WEBVTT - Are You Tireddd? | MiniPod 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.640 Native Land Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership 0:00:03.640 --> 0:00:06.480 with Reason Choice Media. So we asked you all to 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:08.680 let us know what your favorite episodes were from this 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:11.280 last year, and for this week's mini pod, we're going 0:00:11.360 --> 0:00:14.960 to replay your favorite mini pod called are You Tired? 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:17.960 All three of us tend to be the problem solvers 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:20.440 in our groups of friends, and so we're sure many 0:00:20.520 --> 0:00:22.320 of you can relate to that. If you want to 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:25.720 see the full list of best of episodes as selected 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:29.840 by Native lamppodfam our audience, check out the episode description. 0:00:30.080 --> 0:00:37.320 Enjoy the show. Well, come, well, come, well, come, well come, welcome, welcome, all. 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:41.919 Right, welcome home, everybody. Welcome to today's mini pod. We are 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:44.839 going to be queering ourselves about something that not so political, 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:47.120 much more personal, and maybe some of you all can 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:50.880 relate to. Have you ever been I don't know, thought 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:54.280 of in your family, your friend group, your circle as 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:57.520 the solver, as the person gets it done, as the 0:00:57.560 --> 0:01:00.080 person once you mention it, that person lights up in 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:03.720 to it. Well, of the three of us, I think 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:07.319 all three of us have been that amongst our respective circles. 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:10.040 And so today we want to talk a little bit 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:12.680 about whether or not we are just doing too much, 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:17.840 and if we are, why we might be feeling compelled 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:21.679 to do too much or anything. I always think about 0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:25.679 these things, ladies, as being you know, sort of unhealed 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:30.199 traumas of our past. And I don't know if that's 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:33.479 true or not, but I think we often look at 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:36.560 we often see people look at people who jump to it, 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:39.880 who get things done through the sympathetic lens of they 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:43.280 just like to solve problems versus what is I think 0:01:43.920 --> 0:01:47.240 probably a truer scenario that we've got some things we've 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:50.800 got to solve for ourselves, and our inability to do 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:53.280 that for ourselves it's much easier to do it for 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:55.960 other people. But I'm curious to know if y'all have 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:58.440 a thought on that, and if I've set that up properly, 0:01:58.480 --> 0:01:58.919 I may. 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:01.840 Not have perspective. I think that resonates with me. 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:05.840 So if that's the case, then ANGELOUE will start with 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:13.360 you define yourself on this spectrum of solve all the 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:15.560 problems to Oh, I'll just sit and wait till you 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:17.600 to have me to do something. Yeah, oh, I already 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:20.280 know you ain't that ain't w But love to hear 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:21.040 where you think you are. 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:23.200 You know, I will tell you. 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:27.119 I don't know where the trauma came from, but that 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:30.720 is when you said that is deeply resonant. There's a 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:36.120 side of me that feels like my dad required us 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:39.400 to show up for family, and because of how black 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:44.960 folks families are, they extend far beyond the bloodline, and 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:47.720 so you know, if there was a need, you step 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:50.560 up and you meet the need, whether it's communal, cultural, 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:55.680 or in your intermediate family. And I mentioned on our 0:02:55.720 --> 0:02:59.200 main podcast that Tiff was like not she wasn't like 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:01.640 why you do that? But essentially that was the conversation, 0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:06.400 like have you thought about why you do that? And 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:09.680 it makes me really emotional because I can't think of 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:14.280 a time where I have stood up for myself with 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:19.840 the fierceness and the quickness that I will for anybody 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:23.280 and almost everybody else. That I was suspended in the 0:03:23.280 --> 0:03:27.040 seventh grade for fighting someone else's fight, right, like I 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:32.320 literally and if I even with my own father, if 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:35.760 there's something where he wants me to do something, I 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:38.600 feel really bad telling him no. And I've had to 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:41.400 work on that in therapy. What does that have to 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:45.800 do with stepping into crises? I actually love solving crises. 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:49.960 I love a crisis response, and it's because I think, 0:03:50.000 --> 0:03:53.920 deep down I want to be helpful. I think probably 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:57.280 the inner child in me is like help me that 0:03:57.400 --> 0:04:00.320 same way. And I don't know how. I only know 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:03.920 how to perform for other people. I think it has 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:06.880 been a journey that I am far from finishing to 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:08.840 step up for myself in the same way. 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:10.040 Interesting. 0:04:10.600 --> 0:04:13.160 Well, I'll say about me, but I want to say 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:13.880 this about Angela. 0:04:14.240 --> 0:04:16.479 I think I shouldn't. We shouldn't. We shouldn't comment on 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.880 her yet. No, I want us to reserve it to 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:20.880 our interests. 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.279 Make a comment. I just want to make a comment. 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:29.120 Se no no Veto. Veto said that. 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:30.960 You went to break in the middle of my comment 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:32.679 last episode. 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:33.720 Where are you where? 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:35.320 Something about me? 0:04:35.520 --> 0:04:37.880 But I wasn't gonna comment about I was going to 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:40.600 add something to it. But fine, Andrew said, I can't remember. 0:04:40.640 --> 0:04:43.360 That's the part about okay because my mate. 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:45.400 I will remember because I guys have to say about it. 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:48.120 But and Andrew, you were there for that conversation. By 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:49.520 the way, it was. 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:52.720 If it was initiated by you saying, did they ask 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:53.240 you to do that? 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:54.160 Yeah? 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:54.800 Did he asked you? 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:57.320 To do anything said no one ever, nobody ever asked 0:04:57.360 --> 0:04:57.760 me to do it. 0:04:57.800 --> 0:04:58.080 I just. 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:04.640 I completely understand how Angeloue feels. I will say I 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:09.000 have learned to compartmentalize and take on what I can. 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.000 And that's because there have been several times in life 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:14.200 where I felt myself about to break, and so now 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:18.880 I am very clear to protect myself from the stress 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.400 and anxiety that I can feel by taking on other 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:24.600 people's sugar honey iced tea. Like I just cannot do it, 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.919 so I have to. And even stuff that does impact me, 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:30.160 I have to decide is this something I'm going to 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:32.200 carry or not? And it's like my arms are full, 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:36.240 I'm already. If I didn't help myself relax and go 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:38.560 to sleep, this same energy that we have on the pot, 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:40.320 I will be wide awake at three in the morning, 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:42.000 four in the morning. And I spent most of my 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:46.159 teen years, my twenties and my thirties with that level 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.880 of anks where I just felt like I couldn't exhale. 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:52.279 Even now, I paced the floor for hours. You know, 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:55.000 if I'm thinking, if I'm right, you know, I have 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:57.240 to turn off my phone. I keep my phone on silent, 0:05:57.279 --> 0:06:02.240 probably twenty hours a day, because I it's like a 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:04.880 breathing entity, you know, like the constants. 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:05.640 Just like. 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:09.400 I know I heard that, but I thought that might 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:14.719 be a warning about the storm. Yeah, So for for me, 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:18.919 I can show up for other people, uh at a 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:22.800 point where it's not betraying myself, and betraying myself can 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.160 look like a different It's like if you need to sleep, 0:06:25.680 --> 0:06:29.120 it's not you know, you owe your your body sleep 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:30.919 because then you can show up for this person better. 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:33.599 If you are sad right now, if you're dealing with 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:36.000 your own stuff and you're heavy, like, you can't be 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:39.000 that to somebody else, you know, So take your time 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:40.960 to get yourself together and then show up in the 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:45.720 capacity that feels right and healthy. For me, I take 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:49.120 or have always in my life, I felt responsible for 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:54.240 my mother. I felt responsible for my my my brother 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:55.280 and I who grew up in the house together. I 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:57.640 felt responsible for him for a while. He probably felt 0:06:57.680 --> 0:06:59.880 responsible for me for a while, especially when we were kids. 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:02.840 But I have to decide, I got to focus on 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:06.280 my mom, you know, so I can I can help 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:09.760 her with whatever I can, and my brother can focus 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:12.800 on his kids, you know. So it just it kind 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:17.040 of works something Angelie say, we all we got and 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:18.240 that's why we feel that way. 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:19.120 We all we got. 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:22.400 What about you, Andrew? I feel like you're I don't know, 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:25.240 with some people, you're a catch all. With other people, 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:26.560 you're a free for. 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:29.600 All, lazy fair, lazy fair. Yeah, you know it. And 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:32.920 that's shifted over the years. The more in need I 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:40.240 have been, probably the less I have been able to 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:43.840 of late show up for others, because so the volume 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:45.880 has gotten so high it you know, it's sort of 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:50.080 a fight or flight, you know, sort of decision that 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:53.040 has to be made. But I mean for the forever 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:54.800 and for the longest time, and I don't know how 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:56.760 to get to the source of it. I've not gotten 0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:59.400 to the source of it, you know. My the value 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:03.640 that I've I brought to many relationships was my ability 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:08.480 to solve the problems that if I wasn't doing that, 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.400 I wasn't sure that I was offering a great you know, 0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:14.840 a great deal, partly because I don't do a great 0:08:14.880 --> 0:08:17.760 job listening to the historically, hadn't done a great job 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:20.560 listening to the problem. Because as you're talking to me 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:22.400 about the problem, in my mind is immediately going to 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:24.800 like Okay, what you can do about it? Is this 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:26.680 is that in the third part of that, I think 0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:30.040 is as a child, I was always frustrated that everybody 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:32.600 was complaining around or what we can't have and what 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:34.160 we don't have and what we did da da da. 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:36.000 And this is that in the third that I was 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:40.040 very you know, grew very tired of the excuse, all 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:42.280 the reasons why not all the things, you know, why 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:44.880 we can't help the situation that the things are being 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:48.200 done to us. But I think I grew almost a 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:52.360 muscle like resistance to this idea that there wasn't something 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:55.840 within our power that we could do about whatever that 0:08:55.880 --> 0:08:58.800 thing was. And in some cases, as I look back 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:00.520 on it, there wasn't anything we can we could do. 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:03.160 We were really you know, we were we were slave 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:06.720 to whatever that system was. And then you know, as 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:09.440 I learned more changed up environments and so on and 0:09:09.440 --> 0:09:11.240 so forth, then it was like, okay, you get the 0:09:11.280 --> 0:09:12.599 part to do it, and if they're not gonna do it, 0:09:12.600 --> 0:09:14.720 then we're gonna do it for ourselves, and we're not 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:16.240 gonna wait for anybody to do This is that in 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:20.080 the third and this you know, almost religious like pushback 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:24.239 against the idea that we couldn't solve it for ourselves. 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:28.720 And then now you know, I've had my own troth 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:33.400 of of you know, it's just the world, you know, 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:36.720 crumbling around me that I have that I have not 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:40.760 only not been really interested in accepting much help, but 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:45.720 also not really in a position to offer much either, 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:49.959 and that my time has been spent on like, okay, survival. 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:55.240 So there's there's something there in the middle of all 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:58.000 of that, but it isn't I haven't been able to 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:00.360 put a capstone on it. I do. I think there 0:10:00.400 --> 0:10:03.440 is something to this. Where do people derive value from me? 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:06.640 Right? Where do what. 0:10:08.200 --> 0:10:10.840 Am I doing? What am I contributing to the environment, 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:14.560 to the situation? That is additive? And if I can't 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:17.600 surmise for myself that there's something there that's additive, then 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:19.800 that's not then maybe I don't need to be in this, 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:21.640 and maybe they really don't want me in this and 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.559 they won't say it because I'm really not adding anything. 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:29.080 So I think there's a big value self value piece here, 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:30.840 but I don't know the genesis of it. 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:32.320 That's so deep. 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:36.840 That is interesting, Yeah, because I kind of understand that feeling, 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:39.160 like if I'm not living in service too, And I 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:42.360 had that for a while, like even feeling guilt about relaxing, 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:47.560 which I've abandoned my grandmother, like until the day she died, 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:50.560 she was always in service. She you know, went to 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:52.360 the nursing home to take care of people. She was 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:55.280 on the deacon boards, yeah, a choir rehearsal. She hosted 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.720 things with the ladies. We'll go to Costco and Sam's 0:10:57.760 --> 0:10:58.440 Club and get her. 0:10:58.600 --> 0:10:58.800 You know. 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:02.520 She was never idle, and I remember her. I spent 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:04.199 all the summers with my grandmother, and I remember when 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:06.160 she would come home and if I hadn't been doing anything, 0:11:06.200 --> 0:11:09.040 I felt embarrassed. She didn't say anything, but I just 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:10.960 felt like, oh, I need to get up and be 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:15.000 doing something. And I think it's something about us black folks, like, 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:17.160 you know what, we deserve a life of ease sometimes, 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.080 like it's okay for us to have a day and 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:24.079 breathe and exhale. The thing that Angel talks about on 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:25.880 the main pot that I had said and this isn't mine. 0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:28.080 I don't know who came up with this, but it's 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:31.200 a common phrase. When somebody's telling you something, you ask 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:34.800 do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged, and 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:37.480 I think, you know, to your point, Andrew, that is 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:39.960 one of the things that drives me crazy when I'm 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:42.600 telling one of my friends about my problem and they're 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:44.680 rushing me to get to the end of the story, 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:47.640 and then they immediately start telling me how they can 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:51.120 fix it. One it presumes that I ain't thought about 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:53.560 this chick for the past, you know, eight months or 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:57.080 eight years. I remember when I was, you know, struggling 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:59.600 to keep my business alive, and it was just one 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:02.280 of the sad at heaviest times in life for me, 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:04.679 and I was just you know, trying to put out 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:07.040 the beat. Angela, you remember those times, And I mean 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:10.520 I was just exhausted, and I would be with my 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:13.240 friends and I would say like, I'm just so exhausted, 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:14.679 like I just don't know what to do. I'm spending 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:16.600 like twenty thousand dollars a month of my own money. 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:19.000 And one of my friends was like, you should ask 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:22.040 like Oprah for some money, bitch. 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:23.080 Why did not think of that? 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:26.080 Let me text her right now to see how soon 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:26.719 you can call me. 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:30.880 Way, I'm so annoyed. 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.400 I'm like she brought me a house sense, right, thank you. 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:38.520 She just makes no sense, and I would get so annoyed, 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:41.360 or you should do this, but that you should, it 0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:44.360 would just drive me crazy. It's like, ask me more 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.840 questions before you come up with a solution, you know first, 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:48.880 it as well how you doing, how you feel, how's 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:51.959 your spirit? What can we do to help? Is there 0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:54.160 anything we can do to help? Or tell me more 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:56.760 what goes into running this business every day instead of 0:12:56.840 --> 0:12:59.120 let me immediately get to the solution, because that doesn't 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:01.760 say that you care about me. That says you're so 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:04.840 quick to make yourself feel good, to feed your your 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:07.360 own self worth, that it really has nothing to do 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:10.720 with me, like you're just trying to feed something in you. 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:13.360 And I will say with both of you, it's interesting 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:15.240 hearing you say this because Andrew, I feel like you 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:19.680 are consistently like I. Every time we're together, we always 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.760 have our time where we have like the deepest conversation. 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:25.959 We're talking and connecting, and you're very helpful. You're a 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:29.080 great listener, Angela. You always say how's your heart? Like 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:32.400 how you doing? What I was gonna say, Andrew vetoed 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:35.560 you always ask those questions. But I don't feel like 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:39.800 you're always receptive to answering those questions. And I wonder 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:41.600 when you said you don't show up for yourself that way, 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:45.000 and I'm like, yeah, I wonder what that is about you, Like, 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:48.360 do you ever you know, is there any space where 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:51.160 you're like, let me break and let me just tell 0:13:51.200 --> 0:14:03.920 you yeah, therapy. Okay, that's good though, Andrew, even when 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:05.559 Andrew was saying a thing earlier. 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:07.760 And I will work on that tip. I did hear 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:09.760 your point. I don't want to bypass it. I will 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:12.760 work on that more in therapy too, and with y'all. 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:16.480 You guys are my unofficial therapy, not just on the podcast. 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:18.280 Y'all. I will text them on the side. 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:20.800 Just because we send you there. No no, no, no. 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.200 You guys. You guys send me healing balm. 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:25.760 And I'm grateful, except for when you count say you'd 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:27.120 only want to gets cut off in the middle of 0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:32.120 the break. But I will say, I will say that 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:36.640 I think it is really hard when you say that 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:39.040 you're about to break for so many moments where we're 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:42.000 carrying so many things, for our families, for democracy, for 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:44.960 the culture, for racial justice, for all these things. 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:47.880 And somebody's like, how's your heart you're like, vish if. 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:50.200 I said it for a minute and tell you will 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:53.840 bring it, And so you're like, because yeah, you said this, Andrew, Like, 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:57.240 it's survival. It is a survival response to not dig 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:00.000 deeper in that moment if I know that I don't 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.000 have the capacity because in five minutes I gotta be 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:04.240 on air or five minutes I gotta do you know, 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:05.320 you just kind of can't. 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:07.640 And so even you talk about. 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:10.560 The helped held or hugged, helped, what is it helped, 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:15.360 helped hugged? From that, I got like, is the person 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:18.960 does the person want event? Does the person need you 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:22.320 to actively listen, like asking some of the probing questions. 0:15:22.320 --> 0:15:24.280 I think Tip is very good at that, Andrew, We've 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:26.640 both been on the receiving any of those questions. And 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:29.600 then or are they seeking advice like you should ask 0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:33.280 Oprafra a check or do they want you to solve 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:36.440 and do something? And my default is to solve and 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:40.880 do something. Again, it's not to be overbearing, it's not 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:44.600 to insert myself. I think that deep down, it is 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:48.960 the thing that seems like for me, it shows me love, 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:52.000 like you are willing to utilize your own contacts, your 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:55.800 own resources, your own time to guide me through a process. 0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:59.480 And when I have had the few opportunities and some 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:02.600 of them with y'all, to surrender into that, it's like, 0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:05.240 oh my god, I'm gonna give y'all some inside information 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:09.000 as a as a touch point. And it's both of 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:12.480 these guys, we really are like family. We facetimed Andrew, 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:14.560 who had just got out the shower so he could 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:17.440 not help us, but I had literally sent him text 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:19.400 and were like, Hell, what you doing? 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:19.720 Hell? 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:22.520 Because I knew that I could have a whole meltdown. 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:24.720 I was really ready to have a meltdown recently about 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:27.720 a live show, and Tip, who normally does not like 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:30.040 to be bothered, I was like, you have a whole 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:33.080 like production background. I'm gonna need you because we might 0:16:33.160 --> 0:16:35.560 lose our spot, Like I need you to help. And 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:37.760 TIF came in, and not only did she come in 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:40.120 when I thought I was helping to solve the things, 0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:41.480 she was like, I need you to go over there, 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:42.600 Like I just need you. 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:44.960 To go over there. You not helping? How you think 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:45.360 you helping? 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:47.600 And I was like, you know what, I can't see myself, 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:49.760 but I believe that's probably true. I'm trying to talk 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:52.640 to the man outside, be like yes, just please, She's. 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:53.480 Like bye, go. 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:57.040 And I think that in those moments you can't see yourself. 0:16:57.040 --> 0:16:59.240 All you know is like you have an end desired 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.320 goal and this that needs to happen. It's the same 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:03.760 thing as when they tell lawyers like don't ever be 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:06.760 a lawyer for yourself? You like, you can't see yourself 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:10.879 When I tell you, guys, because of tips involvement in this, 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:14.720 we ended up with a far better position that I 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:18.159 could have ever imagined. She has an eye, she is innovative, 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:21.080 she is creative. She don't like to insert your insert 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:23.040 insert herself and your stuff. 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:25.960 But boy, what she does, okay, she comes to it 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:27.800 a clutch. And it's the same thing for Andrew. There 0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:29.119 are so many times that can be like, well have 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:31.080 you thought about it? I'm like, no, I didn't think 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:32.320 about this, you know. 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:35.399 So I thank God for y'all, and and I appreciate 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:37.959 that even in the times when I said I'm just venting, 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:40.800 you did step up to solve, because sometimes we don't 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:44.520 actually know what we really need because we can't see ourselves. 0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:47.960 To me is when you are like panicked, you know, 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:52.280 like when you're I, you know, I it is hard 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:53.800 to see that. And it's not that I don't want 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:56.679 to be bothered. It's that I'm carrying other things. 0:17:56.920 --> 0:17:57.199 You know. 0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:00.760 It's like I and you know some of the stuff 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:05.280 I'm carrying. Sometimes it is my finances, you know, like 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:08.520 I'm already stressed over that. Sometimes it is my other 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:11.520 production that I do with Will Packer. I'm you know, 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.040 that's a full It's like taping eight Native lands and 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:16.199 one day, you know, and it's like I gotta you know, 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:20.480 it'spend weeks preparing for that. Sometimes it's family stuff. Sometimes 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:25.239 it's my own brokenness, my own heartbreak. Sometimes it's you know, 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:28.760 this foolish man who I didn't you know, gave access 0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:29.440 to me, who. 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:31.879 Is not on this podcast. 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:36.359 No, but he well he don't e look speak the 0:18:36.400 --> 0:18:39.520 Devil's name and social he appeared. He don't exist anymore. Okay, 0:18:40.280 --> 0:18:44.359 but Angela, you know, he don't even have access. He 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:46.720 don't even have access. But you all, but you do 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:49.760 know how it is when your heart is hurting and 0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:52.359 it's like I don't have room for anything else. 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:52.879 I can't. 0:18:53.200 --> 0:18:56.680 I don't have space for somebody else's panic. I don't 0:18:56.720 --> 0:19:01.120 have space for somebody, you know, tire or whatever it is. 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:03.120 It's like I'm about to lose it, and I can 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:05.639 show up about to lose it looking like this, sounding 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:08.200 like this, acting like everything is fine, but in here 0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:14.320 this is broken. I'm shaken with nerves on the verge 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:17.359 of tears, but I've swallowed them down long enough, just 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:19.040 so I can be in this space with you all 0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:21.919 and not you know, infect it with my own sadness. 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:23.840 And so it's not that I'm like, well, I don't 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:25.399 want to be by that's it. I don't ever have 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.200 that attitude. It's I'm holding as much as I can 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:30.240 right now and I can't hold anything else. 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:30.720 Now. 0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:32.840 When I see my sister is holding as much as 0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:35.280 she can and people keep dumping on it and I 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:37.800