wished to apologize for 701 00:48:26,075 --> 00:48:28,635 Speaker 1: having called me the main trouble with the university, or 702 00:48:28,675 --> 00:48:31,675 Speaker 1: maybe he had decided to compliment me on my brilliant 703 00:48:31,755 --> 00:48:34,755 Speaker 1: drilling of the day before, and then at the last 704 00:48:34,795 --> 00:48:41,235 Speaker 1: minute decided not to. I don't know. I don't think 705 00:48:41,275 --> 00:49:00,315 Speaker 1: about it much anymore. University Days by James Thurber done 706 00:49:00,315 --> 00:49:02,475 Speaker 1: all the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening. 707 00:49:03,115 --> 00:49:07,475 Speaker 1: Any similarity to my University Days is purely coincidental. Countdown 708 00:49:07,515 --> 00:49:09,235 Speaker 1: has come to you from the Vin Scully Studios at 709 00:49:09,275 --> 00:49:11,395 Speaker 1: the Older Woman Broadcasting Empire in New York. If you 710 00:49:11,435 --> 00:49:13,955 Speaker 1: know anybody who does not listen to this podcast, please 711 00:49:13,955 --> 00:49:16,515 Speaker 1: tell them how wonderful it is. And if you're still 712 00:49:16,555 --> 00:49:19,635 Speaker 1: listening at this point, you must think it's wonderful. Countown 713 00:49:19,675 --> 00:49:22,715 Speaker 1: musical directors Brian Ray and John Phillip Schanel arranged, produced, 714 00:49:22,715 --> 00:49:26,035 Speaker 1: and performed most of our music. Mister Shanelle handled orchestration 715 00:49:26,075 --> 00:49:28,715 Speaker 1: and keyboards. Mister Ray was on the guitars, the bass, 716 00:49:28,755 --> 00:49:31,435 Speaker 1: and the drums, and it was produced by Tko Brothers. 717 00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:34,915 Speaker 1: The other music, including other Beethoven tunes, were arranged and 718 00:49:34,995 --> 00:49:38,595 Speaker 1: performed by No Horns Allowed. The sports music is courtesy 719 00:49:38,595 --> 00:49:41,515 Speaker 1: of ESPN, Inc. It was written by Mitch Warren Davis, 720 00:49:41,515 --> 00:49:44,115 Speaker 1: and we call it the Olderman theme from ESPN two. 721 00:49:44,275 --> 00:49:48,115 Speaker 1: Our satirical and pithy musical comments are by Nancy Fauss, 722 00:49:48,155 --> 00:49:51,195 Speaker 1: the best baseball stadium organist ever. Our announcer today was 723 00:49:51,235 --> 00:49:55,715 Speaker 1: my friend Richard Lewis of Ohio State University, and everything 724 00:49:55,715 --> 00:49:58,555 Speaker 1: else was pretty much my fault. So that's countdown for 725 00:49:58,595 --> 00:50:01,995 Speaker 1: this the oney twenty fifth day since Donald Trump's first 726 00:50:02,035 --> 00:50:04,595 Speaker 1: attempted coup against the democratically elected government of the na 727 00:50:04,715 --> 00:50:08,875 Speaker 1: United States. Convict him now while we still can. The 728 00:50:08,915 --> 00:50:12,115 Speaker 1: next scheduled countdown is Tuesday. Bulletin says the news warrants 729 00:50:12,155 --> 00:50:14,795 Speaker 1: till then. I'm Keith Oldman. Good morning, good afternoon, Good 730 00:50:14,875 --> 00:50:32,755 Speaker 1: Night and good Luck. Countdown with Keith Olderman is a 731 00:50:32,795 --> 00:50:37,595 Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the 732 00:50:37,675 --> 00:50:42,195 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.