1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: Every day picks up. 2 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 2: The breakfast club finish for y'all. 3 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,280 Speaker 3: Dune yep, it's the world most dangerous wanting to show 4 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:08,880 Speaker 3: to breakfast club. 5 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,480 Speaker 1: Charlamagne the God just hilarious. 6 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,680 Speaker 3: Envy is out, but Lauren la Ross is in and 7 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:16,800 Speaker 3: I got my guy man, Guy Cold Alumni. I affectionately 8 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:19,479 Speaker 3: call him Counsel Council because of our days on Guy Court. 9 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 1: Jordan Carlos is here. 10 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,160 Speaker 2: Good to be here, sh good morning morning. 11 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:26,319 Speaker 1: Hold show up, put your play up here so the people, 12 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:27,840 Speaker 1: it was right there. 13 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 2: It's right there. Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate it. 14 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 4: I thought it was genius for what the book is 15 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:33,520 Speaker 4: actually about. 16 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 3: Oh my god, or play the marriage saving magic of 17 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 3: getting your head out your ass. 18 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, firmly at your ass, squarely at your ass. It's 19 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 2: what saved my marriage. And it's funny because I don't know, 20 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 2: I mean, like this is this is a very like 21 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 2: it's challenging for men. But I'm going to tell you 22 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 2: what I found out was the bar is in hell 23 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 2: for men when it comes to just like cleaning up 24 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 2: around the house, and we trip over it all the time. 25 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 2: So I thought, I mean, I'm not telling you any 26 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 2: how to live. But I'm just telling people, like, have 27 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 2: you considered this. I'm not an expert or anything like that. 28 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 2: I'm just a veteran of the wars out here and 29 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 2: I'm lucky to be married still and i just want 30 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 2: to share that information with it. 31 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 1: As you said, your own book saved your marriage. 32 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, for real, like like that's what it did. It's 33 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 2: I mean, it's crazy when I when I sat down, 34 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 2: because writing a book, as you know, as you know, 35 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,679 Speaker 2: like takes deep meditative thought and you really self reflect 36 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,959 Speaker 2: and you see yourself in the mirror and there's no 37 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 2: getting away from it. So that's what That's what it 38 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 2: really was. It just oh man, I had to think deeply. 39 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 2: I looked up like invisible work. Let me just man 40 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,319 Speaker 2: explain invisible work to y'all real quick. I'm just kidding, 41 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,320 Speaker 2: but like people don't know what it is. It's that 42 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 2: work that my mom put in, that my grandmother put in, 43 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 2: like taking care of my mom, taking care of my 44 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 2: grandmother while she held down a job. And you know, 45 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 2: like my dad great guy, but didn't contribute in the 46 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 2: ways that he maybe could have and stepped up. And 47 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 2: that's I mean that kind of thing like learning about 48 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 2: that learning about executive function and what women go through 49 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 2: all the time was so like, my eyes are open. Yeah, 50 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 2: women are better cleaner, Okay. 51 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: So much clean, but my brother is so much more. 52 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 2: He read the whole book, and that's that's. 53 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 4: That's exactly the one thing you can never conquer is 54 00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 4: men like the brains and how small they be. So true, 55 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 4: he's a perfect example of it. He read the whole book. 56 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 4: I'm sure, front the back. 57 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,799 Speaker 3: And look, I'm not saying that we shouldn't participate. I'm 58 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 3: just saying women are better clean. 59 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 2: Well, they are left to do these things. They're left 60 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 2: to do these things right. So I mean, for instance, 61 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 2: like when I have Thanksgiving back in Texas, like I 62 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,960 Speaker 2: noticed my baby cousins. The male ones do not have 63 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 2: to watch it this is but the teenage girls they're like, okay, baby, 64 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 2: let's go to work now, you know. And it's like 65 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 2: the boys are always the game is on, right, So 66 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:54,639 Speaker 2: it's like. 67 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: They hunt the food. 68 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 2: They didn't go shopping those teenage it's. 69 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 4: The cart now, so you ain't even how to carry 70 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 4: the groceries. 71 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,800 Speaker 2: Yes, I use instat cart. There's no better time to 72 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,480 Speaker 2: be a slob than right now. Because technology is caught 73 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 2: up with you. I'm sorry, but no, no, no, you're fine. 74 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,839 Speaker 5: But no, that's not all men though, because my dad 75 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,120 Speaker 5: when I grew up, I remember my dad was the 76 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 5: one who cleaned. 77 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:16,840 Speaker 1: My mom cooked you that. 78 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,079 Speaker 2: You know, they both made the home. 79 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 5: You know, with my dad O c D like anything 80 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 5: out of place, he fixing it. He's like wiping down 81 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,040 Speaker 5: count the top, you know. 82 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 2: So that doesn't go for you know, all mess, it 83 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 2: does not, it does not know. 84 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 5: I heard you say that this book saved your marriage 85 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 5: where you was she on the way out the door 86 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 5: like you were about to lose her because you also 87 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 5: it's also like a testament to knowing what you got 88 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 5: before it's gone. 89 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, lose before you lose it. I mean, this 90 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 2: is what happened, right, So COVID happened. We were busy 91 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 2: before COVID, before COVID got cold, was popping, Everything was 92 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 2: going on, and then everything stopped. And when the tide 93 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 2: goes out, you see the rocks, right, And that's that's 94 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 2: what happened. I was at home. I was not working, 95 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 2: but I also was a stranger in my own house 96 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 2: because I was not contributing. I was mad that I 97 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 2: wasn't working, and and that was like I was like 98 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 2: given into like man child vibes and things like that, 99 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 2: and my my wife was no longer having it right 100 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 2: because I was not contributing to the household. And so 101 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 2: like with that said, uh I, there was also another 102 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,360 Speaker 2: divorce that happened in our family, and I was like 103 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,800 Speaker 2: front row tick, like front row seats to that. And 104 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:20,600 Speaker 2: I did not want that at all. And it was 105 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 2: not because of infidelity, as I wrote in the book, 106 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:27,039 Speaker 2: it's because I mean it, studies showed that it's commitment. 107 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 2: So it's like he wasn't doing anything, and if you're 108 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 2: just like an over aged child, you're gonna get kicked 109 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 2: out of the nest. And that's what happened to him. 110 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't want that at all. 111 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,840 Speaker 2: What can I do? I was listening to so it's 112 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 2: like there was nothing dramatic, you know, And that's what 113 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 2: really kills a lot of marriages. It's like it's nothing dramatic. 114 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 2: It's just it's just this kind of situation that. 115 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,880 Speaker 3: You're staying in the house and doing nothing during COVID. 116 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 3: It is so selfish. 117 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,880 Speaker 2: You brought me up, you brought me here in good faith, Bro, 118 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,360 Speaker 2: you making us let me tell you yeah. No, no, no, no, 119 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: no no, let me counsel, counsel, let me cover his mic. No, 120 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 2: I'm just saying, this is what I mean. It was. Yes, 121 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 2: in part it was COVID, but at the same time, 122 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 2: I could have translated that into helping out. I was 123 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 2: watching my wife pick up laundry, take it upstairs, take 124 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 2: it downstairs, watching her do the dishes and everything like that, 125 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,280 Speaker 2: you know, watching her take care of the dog dust 126 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:29,279 Speaker 2: in the corners, watching, watching, and just like doing nothing. 127 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 2: And after a while that repetition erodes the integrity of 128 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 2: a relationship. Man like little by little did it? 129 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 5: Were you emotionally disconnected? Mentally disconnect? Like how did you 130 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 5: just sit? 131 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: You do that? 132 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 5: Like we're you're going through your own funk of not 133 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 5: working and you were just like in a miserable state 134 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,279 Speaker 5: where you couldn't even help yourself, So how could you 135 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 5: help her? 136 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 2: Right? I think I was. I was definitely there. But 137 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,160 Speaker 2: I was also I stay on ready mode. And that's 138 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,000 Speaker 2: that's something I write about in the book, is like 139 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 2: guys are always like we're always we have like John 140 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 2: Wick fantasies, I'm ready to fight if she asked me 141 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 2: to take the trash out, I'll do it, no problem. 142 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:09,360 Speaker 2: It's nothing but like, yeah, yeah, that's us. But but 143 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 2: but to be reminded of the thing. I was always 144 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 2: being reminded of the thing. So I started reminding myself 145 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 2: it was just a small switch. I saw that divorce. 146 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,040 Speaker 2: I said, this is what the guy was not doing 147 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 2: and not bringing to the table. I was like, Okay, 148 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 2: let me flip this, and just I know when trash 149 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,400 Speaker 2: night is. It is Tuesday night, So let me just 150 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 2: go do it, you know, like bring the receptacles back 151 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,480 Speaker 2: on Wednesday morning. Like that's I knew to do that 152 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 2: because I've seen her do it, So just do it. 153 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 2: And like I cannot tell you, Like there's that Maslow's 154 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 2: pyramid of needs, right, and like the basic basic needs 155 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,280 Speaker 2: are taken care of and then you can get to 156 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,039 Speaker 2: self actualization. But if your basic needs aren't taken care of, 157 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 2: then you can't feel safe. Right, So that's what I was, like, 158 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 2: I was ignoring that about her. So when like, I mean, 159 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,039 Speaker 2: another part of the book is smashing, So I'm sorry 160 00:06:56,040 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 2: to look at you during that. Yeah, So anyway, smash 161 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,520 Speaker 2: is a big part of the book. But like, but 162 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 2: but she wasn't. She wasn't down to clown as much 163 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 2: when the house wasn't in order, right, So I was 164 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: looking at that, studying that, and that's people need safety. 165 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,920 Speaker 2: They need security deep down. It's that cave man part 166 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,240 Speaker 2: of you. And so when that happened, it was like 167 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:29,880 Speaker 2: to get in the mood, to get in the mood play. 168 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 2: I was just like, I mean, I was trying. 169 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 1: You can't say smack, you can't say having well, he can't. 170 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 2: We make love. But I'm messing. I'm all right. 171 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 3: So the book is really good, though, man, I just 172 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,640 Speaker 3: I just don't want you to be too hard on yourself, 173 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 3: like when you talk about how you used to see 174 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,800 Speaker 3: her cleaning, and you know you feel like you didn't help. 175 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 3: It's like, yo, if when you saw Leonardo DaVinci doing 176 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,200 Speaker 3: the morning, you say, hey, let me get a brushing, 177 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,520 Speaker 3: No you let let him have to do work. 178 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 2: No hold on you saying let her cook? But how 179 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 2: are you? Okay? But you're married too? This is wild, 180 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 2: all right? So so I feel like, thank you, Charlemagne. 181 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 2: That's that's called I mean, that is called like when 182 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 2: you when you pretend to be incompetent in something right. 183 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 2: So it's like Tom Sawyer right, like, I can't. I 184 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 2: can't do that. I can't. I can't let her white 185 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,760 Speaker 2: watch defence. I got to jump in there if I 186 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,600 Speaker 2: know what I'm doing, because what's cute in your twenties 187 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,960 Speaker 2: is not cute in your forties. Like I watched football 188 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 2: every Sunday. I watch my Cowboys for no good reason 189 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 2: every Sunday. And she was fine with that in my twenties, 190 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,560 Speaker 2: but then in my forties she's like, why don't you 191 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 2: take the kids to this or that? You know they 192 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 2: got practiced together. Yeah, yeah, show. 193 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,520 Speaker 1: No what happened? You know I'm a Cowboy fan too. 194 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,839 Speaker 1: They got to give up the Cowboy and Jordan. This 195 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 1: is a bit crazy yo, the game. 196 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,680 Speaker 2: I know, he like, why am I. 197 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 1: All during the week? 198 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 3: I did everything I'm supposed to do during the week 199 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 3: and I can't watch that game. 200 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 2: I don't want to say it. I don't want to 201 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,439 Speaker 2: sound like stephen A, but like, what have the Cowboys 202 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 2: done for you lately? The Cowboys? What have the Cowboys 203 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 2: done for you lately? I mean I'm talking to Okay, 204 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 2: we can leave the Cowboys out like a Jets fan 205 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:20,560 Speaker 2: should be out with his family in the fall. They 206 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,200 Speaker 2: should be picking apples and going on hikes and canoe 207 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 2: and what are you doing? And Matt life like you 208 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:27,840 Speaker 2: suld be right? 209 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,840 Speaker 4: Like I don't feel like there's like I mean, and 210 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,319 Speaker 4: I know you talk about kind of like the give 211 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,439 Speaker 4: and takes in the book, but there aren't like give 212 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,559 Speaker 4: and takes. It's like, all right, like I can understand 213 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 4: Sunday is the day that you want for that as 214 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,319 Speaker 4: well as much as you can understand cleaning the bathroom. 215 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 4: I know you have your list in this book and 216 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 4: you talk about cleaning just the tub out after you. 217 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 4: That helps me a lot. It's give or take. So 218 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 4: do you, guys, what was your give or take in 219 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 4: your marriage? After writing this book? If you couldn't have 220 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 4: football on Sundays, what was she willing to be? Like? 221 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 4: All right, bet, I'm gonna let you have that. 222 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,439 Speaker 2: And let me just say this, My situation was unique. 223 00:09:57,559 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 2: I had to quit Like that was like a tournique. 224 00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 2: I had to I had to fix this so I 225 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 2: could fix a bigger thing. I'm not saying like everybody's 226 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 2: got to quit watching football. You could stand to watch 227 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 2: home games, you could stand to watch away games, like 228 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 2: like you could pick, you know, or like just take 229 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 2: take take a weekend off. That's all I'm saying. I 230 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 2: would say that my give and take is this, I 231 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,080 Speaker 2: have a lot time for myself now because this book 232 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,640 Speaker 2: is about time management as well, and I a lot 233 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 2: time for myself. I wake up at five am. I've 234 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 2: already been up for hours today, so, like you can tell, 235 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 2: I'm feeling hype. So this that time I have for 236 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 2: myself is mine and mine alone. I usually go to 237 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 2: the gym, workout, whatever it is. But but if I don't, 238 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,360 Speaker 2: if I on a rest day, I'll watch like a 239 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 2: series I haven't watched yet because I can't watch it 240 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 2: around my kids. Maybe it's just like cursing in it 241 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 2: or something like that. So it's like I have my 242 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,719 Speaker 2: time to do what I want to do. I get 243 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:53,080 Speaker 2: to read, that's my hour, you know. So that's my 244 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,320 Speaker 2: give and take. And yeah, I mean look, sometimes of 245 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,840 Speaker 2: course I watch Cowboys, So what do you have to 246 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 2: do to earn it's out but. 247 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 1: His household. 248 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 2: It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's 249 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 2: a vibe. It's a vibe. We don't That's what the 250 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,280 Speaker 2: book's about, too, it's a vibe. I mean, I like 251 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 2: a lot of books out there that tell you what 252 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 2: to do. I was inspired by Eve Rotzky's fair Play, right, 253 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 2: but I was like, that's too rigid. That's too rigid. 254 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 2: And at the end of the book, I'll just point 255 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,320 Speaker 2: this out and say, at the end of that book, 256 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,439 Speaker 2: she's like, all right, ladies, now get out there and 257 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 2: save your marriage. And I was like, damn, this wasn't 258 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 2: even written for me. This is written for somebody else. 259 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,560 Speaker 2: So what's what what would a male do? Right, I'm like, 260 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 2: I'm going to change my vibe. That's what I'm gonna do. Okay, 261 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 2: So I can't have I don't get by with charts 262 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 2: in the wall and things like that and gold stars 263 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 2: because that's for somebody else's approval. What's my approval matrix? 264 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 2: What do I believe in? What's my standard? So that's 265 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 2: kind of where it is for me, Like she I mean, 266 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 2: like I could watch football if I wanted to, but 267 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,319 Speaker 2: I'm like, I want to take my kid to Governor's Island. 268 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 2: I want to go hiking one Sunday. I don't want 269 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 2: to give it more money to Jerry Jones. Like Jerry, 270 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 2: He's fine, you know what I'm saying. So it's like, 271 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,840 Speaker 2: you know, he's fine, what am I doing for me? 272 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 1: You know? 273 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 2: So, uh that's that's really what it is. It's like, yeah, how. 274 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,439 Speaker 5: Long did it take you to save your marriage? You 275 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 5: said it saved your marriage, but like how what was 276 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 5: that process like? And how long was it? 277 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,679 Speaker 2: To be honest, I would say, like it took about 278 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 2: six months to write things. Right. So there was this 279 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 2: guy that was famous in the mom's group in Brooklyn. 280 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,680 Speaker 2: His Uh so he's Canadian, so it's suspect anyway, but 281 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,600 Speaker 2: he's so that's why. But we learned a lot from 282 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,679 Speaker 2: Canadian get universal health care, you know, all that kind 283 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 2: of stuff. So anyway, he he was famous among the 284 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 2: moms are like, oh, Hugh, he was a good guy. Hugh, Oh, 285 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 2: he's the best. Like he makes coffee every morning for 286 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:43,080 Speaker 2: his wife makes coffee. That's it. One cup, that's it. 287 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 2: So I asked him, like, what do you do you 288 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,560 Speaker 2: grind the beans? Do you make like a latte, cappuccino? Whatever? 289 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 2: The phone designs? He's like, man, folder's crystals, Folder's crystals 290 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,320 Speaker 2: and that's it. The bars in hell, right, So for 291 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,559 Speaker 2: that the man is famous. So I was like, I'm 292 00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:59,559 Speaker 2: gonna do the same thing. So I did that. It's 293 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 2: low hanging fruit. I did the same thing. It was 294 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 2: hard in the morning before my wife, but I did 295 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 2: it and I kept doing it. I did it like 296 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 2: one day, three days, seven days. I do it like 297 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 2: this is the only one I couldn't. 298 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 1: Do it Canada to tell you that the best part 299 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,000 Speaker 1: of waking up. 300 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 2: Is yeah, yeah, for real. I mean he showed me. 301 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 2: He gave me the like Prometheus fire like. I was like, 302 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:25,679 Speaker 2: I was in the dark about it, you know, And 303 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,080 Speaker 2: it was the guys were dwindling down in that group 304 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,559 Speaker 2: we have like a Friday kind of like hangout, and 305 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 2: it was just me and him left. I was like, damn, 306 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 2: I had to know the secret. After that, I'd seen 307 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,480 Speaker 2: so many we lost so many good men out here 308 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:44,040 Speaker 2: Sean like Vietnam. 309 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: You heard that was the secret? 310 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:46,880 Speaker 2: Just just Christmas. 311 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,840 Speaker 5: Like, even with this whole progress, when you think back 312 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 5: on it, right, things that you weren't doing versus now 313 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 5: that you are doing it, do you ever say, like, damn, 314 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 5: it really wasn't that hard all this time, And I 315 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 5: don't know, did you ever think also, like why do 316 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,599 Speaker 5: guys expect extra credit for doing the bare minimum anyway. 317 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,320 Speaker 2: Because I mean that's I want my ticket tape parade, 318 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like I really do, Like 319 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 2: like I mean, I did the dishes before I left 320 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 2: this morning, and I had to fight. It was like 321 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 2: fighting for my life not to be like, babe, you 322 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 2: appreciate those dishes. 323 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 1: Was done this way? 324 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 2: She didn't care, you know, like or you got to 325 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 2: give yourself an out of boy, I gamify everything, and 326 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, let me see if I can get 327 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 2: a load in before like a laundry and before I 328 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,720 Speaker 2: hit the you know like leave the house, go to 329 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,120 Speaker 2: the office, whatever it is. So it's just like, what 330 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 2: is the vibe for you? I mean I had to 331 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 2: also stop being and stop wanting to be mothered, you know, 332 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 2: like because that's someone getting mad at you for not 333 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 2: straightening up. Feels like that's me just like reliving the 334 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,960 Speaker 2: dynamic I had with my mom. And I love my mom, 335 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,280 Speaker 2: you know, but I don't. But marrying somebody is not 336 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 2: substituting your mother, you know what I'm saying. It's just 337 00:14:55,400 --> 00:15:01,480 Speaker 2: like it's a partnership. Yeah, so that's absolutely, but just 338 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 2: like how do you nurture yourself, what do you want? 339 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 2: Do you see yourself? You know, like for instance, like 340 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 2: I had to get a fade yesterday, but I did it. 341 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 2: Not my wife always being like your wolf and like 342 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:18,120 Speaker 2: your edges this and that, you know, like like stop, 343 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 2: what do you want? You know when you know when 344 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 2: it's time to do something? 345 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 5: And do you feel like that came from your father 346 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 5: not contributing as much or not being or. 347 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 2: Was he my dad? 348 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,040 Speaker 1: My dad? 349 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 2: My dad? My dad actually was not around. He was. 350 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 2: He's a doctor. He's at the hospital all the time. 351 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 2: So it's actually like a positive reason, you know what 352 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 2: I'm saying. So, but he was. He was taking care 353 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 2: of women for so long and like as a obg 354 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 2: y n and it's crazy. He was also like instrumental 355 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 2: playing parenthood in Dallas for work where I'm from, and 356 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 2: then he come home and it's like you can be 357 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 2: an ally in the streets but not in the sheets, 358 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 2: you know, Like my dad would just be watching ESPN two, 359 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 2: watching boxing and just like having a steak and and 360 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 2: like not giving a damn about what the state of 361 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 2: the house was. 362 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 5: So he was clif Heathcliff Huxtable outside the house. 363 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, well we could pick another doctor. Uh, I 364 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 2: got you, I got you. I was like Justice, I knew, 365 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:21,400 Speaker 2: I knew just. 366 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 1: I don't think that's fan your father, Georgia. 367 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 3: This man is in Dallas, Texas taking care of Vagina's 368 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 3: all over Dallas, and he comes home and just wants 369 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 3: to relax for a second, and he getting flag about 370 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 3: not taking out the trash minutes. 371 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 2: Well, no, no, no, no, I'm just saying I love 372 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 2: my dad. He's the most generous guy out there. But like, 373 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 2: that's what was model for me. Like you could have 374 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,920 Speaker 2: with what I detail in the book as a greedy job. 375 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 2: And the greedy job is just a job that eats 376 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 2: up your time. It's not about money. So my dad 377 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 2: had a greedy job as a doctor. 378 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,160 Speaker 1: He was a public servant. He's a doctor. God or 379 00:16:58,680 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: your father. 380 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 2: We love my dad, Joseph Carliss. I love you, MD, 381 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 2: I love you. No, no, no, no, I'm not saying that. 382 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 2: I'm just saying that you you become what you behold. 383 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,760 Speaker 2: So I'm I'm that was model for me. So that's 384 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,000 Speaker 2: that's what I did. And it was repeated. And my 385 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,399 Speaker 2: wife is a professor too, and she holds down her 386 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 2: job and does all these things, but I was still like, 387 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 2: just like, Okay, what did dad do? 388 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:23,439 Speaker 1: That was it? 389 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 2: That's yeah? 390 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 4: So would you talk about what she brought in the 391 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:30,199 Speaker 4: Cosby Show and you talk about like even media and 392 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,200 Speaker 4: like your mom taking you to go see mister momah, 393 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 4: and like kind of some of I thought that the 394 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 4: conversation that you were gonna have after that was a 395 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,159 Speaker 4: lot different than the one that you actually have. And 396 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 4: I won't give it away, but I guess talk a 397 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,119 Speaker 4: little bit about going to see that movie and how 398 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,160 Speaker 4: that resonates with you as an adult, because I thought 399 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,919 Speaker 4: that your take on it was kind of interesting of 400 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,440 Speaker 4: why your mom took you to see that movie. 401 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:50,960 Speaker 2: I think my mom took me to see that movie 402 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,400 Speaker 2: because it just spoke to her, because it's a reversal 403 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,200 Speaker 2: mister Mom. If you don't know, it's like Michael Keaton 404 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,679 Speaker 2: in the early eighties, like he loses his job or 405 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,360 Speaker 2: whatever because the factories are all moving to Japan. So 406 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:07,240 Speaker 2: he he is at home as as so he's mister 407 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 2: Mom and his wife goes out to work and lo 408 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,920 Speaker 2: and behold, he can't do anything around the house at all. 409 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,440 Speaker 2: But the man was like an engineer, like he understood 410 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:17,719 Speaker 2: how like a combustible engine work, but he can't make 411 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,639 Speaker 2: a popcorn fire work. And I'm just like, this is 412 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 2: the dumbest movie of all time. But it's like, but 413 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 2: it plays into the stereotype of the useless man, right, 414 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,119 Speaker 2: And so my mom was laughing the whole time, laughing 415 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 2: the whole time because I could see that, you know 416 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 2: that that reflected my dad at home. You know what 417 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,199 Speaker 2: I'm saying. You could be a genius out there but 418 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,159 Speaker 2: not get or understand. Like when my dad used to 419 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,160 Speaker 2: be like, hey, what a scissors that? You know, like 420 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,040 Speaker 2: the sisters have been in the same door for ten years. 421 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 2: He doesn't, he doesn't, you know what I'm saying, Like 422 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,359 Speaker 2: like so that kind of thing. 423 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,160 Speaker 1: But for the women's women are usually out of CEO 424 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:49,640 Speaker 1: at the house. 425 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,439 Speaker 2: Women are the CEO of the house. I mean, especially 426 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,679 Speaker 2: my wife. My wife is from Brooklyn. My wife, my 427 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 2: wife went to public school the whole life, Magna cumb 428 00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 2: Lottie from Smith and a PhD. She's a feel general. 429 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I am a good lieutenant 430 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 2: and a good lieutenant the field general knows the playbook 431 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 2: because she wrote it just sub been she can't do everything. 432 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,440 Speaker 2: That's that's that's all I do, like a good shortstop. 433 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 3: You described play as a marriage manual disguise this comedy. 434 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 3: Why do you think so many men need humor at 435 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 3: the entry point before they can even hear a relationship? 436 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,639 Speaker 2: Sorry, I love you. Actually you describe it that's that. 437 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,919 Speaker 2: But you said I did. Yeah, yeah, I appreciate you. 438 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,240 Speaker 2: I appreciate you. He'd be writing and reading so much. 439 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,080 Speaker 2: I know. All right, So so say one more time 440 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:35,240 Speaker 2: because I was like, yeah. 441 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,000 Speaker 1: And I described it as a marriage man yeah, this comedy. 442 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,879 Speaker 3: But I say, why do you think men need humor 443 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 3: as the entry point before they can even hear relationship? 444 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,680 Speaker 2: Because we got to sneak the veggies. We have to 445 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,919 Speaker 2: sneak the veggies no matter what. I don't want to. 446 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,840 Speaker 2: I don't And by the way, a lot of men 447 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,879 Speaker 2: are doing a lot of things out there and and 448 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,640 Speaker 2: busting their ass. But like, but so I give men 449 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 2: credit for that. Nobody would stay with you for a 450 00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,320 Speaker 2: long time most times unless you were doing some thing. 451 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 2: But I think that we get tripped up because we 452 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 2: feel as though maybe masculinity gets in the way, like 453 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 2: like that's why we need a little humor, masculinity gets 454 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,400 Speaker 2: in the way. Like I met this guy on vacation 455 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 2: and this guy was like next door to us, and 456 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 2: he was staying like a door down and he was 457 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,640 Speaker 2: a colonel in the army. I asked him what kind 458 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,959 Speaker 2: of would he do as colonel? He was like, I 459 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 2: was a quartermaster. I was like, what's a quartermaster? He's like, 460 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 2: quartermaster just like make sure that the troops and everything 461 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,439 Speaker 2: have the food, the ammunition, the supplies they need to 462 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,080 Speaker 2: do whatever. 463 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:31,440 Speaker 1: Right. 464 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 2: I was like, oh okay, So he's like, I'm a 465 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 2: quartermaster at my own home too. I was like, oh okay. 466 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,520 Speaker 2: So I took that idea because I also, I mean, 467 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,399 Speaker 2: I am in touch more I guess with like my 468 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 2: feminine side, but like I do have thin skin as 469 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,800 Speaker 2: a man, so I had to like I was like, 470 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,960 Speaker 2: I'm gonna be the quartermaster at my house too. So 471 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,679 Speaker 2: that's what I needed, you know. I think men need that. 472 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,679 Speaker 2: They need to just make sure that it translates to 473 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,480 Speaker 2: something they can understand and take in. Because the guy 474 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,119 Speaker 2: said Poleon said that army eats or marches on its stomach. 475 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,679 Speaker 2: So like, so having having supplies, having resources ready for 476 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,840 Speaker 2: my family, my wife whatever that makes me feel. It 477 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,160 Speaker 2: makes me feel like more of a man, and it's 478 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,919 Speaker 2: and it and it does it in a way that 479 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 2: is not harmful to my wife, to her feminity, to feminism. 480 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 2: Whatever doesn't matter, It doesn't disrupt, you know. 481 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:25,040 Speaker 4: And I like that what age of like men do 482 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 4: you think will actually get this book? Because you're talking 483 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,239 Speaker 4: about being in touch with your feminine side and all 484 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 4: these things, and like, I think that that's a most 485 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 4: men don't get there for a while, Like yeah, what 486 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,320 Speaker 4: what where did you? When did you get to this point? 487 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 2: I mean, I've always charlete you, I've always been a 488 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 2: different kind of cat, you know, It's like it's that's 489 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:45,200 Speaker 2: just who I am. But like my mom raising more 490 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 2: than my dad, so I understood women more and like women, 491 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:51,359 Speaker 2: you know, I think they're great. Like a lot of 492 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 2: guys don't even like women, you know, like people don't 493 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 2: exactly exactly exactly, but even that, you know, like yeah, 494 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 2: but even even in that, you know, when you have 495 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,440 Speaker 2: guys that our allies like whatever you want to call 496 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,399 Speaker 2: it at home, they just it doesn't translate. Yeah, And 497 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,359 Speaker 2: so I think that that happened to me in my forties. 498 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,080 Speaker 2: It's a late awakening. That's why I wrote the book 499 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,119 Speaker 2: right now. I had to, you know, like because I 500 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 2: thought I was doing fine. I thought it was fun. 501 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 2: Just therapy, therapy, self realization therapy can only do so much, right, 502 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,119 Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not an expert. It could only do 503 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 2: so much for me because we were talking and talking 504 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,879 Speaker 2: and talking in circles. This is just a book about 505 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,720 Speaker 2: like have you tried this? You know, like have you 506 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,760 Speaker 2: tried this? Like from experience, from my experience? Have you 507 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 2: have you tried vacuuming without being asked? Have you tried 508 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,040 Speaker 2: the line like I already did that, you know and 509 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 2: seeing what that does to your person? Have you tried 510 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,440 Speaker 2: like we always go to like wonderful gatherings, parties in 511 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,800 Speaker 2: the summertime, spring, whatever it is, barbecues, cookouts, Kids are there, 512 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,560 Speaker 2: families there, everybody's there when it's time to go home. 513 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,840 Speaker 2: My wife's always the one that says it's time to 514 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,359 Speaker 2: go home. How have I done that? I did that 515 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,159 Speaker 2: for her as free, you know, I was like I 516 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 2: flipped it and it was like babe, like we gotta 517 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,359 Speaker 2: you know, school, we gotta get yeah, we gotta go, 518 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 2: we gotta go, and like to. 519 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,119 Speaker 3: See her when you never wanted to go to begin with, 520 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,639 Speaker 3: should you give me? Should you give her credit for 521 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,480 Speaker 3: one when you never even wanted to go? 522 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 1: Like we were having. 523 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:23,639 Speaker 2: Such a connective moment right there. We was like like elevating, elevating, 524 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,560 Speaker 2: but that's free. You you can say it's time to go. 525 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,639 Speaker 2: You could, but I'm just saying it's for free. You 526 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,880 Speaker 2: can do that. And it's like it's so easy. It's 527 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 2: like the little things low hanging fruit around the house. 528 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,639 Speaker 2: Because I was not ready for like big, big, big change, 529 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,560 Speaker 2: but I wanted to change. I'm not good with big change. 530 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 2: I'm good with granular kind of change, like like, uh 531 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,840 Speaker 2: so what I did was just like checked. I remember 532 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 2: once I was in the bathroom, I just checked the 533 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 2: T P role. I was like, oh man, that's I 534 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,640 Speaker 2: should change that. So like so just like yeah, I'm 535 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 2: just that that's easy. I'm like, yeah, yeah, exactly. You 536 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 2: know you leave it with one little little some paper 537 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,480 Speaker 2: on a roll, not helping nobody. Right, So so we got, 538 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 2: you know, two bathrooms in the house. Not trying to brag. 539 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 2: So no, in my I'm live in New York City, 540 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 2: in my entire house, so it's easy to I'm saying 541 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,120 Speaker 2: that's what it's easy to do. Yeah, not trying to break, 542 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,600 Speaker 2: so it's easy to do, you know, doing that, And 543 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,880 Speaker 2: then I was like, then I like I wanted to snack. 544 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,520 Speaker 2: I checked in the refrigerator. I'm like, we running low 545 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,359 Speaker 2: on OJ, So checking your levels. I always say like 546 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,439 Speaker 2: that in the book, I said, the devil's in the levels. 547 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,400 Speaker 2: So checking the ODJ, the milk, the these are all 548 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 2: things that she would do. She'd be like, we gotta 549 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 2: get milk. We gotta get milk, you know, like on 550 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 2: the way home. And I'd be like milk, you know, 551 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 2: but like you know what I mean, well, like we 552 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:46,480 Speaker 2: can never go straight home. So so now I do that, right, 553 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,919 Speaker 2: I check the levels, the olive oil whatever it is, 554 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 2: the butter. Because my daughter is a baker, she'd be baking, 555 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 2: like we run a little bodega basically our and our place, 556 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,920 Speaker 2: like she's always we're running out of everything. So that's 557 00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 2: that's like, that was easy to do for me. 558 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:00,760 Speaker 1: Yeah. 559 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,520 Speaker 5: I love I loved the accountability on your part of 560 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,920 Speaker 5: everything that you're accepting everything that you changed. Was there 561 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 5: anything that you felt like she needed to change or 562 00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 5: you know, just. 563 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 2: So confident. Yeah, a couple of things. Let me see, no, 564 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,480 Speaker 2: she yeah, because when you have that, she possessed that 565 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 2: image as the person who had it all under control, 566 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,640 Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, And that can be I understand. 567 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 2: My wife grew up in Brooklyn, like her parents were 568 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 2: like radicals and hippies, and they had like a townhouse 569 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 2: and they rented it out and she had one small 570 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:43,879 Speaker 2: space and order gave her peace, you know, in this 571 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 2: kind of chaotic environment. And so the only the only 572 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 2: thing she had to change was letting go of the 573 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,280 Speaker 2: fact that maybe I could handle things. 574 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,000 Speaker 5: She doesn't have to do it all by herself. And 575 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 5: that's how she's been pretty much all her life. 576 00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 2: Absolutely, So just taking things off people's plate can be 577 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 2: tough because it's almost existential, Like if I'm not doing 578 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 2: at all, then what what am I doing? 579 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:06,639 Speaker 1: You know? 580 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,520 Speaker 2: So like little by little and we get competitive with 581 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,440 Speaker 2: it because she's from New York so, you know, and 582 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,360 Speaker 2: be like from me, I'm from Texas. I'm from Texas. Yeah. 583 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 2: From the boy, I'm from Dallas. So I had no choice. 584 00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 2: I got to be a cowboys for this can be 585 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 2: next year, Okay, So. 586 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,400 Speaker 3: I want to send you a lot of guys providing financially. Yes, 587 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,640 Speaker 3: what's the difference between a provider and being an actual partner? 588 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,600 Speaker 2: Wow? Okay, so yeah, a partner is just one who, 589 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 2: like like I said before, I'll return to it just 590 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 2: takes things off the plate when you're when you're just 591 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:44,199 Speaker 2: adding money. I've done that. I've just I mean like 592 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,880 Speaker 2: I've added funds and then just been like leave me alone, 593 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 2: right and not not not so forcefully, but like, but 594 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 2: that was the vibe. 595 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:56,960 Speaker 1: You can go buy the milk. You could go buy 596 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,440 Speaker 1: the milk, to go to the store to get it too. 597 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't have the time, you know what I'm saying, 598 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,760 Speaker 2: Or like I didn't know like my kids teachers' names. 599 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,200 Speaker 2: Shout out some smeter, you know, shout out some strain, 600 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 2: Like I didn't know my kids teacher's names. I wasn't invested. 601 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,840 Speaker 2: I figured that that absolved me. I could buy out 602 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 2: of it, you know, and like I think a partnership 603 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 2: you do that in more like you and it feels good. 604 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 2: It feels good to have like inside jokes about like 605 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:28,160 Speaker 2: what our kids discard in their lunch and what they 606 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,399 Speaker 2: eat and how they be coming back with different food 607 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,679 Speaker 2: than what we put in the lunch box. I'm like, 608 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 2: what happened? That's what they do? 609 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:37,720 Speaker 1: Kids do that. 610 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 2: I know, I know, but I put carrots sticks in there. 611 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:46,639 Speaker 2: And now it's like it's true, it's true. 612 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 1: When you were. 613 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 5: Reading Troy play, did him finding out his kids teacher's 614 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,680 Speaker 5: names prompt you to go find out your kids teacher's names. 615 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: No, but I think it's important. I do think it's important. 616 00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 3: And the reason I think it's important is because we're 617 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,120 Speaker 3: dropping off our kids with these people that. 618 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,119 Speaker 1: We don't even know. Like you know what I mean. 619 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,480 Speaker 3: You know, you're how insane that is when you actually 620 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 3: think about it, our actual souls, our hearts, outside of 621 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,199 Speaker 3: our body. We're just dropping them off with adults all 622 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:13,400 Speaker 3: day and don't even know their name. 623 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,439 Speaker 4: But that's just how important the woman is in your 624 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 4: household because you're only okay with it because you know 625 00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:20,359 Speaker 4: your wife gonna hold it down and she's okay. But 626 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 4: knowing but knowing the names, did it change anything for 627 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 4: you for what he's talking about, like a sense of 628 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 4: security outside of your. 629 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 2: Of course, I set up like I mean, I do. 630 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,320 Speaker 2: I do a lot. You know, I got jobs, I 631 00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,080 Speaker 2: got gigs. But like I was like babe, I'm gonna 632 00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,959 Speaker 2: set up the parent teacher conferences, you know, so just 633 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,960 Speaker 2: like doing that, getting that done, which is which is like, 634 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,800 Speaker 2: oh my god, you have to it's a it's a 635 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 2: blood sport. It's really a blood sport because people are 636 00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 2: it's all online. So I mean it took up time 637 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 2: and it's very stressful, but I got it. I was saying, 638 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,120 Speaker 2: that is a lot. It's a lot, which is why 639 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:55,080 Speaker 2: you know women do it. 640 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,760 Speaker 5: But like you, it's something about dad being able to, 641 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 5: you know, go and have a conversation with your teacher 642 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,080 Speaker 5: because mom, sometimes I don't always feel like it, you know, 643 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,280 Speaker 5: so when your kid runs up, it's good, go tell 644 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,040 Speaker 5: dad about Miss Gimmel Gamble. 645 00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, Miss waffle Bottom. Let me tell you something, Let 646 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 2: me tell you something. 647 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:12,560 Speaker 3: Yeah. 648 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,080 Speaker 2: They change every year, you know, like like you know 649 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 2: what it was, was like, I feel like doing that 650 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,040 Speaker 2: that some some of the some of the system. Right. 651 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 2: Sometimes it's the water, not the shark. Right, We're always 652 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,080 Speaker 2: worried about the shark. Man's not doing this, that and 653 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:28,960 Speaker 2: the third. But it's the water too. It's how the 654 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,440 Speaker 2: system is set up. If something goes wrong at school. 655 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,080 Speaker 2: My name's at the top of that emergency contact list. 656 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 2: I made sure it was this year. They like skip, 657 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:37,840 Speaker 2: they go down to my wife and I have to 658 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,240 Speaker 2: hear about a third party. I was like trying to 659 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,400 Speaker 2: make some uh some disappointments for my kids, like tooth cleaning. 660 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,560 Speaker 2: I call up. I'm like, listen, I need to know 661 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 2: about Izy and Malcolm's tooth cleaning. Uh are they are? 662 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,120 Speaker 2: They set for whatever? They were like, the mom already 663 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 2: knows this, And I was like what. They're like, oh, 664 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,720 Speaker 2: the mom already knows this information. Are you divorced? I'm 665 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:59,200 Speaker 2: like no, first of all, but they're like, only divorced 666 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,240 Speaker 2: dads call and do that kind of stuff, right. So 667 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:08,320 Speaker 2: it's like the system is rigged against men to an extent. 668 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,600 Speaker 2: We play a role in misogyny. We all play a 669 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,880 Speaker 2: role in misogyny, right, So it's like you can have 670 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,600 Speaker 2: agents of misogyny that don't want to see men do 671 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 2: the right thing, and they could be women, you know 672 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:23,200 Speaker 2: what I'm saying. Like, so it's like that. 673 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,200 Speaker 1: Say to me on the phone, like are you divorced? 674 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,920 Speaker 2: Because you really are? It was South Brooklyn, so it's different. 675 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:35,720 Speaker 2: She was like divorced, right, we got another divorced line 676 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,880 Speaker 2: dad on the line, Carol. You know, so that's what 677 00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,719 Speaker 2: it was, but you know, you recover from that. It 678 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 2: wasn't you know, and just know that that is okay. 679 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:49,520 Speaker 2: That's the state of play. That's the atmosphere. Proud. I mean, 680 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,400 Speaker 2: it's a low bardo. Like I was walking my kids 681 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,840 Speaker 2: across the street in South Street Seaport and like this 682 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:57,640 Speaker 2: lady looked at me and she goes, now, there's a 683 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,280 Speaker 2: dad right there. I was like, I'm not doing but 684 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 2: holding their heads like I guess, yeah, I release. 685 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,120 Speaker 5: I guess it's not to a lot of people. It's 686 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,320 Speaker 5: unusual to see. You know, I've seen it all my life. 687 00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 5: But I understand why. 688 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,840 Speaker 2: Well, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. What you're saying about your dad, 689 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,440 Speaker 2: that's amazing. It is unique, and it is you know what. 690 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:20,000 Speaker 2: I found a lot. Also, I have three wonderful aunts 691 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,680 Speaker 2: and my my eldest aunt, my aunt Sabetha, who's who's 692 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,240 Speaker 2: amazing college professor, such a wonderful woman. Her her husband 693 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,640 Speaker 2: is exactly like that, exactly like that. But it took 694 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:33,880 Speaker 2: a three that's a third husband. Now, Uncle Charles is great. 695 00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:36,520 Speaker 2: Third time. Yeah. 696 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,960 Speaker 3: If somebody read show a plan only applied one habit, 697 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,600 Speaker 3: one habit, what's the one small action that could you 698 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,720 Speaker 3: think could change the relationship. 699 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:49,240 Speaker 2: Have a plan, Just have a plan. Uh. Get I 700 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,200 Speaker 2: mean this is not an endorsement for the Resi app, 701 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 2: but get get an app like that, because you deserve, 702 00:31:56,520 --> 00:32:00,959 Speaker 2: like your partner deserves, like dinner plan, whatever it is. 703 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,960 Speaker 2: Keep that, I say, keep that candle burning and make 704 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 2: sure that you got to back up because we're so expecting, 705 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,959 Speaker 2: you know, her to want to do something. What about you? 706 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,920 Speaker 2: You got to research things like I'm a very fun dad. 707 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,800 Speaker 2: I will take my kids to like you name it whatever. 708 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 2: We'll we'll go to like let's go to Yankee Stadium. 709 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,320 Speaker 2: Then we'll go to we'll go get ice cream and 710 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,360 Speaker 2: you know, like we're gonna go see dolphins. You know, 711 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 2: like that's that's me. But I just needed to divert 712 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,200 Speaker 2: some of that back to my wife. 713 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:30,920 Speaker 3: You said, you said you didn't want to just be 714 00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:32,800 Speaker 3: the fun dad, You want to be a responsible partner. 715 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,720 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, and but but my wife wanted that fun too, 716 00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 2: and I was leaving that out and playing like a 717 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:42,280 Speaker 2: game like against her. So but but but one thing, 718 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:47,440 Speaker 2: but but one thing today, you know, download an app 719 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:48,760 Speaker 2: like that make it really. 720 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,840 Speaker 1: A number one dating app? 721 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:06,840 Speaker 2: Know anything about that? Grazy? You got the reservation number 722 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:16,240 Speaker 2: one l at the end of the divorce. Your crabs 723 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 2: in a barrel, Crabs in a barrel? Can you? Can you? 724 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 4: I saw you talk to The New York Times about 725 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:22,840 Speaker 4: this too, and you were telling them that being the 726 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,040 Speaker 4: fund out almost ruining your marriage. Yesterday I was watching 727 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,520 Speaker 4: Sley Kate Brown and Ryan Michelle Bath his wife on 728 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:32,080 Speaker 4: Michelle Obama's podcast, and they were having a conversation about 729 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,080 Speaker 4: preparing to be empty nesters and how you have to 730 00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:38,120 Speaker 4: like figure out being together. Can you talk about kind 731 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 4: of what now you're dynam kids with your wife because 732 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:42,360 Speaker 4: your kids are still in the house, but you realize 733 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 4: you got to be with your. 734 00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:47,880 Speaker 2: Partner absolutely, so uh most weekends, like if she's not 735 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,560 Speaker 2: going to go out with her girls, then we will 736 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,880 Speaker 2: go out together. I love that, you know. We we 737 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:55,239 Speaker 2: look forward to to like having a night out. Like 738 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,720 Speaker 2: my mother in law lives real closer, so we just 739 00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,520 Speaker 2: drop up the kids. Y'all got babysitters on you gotta 740 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,520 Speaker 2: have you gotta have that. Yeah, But she's again Brooklyn, 741 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 2: get you a Brooklyn person. You know what I'm saying 742 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,160 Speaker 2: they got the connect they got the hookups. So it's 743 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,239 Speaker 2: like we just do that and then we go out 744 00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,840 Speaker 2: and then like during the week we try to play hooky. 745 00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:16,120 Speaker 2: So like because I write from home, work from home, 746 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 2: and she like only she has three nights a week 747 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:23,400 Speaker 2: of teaching. Like during the day, we can be around, 748 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:26,360 Speaker 2: so like we'll go to like what's the place bathhouse, 749 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:30,400 Speaker 2: which is really great, Yeah, the spot? Yeah, get lunch 750 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 2: on a Wednesday, don't like because we both are home 751 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,200 Speaker 2: and we we have I mean, I'm very fortunate and 752 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,200 Speaker 2: very blessed that i can just be like, you want 753 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,200 Speaker 2: to do the spot tomorrow. She's like, yeah, let's do it, 754 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,520 Speaker 2: you know, or get lunch or whatever it is. So 755 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 2: you got to keep it spicy and chop it up 756 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 2: all the time and if you and that's we're preparing 757 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,480 Speaker 2: ourselves for for that. I mean, like our kids are 758 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,560 Speaker 2: thirteen and nine, so we got we got a couple 759 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,799 Speaker 2: more years, We got some time. It does are your. 760 00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:01,880 Speaker 3: Kids My oldest is seventeen for college just for wow, 761 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,080 Speaker 3: But then I have a ten year old, seven year 762 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:04,880 Speaker 3: old and four year old, so. 763 00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,880 Speaker 1: You know, it goes by fast. 764 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:11,000 Speaker 2: It does go by so fast. It goes by real fast. 765 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,400 Speaker 2: But but just keeping that spirit alive and keeping like 766 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,160 Speaker 2: the fun that you have for your kids, even if 767 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:16,920 Speaker 2: you divert a little bit. You know what I'm saying. 768 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,839 Speaker 2: For her, that's what's because we just get resentments and 769 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,480 Speaker 2: I'm like, you don't deserve that fun. I'm gonna put 770 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,239 Speaker 2: it over here, you know what I'm saying. Don't let 771 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,719 Speaker 2: you watch the game. She literally watched the game. I 772 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,080 Speaker 2: mean in peace, you know what I mean. But it 773 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,920 Speaker 2: was it wasn't about like the game is. It's not 774 00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,880 Speaker 2: that it's just the cowboys have It's been a one 775 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:38,120 Speaker 2: sided relationship, abusive relationship for so long that I was like, 776 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,759 Speaker 2: I gotta listen, I gotta do something. I gotta get out. 777 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:45,040 Speaker 2: I gotta get out, you know, check on them rolls. Right. 778 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,960 Speaker 1: I believe in everybody doing what they're the best at. 779 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:50,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, yeah. 780 00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:51,919 Speaker 1: Women are the best at cleaning women. 781 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:58,439 Speaker 2: Oh my god, like you come, let him keep going. 782 00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:03,479 Speaker 3: We can't learn no role women the CEO of the house. 783 00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:06,799 Speaker 3: Women Okay, like they hold that down. 784 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,760 Speaker 2: Patronaz better as a worker, you're better as a worker. Okay? 785 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 2: Were they not working in that in that example? You 786 00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:14,799 Speaker 2: said they were holding it down and doing. 787 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,200 Speaker 3: I'm better off working for them, you know. Okay, okay, 788 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,000 Speaker 3: I'm there for like moral support. I'll get you to brook, 789 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:21,279 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. 790 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:29,240 Speaker 1: Excuse me. I'm glad you do. I will open the window, 791 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 1: cleaning the house about. 792 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:34,839 Speaker 2: Don't do too much. 793 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:37,680 Speaker 1: Get supervisor of a cleaning company. 794 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,440 Speaker 2: You just helped open. 795 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:47,280 Speaker 1: America everything. She's got better than all of us. George, 796 00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,360 Speaker 1: how did thank you? 797 00:36:49,520 --> 00:37:02,080 Speaker 2: Thank you for your service? Mexican and blad like me. Yeah, no, no, no, 798 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,399 Speaker 2: I'm African American, but I'm like latinope like people think. 799 00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:15,839 Speaker 2: I'm like they think in these times these I'm just 800 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:21,000 Speaker 2: saying in the atmosphere that I can. I mean, I'm saying, is. 801 00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,719 Speaker 3: Good the most important thing about to be It will 802 00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,120 Speaker 3: help you with your emotional labor. 803 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,120 Speaker 2: Yes you know, yes, you're your your empathy emotional labor. 804 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:33,399 Speaker 2: I got very lucky, like my grandmother had Alzheimer's when 805 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,520 Speaker 2: I was a kid, so I learned what it was 806 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:39,160 Speaker 2: like to take care of somebody that maybe like is 807 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:43,080 Speaker 2: with with with with respect respectfully, you know, like their 808 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,239 Speaker 2: their faculties are going away. So I had that was 809 00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:49,160 Speaker 2: put on me early. So I was like empathetic to that. 810 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:53,440 Speaker 2: So so learning that is is definitely. Yeah, it's a 811 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,319 Speaker 2: certain kind of intelligence, you know. And and and I 812 00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,399 Speaker 2: think we need to up that. Men need to up 813 00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:00,920 Speaker 2: that completely. We're always told to be and stoic and 814 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,120 Speaker 2: things like that, but you got to you gotta go 815 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:07,279 Speaker 2: back way back when you had like you feel for 816 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:10,200 Speaker 2: your person. You know, you have to feel for everybody, 817 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,600 Speaker 2: but if you feel for your person what they're going through, 818 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,360 Speaker 2: even on little things. I wrote this book because I 819 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,440 Speaker 2: read a book about a guy that just didn't put 820 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,040 Speaker 2: his like his glass in the sink when his wife 821 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,080 Speaker 2: would ask him for years, and she divorced him because 822 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:27,839 Speaker 2: of that. So just like taking in what people want 823 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:30,840 Speaker 2: from you, and if you know what makes people upset, 824 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,920 Speaker 2: then you know what makes them happy. And just doing 825 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,600 Speaker 2: that thing and putting your your your arms around it 826 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 2: instead of your head around it, I think like you'll 827 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:40,759 Speaker 2: be much better off. 828 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:44,000 Speaker 1: You know is available everywhere you get books right now, 829 00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,160 Speaker 1: tell them to follow you. Jordan. 830 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,640 Speaker 2: You can follow me on Instagram. I'm one of one. 831 00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:51,480 Speaker 2: My name's Jordan Carlos. Follow me there. I'm also my 832 00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:54,480 Speaker 2: website jordancarloscomic dot com. I'm on all the things that 833 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,839 Speaker 2: TikTok and all that. So this has been amazing. Thank 834 00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:58,719 Speaker 2: you so much, y'all. I really appreciate it. Y. 835 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,600 Speaker 3: My guy Jordan called chot players out right now, man, 836 00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,640 Speaker 3: go pick it up. It might save your marriage, might 837 00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,200 Speaker 3: save you play the marriage saving magic. You're getting your 838 00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:07,840 Speaker 3: head out. 839 00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,160 Speaker 2: Your thank you for joining us, Thank you. 840 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,280 Speaker 1: Oh it's the Breakfast Club. 841 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:17,120 Speaker 2: Every day. Up wag, click your ass up the Breakfast Club. 842 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:17,480 Speaker 2: You know. 843 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 1: I'm finished, y'all done,