Speaker 1: Native Land Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership
Speaker 1: with Reason Choice Media. So we asked you all to
Speaker 1: let us know what your favorite episodes were from this
Speaker 1: last year, and for this week's mini pod, we're going
Speaker 1: to replay your favorite mini pod called are You Tired?
Speaker 1: All three of us tend to be the problem solvers
Speaker 1: in our groups of friends, and so we're sure many
Speaker 1: of you can relate to that. If you want to
Speaker 1: see the full list of best of episodes as selected
Speaker 1: by Native lamppodfam our audience, check out the episode description.
Speaker 2: Enjoy the show. Well, come, well, come, well, come, well come, welcome, welcome, all.
Speaker 3: Right, welcome home, everybody. Welcome to today's mini pod. We are
Speaker 3: going to be queering ourselves about something that not so political,
Speaker 3: much more personal, and maybe some of you all can
Speaker 3: relate to. Have you ever been I don't know, thought
Speaker 3: of in your family, your friend group, your circle as
Speaker 3: the solver, as the person gets it done, as the
Speaker 3: person once you mention it, that person lights up in
Speaker 3: to it. Well, of the three of us, I think
Speaker 3: all three of us have been that amongst our respective circles.
Speaker 3: And so today we want to talk a little bit
Speaker 3: about whether or not we are just doing too much,
Speaker 3: and if we are, why we might be feeling compelled
Speaker 3: to do too much or anything. I always think about
Speaker 3: these things, ladies, as being you know, sort of unhealed
Speaker 3: traumas of our past. And I don't know if that's
Speaker 3: true or not, but I think we often look at
Speaker 3: we often see people look at people who jump to it,
Speaker 3: who get things done through the sympathetic lens of they
Speaker 3: just like to solve problems versus what is I think
Speaker 3: probably a truer scenario that we've got some things we've
Speaker 3: got to solve for ourselves, and our inability to do
Speaker 3: that for ourselves it's much easier to do it for
Speaker 3: other people. But I'm curious to know if y'all have
Speaker 3: a thought on that, and if I've set that up properly,
Speaker 3: I may.
Speaker 4: Not have perspective. I think that resonates with me.
Speaker 3: So if that's the case, then ANGELOUE will start with
Speaker 3: you define yourself on this spectrum of solve all the
Speaker 3: problems to Oh, I'll just sit and wait till you
Speaker 3: to have me to do something. Yeah, oh, I already
Speaker 3: know you ain't that ain't w But love to hear
Speaker 3: where you think you are.
Speaker 2: You know, I will tell you.
Speaker 1: I don't know where the trauma came from, but that
Speaker 1: is when you said that is deeply resonant. There's a
Speaker 1: side of me that feels like my dad required us
Speaker 1: to show up for family, and because of how black
Speaker 1: folks families are, they extend far beyond the bloodline, and
Speaker 1: so you know, if there was a need, you step
Speaker 1: up and you meet the need, whether it's communal, cultural,
Speaker 1: or in your intermediate family. And I mentioned on our
Speaker 1: main podcast that Tiff was like not she wasn't like
Speaker 1: why you do that? But essentially that was the conversation,
Speaker 1: like have you thought about why you do that? And
Speaker 1: it makes me really emotional because I can't think of
Speaker 1: a time where I have stood up for myself with
Speaker 1: the fierceness and the quickness that I will for anybody
Speaker 1: and almost everybody else. That I was suspended in the
Speaker 1: seventh grade for fighting someone else's fight, right, like I
Speaker 1: literally and if I even with my own father, if
Speaker 1: there's something where he wants me to do something, I
Speaker 1: feel really bad telling him no. And I've had to
Speaker 1: work on that in therapy. What does that have to
Speaker 1: do with stepping into crises? I actually love solving crises.
Speaker 1: I love a crisis response, and it's because I think,
Speaker 1: deep down I want to be helpful. I think probably
Speaker 1: the inner child in me is like help me that
Speaker 1: same way. And I don't know how. I only know
Speaker 1: how to perform for other people. I think it has
Speaker 1: been a journey that I am far from finishing to
Speaker 1: step up for myself in the same way.
Speaker 3: Interesting.
Speaker 4: Well, I'll say about me, but I want to say
Speaker 4: this about Angela.
Speaker 3: I think I shouldn't. We shouldn't. We shouldn't comment on
Speaker 3: her yet. No, I want us to reserve it to
Speaker 3: our interests.
Speaker 4: Make a comment. I just want to make a comment.
Speaker 3: Se no no Veto. Veto said that.
Speaker 1: You went to break in the middle of my comment
Speaker 1: last episode.
Speaker 3: Where are you where?
Speaker 2: Something about me?
Speaker 4: But I wasn't gonna comment about I was going to
Speaker 4: add something to it. But fine, Andrew said, I can't remember.
Speaker 2: That's the part about okay because my mate.
Speaker 4: I will remember because I guys have to say about it.
Speaker 4: But and Andrew, you were there for that conversation. By
Speaker 4: the way, it was.
Speaker 3: If it was initiated by you saying, did they ask
Speaker 3: you to do that?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Did he asked you?
Speaker 1: To do anything said no one ever, nobody ever asked
Speaker 1: me to do it.
Speaker 2: I just.
Speaker 4: I completely understand how Angeloue feels. I will say I
Speaker 4: have learned to compartmentalize and take on what I can.
Speaker 4: And that's because there have been several times in life
Speaker 4: where I felt myself about to break, and so now
Speaker 4: I am very clear to protect myself from the stress
Speaker 4: and anxiety that I can feel by taking on other
Speaker 4: people's sugar honey iced tea. Like I just cannot do it,
Speaker 4: so I have to. And even stuff that does impact me,
Speaker 4: I have to decide is this something I'm going to
Speaker 4: carry or not? And it's like my arms are full,
Speaker 4: I'm already. If I didn't help myself relax and go
Speaker 4: to sleep, this same energy that we have on the pot,
Speaker 4: I will be wide awake at three in the morning,
Speaker 4: four in the morning. And I spent most of my
Speaker 4: teen years, my twenties and my thirties with that level
Speaker 4: of anks where I just felt like I couldn't exhale.
Speaker 4: Even now, I paced the floor for hours. You know,
Speaker 4: if I'm thinking, if I'm right, you know, I have
Speaker 4: to turn off my phone. I keep my phone on silent,
Speaker 4: probably twenty hours a day, because I it's like a
Speaker 4: breathing entity, you know, like the constants.
Speaker 2: Just like.
Speaker 4: I know I heard that, but I thought that might
Speaker 4: be a warning about the storm. Yeah, So for for me,
Speaker 4: I can show up for other people, uh at a
Speaker 4: point where it's not betraying myself, and betraying myself can
Speaker 4: look like a different It's like if you need to sleep,
Speaker 4: it's not you know, you owe your your body sleep
Speaker 4: because then you can show up for this person better.
Speaker 4: If you are sad right now, if you're dealing with
Speaker 4: your own stuff and you're heavy, like, you can't be
Speaker 4: that to somebody else, you know, So take your time
Speaker 4: to get yourself together and then show up in the
Speaker 4: capacity that feels right and healthy. For me, I take
Speaker 4: or have always in my life, I felt responsible for
Speaker 4: my mother. I felt responsible for my my my brother
Speaker 4: and I who grew up in the house together. I
Speaker 4: felt responsible for him for a while. He probably felt
Speaker 4: responsible for me for a while, especially when we were kids.
Speaker 4: But I have to decide, I got to focus on
Speaker 4: my mom, you know, so I can I can help
Speaker 4: her with whatever I can, and my brother can focus
Speaker 4: on his kids, you know. So it just it kind
Speaker 4: of works something Angelie say, we all we got and
Speaker 4: that's why we feel that way.
Speaker 2: We all we got.
Speaker 4: What about you, Andrew? I feel like you're I don't know,
Speaker 4: with some people, you're a catch all. With other people,
Speaker 4: you're a free for.
Speaker 3: All, lazy fair, lazy fair. Yeah, you know it. And
Speaker 3: that's shifted over the years. The more in need I
Speaker 3: have been, probably the less I have been able to
Speaker 3: of late show up for others, because so the volume
Speaker 3: has gotten so high it you know, it's sort of
Speaker 3: a fight or flight, you know, sort of decision that
Speaker 3: has to be made. But I mean for the forever
Speaker 3: and for the longest time, and I don't know how
Speaker 3: to get to the source of it. I've not gotten
Speaker 3: to the source of it, you know. My the value
Speaker 3: that I've I brought to many relationships was my ability
Speaker 3: to solve the problems that if I wasn't doing that,
Speaker 3: I wasn't sure that I was offering a great you know,
Speaker 3: a great deal, partly because I don't do a great
Speaker 3: job listening to the historically, hadn't done a great job
Speaker 3: listening to the problem. Because as you're talking to me
Speaker 3: about the problem, in my mind is immediately going to
Speaker 3: like Okay, what you can do about it? Is this
Speaker 3: is that in the third part of that, I think
Speaker 3: is as a child, I was always frustrated that everybody
Speaker 3: was complaining around or what we can't have and what
Speaker 3: we don't have and what we did da da da.
Speaker 3: And this is that in the third that I was
Speaker 3: very you know, grew very tired of the excuse, all
Speaker 3: the reasons why not all the things, you know, why
Speaker 3: we can't help the situation that the things are being
Speaker 3: done to us. But I think I grew almost a
Speaker 3: muscle like resistance to this idea that there wasn't something
Speaker 3: within our power that we could do about whatever that
Speaker 3: thing was. And in some cases, as I look back
Speaker 3: on it, there wasn't anything we can we could do.
Speaker 3: We were really you know, we were we were slave
Speaker 3: to whatever that system was. And then you know, as
Speaker 3: I learned more changed up environments and so on and
Speaker 3: so forth, then it was like, okay, you get the
Speaker 3: part to do it, and if they're not gonna do it,
Speaker 3: then we're gonna do it for ourselves, and we're not
Speaker 3: gonna wait for anybody to do This is that in
Speaker 3: the third and this you know, almost religious like pushback
Speaker 3: against the idea that we couldn't solve it for ourselves.
Speaker 3: And then now you know, I've had my own troth
Speaker 3: of of you know, it's just the world, you know,
Speaker 3: crumbling around me that I have that I have not
Speaker 3: only not been really interested in accepting much help, but
Speaker 3: also not really in a position to offer much either,
Speaker 3: and that my time has been spent on like, okay, survival.
Speaker 3: So there's there's something there in the middle of all
Speaker 3: of that, but it isn't I haven't been able to
Speaker 3: put a capstone on it. I do. I think there
Speaker 3: is something to this. Where do people derive value from me?
Speaker 2: Right? Where do what.
Speaker 3: Am I doing? What am I contributing to the environment,
Speaker 3: to the situation? That is additive? And if I can't
Speaker 3: surmise for myself that there's something there that's additive, then
Speaker 3: that's not then maybe I don't need to be in this,
Speaker 3: and maybe they really don't want me in this and
Speaker 3: they won't say it because I'm really not adding anything.
Speaker 3: So I think there's a big value self value piece here,
Speaker 3: but I don't know the genesis of it.
Speaker 2: That's so deep.
Speaker 4: That is interesting, Yeah, because I kind of understand that feeling,
Speaker 4: like if I'm not living in service too, And I
Speaker 4: had that for a while, like even feeling guilt about relaxing,
Speaker 4: which I've abandoned my grandmother, like until the day she died,
Speaker 4: she was always in service. She you know, went to
Speaker 4: the nursing home to take care of people. She was
Speaker 4: on the deacon boards, yeah, a choir rehearsal. She hosted
Speaker 4: things with the ladies. We'll go to Costco and Sam's
Speaker 4: Club and get her.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: She was never idle, and I remember her. I spent
Speaker 4: all the summers with my grandmother, and I remember when
Speaker 4: she would come home and if I hadn't been doing anything,
Speaker 4: I felt embarrassed. She didn't say anything, but I just
Speaker 4: felt like, oh, I need to get up and be
Speaker 4: doing something. And I think it's something about us black folks, like,
Speaker 4: you know what, we deserve a life of ease sometimes,
Speaker 4: like it's okay for us to have a day and
Speaker 4: breathe and exhale. The thing that Angel talks about on
Speaker 4: the main pot that I had said and this isn't mine.
Speaker 4: I don't know who came up with this, but it's
Speaker 4: a common phrase. When somebody's telling you something, you ask
Speaker 4: do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged, and
Speaker 4: I think, you know, to your point, Andrew, that is
Speaker 4: one of the things that drives me crazy when I'm
Speaker 4: telling one of my friends about my problem and they're
Speaker 4: rushing me to get to the end of the story,
Speaker 4: and then they immediately start telling me how they can
Speaker 4: fix it. One it presumes that I ain't thought about
Speaker 4: this chick for the past, you know, eight months or
Speaker 4: eight years. I remember when I was, you know, struggling
Speaker 4: to keep my business alive, and it was just one
Speaker 4: of the sad at heaviest times in life for me,
Speaker 4: and I was just you know, trying to put out
Speaker 4: the beat. Angela, you remember those times, And I mean
Speaker 4: I was just exhausted, and I would be with my
Speaker 4: friends and I would say like, I'm just so exhausted,
Speaker 4: like I just don't know what to do. I'm spending
Speaker 4: like twenty thousand dollars a month of my own money.
Speaker 4: And one of my friends was like, you should ask
Speaker 4: like Oprah for some money, bitch.
Speaker 2: Why did not think of that?
Speaker 4: Let me text her right now to see how soon
Speaker 4: you can call me.
Speaker 2: Way, I'm so annoyed.
Speaker 4: I'm like she brought me a house sense, right, thank you.
Speaker 4: She just makes no sense, and I would get so annoyed,
Speaker 4: or you should do this, but that you should, it
Speaker 4: would just drive me crazy. It's like, ask me more
Speaker 4: questions before you come up with a solution, you know first,
Speaker 4: it as well how you doing, how you feel, how's
Speaker 4: your spirit? What can we do to help? Is there
Speaker 4: anything we can do to help? Or tell me more
Speaker 4: what goes into running this business every day instead of
Speaker 4: let me immediately get to the solution, because that doesn't
Speaker 4: say that you care about me. That says you're so
Speaker 4: quick to make yourself feel good, to feed your your
Speaker 4: own self worth, that it really has nothing to do
Speaker 4: with me, like you're just trying to feed something in you.
Speaker 4: And I will say with both of you, it's interesting
Speaker 4: hearing you say this because Andrew, I feel like you
Speaker 4: are consistently like I. Every time we're together, we always
Speaker 4: have our time where we have like the deepest conversation.
Speaker 4: We're talking and connecting, and you're very helpful. You're a
Speaker 4: great listener, Angela. You always say how's your heart? Like
Speaker 4: how you doing? What I was gonna say, Andrew vetoed
Speaker 4: you always ask those questions. But I don't feel like
Speaker 4: you're always receptive to answering those questions. And I wonder
Speaker 4: when you said you don't show up for yourself that way,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, yeah, I wonder what that is about you, Like,
Speaker 4: do you ever you know, is there any space where
Speaker 4: you're like, let me break and let me just tell
Speaker 4: you yeah, therapy. Okay, that's good though, Andrew, even when
Speaker 4: Andrew was saying a thing earlier.
Speaker 1: And I will work on that tip. I did hear
Speaker 1: your point. I don't want to bypass it. I will
Speaker 1: work on that more in therapy too, and with y'all.
Speaker 1: You guys are my unofficial therapy, not just on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Y'all. I will text them on the side.
Speaker 3: Just because we send you there. No no, no, no.
Speaker 2: You guys. You guys send me healing balm.
Speaker 1: And I'm grateful, except for when you count say you'd
Speaker 1: only want to gets cut off in the middle of
Speaker 1: the break. But I will say, I will say that
Speaker 1: I think it is really hard when you say that
Speaker 1: you're about to break for so many moments where we're
Speaker 1: carrying so many things, for our families, for democracy, for
Speaker 1: the culture, for racial justice, for all these things.
Speaker 2: And somebody's like, how's your heart you're like, vish if.
Speaker 1: I said it for a minute and tell you will
Speaker 1: bring it, And so you're like, because yeah, you said this, Andrew, Like,
Speaker 1: it's survival. It is a survival response to not dig
Speaker 1: deeper in that moment if I know that I don't
Speaker 1: have the capacity because in five minutes I gotta be
Speaker 1: on air or five minutes I gotta do you know,
Speaker 1: you just kind of can't.
Speaker 2: And so even you talk about.
Speaker 1: The helped held or hugged, helped, what is it helped,
Speaker 1: helped hugged? From that, I got like, is the person
Speaker 1: does the person want event? Does the person need you
Speaker 1: to actively listen, like asking some of the probing questions.
Speaker 1: I think Tip is very good at that, Andrew, We've
Speaker 1: both been on the receiving any of those questions. And
Speaker 1: then or are they seeking advice like you should ask
Speaker 1: Oprafra a check or do they want you to solve
Speaker 1: and do something? And my default is to solve and
Speaker 1: do something. Again, it's not to be overbearing, it's not
Speaker 1: to insert myself. I think that deep down, it is
Speaker 1: the thing that seems like for me, it shows me love,
Speaker 1: like you are willing to utilize your own contacts, your
Speaker 1: own resources, your own time to guide me through a process.
Speaker 1: And when I have had the few opportunities and some
Speaker 1: of them with y'all, to surrender into that, it's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm gonna give y'all some inside information
Speaker 1: as a as a touch point. And it's both of
Speaker 1: these guys, we really are like family. We facetimed Andrew,
Speaker 1: who had just got out the shower so he could
Speaker 1: not help us, but I had literally sent him text
Speaker 1: and were like, Hell, what you doing?
Speaker 3: Hell?
Speaker 1: Because I knew that I could have a whole meltdown.
Speaker 1: I was really ready to have a meltdown recently about
Speaker 1: a live show, and Tip, who normally does not like
Speaker 1: to be bothered, I was like, you have a whole
Speaker 1: like production background. I'm gonna need you because we might
Speaker 1: lose our spot, Like I need you to help. And
Speaker 1: TIF came in, and not only did she come in
Speaker 1: when I thought I was helping to solve the things,
Speaker 1: she was like, I need you to go over there,
Speaker 1: Like I just need you.
Speaker 2: To go over there. You not helping? How you think
Speaker 2: you helping?
Speaker 1: And I was like, you know what, I can't see myself,
Speaker 1: but I believe that's probably true. I'm trying to talk
Speaker 1: to the man outside, be like yes, just please, She's.
Speaker 2: Like bye, go.
Speaker 1: And I think that in those moments you can't see yourself.
Speaker 1: All you know is like you have an end desired
Speaker 1: goal and this that needs to happen. It's the same
Speaker 1: thing as when they tell lawyers like don't ever be
Speaker 1: a lawyer for yourself? You like, you can't see yourself
Speaker 1: When I tell you, guys, because of tips involvement in this,
Speaker 1: we ended up with a far better position that I
Speaker 1: could have ever imagined. She has an eye, she is innovative,
Speaker 1: she is creative. She don't like to insert your insert
Speaker 1: insert herself and your stuff.
Speaker 2: But boy, what she does, okay, she comes to it
Speaker 2: a clutch. And it's the same thing for Andrew. There
Speaker 2: are so many times that can be like, well have
Speaker 2: you thought about it? I'm like, no, I didn't think
Speaker 2: about this, you know.
Speaker 1: So I thank God for y'all, and and I appreciate
Speaker 1: that even in the times when I said I'm just venting,
Speaker 1: you did step up to solve, because sometimes we don't
Speaker 1: actually know what we really need because we can't see ourselves.
Speaker 1: To me is when you are like panicked, you know,
Speaker 1: like when you're I, you know, I it is hard
Speaker 1: to see that. And it's not that I don't want
Speaker 1: to be bothered. It's that I'm carrying other things.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: It's like I and you know some of the stuff
Speaker 4: I'm carrying. Sometimes it is my finances, you know, like
Speaker 4: I'm already stressed over that. Sometimes it is my other
Speaker 4: production that I do with Will Packer. I'm you know,
Speaker 4: that's a full It's like taping eight Native lands and
Speaker 4: one day, you know, and it's like I gotta you know,
Speaker 4: it'spend weeks preparing for that. Sometimes it's family stuff. Sometimes
Speaker 4: it's my own brokenness, my own heartbreak. Sometimes it's you know,
Speaker 4: this foolish man who I didn't you know, gave access
Speaker 4: to me, who.
Speaker 2: Is not on this podcast.
Speaker 4: No, but he well he don't e look speak the
Speaker 4: Devil's name and social he appeared. He don't exist anymore. Okay,
Speaker 4: but Angela, you know, he don't even have access. He
Speaker 4: don't even have access. But you all, but you do
Speaker 4: know how it is when your heart is hurting and
Speaker 4: it's like I don't have room for anything else.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 4: I don't have space for somebody else's panic. I don't
Speaker 4: have space for somebody, you know, tire or whatever it is.
Speaker 4: It's like I'm about to lose it, and I can
Speaker 4: show up about to lose it looking like this, sounding
Speaker 4: like this, acting like everything is fine, but in here
Speaker 4: this is broken. I'm shaken with nerves on the verge
Speaker 4: of tears, but I've swallowed them down long enough, just
Speaker 4: so I can be in this space with you all
Speaker 4: and not you know, infect it with my own sadness.
Speaker 4: And so it's not that I'm like, well, I don't
Speaker 4: want to be by that's it. I don't ever have
Speaker 4: that attitude. It's I'm holding as much as I can
Speaker 4: right now and I can't hold anything else.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: When I see my sister is holding as much as
Speaker 4: she can and people keep dumping on it and I
Speaker 4: see her about to break and fall, then yes, in
Speaker 4: those moments of extreme energy, let me set my stuff
Speaker 4: down and go over here and help my sister with
Speaker 4: this right now. And I think that happens most around
Speaker 4: our live show.
Speaker 3: I do think we all aw it to each other
Speaker 3: to deepen into the you know, the why because something
Speaker 3: Angela you said that know to be true with me,
Speaker 3: which is the things that we do, what we put
Speaker 3: out of ourselves.
Speaker 4: Is that is the warning Andrew, we're about.
Speaker 2: To wrap hur okay.
Speaker 3: But so yeah, this is just doubling down on what
Speaker 3: we know. A direct hit toward Tallahassee and evacuations are
Speaker 3: re ordered. So I will say, I think one thing
Speaker 3: that we was resident there was how we give love
Speaker 3: is also in some ways how we wish to receive it.
Speaker 3: And I know that I'm most critical of people used
Speaker 3: to be anyway when I wasn't receiving the love the
Speaker 3: way that I was the way I was giving it out,
Speaker 3: which is why you know, I had to reach the
Speaker 3: epiphany that love language was about learning the love language
Speaker 3: of other people, you know, not just yourself, and that
Speaker 3: way you can give it in a way that they
Speaker 3: can receive it, just like you're wanting them to delivered
Speaker 3: to you in a way you can receive it. But
Speaker 3: I know that this is not all that that we're
Speaker 3: not the only ones dealing with this. I know all
Speaker 3: amongst the listeners, everybody is struggling, and we we could,
Speaker 3: we could give ourselves some grace. Here would be my advice.
Speaker 4: About because people say it's.
Speaker 3: For me because it is a new thing, what that
Speaker 3: means for me is recognize that I'm not a superhero
Speaker 3: or a superhuman and that as just the normal breathing person,
Speaker 3: I can get tired too. I can want to rest too.
Speaker 3: I can realize that, you know what, this problem that
Speaker 3: I've been thinking I can solve and only me is
Speaker 3: not intractable for everybody. That maybe somebody else ought to
Speaker 3: have the shot at solving the thing, and maybe they
Speaker 3: might get further than I can. So, you know, all
Speaker 3: the things which is contrary to how I thought of
Speaker 3: myself and what I'm supposed to be doing for practically
Speaker 3: all of my life up to this point, I'm the
Speaker 3: one who can do it. It cannot be done, and if
Speaker 3: it was done by somebody else, it wouldn't be done
Speaker 3: to the level at which I would expect, right, and
Speaker 3: so on and so forth. But you know what, boom,
Speaker 3: I'm not that special. All those things that are only
Speaker 3: for me are not just for me. I'm requiring that,
Speaker 3: probably to protect myself from something else, a different reality
Speaker 3: that I don't want to deal with. So grace is
Speaker 3: just that it's letting yourself off a little bit without
Speaker 3: all the judgment, at least.
Speaker 4: Sharing something that you said to me that I think
Speaker 4: is so good. We were talking about I can't remember
Speaker 4: what emotion. It was, either shame or regret, and you said,
Speaker 4: those are emotions that only take.
Speaker 3: They don't redeem, they don't get.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, give.
Speaker 3: You anything they take, Yes, I had.
Speaker 4: I want you to know I've repeated that to several people,
Speaker 4: and I did not give you credit, so y'all know that.
Speaker 3: But no, I mean not redeemable. But this thing is
Speaker 3: a leech and it's not here to give you anything.
Speaker 3: It's only here to take. God Lee.
Speaker 1: I wanted to offer two things on grace the grace question.
Speaker 1: The first is perfection is not required. The second is
Speaker 1: we have to stop expecting ourselves from other people. That
Speaker 1: is grace for us, and it's grace for them. And
Speaker 1: how dare we think that our way is the only way?
Speaker 1: That is so egotistical, so egocentric, and thank god that's
Speaker 1: not the only way. Can you imagine how flat this
Speaker 1: world would actually be shout out to the hoteps if
Speaker 1: we did actually believe, if we moved that way. So
Speaker 1: thank god that there's some difference, So thank god there's
Speaker 1: divergent experiences and all that, and yes.
Speaker 3: And multiple ways of getting to where you want to go.
Speaker 1: Yes, well, I want to know y'all have languages so
Speaker 1: I can love you better. You guys, Oh, let's do that. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I would like to try it.
Speaker 4: Mine, I have too, and I don't know if you
Speaker 4: can solve these animals. Mine is time spent and physical time.
Speaker 1: Well, I can go on a walk with you and
Speaker 1: I get stuck.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, I was thinking another physical.
Speaker 1: Specify that you, guys, I'm going to tell you one
Speaker 1: of mine is cooking. That's not in there, but it
Speaker 1: should be. I guess it could technically be an active service.
Speaker 1: But I really like words of affirmation. The problem is,
Speaker 1: I think words of affirmation have to also align up
Speaker 1: with your actions, so I know that's not in there neither.
Speaker 2: But y'all have a little bit of a rebel.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 4: But even I feel like even when we give you
Speaker 4: words affirmation, sometimes you are quick like them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so let me say it.
Speaker 1: I really like like for my birthday this year, since
Speaker 1: I think my birthday is coming up before either of y'all's.
Speaker 4: Again, yes, I'm already.
Speaker 2: I like like love.
Speaker 1: Notes like send me a nice like encouraging note.
Speaker 2: You know that? Yeah, like it isn't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be like, oh, angel let me
Speaker 1: tell you girl, you this such a good job. I'll
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, that kind of like something that's deeper.
Speaker 2: You know. I like that.
Speaker 1: I like that more than anything. And and they're free
Speaker 1: except for your time. It's still bad, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to discount your times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's real.
Speaker 4: Love that I do. I love that idea.
Speaker 3: So y'all, I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to lean
Speaker 3: into this. And for our listeners, I know this is
Speaker 3: different than our you know, normal politico, but guess what
Speaker 3: we're trying to be round it. We're trying to elevate
Speaker 3: as a culture.
Speaker 2: Podcast.
Speaker 3: So hey, hey, hey, if you benefit, send us a bill.
Speaker 2: I send us a check. We want a bill, how
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 3: I don't want no checks.
Speaker 4: Like, So, what they can do for us is tell
Speaker 4: us how they show themselves grace, some of their self
Speaker 4: care practices. I'd be curious because I'm I'm trying to,
Speaker 4: you know, show myself grace. And it's like a journey.
Speaker 4: We talked about this on the last podcast, Angela, when
Speaker 4: you were saying on your journey home to yourself, that
Speaker 4: was like two years ago, I think, and I didn't
Speaker 4: even really know what that meant, and I overstand what
Speaker 4: that means now because I am definitely on the journey
Speaker 4: home to myself and it feels great. I mean, I
Speaker 4: have to say, because I went through some dark times,
Speaker 4: like I was real, I felt I went from being
Speaker 4: on top of the world, if like the world was
Speaker 4: on top of me. And now for anyone going through that,
Speaker 4: and I know personally a few people going through that,
Speaker 4: it just feels so great to come out on the
Speaker 4: other side, you know, to see light and to you know,
Speaker 4: see sunshine, and you know there's things you can do
Speaker 4: for yourself. One thing I always made sure that I
Speaker 4: did in my darkest times. My rules for myself. You
Speaker 4: gotta get up early and take a shower, like when
Speaker 4: you wake up, go take a shower, and get dressed.
Speaker 4: Even if you're getting dressed was putting on a fresh
Speaker 4: new pair of pajamas, but you do have to get
Speaker 4: up that you can't lay in bed. Yes, and you
Speaker 4: got to walk around the block one time. That was
Speaker 4: some of my self care. But the thing is, when
Speaker 4: I'm walking around the block, I'm making out with a dog,
Speaker 4: I see, I'm seeing people well, I am smooching and
Speaker 4: you know, like look at little and when people tell.
Speaker 1: Me different things, you guys, guess what he's about to
Speaker 1: become a full long podcast.
Speaker 4: Okay, because we still had time with the videographers and we.
Speaker 1: Have to still do our just still have to do
Speaker 1: our ur Yes, welcome home, everybody.
Speaker 4: But we had them until don't have.
Speaker 2: To cut what we're cutting from the podcast.
Speaker 4: Okay, I was gonna make a special announcement.
Speaker 2: I'll tell y'all, Oh tell us, but you want to
Speaker 2: announce it, don't make it in.
Speaker 3: The many, don't make it in the many.
Speaker 4: Well, I got to think of what it is.
Speaker 3: I'll make it on on that note, have a great week, everybody.
Speaker 3: Welcome Home.
Speaker 4: Welcome Home.
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