1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: Native Land Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:06,480 Speaker 1: with Reason Choice Media. So we asked you all to 3 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:08,680 Speaker 1: let us know what your favorite episodes were from this 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: last year, and for this week's mini pod, we're going 5 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,960 Speaker 1: to replay your favorite mini pod called are You Tired? 6 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,960 Speaker 1: All three of us tend to be the problem solvers 7 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,440 Speaker 1: in our groups of friends, and so we're sure many 8 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: of you can relate to that. If you want to 9 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,720 Speaker 1: see the full list of best of episodes as selected 10 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: by Native lamppodfam our audience, check out the episode description. 11 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 2: Enjoy the show. Well, come, well, come, well, come, well come, welcome, welcome, all. 12 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:41,919 Speaker 3: Right, welcome home, everybody. Welcome to today's mini pod. We are 13 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,839 Speaker 3: going to be queering ourselves about something that not so political, 14 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 3: much more personal, and maybe some of you all can 15 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 3: relate to. Have you ever been I don't know, thought 16 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 3: of in your family, your friend group, your circle as 17 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 3: the solver, as the person gets it done, as the 18 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,080 Speaker 3: person once you mention it, that person lights up in 19 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 3: to it. Well, of the three of us, I think 20 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:07,319 Speaker 3: all three of us have been that amongst our respective circles. 21 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:10,040 Speaker 3: And so today we want to talk a little bit 22 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,680 Speaker 3: about whether or not we are just doing too much, 23 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:17,840 Speaker 3: and if we are, why we might be feeling compelled 24 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,679 Speaker 3: to do too much or anything. I always think about 25 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 3: these things, ladies, as being you know, sort of unhealed 26 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:30,199 Speaker 3: traumas of our past. And I don't know if that's 27 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,479 Speaker 3: true or not, but I think we often look at 28 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 3: we often see people look at people who jump to it, 29 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 3: who get things done through the sympathetic lens of they 30 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 3: just like to solve problems versus what is I think 31 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 3: probably a truer scenario that we've got some things we've 32 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 3: got to solve for ourselves, and our inability to do 33 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 3: that for ourselves it's much easier to do it for 34 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 3: other people. But I'm curious to know if y'all have 35 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 3: a thought on that, and if I've set that up properly, 36 00:01:58,480 --> 00:01:58,919 Speaker 3: I may. 37 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 4: Not have perspective. I think that resonates with me. 38 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 3: So if that's the case, then ANGELOUE will start with 39 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:13,360 Speaker 3: you define yourself on this spectrum of solve all the 40 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 3: problems to Oh, I'll just sit and wait till you 41 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 3: to have me to do something. Yeah, oh, I already 42 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 3: know you ain't that ain't w But love to hear 43 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 3: where you think you are. 44 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 2: You know, I will tell you. 45 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,119 Speaker 1: I don't know where the trauma came from, but that 46 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 1: is when you said that is deeply resonant. There's a 47 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: side of me that feels like my dad required us 48 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 1: to show up for family, and because of how black 49 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 1: folks families are, they extend far beyond the bloodline, and 50 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: so you know, if there was a need, you step 51 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 1: up and you meet the need, whether it's communal, cultural, 52 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 1: or in your intermediate family. And I mentioned on our 53 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: main podcast that Tiff was like not she wasn't like 54 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,640 Speaker 1: why you do that? But essentially that was the conversation, 55 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:06,400 Speaker 1: like have you thought about why you do that? And 56 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: it makes me really emotional because I can't think of 57 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 1: a time where I have stood up for myself with 58 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: the fierceness and the quickness that I will for anybody 59 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 1: and almost everybody else. That I was suspended in the 60 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: seventh grade for fighting someone else's fight, right, like I 61 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 1: literally and if I even with my own father, if 62 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 1: there's something where he wants me to do something, I 63 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 1: feel really bad telling him no. And I've had to 64 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: work on that in therapy. What does that have to 65 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: do with stepping into crises? I actually love solving crises. 66 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: I love a crisis response, and it's because I think, 67 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,920 Speaker 1: deep down I want to be helpful. I think probably 68 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: the inner child in me is like help me that 69 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 1: same way. And I don't know how. I only know 70 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 1: how to perform for other people. I think it has 71 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 1: been a journey that I am far from finishing to 72 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 1: step up for myself in the same way. 73 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:10,040 Speaker 3: Interesting. 74 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 4: Well, I'll say about me, but I want to say 75 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 4: this about Angela. 76 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,479 Speaker 3: I think I shouldn't. We shouldn't. We shouldn't comment on 77 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 3: her yet. No, I want us to reserve it to 78 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:20,880 Speaker 3: our interests. 79 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,279 Speaker 4: Make a comment. I just want to make a comment. 80 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 3: Se no no Veto. Veto said that. 81 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:30,960 Speaker 1: You went to break in the middle of my comment 82 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,679 Speaker 1: last episode. 83 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,720 Speaker 3: Where are you where? 84 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 2: Something about me? 85 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 4: But I wasn't gonna comment about I was going to 86 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,600 Speaker 4: add something to it. But fine, Andrew said, I can't remember. 87 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 2: That's the part about okay because my mate. 88 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 4: I will remember because I guys have to say about it. 89 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 4: But and Andrew, you were there for that conversation. By 90 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 4: the way, it was. 91 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 3: If it was initiated by you saying, did they ask 92 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 3: you to do that? 93 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:54,160 Speaker 4: Yeah? 94 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 3: Did he asked you? 95 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,320 Speaker 1: To do anything said no one ever, nobody ever asked 96 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: me to do it. 97 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 2: I just. 98 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 4: I completely understand how Angeloue feels. I will say I 99 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 4: have learned to compartmentalize and take on what I can. 100 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 4: And that's because there have been several times in life 101 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 4: where I felt myself about to break, and so now 102 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 4: I am very clear to protect myself from the stress 103 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 4: and anxiety that I can feel by taking on other 104 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:24,600 Speaker 4: people's sugar honey iced tea. Like I just cannot do it, 105 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 4: so I have to. And even stuff that does impact me, 106 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 4: I have to decide is this something I'm going to 107 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 4: carry or not? And it's like my arms are full, 108 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 4: I'm already. If I didn't help myself relax and go 109 00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 4: to sleep, this same energy that we have on the pot, 110 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 4: I will be wide awake at three in the morning, 111 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 4: four in the morning. And I spent most of my 112 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:46,159 Speaker 4: teen years, my twenties and my thirties with that level 113 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 4: of anks where I just felt like I couldn't exhale. 114 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:52,279 Speaker 4: Even now, I paced the floor for hours. You know, 115 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 4: if I'm thinking, if I'm right, you know, I have 116 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 4: to turn off my phone. I keep my phone on silent, 117 00:05:57,279 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 4: probably twenty hours a day, because I it's like a 118 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 4: breathing entity, you know, like the constants. 119 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 2: Just like. 120 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 4: I know I heard that, but I thought that might 121 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 4: be a warning about the storm. Yeah, So for for me, 122 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,919 Speaker 4: I can show up for other people, uh at a 123 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 4: point where it's not betraying myself, and betraying myself can 124 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,160 Speaker 4: look like a different It's like if you need to sleep, 125 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:29,120 Speaker 4: it's not you know, you owe your your body sleep 126 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,919 Speaker 4: because then you can show up for this person better. 127 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 4: If you are sad right now, if you're dealing with 128 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 4: your own stuff and you're heavy, like, you can't be 129 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 4: that to somebody else, you know, So take your time 130 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 4: to get yourself together and then show up in the 131 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:45,720 Speaker 4: capacity that feels right and healthy. For me, I take 132 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,120 Speaker 4: or have always in my life, I felt responsible for 133 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 4: my mother. I felt responsible for my my my brother 134 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 4: and I who grew up in the house together. I 135 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 4: felt responsible for him for a while. He probably felt 136 00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 4: responsible for me for a while, especially when we were kids. 137 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,840 Speaker 4: But I have to decide, I got to focus on 138 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,280 Speaker 4: my mom, you know, so I can I can help 139 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 4: her with whatever I can, and my brother can focus 140 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 4: on his kids, you know. So it just it kind 141 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 4: of works something Angelie say, we all we got and 142 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 4: that's why we feel that way. 143 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 2: We all we got. 144 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 4: What about you, Andrew? I feel like you're I don't know, 145 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 4: with some people, you're a catch all. With other people, 146 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 4: you're a free for. 147 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 3: All, lazy fair, lazy fair. Yeah, you know it. And 148 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 3: that's shifted over the years. The more in need I 149 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 3: have been, probably the less I have been able to 150 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,840 Speaker 3: of late show up for others, because so the volume 151 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 3: has gotten so high it you know, it's sort of 152 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 3: a fight or flight, you know, sort of decision that 153 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 3: has to be made. But I mean for the forever 154 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 3: and for the longest time, and I don't know how 155 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 3: to get to the source of it. I've not gotten 156 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 3: to the source of it, you know. My the value 157 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 3: that I've I brought to many relationships was my ability 158 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 3: to solve the problems that if I wasn't doing that, 159 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 3: I wasn't sure that I was offering a great you know, 160 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,840 Speaker 3: a great deal, partly because I don't do a great 161 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 3: job listening to the historically, hadn't done a great job 162 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 3: listening to the problem. Because as you're talking to me 163 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 3: about the problem, in my mind is immediately going to 164 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 3: like Okay, what you can do about it? Is this 165 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,680 Speaker 3: is that in the third part of that, I think 166 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 3: is as a child, I was always frustrated that everybody 167 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 3: was complaining around or what we can't have and what 168 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 3: we don't have and what we did da da da. 169 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,000 Speaker 3: And this is that in the third that I was 170 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 3: very you know, grew very tired of the excuse, all 171 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 3: the reasons why not all the things, you know, why 172 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 3: we can't help the situation that the things are being 173 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 3: done to us. But I think I grew almost a 174 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:52,360 Speaker 3: muscle like resistance to this idea that there wasn't something 175 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 3: within our power that we could do about whatever that 176 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 3: thing was. And in some cases, as I look back 177 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 3: on it, there wasn't anything we can we could do. 178 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 3: We were really you know, we were we were slave 179 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 3: to whatever that system was. And then you know, as 180 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 3: I learned more changed up environments and so on and 181 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 3: so forth, then it was like, okay, you get the 182 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,599 Speaker 3: part to do it, and if they're not gonna do it, 183 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 3: then we're gonna do it for ourselves, and we're not 184 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 3: gonna wait for anybody to do This is that in 185 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:20,080 Speaker 3: the third and this you know, almost religious like pushback 186 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:24,239 Speaker 3: against the idea that we couldn't solve it for ourselves. 187 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 3: And then now you know, I've had my own troth 188 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 3: of of you know, it's just the world, you know, 189 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 3: crumbling around me that I have that I have not 190 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 3: only not been really interested in accepting much help, but 191 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 3: also not really in a position to offer much either, 192 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,959 Speaker 3: and that my time has been spent on like, okay, survival. 193 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 3: So there's there's something there in the middle of all 194 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 3: of that, but it isn't I haven't been able to 195 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 3: put a capstone on it. I do. I think there 196 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,440 Speaker 3: is something to this. Where do people derive value from me? 197 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 2: Right? Where do what. 198 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,840 Speaker 3: Am I doing? What am I contributing to the environment, 199 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 3: to the situation? That is additive? And if I can't 200 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 3: surmise for myself that there's something there that's additive, then 201 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 3: that's not then maybe I don't need to be in this, 202 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 3: and maybe they really don't want me in this and 203 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:24,559 Speaker 3: they won't say it because I'm really not adding anything. 204 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:29,080 Speaker 3: So I think there's a big value self value piece here, 205 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 3: but I don't know the genesis of it. 206 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:32,320 Speaker 2: That's so deep. 207 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:36,840 Speaker 4: That is interesting, Yeah, because I kind of understand that feeling, 208 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 4: like if I'm not living in service too, And I 209 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 4: had that for a while, like even feeling guilt about relaxing, 210 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 4: which I've abandoned my grandmother, like until the day she died, 211 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,560 Speaker 4: she was always in service. She you know, went to 212 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 4: the nursing home to take care of people. She was 213 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 4: on the deacon boards, yeah, a choir rehearsal. She hosted 214 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,720 Speaker 4: things with the ladies. We'll go to Costco and Sam's 215 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:58,440 Speaker 4: Club and get her. 216 00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 2: You know. 217 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 4: She was never idle, and I remember her. I spent 218 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,199 Speaker 4: all the summers with my grandmother, and I remember when 219 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 4: she would come home and if I hadn't been doing anything, 220 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 4: I felt embarrassed. She didn't say anything, but I just 221 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 4: felt like, oh, I need to get up and be 222 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 4: doing something. And I think it's something about us black folks, like, 223 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 4: you know what, we deserve a life of ease sometimes, 224 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 4: like it's okay for us to have a day and 225 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:24,079 Speaker 4: breathe and exhale. The thing that Angel talks about on 226 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 4: the main pot that I had said and this isn't mine. 227 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,080 Speaker 4: I don't know who came up with this, but it's 228 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,200 Speaker 4: a common phrase. When somebody's telling you something, you ask 229 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 4: do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged, and 230 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 4: I think, you know, to your point, Andrew, that is 231 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,960 Speaker 4: one of the things that drives me crazy when I'm 232 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 4: telling one of my friends about my problem and they're 233 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 4: rushing me to get to the end of the story, 234 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 4: and then they immediately start telling me how they can 235 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 4: fix it. One it presumes that I ain't thought about 236 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,560 Speaker 4: this chick for the past, you know, eight months or 237 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 4: eight years. I remember when I was, you know, struggling 238 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 4: to keep my business alive, and it was just one 239 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 4: of the sad at heaviest times in life for me, 240 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,679 Speaker 4: and I was just you know, trying to put out 241 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 4: the beat. Angela, you remember those times, And I mean 242 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 4: I was just exhausted, and I would be with my 243 00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 4: friends and I would say like, I'm just so exhausted, 244 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,679 Speaker 4: like I just don't know what to do. I'm spending 245 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 4: like twenty thousand dollars a month of my own money. 246 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 4: And one of my friends was like, you should ask 247 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 4: like Oprah for some money, bitch. 248 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 2: Why did not think of that? 249 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,080 Speaker 4: Let me text her right now to see how soon 250 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:26,719 Speaker 4: you can call me. 251 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,880 Speaker 2: Way, I'm so annoyed. 252 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 4: I'm like she brought me a house sense, right, thank you. 253 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,520 Speaker 4: She just makes no sense, and I would get so annoyed, 254 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 4: or you should do this, but that you should, it 255 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 4: would just drive me crazy. It's like, ask me more 256 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 4: questions before you come up with a solution, you know first, 257 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 4: it as well how you doing, how you feel, how's 258 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,959 Speaker 4: your spirit? What can we do to help? Is there 259 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 4: anything we can do to help? Or tell me more 260 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 4: what goes into running this business every day instead of 261 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 4: let me immediately get to the solution, because that doesn't 262 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 4: say that you care about me. That says you're so 263 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 4: quick to make yourself feel good, to feed your your 264 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 4: own self worth, that it really has nothing to do 265 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 4: with me, like you're just trying to feed something in you. 266 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:13,360 Speaker 4: And I will say with both of you, it's interesting 267 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 4: hearing you say this because Andrew, I feel like you 268 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,680 Speaker 4: are consistently like I. Every time we're together, we always 269 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 4: have our time where we have like the deepest conversation. 270 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,959 Speaker 4: We're talking and connecting, and you're very helpful. You're a 271 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,080 Speaker 4: great listener, Angela. You always say how's your heart? Like 272 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:32,400 Speaker 4: how you doing? What I was gonna say, Andrew vetoed 273 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 4: you always ask those questions. But I don't feel like 274 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 4: you're always receptive to answering those questions. And I wonder 275 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 4: when you said you don't show up for yourself that way, 276 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 4: and I'm like, yeah, I wonder what that is about you, Like, 277 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,360 Speaker 4: do you ever you know, is there any space where 278 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 4: you're like, let me break and let me just tell 279 00:13:51,200 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 4: you yeah, therapy. Okay, that's good though, Andrew, even when 280 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,559 Speaker 4: Andrew was saying a thing earlier. 281 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: And I will work on that tip. I did hear 282 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: your point. I don't want to bypass it. I will 283 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 1: work on that more in therapy too, and with y'all. 284 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,480 Speaker 1: You guys are my unofficial therapy, not just on the podcast. 285 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:18,280 Speaker 2: Y'all. I will text them on the side. 286 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,800 Speaker 3: Just because we send you there. No no, no, no. 287 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 2: You guys. You guys send me healing balm. 288 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 1: And I'm grateful, except for when you count say you'd 289 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 1: only want to gets cut off in the middle of 290 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:32,120 Speaker 1: the break. But I will say, I will say that 291 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: I think it is really hard when you say that 292 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,040 Speaker 1: you're about to break for so many moments where we're 293 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 1: carrying so many things, for our families, for democracy, for 294 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 1: the culture, for racial justice, for all these things. 295 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,880 Speaker 2: And somebody's like, how's your heart you're like, vish if. 296 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 1: I said it for a minute and tell you will 297 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:53,840 Speaker 1: bring it, And so you're like, because yeah, you said this, Andrew, Like, 298 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,240 Speaker 1: it's survival. It is a survival response to not dig 299 00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 1: deeper in that moment if I know that I don't 300 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 1: have the capacity because in five minutes I gotta be 301 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: on air or five minutes I gotta do you know, 302 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 1: you just kind of can't. 303 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 2: And so even you talk about. 304 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 1: The helped held or hugged, helped, what is it helped, 305 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: helped hugged? From that, I got like, is the person 306 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 1: does the person want event? Does the person need you 307 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 1: to actively listen, like asking some of the probing questions. 308 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,280 Speaker 1: I think Tip is very good at that, Andrew, We've 309 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: both been on the receiving any of those questions. And 310 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,600 Speaker 1: then or are they seeking advice like you should ask 311 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 1: Oprafra a check or do they want you to solve 312 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 1: and do something? And my default is to solve and 313 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 1: do something. Again, it's not to be overbearing, it's not 314 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: to insert myself. I think that deep down, it is 315 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: the thing that seems like for me, it shows me love, 316 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: like you are willing to utilize your own contacts, your 317 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: own resources, your own time to guide me through a process. 318 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 1: And when I have had the few opportunities and some 319 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 1: of them with y'all, to surrender into that, it's like, 320 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,240 Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm gonna give y'all some inside information 321 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 1: as a as a touch point. And it's both of 322 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: these guys, we really are like family. We facetimed Andrew, 323 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: who had just got out the shower so he could 324 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,440 Speaker 1: not help us, but I had literally sent him text 325 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 1: and were like, Hell, what you doing? 326 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:19,720 Speaker 3: Hell? 327 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: Because I knew that I could have a whole meltdown. 328 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: I was really ready to have a meltdown recently about 329 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: a live show, and Tip, who normally does not like 330 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 1: to be bothered, I was like, you have a whole 331 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: like production background. I'm gonna need you because we might 332 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,560 Speaker 1: lose our spot, Like I need you to help. And 333 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 1: TIF came in, and not only did she come in 334 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 1: when I thought I was helping to solve the things, 335 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 1: she was like, I need you to go over there, 336 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 1: Like I just need you. 337 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 2: To go over there. You not helping? How you think 338 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:45,360 Speaker 2: you helping? 339 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 1: And I was like, you know what, I can't see myself, 340 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 1: but I believe that's probably true. I'm trying to talk 341 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,640 Speaker 1: to the man outside, be like yes, just please, She's. 342 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 2: Like bye, go. 343 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: And I think that in those moments you can't see yourself. 344 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: All you know is like you have an end desired 345 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,320 Speaker 1: goal and this that needs to happen. It's the same 346 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: thing as when they tell lawyers like don't ever be 347 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 1: a lawyer for yourself? You like, you can't see yourself 348 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 1: When I tell you, guys, because of tips involvement in this, 349 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,720 Speaker 1: we ended up with a far better position that I 350 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,159 Speaker 1: could have ever imagined. She has an eye, she is innovative, 351 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,080 Speaker 1: she is creative. She don't like to insert your insert 352 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 1: insert herself and your stuff. 353 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,960 Speaker 2: But boy, what she does, okay, she comes to it 354 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 2: a clutch. And it's the same thing for Andrew. There 355 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,119 Speaker 2: are so many times that can be like, well have 356 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 2: you thought about it? I'm like, no, I didn't think 357 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 2: about this, you know. 358 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,399 Speaker 1: So I thank God for y'all, and and I appreciate 359 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,959 Speaker 1: that even in the times when I said I'm just venting, 360 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 1: you did step up to solve, because sometimes we don't 361 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 1: actually know what we really need because we can't see ourselves. 362 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,960 Speaker 1: To me is when you are like panicked, you know, 363 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 1: like when you're I, you know, I it is hard 364 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 1: to see that. And it's not that I don't want 365 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,679 Speaker 1: to be bothered. It's that I'm carrying other things. 366 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:57,199 Speaker 2: You know. 367 00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 4: It's like I and you know some of the stuff 368 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:05,280 Speaker 4: I'm carrying. Sometimes it is my finances, you know, like 369 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 4: I'm already stressed over that. Sometimes it is my other 370 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 4: production that I do with Will Packer. I'm you know, 371 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 4: that's a full It's like taping eight Native lands and 372 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,199 Speaker 4: one day, you know, and it's like I gotta you know, 373 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:20,480 Speaker 4: it'spend weeks preparing for that. Sometimes it's family stuff. Sometimes 374 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:25,239 Speaker 4: it's my own brokenness, my own heartbreak. Sometimes it's you know, 375 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,760 Speaker 4: this foolish man who I didn't you know, gave access 376 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,440 Speaker 4: to me, who. 377 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,879 Speaker 2: Is not on this podcast. 378 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 4: No, but he well he don't e look speak the 379 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 4: Devil's name and social he appeared. He don't exist anymore. Okay, 380 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,359 Speaker 4: but Angela, you know, he don't even have access. He 381 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:46,720 Speaker 4: don't even have access. But you all, but you do 382 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 4: know how it is when your heart is hurting and 383 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,359 Speaker 4: it's like I don't have room for anything else. 384 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:52,879 Speaker 2: I can't. 385 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 4: I don't have space for somebody else's panic. I don't 386 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:01,120 Speaker 4: have space for somebody, you know, tire or whatever it is. 387 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,120 Speaker 4: It's like I'm about to lose it, and I can 388 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,639 Speaker 4: show up about to lose it looking like this, sounding 389 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 4: like this, acting like everything is fine, but in here 390 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:14,320 Speaker 4: this is broken. I'm shaken with nerves on the verge 391 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,359 Speaker 4: of tears, but I've swallowed them down long enough, just 392 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 4: so I can be in this space with you all 393 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,919 Speaker 4: and not you know, infect it with my own sadness. 394 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,840 Speaker 4: And so it's not that I'm like, well, I don't 395 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,399 Speaker 4: want to be by that's it. I don't ever have 396 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,200 Speaker 4: that attitude. It's I'm holding as much as I can 397 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 4: right now and I can't hold anything else. 398 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:30,720 Speaker 2: Now. 399 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 4: When I see my sister is holding as much as 400 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,280 Speaker 4: she can and people keep dumping on it and I 401 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 4: see her about to break and fall, then yes, in 402 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,320 Speaker 4: those moments of extreme energy, let me set my stuff 403 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 4: down and go over here and help my sister with 404 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 4: this right now. And I think that happens most around 405 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 4: our live show. 406 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 3: I do think we all aw it to each other 407 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 3: to deepen into the you know, the why because something 408 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 3: Angela you said that know to be true with me, 409 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 3: which is the things that we do, what we put 410 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:04,439 Speaker 3: out of ourselves. 411 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 4: Is that is the warning Andrew, we're about. 412 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:10,959 Speaker 2: To wrap hur okay. 413 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 3: But so yeah, this is just doubling down on what 414 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,440 Speaker 3: we know. A direct hit toward Tallahassee and evacuations are 415 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 3: re ordered. So I will say, I think one thing 416 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,439 Speaker 3: that we was resident there was how we give love 417 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,440 Speaker 3: is also in some ways how we wish to receive it. 418 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,760 Speaker 3: And I know that I'm most critical of people used 419 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 3: to be anyway when I wasn't receiving the love the 420 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,679 Speaker 3: way that I was the way I was giving it out, 421 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 3: which is why you know, I had to reach the 422 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,560 Speaker 3: epiphany that love language was about learning the love language 423 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,879 Speaker 3: of other people, you know, not just yourself, and that 424 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 3: way you can give it in a way that they 425 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 3: can receive it, just like you're wanting them to delivered 426 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 3: to you in a way you can receive it. But 427 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,920 Speaker 3: I know that this is not all that that we're 428 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 3: not the only ones dealing with this. I know all 429 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,920 Speaker 3: amongst the listeners, everybody is struggling, and we we could, 430 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,200 Speaker 3: we could give ourselves some grace. Here would be my advice. 431 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 4: About because people say it's. 432 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,640 Speaker 3: For me because it is a new thing, what that 433 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,879 Speaker 3: means for me is recognize that I'm not a superhero 434 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:28,359 Speaker 3: or a superhuman and that as just the normal breathing person, 435 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 3: I can get tired too. I can want to rest too. 436 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 3: I can realize that, you know what, this problem that 437 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,960 Speaker 3: I've been thinking I can solve and only me is 438 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,840 Speaker 3: not intractable for everybody. That maybe somebody else ought to 439 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,639 Speaker 3: have the shot at solving the thing, and maybe they 440 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,679 Speaker 3: might get further than I can. So, you know, all 441 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 3: the things which is contrary to how I thought of 442 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,240 Speaker 3: myself and what I'm supposed to be doing for practically 443 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,159 Speaker 3: all of my life up to this point, I'm the 444 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 3: one who can do it. It cannot be done, and if 445 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 3: it was done by somebody else, it wouldn't be done 446 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 3: to the level at which I would expect, right, and 447 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,040 Speaker 3: so on and so forth. But you know what, boom, 448 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 3: I'm not that special. All those things that are only 449 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,879 Speaker 3: for me are not just for me. I'm requiring that, 450 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,880 Speaker 3: probably to protect myself from something else, a different reality 451 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,439 Speaker 3: that I don't want to deal with. So grace is 452 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 3: just that it's letting yourself off a little bit without 453 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 3: all the judgment, at least. 454 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,040 Speaker 4: Sharing something that you said to me that I think 455 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 4: is so good. We were talking about I can't remember 456 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,560 Speaker 4: what emotion. It was, either shame or regret, and you said, 457 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,680 Speaker 4: those are emotions that only take. 458 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,120 Speaker 3: They don't redeem, they don't get. 459 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, give. 460 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 3: You anything they take, Yes, I had. 461 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,680 Speaker 4: I want you to know I've repeated that to several people, 462 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 4: and I did not give you credit, so y'all know that. 463 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:46,960 Speaker 3: But no, I mean not redeemable. But this thing is 464 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,400 Speaker 3: a leech and it's not here to give you anything. 465 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,480 Speaker 3: It's only here to take. God Lee. 466 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,000 Speaker 1: I wanted to offer two things on grace the grace question. 467 00:22:55,560 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 1: The first is perfection is not required. The second is 468 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:05,400 Speaker 1: we have to stop expecting ourselves from other people. That 469 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 1: is grace for us, and it's grace for them. And 470 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: how dare we think that our way is the only way? 471 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 1: That is so egotistical, so egocentric, and thank god that's 472 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,639 Speaker 1: not the only way. Can you imagine how flat this 473 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,720 Speaker 1: world would actually be shout out to the hoteps if 474 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:27,800 Speaker 1: we did actually believe, if we moved that way. So 475 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,680 Speaker 1: thank god that there's some difference, So thank god there's 476 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,680 Speaker 1: divergent experiences and all that, and yes. 477 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,439 Speaker 3: And multiple ways of getting to where you want to go. 478 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,879 Speaker 1: Yes, well, I want to know y'all have languages so 479 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: I can love you better. You guys, Oh, let's do that. Okay, 480 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 1: I don't know. 481 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:47,320 Speaker 2: I would like to try it. 482 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 4: Mine, I have too, and I don't know if you 483 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:57,120 Speaker 4: can solve these animals. Mine is time spent and physical time. 484 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:58,840 Speaker 1: Well, I can go on a walk with you and 485 00:23:59,359 --> 00:23:59,879 Speaker 1: I get stuck. 486 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,480 Speaker 4: Okay, okay, I was thinking another physical. 487 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:10,320 Speaker 1: Specify that you, guys, I'm going to tell you one 488 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 1: of mine is cooking. That's not in there, but it 489 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 1: should be. I guess it could technically be an active service. 490 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:19,439 Speaker 1: But I really like words of affirmation. The problem is, 491 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,359 Speaker 1: I think words of affirmation have to also align up 492 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,640 Speaker 1: with your actions, so I know that's not in there neither. 493 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,159 Speaker 2: But y'all have a little bit of a rebel. 494 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 3: I like that. 495 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 4: But even I feel like even when we give you 496 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 4: words affirmation, sometimes you are quick like them. 497 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:34,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, so let me say it. 498 00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 1: I really like like for my birthday this year, since 499 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,639 Speaker 1: I think my birthday is coming up before either of y'all's. 500 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,199 Speaker 4: Again, yes, I'm already. 501 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 2: I like like love. 502 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,639 Speaker 1: Notes like send me a nice like encouraging note. 503 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,000 Speaker 2: You know that? Yeah, like it isn't. 504 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,879 Speaker 1: I don't want to be like, oh, angel let me 505 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,560 Speaker 1: tell you girl, you this such a good job. I'll 506 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 1: be like, yeah, that kind of like something that's deeper. 507 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,920 Speaker 2: You know. I like that. 508 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 1: I like that more than anything. And and they're free 509 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,200 Speaker 1: except for your time. It's still bad, but I don't 510 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,480 Speaker 1: want to discount your times. 511 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's real. 512 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,359 Speaker 4: Love that I do. I love that idea. 513 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,360 Speaker 3: So y'all, I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to lean 514 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:11,960 Speaker 3: into this. And for our listeners, I know this is 515 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 3: different than our you know, normal politico, but guess what 516 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,359 Speaker 3: we're trying to be round it. We're trying to elevate 517 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 3: as a culture. 518 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 2: Podcast. 519 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:24,280 Speaker 3: So hey, hey, hey, if you benefit, send us a bill. 520 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:28,439 Speaker 2: I send us a check. We want a bill, how 521 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:28,720 Speaker 2: about it. 522 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 3: I don't want no checks. 523 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,240 Speaker 4: Like, So, what they can do for us is tell 524 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,440 Speaker 4: us how they show themselves grace, some of their self 525 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,719 Speaker 4: care practices. I'd be curious because I'm I'm trying to, 526 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,639 Speaker 4: you know, show myself grace. And it's like a journey. 527 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,359 Speaker 4: We talked about this on the last podcast, Angela, when 528 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,280 Speaker 4: you were saying on your journey home to yourself, that 529 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,120 Speaker 4: was like two years ago, I think, and I didn't 530 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 4: even really know what that meant, and I overstand what 531 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 4: that means now because I am definitely on the journey 532 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 4: home to myself and it feels great. I mean, I 533 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,080 Speaker 4: have to say, because I went through some dark times, 534 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 4: like I was real, I felt I went from being 535 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,520 Speaker 4: on top of the world, if like the world was 536 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,960 Speaker 4: on top of me. And now for anyone going through that, 537 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,959 Speaker 4: and I know personally a few people going through that, 538 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,119 Speaker 4: it just feels so great to come out on the 539 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 4: other side, you know, to see light and to you know, 540 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 4: see sunshine, and you know there's things you can do 541 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,000 Speaker 4: for yourself. One thing I always made sure that I 542 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,000 Speaker 4: did in my darkest times. My rules for myself. You 543 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:33,360 Speaker 4: gotta get up early and take a shower, like when 544 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 4: you wake up, go take a shower, and get dressed. 545 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,359 Speaker 4: Even if you're getting dressed was putting on a fresh 546 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,840 Speaker 4: new pair of pajamas, but you do have to get 547 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 4: up that you can't lay in bed. Yes, and you 548 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,760 Speaker 4: got to walk around the block one time. That was 549 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,880 Speaker 4: some of my self care. But the thing is, when 550 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,920 Speaker 4: I'm walking around the block, I'm making out with a dog, 551 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:56,400 Speaker 4: I see, I'm seeing people well, I am smooching and 552 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,920 Speaker 4: you know, like look at little and when people tell. 553 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:07,199 Speaker 1: Me different things, you guys, guess what he's about to 554 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: become a full long podcast. 555 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:14,680 Speaker 4: Okay, because we still had time with the videographers and we. 556 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,040 Speaker 1: Have to still do our just still have to do 557 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 1: our ur Yes, welcome home, everybody. 558 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,960 Speaker 4: But we had them until don't have. 559 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,920 Speaker 2: To cut what we're cutting from the podcast. 560 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,200 Speaker 4: Okay, I was gonna make a special announcement. 561 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,879 Speaker 2: I'll tell y'all, Oh tell us, but you want to 562 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,000 Speaker 2: announce it, don't make it in. 563 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,639 Speaker 3: The many, don't make it in the many. 564 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:33,240 Speaker 4: Well, I got to think of what it is. 565 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,560 Speaker 3: I'll make it on on that note, have a great week, everybody. 566 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:38,280 Speaker 3: Welcome Home. 567 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 4: Welcome Home. 568 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:56,040 Speaker 1: Native Lampard is a production of iHeart Radio in partnership 569 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,680 Speaker 1: with Reason Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, 570 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen 571 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.